Rest of Our Lives
by MarigoldMusings
Summary: This story continues #Tuckson, Noah, Maggie, Wyatt, Sarah, Brooke, and everyone else but it will bounce around a bit and not always flow chronologically. There will be flashbacks and peeks at the future. Some scenes may seem out of place, but I promise it will all make sense in the end!
1. Chapter 1

**One.**

 _Smirking to mask his jitters, Ed stood off to the side and watched the workers scurry back and forth across the rooftop terrace. They folded napkins and arranged silverware. Another crew arranged wine glasses and coffee mugs. Sarah and Brooke had already placed flower arrangements in the middle of each table and hung the_ _Thank you, Lieutenant Benson_ _banner across the temporary stage where a three-piece jazz band would later be situated. Olivia knew about the celebration, but she allowed Ed to keep the venue and the list of speakers to be kept secret. Ed began work on the party in early January. Everything was in order and ready to proceed without a hitch. Nevertheless, he was nervous_.

…

 _Six Months Earlier_ …

…

Olivia threw off her sweater, wrapped her arms around Ed, and threw her head back. He took his time kissing her neck, traversing her skin in no particular pattern but with the same tenderness and pace he'd employed the first few times they made love. He held her firmly—one arm around her waist and the other hand cupping the back of her head—but inched his way into foreplay so she had time to reconsider. At first, Olivia thought he was simply being sweet, he was, of course, but it was only after Ed confessed he was leaving room for her to change her mind that she understood how much respect he had for her.

She kneaded his back and very nearly forgot she was standing as she lost herself in the feel of his sturdy muscles and the sensation of his kisses. When his lips touched hers she kissed back ferociously, and they fell onto the bed. Moving things along, she unhooked his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his jeans, and tugged the pants down far enough so he could kick them off.

Despite Olivia escalating their intimacy Ed continued moving at an agonizingly slow pace. He whispered various phrases of flattery and repeated over and over again how much he loved her. Olivia let him have his way, for it was her final day of vacation. Tomorrow, she returned to work and she and Ed both knew her final months of employment would transpire without much downtime and would, at times, be a dogged slog toward the July 1 finish line.

They had spent the morning sitting together on the couch with the laptop between them, shopping for beach house furnishings. With one arm slung across her shoulders, Ed patiently followed along as Olivia toured various websites. When asked, he offered his opinions, but Olivia seemed to already have a vision for each room in her mind. Ed was content to concern himself with measurements, Jet Ski specifications, and creating his ideal outdoor barbecue area. Nevertheless, he was attentive and sincere, and he clearly relished what most other couples would consider to be a mundane, irritatingly expensive process. If Olivia griped about an item's price tag, Ed immediately assuaged her worries with one phrase.

"An investment," he'd remind her in a hushed voice.

Indeed, everything in the home was a long and short term investment in their family; the furniture and the home itself would remain with everyone long after they were gone.

While they shopped, Maggie and Wyatt played nearby. They had received so many new items for Christmas, and each day they discovered something new. Today the twins focused on something called a Busy Ball Play Table. They experimented with the interchangeable pieces and took turns sending plastic balls a little larger than those used in ping pong down the rollercoaster-like paths. After a lunch of turkey, cheese, and fruit, the twins napped. Sarah and Justin had already taken Noah to a movie and planned to eat afterwards, so Ed and Olivia found themselves more or less alone.

"That projector is the best thing we've ever bought," Ed remarked as he left the twins' room, leaving the door ajar. Though the novelty of the stars and planets on their ceiling had probably worn off, both Maggie and Wyatt remained enraptured by the patterns at bedtime. Maggie still fought sleep, but she battled it silently and cuddled with her pillow and baby doll.

Olivia finished wiping down the high chair trays and clipped them back into place. "One-hundred percent agree," she said. "Let's remember to get a second one for the beach house."

Ed smirked and sidled up to her. "Good thinkin." He kissed her cheek and wrapped her in an extended embrace.

"So quiet," she murmured, her head against his shoulder.

"Real quiet," Ed replied.

Olivia pulled back slightly and held him at arm's length. "What to do with all this quiet?" she asked mischievously.

From there, the neck kisses commenced.

After making love, they passed the rest of naptime holding one another snuggled under the covers and Ed brought up the subject of her retirement celebration.

"Ya gonna let me plan a party, right?" The question was tinged with jesting undertones in case Olivia had strong objections.

"Sure," she cooed. "Good time to ask."

Ed's body shook with gentle laughter. "It'll be classy, I promise."

"I'm not worried."

"You're not?"

"No. You'd never do anything to embarrass me…" she stroked his forearm with her fingertips, "Well, embarrass me _much_."

"I only like to embarrass you when it's just the two of us," he said. "Because embarrassing you is very often a precursor to sex."

Olivia turned so she was facing him. "You make it sound like sex is rare."

"Nah," he replied, "I don't take it for granted is all."

Her eyes drooped and she traced his cheekbones with an index finger. "You're a good man, Ed Tucker," she intoned. "I will _never_ take _that_ for granted."

They exchanged a few kisses then hammered out the agreement of what party details would and would not be surprises.

"This is a lot for you to take on," Olivia mumbled.

Thinking of Sarah and Brooke, Ed assured her he would have help. "It's a big deal," he said, "I don't wanna be on the sidelines."

Flattered, Olivia smiled coyly and deflected a bit of the attention and pointed out that he had not had an official retirement party.

Ed grinned and quipped, "I don't know if anyone woulda shown up."

His self-deprecating manner was charming and hilarious to Olivia. Her head fell into his chest as she laughed.

He kissed the top of her head and rasped, "Don't think we'll have that problem with you."

…

At Sarah's go-to nail salon, Noah and his adult accomplices relaxed in massage chairs as the nail technicians worked on their feet. Sarah and Justin flanked Noah who divided his time between perusing a comic book and watching the tech run the buffer along his heels. The trio had already taken in the latest Marvel movie, hence the comic book, and eaten a sushi lunch. When Sarah suggested a mani-pedi, Noah checked the time on his new watch and, at first, reluctantly declined.

"We told Mommy we were comin' back 'round three," he said, holding up his wrist, "S'almost three!"

"I'm sure she won't mind if we're a little late," Sarah said, winking at Justin. "I'll text her, kay?"

Noah cheerfully agreed. Sarah did send a text but did not receive an immediate reply which made her giggle. Merely sending the message appeased Noah. He glanced up at Justin and asked if he had had a pedicure before.

"I have," he replied, "Sarah persuaded me to get one once and now I love it."

"Me too," Noah said before crinkling his brow. "What's per-sua-ded?"

"It means you try to get someone to do something they don't wanta do," Justin explained.

Even more perplexed, Noah quickly replied, "Daddy say if people don't want to do something that we do somethin' else!"

"There's a difference, Noey," Sarah clarified, "Persuading means someone doesn't know if they want to do something or not. Like, Justin wasn't sure about a pedicure because he thought it was something for girls, so I told him it would be fun and make his feet feel good, so he tried it. He didn't say no. What Daddy told you is right, but he was talking about when people say no."

Noah nodded as he processed Sarah's words.

She continued, "Another good example of persuading is when you tried sushi for the first time! Remember? You thought it was weird and that cute little nose of yours got all crinkly!"

"It did?"

"Yep! But I _persuaded_ you to try and you liked it! If you hadn't liked it, I would not have forced you to eat it."

"Sushi's YUMMY!" Noah exclaimed, smiling broadly, "We gotta bring Maggie and Wyatt when they get a little bigger!"

"We will."

When they entered the salon, Noah chose the seating arrangements while Sarah picked her preferred color. Noah explained to Justin that getting color was mostly for girls but that he had seen some boys with their nails painted before. Noah's precociousness always amused Justin, and he stifled his laudatory laughter as best he could.

"So, Noah, how's the guitar playing going?" Justin asked, making small talk.

"Good," Noah replied, "I watch da videos and then I play. Mommy say I can go to a place to take lessons, but da videos are great!"

"Do you use the headphones we got you, or do your brother and sister like to hear ya play?"

"Both," he said, "If I play when they're sleepin I haveta use da headphones."

"What was your favorite birthday and Christmas gift, Noey?"

"So unfair," Justin muttered, shaking his head.

Unfazed, Noah replied, "Da tel'scope. And this bracelet from Gramma Careline!" He held up his wrist and remembered the watch, "And this! I tell time. And—"

"—that's a lot of favorites, Noey."

"—told ya it was unfair."

"Yeah, Sare Bear! Not fair!"

"Two against one now I see," she said, grinning at them.

Justin and Noah fist-bumped.

Sarah pretended to be offended, " _Okayyyy_ ," she groaned and focused on her magazine.

Unsure whether or not she was kidding, Noah reached over and patted her hand. "Sare Bear, you my best friend," he said reassuringly. "Don't be sad."

She held his hand, "Noey, I'm not sad! I was totally joking. And Justin _was_ right," she made a face at him, "It was unfair of me to ask you to pick _one_ favorite present. I don't think I can."

"What 'bout dis _shinnnny_ ring?"

Sarah rolled her eyes good-naturedly and smacked her palm against her forehead. " _Duh_. Oh! And the locket you gave me for my birthday," she retrieved the necklace from inside her shirt. "You and Justin sure know how to pick out jewelry!"

"Daddy, too!"

"Yeah," Sarah said, "Save your money then someday you'll be able to spoil your woman like Daddy spoils your Mom."

"Good 'vice, Sare Bear," Noah replied sagely.

Hearing this, Justin and Sarah burst into laughter; unfazed, Noah went back to his comic.

….

 _It never failed._

 _Ed always met Noah at the train station._

 _Though he pretended to be incognito and alone, Noah shuffled along with the other passengers fully aware that his father was out there, waiting casually, maybe one or two bourbons in, but always having a keen sense of exactly when and where his son would emerge._

" _NO! Over here!"_

" _Dad!"_

 _The hug was always tight and quick. Ed asked about the ride. Noah reported it was uneventful. Now that Noah was twenty-one, Ed suggested they stop for a drink, just the two of them. He'd already told Olivia he planned to take Noah for a cocktail, but Ed pretended it was totally impromptu._

" _Yeah, sure," Noah agreed, eyeing his luggage, "Mom know?"_

" _She does."_

 _They had their drink—Noah still grimaced a bit at the burn of the bourbon, but he wanted to like it—and went home. Olivia, Maggie, and Wyatt greeted Noah with smiles and hugs, and they sat down for Noah's favorite at-home meal—ravioli, spicy tomato sauce, and garlic bread._

" _Mom said I put too much red pepper in there but I think it's fine," Maggie said, tasting the sauce with her fork. She winced. "Then again…"_

 _Wyatt dipped his fork into the sauce. "We're gonna need milk," he reported, "You're supposed to have milk when food's too spicy."_

" _That's an old wives' tale."_

 _Wyatt screwed up his face. "Old wives tale? How old are you Maggs?"_

 _Noah admitted he had heard of the remedy somewhere and Maggie smiled triumphantly as Olivia portioned out the first plates of pasta. Her children continued to banter and she and Ed were content to smile at one another and listen. Total peace engulfed both parents now that their three children were all at home. After dinner they played cards and Yahtzee. Around midnight Ed and Olivia kissed everyone goodnight. Ed kept his hand on the small of her back while they made their way to the master bedroom._

 _The three kids stayed up a while longer. It had been a few months since they'd seen each other and, despite all the available technology, they truly connected when they were in the same room. They laughed, stifled their laughter, watched a movie, ate popcorn and chips, and, right around the time the twins used to wake up as toddlers, retreated to their beds._

 _Having traveled much of the day, Noah took a shower first and, upon entering the room he shared with Wyatt, was surprised to see his younger brother's eyes open. Exhausted and not thinking much of Wyatt being awake, Noah collapsed into bed._

" _Night, Wy."_

" _Noah?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _I found this."_

 _The room was dark save for the moonlight and Wyatt's tablet screen which he turned toward Noah's bed._

 _Noah winced. "How'd you find it?"_

" _It's out there," Wyatt replied as if his brother should've known better._

 _Noah groaned._

 _I sure miss Sarah_ _, he thought,_ _she was always so good at this_ _._

 _Wyatt was not going to rest without at least a partial explanation, and he knew from his brother's expression that Noah knew way more than he was letting on._

" _Tell me_ _."_

" _I'll tell you a little," Noah said, "But for the rest…you gotta ask Mom."_

….

Ed's goal for the end of January was to complete the guest list and print address labels. Sarah and Brooke insisted it was too early to send the invitations. Ed agreed to wait, but he wanted the stack ready to go when the time came. It didn't take long for him to pinpoint a venue, and, since he didn't have a firm date, reserving the terrace wasn't difficult. He settled on an early July evening after which he planned to whisk the family away to the beach for the rest of the month.

Olivia noticed signs of the party around their home. Ed wrote notes to himself on Post-its and left them by the landline telephone he insisted on having even though neither one of them used it very often. Occasionally he left the laptop open somewhere and, among the browser tabs, were catering and other entertainment websites. Eventually, the invitations arrived, and completed envelopes gradually filled a sideboard drawer.

One night after dinner, Noah made his regular request to go upstairs and look at the sky. The evening was mild for January, so Ed helped him gather the telescopes and he, Noah, and Wyatt took the elevator to the roof. Maggie shadowed Olivia as she stowed the rest of the dinner dishes. The large platter belonged in the sideboard, and, while there, Olivia couldn't resist taking a peek at the envelopes. She willingly left the guest list to Ed though she did write down some names from her early days on the force; nevertheless, she was curious about his choices.

Feeling a bit deceitful, she picked up Maggie as if her daughter's close proximity would excuse any wrongdoing. Maggie put one arm around Olivia's neck and contentedly waited for whatever was next; the look of anticipation on her face suggested she believed her mother was about to do something extremely interesting. To her disappointment, Olivia opened the drawer and flipped through the envelopes. Maggie bounced and reached for the contents of the drawer.

"Want to help Mommy?" Olivia asked. She slid a chair over and Maggie mimicked the movements with her own fingers. The shimmery, royal blue envelopes intrigued Maggie. She grabbed one, but Olivia immediately took it away. "No, no, sweet girl," she cooed, "Daddy worked hard to put these together."

Olivia chuckled at the weak reprimand. She wasn't sure she would ever be able to be stern with her children.

The names were expected—current and former colleagues, the ADAs, Dodds, Lucy, Cragen, Amaro, Elliott—and she hoped the people now living away from the city could make it back. It had been a while since she'd seen Nick and Cragen and both she and Noah would love to see Lucy again. Seeing no surprises, Olivia flipped faster. Bored, Maggie wiggled around and fussed for freedom. Olivia was about to put her down when one name caught her eye.

" _Wow_ ," she gasped.

" _Wow_!" Maggie echoed.

Olivia kissed Maggie's cheek and closed the drawer. "C'mon," she said, "Let's stop snooping and play."

"PAY!"

The two of them relocated to the living room floor. Maggie got right to work filling one of the dump trucks with miniature dolls and plastic safari animals. She rolled it to Olivia, grinned, and bellowed her word for "back."

Olivia returned the truck.

Maggie quickly grew tired of the game and began unloading the cargo. She put the dolls in one pile and the animals in another. Olivia smiled. She had recently read that children this age became adept at sorting items, and she was thrilled Maggie was accomplishing this milestone. Nearby, she noticed their Duplo blocks were mostly arranged according to color, and she assumed that was Wyatt's work since the blocks weren't on Maggie's list of preferred toys.

After covering the dolls and animals with blankets, Maggie brought a book to Olivia and plopped down in her lap.

"Ready to read, sweetheart?"

"NAP!"

Olivia laughed. Maggie had chosen _The Napping House_.

"NAP!" She said again and pointed to the sleeping scene she'd created, "BAY! NAP!"

"Yes, sweetie. The babies and the animals are taking a nap, aren't they?" She opened the book. "Is Maggie going to take a nap soon?"

"NO! NO NAP!"

Olivia flipped to the first page, nuzzled Maggie's head, and started reading.

…..

Ed crawled into bed and inched close enough to his wife so he could soak up the comfort of her presence without bothering her. Lately before bed she'd been voraciously consuming news related to the upcoming Presidential election. Though she had never thought of herself as politically inclined, she felt compelled to, at the very least, have a very informed opinion about this cycle's nominees.

Olivia leaned over and placed the iPad on her nightstand.

"Done readin' already?"

"Nothing new," she muttered.

He kissed her lips a few times. "You should run for President."

Olivia laughed.

"I'm serious. I'd love to be the First Man…or whatever I'd be called."

"First Gentleman, I think."

"Sounds weird."

"Hopefully we'll have to think about the title sooner rather than later."

"Agree." Ed continued kissing her. He was clearly paving the way for sex, but Olivia held him at bay for a few minutes.

"Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"I saw the envelopes in the drawer."

"Yeah," he was kissing her collarbone now, "Like the color?"

"I do…but I saw…I saw you're inviting Cassidy."

He propped himself on an elbow. "Yeah."

The "yeah" was devoid of all emotion. Olivia wasn't quite sure how to proceed.

"You…you don't have to do that."

"He doesn't have to come." Ed looked deeply into her eyes, "This isn't for me, Liv. It's for you. The people coming are people from your entire life, your entire career. Cassidy's part of that, right? You're my wife. I'm not worried about him. But if you want me to throw that one out," he shot her a smirk, "I certainly will."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "You're not going to sucker punch him or anything?"

Ed matched her sass, "Not unless you want me to."

"Let's keep the evening nonviolent."

Ed reburied his face in her neck.

"Noted."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	2. Chapter 2

**Two**.

Brooke woke up with a start. Sonny's side of the bed was empty and the curtains were drawn, making it seem much earlier than eight o'clock. She stretched, twisted, and took a few deep breaths before slinging her legs over the side of the mattress and ambling to the kitchen. Sonny was at the table drinking coffee and flipping through the _New York Times_ on his iPad.

"Hey there," she half-whispered, "I didn't hear you get up."

"My sleep's all off," Sonny whined, "I was up at two, then four, then I figured I'd just go get Sof."

" _That's_ why I didn't hear her." Brooke poured coffee and sat across from him. She missed having a print newspaper; there was something to be said for sharing the paper in the morning. Ed and Olivia, she knew, still had the _Times_ delivered. Thinking like Sarah for a moment, she smiled to herself as she pictured the two of them huddled on the couch, probably under the same blanket pretending to battle for the same section.

Having nothing to with her hands, Brooke picked up Noah's wallet. He was never without it, and it no longer had the stiff, brand-new leather feel.

Sonny grinned when she opened it. "Goin' through a man's wallet?" He teased. "So wrong."

"It's so cute."

Inside were Noah's school identification card, MetroCard, expired credit card with the numbers filed down, and a wad of cash totaling thirty-three dollars.

"He sure carries around a lot of money. I wonder if my Dad knows."

"He said somethin' about needing money when he was goin' on a trip."

Brooke chuckled. "Brooklyn's a trip?"

"Apparently."

Seconds after Brooke mentioned how rare it was for Noah to sleep this late, he trotted into the room, eyes partially filled with sleep, and announced Sofia was awake. The baby would be fine for a few more seconds, so Brooke took a moment to give him a hug and asked if he slept well.

"Good sleep," Noah reported. "But…Sof! Sof wantsa get outta the crib!" His eyes darted around. Little did Brooke and Sonny know that he knew how to get babies out of cribs.

"I'll get a bottle," Sonny said.

Brooke headed for Sofia's room and motioned for Noah to follow. "Want to feed her?"

"Yep!"

While they waited for Sonny to deliver the formula, Brooke got Noah situated on the floor with the Boppy and the baby. Noah smoothed Sofia's thick mop of sandy brown hair and gave her a gentle hug.

"Dis baby still really snuggly!"

"She is. I love snuggling with her."

"Me too." Noah's face broke into a frown. "Maggs and Wyatt don't like ta snuggle anymore!"

"I bet they do," Brooke said, "But they like to run around, too. Now that they can walk they want to run around and explore."

Noah considered the point. "Yeah," he said slowly, "When small sister sleeps in my bed she always like dis!" Noah draped himself over Sofia's body without transferring any weight onto her.

Brooke laughed. "Yeah, small sister is not the best person to have in a bed with ya…that's for sure."

Sonny delivered the bottle and Noah expertly gave it to Sofia. He gently rocked back and forth and whispered, "Good baby. Dats some good stuff, huh, Sof?"

"After the bottle we'll give her some cereal."

Noah's eyes widened. "That's MESSY!" Sofia startled at the sudden change in volume. Noah put the bottle down and wiped the formula streaks from her chin. "Sorry, baby," he cooed in a much softer voice. He looked up at Brooke who couldn't stop smiling at the sweet scene. "Brookey?"

"Hmm?"

"How come Daddy calls Mommy _baby_ and Mommy's not a baby?"

Had Brooke been eating or drinking, she would have coughed and choked. She couldn't wait to brag to her sister how Noah had innocently broached the subject of intimacy between his parents.

"Sometimes words have different meanings," Brooke said. "Like…when Mommy calls you sweet boy? It means she loves you. It doesn't mean you're actually sweet like something you eat. When someone loves another person a lot, then they might call that person baby."

"Daddy _really_ loves Mommy," Noah murmured knowingly. When he spoke he kept his eyes trained on Sofia.

"He does. And your Mom really loves him. You're lucky to have parents who love each other and love you and your brother and sister so much."

"Yeah."

"And you know what?"

Noah met Brooke's eyes, albeit briefly. "What?"

"They're lucky to have _you_. You are an awesome son and brother…and, even though ya don't like it, uncle to Sofia." Brooke grinned and asked, "Why don't you like _uncle_?"

Noah crinkled his nose.

"Sounds like an old man."

…..

Dr. Lindstrom opened the door for Olivia, a patient he had not seen for at least a year. He vividly recalled their last appointment and how content and comfortable she had been with her life. She had a loving husband, beautiful children, and her job, though always stressful and potentially horrifying, had become secondary to her role as wife and mother. So, when Olivia called for an appointment, Lindstrom immediately scoured the internet for SVU-related crimes. Finding nothing, he rifled through possibilities. Family trouble seemed unlikely. Then again, a lot could have changed in a year. Also, she was on the brink of retirement. Perhaps the life change was causing some apprehension. That was his best guess, and he was wrong.

 _Carisi did not see the car careen through the intersection until it clipped the SUV's front end and sent the vehicle spinning across the avenue and into a parked delivery truck. Stunned, Carisi gripped the steering wheel and froze. He heard sounds, but they registered as if he were underwater. When he finally got his bearings, he whipped around and gasped a sigh of relief when he saw both Noah and Sofia staring back at him with wide eyes._

" _You okay?" He asked breathlessly._

 _Noah fought against the seatbelt and grunted, "Yeah."_

 _Sofia was moving her arms and legs and, overall, acting normally. Her car seat hadn't moved an inch._

" _Thank God." Carisi picked up his phone from the center console and made the easiest of the calls he needed to make. He reported the accident then phoned Olivia and Brooke._

Olivia always talked with her hands, but as she grew more and more emotional, the patterns became more frantic. Unshed tears made her eyes glisten.

"The accident," she said, her voice trembling, "Looked worse than it was. And at first I was fine, I mean, I wanted to get to Noah, I left right away, and he wasn't shaken up at all. He told me they spun around and around…but since it happened, I'm having these, well, not quite panic attacks but…if I'm not with him, I'm terrified. I almost made up an excuse to pick him up today instead of letting Sarah do it."

Lindstrom opened his mouth to speak, but Olivia continued.

"And Carisi is tiptoeing around me. He feels terrible. Of course, it wasn't his fault, but, if I put two and two together, the moments I'm most terrified are when I see _him_ …and he's my son-in-law!"

"It's completely normal to think of worst case scenarios," Lindstrom said. "Especially when there's nothing anyone, not even you, could've done to make the accident turn out differently." He sat on the edge of his chair, "Olivia, you are loved. You are successful as a mother, a wife, a police officer. And you want to protect everything you have. And you do. You and Ed do. But not even the two of you can stop every scary thing from happening."

Olivia's tears spilled over and she plucked tissues from a box on the side table.

"But the two of you are there to _support_ each other through those dark times. Don't forget that. How is Ed handling this?"

"He's…" Olivia stood up and paced, "He's a _man_ , you know? At first, when he heard _Noah_ and _car accident_ , the blood drained from his face…but two seconds later when he talked to Noah, he was absolutely fine."

"So you feel like you should be, too."

"I suppose."

"Olivia, there is nothing you can do to make sure the people you love are one-hundred percent safe all the time. You've got to understand that and put this past you. You can feel lucky and relieved Noah wasn't hurt, but it won't be good for him, or you, if you're constantly worrying about him when he's at school or with someone else."

Olivia bit her lip and managed a tiny smile and a lighthearted comment.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do when he's a teenager…"

…

 _Neither Maggie nor Wyatt had ever expressed much discontent about school, so when Wyatt dawdled the morning after Noah returned home from college, Olivia was mildly concerned. Assuming Wyatt merely wanted to spend as much time as possible with his brother, Olivia didn't let his reluctance to leave bother her much._

" _Have a good day, sweetie," she told him softly. Maggie was already halfway out the door and bouncing impatiently from foot to foot. Olivia gripped Wyatt's wrist and quickly kissed the side of his head. "Love you, sweetheart."_

 _At sixteen, Wyatt retained many of the features that made him so adorable as an infant and toddler. His brown hair, though cut short, still curled at the ends. He had grown taller and leaner, but his cheeks were still plump and they dimpled when he smiled, which was often. His bone structure was still unmistakably passed down via his mother, but his eyes were carbon copies of Ed's. Maggie's blue orbs had deepened in color; Wyatt's had not, and, on the rare instances when he was angry, his glare was identical to his father's. This amused Olivia. Ed pretended not to be proud._

 _Wyatt was also the most willing of her three children to accept affection from his mother._

 _He flashed her a half-smile. "Love you, too." He squeezed her hand and shot Maggie an exasperated look before hustling after her._

 _Noah, Olivia, and Ed spent the day together, and it was enough of a distraction to make her forget about Wyatt's mood. However, when he was still sullen later that afternoon, Olivia confronted him._

" _Okay, honey," she sat on the couch next to him with her legs folded under her, "What's going on?"_

 _Wyatt knew attempting to deflect the inquiry would be futile. "I found some articles…from a long time ago. It's, uh, it was about some of the things in your book." Without Olivia's knowledge, Wyatt had read her memoir as a middle schooler._

" _What things?"_

" _The first one was, it was, um, about when you confessed to something in front of the whole city then went after the guy who kidnapped you and he'd taken a little girl."_

 _Olivia winced._ _The first one_ _. Meaning he had not stopped there._

" _He was a vicious, evil man," Olivia said softly and somewhat ruefully because she knew that simple explanation would not suffice. She had tried the same thing with Noah years before. Noah had a deep sense of right and wrong, and he struggled to comprehend the minds of people like William Lewis. Wyatt, however, had been trying to wrap his head around a different aspect of the terror his mother had endured._

" _Why did you do that?"_

" _Sweetie," Olivia wrapped him in a quick, tight hug, "The_ _why_ _of it all…it's so complicated."_

 _Wyatt was adamant. "I want to know."_

 _Olivia suggested they go for a walk. Wyatt usually spent a couple hours studying after school at a local café, but today he had come directly home, another indicator all was not well. "You haven't had your green tea thing today."_

 _Wyatt grinned. "It's a matcha coconut smoothie," he clarified for what he felt like was the zillionth time._

" _Right."_

 _Olivia held out her hand and pulled him upright. On the way to the café Olivia told him the story from the beginning, sugarcoating very little. Wyatt listened intently. Olivia closely watched his reactions, but he merely seemed intensely focused rather than horrified or scared. They purchased the drinks and continued walking and talking. Wyatt screwed up his face when he learned Lewis had been allowed to represent himself, and he expressed some shock when Olivia told him how Lewis managed to escape custody. Nevertheless, when he asked questions, they were about Olivia, not her captor._

" _You could've died," Wyatt murmured at one point._

" _I could have…"_

" _Me and Maggie and Noah…Dad…wouldn't even be…_ _us_ _."_

" _No…but that didn't happen honey," Olivia said. "But I know now, after a long, long process of healing, that I went after Lewis because I felt like I had nothing to lose. The little girl he took had her whole life in front of her and I was willing to give mine to save her…I was…I was in a dark, dark place and it was only after that I realized it."_

" _Do you still think about it?"_

" _Sometimes._

" _Do you still…still go to a dark place?"_

" _I haven't for a very long time. But it'll always be a possibility. But, the thing is though, now I have your Dad. I have you and Maggie and everyone else. I have people who make me so happy…I have something, a lot of things to live for. I may not be able to completely forget, but it doesn't haunt me. I don't have that desperation hanging over me. Not anymore."_

 _They cut through a playground and sat on a bench._

" _Wyatt, honey, do you know, have you…those dark places, do you know what that's like?"_

" _No."_

 _Olivia could tell he was being truthful. His "no" sounded regretful, as if he were desperate to understand how his mother felt._

" _I hope you never, ever have to know."_

 _Wyatt looked at her compassionately. "I wish that had never happened to you."_

" _I survived. And," Olivia held out her hands, palms raised, "Look what happened! I ended up getting Noah, your Dad, having you and Maggie…you never know what's going to happen…"_

" _Thank you for telling me," Wyatt said sincerely._

" _You're welcome."_

" _Don't worry about me, okay?"_

 _Olivia gave him a stern yet playful glare. Wyatt grinned._

" _Okay, okay…that was dumb."_

 _Olivia slung an arm around his shoulders. "I'm always going to worry about my babies."_

 _Wyatt nodded._

" _I know."_

…

As the tavern door closed behind her, Olivia stomped to remove the salt and slush from her boots. She saw Ed beaming at her and smiled back. Not only was she happy to see him, but the dim light of the bar soothed her frayed nerves. A drink would also be of immense help.

Ed stood, almost giddy to get her into his arms. He hugged her tightly and kissed her as passionately as he knew she was comfortable with in public. After helping her off with her coat, they perched inches apart on the stools, and Olivia took a sip of the drink Ed had waiting.

"Sorry I'm a little late," she said.

"No problem." Ed knew she had made an appointment with the therapist. As usual, he waited for her to offer details. In the space between, he updated her on the kids. Noah and Sarah at a late lunch at Max Brenner, so he would probably not need dinner. He had done some organizing around the house while the twins were at day care. In the foyer rested two large trash bags—one for Brooke and Sonny to sort through and the other destined for charity.

Finally, Olivia nudged him, "How do you do _protective Dad_ while being so normal?" She asked.

Ed swiveled and faced her. "My protective Dad normal and your protective Mom normal are two different things."

Olivia considered this. "I wish I had more of your traits."

Ed kissed her cheek. "You are who you are." Saying it wasn't necessary, but she was the mother she was because, Ed believed, she would forever consider herself immensely lucky to have children. Motherhood accidentally presented itself to Olivia, and, though she desired it, she had all but written off the possibility when Noah came along. Any tragedy would be devastating, but one involving Noah would be doubly so.

"I guess I'm…I guess the booster seat works?" Olivia tried light-heartedness. In their SUV, Noah still rode in a car seat which he was beginning to protest. In other cars he sat in a secured booster with a seat belt. Weight and height-wise, he qualified for the change, but Olivia preferred the full harness.

"Sure does," Ed replied, copying her tone, "Police report said they spun a couple times. But not a scratch on any of 'em."

"Maybe by the time he drives the whole car will convert to an impenetrable bubble when it's hit."

Ed grinned and kissed her again. "Let's plan on that." He tucked a few loose strands behind her ear, kissed her again, and said, "I'm glad you went to Lindstrom."

"I don't want you to think—"

"—I think I want you happy and safe," he interrupted. "That's all. I'm not a professional. I get it I—"

Olivia interrupted this time, "—not a professional _therapist_ ," she quipped, grabbing his hand and looking him in the eyes. "Do you know, every time I've seen him since we've been together, you've told me the exact same things?"

Assuming the question was rhetorical, Ed remained silent.

"I know Noah is as safe as possible. It's just…I think I got so complacent I tricked myself into thinking we were immune to everything that could possibly go wrong."

"We're not," he said, grabbing her hands, "But we're as prepared as possible."

"I know."

He kissed her lips softly and sensually. When the kiss was over he backed away only an inch or two.

The look on his face reminded her of one she had seen years earlier.

…..

" _Good luck to you, Sergeant Benson."_

 _Olivia and Rita breezed out of the Internal Affairs interview room leaving Tucker and Draper slightly bewildered and dumbfounded. The two investigators had agreed beforehand to offer the Sergeant the easiest way out. They both hated the overzealous Brooklyn ADA Strauss, but they really hated getting into a pissing match over someone like Lewis._

 _Draper shrugged and started collecting the files and the camera. "Drink?" He asked in his usual workaday, matter-of-fact manner. His partner had seemed uncharacteristically bothered by the entire Lewis saga. When the news broke that Lewis had been shot and Benson was en route to the hospital, Tucker dropped everything and departed, presumably to get a handle on the situation; nevertheless, Cole and everyone else rolled their eyes at his haste. There had been no reason for Tucker to leave that early, and there was no way Benson's PBA rep would let her talk._

 _They cozied up to the bar at a familiar watering hole and ordered drinks. Tucker, feeling the heat of his partner's scrutiny, muttered, "She's tellin' the truth, Cole."_

" _I know."_

" _Do you really?"_

 _Draper raised his eyebrows. "If she's not, it's a pretty bad lie. And Rita would not have let her say what she said."_

 _Tucker grunted._

" _Seen Rita lately?"_

" _No."_

 _Cole smirked and chuckled, "Lighten up, man. She have some dirt on you or something?"_

" _Maybe I'm a bad date?" Tucker shrugged. "I dunno…" Tucker didn't engage in these types of conversations. He and Rita never clicked. To him, she never stopped being a lawyer. To her, he probably never stopped being an IAB investigator because he had trouble letting his guard down. "Can we talk about something else?"_

" _Sure," Cole replied, "Why's this bothering you so much?"_

 _Tucker stared into the drink and then at the television screens overhead. "She's been through hell—and Lewis may win—and he's dead. Where's the justice there? And why in the hell does Strauss care? And what was she thinking?"_

 _Cole let Ed ramble for several minutes. Ed drank quickly and brooded. They left together, but Draper was driving to the suburbs and Ed had a blocks-long walk back home. Cole understood his partner's sympathy but was still thrown for a loop. Usually, Ed Tucker refused to entertain extenuating circumstances or alternative scenarios. With Benson, not only was he trying to assist in her defense, he apparently couldn't stop thinking about it._

" _You wanna ride?" Cole asked._

" _Nah," Ed said with a wave, "I'll see you tomorrow."_

" _Alright." Cole shrugged. He knew Ed had had too many, but he was close to home and he wasn't staggering drunk. He watched his partner until Ed turned onto Ninth Avenue and went on his way._

 _Tucker ambled along, trying not to sway. He longed for the days when bars allowed smoking. He wanted to lose himself in a dive, cigarettes, and an endless and unquestioned litany of bourbon. He could not chase Olivia Benson from his mind._

 _He was mad at her:_ _How could you do something so stupid? So obviously suicidal?_

 _He was mad at Cassidy:_ _How do you let something like this to happen to the woman you love?_

 _He was mad at Rita:_ _How can you think we are not all on the same page here?_

 _He was mad at himself._ _Was I too brash? She probably assumed I was gonna take her badge. She doesn't trust me._

 _Ed took out his phone and clumsily poked at the screen. Somewhere among his contacts and emails was Olivia's number. Calling her was inappropriate and maybe unethical, but he didn't care and nobody else needed to know._

" _Hello?"_

" _Hey, it's me, uh, Tucker."_

 _Silence._

" _I, uh, I wanted you to know, I, uh…I believe you."_

 _He expected a nasty reply, but she only mumbled a thank you._

" _You, uh, you prolly—" he was suddenly aware that he probably sounded drunk and certainly she would notice. "Never mind, I, uh, wanted to let you know that. That I believe you."_

" _Thank you."_

" _We have your back."_

 _Silence again._

" _I'll, uh, I'll let you get back to your evening."_

 _There were a few moments of hesitation._

" _Okay," Olivia finally said._

" _Good night, Sergeant."_

" _Night."_

 _During the walk to his place, Ed tried as best he could to bury the image of Olivia sitting alone in her apartment. He knew she was alone. He could tell by her voice, by the mere fact that she picked up the phone and by the way she spoke—she didn't sound uncomfortable or try to muffle her voice. She just sounded…_

 _Alone._

 _Maybe he should have waited to end the call, tried to extend the labored conversation._

 _But he didn't._

 _He stumbled inside, ignored the growing pile of mail, collapsed on the couch, and consoled himself._

 _There was no way that Lewis psycho could win._

 _It wasn't right. None of it was right._

 _But there was nothing he could do._

…..

Ed flipped through cable channels and then their Netflix queue, searching for some type of comedy or old rerun to watch. He heard Olivia close the dishwasher door and turn the machine on. She joined him seconds later.

"Whatcha wanna watch?" He asked, still scrolling. They hadn't set up separate viewers, so most of their favorites and recommendations were kids' movies.

Olivia took the remote control from him and placed it on the coffee table. "I'm not really in the mood for a movie," she whispered.

"No?"

Straddling him now, she started kissing his neck. "No."

He tilted his head back as far as possible, closed his eyes, and relished the feel of her hair blanketing his face. When her lips met his, he slid his hands under her shirt, rubbed her back, and unclasped her bra. Olivia moaned when he massaged her breasts. She deepened the kiss and they fell across the cushions wrapped in each other's arms. Ed rocked his hips into her; she gasped her approval and let one hand drift to his waistband.

Aside from their cries and hushed foreplay talk, the only sounds came from the kitchen—the faint whirring of the dishwasher and the occasional rattle of the icemaker.

Noah's footsteps went undetected.

He peeked over the back of the sofa.

"Mommy? Daddy? Whatcha doin?"

…

 **#Tuckson**


	3. Chapter 3

**Three.**

Miraculously, Olivia remained calm when she heard her son's voice. She snapped up, shuffling the throw blanket to Ed in the process, and assessed Noah's expression. He had been in bed for over two hours, and he rarely left his room for anything after he'd been tucked in. He appeared neither ill nor frightened. Nevertheless, Olivia immediately asked what was wrong and hoped he would forget his original question.

"Noah, honey, what are you doing up?" Olivia smoothed her hair and wondered if she was still flushed. She was convinced her pounding heart was audible.

"Heard a noise."

"Sweet boy." She rose to her knees and pulled him over the back of the couch and into her lap. Though she was wearing a t-shirt, her bra hung loosely from her shoulders, and she hoped Noah wouldn't notice. "What noise?"

"Was a crash!"

"Let's go to your room and see what it was." There were multiple items that could have fallen from his desk, table, or bureau.

Noah buried his head into her neck. "Kay," he said softly, "but what are ya doin out here?"

Olivia breathed deeply and tried her best to sound normal. "We were kissing," she said.

Noah's forehead crinkled. "Kissing _laying down on da couch_?"

"Yes sweetie," Olivia replied. She avoided eye contact with Ed, for she knew he was either beet red or trying to suppress laughter. Or both. "When adults love each other like Daddy and I love each other, they kiss like that sometimes."

Following her lead, Ed finally spoke. "Remember how we talked about privacy, bud?"

"Uh-huh."

"Kissing like that is a private thing mommies and daddies do. We shoulda been more private about it."

"Sare Bear and Justy do that?"

Both Ed and Olivia chuckled softly.

"They do," Olivia replied, "But remember, it's a _private_ thing _adults_ do when they love each other very, _very_ much. Like Daddy said, we should have gone to our room where it's private."

"You kiss Daddy like dat everrnight?"

"I try to kiss Daddy as much as possible."

Ed shivered.

Apparently satisfied, Noah curled back into Olivia's chest and yawned. "C'we see what da noise was now?"

"Sure." Olivia carried Noah to his room and immediately saw what made the crash. "Were you using the iPad?" She asked.

"I was drawin."

Olivia pointed at the floor. "You fell asleep with it in your bed and you probably rolled over and it fell on your subway."

Alarmed, Noah's eyes widened and he squirmed to get down. "That's da R to Bay Ridge," he said, snapping the pieces back into place, "Gotta fix it."

Olivia patiently waited for him to finish. "And we'll put your iPad on the desk so you can sleep." She wondered if it was time to take away the device during the night. Noah never tried to use his phone after bedtime, but the iPad was more enticing since it contained more books and his favorite drawing app.

"Kay," Noah murmured. He assessed his repair job, and, deeming it satisfactory, hopped back under the covers.

Olivia made sure he was tucked in and kissed his forehead. "Goodnight, sweetheart. I love you."

"Love you, Mommy."

"Sweet dreams."

"Mommy?"

"Hmm?"

"You gonna go kiss Daddy more?"

Olivia ducked her head and grinned sheepishly, "It's late. I'll probably give him one more kiss then go to sleep."

Ed had other ideas. When she found him lying on the bed clad only in boxers, he had a mischievous smirk on his face and his hands clasped behind his head. He was irresistible. Olivia swapped her pants and tee for an oversized night shirt and snuggled up next to him.

"That was bad," she whispered.

"Coulda been way worse."

Olivia thought about their Cosmo-inspired positions, writhing as Ed pleasured her orally, sex on the hotel bathroom countertop…he was right, and she laughed along with him.

"I'm more worried you won't want to do it on the couch anymore."

"From now on we have to be more careful," she said, "But I _like_ the couch sometimes."

Ed puckered his lips for a kiss. "You handled it well."

"Article."

"Article?"

"Yes," she answered, "In _Parents_. Not too long ago, coincidentally enough. It suggested being honest rather than saying we're wrestling or something like that."

Ed raised his eyebrows playfully. "Wrestling might be fun though," he said slowly, "I'll let ya pin me."

Olivia draped her body over his and held his wrists above his head. "Like this?"

"Mmmhmmm."

"Now what?"

"Door locked?" He asked with a wink.

"Yep."

"Kiss me."

Olivia bit her lip. "Well, I did tell our son I'd kiss you once more then go to sleep."

"Didja now?"

She lowered her head so her lips were almost touching his. "But I may have fibbed a little."

Ed felt her fingers slide between his skin and the elastic waistband.

Eyebrow cocked, she asked, "I think we were here?"

"I think so."

Outside, the wind whipped and swirled around Manhattan's skyscrapers. By the time they lay sated in one another's arms under the covers, slushy snowflakes pelted their bedroom windows. Ed slithered out of bed and apologetically said he was going to adjust the heat and check the kids' covers. He remembered the weather alerts that had popped up on his phone earlier in the evening. Finding the three kids safely cocooned in their blankets, he bumped the thermostat a couple degrees and smiled, anticipating getting back under the covers with his wife. He held her tightly against his chest and, minutes later, felt her body grow heavy with sleep. He hoped this was one of those nights where she stayed plastered to his body until dawn. Sleeping like this would neither get old nor be taken for granted.

…

 _Ed lived in a fourth-floor Hell's Kitchen apartment in a no-doorman building with hit-or-miss elevator service. She guessed he moved to the neighborhood after the divorce as sort of a punishment, more place to hide and brood than to create a new home, but he had unknowingly bought low in what became a gold mine. The neighborhood had become one of Manhattan's hottest real estate markets, and as older residents moved or passed away, they were replaced by young professionals whose presence and preferences changed the landscape. Many of the area's longstanding haunts were gone, replaced by trendy bistros and juice bars. As Olivia made her way down the block, she imagined Ed probably despised the development; however, he most likely had no problem with the correlating skyrocketing property values._

 _After he buzzed her in, Olivia climbed the stairs and worried once more about her attire. Prior to this particular night, most of their dates had taken place after a work day. Tonight was the first time Ed invited her to his apartment for dinner. Over drinks a couple days after Valentine's Day he'd suggested it in an adorably shy manner. It was obvious he was smitten with her and that he wanted to nudge their relationship along. Partly because of Noah but mostly because he didn't want to seem too forward, Ed waited for the absolute perfect time to extend the invitation. Since they had already slept together, he felt more comfortable and knew it would relieve any pressure she might have been feeling. As she approached his door, the only question in her mind was whether her black jeans and lavender sweater were what he was expecting._

 _Ed opened the door clad in equally casual jeans and polo and, taking advantage of the privacy, kissed her. "Hey," he said softly, smirking, "C'mon in."_

 _Olivia stepped inside. Ed took her leather jacket and hung it on a coatrack similar to hers. To her left, in the kitchen, a bottle of wine and a large tossed salad sat on the island. Ed had draped a white tablecloth over his small round dining table which was already set. Unlit candles were arranged in the middle._

 _Olivia was so fixated on his preparation she didn't realize he was smirking at her._

" _Want a drink? The grand tour?"_

" _Sure," she replied, almost in a whisper._

" _Got about thirty minutes 'til the ziti's done," he said, "Wine or bourbon? Or something else?"_

" _Let's start with bourbon."_

" _A little ice?"_

" _Please."_

 _It took only a few minutes for him to walk her through the apartment. He checked the food and joined her on the couch—a piece of furniture she would later learn had been lovingly nicknamed "Big Brown" by his daughters. Dim, yellowish light emanated from two side lamps and lounge music played from the speakers._

 _He lifted his glass, "Forgot a toast," he said, "Cheers to the weekend."_

" _Absolutely," she touched her glass to his and took the opportunity to scoot closer._

 _She sounded and looked genuinely relieved and relaxed. It had been over a month since the hostage standoff. Ed knew she was still processing all that happened while simultaneously handling a couple of tough cases, including the most recent one involving Hank Abraham. He hoped she was taking care of herself and getting as much rest as possible, but he vowed to stay away from the heavy talk tonight. Unless, of course, she brought it up._

" _Weather looks ugly though," he said, "Noah have trouble when it's this cold?"_

" _He's been much better," Olivia replied with a smile, "At his last appointment the pulmonologist was impressed. He even mentioned the asthma was something he might eventually grow out of."_

" _That's great news."_

" _Fingers crossed." She took another sip and kicked off her boots. As she got comfortable she intentionally moved even closer so her knees were almost touching his leg. She wanted to show him, definitively, that she was comfortable and more than happy to be there with him. "But, I still get nervous. So, if we go out this weekend, it'll be quick."_

" _Lemme know if I can bring ya anything."_

" _Why don't you come over tomorrow?" Olivia asked, surprising herself at how easily and instinctively the question had come out of her mouth, "Hang out for a little while? I can offer you some classic cartoons and Legos…among other toys." Olivia bit her lip and started laughing._

" _Toys…" Ed murmured, getting the unintentional joke and glad Olivia laughed first. "Sure, I'll be there."_

 _Olivia put a hand on his thigh. "Good." She leaned forward for a kiss._

 _He put his free hand on her shoulder and let his fingers drift into her brown locks. When she parted her lips, he put his glass on the coffee table. She followed suit, and they fell into the back cushions. The liplock would have continued indefinitely and turned into something else if not for the ding of the oven timer._

 _Ed smirked against her lips. "Hungry?"_

" _Actually, yes," she said breathlessly._

" _C'mon," he stood, held out his hand, and led her to the kitchen. He scooped two portions onto each plate, added a basket of breadsticks to the table, sat down, then got up again when he realized he'd forgotten the salad. "Hope the pasta's cooked," he said as he poured the wine, "Recipe said it only had to be boiled for a couple minutes first."_

" _Looks delicious." Olivia accepted the glass and swirled the wine. "This is all so nice, Ed. Thank you."_

" _My pleasure."_

" _We may have to do this more often."_

" _Sure," he stabbed a forkful of salad and tried to hide his giddy grin. "You may change your mind if that pasta's not done."_

 _Seeking to quell his worries, Olivia took a bite of the baked ziti and reported it was perfect. "The wine, the ambience, Ed, it's all perfect."_

" _Good." He smiled at her candlelit face. She was perfect. He wanted to say it but didn't want to risk an awkward overreach._

 _Olivia asked about the neighborhood and his apartment—how long he'd lived there and what he thought about the transition from old to new. As she predicted, the gentrification annoyed him, but he could not ignore the equity it brought. He mentioned his daughters also having mixed feelings. Olivia knew a bit about both Brooke and Sarah, and she probed for more information. She had already caught glimpses of their photos and saw their unmistakable resemblance to their father, especially the eyes._

" _I'd like to meet them someday," Olivia said at one point._

" _Yeah, of course," Ed replied, "Got, uh…a couple things on the list then. More dinners like this and meeting the girls."_

" _Right."_

 _He noticed her eyes momentarily go distant. "Somethin' wrong?"_

" _No," she sighed, "I…I remembered…these next couple of weeks, I'm going to have some late nights."_

" _Why's that?"_

" _We got a tip about a possible…or many possible parties involving underage and possibly trafficked girls." Olivia waved a hand in the air, "We don't have enough to go on yet, but it could be big."_

" _Trafficking," Ed muttered, "Sickening…and sad…and a little frightening. I mean, law enforcement's onto it now, lookin for it, but ten, twenty years ago? Not on the radar. Not like now. How many were missed?" He looked up and startled at her doleful expression. "Sorry," he said self-consciously._

" _No, no," a sincere smile supplanted the momentary misery in her visage, "You're absolutely right. I, uh, I…I'm still getting used to hearing you talk like a father and –"_

"— _someone with a heart?" He quipped._

 _She grinned. "Well, yeah."_

 _Ed smirked back at her. Their banter was so easy and relaxed. It seemed almost as if they'd been buddies all along and had simply been playing roles whenever they encountered one another at work. He craved her laugh and her sense of humor, especially when she teased him. Having moved on from the past, he felt immensely grateful they had worked their way into a place where they could joke and poke fun at each other._

" _I have cheesecake and some port," he said when their plates were clear and they each had put down their utensils. "But I don't want to keep ya if you have to get home."_

" _I have plenty of time."_

 _The cocky, assured tone turned him on, not that he hadn't already been eagerly anticipating making love to her again._

" _I'll, uh, I'll get it."_

 _Olivia stood and started clearing the dinner plates. "I'll get this."_

 _After dessert they each had some port left. Ed suggested they move back to the couch. Olivia nodded and followed him. This time she sat flush with his body so he could put his arm around her. Minutes later, the wine glasses were empty and Ed offered a refill._

" _No," Olivia said, "I'm good."_

" _Okay."_

 _He started to settle back into the cushions, but Olivia rose to her knees and kissed him. "Now I'm really good," she said, backing away an inch or so with her eyebrow cocked._

" _Wanna be even better?"_

 _She pressed another firm kiss to his lips. "Yeah, I do."_

 _He led her to his bedroom and turned the recessed lighting to its dimmest setting. Having already had sex a couple times before, they were both more confident and less hesitant with one another. The lovemaking was playful. They were louder than what was safe with Noah close by. Afterwards, as Ed held her and kissed the top of her head, he wished he didn't have to let her go back out into the frigid February night._

 _However, she did have to go and, eventually, she was dressed again and kissing him goodbye._

" _You drove, right?"_

" _No, I'm not far. I walked."_

 _Ed furrowed his brow and hunted for jeans, a shirt, and his coat. "I'll drive you back."_

" _Ed, you really don't have to."_

" _I'll either walk with you or drive you," he said, "But it's freezing. And I'm parked right out front."_

" _Sure you don't mind?"_

 _Ed held her by the shoulders and planted a tender kiss on her lips. "Of course not."_

" _I feel bad you might lose that parking spot."_

 _He grinned. "Liv, that's the last thing I care about right now."_

…

The following Wednesday Sarah brought Noah home and, to her surprise, found Olivia there with the twins rather than her father. Maggie and Wyatt were eating dinner in the high chairs, and Olivia was chopping lettuce at the island. The twins greeted their brother with the usual "NO!" exclamations, and Maggie offered him a fistful of what originated as a toddler-sized turkey burger.

"No thanks, small sister," Noah said, "Sare Bear and I arready ate dinner!"

"Where'd you go?" Olivia asked as she uncorked a bottle of wine and slid Sarah a glass.

"Chinatown," Sarah said.

"We ate dumplings!" Noah reported excitedly. "They were goooo-oood!"

"I'm stuffed," Sarah groaned.

"Want something other than wine?"

"No, that'll be perfect. Helps with digestion."

"Sweet boy, how was your day?"

"It was GREAT!"

"Good," Olivia held out her arms, "Give me a hug." She hugged and kissed him. "What do you want to do now?"

"Gonna play da guitar."

"Okay. Did you thank Sarah?"

"Uh-huh!"

Olivia smiled sweetly and told Noah he didn't have to use the headphones for his guitar practice. She gave Maggie and Wyatt more French fries and opened Noah's backpack for the "home" folder. Finding nothing that needed her immediate attention, she hung it on the back of a chair and went back to her place across from Sarah.

"How _are_ you, Livvie? We haven't seen you in forever!"

"I know. Since New Years, time seems to have flown by. We're in the middle of this crazy case involving medical marijuana…a sick kid and his parents…it's murky and giving all of us headaches."

Sarah rolled her eyes and sucked her teeth. "I can't believe it's not totally legal here yet."

"I don't think it will be long, but then again I've been saying that for years," Olivia said, "It's tricky to have this sort of partially legal system. At least, with this case, that's the problem. Anyway, how are you and Justin?"

"Excellent," Sarah said. "He's going to get his degree in April which is awesome, right before the wedding, so he's excited about that and it will be right at the end of tax season, so I won't have anything to do but spoil the hell out of him!"

Olivia held up her glass. "Well, cheers to that!"

"Absolutely."

"So…" Olivia dithered, still unsure how to pose this particular question. "…did Noah happen to say anything about kissing this afternoon?"

"Kissing?"

"Yes."

Sarah twisted her lips and cast her eyes upward as she thought. "Nope. No kissing questions. A lot about the freaking subway. He's obsessed with those trains."

"He is. Before you leave go look at his room. He's been rebuilding the subway with his train track and the map you bought him."

"Omigod. How adorable…and also a little, um, _inconvenient_ if one wants to walk around his room?"

"It is. But he's almost out of track. He's not gonna be able to do the Queens stops."

Sarah waved a dismissive hand in the air, "Ah, no biggie. So…why did you think he might ask about kissing?" She saw Olivia's cheeks turn a deep crimson and excitedly moved to the edge of the barstool. "Omigod, omigod, omigod… _what_?"

"Oh…" Olivia's gaze drifted toward the sofa, "Your Dad and I were…on the couch—"

"- _Omigawwwwwwd_ —"

"Clothes _on_ ," Olivia emphasized, "But we were, um, kissing—"

"—and very close to not having clothes on—" It wasn't a question. Sarah easily visualized the entire scene.

"—and all of a sudden we hear _Mommy, Daddy, watcha doin'_ and I didn't know whether to laugh or be mortified." Olivia shot her an embarrassed smile. Sarah's ability to get people to open up about the most personal matters never failed to amaze Olivia. She had never, in her entire life, gossiped about sex with anyone, but her stepdaughter had a knack for unlocking details. The fact that those details involved her father simply did not bother her. Sarah loved talking about love; the players didn't matter.

"Could have been really fucking worse," Sarah uttered the profanity in a hushed voice while eyeing the twins who were intensely focused on their food.

"Your Dad said the same thing."

"What did you say? Omigod. I mean…you had to be, uh, worked up, right?"

"Oh yeah." Olivia explained how she'd diffused the situation

Sarah giggled. "And Daddy's, like, sitting there all…"

"He brought up privacy," Olivia said, "We've talked a lot about what's private and what's not… _a lot_ , Noah's probably sick of the word. But we told him kissing like that was private and we should've gone to our bedroom. We emphasized _adults_ , but I'm worried he's going to think he could kiss Mia or someone else like that…I guess I wanted him to think what we were doing was gross."

Sarah was trying to be sympathetic, but she couldn't stop laughing and tears welled in her eyes. "Omigod, I am dying Livvie…I'm sorry. I keep thinking of his face and the two of you hearing him and, just…" Sarah trailed off and put her head on the island. Her shoulders shook with laughter and she slapped the granite.

"Needless to say, we're locking the door to our bedroom for the foreseeable future."

Sarah lifted her head and looked at Olivia with jesting sadness in her eyes. "But couch sex is so _hawwwwt_."

"I know," Olivia sighed.

Sarah brightened. "Well, on Wednesdays I have Noey. The twinsies could go to day care and then you could have some time…if you leave work a little early."

Olivia unrolled a sheet of plastic wrap and covered the salad. "We'll find a way."

"That's the spirit." Sarah inhaled deeply, "What are you making? It smells great."

"Your Dad made baked ziti," she said, "I'd invite you to stay, but…we're kind of doing a dinner for two after the kids go to bed."

" _Gahhhhhhh_ ," Sarah fell forward in a swooning heap, "And everyone wonders why I love you two so much. You're the poster couple for romance and love and _gawwwwwd_ I hope Justin and I are this hot when we're in our fifties."

"I hope you are, too."

Sarah grinned. Olivia was clearly in a romantic mood and it buoyed her own spirits. "Well, I'll check out the subway and then be on my way."

"Justin have a late night tonight?"

"Yes. His last class is over at nine then he usually goes over his notes for a little bit while he's in the academic mood, which, of course, is a mood completely foreign to me. I'll pick up something for us to eat on the way home. I don't wanna go back out later, it's brutal out there."

"I was ready for summer as soon as we closed on the beach house."

"I need a condo in Florida or something. It'd be a nice little escape. And I could rent it out when I'm not there. And, of course, everyone could use it whenever," Sarah cocked her head and chewed the inside of her mouth. In an instant she realized her idea, born of a complaint, could actually come to fruition. "You know what? I'm going to look into that…"

…..

 _Noah swam around the pool with his eyes closed. Every few seconds he would yell, "MARCO!" and be greeted with a chorus of "POLOs." Maggie and Wyatt, small and fast, were difficult to catch, so Noah chose to go in the direction of the adult voices. Brooke, Sonny, and Justin compliantly swam around; Sarah, however, wasn't above breaking the rules and she would occasionally commit a Marco Polo sin and get out of the pool in order to refresh drinks or to escape Noah's reach. Ed and Olivia lounged nearby with Sofia. The two-year-old was sleeping soundly wrapped in a towel in Olivia's arms._

" _MARCO!"_

" _POLO!"_

 _Eyes still pressed shut, Noah frowned. He turned to the direction of Sarah's voice and admonished her. "You're not in the pool, Sare Bear!"_

 _SPLASH!_

" _Yes I am, Noey! Come and get me!"_

 _Olivia and Ed wore matching amused expressions as they watched Noah blindly swim for Sarah. When he was within inches of her, she scrambled up the later and onto the patio. Noah opened his eyes and somehow managed to tread water with his hands on his hips._

" _SARE BEAR! You're cheating!"_

 _Four-year-old Maggie swam to the edge and breathlessly repeated her brother's accusation. "Cheating, Sare Bear!" She glared at Sarah through blue-tinted goggles._

 _Sarah threw her hands up in surrender. "I'm sorry. I lose. How 'bout…how bout we take a break from Marco Polo? I'm tired!"_

 _Noah flipped to a back float and agreed. "I'm tired, too. Gonna relax."_

 _Brooke, Sonny, and Justin looked thrilled to be rescued from the game. They perched on the ledge surrounding the inner perimeter of the pool. Sarah took drink orders from them and from Ed and Olivia and went to the nearby Tiki Bar to grab the cocktails._

 _Wyatt got out of the pool and skipped to his parents. Water ran down his suntanned skin and fell in droplets around his body. His red swim trunks clung to his legs and he slid his own goggles to his forehead. "Mommy, I'm hungry," he said in his slightly raspy little-boy voice._

 _Olivia sat up, careful not to jostle Sofia too much, and dug into her large beach tote. She produced two plastic containers. "Cheez-its or Ritz? There's some cheese in the cooler, too, sweetie. Oh, and some grapes."_

" _Cheez-its, please."_

 _Ed held out a towel, "C'mere, bud. Dry off a little. Sure you don't want grapes?"_

 _Wyatt took a handful of the fruit and sat on the side of Ed's chair and ate his snack. "Sofia's so sleepy," he said as he munched._

" _She's takin' her afternoon nap with Grandma," Ed said._

 _Wyatt giggled. "Mommy's not Grandma," he said, "Grandma in da books have white hair!"_

" _Is Daddy Grandpa then?" Olivia asked facetiously._

 _Wyatt looked lovingly at his father, "Yup. But he Daddy, too."_

 _Olivia and Ed exchanged amused glances. She held out her hand. Ed took it and kissed her knuckles. Soon, Wyatt handed back the container and hustled back to the pool. Earlier that afternoon he and Maggie bragged about not needing life jackets or arm floaties like other kids swimming at the condo's expansive community pool. Thanks to lessons early in their lives, the twins couldn't remember a time when they didn't know how to swim. Nevertheless, Ed and Olivia kept watchful eyes on them and on Noah who was currently floating around with the assistance of two foam noodles. He situated one under his neck and curled his knees around the other. Wyatt jumped in, cannonball style, intentionally splashing his brother. He emerged from the water in hysterics. Noah grinned and scrambled for the edge so he could retaliate. A cannonball contest ensued._

 _The family spent the day at the pool due to red flag warnings on the white sandy gulf beach. The weather was perfect, but dangerous rip currents lurked. Neither the kids nor the adults had a problem sacrificing one day away from the sand. They had lunch delivered poolside, took advantage of the Tiki Bar, and feasted on crab legs for dinner. The ten of them were a little crowded in Sarah's three bedroom condo, but it was cozy and nobody complained. Once the kids got older and Sarah and Justin added their own offspring, Ed and Olivia would probably rent their own unit, but, for now, the accommodations were perfect. The three Tucker kids especially enjoyed staying up late and sleeping on the sofa bed. That particular arrangement worked out wonderfully for Ed and Olivia._

 _It was after midnight when everyone retreated to their respective rooms after several hours of card playing. Another nice feature of the condo was that each bedroom functioned as a master suite and had its own bathroom. Ed stripped down to his underwear and crawled across the mattress to Olivia. "Shower now or later?"_

 _Olivia tossed her magazine and reading glasses aside. "Later."_

 _She hadn't changed clothes and he tugged at her linen shorts. "You're overdressed."_

" _Sorry." She peeled off her tank top and wriggled out of her bra as Ed planted kisses across her abdomen._

" _That's better," he rasped, reaching to massage her breasts._

" _Mmmmm," Olivia droned. "God, Ed…"_

" _Just getting' started, baby."_

 _She moaned again._

" _Can't have you thinkin' I'm a_ _Grandpa_ _in here."_

 _Olivia sat up, effectively stopping him. "You're still thinking about that?"_

" _Joking, Liv." He played with her hair. "But…I, well, I know we're gonna get older, but I don't want_ _this_ _to get old." He locked his eyes on her. "Seriously."_

" _Is…have you thought something's wrong?" Olivia shuddered to think Ed was dissatisfied with their sex life. She certainly was not._

" _No, no," he grinned shyly and started kissing her neck. "Not at all. It's just, every once in a while, I get to thinkin'…"_

 _Olivia put a hand on either of his cheeks. "There are times for thinking and times for…not thinking."_

" _Yes ma'am." He grinned and leaned in for a kiss, swirling his tongue around hers slowly and sensually. As they kissed he trailed a hand down her torso. He felt her shiver. His own spine tingled when she gasped at the sensation of his fingers between her legs. "How's that baby?"_

 _Olivia smiled and moaned. She had read articles about the pitfalls of sex as couples aged, but she and Ed had not experienced anything other than pure, easy, natural pleasure._

" _You feel so good, Liv."_

" _Ed, baby…"_

" _Remember…these walls are kinda thin," he whispered, smirking, as he propped himself on his forearms._

" _I'm trying to control myself, Captain."_

" _Don't."_

 _He initiated a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss as he thrust into her. He swallowed her cries and gasps; she did the same for his. When she started to climax, she had no choice but to rip her lips from his and bury her face in his neck. The reverberations of her whimpers made Ed explode at the exact moment her back arched and her body quivered._

 _When Ed had mostly caught his breath, he opened the sliding glass door so they could hear the waves crashing in the distance as they basked in the afterglow. Their room was one of two that opened onto the balcony._

" _I think we do it best at the beach," he said._

" _We really do," she replied, tracing patterns on his chest with her fingertips. "Maybe it's because you look so damn sexy with a tan."_

" _If that's what it is…I can always hit one of those tanning places at home."_

 _Olivia laughed and gave him a peck on the lips. "Ed Tucker, you are so funny."_

" _I'm serious."_

" _I know."_

" _Need to keep my wife happy."_

" _I'm happier than I ever dreamed."_

 _Ed kissed her head. "You have no idea how good it is to hear that."_

" _Yeah," she tilted her head back for a kiss on the lips. "I kinda do."_

… _.._

 **#Tuckson**


	4. Chapter 4

**Four**.

 _After Fin, Carisi, Stabler, Cragen, and Melinda Warner delivered their laudatory remarks, the microphone opened for non-scheduled speakers to come up front and talk about their experiences with the Lieutenant. As the line dwindled, Ed ushered Noah from their seats to the side of the makeshift stage. The two of them patiently waited for Carisi, the emcee, to end the open remarks and invite the final two speakers to the dais._

 _Dressed like his father in a sleek navy suit, white shirt, kelly green tie, and dark brogue wingtips, Noah shifted his weight from foot-to-foot and clutched a folded piece of paper. Ed reached down to muss his hair but reconsidered. Earlier, Sarah had styled it with gel, so Ed squeezed Noah's shoulder instead._

" _Ya ready, bud?"_

" _There's a lot of people," he whispered, eyeing the crowd warily._

" _There are," Ed replied, "But you've given speeches and been on stage before, remember? At school?"_

 _Noah smiled appreciatively. "Yeah."_

 _With Ed's help, Noah prepared his speech, partially typing it and partially dictating it onto his laptop using the microphone. Ed gave him a simple, open-ended prompt—to tell people about his mother—and Noah had spent weeks perfecting his words._

" _You want me to stand up there with ya?"_

 _Noah twisted his lips for a few seconds. "Nahh," he said, "I go then you go."_

" _Okay bud. I'm right here if ya need me."_

 _On stage, Carisi took the microphone from the final impromptu speaker, cracked a couple of jokes, and went back on script. "We have two final sets of remarks," he said, "We've saved the best for second to last. This young man is six years old, recently finished Kindergarten, and is probably the coolest kid in the city. Please give it up for Noah Porter Benson Tucker!"_

 _Noah strode confidently to center stage and smiled at the applause. Sonny helped him onto the step stool and adjusted the microphone height. Noah unfolded his speech but, having had rehearsed several times, began without looking at the paper._

" _Hi. I'm Noah. And I'm gonna tell you all about my Mommy!" He began softly but grew more confident and louder with each word. "First, she's really, really nice!"_

 _Olivia clutched Brooke's wrist with one hand and a wad of tissues in another. More tears were sure to fall._

…..

The squad stood in a semicircle. Everyone had their hands on their hips and pained expressions on their faces. The Deputy Chief had given orders, but nobody, including Olivia, actually wanted to make the arrests. Nevertheless, in an hour so, Chad and Amelia Hill would be cuffed, processed through central booking, and charged with marijuana possession, distribution, reckless endangerment, and child endangerment, all misdemeanors. It was unlikely the Hills would face long stretches behind bars; however, the potential consequences were not what troubled the detectives.

"I hope people in Albany are happy," Carisi muttered.

"All they had to do was comply the first time," Rollins said in an equally cynical tone. "Or act like they were complying. But they _had_ to flaunt it. They _had_ to go on the morning news and give the courts the collective finger."

Devin, the Hill's fourteen-year-old son, had been diagnosed with epilepsy as a toddler and had been prescribed a variety of medicines to combat the seizures throughout his life. Since beginning a medical marijuana regimen, Devin had not had one seizure; however, he smoked the marijuana rather than take it in pill or oil form. _Smoking_ medical marijuana was illegal in the state.

"They moved from the west coast," Fin muttered, "With a prescription…see, this is why we need national laws for this kinda stuff."

Olivia found herself in the familiar position of understand and commiserating with both sides. If one of her children were afflicted with a chronic illness, there was nothing she wouldn't do to help them. She would go to the ends of the Earth to find a cure. If she were in the Hill's shoes, she most certainly would have done what they did, yet, what they did was a crime. And Rollins was right, they made things worse for themselves by turning their plight into a crusade and publicly thumbing their noses at law enforcement.

"Fin, Rollins, bring them in," Olivia directed, choosing those two in particular because they seemed to be the least angry. Carisi was stewing more deeply than she'd ever seen. Fin had muttered something about not witnessing this type of anger from him since the Catholic Church sex trafficking scandal. "Use back entrances if you can. One PP wants a circus, but let's not give it to them if we don't have to."

"Got it."

Carisi stomped to his desk and opened his laptop. He started banging away at the keyboard, and Olivia decided to leave him alone. She retreated to her office, leaving the door open, and, before attending to work of her own, sent Ed a text message. It was a routine check-in, but Olivia noticed she had been sending them more and more lately, especially when she was frustrated. He reported he and the twins were on their way to the toddler gym, and he included a photo of Maggie and Wyatt in the stroller bundled in their parkas, hats, and mittens. They were both wearing jeans and combat-style boots, and they smiled jubilantly for the camera. Olivia gazed at the image for an inordinate amount of time. With each passing day, she became more certain that retirement was the right decision.

An incoming call interrupted her daydream. She picked up, listened, pinched her nose, and sighed.

"Okay, yes," she said to the caller, "I understand. I'll stay away from there. And, um, I should be the one to tell Ed." She paused for a response. "Thank you again."

Olivia felt terrible about making Ed unpack the twins when he was probably a couple blocks from their building, but she didn't want the news to leak and get to him via a television monitor or a phone alert. She quickly gathered her things and left for home.

….

 _Ed's grip on her elbow betrayed his uneasiness. Olivia wished she'd insisted on a hug or a kiss before he crossed the street and went back inside IAB headquarters for more grilling from Group One. After all, who cared if they were seen now? She peered at the building. Its windows appeared as menacing and austere as the investigators who worked inside, or, at least, most of them. Ed,_ _her Ed_ _, no longer fit that description. He was loving, charming, gallant, and honest, and she hated seeing him forced into the role of the accused._

 _She stood on the street, blowing hot bursts of annoyed air into the gray Manhattan day, and determined her next moves. It was Saturday, and she was not expected at Community Affairs until the beginning of next week. With any luck, she could work from the sidelines, make some convincing headway, and avoid having to show up there at all. Her phone vibrated and she read the latest updates from Sergeant Dodds. So far, he didn't have much news, and she told him to let her know as soon as they had a location for Sister Nina. The nun had sounded truly terrified when she called earlier. Olivia was obviously concerned for her safety, but Nina, out of fear, was also withholding crucial information. She had hold of a string that could unravel this mess, and Olivia needed her back as soon as possible._

 _After checking in with Lucy and Noah, Olivia went to a nearby bar to decompress and wait for Ed._

… _.._

Ed considered leaving the twins in the stroller, but he knew in his gut Olivia would come home bearing some ugly news. She had assured him it wasn't about their kids, so he was more curious than nervous.

Maggie and Wyatt appeared confused as Ed removed their outerwear. Ed tossed the parkas into the empty stroller. Maggie grabbed hers and tried to put it on again.

"Da! Go!"

"We'll go later, Maggie May," he picked her up and held her over his head. "Mama's comin' home for a few minutes."

To entice the twins to their play area, Ed put two bowls of snacks and their sippy cups on the train table. "Fiss!" Wyatt exclaimed when he saw his favorite Goldfish crackers. "Fiss!" Ed sat on the floor. Maggie brought him toys; Wyatt offered a handful of Goldfish. Ed opened his mouth and Wyatt fed him the fish one by one.

"Thanks, bud."

By the time Olivia arrived, the twins had created their own gym obstacles with their miniature armchairs and their Daddy. They looped around, climbing over the chairs and then barrel-rolling over Ed's chest.

Everyone was, of course, happy to see Olivia, but Ed's smile was inquisitive and his kiss was hesitant. She guided him to the kitchen by the elbow.

"It's your cousin, Eugene," she said without wasting any time, "He was found this morning, hanging in his room at the rectory. He killed himself, Ed."

At first, his expression turned completely blank and emotionless. Since the scandal, Ed's cousin had been shuffled around from parish to parish, but had recently been quietly placed back in New York at large Queens congregation where he could hide among four other priests. Ed knew this only because his mother took it upon herself to keep him abreast of any and all details involving both their immediate and extended family, even when it involved the man who had very nearly ended Ed's career.

"Can't say I'm upset," Ed sniffed."

"Me neither." Olivia rubbed his forearms.

He sucked in his cheeks and looked back at the twins. "Do you haveta go back right away?"

"No. You want to sit?" She stepped toward the living room.

"I, uh, I'm gonna go up and tell my mother."

A little surprised, Olivia raised her eyebrows and mumbled, "Okay."

"I won't be long."

She had to fight a bit to make eye contact. "Are you sure you're alright?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," he kissed her forehead, "Thanks for thinkin to tell me first. I want to tell her first before she hears it through the grapevine is all. I'll call Sarah and Brooke on the way."

…..

 _The news and future implications of Sister Nina's death did not fully resonate with Olivia until she was back home on Sunday afternoon. She made Dodds give her all the gruesome details, and she shuddered when she thought of the final moments of Sister Nina's existence—raped, beaten, and begging for her life at the hands of a man disguised as someone she should have been able to trust._

 _Lucy had fed Noah lunch and put him down for a nap by the time Olivia arrived at the apartment. Lucy had been under strict orders not to allow anyone into the building, or, if someone managed to sidestep the doorman, she was to immediately call 911 if she heard so much as a knock at the door. Ed was coming over, but Olivia gave him Lucy's number and told him to call her if he arrived first._

 _Alone in the quiet apartment, Olivia opened a fresh bottle of wine, poured a glass, and sat on the couch staring at the baby monitor. She had already checked Noah's window locks even though it would've taken someone with Spiderman skills to approach his room. While she waited for Ed, she mentally sorted through the case details and seethed. She couldn't believe how One PP and the DA's office could be so obtuse. Ed, a sex trafficker? Right. It was so obvious he was being set up; if he'd been framed by anyone other than members of the clergy, he would have been with her right now instead of handing in his weapon, shield, and answering more questions, this time at the DA's office._

 _Suddenly, flames of panic scorched the upper part of her chest. She scrolled through her phone. Her last exchange with Ed had occurred shortly after he left that morning. The two of them had spent half the night brooding and the other half having angry, torrid sex. He left for his apartment and a change of clothes as the sun was rising. Olivia was still half-asleep, so he gave her a quick goodbye kiss and sent a text an hour later._

" _I'll be back as soon as I'm done."_

" _Okay. Keep me posted. I told Lucy we would call her and, otherwise, not to let anyone in."_

" _Hopefully I won't be long."_

 _That was hours ago._

 _Where was he?_

" _I told him to keep me posted," she murmured to herself as she started pacing the living room. Images of Sister Nina's bullet-riddled face flashed in front of her eyes. Then, the face wasn't Nina's, but Ed's. What if he'd been forced into a van, tortured, shot or stabbed, and left for dead in a remote area? She pictured his face lifeless and ashen, devoid of the smirk and perpetually flushed cheeks. She imagined the medical examiner noting scratches and bruises on his arms and hands, indicating he'd fought back, that he'd tried to get away and come home to her and to Noah._

 _Leaning against the window sill, she closed her eyes and tried to take deep breaths, but her lungs constricted and she managed only brief, sharp inhalations. She wanted to cry but couldn't cry; the feeling of impending tragedy suppressed tears. For the next several minutes, she was sure Ed was gone; she was going to have to bury the man she loved…before she'd mustered the nerve to tell him she did, in fact, love him._

 _She loosened her death grip on the ledge and dragged herself back to the couch. She grabbed her wine glass and her phone._

 _No answer._

 _Morbid prediction bolstered, she let her body fall backwards and pressed her eyes closed, finally feeling the burn of tears. Then, a burst of resolve supplanted her despair. She jolted up and resumed pacing._

 _D.A.'s office._

 _Call them first._

 _It would've taken him no time to turn in his shield and gun._

 _Barba's phone rang and went to voicemail._

" _Dammit," she muttered. Don't they know he's a target? Evil people are coming after him and they not only take his weapon but they think he's one of them? She dialed again. Barba was going to have to forget about whatever he was doing and pick up the damn phone. Still no answer. She searched for other direct numbers and considered alternatives. Who could she call at One PP? Did she have Cole's number? What—_

 _Her phone vibrated in her hand._

 _Someone was calling back._

 _When she saw "Ed Tucker" on the screen she felt relief much like she'd experienced at the end of Noah's emergency room visits._

" _Ed."_

" _Liv, hey, sorry, D.A.'s had me in there all this time. I'm just now gettin' a chance to call you back, but I'm leaving now. I'll stop at home and be there soon."_

" _Okay," she said weakly, "I was getting worried."_

" _I'm fine. Gimme about forty-five minutes."_

 _Hurry, she silently pleaded. Please hurry. She clawed at her forehead and took a long drink of the wine._

" _Want me to bring ya anything?" He asked, filling the silence._

" _No…no…I'm good."_

" _We can order in later."_

" _Okay."_

" _You want me to stay on the phone?"_

" _No…that's okay." He must have stepped outside because Olivia now heard street noise in the background. "See you soon."_

" _Yep," he said, reading her mind, "I'll hurry."_

…

Olivia phoned Carisi, gave him the news, and told him she was taking the rest of the afternoon off. He sounded shocked, but also reported the Hills were in custody and on their way to arraignment. It was likely they would either be released on their own recognizance or be granted a low bail; the media frenzy had died down, and, for the moment, things were quiet. Next she spoke with Rollins, thanked her for stepping in for the afternoon and evening, and promised to make it up to her the following weekend.

"No big deal, Lieutenant," she said breezily, "This was my weekend anyway, it'll just start a little early. Take care of your family."

Olivia thanked her again, changed into jeans and a sweatshirt, and distracted herself by playing with the rambunctious twins until it was time for lunch and their nap. She gave them each extra snuggles before tucking their blankets around their little bodies and flipping the switch on the planetarium projector.

"I love you, sweet twins," she cooed on her way out.

As she closed the door, she heard Maggie's soft reply.

" _Oooooo_ …"

The moment of sweet serenity was short-lived. Olivia collapsed on the couch and thought about Ed's reaction. He had been sullen, almost despondent, and it surprised her. She wasn't sure what she expected, but, in a way, she was disappointed he had wanted to immediately leave rather than talk to her and mutually sort through emotions.

Shortly after Ed broke the news to Caroline, she asked him to drive her to her sister's home. Ed hadn't seen his aunt in years-he'd been closer to the Tucker side of the family—and, once inside her home, he felt obligated to stay a while.

On the phone, Olivia was understanding. "Of course, sweetie," she said, "Stay as long as you need."

"I'm sorry," he said, "Once again…Eugene fucks things up for us."

"Ed, honey, it's one afternoon. Take care of your mother and your aunt. And we'll see you later. I love you."

"Love you, too."

Olivia hung up. The twins would probably sleep until it was time to pick up Noah from school, and she briefly considered going back into their room and springing Maggie who was probably still awake anyway. She didn't want to be alone with her thoughts. She didn't want to think of Eugene hanging in a small, sparsely furnished church bedroom. Most of all, she wanted to hear Ed's voice, even if it was him venting his feelings and making little sense.

Through her work and his time as a negotiator, neither she nor he were strangers to suicide, but for some reason Eugene taking his own life deeply bothered Ed.

Maybe he went to see his mother so he didn't have to be vulnerable. So he could assume his familiar and more comfortable role as the stalwart, rock-solid, _man_ rather than a surviving relative who needed comfort even though he wasn't particularly sad that the deceased was gone.

How should one mourn a person who had done evil deeds?

Though she had no idea about Eugene's relationship with his mother, she was certain the woman had assumed she would die before her son. No parent, no matter what age, should have to bury a child. Surely, Eugene had friends, confidantes, and people who would miss him. Her heart ached for them, especially since they most likely did not know of or understand the pain that led Eugene to the life-ending decision.

Olivia turned her phone around and around in one hand. She felt tinges of anxiety in her belly and tried to abandon thoughts of death—they inevitably led to fears of her family's mortality, particularly hers and Ed's. They had what? Twenty years left? Thirty? Would one of them be stricken with an illness? Would their idyllic lives be cut short?

It was all too much.

Olivia peeked in at the twins. Wyatt was conked out. Maggie's eyelids were droopy and she was holding her baby. She noticed her mother though, immediately scrambled to her feet, lost her balance, and staggered backwards. Before she fell, Olivia caught her.

"C'mere, sweet girl," she whispered. "Let Mommy rock you for a while."

Maggie lightly smacked her lips, clutched the baby, and put her head on Olivia's shoulder without protest.

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	5. Chapter 5

**Five**.

Whenever the Tuckers' front door opened and kids were home and awake, they dropped everything and sprinted for the foyer. Ed returned from Riverdale and was immediately greeted with a barrage of "DADDYs." Maggie and Wyatt hugged his legs and clamored to be picked up. Noah made up a "Daddy's back" ditty and sang it while Ed removed his coat and kicked off his shoes.

"Hiya, kiddos," he said, greeting them brightly, giving no indication anything was wrong. He crouched for hugs. "Everyone hungry? I want pizza."

Noah shouted, "PIZZA!" and sprinted back into the living area where he ran into Olivia. "Mommy, Daddy said we're getting pizza!"

She ran her fingers through his hair and smiled. "Yum! You think about what you want on it, okay?"

"Kay!"

Ed walked toward her with a twin under each arm. Maggie and Wyatt giggled and reached out for Olivia. She leaned in for kisses and then kissed Ed, carefully studying his eyes. He smiled and kissed her a second time, assuring her he was, indeed, okay. Nevertheless, Olivia wanted to talk so they wouldn't have to spend the next few hours zeroed in on the kids and pretending nothing was wrong.

"Noah," she said, "I'm going to talk to Daddy in our bedroom for a few minutes, okay? Want me to put on a movie for you and Maggie and Wyatt?"

"You gonna have private time?" He asked seriously.

Ed started laughing. Leave it to Noah to lighten the mood.

"Sort of," Olivia answered, "But the door'll be open and you come get us if you need something." She picked up the remote control. "Which show do you want?"

"Credibles!"

"You got it."

With Noah in the beanbag and Maggie and Wyatt in their armchairs, Olivia and Ed went to the bedroom knowing they had bought themselves at least twenty minutes of alone time.

Olivia wasted no time returning the focus to Ed. "How are you feeling?" She asked.

Early on in their romantic relationship, both Ed and Olivia realized they had met each other's match. Olivia had spent her life adeptly masking pain and despair; Ed had been used to simply shutting people out when he was upset or angry. It wasn't long before they learned their natural coping mechanisms did not fool one another.

Ed held her hands, smiled, and pulled Olivia into his lap as he fell onto the armchair. He spent a few minutes holding her before he spoke. He began with an apology. "I'm sorry for leavin' like that," he said, half-whispering with his lips buried in her hair.

"I was worried about you," she said, "I didn't think you'd take it so hard."

"It's…well…my mother—"

Olivia could tell whatever Ed was about to say was extremely difficult for him to verbalize and she ran her hands up and down his arms reassuringly.

"—she and everyone else on that side of the family, Eugene, even after all this bullshit, he was a poster child, a Catholic family with a priest, that was somethin' special."

Since the St. Fabiola's case had been settled via plea agreements and without trials, most of Eugene's complicity had been kept out of the public sphere. Ed himself had offered his mother the innocuous explanation that Eugene had been part of a cover up, and she did not pressure him for more details. Caroline was sharp, and Ed assumed she avoided asking questions simply because she didn't want to know.

"And," Ed fidgeted, "Eugene came to me in person, a few years ago, and apologized, but it was insincere, boilerplate, he wasn't accepting responsibility and was still blaming it on his own demons, he didn't even bother asking me to forgive him, he knew I would tell him to go to hell." Ed had never before divulged this information, and clarified, "It happened, um, about a year later, well, less than a year, the following February—"

He was trying to avoid saying _when we broke up_.

Olivia came to his rescue, "When we weren't together," she said softly.

"Yeah," he kissed her head and continued, "So, him decidin' to end it, I feel like it's cowardly, like it was his final, last ditch effort at trying to get sympathy. After all he'd done…I mean, hell, he coulda left the church, he coulda gone out and lived his life the way he wanted…date men, whatever he was into, _leave the church_ , don't aid and abet a sex trafficking ring and set me up."

Olivia adjusted her position so they were face-to-face. She lovingly caressed one side of his face. "You're not a horrible person for feeling this way," she said, accurately predicting the root of his internal strife.

"I'm not?"

"No," she said, kissing him softly on the lips. "I get it, honey. You've spent your whole life trying to be a good man, do the right thing, people like Eugene are so foreign to you, so inexplicable, and, to top it off, to abuse the cloak of the church, an institution that's supposed to be trusted without question…and then make an innocent man the fall guy…I get it. Not everyone is worthy of forgiveness, but, I know, you _have_ let go of most of the anger and resentment, you haven't let his actions continue to affect your life."

He leaned in for another kiss. "You're right. What do I have to be angry about?" He asked with a smirk, signaling he was ready to end the heavy conversation.

"I can't think of one thing," she replied in a sultry voice.

"How much private time you think we have left?"

He rose, lifting them both to their feet, and kept his lips on hers as they ambled to the door. Olivia hated to see Ed upset, but she sort of liked it when he was needy and vulnerable. She held the back of his head, kissed him passionately, and lifted her heel to kick the door closed.

Seconds before the latch clicked, private time came to an abrupt end.

Ed and Olivia groaned and smiled as they ended the kiss.

Noah's voice conveyed the utmost urgency.

"MOMMY! Maggie's gotta poopy diaper!"

…

 _The soft knocks on the door slowed Olivia's racing heart, but that didn't stop her from making a beeline for the entryway. She flung the door open, and, there he was—a pillar of smirking, handsome strength dressed in dark jeans and a tight black sweater. Flecks of fatigue clouded his eyes, but as soon as he had her in his arms, the exhaustion and angst dissipated. He held her at arm's length and sighed._

" _Damn, it's good to see you."_

 _They hadn't been an official couple for long, but the past week aged their relationship. He felt like they had been together for years; she was processing the reality that Ed Tucker was someone she not only needed…she was also falling in love with him._

" _Liv, you're shaking."_

 _She leaned back and took a deep breath. "I was so worried," she admitted. "They found Nina upstate this morning, dead, whoever is running this, they're cleaning house and all I could think about was you being next on their list."_

 _He regarded her with every ounce of compassion and empathy he had. "They're not after me," he replied softly, making extra effort to avoid a patronizing tone, "They think I'm goin' to prison and they know the nun didn't talk. That's insurance enough."_

 _Olivia bit her lip and fought back tears. "Are you sure?"_

" _Yes."_

" _They can't get away with this," she griped, sounding more like Lieutenant Benson. "They_ _can't_ _. My squad's on it. Something will break. They couldn't have covered all of their tracks. Someone screwed up."_

 _Ed kissed her forehead. "I'm sure you're right. And, in the meantime, I've been advised to lay low."_

" _I hate that you're in this position."_

" _What's done is done," Ed said matter-of-factly and kissed her again. "Noah asleep?"_

" _He is, but he'll be up soon." She shot him a coy, semi-apologetic smile. Sex would have to wait. "Want a drink?"_

" _Sure."_

 _Olivia served him a bourbon. Even though she'd already opened a bottle of wine, poured one for herself as well. She sat next to him on the couch, but he wanted her closer._

" _Uh-uh," he said, wiggling his fingers in the air, "C'mere." He rested his legs on the coffee table and slung his arm protectively around her shoulders. "Helluva week."_

" _I'm…my head is still spinning."_

" _Mine too."_

" _And I'm also pissed."_

 _Ed's chest shook with sardonic laughter. "You and me both, sweetheart."_

 _Olivia's breath caught in her throat. Ed had never called her "sweetheart" before. Her instincts had been right; in the midst of this mess, their relationship had changed. Ed nonchalantly sipped his drink and moved his fingertips in circular patterns up and down her arm. The term of endearment had oozed from his mouth so effortlessly and naturally that he didn't pick up on its implicit meaning._

" _Ed, I…" she spoke slowly yet assuredly, "Earlier today…there was something more than me just being worried about you."_

" _What was that?"_

 _Olivia wondered if Ed could feel the butterflies in her stomach. "I was afraid I would lose you."_

 _Ed picked up on the enormity of her revelation. "A whole lotta bad things coulda already happened, Liv. You didn't have to believe me…"_

"— _I never doubted you."_

" _I know," he kissed her again, "And you have no idea how much that means. And…I'm alive…and here we are. Together. Exactly where I want to be."_

 _Olivia's breathing returned to normal and she settled back into his body. "It's where I want to be, too," she said._

" _Whatever happens next, I'm here. No matter what, alright?"_

 _Olivia squeezed his hand. "Seems like it's us against the world right now."_

" _Yep," He smirked and kissed her knuckles. "Too bad for the world…"_

… _._

A coffee shop a block from Brooke's apartment had become the regular bi-weekly meeting place for retirement party planning. They met on Thursday afternoons when the twins were at day care and Noah, of course, was at school. The appointed time was also when Sofia typically napped, and Ed cradled his sleeping granddaughter as he, Sarah, and Brooke completed whatever tasks they'd assigned themselves for the day. Afterwards, Sarah and Ed went back to Manhattan and often stopped for a drink if Sarah didn't have to return to the office.

Even when they didn't have much to discuss, they met anyway. The week before Valentine's Day, the only updates anyone had were that the save the date cards had been mailed. Brooke argued the cards were only for weddings, but Sarah insisted they be sent. She got the idea from sending her own _save the dates_ for her May nuptial.

"Oh!" Sarah said brightly, "I solved everyone's Valentine's Day babysitting problems!"

Ed snapped his fingers and joked, "I knew I had you for something."

The ribbing made Sarah grin. She playfully rolled her eyes and twirled a section of her wavy blonde hair around a finger. "When Noey was with me yesterday we ran into my neighbor. We chit-chatted on the way up and I mentioned Valentine's Day and she said she'd probably spend it at home with take-out and I asked if she would like to make some extra cash and watch three kids!"

"I'm not leavin' the kids with a stranger."

"But she's not a stranger! Noey and the twins know her. We see her all the time! She's the one I played softball with."

Brooke snickered. "I still can't believe you were on a softball team."

"I was good," Sarah muttered and quickly returned to the matter at hand, "She said she'd love to help out and you can either bring them to my place or she'll come to you."

Ed recalled meeting neighbor G after the one softball game he attended. She seemed friendly enough and he remembered how Noah interacted with her as if they'd previously spent time together.

"Alright," he said, "Prolly easier for her to come to our place. Twins may even be asleep."

"You're not going to take Olivia to eat before?"

"I thought maybe we'd take the kids to dinner first."

Sarah skeptically considered the plan. "I don't know…"

Ed held up a hand, "Trust me."

…

 _Ever since Noah had begun carrying a wallet, he habitually patted his pockets before leaving the house. He learned this routine by copying Ed, but, as he got older, the movements became instinctive. By the time he was ready to leave for his Valentine's Day date, Olivia swore he'd checked his pockets at least six times._

" _I'm gonna head out," he said in a breathy, nervous voice._

 _Olivia smiled and did her best to be nonchalant. Noah had been fully dressed for an hour now, and she had already made him pose for pictures. He wore a red sweater over a white shirt with dark jeans. The date was casual—tacos and bowling—but he spent the hours between coming home from school and now debating whether or not he was appropriately attired._

" _You got enough money, bud?" Ed asked._

 _Noah slid the wallet from his back pocket and counted the bills. "Yep."_

" _And you have your card just in case?"_

" _Got it."_

" _Remember—hold doors, her chair, you pay for everything, let her win."_

 _Noah grinned, "I dunno about that…"_

" _I always let your mom win."_

 _Olivia gave him a swat to the arm. "Keep thinking that, sir."_

" _I gotta go," Noah said, "Eleven okay?"_

" _If it's goin' well you can have 'til midnight."_

 _Olivia gnashed her teeth but didn't overrule her husband. Noah, a high school senior, was plenty old enough to be out alone in the city; however, she never rested until he was home safely. She smiled again, told him to have a good time, and watched longingly as he closed and locked the door._

 _Ed put his arm around Olivia and kissed her cheek. "Wanna go get cleaned up and we'll go?" The two of them and the twins were going out for dinner. It was Maggie's turn to choose the restaurant—she delighted in finding out-of-the way, eccentric places and this year was no different._

" _Brazilian," she declared that morning before she and Wyatt left for school, "It's in the Village. Get ready to eat some meat!"_

 _Olivia immediately found the menu. "Looks good," she murmured._

 _He shrugged. "Steak, right? Can't be that bad."_

" _Right."_

" _Somebody musta done a good job expanding those palates when they were little," Ed mused, teasing her. He spent most of the day trying and succeeding to get a rise out of his wife. In a spirited, romantic mood, Ed took full advantage of their alone time. He took Olivia out for lunch and, when they returned, an extravagantly large bouquet of roses were displayed on the dining room table. Ed played music and they slow danced around the living room until he absolutely had to make love to her._

 _Maggie and Wyatt arrived home before Noah. They were both exasperated with middle school Valentine's Day drama._

" _I'm never going out with anyone," Maggie grumbled._

" _Fine with me," Ed muttered._

 _After he and Olivia showered, Ed dawdled in front of the mirror while Olivia put the finishing touches on her hair and makeup. Noah had been gone now for an hour, and she said she hoped his date was going well. He'd been out with this girl a handful of times, but he always described the relationship as something more on the side of friendship than boyfriend-girlfriend status. Ed and Olivia were surprised when he said they were going out for Valentine's Day._

" _We'll find out depending on when he comes home," Ed replied with a smirk._

" _I hope a hotel room doesn't show up on that credit card receipt."_

" _Liv!"_

 _She peered at him via the mirror. "You never know."_

" _Well, he's prepared…"_

 _Her eyes widened, "You're supposed to tell me it's extremely unlikely he would do something like that."_

" _What? Have sex or get a hotel room?"_

 _Now her eyes practically popped out of their sockets. "Ed!"_

" _MOM!" Maggie called from the corridor, "We're starving!"_

 _Olivia shot Ed a glare and went back to her makeup. "Ten minutes, Maggs! Your Dad is distracting me."_

 _After a brief pause Maggie said, "Umm…I think I'm grossed out."_

 _Ed slapped Olivia's behind, left the bathroom, and tortured Maggie a little more by asking what she was so grossed out about._

…

Billy Joel's Valentine's Day concert at Madison Square Garden featured a special lineup of treasured love songs. Though the singer wasn't one of Ed's all-time favorites, he always put on a good show and he knew Olivia would enjoy it. Also, they had only been to one other concert together. When they saw U2, Ed loved the way Olivia completely relaxed and got into the show. She even coaxed him into dancing a little in the space in front of their seats. He hoped the same would happen tonight.

"Seats okay?" He asked as they sipped drinks and waited for Joel to take the stage.

"They're perfect." They were in the first elevated row to the right of the stage and had an unobstructed view. For emphasis, Olivia turned to him and planted a kiss on his lips.

"Happy Valentine's Day."

"Happy Valentine's Day to you," she cooed, grinning, "And thank you for this, and dinner, and the flowers."

"Everyone in the precinct gawk at 'em?"

"Yes."

"Good."

The show was fantastic from start to finish. Billy Joel belted out hit after hit and enticed even the most reluctant attendee to stand and sway along to the beat. Ed and Olivia sang along to familiar lyrics like _Piano Man_ and the chorus of _Scenes From an Italian Restaurant_. During intermission, Ed texted G who reported all was quiet at the Tucker home. The kids were asleep and she was perfectly content with Netflix. The second half of the show lasted only about half the time of the first, but it was full of recognizable, classic songs, the lyrics of which sent Ed into a sappy, sentimental mood.

 _She's got a smile that heals me_

 _I don't know why it is_

 _But I have to laugh when she reveals me_

 _She's got a way of talkin'_

 _I don't know what it is_

 _But it lifts me up when we are walkin'_

 _Anywhere_

"Outta all these songs," Ed whispered in Olivia's ear, "This's the one that reminds me most of you."

Olivia gazed into his eyes. They danced with romance and love but also a bit of pleading as if to say, _Liv, if you don't love me like I love you, I would collapse right here and die_. The bright pink, blue, and green spotlights sliced through the darkness and illuminated their faces. She gave him a broad, toothy, genuine smile and pressed her forehead to his.

"This smile's only for you…you know that, right? You made me smile like this."

He responded by kissing her. They missed the last verse of the song, but neither he nor she cared. Her willingness to kiss him so much in this crowded place added to the thrill of the evening. She was as clingy as Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker ever got—grabbing for his hand, slinging an arm around his waist, leaning in for pecks on the lips and cheeks. A nightcap had been planned, but, as the band jammed to the encore, Ed decided it could take place in their bedroom. Judging by Olivia's flirtatious behavior in the taxi, she wholeheartedly agreed.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	6. Chapter 6

**Six**. (reminder, in this universe, the Tuckson breakup was very very very brief!)

" _When me or my babies don't follow rules, Mommy only tells us what to do. She puts the bad guys in jail at p'lice, but me an' Maggie and Wyatt don't go to jail!" Noah shrugged slightly, "But sometimes we haveta go to timeout."_

 _The audience erupted into laughter and Noah grinned proudly. Off to the side, Ed smirked and wondered what else Noah would ad lib. He'd included a line about Olivia's job, but Ed did not recall the little joke about the kids avoiding jail time when they got in trouble._

" _Now that Mommy isn't gonna go to p'lice anymore, she's gonna play with us and probably come to school and watch TV with Daddy on da couch," Noah giggled, "She likes to be on da couch with Daddy."_

 _Sarah nearly fell out of her chair. She collapsed sideways, first into Justin and then into Olivia. Brooke and Olivia dabbed at their eyes with napkins. A few men in the back whistled. Ed blushed. Not unexpectedly, Noah was the star of the show._

… _.._

Saturday morning brought more chilly mid-February temperatures, and, for Sarah, a mild hangover. She and Justin celebrated Valentine's Day at a pub where his friend's band was playing, and then treated themselves to a nightcap at a cozy speakeasy-esque bar. Sarah attributed the dull pain in her head to the fact that she had drastically cut back on her alcohol intake—another one of Justin's positive influences. However, even he indulged more than usual and was still sound asleep when Sarah ducked out for coffee and bagels.

Instead of bringing the food home, Sarah knocked on G's door. Gradually, over the past few months, they had become friends, and Sarah hoped she wouldn't mind the unannounced visit.

"Good morning!" Sarah said brightly when G opened the door. "I brought breakfast as a thank-you for babysitting and also I need gossip."

G was already fully dressed in jeans and a sweatshirt, so Sarah didn't hesitate to invite herself inside.

"C'mon in."

Sarah laid the bagel choices on the counter and the two of them dug into the food. Sarah took one sip of her coffee and frowned. "You know what? Can I have a glass of water?"

"Have fun last night?" G asked. She filled a tumbler and passed it to Sarah. Her normally put-together neighbor sported a messy bun twisted on the side of her head. Her face was blotchy and scrubbed of all makeup. She was wearing ratty jeans and a pullover that had to belong to Justin.

"Too much. I'm getting old," Sarah downed the entire glass, "How were my little sweeties?"

"That was the easiest money I ever made. I kind of felt bad taking it, but your Dad insisted."

"Small sister went to bed okay?"

"She did, but I'm pretty sure she stayed awake for a while. I heard her talking."

Sarah grinned knowingly, "Yup. That's her trick. Good job not falling for it."

"I was close."

"And Daddy and Livvie?"

G raised her eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"Oh," Sarah said, "I don't think I've ever told you. I have a tremendous, borderline unhealthy crush on them." She leaned forward on her elbows and rested her chin on her hands. "So, what were they wearing?"

At first, G did not take Sarah seriously. She took a bite, chewed and swallowed, sipped her latte, and, when she looked up, Sarah was in the exact same position and her eyes clearly begged for information.

"Um…your Dad had a red shirt on with jeans…Olivia had black pants, leather jacket, red blouse. Kinda flowy."

" _Gawwwwd_ she looks so good in red. And leather. What coat was my Dad wearing?"

Not quite sure how to react to Sarah, G smiled politely. "Black one? A lot of pockets? Army style?"

"Oh yeah," a dreamy smile crossed Sarah's face, "Were they fucked up when they got home?"

"Didn't seem like it. And they were home a lot earlier than I thought they would be. I was back here by eleven…I hope they didn't cut the night short because they were nervous about me being there."

Sarah immediately brushed off her worries. "They had to fuck," she averred.

Taken aback by the sudden vulgarity, G coughed.

"Happens to me all the time," Sarah explained, "I'll be there, they'll say they're doing dinner and something else and they'll be back really fast and not exactly want me to stay and chat…gawwwd they're so sexy, I can't stand it."

G laughed and murmured, " _Wow_ …"

"I know," Sarah moaned, "I have a complex. An illness. I should probably see someone, but I really don't want a cure, ya know?"

…..

 _Splitting the difference on curfew, Noah arrived home at exactly eleven-thirty expecting to find his parents on the couch in their typical late night spots. Sure enough, Ed was lounging on the chaise end of the sectional with Olivia lying perpendicular across the cushions, her head resting in the space where Ed's waist met his hip. She was covered in their trusty knit throw blanket, sleeping soundly and unbothered by Ed's fingertips lightly stroking her one exposed wrist._

" _Hey bud," Ed said in a hushed voice, well aware Olivia would wake up as soon as she heard Noah's voice, "Have fun?"_

 _Noah sat in the armchair and tried unsuccessfully to suppress a grin, "Yeah. Good dinner, and I didn't have to let her win…she's a really good bowler."_

 _Olivia took a couple of sharp breaths, yawned, and sat up. "Hi, sweetheart," she slurred. She stretched her arms and playfully connected a fist with Ed's forehead. "You had a good night?"_

" _Yep. Did you?"_

" _We did," Ed reported. "Good place. Your mom and I split two kinds of stew—one with beef and the other with seafood. Really good. You should go there for your next date."_

 _Noah's cheeks reddened. "Okay, Dad."_

" _Hey, you can't save dates only for Valentine's Day."_

" _Relationship advice according to Ed Tucker," Olivia cooed lovingly as she stood up and folded the blanket. "Noah, honey, are you going to take her out again?"_

" _Probably…"_

" _You have a lot in common."_

" _Yeah, we do, that's kinda why we went out tonight…I mean, we like each other, but…" Noah twisted his lips, a mannerism he'd retained since childhood, "I dunno…"_

 _Olivia kissed the top of his head. "You'll figure it out, sweet boy. I'm going to bed."_

" _Night, Ma."_

" _Goodnight. I love you."_

" _Love you."_

" _I'll be in soon, Liv."_

" _Okay," she said. Yawning again, she ambled to the bedroom, closed the door, and crawled under the covers. She would fight sleep as long as possible and wait for Ed's summary of his conversation with Noah. Though Olivia would have been willing to play a role in every aspect of her son's life, she recognized the importance of Noah's "guy talks" with Ed. Tonight, Noah hadn't made a beeline for his room, a signal he wanted to have a chat. Olivia wanted to hear more about his date, but she was so at ease with her family that she fell back asleep within minutes._

….

"FISS! FISS!"

Wyatt scrambled for the stroller and his bag where the goldfish crackers were always stowed and produced a blue plastic container. He triumphantly held it in the air with one hand and pointed at the aquariums with the other.

"FISS!"

Ed, Olivia, and Noah cracked up at Wyatt's enthusiasm. Maggie walked slowly up and down the aisle completely in awe of the backlit water and multicolored swimming creatures. She had a whimsical, dreamy smile on her face and stopped periodically to look back at her family. Noah took Wyatt's free hand and led him closer to one of the aquariums. He explained the different species and emphasized that whichever pet they chose would be their responsibility.

Noah had always wanted a dog, but, since playing with a neighbor's dachshund in their building's elevator, renewed his daily demands for a puppy. Olivia's answer was always an adamant no. Had she wavered at all, Ed probably would have convinced her to let them adopt a small dog. As a concession to Noah, he suggested a fish. He expected his son to balk and protest, but Noah enthusiastically hopped on board. The next day, the family headed out to choose their new member.

While Ed and Olivia consulted with a clerk about their options, Noah and the twins moved around in a huddle.

"Babies, we should get da fish that have da most colors. Dontcha think?"

Maggie and Wyatt babbled away and slapped the tanks.

"No, no. Dat's gonna scare 'em. Be nice." Noah switched to a higher pitched voice and gently tapped the glass with one fingertip. "Say, hi lil' fishies! Wanna come home with us and be our brothers and sisters? Hey!" He tapped the twin's heads, "Maybe these are twins like you!"

Ed and Olivia approached their brood slowly so they could listen without Noah noticing they were in the vicinity.

Ed finally interrupted them, "Hey bud, you see the ones you wanna take home?"

Noah spun around on his heel, "Yeah! We want these red and blue ones! It say tuh-tuh- _tetra_."

"Good choice, sweet boy," Olivia said, "The nice man said these are good for families and they like to live in groups, so we'll get four."

"FOUR?" Noah exclaimed, wide-eyed, "WOW!" He abruptly scrunched up his face. "But…we have five Tuckers! Can we get one, two, three, four, FIVE tetras?"

"Sure sweetie."

Once they were home, they decided to place the aquarium on one of the living room bookshelves. Ed set it up, filled it, and they introduced the tetras to their new home.

"Now we have to name them," Olivia said. The news stunned Noah. He hadn't expected such a monumental assignment, and his jaw dropped. Olivia told him he could think about it. "Why don't you watch them for a couple days and then you'll probably think of a good name?"

"Kay," Noah said slowly. "Babies, you gotta start talkin' more so you can help!"

Ed and Olivia chuckled.

"You wait bud, they'll be talkin' up a storm before ya know it then you'll want some quiet time," Ed remarked.

Perhaps in reaction to the new aquarium, the twins spontaneously erupted in a fit of jubilant shrieks and giggles. They pawed at each other and fell on the floor in hysterics.

Noah affectionately eyed his siblings and remarked warily, "They're pretty loud now." He crouched and helped them to their feet. "C'mon, babies. Let's go play and think of some names. Those fishies are prolly tired. Need a nap."

"NO NAP!" Maggie blurted out. "NO NAP!"

Brown curls bouncing, she sprinted away as fast as her little legs could carry her.

…..

 _Valentine's Day storefronts taunted Tucker as he walked home. His unbuttoned jacket flapped in the balmy breeze and he fixed his stare straight ahead so he didn't have to think about what he and Olivia weren't doing that evening._

 _But he thought about it anyway._

 _A year ago they'd been shell shocked by Hank Abraham's crimes, but their relationship was new and exciting and their future together, though in its fledgling stages, seemed assured. He remembered Olivia taking his arm outside the bar and leading him home for the nightcap. They sipped the bourbon she'd kept in her cabinet especially for him, and he listened as she mourned for Pippa's fractured family._

" _Sorry," she'd mumbled with a self-conscious smile, "I said I didn't want to think about it…and here I am talking about it."_

" _No need to apologize," he replied, "Gonna take a while to put this on the backburner…just hope she and her kids find their way back to some kind of normalcy."_

" _Right." Olivia shivered and went to turn up the heat a few degrees. Via the iPad, she saw Noah was still cocooned in his blankets, and she slid the device aside. "Okay," she said in a cheerier tone, "Happier subjects…Happy Valentine's Day." She touched her glass to his and leaned in for a kiss._

 _He kissed back slowly and deliberately, savoring every second yet also giddy at the prospect of making love to her again._

 _Now, a year later, everything, including the weather, had been flipped upside down._

 _At a busy intersection as he waited for the light to change, he stared at the street signs. He wasn't far from her place. Their apartments were only a mile apart. When they realized this at the beginning of their relationship, they were both amazed they'd never run into one another before._

" _Fuck it," Ed muttered to himself as he crossed the avenue. He jerked his phone from his pocket and called her._

 _She answered as if she'd been expecting to hear from him. "Hi."_

" _Hey, Liv. Did I catch ya at a bad time?"_

" _No, I just left the precinct."_

" _Headed home?"_

 _Ed cringed in the seconds it took her to respond. He knew Cassidy was back in New York and working with the DA's office. There was a very real possibility they'd rekindled their relationship._

" _Yes," she replied. "You?"_

" _You, uh, you wanna meet for a quick drink?"_

" _Sure…I have time…the place on Fifty-seventh?"_

" _Sounds good. Meet ya there."_

 _Ed practically sprinted to the location. Olivia's reaction to his call had been completely the opposite of what he'd expected, and he certainly hadn't called with the intention of asking her out. He had merely wanted to hear her voice and ask how she was doing. At the risk of being humiliated, he wanted to tell her he missed her. As luck would have it, he was getting the opportunity to tell her in person._

 _Due to his head start and pace, he arrived first and commandeered a corner spot at the bar. This way she could sit as close or as far away from him as she wanted. The bar was neither crowded nor loud, and, other than a shimmery red heart hanging from one of the television screens, the ambiance did not evoke much semblance of the Hallmark holiday._

 _Olivia's attire was another story._

 _She sauntered into the bar clad in her leather-sleeved black trench, dark suit, and a bright red blouse that was a welcome sight on the otherwise dreary day. Ed immediately conceded his plan to act cool and, perhaps, a little aloof already failed miserably. He jumped up and greeted her with a quick, firm hug. She sat on the stool and brushed windswept strands of hair out of her face._

" _Thanks for comin," he said, unable to make his smile completely disappear._

" _It's good to see you," she replied. Olivia ordered a glass of wine and sighed when she took the first sip._

" _Tough day?"_

" _They've all been tough lately." Olivia lifted her eyes to meet his. "How have you been?"_

 _He took a moment to study her countenance. Exhaustion was present, but there was an incipient levity about her. Ed realized she wasn't lying. She was genuinely happy to see him, and he didn't hold back. "I'm alright," he muttered, "Been better."_

 _Alarmed, Olivia raised her eyebrows and put her hand on his wrist, "What's wrong?"_

 _He glanced at her hand before making eye contact, "I miss havin' you and Noah in my life."_

 _The raw admission startled Olivia. She winced and retracted her hand only to reach out again, this time for his. His face contorted into a pathetic, self-loathing frown. "We miss you," she said softly. "It's been hard…to explain…to Noah and to myself. He asks about you. And…I think about you."_

 _Unsure how to proceed, Ed gazed at her. She was still holding his hand, running her thumb along his knuckles. Finally, she implored him to say something._

" _Liv, I don't know what happened…where we sorta veered off track…but I feel sick thinkin' we missed an opportunity to be together, be happy. Retiring…I guess I put too much pressure on ya but I didn't mean to do that. I know your job's your life—"_

"— _I shouldn't have said that," Olivia interjected, "And I didn't mean it. Not long ago I told Fin he needed some balance in his life. I seem to have forgotten my own advice."_

" _I think…" Ed's eyes begged for permission to be brutally honest and she nodded, "...you underestimated yourself, Liv. Things got chaotic and I know ya felt like you were bein' stretched too thin. But I was happy, I knew it would calm down, and, in the meantime, I guess I didn't make it clear that I was there, for you and for Noah. No matter what." Anticipating her response, he kissed her fingers and added, "Don't apologize."_

 _Her smile was full of relief and an iota of self-deprecating humor. "I was going to bring Noah a Valentine's cupcake and order pizza," she said, "Do you want to join us?"_

" _Yeah I do." He signaled for the check, tossed his card on the bar, and inched closer to her. "Know what else I miss?"_

 _She cocked an eyebrow, "What's that?"_

" _Kissing you."_

 _Olivia cupped the back of his head and they exchanged a few pecks while the bartender ran the credit card. Ed signed and Olivia called home._

" _Noah," she cooed, "Mommy's coming home and I have THREE surprises for you!"_

 _Ed heard Noah's excited babbling and smirked._

" _See you soon, sweet boy. Mommy loves you."_

 _She hung up and smiled at Ed. "Ready?"_

" _Yeah."_

 _As they strolled out of the bar, Olivia took Ed's arm exactly like she'd done a year ago._

" _I'm really glad you called, Ed."_

 _He dipped his shoulder into hers._

" _So am I."_

…

The new aquarium provided a welcome blue glow to the living room. The unnamed tetras swam around, in and out of the rock formations and plastic trees. Before going to bed, Noah said goodnight to the fish and promised he and his siblings would have names for them "in a couple days." After the stories, as Olivia tucked him in, Noah decided the names should start with N, W, M, O, and E. That way each Tucker would each have a special connection with one fish.

Olivia returned to the living room and settled in next to Ed.

"Excited about tomorrow?" He asked.

"I am," she replied, "And interested to hear more about the show. Do you think it's…it's a little wrong to fictionalize SVU? I mean…my stories, my experiences on the job…they actually _happened. To people._ You know?"

"Good point," Ed kissed the side of her head, "But…you're always sayin' how most people don't understand, how crimes against women and children are underreported or not taken with the same urgency as others…this might be a way to get another voice out there. Raise awareness. And with you on as a consultant, those sensitive topics will be presented with a sense of dignity and respect." He kissed her again, "Like only you can do."

"Who would have thought," Olivia mused, "All those years ago when I started at SVU…that it would come to this thirty some years later. A book and now a TV show…are you ok with this?"

Brow furrowed, Ed asked, "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well, I'm retiring but…taking on something new."

"Liv, I assumed you would do something. And when Maggie and Wyatt go to school, you'll probably _need_ to do something 'cause you'll get sick of me."

Olivia ran an index finger down Ed's nose. "Not possible."

Smirking, he replied, "I'm so proud you're my wife."

Olivia ducked her eyes for a split second. "Thank you," she whispered. "Thank you for being… _you_. I…I remember when we first started seeing each other and I would go home after and…be amazed…at _you_."

"Didja think I was faking it?" His lips curled into a teasing grin.

"I have to admit I considered the possibility."

"But…?"

"But I replayed every conversation in my head…you were always so honest and straightforward…I realized I trusted you."

"And also that you were attracted to me?"

"Very, _very_ attracted to you." With each word, Olivia let her head drift closer and closer to Ed's, culminating in a sloppy smooch.

He threaded his fingers through her hair. "I was so attracted to you I almost passed out the first time I saw you naked."

Olivia grinned. "I'm glad you didn't. That would have been extremely awkward."

"It's always a possibility."

"Even tonight?"

Ed blushed. He loved it when she flirted with him. He jerked his head in the direction of their bedroom.

"Only one way to find out."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	7. Chapter 7

**Seven**. (Note: one of the flashbacks is for a guest reviewer. I hadn't intended on spending much time on Tuckson reuniting since I've already written a story about it.)

 _Over one-hundred people attended the retirement celebration, and most of them wanted a photograph with the outgoing Lieutenant. Olivia gamely posed, smiled, and graciously accepted congratulatory words. At one point, Chief Dodds, himself a year into retirement, loudly summoned the most recent SVU squad to the backdrop for a group shot. Ed could smell liquor and tensed as the Chief half-staggered past. Dodds put one arm around Rollins' shoulders and the other across the small of Olivia's back._

 _Ed steeled his jaw and saw Olivia's clench. The polite smile was still plastered on her face, but he saw her entire body go rigid. Trapped in the middle of the group, she created as much space as possible between herself and her former boss and as soon as the camera flashed, she darted to Ed's side and put a hand on his chest._

" _Don't," she warned him softly._

" _His hand got a millimeter lower and I was gonna knock him out again," Ed grumbled._

 _Olivia kissed his cheek. She was still a little shaky from Dodds' awkwardness, but the comfort of Ed's proximity soothed her. "Did you knock him out?" She asked innocently, pretending to have a foggy memory of the night Ed punched Dodds in the crowded bar._

" _I saw his eyes roll back."_

 _Olivia grinned and kissed him again. As they backed away from one another Ed eyed the crowd. "Got about thirty more people wantin' a picture," he rasped._

" _They can wait," she replied. "I'm having a moment with my husband right now."_

….

The Tucker twins were regular visitors at Chelsea Piers' Toddler Gym and as soon as Ed and Olivia ridded them of their parkas and beanies, they dashed to their preferred play structures. Maggie loved to jump into the ball pit and Wyatt favored the slides. They were big enough now to navigate the climbing structures on their own, but Ed and Olivia stayed steps away in case one of them needed assistance.

"Big jump, Maggs!" Olivia took video of Maggie's leaps into the pit. She bent her knees and propelled herself forward, shrieking each time. When her head popped up she smiled jubilantly at her mother and huffed her word for "again." Static electricity caused strands of her brown hair to stand on end. After a few jumps, her purple socks twisted around so the heels were on top of her feet.

Olivia looked over at one of the slides. Wyatt was going down headfirst, and Ed helped him do a somersault at the end. She smiled, thinking ahead to the spring and how she would have to make sure her little boy slid on his bottom when using the outdoor slides. Sensing his mother's watchful eye, Wyatt toddled over and hugged her legs.

"Hell- _lo_ , handsome," she cooed as she lifted him over her head. Wyatt's loose curls fell around his face and he broke into deep belly laughter. Olivia kissed his chubby cheeks. "I love you, sweet Wyatt."

Wyatt pointed at his sister, "Magg! BAH!"

"You want to jump?" Olivia stood him on the ledge. She expected him to hesitate, but, with a running start, Wyatt flew into the pit. She cringed, thinking he may have frightened himself, but Wyatt burst to his feet in a fit of laughter.

"Well, he's fearless all of a sudden," Ed remarked. Wyatt was usually the most tentative of the three kids.

"No kidding."

"Good thing we have a membership here," Ed said, "Since you're gonna be working at the studios…"

"I really like the producer and the writer I met with," Olivia said, "I feel like I can trust them and that they really want this to be something impactful."

"Good. I want you to be comfortable with them."

"I am."

"They writing the pilot now?"

"They're putting it together, yes. They've conceptualized the series, now they have to choose which story to tell off the bat."

"So exciting, baby," Ed slung his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. "Can't wait to see your name on the credits."

Olivia chuckled. "That's a long ways away."

"I'm patient."

"That you are, Ed Tucker."

"MA! JUMP!" Instead of standing on the ledge leading to the ball pit, Maggie was preparing to leap the three feet to the padded floor.

Olivia rushed to her, "No, no, no," she said, holding out her arms, "Jump to Mommy."

"JUMP!"

Maggie fell into Olivia's arms and squealed as her mother swung her in circles. Olivia put her down and Maggie ran to the tunnels. It was hard for her to take her eyes off her daughter—she was so cute in her leggings, pink-and-white Adidas, and t-shirt with _Girl Power_ emblazoned on the front. When she concentrated, Maggie bore an uncanny resemblance to her IAB investigator father. When she found her way out of the tunnel, her broad smile made Olivia feel like she was looking at one of her own baby photos. Maggie Tucker was a spot-on blend of her parents.

….

Much to Sarah's delight and relief, Justin's mother, his aunts, and other female relatives assumed most of the reception planning duties. Other than a few music requests, Sarah wasn't concerned with colors or flowers or catering. All she wanted was to be married to Justin, and more than once declared they would have had a courthouse ceremony if it hadn't been for the Vidal family's deep faith and the fact that it was Justin's first, and hopefully only, marriage.

The only major task Sarah had to complete was dress selection. She and Brooke had already decided on bridesmaids dresses—they were pale yellow, empire waist shifts that would not break the bank and were not so fancy that they couldn't be worn again. As far as her own dress was concerned, Sarah had narrowed her choices to five pieces, all with distinct differences. On another freezing cold February afternoon, Brooke and Noah accompanied their sister to the dress shop for the final selection.

Brooke lightly chastised Sarah for bringing Noah along. After all, their afternoons together were usually filled with sugary snacks, some sort of touristy adventure, a stop at DaVinci, and subway rides. With equal levity, Sarah dismissed the reprimand, insisted she needed Noah's input, and promised to buy both Noah and Brooke dinner afterwards.

Noah cheerfully hopped around the parlor outside the dressing rooms. He ate peppermint candies, sipped "bubbly water" from a champagne flute, and played with Sofia when she wasn't dozing in her stroller. During Sarah's first change, he did somersaults across the shag carpeting.

"Nice, No," Brooke said. "Have you taught Maggie and Wyatt how to do somersaults?"

"Dey just go like dis," Noah planted his palms on the floor and raised his body into an inverted "V" shape.

"They'll flip soon."

"Yeah, Daddy and Mommy help 'em flip." Noah spun around on his heel then tugged on his sweater, emblazoned with his school's insignia. "Brookey, I needta get this off."

"Sure, c'mere." Brooke yanked off the crimson sweater and frowned, "This thing seems really hot."

"S'cold at school."

"Oh, good deal then. You have to wear the sweater? You don't have a hoodie?"

"Not for school," Noah replied sagely, "Only shirts like dis," he tugged on his oxford, "or the other ones with short sleeves and a sweater with _NO_ sleeves."

"A vest?"

"Yes, a vest."

"What about shoes?"

"I pick my shoes in da morning."

"You like to wear the uniform? You don't wish you could go to school in jeans and a t-shirt?"

Noah screwed up his face. "I like da uniform. School's my work. So I get dressed for work. Like Mommy. And like Daddy sometimes."

" _OKAYYY_ ," Sarah twirled into the parlor, "What do you think about this one?"

Noah immediately shook his head. "Too puffy."

"Too puffy?"

"Yes." Noah walked over to Sarah and poked at the skirt which jutted out at her waist.

"It's supposed to be like this, Noey."

"I don't like it."

"Well, this one's out then," Sarah shrugged and returned to the fitting room.

Brooke laughed. "Noah, why didn't you like that one?"

"It made Sare Bear look like a b'loon!"

"Oh shit," Brooke murmured, erupting into soft giggles.

"Swear jar, Brookey."

"Noah, you're too funny."

Like he did with most compliments, Noah took her words in stride. He shrugged and continued flipping and spinning across the room until Sarah appeared again, this time in a much simpler ivory ankle-length gown with spaghetti straps.

"How about this one?"

Brooke smiled. Sarah looked gorgeous in the dress. It accentuated all her features and was perfect even with Sarah's hair in her tight work ponytail. Brooke hated that Sarah wore her hair that way more often than not; Sarah had enviable thick, wavy, dirty-blonde locks.

"Beautiful," she mumbled, well aware that Noah possessed the deciding vote.

"Dat's a good dress, Sare Bear!" Noah exclaimed. "I like it! Buy dat one!" He was sincere in his advice. Sarah and Brooke immediately knew he wasn't merely trying to leave the shop as quickly as possible. "Justy gonna like it!"

"Well, this one it is, then," Sarah said. "You're lucky, Noey. All you have to do is wear a tux with a yellow bow tie. We women have it hard."

…..

 _On the way from the elevator to his door, Noah tossed his keys from one hand to another. After living abroad for a year, he found Manhattan life to be more hectic than he remembered. Europeans ambled through their days; New Yorkers sprinted. Even though he worked for the United Nations, he felt a pressure to perform he hadn't noticed in Europe. He was looking forward to spending the upcoming weekend with his family in Bethany Beach. Ed, Olivia, and the twins had been there since school ended._

 _He rounded the corner to his apartment and froze._

" _Mia?"_

 _The young woman propped against the window still straightened and smiled sheepishly. "Hey, No."_

" _Are you okay?"_

 _She rubbed her eyes and yanked two sections of her ponytail in opposite directions. "I'm fine, I'm just tired and I couldn't get a hold of you."_

 _Noah glanced at his phone. He had ignored several calls from an unrecognizable number. "I was in meetings," he juggled his keys around and unlocked his door. "C'mon. How long have you been out here?"_

" _Not long."_

 _Noah sized her up. "Right."_

" _Have you eaten?" She asked, "I'm starving. I haven't had anything since I left."_

 _Noah grinned and tossed near-obsolete menus in her direction. "You pick. And tomorrow I'm doing brunch with Sarah, Justin, and the kids before we go to the beach. You should come. They'll be happy to see you."_

" _Are you happy to see me?"_

" _Of course I am."_

 _Mia twisted her lips and cast him a doubtful look as she lugged her bags inside._

….

"TETRAS!"

Trailed by Brooke, Sofia, and Sarah, Noah sprinted into the apartment. Maggie and Wyatt followed suit. Ed and Olivia smiled knowingly and simultaneously held out their arms for the baby. Ed let Olivia have her first.

"He's had some anxiety over naming them," Olivia said as she cradled Sofia in a shoulder hold.

"Very important decision," Sarah said, "Your name is your life. Dad and my Mom picked the easy way out. We have the most boring names on the planet. Daddy, how exactly did you pick those names?"

"I didn't," Ed muttered.

"You _didn't_?"

"Your mother picked them and I didn't think they were terrible, so here we are."

"I'm not displeased," Sarah said as she took a seat on a bar stool, "They're so generic though. I already know what I'm naming my babies."

Ed rolled his eyes and went to play with the twins and Noah. The conversation was already taking on the character of a girls' night and he wanted nothing to do with it.

"So, you found a dress?" Olivia asked, "Let me see."

Sarah showed her the picture.

"I love it. Classy. Elegant. Really beautiful."

Brooke laughed, "Noah totally nixed a couple others."

"He certainly doesn't mince words."

"Nope. He does not."

A distant, dreamy look clouded Olivia's eyes.

"Livvie, what is it?"

"Nothing, I was just remembering something."

….

 _Everything was exactly the same. Olivia nodded at the half-asleep doorman. They slapped thighs on the elevator ride. Ed asked if he should wait outside, and Olivia laughed. It was close to Noah's bedtime but he was wide awake. Lucy didn't bother trying to put him to bed on nights like this when Olivia had called and assured her she was on the way home._

" _ED!"_

 _Noah dashed to Tucker. He wrapped his little arms around Ed's legs and growled._

 _Amused and knowing she was in the middle of a potentially-important family moment, Lucy hustled out._

" _UP! ED!"_

 _The three of them were still huddled in the foyer and, other than Noah, a little unsure of what to do with themselves._

 _Noah took the lead._

" _ED! FLY!"_

" _I'll fly ya, bud." Ed hoisted Noah into the air. The little boy planked, held his arms out, and made a whirring noise. Ed landed him on the couch and tickled his belly, just as he'd done dozens of times before. Consumed with giggles, Noah gasped for air. Ed gave him a break and, in the process, caught a glimpse of Olivia who was dotingly looking on._

 _The three of them ate pizza and Noah devoured his cupcake. When it was time for him to go to bed, Ed gave him an extra kiss and hug._

" _You gonna come t'morrow?"_

 _Ed glanced at Olivia._

" _If Ed wants to," she said._

" _Ed, you want to?"_

 _Bursting with relief and joy, Ed gave Noah one of his broadest smiles and assured him he'd be there the following night._

" _Wiff pizza?"_

 _Olivia interjected, "We'll eat something else tomorrow, sweet boy. We can't have pizza every night!"_

 _Noah pouted._

" _But I'm sure Ed'll bring you a cookie." She winked at Ed and hoisted Noah into her arms. "Alright. Bedtime."_

 _With Noah in bed, Ed and Olivia sat on the couch in near-silence for a while. Their abrupt breakup ended with an even more sudden reunion, and they weren't quite sure about the proper course of action._

" _He's grown," Ed murmured about Noah._

" _Yeah…he's gone up a pants size since Christmas."_

" _This was good…tonight."_

 _Olivia rested her elbow on the back of the couch. "It was…Ed, I, I really feel like I should apologize. There was no reason for me to throw in the towel on us, take you out of Noah's life…and mine. I'm really sorry I didn't believe you."_

" _Believe me?"_

 _Olivia sighed, "All along, you were telling me…little by little…showing me you were committed, you even said it, told me we could last, and I…" Olivia's shoulders slumped, "…I didn't believe you. And that must have hurt you so badly."_

 _Ed held each of her shoulders. "I kept tellin' you because…" he winced, reconsidering what he had been about to say._

"— _say it," she implored._

 _Compassion and love filled his blue eyes, "—because, I remembered, one night, one really good night, we were talkin' and it was probably one of the heavier conversations we'd had and you tried to make a little joke about abandonment, but I knew it wasn't a joke…and you knew I knew," he caressed her cheek with the back of his fingers, "Liv, I shouldnta let it end…but I respect you too much. I still mean everything I said. I love you. And I want to be with you. And I know it won't always be easy, but I want us to be us…no matter what."_

 _Olivia's chin trembled and she replied in a shaky voice, "I want that, too."_

 _Before she could burst into tears, Ed kissed her and held on until he felt her body relax. They passed the rest of the night together on the couch watching classic reruns and making lighthearted small talk about the actors' wardrobes, hairstyles, and dialogue. Olivia seemed surprised and a bit disappointed when he left around midnight having made no other amorous advances. He tenderly kissed her goodnight, told her he loved her, and confirmed plans for the next evening._

" _Are you sure you don't want to stay?"_

" _I do," he said softly, "But, uh…"_

" _I understand."_

" _I wanna give you a little time…tonight happened so fast."_

 _Olivia pressed her lips together in an appreciative smile. She didn't speak. Any attempt to form words at the moment would have ended up in shaky, tear-filled gibberish._

" _Weekend's comin' up…maybe we can take a drive somewhere? Get outta the city for a day or two?"_

" _I'd like that."_

" _I'll look at a few places and let ya know tomorrow."_

" _Okay."_

" _Six?"_

" _Yes. If I'm running late…would you mind staying with Noah?"_

" _Not at all."_

… _.._

A furious snowstorm battered Manhattan in late February, closing schools and forcing almost everyone to hunker down in their homes. Robust flakes began pelting the Tucker windows around bedtime and, by the time Maggie woke everyone up in the morning, the city was buried under two feet of heavy slush and the storm had not yet abated.

"Wanna go out there!" Noah shouted. He danced around in front of the windows in his pajamas. His usual view of various shades of brick was now completely painted in white.

Ed was all too happy to have his family trapped inside. "We'll go out later, bud. When it stops snowin. Everyone's supposed to stay in right now so the police can make sure it's safe."

"Mommy? You goin ta work?"

"No, sweet boy," Olivia cooed, "I'm staying right here."

She started a pot of coffee and water for the kids' hot chocolate. Maggie and Wyatt mimicked their brother. They spun around in circles, chanting something close to "SNOW" and, dizzy, collapsed into one another. Noah, adept at making sure he didn't crush his siblings, fell backwards into his beanbag.

"Ahhhhhh!" he shouted as Maggie and Wyatt piled on top of him, "Baby mess! Baby attack!"

"NO NO NO NO SNOW SNOW SNOW SNOW!"

"Hey bud, why don't ya tell Maggie and Wyatt about sledding? They prolly don't remember from last year. We'll go out as soon as it stops snowin."

"Kay Daddy!"

Noah busied himself gathering the proper toys, and Ed annoyed his wife in the kitchen. He came up behind her and whispered into her neck, "Want me to make breakfast?"

"Sure. Want coffee first?"

"I want you."

Olivia chuckled and turned around in his arms. "Will you settle for a Green Mountain Dark Roast?"

"I guess." He kissed her a few times. "Mmmm…you're so good. God, I love kissing you."

"Yeah?"

"Ye—"

 _SWOOSH_! _SWOOSH_!

Ed and Olivia contorted their bodies across the island and saw Noah pushing the twins along the floor via the empty diaper boxes the Tuckers kept in the foyer closet to help with recycling. Noah could only manage pushing one twin at once. While he zipped Wyatt across the hardwood, Maggie squealed and screeched for him to return and give her a similar ride. After taking a deep, exaggerated breath, Noah sprinted Wyatt's box back across the living room and Maggie flailed around in her box, impatient for Noah to push her.

"GAIN! A'GAIN! NO!"

"Oh my God," Olivia murmured.

Ed was chuckling uncontrollably. "That boy is too creative for his own good."

"What a perfect inside day activity," she said, taking a seat on a barstool.

"I'd put it in the top five," Ed quipped.

Olivia swatted his chest.

"Hey, No, do the return trip with Maggs and then I'll push you."

"Thanks, Daddy!" Noah huffed breathlessly, "Dese babies are wearin' me out."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	8. Chapter 8

**Eight**.

As Olivia watched her husband enthusiastically shadow the kids as they zoomed down Pilgrim Hill, she smiled, thinking about how, only a few years ago, Ed Tucker, three kids, and saucer sleds would not have added up to a likely scenario. Last year, Maggie and Wyatt were infants and didn't get the full sledding experience. Now, at twenty-one months, they screeched and squealed as they hurtled down the hill, first in Ed's lap, then Olivia's, and, finally, in their big brother's protective arms.

"Babies, you can't try ta stand up," Noah told them as Olivia ensured they were safely wedged in together. She stepped back and snapped photos of the mishmash of snow pants, mittens, puffy parkas, and winter hats with ear flaps and strings tied under each chin.

"Okay, kiddos," Olivia said, "Ready? I'm gonna send you down the hill to Daddy."

"DA!" Maggie huffed and pointed to Ed who waved back at her.

He clapped his gloved hands together and shouted, "I'm ready for ya, Maggs!"

"Hold on tight," Olivia said. Her heart swelled when she saw Wyatt loop his arms around one of Noah's, "Okay, here we go!"

Noah's "WHEEE!" gradually faded as they descended.

Ed jogged over to where they came to rest and helped the kids stand. Noah began dragging the sled back up the hill, and Ed carried a twin under each arm. When they met Olivia at the top, Noah suggested they use both sleds and race.

"We do boys 'gainst girls," Noah instructed.

Even though the arrangement, weight-wise, favored the boys, Olivia readily took on the challenge. "C'mon, Maggs. You and Mommy. Let's go fast, sweet girl."

Ed steered his sled so it bumped up against hers. "Kiss for good luck?"

She regarded him skeptically, "Are you trying to knock me off my sledding game?"

"Maybe a little."

Olivia leaned in, kissed his wind-battered lips, and touched her hand to his cheek. "Growing a beard, Captain?"

"Nah, just lazy. Why? You want me to?"

"Your scruff's…" Olivia eyed Noah and lowered her voice, "…kinda sexy."

Ed's eyes sparkled.

Olivia hugged Maggie to her chest and winked at him. "Ready?"

Ed shook his head, "And _you_ accused me of trying to distract _you_?"

Olivia shrugged and smirked. "On your mark…"

…..

Later that night, when school officials announced another cancellation, the five Tuckers ate popcorn and watched movies. The three kids wedged themselves in around their parents, and two throw blankets covered the five of them. Olivia and Ed let the kids fall asleep on their own. By ten o'clock, their entire brood was snoozing in various spots on the couch. Ed picked up Wyatt and tenderly cradled the boy for a moment before taking him to bed. Olivia even more carefully lifted Maggie into her arms, followed Ed, and placed her in her crib. She made sure Maggie's baby and rarely-used Wubbanub were within reach. In case one of them woke up, Ed turned on the planetarium projector.

"Good night, sweet twins," Olivia whispered, blowing them a kiss.

Ed put his hand on the small of her back and led her out of the room. They tucked Noah in, turned off most of the lights, and disappeared behind their own bedroom door. Making no attempt to hide his intentions, Ed flipped the lock.

Olivia emerged from the bathroom in pajama pants and a t-shirt.

Ed smirked and walked slowly toward her. "You changed."

"I did."

"Well, now, Lieutenant, I hate to tell ya, but they gotta come off."

"They do?"

Ed shrugged, "You lost the race."

"I wasn't aware we'd wagered anything."

He tentatively reached out for her as if there was a chance she would swat his arm away. " _Lieutenant_ ," he rasped, "There's always a wager."

"Well, what is it I owe you?"

Ed pressed his pelvis into hers, "Actually, _you_ get to tell me what _you_ want."

"You're making very little sense," Olivia replied, biting her lip and tilting her head back, playing a game of hard-to-get.

"Sorry. Cold got to me…or maybe it's 'cause you're so," he hooked an index finger under her collar and started kissing the bare skin underneath. "So gorgeous. So. So. Gorgeous. I love you so much."

Olivia couldn't resist him any longer. His lips and unshaven face made her spine tingle. She cupped the back of his head, moaned, and gasped. " _Damn_ , if this is what I get for losing…"

"Baby, you get whatever you want."

They stumbled to the bed and fell on top of the covers.

"But you know," he lifted his head for a few seconds, "You're sexy when you're competing."

Impatient for him to continue the foreplay, Olivia clenched her jaw.

"Yeah, you look like that," he rasped.

" _Ed_."

"Okay, okay," he lifted her shirt and she yanked it the rest of the way off. He buried his face in her chest. " _Mmmm_ …goddam…"

Whenever the Tuckers spent perfect days together, Ed radiated with pride. Family time injected extra masculinity and machismo into his demeanor. Olivia knew the night's lovemaking would mostly involve Ed taking charge and pleasuring her in every way possible. He would generously lavish all his affections on his wife and hold her all night as she slept against his chest. He would fight sleep in order to soak up the precious feeling of her satisfied body sleeping soundly against his. Finally, he would rack his brain for words to articulate how he kept falling more and more in love with her every second of every day.

…..

 _Inside the pitching circle, Maggie Tucker stalked around, furious at the uncooperative umpire and exasperated with the opposing team's batters who persistently crowded the plate. At one point, the thirteen-year-old, also frustrated with her coaches' reluctance to challenge the umpire, marched up to the pot-bellied sixty-something-year-old and demanded he pay closer attention to where the batters' feet were when they made contact with the ball. The comely official, amused by her intensity, assured her he'd do his best but that his priority was calling balls and strikes. Maggie turned away and rolled her eyes._

 _Seeing this, Olivia whispered, "Calm down, sweet girl. Relax."_

 _Like the umpire, Maggie's frustration entertained Noah. Granted, she had every right to be upset, but this game mattered very little. Maggie's team was already advancing out of round-robin play and into the single elimination bracket. But, throwaway game or not, Maggie staunchly disagreed with the notion that there should be any relaxation of rules._

 _On the other side of Olivia sat Wyatt who paid more attention to his book than the game. Occasionally he would check the score and reorient himself with what was going on. When he saw the look on Maggie's face, he mumbled, "Her head's gonna explode."_

 _Noah chuckled._

 _Olivia took concerted deep breaths as if she hoped they would somehow be replicated in her daughter's lungs._

 _From the dugout, Ed clapped his hands and shouted, "Throw strikes, Maggs. Hit the glove. Give 'em somethin' to hit!"_

 _Maggie wound up and threw another pitch._

" _STRIKE!"_

 _She adjusted her visor but screwed up her face. Something wasn't right. Her throwing hand flew to the back of her head where the red and white ribbon she'd tied in before the game had come loose. Maggie and a couple of their teammates despised the ribbons, and, even Olivia told her she didn't have to wear it. However, Maggie was a team player in every sense, so she wore the accessory. Her reluctance caused her to haphazardly affix it to her ponytail, and it had come untied. Rather than leave it flapping around, she yanked it out of her hair and flung it to the ground._

 _Noah burst into laughter._

" _Honey," Olivia said under her breath._

 _Perched on the shag ball barrel, Ed smirked._

 _Maggie threw another pitch. It was high and outside, a bit wild but still catchable. However, the batter swung and distracted the catcher enough so that the ball caromed off the tip of her mitt and bounced to the backstop._

 _Maggie dashed to cover home plate._

 _The runner at third base sprinted home._

 _The catcher scrambled to the ball and shovel-passed it to Maggie who slapped the tag on the sliding runner, but, in the process, was upended and fell face-first into the dirt._

" _Oh, God," Olivia gripped Noah's wrist._

 _Ed immediately shot up, but retreated back to his spot when he saw Maggie hop back to her feet. She wiped her face with a section of her jersey and shouted "TWO DOWN" as she stalked back to the circle._

 _Olivia released Noah's wrist. He turned his arm over and examined the red marks with a knowing expression. Olivia would have apologized, but she was scrutinizing Maggie's movements, ready to step in and demand she be taken out of the game at even the slightest sign of injury._

" _Mom, I'm gonna go get some fries. Wyatt? You want something?"_

 _Wyatt gave him his order._

 _Olivia, her eyes still trained on Maggie, reached into her bag and somehow extracted a twenty dollar bill from her wallet. Noah took it and bounded down the bleachers._

 _Wyatt turned to his mother and smiled at her worried expression. It was a look he and his siblings knew well. Rather than try to assuage her fears he simply held out his arm._

 _Olivia noticed it and appeared perplexed._

" _In case you need it," he said matter-of-factly, "There's another runner on third."_

….

On the first Sunday in March, as the blizzard melted into a gray, slushy mess, Sofia Angelina Carisi was baptized at the Carisis' family cathedral on Staten Island. A host of his relatives packed the pews. By contrast, Brooke's side of the family consisted of Sarah, Justin, and the five Tuckers. Noah was incredibly interested in the ritual, especially after Sarah explained it to him, and he immediately asked if he had been baptized. He had, and Olivia told him so, though his ceremony had been held at a different type of church. Ed, noticing his wife already agonizing about her decision, quietly reminded her they had agreed to let their children make their own decisions about religion. For Ed, this agreement was uncharacteristically non-traditional. However, neither he, nor Sarah, nor Brooke were fully practicing, devout Catholics, so he figured trying another route with the younger three would definitely not hurt.

The night before, Olivia laid out all three kids' outfits, and Noah threw a minor fit about not having a tie that matched Ed's. He frowned at the eggplant bow tie until he realized three things. Wyatt had the same neckwear, Ed's silver tie coordinated with the color, and all three of their suits and shoes were black. Maggie wore a similarly-colored dress over gray tights with black Mary Janes. Olivia clipped her hair to the side with a small barrette in the shape of a star.

At first, the twins compliantly sat between their parents. They had snacks and toys that did not make a lot of noise. However, the mass was long and, at the first sign of restlessness, Ed readily took them into the lobby. Noah slid over and leaned into Olivia; he didn't want to miss anything, but he, too, was getting bored. He paged through the hymnal and a church bulletin left behind by an earlier mass-goer. Ed returned with the twins when it was time for Sofia to be dunked into the font.

As godparents, Sarah, Justin, and one of Sonny's cousins looked on as the priest said the traditional blessings. It had been assumed Sarah would be named godmother, but Brooke and Sonny asking Justin was both gracious, and, to Brooke, obvious. Of the two of them, Justin was more likely to perform the role seriously.

After mass, the crowd gathered at the adjoining hall. Brooke and Sonny thanked everyone for sharing in the special day. Sofia was passed among the relatives and friends. Brooke swapped the christening gown for a simple white dress and matching cardigan. Before long, she was in Caroline's arms sucking on a bottle.

Everyone dug into the Italian food feast prepared by Sonny's mother and aunts. Once the kids had their portions and everyone was seated, Olivia tried to hide her laughter when she saw what Ed had served himself. Generous servings of lasagna, spaghetti with anchovy sauce, and chicken picatta nearly fell of the plate's edges.

"You can go back for seconds, you know," she teased.

"I need to go back now. Forgot bread." He assessed everyone else's plates, "I'll get some for you, too."

He was back in an instant and dropped thick slices on everyone's plates. The pieces were as big as the twins' heads, but they picked them up anyway and took hungry bites. When they noticed their parents watching, they grinned and crumbs spewed from their mouths.

Noah ate hurriedly because he wanted to continue playing with the other kids. Most of them were close to his age and he'd met a few of them before. After chewing a few bites he asked, "Can I go play now?"

"Sure, sweetheart," Olivia said. "You can eat more later if you want. And I'm sure you'll want cake."

His eyes grew wide, "Yep! I'll be back for cake!"

He ran off in the direction of the opposite corner that had become the de facto kids' domain. Olivia watched him for a few minutes. An hour ago, Noah and the other kids had been pristine. Now their shirts were untucked, their hair was mussed, and remnants of the lunch streaked their faces. He was immediately absorbed into whatever game they were playing, and soon his voice mixed in with the cheerful cacophony of children at play.

"Damn, this is good," Ed mumbled with his mouth full.

Olivia kissed his cheek mid-chew. "I'm sure I can arrange for you to take something to go."

"You don't think it's good?"

"It's excellent. Especially…the spaghetti. With anchovy sauce? So good. I've never had that before." Olivia took another bite and simpered at the twins as she chewed. Maggie and Wyatt were, surprisingly, not making much of a mess of their cut-up portions. "And you know what else I like?" She asked flirtatiously.

"What's that?"

"You in a suit."

"Miss me wearin one?"

Olivia readily admitted a small part of her missed seeing him in a suit on a regular basis. He wore them so well and commanded such respect when dressed formally. In a suit, he looked especially powerful and protective. She stroked his lapel between her thumb and forefinger. "Kind of reminds me of…us…in the beginning."

"Uh oh," Ed said under his breath in a playful voice, "I think my wife is tellin' me I either need to go back to work or I need to take her out to fancy restaurants more often."

Olivia insisted that wasn't the case. "It's not like I wake up each day and think to myself, hey, I wish Ed were in a suit…seeing you, like this, today, just reminded me how good you look all dressed up."

Ed leaned in for a quick peck on the lips. "Next week. You, me, a suit, and dinner."

"And what should I wear?"

"Red," he kissed her again, "I love you in red."

…

 _Seconds before Olivia was seated across from him, Tucker was getting cold feet about his restaurant choice. Until now, he and Olivia had met at bars, and the only real meals they'd shared were along the lines of slices of pizza with Noah. She accepted his invitation without hesitating, but he wondered if that was merely because she had no idea this place was a great deal more formal than their usual haunts. The dining room tables were spaced generously, leaving room for private conversation. Modern, art deco chandeliers bathed the room in a goldenrod hue, and the leather, high-backed chairs were significantly more luxurious than Tucker's trusty barstools. He suddenly worried that maybe this wasn't her kind of place, maybe she preferred a less-stuffy atmosphere, but, with the lighting and the singer belting out Sinatra-esque standards, it really wasn't all that stuffy._

 _The first thing he said to Olivia was, "We can go someplace else if ya want."_

 _She kissed his cheek and looked at him with a hint of incredulity. "No way I want to go anywhere else," she said softly, looking around, "This is nice, a nice change, great idea."_

 _Ed took her coat, guided her into the chair, and sat down again. "The menu's…interesting. And the wine list…I woulda ordered, but there're too many options." He sheepishly held out a bar menu, "Help?"_

 _Olivia perused the list. "Are we celebrating something?"_

" _Does that affect your decision?"_

" _Maybe."_

" _Well, then, sure," he replied, "We're celebrating…going out to a new, different place. Together."_

 _Blushing, she grinned. When the waiter arrived she ordered a bottle of a red vintage Ed had never heard of before. He returned promptly, uncorked the bottle, and poured a sample for Ed to approve. Without a word, Ed slid the glass across to Olivia._

 _She sipped and nodded. "It's excellent. Thank you."_

" _Good thing you know what you're doin," Ed said._

 _Olivia held up her glass for a toast. "I choose the wine…you can choose the nightcap? How about that?"_

" _Sounds fair to me."_

 _They clinked glasses and smiled at each other as they drank._

" _You look really pretty tonight," Ed said softly._

 _It didn't take keen detective skills to pick up on his nervousness. Olivia reached for his hand, squeezed it, and said, "Thank you."_

" _You, uh, you have plans for the weekend?"_

" _No," Olivia said, "I suppose most people are doing last minute Christmas shopping, but I...I really have just Noah to worry about and I certainly didn't hold back."_

" _Fun to buy a lot of stuff when they're young."_

" _It is…that smile, he gets so excited at the simplest things…well, you know…he still hasn't stopped sleeping with the elephant you got him."_

 _Ed beamed. "Ah, somethin' Santa'll bring will take its place."_

" _I don't think so…"_

" _Did you have somethin' like that? Some little gift you always held onto?"_

" _I had a doll," Olivia said, "One of my mother's friends gave it to me. I had it for years and then, I went to camp one summer, and it disappeared. I have no idea what happened to it."_

 _Tucker's jaw dropped. "That's the saddest story I've ever heard."_

 _Olivia shook with soft laughter. "I got over it."_

 _Ed cocked his head. Compassion filled his eyes. "You're real good at battling adversity."_

" _As are you."_

" _How's that?"_

" _IAB for what? Twenty years?"_

" _Not quite."_

" _Anyway…it can't be easy to sleep at night, sometimes, knowing that your call, or your colleagues' calls can completely upend someone's life. End their career. We say…we say we're family, the NYPD, but IAB…often you're on the outside looking in."_

 _Conceding her point, he nodded and replied, "You're right. But," he leaned forward on his forearms and smirked, "I wouldn't exactly call right now being on the outside, if ya know what I mean."_

 _Olivia's heart filled with warmth and joy. Ed had a knack for injecting levity into potentially awkward and uncomfortable conversations, and it was not only appreciated but also extremely endearing. "No, it's definitely not."_

" _So," he said with finality. "Lighter subjects. You ski?"_

" _I have, but I don't know how well I'd do now."_

" _That's okay. I don't."_

 _Olivia chuckled, "Okayyyy."_

" _I tried once, a buddy of mine rented a cabin upstate…but I'm either not made for that sport or maybe I just drank too much beer…either way…I'm not a skier."_

" _Well, a cabin upstate must be nice without skiing."_

" _It was." Ed stopped short of suggesting they plan a weekend away together. "Someday I'd like to own some kind of vacation property."_

" _I think I would prefer the beach," Olivia said, smiling placidly, "Someplace to get away in the dead of winter. Or even in the summer when it's so brutally hot and humid here."_

 _Once again, Ed held back and, out of an abundance of caution, didn't tell her about his condo in North Carolina. The last thing he wanted to do was come on too strong and scare her away at the very moment they were becoming so at ease with each other._

" _This past summer was certainly awful. And I never left the city," he griped, "Not once."_

" _Me neither. At least not for pleasure. Well, little day trips here and there with Noah, but nothing major."_

" _You need a vacation, Benson."_

" _You may be right."_

" _Dream vacation?"_

 _Olivia broke into her dreamy smile again. "Definitely Paris. Have you been?"_

" _No, but I've heard good things."_

 _They both laughed at his mundane reply._

 _He smirked again. "Seriously, I would like to go there, or anywhere in Europe. Been to Ireland. That's it."_

" _That must have been beautiful."_

" _It was…and I went to my ancestral town, so that was special. Everyone…kinda looked like me."_

 _Olivia playfully raised his eyebrows, "Doesn't sound so bad."_

 _Ed's face flushed and Olivia shyly diverted her eyes. The next thing she knew, Ed had her hand in his, and he planted a tender kiss above her knuckles. "I'm glad we did this," he said, his voice just above a whisper._

 _She watched his lips touch her skin. She remembered the kisses they'd already shared. The hugs. How it felt to be held tightly in his grasp. How he was so desperately trying to redeem himself for the past._

" _I'm glad we did, too," she replied in an equally sincere and gentle tone._

 _They locked eyes._

 _As of that moment, Ed Tucker earned a permanent place in her heart._

… _.._

 _ **#Tuckson**_


	9. Chapter 9

**Nine**.

Ed stretched his legs and rested them on the coffee table, making sure his heels rested on a throw pillow rather than the recently-cleaned tabletop. He had one eye on a football game and the other on his phone.

"Liv, are you on Twitter?"

From the island where she was dicing fruit, Olivia screwed up her face and sassed, "Don't you think you would know if I was?"

"I dunno. Do we know _everything_ about each other?"

"We know all the important things," she retorted, "And I've looked at Twitter before, mostly for case purposes, but I've never thought to create an account. I'd probably get too absorbed in the negativity…especially with the election coming up. Why are you even asking this?"

"Sarah sends me texts with tweets."

"Oh, she does that with me, too."

"See? I didn't know that."

"I've shown them to you before."

"You have?"

" _Yes_ ," Olivia said, "They're usually silly…from _The Onion_ or some videos with babies and kids in them. And you don't remember. Proving my point. Not important."

"This one is important."

Ed held up his phone, but Olivia was too far away to read the words. She could make out what looked to be a modernist drawing of a couple making love.

"It says, ' _if you don't laugh at least once during sex, you're having sex with the wrong person_.' Don't you think that's _important_?" Ed asked with all the seriousness he could muster.

"Very much so."

"Do we laugh at least once?"

Pondering the question, Olivia scooped the seeds and pulp from the cantaloupe she'd sliced in half. "Laugh…well…not always, I mean, we—"

"—Lieutenant, are you nervous?"

She looked at him with a cocked eyebrow, " _No_. I don't think that meme is true."

"What's a meme?"

She jerked her chin in his direction. " _That_."

"Oh."

"So, as I was saying. Laughing isn't always…appropriate…for us. Like, two nights ago, after our date? Such a romantic evening…it wasn't really a laughing type of lovemaking."

Ed smirked and pursed his lips. "That's for sure. Wait," he made a clicking sound, "What about last night?"

"Last night we, um, slept."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Are you—"

"Ah! _Shit_!" The small paring knife Olivia was using caught on the melon rind, and when she tried to right its path, the blade pierced the pad of her thumb.

Ed darted to the kitchen, grabbed a towel, and pressed it to her bloody hand. The amount of blood belied the relatively minor cut, and Olivia used her other hand to separate the clean fruit from the piece that would have to be thrown away.

"Sweetie, it's only a little cut."

Ed squeezed the thumb and slowly peeled the towel away from the wound. "Still bleeding," he reported, "But it doesn't look too deep. C'mon. Let's put something on it." He led her to the hallway bathroom where the first aid supplies were located. She hissed at the sting of alcohol. He mumbled an apology, but continued with the triage. In seconds, the thumb was cleaned and bandaged.

"Thank you," she said sweetly. She kissed the tip of his nose then his lips.

He kept her close. "You're welcome. Still sting?"

"No."

They kissed again, more passionately this time. Ed angled his head and tangled his fingers in her hair but abruptly pulled away when they heard footsteps. The twins were napping, so they were undoubtedly Noah's.

He immediately noticed the bandage. "Whadja do, Mommy?"

"Cut myself, sweetie," she answered, "But Daddy fixed me up. I'm okay. Want to help me put the fruit salad together?"

"Sure!"

"What were ya doin' in your room, bud?"

"Was workin' on the c'puter then I put da subway back in da boxes."

" _You did_?"

"Yeah."

"Why, sweet boy?"

Noah giggled, "Kept steppin' on it! I crushed da C!"

Olivia and Ed laughed with him.

"Alright," Ed said, "How bout we get outta the bathroom?"

"Good idea, Daddy," Noah took Olivia's hand and kissed her thumb, "Dere ya go Mommy. All better."

Olivia bent down and kissed his head. "Thank you, sweet boy."

"Welcome."

After Olivia and Noah arranged the berries, melon, and grapes in layers and covered it with plastic, Ed suggested they play a game. Noah skipped to the closet where they were stored and spent several minutes making his choice. Ed and Olivia cleared space at the dining table.

"Care to make a friendly bet?" He asked mischievously.

"Sure."

"You're not gonna ask about the terms?"

Olivia patted his chest, "Either way, aren't they pretty much the same?"

"They are," Ed replied, "I love our competitions."

"I love you." She kissed his cheek then called to Noah. "Sweet boy, what are we playing?"

Noah joined them with _Monopoly Junior_ in his hands. "Dis one!"

"Oh good," Ed said, taking his seat, "I'm great at this game. Get ready to give me all your money."

"We'll see…" Olivia murmured.

"Last time I was da winner," Noah said as he unpacked the box.

Ed and Olivia exchanged surreptitious, conspiratorial glances then grinned shamefully.

 _Are we really thinking of teaming up against our son?_

"You know what I like best about this game, bud?"

"What, Daddy?"

"Playin it with you and Mommy."

Noah smiled and agreed. "Yeah," he said softly, "But what we gonna do when Maggs and Wyatt can play? Dere's only one more piece!"

"Maybe Daddy and I can be on a team then," Olivia suggested. "Since he's so good…he can help me out."

"Yeah," Noah said, "Or we do boys 'gainst girls."

"Or that."

"Kay, roll to see who goes first!"

The game commenced. Olivia paid attention but also found her mind wandering to the future. She anticipated spirited Tucker Family Game nights and other friendly competitions like beach volleyball and bowling. Maggie would probably take the games a little too seriously, and Noah would most likely be a stickler for rules. She pictured Wyatt remaining calm and, perhaps, trying to mediate disputes. She imagined the kids ganging up on the parents. Most of all, she looked forward to sharing the laughs, the togetherness, and the good-natured banter. The fact her kids were growing up with everything she never had brought a great deal of solace to Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker.

…..

 _Ed and Olivia meandered along the path, occasionally swinging Noah between them. It wasn't long before they passed a playground. Noah dug in his heels and insisted they stop so he could swing. Olivia looked at Ed apologetically. Minutes ago he'd suggested a walk, and now, a few minutes later, it was already time to stop._

" _Do you mind?"_

" _Of course not," he replied, trying not to make her feel guilty about asking the question even though, in his opinion, it was wildly unnecessary. "Let's go."_

 _Ed and Olivia removed their blazers and draped them over a nearby fencepost. They stood together, taking turns pushing Noah. The little boy grinned and threw his head back, enjoying the breeze._

 _Olivia gave Ed's fingers a squeeze. "Thank you."_

" _For stopping to swing?"_

" _Well, yes, but, Ed, I'm feeling really…" she trailed off and fixated on Noah for a few seconds, "…like I said, I've never been happier, it's only…it's almost confusing for me to feel this way, you know? I don't exactly know what to do."_

 _Ed skipped a push, gently cupped her face, and kissed her. "You're doing fine," he said reassuringly, "And the fact you said what you just said is proof you do have some idea what to do. A few months ago, I don't think you woulda said that to me."_

 _She cast him a grateful smile. "Probably not."_

" _You hungry?"_

" _Subject change?"_

" _Temporarily," he replied, "I skipped lunch thinking I'd leave early and got caught up and didn't leave 'til you called."_

 _Olivia mentally replayed her day. "I didn't have lunch either. Carisi brought me something, and I think it's still sitting on my desk."_

" _After we swing, let's find a spot on a patio somewhere," he suggested._

 _Olivia pressed her lips together and only offered a slight nod._

" _Liv?"_

" _I'm fine."_

 _He grabbed her hand and kept Noah swinging with the other. "Hey…is bein' here bothering you?" Ed looked around. He was fairly sure this was a different playground than the one where Olivia and Noah encountered Ali, they were on the opposite side of the park, but memories of last week could easily be triggered. He saw tears once again welling in her eyes. "Liv?"_

" _I shouldn't have taken him with me," she mumbled._

" _Hey," he said in a watered-down version of his IAB voice, "You got a call about an abandoned kid. Not even you," he chased down her gaze and looked her in the eyes, "Not. Even. You. Coulda known he was gonna pull a gun outta that bag."_

 _She managed a weak smile. "Have you been talking to my shrink?"_

 _Obviously perplexed, he stared back at her, brow furrowed._

" _That's almost, word for word, what he said," Olivia swallowed hard, "After Mike…"_

 _Ed wasn't sure what to say, so he kissed her cheek again and pulled her close. Even in the shade, the heat and humidity were stifling, but he didn't care._

" _I hope he doesn't…remember," Olivia said, talking about Noah._

 _On the backswing, Ed craned his neck around so Noah could see him and the little boy squealed and giggled._

" _Has he said anything? Acted anything out?"_

" _Not that I've seen," she said, "And Lucy hasn't said anything."_

" _Then he prolly remembers you protecting him."_

 _There were no words to describe how much Olivia appreciated Ed's insight both at that moment and dozens of other times in the past year. "Maybe you're right," she said. "After all…when I…when I think about Dodds, that horrible, nightmare of a day, I always, right before I tell myself I need to stop, I remember you being there with me. The whole time. Even when things are fuzzy…I remember you."_

" _The last thing I was gonna do is have you go through that alone," he said, "And you're not going through this alone, either, or anything else. Unless, of course, you tell me to get outta here. Even then…" He was smirking now, hoping his little joke would ease her melancholy._

 _To his relief, she laughed. "Ed Tucker…"_

 _He raised his eyebrows, held her at the hips, and asked playfully, "What?"_

" _Will you," she took a deep breath, "Take us to dinner?"_

" _Absolutely."_

 _Noah's swing slowed. He put up a minor fuss, but was appeased when Olivia hoisted him in the air and flew him a little before putting him down. "Sweet boy, we're going to eat."_

" _Whatcha want for dinner, bud?"_

" _Fre'fries!"_

" _Should be easy to find. We could also throw a burger in there too." Ed saw Olivia put her hair up into a clip. "You wanna stop at home and change?"_

" _Do you have shorts there?"_

" _Yeah."_

 _She glanced at his wingtips, "And shoes?"_

" _Yep."_

" _Okay, let's do that," she said, "And I'm going in a little later tomorrow. Stay tonight?"_

 _He leaned in, over Noah, for a kiss, "Whatever you want."_

….

On the way out of Noah's school, Sarah readied her umbrella. She muttered something about preferring snow to cold rain, nodded at the security attendants, and held Noah close as they walked outside so they were both covered as much as possible.

"Sare Bear, where we goin?"

"We're going to drop your bag then we're going to a museum. It's rainy and gross, so, let's learn."

They made the pit stop and, to Noah's disapproval, hopped on a downtown train rather than an uptown one. "Gotta go UP t'get to the dinosaurs!"

Sarah groaned. The only person in their family who could tolerate the Museum of Natural History was Sonny. She suspected Justin would be a good sport about it too, but science wasn't his favorite thing in the world, either. "Noey, there are about eight hundred museums in New York. We're going to a different one. Then we'll shop and eat."

"Kay."

On the way downtown, the train grew extremely crowded. At one point, the conductor announced the F was now running as an express and, a station before their stop, he came on again and declared it would now be running on the C line. Noah frowned and looked up at Sarah for clarification.

"Sometimes they do that, Noey. If a train's broken or something's wrong with the track."

Mind blown, Noah stared at the map. "But da F's orange and da C's blue! And they go diff'rent ways!"

"We're okay. We get off at the next stop, and it's stopping there for sure."

Noah twisted his body in every possible direction, "But what about dese other people?"

"They'll figure it out."

It ended up being a tough afternoon for Noah. In addition to being unable to comprehend how the trains could simply switch from one line to another, Sarah took him on the _Irish Outsiders_ tour at the Tenement Museum. She figured he would like going into the old building and witnessing how people lived over a century prior, but she did not predict the tour would include heartbreaking details such as poisoned milk and the death of an infant. After all, when she called, the attendant assured her they welcomed children ages six and up. When she and Noah sat down for their usual early dinner, he inevitably rattled off questions and comments.

"Sare Bear, those people only had _three rooms_!" Noah held up his hand and ticked off the number of rooms in the Tucker home. "And, and, they hadta go outside for da bathroom! And da kitchen…didn't have a fridge'rator! So the baby couldn't have good milk and she died!"

Grinding her teeth and anticipating her father's harsh stare when he heard Noah repeat the tale of turn-of-the-century immigrant tragedy, Sarah reminded Noah of the happier parts of the story. Nevertheless, he fixated on other aspects.

"Sare Bear, why they couldn't have a 'partment like us?"

Sarah took a gulp of gin-and-tonic before answering. "Noey, because, well, a lot of people, when they came to this country, they were poor. They didn't have a lot of money. And, the bigger and better your apartment, well, it costs more. So you have to have a job that pays a lot of money if you want a nice place."

"Why those people didn't get a job for a lotta money?"

"Well, remember what the tour guide said?"

Noah twisted his lips and replied, "Yeah, she say people wouldn't give 'em jobs 'cause they were _different_."

"Right. That was very wrong. So, when they got jobs, they usually weren't paid very much and they didn't know how to do a whole lot at first because in Ireland most of them were farmers." Sarah grinned, "And, how many farms are in Manhattan?"

Noah returned her smile. "I don't think we have farms," he said slowly, "We have _buildings_."

"Right. So, those people took the jobs they could get and they had to sacrifice."

"What's that?"

"It means, you don't buy stuff you want because you have to pay rent and bills and buy things you need like food and clothes." She leaned forward, "Noey, we are lucky. You, Maggie, Wyatt, me, Brookey, Sofia, we're all really lucky because we don't really have to sacrifice. Your Mommy and Daddy have good jobs and can take care of you…and they even bought another house on the beach. Most people don't have what we have. So it's important we help other people when they need it, and we're nice, and kind, and generous to everyone."

"I am, Sare Bear."

"I know you are. That's my second favorite thing about you."

Noah giggled. " _Second_ favorite?"

"Yep. My favorite thing about you is that you're so darn cute." Sarah reached over and tapped his nose. "But, good looks aren't everything, so make sure you study and learn as much as possible so, when you get older, you can make a lot of money and have a gigantic house and we can all live with you."

Noah laughed even harder. "Sare Bear! Everrone hasta have their own house!"

"What if you live in a castle? There's a lot of room in a castle."

"If we have a castle, dat means we're kings and queens so we need crowns."

"I'll tell you what, if you end up buying a castle, I'll getcha a crown. No problem."

"Thanks."

"You're very welcome. Now," Sarah took one of the cherries from his Shirley Temple and popped it into her mouth, "Are you still upset?"

"No, I jus' didn't want da baby to die."

"Well, the good news is that we don't really have the milk problem anymore. Well, at least not here."

"Where da problem?"

Sarah wanted to punch herself. She had successfully walked Noah out of the darkness only to shove him back in again. "In countries where all the people are poor and the government doesn't help."

"What countries?"

"On the continents of Africa, Asia, and South America. A lot of them, Noey. People don't have food or clean water or a place to live."

"Some people in Ma'hattan don't have a place to live," Noah protested, "We see 'em on da ground!"

"I know," Sarah groaned, "They all have different stories. Maybe, someday, after you fix the subway you can work to help those people."

Noah's eyes widened as he remembered the earlier train debacle. "How did da _F_ jus' change to _C_?" He asked rhetorically then made a _bloopity-bloop_ noise. "We get on da F and get on da C and we didn't even get _out_!"

"Magic," Sarah said.

Noah shrugged. "Yep. Magic."

…

An hour after he'd taken Noah to his room for bedtime, Ed joined Olivia in the living room. At her side on the couch was a pile of the kids' laundry which Ed had intended to fold. Piles of child-specific pants and shirts were stacked on the coffee table. Ed grabbed an armful of the freshly dried garments and pitched in.

"I don't know what possessed Sarah to take him to that museum," he muttered. "What's next? The Holocaust Museum? Nine-eleven?"

Olivia reminded him Sarah had apologized and had also called about Noah's age. "And, from what she told me, it sounded like they debriefed."

"Well, I don't want him to start givin' money to people on the streets."

"He asked about that?"

"Yep. I told him we don't know their stories, so it's best to help them in other ways like give to charities who know how to help them better."

"Oh boy."

"Then he asked if I had a bathroom in my house when I was a little boy."

Hearing this, Olivia burst into laughter. "Are you upset that he got a little dose of reality today or that he thinks you're…over a hundred years old?"

Ed's cheeks flushed with amusement. Olivia was giggling like a schoolgirl and there was a teasing glint in her eye. He inched closer to her. "Think you're funny, dontcha?"

"A little."

"Okay, Lieutenant," he kissed her cheek gently. His lips barely touched her skin, but she felt her shiver and he moved to her neck. "You are very, very funny. And extremely beautiful. Like, I'm pretty sure, the most beautiful woman in the world. And you were _not_ supposed to be folding clothes."

Olivia dropped the shirt she had in her hand and threw her arms around his neck. " _Ed_. He's definitely not asleep yet. We don't need another _whatcha doin_."

Ed regarded her with his sassiest expression. "I'm kissing you sitting up on the couch." He moved to the other side of her face and continued slowly kissing every inch of exposed skin before stopping abruptly and pressing his forehead to hers. "Would you rather me kiss you laying down on the bed?"

"Yes."

Ed jumped to his feet but hovered over her and pecked at her lips. "Well, then. Let's go."

Olivia eyed the clothes.

He gently placed a finger on her cheek and redirected her gaze to his. "I'll get those tomorrow."

They ambled to the bedroom. Ed was practically draped over her back.

"Why is it you never let me do the laundry?" She asked.

"Because when I married you I promised you wouldn't have to do chores ever again."

"You did?"

"I think so."

"I really don't mind. At least…the kids' clothes…it…makes me happy."

"Fine," Ed said, his voice a little strained because he uttered the reply as they fell onto the mattress. "You do the clothes. I'll do everything else."

"Deal. Thank you."

"I told you before," he gave her a quick but deeply passionate kiss, "Whatever you want."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	10. Chapter 10

Ten.

 _Buoyed by the positive reception, Noah moved on from the couch remarks to the next part of his speech. Imitating people he'd previously heard orate, he cleared his throat and shuffled papers even though it was clear he'd abandoned his prepared speech._

" _Mommy is very nice and very fun! She always plays games with me and my babies. Oh! And she helps me with my work! The babies are Wyatt and Maggie, but they're little and they're with the babysitter t'night! Mommy and Daddy play cards and Uno and Monopoly and also games at da park like football and soccer and baseball. She's really good."_

 _Noah grinned._

 _Everyone in the audience was enamored, and he seemed to pick up on it._

 _He gazed at Olivia. "Mommy, you are the best Mommy in the whole world. You take care of me, and Maggs and Wyatt and Daddy and all da other people when you're at work. But sometimes I like it when it's jus' you an' me and you say 'sweet boy I love you'…" Noah paused as the audience awwwwed, "…that's when I know we're super best friends!"_

 _The only thing preventing Olivia from bursting into full blown sobs was Noah's humor and self-assurance on stage. He had taken the microphone from its holster and stepped away from the podium. He put his hands in his pockets and on his hips, paused and waited for reactions, and nodded and used facial expressions to emphasize his points._

" _We ARE super best friends," he continued, "And Mommy, I love, love, love you!"_

 _Olivia couldn't take it anymore. She rushed to the stage and caught Noah as he jumped into her arms. Her breath caught in her throat and she had trouble forming words. The entire room froze and went silent as they watched the Lieutenant embrace her incredibly precocious six-year-old son._

 _Ed waited on the sidelines and let the two of them have their moment. There was a certain exceptionality about their relationship he would forever recognize and respect._

 _When Olivia put Noah down, he used the stairs to walk back on stage and slapped hands with Ed on the way._

" _And now, my BIG sisters are gonna talk. They're Sare Bear and Brookey!"_

 _Olivia looked at the girls with wide, surprised eyes. The two of them speaking together was a surprise._

….

The woman the squad had dubbed "Marijuana Mom" visited Olivia in her office one evening after everyone but Fin had gone home. The meeting had been arranged by her attorney of all people, and the ADA approved. The woman had been doubling down on her mission to defend her right to treat her son as she and his doctor saw fit. She and her husband refused to talk about a plea deal, preferring instead to generate ongoing media buzz as her trial date approached. Judging by her unrelenting, intrepid outspokenness, Olivia wasn't sure how much sense she could talk into Lydia.

"Lieutenant?"

Alone and out of the view of cameras, Lydia appeared smaller than she looked on television.

"Come it. Sit down." Olivia stood and shook her hand. "I appreciate you stopping by."

"I know what you're trying to do," she said sharply, sitting on the edge of the chair. "And let me begin by saying it's not going to work."

Taken aback but used to reticence such as this, Olivia jumped directly to the point. "It will be so much easier if you would consider pleading this out. You won't have a trial hanging over your head and then you could actually…make a difference, continue on with your work."

"My work and the charges go hand in hand," she replied.

"But right now, you're a rabble rouser. You're shouting into crowds who hear your volume and not your message."

"Rabble rousers create change."

"They have….but they also have had _plans_. You…are simply angry."

Lydia sucked her teeth and angled her torso toward Olivia. "You're a mother. I see that collection of pictures over there. I bet you spend hours deciding which ones to swap out and which ones to leave."

Olivia swallowed hard and followed Lydia's eyes to her desk and credenza. She was absolutely right.

"You're a _mother_ ," Lydia repeated, "Don't tell me you wouldn't do absolutely anything if it meant your children could be healthy and safe. You wear the badge, have the gun, but I have no doubt in my mind you'd break laws for your kids. Maybe you already have."

Olivia's face steeled into a glare, but she had trouble countering the argument.

Lydia was absolutely right.

….

Olivia opened the door to the sound of Ed grunting out repetitions.

"…five, six, seven, eight, nine, _aaaaaaand_ , ten! Ten Noahs."

"Good job, Daddy!" Noah peeked around the corner. Maggie and Wyatt were on his heels. "Hi Mommy! Daddy, you should do ten Mommies!"

"MA! MAMA!"

Mamamamamamamama!"

Olivia simpered at the kids and crouched for hugs and kisses. She was sure Ed was convulsing in silent laughter on the living room floor. She took a few extra seconds hanging her coat and removing her boots. When she finally saw Ed's face, her suspicion was confirmed. Noah's comment brought him to tears.

Maggie and Wyatt, desperate to be picked up, entangled themselves in Olivia's legs. "Oh-kay, sweet twins," she said, hoisting them both into her arms, "More hugs?" She kissed each of their foreheads in rapid-fire fashion until they were both giggling and squirming to be placed back on the floor.

Finally, it was Ed's turn for attention.

"Hello, Daddy," she said in a deep voice. A few beads of sweat had formed along his hairline. He was wearing a tight white t-shirt that seductively hugged his torso and biceps. Olivia kneaded his arms and raised her eyebrows approvingly. "Good workout?"

"Really good."

After a couple of chaste kisses, Ed grabbed a dish towel and wiped his brow. The movement caused his shirt to rise and reveal a sliver of his abdomen. "Noah," she called in a sing-song voice, "Do you think Daddy could actually do a Mommy?"

Blood rushed to Ed's cheeks. " _Liv_ ," he said under his breath.

Noah skipped over and sized up his parents. "Prolly one Mommy."

"I'll go change and we'll try."

Olivia winked at Ed, went to the bedroom, and returned in less than a minute dressed in sweats. Ed got into the push-up position, Olivia sat on his back, and he successfully completed one rep.

"Wow, Daddy! Good job!" Noah clapped his hands, "Wanna do da workout? Me an' these babies aren't tired!"

"Of course you're not tired," Ed mumbled.

"Sure," Olivia said, "Bench press or push-ups first?"

"Bench press."

From a barstool, Ed watched admiringly as Olivia completed the sets. Noah gave her a fist bump and quipped, "Mommy's not even sweating!" He summoned the twins to the refrigerator and passed out juice boxes.

Ed put his arms around Olivia's waist and whispered, "Do you have any idea how bad I want you right now?"

"Oh," she replied, biting her lip, "I think I have an idea."

….

 _Meeting Ed for a celebratory drink when he was the one who nudged her into the promotion in the first place could have taken on a patronizing milieu, so Olivia was a bit uneasy as she waited for him at the bar. Ever since she and Tucker baby-stepped their way to more-than-friends status, Olivia caught herself overthinking conversations and body language, both hers and his. She kept flashing back to the morning he parked himself in her office and casually told her he'd conveyed to their bosses that she had registered for the exam. His manner had been cocky, playful, and, looking back, subtly sexy, but was it really? Had he simply decided to represent himself in a less combative manner? If so, why? But, then again, if he didn't care about her or SVU, why would he even insert himself in the picture in the first place? Was it so Olivia would be indebted to him? Even though she wanted to shake all these uncertainties, she couldn't. An air of mystery clung to Tucker's transformation, yet, she found herself desirous of more time with him._

 _She need not have worried._

" _I need a drink immediately," Ed grumbled as he heaved himself onto the stool next to her. He barked his order at the bartender, scratched his face, and finally made eye contact. "Hi," he said in a decidedly softer voice than he'd used seconds before._

" _Well, hello," she said, trying to mimic his smirk. The bartender dropped off his drink and she pushed it closer to him. "Bad day?"_

" _Sorry," he mumbled, holding up the glass, "Tonight's about you. Congratulations, Lieutenant."_

 _The muted bar light struck his blue eyes and made them sparkle. His cheeks were ruddier, more flushed than usual, either from nerves or from whoever caused him to desperately need alcohol. His lips curled into a subtle pucker not because he wanted a kiss (which he did) but because he was fanatically interested in her, like he wanted to ask her a thousand questions._

 _Disarmed, Olivia's jaw slackened. She was at a loss for words. All she needed to say was thank you, but she simply could not find her voice._

 _Ed waited patiently. He noticed the muscles in her face relax. Though he wasn't sure exactly what was happening, he knew it was important. Their relationship had been marked by significant moments such as this one—moments that looked innocent and mundane to anyone else._

" _Thank you," she finally croaked. "What, ah, what happened today?"_

 _Ed took a drink and grimaced, "Ah, you know, remember when you were young, on patrol, makin' your bones?"_

" _Sure."_

" _You think you know everything…that you're invincible…this guy in the Bronx, workin' for months with anti-crime, been getting high praise from everyone…come to find out he's cut some corners, made some questionable searches…and he's been accused of paying people for information… "_

" _What's going to happen?"_

" _Draper wants to send a message—take his shield. I don't wanna end a career before it even starts. He seems like a decent kid, just got caught up. I've never been one to believe in the whole ends justifying the means, but…I dunno…I see some of my younger self in him." Ed smirked and added, "Not that I woulda paid off anyone."_

 _Olivia cocked her head and smiled sweetly. "Of course you wouldn't have."_

" _I've done a few things I'm not proud of, but, you wanna know the most embarrassing?"_

 _Intrigued, Olivia leaned forward. Her knee unintentionally bumped his, but she didn't move away. "I would love an embarrassing Ed Tucker story."_

 _Ed took a deep breath and a quick glance at their legs. If a humiliating anecdote was what it took to earn physical contact, he was more than willing to tell the tale. "I was, maybe, a year on the force. Had to go out to Long Island to track down a witness, took a cruiser. It was dark, rainy, had just stormed. I'm drivin' along…all of a sudden there's this awful sound—a crash, like metal being sheared off of something, and adrenaline kicks in, I have no idea what's goin' on. I pull over, call in a ten-thirteen, state troopers are on their way. I get outta the car, grab the flashlight, well, a tree had split…part of it was hanging across the road and ripped off the lights on top of the car. Here I thought I was under attack…and it was a goddam tree."_

" _Oh man…" Olivia laughed heartily, "Wow…"_

" _Yeah."_

" _I don't think I can top that."_

" _That's probably a good thing."_

" _The closest I can get it when I got high on mushroom fumes."_

 _Ed grinned. "What?"_

" _Part of an investigation involved going to this professor's lab…he worked with mushrooms and was boiling some, I inhaled fumes and was totally out of it in interrogation."_

" _What'd you have to do? Sleep it off?"_

" _Sort of. They took me to the hospital, it didn't take long…and I went right back to work."_

 _Smirking, Ed replied softly, "Of course you did." The romantic intensity between them instantaneously reappeared. Ed dared to grab her hand. "Seriously," he said, "Congratulations."_

" _Thank you for…well, having my back with One PP." She looked at the bar. Ed was still holding her hand. She bit her lip, swallowed her nerves, and kissed him._

 _Ed blinked and his cheeks turned bright red. Olivia had the power to reduce him to jitters. He managed to speak in a volume slightly above a whisper. "Lieutenant?"_

 _Olivia grinned, proud of herself for nearly rendering him speechless. She also loved the sound of her new title. "Yes?"_

" _I, uh…I really like you."_

" _Good," she said, tickled by his childlike yet endearing admission, "I really like you, too."_

….

Olivia stroked Ed's face as he crawled on top of her. She seductively raised an eyebrow and intoned, "Ready to do a Mommy?"

Even more turned on, Ed blushed, tried not to smile too widely, and said, "I think we need to work out together more often."

He buried his head in her chest for the next several minutes. His hands wandered up and down her body, wherever he could reach, quickly sending Olivia into an erotic stupor. When he worked his fingers inside of her, she arched her back, moaned, and gasped his name. She splayed her hands across his back, turned on even more at the feel of his thick, firm muscles. As Ed moved lower, she spread her legs wide, inviting him in, and apologized for digging her fingers into his scalp. He responded by swirling his tongue with even more ferocity.

Olivia screamed into a pillow, and Ed trailed kisses up and down each of her legs, her stomach, chest, shoulders, and both arms. She felt him throbbing, hard and hot, and she wondered how she got so lucky to marry a man who would die before leaving her unsatisfied.

"Ed, _baby_ …"

"Almost." He wasn't finished kissing her.

"Ed, I need you."

Those were the magic words. He stared into her eyes and began slow, sensual thrusts. For the next several minutes his kisses matched the pace; the love and devotion was palpable and nearly brought Olivia to tears. As they laid together afterwards, she was unable to stop a few drops from trickling out of the corners of her eyes.

Ed kissed them away and asked softly, "Why are you crying?"

"I can't help it," she replied, "That was…I don't know… _magical._ I'm…I'm, you make me feel so good, so…lucky…so whole."

He pressed a firm kiss to her lips and held her flush to his body by the hip. "I love you so much, Liv. I wish there were more ways to say it, show it…"

"You showed it," she quipped.

He chuckled, kissed her again, and shifted so she was mostly lying on top of him.

"I have a confession to make," she said.

"What's that?"

"When we first got together…I didn't think you'd be…like this."

Ed was amused. "Like what?"

"That you'd like to…cuddle…afterwards…all night if possible."

He clasped his hands together in the middle of her back. "I'd have you in my arms all day, every day if I could."

…..

A morning rain shower left puddles on the sidewalks and park paths, but the sky had cleared and it was warm enough for the kids to go outside clad only in sweatshirts and jeans. Olivia was glad to get everyone out of the house. After a brutally cold and snowy winter, a welcome hint of spring had arrived. Once the five Tuckers were in the park, Ed helped Noah onto his bike and jogged alongside as he pedaled away. Since his birthday, he'd only had a couple of chances to practice riding the two wheeler, but he got the hang of it quickly. After a few minutes Ed decided Noah was fine riding ahead a little ways on his own. He cautioned Noah against crossing any streets and waited for Olivia to catch up.

She had a white-knuckle grip on the stroller handle.

"I told him to stay where we could see him," Ed preemptively explained.

"At least it's not crowded," Olivia scanned the area. "Are you sure he can stop?"

Ed jerked his head in Noah's direction. "He just did."

Sure enough, Noah was on his feet, straddling the bike, looking back and waiting for his family. He yanked at the chin strap of his dinosaur helmet and asked Ed to loosen in when they approached.

Maggie and Wyatt fidgeted and strained to get out of their seats.

"We shoulda brought their scooters, Daddy!"

"Next time, bud."

The twins couldn't independently use the scooters quite yet and Ed and Olivia found themselves in the predicament of simply not having enough manpower to wrangle three kids on wheels.

"Okay, sweet twins. You can get out."

With a push from Ed, Noah pedaled away and Maggie and Wyatt tried to run after him. Their little sneakers pounded the pavement. Arms flailing, they shouted "NONONO!"

A puddle distracted Wyatt from the pursuit, and he stomped around in the water, proudly repeating, "Spash!" Water droplets darkened his pant legs and stained the white laces of his Nikes. Olivia smiled, shook her head, and slowly jogged away, trying to coax Wyatt to drier ground.

"C'mon, sweetie, come run with Mommy!"

Wyatt broke into a wide grin and followed until Maggie soon realized she wasn't going to be able to catch her brother and burst into sobs. Alarmed, Wyatt rushed to her side. Maggie stood rigid, her arms hanging straight down, fists balled, jaw protruding into a pathetic pout as she wailed. Ahead, Noah heard his sister and slammed on the brakes, grinding his tires to a halt. He stumbled a little, but successfully dismounted and carefully propped the bicycle on its kickstand.

"Hey, hey, hey," Olivia said, picking Maggie up. "Shhh, shhh, shhh. It's okay, sweet girl."

"Maggs!" Noah shouted, "I'm right here! I came back to ya!"

Ed had been amused and was smirking at the scene, but he saw confusion on Wyatt's face and his chin start to tremble. He held out his arms and Wyatt practically dove into them. He put his arms around Ed's neck and dared to look back at his sister whose sobs had turned into sharp, gasping sniffles.

"Okay," Olivia cooed. "Calm down, Maggie May. Noah's right here. He's riding his bike today! Wanna watch him go fast?"

"No…go…" Maggie mumbled.

Olivia used her thumb to dry Maggie's tears and used her brightest voice, "Let's watch Noah go! Say Goooooo, Noah!"

"Go! No!"

Wyatt caught on with the chant as well. Noah, buoyed by his siblings' cheers, ran back to his bike. "I'm gonna go fast to da playground!" He said, "Then I play with ya, Maggs!"

Noah pedaled ahead. Once he saw he was a little too far away, he circled back, repeating the pattern until they came to the playground near 67th Street. Playgrounds occasionally caused Ed to get edgy, and he wondered how often Olivia thought about the day she encountered Ali in the sandbox. As far as he knew, Olivia had not been back to that particular location.

Most people were probably skittish about the weather, and there were only a handful of other kids using the slides and climbing equipment. Ed and Olivia shadowed their young trio as Noah and the twins played games, courtesy of the older brother's imagination.

"Probably shoulda brought their scooters," Ed said, "Noah's okay on his bike now."

"He picked that up quickly," Olivia said.

"He picks everything up quickly."

"I only hope he doesn't…he doesn't get upset when there's finally something he doesn't do well."

"He'll do everything well," Ed said matter-of-factly. Olivia laughed and nudged him. Ed continued, "I'm serious. He practices everything. Guitar, typing, art…wish I woulda been like that. _Ever_."

Entertained by his self-deprecating humor, Olivia said, "I'm sure you were persistent at something…"

"I was persistent at tryin to get a date with you."

"Well, that explains all those years of IAB harassment."

Ed clutched his chest in mock pain, " _Ouch_."

"It's funny now," Olivia said, "To look back and remember you…"

Keeping his eyes on the kids, Ed pulled her close and kissed the side of her head. "You like to remember me bein' an asshole?"

Olivia brushed back a section of hair that had escaped its clip, "I like to think of it as a remarkable and amazing twist of fate." She winked and patted his back pockets. A few feet away, Wyatt and Maggie were scrambling up the side of a pyramid structure at the top of which was a slide. "Wyatt's gonna try and go down head first," she said, "I'll go get him."

She bounded toward the kids and Ed drifted to the end of the slide, ready to catch Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt when they came hurtling down.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	11. Chapter 11

**Eleven**. _(I wrote it….but the whole chap is pretty much JB's idea)! Thanks, sista!_

As usual, Caroline made too much food for her Sunday dinner and also as usual, everyone stuffed themselves and stared forlornly at the plates and serving dishes that now contained mere dregs of the meal. In the decades-old, hand crafted high chairs, Maggie and Wyatt sat back against the headrests with dazed expressions. Noah played with his half-eaten dessert, wishing he had the capacity to finish the gigantic piece of chocolate cake which Caroline made especially for him.

Needing to move, Olivia started clearing the table over Caroline's objections. Ed watched her stride back and forth from the dining room to the kitchen. Her jeans deliciously hugged her thighs. As she picked up plates, forks, and glasses, Ed's heart fluttered at the sight of her rings, the bracelets he'd gifted her over the past few years, and, as he let his eyes drift upward, the Valentine's Day Cartier, perhaps his most extravagant gift. She'd pulled her hair back in a chignon, and her neck and jaw were extra pronounced as he viewed her in profile.

At one point she leaned over him for the gravy boat and whispered, "Stop staring."

He slapped her thigh in response.

"Caroline," Olivia said, "Are you doing anything fun for St. Patrick's Day?"

"Ah, I'll probably have a little drink with my card club," she said, "Noah, your school will probably say to wear green, but you should wear blue. St. Patrick's color was blue."

"Da Irish like blue and green, Gramma Careline! That's what you told me!"

"You're right, dearie."

"So I'm gonna wear both!"

"Fine idea! And you tell your class all about being Irish."

"I could read 'em a story from da book." Noah looked at his parents hopefully.

"Sure, bud," Ed said, "You can bring the book, but make sure you put it back in your bag after you show it to everyone."

"I will."

"Caroline," Olivia said, "Have you been back to Ireland since you came here?"

"I haven't," she grumbled, "Came here at the age of ten…always talked about going back for a visit, but it never happened, and all my family ended up here."

Olivia frowned. "I bet there are fairly inexpensive flights this time of year."

"Noah," Caroline said, "Why don't you use that new fancy computer of yours and find Grandma a flight and a hotel? Our ancestors from a little village outside Cork, so we'll need a car, too."

"I go to Ireland with you?" Noah asked, wide-eyed.

"Sweetie," Olivia interjected, "You'll go someday. But you have school, remember?"

"Oh yeah," Noah murmured, "Mr. B. say, when you're absent, you haveta make up your work…that would be a lotta work!"

"Ed," Olivia said, "Why don't you research prices? You could go…maybe take John and Margie, too?"

Bewildered his wife was so assiduously advocating him taking a trip without her, Ed nodded and mumbled something about looking into it. Later that night, after the children were bathed and asleep, he broached the subject again and asked if she was serious.

"Of course I was," Olivia said.

Ed twisted his lips and stared blankly at the wall in front of their bed. "I suppose…damn, I never thought to ask her about wanting to go back. I must be the most inconsiderate asshole son on Earth."

Olivia hung the next day's blazer—blouse—pants combo on a bureau knob. "You are not the most inconsiderate asshole son on Earth."

"Maybe I should take her. She mentioned a car…she's not gonna drive. She can't go alone. And," Ed rubbed his face, "Gotta face reality…I dunno how much time she has left."

Olivia looked at him sympathetically. "That's true…but I hate to think that way."

Ever the pragmatist, Ed replied, "She's had a good, long life."

"She has," Olivia sauntered over to his side of the bed and leaned in for a kiss.

Ed grabbed her hand. "There's one silver lining, though," he said, "I have half her genes. You could be stuck with me for thirty, forty more years."

Concerned, Olivia sat on the edge of the bed. She stroked his cheek with the back of her hand. "I'd planned on that," she said softly, "I love you, Ed Tucker."

"I love you." He puckered his lips and kissed at her fingers, "You sure you don't mind me goin' away for a week or so?"

"I will miss you terribly. But it's important. I want you to go. Be at your mother's beck and call."

"Sure we can't all go?"

"It's not exactly the best time," Olivia said ruefully, "And, us, your mom, maybe your brother and sister and three kids, two of which are not yet two…that would be a little much, don't you think?"

"You're right…but the three of them, alone, is also a little much…"

"I can handle it," Olivia said, "And, if you're gone the night of the fundraiser, I'll get one of the girls or G to watch the kids. They like her."

Ed raised his eyebrows. "Who's gonna be there?"

Olivia planted a sloppy kiss on his lips, "A bunch of boring old men."

"I know you can handle yourself," he said, "But I hate you goin' alone."

"I'll be fine. And if anyone bothers me, I'll get their names and you can deal with them when you return."

Ed smirked, "Deal. But, there's one other thing…"

Olivia cocked an eyebrow, "I know…but…you're here now, Captain."

His smirk grew naughtier.

"C'mere."

….

 _The horde of police officers and press blocked Mrs. Amaro from view at first, but Olivia managed to catch a glimpse of her. She carved a path through the suits, and Nick's mother brightened at the familiar face. Olivia gave her a quick but detailed update, and, once assured her son's life was not in danger, took a deep breath and sat down in the waiting area. Rollins brought her coffee, and, as soon as Nick was out of surgery, she parked herself at her son's side. Nick was still out from the anesthesia and it was getting late, so Olivia excused herself and promised to check in first thing in the morning._

 _She strode out, head down, text messaging Lucy, and intending to appear very busy so any lingering reporters would leave her alone. Steps away from the double doors, she heard a familiar, gruff voice say her name._

" _Tucker," she said, "You're still here."_

 _It was a statement, not a question, and he smirked at the suspicion in her tone._

" _He alright?"_

" _He's fine. Sleeping off the meds now."_

" _Good news," he mumbled, almost dismissively, "Thought you might need a ride home."_

 _Olivia suddenly remembered she didn't have a vehicle. In the chaos following the courtroom shooting, one of the patrol officers had given her a lift to the hospital. "Oh, um, I do actually…thanks…hadn't thought about that obviously."_

 _The ride uptown took a while, and Olivia could tell Tucker wasn't in the biggest of hurries._

" _I'd ask ya if you wanna stop for a drink, but you probably wanna get home to Noah."_

 _Hearing him say her son's name filled her heart with unexpected warmth. "I do," she said, "And…I'm also…" she held out her arms, "…in need of a change of clothes. Some other time?"_

" _Sure."_

" _You'll talk to Amaro before I will, so, let him know, we're not gonna jam him up. Even if anyone cared about that guy, we wouldn't."_

" _It may not matter all that much," Olivia replied, "Depending on what they could do with his knee. But…thank you. He'll appreciate that."_

" _And…uh…" Tucker hesitated and stammered, unsure whether or not this was the time to bring up the obvious reality that Noah's only known biological relative was dead, "The DNA…that, uh, that was never gonna be an IAB investigation anyway, but, it's, uh, definitely not gonna be now."_

 _Olivia pressed her lips into a polite, knowing smile. "It'll take me a few days to process all this," she said, "In minutes my entire life…got a lot less complicated."_

 _Silence engulfed the sedan for a few blocks. Ed knew what she meant, and she knew that he knew. Ed admired her for being so transparent about Warner's findings; he wasn't positive he would have made the same call. It was ironic—the last couple times she got jammed up, it was Olivia who occupied the moral and ethical high ground._

" _I…" Ed continued, "…I couldn't let ya go home without you knowing that…that, as far as IAB is concerned, it's over."_

" _I appreciate it," Olivia said, "I really do," she chuckled self-deprecatingly, "I…like I said…it's going to take a while. This whole year I've been walking on eggshells around ACS workers, the Judge, Dodds. And then this whole thing with Nick—he was…pissed—at first, about Sergeant, but now? Honestly? I think he's going to have to hang it up. At least be on a desk or reassigned for a long, long while. But I could be wrong."_

" _You're probably right."_

" _So, the two things weighing on me…aren't so heavy anymore. Because of…tonight. It's kind of hard to be happy."_

 _Ed hoped what he was going to say would not be perceived as condescending. "You deserve to have something be easy for a change," he said._

 _He needn't have worried. His words dripped with sincerity. "Maybe I do," Olivia murmured, staring out the window._

 _Ed turned onto her block and came to a stop in front of her building._

" _Thanks for the lift," she said._

" _Anytime. Have a good night. Uh, well, let me know when Amaro's up to giving his statement. We can come to you."_

" _Will do." Olivia still had not opened the door. She wanted to say or do something else, show him she noticed the change in his demeanor and she liked it…she liked him. "So, we'll have that drink soon?"_

 _Tucker smiled. "Absolutely."_

 _It was past midnight when Olivia finally dragged herself to bed. So many thoughts and possibilities cycled through her mind—Noah, the shooting, Amaro, the Lieutenant's Exam, and, she had to admit, Tucker. Recently he had been so kind and understanding, sympathetic…a little unsure of himself and also unsure what to do with all the chemistry developing between the two of them. Yet, he maintained a certain degree of confidence because they also come to a synergetic consensus—they both acknowledged their mutual attraction, though they didn't want to act on much of it quite yet._

….

The morning of the Ireland flight, Ed took Noah to school then returned home to finish packing. They were only going to be gone a week, and he congratulated himself on fitting all his items in their smallest suitcase. The twins wandered around the bedroom while he double checked everything and Olivia got ready for work. Wyatt tossed his toys into the bathtub and Maggie was trying to climb onto the bed.

"Was Noah okay saying goodbye?" Olivia asked.

"He was fine. I told him I'd bring him something nice, so that went a long way."

"And there's only four hours' difference," Olivia said, sounding more like she was assuring herself rather than anyone else, "We'll Face Time at night."

Ed closed the suitcase and sat Maggie on top. She grinned and giggled. "Alright, princess, help Daddy close the suitcase. _Ziiiiiiiip_!"

Maggie bounced as much as she could while maintaining her balance. "ZIP!"

"C'mere, sweetheart." Ed wrapped her in a bear hug, "Daddy's gonna miss his little girl." He kissed her head and held her until she started squirming. "Oh-kay. Down ya go. Love you."

"Ooooooo!" Maggie cooed as she darted into the bathroom where Olivia was applying lipstick. Maggie smacked her own lips together when Olivia touched the tube to Maggie's mouth.

Ed grabbed Wyatt next, tossed him in the air, and gave him an embrace of his own. "Love you, big guy. You help Noah be the man of the house while I'm gone." Wyatt babbled excitedly. Ed kissed his chubby, pink cheeks and mussed his hair. "We may need to get a haircut when I get back."

"Oh…" Olivia whined.

"It's gettin' kinda long, Liv."

"I know…"

"Anyway," he put Wyatt down and enveloped her in his arms. "I better get goin."

"Let me know when you land. And…have fun. I'm so glad you're doing this for your mom."

"It'll be good for me, too. The last time I was in Ireland I drank too much…I barely remember it."

Olivia chuckled and put her hands on his chest, memorizing its contours.

"And the next time…we'll go. You and me and the kids."

"Sounds like a plan," Olivia replied, her voice starting to shake. "Let's um…let's call around ten Ireland time then each night?"

"Promise."

"And I made sure your phone plan will work there."

"Thanks for doin' that."

Ed opened his mouth to say something else, but he kissed her instead. They kissed and whispered to each other for several minutes.

"I love you, Liv," he played with her hair, "I love you so much."

"I love you," she said before playfully shoving him, "Now…go. Have a good time and send pictures and don't wish the whole week away."

"I don't like bein' away from you."

"We'll be fine."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know." She kissed him once more, "Have a good flight. Don't forget to text me when you land. And…I'll talk to you tonight."

"Yes you will."

….

 _The Tuckers' annual month at the beach began on rocky footing and didn't get much better as their first week came to a close. Much to Olivia's displeasure, Noah called the night before they departed with news he was staying at school another week to finish a project with his advisor. Under normal circumstances, this would not have bothered Olivia, but Noah hadn't been home much this year and had missed both Thanksgiving and Christmas having studied abroad in London. Since receiving the news he'd been accepted to Brooklyn Tech rather than his preferred Stuyvesant, Wyatt had been stewing. He had the option of remaining at their private school, but he desperately wanted to attend what was, arguably, the city's most elite public high school. High school was the last thing on Maggie's mind. Her best friend who usually came to the beach for a week or two was attending a summer fine arts camp in Montreal. When Maggie asked her parents if she could also attend, both Ed and Olivia had to work very hard to stifle laughter. Their daughter was not at all musically or artistically inclined, and the cost of the camp was several thousand dollars. Ed and Olivia were not used to such an overwhelming tide of discontent in their family, and it unsettled them. The drive from New York to Bethany Beach was almost completely devoid of conversation._

 _The week began with the same infrequent communication. Wyatt awoke early, went for a run on the beach, and parked himself somewhere—either on a chaise or on the back porch—with a book and his journal. Maggie slept late, lazed around, and refused to do anything that involved even a miniscule amount of family interaction. Every night and morning, Ed reassured Olivia everyone's angst would soon iron itself out, Noah would arrive, and they could enjoy their summer together. Though she appreciated his attempts at comfort, Olivia sulked._

" _Maybe it'll be better when Brooke and Sonny get here," she said during one late-night gripe session, "Maggie can hang out with Sofia."_

 _Ed nodded, but he was pessimistic. Sofia and Maggie, though they'd grown up together, were at a tricky school-age gap. Maggie had always been mature for her age, and now that she was entering high school, had extra attitude and a sudden, tacit aversion to hanging out with middle schoolers, even if they were family._

" _And Noah'll be here soon and Wyatt, hopefully, can snap out of his funk."_

 _Ed kissed her head and tightened his hold on her. They had given their kids everything, and it was frustrating when even that wasn't enough. He was able to shake things off and patiently weather the storm; Olivia took everything to heart._

" _We'll head out on the boat tomorrow," he said, "Maybe that'll help."_

 _Olivia chuckled, "Or trap us all together and make things worse."_

 _Ed kissed her and smirked, happy her sense of humor hadn't entirely disappeared. Propping himself on his elbow, he slowly traced her jawline and gazed at her adoringly. Kid discontent had put a damper on their beach house sex life; the one time they'd made love had been robotic and almost felt obligatory. Ed wanted to erase it from his mind._

 _He kissed her forehead. Cheeks. Neck._

 _He stopped to gauge her reaction._

 _Olivia didn't like the pause. She scratched the back of his head and clutched his hip—there was something about that particular place on his body that was extra erotic for her. Whenever she touched him there, Ed knew what she wanted._

 _They kissed deeply. Wriggled out of their clothes. At one point, Olivia held his face in her hands. She smiled, kissed his forehead, and looked into his eyes—they were eyes that, over the course of their almost seventeen years together, had managed to brighten the darkest of days. Maggie was grumpy. Wyatt was bummed. Noah was absent. But…they were at their beach house. Together. A team._

 _Even when all was not well, Olivia appreciated and cherished everything she and Ed had._

….

It felt strange leaving the apartment without Ed's arm to hold. Olivia left the kids in G's care and attended the fundraiser solo. Her phone was never far from her grasp, and G made sure to give frequent updates since Sarah had already informed her that Olivia and Ed were the epitome of helicopter parents. At one point G asked if it was okay if she took the kids for a walk, and Olivia gave her approval. Spring had been unpredictable, and the kids loved to be outside. One day snow blanketed the city only to be melted by the next day's sixty-degree temperatures.

"G, we go to da river sidewalk," Noah said after the babysitter informed him his mother okayed the plan. "You put these babies in da stroller and I take my scooter. Can't take da bike 'cause I go too fast! I know how ta' get there."

The next day when she and Sarah debriefed, G would marvel at Noah's navigation skills. She had lived in Brooklyn and lower Manhattan, and didn't know the West Fifties well. Noah, however, expertly led her from their building to the Hudson River path.

"We go dis way, G," he said once they were on the riverfront. He was pointing uptown and G nodded.

"Following you, Noah."

He led the way to a part of the path that jutted out into the river. It was wide with benches on either side, and Noah, apparently used to a little more freedom in the locale, sped toward the end. When G and the stroller caught up, Noah smiled triumphantly.

"Now we can see everrthing"

"What do we see?" G glanced at Maggie and Wyatt. They had been so content she thought they were asleep, but they were wide awake and apparently tracking their brother, maybe a bit apprehensive about their new caregiver.

"We see New Jersey, thatsa diff'rent state, its capital is Trenton, and da tower, usedta be TWO TOWERS there but someone knocked 'em down, then there's da Upper West Side…Sare Bear says that's too far away, den, if ya go like dis," Noah craned his neck over the railing and G instinctively moved to grab him, "You can see Empire. And we see all da boats, too!" Noah rested his forearms on the railing and looked out into the water. "S'agood spot."

Maggie and Wyatt spontaneously erupted into chatter as several boats came into view.

"You like the boats?" G cooed at them.

"They LOVE those boats. It's okay here. We can get 'em out."

G followed Noah's instructions and, as he said, Maggie and Wyatt ran around playing their own little game and, eventually, Noah joined in. It was a picturesque locale, and G took a couple of photos and sent them to Olivia. She texted back immediately.

 _Noah will want to have a snack at the café, I'll reimburse you_.

Sure enough, Noah declared they were all thirsty, and they had their snack at a table overlooking the river. Maggie fussed when G tried to get her back into the stroller, so G sat Maggie in her lap. Noah happily sat in his chair, legs dangling, sipping his frozen lemonade. Wyatt was perfectly content in the UppaBaby.

"Good drink?" G asked.

"Yup!" He said, "G, we haveta walk that way," he pointed south, "Then we get our other snack at the pizza shop."

"I thought you already had dinner?"

"We did," Noah replied, "But in da spring we have a walk _and_ a snack!"

"Oh…okay," G didn't want to fight him. "Well, let's go."

They continued on the path until they encountered an old locomotive, a historic site from the west side's days as a railroad hub.

"G," Noah said as he climbed the stairs, "Dis an old train!"

"It is," she said, sizing it up, "But I don't think you can go in."

"Nope," he said, "But I see inside. Da wheel and da controls…" Noah gazed out at the expanse of the river, "Used ta be a lotta trains here. A lotta trains now, but it's da subway mostly."

"You really know this city well."

Noah hopped down the stairs, "Yep! I know all da trains, well, Sare Bear gonna take me on all a' dem. Or maybe Justy, too."

"Justy?"

"Yep! That's Sare Bear's hubbind, she usedta have Jeff but now it's Justy. They gonna get married _in a church_! And I getta wear a tux-eee-do! With a yellow tie!"

"I bet you will look very handsome."

"That's what Mommy says!"

Maggie was fussing again, and it was getting dark, so G nudged Noah to the crosswalk. He was still adamant about a snack and insisted that, after a workout, they needed food. They stopped for pizza to go. At the Tucker apartment, G cut a few pieces for Maggie and Wyatt, but Noah insisted on eating his slice whole.

Wyatt ate a few bites and wandered to the toys. G saw him dozing and immediately knew he would be the easiest to get to sleep. Maggie munched and babbled. Through mouthfuls of cheese and pepperoni, Noah suggested they watch cartoons.

"Sure," G said, "Lemme clean up Wyatt and Maggie." She eyed the time, "And maybe put them in bed."

"Small sister's not gonna go to bed," Noah declared.

"Why not?"

"She doesn't like goin to bed."

G smiled at him but proceeded to wipe Wyatt's face, change his diaper, and dress him in pajamas. Out of necessity, she dropped Wyatt in his crib. He grabbed his Wubbanub and immediately started drifting off to sleep. G shrugged and tried to do the same for Maggie, but when she tried to put the little girl in the crib, Maggie latched onto G and wouldn't let go. Maggie didn't cry, she silently declared she was not going, willingly, at least, into her crib.

"G," Noah said, "Small sister can sleep with me 'til Mommy gets home. S'okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah," Noah said, "Jus' get her baby."

"You're going to go to bed, too?"

Noah smiled sweetly, "You haveta read us stories, _then_ we sleep."

"Okay," G said, "I'll follow you."

…..

 _Ed scraped the barbecue grates and wiped down the rest of their outdoor kitchen. The winter cover had done its job, but he resolved to give the area a deep cleaning in the morning. Nevertheless, the area was more than useful for grilling hot dogs, and he thought their Friday night dinner had gone well, even if Maggie and Wyatt were still not their usual selves_.

 _Olivia sipped wine on the porch swing and watched Ed work. Maggie came onto the porch, and Olivia made space for her on the seat. The swing had always been one of Maggie's favorite places but, tonight, the teenager had other ideas._

" _I'm gonna go to the bonfire," she said._

 _Ed raised his eyebrows, "No, you're not."_

" _Maggie," Olivia reached out for her._

 _Maggie jerked her arm away, "Dad, you're always doing what Mom wants, and Mom, you think I'm gonna get killed or something, and I Just. Want. To. Go. To. The. Bonfire. I'm not gonna drink or do drugs or even go in the water! I just wanna go and listen to music and…be there!"_

 _Olivia was firm in her resolve. "You're not going."_

" _Noah goes."_

" _And when he gets here, you can go with him. Or, you can go tonight and your Dad will go."_

 _If Maggie hadn't been so angry, she would have burst into laughter. She scowled at her mother and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, right."_

 _Olivia shrugged._

" _Mom, ugh, I…" Maggie balled her hands into tight fists as she'd done so many times before, "I HATE YOU!"_

 _Maggie slammed the screen door on her way into the house and stomped up the stairs. Wyatt's eyes followed the sound of her footsteps. Olivia buried her face in her hands. Ed followed his intractable daughter._

 _Maggie tried to slam her bedroom door, but Ed was on her heels and caught it. She dove face first onto the bed and pretended to cry._

" _Sit up," Ed said._

 _Maggie sniffled._

" _Sit. Up."_

 _She sat._

 _As Ed predicted, there were no tears._

" _Ya know," he began, "Maybe we did you wrong."_

 _Maggie scrunched up her face and didn't bother with the strands of sun-streaked brown hair plastered to her cheeks. "What?"_

" _I dunno," Ed continued, "We give you and your brothers two nice places to live, a private school education…food, clothes…I don't understand. What the hell else is it you want?"_

" _Some freedom."_

 _Ed shot her a sarcastic smirk, "Freedom? You live in Manhattan for Chrissakes."_

" _And when I get here it's like I'm in prison."_

" _Stop."_

 _Maggie glared at her father. Every bit of teenage angst poured from her blue eyes and her Tucker-esque jaw clenched in defiance._

" _There are rules. Here and in New York. And you are expected to follow those rules. We already said earlier, you can go to the bonfire, but you have to be back by ten."_

" _Ten?"_

" _Yep. Ten. Or don't go."_

" _But—"_

"— _yep, when Noah gets here and you go with him, midnight."_

" _You think Noah doesn't drink there?"_

" _Your Mom and I aren't that stupid."_

" _Mom thinks everywhere I go I'm gonna get raped."_

 _Ed returned her glare with one of his own, but he could tell Maggie immediately regretted what she'd said. "Stop talking right now," he said, "You and your brothers are your mother's, and mine, you're our most important possessions—"_

"— _possessions.." Maggie murmured._

"— _yes," Ed grabbed her forearms, "You are_ _ours_ _. And, believe it or not, we know more than you know. You have absolutely no idea what your mother has been through…to have you, to have our family. You can be mad. You can disagree with rules. But you will not—WILL NOT- be mean and disrespectful. Do you understand me?"_

 _Cowed, Maggie averted her eyes._

" _And you will sit up here the rest of the night, think, and apologize to your mother."_

" _I—"_

 _Ed held up a hand, "Nope. Sit up here. Think. I don't want to see you for the rest of the night. And don't even think about going out through the window because I swear to God I will hold you under lock and key until you're eighteen."_

 _Maggie detected a hint of jest in his voice and she collapsed back into her pillows with a smirk on her face. "Fine," she muttered, albeit with a conciliatory tone._

" _I love you."_

 _She rolled her eyes and mumbled a reluctant, teenaged, "I love you, too."_

…

 _ **#Tuckson**_


	12. Chapter 12

**Twelve**.

G closed _Goodnight, New York City_ , the evening's fourth story, and glanced hopefully at her young charges. Maggie's blue eyes were wide open and she wedged the baby under her chin. Noah's eyelids drooped and his ensuing question came out as more of a slur.

"All done?"

"All done," G said. "Night night."

She started to stand up, but Noah stopped her. "Gotta give hugs and kisses," he said.

"Oh…"

Before she could do anything, Noah rolled over and wrapped his arms around her torso. G patted his back and kissed the top of his head. "Goodnight Noah," she said, "I had fun with you today."

"We had fun, too."

Maggie fought against the red and blue covers and stood up. Her pink fairy princess pajamas clung to her arms and legs; G once read somewhere that kids were supposed to have tight-fitting pajamas, but both twins' sleepwear fit them like an uncomfortable second skin.

"Hug!" she dove at G and Noah, doing her best to wrap them in a group embrace.

"Ah!" Noah exclaimed, "Ni'night, small sister."

Like she'd done earlier, Maggie plastered herself to G and refused to let go.

"Okay, Maggie," G said, "Goodnight. You're going to sleep here with Noah. Back to your spot, ya go."

Maggie whimpered. Noah flung himself back against the pillows and sighed. G remembered seeing the rocking chair in the twins' room and improvised. "I'll try to get her to go in her crib, Noah. You go to sleep."

"Kay."

When Olivia came home, she found G in the rocking chair with a now-asleep Maggie. Moonlight fell across her daughter's cherubic face—her lips were slightly parted and a faint smirk lingered on her face. Yet again, Maggie had subverted an adult's bedtime resolve. Olivia smiled at G's apologetic, sheepish expression and gingerly transferred Maggie to her bed. She kissed her fingers and lightly touched them to Maggie's cheek. Olivia hovered over Wyatt next and kissed his forehead.

"Thank you for doing this," Olivia said, "And thanks for all the pictures. Gave me something to do in between speeches. Everything, well, except for my daughter's aversion to sleep, everything go okay?"

"Yes," G replied, "With Noah…it's pretty easy. He sure knows what he's doing."

"He does," Olivia said. "Wise and mature beyond his years." She handed a few bills to G but the babysitter politely declined payment. "I insist," Olivia said. "Take it. We really appreciate you…Ed and I…we're a little overprotective."

G smiled graciously and, realizing Olivia wasn't going to take no for an answer, reluctantly took the money. "This really isn't necessary," she mumbled, "But thanks. Let me know if you need me again. I had fun."

"We will. I can call you an Uber?"

"No, no, I'm good."

G left and Olivia looked in on Noah. He was asleep with his fists balled above his head and Bernie at his side. His phone and iPad were charging in the corner—either he'd been overwhelmingly tired or he'd taken to heart the warnings not to use the devices after lights out.

After showering, Olivia slid under the covers and turned so she was facing Ed's empty side of the bed. Via text messages she'd promised to call once she was home. It was almost four o'clock in the morning in Ireland, but she called him anyway. He picked up the Face Time call on the second ring. The lights in his quaintly decorated room were on and he smiled brightly.

"Hey, Lieutenant." He was lying on his stomach on the four poster bed. "How was the dinner?"

"Boring."

He smirked.

"Does the fact I had to sit through three hours of yawn-inducing speeches amuse you?" She teased.

"A little."

"How was your day?"

"Good…sightseein' around here and going out to Cork tomorrow, well," he leaned over and checked the time, "In a couple hours. Had some great stew at the pub down the street. Only thing missin' was me givin' you a taste of it."

"I miss you too," she showed him his side of the bed, "It's been so long since I've slept by myself."

"Yeah," he murmured and naughtily raised his eyebrows, "What are ya wearin?"

"A shirt of yours."

Ed smiled approvingly and said, "Take it off."

" _Ed_!"

"Take it _off_ ," he repeated, more insistently.

Olivia propped the phone against some pillows and slowly gathered the cotton in her hands.

"I can't believe I'm going to do this."

…

 _While Ed chased down Maggie and Olivia buried her face in her hands, a shocked Wyatt chewed the inside of his mouth, figuring out what to do. Tension like this was rare in his family, and when it happened, he never knew how to react. He wrung his hands. In the distance, waves crashed to the shore, but, in front of him, his mother's shoulders rose and fall as she took deep, calming breaths. Every few seconds, she sniffled._

" _It's okay, Mom," he said reassuringly though he was jittery and his chest burned. He sat beside Olivia and put an arm around her._

 _Olivia put her head on his shoulder and finally put her hands down. "Thank you, sweetheart," she said._

" _Maggie's just in a bad mood," Wyatt explained with all the teenage wisdom he could muster, "She'll get over it."_

" _I certainly hope so."_

" _I'm sorry she said that to you," Wyatt's voice cracked ever so slightly. He and his sister were both generally happy and content. However, when frustrated, Maggie never hesitated to express her discontent, and everyone was used to instances of Maggie saying things she didn't mean. She could be incredibly dramatic, and, most of the time, her tirades were amusing rather than upsetting. Wyatt wasn't sure he'd ever heard her say "I hate you" to anyone. She surely hadn't said it to their mother._

" _She didn't mean it," he mumbled._

 _Olivia straightened her back and wiped her nose with the back of her hand. She sighed. "Everyone's so miserable…"_

" _We all had plans and they didn't work out," Wyatt said._

 _Olivia tugged on a section of his close-cropped brown curls. Her eyes beamed with pride. "You're so smart, honey. You're right." Another sigh, "Maybe a couple more days…"_

" _Then Noah'll be here and Maggie can go to that stupid bonfire."_

 _Chuckling, Olivia asked, "Why's it stupid?"_

 _Wyatt screwed up his face, "They play weird music and a bunch of them smoke and it's…" Wyatt trailed off._

"… _not your thing?"_

" _No."_

 _Olivia started to ask what exactly they were smoking, but she didn't want to take too much advantage of Wyatt's willingness to be honest. Her younger son did not have any innate ability to be deceptive—the few times he'd attempted a lie or evasion had been comically disastrous._

 _Wyatt had successfully helped put his mother at ease, but, when a scowling Ed returned, he promptly announced he was going to bed._

" _Night bud," Ed said in a tone incongruous with his expression. He quickly turned his attention to Olivia. "You okay?"_

" _I'm fine."_

 _Evidence of tears belied her words. Ed hovered over her and leaned down for a kiss before coaxing her to her feet. He tapped his phone screen a few times and music began playing from their wireless speaker. They began swaying to songs on a playlist Ed had curated especially for moments like these. "Perfect" by Ed Sheeran played first—it had been Sarah's and Justin's wedding song but, after the reception, Ed stole it and claimed the tune as theirs._

 _Head on her husband's chest, Olivia gradually felt her blood pressure and heart rate return to normal. She forgave Maggie. Wyatt was right—the vacation had come at both the best and worst time—when everyone in the family was a little off. Noah's presence always lightened the collective mood, and he would arrive soon._

 _Ed felt the tension leave her body. By the time they went to bed, he believed she was, truly, fine._

….

Noah and Olivia dropped the twins off at day care and continued on to school. As usual, Noah half-skipped his way along the sidewalk, and his backpack bounced up and down against his shoulders. He blithely swung his mother's hand and relayed the details of the previous night with G. He described the walk, the path they took, the snack at the café and taking pizza home—he made sure to tell her Wyatt ate only two bites while Maggie devoured a large portion of G's slice.

"And how many stories did you read?"

Noah ticked off the count on his fingers, "One, two, three, FOUR!"

"G told me you helped out with Maggie and Wyatt. Thank you, sweet boy."

"Yep! Those babies like ta run around so I told G s'okay to get 'em outta da stroller. Then I jus' play with 'em till it was time to go."

Olivia smiled sweetly. "I'm glad you like G, sweet boy. Would it be okay if she stayed with you again? If Sarah or Brooke can't watch you when Mommy and Daddy are away?"

"Yup! It okay!"

"Good."

"But! We like it when you and Daddy are _with us_!"

Olivia's heart exploded. "We like to be with you, too, sweetie. We love you so much."

"Love YOU!" Noah looked up to her with his brow furrowed, "Hey! We didn't talk ta Daddy last night! Cause you were at da fun'raiser!"

"I called him when you were asleep," Olivia admitted, "He misses you, but he and Grandma and Aunt Margie are having a good time. We'll call him tonight. And then, in three days, he'll be back!"

Noah narrowed his eyes, "You talked ta Daddy?"

"Yes."

"What'd he say?"

Olivia shivered and suppressed laughter as she thought of her husband's X-rated demands. "He said he was eating good food and seeing a lot of old buildings and today they were going to where Grandma Caroline was born."

"Wow!"

"Yeah. When he gets back we'll have him show us all the pictures on the big screen."

"Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie?"

"What you gonna do at work today?"

"Oh, I have to sign a lot of papers that says the work Sonny and Amanda and everyone else did was good work. Then I have an appointment with the man who is making the TV show—remember, I told you about that?"

"I 'member."

"And then I'll help the squad with the investigations we have going on. I'll probably have to make a lot of phone calls."

"Who ya callin?"

"The lab mostly, they do the science tests that help us solve our cases," Olivia said, "What are you going to do at school?"

"First we have math then reading and writing and we have lunch and recess then science and social studies and," Noah scrunched up his face, "What day's today?"

"Thursday."

"We have music t'day. Playin' da r'corders."

Olivia chuckled as she imagined Noah's class of twenty playing the rudimentary musical instruments. "I haven't heard from Mia in a while. How's she doing?"

"She good," Noah said.

"Does she play the recorder?"

"Yeah, but she sometimes hasta take a break," Noah said.

"She'd probably rather sing."

"Yep! She's a good singer. I wanna play da bongos, but the teacher say, 'Noah, everrone play da recorder first then ya can play da bongos at free time."

"Free time?"

"Yep! Dats when ya play what ya want."

"Wow," Olivia said, laughing again, "That must be…loud."

"S'really loud!" Noah said gleefully. "Miss Watson goes into her office and watches us through da glass!"

"Oh my…"

"I telled her I have headphones at home for my g'tar and she say 'Noah, thatsa great idea' so I think she gonna get some headphones like da ones Sare Bear have for making things quiet."

"Maybe we should get her a set for a present."

"Great idea, Mommy!" Noah giggled, "We're good idea people!"

"We sure are."

In an effort not to be late, Olivia left the apartment several minutes early, and they arrived at school with at least a half hour to spare. "Hey," she said brightly, "Here's another idea…we have some time…how about we go get something a little sweet to start our day?"

"Breakfast _again_?" Noah asked disbelievingly.

"Sure," Olivia said, "Or a fun drink?"

Noah's eyes grew wide. "How 'bout a frap'cino?"

"You got it, sweet boy."

"Then maybe I jus' go to police with you?" Noah asked with a shrug.

"You could," Olivia said, not wanting to completely shut him down, "But then you'd miss music and your friends and all the learning you're going to do today."

"Yeah," Noah agreed, "Gotta go to school so I can grad-u-ate."

"Graduate?"

"Yeah! Dat's da end of school! Da big kids came an' told us about it."

"Oh?"

"Yeah! And one of 'em showed us all da different medals and ropes—dat means he's really smart."

"Wow."

"When I'm big, I'm gonna have all the stuff!"

Picturing her son graduating with honors caused a lump to form in Olivia's throat. "Keep working hard, sweet boy, and I'm sure you will have all those ropes and medals."

"But first," Noah said cheerfully as they approached the coffee shop, "We get frap'cinos!"

Olivia forced a smile. They had many remaining years of Frappuccinos and pub dates and walks to school, but she wished she could capture and prolong moments like these.

…...

 _Cool, breezy mornings on the Delaware shore delighted Olivia. When the kids were younger she would cuddle with them under a blanket on the back porch. Wyatt would typically be up first, then Noah, and, finally, Maggie would add herself to the pile. Ed made breakfast, and Olivia and the kids planned their day. Even as they got older, the back porch was the family's morning gathering spot. Only now, during this trip, Olivia's snuggly children had turned into churlish teenagers wearing hoodies and athletic shorts and making it a point to sit as far away from each other as possible. She suspected Wyatt had admonished Maggie last night before he went to bed because, throughout hot drinks and breakfast, the wayward girl had not so much as looked at her brother._

" _I'm gonna get things cleaned up in the kitchen," Ed said. He and Olivia had done a poor job of requiring the kids to do chores. However, if asked, they readily lent assistance. "Then, Wyatt, I need you to help me lift the countertop out here." The rest of Ed's morning was devoted to giving the outdoor cooking area a thorough scrubbing._

" _Okay."_

" _Will you take my card and run down to the store for Brillo pads?"_

" _What's a Brillo pad?"_

" _It's uh," Ed made his hands into a circular shape, "It's like a sponge, but it's steel wool."_

 _Wyatt looked it up on his phone and nodded. "I got it. But these pictures look really old. Are you sure they still make this?" A mischievous grin formed on his face. Ed rolled his eyes and put Wyatt in a playful headlock._

 _Olivia expected Maggie to make some excuse to leave her presence, but she stayed put._

 _Last night, after Olivia and Ed danced for several songs and made love, they fell asleep without Ed giving much detail as to what he said to Maggie. He correctly sensed Olivia wanted to temporarily forget their daughter's venomous outburst._

" _Want to go for a walk?" Maggie asked in a quiet, repentant voice. It was about as far from "I HATE YOU" as she could get without completely groveling at her mother's feet._

 _Thrilled, Olivia offered a tiny smile and shot to her feet. "Sure." She called in to Ed, "Maggs and I are going for a walk!"_

" _Kay," he nonchalantly called back to her._

 _Their footsteps were making imprints in the wet sand along the shoreline before either one of them spoke. Unbeknownst to anyone, Maggie had been up most of the night, crying and beating herself up for what she'd said. She'd worked herself into a fit of despair and was convinced her words were unforgiveable._

" _Mom, I'm sorry," Maggie blurted out after they'd walked for several minutes. Tears spontaneously poured down Maggie's cheeks and she slapped them away. "No matter how mad I was or how much I wanted to go, I should have never, ever said that and I feel really, really bad."_

 _Olivia slung an arm around Maggie's neck and kissed the side of her head. Their long brown locks swirled in the wind and became loosely tangled together. "Apology accepted, sweet girl," she said. "I…I really do trust you, Maggie, it's just…I get so worried…I don't trust other people. I can't help it. I've tried, as you and Wyatt and Noah have grown up, not to worry so much, and I'm a lot better than I used to be, but I still…if anything ever happened to you, I couldn't handle it. I need to know you're safe."_

" _I wasn't thinking about you," Maggie admitted, "I was being really selfish. I forget…I forget how much you worry. And I wish you wouldn't, but…I guess…"_

"… _you're sort of stuck with that," Olivia finished for her._

" _Yeah."_

" _Sweetie, I will keep trying…but, being a Mom, it's a scary thing. I, well, I don't think I've told you this before, but I never thought I would be a Mom. I had kids late in life, and you and your brothers are that much more precious to me."_

" _Dad sorta told me that."_

 _Olivia wiped away tears of her own._

" _Why did you wait so long to have kids?" Maggie asked._

" _A lot of reasons," Olivia replied, "For a long time I was zeroed in on my job. Then I was in…well…I was in some head spaces where…having a child would've been a very bad idea. The first adoption agency I went to basically laughed me away, then, there was more work stuff, I got promoted, but right when I thought I was maybe ready to have a family, everything fell apart again."_

" _That guy you wrote about in the book?"_

" _Yes. That. And then, my boyfriend at the time, we wanted different things. But," Olivia continued on more cheerfully, "I got Noah a few months later. And everything changed—my priorities, my outlook on life—it was challenging, but it happened."_

" _Then Daddy…"_

 _All three of the kids knew their parents' story and enjoyed teasing them about it from time to time._

" _Then Daddy," Olivia gave Maggie another side-hug, "And then you and Wyatt. Two more strokes of luck…"_

 _Maggie winced. Last night she doubted her mother felt lucky to have her. "I am so, so sorry," she mumbled._

" _I forgive you, sweet girl," Olivia said._

 _Maggie grabbed Olivia's wrist so she stopped walking and pulled her into a firm, proper embrace. "I love you, Mom."_

 _Olivia battled impending sobs and managed to croak, "I love you too, honey."_

 _They both took deep breaths of ocean air as they turned around for home._

" _Wyatt and Dad are probably going to take forever cleaning that thing," Maggie said. "Can we go to lunch later?"_

" _Absolutely, sweet girl. Anywhere you want."_

…...

A morning of navigating narrow rural roads left Ed in need of a drink, so once they got settled in the small village inn outside Cork, Ed immediately led his mother and sister to a waterfront pub. It was too chilly for the windows to be open, but they were seated at a table with an unimpeded view of the harbor. White sailboats and tourist cruisers stood out prominently in contrast to the gray, cloudy day. Ed imagined his children pressing their faces to the glass and, Maggie especially, bellowing "BOAT!"

"Spectacular countryside," Caroline remarked of the drive as they sipped Guinness. "And, Eddie, I wasn't once afraid of crashing."

"I never knew you hated my driving."

"You drive like a cop."

Margie rifled through their tour books and pamphlets. She busied herself making a plan for the rest of the day—there were several sites and museums to visit and tour, and they were spending the night in the village so they weren't pressed for time.

Ed snapped a few photographs and sent them to Olivia. He made his mother crowd in for a selfie and sent that particular photograph to Noah's phone so he would have a nice surprise in case he checked the device.

"How's Olivia managing with the three babies?" Caroline asked.

"She's good—had somethin' last night so she called the babysitter. Sarah and Brooke were busy. Twins are going to day care…tough parts are takin' them all to the park and bedtime."

"She's a good woman, Eddie."

"Yeah she is."

"Looking forward to her retiring?"

"Yeah. Not really sure what to expect, but yeah."

"It will take her some time to get used to it," Caroline said, "When your Dad retired, at first, I was begging him to go back to work!"

Ed grinned. "I'm sure she'll find somethin' to do part time. She won't be able to totally give up her career. This I know."

"And you don't mind?"

"Nope. I want her to do what makes her happy. We'll still have tons of time to travel, be together…and she's excited about bein' a full time Mom."

"And what are _you_ going to do?"

"Same thing I've been doin'…be there…for whatever."

Caroline raised her glass, "I'm proud of you, my boy. And…whatever it took for you to get her to marry you…it was worth it. Well done."

"Second," Margie mumbled, still consumed with her books and maps.

Ed raised his eyebrows and pretended to be gravely serious. "Do you actually think I'm that awful?"

Caroline gulped her beer, swallowed, and, with a deadpan expression, replied, "Once upon a time, yes."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	13. Chapter 13

**Thirteen**.

 _In a perfect world, the Lieutenant would have been able to make a clean break when she retired. Ideally, she would walk away with her personal items in a few evidence boxes and leave all cases buttoned up for the DA's office_. _SVU had made several high profile arrests in the last months of Olivia's career, but, as she prepared to leave her office one last time, she organized and marked "urgent" a neat stack of accordion files for her successor._

 _Lunch was scheduled to be delivered and followed up with cake, but the "delivery" was actually Ed._

" _Got a surprise for ya," he said, sporting his signature smirk._

" _You do?" She asked, intrigued and genuinely caught off guard by his unexpected appearance._

" _Well," he shrugged and winked, "The Department actually...I'm the…escort. C'mon," he held out his hand. "It's not far."_

" _Ed, what is going on?"_

" _You'll see."_

…

Down time was dangerous. Olivia could easily get lost in the photos Ed regularly sent. Visualizing him in his ancestral land and then seeing his face set against the sea or lush green hills elicited intense feelings of longing. Not even during their brief breakup did she miss Ed this much. The hectic nature of juggling three kids and her job, she assumed, would make the time pass quickly, but the nighttime minutes dragged. Everything Ed represented—lover, confidante, protector, dry-witted comedian—she more profoundly than ever desired in his absence. When she finally did fall asleep, she did so clutching one of his pillows to her chest. Mornings began with disappointment. Ed's habits of kissing her shoulder, impishly preventing her from leaving bed, starting the shower, and making coffee had become part of their routine. Olivia hadn't recognized how much she'd come to rely on him; it was simultaneously comforting and terrifying.

"Lieutenant?"

The bespectacled television show producer popped his head into the office. His long hair was slicked back into his trademark ponytail and he wore a plain black t-shirt and khakis. His casual attire always threw Olivia for a loop. For some reason she assumed everyone who worked in show business was always immaculately attired or at least boasted a flashy accessory or two. Not this guy.

"Morrell," she said, using his surname as if it were his first name, "Come in, sit down. How are you? Do you want coffee?"

"No thanks," he sat in an armchair and played with his tiny gold hoop earring as he spoke. "Thank you for seeing me. Looks busy out there."

"We're in the middle of a dozen cases," she said. "Unfortunately, I can't give you many details about them."

Unaffected, Morrell waved his hands dismissively. He pulled a document from his attaché case and placed it in front of Olivia.

"Contract," he said, "You can take a couple days to read it through if you'd like."

Olivia skimmed the document and its subheadings. A cursory reading indicated everything they'd verbally agreed upon had been transferred to print; nevertheless, she told him she would take the evening to read it thoroughly.

"And, as you requested, we won't expect you in the studio or the office until we start filming later this summer. But, I would appreciate your input on the scripts I emailed. One of them will be the pilot. The other two may turn into episodes, or they may be shelved."

"I appreciate you being so flexible," Olivia said.

"Hey," he flashed his toothy, ultra-white smile, "We're honored to have you on board."

The blinds clattered as Rollins burst into the room. "Lieutenant? I'm sorry to interrupt, but…" she eyed the visitor and trailed off, cognizant about revealing too much information to a civilian.

Olivia offered Morrell an apologetic smile. "I'm sorry, but duty calls."

"No problem," he said, practically leaping to his feet, "Get a hold of me tomorrow with any questions about the contract?"

"Certainly."

It would not have been surprising if the producer lingered and attempted to eavesdrop, but he strode directly to the elevator. He scanned the room on his way, but it was obviously for garnering set ideas than to spy on the squad. As soon as he was gone, Rollins flipped on the monitors.

"Another one," Olivia sighed as soon as the crime scene photos appeared.

Bodies surfacing after ponds and reservoirs thawed was not uncommon in the early spring months, but, in the past two weeks, three female corpses, all similarly bound and disfigured, had been recovered. The Lieutenant was staring at the fourth.

"And we have nothing on the first three? Still no ID?"

"Nope," Carisi said.

"Get divers back into the reservoir. Get unis to go back over the area now that everything's melted—look for a purse, wallet, shoe…anything. Fin, you and I'll go to the ME. Fletcher, go sit at the lab until the DNA comes back." Olivia gave him an encouraging pat on the back. Detective Fletcher's sycophantic obsession with all things NYPD made him an invaluable asset when it came time to rush DNA or other lab tests.

The squad fanned out to their assignments. Olivia tossed Fin the keys. The ride would give her a few extra minutes to view the photos that arrived while Morrell was in her office.

…

For the better part of the day, Ed followed his mother and sister up and down the streets and narrow lanes of Cobh. They meandered in and out of shops. Caroline narrated most of the way, retelling the tales of her childhood and other family lore that had been passed down from generation to generation. The town was the final port of call for the _Titanic_ before it set sail for New York City, and, over Ed's mild objections, Caroline purchased a book about the ship for Noah.

"Ma, he doesn't need to read about a thousand people dying at sea," Ed grumbled.

"History is ugly, Eddie. Shall I buy him one about the prison ships to Australia?"

Conceding defeat, Ed held up his hands and let Caroline make her purchases. In addition to the book, she bought a replica of the ship for Wyatt and a snow globe for Maggie.

"You better find something for Olivia," Caroline said, "You can't leave your wife for a week and return empty handed."

At the sound of his wife's name, a dazed smile crossed Ed's face. He checked his watch. She was in the middle of her day, most likely busy, but he sent her a text message anyway. Two simple words.

 _Love you_.

After a few minutes, she replied with: _Love you! Can't wait to talk to you tonight!_

Ed's smile grew as he read the words. Olivia… _the_ Olivia Benson, now Tucker, couldn't wait to talk to him. Plain as day. She loved him. That fact would always be thrilling.

From that point on, he browsed with more purpose. He had already bought a few things to take home—chocolate, whiskey, a lambswool throw blanket, a soccer jersey for Noah and silly touristy t-shirts for the twins—but, Caroline was right, he needed something special for his wife.

"Relax, Eddie," she said at one point, noticing how closely he was inspecting shelves, "It'll appear when it's ready. No need to strain your eyeballs. When you're not looking…that's when you'll find it."

…

 _In a matter of twenty-four hours, domestic bliss replaced mutual discontent. Ed opened his eyes on the morning he and Olivia were set to return to their jobs and smiled, for all their problems had vanished. Olivia's squad meticulously unraveled the church scandal and the grand jury handed down indictments. He had been cleared of all wrongdoing, and, by association, no longer felt guilty about Olivia being reassigned because she no longer was. More significantly, Ed no longer had to love Olivia on the sly. Their relationship may have come to light at the worst possible time, but they'd battled the adversity together and emerged with an even stronger bond._

 _The sun had not yet risen. Ed caught a glimpse of the iPad baby monitor which showed Noah still sound asleep, his arms bent upwards at ninety-degree angles. Ed calculated he and Olivia had at least thirty minutes, maybe an hour if they were lucky, until the little boy stirred._

 _The trade-off for sleeping naked was the omnipresence of the iPad with the volume turned to its highest setting and Ed's assurance he would wake up before Noah. To him, these were minuscule prices to pay for the privilege of all-night skin-to-skin contact with Olivia Benson. Nevertheless, she persisted in her apologies. Ed's goal for the spring was to prove to her that he wanted both her and Noah in his life and that he was willing and eager to be as much of a father to the boy as she would allow._

 _He kissed the back of her neck. His lips touched skin and the chain of the necklace he'd recently gifted her. It was a simple piece of jewelry with a glass pendant that took on the color of whatever light it reflected. Goosebumps formed on his arms when he thought about how it was the only thing she was wearing._

 _In response to his touch, Olivia flipped sides and half-opened her eyes. "Good morning," she mumbled, her lips curling into a languid smile._

 _Ed played connect the dots with her freckles and paused when his fingertip touched the mark on her upper lip. "Mornin."_

 _Under the covers, she wedged one leg between his. She puckered her lips, kissing his fingers and then, as he moved closer, his lips._

" _Ready to get back to normal?" He asked, his voice raspy and muted since his mouth was still pressed against her skin._

 _Before replying, a moan escaped her lips and she pressed her hips into his. "I am. Seems strange, all of a sudden…everything's…like it was."_

" _Not like it was," Ed raised his head and made eye contact, "Better."_

" _You're right," Olivia stroked his head and smiled, "Dinner tonight?"_

" _Absolutely."_

" _Stop by the precinct, then we'll get Noah?"_

 _He gazed into her eyes. Fully awake now, they sparkled with buoyancy and optimism._

" _Sure you want me to do that?"_

 _She lifted her head from the pillow and kissed him. "Yes."_

" _Liv, you don't—"_

"— _Stop," she said firmly. She then repeated her request. "Come to my office when you're done. We'll get Noah. And dinner."_

" _Yes ma'am." He smirked and played with her hair._

" _Unless you'll be uncomfortable? Coming in?"_

" _No," he said, "I was more concerned about you bein' the uncomfortable one."_

 _Olivia kissed him again, more passionately this time. "I'm very comfortable."_

" _We still, ah, may want to be careful…"_

 _She was obviously not interested in embarking on serious talk. One of her hands drifted to his hip and her fingertips dug into his skin. "We were careful," she intoned, "So…let's flip the script. Total transparency."_

 _Ed flashed her an impish grin, "Total transparency?"_

" _Well," Olivia said with one eyebrow raised, "Maybe not total…" She angled his head to receive his kiss and laid flat on her back, inviting him to slide on top of her. Time was limited, but their morning lovemaking was sweet and tender, a contrast to the heated, aggressive sex they'd been having a lot of in the past couple of weeks._

 _Evidence of Ed Tucker's presence dotted Olivia's bedroom—jeans and sweaters were hanging from the armchair, shorts and t-shirts spilled from a duffle bag, and two fresh suits covered in dry cleaning plastic hung in her closet. His wallet and keys were on the nightstand._

 _As Olivia lifted her shoulders and cupped the back of his head, all of this came into view. She gasped and sighed. Repeated his name in a hushed voice. Encouraged him to keep going, keep loving her, for it was all so perfect, so right. Even if the worst had happened—if she would have been forced to stay at Community Affairs and Ed had lost his job—they would have still had this moment. They would still have each other. Olivia had never before experienced such a sense of security._

 _She was sure of it-all she had to do was say the word, and Ed Tucker was there to stay._

…

Sarah commended Olivia and Brooke for taking the time out of their busy schedules to meet her for Friday evening cocktails. It had been some time since they'd had an adult girls' night, so Sarah arranged for Justin and Sonny to watch the four kids at the Tucker apartment while she "borrowed" her two "BFFs". In return, she set them up with a taco dinner and a six pack of Pacifico. Sonny balked at the beer, worried he would have to go back in to the precinct if something broke in their newest case, but Olivia insisted Fletcher, Fin, and Rollins could handle whatever developed overnight. Besides, she needed him on duty Monday since she was taking a vacation day to welcome Ed back home.

"Well, ladies, I must say, it has been far too long," Sarah said as she sipped from her second cocktail. "What in the world is new?"

"I have a teething baby," Brooke said. "Olivia, I don't remember Maggie and Wyatt teething. Were they cranky? Sofia is miserable. So, I'm miserable."

"We had a rough couple days here and there," Olivia recalled, "But, overall, they weren't too fussy." She ticked off a list of teething remedies they'd used then admitted, "Your Dad, though, may have a different story."

Brooke and Sarah both laughed as they imagined their father trying to soothe two screaming infants and then refusing to admit to his wife how fussy they were.

"Grandma would probably tell you to put whiskey on her gums," Sarah said.

"I wouldn't do it," Brooke replied, "But I can see how someone would get desperate."

"She'll be better once those first ones are cut," Olivia said. She opened her Amazon app and looked through past orders. Finding the gel she and Ed used, she took a screen shot and sent it to Brooke. "That stuff," she said, "I believe worked wonders."

"Ordered," Brooke reported. "Okay, enough whining from me. Any updates from Ireland?"

"Your Dad is having fun being chauffeur and porter," Olivia joked. She slid her phone to the center of the table, "He's sent all kinds of pictures. They're going on the train to Galway today. They sure have packed in a lot of activity…I hope your Grandmother isn't too exhausted."

"I talked to her last night," Sarah said, "She didn't sound like she was tired at all…she actually sounded…a little drunk! I asked her if they were going to Belfast and she told me she would never go anywhere near those traitorous heathens." Sarah's ponytail slapped the top of her head as she ducked her head and giggled.

Brooke shook her head and murmured, "Oh, Grandma…"

"Aunt Margie was already asleep," Sarah said, "Perhaps we should be more worried about her."

Olivia took a sip and silently agreed with Sarah. When Ed told her Margie wanted to tag along on the trip, she was surprised. Ed's sister wasn't very adventurous and, when Olivia thought about all the times they'd gotten together, she mostly parked herself on a couch or an armchair and didn't move unless it was absolutely necessary.

"I bet you'll be happy for Daddy to be home, Livvie," Sarah remarked, the usual inquisitive glint shining in her eyes.

Without hesitation, Olivia replied, "Yes I will. I miss him."

" _Gawwwwwd_ ," Sarah let her head fall against Olivia's shoulder. As usual, she'd claimed the seat closest to her. "It must be torture taking such a long sex break."

" _Sarah_!"

"Whaaaat?" Sarah held out her hands, palms up, "We're all adults here."

"You're talking about…your _parents_!"

"Brookey," Sarah snuck a quick sip, "How long is it going to take you to realize I do not care?" She leaned forward on her forearms, "How long could you and Sonny go without sex? I know, for me? With Justin? Two days. Tops. _Gawwwwd_ , he's so sexy."

"Have a baby and you'll change your mind."

"I dunno…And Livvie and Daddy have three kids!"

A welcome distraction led to an abrupt subject change. Nearby, at the bar, a young couple, male and female, were huddled over empty drinks. The woman was talking on the phone, but her words were nearly unintelligible since she spoke while trying to suppress violent sobs.

"What the fuck?" Sarah muttered under her breath.

The three of them tried to maintain small talk while also eavesdropping on the drama. Never one to take pleasure in someone else's misery, Olivia nevertheless joined in and became increasingly intrigued at the soap opera playing out in real time before them.

" _So, tax season is upon us and work is bananas…"_

" _What's going on for spring break? Easter…"_

" _G said she had fun with the kiddos…"_

The crying girl slammed a fist on the bar causing the cocktail glasses to jump and land with a clatter. The bartender side-eyed them and scowled. He'd long ago left their check, but it was still sitting there, unpaid and dampened by condensation.

"I. need. A. GUARANTOR!" She shouted into the phone.

Sarah put a hand over her mouth. "Omigod."

"Shit," Brooke muttered.

Evidently, the woman was shouting at her mother who, for reasons unbeknownst to the Tucker women, would not co-sign an apartment lease. Next, she fired off a string of expletives, jammed the phone into her pocket, and stormed out, leaving her acquaintance to pay their tab and join her on the sidewalk.

The rickety pub door rattled shut.

"Two things," Sarah said with a disbelieving smirk, "If you need a favor, especially one involving money, one must use a tiny bit more tact."

"No kidding," Olivia murmured.

"Two," Sarah continued, "If you're going around to look at apartments, I might suggest slightly more formal attire."

Brooke burst into laughter. "What was that outfit she had on? A romper? A bathing suit cover up? I think I bought a similar one for Sofia for the summer."

"It is spring…" Olivia said.

"Livvie! It's sixty degrees! Not ninety! And we're in Manhattan…well…an island but not exactly an _island_ if you know what I mean!"

"Oh damn," Brooke said, squinting into the sun, "She's back."

Sure enough, the young woman, clad in her seersucker one-piece jumpsuit, stood hunched over the bar's sidewalk café fencing, barking into her phone. The male companion had an obligatory arm around her shoulders.

"And, is that a boyfriend?" Sarah asked. "Brother?"

"Well, he just kissed her in a non-brotherly way," Brooke observed.

"The two of them together need a co-signer? Maybe they need to find another neighborhood. Or borough."

Olivia felt sorry for them and the pathetic display of petulant emotion. "Poor kids."

"We're lucky," Sarah said, "We never had to beg…for anything really."

"I didn't because I lived in a Bronx studio for five years," Brooke said.

"I get wanting your kids to make it on their own," Olivia said, "But I don't think I could ever let Noah, Wyatt, or Maggie...do _that_."

"Me neither," Brooke said.

"Well, if you change your minds," Sarah said, "They can always call their Sare Bear."

Olivia held up her glass, "Cheers to the Sare Bear lifetime safety net."

…

The night's call to Ed lasted a while, mostly because Noah insisted on reading a story from the "Irish Book" to his Daddy since he determined it was bedtime in Ireland. One story led to another and another before Olivia finally announced it was time for the twins' baths. They blew each other kisses, Maggie and Wyatt slapped at the screen, and Ed wished everyone goodnight. Noah ran off to brush his teeth and change into his pajamas, and Olivia took one last look at the iPad.

"Talk to you tomorrow, sweetie," she said.

"Love you, Liv."

"I love you."

"You wanna see what I got ya today?" He asked, smirking because he knew she would decline.

"No. Surprise me. But…seriously, having you back will be enough."

The twins banged toys and babbled. Ed couldn't see them, but the sounds of his youngest children made him smile.

"Not because three kids is a handful," she said. "Because I…I kind of like having you around."

Ed playfully raised his eyebrows. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Should I call back later and we can finish what we started the other night?"

Blushing, Olivia replied, "It's not the same without you _here_."

"I know," he blew her another kiss, "Monday."

"Monday."

They hung up. An hour later, Olivia and the three kids piled into the "big bed" with snacks and settled in to watch a movie. Wyatt cuddled under Olivia's arm. Noah laid down on his stomach and Maggie sat on his back. She spent several minutes rocking back and forth, trying to get her brother to play _horsie_.

"G'up!" She said, kicking her heels into his sides, "G'up, NO!"

Her enthusiasm was contagious. Wyatt stood up and started jumping. Losing his balance, he fell onto Olivia, looked at her, and grinned. "CASH!" He exclaimed. "CASH!"

"Yes, sweetie, you crashed!" Olivia cooed.

Giving up on Noah, Maggie copied Wyatt.

Noah craned his neck around and giggled. "BABY PILE! BABY ATTACK! They gotcha, Mommy! Hey!" He said abruptly with a furrowed brow, "We didn't do da workout!"

"Oh," Olivia said, "Well, can we skip it tonight and do it in the morning?"

"Yeah," Noah said cheerfully, "Sometimes Daddy skip, too."

"He _does_?" Olivia asked with exaggerated incredulity.

"Yup!" Noah kicked his bare feet in the air. "He say we do double da next day but we never do."

Olivia laughed and clutched a fistful of Wyatt's pajama top as he jumped. Maggie was in the center of the bed attempting to do a somersault. "That's okay," she said, "Sometimes you need an off day for your muscles to recover."

"R'cover?"

"Yes. That's how muscles get strong."

"Daddy's muscles are REAL STRONG!"

"They are," Olivia sighed.

"I miss Daddy," Noah mumbled glumly.

"Me too, sweet boy. _But_ ," she said cheerfully, "We have the weekend and then, after school Monday, he'll be right back here!"

"YAYYYYYY!"

"What do you want to do this weekend? Should we have a picnic in the park? It's supposed to be warm outside."

Noah nodded vigorously. "C'we go up on da hill so we can see all da people and da buildings? Like we're in a castle?"

"Of course. You can pick the spot. And we'll get some good sandwiches—"

"—and chips? And cookies?"

"And chips and cookies."

"S'gonna be fun, Mommy!"

"Sure will."

Noah crawled under the covers and addressed his suddenly hyper siblings. "C'mon, babies, let's rest! Got a park 'venture t'morrow!" Then, he turned to Olivia and batted his sweet, innocent eyes. "We sleep here with you, Mommy, kay?"

"Sure sweetie. Friday night slumber party."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	14. Chapter 14

**Fourteen.**

Noah sat on the island while Olivia packed a small cooler for their picnic in the park. The cooler had been purchased by Ed who made sure to take measurements so it would fit in the stroller's storage space. Today it was perfect to hold their lunches, a few bottles of water, and juice boxes. The bag of chips went into the twins' bag which, as they got older, contained fewer and fewer items. Gone were the bottles, piles of extra clothes, and hordes of toys. Olivia made sure to toss in a plastic ball, Wyatt's favorite dump truck, and Maggie's race car. Noah would eventually wedge his soccer ball and football in with everything else, and they would be all set to go.

"Okay, sweet boy," Olivia said before closing the lid, "How's this look?"

"YUMMY!"

"Great! Let's get those babies strapped in and we'll go."

"Gotta have coats, Mommy?"

Olivia checked the temperature for the third time that morning and glanced at the twins. They were wearing turtlenecks, jeans, and gray hoodies. To Noah's delight, the three kids were all dressed identically, right down to their red Converse sneakers.

"We all have da same!" He observed gleefully. "And, Mommy, you have jeans, so you almost da same!"

"Maybe I should've bought myself some red shoes when I bought yours."

Noah smiled, "But ya can't wear dese shoes to work! Gotta wear da boots!"

Olivia mussed his hair, "Well, sweet boy, once I'm done with work we'll all go out and buy matching shoes. How about that?"

"That's GREAT!"

On the walk to the park, Noah regaled Olivia with last night's activities which occurred under the supervision of Sonny and Justin. They ate their tacos, but Sonny had to hold Sofia because she was crying "all da time." Olivia explained teething and Noah's hands flew to his mouth.

"Ouchie," he said. "I don't 'member getting these teeth!"

Olivia decided to leave out the fact that soon, Noah would be losing teeth and growing new ones. Even though this round was not all that painful, she didn't want to unnecessarily scare him.

Noah continued, "After we ate da tacos, Justy say we had ta clean up, so we did, then we played hide-seek, and, you know what?"

"What?"

"For a long time we couldn't find small sister and brother!" Noah doubled over with laughter as he walked alongside his mother. "Justy and Sonny were runnin' around and they were sayin ' _Maggie_! _Wyatt!'_ and _we couldn't find em_!"

Since her twins were safely strapped in the stroller and alive and well, Olivia laughed along with Noah. "Where were they?"

"SMALL SISTER AND BROTHER GOT INTO THE CAB'NETS!"

"How?" The Tuckers still had child locks on the doors Maggie and Wyatt could reach.

Noah shrugged, and Olivia speculated the guys had either forgotten to latch the lock or hadn't properly connected the two sides. Along with chase, hide-and-seek was a popular Tucker game. The twins, however, were usually very bad at it. They knew the concept of hiding, but, when the seeker approached, Maggie and Wyatt always revealed themselves. Apparently, they'd mutually decided to step things up.

"What did you do after hide-and-seek?"

"Justy and Sonny pushed us in da diaper boxes. And Sofia, too! I held her! Then she started laughin!"

When Olivia and the girls returned, Sonny and Justin were drinking beers at the island while the kids played on the floor. Now that she'd been apprised of all details, Olivia was shocked they hadn't both flopped on the couch.

After wandering around the park for a while, Noah finally pinpointed a spot on a hill suitable for setting up their picnic. Once they'd scaled the incline, they spread their large blanket and secured the corners with the cooler and a stroller wheel. They sat in a circle, sipped drinks, and took in the scenery. It was a beautiful day, and the paved walkways already teemed with joggers and camera-laden tourists.

"Lotsa people on 'ventures," Noah said, "S'like we're da king and da queen, Mommy, and dis is all our land!"

"Sure is, sweet boy."

"And those buildings over there—" Noah pointed to Central Park West apartment buildings towering above the tree line, "—those are our castles!"

Wyatt handed his juice box to Olivia. "A'done!" He stood up and toddled to their bag and produced a plastic ball printed with Disney characters. "Bah! Bah! Kick!" Even though he'd said "kick," Wyatt threw the ball in Olivia's direction.

"Throw, Wyatt," she said and demonstrated, "This is throw."

"Yeah! Ya kick with your foot!"

Maggie finished her juice and joined her brothers. The three of them wandered into the grass in front of Olivia. Noah found some sticks, made a goal, and organized a modified game. Olivia leaned back on her elbows and basked in contentment. Eventually, she snapped some photographs, took video, and acted as cheerleader.

"Kay, Wyatt, you give dis ball to Mommy," Noah said at one point, abruptly ending the soccer match, "I gonna set up da obstacle course."

Wyatt obediently brought the ball to Olivia and she took the opportunity to hug him and nuzzle his neck, sending him into a fit of giggles. He arched his back, and, with his head tilted, she admitted to herself that he probably could use a haircut even though she hated the thought of lopping off his soft brown curls. Wyatt squinted against the bright sunlight, and it reminded Olivia of their sunglasses.

"C'mere, sweethearts," she called to Noah and Maggie. "Sunglasses!"

"GASSES!" Maggie exclaimed as she snatched her pair from Olivia's hand and shoved them on her face. "Su'gasses!" She put her hands on her hips and posed as if she were on the red carpet. "Mooo STAH!"

"Yes, sweet girl, movie star," Olivia said, chuckling and assuming Maggie was mimicking something Sarah had taught her.

Noah had no patience for dwelling on how they looked in sunglasses though he did compliantly pose for a picture. He took the twins by the hands and walked them through his obstacle course. They had to zig zag around a few rocks, barrel roll twice, do a somersault, and sprint back uphill to Olivia who they were supposed to high five. By the time the three of them were tired of the course, dirt and grass streaked their clothing. Olivia grabbed the wipes and cleaned them as best she could. Before they unwrapped the food, she gathered all three kids in her lap and snapped a selfie. She edited it with the text "Hi, Daddy" and sent it to Ed.

….

During their call on their second-to-last night apart, Olivia and Ed spent most of the minutes laughing at one another's stories. Ed couldn't believe how dirty Olivia allowed the kids to get at the park. Olivia was shocked that not only had Ed filmed his mother dancing with various partners in the local pub, but also had joined in, purportedly to separate her from the much younger admirers. Ed shook his head at the crying lady in the pub; Olivia regarded his extra suitcase with bulging eyes.

"You had to buy another one?"

"Yep. Bought too much. When you and I come, make note, we'll need an extra bag."

Curious, Olivia requested to see one thing.

"Sure." Ed unzipped the bag with just enough room to pluck out the multicolored throw blanket. "I know we have a bunch of these, but this one's…so soft…the people have been makin' them here for hundreds of years."

Seeing him hold the blanket to his face, stirred every available emotion and Olivia would've given anything to be in that hotel room with him.

"I can't wait to touch it," she said, "And…touch you."

"Soon, Liv. Real roon."

…..

 _Sarah and Brooke grinned at Sonny and stepped to the dais._

" _Livvie, we are not going to make you cry," Sarah declared, causing the audience to break into a fresh round of laughter._

" _And if we do," Brooke added, "Please remember, this was all Sarah's idea."_

" _We," Sarah continued, "Are the daughters of Ed Tucker who many of you, some more intimately than others, are familiar with." Sarah paused for a peripheral glance at her father who had taken his seat between Olivia and Noah and was trying his best to pretend to be annoyed. "We met our Livvie one day about four or so years ago, we showed up at her office and she had no idea who we were, but as soon as we met her we knew she was someone special."_

 _Brooke took over, "Olivia, I don't think you knew you were going to have to share Dad with us, or that we'd pop in to your apartment unannounced or that Sarah would occasionally demand you join us for drinks or for lunch. We both knew right away that you and Dad were going to get married…but we certainly didn't expect you to so willingly step in and invite us into your lives."_

" _Livvie, we want to publicly thank you—for being there for us for everything," Sarah said, "No matter what you were dealing with at work, you never said no when we needed to talk or cry or go shopping or complain or borrow Noah. We so appreciate your sometimes brutally honest advice and for always thinking of us and, most of all, loving us like we're children of your own. We love you, too."_

 _Olivia had been squeezing Ed's hand under the table, but she stood and hugged each of the girls before they took their seats. She didn't have time to say anything other than, "thank you, that was so nice," because Carisi, the Master of Ceremonies, was already introducing the final speaker._

" _Ladies and gentlemen," he said, "Give it up for Captain Tucker!"_

…..

Fin and Rollins munched doughnuts and sipped coffee while briefing the Lieutenant about the weekend's developments. Of the four women in the reservoir, two had been identified as tourists who had traveled to New York unbeknownst to anyone else in their lives. Coworkers, friends, and family had no idea why either one of them were in the city.

"COD?" Olivia asked.

"Still waiting," Rollins muttered.

"Still waiting?"

"ME said no outward signs of one. Waiting for the blood work."

"Do I need to send Fletcher back to the lab?"

"Said they'll have it this afternoon."

Olivia closed the folders and set them aside. "I have to get to the airport," she said, "Keep me posted, but I probably won't be back until tomorrow morning." She tossed a few things in her back and zipped out of the office, leaving Fin and Rollins in stitches.

"Did that just happen?" Rollins asked.

Doubled over in the chair, Fin nodded.

Incredulous, Rollins turned and peered into the squad room. The Lieutenant was nowhere to be found. "She might as well have said, _I'm going to be naked with Tucker the rest of the day, don't bother me_."

Fin let out a long whistle. "Whooooweee," he said, still laughing, "Good for her though. Good for her. Go on, getcha some, Liv."

…..

 _Olivia opened the envelope and her jaw dropped. She shuffled the two tickets between her thumb and forefinger as if she were evaluating their authenticity._

" _Ed…"_

" _Not an April Fool's joke," he quipped. In passing, Olivia mentioned envying Barba. The ADA had seen several Broadway shows in the past weeks, with_ _Hamilton_ _being one of them. Reminders of the vaunted musical were everywhere, and, more than once, Olivia wondered aloud about its allure. Now, she could see for herself._

 _Keeping her eyes on the tickets, she reached for her phone, "I'll call Lucy…make sure she can stay a little later tonight."_

" _I already took care of it," he said, "I hope ya don't mind."_

 _Tucker couldn't believe his eyes and ears. Olivia actually giggled._

" _I one-hundred percent do not mind," she said, "But I would like to change clothes."_

" _Me too," he said, "So, I'll, uh, I'll run home then come pick you up?"_

" _Sure." The office blinds were open, but she kissed him anyway and it wasn't exactly a quick, chaste peck._

 _An hour later they were at a tiny bistro two blocks from the theatre and miles away from the garishness of Times Square. They shared two small plates, a bottle of wine, and several kisses. Since they'd been outed as a couple, Olivia had been more inclined to public displays of affection, and she both held his hand and clasped his arm on the walk from the restaurant to the show. Even when they took their seats, she leaned into his shoulder._

 _The performance captivated them both in different ways. Ed was more interested in the history; Olivia raved about the music, and, during intermission, downloaded the soundtrack from Apple Music. After the show, when the cast took their bows, she clapped furiously. Her smile was one of the most jubilant Ed had ever seen._

 _He led her into the aisle with his hand on the small of her back, "Well, Benson, whadja think?"_

" _Amazing," she gushed, "Absolutely amazing…I'm…speechless."_

" _Wanted to make sure we went before the original cast goes their separate ways."_

 _Olivia raised her eyebrows, "When's that happening?"_

" _This summer, I think."_

 _She kissed his cheek and waited for eye contact. "Thank you, Ed," she said with utmost sincerity._

" _You're welcome."_

" _Nightcap? Or…we can go right home…"_

 _She cocked an eyebrow and squeezed his hand. Ed's face flushed and he flashed a shy grin. The fact that "home" implied the two of them going back to her place thrilled him._

" _Whatever you want."_

" _Let's combine the two," she said._

" _Sounds good to me."_

 _Outside the theatre, she paused, cupped the back of his head, thanked him again, and capped the expression of gratitude with a brief yet deep kiss. For a split second, Ed felt a pang of guilt. He hadn't bought the tickets with an ulterior motive. He didn't want her to feel like she owed him anything._

" _This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me," she murmured, almost embarrassed to utter the admission. "I'm…stunned."_

 _Her easy, raw transparency rendered him speechless, so he took her hand and headed in the direction of her apartment._

 _It was at that precise moment he envisioned an indefinite future for the three of them._

…

Most of the time, Olivia avoided using the shield to obtain perks, but she cast all scruples aside to make sure she was there as soon as Ed stepped off the jetway. The flight was still in the air when she arrived at the gate, and she constantly refreshed the airline's website in case there were any changes.

She saw him first and weaved her way through waiting passengers. The Irish winds and exposure to the sea were evident on his face and the extra ruddiness caused his blue eyes to stand out even more. All of a sudden, they were the only two people in the airport. Caroline and Margie greeted her with words and smiles, but their voices were distant, muted and echoey. Olivia may have returned the hellos. She may have smiled. Caroline may have amusedly announced she and Margie would meet the two of them at baggage claim.

" _Ed_." She jumped into his arms. He dropped his carryon and caught her.

They were blocking others, and he managed to maneuver them a few steps off to the side, kicking his bag out of the way as well. He splayed his hands across her back, buried his face in her hair, and kissed her head. "Thought you might be here," he whispered, taking a much longed-for deep breath full of her scent.

"I couldn't wait to see you."

He coaxed a little space between them so he could kiss her lips. "Flight seemed like it took days."

He held her face and ran both thumbs under her eyes, ready to catch tears that had not yet formed. Olivia's chest heaved. She blinked a few times and, to keep her lower lip from trembling, she bit it, but he kissed her lips, her forehead, and each of her cheeks. A combination of love, compassion, and relief swirled among his features. Finally, the inevitable tears filled Olivia's eyes, and he wrapped her again in his firm embrace, willing to hold her there for as long as she needed.

….

Ed kicked the door closed with his foot.

"Liv, I dunno how…"

"Shut up." Olivia gasped for air then fused her lips to his, somehow managing to work herself out of her blazer and blouse, leaving her clad in bra, pants, shield, and Glock.

Ed couldn't help himself. He admired her at arm's length. "Goddamn."

Tempering her lust for a couple of extra minutes, Olivia seductively removed her shield and weapon, dropping them to the floor where they would be sure to find them later when they departed for Noah's school.

He filled his hands with her breasts and backed her against the wall. "Liv, I, I'm not gonna be able to wait much longer."

"Then don't." While they kissed ferociously, Olivia loosened his jeans and shoved them down so he could step out of them. She shimmied out of her own pants and he rocked his hips into hers. Primed and sensitive, she cried out, into his mouth, and he created enough space so he could lift her by the thighs and carry her to the couch.

He ridded them of their remaining garments and tried to slow down, backtrack into tender foreplay, but it wasn't necessary and, by the way Olivia was insistently pawing at him, he knew she wouldn't mind. Besides, they had the whole afternoon in front of them.

"Oh my God, I missed you," she moaned.

Ed released a few pleasant groans and rasped, "I love you, baby." Experiencing her again after an eight-day hiatus was like discovering a more perfect paradise. All the anticipation, the love and lust, her soft skin, her face contorting, her lips forming a circle then curling into a smile—it was exhilarating, close to an out-of-body experience, but he wasn't out of his body because his nerves tingled, he felt her hands on his hips and heard her pleas for him to go harder, faster, to never, ever stop.

They didn't care about the neighbors. They didn't care if their entire neighborhood heard them scream wildly. Ed didn't care that he could hardly breathe—he mustered the energy to carry her to the bedroom, kiss her more, explore every inch of the woman he loved more than life itself and now seemed brand new.

Olivia thought they were going to bed to be in each other's arms and talk sweetly about their time apart. The amount of energy they'd expended had to have an effect on her jet lagged husband, but he wasn't finished. Briefly, she considered giving him a way out, almost told him it was okay, he didn't have to—

" _Oh my Goddddddd_."

He'd been teasing her—kissing along one thigh then the other, back and forth, getting closer and closer to where she wanted him most and when he finally planted himself there, she arched her back and cried out for more.

Determined to leave her completely and utterly sated, Ed worked assiduously. In his mind, he was compensating for the eight nights he hadn't been there next to her. The vacation had occurred at her insistence, but neither he nor she realized how difficult it would be to be apart. The two of them were no longer meant to exist separately.

They were one.

And he was back exactly where he needed to be.

Home.

….

Disheveled and pleasantly fatigued, Ed and Olivia cocooned themselves under the covers, keeping an eye on the clock so they weren't late picking up Noah. They had a few minutes remaining until their agreed-upon shower time, and Olivia was so glued to Ed he predicted it might take some minor cajoling for her to adhere to their plan.

"You asleep?" He asked.

"No," she pressed a kiss to his chest, "I'm…basking."

"Whatcha thinkin' about?"

"How much I love you."

He made circles on her shoulder with his fingertips and kissed the top of her head. "I don't know if there's a number, a word, to describe how much I love you." He could feel her smile, and he dared to cross into more serious sentiments. "I don't ever wanna be away from you again, Liv."

She sat up a little. He saw flecks of trepidation in her eyes.

"I didn't want to say it," she replied. "Saying it…makes it seem too real. Too scary."

"Scary?"

Shifting so she was resting against his chest but facing him, she explained, "I could…function without you, sure. But it was…more than missing another set of hands with the kids or all the chores you do…" She paused and they exchanged tiny smiles, "…I…I…need you. I've changed into this whole other person and I'm not _me_ without you. It's almost, like we share a heartbeat," she coyly ducked her eyes, self-conscious about being so sappy, "I didn't realize it until you weren't there."

"You said exactly what I was feeling," he murmured.

"And it doesn't scare you?"

"No," he twirled a section of her hair around an index finger. "But I can understand why you would feel that way."

"You must be tired of having this conversation…me having issues with being dependent on you…"

"Exactly the opposite, Liv. You talking to me, about anything and everything, about _issues_ …it's an honor." She chuckled doubtfully. He pinched her chin between his thumb and forefinger, "And what you're describing _is_ dependence, but it's the kinda dependence people have when they're in love. It's not a flaw…it's a strength. And," he paused for effect, "We are…so strong."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	15. Chapter 15

**Fifteen**.

The cool spring breeze sent strands of Olivia's brown hair into Ed's face as they walked to Noah's school. Ed's pace, understandably, was quicker than normal. Although he hated leaving the bed, once they were showered and dressed, he was giddy at the thought of seeing his children. He assumed Noah would shout "DADDY!" and sprint into his arms. The twins' reaction was more challenging to predict. They would be two in mid-May, and he wasn't sure how much they understood or felt the concept of missing someone. Also, if they were involved in serious play, they often were reluctant to leave day care.

Sure enough, Noah's jubilant reaction turned heads. He maintained a death grip on Ed's neck, so Olivia took it upon herself to gather Noah's take-home materials into his backpack. Noah refused to be put down, so Ed carried him out of the building. Olivia smiled at the sight. For all his precocious maturity, Noah was still a little boy who needed and loved his Daddy.

When they were a block away from day care, Ed finally thought aloud about the twins. "Wonder if they even noticed I was gone," he mused in a half-joking manner.

"They did," Olivia said, "They would point at your mug and your shoes and say _Dada_." She squeezed his hand, "They'll be excited to see you."

Ed admitted to himself he was going to be a tiny bit hurt if the twins greeted him in their usual manner, but he needn't have worried. The presence of any adult visitor attracted the attention of most of the room's toddlers. All their little heads turned to the doorway, and all but two immediately went back to their toys.

"DADADADA!" Wyatt scrambled to his feet and toddled over as quickly as he could.

Maggie simply shrieked and giggled; she was so excited she knocked herself off balance and fell. Undeterred, she hopped back up and joined her brother in Ed's embrace. Wide-eyed, Maggie looked at Olivia.

"Ma!" She exclaimed and pointed to Ed, "Da! NO! DA!"

"Yes, sweet girl," Olivia cooed, "It's Daddy!"

Noah giggled. Maggie's reaction suggested she perceived Ed's appearance as magical. "POOF!" He said. "There's Daddy!"

"POOF!" Maggie echoed.

Ed held a twin on each hip. "How are my Maggie and Wyatt?" He asked sweetly, "Daddy missed you! Wait 'til you see the presents I gotcha from Ireland. You wanna go home and play with 'em?"

"PAY! Dada PAY!" Wyatt pointed to the room and all its toys.

"No, bud, we're gonna go home and play. Let's get your bag."

"Arready got it, Daddy!" Noah grunted and lifted the twins' tote. "Lessgo! Lessgo see da souv'niers!"

Olivia kicked open the stroller. She took Maggie and strapped her in, but, like Noah, Wyatt wasn't quite ready to be separated from Ed.

"I'll carry him," Ed said, kissing Wyatt's cheek.

"I take your seat, Wyatt!" Noah wedged himself in the front seat and looked back at Maggie. She giggled, reached forward, and slapped at his head. "No, hitting, small sister!"

Maggie thought Noah riding in Wyatt's spot was hilarious. "No, No, No!" Tired of straining to paw at his head, she kicked the back of his seat and cracked herself up the whole way home.

….

 _Out of respect for those who liked to sleep past six a.m., Olivia made a habit of setting her alarm so she could intercept the twins before they started moving around and making noise. She slid out of bed, careful not to jostle her husband even though he was snoring softly, still deeply asleep. Before leaving the room, she paused to smile sweetly at him. He was on his stomach, his head facing her side of the bed with lips slightly parted. He had his arms curled under the pillow and, even at rest, his biceps remained firm and defined. It was all she could do to stop herself from waking him up for a morning quickie. Besides, she heard soft noises from the living room._

 _She found her twin four-year-olds struggling with the sliding glass door that opened to the balcony. They were doing their best to be as quiet as possible, and Olivia observed for a few minutes._

" _Press da button, Wyatt," Maggie said through clenched teeth._

" _I'm tryin!" He hissed._

 _After only three days in Florida, the twins were deeply tanned and the sun had added gold-toned highlights to their brown hair. The night before they each had chosen their favorite sets of pajamas. Wyatt's were light blue and printed with smiling lobsters. Maggie's white, sundress-style nightie was adorned with multicolored butterflies. She slapped her shoulder-length locks out of her face as she bent down to inspect what exactly was preventing them from going outside._

 _Olivia tiptoed behind them. "Want Mommy to help you, sweethearts?"_

 _Wyatt frowned and said in a hushed voice, "S'hard to open, Mommy!"_

 _The sliding latch was, appropriately, difficult to disengage. Olivia slid it to "unlock" and, after a sharp click, the door opened. Maggie and Wyatt skipped outside and pressed their faces between the railing slats._

" _Green flag," Wyatt observed, "We can swim in da waves today!"_

" _Me and Sare Bear and Sofia are gonna build a huge castle," Maggie reported gleefully, "Bigger den yours and Noah's, Wyatt!"_

" _Uh-uh," Wyatt retorted and held his arms up in the air, "Ours gonna be dis big!"_

" _If it is," Maggie said tauntingly, "We'll CRUSH it!"_

" _Maggie!" Olivia scolded, "That is not nice. We don't crush other people's castles. Besides," she switched to a playful tone, "Daddy and I are going to build the best castle."_

" _No you're not, Mommy!" Maggie growled and jumped into Olivia's lap. She pressed their foreheads together and reworked the sand castle contest plan. "You wanna be on my team?"_

 _Wyatt piled on, "No! Mommy's on our team!"_

" _Mommy's a girl," Maggie shot back, "She's on da girls' team!"_

" _Then we get Daddy. And Justy! And Sonny!"_

 _Olivia balanced the twins on her thighs while they engaged in their verbal sparring. Her family had grown increasingly competitive as Maggie and Wyatt got older, and now they were the ones who typically started the friendly trash talk. Beach vacations were particularly ripe for competition. So far there had been swimming races, spikeball, Marco Polo, and evening card games. Wyatt and Maggie had already decided on today's event—the sand castle contest—and Olivia was sure beach volleyball, touch football, and Frisbee would be on the schedule in the near future._

" _Do you think we should have some breakfast, first?" Olivia asked._

 _The twins nodded vigorously._

" _I'm going to make coffee first. What would you like to drink?"_

" _Juice, please!"_

" _Choc'lit milk, please!"_

 _Olivia kissed their heads and nudged them to the floor. "Okay, sweethearts. I'll be right back." When she returned she asked them if they would rather eat breakfast in the condo or go to a restaurant. Noah was stirring, and she, Brooke, and Sarah had agreed they would all handle breakfast on their own._

" _Rest'raunt!" Wyatt said immediately. "Da one down there!" He pointed in the direction of a beachside café they had already visited twice._

" _Yes!" Maggie said. "I want waffles and bacon!" She had recently taken to Ed's way of curling the waffle into a taco._

" _And the sauce!"_

 _Wyatt was referring to the café's vaunted variety of fruit-infused syrups._

 _Noah staggered onto the balcony, rubbing sleep from his eyes._

" _Good morning, sweetie," Olivia gave her almost-nine-year-old a hug and a kiss._

" _Morning," he mumbled, "Whatcha doin?"_

" _We're thinking about going to get breakfast. How does that sound?"_

" _Good," he replied._

" _THEN!" Maggie shouted, "We gonna build da castles. You're on Wyatt's team, Noah. It's boys 'gainst girls so we have Mommy and our castle's gonna be super tall…"_

 _Noah half-listened to his sister's ramblings and peered at the Gulf of Mexico._

" _Green flag, Noah!" Wyatt pointed out, "Get ta swim t'day!"_

" _Yeah," Noah said, a languid smile forming on his face, "We can use the boards."_

" _I can surf, Noah!" Maggie boasted. She was referring to two days ago when she stood on a skim board while Ed held her hands._

" _Me too!" Wyatt chimed in. He bent his knees and jerked his hips around, "Ya go like dis! Then ya crash into da water!"_

" _Mommy," Maggie said, "I'm hungry! My tummy's goin' GRRRRRRR!"_

" _How about we go in and wake up Daddy?" Olivia stood up and led her crew to a second set of sliding doors leading to their bedroom. She and Ed had left them unlocked last night. "Shhh," she said as she tugged on the handle._

 _The three kids grinned mischievously and crept behind their mother. She saw Ed's eyes open, but he realized what was happening and quickly shut them, pretending he was still asleep. He even offered an exaggerated snore._

 _Noah held up a hand and silently counted to three. As soon as the third finger went up, the trio heaved themselves onto the bed._

" _Wake up, Daddy!"_

" _Time for br'fast!"_

" _Wakey, wakey!"_

 _Noah bounced on his chest. Maggie and Wyatt each peeled back an eyelid._

 _Ed sniffed and snorted and acted confused. "Huh? Huh? What's goin on?"_

" _YAY! He's awake!"_

 _The twins jumped around chanting, "Dad-DY, Dad-DY!"_

 _As they got more raucous, Olivia grabbed them before they got out of control and fell. Noah took the opportunity to cuddle at Ed's side. He still wasn't fully awake._

" _Hey, bud," Ed said softly._

" _Hi, Daddy."_

" _We're goin' out to eat?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Well, I guess we all better get dressed then."_

 _Maggie giggled. "Mommy? C'we go in our jammies?"_

" _No, sweet girl. C'mon. Let's get your clothes on."_

" _Wanna wear my bathin' suit," Maggie said._

" _Okay." Olivia plucked a fresh bathing suit and cover up from a drawer. "Here ya go, honey."_

 _Maggie continued chattering while Olivia dressed her. "Cause after waffley tacos we gonna get in dat water!"_

" _May need to digest first."_

" _Whassat?"_

" _It means you take a little rest and let your food settle so you don't get sick jumping around in the waves."_

 _Undeterred, Maggie shrugged. "Then we just float in da raft for a lil' bit."_

 _Still in bed and under the covers, Ed flashed Olivia a grin._

 _Maggie had an answer for everything._

…

It didn't take long for the Tucker home to get back to normal. Ed's first night back had been filled with cuddles, laughs, and play. The kids loved their new, handcrafted toys. Olivia quickly became addicted to the soft lambswool blanket. She and Ed sipped from one of the bottles of whiskey, broke off pieces of chocolate for themselves and the kids, and watched in amusement as Noah expertly put together one of the two puzzles he'd been gifted while wearing a slightly too big emerald green rugby jersey.

Exhausted, Ed fought to stay awake after dinner. Once the kids were asleep, Olivia insisted he go to bed, but he shook his head.

"You gotta have your other present," he said.

Even though the suitcase full of gifts was more than enough, Olivia suspected he had something else for her.

"It's in my other bag," he said, motioning to the bedroom, "C'mon."

Instead of a box, the necklace came in a felt pouch. She held it up to the light and gasped at the gorgeous Celtic Knot pendant hanging from a rose gold chain. She knew the significance—the knots had no beginning and no end.

"Five," Ed said softly.

"It's beautiful. I love it. So, so perfect."

"The only thing more perfect is you." Ed could barely keep his eyes open, but he kissed and sucked gently at her neck. A combination of the whiskey, fatigue, and one meal over the course of almost thirty hours rendered him unsteady on his feet and he took her with him as he collapsed on the mattress. As he kissed her, he fumbled for the necklace. "I wanna see you in it," he rasped, " _Only_ in it."

Olivia was more than willing to indulge him. Any doubts she had about his stamina quickly disappeared as he made love to her in his favorite way—slow, sensual, and deliberate. Afterward, he rested his head against her chest. He uttered a few sweet sentences but his words quickly became incoherent as he drifted off to sleep.

The following morning he resumed his daily routine. He hadn't woken early enough for any morning intimacy, but he started Olivia's shower and went to make coffee. When she appeared with her damp hair wrapped in a towel, her mug was ready for her. The twins were drinking milk and watching cartoons in their armchairs and Noah was at the island sipping juice and patiently waiting for Ed to serve him breakfast.

"Want some eggs?" Ed asked after she kissed him good morning.

"Sure. Thank you." She kissed the top of Noah's head, "Good morning, sweet boy."

"Mornin!" Noah's legs dangled beneath him and he smiled sweetly at his mother, "Gonna eat with me?"

"Yep," Olivia said, "Then I'll finish getting ready and I'll take you to school."

"I know howta get there."

Olivia and Ed both raised their eyebrows.

"Yes you do, honey," Olivia said softly, "But Mommy or Daddy have to walk with you."

"Why?"

"Because that's part of our job."

Noah shrugged and accepted the answer but soon asked when he would be allowed to walk to school on his own.

"When you're twelve, bud."

Noah counted. "One, two, three, four, five, SIX more years!"

Ed called Maggie and Wyatt over, but they were entranced by the television. Olivia went to them. "C'mon sweethearts. Want eggs and toast?"

"Egg!"

"Toasss!"

"B'fassss!"

Olivia put them in the high chairs and Ed placed their plastic partitioned plates on the trays. Wyatt grabbed a handful of eggs.

"YUM!" He exclaimed with his mouth full.

"Fru!" Maggie said, "Fru! Dada!"

Ed added blueberries to their plates. Olivia handed over their chunky plastic utensils and the twins diligently began feeding themselves.

"Those babies are gettin' good at using da fork and spoon," Noah said, biting a corner of toast.

"They've been watchin' you, bud," Ed said. He slid eggs from the skillet to Olivia's plate. "One or two pieces of toast?"

"One for now."

He buttered a steaming hot piece, sliced it diagonally, and added it to her plate.

"Tired?" Olivia asked.

He gave her a little smirk, shrugged, and said, "Nah. Gonna be busy today? Or is that a stupid question?"

"Mr. B. say always ask questions!" Noah chimed in.

Olivia smiled and tousled Noah's hair. "That's right, sweet boy. That's how we learn," Olivia turned to Ed, "We hit a brick wall with the, um, Central Park case. So, maybe, maybe not."

Ed saw her eyes become gloomy and distant as they always did when she felt helpless. With Noah present, he couldn't offer much consolation, but he kissed her hand, smiled, and told her to let him know if he and the twins could take her to lunch. He was good at this—at tacitly reminding her of the bright spots in her life when she was dangerously close to sinking into despondency. Sure enough, serenity gradually returned to her mien as she took in her surroundings—their kids, muted cartoons on the television screen, the kitchen littered with remnants of Ed's prep work, and the floor full of toys.

She locked eyes with Ed and promised, no matter what, to carve out time for lunch.

….

 _While she waited for the results of the squad's initial witness interviews, Olivia anxiously tapped her foot and stared at the clock. Lucy was supposed to be off for the weekend, but did Olivia a favor and took Noah on Saturday morning. Rollins and Carisi caught a case Friday night, and it involved varying degrees of celebrity, so Olivia reluctantly called the nanny. She had every intention of coming in for an update and deploying her detectives, but shortly after her arrival, Chief Dodds showed up and ultimately inserted himself into the investigation. Feeling the weight of her boss' scrutiny, Benson knew she had to change her plans. The squad fanned out to vet witnesses. Olivia retreated to her office, presumably to review the shreds of evidence already collected, but first, she had to figure out child care._

 _A voice in her head kept telling her to call Tucker. Noah knew him. Tucker had been to their apartment and had accompanied them to dinner and to the park, but she'd never dared to ask her, gulp, boyfriend to take care of her son while she worked. It was a line she'd drawn unilaterally and was wary of crossing. She trusted Tucker, but Ed in the role of babysitter added another layer to their relationship. As she'd done for almost a year, Olivia scrutinized every move, every decision, and every aspect of her connection to Captain Ed Tucker. He had never balked at "date nights" at her apartment. During those evenings, he always played with Noah. He brought him presents. He cut food into child-sized pieces, wiped his hands and face, and even helped him change into pajamas._

 _There was absolutely nothing to make her think Ed was anything but eager and willing to be a part of Noah's life._

 _So, she took a deep breath, and called him._

…

Something was up with Ed.

At lunch, he'd declined several calls and cursed his phone when voicemail notifications beeped. Never one to pry, Olivia doted on the twins and helped them dip their French fries in ketchup without getting the sauce everywhere. She was grateful for the together time because she accurately predicted a long evening and she arrived home after the kids were asleep. When she walked in, she heard Ed talking on the phone, and he quickly ended the call before Olivia could discern who was on the other end.

A paranoid, distrustful wife would assume the worst, but Olivia did not fall into that category. She was merely curious at the mounting evidence, but she decided to hold off on asking Ed about his furtive activities. After all, the calls could have been mere flukes. Then again, Ed was not someone who fielded a lot of requests for idle conversation.

He was on the sofa with his legs propped on the coffee table. Olivia stopped to kiss him before swapping her work clothes for sweats. She also dropped a stack of brown two-pronged legal folders in his lap then poured a glass of wine.

"Help," she said, plopping down next to him.

He gingerly opened the first folder. "Am I supposed to be seein' this?"

"No," she said, "But we need fresh eyes. Anything you come up with…well…I'll have to take all the credit."

He turned to her with a smirk on his face and puckered his lips for a kiss. "Fine with me."

Olivia watched closely as he paged through the files containing written details of the evidence they'd collected in the reservoir cases. He easily reverted to Captain Tucker mode—hardened jaw, intense eyes, and furrowed brow. After several minutes, she couldn't help but kiss his cheek.

" _Lieutenant_."

"Sorry."

She put her head on his shoulder and watched the next segment of the rerun he'd been watching. At the commercial break, she kissed him again.

He raised his eyebrows and pretended to be annoyed.

"You want my help or not?" He asked with overt flirtation in his voice.

"Yes. I'm sorry."

Ed continued reading and Olivia went back to the show; however, she lasted only a few more minutes before taking the pile from him.

"I changed my mind," she said.

The playfulness in his eyes betrayed his attempt to remain gravely serious, "You want me to just forget about all that and make love to you?"

"Yes."

He poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue. "I suppose I can do that."

"You _suppose_?"

Entangling the fingers of one hand in her hair, he pulled her in for a deep, passionate kiss. During a brief pause, he raspec, "Now all I can think about is how much I love you…how much I want you."

Olivia laid back and tried to drag him on top of her.

"Uh-uh," he said, casting his eyes toward Noah's room.

"Oh yeah."

He stood and helped her up.

"Locked doors," he said. "Locked doors are good."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	16. Chapter 16

**Sixteen**.

 _Olivia felt terrible after telling Kristi they didn't have enough evidence to prosecute her rapists, but she couldn't help but chuckle on her way home when she thought about calling Tucker to see if he wanted to meet for a drink._

" _Oh yeah," she said to herself, rolling her eyes, "Tucker's at my apartment."_

 _She assumed Noah would be asleep and entered quietly to the sounds of a Disney movie playing at a low volume and the sight of Ed lying on the sofa with Noah out like a light on his chest. Sensing her presence, Ed woke up as soon as she hung her trench and blazer on the coat rack._

 _He offered a breathy "hey" and sat up slowly so he didn't wake Noah._

 _Olivia instinctively held out her arms, but she stopped herself when she saw Ed tenderly cradle the boy's head and stand up._

" _You wanna take him?"_

 _The question didn't exactly indicate he was eager to hand over her son._

" _Um…let's put him in bed. C'mon."_

 _Ed followed Olivia to Noah's room and laid him gently in the crib he would probably only use for a few more months. He squeezed Olivia's elbow and left her alone to kiss her son goodnight._

" _Thanks," she sighed when she returned to the living room. She'd expected to see Ed back on the sofa, but he was leaning against the counter and apparently ready to leave which was exactly the opposite of what she wanted. "Do you want a drink?"_

" _Sure, but…if you're wantin' to—"_

 _Olivia waved away his objections. "I'm going to change. I'll be right back. I have a couple of beers, bourbon…wine…whatever you want."_

" _What do you want?"_

 _Olivia tilted her head in the direction of a recorked wine bottle. "Will you pour the rest of that for me?"_

" _Yep." His breath caught in his throat. She knew he wouldn't want wine._

 _Back on the couch, inches apart, Ed asked about her day and listened as she immediately launched into a diatribe against Chief Dodds._

" _I…I admit, this girl, is not a great witness…but as soon as he heard Bobby D'Amico, it was…case closed. Blinders up. The guy bought him dinners at some fancy restaurants and he's forever innocent of all crimes."_

 _Ed's antipathy for Dodds was no secret. "How'd Mike react?"_

" _All of us know something's not right," Olivia replied, failing to answer the question. "Dodds, the Chief, wants it swept under the rug. But, then again, he's right. Even Barba agreed. It's beyond murky…it's…"_

 _She flapped her hands around in exasperation and Ed caught them._

" _Frustrating?"_

" _In every possible way," she replied, feeling the familiar butterflies as Ed leaned in for a kiss. It was sweet but brief. Ed never pressured her; he let her lead the way when it came to intimacy. Had she merely given him a peck and retreated to her side of the sofa, he would have done the same thing and been perfectly fine with it. But she parted her lips, released his hands, and held his head to hers._

 _She kept her eyes closed for a few seconds after the kiss. "That was nice."_

" _Yeah."_

" _Ugh," she groaned, "This whole day…was not supposed to end up, well, it wasn't supposed to last the whole day. Fucking Dodds."_

 _Ed had a million derogatory words for Bill Dodds, but he chose to remain silent, gaze at Benson, and run his fingers through her hair._

" _I hope you didn't have important plans for today," she said weakly._

" _Liv," he half-whispered, "I want you to call me when you need someone for Noah. Or for you. And I want you to know you don't have to think twice about it." He kissed her again, tentatively, leaving space between their bodies. "_ _Right now_ _is my important plan."_

 _She grinned and played with his shirt collar. "Ed Tucker…"_

 _His eyelids hung heavy as he gazed at her. "I'm glad you called me today," he said, "It means a lot."_

" _I…"_

 _He held up a hand and interrupted her, a rarity. "—I know you trust me. I know this," He held her hands again and ran his thumbs over her knuckles. "Is goin' to take some getting used to."_

 _She inched closer for another kiss. "I don't want you to feel pressure," she hesitated, suddenly anxious and at a loss for words._

" _No pressure," he said, reassuring her with a smile. "We're…havin' such a good time together…I care about you, Liv—"_

" _I care about you, too."_

" _And I already told ya…I like you…a lot." He added a playful nudge. "And I'm pretty sure you kinda like me…So let's not overthink it, huh?"_

" _I like that idea." She smiled and settled in under his arm._

" _Noah's been talkin' a lot about trains lately," Ed said, "Want to take him to the Transit Museum sometime? Might be fun."_

 _Seconds after they'd agreed to avoid overthinking, Olivia had to stop herself from doing just that. She put her arm across his chest and took a moment to soak up the comfort of being so close to him. "You're full of great ideas tonight," she murmured, flirting a bit. "Got any more?"_

" _One or two," he replied, matching her tone._

" _Care to share?"_

" _Whenever you're ready."_

… _._

As dusk fell over the city early Wednesday evening, Sarah and Noah burst into the Tucker apartment with their hands full of shopping bags and early dinner leftovers. Their afternoon together included stops at the National Museum of Mathematics, two hobby stores specializing in model trains, DaVinci for art supplies, a stroll through Chelsea Market, and a stop at Kidding Around where Noah picked out presents for the twins.

"Here ya go, babies!" Noah triumphantly pulled two boxes from the bags. "Got Monster Pile 'cause it r'minded me of BABY PILE and dis other one, we can build a 'musement park, but I haveta help ya. It say you haveta be three, but you're almost two, and I'm six, so Sare Bear said it's okay."

Maggie and Wyatt crouched and inspected the boxes.

"SIDE!" Wyatt exclaimed, pointing to the slide pictured on the box. "Bi' SIDE!"

The pieces to the amusement park were secured in a plastic tub. Noah easily slid it from the soft cardboard case. "Comes with a book, Wyatt. We gotta read da book and follow the instructions."

Wide-eyed, Maggie jabbed an index finger at the second box and shouted her word for "Monster!" She tried to rip open the packaging, and, finding the lid hopelessly secured with tape, dragged the package to Ed.

"Want me to open it, Maggs?"

"OH! Dada! OH!" She grunted and tried again to get into the new toy.

Ed sliced the tape with a knife and spread the pieces on the floor. "Here ya go. You stack 'em like this." He secured the first few monster pieces and Maggie took over. Perched on her knees, she worked carefully and twisted her lips in concentration.

Sarah had helped herself to a small pour of what looked to be bourbon. Ed raised his eyebrows and questioned her choice. "Long day?"

"No," Sarah replied, "I saw this in your cabinet and it looked interesting."

Ed saw the bottle of the sweet holiday bourbon he thought they'd finished off months ago. "This was in there?"

"Yes. Why?"

Ed shrugged. "Thought we were out of it." Sarah either ignored or didn't notice Ed's flushed cheeks. He poked around in the take out bags and opened one container. "Where'd you eat?"

"Bar Sardine."

Ed bit into the corner of the lukewarm cheeseburger and chewed approvingly.

"Noey and I decided to do the tour of the best burgers in the city," Sarah said, "So we started there. We also brought doughnuts from Chelsea Market. In the other bag."

Ed broke apart one doughnut and gave a piece to each of the kids. He grinned at Maggie and Wyatt as they tasted the semi-unfamiliar food. "Yummy?"

"YUM!

"YUMUMUMUM!"

"They had lotsa doughnuts there," Noah said with his mouth full.

"Did ya try 'em all?" Ed asked.

"Only three."

Ed lovingly rolled his eyes and returned to the island.

"How are we doing with party planning?" Sarah asked. "We haven't talked about it in a couple weeks."

Ed found his phone and pulled up his checklist. Invitations had been mailed. The catering and venue arrangements had been secured. The program had been created and was ready to be printed and duplicated. "We're pretty much ready to go," he reported, "You and Brooke are doing the decorations, right?"

"Yep!"

"Then we're good. Workin' on one last thing, but that's more the Department's thing than mine."

Sarah picked up on the air of secrecy, "What is it?" She leaned forward and stared at her father with wide, inquisitive, Tucker-blue eyes.

"Secret."

Scowling, Sarah snapped, "Oh, come on. You brought it up. You know you want to tell me!"

She was right. Since learning of the plan, he'd been so desperate to let someone in on the surprise that he told Maggie and Wyatt one afternoon before their naps.

"Fine," he said. "But you can't tell anyone. Not Justin. Not Brooke. Nobody."

Sarah exuberantly bounced on the barstool. "Promise, promise, promise."

Ed skeptically eyed Noah. Even when he seemed fully occupied, the kid overheard bits and pieces of conversations. His interest may have already been piqued hearing the word "secret." He thought of a boring excuse to get Sarah out of the room.

"Hey, bud, I'm gonna show Sarah our closet shelves. We'll be right back."

"Kay, Daddy!"

Once they were out of sight, Sarah giggled and said, " _Closet_ _shelves_?"

"You want to know or not?"

"Yes, yes, yes. Let me see this fantastic closet design."

"I'm sure you've been in here snooping a hundred times before."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

…

 _Justin was very athletic and nimble in the sand and Olivia proved herself to be an excellent receiver, so the two of them on a touch football team were difficult to contain. After the first half hour of play, they combined for three touchdowns, Wyatt and Noah ran in two more sores, and, on defense, Justin sailed across the sand, stopping the opposition from gaining large chunks of yardage._

 _Sarah summed it up best as she took a breather while the two sides set up for kickoff. "I have burned every single calorie I've consumed on this vacation," she panted, hunched over with her hands on her knees._

 _On the next possession, Justin set up as quarterback and Olivia split out at wide receiver. Brooke jogged over to cover her, but Ed got there first. "I got this one," he said with a wink._

 _Justin barked meaningless signals and Noah hiked the ball._

 _Olivia sprinted past Ed, sidestepping his attempt at holding, and cut across the center of their white sand field. Justin lofted a pass and Olivia caught it in stride. She made a break for the goal—a set of sand pails—but Ed caught up and wrapped her in a bear hug. He lifted Olivia off her feet and swung her around. Dizzy, his knees buckled and she collapsed on top of him._

" _HEY!" Noah shouted, "NO TACKLING!"_

 _Maggie and Wyatt, who had not quite grown out of their proclivity for piling on others, heaved themselves on top of their parents. They both tried to wrestle the ball from Olivia's grip. She managed a handoff to her teammate._

" _Go, Wyatt, go," she said._

 _He sprinted for the goal and kept running to the shore. Sarah and Brooke gave chase and ended up taking him down in the waves._

" _Well," Sonny said, "Guess that's the end of the game."_

" _Sorry," Ed mumbled as he helped Olivia to her feet._

" _Daddy! You were not s'posed to tackle," Maggie said, her hands on her hips and her sweet little face contorted into a frown._

" _Hey, I'm on your team, Maggie May," Ed said. He now had his arm around Olivia's waist._

" _It's alright, Captain," Sonny continued, "I'm beat anyway." He rocked back and forth from heel to toe, "Gonna feel this in the morning."_

 _Justin chuckled at Sonny. They got along well, but Sonny's tendency to be a bit finicky always amused Sarah's husband._

 _Everyone but Ed and Olivia headed to the shoreline, and Ed kissed a few times at Olivia's neck. "Whaddya say we head in and get dinner ready?"_

 _She didn't have to look at him to know what he was thinking._

" _Sure, Captain."_

 _Ed shouted their plans to the rest of the group. He knew their kids would not want to go inside. Sure enough, they begged to stay._

" _We got 'em," Sarah said, "C'mon, kiddos. Get the buckets. Let's go find some shells."_

 _Ed and Olivia watched their brood plus the Carisis, Sarah, and Justin meander down the beach. All three Tucker kids employed the same type of gait—a half-skip, really—and it warmed Olivia's heart. They were all so happy._

 _Impatient to get inside, Ed tugged on her fingers. "Liv?"_

" _Oh, yeah, sorry…dinner."_

 _He grinned devilishly, "Yeah…dinner."_

…..

Seeing another inquiry from the brass at One PP made Olivia audibly groan. It had been two weeks since the first body surfaced in the reservoir, and she and the squad were miles away from closing the case. They had no promising leads and only two of the four bodies identified. Matching names to the corpses hadn't gotten them any closer to finding the perp, and the pressure was weighing down everyone, Olivia most of all.

She summoned Rollins into her office.

"Yeah, Liv?"

"Hey," Olivia said in her most solicitous voice, "Will you do me a favor?"

"Sure."

"That FBI profiler will be here soon along with the water expert and the ME with the final autopsy reports. I really need to be here. Can you go down to One PP and brief them? They're," Olivia scowled at her laptop screen, "Not taking _give me a couple hours_ for an answer."

"No problem," Rollins said, "Whaddya want me to say?"

Olivia raised her hands in frustration. "Give them what we have…which isn't much…and stress that we've called in the feds."

"Sure thing."

Rollins grabbed her jacket and went directly to the headquarters. She was glad the Lieutenant gave her something official to do. Olivia's retirement was still three months away, but, unbeknownst to anyone, Rollins was preparing for the Lieutenants' exam and hoped to be selected to succeed her boss. She rehearsed a few lines on the way, and gave, what she thought to be an intelligent, informative report. She easily fielded questions and assured the panel of men in their dress blues that SVU would eventually bring the killer or killers to justice.

In the elevator, glad to be alone, she took deep breaths. She hadn't realized how nervous she'd been. Usually, if she spoke to the press or to their superiors, Olivia was right there and certainly willing to step in if Rollins went off script. This time she'd not only been on her own, but she was confident she'd made no errors.

When the car stopped, Rollins moved to exit, thinking it was the lobby. Instead, she nearly ran smack into Ed Tucker.

"Oh, uh, um," she stammered, "Sorry, uh, Tucker. Wrong floor."

Tucker appeared stunned, not unhappy to see her or irritated, only completely blindsided he'd (almost literally) run into her.

"Rollins," he managed to sound friendly and forced a smile, "How are things?"

"Good, good…just…here to brief 'em on the case, you know, the girls in the reservoir."

"I may have heard somethin' about it."

She smiled, getting the joke and stalling. Small talk with Tucker would always be a challenging endeavor. Luckily, the rest of the elevator ride lasted less than a minute and the two of them hurriedly parted on the street.

…

For the first time in at least a year, maybe more, Ed awoke to the sound of Olivia's body thrashing around under the covers. From her mouth came soft, unintelligible, distressed whimpers and moans. In the moonlight he saw her clenched jaw and eyes squeezed into an impossibly tight squint.

He grabbed for her hands first.

"Liv. Liv, baby, wake up."

As if controlled by a remote operator, her entire body froze and her eyes popped open. Seconds later, she realized where she was and who she was with.

" _Ed_."

"C'mere," he propped himself against the headboard and lifted her into his arms. "What was it?"

 _It_ could have been a hundred things, but he assumed the stress of the reservoir case was finally taking its toll.

"You couldn't get to me," she whispered in an almost disembodied voice.

He kissed her head and held her as tightly as he could without being overly aggressive, "I'll always get to you, Liv. Always. No matter what."

Olivia didn't immediately respond. She spent the next several minutes concentrating on her breathing and on the feel of her body against Ed's. The details of the nightmare remained fuzzy, but she had no doubt about its origins. Earlier that afternoon when Rollins mentioned seeing Ed, alarm bells went off in Olivia's head. Yet another piece of evidence pointing to her husband's deception. But why? And for what? The calls were one thing, but visiting One PP? Was he thinking about rejoining the force? Would they even let him do that? Never once, in any of their conversations, had he regretted retirement. Could the dedication to their family, a commitment he displayed on a minute-by-minute basis, be waning?

She shivered.

"Liv?"

"Sorry," she replied a bit too quickly, "I'm fine…I…every once in a while…"

He reached over and turned on the lamp.

The expression on his face caused her to immediately feel guilty about doubting him. There was nothing but love, adoration, and, now, concern in his eyes. He smoothed her hair and examined every millimeter of her features.

There was no fooling him.

"Actually, Ed," she sighed, "I'm not fine." Then, in the ensuing minutes, it all came pouring out. The declined calls at lunch. The conversation he ended abruptly when she came home. And finally, the encounter at One PP. She waved her hands around as she ticked off her observations. She struggled to make eye contact. When she finished, to her utter shock, the classic Tucker smirk was plastered on his face.

"Busted," he said, holding up his hands in surrender. "I should've known better."

" _What_ is going on?"

"I can't tell you. But," he planted a soft kiss on her lips, "I can't let you live in suspicion any longer, so I'm partially coming clean. I have been consulted…about a project related to your impending retirement. And that is absolutely _all_ I am saying."

An intrigued smile crossed her face. "Seriously?"

"Seriously." He kissed her again. "I'm sorry…you, uh, you can see now why I rarely went undercover."

At this, Olivia laughed and laid back down, resting her head against his chest. "I won't ask questions. But…this is a relief."

"You didn't think I was havin' an affair did you?" He was obviously joking and made himself chuckle.

"No...but…there were so few other explanations…and…to be honest, I kind of forget I'm retiring soon, so something related to that didn't immediately cross my mind, but, today…I didn't know if you were going back to work and nervous about telling me, or—"

"—I _promise_ you, that will never be the case."

"So," Olivia lightly scratched his stomach, "Whenever you're a little cagey, I can assume you have some surprise up your sleeve…birthday, anniversary…"

Her hand drifted lower, guaranteeing they weren't going back to sleep anytime soon.

"Yep," he replied with a gasp, "all kinds of occasions for surprises…Mother's Day, Valentine's Day, or—" he gasped again, this time more sharply, "—just because I love you."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	17. Chapter 17

**Seventeen**.

Olivia positioned herself in the middle of the bed, tucked one arm under her head, and waited for Ed. He and Noah had been in Riverdale most of the afternoon and evening helping Caroline set up her spring furniture on the deck. They returned with full stomachs, a few scrapes, and, for Noah, a root beer float moustache. After his bath, the five Tuckers gathered on the sofa for their regular Saturday night movie and junk food fest. Everyone wanted a piece of the soft blanket from Ireland. Maggie liked to rub the lamb's wool against her face as Ed had done when he and Olivia video chatted. Poor Wyatt tried to commandeer the entire thing, and Noah merely giggled and wisely said he'd wait his turn since he had the privilege of staying up later than his siblings.

"We'll haveta go back soon and get another one," Ed murmured.

"We could order online," Olivia suggested.

Maggie was in her lap, the two of them using Ed as a cushion. After Wyatt gave up his quest for the blanket, he and Noah snuggled together on the chaise. Ed played with Olivia's fingers.

"Not the same," he mumbled into her ear.

The kids went to bed without protest. Olivia had been lax on Maggie's nap, so even the reluctant sleeper willingly turned in for the night. Olivia went to bed, and Ed double checked the locks, turned off lights, and adjusted the thermostat; however, he was gone longer than he should have been and when he finally joined his wife, she was a wee bit impatient.

Until she saw the bottle in his hand.

"I didn't know we had any of that left," she said, smiling up at him as he stripped down to his underwear.

"I didn't either." He tossed his t-shirt on the armchair and assessed the bed. Olivia had left him very little space on his side. "Um…s'cuse me?" He put one knee on the mattress and waited, pretending to be unaffected and immune to her advances. The trouble was, it was impossible not to be aroused by the sight in front of him—dark hair splashed on the fresh white pillowcases, raised eyebrows challenging him to carve out space for himself, and lips curled in an alluring pucker as she ran an index finger along his thigh.

He held out the bottle, "Wanna sip?"

"Not yet," she purred.

He put the bourbon on the nightstand and slowly crawled forward until he was propped on his forearms, straddling her. Olivia played with his hair, his ears, and traced his cheekbones. "You have a scratch here," she said, gingerly touching a half-inch long streak below his earlobe.

"Shrubs," he mumbled, "Needed to be cut…it really hurts."

Olivia grinned, lifted her head, and kissed the mark. "Better?"

"A little."

She kissed him in the same spot then bit his earlobe. "How about now?"

" _Mmmmmm_."

He let his body fall into hers and initiated a passionate kiss. They held each other tightly, unwilling to surrender a millimeter of separation between their bodies. Sex was inevitable, so they silently agreed to savor this simple intimacy. When they paused for breath or to switch angles, they exchanged coy smiles.

"I love you, Liv," Ed whispered, taking a second to stare into her eyes, emphasizing the words were more than a trite phrase. Ed loved Olivia every second of every day; in everything he did, he lived and breathed her. From the moment they'd shared their first kiss, Ed vowed to devote the rest of his life to making her happy. He was succeeding, but he would never surrender to complacency. Each day presented another opportunity to find new ways to love her.

….

 _The host seated the Tuckers on the deck at a corner table with an umbrella where they had an unobstructed view of the ocean. The kids ignored the laminated breakfast menus and fixated on a beach volleyball game being played on a court situated about twenty yards away. They rearranged their chairs and were sitting with their backs to Ed and Olivia._

 _Ed grinned and leaned over for a kiss. "I guess we're, uh, a party of two now?"_

" _I guess so," she replied, "Kind of early for volleyball."_

" _Prolly figure it's cooler now."_

 _A bubbly young waitress arrived for drink orders and the kids turned around, suntanned fists gripping the backs of their plastic chairs._

" _I like your goggles," she said to Wyatt._

 _While Maggie insisted on wearing her bathing suit most places, Wyatt rarely relinquished his swim eyewear. He either wore the goggles around his neck or on his forehead. They were an expensive pair, black with blue-tinted lenses, and were among Wyatt's most prized possessions._

" _Thanks," Wyatt said shyly._

" _Wyatt has those goggles 'cause we always swim!" Maggie interjected. "Like, we could swim out there before our br'feast comes!" She lifted her cover up, "And I have my bathin' suit!" Maggie grinned triumphantly. Her hair was pulled back in pigtails and each of her fingernails was painted a different color because the last time Sarah took her for a manicure she couldn't decide on only one hue._

 _Amused, the waitress chuckled and asked for their drink orders. "You need to stay hydrated for all this swimming," she said. The kids politely ordered their preferred beverages and went back to the volleyball game._

 _Ed ordered a Bloody Mary and Olivia went with mimosa. They didn't pressure the kids into selecting their breakfasts quite yet. The ambiance was peaceful and relaxing, and they weren't in a hurry to leave._

 _The volleyball players were incredibly skilled. They raced around the sandy court with ease, made sharp passes, diving digs, and laser-like spikes. It wasn't long before all three Tucker kids were on their feet and visibly reacting to the action._

" _Mom can we go down there?" Noah eventually asked._

 _Ed glanced at Olivia. There were a few other spectators. The beach was wide open, and they could easily keep an eye on their trio. She shrugged._

" _Sure, bud. We're gonna order in a little bit. Maggie, I know you want waffles and bacon."_

" _I want cheesy eggs," Wyatt said._

" _I want dippy eggs and toast and bacon," Noah said._

" _You got it."_

 _Olivia simpered at Ed. They could have requested anything on the menu and he would have ordered it._

 _Noah led the twins down the steps toward the court. They each had their plastic kiddie cups in their hands. They took a seat in the sand and, soon, Ed and Olivia heard them cheering when someone made an outstanding play. A few of the players started giving them high fives. When the ball bounced far away from the court, the kids retrieved it._

 _On the deck, Olivia never once took her eyes off her children. Noah, always one to follow rules and consider safety, would never let his siblings wander off. She and Ed could be at the court in seconds if their kids were threatened. Nevertheless, she refused to divert her vision to anything or anyone else._

 _Ed propped his feet on Noah's chair and sipped his Bloody Mary._

" _Those guys are good," he remarked._

 _Olivia didn't let her overprotectiveness stop her from teasing Ed. "They are. And they're also…in very good shape."_

 _Ed grinned and puffed out his chest. "Maybe we need to have a game later…"_

" _Sarah and Justin are never going to invite us back," Olivia joked, "I think everyone's tired of trying to keep up with us."_

" _They needta suck it up," he said, "We're in our mid-fifties for Chrissakes. And we dominated on the football field last night."_

" _You mean I dominated."_

" _I was the only one who could keep up with you."_

" _Then why did I score four touchdowns? And you had to cheat to stop me!"_

" _I didn't cheat," Ed said of the illegal tackle, "I wanted to be close to you."_

" _Uh-huh."_

 _The food's arrival interrupted their banter. Ed put his thumb and forefinger into his mouth and his shrill whistle pierced the air. All three kids' heads snapped in his direction and they came running back to the deck._

" _Ya think you wanna play volleyball tonight?" Ed asked after Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah excitedly described the players' skills._

 _All three of them responded with an enthusiastic "YES!"_

" _We gotta get a volleyball, Daddy," Wyatt said._

 _Noah furrowed his brow, "That ball was kinda hard."_

" _We'll find something a little softer," Olivia said. "What should the teams be?"_

 _Organizing teams was Maggie's forte. She stopped eating and articulated her plan, waving her hands around as she spoke. It was a classic Olivia-esque mannerism, and Ed smirked proudly._

" _It should be us," Maggie said and pointed at each of her family members as she counted, "One, two, three, four, five. We're one team and we're 'gainst Brooke, Sonny, Justy, Sare Bear, and Sof. That's five, too. So, it's even, but," she bit her lip and thought out loud, "there's more old people on the other team…but…" she thought for a few more seconds and shrugged, "We winned at Marco Polo and it was little people 'gainst big people and Sare Bear always goes and gets a drink in da middle so…s'okay."_

 _Noah and Wyatt agreed with Maggie and they began plotting strategy._

 _After they stopped their gentle, loving laughter, Ed whispered to Olivia, "Did she call us old people?"_

" _Indirectly," Olivia said, "But, to be fair, she also called all adults old."_

" _We're gonna kick ass," he murmured._

 _Olivia raised her glass. "Cheers to that."_

….

Caroline was thrilled to learn she would have to set an extra place for dinner late Sunday afternoon. Mia came over for what was supposed to be a two hour play date, but her father called and begged the Tuckers to keep Mia longer. He had a work emergency, was on his own with his daughter for the weekend, and couldn't get a hold of the nanny on her day off. Ed explained they were headed to Riverdale. They were happy to take Mia, but wouldn't be back until later in the evening. Mr. Bianchi saw this as a positive—he could focus on work and definitely finish by the time the Tuckers returned his daughter.

Ed ended the call and announced the news. Mia and Noah were ecstatic and the twins joined their celebratory laps around the living room. Olivia smiled but fretted about travel. With the car seats and Noah's booster, room in the back seat of the Tuckers' small SUV was at a premium.

"We'll take out Noah's and put 'em in the middle?" Ed suggested.

"That's so dangerous," Olivia said through gnashed teeth.

Ed kissed her cheek and whispered, "I'll be extra, extra careful."

She squeezed his hand and nodded.

Once everyone was safely at Caroline's, Ed hovered around the guest and his son, ready to pounce on his mother if she said anything he deemed inappropriate. Like everyone else, Caroline quickly became smitten with the sprightly little girl, especially when she wandered through the cluttered living and dining rooms and marveled, "Gramma, you got a lotta stuff!"

"Think so, dearie?" Caroline replied. "Should I throw anything out?"

"Nah," Mia said, scrunching up her nose, "It's cozy." She jumped into the recliner and cuddled with the train pillow Caroline purchased for Noah years ago. "This yours, Noah?"

"Yep! We got lotsa toys here, too! Daddy? Can we go out in da back?"

"Yes you can," Caroline answered before Ed opened his mouth, "Because your Daddy is grilling the sausages I snuck into the country from Ireland." She shoved a foil-wrapped package into Ed's hands, "Let's not have a repeat of the turkey fiasco, huh?"

Ed's face reddened and he jumped to his own defense, "That was the smoker, Ma! That thing's broken."

Brooke was concerned about the meat itself, "Are you sure it's safe to eat?"

Sarah cast her eyes upward, presumably calculating how long the sausages had gone without refrigeration.

Caroline checked her granddaughters' apprehension. "Those babies were frozen solid when we left! I ate one last night and look! I'm alive and not vomiting nor do I have the runs!"

"Gross," Sarah muttered. She and Brooke followed the others onto the deck. Noah was already trotting toward the garage and Sarah nudged Ed. "Anything broken in there this year?" She asked, her eyes wide and innocent.

He couldn't help but smile. "Nah. Everything intact."

"Oh good, she said, "Well, on second thought…a little disappointing if ya catch my drift." She winked at him over her shoulder and began taking everyone's drink orders.

Olivia came outside with Maggie, and the little girl, seeing everyone in the yard, made a beeline for the steps.

"Whoa, whoa, sweetheart," Ed cautioned, grabbing her hand, "Lemme help ya. Big step."

"BI'STEP!"

"Another one."

"JUMP!"

Ed took her other hand. "Okay, one, two, _threeee_ , jump!"

Maggie's "jump" skipped the final steps and she landed on the grass. Ed flipped her upside down, blew strawberries on her belly, and wrapped her in a bear hug before she joined everyone else. Brooke was helping Noah and Mia arrange the croquet set. As backups, Noah had also found the golf clubs, the Little Tikes basketball hoop, and Caroline's assortment of years-old ride-on toys.

Ed bounded up the stairs to a smiling Olivia. She planted a firm kiss on his lips.

"Wow," he said, "What did I do to deserve that?"

"I love watching you take care of people."

He clasped his hands around her waist and smirked. They swayed together for a moment until Caroline stepped outside with her cocktail in hand.

"Jesus Christ, you two, I can't leave you alone for two minutes! Eddie, you're supposed to be starting the grill, not making love to Olivia in front of everyone!"

Ed played along. "I make love to her everywhere, Ma."

Caroline lovingly shook her head. "Will you take a tiny break and start the goddam grill?"

"Sure, Ma."

"You were only gone a week," Caroline continued, "I thought you would've made up for the lost time the day we got back!"

Olivia burst into laughter and put an arm around Caroline's shoulders. "I love you," she said softly.

"I love you, too, dearie. Now, get yourself a drink. Don't always feel like you have to go along with Eddie's advances."

A few minutes later, Mia invited Caroline to try and hit the croquet ball. Olivia sidled up to Ed as he waited for the burners to heat up, kissed his cheek, and whispered, "I'll always go along with your advances, Ed Tucker."

….

 _The apartment was so still, when the icemaker dropped a fresh set of cubes, the sound seemed decibels louder than it actually was. It startled Ed and he flinched. His drooped eyelids snapped open._

" _Ed, go to sleep," Olivia implored softly. Her head was opposite his body and her knees were bent across his lap._

" _You wanna be alone?"_

 _A bundle of nerves sizzled against Olivia's ribcage._

 _Alone._

 _Ed respected her need for independence. He had proven himself adept at allowing her space while gradually showing her shedding the hardened persona she preferred to present to the world and leaning on him did not amount to weakness. Since she and the Crivellos had been taken hostage, he made himself as available as she needed him to be. He was good at reading her; and she appreciated how skilled he was at caring for her without condescension. Unpredictably, Ed Tucker was an excellent listener. He knew when to offer and advice and when to simply let her rant. Most of the time he sensed when she wanted him to touch her, hold her, and when she needed to be left alone. And, when he wasn't sure, he asked._

 _Like he'd just done._

 _And she absolutely did not want to be alone._

" _I keep replaying it in my head," she said. Her voice was already trembling and she reached for her hand. "Every second. Every decision. How did we…Mike, me, how did we not search him?"_

 _The question was obviously rhetorical. Ed squeezed her fingers and gripped her kneecap with the other hand._

" _It was…it was a nice day, it started that way…I keep thinking, Dodds and I…we were both looking ahead, this one thing, one minor thing, get her and the kids out of there, it was a trivial piece of our day, then we were back to having cake and…" Olivia trailed off. She stared at the ceiling with unshed tears glistening in her eyes._

 _Ed's gaze remained fixed straight ahead at the muted television screen. He steeled his jaw. Deep down, he heard Olivia's unspoken words. Like Dodds, she, too, had been floating on air that day, regarding the future with giddy optimism._

" _We got careless…"_

 _In seconds, Olivia rearranged her position so she was under Ed's arm. She sobbed into his chest for a few minutes. Then, as suddenly as she'd started, her eyes dried._

" _Say something," she said quietly._

 _Ed touched her cheek with the back of his fingers. Telling Olivia it wasn't her fault was no use. At the hospital he'd insisted there were a hundred ways the scenario could have played out. In other conversations he speculated he would have done the same thing, he would have prioritized the children. At no point, no matter how he'd crafted the arguments, did she seem convinced._

" _I'm glad to hear you say_ _we_ _." He replied after thinking for a few seconds._

 _She kissed him deeply and cupped the back of his head. After the intense liplock, she stood up and said, "C'mon, let's go to bed."_

 _He rose to his feet and studied her features. "Sure?"_

" _I don't want to be alone." Olivia took a deep breath and acknowledged her words amounted to more than a simple sentence. She swallowed, bit her lip, and raised her eyes to his, "I need you."_

 _In her room they casually undressed as if they were an old married couple settling in for the night. However, once Ed was under the covers on what had become his side, he wasted no time taking her into his arms. Hearing "I need you" was, perhaps, the most thrilling phrase Olivia Benson could have uttered. He felt a little guilty admitting it, for her "I need you" was almost always the result of trauma. But it gave him the opportunity to make her forget for a little while and to physically show her how he was falling more and more in love with her despite and maybe a bit because of the obstacles they'd hurdled and dodged over the past few months._

 _During foreplay, she closed her eyes and threw her head back against the pillows, but, as he hovered over her, ready to move on, he insisted she look at him._

" _I love you, Liv."_

 _Between the two of them, the phrase was still new, raw, and spoken with an air of hesitancy, not because he didn't mean it but because he was afraid of scaring her away, worried it was too much for her to handle. He needn't have worried. She reciprocated with an equally profound reply and even gave him a little smile as she raised her hips to his._

… _.._

 _ **#Tuckson**_

 _(FYI…I had to go back to work so updates won't be as quick as they've been…I know…booooooo)_


	18. Chapter 18

**Eighteen**.

 _Hand-in-hand, Ed and Olivia walked a few busy Manhattan blocks, mostly in silence, until Ed stopped in front of a nondescript building entrance. He clutched Olivia's other hand and shifted from foot to foot. Even more suspicious now, she narrowed her eyes and tried to silently coax an explanation from his pursed lips._

" _There's gonna be a few people in there," he warned in a low voice. "And a video camera. You're probably gonna be asked to say a few words…"_

 _Olivia couldn't decide whether to be frustrated or excitedly curious. "How about…we go in?"_

 _Ed held the door for her and kept his hand on the small of her back as they made their way down the narrow corridor. When they came to a set of paneled double doors, Ed took a deep, nervous breath, and opened them with a flourish._

 _Olivia gasped._

 _Members of NYPD brass lined either side of the room, both journalists and guests aimed cell phones and video cameras at the Lieutenant, and Olivia squinted at the barrage of flashes. Applause and shouts of congratulations followed her reaction._

 _Olivia clutched the lapel of her blazer and stared at the block lettering in front of her._

 **WELCOME TO THE BENSON CENTER**

" _I…" She struggled for words and turned to Ed. "What is this?"_

 _Ed smiled, pleased with her reaction. "There was a lot of discussion about…what to give you, how to recognize everything you've done for SVU, for victims, for the city. You mentioned once how victims' services needed to do a better job at streamlining, making things more accessible and less intimidating. This…the part of the book's royalties you earmarked for help to survivors, it'll go here, directly to special victims."_

 _Stunned, Olivia could only bring herself to murmur a barely audible "Wow."_

 _The man who replaced Chief Dodds stepped to the podium and began official remarks. Olivia leaned into Ed and pretended to listen, but she hardly processed the words. Whenever she handed victims a card and suggested they call victims services, she always felt a twinge of guilt. New York offered a myriad of counseling options, but they operated independently from the NYPD and, despite good intentions, could often be perceived as impersonal. After working so closely with victims while in pursuit of justice, the squad was forced to move on, leaving the traumatized families on their own to wade through their options for recovery and healing. Now they could walk four blocks to this warm, inviting space, and have their needs assessed and addressed by a small, specially trained staff._

"… _We left a few things undone," the new Chief said, "We toyed around with a mission statement before deciding you should be its author. We've finished this space," he gestured to the wide, airy waiting room, "But the rest of the square footage is waiting for your vision. In addition to the funds from your book, our staff has solicited private donations, enough to set up an initial endowment. Lieutenant, you can be involved as much or as little as you want, but, no matter what, your name will be a beacon of comfort for years to come." After more applause, he waived her to the podium. "We'd love for you to say a few words."_

 _She glanced at Ed. He gave her an encouraging kiss on the cheek and smirked as he watched her stride confidently to the front of the room._

… _.._

Caroline sat at her usual place at the head of the table flanked by Noah and Mia. The family matriarch didn't pay much attention to anyone else, even baby Sofia who was sitting in her grandfather's arms. Not only did Ed manage to eat one-handed, he also succeeded in accidentally on purpose nudging his wife's thigh a few times. He earned a peripheral, semi-serious glare, but Olivia's mild admonitions only encouraged him.

"Dad, are you sure you don't want me to take her?" Brooke said, wiping her brow with a napkin, "It's so hot."

"I'm good. Eat."

"EEEEEEE!" Maggie shouted gleefully with a mouthful of mashed potatoes.

Startled, Wyatt dropped his fork. Sarah saw his expression as he turned to look at his sister and she burst into laughter, "Omigod, omigod, omigod," she guffawed, "I think he rolled his eyes. I really think he did. Wyatt you are adorable, and, um, you have food in your hair. C'mere." Sarah tried to smooth back his loose curls but a few strands eventually made their way back to Wyatt's face. "Time for a haircut," she murmured.

Ed pretended not to hear. Olivia had been dreading Wyatt's haircut for at least a month. He concentrated on Caroline's conversation with the Kindergarteners.

"So, Mia," Caroline said, "I've seen you sing. You are such a good singer. I have a piano. After dinner we should sing a song together."

Mia nodded vigorously and talked with her mouth full. She didn't have to worry about food getting in her hair because her jet black locks were pulled back in the characteristic ponytail. Despite hours of play, no strands had escaped the elastic.

"Whatcha know howta play?" She asked.

"Oh, honey, I know every song."

Mia and Caroline grinned at each other, and Olivia saw an instantaneous bond form between the pair. Despite an age gap of nearly eighty years, they each had a zest for pure fun and enjoying life. Additionally, both Mia and Caroline had an air of mischief and unpredictability about them; they were both also incredibly blunt.

"Gramma," Mia said, "I like your spiky hair."

"Thank you, my dear. When you get old you need something you can run your fingers through and go."

"You're cribbing from Steel Magnolias," Brooke mumbled.

Caroline ignored her.

"Sometimes Noah have spiky hair," Mia simpered at her friend who had been in a state of pleasant bewilderment for several minutes while Caroline and Mia bantered. "When we went to see 'Laddin he did."

"Sare Bear did it," Noah said.

Mia giggled, "I touched it and said OOO! This's sharp!"

"Sare Bear used da, da," Noah scrunched up his face and looked to Sarah for the word.

"Hair glue," she finished for him.

"GLUE!" Mia shouted. She laughed uncontrollably as she undoubtedly imagined the large glue bottles used in their classroom being used to style Noah's hair. Mia snorted and made herself laugh even harder. At this, Noah cracked up too. Seconds later, the twins joined in. Maggie and Wyatt slammed their forks and spoons against the high chair trays, sending bits of food flying.

Sarah repeated her omigods as the chaos unfolded in front of them.

Justin, Sonny, and Brooke wiped tears from their eyes.

Olivia shook with laughter and leaned into Ed. He smiled into her hair and kissed her cheek. Whenever they visited Caroline, Ed always remembered how Olivia had told him how badly she'd wanted a family all those years and how she never thought she would have one. For her, these moments were extra special.

Little Sofia's eyes darted around the room. "Lookit her," Sarah said, "She thinks we're all crazy!"

"We are," Caroline said as she recovered from her own giggle fit, "It's good to be a little crazy. Now, Miss Mia, finish your food. We'll rehearse our songs and make everyone else clean up. How do you like that?"

"I like that a LOT Gramma!"

…

 _The sun was beginning to set when the Tuckers commandeered the closest beach volleyball court and divided themselves into the teams Maggie had arranged. After breakfast, Ed and the boys went in search of a suitable ball, and Olivia and Maggie walked back to the condo along the shore. By the time they returned, the pockets of Maggie's cover-up dress were filled with shells. Justin suggested they make necklaces and bracelets out of them, and Maggie's face lit up at the idea._

" _Thanks, Unckie Justy!" She hugged his legs and promptly deposited her horde into the pile they'd collected over the past few days._

 _The day hadn't been very action-packed, so everyone was ready to move a little by evening. The men and the kids arrived at the court first and warmed up. Ed showed the twins and Noah how to hit the ball. He chuckled to himself at how their personalities translated to sports. Wyatt concentrated on everything—at the tender age of four, he had a knack for focusing on a task and a desire to perform well. Maggie hit the ball as hard as possible, sending it flying in all directions. Noah was more coordinated and planned the direction of his strike before the ball was passed to him._

 _Sarah, Brooke, and Olivia had stayed behind to prepare drinks. For the adults, Sarah mixed her Gulf Coast Iced Tea, a twist on Long Island Iced Tea. The kids were getting Alligator Punch—a Shirley Temple with green food coloring. She divided an entire jar of maraschino cherries between the four cups, secured the lids, and placed them in the cooler beside a few cans of beer._

" _Livvie, you know Dad's on your team, right?" Sarah said, pinching a section of Olivia's sheer cover-up which she wore over a black bikini. Even though it was a two-piece, the style was quite tame. Nevertheless, Olivia had put it on knowing Ed would drool._

" _Oh, I know."_

 _Brooke grinned. While she did not share Sarah's obsession with her father's sex life, seeing him and Olivia flirt with each other was entertaining and inspiring. Since Sofia had been born, she and Sonny had functioned more as family managers than as husband and wife. The love was still there, but the romance was sparse and she missed it._

 _At first, Ed didn't notice. Olivia helped Sarah serve the drinks, the ten of them agreed on rules, and Sonny walked around the court's perimeter, demarcating the boundaries with his heel._

" _Lessgo!" Noah said. "Your ball first, Brookey, 'cause you have Sof and youngest first."_

 _Olivia casually tossed the cover-up aside._

 _Ed's jaw dropped. He nearly dropped his drink. Olivia trotted past him and slapped his behind. "Ready?" She asked with a sly grin._

" _For what?" He lightheartedly muttered under his breath, unable to take his eyes away from her skin—smooth almost everywhere save for a few small whitish marks below her collarbone and the corner of the C-section scar peeking out from above the bikini bottom. She'd removed all jewelry except for the Cartier which she rarely went without. It glistened against her neck._

" _Daddy!" Maggie shouted sharply, "C'mon! We're playin!"_

 _Ed shook himself out of the distraction and huddled up with his family. He put one arm around the three kids and the other hand on the small of Olivia's back. "Alright, remember, keep your eye on the ball and hit it over the net."_

" _Hit it to Sare Bear," Noah said. "I was practicing with her and she's not very good."_

" _Noah!"_

" _He's right," Ed said, "Try to hit it to Sarah. Ready? Team on three."_

 _They piled their hands in the center._

" _One…two…three…TEAM!"_

…

An hour after dinner, Caroline's family room had transformed into a piano lounge. Sarah wheeled the antique drink cart into a corner and acted as bartender. The other adults sipped carefully garnished cocktails and listened to Mia belt out standards. Caroline's piano skills were average and she had to pause every so often to remind her young partner of certain lyrics, but for a pair whose rehearsal time amounted to twenty minutes, the performance was impressive.

After _When Irish Eyes Are Smiling,_ Caroline playfully tugged Mia's ponytail, "Let's give 'em the grand finale now."

"Kay!"

Mia must have known the song. She started out in a low, innocent-sounding voice; the expression on her face resembled that of a singer giving a once-in-a-lifetime performance rather than a six-year-old singing while seated on a dinged-up piano bench in a too-hot, cluttered house in Riverdale.

 _Somewhere over the rainbow_

 _Way up high_

 _And the dreams that you dream of_

 _Once in a lullaby_

The twins abandoned their toys and wandered to their parents. Mesmerized, Maggie and Wyatt cuddled into Ed's and Olivia's laps. Little Wyatt sucked his fist. Maggie absent-mindedly played with Olivia's rings.

Caroline pounded away at the keys, sensing a magic only artists know.

When Mia came to _Someday, I wish upon a star; Wake up where the clouds are far behind me,_ she hopped to her feet and sashayed around the room. She was wearing jeans, threadbare at the knees, and a simple purple long-sleeved shirt spotted with dinner remnants. She'd kicked off her sneakers, revealing mismatched socks—one gray and one yellow—and, on her wrists, were an assortment of plastic bangles and elastic hair ties. But she could have been clad in an evening gown singing at an elegant supper club. She was that good.

 _Oh, somewhere over the rainbow_

 _Way up high_

 _And the dreams that you dare to_

 _Why oh, why can't I?_

Mia elongated the final _I_ until she was out of breath. Met with stunned silence, she peered around the room, brow furrowed in confusion, not necessarily expecting applause but finding it strange there was absolutely no reaction.

"C'mere, dearie," Caroline finally said. She waved her hands frantically and Mia walked over and into a hug. "You are spectacular. You are a special, special girl." She kissed the top of Mia's head and addressed Noah, "Don't let this one get away, Noah! Marry this girl!"

Noah shot her a smile and a loving eye roll. "Gramma Careline! I'm a little kid! I'm not gonna get married! Sare Bear's gettin married!"

"Well, Mia must attend," Caroline said, "As my plus-one."

"Absolutely," Sarah mumbled, still in shock.

"We'll mention it to her parents," Olivia said.

Mia skipped over to Noah. "You gonna have spiky hair for the wedding?"

Noah shrugged. "Maybe. And I have a suit and shiny shoes!"

Mia grinned knowingly and addressed Ed and Olivia. "Noah always like the fancy shoes!" She exclaimed, "He hasta CHANGE b'fore r'cess when he wears 'em!"

Ed leaned over and mussed Noah's hair. "We like to look sharp, don't we, bud?"

"Yep! Daddy? You gonna wear your shiny shoes to da wedding?"

"Sure am. We'll make 'em extra shiny."

"Wyatt too?"

"Yep. Prolly need to get some new ones for Wyatt."

"Oh!" Sarah said, "Shoe shopping! So fun!"

Noah nodded vigorously. "Yep! Mommy an' Daddy gonna get us everrthing we need!"

…..

 _Ed was stretched out on his sofa watching the news when he received Olivia's text message asking if he wanted to meet for a quick drink. He'd heard about Abraham's suicide attempt through the grapevine and assumed she'd been with Pippa at the hospital. Ed responded in the affirmative and swapped his sweats for jeans and a sweater and headed for the appointed spot._

 _Olivia looked weary, not exhausted, maybe a bit annoyed and frustrated, but when she saw him enter, her face broke into a relieved smile. She greeted him with a hug and took a deep breath while in his arms. It felt good; Ed didn't want to let her go._

" _I can't stay long," Olivia said apologetically._

 _Ed shrugged. "S'alright. How're things?"_

" _You heard," Olivia asked rhetorically. "I just left the hospital. Pippa found him…he'll live but, I hope she gets through to him, gets him to plead this out."_

" _He's in a hell of a lot of trouble. Be stupid not to. And horrible for his family to have to go through a trial."_

" _Exactly."_

" _I feel so bad for Pippa," Olivia said. Her shoulders slumped. "She's blaming herself of course, wondering…how she didn't see it…" Olivia trailed off, stared straight ahead for a few seconds before looking Ed in the eyes. "Let's not talk about this."_

 _He smirked. "Good idea."_

" _How was your day?"_

" _Boring."_

 _For reasons unknown to him, the reply made Olivia laugh. The sound made his spine tingle. He loved making her laugh, even when he had no idea why he was so funny. She was still smiling when she sipped her drink._

" _Didja eat?" He asked, "We can go grab a quick bite if ya have time."_

" _I'm good." She reached for his hand. "I…I…I'm good right here."_

" _Okay." He leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. "I'm glad you called."_

 _She smiled sweetly. "I needed to do something normal."_

" _Nothin' more normal than this."_

" _True."_

" _You, uh, wanna do somethin' normal this weekend?"_

 _Olivia inched closer so their knees were touching. She briefly sized him up—seeing him in casual clothing was still a new thrill. "Such as?"_

" _Wanna go bowling? We can have 'em put those things in the gutter…you know, for Noah." He grinned. "Or for me."_

" _Ed Tucker, I bet you're a great bowler."_

" _You'll soon find out?"_

" _Yes," she said, "I would love to go bowling with you. Saturday? Loser buys Valentine's Day dinner?"_

 _Ed blinked, pleasantly surprised she had already made up her mind they would be together on February 14. But there was no way he was going to let her pick up the check. "I, uh, how 'bout I get that one?"_

" _Are you ever going to let me pay?"_

" _No."_

" _Not even on a bet?"_

" _Not even then."_

…

Olivia thrashed around, frantically trying to yank a pillow free from the entangled sheets. Ed was furiously moving on top of her, grunting, groaning, and occasionally smirking because he was sure he was hitting all the right spots tonight.

"Go 'head, Liv."

He covered her mouth with his, ready to muffle her shrieks. She had already been borderline too loud with the "yes, Eds" and "don't stops" and "Ohs and Ahs."

"Come, baby."

The combination of making her writhe uncontrollably and the feel of being inside her warm body threatened to overtake his will to make love to her for as long as possible. He nibbled her earlobe and sucked skin on her neck. Too hard, there was the possibility of a mark, but he knew his lips on that particular place right above the collarbone drove Olivia crazy. Her hands had been flying all over his back, clawing at his hips, but as her back arched, her arms flew behind her head and he gripped her hands for the final thrusts.

For a few minutes, they didn't speak; rather they stared dazedly into one another's eyes, lying on their sides with lips curled into tiny, cocky smiles. They would never be able to prove it, but Ed and Olivia were quite sure no one had better sex than them.

"You hot?" Ed asked when Olivia partially kicked off the single sheet covering the two of them.

"A little."

Ed gave her some space and she frowned. "Come back here," she demanded.

"Sorry."

"You know better than that."

"Won't happen again."

She grinned and stroked his damp forehead. "What did I ever do without you?"

"I dunno," he quipped, sensing her question was more playful than serious. "Prolly the same thing I did without you…wander around the city, aimless and miserable."

Her lips puckered into a sympathetic pout, and she whispered, "That's so sad." She kissed him, sucking his bottom lip between hers.

"It was."

"I love you, Ed."

"I love you." He played with her hair, "You had a good day?"

"Of course. I'd go to your mom's every weekend if we had time." Realization formed in Olivia's eyes, and they widened, "I suppose…we'll have time soon."

"Gettin' nervous?"

"A little," she admitted. There was no use in trying to lie to him. "But…it's…it's not because, well, it's not personal. It's more…I don't really remember I time when the job wasn't in my life. I don't know how it's going to feel…being without…that kind of stress, pressure…and, well, the reward when, well, those few times cases actually end up with some sort of promising resolution."

"I think it's different for everyone," he said. "And I think you'll miss it for a while."

"I'm sure I will. Poor Sonny. I'll probably have him cornered whenever we're all together."

Ed laughed, "Ah, he won't mind."

As often happened, Olivia found herself torn between letting Ed hold her against his chest and positioning herself so she could look at him. She stayed put, her eyes locked on his, for what she was about to say would be more meaningful with eye contact.

"The few times over the course of the past thirty years, the times when I wondered if I was done, if it was time to call it quits, when I thought about it I always said no, and it wasn't only because I love my job. It was because, minus the job, I had nothing else." She found Ed's hand in the sheets and played with his fingers. His hands were thick and strong, protective yet gentle. "That was a terrifying thought…me, alone, in my dark apartment…with nothing. No one. And now that scenario is so far away, it's so _impossible._ It really, truly, is impossible _._ Yes, it's gonna be tough and a little weird," she smiled, "But it's not going to be as hard as either one of us think. I gave the first part of my adult life to the job. Now I can give the rest to you and our family."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	19. Chapter 19

**Nineteen**.

 _As much as Ed enjoyed defending Olivia when she played wide receiver, his new obsession was the two of them being on the same beach volleyball team. Slapping hands with her after a point, watching her body stretch as she served, seeing her wrap one of the kids in a hug when they made a good play—it was all deliciously sexy, but he couldn't get over the bikini. It was for him, this he knew, and he couldn't help but feel smug when men walked by and took an extra glance over their shoulders at his wife in swimwear. Sarah, too, wore a similar suit, but not even she could match Olivia's confident swagger. Olivia knew she was torturing Ed; she'd bought the two-piece for that specific reason._

" _Wyatt, honey, your turn. Your serve." Olivia tossed him the ball. He caught it deftly and marched to the line closer to the net—the agreed upon serving boundary for the kids. Deeply concentrating, Wyatt pressed his lips together so hard they curled inward. Before the game he'd removed his precious goggles and donned the stylish sunglasses Sarah purchased for the kids before the trip. His sun streaked short brown hair curled in tendrils around his face._

 _Ed smiled at him in profile—his bone structure was still unmistakably Olivia's. Unlike Noah and Maggie, Wyatt wasn't all skin and bones. He was thicker, not chubby or overweight, but sturdy and tough. Even though he resembled a linebacker, Wyatt would probably never play football. He was a gentle soul, thoughtful, quiet, quite the opposite of his feisty sister._

 _Wyatt's serve sailed over the net toward Sonny who was trying to play with a beer in one hand. He managed to keep the ball in the air, passing it to Brooke, who attempted to set up Justin. Their timing wasn't quite right and Justin had to settle for a gentle lob over the net rather than a laser-like spike. Maggie raced to bump the ball and succeeded in passing it to Ed who redirected the ball to his wife. She jumped and slammed it down on the other side of the net._

 _Point, Tuckers._

" _YAY MOMMY!"_

" _Good one, Mom! Nothin' they could do about that!"_

 _Olivia grinned at the praise and held out her palms as Ed approached. "Nice set," she said._

" _Nice hit." He slapped palms with her but gripped her hands and pulled her in for a kiss. He thought he got away with pinching her without anyone noticing._

" _DADDY YOU PINCHED MOMMY'S BUTT!" Maggie shouted. She collapsed into the sand in a fit of laughter._

 _Ed lifted her up over his head. Her pigtails whipped against his face. "You don't miss anything, do ya, Maggie May?"_

" _NOPE!"_

…..

Winter gradually lost its grip on New York City as March, 2020 disappeared from view. Warmer temperatures brought more residents to parks and playgrounds, and tourists crowded onto the city streets, moving in hordes toward attractions such as Times Square and the Empire State Building. The onset of spring also carried reminders of the next few months' milestones—Justin's college graduation, Brooke's first Mother's Day, and Noah's final days of Kindergarten. He often talked about the "older kids" who he was acquainted with thanks to his superior math skills, and he looked forward to perks like eating lunch in the actual cafeteria rather than in the classroom and using the school ID for more than a placeholder in his wallet. Noah loved school—both the learning and the procedures—and, for that, Olivia was grateful. However, with each passing day he grew wiser, his voice sounded older, and, just as she had mixed feelings about the twins getting older, Noah's maturation came with pros and cons. Yet, the little boy persona predominated most of the time.

On the way home from school he clutched Olivia's hand and cheerfully recounted his day, beginning with a retelling of how Mr. B. started class with the announcement that they would not be having recess that day. The news was met with a chorus of gripes and whines, but Mr. B. quickly pivoted and announced "APRIL FOOLS!"

"S'April first," Noah informed his mother, "And itsa day from his'try and people played jokes and told little lies to be silly and have fun, but those lies were okay 'cause it's a joke and you tell 'em right away!"

Olivia laughed along with him. "Did you play jokes all day?"

"Yeah," Noah said, "I told Mr. B. I wasn't done with my work and his face looked like dis," Noah scrunched up his face in confusion, "And 'den I say, April Fools! B'cause I _WAS_ done!" Noah giggled at his ingenuity. "We should play April Fools on Daddy."

"Ooo," Olivia replied, "Great idea. What should we do?"

Noah twisted his lips as he thought. "I know! We say we gonna go to da pub and he comes in and we're not there but we're hiding!"

Olivia gnashed her teeth; it sounded a little mean. But, then again, Noah did stress the prankster was supposed to give him or herself up immediately. Also, her son was already laughing and predicting how Ed would respond when he bounded through the rickety pub doors and found their usual table empty.

"Okay, sweet boy. We'll do that."

"Daddy's gonna be so c'fused!"

"Do you think he'll be mad?" Olivia asked with an air of whimsy.

Noah scrunched up his forehead but quickly decided Ed would not be angry at the joke. "He jus' gonna laugh," Noah said, "And then prolly wanna April Fools Sare Bear."

Olivia grinned, for she had the perfect Sarah prank in mind. It, too, was a little mean, but she assured herself that if she held to Noah's rule against letting the joke run too long, it would be perfect.

….

 _Olivia closed the bathroom door only to hear it open again seconds later. Ed walked in with an almost predatory smirk on his face. He began removing the bikini from her body and kissing her as he did so._

" _You didn't think you were gonna take this off alone, didja?" He asked as he lightly bit her shoulder._

" _Ed…we're—"_

"— _Yeah, we're about to have dinner," he said, "But we have a few minutes. Kids are puttin' kebabs or something together," he slid both hands down her midsection and under the bikini bottom. "I need you first."_

 _He worked her out of the suit as he planted sloppy smooches on the back of her neck. Olivia craned her head backwards and reached for his head with one hand while holding his opposite forearm in place with the other. She could feel him against her. She could also hear the clanging of plates and knives in the kitchen._

" _Ed."_

" _Want me to stop?"_

 _Unfair question. He had already started to swirl his fingers between her legs. Since they were on a strict timetable, he nudged her thighs apart and stared at her in the mirror. "I wanna watch you."_

 _He repositioned himself, and Olivia gasped approvingly. Ed moved his hips and massaged her breasts. Olivia moaned softly. While she preferred more conventional positions, she liked this one for several reasons. For one, it was used when there was urgency, when they both had to have each other and had hardly any time. Also, the angles Ed was forced to use touched a different array of nerve endings and caused quick, intense jolts of pleasure to course through her midsection and radiate outward along her extremities. When he felt her begin to tremble, he rasped, "Look up, Liv."_

 _The passion pulsating in his blue eyes nearly pierced the glass and weakened Olivia's already wobbly knees. She tried to smile but settled instead for contorting her lips into an oval shape as she breathed in and out, irregularly, for her husband was spending every last ounce of the night's energy on making her numb with his love._

…...

Olivia and Noah changed the April Fool's joke at the last minute. Rather than set up Ed's arrival like they'd planned, Olivia suggested it would be even funnier if he walked in and found Noah by himself at the table. Noah would claim Olivia let him walk to the pub alone.

"Do you think you can say it and not laugh?" Olivia asked.

Noah took a sip of his Shirley Temple and nodded vigorously. "I'm gonna be real ser'ous."

"Ok."

They waited until Ed was crossing the intersection. Olivia quickly gathered her bag and headed back toward the restrooms. Ed walked in and smiled with his brow furrowed. Olivia never left Noah alone.

"Hey bud," he said as he took a seat. "Where's Mommy?"

"At home," Noah answered matter-of-factly.

"At _home_?"

"Yup, she say I walk here by myself 'cause she's busy."

Ed yanked his phone from his pocket and called Olivia. Noah started giggling. Olivia answered and Ed heard her voice both via the call and live. She came up behind him, kissed his cheek, and whispered, "April Fool's."

"Gotcha, Daddy!" Noah exclaimed.

Ed's faced reddened and he shook his head in mock shame. "Yes you did," he mumbled, grinning at Olivia who sat in the booth across from him. "Good one."

"What were you thinking?" She asked.

"No, bud, you didn't seem scared," Ed mused, "So I was genuinely baffled…"

Olivia grabbed one of his hands and kissed the knuckles. "Sorry."

"We gonna April Fool's Sare Bear!" Noah announced. "We gonna call her and Mommy say, 'Did you get Noah' and she gonna be c'fused!"

Amused but also a tiny bit shocked, Ed mumbled, "You two are diabolical."

"What's di'bolical?" Noah asked.

Olivia kissed his head and winked at her husband, "It means you're good at April Fool's."

"Ohhhhh."

"I love that you like to learn new words, sweet boy."

"Oh!" Noah bounced in his seat, "Did you know…da man who made da dictionary was _Noah_ too?"

"Didja learn about Noah Webster today?" Ed asked.

"Yup!"

"Wow," Ed muttered "Interesting curriculum…April Fool's and the dictionary…"

…..

 _Ed was waiting for Olivia on the sidewalk, steps from the entrance to the bar, a slightly more upscale watering hole than their usual haunts. He was both pleased and apprehensive. Pleased because she'd taken less than twenty-four hours to take him up on the rain check. It had been exactly one month since Joe Utley took Olivia and the Crivellos hostage. Ed was worried about how she was coping, hesitant about asking lest it dredge up flashbacks, and making a concerted effort to suppress his protective instincts._

 _She approached with a smile and greeted him with a soft, "Hey."_

 _Ed smirked and gave her a quick peck on the cheek._

 _Olivia shivered, "Have you been waiting long out here? It's freezing."_

" _Nah, a few minutes." He held the door for her. They bypassed the hostess and snagged seats at the far end of the bar. "How was your day?"_

" _Almost eerily quiet." Olivia tucked a section of hair behind her ear, "And I'm not complaining. How about yours?"_

" _Same thing different day," Ed replied wearily, "Nothing very exciting."_

" _No ten day rips? No shields taken?" Olivia teased._

" _Not today," Ed replied, grinning slyly._

" _How's that new office of yours treating you?"_

" _I actually preferred the other one," he said, "No windows anymore."_

" _Well, you're the Captain, you could pull rank and move back."_

" _I could," he murmured, "But this one is more intimidating."_

 _Olivia chuckled. Ed Tucker certainly did not require anything other than his cold glare to menace cops under investigation. They fell into comfortable small talk. Olivia complimented him for choosing a different type of place. Ed shyly told her he'd been wanting to get away from the cop bars and dives they typically frequented. Hearing this, her cheeks flushed and she gave his hand a quick squeeze._

" _Thank you," she said in a throaty voice._

 _He dared to drift into darker waters. "You, uh, doin' alright?" They hadn't seen each other much in the past month. He figured the retreat was partly because Olivia was ashamed at having had to be rescued. At least, that's how he would have felt if their positions had been swapped. He wished it would have been him in the townhouse rather than her._

" _Yeah," she said through a sigh, "Today's always a little rough, though."_

 _Consternation filled his face and he waited for more information._

 _Olivia had been forthcoming with much of her past, but she hadn't told Ed many details about her mother. The subject was complicated and painful, and the right time had not yet presented itself. However, as their relationship changed and they grew to trust one another more, she made a habit of uttering vague comments such as this one, essentially forcing herself into revealing more of her history._

" _My mother's birthday," she said softly._

 _Ed pressed his lips together and dipped his head. "How old would she have been?"_

" _Seventy-two," She replied, "I went out to the cemetery earlier. Dropped off flowers. Still so many mixed emotions."_

 _Ed laughed softly and quickly explained when he saw Olivia raise her eyebrows. "Sorry, uh, mixed emotions…made me think of earlier. When I was waiting for you. Had plenty of 'em."_

" _Deciding whether to stay or go?" Olivia teased, "Was I taking too long?"_

 _He could tell she was joking but responded earnestly, "No, no, I, uh, I was lookin' forward to seeing you…"_

 _Collecting his thoughts, he paused, but for too long._

 _Olivia narrowed her eyes. "Say it."_

" _I gotta admit, I've been thinkin' about you a lot. Every day. Just hoping you're okay. I…It was hell for me, I can't imagine how it was for you, and we…haven't talked…and I feel…"_

 _Olivia listened patiently as he struggled for the right words._

 _He took a deep breath and audibly exhaled, "…I want you to know I'm here for you. For whatever you need to want…or if you just want me to shut up." Ed smiled weakly, begging her to say something and lead him from the verbal maze he'd created._

" _I haven't been in a great place," Olivia acknowledged, surprising even herself with her raw transparency. "I went from blaming myself, asking how I could have willingly walked into that situation, alone…thinking about Noah…and then there's us…" Olivia raised her eyes to meet his, "Things were going so well…and then…I couldn't help but think, I put both you and me in a horrible position. And here I am, back with the shrink, back to a point where I could've died or been injured and dealing with everything that comes with that…I suppose I didn't want to bother you…make you have to care about someone who's, well, like I said, not doing so well."_

 _Ed moved closer. "And for a while I wasn't sure I could make you care about someone who's been a thorn in your side for years—"_

"— _to put it mildly," Olivia quipped dryly._

"— _Right," he smirked and continued in his most gentle voice, "But I'm tellin' you, right now, I want you to bother me. I care about you, Olivia. A lot. And not because you've been through hell…several times…it's because there's something about you…I can't explain it, but when I'm with you I'm happy, and when I'm not with you I'm tryin' to figure out a way to see you again. As soon as possible."_

 _Olivia blinked back tears, but she was smiling. Ed Tucker's adorable side had surfaced, and it was difficult to resist falling into his arms. There was no doubt his words were sincere. Olivia Benson was no fool; she could tell when a man was attracted to her, but Ed was different than the others. When she spoke, he listened intently. He instinctively knew when to joke and tease her and when to let the gravity of whatever they were discussing run its course. Most importantly, whether it was spending time with Noah, divulging personal details, or physical intimacy, he never once pressured her into taking steps for which she was not ready._

" _All you need to do is call…" she murmured as some slyness snuck into her grin._

 _He pretended to be stunned by such a simple response. "That all?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _What if I wanna kiss you?"_

 _She puckered her lips as he closed the distance between them._

" _Anytime."_

….

Sarah, Brooke, and Olivia sat around the island, chatting and watching the twins play with Sofia. After declining at least two invitations to the stables, Ed and Olivia finally agreed it was time to cast their fears aside and let Noah visit. Instead of sending him with the Bianchis, Ed opted to drive Noah out to Long Island himself, citing the need to be back to help out with the twins. It was a fib, but they were not ready to send Noah there overnight with adults they did not completely trust.

"Does Mia ride well?" Brooke asked.

"I'm not sure," Olivia said, "She never describes actually being on a horse, only being there with her mom and taking care of them. Her mom and dad are…a little more hands off than we are."

"I'm sure they don't terrorize relatives and caregivers though," Sarah sniped.

Olivia gave her a quick hug. "We're sorry."

"That was very evil. I'm going to be haunted by it forever."

On April Fool's Day, on the way to pick up the twins from day care, Ed made a call to Sarah and pretended to think she was supposed to have Noah. Frantic, Sarah insisted she had not switched days and couldn't, for the life of her, figure out how the mix-up had occurred. Ed strung her along for a few minutes before giving the phone to Noah who let her in on the prank.

"That was a good one," Brooke said, laughing even though she'd heard the story several times, "Of course, if you'd done it to me, I might feel the same way."

"I set Wednesday reminders for the next twelve years," Sarah moaned.

"How can we make it up to you?"

"Promise you'll come to Justin's graduation party?"

"Sure," Olivia said even though she was confused as to why Sarah would even ask.

"Justin's mom was already planning something," Sarah said, "So I don't have to. But it'll be at her house."

"We'll be there," Olivia said, "Anything he'd like as a gift?"

"I can't think of anything. I got him this really nice bag, in case he decides to stay in school," Sarah made a face as if she'd tasted something extremely bitter, "For the life of me I can't understand why he'd want to do that, but, whatever makes him happy. He's been talking about being a TA for this one professor he likes…I _hated_ the TAs! And I'm marrying one!"

"It doesn't seem like he really knows what he wants to do," Brooke remarked. Even though Justin had won her over, she was still skeptical of what she perceived as his aimless career path, especially since her sister seemed to have no problem supporting them financially as he found his way.

As usual, Sarah ignored Brooke's underlying acrimony. "The trouble is that he wants to do a lot of things—he loves his job, he wants to work with kids in the neighborhood where he grew up, he wants to be a professor and write books. Livvie, you two actually have a lot in common!"

Brooke seized the opportunity to change the subject. "What's going on with the show?"

"I've been reading scripts and making notes, talking to the writers and the producer," she said, "But I won't really dive in until later this summer."

"When do they start filming?"

"End of July."

"And you'll get to be on set?"

"When they need me, yes."

"Wow. That's so cool."

Sarah put her elbows on the countertop and rested her head in her hands. She gazed adoringly at Olivia. "Livvie, you're so talented. When you win an Emmy, will you take us?"

"Yes."

"I shall shop for dresses after the wedding."

"Don't forget to take your fashion consultant," Brooke quipped.

"Oh yes. Noey must attend all dress-related outings."

"Did we tell you what he said about one of the dresses?" Brooke asked. "When we were trying on wedding gowns?"

Olivia shook her head. They had not.

Sarah giggled. "He said I looked like a balloon!"

After a fit of laughter, Olivia said, " _Wow_. He certainly is honest."

"No kidding," Sarah said.

Over on the play mat, Sofia began fussing. Maggie regarded her warily and watched, eagle-eyed, as Brooke plucked Sofia from the heap of toys and handed her to Olivia while she prepared a bottle. Olivia bounced the baby in her arms and whispered assurances that her food was on its way. While Wyatt busied himself filling, dumping, and refilling his dump trucks with blocks, Maggie scrambled to her feet and made a beeline for Olivia.

"Ma! Magg, up!"

Sarah held out her arms, "Come here, small sister."

" _NOOOO_! Wa' MAMA! UP!" Maggie burst into tears and clutched one of Olivia's legs.

"Hang on, sweetheart," Olivia said softly. "Brookey's getting Sofia's bottle. Mommy will pick you up in a second." She looked helplessly at Sarah as Maggie's cries devolved into pathetic whimpers.

Having been rebuffed by Maggie, Sarah took Sofia and went to the sofa to feed her. Brooke drifted to the play mat with Wyatt, leaving Olivia alone in the kitchen to soothe Maggie.

"Oh- _kay_ , sweet girl. Mommy's gotcha."

Maggie stopped crying immediately and grinned, clearly proud of herself for getting her way. She played with Olivia's necklace and cooed a satisfied, "Mama."

Olivia was torn between being flattered and worried about Maggie's possessive behavior whenever Sofia was around. She played nicely with the baby. She was gentle and sweetly brought her toys, but whenever Olivia doted on her granddaughter, Maggie reacted jealously. If Olivia was giving Sofia a bottle, Maggie curled up with Olivia as well. If Olivia sat on the floor to play, Maggie plopped into her mother's lap or brought her toys and insisted she play with an object of her choosing rather than Sofia's infant items. Most troubling was what had just happened—if Olivia held Sofia, even for a second, when Maggie noticed, she was at Olivia's side in seconds, demanding to be held. When she'd successfully commandeered her mother's attention, Maggie beamed. It was cute…and also a bit disturbing.

"Let's bring baby Sofia a towel in case she spills," Olivia said softly. "Here, sweetie, let's take this over there." Olivia put Maggie on her feet and held her hand. They walked to the sofa and Maggie handed over the burp rag.

"Bay! Eat!" Maggie bellowed.

"She's suckin' it down," Sarah reported, "Then she'll take nap."

"NO NAP!" Maggie shouted.

Sarah grinned. "See, Maggs? You don't want to be a baby! Babies take a _ton_ of naps!"

"NO NAP!" Maggie ran back to the toys.

"There ya go, Livvie. That's her kryptonite."

Olivia's smile couldn't completely mask her concern, but, for the moment, she was at ease. Maggie and Wyatt were happily playing together at their construction bench. With their backs turned, they could have easily been mistaken as identical—loose brown curls, blue jeans, and white t-shirts. They were the same height, though Wyatt outweighed his sister by a couple of pounds.

"I hope she grows out of that," Olivia murmured.

"Don't worry, Livvie. I still get jealous like she does, I'm just a lot better at hiding it."

…..

Ed and Olivia carefully changed a sleeping Noah into his pajamas and tucked him in bed. Ed mumbled something about him probably needing a bath, but Olivia assured him it could wait until morning. He was completely out—usually when they arrived home after he'd fallen asleep, he woke up briefly and was alert enough to assist in changing his clothes. Tonight, he had not stirred, not even when Olivia nuzzled his cheek and whispered, "Good night, sweet boy" into his ear.

Ed poured drinks for himself and Olivia and started a bubble bath for the two of them. Olivia heard the jets and wandered into the bathroom with her eyebrows raised.

Ed made an exaggerated show of removing his shirt. He tossed it aside. "Strip," he told her matter-of-factly as his face broke into an impish smirk.

They settled into the tub and breathed in the fresh, minty scent of the bubble gel.

"Tell me about your day," Olivia said softly as she leaned back and practically melted into his body.

"Weird," Ed replied. "I felt like the whole time she was tryin' to separate me from the kids."

"Oh _really_."

"Mia and Noah went off with this trainer and that trainer. Feedin' the horses, watching them run and jump and whatever else. So I was offered mimosas when we got there, lunch came with cocktails, and there were more cocktails and hors d'oeuvres before we left. Noah and I stopped and had pizza instead."

"That's a lot of alcohol."

"I didn't have a drop."

Olivia craned her neck backwards and Ed planted a sloppy kiss on her lips.

"She was probably trying to make you have to spend the night."

"Wasn't gonna happen. I spend all my nights with my wife."

Another kiss.

"Did Noah actually ride a horse?"

"Yep. He was pretty good, even though he wanted it to go faster. He wanted to race Mia."

"She'd probably beat him. She's been on horses much more than he has."

"Didn't look like it. I got the impression she kinda hangs out with everyone when she's there and doesn't actually ride."

"So odd."

"Yeah," Ed kissed the side of her head and began gently massaging her breasts. "How was your day?"

"Good. Sarah and Brooke and Sofia were over for a little while. We went out for dinner, warm enough to eat on the patio. And," Olivia groaned, "Maggie's still not liking it when I hold Sofia."

"Neither do I."

" _Ed_!"

He laughed and kissed her again. This time it was more forceful and passionate. "I want _all_ your attention, Lieutenant."

"Sarah had similar sentiments."

"You're in high demand."

"Lucky you then…you have me all to yourself right now."

"That's all I've been thinkin' about all day." He shifted positions so they could kiss more easily, and it wasn't long before they were sliding around, slipping against one another and sloshing water over the sides of the tub. They made a mess ambling to the bed, leaving puddles on the tile floor and droplets on the carpet before they fell on top of the covers. What began as slow, sensual lovemaking quickly turned a frenzied, almost desperate romp across the mattress.

The kids usually slept soundly, but, tonight, it was a good thing they had the extra insurance of Noah's action packed day and the twins missing their naps.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	20. Chapter 20

**Twenty**.

Ed and Olivia weren't gone ten minutes before Sarah and Justin acknowledged they were in for an exhausting few hours. Noah and the twins were in rare form tonight. Noah was always a chatterbox, but tonight he had a plethora of topics to cover. He told Sarah and Justin about his visit to the stables. The twins bellowed "HORSE" and Noah instructed the adults to get down on all fours and start giving rides around the living room.

"G'YUP!" Maggie shouted.

"GOGOGOGO!" Wyatt chimed in, kicking his heels into Sarah's side. He lost his balance after a few paces and, undeterred, ran into the bedroom and dragged the rocking horse into the room.

"Wyatt," Sarah said warily as he began careening back and forth, "Be careful!" She positioned herself between the window and her young charge, worried he would catapult forward at any second.

"Sare Bear, he knows howta ride," Noah assured her.

Sarah squinted at Wyatt and tried to appear stern, but the little boy was shrieking so gleefully she had to grin. "He's getting so big," she moaned, "I'm used to them being babies."

"BAY!" Maggie shouted. She wriggled away from Justin. It was now her turn to run into the bedroom. She returned with an armful of dolls and stuffed animals, dumped them in the center of the room, and, deciding they were not nearly enough, went back for a few more.

"Oh boy," Sarah said.

Justin smiled, "It's a party now."

"DANCE PARTY!" Noah shouted. He quickly found his iPad and navigated to the music. "C'mon! Wyatt, get off dat horse. Let's DANCE!"

…

 _Noah tossed his keys into a dish and offered Mia a drink. She twirled around once, sliding gracefully on the tile kitchen floor, and said she was happy with whatever he had. Noah wasn't much of a drinker. He inspected the meager options in a cabinet above the refrigerator and chose vodka over bourbon._

" _I have, I think, some orange juice or…"_

 _He was still holding the bottle in the air when Mia's body came flailing toward him._

" _Oof." Noah stepped backwards to retain balance and patted her back with his one free hand._

" _I'm so glad to see you," Mia said in a hushed voice. She put her head on Noah's shoulder, and her ponytail, which had smacked him in the face seconds ago, came to rest under his chin. "I'm sorry to just barge in on you like this. I know you're busy and…you're leaving."_

 _Noah managed to create some space between them even though Mia didn't make it easy. She eventually stood on the other side of the kitchen and sipped the cocktail Noah prepared. He wore a pleasant expression as he drank, but a million thoughts raced through his head. Since high school, Mia had made a habit of popping in and out of Noah's life, and, more often than not, she did so with the worst timing. When he assumed he would never see her again and memories they shared began to fade, she showed up. At the moment he felt like she was there to stay, she vanished. Now, here she was again, with copious baggage, in his apartment, and, despite all the question marks, he desperately wanted her to stay._

" _Do you want to come with me?" Noah swallowed hard. He could alter the question's meaning, for he was meeting Sarah and Justin the next morning, but he was really asking if Mia wanted to join him at the beach._

" _Where?"_

 _He stared at her freckled face and took a deep breath. "To Bethany. I'm only going for a few days…if you have to get back…"_

" _I am back," she said, "I'm in New York for good, well, for a while," she briefly flipped through her phone, presumably checking its calendar. "You can have me back Monday?" Her deep brown, almost black eyes were wide and hopeful._

" _Yeah, sure."_

" _Then I'll go." Mia crinkled her nose at the menus on the counter, "Let's not order in. Let's go out and celebrate."_

" _Celebrate what?"_

" _Patience, mister," she said with a mysterious grin, "C'mon. Let's go to Times Square and make up stories like the good old days."_

 _Fighting a yawn, Noah nodded his head in agreement. "You may have to drive some tomorrow if we stay out too late."_

" _No problem," Mia replied, jabbing one hand in her oversized tote, "I'm pretty sure my license isn't expired."_

…

The "Classes of the Eighties" reunion was held at a multi-level bar and restaurant that, on a regular night, would have been way too hip and trendy for a bunch of people in their fifties and sixties. Dim, grayish-blue lighting filled the space and made the iron stairs and railings look shadowy and daunting, especially since Ed and Olivia had had a pre-function drink at a dingy dive bar they frequented when they first started seeing each other socially. He had thanked her for accompanying him no less than ten times, and she brushed off the sentiments saying it wouldn't be that bad.

"Also," she added, "This is what married people do."

The invitation arrived a month ago, and Ed had cast it aside in their "for later" mail pile and forgot about the letter until Olivia unearthed it and persuaded him to attend. Ed put up a mild protest. It was semi-formal. He didn't keep in touch with many people from college. They would have to get a sitter for all three kids on a Saturday evening.

"We have clothes," Olivia said, "We also have babysitters and the purpose of a reunion is to get reacquainted with people you haven't seen in a while. It'll be fun." Olivia chose not to divulge the other reason why she was so adamant about attending—she couldn't help but worry from time to time that Ed would grow weary of full-time Daddy duties. Nothing he did or said supported the concern; nevertheless, it was there.

Any remaining reservations he held about attending the reunion disappeared when he zipped Olivia into her dress—a sleeveless, burgundy A-line number with a lace pattern and a high-low hem that revealed enough thigh to make Ed shiver. He saw his wife naked… _a lot_ …but there were times she was almost sexier fully clothed. He figured it was the fact that they were going out, they would be seen, and Ed imagined he was the envy of every man they encountered because, after all, he got to take her home.

To Ed's relief, the tacky "Hello, I am" name tags were nowhere to be found, and he and Olivia sauntered in, squinting and trying to make their way to the main bar space without colliding with the narrow tables arranged in a way that required patrons to weave their way forward rather than walk directly to the bar. They ordered cocktails and found a table at the edge of the action. For several minutes, Ed searched for familiar faces. Finding none, he wondered aloud if they'd crashed someone else's party.

"Ed! Tucker! Steady Eddie, how are ya?"

A tall wiry man with a wide grin and a much younger woman in tow surged forward and violently shook Ed's hand.

"Craig," Ed murmured, "Wow…long time no see…you're…"

"Skinny?"

"Well, yeah."

"Damn cancer will do that to ya."

Both Ed's and Olivia's jaws dropped.

"In remission for a year," Craig said. He yanked on the woman's arm. She'd been hovering behind him, "This is Melissa, my girlfriend."

Melissa, pretty but meek, gave each of them a weak handshake. She spent the rest of the conversation fluffing her long, wavy, locks. Her hair was so blonde it was almost white.

Ed gestured toward Olivia, "My wife, Olivia," he said proudly. He loved saying those words.

" _Wife_ ," Craig said wistfully, "I remember what it was like to have one of those. Good for you, man. _Wow_ ," he looked around with the same dreamy look in his eyes, "Been a long, long damn time. Retired yet?"

"Yep. You?"

"Semi. Took time off to slay this damn disease and didn't really go back full bore. Good thing I have kids to support me."

Ed shot him a polite smile. He fidgeted and relaxed only when Olivia put her arm around his waist.

"You have kids?" Craig asked.

"Five," Ed replied.

"Goddam, man."

The night unfolded in this fashion—the same banal conversation repeated over and over, on a loop, complete with too-big smiles worn by people who weren't exactly sure if the person in front of them was the person they remembered from college. Nevertheless, Olivia and Ed enjoyed themselves. They joked and flirted and exchanged kisses. They even took pictures in front of the green screen and in the photo booth. Ed glanced approvingly at the printed strip of four pictures and slid it in his jacket pocket.

It wasn't until they'd been there for a couple of hours that Ed bumped into two genuine college buddies and their wives. He and Olivia had finished munching on hors d'oeuvres and were debating whether to leave or stay for another drink when, once again, someone bellowed "Eddie" from across the room. Ed broke into a smile when he pinpointed the face and greeted the men with hugs.

"Liv, meet my old roommates—Pete and Charlie."

Olivia enthusiastically shook their hands and blushed when Charlie muttered something about how he couldn't believe Ed Tucker had managed to convince such a lovely woman to marry him.

"Took me a while," Ed quipped.

"Don't blame her," Pete added.

After a night of making small talk with mistresses, younger girlfriends, and middle-aged women who looked like they would give anything to curl up in bed with Lifetime Movies, Olivia fell into pleasant chatter with the wives of Pete and Charlie. Like her they were both working mothers, although their children were older, in high school and college. Olivia felt comfortable enough to show a few pictures of the little ones and then one of the entire family. She pointed out Sarah and Justin and mentioned they'd been kind enough to watch the kids for the evening. The group of six soon partitioned themselves by gender, and the sound of Olivia's laughter let Ed know she was perfectly fine with the arrangement for the time being. Nevertheless, he couldn't resist sneaking glances at her. She was, by far, the most beautiful person in the room. He doubted anyone had a more stressful job, but she showed no outward signs of wear and tear. Her eyes sparkled. Her cheeks had a rosy hue. Even her shoulders had relaxed a bit. Ed's eyes drifted down her body and he noticed she was twirling one ankle around, balancing her heel precariously on her toes. She was at her most carefree.

She was safe.

Happy.

And his.

She caught him gawking. He knew he'd be playfully admonished later for staring. Not only did he not care, he was looking forward to it.

More ruckus ensued when three more men, clearly several drinks in, produced a box of cigars and began indiscriminately passing them out as if a child had just been born. Craig and Pete practically dove for theirs, but Ed stayed back and drifted to Olivia's side as the men made their way toward the third floor and the outdoor terrace.

Olivia tilted her head into his kiss and asked why he wasn't following the group out for a smoke.

"Didn't wanna leave ya alone much longer," he said, "I know how much you hate small talk with the wives."

"Go," she put her hands on his chest and eyed the cigar dangling from his thumb and forefinger, "I'm good."

He reluctantly considered the suggestion. "Five minutes?"

"Take your time," she said, cocking her eyebrow, "You'll be back."

He poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue as his eyes traveled up and down her body, "Damn right about that." In an instant, a sweet smile supplanted the lecherous smirk. He kissed her, stared into her eyes, and whispered, "I love you more than everything in our lives combined."

The words took her breath away and all she could do was gently nudge him toward the stairs. Halfway up he looked back, sensing her eyes following his path, and grinned when she mouthed, "I love you, too."

…..

 _Ed handed Olivia a drink and watched in amazement as she downed nearly its entire contents in one gulp. Even though it was a Friday night, they and another pair were the only patrons in the bar, and the relative privacy made Olivia more at ease and less concerned about being spotted. She dragged her stool closer to Ed's and rested one forearm on the bar rail._

" _Was the social worker meltdown as bad as I've heard?" Ed asked._

" _Yes," Olivia replied unequivocally. "She's in Bellevue. And I'm probably screwed as far as the promotion is concerned, but…" she polished off the rest of the drink and signaled for another, "We got the moral victory. At least for now."_

 _Ed wholeheartedly disagreed. "Nah. They have to promote you now. Not gonna look good otherwise. Remember, those people are all about politics and perception. That's why they wanted you to stand down in the first place."_

" _I ignored an order."_

" _You didn't. Barba did."_

" _I let the investigation continue."_

 _Ed's eyes bored into hers, "You did the right thing. Deep down the brass knows it needs people like you as commanding officers, and they need people like that pissant Abraham to spin the aftermath, and that's exactly what happened, and the NYPD's public image, at least in this case, is pristine."_

" _But Dodds and the rest of them know what really happened."_

" _They'll forget. Someone else'll be on the hot seat…tomorrow probably."_

 _Olivia shot him a grateful smile. She appreciated his insight and his ability to set her straight without being condescending. After all, they'd both been on the force for nearly the same amount of time, but Ed had a better working knowledge of the NYPD's administrative world. For the past several months, as old tensions cooled, they'd had several conversations like this one, and, each time, his advice and predictions had been spot on._

" _I'm sure you're right," Olivia said softly._

 _He shrugged and muttered, "Same playbook; different day." Ed chewed a handful of snack mix and changed the subject, "Sorry I didn't get to talk to ya much at the dinner the other night."_

" _Yeah, Dodds enjoyed parading me around a little too much."_

" _I could tell."_

" _I don't understand him," Olivia griped, "One minute he's kind and really sincere about being a mentor, and the next minute he's…a callous asshole."_

 _Envy collected in Ed's chest when he heard Olivia describe Dodds as kind and sincere; that, coupled with the overbearing way Dodds ushered her around at the fundraiser, triggered his Olivia-related possessive instincts._

" _Told ya," he muttered through clenched teeth, "Trademarks of the politicians. Can't trust anything about him, or them. You don't get to those positions without being self-serving. They're the kind of people…who joined the force because they liked the way they looked in a uniform…they liked the feel of the shield, the power…"Ed caught himself before he fell into a full-fledged rant. "Anyway, I know he's your boss, but your mission and his don't exactly align."_

 _Olivia tilted her head and squinted curiously at him; her fascination at this version of Ed Tucker had no bounds. Nevertheless, she challenged him. "You don't like feeling that power?"_

 _He smirked. She wasn't letting him get away with much, and it made her even more desirable. "I have been guilty of indulging in my authority every once in a while."_

" _But…?"_

" _No buts," he replied, "No excuses. But I didn't wake up every morning and plot to take down someone's career. Anyone who thinks that is giving me way too much credit."_

" _You thought you were doing the right thing," Olivia said rhetorically._

" _I did. And once I latched on to an investigation, I saw it through. It was our policy to err on the side of caution…not on the side of the cops—"_

"— _and_ _that's_ _not political?"_

" _Sure it was," Ed admitted somewhat sheepishly, "But all accused cops, they all got their due process, their PBA reps, their appeals. If we didn't act fast, particularly after an officer involved shooting or somethin' else that was in the public view, the precincts, the neighborhoods were even less safe and more likely to erupt. Takin' someone's shield and weapon for ten days isn't gonna hurt the officer much. A riot could damage a neighborhood for years."_

 _Olivia acknowledged she'd never, ever, thought of IAB investigations in that fashion. Yet again, she found herself realizing that Ed Tucker, though gruff and unyielding, had been, at times, misunderstood._

" _Well, um," Olivia bit her lip and hesitated. She was about to throw Ed a flirtatious bone, and it made her nervous. "I would much rather have sat at your table the other night."_

 _Ed replied nonchalantly even though he felt the heat of blood rushing to his cheeks. He touched his glass to hers._

" _Next time."_

…..

Noah yanked open the freezer door and took out two tubs of ice cream. Taking advantage of the ajar pantry door, Wyatt rose to his tiptoes and managed to reach the chocolate syrup. He held the bottle with both hands and proudly delivered it to his brother.

"Good job, Wyatt! Now, Sare Bear! We need bowls!"

"Just a minute, Noey!" Sarah called from the twins' room where she'd been changing Maggie's diaper. After wrestling with the little girl, she put her on the floor clad only in her diaper and t-shirt.

"Small sister, where're your pants?" Noah asked, giggling.

"Small sister is a gigantic pain in the butt," Sarah muttered good-naturedly. "She can stay like that."

Noah handed the ice cream scoop to Justin, "I get three scoops and small sister and brother get two," Noah said, "I want one vanilla, two strawberry, and those babies get one vanilla, one strawberry. Sare Bear, da sprinkles are up there," Noah pointed to an overhead cabinet out of his reach, "And here's da syrup!"

Justin portioned the ice cream and Noah drowned each serving in chocolate sauce. Sarah put the twins in their high chairs and Noah ate his dessert while seated on top of the island. Twenty minutes later, the twins were sticky messes and melted ice cream dribbled down Noah's chin after he'd tried to drink out of his bowl.

"Now what we gonna do?" Noah asked as Sarah wiped his face with a damp cloth.

"Go to bed," Sarah said.

Justin burst into laughter. Not even Wyatt appeared tired. Having already been cleaned up, he and Maggie were back in their toy pile playing enthusiastically and wearing only diapers.

"Uh-uh," Noah said, "We're gonna BOWL! He retrieved the bowling set from the hall closet. "C'mon," he waved everyone to the back hallway, "Dis da bowling alley! Lessgo! Justy, we need da board!"

Justin dutifully carried the easel over and wrote everyone's names with the dry erase marker. "Do we keep score like regular bowling?"

"Yup," Noah said, "You write down how many pins each person knocks over." He demonstrated a roll. "I got NINE, so you write nine. Now it's Wyatt's turn. He goes first 'cause he'd ya youngest."

"Wyatt and Maggie are twins," Sarah said, "They have the same birthday."

"Maggs came out _first_ ," Noah retorted sassily.

"Touché."

"What dat mean?"

"It means you made a good point."

"What _dat_ mean?"

"It means you said something smart."

"Oh," Noah twisted his lips then broke into a wide grin. "Touché, Sare Bear."

"Why'd you say that, Noey Boey?"

"You said I said somethin' smart," he announced triumphantly. "Dat's a good point!"

For what seemed like the billionth time that night, Justin cracked up. "I need to take him to class with me," he said, "He's more logical than most adults!"

"Perhaps," Sarah said in a teasing voice, "But how good is he at _bowling_?"

"I'm REALLY GOOD! I'm gonna beat ya, Sare Bear!"

"I don't think so, but let's make a bet. I win, and you buy dinner when I pick you up next week."

Noah shook her hand.

"Deal."

….

Ed and Olivia stayed at the reunion much longer than they'd planned, and it was past midnight when they made their way to the exit. Olivia kept glancing at her husband, for he still had a drink in his hand and appeared intent on leaving with it. When they were within a few feet of the doors, Olivia wordlessly took it from him. He stumbled a little as he watched her place the half-full glass on a railing.

"I gotta leave that, Lieutenant?" He slurred.

"Yes."

"I get to leave with you?"

"Yes."

"Fine with me."

While they waited for their car, Ed nuzzled her neck and slid his arms around her waist. "Let's get a hotel room," he whispered.

"We have to let Sarah and Justin go home," she said even though a hotel room did sound like fun.

"They can sleep at our house."

"We should've thought about this before we left."

"I wanna make love to you all night long," Ed rasped. He gave her a sloppy smooch. "I love you so much, you're so perfect, and I love your shoes…and this dress," he tugged at the material, "But I wanna unzip you outta it."

The whiskey on his breath was strong and he was swaying, but Olivia had an affinity for drunk Ed—he was sugary sweet and extra doting and sometimes he even giggled.

"We'll save the hotel idea for another time," she said. In his state he would probably fall asleep as soon as he flopped on the bed. "But you can still make love to me if you want."

"I want."

The car was certainly taking a long time to arrive. Olivia reached into Ed's pocket and took out his phone.

"Whatcha doin?" He asked.

She told him he hadn't actually confirmed the Uber.

"Oops."

"Three minutes away."

"We stopping for a nightcap?"

"Thought you wanted to hurry home," Olivia leaned in and whispered the last part, "and fuck me?"

His droopy eyes widened and a naughty smirk formed on his face. " _That's_ my kinda nightcap."

They exchanged kisses until their car came to a stop in front of them. In the backseat their pecks quickly escalated to a passionate make out session until Ed pulled away and pressed his forehead to hers. "Lieutenant?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for letting me kiss you."

"You're welcome." She rubbed his thigh, desperate for him to stay awake. As she leaned in to whisper in his ear, she bit his lobe. "And I'm gonna let you do some other things when we get home."

He grinned. The bawdy talk made him suddenly more alert, and it showed on his face. He glanced out the window. "Almost there. Let's not ask Sarah and Justin to stay for a drink."

Given the hour, that was highly unlikely. Nevertheless, Olivia humored him. "We'll thank them and kick them out."

"Lieutenant, I love the way you think."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	21. Chapter 21

**Twenty-one**.

Unlike Ed, Olivia never slept well after a night of drinking, so she was up early and feeling sluggish the next morning. Before getting out of bed, she gazed lovingly at Ed, sound asleep on his stomach, lips parted, and his pillow bunched up underneath his head.

Last night they'd come home, profusely thanked Sarah and Justin, and checked on the kids. Olivia headed to the bedroom, assuming Ed was on her tail, but when she turned around he wasn't there. A couple minutes later he showed up with a bottle of the holiday spiced bourbon Olivia thought they'd finished.

"Where'd that come from?"

"I bought it."

"I thought it was only available around Christmas."

"They ordered it for me," he replied, sounding cocky as ever, "I told 'em it was imperative I have it in the house for my wife."

Olivia laughed, "So they think your wife is a drunk."

"Better than him knowing how good it tastes on you."

He swayed but caught his balance and managed to somewhat gracefully crawl on top of her. His eyelids drooped. He slurred "I love you." She expected the sex to be quick, maybe even nonexistent, but Ed surpassed expectations and even helped change the liquor-drenched sheets afterward. Now, she rubbed her eyes, yawned, and fought the urge to plant a kiss on his bare shoulder.

On the way out of the room, she softly closed the door. She was halfway through a cup of coffee when Maggie's soft talking became audible. Maggie broke into a wide smile when Olivia hoisted her out of the crib, but she, too, showed signs of a late night. She yawned several times while Olivia changed her diaper and drank her milk while curled into Olivia's chest. Maggie was prone to snuggling only when she was tired, sick, or jealous of Sofia.

"Did you have fun last night, sweetheart?"

"Juh!" Maggie jolted up and her back went rigid. "Sah! Gi'YUP, Mama! Gi'YUP!" She bounced up and down, and, just as quickly as she'd gotten excited, she collapsed back onto her mother. Maggie had apparently had enough with talking for the moment.

Olivia turned on the classic cartoon channel, the kids' favorite, and pressed her face to the side of Maggie's head. Her brown hair was thicker, fuller, and resembling that of a kid rather than an infant, yet the scent of the baby shampoo the Tucker brood used was comforting. Maggie reached up and patted Olivia's face with her free hand, and Olivia wondered if Maggie could possibly sense how much peace the gesture brought to her mother's soul.

"Toons, Ma!" Maggie said with her mouth on the cup's spout. "Mouse!"

"Remember Mickey and Minnie?"

"MOUSE! Waff! Eeeee waff!"

Olivia was amazed at how much Maggie remembered from the Disney trip until Maggie pointed toward the bookshelf at a photograph of the five of them at breakfast holding up the gigantic mouse-shaped waffles.

Olivia also noticed one of the Tetras swimming in desperate, near-lifeless loops, and disappearing behind the artificial foliage Noah had chosen for the aquarium. "Oh, no," she murmured.

"Oh, no," Maggie repeated, contorting her body so she could look up at her mother, "Oh, no!"

Olivia smiled sweetly and kissed her. "It's okay, sweet girl. Need more milk?"

Maggie tossed the cup aside, "All done!"

Fifteen minutes later both Noah and Wyatt were out of bed and piled around and on Olivia with cups of their own. Noah wedged himself beside her. Maggie, more awake and restless, wriggled to the end of the chaise and planted herself between Olivia's shins. Wyatt curled up on Olivia's chest so he could both snuggle and see the screen. Rain began falling and drops pelted the windows. Daunting black clouds supplanted what had been a foggy sunrise. The kids were content to be lazy, and Olivia was perfectly content spending the bulk of the day right where they were. Her gaze drifted from the cartoons to the details of the room—muted grays and blues, walnut bookshelves packed with framed photographs, board books and beanbags, toys that never seemed to find their way into the toy boxes.

Despite the nagging knowledge of the dead Tetra, only one sentiment filled her mind.

 _I love my life_.

…

 _Watching Olivia make cupcakes for Noah to take to day care was both amusing and heartening. Olivia moved around the kitchen like a novice, but she soldiered on with the process, unconcerned Ed was witnessing her less-than-impressive performance. The first attempt ended in disaster because she overfilled the cups. The second batch came out better. While they cooled, Olivia uncorked another bottle of wine._

" _Want a little more?"_

" _Sure." Ed slid his glass across the counter, deliberately weaving it around the streaks of batter._

 _She grinned and swatted at his arm. "Funny."_

" _They look good," Ed remarked._

 _Olivia put her hands on her hips and assessed her work. The confetti cake had browned slightly on the domed tops and the toothpick she'd inserted into each one had come out clean. They were good enough to please Noah's class of three and four-year-olds._

" _I always wanted a mother who did this type of thing," a wistful expression crossed Olivia's face, "You know, the mom in the TV shows who had milk and cookies ready after school…"_

" _My mother couldn't get us outta the house quick enough," Ed replied, trying to inject some levity in the conversation. He knew the general details of Olivia's childhood and about her mother's battle with alcoholism, but Olivia kept stories of her deepest wounds closer to the vest. "It was come home, drop everything, change clothes, and go outside until dinner." He saw her expression remain unchanged, "But I'm guessin' not even dinner happened for you?"_

" _It did," Olivia said, "But I always knew something wasn't right, the way I was growing up, my relationship with her…wasn't the way it was supposed to be…until, of course, I found out why, then it all made sense."_

" _Explanations don't fix the damage."_

" _No…they don't." Olivia opened a tub of icing and peeled back the lid. "Do I lose points for using the store bought stuff?"_

" _Nope."_

 _She peered at the label. "I mean…it's organic…from their grandmother's kitchen to mine… via…Wisconsin."_

" _That is America's dairy land."_

" _Well then…" Olivia dipped a spoon and tasted a tiny bit. "It's good. Here."_

 _She offered some to Ed and he tried to ignore the weakness in his knees as she fed him a dollop of the strawberry cream._

" _Real good," he croaked._

 _Olivia darted to the table and returned with a shopping bag from which she triumphantly produced an elaborate cake decorating kit complete with icing gun and various attachments. Ed broke into a wide, toothy smile._

" _That's serious," he said._

" _It is," she bit her lip, "I hope not too serious."_

 _They unpacked everything and laid out the materials on the counter. Olivia grabbed two of the first-batch cupcakes. "Okay," she said, "Practice round." She bit her lip and swirled the icing around in circles until it came to a point that curled into itself at the top._

" _Nice work."_

" _That was much easier than I thought it would be, except…" Olivia eyed the icing tub, "I don't think I have nearly enough of this."_

" _I'll run out and get more," Ed offered._

 _Olivia's expression suggested she felt guilty but also realized Ed's favor was completely necessary. "Thank you," she said. She said the icing seemed fairly standard but directed him to the exact market where it had been purchased._

 _He polished off his wine and went for his coat, but Olivia stopped him. "Hey," she said, "Come here."_

 _He joined her in the kitchen. She held out her arms, lifted her chin for a kiss, and thanked him again._

 _Ed stroked her hair and held her for a few extra seconds. Before he headed out on the errand, he stared intently into her eyes and said, "I think you're a fantastic mother."_

 _She blinked rapidly, fighting tears that had not yet surfaced but were sure to come._

" _Noah's so lucky."_

" _Thank you," she half-whispered._

 _He smirked and kissed her once more._

" _I'll be right back. Anything else ya need?"_

" _No…we're…we're good for now."_

… _._

Ed awoke with a start, having been jolted into consciousness by a dream in which he was driving a car on a rollercoaster track. Right after a hairpin turn he steered the car forward only to find end of the track and an inevitable plunge into oblivion. He opened his eyes and immediately noticed Olivia's absence. Jerking around to look at the clock, he saw it was almost ten a.m. and he had a sharp, piercing pain in his head. He laid back down for a second and recalled bits and pieces of the night—the dark club-like atmosphere at the reunion, kissing Olivia on the street, forgetting to confirm the Uber, and getting careless with the spiced bourbon. The half-empty fifth was on the nightstand and he chuckled softly as he thought about how un-parental their room looked at the moment.

He dragged himself out of bed, brushed his teeth, and repeatedly splashed water on his face until some of the cobwebs cleared. It was quiet. If the thunderstorm hadn't been raging outside, he would have assumed Olivia took the kids to the park.

Ed went unnoticed for a minute. The show captured the kids' attention, and Olivia was trying not to doze off. The scene was too adorable not to capture in a photograph, so Ed tiptoed back to the bedroom for his phone which he found on the floor among his clothes from the night before, and snapped a few pictures. Finally, Olivia turned her head toward him, smiled, and greeted him with a soft "good morning." All three kids turned their heads, gave him quick, lazy smiles, and promptly focused their attention back on the television.

"Hey there." He sidled up to Olivia and kissed her lips. "Sorry, didn't mean to sleep this long."

Olivia patted his thigh, "You haven't missed much. This is about it."

"Breakfast?"

"HUNGY!" Maggie bellowed without diverting her eyes from the show.

"Are you hungry?" Olivia asked Ed with a teasing glint in her eyes.

"Yep," he grinned and rested against her shoulder, "No? You hungry?"

"Kinda," he mumbled.

"Sarah let you eat a bunch of junk last night?"

"Nope," Noah said, grinning, "Didn't have time ta eat a lot 'cause we were playin' all night!"

"Whadja play?"

"Bowling, horse, rock band, dance party," Noah paused and tapped Wyatt's back, "Wyatt, what else we play?"

"Truck," Wyatt mumbled, his voice slurred by the Wubbanub, "Du'truck!"

"Oh yeah," Noah continued, "We builded, um, built, a big house _with da trains_ comin' in and out and Wyatt used da dump trucks to bring da m'terials. Den Justy and Sare Bear pushed us in da diaper boxes 'til Sare Bear said it was bedtime but we didn't go ta bed we RACED den Wyatt was sleepin' in da bean bag so Justy say, c'mon let's have quiet time, so he read books then, then…" he twisted his lips and furrowed his brow, "I dunno how I got ta bed!"

"You were in bed when we got home, sweet boy," Olivia said, "So I bet Justin or Sarah took you."

Noah smiled, "Yeah. Dey good at takin' care a' us." He yawned and put his head back on Olivia's arm, "I'm tired."

"Everyone's going to need a nap today," Olivia remarked.

Alarmed at hearing her least favorite word, Maggie scrambled off the couch and stood in front of everyone with her arms rigid and her fists balled. "NO NAP!" She steeled her jaw Ed Tucker-style and waited for a response.

Noah giggled. Wyatt tried to look past her so he didn't miss any action on the screen. Ed waved Maggie over. "C'mere, sweetheart," he said, "You wanna help Daddy order food? Let's eat somethin."

"EAT! Eat fre'fries!"

"You don't want breakfast? Waffles? Eggs?"

"FRE'FRIES!"

"Okay, we'll getcha some French fries," Ed looked to Olivia for approval, "I'll order from the diner?"

"Yes, Mmmmm, that sounds good. I want a cheeseburger."

Ed chuckled.

Olivia pretended to be annoyed. "You weren't the only one who had a long night, Captain."

"It was fun though."

"Whadja do?" Noah asked.

"We saw a lot of Daddy's old friends from college," Olivia said, "We talked to them and their wives and had dinner. And, I showed everyone pictures of you and Maggie and Wyatt. And they thought you were so handsome."

Noah smiled, "And they prolly thought small sister and Wyatt looked _so_ hyper."

"Were they hyper?"

"Uh-huh!"

"Were you hyper?"

Sheepishly, Noah replied, "Yup."

….

 _Taking advantage of a rare moment of finding Olivia alone, Brooke sauntered out to the balcony with two glasses of Pinot Grigio and handed one to the woman who had, for all intents and purposes, become her mother. From their vantage point they could hear the mishmash of chatter from the pool and see Ed, Justin, and Sonny on the beach, still running around with the four kids as the sun began to set._

" _Mmm," Olivia droned, "This is good."_

" _Isn't it? It's from near here believe it or not."_

" _Let's hide it from everyone else."_

 _Olivia and Brooke exchanged conspiratorial grins. They were the only two in the family who appreciated wine for more than the fact it contained alcohol. Justin tried to pay attention to the different varieties and food pairings, but everyone else either humored or ignored the two Tucker oenophiles._

" _You doing alright?" Olivia asked._

" _Yeah," Brooke sighed, "It's going to be weird tomorrow, without Grandma. Here. On Thanksgiving. I don't know if I'll want to do this every year."_

 _Olivia completely understood. She enjoyed the final months of the year and the celebrations that came with them. She craved Caroline's cramped house at Thanksgiving and Christmas and she was so grateful they'd spent the night there last Christmas Eve. Caroline had had a rough year—she battled illness, each time refusing to be admitted to the hospital—but she'd rallied around the holidays. Somehow, though, Noah sensed he was running out of time with his grandmother and insisted on staying with her on the 24_ _th_ _even if it meant missing Santa Claus._

" _We'll do Christmas at home in New York," Olivia patted Brooke's knee. "Wherever you want."_

 _Caroline's house still hadn't been put on the market. Nobody was ready to deal with the house yet—it had been the Tuckers' home base since Caroline and her husband left Manhattan in the mid-1970s._

" _I hope it snows," Brooke said, "A lot. Like, one of those movie Christmases. And then, of course, I would like spring right after, on the twenty-sixth."_

" _Of course."_

" _Sonny wants another kid."_

 _Olivia's jaw dropped more so because of the abrupt change in topics than the news of the Carisis potentially adding to their family._

" _And…you want…?"_

 _Brooke responded honestly. "I don't know. I'm wanting to work a little more, get out, you know? And with Sofia going to preschool next year, it'll be perfect for me to find something part time."_

 _Since her mother's death, Brooke had been consulting on and off with a charter school network but had mostly concentrated on caring for her daughter. She and Sarah had both inherited money from their mother, but Brooke and Sonny had avoided dipping into the funds._

" _And, two kids…Brooklyn…the city…I'm starting to think we maybe need to move, out, Long Island or somewhere, have a yard, a neighborhood, live like normal people." Brooke forced a sarcastic guffaw, "Not that you and Dad aren't normal."_

" _We go to Delaware more and more," Olivia said, "But I don't want to leave the city. The kids love it. They really do. And if we move Noah out of there before he can ride the Subway by himself we may have a major problem."_

 _Brooke nodded in agreement, "That kid…is as close to perfect as they come."_

" _He's a special boy."_

 _Later, Brooke would blame the wine for her asking the next question. "Are you ever going to tell him everything?"_

 _Olivia took it in stride. She was so at peace there was very little, even her son's biological history, that could rile her. "We've let him lead the way so far," she said, "If he asks, we're age-appropriately honest. I suppose one day he'll want to know everything. But, by then, I hope it'll be…so distant…for him and for me…that it will be almost like a story that happened to someone else."_

 _Brooke had always struggled to not think of Noah's past. She had trouble pushing the lurid details of Olivia's past to the back of her mind. It wasn't that she didn't accept Noah or that she persistently viewed Olivia as a pitiful, tragic figure. The fact that Olivia was so loving, so gentle, so…together…when she had every reason to be a complete mess fascinated Brooke._

" _But for now," Olivia continued, "He seems content."_

 _She spoke the words as Noah rolled the ball they'd used for beach volleyball to Wyatt who kicked it and ran to the Frisbee they were using as first base. Despite being on defense, Noah ran over and slapped Wyatt's hand._

" _I love this view," Olivia murmured._

 _She meant more than the palm trees and waves crashing along the white sand beach. The sun turned her family into partial silhouettes. She couldn't hear their words, but she could see their smiles and the way they interacted with one another. Sure, there were the inevitable bumps in the road ahead, but Olivia had never, ever, felt more secure. In time, she hoped Brooke could feel the same._

… _.._

The diner didn't have a website and didn't participate in the city's plethora of app-based dining delivery services, so Ed spread the restaurant's menu on the island phoned in his family's elaborate order.

"You take cards?" He asked only to see Olivia mouth _I have a bunch of cash_. "Uh, never mind, we'll pay cash. Okay, okay… _seventy-two sixy-six_?" He raised his eyebrows at his wife and she nodded, "Okay, that's fine, yeah, cash, okay, good, yeah. Twenty-six B." He slid the phone aside. "Seventy bucks for lunch?"

Olivia shrugged and pointed out they'd let the kids have whatever they wanted including odd combinations such as mozzarella sticks and French toast.

Ed grinned, acknowledging her point. "Damn," he muttered under his breath, "I haven't felt this bad in a while."

Olivia jerked her head toward the kids who were still parked on the couch, "They haven't either, apparently."

"You don't feel it?"

"I'm…tired. _Oh_!"

The alarm and urgency in her eyes sent a quick pang of terror through Ed's gut.

"One of the Tetras is dead."

Ed screwed up his face. "Who?"

" _Ed_! The fish!"

"Oh, oh," he wobbled his head around, trying to get a little more clarity but winced at the pain.

Olivia went to one of the upper cabinets and grabbed the ibuprofen. "Here. Take, maybe, five."

" _Lieutenant_!"

"He's going to want to feed the fish when the food gets here. Do we deal with it then or now?"

Ed gazed at the kids. All three of them were now huddled together on the chaise end of the couch under the Ireland blanket. He couldn't bear to see Noah go to the aquarium, armed with fish food, and discover four rather than five Tetras swimming around.

"Let's do it now," he said. "Better coming from us."

….

 _The sand under their feet crunched rather than sank. It resisted humans traipsing across it while the Atlantic beaches conformed willingly, inviting footsteps and sandcastles and everything else beachgoers brought with them. Ed grabbed Olivia's hand and kissed her clumsily, for they were meandering along the shore, taking an evening stroll, just the two of them, while Sonny oversaw ice cream sundae making back at the condo._

" _Tomorrow's going to be hard for everyone," Olivia said._

" _Yeah," Ed clutched her hand more firmly, "New traditions…"_

 _Olivia stopped so Ed had to look her in the eyes. "Are you okay?"_

" _Yeah," he fidgeted a little, "I mean…it's odd knowin' she's not here, hearin' her voice in my head…"_

 _Aside from the occasional jogger, they were alone on this part of the beach and Olivia suggested they sit down. Ed followed her to higher ground. Olivia sat in front of him and leaned back against his chest._

" _I miss her too," Olivia murmured. "I'll always be grateful for how she accepted me and Noah into her life, immediately, before even I knew what the future held for us."_

" _She had a good sense for that kinda stuff." Ed kissed the back of Olivia's head, "I guess, I feel a little guilty, I mean, I didn't talk to her every day, so, well, I don't think about it all the time."_

 _Olivia entangled their fingers together. "Don't feel guilty. That's normal."_

" _You know what's not normal?"_

" _What?"_

" _How much I love you."_

" _Oh yeah?"_

" _I love you way more than the average man loves his wife."_

 _Olivia tilted her head back, "Probably because you're not the average man." She grinned and puckered her lips for a kiss._

 _Ed looked around naughtily. "This beach is too crowded for what I wanna do right now."_

" _What is it you want to do?" Olivia teased in a low voice._

 _Ed responded by gripping the back of her head and kissing her passionately. He opened his mouth wide and swirled his tongue around hers slowly and sensually. Olivia couldn't help but shove him backwards. She pressed her hips into his thigh._

" _Liv," he groaned._

" _I know."_

 _They sat up again, breathing heavily, leaning into one another, and stared out into the horizon._

" _Think we should head back?" Olivia asked._

" _Let's stay here a little longer. 'Til the sun sets."_

" _Okay."_

" _I love watching sunsets with you."_

… _._

Noah frowned at the news. He stood on the step stool and peered into the aquarium. "Dat's Eric," he reported mournfully. "Eric's dead."

Ed and Olivia exchanged curious glances. Noah had named each fish using the first letters of each Tucker's name, but they had no idea how he could tell them apart.

"Well, we'll, we'll get him outta there bud."

"Then what?"

Olivia suggested they put the fish in a plastic bag and then in a small box. They could bury it in the park when it stopped raining.

"We gotta have a fune'rull," Noah said.

"How do you know about funerals, sweet boy?"

"M'Kenzie at school went to a fune'rull when her Gramma died. She was absent for three days 'cause they had to go on an airplane."

"Oh."

"Mommy? What happens at da fune'rulls?"

Olivia explained funerals were a time for friends and relatives to say nice things about the person who died and to say goodbye one last time. He brightened at the idea and declared they would do just that when it stopped raining and they could bury Eric Tetra. Ed scooped the dead fish out and zipped it into a Ziploc bag which they then put in a small rectangular box.

Noah observed all this then went back to the aquarium. "I wonder if da other ones are sad," he murmured.

"Prolly are, bud," Ed said, mussing Noah's hair, "But they can be happy when they think about the fun times they had with Eric."

"Yeah," Noah said, "Eric was a fun fish."

The skies cleared a few hours later and, before dinner at the pub, the Tuckers walked to the pathway along the Hudson River and laid Eric to rest. Noah thought the riverside would be the best spot because it was close to water and also near the store where they'd purchased the Tetras. Ed packed the loose dirt around the box and Noah put a single wildflower he'd picked on top of the grave.

"Goodbye, Eric," he said, "Thank you for being a good fish." He looked up at his parents, silently giving them clearance to say something.

"Bye, Eric," Olivia said, "We enjoyed having you as part of the family. Thank you for making my kids so happy."

"So long, Eric," Ed gave the mound another pat, "It was nice knowin' ya. You're one of the nicest fish I've ever met."

Noah prodded Maggie and Wyatt to say goodbye as well, and they babbled a bunch of enthusiastic "bye byes" which made everyone else smile.

"They're a little too young to understand, sweet boy," Olivia said softly. "But I'm sure they'll miss Eric."

"So will I," Noah sighed.

…

Ed placed Olivia's glass of water on her nightstand, yawned, and collapsed into bed. He was looking forward to a good night's sleep and starting the next day fresh and free from the effects of alcohol. Nevertheless, he curled up at Olivia's side and started suggestively kissing her shoulder and whining that her tank top strap was in the way.

Olivia chuckled and, for the moment, stayed immune to his advances. "You were so sweet conducting the fish funeral today," she said. "I think it was good for Noah."

"Better than flushing the thing down the toilet."

"That would have been…insensitive…and a little cruel."

"It did cross my mind."

"You never would've done it."

"Nope," he mumbled with his lips on her skin. He was partially on top of her now and kissing at her throat. "Never."

Olivia tickled the back of his head and bunched up his t-shirt with her other hand. "I don't think I'll ever get tired of this," she said in a throaty voice.

"Tired of what?" Ed teased.

" _This_ ," she said as if she hadn't understood he was joking, "It's almost scary how good you make me feel, Ed."

He lifted his head and stared into her eyes. "No, Liv," he whispered, "Nothing about us is scary. Nothing. The last thing I want you to feel right now is scared." He smirked a little and cocked his head, "But…I do kinda wanna hear you scream…"

…

 **#Tuckson**


	22. Chapter 22

**Twenty-two**.

 _On the way into the movie theatre, Olivia intentionally bumped into Ed and shot him a sassy grin. "You should feel lucky," she said in her most carefree voice, "I don't typically celebrate my birthday…much less go out and celebrate it."_

 _Ed handed the tickets to the attendant and smirked. "My luck is not lost on me," he replied with an underlying serious tone. "Just hope tonight's okay." Recently, Olivia had mentioned in passing that she couldn't remember the last time she'd seen a movie in the actual theater, so he suggested this outing as part of her birthday present. Seeing a movie wasn't much of a date in his opinion, but they had gone to dinner and he planned for a nightcap after, if time permitted._

 _Olivia grabbed his hand and chills shot up and down his spine. She stopped in the middle of the aisle, unconcerned about impeding the path of others._

" _Why do you think it's not okay?" Curious, she narrowed her eyes. Dinner at the Columbus Avenue bistro had been perfect and even their short stroll to the theater was filled with playful banter. Their slow, meandering gait was as flirtatious as a simple walk could be._

" _I didn't mean we're not havin' a good time. I meant I hope you like seein' the show here. Be fun to do this every once in a while." He wanted to say "on a regular basis, but that would have been placing too much pressure on their fledgling romance._

" _I think that's a very good idea, Captain."_

" _Good," he said under his breath, almost in a whisper. She led the way to their seats and he used the opportunity to take a deep breath and calm down. He and Olivia weren't strangers. They'd been out several times. Yet, certain moments gave him jitters. There was no doubt in his mind he was in love with her; part of his nervousness stemmed from his efforts to stop himself from constantly kissing her._

" _These seats are nice," Olivia said, settling in to the leather cushions._

 _Ed agreed, but the console was too large—he wouldn't be able to put his arm around her. He played around with the controls. "Damn, you can practically lie down…could fall asleep."_

 _Olivia gave him a suggestive look. "Almost room enough for two," she murmured._

 _He grinned and patted the seat cushion. She leaned over for a kiss and whispered, "This is the best birthday."_

 _Reluctant to pry his lips from hers, he sat up and kissed her once more. The lights dimmed and the previews began rolling. Olivia cupped the back of his head. Surprised, Ed's lips curled into a smile against hers._

… _._

" _ED_!"

His only responses were gasps and grunts.

" _OHHHHHH_!"

The Tucker master bedroom had heard and seen its share of sexual activity and the accompanying noises, but Ed and Olivia were putting on one of their more fervent shows on this particular night.

Olivia screamed. It was guttural, carnal, and it made Ed spill into her sooner than he would have liked. He stayed buried inside of her and sloppily kissed all over her face. Her skin was damp, salty with perspiration, and he felt his own beads of sweat trickle from his forehead and run down the side of his head, collecting at his earlobe. In any other context, they were gross, disgusting…in need of a shower…but right now they were beautiful. A mess, sure, but a perfect one.

"I. Love. You. So. Fucking. Much," He rasped, kissing her between each word. "I wanna fuck you forever."

Olivia started to say something but she was interrupted by the door handle jostling. The sounds were followed by Noah's voice.

"Shit," Ed muttered. He rolled off her, threw on a pair of shorts, and opened the door a crack. Olivia huddled under the sheets.

"Hey bud."

Noah's forehead crinkled and he craned his neck around so he could see Olivia. "Mommy, you okay?"

"Yes, sweet boy."

Ed quickly wiped his brow with his forearm while Noah's attention was diverted.

"You were yellin'"

"Sorry sweet boy." Olivia had no idea how to proceed and she hoped the simple apology would smooth things over.

"You have a bad dream?"

"No sweet boy…" Olivia trailed off. She had started the reply too quickly and had trouble thinking of an excuse.

"Thought we saw a bug," Ed explained, "Over there on the floor," he gestured to his side of the bed. "But…no bug."

"Yuck!"

"I _know_ ," Olivia cooed, grateful the excuse worked.

"If ya see a bug, Daddy'll kill it."

"He sure will."

"C'mon, bud," Ed held out his hand, "I'll tuck ya back in."

Ed returned and got back under the covers he plastered himself against Olivia's body. "Not gonna ban sex, are ya?"

"Are you kidding me?" Olivia purred. "We, ah, well, we got a little out of control."

"I love getting outta control with you." Ed sucked at her neck and droned, " _Mmmmm_." He felt her shiver and teased between her legs. "Yeah…not done are we?"

Olivia let out a low whimper. "Noah's…probably still awake."

"He's fine." Ed slithered down her body and spread her thighs wide. "We'll be quiet, or…I will be."

Olivia arched her back but tilted her head forward and held it there as long as she could. Watching Ed pleasure her orally intensified the sensations. She collapsed back into the pillows and closed her eyes, zeroing in on his patterns, how he would swirl his tongue around, suck gently, then harder, and—

"Oh _God_."

He massaged one thigh then gripped her hips. He wanted all of her. Olivia couldn't follow the pattern anymore, she was deliciously dizzy, trying not to scream, but wanting to scream because she knew how much he liked to hear her come. She flailed around for a pillow and covered her face right on time, for she was quivering now, nearly moved to tears, baffled at how, every time, they managed to have better and better sex, how Ed could love her this much, so much that he refused to stop until she came again.

…..

 _Olivia couldn't stop repeating it._

" _The Benson Center…The Benson Center…"_

 _Ed smiled proudly. The idea had not been his, but he had been working on the project from its inception. He contacted the initial donors, set up what would become the endowment, and even gave his input on the design of the physical space._

 _She smiled and stared straight ahead as they strolled down the block, and she held his hand tightly. Olivia never skimped on affection, but he loved the public displays and he absolutely craved holding her hand—the feel of her fingers tightly gripping his, knowing he was providing a sense of security, an assurance that, as long as he was by her side, nothing could harm her._

" _Gonna be a good place," Ed mumbled because he felt like he should say something. "Well…good…but, unfortunately necessary if that makes any sense?"_

" _Unfortunately necessary…it makes perfect sense." Olivia took a deep breath and sighed. "Want to…go sit for a while? By the water?"_

" _Yeah."_

 _They turned the corner, crossed the avenues, and found a vacant bench overlooking the Hudson River. Ed slung his arm across Olivia's shoulders and held her close. "I'm so proud of you," he droned into her ear, "I'm so proud to be married to you."_

 _Olivia was usually uncomfortable with praise but not when it came from Ed. His voice was so sincere and trustworthy like they were the truest words he had ever spoken. "Thank you," she replied, "It's been a long…long road…"_

" _What sticks out…what's the best job you've done, Lieutenant?"_

 _Olivia pondered this for several minutes. "You always ask the tough questions, Captain."_

 _Ed grinned. "You don't have to answer this one."_

" _I will…but it's probably a longer answer than you'd like."_

 _He kissed the side of her head. "I love listening to you."_

 _Olivia talked through some old cases, easily recalling the names of victims. She told Ed the story of Maria Recinos and he listened intently, only to lighten the mood by asking who she had been dating at the time and whether he was good looking._

 _Olivia held his chin and kissed him. "Not as good looking as you."_

 _Briefly, Ed remembered how, when they first got together, Olivia would say things like this, but they came out tinged with uncertainty, as if she didn't trust her own emotions or what was happening between them. Now, she was smiling confidently, sure of herself enough to tease him, and so comfortable she didn't think twice about kissing him a few more times before nestling back under his arm and continuing on with her answer._

…

Initially, everything about the evening caused Ed to feel out of sorts. The restaurant was far fancier than their usual haunts, and, after spending the bulk of his career in suits and ties, he found himself yanking at his collar and fiddling with the stiff cuffs at the ends of his shirtsleeves. Adding to his frustration was that the producer was incongruously attired in jeans and a mock turtleneck, Steve Jobs style. His entire affect clashed with the refined atmosphere—he was loud, rakish, and constantly moving. As he spoke he rearranged the silverware and water glasses and played with the flower petals from the centerpiece.

Ed kept his arm slung across the back of Olivia's chair. He moved it only to shake hands and eat. He didn't say much, for the dinner had little to do with him. The show's writing staff had finally selected the script for the pilot, and the actress who was playing the role based on Olivia's career was joining them. She and Olivia would be spending a lot of time together in the coming weeks.

The woman was recognizable, but she wasn't a bona fide superstar. She arrived without fanfare with a date, a man who was pleasant and polite but a tad aloof and uninterested in the conversation. After fretting earlier about fictionalizing her career, Olivia spoke openly about her early days as a uniformed officer, becoming a detective, and her rise to ranks of Sergeant and Lieutenant. She avoided the ugly details for the time being and gave her input on the script which was fairly tame compared to the real-life SVU version. The actress' questions centered on the challenges of being a woman in a world inordinately full of men, and Ed was slightly surprised at Olivia's response.

"I never saw it so much as a men versus women thing," Olivia said, "It's more…a circle of power. If you can manage to get inside, you can control a lot. I managed to create my own circle at SVU, and we bumped up against others at times, but, when I leave in July, I'm going to leave with a great deal of satisfaction—SVU's cops used to be looked at as a little soft, and, well, maybe we are, we have to be, but the work we've done…is respected…and for that, I'm very proud."

They didn't linger long after dessert, and Olivia clutched Ed's arm as they walked home from the restaurant. It was a balmy, breezy April night and restaurants with outdoor seating were still packed despite the late hour.

"You were quiet tonight."

"Listening is all," Ed replied. "Somethin' new."

"Thank you for coming," she said, "I know it wasn't your idea of a perfect evening."

"It's perfect whenever I'm with you."

Olivia gently elbowed him, "That was a little corny."

"You opened the door, Lieutenant, I couldn't resist."

They were at an intersection waiting for the light to change and she kissed his cheek. "Are you sure you were only listening? Nothing else?"

Ed cleared his throat and twisted his lips. "One thing…I…I don't want it to affect you at all, because I know, I see how you're into this more and more, and I want you to be—"

"—say it, Ed."

They crossed the street. Ed looked around for a place to stop, but Olivia was impatiently waiting for his response. "I'm worried about, well, what if, as part of the show, you really need to dig back into some things you'd rather forget? What if it starts haunting ya all over again?"

The questions were beyond valid. Olivia held his arm more tightly. "I've thought about that," she said softly, "But I'm confident…it's over. I'm sure I can do this, I can channel the experience into something important in a different way. Maybe this show will make a difference. Will shed some light on issues people wouldn't talk about otherwise."

Ed put his arms around her and they drifted to the edge of the sidewalk. He hugged her and held her close for several minutes. Passersby who gave them a glance probably figured one or both of them were upset about something—maybe a death, maybe some other crushing news—but there was neither sorrow nor trepidation in the embrace.

Olivia tilted her head back and smiled, "I know how much you love me," she said, "I promise you…you'll be the first to know if it gets hard, and I'll stop if it's too much."

"I know," he said, "I just…I had to say it. I couldn't be there for you before…I know it sounds a little patronizing, but I gotta protect you now."

She put a hand over each of his ears and kissed him firmly. When she pulled away, the streetlights caught the moisture in her eyes. He, too, felt the burn of tears. The woman he held in his arms, his _wife_ , had endured unimaginable trauma, but here she was, strong, happy, and ready to use her experiences to get justice in another way. There weren't strong enough words for Ed to convey how much he admired her.

"Let's go home," she whispered.

"Yeah…"

It was probably a good thing that Sarah's neighbor G was babysitting rather than Sarah herself, because Sarah would have insisted on details and wanted to know exactly when "her Livvie" was going to turn into a television star. Instead, they had their normal debate about payment, G reluctantly took Ed's cash, and, after looking in on the kids, Ed and Olivia retreated to their bedroom.

Olivia carefully closed the door and turned the lock. She intercepted Ed as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom and began unbuttoning his shirt. Once he was bare-chested in front of her, she slowly kissed him from shoulder to shoulder.

"I love you," she intoned in a low, seductive voice.

He pressed his forehead to hers. "I love you."

Minutes later, their clothes were heaped in two piles on the floor and they stood in the middle of the room swaying together, kissing and pausing every few seconds or so to whisper sweet words to one another.

Olivia reached down and began stroking him. Ed groaned with pleasure and gasped, "Harder."

She opened her eyes, questioning him.

" _Harder_ ," he repeated.

She complied.

"Feels so good, Liv."

Ed had planned to lavish all attention on her tonight, but she clearly wanted to be in control. He let her have her way for a while, but Ed Tucker simply could not spend much time as a passive lover. Not with her.

Once he had her on the bed, he held her hands above her head and kissed up and down her arms before descending upon her mouth and kissing her deeply. Her fingertips on his hips were tantalizing and begging for him to be inside her. Ed stared into her eyes as he positioned himself over her. The intensity was palpable.

"I love you, Ed," she rasped

"I love you, baby." He took a deep, satisfied breath and moved deeper.

She ran the fingers of one hand through his hair and added, "I feel so safe."

"You are."

….

 _After the movie and the nightcap, Ed walked Olivia back to her building. Without asking him if he wanted to come up, she took his hand and led him inside. They said goodnight to Lucy and Ed remained standing, unsure where the rest of the night was headed. Olivia went to check on Noah and when she returned, he had not moved._

" _You okay?" She asked._

" _Yeah, uh, I didn't know…what ya had planned." He smirked sheepishly and silently admonished himself for being so nervous._

 _She strode to him and planted a kiss on his lips. "Something like this?"_

 _He grinned. "Fine with me."_

" _C'mon."_

 _He followed her to the bedroom and they sat together on the bed where they exchanged a few kisses. Ed hooked a finger inside her collar and moved her shirt aside so he could press his lips to her shoulder._

" _Here," Olivia said, "Let me help you."_

 _In one deft motion she removed her blouse and tossed it aside. He kissed the top of her chest, the exposed sides of her breast, then unclasped her bra and laid her on the bed. He removed his own shirt and crawled over to her, leaving his pants on, letting her decide when they should come off. Olivia massaged his chest and shoulders, but it didn't take long for her to paw at his waistband. She stopped kissing him long enough to rise to her knees and tug his pants and boxer briefs from his body. Her hair fell across his lower abdomen as she ran her tongue along the insides of his thighs. Involuntarily, his hips bucked. She looked up and grinned. He gripped her upper arms and pulled her back up to him._

" _C'mere," he whispered before planting another passionate kiss on her lips. "Happy Birthday, Olivia Benson."_

 _She grinned and thanked him._

" _Did you get everything you wanted?"_

" _Almost," she replied, lifting her hips to his._

" _Have some patience." He smirked and kissed at her neck a little longer, punctuating the trail by biting her earlobe._

" _Ed…" She grabbed his hips. It would be the first but certainly not the last time she did this when she was ready for him. "Please…"_

 _He was not about to make her beg._

" _Yessss!"_

" _Liv…"_

" _Don't stop Ed, right there…"_

" _Happy birthday, baby."_

 _Olivia swallowed hard. He called her "baby." He'd never done that before and it intensified the pleasure coursing through her body. Ed was panting in her ear, thrusting at a more rapid pace. He probably didn't realize what he'd said or how it had affected her._

 _Ed lifted his head, tangled a hand in her hair, and kissed her with his mouth open wide. "I'm close," he rasped._

" _So am I."_

 _They kept kissing—clumsily, sloppily, for they were both ready to cry out. Olivia ripped her lips from his and buried her face into his neck. The vibrations of her muted scream caused him to lose control._

 _Sated and exhausted, they held onto each other as their breathing returned to normal. When Olivia finally spoke, it was in a low, barely audible voice. "You…called me baby."_

" _Yeah, I did." He smoothed her damp hair back and kissed her. "That okay?"_

" _Yes...it sounded_ good _…sounded right."_

" _Good." He kissed her again and wrapped both arms around her._

" _I want you to stay tonight," she said. "I want to stay like this all night."_

" _Me too."_

" _Ed?"_

" _Hmm?"_

" _I have to tell you something."_

" _What's that?"_

" _At first…I didn't think…this was going to work."_

" _Why not?"_

" _I underestimated you."_

" _Well, I guess that's better than overestimating," he quipped._

" _And now…I don't want you to let me go."_

 _Ed's heart swelled with joy and he tightened his grip._

" _I won't."_

…

 **#Tuckson**


	23. Chapter 23

**Twenty-three**.

Spending part of Noah's spring break at the beach when it wasn't warm enough to actually get in the water felt cruel, but it was the perfect time to get away for a long weekend and do some much needed work on the house before Ed and Olivia purchased the rest of their furniture. They left New York Saturday morning and planned to return mid-week. With retirement looming and things quiet at SVU, Olivia had no problem burning a few more vacation days. Besides, trusted her veteran crew-Fin, Rollins, and Carisi—to hold down the fort while she was gone and to call her if warranted.

Ed got right to work in the master bathroom on Saturday evening. They'd had new countertops installed and the tile changed in the shower, but the fixtures and mirror needed replacing, both tasks Ed felt comfortable tackling. While he worked, Olivia and the kids prepared dinner in the kitchen—the one room that had already been remodeled and updated with new appliances. Ed had already designed on paper his dream outdoor barbeque area, but that installation would wait until the summer.

Noah was set up at the table with two bowls—one full of raw shrimp and the other collecting the tails he was plucking from each piece.

"We always eat shrimpies at da beach," he remarked in passing, focusing most of his attention on his task.

"Yes we do," Olivia said, "And lobster and scallops…and, well, maybe we should try some other seafood while we're here this time."

"We try at da rest'raunt," Noah said, "Those guys know how ta cook lotsa stuff."

"Yes they do," Olivia replied, smiling at her son's unintentional, tacit criticism of his parents' culinary skills. "We'll go to the restaurant tomorrow."

"Who's gonna sit with us when you dance with Daddy?" Noah asked, genuinely concerned.

"Maybe we'll all dance together."

"Thatsa good idea."

Wyatt left his toys and walked over to the table. He gripped the edges and tried to pull himself up so he could see what his brother was doing.

"Hey, Wyatt, wanna shrimp?"

"SIMP!"

Olivia handed Wyatt some crackers, "Here sweetheart," she said, "No shrimp yet, we have to cook them."

"Cook! Cook simp!" Wyatt marched around the kitchen with his snack and pressed his face against a pane of the French doors. A few of his brown locks stuck to his cheeks. The dreaded haircut was becoming more and more inevitable. "SIMP!" He exclaimed. "Ma! Simp!"

"Are you going to swim this summer, Wyatt?"

"I think he wantsa swim now," Noah said.

"It's a little too cold."

"The guys in da suits surf when it's cold," Noah said, "Da suit is like skin and it keeps 'em nice and warm."

"Did you see that on TV?"

"No, on da c'puter."

"Oh…" Olivia hid her frown from Noah. At only six years of age she hated there were things about him she already didn't know. She brightened and suggested they build a sand castle the next day. "It'll be warm enough to play on the beach," she said.

"That's great! Wyatt! Maggs! You here dat? We're gonna build a sand castle tomorrow!"

"Cassa!" Maggie exclaimed. She had been on the opposite side of the room with her play kitchen. Before leaving the city, Noah helped Ed and Olivia decide which toys they should bring with them and keep at the beach. The kitchen was Noah's first choice. Maggie rarely played with it at home because it was stored in the twins' room rather in the main living area. "Eee, No! Eee!" She brought a plate with a plastic egg and rubber steak over to her brother and he pretended to take a bite. When he returned the food to the plate, Maggie brought it to Olivia. "Ma! Eee!"

Olivia complimented Maggie on her cooking and hid the steak and eggs under a dish towel which made Maggie crack up.

"All gone!" She said, giggling, "Ma all done!"

"Oh!" Olivia said with a flourish, "Look! Here it is!" She gave the toy food back to Maggie and she moved on to serve Wyatt. Together, the twins abandoned regular words and fell back into babbling only the two of them understood. This type of speech concerned Olivia until the pediatrician assured her it was perfectly normal for kids that age, especially twins, to communicate in this way.

Noah was always amused at the gibberish. "There they go again," he said with a smile, still concentrating on the shrimp.

Ed came downstairs and gulped a glass of water. He informed Olivia the faucets and shower head were installed, but he'd need her help for the mirrors. Olivia's response was delayed because the sight of Ed in his tight black t-shirt, shorts, and wrench in his hand was worthy of a minute or so of admiration. Finally, she covered the shrimp, put it in the refrigerator, and insisted everyone come upstairs. The house hadn't been completely child-proofed, so she refused to let the twins out of her sight.

"Wow, Ed, this looks so good," Olivia marveled at how the new lighting scheme made the bathroom look completely different. "I love it." She tried the knobs on the faucets and Ed smirked.

"They work," he joked.

With Olivia's help it didn't take long to mount the mirrors. Aside from cleaning the debris from installation, the project was complete.

The twins wandered into the shower and climbed on the bench.

"Sit!" Wyatt said, giggling, "Siddown!"

"Ya got a seat in da shower jus' like at home!" Noah remarked.

Ed stifled a chuckle. "Yeah, bud, we're gonna have everything we need here," he said, " _Everything_."

"I love da beach house," Noah said. "And Mommy say we gonna play in the sand tomorrow!"

"Mommy's the boss."

"And I made da shrimpies for dinner. Mommy did the rest."

"She's the kitchen boss, too."

Olivia laughed, "I think I need some work in that area. So…we'll eat…then…bonfire?"

"YES!" Noah yelled and started for the stairs. "I get da stuff for s'mores!"

Olivia motioned for Maggie and Wyatt to come out of the shower. "C'mon, sweet twins."

They dawdled and Ed used the moment to kiss Olivia. "We're gonna get some use outta that bench later, right?" He whispered.

"And that shower head," she murmured, playing along with his erotic innuendo, "It looks…fun."

"That's why I bought it…said it was fun on the package."

Olivia gave him a playful shove and a loving eye roll. She stepped into the shower and grabbed the twins who both fussed at being forcibly removed. Ed grabbed Wyatt and flipped him over his shoulder, and Olivia did the same with Maggie. Squeals of delight supplanted the whines, and the four of them descended the stairs to join Noah who had already meticulously laid out the chocolate, marshmallows, and graham crackers.

…..

 _Thanksgiving morning at Sarah and Justin's Gulf front condo began before dawn. Olivia and Brooke arose early to prepare the turkey. Brooke also seasoned a pot roast and put it in the slow cooker, a nod to Caroline's disdain for the traditional main course. They'd prepared most of the side dishes the day before, so everything else simply needed to be warmed before the meal. It was not yet seven a.m. when the two of them poured congratulatory Irish coffees and sat out on the balcony._

" _Are you sure you're okay taking Sofia to the water park today?" Brooke asked._

 _She, Sarah, Justin, and Sonny were playing golf later that morning. The condo had come with a golf club membership and, since their purchase, Sarah and Justin had trained themselves to be competent golfers._

" _Absolutely," Olivia replied, "We don't reciprocate nearly enough with child care. We probably owe you and Sarah weeks."_

 _Brooke laughed softly and brushed off the debt. "That's what family's for."_

" _Right."_

" _Are you and Dad going to play at all?"_

 _Earlier in the week, the men had played a round. Ed had beaten Justin and Sonny handily; he didn't hit the links much, but the skills he had returned quickly. Sonny was the worst of the three, yet he was the most enthusiastic and was determined to get out there again to better his score._

" _I'm a horrible golfer," Olivia said, "But I think your Dad wants to, so I'll go. Maybe early Saturday." She couldn't help smiling to herself. Part of the reason Ed wanted to golf with her was so he could "teach" the proper technique which, of course, required close proximity._

 _The sliding glass door opened and Maggie, clad in her blue and white unicorn pajamas, came out on the balcony and made a beeline for Olivia's lap._

" _Good morning, sweet girl," Olivia cooed and kissed Maggie's cheeks._

" _Morning Maggs!" Brooke said, perhaps a little too cheerfully and loudly for the early hour._

 _Maggie winced slightly and curled into Olivia's chest but she did mumble a faint, "g'morning."_

" _Happy Thanksgiving, too," Olivia said._

" _Gobble, gobble," Maggie said in a hushed voice._

" _Yes. Ready for some turkey later on?"_

 _Maggie nodded. Suddenly, she realized what else had been promised and instantly perked up. "We goin' to da water park!" She said, "When we goin?"_

" _Not for a little while, honey."_

" _Daddy say dey have tramp'lines and slides!"_

" _They do."_

 _Maggie looked at Olivia. There was pure joy and excitement in her deep blue eyes. "You gonna slide, Mommy?"_

" _I'll try it, sure."_

" _I want you to go wiff me first."_

" _I will, sweetheart." Olivia kissed her forehead._

" _Den you and Daddy c'sit and watch us."_

 _Olivia laughed and kissed her again. "You're so good at planning, sweet girl."_

 _Maggie grinned triumphantly at the compliment and wriggled to get down. She looked out at the water, took note of the green flag, and murmured, "Yep…itsa good day for da water park."_

… _._

As he always did when danger lurked, Noah warned the twins about getting too close to the fire. Remembering Sarah's strategy, he used his heel to dig a divot around the fire pit and explained to his almost-two-year-old siblings they were not, under any circumstances, allowed to cross the line. He needn't have worried. Once Ed got the fire started, Maggie and Wyatt were mesmerized by the flames and serenely sat together in one of the Adirondack chairs. Noah skewered marshmallows, Ed helped him roast them to a golden brown, and Olivia stood at the ready with the chocolate and graham crackers. Once the treats were cooled, she handed them over to the kids and grabbed the camera.

Maggie and Wyatt weren't nearly as messy as they'd been the first time they ate s'mores, but, even as experienced eaters, their faces, hands, and hair were soon a sticky, chocolatey mess. Crumbs clung to their cheeks and they grinned gooey smiles for Olivia as she hovered over them, snapping away.

Noah munched quickly and licked around the edges, trying desperately to avoid losing any bits of the s'more to the grass below. Once he had it under control he sat down and ate while staring contemplatively at the fire. Olivia took several shots of him in profile, his little face illuminated by the yellow-orange flames, his mouth ringed by the same crumbs and chocolate streaks that covered the twins' faces. Still, an aura of wisdom surrounded him; Olivia didn't want to interrupt his moment of solace, but she desperately wanted to know what he was thinking.

She put the camera down and wedged herself in a third chair with Ed. He swallowed a bit and kissed her quickly yet deeply and she smacked her lips approvingly. "Tastes good," she whispered.

"Here," he offered her a piece, "Want me to make you a whole one?"

"In a minute." She took a bite and nuzzled her head under his chin. She could see all three kids from this vantage point and she took a deep, satisfied breath. "This is so nice."

"Could stay all night out here."

"I really could."

"We should get a tent."

Olivia chuckled, "I'll let you be in charge of the camping."

"Oh, come on, Lieutenant," he said, "You wouldn't want to sleep with us in a tent? Sleeping bags…the waves…the great outdoors."

"I'll think about it."

"Da!" Maggie shouted, "More!" She clasped and unclasped a fist, emphasizing her point that she had eaten her entire dessert.

"I dunno, Maggie May," he said, "You've had a lot."

"Half of it's on her," Olivia pointed out.

"Give 'em one more? Split it?"

"Sure."

A couple hours later, the Tuckers were back inside. Noah insisted on a movie, and he commandeered the loveseat while the twins snuggled together in one of the beanbags. The boys each fell asleep within minutes of each other, and Maggie soon followed. Olivia stood up, planning to take them to the portable cribs set up in their room, but she stopped herself. Ed saw the look on her face and joined her. The coffee table had been partially blocking their view of their little ones.

Maggie had worked her way under Wyatt's arm, using his chest as a pillow. The contact with her brother made her cheeks look chubbier than they actually were. Asleep with their lips slightly parted, they looked identical…perfect, cherubic, and extraordinarily content.

"My sweet babies," Olivia whispered.

Ed kissed her cheek and neck, "Wanna picture?"

"No," she said, "I think I want this only in my head…"

Ed held her around the waist from behind and rested his chin on her shoulder. For several more minutes they gazed at their sleeping children—the huddled twins and Noah, who was buried under two blankets.

"I don't want to move them," Olivia said.

"Then let's not. Sit with me."

He led her back to the sofa and they started trading kisses, careful to be as quiet and tame as possible so, if Noah stirred, they wouldn't be caught, once again, in a compromising act. Ed behaved himself, holding her tightly and concentrating on the simple yet precious act of kissing his wife.

"I'm so happy, Liv," he whispered.

"I am, too. I love it here. But…I love anywhere with you."

He grinned proudly. "Imagine all the summers here…kids with their friends…bein' loud, running around, breaking curfew…"

"And me on the porch worrying."

"Of course," he joked. "That's why I'm here. To balance you out."

"You never worry…"

"Ah, I worry you're too worried."

"Ed?"

"Huh?"

"Can we talk about something else?"

He kissed her head. "Absolutely. Whaddya wanna talk about?"

"What do you think Noah's going to do when he grows up?"

"I dunno," Ed mused. "He's good at so many things, and he loves to learn…but he's also got a huge heart, like his mother, whatever he does…it's gonna be important."

Ed and Olivia spent the rest of the evening cuddled together and tossing around ideas about their kids' futures. It was well past midnight when they carried the trio to the master bedroom. Olivia and Ed laid the kids in the middle of the mattress and flanked all three, willing to sacrifice a night of lovemaking, for this type of sleeping arrangement wouldn't be possible forever.

There was a unique kind of magic in a crowded Tucker bed.

…

 _It had been a while since Olivia visited Ed's apartment. Their dates occurred either at bars or restaurants and culminated at her place. Ed was spending nights there more frequently, and it wasn't uncommon for him to spend entire weekends at the Benson home. If duty called Olivia away, he took care of Noah. He and Olivia were falling in love but also falling into a routine that had all the markers of an emergent family. An even bigger milestone was Ed being added to the very short list of people allowed to pick up Noah from day care. They had taken baby steps for the first few months of their relationship, but, Olivia's actions and words continually indicated she was ready to be all in._

 _One Friday night, they ushered in Olivia's off-duty weekend with dinner at a pub near Ed's apartment. Upon leaving, Ed gave her the option of walking or taking a cab back to her apartment, but she declined both options._

" _How about we go to your place?" She suggested innocently._

" _Alright." The familiar Benson-induced nerves returned as she looped her arm through his. They strolled in the direction of his building. By the time they reached the entrance, Olivia was clutching his arm with both hands._

 _Once inside Ed's apartment, he took her coat and offered her a drink. They stood in the kitchen, sipping bourbon, each waiting for the other to make a move. It was early, not yet ten o'clock, but Olivia didn't like to take advantage of Lucy's willingness to arrange her own schedule around the Lieutenant's. Nevertheless, based on previous nights out, Ed estimated he had at least two hours._

" _I tell ya what," he said, making small talk, "I'm ready for spring and summer."_

" _Me too, this winter's been brutal…"_

 _Ed met her eyes. "Brutal" had so many possible layers of meaning. He looked at her with a combination of compassion and love, and Olivia smiled. Ed had a unique way of expressing how much he cared without infantilizing her._

 _Olivia put her glass down and planted a firm kiss on his lips. He kissed her back and half-tossed his glass next to hers. The glasses collided and clanged. Ed and Olivia grinned but kept kissing. Her hands traversed his back; he felt fingertips pressing into his muscles, his shirt being yanked loose, and her hands coming into contact with his skin._

 _The liplock became a hungry, fierce battle. They breathed in sharp gasps. Ed found himself backing her against the counter then relenting a bit, worrying he'd hurt her, only for Olivia to tug on his belt, forcing him to remain flush with her body. He rocked his hips into hers, not nearly as aggressively as he wanted, but he knew the small of her back was pressing into the granite countertop edge._

" _Liv…"_

" _I'm fine," she gasped, reading his mind, and clarified, "More than fine."_

 _Ed wasn't convinced. He bent his knees and hoisted her onto the countertop. "There," he said breathlessly, "That's better."_

 _Olivia bit her lip and smiled. Not only was she already aroused, but she was also dizzy with anticipation. Sex with Ed had been fabulous—no man had ever made love to her like he did—but she sensed, no, she knew, he was holding back, he was being overly gentle, a little too careful, and she wanted him to know he had he green light to be more aggressive every once in a while._

 _He returned her grin and kissed her cheeks, her neck, all the while slowly unbuttoning her blouse. "So pretty," he murmured, "So…pink…" He shot her a smirk, "I love Benson in pink…" Once he had the blouse and bra off, he smirked again, "Or in nothing at all…"_

 _Olivia rubbed her hands all over his head as he lavished attention on her breasts. She moaned and whimpered, encouraged him to keep going…he was making her feel incredible, but he wasn't anywhere near being done._

 _She yelped a bit when he slid her pants off and her skin came into contact with the cool granite._

" _You sure you don't wanna go to the bedroom?" He asked as he trailed kisses down her abdomen._

" _I'm. Sure." She could barely form words. He blew cool air between her legs and it drove her crazy. She swallowed hard and croaked, "I want you…right here."_

 _He shimmied out of his pants and underwear and slid her closer, teasing for a few seconds before holding her thighs and beginning hard thrusts. More than once the reality that he was actually having sex with Olivia Benson on the counter in his kitchen threatened to make him come too soon, but he postponed the urge. They kissed, stared into each other's eyes, glanced down at where they were connecting. Soon, Olivia couldn't help but arch her back and Ed held her as she quivered, writhed, and, finally, let loose a carnal scream. She reached for Ed and wrapped her legs around him as he kept going, faster and faster, groaning, grunting, and panting into her damp skin._

" _Liv, Goddam…"_

" _So good," she cooed, lightly scratching his back and waiting patiently to gather himself and let him make the next moves._

 _He took her to the couch, grabbed a blanket, and she sat in his lap, cocooned in his embrace and the fleece covering. They exchanged lazy, sweet kisses and smiled at each other, celebrating what they'd just done._

" _Well, that's something we can't really do at my place," Olivia said, clearly still in a jovial mood._

" _Come here anytime, Benson," he said, grinning, "I mean it. Any. Time."_

 _She saw his expression change slightly. "What is it?" She asked, squinting at him._

 _He frowned at his choice of monikers. "Callin' ya Benson…it, uh, I shouldn't do that."_

 _She stroked the side of his face. "I like it. You're…playing."_

" _But I'm not," he said seriously, "I mean, yeah, I was joking, but not really. This," he kissed her softly, "This is not a joke."_

" _I know," she said, "But there's a difference in seeing us as a joke and actually joking around with each other. I love it when we do that. I never thought it was possible." The teasing glint was still in her eyes and she ran an index finger down his nose, "Never thought it was possible that big, bad Captain Tucker could be…silly."_

 _He blushed and smiled shyly. "Silly, huh?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _I guess I can be silly," he leaned in and sucked at her neck hard enough to make her squeal and come very close to a rare giggle. "Oops, sorry, can't have ya goin' to work with a mark on your neck."_

" _I'm not going to work tomorrow," she said in a decidedly more sultry voice than she'd used seconds ago. To her surprise, Ed looked nervous. "Okayy…no marks on my neck…but how about you come home with me?"_

" _Sure."_

 _He started to get up, but Olivia stopped him. "But…let's stay here a little longer. I'm still…well…I'm not ready to leave this spot."_

" _Me neither."_

… _._

With the sun warming the Bethany Beach area to an unseasonably high sixty-six degrees, Olivia dressed the kids in shorts, long-sleeved t-shirts, and fleece pullovers. She was sure the outerwear would be shed after they got to work on the sand castles, but Olivia erred on the side of warmth. She pulled on shorts and a fleece of her own and joined everyone downstairs. The kids and Ed were waiting on the porch with their bag of sand toys.

"Mommy!" Noah exclaimed, "You and Maggs are twins!"

Olivia looked down. Sure enough, she and Maggie each wore light tan shorts and a lavender fleece. Noah, Wyatt, and Ed frequently matched, but it was often purely by coincidence—the three of them had a plethora of similar jeans, khakis, and polo shirts. Maggie's clothing didn't exactly mirror her mothers, especially when Olivia was most often clad in blazers and pants.

"Now you and Maggs are jus' like da boys! We always match and now you do!"

Maggie trotted over and stood in front of Olivia. She grabbed a handful of the purple fabric. "Same, Mama! Same!"

"That's right sweet girl," Olivia scooped her up and nuzzled her neck. "We're the same."

Ed smiled at his wife and daughter. Olivia-as-mother, particularly when Maggie was in an _I_ _want Mommy_ mood, was heartening and filled him with pride. He slung the bag over his shoulder and reached for Noah's and Wyatt's hands. "Let's go build somethin' big, kiddos."

"Build!" Wyatt said, "Build! Cassa!"

"We gonna build a whole neighborhood!" Noah said, "We got lotsa good buckets! And we brought da dump truck, so Wyatt, you're in charge of gettin' da sand."

As Olivia predicted, the work made them warm up quickly despite the cool breeze coming in off the water. Noah tugged off his fleece, and Ed helped Wyatt out of his. However, when Olivia went to remove Maggie's jacket, she whined. "No, Mama! Same!" She said, her little face contorting in a frown.

"Okay, sweet girl," Olivia said, her heart swelling with joy, "We'll stay the same."

Ed didn't have to look, but he did anyway. He knew, behind the sunglasses, Olivia's eyes were filling with her usual happy tears.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	24. Chapter 24

**Twenty-four**.

Ever since Noah told Sarah about his teacher, Mr. B., explaining to the kids that emergencies sometimes necessitated different rules, she made a point to have chats with the teacher every week on Wednesdays, her dedicated school pick-up day. While she preferred Mr. B. over the stuffy preschool teacher, she did not appreciate the man planting seeds of independence in Noah's head. Sure, he hadn't specifically told Noah that he could possibly ride the subway by himself, but, in Sarah's opinion, the teacher should have known his precocious pupil could make that connection.

"Hell- _lo_ , Mr. B!" Sarah said brightly, sauntering into the room as the students were filing out. "Have a good day?"

Being bewildered by Sarah was a common reaction for most people, and Mr. B's response to the regular visitor was no different. He was well-versed on various childcare arrangements, but he had never encountered a relative like Sarah. Not even Noah's parents checked in with him each time they picked up Noah from school. Especially Ed. Usually he simply nodded and waved.

"We had a great day," Mr. B. replied in his bubbly teacher voice. "These learners are almost ready to move on to first grade!"

"Speaking of," Sarah said, "How's Noah," she glanced over her shoulder, had Noah heard her use his full name rather than _Noey_ , he would have admonished his sister, "Doing in math?"

"Very well. He's right at the top of the class. But, once first grade rolls around, he will probably be serviced in his regular classroom since math is leveled there."

Sarah grimaced. " _Serviced_?"

"Yes. Gifted students are _serviced_ in the classroom after Kindergarten."

She still didn't like the sound of the word, but she dropped all protests. "Anything else I need to know?"

"Nope," Mr. B. replied, happy today's interrogation was coming to a quick close. He shifted from foot to foot and looked around at his primary-color-drenched classroom, pretending he had a million things to do.

"Will you be making anything for Mother's Day gifts?"

"We will."

"Great! Have a good one!" Sarah didn't give him time to reply. She flounced over to the cubbies as Noah was zipping his backpack. "Ready, Freddy?"

"Let's go, Flo! Where we goin?"

"Well, we'll drop your bag, change your clothes, then we'll go on the tour bus."

Last week Noah saw a group of people traveling through the city streets atop an uncovered bus and he begged Sarah to take him. Even after she explained the bus was for visitors, Noah still wanted to go.

"Yes!" Noah shoved a fist in the air.

"That makes one of us who's excited," Sarah muttered dryly.

"You not excited, Sare Bear?"

"Of course I am, Noey," she kissed the top of his head, "I'm always excited to hang out with you. And, after the bus, we shall eat at a place of my choosing."

Noah giggled, "Okay, Sare Bear. But you're payin."

"I _am_?"

"Yup! You lost at bowling, 'member?"

"That was two weeks ago."

"Last week I forgot."

"Oh, Noey…"

"Oh, Sare Bear…"

…

 _Olivia handed the bottle of sunscreen to Ed and turned around. "Get my back?"_

" _My pleasure."_

 _She flinched at the feel of the cool cream on her skin but quickly relaxed and enjoyed Ed's caresses as he massaged her skin, making sure to get the cream under the straps. Soon it became clear he was intentionally taking an inordinate amount of time for the task._

" _Ed, honey? We're supposed to be going to the water park?"_

" _Sorry," he kissed the back of her neck, "I…can't help it. You're." Kiss. "So." Kiss. "Pretty."_

" _Well, you're stuck with me all day," Olivia said. She turned around, grinned, and kissed his lips._

" _Stuck_ _is the absolute wrong word."_

 _She grinned and patted his chest._

" _You let me know the minute you need me to reapply."_

" _Will do." She donned a white lacy coverup and puckered her lips. "Kiss for the road?"_

" _Sure," he said, "But, you mean to tell me…this is the last time I get to kiss you today?"_

" _It was only an expression," Olivia said, feeling genuine guilt when she saw his pout, "You, sir, get to kiss me whenever you want."_

 _He grinned. "I love you."_

" _I love you."_

 _The inflatable water park was an impressive array of slides, trampolines, and climbing structures linked by wide water carpets that were designed for foot traffic but not completely stable. Noah strapped on his life jacket, and Olivia helped Wyatt and Sofia into theirs. Tasked with Maggie, Ed fielded questions before he buckled her in._

" _Why I gotta wear dis? I know howta swim! So does Wyatt!"_

 _Ed tightened a strap. "You and Wyatt are great swimmers," he said, "But the people who run this park want all little people in life jackets. Safer that way."_

 _Maggie crinkled her nose. "That's dumb."_

 _Ed couldn't help but laugh. "And also, Mommy and I need to make sure you're safe when you're playin' out here because we love you and your brothers and Sofia and we don't want ya to float away."_

" _Ed!"_

 _Noah giggled, "Daddy's in trouble."_

" _You are not going to float away," Olivia said sternly, "But Daddy's right. The life jackets make you safer even though you're such good swimmers."_

" _And!" Wyatt added, "You can," he jumped from the walkway into the waist-deep water and bobbed up and down, relaxing his arms and legs, "You can take a rest like dis if ya get tired!"_

 _Sofia shrieked and jumped in next to him._

" _Well, I guess everyone's ready," Ed went to pay the admission fee. Olivia saw him chatting with the attendant. The kids were impatient and Olivia sent them ahead since she'd seen Ed hand over the money. Maggie, however, tugged on Olivia's hand._

" _You said you were gonna slide with me!"_

" _Of course, sweet girl," Olivia called over to Ed and he waved in acknowledgement. Olivia took Maggie's hand and the little girl led her to the tallest slide. They climbed up the wobbly steps and perched themselves on top. "Ready honey? You want to go in my lap or next to me?"_

" _Next to you," Maggie said, "But you hold my hand."_

 _They hurtled down the slide and splashed into the crystal clear water. Maggie popped up and shrieked with delight. Noah, Wyatt, and Sofia were already in the water. It was shallower than it looked, and came up to three-year-old Sofia's neck._

" _C'mon!" Noah said, "Let's go over there!" He was pointing to a pyramid that was slightly taller than the slide. "Then we're gonna go on the trampoline!"_

 _The younger ones followed Noah, and Olivia watched from the water as they ascended the pyramid, slid down, and ran to the trampoline. Ed finally appeared with two cups in his hands and a stack of wristbands between his teeth. He was also pushing an inflatable chaise lounge large enough for two._

" _Here ya go," he handed over one of the drinks, "Strawberry daiquiri and they're goddam strong."_

" _Thank you." Olivia's eyes tracked the kids. The structure wasn't too expansive—it was situated in a square—and from their current spot they could easily see all the action. Nevertheless, she remained standing and ignored the chaise._

 _Ed patted the seat. "C'mon. Sit with me."_

" _I…I don't like them out there by themselves."_

" _They're not," Ed said, "Got lifeguards all over the place. And we're right here. They're fine." As soon as he said it, Wyatt bounced off the side of the trampoline and tumbled into the water._

 _Olivia gasped, "Oh God—"_

" _Whooohooo!" Wyatt burst out of the water and shouted gleefully. Water spewed from the corners of his mouth. "You try it, Noah!"_

 _Olivia broke into a sheepish smile and watched Noah jump, land on his bottom, and propel himself toward Wyatt._

" _See?" Ed kissed her cheek, "They're fine. Sit back, relax, and enjoy the most potent daiquiri you'll ever have in your life."_

 _Olivia took a second, longer sip. "Damn. How many shots did they put in there?"_

" _I dunno. It's free…they don't have a liquor license."_

" _Free?"_

" _Well, I tipped 'em twenty bucks. They have tacos over there, too."_

 _Olivia laughed. "We're definitely going to need some food if we have more of these." Olivia saw Ed's wallet wedged in the chaise's cup holder, and she nodded in its direction. "So let's not lose that."_

 _Ed had zero concerns about the wallet. "Are you_ _ever_ _gonna come up here with me?"_

 _Olivia hoisted herself onto the raft. "That better?"_

 _Ed grabbed her by the side and unabashedly kissed her with his lips parted. "Now it is. Cheers, baby."_

" _Cheers."_

…..

Since it was a weekday and early in tourist season, Sarah and Noah easily found seats on the open-air top level of the double-decker bus. They sat in a middle row next to the railing and waited patiently as other passengers boarded. The tour guide introduced himself as "Gabe from Brooklyn just across the river." Either he was turned around or not actually familiar with the city's geography, because he pointed in the direction of New Jersey rather than Brooklyn. Noah immediately caught the error and whispered to Sarah.

"Brookey and Sof and Sonny live in Brooklyn," he whispered and pointed in the correct direction, "And they over _dere_!"

"I know, Noey Boey," Sarah said under her breath, "Maybe he thought he was facing another way."

Noah shrugged and peered down at the people below. "Everrone's lookin' at us."

"Of course they are."

The bus, more or less, made a loop around Central Park, with a slight detour in Harlem for the Apollo Theatre and Grant's Tomb. However, the vehicle barely made it four blocks before Noah caught another error. In an effort to explain New York's avenues versus its streets, Gabe gave a brief history of the grid system.

"Sare Bear," Noah hissed, "He say Fifth, Park, Madison! But it's not! It goes Fifth, Madison, _Park_!"

"What's after Park?" Sarah challenged.

" _Lexington_! L-E-X!"

Sarah put her arm around Noah, "It's okay. Just…look at the view. We don't get to ride up high like this very often."

Temporarily content, Noah relaxed against Sarah and heeded her advice as long as he could. Gabe the guide prattled on as the bus crept up Fifth Avenue and passed Rockefeller Plaza, well-known retail outposts, St. Patrick's Cathedral, and Trump Tower. Some people booed when Gabe mentioned the former President's home. Noah scrunched up his face in confusion.

"Not a good guy, Noey."

"But he da President!"

" _Was_. He got kicked out."

"Mommy should be da President," Noah said confidently. "And Daddy. They would go a really good job."

"Agree," Sarah replied, "Does Mr. B. teach you about the President and what he…or she…does?"

"Uh-huh! Da President's da leader of our country, The United States of America, and da President 'posedta make sure we all free and happy!"

"Right."

"But Mommy puts people in jail."

"Bad people."

"Yeah," Noah sighed, conceding the point, "So da rest of us can be free and happy!"

"Correcto."

Sarah was shocked that Noah managed to process Gabe's narration during their side chat, but he scrunched up his face once again when Gabe said the "Fish" family donated money to the Central Park Zoo's children's section in 2007.

"It's Ta-Ta- _Tisch_ ," Noah said, "Not _fish_!"

"Noey," Sarah said bluntly, "He's just not very good at his job. But, hey! Now we know…you can be the tour guide when you get older. It can be your summer job."

"My job's gonna be to fix da subway."

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I fixed it in my room an' took a picture."

Sarah grinned and gazed proudly at Noah. He was so confident, smart, matter-of-fact, and full of goodwill and optimism. She played with his hair and took a deep, contemplative breath. Before she met Noah, she never saw herself as a competent caregiver. In fact, she had intentionally avoided kids. She never held babies. Never volunteered to babysit. Sarah had never eagerly anticipated having children of her own. Yet, Noah stole her heart. From day one, there was a connection between the two of them. Despite being only six, he _got_ her—he was an honest critic, an open-minded companion, and her best friend. Noah helped her realize she could love another person more than herself; he did this so well she was a tad concerned she wouldn't love her own children as much as she adored him.

"Well, I am truly excited for you to fix the trains," Sarah said, "But, Noey…I'm selfish. I want you to stay six forever."

Noah giggled. "Sare Bear! We haveta have birthdays! Next I'm gonna be seven!"

Sarah threw hear head back in mock devastation and groaned, " _Oh_ …don't tell me that."

Noah narrowed his eyes. "You still gonna love me when I'm seven?"

"Noey, I shall love you until you're one-hundred and twenty-seven." She kissed his cheek. "You'll be old and wrinkly, but I'll still love ya!"

"You gonna get wrinkly first!"

"Nope…I'm gonna have Botox."

"What's that?"

"It's a magic thing that keeps you young."

"Sare Bear," Noah sighed, "You know all da tricks."

…..

 _The waves crashing at the Fire Island shore were huge, at least three or four feet, and Noah spent his first twenty minutes of beach time staring slack-jawed into the ocean. Olivia had taken him to the beach a couple of times before, but the most recent trip had occurred almost a year prior; thus the experience was practically new to the three-year-old._

 _Ed unfolded the beach chairs and Olivia spread out the tarp-like blanket while keeping one eye on her son. They'd left Manhattan after breakfast and taken a morning ferry over to Ocean Beach. It was still early, before noon, so there weren't many people out quite yet. It was also late spring and not quite peak season, so the small town and its beaches were far less populated than they would be in the coming weeks._

 _The trio had only been back from Paris for two days. Olivia had tacked on some extra days at home so she could recover from jet lag that didn't end up troubling her too much. Seeing his girlfriend refreshed and rejuvenated prompted Ed to arrange a spontaneous day trip to the beach. She was still grieving. Still plagued with guilt. But, during their Paris trip, their bond strengthened and transformed. She and Ed spent evenings together on their hotel room terrace. She vented. Talked. Let tears flow. He held her and listened. Made love to her. Told her he loved her in a voice so assured Olivia was certain he thought his love could erase every horror she'd faced or ever would face. When they returned to New York and he saw her visibly more relaxed and felt their relationship shift to something resembling permanent status, he was overjoyed…and a bit greedy. Ed Tucker was determined to squeeze more vacation out of their days off._

" _Feel like hittin' the beach tomorrow?" He had spontaneously asked the previous night._

 _Olivia started to balk but then realized she had nothing to do the next day. Nobody even knew she was back. So, she agreed. Packed. Sent Ed out for sunblock. And wore a serene expression as she watched the trees of Long Island supplant the concrete jungle._

 _Ed snapped the third chair into place and stood, arms akimbo, following Noah's sight line._

" _Wanna see if the water's cold, bud?"_

" _Water cold," Noah murmured, still mesmerized._

 _Olivia slid on his life jacket even though she was sure Ed would probably only go in as far as his ankles. The surf was too volatile. She took his hand. "C'mon, sweet boy. Let's go see."_

 _Noah high-stepped to the water, holding on to Ed's and Olivia's hands. He was tentative at first but then gleefully splashed around. At one point, he crouched to dunk his hands and was knocked over by the force of a wave. Olivia rushed to his side, ready to comfort a screaming child, but Noah only giggled, clambered to his feet, and bellowed, "Again!"_

 _They spent the rest of the morning and early afternoon alternating between the chairs and the water. Noah was easily occupied with buckets, pails, and a few toy trucks. Ed and Olivia sat back and basked in the bright, warm sun. Neither one of them said much, but the silence wasn't awkward. They were wholly content._

" _You want to pack up and go get some lunch or wait and have an early dinner?" Ed asked at one point. Food wasn't allowed on the beach. They'd brought some light snacks for Noah and water bottles and they'd eaten a fairly heavy breakfast, so Olivia wasn't at all hungry. However, there was an ulterior motive in Ed's question._

" _Let's stay as long as possible so we don't have to lug everything up there, eat, then come back." It wasn't a long walk to the town's restaurants, but they had an excessive amount of beach gear. Olivia sighed, "I wish we would've thought about staying overnight."_

 _Ed smirked. "Done."_

" _What?"_

" _Buddy of mine…retired…has a house," Ed jerked his head toward a set of three houses spaced generously apart about a football field away from them, "Not right on the beach, but it's here…and ours for the night…if ya wanna stay."_

 _Olivia grinned. "Of course I want to stay," she replied softly, "I knew I overpacked for a reason."_

" _Yeah, ya did."_

 _His smirk was irresistible. Olivia leaned over the plastic armrest and kissed him. "I'd forgotten how much I love the beach," she said in a hushed voice, pausing for a few seconds to soak up the sound of waves crashing peppered with Noah's soft babbles. "Thank you."_

" _It's been a good couple a weeks." His remark was part question, part statement. Ed desperately needed her to agree._

 _She concurred, and upped the ante. "Amazing couple of weeks."_

" _What was your favorite part?"_

 _Olivia rattled off almost every aspect of their stay. The typical tourist sites, the quaint lanes, the shops full of handmade goods, toys, housewares, and clothing, and the food. "It was so good…so…elegant," she cooed, "And the hotel…even the plane rides…" she smiled sweetly with a hint of self-deprecation, "I guess I'm missing the point of your question."_

" _Nah."_

" _But, really? Seriously? I think…You know…I'm ready to go back. It served its purpose…in a way."_

" _A way?"_

" _Yeah," Olivia felt a twinge of nervousness, "You suggested Paris…because it would be good to get away," she was speaking more hesitantly than before, "Take a break. Step back. And it was. I did that. I disconnected. But…the other thing…it was good to be with you. There. With Noah—"_

 _Her voice was starting to shake. Ed took her hand and kissed the knuckles. "I know. And," His eyes were shielded by sunglasses, but he lifted them to hers, "I want it to keep bein' good."_

" _Me too." She quickly replied, glad he was taking over._

" _And here we are," he sliced the air with his arm, "Gorgeous day, happy kid…a woman who…I'm so lucky to have in my life." The last sentence came out in barely a whisper since Ed was experiencing jitters, again. For a multitude of reasons, Olivia Benson rendered him wobbly kneed and unsure of himself many times._

 _The moment was heavy, and Olivia needed to shrug off a bit of the weight. She smiled. "And…lobster rolls later?"_

" _It'd be a sin to come here and not have one."_

… _.._

The tour bus depot was in midtown on the edges of Times Square and Sarah gave Noah the option of staying there or going to another neighborhood to eat. After deliberating his options, Noah decided they should have sushi and they walked a few blocks to a small restaurant they'd visited many times. Noah read the list and marked his choices with the golf pencil. He handed the paper to the waiter with a smile.

"Here ya go! One, two, three, four, five rolls!"

The man nodded, "Yessir."

"Noey, you must be hungry."

" _Verrry_ hungry!"

"Do you think we should have sushi at my wedding?"

Noah twisted his lips as he concocted an answer. "Sare Bear, some people don't like sushi. You should have pizza. Everrbody likes pizza."

"Noey, I cannot have pizza at my wedding." Sarah cocked her head and reconsidered, "Well…maybe we could…that would actually…well…Justin's mom and his aunts are taking care of the food…maybe we'll have pizza at his graduation party."

"When's dat?"

"Next week! We have a lot of parties coming up. Graduation, Mother's Day, the twinsies' birthday, and then the wedding. What are you going to get Maggie and Wyatt for their birthday?"

"Those babies have a lotta toys," Noah replied, "I'll get 'em some books. Or a puzzle."

"No birthday toys? You're no fun!"

Noah frowned. "Sare Bear! They haveta learn! Learning is fun!"

"Well, I'm going to get them toys."

"Small sister needs some puppets and Wyatt needs his own trains."

"Gotcha."

"And we need a soccer goal. We have da basketball hoop, but we need soccer."

"I don't think you have room for a soccer goal."

"We can have it at da beach."

"Oh…good idea. _OH_!" Sarah grabbed her phone and pulled up some photos. She showed the screen to Noah. "What do you think of this?"

Noah leaned forward and marveled at the image—a view from a beachfront balcony. "Wow! Dat sand is _white_! And da water's _blue_!"

"Yeah, I think I'm buying it. It's on the Gulf of Mexico which is—"

"I know where! It's by Florida and, and, Al'bama."

"How do you know that?"

"I look at da map at school when I finish my work."

"Do you finish your work before the other kids?"

"Yes."

"All the time?"

"Yep. All the time."

"Well…don't rush. You don't want to make silly mistakes."

Shocked Sarah would even consider the notion he would do such a thing, Noah scrunched up his face and retorted, "I double check! Mr. B. say to double check and I do!"

"Okay, okay…sorry…so…when you finish early, Mr. B. makes you stare at the map?"

" _No_. I _like_ to see where everrthing is!"

"Noey, you never cease to amaze me."

"What dat mean?"

….

 _Olivia gave each of the kids an extra kiss goodnight and followed Ed into their condo bedroom. She was grateful to Sarah for giving them this room; it was opposite the other two and afforded an extra layer of privacy. Neither she nor Ed had to worry about anyone hearing their amorous late-night trysts, and, on this night, she could force Ed to express his feelings without the chance of Brooke or Sarah overhearing._

 _Olivia knelt on the bed beside her husband and kissed his forehead. "What are you thinking about?" She asked softly with wide, empathic eyes._

" _That I'm so glad you're here." He turned on his side and held one of her hands._

" _Was today as tough as you thought it would be?"_

" _Not the first part," Ed replied, referring to their day at the water park, "And I suppose, dinner…I think being here was better, rather than have it at home at one of our houses, or at hers…it's just weird. But I guess we can't avoid holidays forever. Christmas comin' up."_

" _A new status quo," Olivia said, "It'll take some time to get used to."_

" _You know what makes it easier?"_

" _What's that?"_

 _Ed played with her fingers. "Knowin' at the end of the day, all days, I'm gonna be here, with you."_

" _Feels good, doesn't it? That's what I meant…all those times…when I told you I felt safe with you…secure…that's priceless."_

 _Ed blinked a few times. Olivia could tell he was digging deep into his emotions._

" _When I…when I got divorced," he began, "I was, well, first of all I was pissed. Pissed I failed, angry that my girls had to finish growing up with one parent here and one there…but I know now, I was also scared. Scared I'd be by myself for the rest of my life, I mean, people who get married and divorced four, five times, I don't get that. So, Liv, all those times, all those times you talked about being alone, goin' through things alone, I understood, 'cause I was there, too. And, above all, the thing I'm most thankful for? It's that I'm not alone, but I'm not alone…with you."_

 _Olivia cupped his cheek and planted a soft, tender kiss on his lips. She inched away and touched her forehead to his._

" _Now," Ed continued, "Enough of this talking." He started kissing her neck._

" _But you're so good at it."_

 _He chuckled a little but didn't take his lips off her skin._

" _Talk to me now Liv," he rasped. "Tell me what you want."_

… _.._

 **#Tuckson**


	25. Chapter 25

**Twenty-five**.

The din of voices and faint music beats could be heard a half-block from Carmen Vidal's home on a quiet Soundview Street lined with identical red brick row houses. Ed and Olivia thought they had arrived fairly early, but when they led the three kids inside, they found themselves weaving through a dense crowd of unfamiliar faces. The floor plan was similar to Caroline's—living room in the front of the home giving way to a dining room and adjacent kitchen where a door led to the backyard. The greenspace was narrower than Caroline's and lacking a driveway and garage, but it was perfect for handling guest overflow. Party lights had been strung along the weathered wood fence, and lawn chairs were spread all around. In one corner of the patio, a folding table served as a makeshift bar. Bottles of liquor stood next to buckets of ice and plastic cups. Two beer kegs flanked the table.

Olivia had texted Sarah as soon as Ed parked the SUV, but she was nowhere to be found. They looked around, to no avail for Justin or Carmen—the only other people they knew—but they, too, were temporarily absent.

"Reminds me of the reunion," Ed quipped, "Are we sure we're in the right place?"

"There was a _Congratulations, Justin_ , banner on the door," Olivia pointed out. "But, it's a fairly common name, I suppose."

Unfazed by the new confines, Noah drifted toward the cluster of kids playing together nearby. Kids a bit younger than Noah were running in and out of a playhouse and taking turns on a low slide; others kicked around a soccer ball, using two emergent shrubs as their goal. Two boys who Olivia guessed were Justin's middle-school-aged nephews were leaning against the fence, looking bored and annoyed.

"You can go play, Noah," Olivia said. "Go ahead."

Without a word, he ran off. Olivia smiled at how easily kids could make friends. In less than a minute Noah appeared to be on a team and was absorbed into the game.

"Mis Amores!"

Olivia and Ed snapped around and smiled at Carmen. She rushed toward them with her arms out. Before hugging Olivia and Ed, she crouched and spoke to the twins, using a combination of English and Spanish. Wyatt leaned into Ed's leg. Maggie stared at Carmen curiously, trying to place the semi-familiar face and also attempting to decipher the unfamiliar language. Maggie played with the strand of hair pinned back in the butterfly barrette which matched her dress. Wyatt was dressed in a red polo and blue jeans, his long locks falling in wisps along his cheeks and neck. His first haircut was scheduled for the following week.

"Thank you for coming," a frazzled Carmen said, running a hand through her short black hair. "Have you been here long? I'm so sorry…I've been inside with the food and my sisters," she rolled her eyes, "Someone forgot the sterno, so we've been arguing for an hour."

"You need me to run out and get some?" Ed offered.

"No, no, while we were bickering my brother-in-law went. But, come on, have a drink," Carmen ushered them to the bar, "Help yourselves. Beautiful day, thank God, I don't have room for all these people in my house!"

"MA! Side!"

Carmen simpered at Maggie, "You wanna play?" She held out her hand, "Come on, I'll help you slide, honey."

Maggie looked up at Olivia.

"Go with Carmen, sweet girl. It's okay. Go play."

Ed poured himself and Olivia two fairly weak vodka tonics, and they found two vacant lawn chairs with a clear view of the area where the kids were playing. Olivia relaxed. The yard was secure and there was no place for anyone to enter or exit except for the door leading to the kitchen. After a few minutes of watching his sister and brother from Ed's lap, Wyatt wriggled to his feet. He stood still for a while, then gradually drifted over to the lawn.

"LIVVIE!" Sarah came up behind Olivia and Ed and squeezed their necks. "Hey guys, sorry, I got caught up in the kitchen, ha! Me of all people is helping cook, good luck people, hope you have a lot of drinks before you eat. Where are my sweeties?"

"Over there," Olivia replied, "Where's Justin?"

"Basement," Sarah said, "He'll be out in a second. Brooke just left Grandma's. Was traffic bad?"

"Not really," Ed answered.

"Well, they'll be about twenty minutes then. I'm going to go say hi to Noey Boey and the twinsies. MWAH!" Sarah kissed Olivia's head and trotted away, her flowy yellow skirt billowing behind her.

"She's been in the sauce for a while," Ed muttered.

"She's happy."

"Yeah," he said, "But she better pace herself."

Olivia played with the collar of his navy polo and gazed lovingly at her husband who was trying to be grouchy but was actually, like his daughter, extremely happy. "We'll pace ourselves," she said, taking a slight jab at the scant amount of liquor in their drinks.

He smirked and leaned over for a kiss. "You want me to make you another one?"

"No, no…I like this one the way it is."

"Liar."

…...

 _Consumed with laughter at another one of Ed's cop stories, Olivia threw her head back and slapped the back of the couch with the hand that wasn't holding her wine glass. She let out a low whistle, calming down, and grinned at Ed who was smirking and clearly proud of himself. He sipped wine without taking his eyes off of her._

" _Want more?" Olivia reached for the bottle though neither one of them were quite finished._

" _Sure." Olivia finished the pour and they clinked glasses again, for the third or fourth time that night. Ed had lost track, but toasts had followed each refill. "So, Benson, you've gotta have some stories."_

 _She sighed. "My stories…feature…freaks and weirdos, psychopaths…I mean, there's the guy who couldn't stop Q-tipping and the one who flossed constantly…the professor with the mushrooms—"_

"— _Q-tipping and flossing?" Ed screwed up his face._

" _Yes. It was disgusting," Olivia replied, "I guess…the funniest moments came from the squad. Munch the hypochondriac and conspiracy theorist being the person who comes to mind."_

" _He was a good cop."_

" _He was. I miss him. Mostly, I think, for his insight…he had a way about him, he was always able to put things in perspective."_

 _Whenever Olivia complimented or spoke fondly of other men, even men with whom she had purely platonic relationships, Ed experienced sharp pangs of jealousy. His first instinct was to change the subject, but he didn't want Olivia to pick up on his envy._

" _And prolly provided some humor from time to time?"_

" _Oh yes," Olivia said, grinning, "Either him or the rest of us joking at his expense."_

" _Well, I get what you're sayin' about the stories, I guess, SVU, that squad room's not the most lighthearted in the city."_

" _You're right about that," she said, staring past Ed and out the window into the black Manhattan sky, "The job and then our own issues…not a lot of room for fun and games. And certainly not…like it must be at IAB," her lips curled into a teasing smile, "Roasting the cops after they walk out with their tails between their legs."_

 _Ed returned her playful expression. "That's whatcha think goes on there?"_

" _Some of the time, yes."_

" _Maybe someday you can job shadow."_

 _The suggestion made Olivia laugh again. "I'll pass."_

 _Ed shrugged. "Just tryin' to spend a little more time with you." The statement was lighthearted yet sincere._

 _Olivia eyed his hands and dared herself to reach over and intertwine her fingers with his. She put her glass on the coffee table. He did the same, anticipating what she was about to do. They were almost a full cushion apart but her gesture was loaded with intimacy._

" _I want that, too," she said softly. "More than you realize." Olivia had more to say. Everything about Ed shocked her to the point she had trouble believing_ _they_ _were really happening. She was attracted to him—not only to his rugged good looks but also his dry sense of humor and his mere presence. When they were together, Olivia felt right. She had trouble explaining it, but Ed Tucker was unlike any man she'd ever known._

" _Good." Ed smiled and kissed both her hands. He downplayed how much Olivia's transparency meant. "So…Green Haven tomorrow?"_

 _Olivia glanced at the clock and groaned. She and Dodds were leaving for the prison early the next morning. "Yes."_

" _I should probably let ya get some sleep."_

" _We're talking about spending more time together and you want to leave."_

 _Ed flushed and stammered, "I, uh…I didn't mean it like that."_

" _I know," she quickly replied, "You're being considerate. I appreciate that."_

" _Well…close the books on this Yates guy and we'll celebrate."_

" _I like that plan. A lot."_

 _Ed stood up. Olivia took the two empty glasses and wine bottle to the kitchen and joined him in the foyer as he was zipping his black parka._

" _Have a safe trip up there," he said softly._

" _Thanks. Can I bring you anything?"_

" _Just you back here."_

 _Olivia ducked her eyes. Her cheeks burned._

" _And let me know…if you're late…I'll help with Noah."_

" _Okay," Olivia whispered, barely able to form words._

 _Ed lifted her chin with his knuckle and kissed her. He lingered for a split second in order to let her decide how passionate or not the parting lip lock would get. She grabbed the back of his neck and stepped closer. He wrapped his arms around her and they stood there kissing for several minutes, pausing occasionally to exchange coy smiles, breathe, and switch angles._

" _Keep me posted about tomorrow," he said when they finally parted._

" _I will." Olivia wasn't ready to let him go quite yet. She grabbed him again, for a hug this time, needing a little more of the security provided by his embrace. In a few short hours she would be the tough Lieutenant Benson once again, but, she realized, it was nice to occasionally shed the title and all that came with it in order to simply be Olivia._

 _Olivia and Ed._

 _She was starting to like the sound of that._

…..

By late afternoon the guests had gorged on plates of Puerto Rican food and insisting they needed to wait before digging in to the sheet cake and other assorted desserts. Since no other parents had made their children stop to eat, Olivia and Ed followed suit. Noah and the twins came over every once in a while for bites of chicken, rice, and plantains then went right back to their new friends. A red fruit punch ring lined each of their mouths. They were grubby from playing outside all day, but Olivia didn't care. She loved that her kids could be kids.

The sun was setting when Justin's friend Salim and his band set up their equipment. It was a skeleton set-up really with a single snare drum and cymbal, acoustic guitars, and a keyboard with a small amplifier.

"Oooo," Olivia cooed, "Sarah said his band is really good." She put a hand on Ed's knee, "Hope you weren't ready to go?"

"Nope," Ed replied with certainty. He was hoping he'd get a chance to dance with his wife. The party had unfolded like so many he'd remembered as a kid—an afternoon of pure, unscripted fun. He'd chatted with several of Justin's male relatives, a few of whom worked for the city in various capacities. When it came time to toast Justin's accomplishment, Ed even said a few words in front of everyone; he called it a warm-up for the wedding toast. Before the food was served, he and Olivia played a round of horseshoes. The only thing bothering him was Brooke's attitude.

Though she wasn't outwardly rude, Ed could tell something was bothering her. Lately when they were all together, everything seemed fine, but today she was aloof, distracted, and devoid of all emotion. Sonny didn't seem to notice. He bounced around the backyard with Sofia in his arms, chatting away with anyone and everyone. Ed knew Brooke did not initially approve of Sarah's relationship with Justin, but he thought that whole thing was water under the bridge.

"Want another drink, Brooke?" Ed asked, getting up to get himself and Olivia a refill.

"No thanks," she said, "I'm driving."

"Well, we may Uber."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "We're not Ubering. Captain, you drink, I'll stop."

"Uh-uh," Ed said, "Other way around."

"I'll still dance with you if I'm sober," Olivia sassed, reading his mind.

"Oh, well, okay then," Ed grinned and turned his attention back to Brooke. He started to say something, but she walked off in Sonny's direction. Minutes later they had said goodbye to everyone and left the party.

The abrupt exit wasn't lost on Olivia. She grabbed Ed's arm as he frowned. "I thought this time of year would be hard for her."

Confused, Ed replied, "Whaddya mean?"

"It's been almost a year since Angela died."

"Shit," Ed muttered. "I completely…forgot."

…

 _Noah had not yet steered the car out of Manhattan when Mia finally spilled the beans on the secret she had refused to share the previous night. Speaking in rapid-fire style, she told Noah how she'd been cast in the lead role for an off-Broadway play beginning in the fall and running through the following year. Mia was back in New York City for at least twelve months._

 _Noah was thrilled for her. Though talented, Mia had failed over and over again to connect her singing and dancing skills with the right roles. She had enrolled in three arts schools only to leave before completing a full semester. The stumbles neither embarrassed nor discouraged her, but they were frustrating for her friends and for her parents who constantly threatened to cut off their seemingly endless supply of money._

 _Selfishly, he was also excited about potentially having her back in his life._

 _He sincerely congratulated her and asked about the role._

" _It's about a woman who witnesses a murder," Mia replied, "That's me! I'm this tortured soul trying to move on with my life."_

" _Sounds dark."_

" _Oh, it is."_

 _Noah felt her intense stare on the side of his head. "Of course I'll go," he said before she asked._

" _I'll score you some good seats."_

" _Thanks."_

" _So," Mia stared at the passing landscape with a contented smile, "You told your parents I'm coming?"_

" _Yep."_

" _And they're okay with it?"_

" _Why wouldn't they be?"_

 _Mia furrowed her brow and mumbled, "You didn't tell them?"_

" _I did."_

 _She grinned and shook her head disbelievingly. "You Tuckers were sent straight from heaven I swear."_

" _It wasn't that big of a deal," Noah said._

" _Do we have to talk about this?"_

" _You brought it up."_

" _Right. Well…new subject…how are your brother and sister?"_

" _Good."_

" _Wyatt still swimming?"_

" _Yep," Noah said, grinning at Wyatt's proclivity for activities that were solitary in nature. He liked to swim, dive, and jog. His hobbies outside of sports included reading and collecting rare coins and stamps. "My mom said he runs in the morning and then swims a couple miles in the ocean. Unbelievable."_

" _Miles?" Mia asked incredulously. "Damn. Well, he's a good man to have around in case I get swept away by the waves I suppose."_

" _I think we still have some arm floaties around there somewhere." Mia playfully punched him in the shoulder and he shot her a quick grin. "Careful. Don't injure the driver."_

" _Are you tired?"_

" _Nah, I'm good."_

…

Salim's band played a few upbeat tunes before strumming a few ballads. Sarah, eyes half open and glued to Justin, wore a dreamy smile as they swayed along the grass. She was drunk, full of food, and tired from the early-morning prep work, but she had not made a fool of herself. Carmen danced with one of her reluctant middle school grandchildren before sending him on his way and waving over Noah who had been watching the band members with extreme interest. Ed and Olivia danced around with a twin in each of their arms before Sarah realized they weren't able to dance normally.

"Gimme, gimme, gimme," she said, "I'll sit with these yummy babies."

Ed looked reluctant.

"Sure," Olivia said. "Here ya go."

Sarah plopped down in the grass with Maggie and Wyatt in her arms. Justin, seeing she could use some physical support, sat behind her.

"Sah!" Maggie said, slapping at Sarah's face. "Sah! Wah! Cake!"

"Cake!" Wyatt echoed, "Buhday cake!"

"Not birthday cake yet, Wyatt," Sarah said, "But Justy will get you some graduation cake because he's the graduate and we're all so proud of him!"

"POUD!"

"CAKE!"

Justin catapulted to a standing position again and asked Ed and Olivia if the twins could have more sweets.

"Sure," they said at the same time.

"But maybe," Olivia said then reconsidered, "Never mind…give us a couple of songs and we'll take over."

Sarah waved them away. There were a few couples remaining on the dance "floor" but Ed and Olivia had plenty of room. Salim's band played a familiar standard and Ed sang along every few words.

Olivia clasped her hands behind his neck. Her lips came into contact with his as she spoke. "Having a good time, Ed Tucker?"

"Yeah, but I feel like shit about Brooke."

"It didn't click with me until tonight."

"It didn't?"

"No. I've been…we've been…so busy. Well, not even that busy, just…living our lives."

"We've been being happy."

"Yes."

Ed smoothed her hair. "You know, the best thing in my life, it's knowing you're happy."

" _Best_? The kids?"

"I told ya before…the two of us, we're different. We exist on another level."

"I'd agree with that. I can't explain it very well, but I agree."

"Don't need to explain it. You only need to _feel_ it."

Amused, Olivia raised her eyebrows. "Captain, you're certainly in a mood tonight."

"I like this place. I like this party." He kissed her lips. "And I really, really like you."

…..

 _Ed parked himself on a low beach chair and sipped coffee while he watched Wyatt swim laps in the calm morning surf. Wyatt was a champion swimmer, the anchor of his school's relay team, but Olivia did not feel comfortable with him swimming in the ocean without a spotter. Since Ed was the early riser of the two, he followed Wyatt to the water on the mornings he swam. He watched with pride as Wyatt's muscular upper body effortlessly sliced through the murky water. Part of Wyatt's competitive training was breathing, and Ed chuckled as he timed the intervals between breaths. At Ed's healthiest, he guessed his own lung capacity was half of his son's._

 _Ed didn't hear Noah's footsteps in the soft sand, so he was startled a bit when he plopped down beside the chair._

" _Hey bud. Morning. You get some coffee?"_

" _Yeah." Noah held up his plastic cup._

 _Ed frowned at the sound of ice jiggling._

" _Oh, c'mon, Dad," Noah gave him a soft punch to the shoulder. He noticed his father's muscles were still taut and firm. "Get with it. Iced coffee has been a thing for at least twenty years."_

" _I don't like it," Ed said with a grin, "I got used to cheap coffee brewed in pots that, to hear your mom, probably had mold growing in them. You know she threw out the Kuerig?" Ed's eyes grew wide. "So it's only French press for us now."_

" _Classy," Noah quipped._

" _Yep. That's us."_

 _The next few minutes passed in silence. Both sets of eyes fixated on Wyatt._

" _How long does he do this?" Noah asked after recognizing Wyatt had certain parameters and he turned around at each point._

" _An hour," Ed replied matter-of-factly._

" _He doesn't stop?"_

" _He'll float midway. About five more minutes."_

" _Unbelievable."_

" _Tell me about it."_

" _So, you want me to help you with the Jet Skis today?"_

" _Yeah, we gotta go get 'em out. Make sure everything's in order. We'll get the boat out tomorrow. Supposed to rain tonight." Over the course of their residence at Bethany Beach, Ed and Olivia had purchased a pontoon boat which they used on the calmer intracoastal waterway. "They were supposed to service everything, so they should be ready to go."_

" _Cool."_

" _Work goin' alright?"_

" _Yeah," Noah said, "Just busy. Crazy really. Gotta get used to being back in the U.S. where everyone's, well, nuts."_

" _Well, we're glad you're back. Your mom especially."_

" _Yeah."_

" _And it's good to see Mia."_

 _Noah smirked a little as he recognized his Dad's successful attempt to bring up more serious subjects. "Thanks for accommodating the last minute change of plans."_

" _I suppose that's to be expected with her."_

" _Dad_ _…" In his life, Noah had never once defied his father. Even as a teenager, Noah accepted rules and parameters as reasonable and abided by them. But he felt himself get protective of Mia just then. "She got a role. A part in a play. Finally. Something."_

 _Ed steeled his jaw and stared at Wyatt, but his tone was gentle and compassionate, "Bud…your Mom and I love Mia. But we love you the most. You're a smart, caring kid. You're smarter than I'll ever be, Noah. You were more compassionate at five than I was at fifty-five. But…I don't want your compassion to take over. I don't want it to make you put all your eggs in one basket and then have that basket—"_

"— _Dad, all I want is to see what happens in the next year." Noah was grinning, amused at his father wrestling with wisdom-laden words yet not exactly producing a coherent thought._

" _Alright," Ed replied with a shrug._

 _He wasn't convinced and this upset Noah. "I just remember growing up and you and mom always…always…well, you could always tell you loved each other. Like, Sarah still jokes about it…" He paused while Ed rolled his eyes, "But the way you feel about Mom is how I feel about her. I love her, Dad. I always will. So I have to at least try. At least."_

 _Noah's eyes were pleading. Ed wasn't mad, he could never be mad at Noah, but he was protective of his son's feelings. Mia had broken his heart once before and she could surely do it again._

" _I know how you feel," Ed said. "And maybe you're right. No…you are right. Don't give up on her if you love her."_

 _Noah narrowed his eyes, easily reading between the lines. "You thought about giving up on Mom?"_

" _I thought it was over, but I didn't give up."_

" _She did?"_

" _Nah," Ed replied with a smirk, "I just had to remind her we were worth it."_

 _Noah wanted to talk more but Wyatt trudged toward them, breathing heavily and toting his goggles. His skin was deeply tanned and his brown hair boasted sun-induced highlights. "Hey, No!" He greeted his brother with a hug despite being drenched in saltwater, "Ready to get the Jet Skis?"_

 _Noah laughed. Wyatt was still so childlike sometimes, and his "ready to get the jet skis" sounded like a five year old's inquiry. It was also incongruous to Wyatt's near superhuman feat of an hour of swimming in the ocean._

" _Yeah, we're gonna do that, but you wanna go get breakfast first?"_

" _Yeah!"_

" _Dad…okay if I take my little brother? We'll meet you back here in about an hour?"_

" _Sounds good," Ed replied, "I'm sure everyone but me will be asleep anyway."_

… _._

 _#_ **Tuckson**


	26. Chapter 26

**Twenty-Six.**

For the entire week following Justin's party, Ed beat himself up for his lack of consideration for Brooke and his forgetfulness surrounding Angela's death. Olivia tried to assuage his guilt, but, each day, Ed found himself shaking his head and muttering reprimands. Brooke had always needed the least attention, and, as a result, she often received none. Now that she was an adult, the cycle continued. Ed vowed to nip it in the bud right away. To start, he invited Brooke and Sofia over one early afternoon for lunch and, weather permitting, a walk in the park. Pop-up thunderstorms had thwarted Ed's plans to get the twins outside earlier in the week. Olivia implored him to take Maggie and Wyatt to day care, but he resisted the idea. Errands could be done with the twins in tow, and they would have plenty of time to socialize when they started preschool. He was fine with giving up their spots at the day care center, but, as usual, Olivia would make the final call.

Ed spent the morning consumed with typical household chores and the twins played together on the floor. He would pause as he unloaded the dishwasher or wiped down the counter tops and grin at the almost-two-year-olds. They were adorable, happy, and, in Wyatt's case—about to have a haircut. Maggie's brown locks seemed to naturally grow away from her face, Wyatt's loose curls hung in his eyes more often than not. Ed wondered if, after the trim, he would notice that he no longer had to keep slapping at his forehead.

After a snack, he parked the twins at the dining table, spread newspaper, and set finger paints down just out of their reach. Ed added a large piece of cardstock and rolled up his sleeves.

"Alright, babies," he said, chuckling a bit because he sounded like Noah, "Let's start the poster for Mommy."

"Mama!"

"MAMAMAMAMA!"

"PAY!" Wyatt bellowed, "PAY!"

"Yep, bud, we're gonna paint." Ed poured a saucer-sized dollop of paint, held Wyatt's wrist, and dipped his hand. "Oh- _kay,_ and _…_ we press…and, done! There's one Wyatt hand!"

"WYHAND!"

Ed wiped down Wyatt's fingers and switched to Maggie who was watching patiently and with extreme interest. "Alright, Maggs. Your turn."

"Magg! Tuh!"

Ed poured magenta paint and repeated the process with Maggie. She squealed at the sensation of the gooey, cool substance, and gawked at her handprint. "Oooo! Magg! Hand!"

"Yes," Ed managed to kiss a spot on her hand not covered with paint, "Love my girl's hands."

"Da! Face!" Maggie caught Ed off guard, dipped fingers on her opposite hand in the paint, and touched Ed's cheek. "Wy! Da! Painface!" Maggie erupted into laughter and Wyatt followed suit.

Ed grinned. "You got me, Maggs!"

"Gotya!"

Ed managed to press one more handprint each and get the twins and himself paint-free before Brooke arrived. Sofia was crawling now, so the two adults leaned against the island in case she had to be intercepted. The Tucker home was no longer completely baby-proofed.

Brooke and Ed munched on chips and salsa as they chatted, and Ed wasted little time tackling the issue bothering him most.

"You doin' okay lately?" He asked. "Almost a year since your mom—"

"—Dad, I'm fine," Brooke said. She tucked her chin-length blonde hair behind her ears, a mannerism that often showed up when she was uncomfortable. "At the party, well, I just didn't feel like going is all. And, Sonny and I aren't very close to Justin, we haven't spent much time together, so it was a little awkward."

Ed didn't want to be confrontational, but, inside, he questioned Brooke's explanation. Unless he was working, Sarah dragged Justin along almost everywhere—Noah's school events, holidays, informal dinners, and drink meet-ups. He suspected Brooke had never truly relinquished the initial skepticism surrounding her soon-to-be brother-in-law.

"Yeah, I usually don't like goin' to things like that," Ed replied, "Where I don't know many people, but we had a good time. And Noah and the twins loved it."

"Food was good."

"It was."

Both their heads snapped to the play area when they heard Maggie shout, "DA!"

"Oh my God," Brooke gasped.

Maggie and Wyatt were standing proudly in front of the smallest bean bag. Sofia was in the middle and Maggie and Wyatt had covered and surrounded her with every single baby doll and stuffed animal they owned.

"Baby!" Wyatt exclaimed, jumping up and down.

"Bay Pie!" Maggie said, stealing Noah's _Baby Pile_ line.

Little Sofia sat compliantly with a bewildered expression on her face. Her entire body, save for her head, was buried. Brooke came over and crouched down.

"Hi Sof! Are you comfy under there?"

Sofia smiled and squealed at her mother. She tried to move her arms and legs, barely jostling the stuffed toys.

"C'mon, honey," Brooke said, "You can do it!"

Sofia moved her arms more wildly and kicked harder. Finally, a foot popped up between an elephant and a bear.

"There you go!"

"Bay! Feet!" Maggie rushed to cover the foot, but by the time she arrived, Sofia had almost completely freed herself.

Ed watched with amusement and thought about how Olivia's absence was a good thing. She would have probably read way too much into Maggie's desire to bury Sofia.

…..

 _The Tuckers returned home from the meet-and-greet laden with supply lists, uniform requirements, and instructions for completing the various forms the school insisted on having on file. Counting preschool, Noah was beginning his sixth year in the building, and he led the twins to their Kindergarten classroom, pointing out important places along the way._

" _There's the bathrooms…"_

" _That's the way to the gym…"_

" _That's how you go outside, but you don't go unless you have the teacher with you!"_

 _Maggie giggled. "Noah! We know we can't go anywhere without a teacher! We know da rules!"_

" _But you have to follow them," Noah replied sagely._

 _Wyatt trailed his sister and brother by a few steps. He took in everything with wide eyes and occasionally scratched his head out of uncertainty. Olivia watched him and tried to swallow her own nerves. Ed strolled next to her, seemingly unaffected by the reality that their twins were starting actual school in a week._

" _Noah?" Wyatt asked, "How we get to your class?"_

" _I'll show ya after we meet your teacher."_

 _Olivia reached down and tousled Wyatt's hair. He was sporting a new, shorter cut, and exposure to the summer sun had added natural, golden highlights to his chestnut locks. In response to his mother's touch, Wyatt looked up and gave her a relieved smile, as if he hadn't been completely sure his parents were going to remain with him for the entire event._

 _The twins met their teacher, a cheerful, stout young woman only two years out of college, and walked around the classroom, slowly inspecting each area. Maggie touched everything. She slid chairs out from under the tables, ran her finger along the spines of books on the shelves, and sat down on the large rug located in the sunniest corner of the room._

" _This is the story rug," the teacher said as Maggie plopped herself in the center._

" _I know howta read," Maggie said confidently._

" _Oh…that's fantastic."_

" _I read chapter books."_

 _The teacher raised her eyebrows and looked to Ed and Olivia for guidance. Ed slung an arm around Noah's shoulders and murmured, "With her brother's assistance."_

" _What do you think, Wyatt?" Olivia asked, concerned he was being too quiet. He was less talkative than his sister, but usually no less enthusiastic._

" _S'like da room with Miss Cat," he said, referring to preschool._

" _It is. Did you find your cubby?"_

" _Uh-huh! S'higher than da other one."_

" _Yep, because you're taller. Can you reach all the way in?"_

" _Uh-huh. I dunno if my backpack will fit though!"_

 _Noah stepped in, "There's a hook under for your backpack. And your coat."_

 _Wyatt whirled around then, needing a closer look, trotted back to the cubbies. He returned with a satisfied grin. "Yep! There's a hook!"_

 _After meeting Noah's teacher, they departed for home. Once there, the kids gathered in Noah's room to unwrap and organize school supplies, and Ed and Olivia started dinner._

" _You okay?" Ed kissed the side of Olivia's head. She'd taken a head of broccoli out of the crisper and he handed her a cutting board._

" _I think so," she said weakly. "But no guarantees next week."_

 _He kissed her again._

" _Why is this so hard?" She asked, "I was okay with preschool…"_

" _Cause preschool doesn't count."_

 _She saw his smirk and couldn't help but smile. "Right."_

 _Ed waved a dismissive hand in the air, "All they did was paint."_

" _I don't think that's true."_

" _I'm pretty sure that's all they did." Ed shuffled closer to her until his arms were around her waist. He leaned in for a proper kiss. "We have a whole closet full of artwork to prove it."_

" _Okay…I guess that's it then."_

" _Just think," Ed started planting soft kisses along her jawline and her neck, "All the time we'll have during the day…the two of us. All. To. Ourselves."_

" _It's going to be hard at first," Olivia was part sincere and part playful, "You'll have to…help me."_

" _Don't you worry, sweetheart."_

 _Olivia grinned at his mischievous expression. She loved his desire for her, and, even more appealing, was his refusal to hide it._

" _It might be fun," she said, "To start…biking…or playing tennis, do some regular exercise…"_

" _Yeah," Ed quipped, "Biking…tennis…that's exactly what I had in mind."_

….

Rather than muffling screams with a pillow or Ed's neck, Olivia whimpered softly as Ed moved on top of her. Had she asked, he would have admitted to preferring screams, for the cries were so close to actual _crying_. However, when he saw her face, he knew his wife was miles away from sadness and despair. When he looked up, which was often, she was either smiling dazedly or had thrown her head back, closed her eyes, and puckered her lips with each pant.

The adult part of the evening had commenced with drinks on the sofa and a debrief about Brooke. Frustrated, Ed grumbled and complained he had gotten nowhere during their afternoon together. Olivia put her arms around him and comforted him the best she could. She suggested that, perhaps, Brooke wasn't interested in getting close to Justin because she didn't trust Sarah would stay married to him. Ed acknowledged there was some truth in the speculation.

"Or," Olivia added, "Maybe she's holding back. Maybe it is her mom and she's not ready to talk about it?"

Ed nodded. He played with Olivia's hair and gazed at her admiringly. "Never thought I'd want to talk about this kinda stuff 'till you and I started seein' each other."

"I think you're giving me a bit too much credit."

"Nope," Ed replied assuredly. "You, my dear, deserve all the credit."

"That's interesting considering I wasn't exactly forthcoming with information at first."

Ed smirked. This was true. Olivia Benson had been a tough nut to crack, but, once she realized she could trust him, the floodgates opened. "You had every reason to be cautious."

"You were cautious…with me…that's why I opened up."

"Well," Ed shrugged and grinned, "If I woulda been all over you right away I don't think that woulda went over too well."

Olivia laughed. "No way you would've done that. Out of character."

"I wanted to."

"Starting when?"

"Way before you think."

"The night at the bar after the thing with Nick's dad?"

"Nope."

" _When_?"

"After we took down the Twelfth."

Olivia narrowed her eyes. He was referring to the operation that almost resulted in Cassidy's death. In the immediate aftermath, Olivia was certain Tucker had been lying and had no intentions of returning Cassidy to detective. Without telling anyone, she marched into IAB and warned Tucker he had better keep his word. She had no ammunition, nothing to hold over Ed other than his questionable tactics during the sting operation, but Olivia felt better after she said her piece.

"I walked right out of your office," she recalled, "You didn't even have a chance to respond." Olivia's jaw dropped in realization. Amazed she hadn't put two and two together then, she murmured, "Putting him at IAB was your response…"

"Not directly, but, subconsciously, yeah, it was in the back of my mind. But," the smirk returned to his face, "When you were goin' off on me? I was…I wanted to throw everything out the window, get up, take you into my arms, and start kissin' you. Tell you…you should be with me, that I'd take care of you, love you, like you deserved."

"That would have been—"

"—a career ender, probably."

Olivia smiled sheepishly, "Is it odd I almost wish it would've happened?"

"I don't think it woulda went over well."

Now it was Olivia's turn to shrug. "Probably not worth debating it. I have," she bit her lip and cocked an eyebrow, "And extremely biased perspective now." She scooted closer, kissed his lips then bit his earlobe. "Show me, Ed," she droned into his ear, "Show me what you wanted to do that day."

In one motion Ed jumped to his feet, half-carrying Olivia with him. He kissed her ravenously on the way to the bedroom. When they were out of their clothes, Ed abruptly slowed the pace. Olivia gave him an odd look; she was breathing hard, her face flushed.

"If you woulda went along with it, I woulda slowed down," Ed explained, still living in the flashback. "I woulda needed to savor the moment…'cause…it woulda been unreal. I still savor it. It's still…unreal."

He laid her on the bed and began the long, slow, amorous process of kissing every inch of her body. Olivia watched him as best she could—his shoulders, the way his biceps flexed when he propped himself on his hands, the slight curve of his torso, his face relaxed yet intense—she remembered how she'd seen that deeply focused expression the first time they made love. It was a tad baffling, how someone could concentrate so much, _care_ so much, about loving her.

Afterwards, they laid together and stayed awake for a while. With retirement looming and talks with the television writers becoming more frequent, Olivia had a lot on her mind, but she didn't feel like talking. Instead, she nestled herself under Ed's arm and silently appreciated everything and everyone she had in her life. The Benson Center was going to give her a way to contribute to SVU's work. The show, if done right, had the potential to for wide-reaching change. Retirement itself meant she could devote more time to being a hands-on mom. Maybe she would volunteer at Noah's school. The twins needed to be potty trained. They were getting coordinated enough to start riding their scooters with little assistance. As much as Olivia wanted to freeze time so they could stay little, she was grateful she'd be there every step of the way as they grew up.

Ed's breathing grew heavier, a little noisy, not quite a snore but loud enough to indicate he had fallen asleep. Olivia smiled. His firm grip on her hadn't weakened. She and Ed were about to have a lot of free time to spend together. What else would they learn about each other? Becoming closer seemed inevitable, but would the opposite happen? Was it possible that they could drift apart?

 _No_ , Olivia thought, _that's not going to happen_.

The smile returned to her face.

From time to time she was prone to let herself drift into isolation. Ed let her have her space, but only for so long. He was unabashedly possessive, and, to her continuing surprise, what could have been an annoying personality trait had become yet another reason Olivia loved him. She kissed his chest and closed her eyes, finally ready for sleep.

…

 _Half-full suitcases sat open on Olivia's bedroom floor. Tomorrow they would be zipped, tossed into the trunk of a cab, and eventually loaded into the cargo area of the airplane taking the trio to Paris. Coming out of an incredibly deep sleep, Ed blinked his eyes a few times against the early morning sunlight creeping through the blinds. Feeling guilty from sleeping so well, he quickly turned his head and checked on Olivia. She was facing him, eyes closed, lips slightly parted. Ed had woken up next to her enough times by now to gauge her level of consciousness, and he was quite sure she'd be out for another hour if he managed to get out of bed and get Noah without making much noise._

 _And also…if Ed could stop himself from cuddling her._

 _On this particular morning, he couldn't resist the urge._

 _He kissed her lips, barely touching his to hers. She was wearing a tank top and cotton lounge pants and he slid his hand under the shirt, at the small of her back, and used the leverage to inch closer so their bodies were flush with one another._

 _Olivia made a few soft noises. Smiled ever so slightly. Keeping her eyes closed, she draped her free arm across Ed's shoulders. He smirked and kissed her again._

" _Happy Mother's Day," he rasped._

 _Her eyes snapped open and she craned her neck for a view of the iPad. When she saw Noah barely stirring, she smiled and turned her attention back to Ed. "Thank you."_

" _All kids should have a mother like you."_

 _Olivia's first instinct was to object; after all, lately, she wasn't feeling as if she deserved any accolades, even those that had nothing to do with Dodds' death._

" _Thank you," she said again. This time, her words were accompanied with a suggestive tug at Ed's waistband._

 _Arousal fluttered around his midsection. He looked at the iPad then back at her._

" _I want you," she reached back and put the screen face down on the nightstand. "It's going to have to be quick, but I need you right now."_

 _They shimmied out of their pants and shorts. It was incredibly difficult for Olivia to admit she needed Ed, and, when she verbalized it, he was overcome with love, admiration, and gratitude. He kissed her deeply, performed an abbreviated version of his usual foreplay, nudged her legs apart, and pressed inside of her. They writhed together, in sync, under the covers, until they both surrendered to pleasure, knowing they were on a tight timetable. Ed wanted to stay there, hugging and kissing her, but he remembered he had a surprise waiting in the kitchen. He popped up and dragged her out of bed. They made a quick stop in the bathroom and went to get Noah._

" _Gotta 'prise, Mommy," he said in a thick, sleepy voice as Olivia picked him up._

" _You do?"_

" _Uh-huh." Noah rubbed his eyes. "You put it in da kishen, Ed?"_

" _Yup."_

" _C'mon, Mommy. In da kishen. Lessgo."_

… _.._

Ed crept out of bed as carefully and quietly as possible. First, he inched away from Olivia. Then he slid each leg over the side of the mattress, one at a time, making sure his feet came into contact with the carpet before he actually stood up. He tiptoed around the bed, conscious of the ottoman, which he often bumped on his way out. The night before he intentionally left the door ajar to avoid the inevitable clicking. He slipped out and went down to the doorman's desk where he retrieved the outrageously oversized flower arrangement that had been delivered there the previous night. Back in the apartment, he placed it on the island, stepped back, and admired his purchase—three hundred dollars' worth of pink-hued roses and dahlias. From atop the refrigerator, he plucked the oversized card. Over the past two weeks he managed to cover it with the kids' handprints. Only once did Olivia comment on flecks of paint under Maggie's fingernails, but she didn't ask for an explanation. It wasn't uncommon for Ed to let the kids use paint for art projects during the day.

In the middle of the card, under Noah's printed _Happy Mother's Day_ , was a photograph of Olivia and the kids, all three of them piled in her lap, taken only a few days earlier in Central Park. Wyatt's and Noah's smiles were compliant, on-demand grins. Maggie's was more of an action shot. She was smiling, but her mouth was open wide, like she was mid-shout. Olivia's smile was huge—as if Ed had snapped the picture right before she burst into uncontrollable laughter.

Ed was so caught up in staring at the image he didn't hear Olivia's footsteps until she rounded the corner from the hallway and gasped at the sight of the flowers.

"Oh my God."

Ed saw the phone in her hand and his spirits sank. Nevertheless, he forced a smile and went to kiss her. "Good morning. Happy Mother's Day." He wrapped her in a possessive embrace. "You gotta go in?"

"Yeah." Olivia groaned. "Did I ruin a surprise?"

"Tell ya what," Ed said, ready to improvise, "I'll hide the flowers again and we'll give 'em to you when you get home. Unless…you have a few minutes? I can wake up the kids now."

"No…that'll be worse…I think," Olivia bit her lip and tried not to cry.

"Hey," Ed sounded like a coach, "It doesn't matter what time we surprise ya," he said, "And, this just means we have more time to buy you another present."

"All I wanted was the day with my family," Olivia griped.

Ed hugged her more tightly and kissed the side of her head. "You'll get it…delayed…but you'll get it."

She tilted her head back. "Promise?"

"Promise."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	27. Chapter 27

**Twenty-seven.**

Everything about Olivia-body language, voice, and attitude-pointed to her being less than enthused about having to come to work on Mother's Day. As she listened to Fin and Carisi question the father of three boys who had gone missing overnight, she paced, sighed, and clicked her tongue. Fin was too accommodating. Carisi was too angry. At one point, the Lieutenant threw up her hands and sniped, "Do they think they're gonna coddle a confession out of him?"

Rollins let Olivia seethe. She neither agreed nor disagreed with the boss' assessment, and she wasn't sure the father actually knew anything. He seemed genuinely terrified for his sons who, he claimed, had not returned home after an early evening soccer practice. The case was not without its complications, though, and it had all the markers of something more sinister-acrimonious divorce, domestic abuse calls, and each of the boys' school discipline records included recent violent behaviors.

"Where's the mother?" Olivia asked for at least the third or fourth time.

"On a plane," Rollins said, "From Detroit. She's a researcher, recently hired at Michigan, which, according to her, is the reason why her husband has stashed the boys somewhere."

"Great."

"Yeah."

"Anything on the kids' phones? They're in middle school. They're on their phones all the time."

"Nope. Nothing. And nothing on their cards."

"Cards?"

"Dad says each kid has an AMEX."

"Wow."

"I know."

"And nothing at the apartment?"

"Other than it being too immaculate for a guy and three teenagers? No."

Olivia forced a sarcastic laugh. She pictured her own home which was often in various stages of disarray. The twins scattered their toys as quickly as Ed or Olivia returned them to the toy boxes. Noah kept his room orderly, but he always had two or three in-progress projects on display in addition to the perpetual presence of the train table.

Fletcher burst in with his phone in his hand and breathlessly announced a ransom demand had been phoned in to the precinct's general line. "Dusk tonight. South Street Seaport. Pier 17. One million."

Rollins barked out instructions for getting a trace on the line and rushed downstairs to grill the desk sergeant who had taken the call. Olivia braced herself against the ledge and stared into the interrogation room. A million dollar ransom to be exchanged at a locale densely populated with tourists and locals alike.

Great.

Mother's Day, for her at least, was pretty much shot.

…..

 _Fin screwed up his face as he observed the Lieutenant saunter into the precinct on what was beginning as a bleak, blustery day in Manhattan. A jaunty "Hey Fin" replaced the usual, workaday, "good morning," and, instead of opening her laptop and getting right to work, she spun around in her chair and stared out the window until Chief Dodds and other members of the NYPD brass showed up, presumably to to chat about the fallout and PR campaign related to Hank Abraham's conviction and sentence._

 _Fin was still eyeing his boss when Rollins approached and set a coffee and paper bag on his desk. "Mornin. Coffee. Donut. My treat. Hope you're still eating carbs."_

" _Was tryin not to," he mumbled absentmindedly but dug into the bag anyway._

" _What's goin on?"_

" _Liv."_

 _Rollins shot him an annoyed look. "Again, what's goin' on?"_

" _She's a little too happy for Monday morning, cold weather, and a shitty case."_

 _After an eye roll, Rollins muttered, "They're in there congratulating themselves as spinning this as a win for NYPD."_

 _Fin let her stalk off without another word but he watched peripherally until the suits left the office. Olivia followed, presumably to escort them out, but she had her coat in one hand._

" _Be back in thirty," she said, "Nothing urgent. Call me if you need me."_

 _Fin dutifully shook his head._

 _Something was definitely up._

…

Olivia sat across from the father of the three missing boys and leaned forward, elbows resting on her knees. Her frustration with his tight-lipped demeanor was no secret.

"You failed to mention you own properties...several properties...that have been subjects of lawsuits…"

The man groaned. "I'm...a developer," he explained weakly.

"You're a developer who fabricates code violations to force people from their rent-controlled apartments so you can inflate rent prices."

"Raise, not inflate."

Olivia's eyes almost shot out from their sockets. " _That's_ what you're worried about right now? Verbiage?"

Deflated, the man slunk back in the chair and threw his arms in the air. "So now it's my fault? My boys are gone and it's my fault? Why don't you-."

Fin stepped in. "We've received a ransom demand. Million bucks. You got that kinda money?"

After at least a minute, the man nodded.

"Who is it?" Olivia asked.

"I dunno," he said weakly. "Could be dozens of people. I'm not exactly the most popular man in New York."

Olivia directed Fin to get the voice lineups ready and stormed out of the room. Taking advantage of a few minutes of alone time, she called Ed and apprised him of the situation. He assured her they would do Mother's Day the next day, or the next.

"The actual date...doesn't matter as much," he said, hoping she bought in to his reasoning.

"I…"

" _Hey_ ," he said, "The twins are too little too realize and Noah understands. We're going to Ma's. Call me if that guy gives the kids back before dinner and I'll come pick you up."

Olivia chuckled at the frivolity. "Okay."

"Okay."

"I love you, Ed."

"I love you, Olivia Margaret."

….

 _Walking hand-in-hand wasn't something Ed and Olivia did often. When Olivia first grabbed his hand during a stroll, they made it two blocks before joking about how their pace didn't exactly provide much room for hand-holding. At that moment, Ed slowed to a crawl and more tightly clasped her fingers. She'd looked up and grinned, getting his unspoken response._

 _The day the two of them left the twins at Kindergarten required hand holding. Olivia set a slow pace as they stepped away from campus, but Ed wasn't sure he could actually disentangle Olivia's fingers from his anyway. They walked aimlessly and ended up several blocks away from their neighborhood. Ed suggested they find a place to sit, talk, and take advantage of the pleasant September morning. Olivia shrugged. She couldn't think of anything other than her twins navigating Kindergarten for the entire day without her._

 _She should have been an old pro by now. Noah had had several first days of school. But the twins were her babies. They still cuddled, cried, whined, and acted like toddlers at times. Olivia sang to them at bedtime. Wyatt, and sometimes Maggie, still liked to be rocked to sleep._

 _And now they were in a classroom with a dozen other students for the entire day and would be expected to do all kinds of things-go to the bathroom, eat lunch, get items from their cubbies-all without their mother's or father's assistance!_

" _We told the teacher Wyatt's shy, right?" Olivia mumbled even though she was positive they'd mentioned it during the pre-school-year meet and greet and on the "getting to know you" survey the teacher sent, "He has to be prompted to answer questions. And, of course, Maggie will never stop talking."_

" _Maybe we shoulda put them in two separate classes." Ed was practical and had a point. Maggie often dominated conversations among the five of them. Wyatt preferred to observe. He would voice an opinion but in a reserved way, as if he were only allowed a certain amount of words to speak per day. When he did decide to chime in, however, his comments were smart, insightful, and hinted at a burgeoning dry sense of humor. Ed beamed with pride whenever this happened._

 _Olivia objected to splitting up the twins. "Oh, no," she said, "They have to be together. At least for this year. And next year. And maybe second grade…"_

" _You're right," Ed kissed the side of her head, "And, don't worry about him not talking a lot. If the teacher's good, she'll get him to open up."_

 _Olivia clutched his hand even more tightly. "You're right," she said with a sigh, "And he really did seem comfortable," she forced brighter spirits, "Now...what are we doing today?"_

 _Ed chuckled and a naughty smirk crossed his face. "Well…"_

 _Olivia gave him a playful shove but didn't release his hand._

" _How 'bout we take the bikes out?"_

" _I don't know," Olivia moaned, "What if the school calls and we can't get there quick enough?"_

" _Liv, they're fine."_

" _I don't know…" Olivia winced and thought about the moment they left the classroom. Maggie had come back for a second hug. Olivia could hear her sweet, slightly hoarse voice say "Bye-bye, Mama." In a surprising twist, Wyatt, filled with quiet confidence, had steeled his jaw and soldiered into the room after the initial goodbyes. When he realized Maggie was lingering at Ed's and Olivia's side, he held out his hand._

" _Gotta go to school, Maggs," he said softly. When his sister shot him a reluctant frown, he added, "We c'go see Noah later. I know the way. Right down there." Wyatt pointed down the hall and tugged on his backpack straps. The bags were large and nearly swallowed both twins whole. On their school shopping outing Olivia gave Maggie and Wyatt the option of purchasing a smaller bag, but they both adamantly insisted they get the same version as Noah._

 _Wyatt looked up at Olivia and Ed, his deep blue eyes wide and serious, "Noah say we c'come get him if we have to."_

" _Yeah, bud," Ed replied, mussing Wyatt's hair, "But you're gonna be learning, time'll fly by, and before ya know it we'll be here to pick you up."_

" _You be right here," Maggie stomped her feet, one after the other. Ed smirked as he watched her little white Adidas sneaker soles slam against the navy blue indoor-outdoor carpeting. Olivia had pulled her hair back in a ponytail that morning, and the practical style made Maggie look extra sassy. The school had relaxed uniform requirements for Kindergarteners, but both twins insisted on mirroring Noah so they each wore the traditional burgundy polo and tan shorts._

 _Lost in the flashback of the morning, Olivia startled to attention when Ed spoke._

" _C'mon," Ed said, giving her hand a little tug, "Let's go for a little ride. We won't get too ambitious. Few miles up then back down through the park. Whaddya say?"_

 _Olivia stopped on a dime in the middle of the sidewalk to hug, kiss, and simper at her husband. Passersby scoffed and navigated around them._

" _I love you so much," she whispered after she finished kissing him. "So, so much."_

…

Carisi was just as irritated as the Lieutenant. He fiddled with the wire looped around his ear and sarcastically muttered, "I don't know about you all, but this certainly is my idea of a perfect Sunday."

The entire squad, positioned in various strategic points around the pier, rolled their eyes both at their own frustration and at Carisi's petulance. Olivia briefly wondered to herself how Brooke put up with him; he could be so whiny sometimes.

"Remember," Olivia spoke into her mouthpiece, "We don't know this guy. Stay alert." She didn't like the dismissive attitude that had permeated the squad throughout the afternoon. Nobody wanted to be there, and everyone made that perfectly clear. Usually, they were better at hiding it.

The boys' father was to leave the money under a specific bench along the pier in a briefcase. The demand bordered on cliche. More than once Olivia vocalized her skepticism, but the Lieutenant's questions were not enough to make anyone forget the fact that three boys had been kidnapped and needed rescuing. After the initial demand had been made, there caller made no further contact, so the squad had no opportunity to verify he did, indeed, have the kids. They were going in blind.

"Ten minutes," Fin mumbled, barely audible on the wire.

"Ten minutes," Olivia echoed through a sigh.

Rollins grumbled.

From across the walkway, Olivia saw Fletcher fidget and sip a soda. His eagerness was so obvious it actually worked in their favor.

Other plainclothes officers milled about, blending in with the evening crowd. ESU was standing by. The sun beat down on the exposed pier, causing it to feel much warmer than other parts of the city. Olivia blew a stream of air upward and watched a few strands of hair dance around.

If they could close this out, she could be at Caroline's in time for dessert.

…..

 _Olivia said goodbye to Chief Dodds and his NYPD brass buddies and hussled down the block to a nearby coffee shop. She saw Ed through the window. They immediately made eye contact and exchanged wide grins. She rushed in and darted to the small corner table. He stood for a hug and a kiss. They took their seats and beamed at one another._

" _Got ya a chai." He pronounced "chai" slowly, like it was the first time he'd ever uttered the unfamiliar word. "It's still hot. Careful."_

" _Thank you."_

 _Neither Ed nor Olivia could stop smiling. He had crept out of her apartment under the cover of very early morning darkness. Olivia remembered the curve of his backside, his bare hips silhouetted in the muted light as slid into his pants, and the way he buckled his belt but left his shirt, rumpled from spending hours on the floor, untucked. After several tender kisses, he headed for home. Olivia tried to catch a couple more hours' sleep, but when she closed her eyes she could only think about how beautiful their first night of lovemaking had been. She immediately missed him, but her chest swelled with warmth when she recalled his gravelly voice insisting it would be better for Noah if he snuck out before the little guy woke up. Ed was right, but easing Noah in to the idea of the two of them together didn't make Olivia miss him any less._

" _Busy morning?" Ed asked._

" _Not exactly," Olivia replied. "Dodds and company stopped by to thank us for making them look good, you know the drill, and here I am."_

 _Ed's eyes twinkled as he smirked. "Olivia Benson blowing off work?"_

" _I wanted to see you," she brushed a section of hair from her face and saw Ed's jaw slacken a bit. "Last night...was so good."_

 _Ed hadn't been expecting such a direct compliment. Suddenly nervous, he took a sip to buy time and think, worried he'd fuck up the response. He decided to match her level of transparency and fliration, "Real good. I, uh, well, it's only been a few hours, but I can't stop thinkin' about you."_

 _For a split second he thought he'd gone overboard, but Olivia reached for his hand and said, "Me too," in a hushed voice._

 _Ed had to divert his eyes. He glanced at the street then back at her-his, gulp, girlfriend? Knocked sideways by love, good fortune, and memories of the feel of her skin against his, he grinned and leaned forward across the small table. Taking the hint, Olivia closed the distance and they kissed again._

" _I was a little worried," she admitted abashedly, "this would be awkward."_

" _So was I. But when I saw ya…"_

" _I know."_

 _Olivia sat back in her chair and Ed was mildly disappointed she'd released his hand to do so._

" _Are you...busy tonight?"_

" _No."_

" _Want to have dinner with Noah and me? I should be able to leave at a normal time."_

" _I'd love to."_

 _Olivia laughed softly._

" _What?" Ed asked._

 _Attempting to temper her smile, she replied, "Nothing...you...you look so happy."_

" _I am." Now it was his turn to reach for her hand, "I spent the night with a smart, gorgeous, incredible woman and she wants to see me again tonight. Right now, I have zero complaints." Surely he'd overshot this time, but, as long as Olivia didn't storm out, he almost didn't care. It was important she know how thrilled he was she'd let him in to her life._

" _If you feel like you need to ingratiate yourself with me any more," Olivia bit her lip and cocked her eyebrow, "After last night...you don't."_

" _You have such a good vocabulary," Ed retorted, grinning again. It was an expression Olivia was still getting used to seeing on his face._

 _Olivia let her eyes drift to his fingers-so thick, strong, and masculine. Those fingers now knew every millimeter of her body, and Olivia shivered thinking of how, before Ed let himself fall on top of her, he slowly ran the back of his hand from her collarbone to her left thigh. There was no question he was completely enamored_

" _I don't think I have a witty response for that one," she finally replied._

 _Ed chuckled. Needing a change to more mundane topics, he talked about the upcoming weekend and how he was helping one of his daughters install a dishwasher in her Bronx apartment. "And by helping," he clarified, "I mean doing all the work while she opens beers."_

" _So funny," Olivia said, "I lived without a dishwasher for years, but now? I couldn't imagine. It's a must have."_

" _I could prolly get by without one," Ed said, "No kids in the house. I really only need a couple glasses, a plate, and a fork."_

" _That is so sad."_

" _Well," he continued with a twinkle in his eye, "Now that you might be convinced to let me cook dinner for ya, I'll get to dig deeper into the cabinets."_

 _Blood rushed to Olivia's face. She peered across the table at Ed. Attired in his familiar crisp white shirt, basic tie, and navy suit, to an outside observer, he was unremarkable. But the people in the shop and on the streets hadn't shared a bed with him last night and weren't the target of his flirtatious overtures._

" _What's your...signature dish?" Olivia asked._

" _Still to be determined," Ed replied self-deprecatingly. "But I hear good things about this service called...Google?"_

" _Oh yeah. I've tried it a few times. Not completely immune to user error, but it's better than nothing."_

" _Gimme a few days?"_

" _Sure."_

 _Their drinks were nearly empty, but they continued the small talk. Neither Ed nor Olivia wanted to be the one to end the coffee break, but, finally, IAB business called._

" _Got someone comin' in this morning," Ed muttered._

" _Well," Olivia said with a teasing grin, "Go easy on 'em."_

 _Ed put a hand on the small of her back as they wound their way toward the door. "I'm in a good mood, so they're lucky in that respect." Outside, they faced each other. The wind whipped Olivia's hair. Ed wanted to clutch a handful and kiss her until they were both out of breath._

 _They simultaneously scanned their surroundings. Deciding it was safe to do so, Olivia held his wrists and gave him a quick yet tender kiss on the lips. "I call you later," she said softly._

" _Have a good day," he replied, not sounding at all thrilled to be leaving her._

" _You too."_

… _._

An unexpected gray rain cloud sprayed a fine mist across the pier and sent most people scurrying for cover. Among those rushing for dry ground was Fletcher who wisely realized their entire operation would be scuttled if the only people left on the pier were law enforcement officers. It was SVU's youngest detective who first spotted the hostage taker.

"Two o'clock. With the three kids. Should I move on them, Lieutenant?"

"No. Let's see what he does." Olivia sighted the foursome. The boys appeared more curious than terrified. They followed a few steps behind the perp who strode at a brisk place toward the appointed bench.

Olivia's confidence abated. Something wasn't right. This was too easy.

"Maintain your positions," she ordered.

The man was saying something to the boys. They nodded. The man picked up the briefcase. The boys sat side by side on the bench. The perp began hustling away, but stopped short and whirled around slowly, making eye contact with anyone who would engage.

"Shit," Olivia muttered. "Move in! Take him NOW!"

The man brandished a silver plated pistol and fired three shots in the boys' direction. They dove for cover, falling in a heap on the brick path. Officers returned a volley of bullets. The suspect collapsed. In the process of falling to the ground he hurled the briefcase and wrapped bundles of hundred dollar bills came to rest a few feet from his body.

Officers flanked the area. They ushered the boys away. Others hovered around the lifeless perp. In the commotion, it took a few minutes for anyone to notice Olivia crouching near the guard rail clutching her right arm.

"Liv's hit!" Fin sprinted to her side. His stomach flip-flopped at the sight of blood soaking through her sleeve. He barked the ten-thirteen into his radio. "Liv? Liv, you're alright."

Her eyes were open, shocked, but still bright. She grimaced and clenched her teeth. Ironically, she had never given much thought to how it would feel to have a bullet pierce her skin, but now that it had happened, she decided it had to have been a ricochet.

In the moment between his call and the arrival of the EMTs, Fin put pressure on the wound and studied her face with his brow furrowed and his lips pressed into a straight line.

"I'm okay," she finally said, "I'm, _owww_ ," she gasped when she tried to move the arm.

"-Stay still."

"-yeah, okay, I'm, I'm fine...call Ed. Someone's going to call him, the radio...someone's going to hear it," the EMTs arrived and began tending to her, "Fin, call him. But let me talk. He won't believe I'm okay unless you let me talk."

Fin dug through layers and found his phone in a cargo pocket.

The medical team loaded Olivia onto the gurney over her objections. She insisted she could walk. They insisted it was policy they give her a lift. Finally, she conceded. Fin dialed Ed's number and held the phone to Olivia's ear as they wheeled her to the ambulance.

"Ed, honey…"

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	28. Chapter 28

**Twenty-eight.**

Ed's face went from happy to hear from his wife to a pained grimace in less than a second.

"Shit, Liv, where? Are you okay? Where are they taking you?"

Sarah, Brooke, and Caroline gaped at him with wide, concerned eyes. Noah looked up from the floor where he was playing with the twins and Sofia. Seeing his father's distress, he rushed to Ed's side and was close enough to hear Olivia's voice.

"Mommy's at da hopital," he reported.

Ed hugged Noah to his side, putting his arm around his head, trying to ward off any more details being inadvertently leaked to his son.

"I'm on my way," Ed said softly, "No, no, we're still here. Okay." He paused and stared at the floor.

Sarah jumped up and planted herself next to Ed; the anguish on his face frightened her.

"I love you, Liv. I'll be right there."

He ended the call and made eye contact with his mother and Brooke. He watched the twins and Sofia. He kissed Noah's head. Then, abruptly, he shot to his feet.

"Dad, what happened?" Brooke asked.

"Eddie, what in the hell's goin on?"

Ed took a deep breath. It was all he could do to maintain a steady voice. "Liv got a little dinged up at work. I'm goin' to get her. Sarah, Brooke, can you, can one of you stay here 'til I come back? I gotta take the car...car seats…"

"Sure, no problem," Brooke said. She eyed her speechless sister. Sarah was completely befuddled, worried, and probably annoyed at the lack of information. "Call us, okay Dad?"

Ed was in the middle of kissing the twins goodbye. After he coaxed smiley "bye byes" from them, he crouched in front of Noah. "I'll be back in a little bit to getcha bud. I just gotta go pick up Mommy."

"From da hopital?" Noah crinkled his nose. "Mommy had those babies at da hopital! And da hopital for when ya sick!"

"Yeah, bud. Mommy got a little sick at work. I'mma go get her."

"Kay, Daddy."

"Love you, bud."

"Love you!"

Without another word, Ed dashed out the door.

….

 _Ed and Olivia hunched over the kitchen island and gulped water. They joked about being inexperienced bikers-neither one of them thought about hydration until they were on a stretch of the Hudson River greenway barren of any type of snack bar or concession stand. When they crossed over to the park and found a cart, they chugged a bottle each._

" _How many miles was that?" Olivia asked._

 _Ed estimated it had been at least ten. "And not exactly at a leisurely pace," he added._

 _Oliva squatted a bit. "I already feel it."_

 _Ed raised his eyebrows and shot her a naughty look. "Massage later."_

" _Shower now?" Olivia wiped her brow. "I'm gross."`_

" _You, my dear," Ed rounded the island, "are very far from gross." He planted a sloppy smooch on her lips and started kissing her cheeks and neck. "Never, ever have I thought to describe you as gross."_

" _Can we shower anyway?" Olivia held the back of his head with one hand and scratched his back with the other. His shirt and hair were damp._

" _Hell yes."_

 _Under the warm, pulsating water, they kissed, touched, and swayed together. Ed told her they could do this every day-walk the kids to school, get coffee and breakfast, exercise, shower, and, by the time they were done, it would be time for pickup. Olivia conceded the plan was one of the best she'd ever heard._

" _Some days, though," she said, "I'm going to have to be one set, at the studio, at the center."_

" _While you're there, I'll clean."_

 _Olivia laughed. Retirement had changed her life in many ways, but Ed still shouldered most of the home maintenance duties. Olivia hated the chores, and Ed, oddly enough, liked the work._

" _But right now, c'mere." Ed leaned back against the corner shelf which was large enough to serve as a seat. He lifted one of Olivia's legs over his shoulder._

" _Oh, God…"_

 _He squeezed her thighs, "How you feelin?"_

" _Ed!"_

" _I'm not even close to gettin' started."_

 _Despite the steamy confines, Olivia shivered. Ed smirked and kissed up and down each thigh, below her belly button-teasing her until her hips bucked. Before his face disappeared between her legs, he looked up, water droplets fell across his face and pooled at the ends of his close-cropped hair._

" _I love you so much, Liv."_

 _She gazed back at him lovingly. "I know you do."_

… _._

On the way to the hospital Ed broke at least five traffic laws. He was speeding, checking his phone, changing lanes without a turn signal, and following too closely. After a near-miss during a lane change, he forced himself to calm down.

 _You're not a doctor,_ he thought, _she has doctors, you talked to her. She's okay. She's okay. She's alive."_

But so many things could go wrong even when a person survived a gunshot wound. There were no minor injuries when it came to bullets. Infection, physician error, shock, undetected internal damage-there were a hundred possible complications, and he needed to be there to make sure all those possibilities were being taken into consideration and planned for.

He gripped the steering wheel until he was sure he felt it bend. A fucking bullet had pierced his wife's body. Her arm, apparently. But maybe she was just telling him it was her arm? Maybe it was worse. Of course she wouldn't want to upset him or anyone else when they weren't right there with her.

 _Goddam it Liv. Always thinking about everyone else._

He parked the car, forgetting to lock it, and jogged into the emergency room. Expecting a horde of officers and reporters, he was stunned to find the waiting room deserted save for a few people sitting on the hard plastic chairs paging through magazines. Brow furrowed, he searched for a familiar face, and, finding none, went to the desk.

"Tucker," he said before remembering she used Benson on the job, "Olivia Benson? The Lieutenant?"

"Oh, sure, she's-"

"Tucker!" Fin burst through the double doors, "Sorry, man, I meant to meet you out here. She's okay, docs just stitched her up but she's a little out of it from the meds."

"I gotta see her."

"C'mon."

They walked through a maze of curtain-divided treatment bays. Ed's mouth was dry and his throat scratchy. The sterile confines, muted beeps, and crying children made his head spin. It seemed like an eternity before they turned down a corridor with actual rooms. Carisi, Rollins, and Fletcher were huddled outside of one of the doorways. All three of them greeted Ed, but he ignored them.

A nurse had just finished placing Olivia's arm in a sling. "Oh, hello," she said, "You must be-"

" _Ed_." Olivia reached for him with her good arm. Her eyes were dazed and droopy, Instead of the shirt and blazer she'd left home in earlier, she wore a hospital gown. Her pants and boots were still on.

The nurse mumbled something about going to get the doctor and discharge papers. She scurried from the room and closed the door.

Ed took her hand and sat down. He steeled his jaw and glared at the sling. He had a million questions-what happened? Was she in pain? Did the bullet lodge or not? What was the recovery time? What were the other risks?

"God, Liv." He kissed her forehead, cheeks, and her lips. Then, overwhelmed, he put his head on her chest. The bandage was wrapped around her bicep. Another six inches and it could've been her head. He could have lost her.

"I'm alright," she whispered, slurring her words a bit, "I'm right here, baby. It was...just a ricochet, flesh wound, it's okay." She disentangled her fingers from his and stroked the back of his head.

Ed didn't want to talk. He wanted to stay right there listening to her heartbeat.

…

 _When Ed leaned over to pluck an extra pillow from the floor, Olivia licked her lips at the view of his bare back and hips. He sat up a little, propped against the headboard, and looked inquisitively at Olivia._

" _Whatcha thinkin?"_

 _How should she reply? The truth? That he was sexier than she'd ever dreamed? That he was so good in bed she was sure she'd spend a second day at work daydreaming about it?_

" _Ed, I…"_

 _Her expression said it all, but she struggled for the right words. Ed hated to see her struggle with anything-even afterglow sweet talk. Using his position to his advantage, he cupped the back of her head and kissed her repeatedly._

" _I had a good night, too," he whispered._

" _Good" was an understatement. From the moment he and Olivia picked Noah up from day care, the evening unfolded perfectly. They had dinner at a cozy neighborhood restaurant. Noah colored on the placemat and occasionally handed over the crayons, suggesting the adults give it a try. He had food of his own, but Olivia and Ed took turns giving him bites of their dishes. Noah smiled and said "yum!" Later, he gave Ed an unsolicited hug before Olivia put him to bed._

 _She returned from Noah's room to find Ed in the kitchen rinsing glasses. The foreplay started there. Olivia backed him against the sink and things heated up quickly. She pushed her hips against his; she'd been craving the feel of him getting hard for almost twenty-four hours and the wait was maddening._

 _Ed didn't have a routine. He guessed and tested erogenous zones and either moved forward or moved on depending on Olivia's reactions. The previous night he'd stuck to convention, and it had been perfect. However, Ed was determined to give her more._

 _Her breasts were amazing, supple, and difficult to leave, but he kissed down her body, lower and lower, until he was gently biting at her thighs. Propped on his hands, he made eye contact with Olivia as he slowly ran his tongue along her inner leg. She moaned, arched her back, and told him it felt so good. He did the same thing to the other leg. This time, the moan was more of a whimper. He looked up at her again, seeking permission to go further._

" _Yes," she murmured._

 _Minutes later, she was crying out a chorus of "yesses." Encouraged, proud, and turned on by her abject pleasure, he did not disappoint. He would never, ever leave her unsatisfied._

" _Don't go yet," Olivia said softly. She had settled in against his chest and held his wrists._

" _Wasn't even thinkin' about it."_

" _You know what I was thinking about?" Her tone was tinged with a hint of jest._

" _What's that?"_

" _When you said to me-I know you live to make my life miserable."_

 _Ed chuckled, but he wondered where she was going with this. It brought back memories of the hostage standoff, at least it did for him._

" _I hope you're not miserable now…"_

 _He laughed again and gently turned her head so he could look into her eyes. "I'm not," he replied sincerely. "And when I said that, I...well, part of what I meant by it was that I wanna be there for you, Liv. I…" he paused, for what he was about to say could potentially backfire, "I wanna take care of you. Even when it's bad."_

" _I want that, too," Olivia replied without hesitation. "I really do."_

" _I believe you." Ed kissed her and she opened her mouth wide, inviting a more passionate kiss than he'd planned. The tingle of arousal fluttered in his lower extremities again and he flipped Olivia onto her back. "I can't get enough of you," he rasped._

 _She grinned. "I'm glad we're on the same page."_

…

The doctor and two nurses briefed Ed and Olivia on care of the wound before sending the patient on her way. Ed asked a few questions and once he was satisfied nobody was underestimating the seriousness of the situation, he was intent on getting Olivia home. He did not want her to be alone, but she insisted she would be fine while he went to get the kids. He helped her out of her clothes and arranged pillows around her so she was as comfortable as possible. Before leaving, he placed a glass of water on the nightstand and made her practice reaching for it to make sure it wasn't too taxing.

"Ed, I'm...I'm going to sleep." Her eyelids were already half-closed. The pain medicine she'd taken before leaving the hospital was kicking in.

He gave her a gentle kiss on the lips. "I love you."

"Love you."

In the elevator, he concentrated on breathing. He felt like he'd been holding air in his lungs since the initial phone call. The doorman asked about Olivia and Ed muttered a polite yet terse reply. He was so out of sorts, he turned the wrong way and was a block from their building before he realized he'd parked in the opposite direction. He turned the key in the ignition, but before he put the SUV in drive, he braced himself against the steering wheel and started sobbing.

It was more a series of deep, anguished heaves. He beat his fist against the dashboard and gnashed his teeth. "GODDAMMIT," he bellowed. " _Fuck_." He wanted her to be done. To hell with the July 1 retirement date. Leave now, Liv. It's a sign.

But he couldn't do that to her. All along he'd insisted the timing of retirement was entirely her decision, and he meant it. He would stand by his word, even with this new, near-tragic twist. She'd be on desk duty for the next few weeks anyway. The doctor said it would take about a month and a half before the arm was completely healed.

After a few minutes, Ed rubbed his face, collected himself, and started the drive to the Bronx to go collect the rest of his family.

…

" _Hi Mama! Hi Daddy!"_

 _Olivia crouched and the twins piled into her arms. "Hi my sweet twins! How was your day?"_

 _Maggie launched into a fast-paced, detailed description of the first day of Kindergarten. They began with "ductions," then they did some counting and reading followed by art, lunch, some playground time, story time, an ex-per-i-ment, then, finally, music._

" _How about you, sweetheart?" Olivia asked Wyatt as she smoothed his hair. "Did you have a good day?"_

" _Uh-huh!" Wyatt said enthusiastically. "I helped da teacher read the story 'cause I knew it."_

" _Which story?"_

" _Noon Balloon!"_

 _Olivia and Ed both broke into smiles. The book was one of Wyatt's favorites and he knew it by heart. There was no doubt in their minds Wyatt narrated the story along with the teacher._

" _Anything else fun happen?" Ed asked._

" _Noah comed!" Maggie exclaimed. She bounced from foot to foot and her backpack nearly flipped over her head._

" _He did?"_

" _Yep," Wyatt said, "He said he was jus' comin' to check on us when he was s'posed to be in the bathroom!" The last couple of words were jumbled a little because Wyatt started giggling._

" _He came in to the classroom?" Olivia asked._

" _Yep!" Maggie replied, "Then da teacher said 'you better go back to class' so Noah went back to third grade."_

" _He's in fifth grade, sweet girl."_

 _Maggie shrugged, unbothered by her mistake. "We gonna go get ice cream? Daddy said after da first day you always get ice cream."_

" _When did Daddy say that?"_

" _Yesterday."_

 _Ed grinned. "So I did."_

" _Okay," Olivia said, "Let's go get Noah and we'll get ice cream."_

 _Maggie grabbed Olivia's hand and skipped down the hallway. "What you and Daddy do when we were at school?"_

 _Olivia grinned and imagined Ed's face. He and Wyatt were following them and surely he heard their daughter's question. "We went for a bike ride."_

" _A FAST ride?"_

" _Yes, it was pretty fast."_

" _C'we go for a bike ride t'day?"_

" _Hmmm, we'll see. Maybe after dinner if it's still light enough. And we have to make sure you finish your homework. And take a bath. We may not have time."_

 _Maggie twisted her body around and looked back at Ed. "Daddy? We have time for a bike ride?"_

" _We'll have to see," Ed replied, "We may not have time."_

" _That's what Mommy said!" Maggie pointed out with a frown._

 _Wyatt chimed in, "Daddy always say what Mommy say!"_

 _Maggie nodded and quipped, "That's for sure."_

 _Olivia could help but laugh. One day of school under their belts and her five-year-olds were already sounding like teenagers._

… _.._

Noah demanded to see Olivia. Ed thought he'd soothed the little boy's worries on the drive back to Manhattan, but Noah was not going to rest until he made sure his mother was truly alive and as well as could be expected. Ed didn't go into detail about the gunshot; he merely said Olivia got hurt at work and her arm was in a sling. Noah equated this to his cast and knowingly remarked that they would have to help her since she would only be able to use one hand.

"You gotta change all da diapers, Daddy," Noah said.

"No problem, bud."

As soon as they were inside, Noah left Ed with the twins and went directly to his parents' room. Olivia was sound asleep. Noah stood at the side of the bed and watched his mother's chest move and up and down with each breath. He stood on his tiptoes to get a glimpse of the sling. Finally, he wedged a foot between the mattress and boxspring and boosted himself enough to give Olivia a kiss on the cheek.

Noah returned to the living room in much better spirits.

"Mommy's sleepin," he reported, "She needs more water, though, Daddy."

"On it, bud."

"Babies," Noah said, "When Mommy gets up you can't baby pile on her! She's gotta boo boo on her arm so it's like dis!" He bent his elbow as if his own arm were in a sling, "So if ya wanna baby pile, you gotta do it with me or Daddy!"

Maggie and Wyatt toddled to Noah and hugged his legs.

"Pie!" Maggie bellowed. "Baby pie!"

"Okay," Noah sighed, pretending to be reluctant. He flung himself backward into the bean bag and Maggie and Wyatt crashed onto him.

"Gosha!" Wyatt said. "Gosha, No!"

"Ahhhhh!"

In the bedroom, Ed placed a fresh glass of water on the nightstand and, like Noah had done, inspected Olivia. Her breathing was even and her coloring normal. Ed lovingly played with her hair and kissed her forehead. She was knocked out from the meds and didn't stir at all. Before leaving, he took a quick peek at the bandage, looking for blood, but the sutures were holding and the gauze was so pristine it glowed in the darkness.

 _She's okay, she's okay, she's okay._

Sounds of the kids' play filtered in from the living room. Ed heard Wyatt's soft "choo choos" and the clangs of the toy locomotives hitting the wooden track. "Choo choo, No! Tain! Boo Tain! Go Fass!" Noah instructed Maggie to bring the plastic animals to the train table. The passengers were going on a safari. Ed smiled at his son's imagination and at Maggie's imitation of a lion's roar.

The twins would be two years old next week.

Ed tried not to be dramatic. He tried not to exaggerate. But he couldn't shake it. He kept thinking about the miniscule distance between the gunshot and Olivia' temple. Six inches. He was sure of it. Six inches was the difference between his wife being right here sleeping off pain meds and his wife lying in a hospital bed with a traumatic brain injury...or worse.

He could still hear the kids playing. They were fine for the moment, so Ed crawled into bed next to her. He couldn't snuggle at her side because of the sling, but he laid his head on the pillows and watched her sleep until it was time to get the kids cleaned up and into their pajamas.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	29. Chapter 29

**Twenty-nine**.

After sleeping for almost eight hours, Olivia stirred, turned onto her right side, and cried out in pain. Ed was right there by her side. He held the shoulder on her uninjured side, coaxing her to her back, and, in a low, soothing voice, told her she was okay, everything was okay, she was at home, in bed, and safe.

Shaking off the cobwebs, Olivia blinked rapidly, smacked her lips, and tried to clear her throat. Ed tilted her head with one hand and held the water glass with another so she could take a few sips.

"Thank you." Her voice was still hoarse and she took another, longer drink.

Ed put the glass on his nightstand and switched on the lamp. He sat up and examined his wife. Other than the sling, she looked completely normal. "Pain?" He asked.

Olivia shook her head. "I think I just rolled over on it. It doesn't hurt. Much."

"Much…" Ed stroked her hair. He couldn't help the gloomy, pitiful expression on his face, but he felt terrible in dozens of ways. In an attempt to divert her attention, he kissed her hand and each fingertip.

"Sweetie…"

Even doped up, she was onto him.

"I was scared, Liv." His eyes were apologetic now. She was the one with a bullet wound; he didn't have much of a right to feel sorry for himself.

"I'm sorry, I," Olivia winced as she tried to sit up. Ed helped her up, piled pillows against the headboard, and adjusted those under her arm.

"You have nothing to apologize for."

"I...I knew something was wrong. Everything was going down too smoothly. I should've known better, I should have-"

"-Stop, Liv," Ed kissed her lips while they were still trembling. "We'll go crazy."

"Good thing the guy wasn't a better shot," she said, "Or three kids would be lying in the morgue right now."

 _Morgue_ hit Ed like a gut punch, but he didn't let it show. He gingerly rubbed a piece of the sling between his thumb and forefinger. "Can I getcha anything? You must be starving."

"I am kind of hungry," she said, "And...I don't want to take any more of those pills. God, they knocked me out. I still feel strange."

"If you're hurtin…"

"Advil or Aleve is enough."

Ed kissed her a few more times until he noticed tears pooling in her eyes. He didn't bother trying to blink back his own. "You have no idea how relieved I am to be here with you right now."

"Probably as relieved as I am." Her voice shook and her lips quivered again.

"Hell of a Mother's Day," she was choking up now, "Well, maybe, not that bad...they could've lost their mother."

She barely croaked out the words before bursting into tears. Ed held her as tightly as he could-one arm on her back and the other curled around her head. He whispered, "let it out, Liv," but her sobs were so violent and her body so rigid he was concerned about her stitches rupturing. "Shh, shh, shh, it's okay, baby. It's okay. Breathe. Calm down. I'm right here. We're all right here." Her tears collected in the crook of his neck. She tried to talk through her wails, but, for the moment, an attempt at conversation was futile. Olivia wasn't exactly sure what she wanted to say. One sentiment, though, was abundantly clear. After the physical and emotional trauma of the past twenty-four hours, being in Ed Tucker's arms was exactly where she needed to be.

….

 _The apartment was so silent that the crunch of the ice pack seemed much louder than it actually was. Olivia stood up and stretched. On the opposite end of the couch, Ed waited for her to say or do something. They'd been sitting in silence for almost thirty minutes. The television, tuned to one of Noah's channels, was on mute. Their half-eaten dinner, the remnants cold and congealing, was still spread out on the coffee table. A near-empty bottle of wine was the centerpiece._

" _Fucking January," she walked to the kitchen, tossed the bag in the sink, and returned to the couch. Now it was her turn to wait for Ed to talk even though she knew he was struggling with what to say in this particular situation. She didn't blame him. She was a hard person to know, especially in times like these._

" _Somethin' particular about January?" He asked softly._

 _She gave him an appreciative smile-first, for asking the question and, secondly, she loved the kind, caring version of Ed Tucker's voice. It was comforting and sexy and she might consider listening to books on tape if he was reading the words._

" _The New Year, for me, always comes with baggage...never a fresh start, never anything to celebrate." Olivia groaned and threw her hands up in disgust. "Last year we had the thing with Rollins and the Atlanta guy and," Olivia's voice grew hollow, "the year before that it was...the trial."_

 _Chills flew up and down Ed's spine. The Lewis trial. He hadn't been in the courtroom, but he heard all about it then, of course, became involved after Lewis killed himself. Ed dared to move closer to her. She did the same until they were sharing the middle of the couch._

 _Tears gushed from her eyes and poured down her cheeks. The bruise from Utley's smack glistened dark purple and red. "I don't want to go back there," she said, "I don't…"_

 _Ed put his arms around her. He had no idea what to say but he held her so tightly he worried it was too forceful. When he felt her body relax a bit and rest against his, he leaned back and brushed her hair back and out of her face._

" _I'm sorry," she mumbled trying to collect herself just as quickly as she'd fallen apart moments ago._

" _It's okay," he rubbed her back up and down and side to side, "It's okay…"_

" _You know what's weird?" She asked through sniffles before answering her own question, "The whole time I was in that house, I didn't think of him. I didn't make the connection. I'm sure everyone else was thinking, okay, here we go, she's a hostage again, but not me. I was only focused on getting everyone out of there and me home to Noah. It was only this morning I woke up and was like, what the hell?"_

 _Her transparency did nothing for Ed's cluelessness. He could talk down a hostage taker. He could interrogate the hell out of a dirty cop. But he had no idea how he should go about helping Olivia through crisis. All he could think to do was hold her._

" _Say something." The request came out apologetically, for she was putting him in an uncomfortable spot._

" _I think Tutuola might know there's somethin' goin' on between the two of us." Ed held his breath, waiting nervously to see if the attempt at levity landed._

 _It did. Olivia sat up and stared at him. The corners of her lips curled into an intrigued half-smile. "What did you say?"_

" _I suggested ESU get outta there, retreat and Gabriel wasn't havin' it-Fin heard the whole thing, he was right there."_

" _Well, if they find out why you were there, we're really busted." They shared a laugh but the weight of Olivia's past trauma and yesterday's near-disaster lingered. "I'm sorry I put you in that situation," Olivia squeezed her eyes shut, "I didn't...I didn't know who else to call, when he said, I'm sorry I used you as...well, a bargaining chip."_

" _Don't be sorry." Ed was resolute and held her hands. "And don't think of it as a bargaining chip. Think of it as me bein' there to make sure nobody screwed up."_

 _The tiny smile returned. Ed had a knack for calming her down and for putting the most horrific scenarios into perspective. He wanted so badly to put her at ease. She swallowed hard. "Thank you for being here."_

" _You're welcome."_

" _I don't know...I don't know if this is the right thing to say," Olivia laughed sardonically, "Or even, well, the right time, but, I, you don't have to be here if you don't want to. I'm...I'm a tough person to know, Tucker. I'm...it's hard to be close to me. It's-"_

 _Ed shook his head, silently objecting to her revelation. She paused and raised her eyebrows. Compassion and sincerity poured from his eyes and were etched on his face._

" _It's not hard for me." Without another word, he guided her back under his arm and they sat right there, together, until the darkness gave way to a hazy but assured dawn._

… _._

Everyone wanted to check in on Olivia. Sarah texted incessantly. Ed kept her at bay. Brooke offered to bring food and watch the kids. Ed declined both offers. He wanted Olivia to rest, heal, and be in a good head space for the twins' birthday party the following weekend. They had tossed around the idea of a kid-centric party and inviting the twins' day care friends, but nixed the idea in favor of a small family gathering on their rooftop terrace. There would be plenty of time for raucous parties in the coming years.

Since Olivia refused to take more of the strong painkillers and over-the-counter medication only slightly dulled the pain, she remained awake most nights until utter exhaustion forced her to close her eyes and she was able to catch a few hours of restless sleep. One mid-week morning, Ed returned with the twins from taking Noah to school and found Olivia fully dressed in jeans and a light sweater sipping coffee at the island and scrolling through her laptop.

"Hey," he kissed her cheek before unloading the toddlers. "I was gonna help ya get dressed."

Olivia shot him a loving eye roll. "Next time."

He was a little disappointed that she didn't tell him he could help her out of the clothes later, but quickly reprimanded himself. She wasn't one-hundred percent. "Goin somewhere?"

"Yeah," Olivia sat up straighter. "Mandatory shrink time."

Ed kissed her cheek and smoothed her hair. "Want us to walk with you?"

Olivia looked at the twins. Wyatt was digging through the stroller's storage compartment for something and Maggie was partially inside the toy box. "I do, but, you were just out."

Ed could tell she wanted to be alone. The two of them shared everything, but going to therapy remained mostly private. Ed never took offense. He understood and let her have her space. "We'll be here when you get back," he kissed her and inspected the sling. "We'll change that gauze then, too."

"Okay."

Ed started to step away but she pulled him back for another kiss. "Thank you for taking such good care of me," she glanced again at the twins and added, "Of us."

"It's an honor."

Her face crinkled, but he wasn't joking. "Seriously, Liv. It's an honor."

…..

 _Noah gathered his school items, zipped his bag, and threaded his arms through the straps. He took a deep breath and stared at himself in the foyer mirror. One side of his polo shirt collar had folded under itself and he straightened it, pressing down hard, trying to do the job of an iron. He briefly considered swapping shirts, but he had no time to spare. If he was late to school on the first day, his mom and dad would easily have reason to revoke the privilege of going there on his own._

 _School was well within walking distance, especially on a pristine September day like this one, but Noah was taking the subway. The trip was only two stops, but it was a start. He reached into the side pocket of his bag and felt for the MetroCard. There it was, loaded as usual with enough money to have him riding the city for months without stopping for a refill. He was itching to get out there and explore the city on his own, but he had had enough experience with his mother and father to see the value in taking baby steps toward his independence._

" _Bye guys!"_

 _He waited. Olivia got to him first. She was still in her pajamas. "Leaving so early?"_

 _Noah grinned. He'd budgeted a lot of time so as not to be late, but he also wanted to avoid walking with Maggie and Wyatt. He was in middle school now, at a campus three blocks from the twins' building, and while he expected to walk as a family every once in a while, today, the first day, had to be his._

" _Not that early, but I don't want to be late."_

" _Of course."_

 _Ed rounded the corner. He, too, was in sweats. "Have a good day bud."_

" _Thanks. You too."_

 _Ed looped an arm around his neck and kissed the top of his head. "Have your phone?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _And everything else? Laptop?"_

" _Yep."_

" _Alright then."_

 _Olivia hugged him, kissed the same spot Ed had kissed, then hugged him again. "Be careful, sweet boy."_

" _I will."_

" _Do you have money?"_

" _Money and the card."_

" _And...you're coming right home after school?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Let me know if something changes."_

" _Okay."_

 _Olivia sighed apologetically and wrapped him in her arms one more time. "I love you so much."_

" _Love you too, Ma._

" _C'mon, Liv," Ed gently led her back into the apartment by the elbow, "Let's get the second graders ready."_

" _Second grade…_

" _Bad choice of words," Ed good-naturedly mumbled to himself. "See ya later, bud."_

 _The last thing Noah saw before he closed the door was his dad kiss the side of his mother's head. For most sons or daughters, the affection would have been perceived as gross and and an anathema to their very existence as teenagers, but Noah merely smiled knowingly and wondered if, one day, he'd love anyone as much as Ed Tucker loved his wife._

… _.._

When Olivia returned, the twins were standing at the window, their faces pressed against the glass, and bellowing at the dark storm clouds beginning to move over the city.

"BACK! BACK COWD!

"RAY! RAY MAMA!"

Wyatt ran to Olivia right as the first rumbles of thunder arrived. His eyes shot wide open and he extended his arms, requesting to be picked up. Olivia scrunched up her face, dropped her bag, and sat on the floor, offering her lap as refuge. "Come here, sweet Wyatt. Sit in Mommy's lap. It's okay, only a little storm."

Ed had one eye on his wife and one eye on the television. He surreptitiously sent a text to Sarah; it was Wednesday and she had Noah. He was hoping she had been at least mildly conizant of the possibility of thunderstorms during the afternoon and early evening and hadn't taken Noah some place where they would be stuck outside in a ferocious storm. When the news broadcast returned from a commercial break he did a double-take.

 _Tornado Watch in effect until six-fifteen._

Shit.

Ed was no meteorological expert, but that was a wide window.

Seconds later, another alert flashed across the screen, this one came with the emergency buzzer.

Tornado Warning in effect until five-ten p.m.

"Liv, we gotta go downstairs."

Had she had full use of her arm, she would have shot up. Instead, she settled for sitting up very straight and straining to see the television.

"Tornado warning."

Olivia jerked her head toward the window. The rain was coming down in sheets now and the sky, off in the distance, was coal-like and threatening.

"Noah! Where are they?"

"I'm callin' now."

Olivia struggled to her feet. She hustled to the kitchen, grabbed juice boxes and some snacks, and herded the twins to the foyer. Ed followed with his phone in one hand and hers in his back pocket. They rode the elevator to the bottom floor and joined dozens of other residents who'd taken shelter in the cavernous basement storage area. They found their pod, unlocked it, and let the twins play with ride-on toys they were almost grown out of but would keep them occupied while they waited out the warning. Ed unfolded their lawn chairs and took a seat.

"This isn't so bad," he said, stretching out his legs and nodding to neighbors he recognized but didn't know well.

"Sarah didn't pick up?"

"She did, but they were on the train. Said she'd call as soon as they got outta there."

"Dammit."

"I know."

"How are we the only city on the fucking planet with no service in the subway?"

Ed couldn't help but smirk a little. He always found a way to inject some sort of joy or lightheartedness when she was otherwise consumed with worry; when he first noticed this, he felt guilty until Olivia told him she actually appreciated the levity. "I bet Noah's gripin' about the same thing. We'll get him on that, when he gets home." Ed reached for her hand, "And he will get home."

"Where were they?"

"Times Square."

"Oh, Jesus. Times Square, a tornado, the subway…"

"How's your arm?"

"Fine," Olivia replied tersely, "I guess, her building, it's only a block and a half from the stop...there's a basement...she'll know to…" Olivia trailed off because her lower lip was starting to tremble.

Ed adjusted his chair so he was facing her; it was a difficult sight to take in-her anguish, longing for Noah, the sling, the trauma of the shooting still fresh in her mind, not completely processed, raw, and poised to tamper with their lives if they let it.

"She knows. She'll call when they're safe." Ed cocked his wrist, "And it's almost over."

"CASH!" CASH WY!"

Everyone looked in the direction of Maggie and Wyatt who had rammed their plastic, wheeled vehicles into the exterior of a fenced enclosure. Wyatt was trying to turn his car around. Maggie kept ramming the fence until she rebounded with enough force and distance to turn herself around. Wyatt raced back to his parents. Maggie grinned at one of the neighbors and promptly ran over his foot.

Ed's phone rang and he put it on speaker.

"Dad?" Sarah sounded neither panicked nor concerned. "What's going on?"

Ed and Olivia both shot the phone exasperated looks. "There's a tornado warning," Ed said in his calmest voice in case Noah was listening. "You in your building?"

"Yeah, we're downstairs in the mail room. No windows. Doorman put us in here when we got back."

"Okay good."

"So it's me, Noey, G, and a few other people hanging out. We're fine. I'll return your kid when the coast is clear."

"Okay." Ed saw about ten thousand pounds of anxiety and stress float away from Olivia's body. Her jaw relaxed. Relieved, she leaned her head back and stared at the ceiling. Her moment of solace didn't last long. Wyatt and Maggie pulled up at their parents' feet and grabbed for the snacks.

"PEEEASE!"

"DINK PEEEASE!"

Taking a second to appreciate her twins' happy, carefree demeanors, Olivia didn't immediately hand over the food and juice boxes, so the twins continued their chorus of "PEEEEASE."

"Here you go, sweethearts," She rested pretzel bags on the steering wheels.

Ed handed over the juice boxes to the toddlers and the phone to his wife. Even though the weather was perilous and they were stuck in a dark, dank basement, he felt nothing but contentment. The twins had no clue anything was wrong-they were enjoying the deviation in their routine and the unusual adventure. Olivia was talking to Noah who, from what Ed could hear, was perfectly content decorating the exterior of plain cardboard packages with his new colored pencils. At one point he heard Sarah mention they could possibly be breaking federal law.

But who really cared?

Brooke, Sonny, and Sofia had checked in and were safe.

Sarah and Noah were safe.

Justin was out making sure others were safe.

And Ed had his Olivia right there, a little worse for the wear, but, oddly enough, here in the basement, waiting out a tornado warning, she was more alive than he'd seen her since the day she'd been injured.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	30. Chapter 30

**Thirty**.

There was no massive basement storage area in Sarah's building like there was at the Tucker's complex. There were fewer residents, seven stories, only four apartments per floor, and the newer construction resulted in more capacious closets and creative storage spaces. There wasn't much need for extra, underground space. So, in the rare event of severe weather, the mail and package room was the only option for sheltering in place.

Since the storm rolled in during the late afternoon, most of Sarah's neighbors were at work or otherwise out and about in the city. There were only eight people hunkered down there to wait out the storm-Sarah, G, Noah, and five other annoyed-looking folks Sarah knew only from nodding at them in the elevator.

"G, you wanna draw somethin?" Noah held out his aluminum colored pencil case to Sarah's neighbor.

The question was coupled with the world's most hopeful, eager expression. One would have had to have a heart of stone or none at all to say no. "Sure," she eyed the boxes, sides of which were now adorned with Noah's designs, but he produced a previously unmentioned small sketch pad from his backpack.

"Here, use dis. Then you can take it with ya when you're done 'cause all dis," Noah gestured to the boxes with a grand sweep of his arm, "is for other people!"

"Right," she said, grinning, "What should I draw?"

"Maybe some softball," Noah suggested, "Or soccer, I'm gonna start soccer, um, I think tomorrow. But you can draw your name too in da bubble letters and then draw stuff inside, those are _symbols_ , and they rep'sent things you like!"

Like most people, G was flabbergasted by Noah's verbosity and his precocious intelligence and it took her a few seconds to respond. "Well, I'll write a big G on the paper and do the symbols because I can't decide what to draw. But I like my letter."

"S'agood letter," Noah affirmed, "I like N, but N only makes one sound! G makes two! It can be _juh-juh-giraffe_ or _guh-guh_ GO!" He turned to Sarah, "Sare Bear, S the same as N. Only one sound!"

"It's troubled me my whole life," she said.

"Yeah." Noah carefully tore one of the sheets from the pad along the perforation and folded it in half. "I'm gonna make Mommy a card. Sare Bear, c'you draw me a buncha hearts? I'll do the inside, but I need," he twisted his lips and jabbed at the paper with an index finger, "One, two, three, four, five. Five hearts, please. You good at drawin' em."

"Sure thing." Sarah got to work and asked about Olivia. "How is Mommy?"

Noah mimicked the sling again, "Her arm like dis and she can't pick us up! She sleeps a lot too! Last night Daddy got us pizza but Mommy was sleeping and then in da morning I saw she had pizza in bed!"

"Oh _reeeally_."

Embarrassed, G ducked her eyes and concentrated on her drawing.

"Yup," Noah said, "but she didn't eat da crust. It was still on the plate."

"Oh, I didn't know Mommy didn't like crust."

"She does like it! But she prolly got full."

"Probably." Grinning, Sarah drew the hearts for Noah and handed over the card. "After you finish this we'll go eat, I'll take you home, and I'll get to see my Livvie. Your Dad's been keeping her away from me!"

"Dat's 'cause you always huggin' her really hard!" Noah said. "You gotta be gentle, okay?"

Noah's "okay" came out as a stern demand rather than a proposal of mutual agreement.

"Fine," Sarah said.

"Kay. Now," Noah twisted his lips and thought out loud, "A big smiley face that looks like da sun….need da yellow…"

….

 _Olivia had cleared a space on the living room floor large enough for her to wrap a few Christmas gifts. Most of them were for Noah, intended to be from Santa Claus, but a few others were for Lucy, Mrs. Amaro, and Barba. Olivia always made it a point to purchase a trendy accessory for her fastidious friend and colleague._

 _Ed poured himself more wine and emptied the bottle into Olivia's glass. He was sitting on the floor as well, his back against the sofa, enjoying the simple pleasure of watching Olivia Benson wrestle with the scissors, tape, and colorful, shiny, unwieldy sheets. He assisted by clearing scraps and shards and holding larger items steady, but he was mostly a passive participant._

" _Let me know if I'm overstaying my welcome." He took a long gulp of the red wine as if he were anticipating being kicked out at any minute. However, his tone was discernibly playful._

 _Olivia looked at him with a combination of amusement and flirtation. "Anyone who ice skates with me and my son is welcome for as long as he wants."_

 _Ed mulled over her response in a businesslike manner. "Seems fair."_

 _Two weeks ago, Ed and Olivia took Noah to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center. During their visit, Noah gawked at the ice skaters. He pointed enthusiastically, jumped up and down, and tried to copy the skaters' movements on the sidewalk. Having come from work, Ed and Olivia weren't dressed for skating._

 _Today, when Ed called to see if the Bensons wanted to join him for a lunch date, he surprised both Noah and Olivia with the ice skating session. At first, Olivia assumed they would trail Noah without actually putting on skates, but Ed didn't think twice about putting on the blades. It had been years since either of them had been on the ice, but they quickly regained balance and technique. They let Noah try to skate on his own for a while and ended the evening with a few hand-in-hand laps. As dusk fell, they headed back to the Benson apartment and ordered pizza which they ate on the couch while watching_ _Toy Story._ _After Noah went to sleep, Olivia dragged out the gifts, and, wanting to make the perfect day last as long as possible, opened another bottle of wine and refilled both glasses._

" _That was fun today," Olivia kept her eyes on her work, "Great idea. I'd forgotten all about it."_

" _It was. Some of my favorite memories of my girls involve winter stuff-sledding, skating, taking them upstate to ski."_

" _Sounds so nice. I think...I think there's something about kids all bundled up in coats and hats and scarves...it adds something special."_

 _Ed chuckled. "Yeah, I remember, Sarah had this hat-it was a frog, ear flaps, bright green, and we went to one of the snow parks, you know with slides?"_

 _Olivia nodded even though she had never been to one of those places._

" _Well, Sarah was prolly six, maybe seven, and Brooke two years older, so I'm hangin' out on the porch-outside but they had heaters, watchin' the two of them and here they come, Sarah's bawling-the hat flew off on the way down."_

 _Olivia looked like she may cry herself. "Oh no…"_

" _Yep. So, I talked to a couple of the employees and nobody really cares. I walked around, under the slides, and, sure enough, there's the damn hat inside this fenced off area but the gate was unlocked so I went in there to get it, all of a sudden an alarm goes off and security guys come runnin' at me...and there I am standin' there with a frog hat."_

 _Laughing now, Olivia dropped the wrapping supplies and scooted over next to him. "Did you have your shield? ID?"_

" _Yeah, in the car, and three of the guys, rent-a-cops, escorted me out there, Sarah and Brooke too. They wanted to fine me or give me a trespassing ticket or somethin' so I had to get it...and they spent at least ten minutes lookin' at the stuff so of course I'm annoyed and Sarah has her hat back so now she's wanting to go back into the park…" Ed shook his head, "...Took a half hour to get it all straightened out, then one of the guys asked me about gettin' in to the Academy. I walked away."_

 _Olivia patted his knee. "You're a good Dad."_

 _Ed shrugged. "I was always working so much, but when I had the girls I always tried to do somethin' fun with them."_

" _But...the hat...you didn't have to actually go find it. I'm not sure I would have."_

 _Ed regarded the last comment with skepticism. "I don't believe that," he said softly, "I don't believe Olivia Benson would leave her child's favorite hat without at least an investigation."_

" _I suppose you're right. I would have; however, obeyed 'no trespassing' signs."_

" _I'm not sure about that either."_

 _Olivia grinned. It used to be hell sitting across from Ed Tucker and his unforgiving, intimidating mien. Now that they'd found common ground, she craved their banter and the edgy playfulness. She also appreciated how they matched wits and intelligence-they couldn't fool each other, so their conversations required transparency._

 _She bit her lip. "Well...trespassing...it wouldn't land me at IAB, so, I would have probably considered disregarding the sign…"_

" _Ah, I'd let ya slide on that one anyway."_

 _Olivia ignored the first thought that crossed her mind, which was, if whatever was going on with Ed was headed where she thought it was headed, it would have to be either kept under wraps or disclosed. Instead, she fixed her eyes on his lips and closed the distance between them._

 _She wondered if he'd kissed all women the way he kissed her. She guessed he had not. His kiss managed to feel both rehearsed and sincere-like he'd thought for days about the angles and how to swirl his tongue around hers and where to put his hands, all so there would be no mistake about how much he cared about her. Most importantly, Olivia felt no pressure to do anything other than kiss back; his patience was endearing yet his body was so firm, solid, and sexy she had a hard time abiding by their unspoken agreement to take things slow._

…..

Twenty minutes after the tornado warning sent the Tuckers to the basement, the burly super and Chet the doorman came downstairs and gave the all clear. Maggie and Wyatt parked their ride-on toys and Ed stowed the folding chairs. In their haste to leave, Olivia had forgotten her phone, so Ed called Sarah.

"She wants to know if she can still take Noah to dinner," he whispered, holding the phone away from his head.

Olivia gave a reluctant assent. She wanted to hug her son, but it was silly to keep him from having his regular Wednesday dinner with Sarah. The twins toddled alongside Ed and Olivia and, once in the elevator, practiced their somersaults to the delight of a few other residents.

"Some sault!" They repeated over and over, grinning up at the adults, "Some sault!"

Maggie and Wyatt, wound up from the basement experience, showed no signs of slowing down once they were back in the apartment. Wyatt found the basketball and Ed brought the hoop into the center of the room from its home in the hall closet. Maggie continued with her somersaults until she crashed into one of their guitars. The toy blared different tunes depending on which button was pushed and Maggie abandoned the acrobatics for a one-woman guitar-and-dance party.

"Why don't ya sit?" Ed came up behind Olivia and kissed her neck. "Want a drink?"

"Sure," she said, "But I'd rather stand. Sitting is so uncomfortable, so is lying down. I wish I could sleep standing up."

It had been only four days since the shooting but it seemed longer to Ed, so he was surprised she was still in so much pain. "Does it hurt when you're still?"

"It...I can tell something's wrong. But when I move or there's any pressure-even resting on a pillow, it hurts. It's like...a tetanus shot but worse."

"You wanna go to the doctor tomorrow?"

"No, it's no worse than it's been. I can wait until the one next week. Tomorrow and Friday...we have to get ready for the party. That'll get my mind off this. I...I...I'm not going to be much help, though, unfortunately."

Ed got as close as he could without jostling her bad arm. He kissed her. "It's not like we had planned to cook anything," he said with a grin, "And Sarah usually sets everything up anyway…"

"This is true." She leaned forward for another kiss and patted his butt. "Can we switch sides of the bed? Until this...is over?"

"Sure," he furrowed his brow in confusion.

"I...I miss you next to me."

Crestfallen, Ed explained, "I don't wanna hurt you, baby."

"I know...so...let's switch sides."

"Okay. Anything you want."

"SAM DUNK!" Wyatt thudded across the parquet floor and did his best to dunk the ball. It caromed away and he chased after it. Maggie, never one to turn down any type of chase game, ran after him. Their squeals and giggles filled the room.

Ed held Olivia's head against his chest. She watched their little ones play and he felt her flinch ever so slightly when they veered toward a table or fell or otherwise appeared to be in danger. Ed was proud of her for letting them be; if there was one area of parenting where they sometimes clashed, it was scenarios similar to this one. Ed was inclined to give the kids more independence; Olivia had trouble letting go. Sometimes, this distinction made Ed chuckle. When the two of them took the kids to the park, Olivia never sat down. She continuously shadowed the kids. When Ed was on solo parenting duty, he was comfortable sitting on a bench, surveying the area. Other times, though, he worried she was too high-strung when it came to their children. He wondered how she would handle teenagers; he hated to think that after spending the last thirty years in a high-stress career she would spend the next thirty in a constant state of anxiety related to her children's safety.

…..

 _After Maggie dressed herself in her school uniform, she grabbed her hairbrush and went to the kitchen where she climbed on one of the chairs so Olivia could style her hair. It was Wednesday, and Olivia read the school calendar-the second graders had music and art today rather than gym class._

" _I wanna pony, Mommy," Maggie said, slapping at wisps of hair falling into her face._

 _Olivia delicately brushed her daughter's brown, semi-wavy hair, careful not to tug or pull when she hit a tangle. "Okay, sweet girl."_

" _Cause I don't like ta paint and have the paint in my hair!" Maggie crinkled her nose and frowned. "R'member last time? My hair got BLUE!"_

" _I know, honey," Olivia said sympathetically and reached for a hair band. "Mommy will put your hair in a pony. You have such pretty hair, Maggie May."_

" _Mister Harp says that!"_

 _Olivia froze. Words caught in her throat. She grabbed her coffee mug and took a sip. The liquid burned, but at least she could speak again. "Who's Mister Harp?" She asked, trying to not sound panicked._

" _The guy who helps Miss Nordin."_

 _Miss Nordin was the music teacher and, for the upper school students, the orchestra director. She was a veteran of the school, well-respected and trusted, but Olivia was alarmed to hear there was an adult working with her who was unknown to the parents._

" _Is he new?"_

" _No."_

" _Is he old?"_

" _No. He's young."_

" _Like Justin?"_

" _No, like Aidan."_

" _What else does Mister Harp say?" Olivia made sure to restart the ponytail process multiple times and extend the conversation._

" _Don't forget to breathe!"_

" _When does he say that?"_

" _When we're playin da recorders!"_

" _Does he ever say anything to Wyatt?"_

" _He always say everyone be like Wyatt 'cause Wyatt sits up straight!"_

 _Olivia had dozens of other questions, but Ed and Wyatt came into the room and good-naturedly hurried the girls along._

" _Everyone's hair looks great," Ed kissed Olivia's cheek and the top of Maggie's head. When he stepped away he noticed the sick expression on Olivia's face and his heart sank. He shot her his "what's wrong" face. She mouthed "later" and went to take a closer look at the schedule to find out when exactly in the day music class fell._

…

Noah finished his card, Sarah grabbed an umbrella and her rain jacket, and she and Noah headed back out to finish their Wednesday date. They walked out into a steady rain, but the sky was significantly lighter than it'd been an hour ago.

"Sare Bear, cover my backpack." Noah was worried about his card even though Sarah had put it in a plastic freezer bag for safe transport.

"I gotcha, Noey. Stay close."

"Kay."

When they began their descent into the Union Square Station, they quickly realized they were walking into a mess. Water rushed in from several directions, flooding the platform and forcing commuters to slosh their way to the steps or wait helplessly for the train.

"It's RAINING IN DA SUBWAY!" Noah shouted, his eyes open as wide as they could possibly be. He looked up and whirled around. "Sare Bear! It's _raining in da subway_!"

"I see," Sarah grabbed his hand and started walking back up to the street, "Come on, we'll try across the street and if not we'll get in an Uber. Or...do you just want to go to Max Brenner?"

"No! I wanna go to Mamacita! I want tacos!"

"No one will ever call you indecisive Noey, that's for sure."

"What's in-de-ci-sive?"

"It means you always know what you want."

"Sometimes I can't decide," Noah admitted, "But I know I want tacos _right now!_ "

"I know the feeling," Sarah said, "Come on, I see people going in across the street. It's not flooded over there."

"It was _raining in the subway_ ," Noah murmured incredulously as he took Sarah's hand and they continued into Union Square.

"One more thing for you to fix, Noey Boey."

"S'lotta stuff to fix, Sare Bear!"

"I think you're the man for the job!"

"Yep I am!"

…

Due to the weather, Sarah and Noah were out later than usual. When Sarah texted Ed at six-thirty, she and Noah had just been seated at Noah's favorite neighborhood Mexican restaurant. Ed replied and requested they be as quiet as possible when they returned, for he wasn't sure Olivia was going to be awake much longer. They had eaten an early dinner with the twins. Olivia swallowed prescription-strength ibuprofen and downed three bourbons. Minutes after eating, her eyes started drooping.

Ed set her up in bed, on his side, and kissed her forehead. "I'll be right back with water."

In the kitchen he put the last of the dinner dishes in the dishwasher. He was opening the cabinet for a fresh glass when he sensed a twin beneath him.

"Hey Maggs," he regarded his daughter with a huge smile. She was so gorgeous. He and Olivia often talked about how Maggie's features were equally hers and his, but when she smiled, she was pure Olivia, even though her eyes were still Tucker blue.

"Juice, Dada! Juice!" Maggie held up her favorite purple plastic sippy cup and added, "Peeeeease!"

Ed took the cup. "Sure thing, baby girl." He opened the refrigerator and held out two options for Maggie-grape and apple. She chose apple. He filled the cup three quarters full and secured the lid. "Here ya go."

"TAYOOO!"

"You're welcome, princess." He lowered his voice when he got to the "princess" part. It sounded old, antiquated, but he couldn't help himself sometimes.

Maggie trotted off, but not back to the play area. She disappeared into the back hall. Wyatt was content in his beanbag watching a video, so Ed trailed Maggie. He rounded the corner and saw her enter the master bedroom.

"Mama."

"Hey sweet girl." He heard Olivia adjust her position. "Want to come up?"

"Up, Mama! Up! Juice!"

Ed had to go in. He couldn't stand the thought of busted stitches and a trip to the emergency room. Maggie was on her tiptoes, juice in one hand and trying to propel herself onto the mattress with the other. Ed gave her a boost then retreated to the doorway.

"Hi, sweetheart," Olivia said softly, "Give Mommy a kiss."

Maggie puckered her lips and obliged. She spent a minute or so examining the sling. "Ouchie?"

"Yes, honey. Mommy has an ouchie. A boo boo. But it'll be all better soon."

Maggie leaned down and kissed the sling. "AhBetter!"

Olivia didn't have time to say anything or to start crying because Maggie put the sippy cup to her lips. "Juice mama." Maggie wedged her free hand between the pillow the the back of Olivia's head. "Dink Juice."

Ed had to blink back his own tears. Maggie's personality, even at almost two, could often be construed as aloof and devoid of affection for others, but here she was, taking care of her mother in the exact fashion Olivia took care of her babies when they were down.

Wyatt, a bit confused at the sudden lack of company, came toddling around the corner. He saw Ed and ran to him with outstretched arms. Wyatt was tired, and he curled into his Daddy's neck.

Ed carried him into the bedroom and took his place in his temporary spot.

"NO!" Maggie bellowed, "WHERE NO?"

"Noah's on his way," Ed replied, "Then we're gonna take baths and go night night."

Maggie indignantly replied, "Magg stay w'Mama!" She dove into Olivia's side. Ed cringed, but Olivia had no reaction other than to smile sleepily and use her good arm to cradle her daughter.

Ed gave up. Smirked. Sat back against the headboard with Wyatt and waited for the doorbell. Olivia would let all the kids sleep in the bed with them tonight which meant he would have to be alert and make sure no one got close to the damaged arm. He wouldn't sleep much.

But he didn't care.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	31. Chapter 31

**Thirty-one**.

While water filled the bathtub, Ed removed Olivia's sling and unwound the gauze from her upper arm. He examined the stitches with a critical eye. The dark threads woven into her skin looked horribly barbaric. Thinking of the carnage inflicted on her muscle and flesh, Ed winced and, as gently as possible, kissed the wound.

"It's much better today," Olivia cooed. "I can actually lift my arm a little bit without wanting to scream."

"I only want you to scream for one reason," Ed whispered.

Olivia smiled apologetically. It had been almost a week since they'd last made love. However, Ed's comment wasn't foreplay. He dutifully helped her into the tub and proceeded to wash her hair. Olivia closed her eyes and concentrated on the sensation of his fingers massaging her scalp. After the final rinse, he planted kisses along her upper back. Despite the warm water, Olivia shivered.

Later, when she was dry and dressed, Ed rewrapped the arm with fresh gauze.

"Ed, it needs to be tighter."

He frowned and continued with the tiniest bit more force.

"Ed, honey, it's not tight enough. It feels like it's going to fall down."

"Seems pretty tight to me."

Olivia turned her neck and tried to catch his eye. "Honey, please...if I feel like it's going to fall I won't be able to sleep."

She knew how to work him. Making sure Olivia got enough sleep was one of Ed's longstanding priorities. He started the process over and secured the gauze with medical tape. Once in bed, he surrounded the arm with small throw cushions and crawled in next to her. Given the injury, she was forced to sleep solely on her back and couldn't easily turn on either side. Ed cuddled up next to her and put his head next to hers on the same pillow.

He kissed her cheek and murmured, "Goodnight, gorgeous."

"Night." She reached up with her good hand and patted his wrist, "I love you, Ed. Thank you for washing my hair."

"I love washing your hair."

"You do it so well."

"You know I'd wash it any time...even without-"

His voice caught in his throat and Olivia finished the sentence for him. "-without getting shot?"

"Yeah," he mumbled sheepishly.

Olivia pressed her eyes closed. In the silence, she could hear Ed's breathing cadence. It wasn't normal. His heart was beating fast. He was trying so hard to be strong, and she had to let him struggle. She wasn't quite ready to relinquish the security of the strong, protective perimeter he'd constructed around her in the past week.

….

 _Mike Dodds hustled from the bar, eager to get started on the sting operation that would hopefully allow SVU to sink their teeth into Eugene. Ed and Olivia remained in the dark bar and ordered another round. Ed sipped the fresh drink without taking his eyes off his girlfriend. She was perfect-smart, witty, and beautiful. More than once in the past week he found himself doubting he deserved her. As if she were reading his mind and wanted to offer assurance, Olivia leaned over and kissed him._

" _What are you thinking about?" She asked, her eyes wide and compassionate. Throughout this whole ordeal, she was always more concerned about him than herself._

" _I wish we woulda disclosed."_

 _Olivia pressed her lips together in a straight line. Before the church scandal, there was no reason for them to disclose. He was not her boss. He wasn't investigating SVU. The false accusation leveled at Ed had flipped their world upside down in a matter of hours, and Barba's by-the-book prosecutorial style gave them no way to wiggle out of the predicament._

" _It's over now," she said, "We get these guys and move on with our lives."_

" _I suppose," he fidgeted on the stool, "It's just...if we woulda said something…" he trailed off and clenched his jaw._

" _If we would've said something, we would be in this exact same spot. One PP wouldn't have let me lead an investigation involving you."_

 _He put a hand over hers. His face softened. "You're the only one I would want leadin' it."_

 _A shy smile crossed her face. "That is...if you're not available?"_

" _You're a better cop than I am. I'd choose you any day of the week. And," he took her other hand, "This'll be over soon, one way or another, and I'm not gonna rest until you get your job back-the job you're supposed to be doin."_

" _Right now...I want you to be cleared. I don't know how you're staying so calm."_

" _What else to do? If I go off all half-cocked and get crazy, it'll be worse." Ed chuckled sarcastically. "I know what they're thinkin-me as a dirty cop, I know all the tricks, I can make myself look as not guilty as possible."_

 _He couldn't mask his misery. Olivia reassuringly squeezed his hands. "They won't find anything incriminating," she said, "You look innocent because you are innocent."_

" _Well, that makes two of us who believe it."_

 _Ed was descending into a gloomy abyss. This had happened two or three times over the past few days. One minute he was steadfast and resolute then grumpy and the epitome of pessimism the next._

" _Do you want to get out of here?" Olivia cocked an eyebrow and rubbed the tops of his hands with her thumb._

" _Yeah, I do."_

" _Go to your place for a little while?"_

 _Face flushed, Ed nodded and poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue. "Wherever you want."_

" _Your place," Olivia stood up, "Then...dinner? The three of us?"_

" _Absolutely."_

 _Olivia took his arm as they walked out of the bar and put her head on his shoulder. They were both pissed, stressed out, and frustrated at the world, but, under all that drama, she felt a tiny bit of peace._

…..

The day before the twins' birthday party was mostly filled with a few party-related errands. Ed and Olivia dropped Noah off at school, strolled aimlessly through the park for a while, and finished their morning purchasing paper plates, plastic silverware and drinkware, and bright blue and pink tablecloths. Ed chuckled at how they were so old-fashioned, so "boy-girl" in raising Maggie and Wyatt. Olivia acknowledged the truth in the statement but also pointed out how Maggie, despite being tenacious and more aggressive than Wyatt, loved her babies and getting dressed up for special occasions. She also liked to pretend to apply makeup when Olivia got ready in the morning. Wyatt's toys of choice were his vast collection of trucks and blocks. Though he was gentle, laid-back, and quiet, he was typically the first one on scene when something was wrong. If someone was upset or an item crashed to the floor somewhere in the apartment, Wyatt rushed to see what had gone awry. He was a protector...just like his father.

"You wanna get lunch?" Ed asked after they left the final store with the last of the necessary supplies. Sarah was taking care of the balloons and streamers. The food was simple-hot dogs, hamburgers, and Caroline's side dishes.

Olivia looked down at the twins sitting happily in their places in the stroller-Wyatt in front, Maggie in the back. The light breeze blew their hair in wild swirls, but only Wyatt's locks fell in his eyes. She took a deep breath and winced slightly. Filling her lungs with air put pressure on her arm, but the dull pain was only half the reason for her discontent.

"Let's...let's get Wyatt's hair cut," she said.

"Seriously?"

"Yes. It's annoying him. I can tell. He doesn't know it, poor thing, but he'll be so much happier when it's not in his face all the time."

Ed was pushing the stroller and he gave Olivia a clumsy kiss. "Wanna get one last pre-cut picture with him?"

"Yeah."

They stopped at a bench and Ed sat Wyatt in her lap. They had thousands of photos featuring various combinations of their family members, but there were not many of Olivia with only Wyatt. Juxtaposed, their resemblance was even more stark.

"Smile, bud!" Ed snapped a few pictures.

Maggie strained to get out of her seat and join her brother and mother.

"Wy! Mama! Magg go!"

Olivia kissed Wyatt's chubby cheek and he giggled. Satisfied, Ed put him back in the stroller and they continued on to the barber shop he'd patronized for at least a decade.

…..

 _The Tucker parents were familiar faces at the school. Olivia volunteered often, and Ed was the regular morning drop off parent. The front desk clerk smiled when the woman she knew as "Mrs. Tucker" approached. She immediately gave Olivia a visitor's badge and waved her through the double doors leading to the lower school classrooms. Policy mandated parents be escorted by a staff member, but given the Tuckers' NYPD pedigree, they were allowed to roam unaccompanied._

 _When Olivia told Ed about her plan to drop in on the next scheduled music class, he listened intently, stifling a knowing smirk. Though nobody could accuse him of being overly trusting of anyone outside of his family, he had a feeling Mr. Harp and his comment about Maggie's pretty hair were both harmless. Nevertheless, he understood Olivia's instincts to protect her children and he offered to go with her._

" _No, thanks," she said, "I think...if there's something going on...he'll be more likely to be on his best behavior if there are two of us there. I'm the kind mother. You're a little intimidating."_

 _At this, he had to chuckle. "_ _I'm_ _intimidating?"_

" _Yes."_

" _You know, you're a little scary at times."_

" _Me? No way."_

 _Ed gave her a kiss and a pat on the butt. "Call me if you need backup."_

" _Okay," Olivia narrowed her eyes, "But if I sense anything's up, I may kill him first."_

" _See?" Ed retorted, laughing again. "Told ya. Scary."_

 _Olivia heard the music class well before she approached the room. It was located in the rear of the building in a dark, cavernous area, but the actual room itself was bright and surrounded by windows on three sides. Risers lined one wall. Along another were shelves housing drums, maracas, small keyboards, and small cases probably containing flutes or clarinets. There was a separate, enclosed, office space for the teacher and three doors leading to soundproof practice rooms. The younger kids did not use the spaces, so the doors were closed and the rooms pitch black. The practice areas made Olivia shiver._

" _Mommy!" Wyatt ran to his mother as soon as she entered the room. Even though the kids had already eaten lunch and had recess, his school uniform was as pristine as it had been when he left home that morning. "Whatcha doin here, Mommy?" He asked after he'd given her a hug._

" _Oh, I wanted to stop by and see you play your songs. What are you playing today?"_

" _Right now we're warmin' up. Then we're gonna play the songs for the concert! My chair's over here," he pointed at an empty seat, "And there's my r'corder!"_

" _I see. Well, I don't want to spoil the surprise of the concert, so I'll just say hello to Maggie and your teacher and then I'll go home."_

" _With Daddy?"_

" _Yep."_

" _What's Daddy doin?"_

" _Laundry."_

 _Wyatt giggled. "Daddy's always doin' the laundry!"_

 _Wyatt took Olivia's hand and brought her over to Maggie. She was huddled with a few other girls. There were no instruments in sight._

" _Mama! You're at school with us!" Maggie grinned and hugged Olivia. Maggie's school shirt was dotted with light tan spots. Olivia guessed she'd sprayed apple juice on it during lunch._

" _I am, sweet girl," Olivia smiled at her daughter and her friends, "Where are your recorders?"_

" _Over there," Maggie waved an arm aimlessly. "I lost a piece and so did Maddie so Mr. Harp's gettin' some extras."_

 _On cue, Mr. Harp emerged from the office. Trailing him were two students and Miss Nordin. The veteran teacher immediately noticed the presence of another adult and made a beeline for Olivia._

" _Hello! Welcome! So glad you stopped by!" She seemed genuinely excited to have a guest, "We're about to get started. Had a little hiccup with our recorders. Some of our kiddos forget to put all the pieces back into their cases at the end of class last time!"_

 _Maggie and her friends smiled sheepishly._

 _Olivia laughed along with Miss Nordin all the while keeping one eye on Mr. Harp. Like Maggie said, he was young, probably early twenties, and most likely a student teacher of some sort. He was nattily dressed in crisp gray dress pants and a black, silky-looking oxford. The clothes were so tight-fitting, Mr. Harp had no margin for error when it came to possible weight gain. He approached the group with the spare recorder parts and passed them out to the little waiting hands._

" _Here you go, ladies."_

 _After a chorus of thank yous, Maggie and her friends dispersed to their seats._

" _Chad," Miss Nordin said, "This is Maggie and Wyatt's mother, Olivia Tucker. Olivia, this is Chad Harp. He's an intern from Fordham and he's spending the next six weeks with us!"_

 _Olivia shook his outstretched hand. "Nice to meet you," she said in a reserved voice. "Maggie mentioned having another teacher…"_

" _His bio will be in this week's newsletter," Miss Nordin said, accurately reading Olivia's mind, "We missed last week's deadline by two hours!"_

" _Well, they have to draw the line somewhere," Olivia mumbled._

 _Chad Harp excused himself and took his place at the director's podium. On his cue the children blew the tuning note. Olivia stepped to the side and listened to the first few bars of "When the Saints Come Marching In." There were several stops and starts before they got through the entire song more or less error free. At the next break, Olivia said goodbye to Maggie and Wyatt and sauntered out of the school. Her mind was somewhat at ease, but she planned to probe Maggie and Wyatt for more information as soon as they got home from school._

….

Wyatt looked tiny and a bit confused under the black cape. When the barber started combing his hair, Wyatt kept trying to look up and see what was going on. Ed pointed to the mirror. Wyatt smiled gratefully and observed the haircut practically paralyzed with fascination. Having wielded the scissors for many first haircuts, the barber lopped off as little as possible, leaving his brown locks still somewhat shaggy and framing his face yet short enough to stay out of his eyes.

"All set!" The barber removed the cape with a flourish.

"Look at you, sweet Wyatt!" Olivia tousled his new 'do and kissed his cheeks. "My big boy's so handsome!"

Wyatt's hands flew to his head. "Hair! Ha'cut!"

"Yes, sweet boy. You got a hair cut!" Olivia picked him up with her good arm. At about twenty-eight pounds, Wyatt wasn't exactly a featherweight, but he was in the booster seat and Olivia had enough leverage to hoist him onto her hip. He put his head on her shoulder and grinned lazily as they peered in the mirror.

"Hi, Mama," he cooed and grabbed a handful of her hair. "Mama hair!"

Olivia patted his back with the arm that was in the sling. She ignored the slight twinge of pain. Comforted and content, Wyatt put his fist in his mouth. His eyes drifted shut. By the time Maggie was corralled and the barber paid and tipped, Wyatt was fast asleep.

….

 _Ed was, indeed, folding laundry when Olivia returned. He could tell by her body language that the school visit had been at least a partial success; when she was worried or anxious she carried a noticeable burden._

" _Get his prints?"_

" _Actually…" Olivia retorted, "They'll be on Maggie's recorder. She lost the middle section. So, yeah, I can have them run."_

 _Ed laughed, for his question had been asked purely in jest. He tossed the last of the folded towels into the basket and took her into his arms. "Cop and a mother," he rasped as he started kissing her neck, "Nobody's gettin' away with anything as long as you're in the mix."_

" _I'm worried though...there are these rooms, sound proof, and the doors lock."_

 _Olivia's palpable agony made Ed's heart ache. There was no way he was going to talk her down; decades of working at SVU had created an indelible pocket of fear in her psyche. Ed was sure the kids were fine. If Olivia really felt her children were in danger at school, she would have remained with them for the rest of the day and demanded to see Mr. Harp's background check forms._

 _Ed kept kissing her as she recounted the visit. He nibbled at her collarbone; she described how Wyatt and Maggie both gave her unabashed hugs. Ed moved to the skin behind her ear, her jaw; Olivia recalled how Miss Nordin had been enthusiastic, welcoming, and patient when the fifteen or so second-graders didn't exactly play the tune in unison._

 _Finally, he cupped the back of her head. His lips met hers, and he backed her against the wall beside the washer and dryer. Ed began grinding against her. The thrill of becoming aroused, the anticipation of making love to her-it would never get old, he would never tire of it. She kissed back with equal fervor. Her hands flew all over his back, under the waistband of the old khaki shorts he always wore around the house. Olivia wanted him right there. In the foyer. Her body pinned against the wall, his hands under her thighs; she didn't care if it was quicker than their usual routine, she needed his love to supplant the ugly thoughts in her head._

 _She needed to feel her husband loving her, hear his own grunts and groans, the moans, his cries when he came inside of her, his voice in her ear rasping "I love you" over and over because Ed Tucker loving her was all the assurance, all the security she needed._

….

Friday's major story, at least for Noah, was Wyatt's haircut. Ed ushered him into the apartment, having failed to mention anything about the trip to the barber shop. Noah went through his usual routine. He kicked his shoes off, hung his backpack on the dining room chair, and skipped to his room to change into shorts and a t-shirt. On the way he stopped in his tracks.

"WYATT HAS SHORT HAIR!"

Noah stood, slack-jawed, in the middle of the room pointing at his little brother who had been happily playing with his blocks. Never one to miss out on any action, Maggie came running for Noah and hugged his legs. Noah stumbled sideways but managed to stay upright. He half-carried Maggie as he walked to Wyatt's side.

"Wyatt you gotta haircut!"

Wyatt grinned up at his brother but nonchalantly went back to his construction.

Noah peeled Maggie away and rushed to his room. Maggie stayed on his heels the whole way there and back. Noah snapped a picture of Wyatt. "I gotta send dis to Sare Bear. She's gonna come to da party t'morrow and say, Where's Wyatt?"

Maggie pointed to Wyatt. "Wy, here! Wy here, No!"

Noah eventually got into his play clothes and ate a snack at the island. Olivia quizzed him about his day and checked his homework folder. She placed two worksheets on the credenza. Ed frowned at them-he hated the idea of homework for Kindergarteners-and took dinner suggestions. They settled on a simple chicken and vegetable stir-fry and ate the food together at the dining table. Noah walked the twins through their second birthday party. He made sure to include reminders about the candles and to say thank-you after opening each gift.

"Brooke said she went to a first birthday party a couple weeks ago and the kid didn't open the presents. She got a thank-you card a week later. Apparently, that's the trend."

Olivia looked shocked. "That's the fun part!" She said in protest, as if Ed actually believed they should do the same thing for Maggie and Wyatt. "I love watching them open the presents!"

"Gotta open da presents," Noah agreed, his mouth full.

"I know," Ed replied, "I thought it was weird, too."

Olivia spent some of the evening on the phone with Fin and Rollins. They briefed her on a few in-progress cases and a couple more they'd caught since the shooting. They also mentioned the woman who'd fought so desperately for her son to receive medical marijuana had, once again, broken a plea deal and had been picked up overnight. Rollins repeated her cynical observation-the woman was on a crusade. She was using the police and the entire justice system to get attention for the cause. Olivia didn't say much in reply, but she brought it up later as she and Ed settled in under the covers.

"Rollins wants to hate her," she said, "But I get it. The woman's desperate. I think she's right, she told me once, she saw the pictures in my office, she told me she bet I'd do anything to make sure my kids were safe and healthy and she's absolutely right."

"All she needs to do is go to Connecticut," Ed remarked.

"She shouldn't have to go there," Olivia replied. "That's her point. That's the whole purpose in her continuing to intentionally get arrested."

"Yeah...but...this isn't the Civil Rights Movement, Liv. There are ways she can get what she needs. Is she really thinkin' about her kid? Really? She's bringin' politics into it."

"You wouldn't break the law for our kids?"

"Sure I would. But I wouldn't make a political thing about it."

Olivia slowly turned over onto her good side and gazed at Ed. He was only an inch or two away from her; there were five pillows on their bed, but he was still insisting on sharing hers. "You hate politicians."

"Not my favorite people in the world."

"Why?"

"Even the good ones...you don't get into that game, you don't get into those offices, into those arenas without being dishonest, without cutting corners, without at least flirtin' with corruption…"

"You're a good man, Ed Tucker."

She puckered her lips for a kiss and he obliged "I love you, Liv."

"I love you." Olivia kissed him again and stared intently into his eyes. "Touch me, Ed."

He raised his eyebrows.

"I know you'll be careful."

He slid a hand under her shirt and began caressing her breasts. Olivia closed her eyes and took a deep, satisfied breath. Ed propped himself on an elbow, leaned in, and kissed her passionately. It was like the first few kisses they'd shared years ago-unhurried and sensual. Olivia moaned softly and her lips curled into a smile when she felt Ed move his fingers between her legs.

"Oh God, I want you," she whimpered. "I need you."

"I want you, too, baby." He shimmied out of his shorts and tugged hers off as well. The positioning was a little tricky, Ed had a little more than half her body to work with; he proceeded as gently as possible.

"Oh, Ed, honey…"

"You alright?"

" _Yes_ ," she gasped, "Oh, _God_ , you feel so good. I missed you."

"So do you, baby." Ed gripped one of her thighs and paused to look her in the eyes. "Stop me if you need to."

"I need you to not stop."

He grinned and kissed the tip of her nose. "Yes Ma'am. I missed you, too."

At one point Olivia became so lost in the pleasure she reached for his hip like she always did when she wanted him to go faster. She took a deep, sharp breath. Ed immediately knew it wasn't the oh-God-this-is-so-good breath. He stilled inside of her.

"Keep going," she croaked.

"You're not okay."

"I am, I...forgot," She cupped his face with her other hand, "You made me forget anything was wrong...and...nothing's wrong." She lifted her hips a bit and repeated, " _Nothing_. Is. Wrong."

Ed kissed her and started again, just as slowly as he'd begun several minutes ago. He was so happy to be there, with her, naked, sweaty, slick, hearing her soft, sated cries, feeling her begin to writhe and arch her back, watching her head fly back, kissing her exposed neck, brushing damp strands of hair away from her face...he forgot all about the terror of possibly losing her, he forgot about the bullet hurtling through the air, caroming off a post, and choosing to make contact with her bicep rather than her head or her heart.

She was moaning incoherently now, eyes closed, mouth hanging open but also beginning to curl into a little smile, he could feel her beneath him, he had so much power, so many ways to make her feel this good, to make her dizzy and delirious, speechless afterward as her chest rose and fell with each steadying breath.

Ed rested his head beneath her chin and closed his eyes.

He didn't say it, it wouldn't have been fair, at least, not right now, but he was thinking it.

He couldn't live without her.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	32. Chapter 32

**Thirty-two**.

The weather cooperated perfectly for the twins' birthday. The temperature was in the mid-seventies and, other than a few non-threatening cumulus clouds, the sun shone down on the city from a gleaming blue sky. Sarah arrived early and set up the balloon arch with Ed's assistance. They hung the "Happy 2nd Birthday" mylar banner and spread the table cloths over two of the tables. When they were finished, Sarah stepped back, arms akimbo, and nodded approvingly.

"Looks good."

"Sure does," Ed tried to stifle a yawn, "Thanks a lot."

"Up late last night?" Sarah asked. She dialed down the teasing tone a bit. When she saw Olivia earlier-sitting up in bed with her arm in a sling-it didn't look like she was up to long nights filled with wild sex.

"Didn't sleep great."

"Don't want to roll over and hurt Livvie?"

"Somethin' like that."

"Want me to watch the kids so you can catch a nap before everyone gets here?"

"Nah," Ed gave Sarah an appreciative smile. He realized the two of them hadn't spent that much time together in the past few months. Since Sarah and Justin had gotten serious, her regular requests to grab drinks or lunch were few and far between.

"Sure?" Sarah asked, her eyes wide and eager.

Ed assumed, no matter how old she got, her face would always have an innocent, childlike quality about it. She loosened her mountain of blonde hair, twisted it, and reclipped it back on top of her head.

"I'm sure. We only have a couple hours anyway. I better go start gettin' ready, make sure Liv has everything...get the twins dressed."

"Livvie showed me their outfits," Sarah said, bursting with excitement, "They are a-dor-a-ble!"

Ed grinned. The baseball-style shirts were gray with purple sleeves for Maggie and black for Wyatt. A script "two" was printed on the front; the back featured their names and the numeric version of their age. Olivia ordered them months ago. The shirts were paired with khaki, military-style cargo pants. Completing the outfit were matching gray-and-white Old Soles sneakers.

Sarah gathered her things and handed the roll of tape and scissors back to Ed. "I'll go. I have to wrap the presents!"

"Alright. Justin's comin' right?"

"Yep. He had a late shift last night so he's sleeping as long as possible."

"Good for him."

Sarah started walking to the elevator but stopped when she realized Ed wasn't following her. "Dad? You coming?"

"I'm gonna stay up here for a few minutes," he said. "Go ahead. See ya in a bit. And...thanks again."

He turned around and didn't see the funny look on Sarah's face.

"No problem…" she mumbled, "...See ya…"

….

 _Ed found out Sarah had planned to stay with him for Memorial Day weekend as he was closing out a few items on Friday afternoon. He pretended to be annoyed by the short notice, but he was thrilled to have some company. She arrived on an early train, dropped her bags at his apartment, and met him at one of the neighborhood dive bars he frequented. It was a few blocks away from the place she, Brooke, and Olivia had used to surprise him about a month earlier._

" _Hey, Daddio!" Sarah hopped off the stool as soon as he entered and gave him a bear hug. Clad in tight jeans, wedges, and a frilly frock, she was decidedly out of place in the establishment. "You're just in time...I didn't realize this place doesn't take cards and I can only keep the bartender at bay for so long."_

 _Ed waved to the familiar face and shot him an apologetic eye roll. He brought over a bourbon, neat the way Ed preferred, and mumbled a terse hello under his breath. Sarah grinned. She imagined her father sitting alone in this place for hours, staring at the grainy television, and exchanging brief, gruff comments about the Yankees or the Mets. Some social life he had._

" _You go to work today?" Ed asked._

" _I left at noon. Brought some stuff with me, so make sure I'm up kind of early tomorrow."_

" _Somethin' wrong with your alarm?"_

" _Daddy!"_

 _He smirked. "Joking. I'll make sure you're up. Sixish?"_

" _Try eightish."_

" _Yes ma'am."_

" _So," Sarah bunched the damp cocktail napkin around her glass, "Will we be seeing Olivia and Noah this weekend?"_

" _That didn't take long," Ed muttered._

" _Well I can't wait for you to offer up the deets." Sarah slurped the rest of the liquid and signaled for another. "Are we seeing them or not?"_

" _I guess I can call her."_

" _You guess?" Sarah's eyes were wide and filled with disappointment. "Did you break up?"_

" _Sare, we're not exactly together."_

" _What does that_ _mean?"_

" _She's got a lot goin' on...she's busy, the adoption was just finalized, she took some time to be with Noah. I gotta give her some space."_

" _That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."_

 _Ed shook his head dismissively and tried to change the subject; Sarah would never understand. "What are you thinkin' about doin while you're here?"_

" _I would like to have dinner with Olivia and Noah," Sarah replied curtly. "And you of course. And maybe Brooke. If we can convince her to stop grading papers or whatever it is she does in that Bronx hovel."_

" _She's doin' good work up there."_

 _Sarah giggled because her father did not at all sound like he believed what he said. "Yeah, yeah...God's work."_

" _Right."_

 _They sat in silence for a few minutes, but Sarah wasn't about to give up on the topic of Olivia. "It doesn't hurt to give her a call," Sarah said, "And tell her I'm here and want to see her. You can use me as an excuse!" She shot him a triumphant grin, "Because I know you want to see her. You love her."_

" _I love her?"_

" _Yes you do. You cannot deny it. I know what love looks like."_

" _Really."_

" _Yes. Especially when one of the parties is my Dad. You get all smiley and adorable...and you like Noah and he likes you."_

" _It's not that simple."_

" _Well, it should be."_

 _Ed nodded. "Yeah…"_

" _So...let's call her!"_

" _Alright." Ed felt his face flush as he pulled the phone from his pocket. He was telling the truth; he wanted to give Olivia space, but he also wanted to see her. He didn't see her nearly enough._

" _Should I call or text?"_

" _Call. Then she knows you really mean it."_

 _Ed made the call. Olivia picked up, but she was in the middle of something and promised to call back in a few minutes. Ed put the phone screen side up on the bar and helped himself to a handful of stale snack mix before downing the rest of his drink._

 _Sarah stared at her father. When he met her eyes, it was like looking in the mirror. She had inherited his intensity, but she had coupled it with a level of tenacity Ed himself had never owned. "So, tell me the truth and then we'll drop it," she said._

" _The truth?"_

" _Yep."_

" _Okay."_

" _Promise?"_

" _Never promise anything in a bar."_

" _A bar is precisely where all promises should be considered genuine."_

 _Ed rolled his eyes again, "Whatever. I promise. What is it?"_

" _Olivia-you are really in love with her aren't you?"_

 _After a deep, contemplative breath, Ed responded in his most sincere tone. "She's been through a lot, Sarah. I don't think she trusts many people. I don't think she trusts...love." Ed said the word "love" as if it were completely foreign to him. "But I want her to trust me. And I'm in...this strange position...of really not knowing what to do. That's why I'm takin' things so slow. We have a lot to work through, a lot to tell each other, a lot...of reckoning with the past."_

" _Damn."_

" _But it's not impossible. It's just gonna take time."_

" _Well damn," Sarah scrunched up her nose and slapped the bar, "I was hoping you could just get married and live happily ever after."_

" _Doesn't work like that."_

" _It should."_

 _Ed laughed, slung an arm around her shoulders, and kissed the side of her head. "Maybe someday."_

… _.._

Despite being in her eighties and, having what she called an "uncooperative hip," Caroline parked herself on the prickly indoor-outdoor carpeting and played with Sofia, Maggie, and Wyatt. Ed brought a few of the larger toys up to the roof, so, for their entertainment, the kids had a portable playground as well as the bowling pins, two soccer balls, crayons, and large drawing paper.

The vast rooftop space was loosely divided into three areas. There was a section with lounge chairs, tropical looking green plants, and a bar with fixed stools. Residents used this area for informal gatherings and sunbathing. The outdoor kitchen and dining space included three full size barbecue grills and seven large round tables. Finally, there was another lounge area with loveseats. The Tuckers reserved a grill and two tables for their party, but the other spaces were empty and they parked themselves on the loveseats for cocktails.

"This is the most perfect day," Sarah said, leaning against Justin. "I hope it's exactly like this for our wedding."

"Wish we could order the weather," Justin said. "It's gorgeous."

"GOJUS!" Maggie exclaimed.

Brooke scooped up Maggie and snuggled her. "You know that word, small sister?"

"She knows it 'cause that's what Daddy call Mommy!" Noah grinned from ear to ear. "Wyatt know it, too, but small sister talks more."

Ed mussed Wyatt's hair. "You choose your words wisely, dontcha, bud?"

Wyatt grinned at Ed but quickly went back to entertaining Sofia by placing different shaped blocks into the corresponding holes in a plastic sphere.

"Wyatt reminds me of me," Caroline said. "Smart, analytical, doesn't get too worked up."

Almost everyone groaned in disagreement.

" _What_?" Caroline retorted. She whirled her neck around to look at everyone, even Sonny and Brooke who were behind her.

"Gramma," Sarah said, "You are the most likely to get worked up!"

"Only when there's been an injustice."

"Omigod."

Brooke chimed in, "Grams, Maggie is more like you. Wyatt's like Dad who is like Grandpa."

Ed had purposely placed himself on Olivia's left side. He put his arm around her and offered another opinion. "All three of 'em take after my wife," he said softly.

"Well, duh," Sarah said. "They're beautiful, smart, and very sweet. Even though small sister wiggles out of hugs. Come here, Maggie may, I wanna kiss."

"NO KISS SAH!"

Sarah gripped her chest and pouted. "No kiss? I am so sad."

"Maggie," Olivia said, "Go give Sarah a kiss. She's sad."

"Sah sad," Maggie got up and skipped to Sarah to give the kiss. She then kissed Justin, Sonny, Brooke, and Caroline. She stopped at Sofia and, rather than kiss the baby, she clambered into Olivia's lap.

"Maggie," Olivia said, "Give Sofia a kiss."

"Ma kiss!" Maggie puckered her lips.

Olivia kissed her then placed her back on her feet. "Go give Sof a kiss."

Maggie kissed Sofia's head then promptly plopped herself in Caroline's lap. Caroline wrapped her arms around Maggie and snuggled her. "You are my favorite grandbaby," she said in her raspy voice.

"GRANDMA!"

"Gramma Careline!"

"Ma!"

Sonny doubled over and shook with laughter. Brooke had to grab his beer to keep it from spilling. "I love this family," he said. "Never a dull moment with any of you."

Olivia was the only one who heard Brooke's comment. She murmured it under her breath at the same time Noah and the three little ones burst into chatter.

Olivia jerked her head in Brooke's direction and stared at her inquisitively until Brooke made eye contact. Either intentionally brushing off the remark or thinking Olivia hadn't heard, Brooke grinned and said something about how much she was enjoying herself.

"Perfect day," she said buoyantly. "Really perfect."

…

 _In the years since Ed and Olivia used the proceeds from the sale of Ed's Hell's Kitchen apartment to purchase their Bethany Beach home, the area had remained relatively unaltered. A few attractions, shops, and restaurants had opened in town and along the boardwalk and families looking to escape the garishness of the Jersey Shore and Ocean City gradually relocated to newly constructed condos. As they spent more time in the town, Ed had become involved in its local governing board and Olivia volunteered for the beautification committee which was responsible for maintaining gardens in the small public parks and in the tiny green spaces in the major intersections. Olivia came to find out she had a green thumb and an eye for landscape design, and, each spring, in addition to her civic contributions, she worked assiduously to transform their narrow strip of backyard into an oasis of bright flowers, lush greenery, and intricately laid brick pavers leading to the boardwalk and beach but also jutting out into the fire pit area. The view from the porch was one of her favorites-it included the splendor of her creation but also the natural beauty of the sea grass, sand, and white capped waves crashing ashore. Over the years she'd collected too many favorite moments to count, but, on a daily basis, she treasured sipping coffee and making small talk with whoever was awake to join her. On this particular morning, with Wyatt, Noah, and Ed getting the jet skis into the water, Olivia shared the porch with Mia._

" _Tell me about this play," Olivia rocked herself on the swing and Mia stretched out in one of the chairs. The girl, rather, young woman, looked almost exactly like her childhood self. Her thick black hair was tied back in a tight ponytail, dark eyes sparkled with inherent zest for all things fun, and her face was still dotted with prominent freckles the color of weathered pennies._

" _It's a good story," Mia said, "I play a gifted girl who has grown up on an Indian reservation and is trying against all odds to break away from everything-young pregnancy, drugs, alcoholism, lack of education…"_

" _Wow. Sounds heavy. But good."_

" _It is."_

" _And," Olivia hoped she wasn't being too forward or revealing too much of her concern for Noah's fragile heart. "It's a year-long stint?"_

" _Yep. Well, longer. We start in November, so about a year and a half."_

" _It'll be good to be in one place for a while?"_

" _Yeah...this last year hasn't been exactly me settling down." Mia ticked off the places she'd lived-Chicago, Denver, Seattle, and several towns outside of Los Angeles. "I know…" she bit her lip, "...I, well, thanks for being so nice to me, I know I don't deserve it."_

 _Olivia started to say something, but Mia continued._

" _Noah was so nice to invite me here, he knows I love it, and you and Ed, too, you've always dropped everything to make me feel welcome and part of the family. I owe you more than what I did to Noah."_

 _For the second time in a span of minutes, Olivia's chance to respond was interrupted. Maggie burst through the screen door in her typical, aggressive fashion and draped her body over Olivia, ironically, in the fashion Mia used to hug Noah when they were Kindergarteners._

" _Good morning to you, sweet girl," Olivia said, her voice barely audible because Maggie's arm was blocking her mouth. "To what do I owe this?"_

" _You made my chai. Thank you."_

" _You're welcome."_

" _Morning, Maggie," Mia said brightly._

" _Hey," Maggie took a sip of the chai and toed on her flip flops. "I'm gonna go walk."_

" _Okay, honey. The boys went to get an early breakfast. Do you want me to make you something?"_

 _Maggie scrunched up her face. "What time is it?"_

" _Ten," Olivia replied, "Or we can do brunch and a little shopping?" There was nothing Olivia loved more than going to eat and spend some money with her daughter and then spend the rest of the day lazing on the beach. She always bought Maggie a stack of magazines and they passed them back and forth during the afternoon._

" _Yeah, let's do that."_

 _The sound of Maggie's flip-flops slapping against the pavers grew fainter as she made her way toward the beach. Olivia and Mia watched her until she disappeared over the berm._

" _She still hates me," Mia mumbled._

" _Give her some time," Olivia said reassuringly. "She'll come around. She always does."_

… _.._

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR MAGGIE AND WYATT! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!"

The Tuckers never made it to the picnic tables. They remained on the loveseats and ate from paper plates balanced on laps or, for the kids, placed on the long coffee table. Never strict about meal time, Ed and Olivia watched their brood hop between toys and food. Pieces of hot dog and hamburger fell between Duplo blocks and into plastic seams. Wyatt toddled over for bites of potato salad and promptly returned to the mural he and Noah were creating. Noah drew one-handed. Maggie smacked the paper, leaving mustard and ketchup streaks. Neither Ed nor Olivia cared.

When it was time for birthday cake, the coffee table was cleared. Maggie and Wyatt stood in their places and Ed and Olivia put their personalized birthday cakes in front of them. The four lit candles flickered a bit. When the song concluded, the two-year-olds blew out the candles and jumped up and down in response to the applause.

"NO!" Maggie pointed at her extinguished candles. "I BO NO!"

"Yes you did, small sister!" Noah hugged both his siblings. "Good job. Now ya get to eat da cake." He plucked the candles and placed them to the side. "Go 'head. Eat!"

The twins attacked their cakes with their regular plastic forks. Brooke and Sarah served everyone else slices of a third dessert. Caroline uncorked a bottle of Irish whiskey, another souvenir she'd brought back from their trip to Ireland, and poured everyone a generous serving into plastic cups.

Brooke winced. "God, I hate this."

"Heresy!" Caroline snapped.

"It's good," Sonny said. "Once you get used to it. Like jumping into a really cold pool."

"Yeah, that's exactly what it's like," Brooke muttered.

"What about you, Justin?" Caroline asked, "Do you like it?"

"Not bad," he said. If he was bothered by the burn of the alcohol it wasn't apparent. "It's smooth. Reminds me of this rum my Grandma used to bring back from Puerto Rico. I don't like rum, or hard liquor really, but a good one...I can do that."

Caroline ran her fingers through her short gray hair and simpered at Justin. He grinned back at her, his white teeth gleamed against his almond skin. In the past few weeks he'd allowed his hair to grow longer and his head was filled with soft, half-inch-long black curls.

"You need to bring me some of that rum, honey," Caroline said. "Or maybe we can all go to Puerto Rico. I have the travel itch now that I'm in my eighties."

"We may go there for our honeymoon," Justin said, "Maybe you should join us."

Clearly, he was joking, but Sarah slapped his chest. "No way."

"I'm a good traveler!" Caroline protested, going along with Justin's joke. "All I require is a car and someone to carry my bags. After that, I'm self-sufficient."

Perhaps feeling a little slighted from earlier, Noah sidled up to Caroline. "Gramma, I wanna go on a trip with you!"

"Where should we go? Summer vacation is coming up."

"You gonna come to the beach with us?"

"Yes, I must."

"Den after that we either go to Paris or to Disney."

The adults broke into polite laughter. Caroline kissed Noah's forehead. "We'll decide in the next couple weeks."

…

 _Ed handed Olivia a small, stemless glass filled with port. He took his place next to her on the swing and held her as close as possible while still allowing the two of them to take occasional sips._

" _Good day," he said softly._

" _I guess."_

" _You guess?"_

" _I don't know what's going to happen with Noah and Mia, but Maggie is going to need some serious convincing before she warms up to the two of them together."_

 _Brow furrowed, Ed asked, "You think they're gonna get together?"_

" _You don't?"_

" _I dunno, Liv. Noah loves her. And I told him...if he loves her...not to give up...but I don't know if I actually believe that."_

" _He's so happy…"_

" _He is."_

" _Can we let that ride for this week?" Olivia looked up at him, her brown eyes hopeful and optimistic._

" _Let's do that."_

 _Even in her mid-sixties, Olivia's skin was still smooth and supple. She was the woman others envied, for she had no trade secret, no specialized skin care routine. Other than simple face cream, Olivia had only her genes to thank._

 _Ed kissed her in his typical, possessive fashion, holding one of her cheeks and opening his mouth wide. The sea breeze sent strands of her hair into his face and the sound of the waves provided the perfect backdrop to their amorous few minutes._

" _Let's go for a walk," he suggested, whispering in her ear in his raspiest voice._

 _Olivia agreed. "Wanna grab the rest of that port?"_

" _Absolutely."_

…

While Caroline, Olivia, Sarah, and Justin played cribbage and sipped whiskey on the roof, Ed and Brooke began bussing leftovers and trash down to the apartment. There weren't many dishes to clean, so they washed them by hand and put the silverware in the dishwasher. The kids stayed upstairs as well, so the solace of the apartment was a stark contrast to their sometimes raucous afternoon.

"Sofia looks like she's about to start crawlin."

"She's close," Brooke said, smiling proudly, "She gets up and rocks on her hands and knees, looks to see if we're watching, and then collapses."

"She'll get it."

"Yeah…"

"Sonny okay? I haven't seen him much."

"Yeah, working a lot. I think they're all kind of asserting themselves now that Olivia is really actually leaving. He thinks Fin's close to retiring, too, so he's thinking of taking the Sergeant's exam."

Brooke relayed all of this information in her typical matter-of-fact manner, but Ed sensed she wasn't totally on board with his plan.

"I'm surprised he hasn't taken it already," Ed replied, "But...I'm also surprised he hasn't made the switch to the DA's office or even private practice. But then again, I can't see him as a defense attorney."

This got a chuckle out of Brooke. "That's for sure."

"Whaddya you want him to do?"

"I really don't know."

Ed took a peripheral look at his eldest daughter. Unlike Sarah, Brooke seemed to show signs of aging each time he saw her. Dark circles had formed in half moons under her eyes. Her skin was sallow in some places, blotchy in others, and a few gray hairs had sprung up among her dirty blonde locks.

"You know what I don't get?" Brooke blurted the question out so unexpectedly Ed took two startled steps backwards.

"What's that?"

"How people just move on." Ed stared back at her with a blank expression so she continued, "All this shit we've all handled in the past couple of years. Sonny shot a perp, Olivia gets shot, Sarah gets divorced, mom has a stroke, dies, I practically adopt Aidan and then he goes and lives with Dave, I have a miscarriage...it's like, am I seriously the only one who's stuck?"

"You feel stuck?"

"I feel heavy. I feel like everyone else knows how to shake off death, tragedy, depression, anxiety...but I keep it all with me."

Ed had no idea how to respond. Brooke was clearly in distress and tired of trying to hide it. So, instead of trying to counsel her, he launched into an admission of his own. "I can't sleep," he said. "I doze off but then I have a dream, or, rather, I see Olivia, in the morgue, think about how they would have had to call me in to make a decision or identify the body...I can't get it outta my head."

"Dad…"

"She doesn't know. Well, she must know, something, because I can't let her out of my sight for long, like, right now, I know she's fine, she's happy up there playin' a game and being normal but I'm operating in the world of worst case scenarios. I'm worried about infection, about…" Ed buried his face in his hands, "...about how I'm so pissed off about the time she and I will never have."

"Dad," Brooke grasped his forearm and forced him to look at her. "You always told me, you were always the one who told me, dwelling on what didn't happen is a waste of time."

"I said that before my wife was shot."

Brooke took a deep breath. "Dad, I have to admit, well, you probably know, it has taken me a long time to reconcile your relationship with mom with your relationship with Olivia. I think...I think I've resented her _and you_ a little bit..for a while...and I feel guilty about that because I shouldn't feel that way when you're so happy."

Ed tried to lighten the mood. "I know we annoy people sometimes," he said, "Even Noah. But...I can't help it."

Brooke managed a weak smile. "I wish I was like Sarah. She's always so...I _wanna be like Dad and Livvie._..and she really tries...and I'm...I don't get Dad and Olivia."

"You don't get us?"

"You're like the movies," Brooke said, "It's too perfect."

"You're thinkin' that because you don't think you deserve t _oo perfect,_ " Ed took Brooke's hands. "It's okay to be happy, Brooke. It's okay for nothing to be wrong." He smiled apologetically, "Took me a while to understand that. I didn't think I was living unless there was something wrong, something I had to handle...and it's okay to be happy when things have gone wrong. If we let all the bad stuff overtake us...it'd be pretty miserable."

"I've been miserable for a year," Brooke moaned.

"And I think I've known that. And I feel bad that I haven't made you talk about it."

"You couldn't have."

Ed chuckled. "Yeah, I could have." He hugged Brooke tightly. "I want you to be happy. And I want you to be happy for a long, long time. Starting now. Focus on the good stuff. The bad, sad stuff will always happen, always be there, but we need to let the good prevail, Brooke. If we don't…" Ed trailed off.

"Since when have you been so sappy?" Brooke asked, nudging her Dad.

He grinned.

"Since her."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	33. Chapter 33

**Thirty-three.**

Sarah posed the question to Noah first, formally, with the utmost solemnity.

"Noey, do you think it would be okay if we take the twinsies to Max Brenner next week on our Wednesday?"

All eyes were on Noah. Everyone knew Max Brenner was a special place. It was the location of one of the first "dates" he had with Brooke, and it was a regular stop when he spent time at Sarah's Union Square apartment. Noah always eagerly included the twins in most activities and outings, but Wednesdays after school and certain places, like Max Brenner and DaVinci Art Supplies, were strictly off-limits to anyone else.

His expression did not indicate he was going to agree, so Sarah issued a preemptive alternative and kicked herself for suggesting they share their Wednesdays in the first place. "Actually, I can do two days next week. How about we keep our Wednesday and we take the twins Friday? I would take them myself, but I need you!"

Noah giggled. "You can't take care of 'em all by yourself!"

"No, I cannot."

"Kay, we go Friday."

"Good deal."

Noah eyed the rambunctious twins. Everyone had retreated back to the apartment for presents. After a fairly organized first round, the twins tore into the gift wrap, throwing it in random directions, and squealed as each new toy was revealed.

"TUCK!" Sarah and Justin had given Wyatt a remote control dump truck that was huge and probably a little complicated for his age, but Wyatt was content watching Noah work the buttons.

"BAY" Maggie's new baby doll cried, could be fed with a special bottle, and also required diaper changes.

"BALL! BALL NO!" The twins also received a soccer goal and an activity board which required the kids to toss bean bags through a variety of different shaped and sized holes.

"BOCKS!"

"TANE!"

The gifts from their parents confused them-a tool bench and a magnetic tile play set. Ed and Olivia laughed at their expressions. When the toys were unboxed and put together, they would understand. Presents from Noah-books and puzzles-were met with more enthusiasm than Sarah predicted and she swooned when the twins each grabbed a book and took it to their brother.

"READ, NO!"

"Maggie, Wyatt," Olivia cooed. She had had a dreamy smile on her face the entire afternoon, "What do you say to everyone?"

"TAY YOU!

"TAY YOUUUU!"

After that, they cuddled in the large bean bag with Noah and he began to read. Wyatt put his fist in his mouth and Maggie positioned a stuffed bear on Noah's shoulder so her head was at the perfect angle.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

"Eddie, you better thank the good Lord everyday," Caroline said, her voice significantly softer than usual.

Olivia wiped away tears.

Brooke cradled Sofia and kissed her head.

Ed simpered at his youngest three kids-his second round-and he was nearly knocked sideways by all they symbolized. "I do, Ma," he croaked in a voice audible only because everyone had fallen silent. Except, of course, for Noah who was narrating _The Very Busy Spider._

…

 _Ed slapped the morning New York Times on the island and placed Olivia's coffee and bagel in front of her. He admired her while she read the front page-in her tank top, pajama pants, and messy morning hair, it was almost unfair how sexy she looked._

" _Hmph," she grumbled, "David Haden. Running for state assembly. Interesting."_

" _You know him, right?"_

 _Olivia rolled her eyes. Ed knew damn well the extent to which she knew him. "Yeah, I know him." Ed's morning routine included going out for the paper and coffee (Olivia had an e-subscription to the paper and she was often out of K-cups which Ed hated anyway), so she wasn't bothered by Ed's teasing smirk. "I take it he's not getting your vote?"_

" _I didn't say that."_

" _Well," Olivia unfolded the paper and spread it on the counter, "He must be assuming everyone has short memories."_

" _Don't people?"_

 _Olivia raised her eyebrows. "I always come to realize memories are hopelessly long."_

" _Wasn't my case," Ed said, "But it read like his resignation was pro forma. He went right into private practice. It was that Foster lady who was guilty."_

" _He didn't catch it."_

" _Who would've?"_

 _Olivia narrowed her eyes. "Why are we talking about this?"_

 _Ed swallowed. Hard. He was picking an argument. Creating a problem. And for what? So he could hear Olivia say she trusted him more than David Haden? That she thought he was a better investigator than Haden? That she loved him more than Haden? Had she loved Haden?_

" _I...uh…" Ed stammered and looked hopelessly at the dormant Kuerig, "Sorry."_

" _Sorry for what?"_

 _He shrugged sheepishly. "I get jealous."_

" _Jealous?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _David Haden has nothing to do with us. I haven't seen him in... years."_

" _You dated him."_

" _Yeah...and I dated people in high school and college...and so did you. And you were also married."_

" _I'm jealous of all those people." Ed was hoping he could escape this semi-awkward exchange by being so ridiculous he was cute. He let his eyelids droop and he puckered his lips slightly._

" _Ed?"_

" _Huh?"_

" _What are we doing here?"_

 _He rounded the island and wrapped her in a tight embrace. In the living room, Noah was occupied with cartoons, milk, and a blueberry muffin. It was a dreary morning, the clouds threatened rain, and Ed hoped Olivia would want to spend most of the morning cuddled up on the couch. But first, he had to set things straight._

" _Sometimes I think...Liv, I...I don't want this to end."_

 _He was still holding her, but she gently pushed him away. "Do you feel like it's going to end?"_

" _I...feel like everything does, eventually."_

" _Why are you thinking like this all of a sudden?" She furrowed her brow. "I'm the one who's supposed to feel that way."_

" _You don't?"_

" _It's been...hard," Olivia sighed, "Hard for me to balance, it all, but I want to keep...us...Ed. I…" she bit her lip. "...I love you. And I love you here with me, and Noah, especially on a lazy day like today. There's no one else I want. Wouldn't trade you for anyone."_

 _A relieved smile crossed his face. "I love you."_

 _They traded a few kisses. Olivia kept her arms around his waist but leaned her shoulders back. She had a mischievous grin on her face. "So, you get jealous, huh?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Thank you for telling me."_

" _I thought you kinda knew."_

" _I did," she said, "But it's different hearing you say it."_

…

While Ed tidied up the living room and kitchen, Olivia kissed the kids goodnight and went to the bedroom. She removed the sling and stretched, taking care to be as cautious as possible. The arm hadn't bothered her much all day, even when she helped unpackage the twins' new toys and lifted them both into their cribs. Keeping the arm immobile and at the same angle grew tiresome by the evenings, but it was only since that morning that she felt comfortable moving it around freely. She moved her neck in circles and rotated her shoulders. Hoping Ed would agree to give her a gentle massage, she laid in the middle of the bed on her stomach. By the time he joined her, Olivia was fast asleep.

Ed changed into his boxers and, shirtless, crawled in next to her. He hated to wake her, but she was still in the jeans and t-shirt she'd worn all day; nevertheless, her face was so serene and peaceful he laid there for several minutes watching her sleep. He rolled a section of her hair between his fingers and took long, deep breaths. The day's activities had not eliminated the scent of the shampoo and lotions she used.

His own exhaustion weighed upon him and he closed his eyes. A few minutes, he told himself, a few minutes of shut-eye, then I'll get her to change clothes. However, when Olivia's voice roused him from what had apparently been a fitful slumber, the lamps were still turned on and it was almost three a.m.

"Ed? Ed, honey? Wake up."

His eyes shot open. "You alright?"

"Yes," Olivia replied drowsily. She sat up and rubbed her eyes, smearing mascara and eye shadow around her temples. "Are you?"

"Yeah...didn't mean to fall asleep for so long…"

"You were talking, whining sort of, and rolling all over. I thought you were going to fall off the bed. Sorry. I meant to stay awake."

"Me too." Ed quickly gathered himself. " C'mon. Let's getcha outta those clothes."

"Wait." Olivia reached out to him, "What were you dreaming about?"

Ed vigorously rubbed his face and breathed between his fingers. Olivia was not taking his eyes off him. He arranged pillows against the headboard and leaned against them. "I wanna hold you," he said. It was both an admission and an apology. He fixated on her arm, at the gauze he'd wrapped and taped that morning. "I wanna hold you, but I can't. Not like I want to."

" _Honey_." Olivia shimmied over to him and leaned against his chest on her good side. She could feel what he meant-no matter what position they used, Ed couldn't totally envelop her in his grasp. He couldn't wrap his arms around her torso and clasp his hands together. It was another agonizing consequence of the shooting. It was impossible for Olivia to hug her children, help with dinner, put on her belt, shield, and weild a gun. She would go back to work Monday and direct SVU from her desk for the final weeks of her career. It wasn't how she wanted it to end, and she'd been consumed with regret thinking about it. While she was wallowing in motherly and work-related self-pity, Ed had been by her side all along mad at the world because he couldn't hold her.

"This works," she murmured.

He tangled his fingers in her hair and lightly scratched her scalp. "If you say so."

"Ed, I-"

"-I'm sorry, Liv. I didn't mean it to sound like that...like I'm blamin' you." He kissed her head and repeated the apology. "I'm sorry."

"It'll heal, Ed."

"Yeah."

He didn't sound convinced. She saw his hand tremble ever so slightly and wished she could power through and hold it. "It will. A few weeks. Maybe less for me to at least be able to move a little more."

"I know."

"Can we improvise until then?"

"Of course. Whatever you want."

Olivia frowned. His voice was hollow and distant. She couldn't remember him ever sounding like that, even when he was sitting on the opposite side of the table, interrogating her or a member of her squad.

"What else, Ed?"

A shy, reluctant smile formed on his face. He kissed her head and mumbled, " _Cop_."

"Tell me. I can handle it."

He took a deep breath and launched into what amounted to a litany of every dark, terrifying thought he'd kept bottled up since the shooting. Nightly dreams filled with funerals and haunting, organ-led dirges. Moments of intense panic when he pictured bullets flying and riddling her body, leaving singed holes in her clothing and skin. And, finally, the calculation that stuck with him since he first saw her in the emergency room-six inches higher and the flesh wound would have been potentially fatal head trauma.

"Everything before-the standoff downtown, the Crivellos' house-I kinda knew it'd go our way. It was horrible, I was worried, but not like this. It's...we...we, it took us so long to find each other and who woulda ever predicted we'd be married and happy and have three beautiful, perfect kids? I can't lose you, Liv. I can't."

By the time he finished, Olivia's cheeks were stained with tears. He dried them the best he could with his thumbs.

"I didn't wanna tell you. You got enough to deal with-"

Despite her obvious anguish, Olivia's voice was steady and confident. "Don't keep these things inside, Ed. Even if, especially if, it might upset me. We're a team, remember?"

"Yeah."

"I love you," Olivia gave him a firm, reassuring kiss, "I love you so, so much."

…

 _As the kids got older, Ed made it a common practice to take each one to individually Christmas shop for their siblings and for Olivia. By mid-November he had taken Noah and Wyatt. Maggie, though only eight years old, had a busy social and academic calendar, so she was more difficult to commandeer on a Saturday afternoon. The weekend before Thanksgiving gave him a window of opportunity, and father and daughter set out early, had a late breakfast, and started their quest at Chelsea Market._

" _Thanks for the gigantic muffin Daddy!" Maggie exclaimed as she skipped alongside Ed, holding his hand with her mittened fingers. She grinned up at him, a few crumbs were still stuck to her face, and wisps of her thick brown hair flipped out from under her navy knit beanie._

 _Ed gently brushed the crumbs away, "You're welcome. Savin' some for later?"_

 _Maggie giggled, "Daaaddy!"_

 _Even though she'd already had one hot chocolate at the diner, Maggie requested and received another at a kiosk inside the market. She took a few sips but gave the cup to Ed when they entered the first shop. Maggie needed her hands free for browsing. She inspected a few scarves and pieces of handcrafted jewelry. One vendor offered a variety of embroidered throw blankets and Maggie murmured how they could get one printed with Olivia's name but she quickly reconsidered._

" _We have a lot of blankies," she murmured._

" _People like to give blankets for presented," Ed explained, "They're safe."_

" _Safe?"_

" _Yup. Not many people are gonna be upset with getting a blanket."_

 _Maggie crinkled her nose. "I don't wanna blanket. That is NOT a good present!"_

" _Well, let's not get Mommy one then," Ed quipped, grinning at Maggie's face as she realized how close she'd come to buying her mother a mundane Christmas gift._

 _They moved on without buying anything other than the hot chocolate. Maggie was beginning to despair, but Ed reminded her they had hundreds of stores to visit if they needed to do so. Maggie smiled gratefully._

" _Good thing!" She said, the buoyancy returning to her gait, "Cause I can't give Mommy this hot chocolate cup for Christmas!"_

 _Laughing, Ed kissed the top of her head. "You're so funny, Maggs."_

" _You are too," she replied, cocking her head like she always did when she was about to say something sassy. "But you're ser'ous funny. Not giggly funny like me. Wyatt's ser'ous funny, too."_

" _What about Noah?"_

" _He's both."_

" _Mommy?"_

" _Me an' Mommy giggle a lot, so she's giggly 'cept when we're in trouble, then she tells us what to do and looks like this," Maggie pressed her lips together and furrowed her brow, "But then she gets giggly 'gain!" Maggie whipped around. They'd passed a few vendors and one caught her eye. "Hey! We needta go in there!"_

 _Ed followed her without confidence they'd find anything gift-worthy. The store's shelves were filled with homemade soaps and other dainty, perfumey items. However, Maggie's hunch turned out to be on point._

" _LOOK!" She had made a beeline to a display in the back corner and was pointing furiously to the jars. "It says SWEET GIRL! That's what Mommy calls me! That's her name just for me!" She grabbed a basket and started filling it with the different varieties of jams and honey made by, sure enough, a company calling themselves Sweet Girl Confections. Maggie took extra care to make sure the basket included one of each flavor and spun slowly around, arms akimbo._

" _Can I help you, Miss?" The comely clerk asked._

" _You have anything else with Sweet Girl?"_

 _The clerk smiled and glanced at the basket. It was so heavy, Maggie had to drag it to the register. "No...I think you have it all in there."_

" _Kay. Do you have a box, please? These are for my Mommy. For Christmas."_

" _We do have boxes," she replied, "I'll give you about...four. That should be enough. Or, do you want one big box?"_

" _One big box," Maggie replied immediately. "Everybody likes to have a giant box to open!" She looked up at Ed, "Right, Daddy?"_

" _That's right, Maggie May."_

 _The clerk announced the total. Maggie gestured to Ed. "He's payin. He has da card."_

 _Ed handed over his Visa. The simple act made him think about all the ordinary responsibilities he and Olivia shared-paying bills, making grocery lists, buying school uniforms, making sure their kids were at lessons and games and practices on time. He appreciated, no, he craved what most other couples probably considered bothersome or so normal they didn't require any thoughts at all._

 _He signed the receipt, grabbed the two shopping bags in one hand, and held Maggie's hand with the other. She jabbered away, thinking aloud about the best hiding places for the jars, and then praised Ed for making the decision to take a Uber back home rather than the subway. Outside, she jammed the beanie back on her head. It sat low, partially covering her eyes. Ed held her close._

" _What wrapping paper are ya gonna use?" He asked._

" _Hearts," Maggie said, "Wyatt's gonna say it's for Valentine's Day, but I'm gonna use it because the hearts are for how much I love Mommy!"_

" _Great idea."_

 _Ed felt her intent stare. He looked down at her. The wind had turned her cheeks pink and her eyes were watery. "I use the heart paper for you, too, Daddy," she said, her voice sweet and sincere._

 _Ed smiled and blinked back tears he was sure were born of emotion and love for his daughter rather than due to the crisp wind._

…

All three Tucker kids had apparently become used to Olivia not going to work, so they appeared surprised when she entered the kitchen on Monday morning dressed in a black blazer, white blouse, and gray slacks. Her arm was still in the sling, but she was able to strap on her watch without assistance. She circled the dining table, giving each kid a kiss, before joining Ed at the island for a cup of coffee. She usually purchased caffeine on the way or made it in her office, but, after last night, she felt like she owed her husband a few extra minutes of semi-alone time.

She nodded at the sports section Ed was reading. "We should go to a game. Yankees or Mets. Either one would be fine with me."

Ed grinned. "You have to choose one or the other, Liv," he retorted, using his IAB voice, "You cannot possibly be for both teams. I thought I explained this to you a few years ago."

"Oh you did," she replied whimsically, "I simply don't agree is all." She sipped her coffee and raised her eyebrows. "Do we have to agree on everything?"

He smirked at her sass and lowered his voice, "No...we only have to agree on the fact that I love you more each day."

She grinned and leaned over for a kiss. "That was really corny."

"You walked me into it."

"Maybe I did. Corny Ed Tucker is very cute."

"Good. I need to have a lot of ways to look cute for you. Don't wanna run out."

"Impossible."

He massaged the shoulder of her injured arm. "How's this today?"

"Not bad, actually. I think I could go without the sling."

"Don't wanna rush it…"

"I won't," she puckered her lips for another kiss. "But, maybe tonight, I can prove to you it's a little better?"

Ed exaggerated a shiver. "Sure...might need...more proof though...tonight, tomorrow night...maybe Wednesday morning…"

Olivia grinned at him and rested her head against his chest. Her husband was getting back to normal.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	34. Chapter 34

**Thirty-four.**

Olivia was worried she would have trouble easing back into the job while limited to her desk, but, not long after she turned on her laptop and began scrolling through reports from the past week, Fin ushered in a woman who, despite being taller than Olivia, broad-shouldered, and physically strong was obviously struggling with frayed nerves. She wrung her wiry fingers as Fin made the introductions.

"Mrs. Lucas, this is Lieutenant Benson. Liv, this is Dianne Lucas. She's here to make a report."

The typical sympathetic expression crossed Olivia's face and she invited Diana to sit down. Too consumed by her own troubles, Dianne paid no attention to the sling.

"How can I help you?"

After all these years on the force, Olivia's heart still broke when she heard accounts filled with despair, fear, and uncertainty. Dianne's predicament revolved around a husband who peppered spurts of binge drinking and drug use in what was an otherwise ordinary life. They lived in a building they bought in the 1980s, renovated it, and lived off both the residential and business rental income.

"He gets bored," Dianne explained, "Disillusioned. I know when the bad stretches are coming. He starts to ask questions like 'what's it all for?' And that's when I brace myself."

"Is he violent?" Olivia asked in a manner that suggested she didn't want to know the answer even though her job mandated it.

"He can be," Dianna replied. "He's never hit me, but...he'll throw things, kick a chair, punch walls...and my biggest concern right now is he wants to take our kids, we have a son and a daughter, to Texas, he wants to visit every state and it's one of the last ones, and I'm so worried to let them go. My mother's here and not doing well…" Dianne trailed off. Her eyes drifted to Olivia's left hand. "It's hell not to be able to trust your husband with your kids. Total hell."

…...

 _The one permanently occupied office at The Benson Center belonged to Olivia. It was decorated in a muted color palette of blues, lavenders, and a bit of coral for a subtle pop. Impressionist paintings hung on the walls. The furniture was bulkier and more comfortable than what had been in her precinct office, and Olivia delighted in carefully matching the throw pillows to the seasons. She wanted the space to feel cozy yet at the same time uncluttered, so she displayed a few books on a small shelf, arranged candles on the side tables, and set up a sleek coffee and tea bar in one of the corners. It was one of the most welcoming spaces Olivia had ever seen, but, in its first few weeks of operation, the Benson Center seemed far from its first success story._

 _Olivia found herself reluctantly admitting to Ed (and only Ed) that she was worried she would quickly burn out. Investigating SVU cases had so many facets. Even though their victims were typically alive and in need of empathy and patience, there was still a certain degree of the thrill of the chase, the heat of the investigation, and the satisfaction of unraveling the threads of complicated, convoluted sets of evidence. Even when they lost, most of the time, Olivia and the squad felt they at least had nudged victims on the path forward, whatever that entailed._

 _Working at the center solely involved picking up the pieces of shattered lives. Olivia's primary role was one of assessor-she spoke to people on their first or second visit, listened, and reviewed case files for missing or incomplete details. However, she found herself becoming obsessed-she constantly critiqued her responses, she habitually glanced at her new work phone for messages, and she futilely tried to come up with ways to reopen closed cases._

 _So, when an old buddy of Ed's invited him to be a co-presenter at a "Proactive Leadership" conference, he insisted they leave the kids with Sarah and Justin and spend a long weekend in Pittsburgh's finest downtown hotel._

" _River view," he said in his most persuasive voice as he swayed her around their bathroom, "Huge bed, room service...hot tub…"_

" _Of course I'll go with you, Ed Tucker. Even though I do feel kind of bad leaving the kids. And are you sure Sarah and Justin are free and willing to take on the trio for three nights?"_

" _I already asked."_

 _Olivia returned his smirk. "Of course you did."_

" _We haven't been away alone in a while. I love going away with you." Ed pulled her closer and kissed all over her face. He hoped she didn't pick up on his ulterior motive. He needed to force her into a break from her new line of work, if only for a few days._

 _Olivia moaned. Her fingertips dug into the muscles of his lower back. "When's the conference?" She asked breathlessly._

" _Next weekend. Leave Thursday morning."_

" _Okay."_

" _First class."_

" _God I love you."_

" _It's comped."_

 _Olivia chuckled, "Not what I meant." She rocked her hips into his and moaned again at his burgeoning erection. It had been a few days since they'd last made love, and she suddenly and urgently needed him. Her hands flew to his waistband and she shoved down his shorts. He was hot and even harder in her hand. A few seconds later, he was reduced to unintelligible pants and gasps. She grinned and stared into his eyes until he threw his head back and let his lower body crash into her. The contact calmed him down some and he lifted her onto the counter._

" _Here?" He sweetly asked._

" _Yes. Right here."_

…

"MOM-MY! MOM-MY! MOM-MY!"

Noah led the chanting and the march around the living room. The twins followed along, doing their best to mimic his high-step. Olivia had come home early, in time for dinner, and, after smothering the kids with hugs and kisses, watched the little parade with delight. Concerned about Ed's feelings, Noah added "DAD-DY!" in between the mommies and giggled when the twins didn't immediately follow suit.

"Gotta keep, up, babies!"

"DAH!"

"DAH DAH!"

"Good job!"

" _DAD-DY! MOM-MY!"..._

Ed held Olivia from behind and whispered, "Hope ya weren't lookin' forward to peace and quiet."

Olivia put her hands over his. She leaned back and let her head rest under his chin. "Not at all."

The march ended, but the cacophony did not. Wyatt pounded away at his new workbench. Maggie played with the magnetic tiles. Noah had dumped all the legos, scattering them across the floor, and was sorting them into size-based piles for his and Wyatt's construction project.

"We're gonna build a maze, Wyatt," he said, "Den we're gonna see if small sister can get outta it!" He giggled to himself and continued classifying the blocks. "If she gets trapped, we help her, but she hasta try first!"

Even with the haircut, Wyatt's locks curled under themselves at the ends. He did look older, but not as much as Olivia had expected. His chubby cheeks, soft blue eyes, and pudgy hands and feet, remnants of babyhood, were still his most prominent features. Concentrating on pounding plastic nails, his jaw protruded a bit and, even Olivia had to admit, he looked every bit like her. He and Noah were both attired in simple gray t-shirts and tan khaki shorts. Wyatt's hung low, revealing the waistline of his pull-up.

"How'd it go today with the potty?" Olivia asked.

"It didn't," Ed replied.

Olivia felt him chuckle.

"Tomorrow's another day…"

"Yep."

Maggie abandoned the tiles and dragged her feet through Noah's piles causing significant damage to his sort job.

"Hey! Maggs! No no!"

"NO! NONONO!" Maggie crouched down and snapped two Legos together. "BUILD, No! Magg build!"

"We gotta put 'em by biggest to smallest, first, Maggs! So we know what we're workin' with!"

Maggie ignored her brother and fit two more blocks on her emergent tower.

Noah heaved an exasperated sigh. "Wyatt, we're gonna haveta use some of your other blocks," he said, "Cause small sister has a mind of her own."

In the kitchen, Ed and Olivia laughed quietly. In addition to adding new words to his vocabulary on a daily basis, he picked up on common expressions with lightning speed and used them in accurate contexts.

"I love that shirt," Olivia said of Maggie's well-worn _Girl Power_ tee, "But we probably need to get a new one soon."

"It is a little tight. No tight clothes for my baby girl."

"You're so old school," Olivia teased.

Ed kissed her cheek. "You love it."

"Yeah I do."

…..

 _Halfway between IAB and the precinct, a call summoned Olivia back, this time to One PP, where she was directed to a conference room where three suits and Tucker were already seated. Tucker must have made a beeline from his office to NYPD headquarters, for it appeared he had been settled in his chair for a while. In front of him, a water bottle sat, half consumed. At first glance, he and the others were one and the same-gruff, humorless, and effortlessly intimidating. Yet, when Tucker saw her and, despite his earlier curt brush-off of her request to reinstate Amaro, Olivia saw a hint of goodwill in his expression. It reminded her of "Good luck to you, Sergeant Benson," and she ignored the ensuing chill which tingled her spine._

 _Olivia hardly had a chance to sit down before the Deputy Chief delivered the news. "Amaro's back in. Dash cam exonerates him. Penance done."_

 _It was all Olivia could do to stop herself from rolling her eyes. Instead, she squinted at Tucker who responded blankly. Damn, she thought, he's good. Since it didn't seem like the men wanted her company for any longer than necessary, she rose to leave, thanked them, and wished them all a good day. Before she stepped into the elevator, Tucker caught up to her._

" _So you're not short staffed anymore," he muttered matter-of-factly._

" _Nope."_

" _Look, back at IAB, I didn't mean to cold shoulder you like that."_

 _Olivia glared at him but didn't utter a word. Truth be told, she was disappointed in him. She thought they'd turned a corner after the Lewis investigation. She thought she'd gained some points, a bit of trust, but it didn't take long from him to resume his old adversarial role._

 _He smirked at the silent treatment. "And you're meaning to cold shoulder me now."_

 _Olivia raised her eyebrows. Tucker was teasing her?_

 _They left the building and continued down the street toward IAB but away from Olivia's office. She walked alongside him anyway; he'd been rude to her, but she couldn't bring herself to stalk off in the opposite direction. From the corner of his eye, he glanced at her and smirked again. Clearly she was annoyed and pissed off, but she hadn't fled._

" _Coffee?" He asked innocently._

" _I actually am going to head home for a bit and see Noah."_

" _How's he doin?"_

" _Fine."_

" _Look." He stopped walking and drifted toward the curb, "It wasn't my call to give Amaro his shield back."_

" _But you told the chief to look at the tape."_

" _Yeah."_

 _She narrowed her eyes. "It could have been your call. You didn't want to make it."_

 _Inside, Tucker cringed. She was absolutely right. Amaro reminded him of Stabler-angry, prone to violent outbursts, uncontrollable-only now, Olivia was the boss and whatever happened on her watch with her detectives would fall on her shoulders. Tucker had the utmost respect for Benson; however, she was new to this type of leadership. He had no doubt she'd be successful, but it would take time for her to rewire her brain and regard former equals as subordinates. Amaro, in his opinion, would not learn his lesson._

" _Didn't agree with it."_

 _Olivia shrugged. "Message received. No favors from IAB."_

 _Taken aback by the bite in her comment, Tucker clenched his jaw._

" _What?" Olivia challenged, surprising herself with her audacity._

" _Favors…" he trailed off. He had the lowest of blows to deliver but wasn't about to swing even though she was baiting him._

 _Nevertheless, she easily detected his thoughts. "So I wouldn't go along with your justifiable homicide story...and now you're not doing me any more favors? Is that it?"_

 _As quickly as his icy demeanor surfaced, it melted away and the compassion returned to his eyes. "You could've gone to prison," he said softly. "You could have lost everything."_

" _I didn't," she replied brusquely, "And, even if I did, I would have lost respect for myself if I went along with your story."_

 _She started to walk away, but he stopped her._

" _Listen," he said, "I believed you. I still believe you. Cole did, too. It was...it was...we thought it was the only way out."_

" _You see," Olivia's lips curled into a sneer, "That's the problem with IAB. By the time cases get to you they're so twisted and muddied up you can't accept that, sometimes, the truth is almost comically simple."_

 _Tucker dared to grab her wrist. She blinked in surprise but didn't pull away. "No one. And I mean no one, was laughing."_

 _Her response was solemn. "I wasn't either." Olivia glanced down and blinked again, more rapidly this time, as if shaking herself out of a daydream. "I have to go."_

 _Tucker watched her stride down the block, her unbuttoned trench and her brown hair flapping behind her, seemingly struggling to catch up with the person to whom they were attached._

… _._

"Holy shit," Ed gasped.

Olivia grinned and nuzzled his neck.

"I gotta admit," he said, "I thought, maybe, you were sorta, wishful thinking about your arm…"

"It is still a little sore."

The normally-slinged arm was now draped across Ed's midsection. He lightly brushed the wound with the back of his fingers. Skin was now starting to cover the sutures; they were going to be removed tomorrow morning, and Ed, a bit squeamish all of a sudden, swallowed hard and hoped the doctor hadn't waited too long.

"You leave it outta the sling all day?"

"Almost."

"Did you have a good day?"

Olivia laughed. They had a strict rule about police talk around the kids, and after they went to bed, she and Ed retreated to their own private confines where they did not do much talking.

"I did. Well, I didn't have time to think about anything other than work, which was good. This woman...her husband...I can't get what she said to me out of my head."

"What'd she say?"

"That it's hell to not be able to trust your husband with the kids."

Ed played with her hair. As if to apologize for having to repeat the line, Olivia wedged a leg between his. He kissed her forehead. "I don't know how you've done it all these years."

Olivia lifted her head so her chin was resting in the middle of his chest and she could see his face. "What do you think the hardest part has been?"

Ed raised his eyebrows.

"Interesting to hear a semi-outsider perspective."

He fumbled with the words at first. "I think, uh, well, this is gonna sound...bad."

"I don't care. And, it probably won't." She felt his chest heave as he took a reluctant breath. "Ed, honey, come on. We've been together for a long time now and part of the reason we got together and we stayed together and we're so good together is that we're honest and not afraid to tell the truth."

"I guess, well, I know how it is...to have kids and be a cop, to worry about all the bad stuff...I get that part. I do."

"Yeah...there's no avoiding that in any unit."

"Has it ever...has it ever been hard for you to...to enjoy sex? After dealing with rapists and child molesters? Like...all those people using sex as a weapon, to control people, for the most degraded motives...and then come home to me?"

It was a such a brutally honest, raw, sincere question, Olivia was shocked into silence which Ed read as him upsetting her. He immediately apologized.

"No...no…" Olivia murmured, "...It's a...valid question. But, I think you answered it, really. Those people we go after, those _criminals_...I guess I got good at really compartmentalizing SVU's work into SVU's work. But, just like I have to remind myself that there are significantly more good people than bad people out there." She offered a smile, but acknowledged she didn't completely answer the question.

While she finished her response, she ran her fingers over her favorite features of Ed's face-his jaw, cheekbones, and, finally, his lips. Those lips had kissed every single millimeter of her body.

"The way you love me and hold me-and get mad when you can't hold me-and smile at me, or, when I walk into a room or come home and just...the way you look at me. Those are all so far away from anything I experience or have experienced at work. Sure, certain details of certain cases stick with me, but you make me forget...you're my reality...others' trauma isn't."

"But-"

She inched upwards, ready to kiss him and end this very heavy end to their night. "I know. I have my own trauma. And every so often I have to fight it again. But it's less challenging now and I'm not alone, I know how to ask for help and I know, if all else fails, you'll do anything to make it right. Make it better."

"Damn right about that." He held her head in place as she kissed him. And, before they fell into their second round of lovemaking, he stopped her. "You know I would never, ever do anything to hurt you."

"I know. I promise you I know."

…..

Sarah and the three kids were back at her apartment and drawing on the large chart paper she kept in the closet for them when Justin came home. He dropped his bag in the foyer and, looking bulky under all his gear, grinned as the kids shouted his name.

"JUSTY!"

Wyatt's and Maggie's versions sounded more like "DUSSY" but they were no less enthusiastic. They ran to him, hugged his legs, and took turns squealing as Justin flipped each kid upside down. He kissed Sarah hello, changed clothes, and the five of them piled on the couch to look at the pictures Sarah had taken at Max Brenner. Justin, prone to deep belly laughter, had to pause and take a breath several times as Noah narrated and he saw the twins in various stages of what looked like an attack of chocolate sauce and frosting.

"We did eat, Justy," Noah said, "Dinner I mean. We had mac and cheese but these babies didn't get so messy with that!"

"I can literally only see Maggie's eyes in this one," Justin said.

Sarah shrugged. "I figured I'd let them get messy all at once and do one round of clean up. But I think small sister may have some cake in her ear still." Sarah reached for Maggie but she clung to Justin's chest thinking Sarah was trying to remove her from his lap. "Sheesh, Maggs! Relax, sister. You're so possessive with people."

"What's p'sessive?" Noah asked.

"It means you don't want to let people go."

"Yep! Small sister's p'sessive. So's Daddy!"

"No freaking kidding."

"Almost swear jar!"

"Almost!" Sarah tickled Noah's belly. "But not quite, mister!"

"CAKE!" Wyatt shouted as the pictures of the lit candles on the birthday cake came through the scroll. "CAKE!"

He rattled off a few words Sarah couldn't decipher, but Noah translated. "He said da candles are hot, don't touch, and get presents after. But," Noah added matter-of-factly, "No more presents!"

"PESENT!"

Sarah's phone vibrated.

"PHONE! SAH! PHONE!"

"It's Mommy," Sarah reported, "She's almost here."

Noah scrambled off the couch and started scooping up toys. "We gotta get packed, babies," he said, "Mommy can't do it all 'causa her arm!"

Sarah grinned proudly. "Noey, you are the most considerate person on Earth."

Noah smiled but he was busy tossing items in their two bags.

"And also, when are you going to stop calling Maggie and Wyatt babies? They're two!"

Noah frowned at Sarah and stood with his hands on his hips. "Sare Bear! Dey always gonna be babies!"

…..

Olivia hustled toward Sarah's building thinking so much about her kids she bumped into G, the neighbor and occasional babysitter, on the way in. G smiled politely as if she were foolishly wondering if Olivia remembered who she was but relaxed and broke into a wide grin when Olivia greeted her with a warm hug.

"Hi honey," she cooed, "How are you?"

G pressed the elevator button and replied, "Fine. How are you?"

Olivia did not have the sling on and ignored the question, choosing instead to address the "fine."

"I know that one," she said.

Confused, G furrowed her brow.

"Fine?" Olivia said.

She cocked her head. Normally uncomfortable under scrutiny, G found herself relaxed under the microscope of the woman she knew only as Olivia Tucker and she smiled again, this time in surrender.

"I've had a crappy week," she said.

The elevator dinged and opened at G's floor.

"Why don't you come up for a few minutes and say hi to the kids?" Olivia suggested. "They always make me smile even after the most terrible day."

G yawned, started to decline, then nodded and agreed to go. Olivia opened Sarah's door without knocking. The chorus of "MOMMY" soon turned into a salvo of "GEEEE!"

Sarah giggled. "We have the whole crew here tonight," she said. "Now all we need is Brookey and Sonny and Sof. Oh, and Daddy of course."

Grinning at the twins trying to baby pile on G, Olivia mentioned she and Ed were hosting Sofia tomorrow afternoon. "You're welcome to come by," Olivia said, "We'll probably have dinner all together when Brooke and Sonny get back. Maybe out, though. Feels like we've been cooped up lately."

"Well, we certainly weren't cooped up tonight, were we, kiddos?"

"NOPE!" Noah said. "Mommy, these babies had another cake! That makes one, two, three cakes!"

"I saw the pictures, sweet boy," Olivia said, "It looks like you had so much fun. I want to hear all about it."

"Kay. I tell you on da train."

"We're going to take the car, sweetheart," Olivia said.

"Lemme help you get everything downstairs," Justin said. He went outside their door and expertly kicked open the stroller. "No, bring me the bags." He waved the twins over, "C'mon you two, time to pile in the stroller now."

"PIE!"

"Yep."

Olivia eyed the chart paper and the collection of markers and colored pencils littering the floor and started to pick them up.

"No, no, no, Livvie. I'll get it. Justy will get you into a car and G and I will have a drink on the balcony and watch his gallantry."

G mumbled something about being tired, but Sarah was having none of it.

"Your brain's probably going a mile a minute," she told G, "A drink will calm it down and you'll sleep like a baby." She grinned at her imminent joke. "Wyatt baby, not Maggie baby."

Olivia chuckled knowingly. The clarification was certainly necessary. "Alright, well, thanks again, Sare and, G, get some rest. Don't let this one keep refilling your glass."

"Right."

"Psh," Sarah pretended to be offended. "Wait until you taste what I've come up with. Long Island Iced Tea, Sarah Style!" She nudged Olivia, "Not exactly the spiced bourbon, but…"

Olivia was sure her face had instantly turned beet red, so she turned to leave. "Have a good night. Let me know if you're going to stop by tomorrow."

"Will do! Love you, Livvie!"

Olivia wasn't sure Sarah heard the return "I love you" because she had already shifted gears and was describing the various liquor ratios in her new signature cocktail to her impromptu drinking buddy.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	35. Chapter 35

**Thirty-five.**

 _Olivia could tell Ed took a liking to Pittsburgh. As the pair meandered through the city's distinctive neighborhoods, he commented on the architecture, the gritty charm of the rust belt footprint, and the varying stages of gentrification. Unexpectedly, Ed approved of many trendy-looking bistros and cafes that had popped up in formerly working-class neighborhoods. He saw the care the owners took in making sure the refurbished building exteriors maintained historical integrity, and the menus posted outside were not as eclectic as what he'd seen in New York. They weren't as pricey, either._

" _Thinking about relocating?" Olivia teased._

 _He matched her jest. "Maybe. We can buy one of these old houses, fix it up, be Steelers fans."_

" _Never," Olivia snapped._

 _Ed put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. "I know."_

 _Lunch was a Primanti Bros. sandwich-pastrami, coleslaw, and french fries between two slices of thick French bread. Ed and Olivia both knew about the lore surrounding the restaurant and the sandwich. With each bite, Ed held it up and examined the contents with his brow furrowed._

" _Something wrong?" Olivia asked._

" _I dunno," Ed mumbled, "I saw this on Bourdain's show...and...well, it's good but it's not that good. Fries are a little soggy, sorta bland...maybe we need to drink more to get it."_

 _Olivia laughed. She pulled up the map on her phone and found a place of interest she'd noted earlier. "There's a store around the block called Pennsylvania Libations. All local bourbons, whiskeys...you interested?"_

 _Ed took her hand and let his eyelids droop. "Olivia Margaret, I'm interested in going anywhere with you."_

 _Cheeks flushed, she broke into an abashed grin and ducked her eyes for a second._

" _Y'alright?"_

" _Yes," she replied, "You have this skill...it's...making it seem like this is our first date, like, I get chills and...a little nervous."_

" _Well," Ed crumpled the parchment paper and swigged the last of his beer, "Let's go get ya some bourbon and calm you down."_

 _The first thing Ed noticed when they approached the liquor shop was a sign advertising a "try before you buy" offer. "Excellent idea," he remarked. There were three customers standing and sampling at a small back bar, and the clerks nodded hellos to Ed and Olivia but otherwise left them on their own to browse._

" _Pumpkin spiced bourbon…" Olivia said, holding up a bottle for Ed to see, "I bet that's good."_

 _Nose crinkled, Ed replied. "Pumpkin?"_

" _I know, I know, pumpkin has gotten out of control," Olivia gently elbowed him, "But let's try it anyway." She marched to the bar. Before pouring the quarter-ounce samples the clerk ticked off facts about the origin and style of the liquor. Olivia tasted first and nodded approvingly. It wasn't too sweet, there were hints of allspice, nutmeg, and cinnamon, but the bourbon burn and taste still dominated._

 _Ed downed his mini-shot. "It's good," he said, sounding a bit reluctant to admit it. "Real good. Let's get a bottle." He turned his attention to the clerk, "Will you put this aside for us? We'll look around a little more."_

 _Selecting bottles and reading the label descriptions quickly became a new type of science for Ed and Olivia. They sampled whiskeys, other infused bourbons, and a couple of types of vodka. Since neither was a fan of rum, they avoided that area until a white-and-black label adorned with a friendly-looking skeleton caught Olivia's attention._

 _She dashed over and plucked the bottle from the shelf. "Maggie's Farm Rum," she said, grinning from ear-to-ear. She pictured her little girl who, at the moment, was probably running Sarah and Justin ragged, and smiled even wider._

 _Ed grabbed another version-a coffee liqueur-and brought both bottles over to the bar. "We have to try it," he said, "I bet we'll like it."_

" _We will." Olivia ran her finger over the words on the label. She whipped out her phone and sent a quick check-in text, hoping a photo would accompany the reply._

 _Ed and Olivia left the store with three large bottles and a small, sampler pack of the Maggie's Farm rums. They joked about showing the kids the label and having to get bottles featuring "Noah" and "Wyatt" to complete their collection._

" _Great," Olivia quipped, "Some families collect pictures and teddy bears...we collect booze named after our kids."_

 _Ed scrunched up his face, "Who collects teddy bears?"_

" _Some people."_

 _Ed looped a finger through one of the belt loops on her jeans and pulled her close. "Oh yeah?"_

" _Yeah."_

 _They traded a few kisses standing in the middle of the narrow Strip District sidewalk. When Olivia tried to move them along, Ed refused until he got one more kiss. After that, he took her hand and they began strolling aimlessly yet in the general direction of the hotel._

" _Should we, maybe, get an Uber back?" Olivia suggested, noticing Ed kept shifting the heavy bag._

" _Yeah, let's do that. Drop the bags. Maybe get in the hot tub before we go back out?"_

" _Don't you have to prepare something for tomorrow?"_

" _Nah," Ed tapped his head, "Everything I need is in here. And," he squeezed her hand, "right here."_

" _And here," Olivia showed him the photo Sarah sent. The three kids were standing around the coffee table, an extra large pizza in front of them. Noah had his arms around his siblings. The gesture was both one of affection and one of practicality, for both Maggie and Wyatt were leaning forward, ready to attack the pie._

…

Six-month-old Sofia slept through most of her time at the Tucker apartment which frustrated Noah. He commandeered his parents' phones and flipped through pictures of Maggie and Wyatt as infants. He concluded his siblings never slept as much as baby Sofia did. Maggie, on the other hand, was perfectly content with snoozing Sofia, for whenever the baby was around, Maggie was on guard, ready to hijack the attention of her mother, Ed, or Justin if they paid too much attention to her.

When Sonny and Brooke returned from the matinee performance of the latest Broadway hit, Sofia had only been awake for an hour and she was sitting on the play mat, bewildered at the whirlwind of activity happening around her. Her eyes darted all around, trying to keep track of Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah who were bustling about in their latest imaginary world.

After batting around dinner ideas, they decided to try a new family-friendly pub in the area. It offered large, cozy banquettes with private video screens but also an area with a mini golf course, bean bag toss, and old-school whack-a-mole among other games. When the restaurant first opened, both Ed and Olivia regarded it with skepticism, but it seemed to attract a loyal following.

The party of eight were seated immediately and Noah delighted in choosing music from the video screen's jukebox app. The tunes played from recessed speakers and the three Tucker kids bopped their heads and wobbled their shoulders to the familiar songs Noah lined up in the queue. Their drinks arrived quickly and it wasn't long before Noah asked to go to the game area.

Ed looked at Olivia.

"Go ahead," she said, "We'll order in a little bit."

Before sliding back out of the booth, Ed leaned in for a kiss. Olivia tickled Ed's neck as their lips touched and they smiled sweetly at each other afterwards.

"You want me to take Sof, Brooke?" Sonny asked.

"Let me take her," Olivia said. Maggie was already rushing for the neon-light-lined entrance. Olivia outstretched her arms for the smiling baby and held her so Sofia was sitting on the edge of the table. Olivia wasn't sure who Sofia resembled. She had fair skin, wisps of brownish- blonde hair, and blue eyes. Her face was round like Brooke's. When she smiled she looked a lot like Carisi, but she didn't overwhelmingly favor either one of her parents.

"Are you happy, sweetheart?" Olivia cooed, careful to avoid using "sweet girl" for fear that Maggie would somehow hear it and come sprinting back to the table.

Sofia grabbed a napkin and started waving it around. Brooke took it and started playing peek-a-boo. "She loves this. I swear I entertained her for a half hour the other day doing it."

"I remember Wyatt loving it," Olivia said, "He still does...Maggie would always punch through whatever I was using."

Brooke laughed, "She's so funny. She seems like she's the more independent one, but she really loves you and Dad. She doesn't like being away from you. Or sharing you."

"That's for sure. That's why...as much as I don't want them to grow up too fast, I am looking forward to being able to talk to them, have conversations. I love hugging them and cuddling them, but...talking, it's so important."

Brooke stared straight ahead, losing herself in her thoughts. Talking had never been her strong suit, at least, talking about things that mattered. When she was working, she was great at talking-talking about students, their families, and what the community could do to improve its schools and its neighborhoods. But when the conversation focused on her, more often than not, she struggled for words, shut down, and tried to change subjects as quickly as possible. Tonight, however, she got the sense Olivia was going to use these moments of alone time to try and extract some information out of her. Brooke issued a preemptive strike and asked the first tough question.

"How are you doing? With your arm?"

"I'm good," Olivia said, genuinely sounding upbeat and positive, "Physical therapy starts next week. Stitches are out. Still a little sore, but nowhere near what it was. Picking up the kids is still a little challenging, though. It's like...a deep tissue bruise, I told your Dad at first it was a hundred times worse than a tetanus shot, now it only feels like one."

"It must have been horrifying."

Olivia held Sofia's toy as she gummed it. She had been going back to therapy on a regular basis and she and Ed had had several heart-to-hearts about how they were feeling, but Olivia hadn't thought about how the shooting was affecting Brooke and Sarah. Sarah, of course, in her typical way, was doting and syrupy-sweet, but Brooke was busier, lived farther away, and Ed had kept everyone at arm's length until the twins' birthday party, and no serious discussions were going to happen there.

"It all happened so fast," Olivia said, "And the first thing...I remember Fin coming up to me, and I had to call your Dad because he wasn't going to believe I was okay if anyone else called. So, it wasn't horrifying then, it was scary later when your Dad and I really were honest about...the worst case scenarios."

"You know what I like most about you and Dad?"

"What's that?"

"You trust each other so much. Like, I bet you tell each other everything, eventually."

"We do," Olivia paused for a few seconds, "You and Sonny don't?"

"I don't think we intentionally hold things back, it's more like...we don't know what exactly we're supposed to say." Brooke saw Olivia's confused expression and clarified, "Like, I, um, well, Dad knows and so you know, I was a little down the day of Justin's party because of my mom...but I didn't tell Sonny. I didn't remind him it had been a year. And why? Is it because I expected him to know? Or because I just prefer dealing with it by myself?" She sighed, "I don't know why I do and don't do things…"

"There's no playbook on how to respond to tough times," Olivia said, trying not to sound condescending or patronizing, "But, remember, you don't owe anyone anything. Everyone responds differently, there's no right or wrong reaction."

Brooke played with the corner of her napkin, wishing it was paper so it could be torn. "It...I...I don't know. I feel like there is an expected reaction. Or an expected time frame to...get over it."

"Sometimes there is no getting over it. And you, Brooke, you've had so much to deal with in the past year. And maybe I should have made you talk to me...but after Sofia was born, you seemed so much happier."

"I was. And I guess I am." Brooke smiled at her daughter who returned the grin, drooling in the process. "I think the year anniversary really got to me. And it got to me because...my life isn't really different without her, you know? Isn't everyone supposed to be crushed when their parents die? And us? We just kind of...buried her and went back to normal."

Olivia spent several minutes telling Brooke about Serena. She and Sarah knew the basics, but Olivia revealed how she'd felt the same way after her mother died. Conflicted and almost relieved she was gone because that was one less source of drama in her life. "I learned, though, that it was not my fault," Olivia said, "It was hers. And even...because of what's she'd been through, not even hers."

"Yeah…"

While Olivia had Brooke's attention and her willing participation, she decided to pose another, more personal question. "And Sonny? He doesn't talk to you?"

"He's gone so much," Brooke said, "So when we're together, it's usually all about Sofia."

"You have to take some of that time and make it about you. And him. I'm glad you went out together today." Olivia looked into Brooke's eyes, "I worry about you."

Her look was so intense, Brooke blinked as if she'd been thumped in the forehead. "Why?"

"Because you remind me of me. And you and Sonny are so young and have so much in front of you. I think about...how I didn't get that time with your Dad. And I want you to enjoy it. _Use_ it."

Brooke chuckled sardonically. "Like Sarah and Justin."

"Well...yeah."

"I don't know," Brooke settled in to the back of the booth and relaxed a bit, "I have a hard time getting to where Sarah is. I have a hard time getting _her_ half the time. She lives and acts like nothing terrible has ever happened to her, like, if I got married and then divorced less than a year later? I'd beat myself up forever! What does she do? Moves back to New York, gets a million dollar a year job, gets married again, and acts like nothing ever happened. I can't shake things off that easily. I _remember_ , for God's sake. And I guess I'm always waiting for the bottom to fall out."

"I know exactly how you feel."

"You say that, but you don't live like that."

"Not anymore." Olivia shifted Sofia in her arms so she could reach for Brooke's wrist. She squeezed it tightly before taking her hand. "Find more time to spend with your husband," Olivia said, "Sofia will always love you. She'll always need you. But, you and Sonny, you love each other. You understand each other. I know it. I've seen it. But...you have to work at it, especially because you're so independent, you're so used to handling things on your own. That's me, and it took so long for me to learn how to lean on your Dad without thinking I was weak or pathetic."

"I just wish I was more optimistic about the future. I don't feel settled."

"Have you ever felt settled?"

Brooke pondered the question for a couple of minutes. She and Olivia watched the others. Ed helped Maggie and Wyatt toss the beanbags. Noah and Sonny were having a putting contest on the mini-golf course.

"I don't think so," Brooke finally answered, "I have my moments, but no, overall, I haven't."

"Have you and Sonny thought about going away together? Just the two of you? We'll take Sofia."

"The last time we went away together, Dave shot Kyle in our loft."

Olivia smiled, "Well, maybe you should try it again, like...a sort of reset."

"Okay, I'll suggest it tonight."

"It works wonders for us."

Brooke laughed and rolled her eyes, "Like the two of you ever need a reset."

"Not a reset," Olivia gazed lovingly at her husband who, as usual, sensed her eyes on him and turned to return the smile, "More like...a reminder...that we have more in common than the kids. That we...really do like each other."

"If Sarah were here she'd be on the floor swooning right now," Brooke said, starting to laugh, "I am so going to brag to her later that you told me all about what happens when you and Dad go away together."

"What'd I say?" Olivia looked genuinely confused.

" _We really do like each other?_ " Brooke repeated, "She would get a lot of meaning out of that."

"Oh…" Olivia smiled and her cheeks reddened. "Well, she gets a lot of meaning out of the most boring things...good for her."

Olivia saw Ed hoist both twins up and perch them on either of his hips. He said something and Wyatt giggled. Maggie strained to look around, but she kept one arm possessively around her Daddy's neck. Ed was wearing a navy, short-sleeved polo and his biceps stretched the material. Sunlight had already started to tan his thick forearms, and the twins appeared a lot smaller than they actually were while in his grasp.

"Like the look on your face right now," Brooke smiled and nudged Olivia, "You love him so much."

"I can't help it," Olivia said softly, "He's amazing."

…..

 _Every year on a Saturday in mid-September, a Hudson River pier turned into the West Side County Fair. Live music blared from a portable stage, food and drink vendors abounded, game booths lined the guard rails, and performers on stilts and unicycles mingled with the attendees. Ed had already won Noah a stuffed elephant at the bottle toss, and had flipped open his wallet at the shooting gallery, confident and intent on winning the inflatable taxi cab Noah had spotted as they passed by._

" _Ed, these games are rigged," Olivia warned as she watched him pick up and examine the air rifle._

" _Maybe, but I'm a good shot." He stretched his shoulders and clarified the number of clown faces he needed to hit in order to win the taxi._

" _Ten in a row, sir."_

" _No problem."_

 _Olivia couldn't believe her eyes. With each hit, the clown faces popped up more quickly and in different places, but Ed deftly spotted them and mowed each one down. Minutes later, he handed over the inflatable to Noah. The little boy could barely get his arms around the new toy and he squealed with delight._

" _TAXI! TAXI! TAXI CAB!"_

 _They pulled over to the side and tried to wedge the cab into the stroller's storage compartment, but it wouldn't fit. When Olivia pulled the plug and started deflating it, Noah fussed. Ed picked him up and suggested they put it in his seat._

" _I'll put ya on my shoulders, bud, how about that?"_

 _Seeing his new toy safely in the seat, Noah calmed down and enjoyed the view from his high perch. He held onto Ed's ears and occasionally shouted out observations as they strolled down one side of the pier._

" _I think I'll forever be impressed you won that thing in one try," Olivia said. She was walking close enough to Ed so their arms bumped every few steps._

 _Ed puffed out his chest, "Yeah, always knew that sniper training would come in handy."_

" _Sniper training?"_

" _Yeah. Everyone on the Hostage team gets it whether they want it or not. Tryin' to spot hidden talent I guess."_

 _Noah nearly fell backwards as he tracked a man selling gigantic bundles of blue and pink cotton candy. Olivia reached up to catch him and tracked his line of sight._

" _I suppose it wouldn't be a county fair without cotton candy," Olivia remarked. "There's a bench over there, want to grab it?"_

" _Sure." Ed started to reach for his wallet._

 _Olivia patted his arm. He'd already bought lunch, drinks, a sno cone, tickets for rides, and, of course, the games. "I got this one," she said, grinning. "Just...get the bench."_

 _They spent a while sitting there, picking at the cotton candy, people watching, and laughing as Noah's face became caked with the sugary strands. They had arrived fairly early, but the sun had already begun its descent. Olivia realized she hadn't checked her phone or her watch all afternoon. She snuck a quick peek. Nothing. No missed calls. No texts._

" _This fair...it reminds me of a scene in_ _You've Got Mail_ _," Olivia murmured, "Have you seen that movie?"_

" _Sounds like a chick flick."_

 _Ed saying "chick flick" made her laugh harder than was probably warranted. "Yeah," she said, "It is. But you didn't answer my question. Have you seen it?"_

" _No."_

" _We'll have to watch it sometime. It's good. If anything, it's a nice tribute to the Upper West Side."_

" _It's a date."_

 _Noah was standing, facing backward on the bench, and paying no attention to the words exchanged around him. Ed moved positions so he was directly facing Olivia. He slung one arm across the top slat protecting Noah while simultaneously reaching out for her shoulder._

" _Next weekend?" Ed asked._

" _I was thinking sooner," Olivia replied. She had butterflies in her stomach, but she craved Ed-his touch, his presence, and the ease with which he fit into their lives. "Tonight?" She grinned at his semi-shocked expression. "We're having such a good day...why not keep it going?"_

" _Yeah, why not?" Ed smirked at her. There was a playful, impish glint in his eye. He and Olivia had, until fairly recently, been tiptoeing around one another, sharing flirty after-work drinks and occasionally meeting for dinner, but in the past couple of weeks she'd opened up her entire world to him; he had been to her apartment a few times and Noah no longer regarded him as a stranger._

" _We can order pizza…" she said, "Or-"_

" _-I make a mean burger."_

" _Even better." Olivia patted Noah's back. "Ready to move on, sweet boy? We'll see the rest and go home?"_

" _Bell!" Noah exclaimed, pointing toward a child-sized high striker game. "Bell!"_

" _I bet you can hit it hard enough to ring the bell, Noah," Ed said encouragingly. "Let's go over there."_

" _You hittit, Ed?"_

" _No, bud, you're gonna hit it. I'll show ya how."_

 _They tossed the rest of the cotton candy and made sure the elephant and taxi cab were secure. Ed hoisted Noah back onto his shoulders. Olivia pushed the stroller with one hand and patted the center of Ed's back with the other. Careful not to run into anyone on the densely packed walkway, she glanced adoringly at him for a few seconds. She was still processing her feelings for Ed Tucker, but, at the moment, she was thrilled that their day together was not going to end here at the fair._

…

Clad in his barnyard animal pajamas, Wyatt sat in the center of the kitchen island watching his mother make breakfast. She was scooping cantaloupe into small serving bowls with a melon baller and the process fascinated Wyatt. Behind them, on the stove, bacon and sausage sizzled in a skillet. Two bowls-one with beaten eggs ready to be scrambled and another containing pancake batter-sat nearby. Olivia was trying desperately to have everything ready at the same time.

"Want some melon, sweet Wyatt?"

"Choc'milk!"

"Okay," Olivia smiled sweetly. "Chocolate milk it is." She kept one hand on his leg, plucked a clean cup, and opened the refrigerator for the milk carton. "Here you go, honey."

"Tayooo!"

"You're welcome. So polite. Good thank you, Wyatt."

He took a sip and blurted out an exaggerated, " _Ahhhhhhhh_!"

"Good?"

"Good, Mama!"

The bacon crackled and spewed a few droplets of grease in the air.

"OOO!" Wyatt pointed to the stove, "OOO! Mama! Crack! S'hot!"

"Yes, Mommy's got it." Olivia flipped the pieces and turned down the heat. She finished with the fruit and set the bowls in the refrigerator. It was almost seven-thirty, and she was shocked she and Wyatt were the only ones awake. They were out later than usual the night before, but the apartment was usually fully alive by this time, even on the weekends. "This'll be good for our surprise for Daddy," Olivia said to Wyatt.

"Pize! Daddy!" Wyatt flailed his arms and smacked the granite with the cup. "Pize! Hap'birday!"

Olivia laughed. "Come here, sweetheart." She held out her arms and Wyatt jumped to her. Olivia snuggled him for a few minutes, relishing the feel of his body against hers and reminding herself the twins were still little, still her babies, even though they were talking more and more, moving away from diapers, and developing their own distinct personalities. She inhaled the scent of the baby shampoo and their fabric softener which seemed to cling mercilessly to the twins' clothing, mixing with their baby scent, and, was, quite possibly the most pleasant aroma in the world.

She eventually divided the pancake batter between two bowls and she and Wyatt dropped chocolate chips in one and diced strawberries in the other. She gave him the smallest of their wooden spoons. "Mix it up, sweetie." She showed him how and Wyatt copied the motion perfectly.

"Mix, mix, mix," he said, deeply concentrating on the task. "Mix, mix, mix!"

"MA! MAMAMAMA!"

"Oh!" Olivia opened her eyes wide, "It's your sister! Maggie's awake!"

Wyatt copied his mother's expression and squirmed to get down. "MAGG! MAGG UP!" Wyatt scampered toward their room and almost ran into Noah who was skipping in from the hallway.

"Ope! Hey Wyatt!"

"NO!" Wyatt's faced expressed the utmost urgency, "MAGG!"

"We gotta get small sister?"

"YAH!" Wyatt continued on to the bedroom.

Olivia intercepted Noah and scooped him up. "Good morning sweet boy!" She kissed his cheeks and gave him a tight hug.

"Morning mommy! Whatcha doin out here?"

"Making breakfast. We're going to give Daddy breakfast in bed."

" _Daddy_?" Noah grinned. "We always give _you_ br'feast in bed!"

"Well, Daddy's had to work extra hard lately, so we're going to give him a little treat."

Noah gently touched Olivia's arm. The sling and bandage were gone, but the scar was there. "Cause your arm...from p'lice…"

"Yes, honey. But it's all better. See? I picked you up and I couldn't do that last week!"

"When you're not p'lice anymore you won't get hurt."

"MA! MAMAMA!"

Maggie's and Wyatt's screeches were getting louder and louder, but Olivia couldn't peel her eyes from Noah. His observation broke her heart.

"MAMAMAMA! OUT! MAGG OUUUUUUT!"

The twins needed her.

The pancakes needed to be made. Eggs had to be scrambled. Coffee was waiting to be brewed.

Olivia crouched in front of Noah. "Sweet boy, sometimes people get hurt. In accidents. They happen. But...the good thing is, we have doctors and nurses and people like Justin to help us get better."

Noah brightened. His demeanor hadn't been all that gloomy in the first place. His statement was spoken in a pure, matter-of-fact manner. "Yeah! Justy saves us! He showed us how he save people when we were at his house! I know how ta use ALL da stuff!"

"He's a good man to have around," Olivia said. "I'm glad he's going to be Sarah's husband."

"Me too."

Olivia hugged Noah again. This time she held him for longer as if she were trying to squash any anxiety lurking in his body.

"Mommy?" Noah asked, his mouth squished against Olivia's shoulder.

"Hmm?"

"Those babies are loud."

Olivia grinned and released him. "Let's go get them. And then you can wake up Daddy while I finish cooking."

"Daddy's a sleepyhead."

"He sure is."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	36. Chapter 36

**Thirty-six**.

 _Sprawled across the floor, draped over a few toys and using the elephant for a pillow, Noah slept soundly even though the television sound had not been muted and his mother and Ed were laughing, chatting, and not making much of an attempt to hush their voices. A few faint smears of ketchup and mustard streaked Noah's cheeks and collected in the corners of his mouth. He was facing the sofa. Olivia was certain he was smiling in his sleep._

 _Or, maybe, she was merely projecting her own joy onto her son. She hadn't stopped smiling since they left the pier._

 _Ed was...fun._

 _Funny._

 _A natural with Noah. So at ease was he with the little boy that Olivia felt a twinge of jealousy. Sometimes she still felt as if she were below novice level at motherhood. Ed took everything from mild temper tantrums to boisterous play in stride._

" _Well, should we start the movie?" Olivia asked._

" _Sure." Ed glanced back at the kitchen. "I'll clean things up out there."_

 _Noah was still fully dressed. "I'll put his PJs on and get him in bed," Olivia said, "You don't have to clean up, I can get it later, unless," she bit her lip, "Are you...you're a neat freak, aren't you?"_

 _He grinned. "Nah. I'm a polite guest."_

 _Olivia cocked an eyebrow and considered this. "Well, that's not unexpected…"_

 _Ed stood up and took a step toward her. As he had been doing since their first kiss, he moved slowly as if he were concerned about scaring her off. He held her hands. She leaned in. She. Leaned. In! He knew the day had gone well. He saw her become this whole different person-Olivia Benson at ease, at play, laughing...with him._

 _And Noah of course._

 _The kiss was quick. Too quick for his liking, but, after Noah was in bed and the kitchen in order, Olivia sat beside him, curling her legs under her body, and settled in against his chest. Instinctively yet gingerly, Ed put his arm across her shoulders, glad she couldn't see his nervous smirk. He felt like he was back in high school._

 _Should he say something?_

 _Before he could overthink any more, Olivia pressed play and the two of them became absorbed in the movie. It was odd-the filming had taken place practically in their backyards-but the story, one of two unlikely lovers, mirrored their own._

" _Good movie," Ed said as soon as the end credits started rolling. He didn't move. Olivia didn't either. In fact, he swore he felt her get even closer, as close as she could get without sitting in his lap. Ed's eyes scanned the room-book titles, some readable from his vantage point, lamps with low wattage light bulbs casting frosty yellowish light throughout the space, Noah's toys and books strewn around the floor. It was cozy, warm, inviting, and Ed never wanted to leave._

" _You really liked it?"_

" _Yeah I did."_

" _Why?" She boldly asked._

 _Picking up on the fact she was reading his mind, Ed answered, albeit evasively. "It was funny, cute story, made...a lot of sense."_

" _Made a lot of sense?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _How so?"_

 _With a pained expression, Ed elaborated. Olivia wasn't letting him off the hook. "Reminded me of us. Except, of course, I'm not a millionaire and I don't have a boat, but, the general concept…"_

" _That's not why I suggested it," Olivia said. She sat up and created space between the two of them, "The fair really did remind me, but...half way through, I realized that too." They sat in silence until it got uncomfortable. "Ed?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _What's...happening here? With us?" There. The questions had been on her mind for a few weeks, right around the time they shared their first real kiss. Due to work constraints, they'd seen one another sporadically, but called and sent texts back and forth. They were clearly more-than-friends, but Olivia needed some sort of confirmation, validation, that what she was feeling was not only real but was also reciprocal._

" _I, uh…" He broke into an abashed grin, "I was gonna say I don't know, but I do know. Every time we see each other, it's just good, ya know?"_

" _I know."_

" _So is there another fair next weekend?"_

 _She fell into him and they laughed together for a moment. "No, I don't think so."_

" _I'll find one."_

" _It was so fun today," Olivia said, sounding dejected, as if no more fun times were to be had now or ever again._

" _Was nice seein you...like that, bein a mom, havin' fun." He touched her cheek with a fingertip, "You're so beautiful when you smile like you smiled today." He grinned as she flushed and ducked her eyes, "And when you're embarrassed...like right now." He lowered his head and made eye contact. "Still feel weird? The two of us? Like this?"_

" _No...it feels...comfortable."_

 _Ed chuckled. "Not sure if that's good or bad."_

" _Oh it's good," Olivia replied, "I don't get to this place very easily."_

" _That's an extremely gratifying compliment."_

 _Olivia had no idea what to say other than admit he was right and turn the tables so he received some of the spotlight. "You know, you're not someone who seems like he's been comfortable very often, either."_

" _Now what gave you that idea?" He deadpanned._

 _To his extreme delight, she laughed and dryly retorted, "The past twenty years."_

" _Twenty?"_

" _Okay, ten. Ish."_

" _For so long we had no clue about each other," Ed murmured._

" _Neither of us thought we wanted to know."_

" _Now I wanna know everything about you, Olivia...Benson."_

 _She furrowed her brow. "What was that?"_

" _What?"_

" _That pause."_

" _Oh, uh," Ed felt the heat and blood and shame rush to his face and nearly burst his pores wide open._

" _Tell me," Olivia demanded._

" _I, uh...I know your middle name...I...kinda like it."_

" _Margaret?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _You like it?"_

" _Yep."_

" _So say it."_

 _She was as close as she could be to his lips without kissing them. Her eyes were intense, desirous, and full of playful sincerity._

" _I wanna know everything about you, Olivia Margaret Benson."_

" _Sounds like you've said it before."_

" _May have rehearsed once or twice."_

 _His face turned a deeper shade of crimson. If Olivia had wanted to stop herself from kissing him, she couldn't have. Indescribable yet addictive sensations coursed through her body as they locked lips. Ed's hands stayed around her head and shoulders; she was sure he would have taken her to bed if she asked, but he was patient and careful and, down the road, when she was certain she was in love with him, she would pinpoint Ed's patience as the one specific thing that won her over._

… _._

Olivia awoke to Ed kissing her face. Careful not to put too much of his weight on her, he leaned on a forearm, getting just enough leverage to hover an inch or two over her body. She had been whimpering softly in her sleep. The sound woke him from what was really an extended dozing session; sleep still did not come easily. He sat up, concerned, only to see her lips curled into a tiny smile, yet, she was thrashing her shoulders against the pillow.

"Mmmmm," she droned as her eyes fluttered open. "Hi there."

"Hi." He smiled sweetly at her. "Shoulders hurtin?"

"Yeah," she replied in a throaty voice and not sounding at all surprised he'd guessed the ailment, "Was I whining?"

"You were sayin' _Ed, come closer_." Smirking, he stretched out under the covers. He loved the feel of their sheets, cool and crisp against his skin. Olivia smiled sweetly when he brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. "You want me to rub 'em?"

Olivia wasn't in a hurry to extract herself from the covers, but she agreed anyway, sat up so Ed could wedge himself behind her, and closed her eyes as his strong hands worked out the knots in her muscles. Ed kissed the back of her head periodically during the massage. He loved the closeness, he loved their bedroom, he loved how _together_ they felt. In their four or so years together, they'd faced more than their share of harrowing experiences, yet, each time, their relationship emerged even stronger. Since Ed admitted how terrified he'd been after the shooting, he and Olivia habitually checked in with each other before falling asleep each night. The routine lifted them to an even higher level of trust, companionship, and love even though Ed and Olivia both admitted they didn't think it was possible to be any closer than they already were.

"Mmmm," Olivia moaned again, "I need you to follow me around all day and do this."

"Okay," Ed replied, sounding every bit like he was willing to rub her shoulders both constantly and indefinitely. He kissed the back of her head without disrupting the patterns her was making. "In a few weeks...you can have a massage any time ya want."

The comment was flirty and innocent, but it filled Olivia with unease. She had spent the downtime of the past two weeks sorting out what, exactly, retirement meant for her, and she still had no idea. She couldn't remember a time in her life when she wasn't a cop, or, at least, thinking like one, and, up until a few years ago, she had absolutely nothing to retire _to_. Now she had a husband, children, a beautiful Manhattan apartment and, gulp, a beach house. Living it was one thing; reflecting on it as one entity was overwhelming.

"Ed, I'm a little apprehensive about the whole thing."

The remark hit him like a gut punch. "You are?"

"Yes." Declaring the massage over, she leaned back against him and sighed as he wrapped his arms around her. She articulated everything she was thinking without omitting any details or downplaying the enormity of the impending changes.

Ed took a few moments to respond. For once, he had quite a bit to say, but he settled on a simple statement. "Liv, no matter what, I'm on your side."

She folded her hands over his. "Thank you."

"And if I'm annoyin' ya...when we have all this time together, just tell me to leave or something."

"I don't think I could do that."

"It won't hurt my feelings."

"Me telling you to get lost?" Olivia asked incredulously, "I can't imagine it wouldn't."

"Well maybe it would...a little…"

She laughed. "Ed Tucker, I love you so much."

… _._

 _The night before they flew back to New York, Ed and Olivia had dinner at a pub close to the Duquesne Incline. The patio overlooked the city and the rivers; they had seen the view before, in the daylight. This time they arrived as the sun set and Pittsburgh gradually illuminated itself before their eyes._

" _Well," Ed said, raising his pint glass, "Cheers to a successful trip."_

" _Cheers." Olivia grinned and, as she usually did, leaned over for a kiss before drinking. "You did a great job at the panel today."_

" _Think so?"_

" _Yeah. You actually slid back into that IAB persona a little too easily."_

" _Really? You mean the people there couldn't tell our six-year-old and two-year-old twins get and get away with whatever they want when they're with me?"_

" _Nope. Not at all."_

 _Ed twisted his lips, "Well...I suppose that's good feedback."_

" _But not what you wanted?" Olivia grinned and sipped her drink all the while keeping her eyes on him. "You wanted me to say you looked sexy up there? Is that it?"_

" _Kinda."_

 _She reached for his hand. "Captain, you looked irresistible...in fact, there were some women around me who said the same." She gazed at her husband who now seemed perpetually tanned, probably from the amount of time he spent outside at the park. She couldn't help but lament, albeit ever so slightly, that he rarely wore suits...he looked so good in them, but, then again, he also looked good in the polos and khaki shorts he wore on a regular basis. The shirts fit as if they'd been tailored to his physique. The shorts always hung a little low on his hips._

" _Right."_

" _True." Olivia played with his fingers, "And your answers...were so smart...so informed...seriously, you haven't missed a beat. You could go back tomorrow and do the job."_

" _Do you think I did a good job?"_

" _Yes, I-"_

" _-No, not this weekend, I mean, my job...at IAB."_

 _Olivia and Ed had hashed out almost every single instance of IAB-SVU conflict as their relationship progressed, but he had never asked her this particular question._

" _I think…" Olivia drew the word into two syllables, "You were very good at your job. Probably too good, or...too dedicated."_

 _He smirked. "Just sayin that?"_

" _Not at all. People wouldn't have hated you if you weren't good."_

" _You hated me?"_

 _Olivia shot him a forgiving smile, "I never hated you," she said even though she'd given him this assurance at least a hundred times._

 _He nodded. "No one ever hated you."_

" _I'm sure some people did."_

" _Maybe," he said, "But for the right reasons." Ed's eyes met hers and he blurted out, "Liv, I'm worried this new gig is tougher on you than SVU."_

 _Shocked, Olivia's jaw dropped. "Why?"_

" _You're there...a lot more than I thought you'd be," Ed replied, a little too ready to deliver his answer, "And...I'm wonderin' if having one sole focus…"_

" _...lends itself to obsession?" She finished for him._

 _Ed had been unsure about how she'd respond, so her smile soothed his nerves. He took a quick glance at the lights flickering in the city before training apologetic eyes on her. "You spent so long fighting for people who, a lot of times, had no one else on their side. I think the aftermath...it might be the hardest part...and hard for you because there's really no end, there's no one day a vic says 'I'm healed'."_

" _You sound like the SVU veteran," Olivia replied. "And you're right. There is no end. And you're right about obsession. I...I'm going to scale back the hours."_

" _Don't do that 'cause of me."_

" _No," Olivia said, "I was thinking about it before we left. This is becoming a second career rather than a retirement. I guess...I have trouble turning the switch off, you know?"_

" _Believe me, I know."_

" _And the show will start filming again, so I'll be putting in more hours there." She reached for his hands, "Is that okay? You knew I wasn't going to spend my days sitting around at home, right?"_

" _Oh yeah," he said, "But I...I guess I thought you would disconnect more than you have."_

" _I'm working on it."_

" _I know you are. I don't mean to put pressure on ya, Liv."_

" _You're looking out for me," she said with a soft smile, "And I love when you do that. And I told you to remind me to relax…"_

" _You did."_

 _They leaned over the table for a kiss._

" _How about we get dinner to go? We have one last night in the hotel…"_

 _Ed grinned and waved the server over to the table, "Definitely don't want to waste that."_

…

After a morning of shopping for Kindergarten graduation attire, Olivia and Noah parked themselves on the patio of a neighborhood Italian restaurant for lunch. A garment bag containing a new, light gray suit, was draped over the back of one free chair, and two other shopping bags sat at their feet. Noah had chosen a coral-colored tie and convinced Olivia to buy him a pair of shiny black wingtips which she purchased knowing he could also wear them for the wedding which was coming up in a couple of weeks.

"You are going to look sharp, Noah," Olivia said. "Has your teacher told you if you're giving a speech again?"

"I dunno," Noah answered with a mouth full of bread. "Probably Mia's gonna sing."

Olivia nodded. It was a bit early to think about end-of-year activities, but she wanted to take Noah shopping herself and the Tuckers' social calendar was filling up quickly. She, Brooke, and Sarah were meeting regularly about the wedding, Noah was finishing up his soccer season only to start t-ball, and the twins had been invited to daycare friends' birthday parties even though they were down to twice-a-week visits.

Had Ed been there, he would have been proud of Noah's secrecy. He had already started writing the speech for the retirement celebration and managed to remain tight-lipped.

"How is Mia?" Olivia asked, "We haven't seen her in a while."

"She's good," Noah replied, "She's friends with Karen and Grace now."

"Who are Karen and Grace?"

"Girls in da class."

Noah's tone was matter-of-fact and free of emotion, but Olivia's heart broke. She imagined Noah, abandoned by his best friend, sitting by himself at lunch and playing alone at recess. "But you're still friends with her, right?"

"Yep!"

"So, are you friends with Karen and Grace, too?"

Noah's nose crinkled. "No. They don't like ta draw or do da balance beam. I play with Hunter and Nicholas and Remy."

Olivia pictured the boys' faces. She remembered them from afternoon pickups, and Noah had been to Hunter's apartment to play a few times before. The other two played in Noah's soccer league but weren't on his team.

"Maybe we should invite Mia over sometime to play?"

Noah shrugged. "Maybe. But she's always goin' to ride the horses. That's what she say when we have Monday morning meeting. Mr. B. tells us to say what we did on da weekend and Mia always say 'I went to the stables and helped my Mommy with the horsies' and she never says she did anything else!"

"I'll call her Dad and see if maybe they'll be in the city one weekend. You always have so much fun riding scooters in the park together."

"Yeah! And I wanna take Mia up on da big hill! 'Member? When Daddy was in Ireland?"

"I remember. That was a fun day."

"Uh-huh. Mommy?"

"Yes, sweet boy?"

"I wanna go to Ireland."

"We will sweetie. Someday we'll all go as a family."

"Takin' da babies, too?" Noah's eyes were wide.

"Sure. You were about their age when Daddy took us to Paris."

Noah smiled. "I like dose pictures. I don't 'member Paris, though! But I know I was there b'cause of the pictures!"

"You were. And you were such a good boy on the plane and there...so I think Maggie and Wyatt will be able to handle it."

"Yeah...and if they get tired we'll jus' take 'em to da hotel and Daddy can watch 'em sleep and you and me and go swim in da pool!"

Olivia laughed and nodded.

"We gotta get a hotel with a pool, Mommy," Noah added, his tone gravely serious.

"Of course, sweet boy. Where else would you like to go?"

"Texas."

"Texas?"

Noah spread his arms wide, "It's dis big! And they wear cowboy hats and boots there! I wanna see those cowboys!"

"Did you learn about Texas in school?"

"Yep! I saw it on da map and Mr. B. gave me a book that has all da states in it and I like da Texas pages da best!"

"I'm sure we can arrange a trip to Texas."

"And Cal'fornia. Cause you and Daddy went and I LOVE dose pictures!"

"I know you do," Olivia grinned. The photographs of Santa Monica pier were frequent subjects of Noah's iPad-flipping, "Next time we go, we'll take you. They have a Disneyland there, too. We can go to that one and see if it's like the one in Florida."

Noah's jaw dropped. " _Another_ Disney?"

"Yessir."

"Wow…"

The waiter came over for their orders and patiently waited as Noah navigated the children's menu. According to his most recent test scores, he was reading at a second-grade level and he had little problem with the simple entree descriptions. "I like rav'oli," he murmured to himself, "But we have rav'oli a lot...Mommy?"

"Yes?"

"Is al-fre-do da white sauce?"

"Yes."

Noah handed the menu to the waiter, "Alfredo, please."

"What kind of pasta, sir?"

"Da curly ones," Noah replied.

The waiter apparently understood, because he dictated the orders back perfectly. "Eggplant parm and rotini with alfredo sauce. Got it."

"Yummy," Noah half-growled and rubbed his hands together, "I'm hungry!"

"Me too," Olivia simpered at her son, "I'm so glad we got to go shopping and have lunch today, Noah, just the two of us."

Noah nodded vigorously. "Yep! It's a good day for a date! A Mommy-Noah date!"

"Sure is."

"After dis we can go look at da boats?"

"Sure. Let's drop off the bags first, though."

"Kay. And...well, we gotta prolly bring small sister. She love da boats, too!"

"That's so nice, honey...but then it's not a Mommy-Noah date anymore."

Noah shrugged. "Dat's okay. Itsa Mommy-Noah-Maggs date! Small sister hasta see da boats! And maybe Wyatt too...and prolly Daddy...so I guess we all go."

Olivia chuckled softly. She wasn't sure if she was heartened or hurt by Noah's willingness to include his siblings in almost everything he did. The only off-limits activity seemed to be Wednesdays with Sarah; otherwise, he was always cognizant of Maggie's and Wyatt's interests and feelings. At mealtime, he always kept an eye on their portions and gave the twins food from his plate if they were running low on something. At bedtime, Noah made sure to read the twins two stories of their choosing before he selected his own books.

Olivia bit her lip.

Was there such a thing as being _too_ selfless?

Would she ever stop second guessing her parenting? Or worrying about her kids?

"WHOA!"

Noah's exclamation snapped her out of the daydream. The waiter delivered the pasta and the portions were huge.

"Anything else right now?" The waiter asked.

Noah grabbed his fork. "No, thank you," he said. "Mommy? You need something?"

"I'm good," Olivia said.

Before the waiter left the table, he patted Olivia on the shoulder. "I don't think I've ever met a more polite kid," he said.

"Thank you," Olivia replied. Noah was happily chewing his first bite and watching the action on the street. Through the glass table she saw the napkin he'd placed in his lap and his legs swinging back and forth. In that moment, everything in her son's life was perfect.

Maybe she was doing something right.

…..

Ed watched the late evening news as Olivia scoured the internet for shoes matching Noah's but in Wyatt's size. Noah was adamant that he, Ed, and Wyatt have matching footwear for the wedding, especially since Maggie already had shiny silver flats similar to the bridesmaids' heels.

"Findin' anything?" Ed asked. He scratched the back of her head and gave her a kiss.

"Yes. I have three different carts going on."

"Three?"

"These shoes are all so cute…"

Ed chuckled and kissed her again.

"Are you getting excited for the wedding?" Olivia asked.

"It's comin' up soon, right?" He joked.

" _Ed…_ "

"I'm happy for them," he said, "Feels like they've been together a long time, like they're already married. I hope...sounds horrible...but I hope it lasts."

"I think it will," Olivia said.

"Well then," he smirked at her, "I'm no longer concerned."

"I am worried about Brooke and Sonny, though."

"I know you are, Liv, but there's nothin' we can do...all marriages go through a funk-"

"-they do?"

"Except ours, of course."

"I keep wanting to say something to Carisi at work, but...I've done such a good job drawing the line...and it's really not my business, I guess, but...then again…"

"It is your business if you're worried about her. But you can't make Carisi a good husband, Liv."

"Do you think he's a bad one?"

"I think he's...not been present."

Olivia tossed the laptop aside and faced Ed. "You do?"

"Why else is she comin' to me and you to talk? Well, she's not exactly coming to us but she's puttin' herself out there and making us extract everything out of her. That's what she does. And, I dunno, in a relationship, she probably does the same thing but he doesn't notice, or he's not there to notice she's struggling."

Brow furrowed, Olivia mumbled, "He's a cop...how does he not notice…"

"You and I both know things are different when it comes to our personal lives."

"Yeah...maybe...I'll find a way to talk to him…I have to." She rose to her knees and scooted closer for a kiss. "Sorry...this is too heavy a conversation for a Saturday night."

"You never have to apologize for talking," Ed said, "I always want you to talk to me, Liv." He rubbed her injured arm, "How's this today?"

"Doesn't hurt at all."

"Not at all?"

"Maybe I'm getting used to the dull pain just being there…"

Ed shook his head, "Not somethin' you should get used to, baby."

"I think I want it to be a memory, now," Olivia said, "I want to forget it."

"I do too, but...in a way, I guess, Liv, all that fear...afterwards...I think in a way it's a good thing. If we're not terrified of losing each other, what's the point?"

Olivia considered this. She held Ed's hands and slid his wedding ring around and around. "I wonder if Brooke and Sonny are terrified of losing each other," Olivia murmured, "I bet Sarah and Justin are…" She saw the semi-disappointed expression on his face and smiled, "Okay, Captain, enough worrying about everyone else for the night."

"C'mere." He laid her down on the cushions and tossed one of Wyatt's toy airplanes onto the rug below. It hit with a dull thud and skidded onto the hardwood.

"Ed," Olivia gasped at the noise.

"It's fine."

"Okay."

Trusting him, Olivia didn't object when he slid a hand inside her shirt and began massaging her breasts while keeping his mouth fused to hers. Olivia felt him get harder and harder and held him by the hips, keeping him close, gyrating her own lower body against his until it was absolutely necessary they move to the bedroom.

"Not here," she said as Ed started to shove her pants down.

He smirked, knowing she was still nervous about Noah walking in on them. "Okay."

Ed lifted her off the couch and kissed her on the way to their room. He made sure to lock the door behind them and, seconds later, he and Olivia were devoid of clothing and playfully making love on top of the covers. Even though it wasn't necessarily needed, Ed grabbed for a bottle he had in his nightstand.

"What's that?" Olivia asked, panting and pawing at him.

"Lube," he replied. He saw her frown and explained, "Saw it in an article...want to try?"

"Okay…"

"Nothin's wrong, baby…"

"Okay," Olivia said again.

Ed applied a few drops. Seconds later, Olivia was moaning and writhing beneath him. The product created sensations neither Ed nor Olivia had experienced before. Ed experimented with the pace. Careful not to smother her with his weight, he propped himself on his palms. Olivia held his biceps and thrashed her head around. Sweat beaded on Ed's forehead as he heeded Olivia's requests to go faster and harder. She released one arm and frantically reached for a pillow. The addition of something other than their bodies or the spiced bourbon cultivated some doubt at first, but, by the time Ed collapsed and rolled over with Olivia in his arms, the skepticism had been permanently cast aside.

"Oh my God…" Olivia mumbled.

"Goddam…"

"What the hell... _was_ that?"

"Fucking magic."

They laughed together at the double meaning of the phrase.

"Called Uberlube," Ed reported, "And...it wasn't cheap...and I don't care."

"Worth every penny."

"You feel okay? It's not botherin' ya?"

"Not at all."

They traded a few kisses and smiled at each other. Olivia ran her fingertips up and down the side of his torso; it was a suggestive move, telling Ed she wasn't finished with intimacy for the night.

"Want me to get the bourbon this time?" He asked, grinning devilishly.

"I do...but I don't want you to leave."

Ed stretched out, reaching for the nightstand, and produced the small bottle from the nightstand.

Olivia laughed and mumbled, "We have a sex drawer…"

Ed rolled Olivia onto her back, straddled her, and opened the bottle. Before he drizzled the liquor onto her skin, he rasped, "Everyone needs a sex drawer."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	37. Chapter 37

**Thirty-seven.**

The mood in the squad room was unusually cheerful and lively. Even Fin and Rollins had a jovial air about them as they worked their way through the latest of SVU's cases. They breezed in and out of the Lieutenant's office, delivering updates and nodding at directives. When Olivia sent the pair on what amounted to a fishing expedition, she and Carisi found themselves alone in what was an almost eerily quiet precinct.

"Lieu, I'm gonna go out and grab some lunch. You want somethin?"

Olivia started to say no, but she realized lunch with Carisi would give her a perfect opportunity for an impromptu chat. She gave him her order, and, when he returned, they ate in her office. Olivia amusedly watched Carisi shovel lo mein into his mouth using chopsticks.

"Slow day," he said, mid-chew. "Slow couple of weeks, actually."

"I don't know how to feel about it," Olivia said, "Could mean nothing, could mean we're getting a barrage of calls tomorrow….or, tonight."

Carisi nodded.

"But, since it's slow, and, before summer...you have so many vacation days...why don't you take some? Let us watch Sofia and you and Brooke take a little vacation?"

Carisi raised his eyebrows. "You tryin' to get rid of me, Lieu?"

Olivia folded her hands and rested them on the desk in her _let me reason with you_ pose. "Not at all," she said, "But you and Brooke haven't had a vacation in over a year. Not a real one. There's something to be said for a couple going away together. Trust me."

Carisi flashed her his boyish grin; it was a look similar to the expression that crossed Sarah's face whenever she was picturing intimacy between her father and Olivia. "You think me and Brooke are in a rut?"

"I think she would benefit from a vacation."

Carisi took another bite and pondered her words. "She has mentioned wantin' to go to Quebec City, like you did. Good time of year for it."

Memories of the Quebec getaway sent pleasant chills down Olivia's spine. She and Ed had such a wonderful time in the enchanted old city. "I highly recommend it," she said. "Good choice."

"You'll really watch Sof?"

"Of course. Between us and maybe Sarah and Justin, we'll make it work."

Carisi sucked in air through clenched teeth.

"What?" Olivia asked.

"Brooke's still a little on the fence about Justin," Carisi answered with reluctant honesty. "He's always rubbed her the wrong way for some reason."

Olivia screwed up her face. "I thought that was over and done with," she said. "At first...I got it...but I think Justin's more than proven himself."

"I really don't know what it is," he said, "It's somethin...I like the guy, I always have, and she gets annoyed because of that...somethin' just bugs her about him, I guess. And then...she didn't like when Sarah took Noah to his mom's…"

"She took him there to sample wedding cake," Olivia protested, suddenly feeling defensive since she had okayed the trip in the first place.

"Yeah, well," Carisi fidgeted, "Don't tell her I told you this...but she's always been a little, uh, jealous of Sarah and Noah. It's stupid, I know, and she didn't exactly say that, but I can tell. And she didn't know you told Sarah it was alright until after the fact, and then she was surprised at you."

Completely baffled now, Olivia had trouble making sure her tone was even-keeled even though she was deeply annoyed. Carmen's neighborhood had seen its share of violence, but crime had been in steady decline. Also, Sarah had taken Noah by car in the middle of the day and they'd spent the afternoon on Carmen's back porch gorging on various dessert samples.

"Carmen lives in the Bronx, not the Middle East," Olivia replied sharply.

She didn't have much of a reply regarding Brooke's purported envy of Sarah's relationship with Noah. Sarah had taken it upon herself to designate an afternoon a week to spend with her little brother and they started while Brooke was still working. Sarah was fortunate to have a job that allowed her to take those hours off; Olivia understood Brooke's jealousy, for she, too, had experienced those feelings. However, the alone time with Sarah never diminished Noah's love for her or anyone else. He possessed infinite reserves of affection.

"Working in the South Bronx really gave her some insight no one else has," Carisi said, "She's protective is all," he reasoned, "She knows a lot of times there are some pretty dark things lurking below the surface in people who grew up in rough neighborhoods."

Olivia wanted badly to roll her eyes, but she remained as sensitive and responsive as she could. "We're going to have to agree to disagree on Justin," she said.

"Yeah."

"So, pick a long weekend...and take Brooke to Canada. I'll make a list of the places we went. We stayed at the Chateau Frontenac...a room with a river view. It was gorgeous."

"I'll check it out." Uncomfortable with the tiny rift that had formed between them, Carisi quipped, "Sure you're gonna be okay without me here for a few days?"

"We'll power through."

….

Ed couldn't help it. His wife was cute when she was annoyed. Olivia was home in time to help with dinner. "Helping" actually meant sipping wine and sampling the sauce while Ed cooked, but Ed didn't care. He was perfectly content preparing their meal and listening to her vent about her conversation with their son-in-law earlier that day. Despite the weightiness of it all, Ed couldn't help his amused expression.

"...And he was still so flippant about the whole thing!" Olivia was waving her hands all around yet careful not to spill the wine. "He shifted the blame to Sarah! Or, to Justin, or, both of them," Olivia groaned, "I don't know what to think."

Ed recognized Brooke's psyche was more complicated than Sarah's. Sarah wore her heart on her sleeve; Brooke was guarded and less likely to express discontent when she was upset and excessive excitement when she was happy. Nevertheless, his eldest daughter had noticeably changed both in demeanor and in physical appearance. She had lost weight and her normally round, lively face had become gaunt and somber.

"Sounds like ya got some insight, though," Ed remarked, "At least as far as Brooke, Sarah, and Justin are concerned."

"Do you think Brooke knows something? About Justin? Something we don't?"

Olivia's eyes were wide and full of genuine uncertainty.

Ed kissed her pursed lips. "No. I don't think that. Because she woulda told us."

"You think?"

"I know."

Olivia didn't look convinced. Ed kissed her again and held her chin between his thumb and forefinger. The kids' chatter filled the room. They padded around the living room, playing in their imaginary world, their bare feet slapping against the hardwood floor. In the kitchen, steam rose from the pots and pans, and the savory chicken marsala bubbled in the skillet. Its savory aroma wafted throughout the space. The scene was idyllic-a beautiful, perfect family beginning their evening together.

"I hate that she's jealous of Sarah," Olivia griped.

"I do too," he replied, "But, Liv, that's on her. And, like you said, it's weird Carisi brought that up. She doesn't trust Justin with Sofia? Fine. I don't agree with it, but I respect it. But why go there? Why tell you that? Other than to deflect attention away from the point you were making."

"Well, I didn't exactly come out and say I thought their marriage was in trouble."

"Surely he picked that up."

"I learned a long time ago not to assume such things."

Ed grinned. "Didja now?" She was sitting on a barstool and he moved closer, stepped between her legs, and planted a sloppy, passionate smooch on her lips. Olivia held him by the waist and grinned.

"I love you."

"I love you," Ed replied, "And you're really gonna love this chicken."

"Good. I'm hungry."

"Except...it has wine in it…"

"I think the alcohol burns off," Olivia said.

"I better Google it."

She chuckled.

"What?"

"Sometimes you say things that are so...not Ed Tucker things to say...like _I better Google it_."

"Can't have our kids getting drunk."

"I really don't think that's gonna happen."

Ed poked around on his phone for a few minutes. "Yep, we're good."

"I knew it."

"Worst thing that was gonna happen was we throw some nuggets in the oven."

"They eat too many chicken nuggets."

"They like 'em."

Olivia turned and gazed lovingly at her children. She had no idea what they were playing, but it involved some type of obstacle course loosely defined by strategically placed legos and blocks. Noah tried to instruct Maggie to go a certain way, and she responded by crashing into him and screeching "PIE!" Hearing this, Wyatt toddled over and he and his sister tackled Noah into the beanbag in their classic "Baby Pile" fashion.

"Got about ten minutes," Ed said softly, recognizing his wife was in the middle of a pleasant distraction. "Eating at the table or couch?"

"Table," Olivia said. "I got it...I better make myself useful."

"You were useful just now."

"How so?"

"I want to make a dinner so good it makes me worthy of being your husband."

Standing now, Olivia wrapped her arms around his torso and gave him a firm squeeze. "You could make the most disgusting dinner in the world and still be worthy of being my husband."

"If that ever happens...I'm gonna hold you to that."

….

 _Bayard Ellis and Benson slowly made their way down the steps of the courthouse, trying to blend in with the crowd and avoid the press scrum waiting on the sidewalk below. The reopening of the Derek Thompson case had attracted more attention than the DA's office predicted, and, for that, they blamed Ellis' involvement._

" _Drink?" The burly defense attorney asked Olivia._

 _She paused to check her phone. As often happened after a closely-watched verdict, message after message appeared on her screen, but she zeroed in on one in particular. IAB hadn't been directly involved in the case, but, after they caught wind of the possible misconduct by the retired Detective McCormick, Tucker and Draper requested SVU keep them in the loop._

" _I actually have to go," Olivia said. She smiled at Ellis and bounded down the rest of the steps, headed for the preappointed meeting spot. Tucker was already waiting at the bar._

 _The place was packed, mostly with after-work Wall Street types, but Tucker had commandeered a spot for two tucked in a corner near the window. He waved as she approached and she couldn't help but grin at his boyish expression._

" _Hey there," she said, ridding herself of her blazer and draping it over the stool. The April weather was cool, but she'd walked briskly and it was a bit stuffy inside the bar. She looked at the glass in front of her and smiled. "How'd you know I was in the mood for the hard stuff?"_

" _Figured you'd maybe be a little torn about this one."_

 _Olivia eyed him with a combination of awe and suspicion. "Do you have me on a wire?"_

 _Tucker chuckled sardonically, "Tough case."_

" _Certainly was."_

" _Brought out the heavy artillery for sure. "O'Dwyer? Ellis? That guy…"_

" _He's good," Olivia said, "Definitely not someone I'd want to go up against in court."_

" _He's got an agenda though," Ed muttered._

" _Doesn't everybody?"_

" _Maybe. But those cases of Ellis'-I always get the sense the actual case isn't really his focus."_

" _You're partially right," Olivia said, "But he does take the cases nobody else will. He really is on the side of justice...whatever that may be. He sees the bigger picture." She looked across the hightop table at Ed and sensed he didn't like her laudatory remarks about Ellis. She decided to needle him a bit. "Ellis is like the justice system's IAB," she said, "he's making sure everyone's on the up and up."_

 _Tucker realized she was teasing him and his effort at appearing annoyed manifested as a cocky smirk. "Alright, Benson," he muttered, "I'll give ya Ellis. But...O'Dwyer?"_

" _What do you have against him?" Olivia asked incredulously._

" _Nothin," Ed grinned, "Just checkin' to see if maybe you had some dirt on him."_

 _Olivia returned the smile. "I don't." She sipped the bourbon Ed had ordered for her. "Can we talk about something else?"_

 _Ed took a sip of his own. "How's Noah?"_

" _He's good. Really good, actually."_

" _Adoption comin' up?"_

" _Next month. It was fast tracked...and you would think fast tracking would actually seem...fast, but it's been a slog at times. I know ACS has to do their job, but it's really been tough. I feel like they've been tougher on me than they would have been with anyone else." She looked up, expecting Ed to have a dazed, disinterested look in his eyes, but he was leaning forward on his forearms and listening intently. "All I want right now is it to be over with, to not constantly have the possibility of him being taken away...hanging over my head." Olivia would have burst into tears if she weren't shocked at her own transparency._

" _ACS would be insane to do that," Ed replied, "But I get it. Must be hard to look too far into the future right now."_

" _It is."_

" _Well, just think, next time we have a drink, Noah'll be all yours."_

 _Ed's countenance was mischievous, almost naughty. Olivia returned a playful glare. "What are you saying, Lieutenant?"_

" _I'm saying we don't meet for drinks nearly enough."_

" _I didn't know that was something you were interested in."_

" _Oh, I think ya did."_

 _They each ducked their eyes and took another sip. The din of the surrounding conversations was enough to make the silence comfortable, or, at least, not awkward._

" _Seriously though," Ed finally said, "I'd be open to seein' ya more."_

 _Olivia almost laughed, but she realized how bold Ed's words were. It was obvious something was developing between the two of them, and he was sticking his neck out, pushing the envelope, even though he knew she could easily shut him down._

 _But that was the last thing she wanted to do._

" _I'd like that," she finally replied._

" _You wanna get somethin' to eat? Here or...some place else? I skipped lunch."_

 _Olivia checked her phone both for messages and for the time. It was early, and nothing urgent was on her plate. She, too, had not eaten since breakfast and even then she'd had only half a bagel and coffee._

" _Sure. Here's fine. We have a good spot."_

 _They split a meat and cheese board and, despite the server's wine recommendations, ordered more bourbon. When Ed wasn't sure about adding the accompanying blackberry preserves to the cheese, Olivia grabbed a piece of baguette and arranged a portion. She handed it over and softly said, "Try it."_

 _He took a bite and nodded approvingly. "Good."_

" _New things…" she murmured._

" _Yeah," he fixed his eyes on her, "New things...sometimes they turn out okay."_

 _Olivia's breath caught in her throat-a reflex that had been happening on a regular basis whenever she saw Ed socially. Though they were meeting infrequently, each time, he said or did something that made her freeze or do a double take._

 _She had already stayed later than planned and reluctantly declined dessert. Ed offered to split a cab, but she had to go back to the courthouse and retrieve the cruiser she'd parked in a city employee spot._

" _I'll walk ya?"_

" _Sure."_

" _Nice night."_

" _It is. I've been taking Noah to the piers a lot lately-he loves the boats...and the old train? Near the Sixties?"_

" _Oh yeah, ya know, they were gonna remove it, said it was polluting the green space, but it was grandfathered in with the historical preservation over there so they restored it instead."_

" _I didn't know that."_

" _It wasn't such a big deal...but my neighbor was on the committee, so I heard all about it. You gonna take Noah to see the tugboat race in September?"_

" _Oh," Olivia brightened, "I didn't think about that. I will. You'll have to remind me."_

" _Sure."_

 _They passed a group of heavily tattooed men and women and, when they were out of earshot, Olivia grinned and asked, "Tattoos, Tucker?"_

" _None."_

" _Me neither."_

" _My daughter was in a tattoo parlor once, with her sister's ID, and about two seconds from the needle pokin' her arm when I got there."_

 _Picturing Tucker's angry face, Olivia let loose a genuine laugh. It seemed to startle Tucker. He slowed his pace and continued with the story, hoping to hear that laugh again._

" _She was pissed. I even flashed my shield, the gun, the whole nine, the guy backed up, spilled his trays all over the place."_

" _Oh my God…"_

" _...yeah, she was embarrassed as hell, mad at me...funny now but I don't think she spoke to me for a week. Maybe two."_

" _Your poor girls," Olivia said, still chuckling softly. "You have the quintessential Dad glare."_

" _I guess so." He gently elbowed her in the arm. "Don't worry...your Mom glare will be just as intimidating."_

" _Think so?"_

" _I've seen somethin' close."_

" _I guess it's naive to hope I never have to use it."_

" _Yeah, probably."_

 _They rounded the corner and came to the part of the building grounds where the imposing structure gave way to a parking lot cordoned off by a chain link fence which curled in on itself in some places. About twenty feet away, a patrol officer sat in a booth, hunched over a newspaper and paying little attention to the quiet side street in front of him._

" _Thanks for the food and drink," Olivia said._

" _Anytime."_

 _Olivia took her hands out of the pockets of her lightweight trench and balled and unballed her fists. All throughout their small talk, she had been agonizing over how they would say goodbye._

" _Have a good rest of the night," Tucker said, his voice extra deep and raspy...and sexy. The streetlight shone on his ruddy face and his blue eyes sparkled._

" _You too." Olivia shuffled her weight from foot to foot and glanced into the parking lot. "I'll uh...I'll talk to you later?"_

 _Tucker had no idea what she meant by later, but he nodded and pretended he did. Then, in one smooth motion, he grabbed her wrist, kissed her cheek, and immediately stepped back to gauge her reaction. To his relief, she was smiling._

" _G'night," he said softly._

" _Night."_

" _I'll wait for ya to get in the car."_

 _Knocked sideways by his gallantry, Olivia nodded and, in a voice barely above a whisper, thanked him. She walked briskly to the sedan and waved to Tucker as she pulled onto the street. At the light, she looked back. He was still standing in the same spot, watching her drive away._

…..

"Ed, I have to go. Sarah's out there. Brooke's probably wondering where we are." The "we are" part of Olivia's sentence was actually a mishmash of nearly incoherent sounds because Ed continued kissing her. They were in the master walk-in closet where, seconds earlier, Olivia had pulled a lightweight sweater over a t-shirt when Ed came up behind her and started kissing her neck.

"I love kissing you," Ed mumbled, his lips curling into a smile against hers. He looked down at her casual outfit and smirked. "I could kiss you all day."

"Let's try that when I'm not needed as a wedding planning consultant and we don't have a house full of kids."

"I also like having a house full of kids."

Grinning, Olivia tapped her index finger to his chin. "You certainly have a lot to like in your life, Ed Tucker."

"Yeah I do. But I like you most." He gave her behind a slap, nudging her out the door. "Have fun with the girls. I love you."

"Love you."

Out in the living room, Sarah and the kids were playing ring-around-the-rosie. The twins could, more or less, sing the song and they screeched when they came to the "fall down" part. Maggie and Wyatt rolled over, giggling, into each other and repeated "FAH DOWN" until Sarah and Noah yanked them upright.

"Phew," Sarah said, wiping her brow and addressing Ed and Olivia. "I am guh-l _aaaad_ to see you two! These little people are giving me a workout."

"Workout, Sare Bear!" Noah said, "We gotta do da workout like we do with Daddy!"

"No way. I gotta go potty. Then we have to skedaddle."

"I haveta go!" Noah sprinted to the hallway bathroom.

"Go ahead and use ours," Olivia said to Sarah. She crouched and cuddled each twin, kissing their cheeks and repeating over and over how much she loved them. Maggie and Wyatt smiled and their blue eyes danced with joy. "You be good for Daddy!" She looked up at Ed. "Are you sure you don't want me to take one?"

"I'm sure. We're goin' to ride scooters and play in the park...much more fun than wedding planning," Ed replied with a grimace.

Sarah sauntered back into the room with a silly grin on her face and looped arms with Olivia. "Come along, Livvie. We have things to do!"

Olivia let Sarah lead her out of the apartment as Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt chased them with a chorus of "Bye Mommy!"

…...

Arranging table locations, choosing music, and deciding the order of toasts and special dances did not take long at all, and Sarah admitted her true purpose for calling the meeting of the minds was to get some alone time with her Livvie and her Brookey. Carmen, Justin's mother, was handling the food and drink, and the traditional Catholic ceremony was being held in the church the Vidals had been attending for decades. The reception location was a nearby banquet hall; and, with a noon ceremony, the vibe would be decidedly much more laid back than Sarah's first wedding.

"So, Livvie, I really didn't want to bring this up around anyone but us but I simply cannot wait any longer." Sarah was noticeably slurring words. She had been downing drinks quickly and was clearly in a celebratory mood. "I noticed...when I was in your bathroom-"

"-why were you in their bathroom?" Brooke snapped.

Sarah frowned, "Livvie let me, geez, anyway, when I was in there, I noticed a certain little bottle..." On her face was the unmistakable Sarah Tucker _I'm-going-to-cross-so-many-lines_ grin. Her cheeks were flushed and she bounced up and down awaiting Olivia's reply.

Though for a vastly different reason, Olivia's face reddened as well.

Brooke started giggling as she put two and two together.

"It was an experiment," Olivia self-consciously stared at the bar but she, too, started to chuckle.

"Was it good?"

" _Sarah_!"

Sarah smacked her lips at her sister's admonition. "Come on. We're all friends here. Livvie. Seriously." Sarah's eyes grew wide and serious. "Good results or bad results? I'm trained to analyze data."

Olivia took a drink and replied, "Good results," and, probably encouraged by the alcohol, added, " _Very_ good results."

"Gahhhh! I have to try it. I took a picture." Sarah found the photo and showed it to Brooke. "Uberlube, Brookey. Apparently it'll change our lives." Sarah side-hugged Olivia, "I love you so much...good for all kinds of advice, this one."

"This is so wrong," Brooke murmured critically, yet with an air of amusement.

"Oh, come on Brookey, loosen up." Per their typical seating arrangement, Olivia was between Brooke and Sarah and Sarah reached around her to poke Brooke's shoulder. "It's always a good thing to learn from our elders." Sarah put her elbow on the bar, rested her head in a hand, and gazed dreamily at Olivia. "Is it _order some right this minute_ good?"

"I think so."

Sarah pounded away on her phone. Brooke shook her head. Olivia, though on the verge of being mortified, also felt a sense of relief. The three of them were bantering, drinking, and being silly just like they'd done so many times before, but not so much in the past year. So, she played along when Sarah didn't let up on the sex talk. She rambled on about Justin-how he presented himself as calm and low-key but, in bed, had a sometimes insatiable wild streak.

"He likes to try all these positions," Sarah said, "And, well, I have to admit there are times when I'm like, can we get on with it already?"

"Yeah," Olivia drawled, "I know what you mean."

Brooke's jaw dropped. She could not believe what she was witnessing.

Sarah giggled. "Omigod, omigod, omigod."

"Not in a bad way," Olivia quickly clarified.

"But sometimes you're thinking, okay, honey, I know you love me and think I'm fucking gorgeous but...let's go?"

Olivia looked at Sarah. She was beaming. The conversation would never be referenced again, but Sarah was mentally collecting and keeping more pieces to the puzzle of what made her Dad and Olivia click.

"Yeah," Olivia replied softly, "It does come to that sometimes."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

Feeling a bit uncomfortable yet left out, Brooke posed a less intense question, "How many times a week?"

"Three to four," Sarah said. "Depending on Justin's work schedule. But then again he will wake me up from time to time...well, yeah, three to four."

They both turned to Olivia.

She was wavering between being honest and giving a lowball answer Sarah would never believe. "Five to six."

"Omigod."

Shocked, Brooke asked, "How? With your job? Kids?"

Olivia shrugged. "We...make time. We find it.

"That there," Sarah said sagely, raising her glass, "Is the trick. Cheers to finding the time."

They clinked glasses and, almost as spontaneously as Sarah brought up what she'd seen in the Tucker bathroom, she veered to other subjects. Later that night, as she curled into Ed's chest, ready to drift off to sleep, Olivia couldn't help but wonder about Brooke.

Three to four.

Five to six.

Brooke...had asked the question but offered nothing.

….

 _Ed had never pictured himself getting old. He didn't fear the inevitable. When his hair began turning gray he didn't go through any type of crisis. In fact, as he aged, he liked his appearance more and more. His body was still firm, thanks to good genes, and he thought he was fairly decent looking, at least compared to other men his age he knew. But, his impressions of himself didn't matter. The only opinion he cared about was Olivia's, and she had aged as gracefully as one could. Even more remarkable was it happened despite thirty years of stressful police work. From the bed, Ed stared at her as she changed into cotton shorts and a tank top._

" _I'm going to open the window, okay?" She asked._

" _Yeah. Never get tired of hearin' the waves."_

 _She smiled sweetly, opened the window halfway, and joined him, copying his position against the headboard. "Quiet tonight."_

" _Suspicious."_

 _Olivia laughed. With two teenagers, Noah in his twenties, and Mia joining them, she and Ed expected chatter and activity to last into the wee hours of the morning. Noah and the twins played board and card games whenever they were together, even more so at the beach, and all three of her kids were night owls. Wyatt was usually the first one to turn in, but even he rarely fell asleep before midnight. He would go to his room but get caught up in a book or an article or just lay awake and think._

" _They did say they were going to watch a movie," Olivia said._

 _Ed grunted._

" _What?"_

" _Maggie get over her Mia aversion?"_

" _I don't know if she ever will," Olivia sighed, implicitly recognizing the real reason they kids weren't engaged in their normal activities. Between the two of them, they had chatted individually with the twins, Noah, and Maggie, yet, the fiercest fighter in the Tucker family refused to give an inch. Maggie was steadfast in her resentment. "She's overprotective...wonder where she gets that."_

 _Ed sat up straighter and turned Olivia's face toward him for a kiss. "If that's the worst thing I've passed down to our kids, I'll take it."_

" _Me too."_

" _She could cut Mia some slack though."_

 _Olivia gripped Ed's hand. "She could...I tried to tell her Mia was following a dream-"_

" _-And Maggs said that didn't give her the right to trample on his heart?"_

" _Exactly."_

 _Ed slid farther down the bed and Olivia put her head on his chest. He toyed with her hair with one hand and entangled the fingers of his other hand with hers. "Maggie does have a point, though. Mia, she's always been...capricious...but to tell him she was gonna move in, actually move her stuff there and then...she's gone the next week? That was wrong."_

" _It was," Olivia winced, "I still get sick thinking about it. I don't know if it's good that I wasn't there or not."_

" _Definitely good."_

" _My baby…"_

" _Trust me, Liv. It woulda killed ya."_

" _He acted like it was no big deal but still...I think about his face…"_

" _He's a strong kid. Practical. He prolly knew she'd come back."_

 _Olivia tilted her head back, "Can we talk about something else? Everything seems so...repaired...at the moment."_

" _Sure."_

" _Except, of course, for Maggie."_

" _I pity whoever crosses her."_

 _Olivia chuckled softly and scooted toward the headboard to she had enough leverage to plant a firm kiss on Ed's lips. "We've done a good job."_

" _And we're not even done…"_

" _Ed, I-"_

 _He saw the pensive look in her eye, and put a finger to her lips. He knew what was coming. She was going to launch into a litany of things she owed to him, of thanks, of historical hypotheticals that never materialized. Usually he let her go there, but, tonight, he made the executive decision to stop it so he could concentrate on loving her. Above all, loving Olivia was the only thing Ed Tucker really wanted to do. Everything else in their lives was a corollary. If he didn't love her with all his being, there was no way he could love anyone or anything else._

….

 **#Tuckson**


	38. Chapter 38

**Thirty-eight.**

Noah was utterly floored when, instead of heading to the Subway entrance, Sarah led him to a black Lincoln town car piloted by a formally-dressed chauffeur. When he spotted the duo in the rear view mirror, he greeted them with a businesslike smile and hurried to open the back passenger door.

"Sare Bear? What we doin?"

"We have to pick up a big box of bridesmaids presents and drop them off at my apartment then we shall go eat and drink and buy you some stuff."

Always one to be flexible, Noah replied with a cheerful "kay" and moved on to more important matters. "I need a compass."

"A compass? Like, to draw circles?"

"Yep."

"Alright. We'll get you one. Um...why?" Sarah reached over and secured Noah's seat belt. "If you're not buckled in your parents will never let me see you again."

Noah let out an exasperated sigh," _Sare Bear_! You always say dat but it's not true!"

"Figure of speech, Noey. Figures of speech make a point, but they're not _aaaaactually_ true. Like...when I say I'm so hungry I could eat an entire pig."

Noah giggled.

"That figure of speech is called hyperbole...I think…anyway, why do you need a compass?"

"For prac-tis," Noah explained, "We were usin' 'em in math and it was hard! So I need one so tomorrow I can make really good circles with just one hand like da teacher!"

"Then we shall buy you the finest compass in Manhattan."

….

Olivia replied to the last of the emails for the day, uploaded a few documents to various databases, and sat back, satisfied at how much she'd accomplished. _Hmm_ , she thought to herself, _maybe a little desk duty isn't so bad after all._ After a few minutes of basking in contented near-silence, she picked up the phone and called Ed.

He answered, but held the phone up to Maggie and Wyatt.

"Ma! Hi MA!

"Mamamamama!"

" _Hell-lo_ sweet twins! Mommy misses you and I'll be home soon!"

"Does Mommy miss me?" Ed asked.

"She does. What are you doing?"

"We may have stopped for a cookie on the way back from the park."

"So fun."

"Yeah...everything alright?"

"Yes," Olivia replied, "Just checking in...I wrapped things up here and...I dare say, I'm a little, ah, bored."

" _Lieutenant_ ," Ed teased, "I don't believe I've ever heard you say that word before in my life."

"Certainly don't use it very often." Olivia pictured Ed sitting outside of the bakery on a bench with the twins, cookie crumbs ringing their mouths, sitting in the stroller. "I think...I'll be here another twenty minutes or so and I'll head home."

"Want us to come pick you up?"

"No...that's really out of your way. I won't be long."

"Can we at least get ya a cookie?"

"Absolutely. I love you."

"I love you." Ed held out the phone again and prompted the twins, "Maggs, Wyatt, tell Mommy you love her."

"LOVEOOOO MAMA!

"OOOOOO!"

Olivia still wore the silly smile when Carisi and Rollins bounded into the office. They were trailed by a less-enthusiastic Fin. Fletcher, as usual, was either buzzing around the precinct or around Manhattan, zealously pursuing leads and looking to close cases. He rarely sat still, which was a plus. He got on everyone's nerves, but, deep down, Olivia loved him. Fletcher had a sycophantic relationship with his boss and wanted desperately to please her.

"Thought we'd cut out a little early, Lieu," Carisi said, trying a little too hard to downplay the familial relationship between the two of them, "And go grab a drink. Like the good old days. You interested?"

"No thank you. I have a cookie and, I'm sure, a glass of wine waiting for me at home. Have fun."

Fin dawdled, but Carisi and Rollins left as quickly as they'd entered. Olivia saw them on the way out. Someone must have made a joke and they doubled over in laughter. Rollins playfully shoved Carisi by cupping the back of his head.

Olivia mumbled "have fun" to Fin. He rolled his eyes and hurried to catch the elevator. Olivia collected her things and tried not to read too much into what she'd witnessed.

….

 _Olivia left the hospital first, leaving Fin and Carisi there to entertain Rollins who was out of the woods and starting to go a little stir crazy. She called her new Sergeant to make sure Mike had actually heeded her advice and gone home or at least gone somewhere that wasn't the precinct. He didn't pick up but texted back a few minutes later informing her he had followed orders and was no longer at his desk. Benson asked no more questions._

 _Next, she checked in with Lucy. The nanny reported Noah was fed, bathed, and had been asleep for a half hour. "I'm surprised to hear from you so soon," Lucy said, "I thought, by the sound of your voice, you'd be late."_

 _Olivia paused and bit her lip. The race against the clock to find Lily Evans and then her murderer had taken its toll. She was exhausted but also in need of some decompressing...and she wanted to decompress with Tucker. Sitting at a bar with him, making small talk, sipping bourbon, and low-key flirting, was surprisingly soothing. She flipped her phone around and around in her hand, debating whether to call or text. She decided to call. If he had to decline for some reason, at least she could hear his voice._

 _That. Voice._

 _He picked up and, instead of hello, said, "Benson" as if he'd been expecting her call._

" _Hi."_

" _Hi."_

" _Busy?"_

" _Not particularly."_

" _Drink?"_

" _Sure. Where?"_

" _The place last time was good."_

" _Alright. Gimme about fifteen minutes."_

 _The pub was typical of many older west side bars. Narrow, dark, devoid of any frills, and, on any given night, depending on the games on television, either packed or pathetically vacant. On this particular evening, the crowd was thin but loud enough to provide some welcome white noise in case there were lulls in the conversation. Olivia arrived first, ordered Ed's usual neat bourbon and a Jameson's with a bit of ice for herself._

 _With each clang of the door opening and closing, Olivia jerked her head anxiously toward the entrance. She and Ed hadn't seen each other in a week and she was suddenly very excited to see him. When he finally arrived, his appearance didn't disappoint. He was wearing a lightweight, military-style black jacket over a black polo and well-worn jeans with leather boots. Olivia would later learn the boots were among the only articles of clothing he considered off-limits to any type of purging._

" _Hey," he greeted her casually and took a seat. They were still not sure about how to say hello and goodbye to one another even though they'd shared several mostly-chaste kisses. He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Glad ya called. I was bored."_

" _Well, in that case, I'm glad you were bored."_

" _Thanks for this," Ed tilted his glass toward hers, "Cheers."_

" _Cheers."_

 _They maintained eye contact during the sip._

" _Tough one, huh?"_

 _Olivia groaned. "Extremely. Welcome to the squad, Dodds."_

" _He alright?"_

 _Olivia grinned. "Did you forget to add the 'not that I care' to the question?"_

 _Ed chuckled and appeared a little embarrassed. Olivia wasn't letting him off the hook for his unforgiving demeanor so easily. At least now they could joke about it, and he did kind of like it when she teased him. "I guess I did," he retorted with a smirk. "But, seriously, it's gotta be tough...coming from any other unit to yours. I couldn't do it. Most people couldn't."_

 _Olivia shrugged off the compliment, "Well, the problem is, with Dodds, is that he's not going to admit it's too much. He'll keep going, tough it out, and that, well, you can't fake it in SVU. You have to...dig deep and have a thick skin but also vast reserves of empathy…"_

 _Ed took her hand in his and ran the pad of his thumb over her knuckles. "I never understood SVU," he said, "I mean, um, obviously, I get it, but I don't get it like you and everyone else. It's too hard for most people. For almost all people. I think...well..that's part of the reason I always went after ya so hard...or, at least, a mitigating reason-"_

 _Olivia put her other hand on top of his. "-You don't have to explain yourself," she said._

" _I think about it though. Dissect the interviews. Cringe."_

 _Olivia didn't think much about the Tucker interrogations. She didn't remember many, anyway. The ones that stuck with her were more recent, more serious than Ed accusing Stabler of going overboard._

" _I, um," Olivia pulled away from him and looked around, buying time, for she was about to place a whole bunch of trust in the man before her. "I want you to know...I, um, I never felt like you were being condescending or inappropriately zealous...in the past couple of years...with...everything."_

 _Ed took another drink and swallowed hard. "These past couple a years were hard."_

" _Understatement."_

" _No," he said, "I know they were...prolly no words for how they were for you. But, Olivia Benson, I've seen so many cops with vices, some many incurable personality flaws or traits or quirks. And, I guess, with you? My number one puzzle? It was I knew I could never save you from your heart. You have...the biggest, warmest heart I've ever seen. It drove you. The goodness in you... And, to see that...that life kinda go away for a little while…" Ed trailed off and stared into his drink before downing the rest of it. "Sorry," he muttered. "I don't really have the right to say any of that."_

 _Olivia collected herself. She took deep breaths. Sipped the Jameson's. Stared straight ahead at the liquor bottles. Ed Tucker had never been more raw, more transparent, and it was baffling, admirable, and intriguing all at the same time. "You may know me better than I know myself," she half-whispered._

" _I've been around a few cops…"_

 _The bartender approached, and his gruff "another round?" startled both Ed and Olivia._

" _Please," Olivia said._

 _The interruption provided the perfect segue into less serious topics, but he was unable to take advantage of it. Ed breathed a sigh of relief which he thought was unnoticeable but Olivia raised her eyebrows in response. He looked back at her apologetically. He started to say "sorry" but Olivia stopped him with a quick, slightly awkward hug._

" _Thank you," she said, "Thank you for being so...brave...to say all that."_

" _I just wanna make real sure we're on the same page here."_

" _What page is that?"_

 _He smirked and, once again, grabbed her hand. "I care about you, Olivia. I don't think that's a secret, but I have to say it. I think we're past everything...from years ago...but that doesn't mean it's forgotten, but I also wanna...start fresh too, if that makes any sense?"_

" _It does."_

 _He grinned, "I guess, uh, if you were lookin to blow off some steam this wasn't exactly what you needed." His breath caught in his throat as he saw her raise one eyebrow and lean in, this time, for a kiss. Ed made the kiss last as long as possible by puckering his lips and Olivia grinned approvingly, even as she pulled away._

" _I need nights like these," she said._

 _Ed partially choked down another sip. Hidden in that statement was an "I need you." She didn't say it, but he knew it. Olivia Benson, somehow, felt like she needed him. It was an honor of the highest order._

" _Like I said before," he replied, trying his best to remain nonchalant. "Just glad you called me."_

 _Olivia leaned forward on her elbows and smiled. "Good talk, Tucker."_

" _Yeah. Maybe, one a these nights, we'll talk about...weather or somethin."_

" _Weather?"_

" _Ya know," he shrugged, "Somethin' that doesn't matter."_

" _I don't know if that really fits our MO."_

" _We have an MO?"_

" _I think we do."_

… _.._

The driver offered to assist Sarah with the large boxes, but he was beaten to the punch by her doorman. He loaded the packages onto a dolly and used the freight elevator to deliver them to the apartment. Sarah stopped at the mailboxes and sifted through a fistful of envelopes and circulars, half of which she handed off to Noah for deposit in the recycling bin.

"I don't know why we even get mail anymore," Sarah muttered.

"People like ta get letters!" Noah said. "And boxes!"

"Well, boxes are fun deliveries. And these are bills or other boring stuff, not letters."

"We haveta have da mail, Sare Bear."

"Okay Noey." She mussed his hair and slammed the box shut. "Let's go. I can't wait to see what you think about what I'm giving the bridesmaids."

Noah whirled around on his heel a couple of times and staggered backwards into another resident coming to check her box. It was G.

"Whoops!" Noah giggled and then turned gravely serious when he saw the brace on G's leg. "You got hurt, G!"

"Yeah," she grumbled.

"What _happened_?" Sarah rushed toward her so quickly the neighbor flinched.

"So embarrassing," G mumbled, "I was taking an old table downstairs and and I totally bit it on a pallet, caught myself, and twisted my knee."

"Did you tear something?"

"I don't know yet. MRI results next week."

Noah, his face scrunched up and full of concern, said, "You needta sit DOWN, G! You gotta bad knee!" He ran to elevator and pressed the button, "C'mon, lessgo." He stood in front of the door, keeping it open while G and Sarah made their way into the car.

At G's floor, Sarah said, "Let us help you get inside." She picked G's bags and proceeded ahead, not taking no for an answer.

Inside, Noah hesitated. He peered curiously into the apartment which was a carbon copy of Sarah's except G's was a one bedroom and had a smaller terrace. "Dis place has gray walls and Sare Bear and Justy have white walls! And your couch is PURPLE!" Noah kicked off his shoes and ran to the chunky three-cushion sofa. Then, remembering the reason they were there in the first place, Noah shot up and grabbed a throw pillow. "G, you sit here and put your foot here," he placed the pillow on the coffee table, "And Sare Bear you get G a snack and a drink."

Overwhelmed, G followed the orders without a word. Sarah dutifully went to the kitchen. "Alcohol or no alcohol?" She asked.

"I better not have any booze," G replied, "I'm on some pretty strong meds."

Sarah brought over a glass of ice water. "Want any food?"

"No thanks."

"We're gonna eat ta-qui-tos, G! And guac'mole!"

"Yum," she replied in an exhausted voice.

"I can bring you some food," Sarah said, "I probably won't be back for a few hours though. Want me to text ya?"

"Sure. Thanks."

"No problem. We'll get outta here."

Noah was still inspecting the brace. "You get ta take dis off ever?"

"Sure. When I got to sleep I'll take it off."

"C'mon, Noey. Let's let G rest."

"Kay!" Noah skipped toward the door and shoved his feet into his sneakers. "We'll text ya, G!"

Sarah and G both chuckled. Noah's casual, adult words delivered in his six-year-old little kid voice were always hilarious. Once inside Sarah's apartment, they opened the box and Sarah held up the main part of the bridesmaids gift-embroidered tote bags. Sarah explained she was going to stuff them with all kinds of goodies-perfume, lotion, and maybe some makeup.

Noah looked skeptical at first. "Dis for all da girls?"

"Yes."

"They gonna like it," he finally declared. "Girls like all dat stuff. Did you know small sister tries ta get Mommy's bottles and makeup in da bathroom? She always tries ta climb up and she gets the stuff!"

Sarah doubled over in laughter, thinking about the bottle of lube. Oblivious, Noah followed suit, laughing harder than required.

"Small sister," he sighed.

"Yeah," Sarah said, "Small sister…"

"Sare Bear you gotta give small sister a bag too."

"I will."

….

 _The doctor had delivered this type of news many times before, so, to Sarah, he sound bored and unsympathetic. She didn't ask questions and absorbed the news with a blank expression. It wasn't really news, anyway. A combination of gut feeling and Google searches had allowed her draw her own conclusion. Pregnancy, at least in the traditional sense, was not possible._

" _In vitro?" She asked._

" _I can give you a referral," he said, "But the key to in vitro is egg quality. And that's what's challenging us here."_

 _Sarah collected her purse and her coat. "Well," she said slowly, "Thank you. For your time."_

" _Call me if you have any questions, Sarah."_

" _I will."_

 _Before walking out into the blustery December day, Sarah bundled up in her coat, scarf, and gloves. Though it was late afternoon and daylight was quickly fading, she put on her sunglasses, adding an extra layer of protection against strangers' eyes. Sarah had never felt more dejected, more worthless, in her entire life. She gripped her phone inside of a pocket, knowing she had to call Justin, but she couldn't bring herself to make the call right away. Telling him would make it real. At the moment, she was in a fog. Earlier, before she left home that morning, she'd insisted that Justin go to work instead of accompanying her to the appointment, and she had made the right decision. Solution-oriented Justin's optimism would have been irritating. Sarah knew she would want to be alone for a while and let herself be sad._

 _At a light, she looked down at her feet. Expensive heels. Her suit cost more than most people made in a paycheck. The entire ensemble, including the matching Burberry trench-scarf-glove combo amounted to well over three thousand dollars. Ahead, on the next block, was a bar she frequented, and Sarah planned to spend the rest of the afternoon hours there. She would order a steak, run up a huge tab, blow off work because she'd been promoted over and over again and could pretty much do whatever she wanted._

 _Except have a baby._

 _The one thing Sarah wanted would not, or, most likely could not happen. She thought about Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt and how she'd so outrageously spoiled the trio that Brooke enacted a limit on the amount she was allowed to spend on Sofia. Sarah took a deep, cleansing breath and crossed the street and waxed philosophical to herself for a few seconds. Maybe her Dad was given Olivia and Noah and the twins so she could have a little piece of motherhood._

… _._

Ed and Olivia "flew" Maggie and Wyatt at Noah for goodnight kisses. Noah barely noticed the intrusion, for he was concentrating on drawing circles with his new compass. Spread out before him were multiple sheets of plain white paper showing his progress from wobbly, unfinished versions to where he was now. Tongue wedged in one corner of his mouth, he was attempting to create a circle using the one-handed swoop of his teacher.

"NO!" Wyatt bopped his brother on the head. Noah looked up and Ed lowered Wyatt, upside down, in front of Noah's face. "Uppidedown, NO!"

"Night, night, Wyatt," Noah said. He looked up and waited for Maggie. "Night, night, Maggs."

"Stoey, No!"

"Arready had your stories, small sister! And I'm workin' right now!"

Olivia leaned down and kissed the top of Noah's head. "Alright, sweet twins, time for bed." Maggie contorted her body, desperately trying to get down, but Olivia responded by holding her more tightly. "Sweet girl, MWAH! Gotcha!"

Maggie grinned, kissed Olivia, and copied the "MWAH!"

Ed smiled and followed the pair to the twins' room. He tucked Wyatt in and flipped on the planetarium projector. Wyatt popped his Wubbanub in his mouth, he now only used it at bedtime, and curled up under his blanket. Maggie twice tried to get one of her parents to pick her up, but they only laid her back down. On the third try, she complied and sweetly cuddled her baby.

"Night, night Maggie May."

"Stah! Dada, Stah!"

"Yes, sweetheart. Lotsa stars. Close those pretty eyes of yours. I love you."

"Oooooo, Dah!"

They left the door slightly ajar and reminded Noah of his final 30 minutes of awake time. He mumbled a "kay" but clearly had no intention of focusing attention on anyone else or anything other than the circles. Ed and Olivia retreated to the sofa with glasses of wine. They took their usual evening spots-Ed on the chaise end and Olivia reclined against him.

"You're going to think I'm crazy," Olivia said, "But...I have to tell you something. Something I saw today."

"Okay."

"I don't want you to get upset."

"I prolly won't."

Olivia chuckled. "Okay…" She described the exchange between Carisi and Rollins. "It was a couple of seconds, if I would've blinked I may have missed it. It's nothing, right?" She immediately sensed the story agitated her husband and placed a hand on his thigh. "Coworkers. Joking around."

"You ever find out if they slept together?"

"No."

"Think maybe you're readin' too much into it because Brooke's so off?"

"Very possible." Olivia tilted her head back, "I just want everyone happy. Like us."

Ed puffed out his chest. "Well, I don't know if _that_ happy is possible for everyone."

"Oh, and I forgot to tell you, Sarah saw the, um," Olivia lowered her voice, "the bottle."

His body shook with silent laughter. "As soon as you sent her in there I thought about it. Then I thought...it looks pretty G-rated if you don't actually read the label, but I'm sure she read everything in there."

"Probably."

"We gonna need that bottle in a couple hours?"

"You know what?" Olivia kissed his face along his jawline. "Let's not."

Ed raised his eyebrows.

"I want...original us tonight."

"You, Olivia Margaret," Ed tapped her nose, "Get whatever you want." He peered over the back of the couch at Noah. "Ya know, he's so obsessed with that compass…"

" _Ed_!"

"Just sayin."

…

Forty blocks south, Sarah placed a dinner order, timing it so the food would arrive a few minutes after Justin returned from his shift. In recent weeks she had been dropping hints about his schedule. He could easily lose the two long shifts he worked on Mondays and Wednesdays. Sarah didn't want to force him into a different career, nor did she want to diminish the importance of his current job, but the hours were grueling and she didn't see the point in unnecessary self-torture.

Order placed, she grabbed a bottle of prosecco and went out to the terrace. It was a beautiful spring night. People milled about on the streets below, darting in and out of bodegas, cafes, and restaurants. She sat in one chair and propped her feet on the other. In a way, she wanted company. Sarah was not one to desire or value alone time. Yet, on the other hand, she was content in this partial solace. The pedestrian and traffic noise was soothing and pleasant. She thought about a handful of her closest coworkers who commuted from the suburbs every day. One lived fairly close to Angela's former house in Connecticut. Sarah grimaced-she saw herself neither as a suburban dweller nor as a thick-skinned commuter.

For fun, she priced houses on Zillow, but she was only halfway through photographs of a Victorian on Long Island Sound when Brooke's face popped on the screen.

"Hey Brookey," Sarah said, "What's up?"

"Are you aware Olivia told Sonny my marriage was in trouble?"

Sarah wasn't used to hearing such venom in her sister's voice. Reacting, she stiffened one leg and inadvertently propelled herself backwards.

"What the hell?" Brooke snapped at the commotion.

"Sorry, geez, I almost fell."

"Are you drunk?"

"Not at all." Sarah collected her glass and the bottle and went back inside. "Why do you think Livvie said that?"

"Because Sonny told me!"

"Huh?"

"He had this trip all planned...apparently Dad and Olivia are watching Sofia? So we can get away and _reconnect_." Brooke pronounced the last word slowly as if its meaning were completely anathema to her existence.

"A trip where?"

"Quebec."

"Well, I don't think that's such a terrible suggestion."

"She talked to Sonny! Behind my back. And criticized our marriage!"

Sarah could not believe what she was hearing. "She used those words?"

"I don't know, Sarah. I wasn't there."

"Brookey, I'm on your side, but...don't you think it might be better to talk to Olivia before you bend yourself really really far out of shape?"

Brooke released a violent, guttural groan. "My marriage is not her business."

"When has Livvie taken it upon herself to nose around in our business? I wish she would nose around in mine!"

"You are not helping."

"Okay, okay. Want me to talk to her? Is that it?"

"Yes."

"Someday you'll learn to be a little confrontational."

"Just...don't say I called you specifically for this…" Brooke paused, searching for the right words, but settled on, "You know what to do."

"That I do, Brookey," Sarah replied, "That I do."

…

On the nightstands, Ed's and Olivia's phones vibrated constantly for several minutes. When Olivia didn't pick up, Sarah called Ed. Then she called Olivia again. Then Ed. She repeated the cycle four times before giving up.

"How's original us, Liv?" Ed had Olivia pinned in the corner of the shower where she could prop one foot on the built-in stool. The water wasn't actually reaching much of their bodies, but they were engulfed in a cloud of flowery-scented, sensual steam.

"God, Ed, so perfect." Olivia's hands flew all over his head and back. The combination of his mouth on her neck and his precision in this position was making the formation of words increasingly difficult. "Oh, baby... _Ohhhhhhhhhhh_." She practically melted into his arms. He held her and continued. Emboldened by her reactions and proud of his stamina, he kept going for another minute or so.

Sated, they swayed in each other's arms under the pulsating water. Olivia nestled her head under his chin and hugged him tightly, noticing the muscles in his back, though firm and toned, were completely relaxed.

A few minutes later, Ed kissed her forehead and reached for the shampoo. He squeezed a healthy amount into his hand and massaged it into her head slowly, pausing every few seconds to kiss her on the neck or collarbone.

"You're so beautiful," he rasped.

"In house hair care," she sighed. "Does the trick."

"Not just your hair," he pressed his forehead against hers and stared into her eyes. "You're the most beautiful person, inside and out, I've ever seen."

Her tresses were nowhere near rinsed, but she kissed him anyway. Suds trailed down her face and transferred to his. Ed maneuvered them so they were fully underneath the spray and he kissed her until the shampoo was swirling at their feet.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	39. Chapter 39

**Thirty-Nine.**

Olivia wrapped her hair in a towel and went straight for bed. Her hair would be a mess in the morning, but it was nothing a ponytail couldn't solve. Back on her regular side, she settled in next to Ed, closed her eyes, and smiled as he plastered his body to hers.

"Night, sweetheart," he whispered.

She could tell he was beyond tired. His words were slurred, he sounded drunk, and, had she turned to look at him, she would have seen his eyelids drooping.

"Mmm," she sighed, "I love you."

"Love you."

His arm was draped across her chest and he fell asleep gently stroking one of her breasts. This happened often, Ed hated to relinquish any hold on his wife, and he maintained contact with her as long as possible before he surrendered to sleep.

….

After they finished their late dinner, Sarah gave Justin the rundown of Brooke's angry rant. She presented the facts as Brooke as dictated them-Olivia suggested a trip and told Sonny (in uncertain words) that she believed their marriage needed to be "saved."

Never one to take family conflict lightly, Justin spent several minutes sorting through the story. He asked clarifying questions. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, and furrowed his brow. Sarah started at him in amazement. Her solution was to tell Brooke to lighten up and to tell Olivia that Brooke was pissed and overreacting...Justin saw so many more nuances to the situation.

"Brooke's sensitive," Justin said. "She doesn't wanna be, but she is. And...I bet Olivia saying that, whatever she said, was totally innocent. So you have a well-meaning person and a person who's already a little tense, and a lotta times, that combination doesn't work out so well."

Frustrated there wasn't any one, quick, clear, fix, Sarah practically dove on Justin and covered herself with a throw blanket. "I one hundred percent do not believe Olivia told Sonny she thought their marriage was in trouble."

"I don't either."

"She probably said something like...it seems like you two need a getaway and Sonny took that and, and…boiled it down to _our marriage is in trouble._ "

"Or maybe he feels that way and saw an opportunity to bring it up?"

Sarah kissed Justin's leg because it was convenient. "That is so Sonny," she said. "He's a good guy, but he's really...I dunno, he's really...he's a little off in relationships."

"Whaddya mean?"

"I mean...he's very rigid with Brooke. It's like, I think even Livvie would agree, he's best when he's at work and he wants the whole wife and kid thing but he's really not good at it. But he's good at doling out advice to others."

"But he seems like such a cool guy. At least, we get along."

"Of course you do! You're not his wife!"

Justin started laughing and kissed Sarah a few times. "I agree with you," he said, "I think Brooke's overreacting. Knowing Olivia, I think she really said whatever she said trying to be helpful. She's not like that. She doesn't get in people's business."

"I know!"

"So you're the point person on the deescalating of tensions?"

"Yeah," Sarah sighed, "It's my job apparently. I tried to call Livvie and my Dad, but neither one of them picked up, so you know what that means."

"Yep. They're ignoring you."

Sarah burst into laughter and playfully punched him in the stomach. "Yeah, that's exactly it."

….

 _Ed and Olivia left the bar with an unspoken understanding that he was going to walk her home. They strolled along for a block or so until an unexpected sheet of rain began mercilessly pelting the city. Ed ushered Olivia to a storefront awning and, noticing her shivers, offered his warmer coat._

" _Here," he said, shrugging it off, "Gimme yours and take this."_

 _Her first instinct was to object, but she had neither the time nor the words to object. She traded her damp trench for his parka. "Thank you." She took a deep breath, inhaling the cool crisp dampness of the night accompanied by Ed's masculine scent._

" _You're welcome."_

 _Olivia stepped closer. He dared to put an arm across her shoulders, sensing she wanted this type of contact. Olivia sidled up to him as if they'd been cuddling under awnings on rainy nights forever._

 _The rain was born of patchy clouds moving rapidly over the island and, ten minutes later, the downpour became a barely noticeable mist. They swapped jackets and proceeded the seven or so blocks to her street at a brisk pace, for the temperature had dropped at least five degrees._

" _Good seein' ya tonight," Ed said._

" _It was."_

" _Maybe, uh, if you're not busy this weekend-there's the winter festival downtown...if you and Noah wanna go...not much for him prolly, but we don't have to stay long."_

" _Let's plan on it."_

 _He smiled. Olivia shivered. She had learned there was a distinct difference between Ed Tucker's smiles and his smirks. Smiles were serious. And he looked a little awkward, as if he weren't used to that particular expression._

" _Well," she said, "Good night."_

" _Talk to you soon."_

 _He kissed her on the lips, but expected a chaste peck. They weren't exactly in make-out stages yet, but Olivia held his elbows and returned a more passionate smooch. Afterwards, she shot him a wink and walked nonchalantly into her building. However, in the elevator, she struggled to catch her breath. Kissing Ed was becoming so easy, so natural, and she wanted more of him. Had the two of them dared to lay bare their feelings they would have discovered a mutual desire to keep learning anything and everything about one another._

… _.._

Olivia was at work the next day when she finally returned Sarah's call. She hadn't left a message and hadn't continued to call, so Olivia and Ed assumed the emergency, while urgent, was not a matter of life or death.

"Hey, Sare, sorry I didn't pick up last night. We were asleep."

"Uh-huh." Sarah twirled around in her office chair and propped her feet against the floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking Battery Park. She smiled at the Statue of Liberty. Of all symbols, she loved the statue the best. Each time she gazed at it, she got a little chill. She made a note on her Post-it stack to take Noah to Ellis Island on their next adventure.

"Everything okay?"

"Not really," Sarah said.

"Oh…"

"Well, for one thing, European markets are tanking the fuck out...but that'll rebound," Sarah paused for effect, "But another thing, perhaps more pressing, is that Brooke thinks you told Sonny, and I quote, _their marriage is in trouble_."

The words slapped Olivia in the face. "Why does she think that?" She asked, keeping her cool.

"Mostly because that's what Sonny said."

"Oh God."

"I know you didn't say it."

"I didn't," Olivia said calmly, trying not to sound defensive, "I told Carisi he should consider taking some vacation time while it's slow...and I think...I may have mentioned they haven't had the easiest year, but I certainly didn't tell him I thought their marriage was in trouble."

"I knew it. I told her those words didn't sound like something you'd say. At least not only to Sonny."

"Thanks."

"But do you?"

"Do I what?"

"Think their marriage is in trouble?"

Olivia paused. She trusted Sarah's confidence, but she felt weird about discussing Brooke with her, at least in this context. Nevertheless, she ran her theory by Sarah. "I sense she's unhappy," Olivia said. "And struggling. With a lot. And I think she's dealing with it all on her own. Which is fine...but she has a husband…"

"You know what is really wrong, Livvie?" Sarah dangled a heel on her big toe, "Brooke needs more of my personality and I need a teensy tiny bit of hers."

"Perhaps, but we are what we are."

"So now I have to tell Brooke you didn't say that and Sonny just...paraphrased wrong."

"He didn't completely make it up. There was an implied meaning. But he may have filled in the blanks with his own words...it's a lot easier to say your mother in law believes your marriage is in trouble rather than tell your wife you think you need to work on some things."

Sarah squeezed a pen cap between her teeth. "Does that actually happen?"

"Does what?"

"Do couples work on things?"

"Maybe they don't use those words but all couples have faults. All couples have to intentionally work on things."

"What do you and Daddy intentionally have to work on?"

"We're going to have to work on what life looks like and feels like when I retire."

"Are you scared?"

"A little. I don't know how I'll react. I don't know what to expect."

"No matter what, even if you have a hard time, Daddy will do anything to support you while you adjust."

"I know, which is why I'm only a little scared and nervous and not hopelessly terrified." Olivia returned to the subject at hand, "Let me talk to Brooke. This is between the two of us. There's all this uncertainty and anger out there and it needs to end before it gets worse."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Are you mad at Sonny?"

Olivia managed a sardonic chuckle. "Mad? No. Annoyed? Yes. But I'll worry about him later."

"Argh. The drama. Let me know if you need me for anything."

"I will."

"Oh! And, I want to take Noey to Ellis Island Wednesday if that's alright."

"Of course."

"Good luck, Livvie."

"Thanks."

After she ended the call, Olivia stared blankly around her office wondering just how much luck she was going to need to talk Brooke out of her anger.

…

 _Wearing personalized Minnie Mouse ears and a beige cowboy hat respectively, Maggie and Wyatt were easily tracked in the airport convenience store. Olivia parked herself at the register and watched with an amused expression as the six-year-old twins wandered around the store choosing snacks for the long flight home from California. They had eaten at In-N-Out Burger before returning the rental car, but Olivia wanted to make sure they had emergency food in case hunger struck in the next six hours._

 _Noah and Ed were across the concourse in a pub watching the Knicks in the NBA playoffs. They had been following the team closely and had tickets to the next game in New York, but the team had to win on this particular evening for the tickets to be worth anything. Olivia had been cheering for the Knicks, too, but neither she nor the twins were as absorbed in the drama of it all. Noah and Ed barely noticed when she ushered the twins to the store._

" _Mommy!" Wyatt came over with an armful of chips, candy, and, on the healthier side, a granola bar and a banana. "We gotta have drinks, too, but I can't carry it all!"_

" _I'll get the drinks, sweetheart."_

 _Olivia collected an assortment of water and soda from the cooler and joined the twins in line. Two people were ahead of them. A man clad in a sleek business suit quickly purchased a newspaper, and the woman in front of Olivia stepped to the counter and waved over a daughter of her own._

" _Oh no," she snapped when she saw her child had a snack collection similar to Maggie's and Wyatt's. "One snack. One drink."_

 _Apparently used to this type of restriction, the girl groaned, handed over the food of choice, and stalked back to return the other items. They left quickly, the twins piled everything on the counter, and Olivia swiped her credit card. She thought nothing of the mundane routine until Maggie, her mouth already full of gummy bears, remarked, "That girl's Mommy was mean," she said in a garbled voice._

" _Yeah," Wyatt said, digging into his plastic bag, "She hadta put all dat stuff back!"_

" _Yeah!" Maggie huffed as if the other mother had committed the worst of sins._

 _Suddenly ashamed for spoiling her kids, Olivia murmured, "Maybe next time we'll have some limits…"_

 _Wyatt looked up, his eyes partially blocked by the brim of the hat, and frowned._

 _Maggie added commentary, "You always get us what we want!"_

 _Oh God_ _, Olivia thought,_ _what have we done?_

 _Maggie and Wyatt skipped along a couple of steps ahead of her. Maggie's brown locks shot out from under the ears and she wore shorts with one of her new Disney t-shirts. The bright orange color wasn't either of her parents' favorite, but it looked good against her tanned skin. Wyatt's t-shirt had "Santa Monica" printed on the front and a retro-looking montage of palm trees and the pier on the back. The plastic shopping bags dangled from their wrists. Who wouldn't spoil those kids? They were adorable and sweet. Polite. Loving. They certainly did not behave like kids who got whatever they wanted, but Olivia had to admit, most of the time, Maggie was right._

" _We're back, Daddy!" Maggie hugged Ed's legs and held her bag wide open. "Lookit!"_

" _Ooo-Twix. My favorite."_

" _I getted it for you."_

 _Ed gently pinched one of Maggie's cheeks, "Thank you, Maggie May."_

" _I got you these, Daddy!" Wyatt held up a bag of barbeque potato chips. "And Noah...I buyed da banana chips! 'Member?"_

 _Keeping one eye on the giant screen, Noah tapped Wyatt's hat. "Thanks, Wy!"_

 _Fears quelled by her little ones' thoughtfulness, Olivia sidled up to Ed. He offered her his stool but she preferred to stand and rest her chin on his shoulder. The twins climbed on their own stools and leaned against the high top table. They mimicked Noah's reactions to the game and played with the plastic swords in their near-empty Shirley Temples._

" _Mommy?" Wyatt asked. There was less than a minute left in the game and everyone was tense. "You gonna be happy if the Knickerbockers win?" Wyatt had seen the full name in a game program and the studious boy had used it ever since._

" _Sure will," Olivia grinned at Wyatt while he slurped the rest of his drink and swiped a few of Maggie's gummy bears. "But even if they don't win, I'm the happiest mom in the whole airport."_

 _Wyatt swiveled around and surveyed the people scurrying along the concourse. "Thatsa a lotta moms," he remarked, unwittingly making a joke._

 _The whole family shared a laugh and then a roar._

 _The clock ran out._

 _The Knicks...and the Tuckers...were going home with wins._

… _._

Smoothing things over with Brooke was neither taken lightly nor a process accomplished over the phone, so Olivia offered to come to Ft. Greene early the next morning for coffee. Initially, Brooke hesitated and even started to make up an excuse to decline, but she eventually agreed to meet at a diner near their apartment. When she saw Ed after work he gave her a kiss and assured her everything would be fine. Then, the five of them headed out for a stop in the park and dinner at the pub.

They found a flat stretch of path that was neither busy nor cracked. Ed unloaded the twins' three-wheeled scooters and Olivia fastened helmets on their heads. Noah had been riding his scooter all along and waited patiently for his siblings.

"Kay, babies, lessgo!"

Ed and Olivia trotted alongside Maggie and Wyatt as they propelled themselves forward. Maggie's mouth hung wide open when she wasn't shouting her big brother's name and Wyatt determinedly repeated "GOGOGO!" with each push.

Noah sped for the curb, the designated boundary, did a fancy spin stop, and triumphantly waited for the twins. When they arrived he lavished them with praise, "Good job! Really good job! You did it almost all by yourself!"

Maggie tried to jump up and down and Ed caught her before she toppled over. "Oops, careful baby girl. Jump on the ground, not on the scooter."

"Jump! Jump! Jump!" Maggie chanted.

Wyatt joined in and they jumped around until Noah announced it was time to cruise back toward the stroller. They repeated the loop for a while. Each time, Ed and Olivia gave the twins a little more independence, and, by the time Noah announced it was time to play wiffle ball, they were getting pretty good at piloting almost all by themselves.

On the grass, Olivia served as all-time pitcher. Ed helped the twins make contact with the ball, but Noah could whack it well over his mother's head. When this happened, Maggie and Wyatt sprinted to get the ball while Noah trotted around in a circle celebrating his home run.

"Bah, Mama! BAH!"

"Thank you, sweet twins. You're up, Wyatt."

"UP!"

"C'mon, bud," Ed waved him over and handed him the bat. Ed stood behind his two-year-old son and helped him swing. Wyatt's blue eyes lit up when he hit the ball. He copied Noah and ran in a circle. "Home run, big guy!" Ed shouted. "Great hit!"

"GRAYHIT!" Maggie sprinted to the ball and heaved it to Noah. "KICK!"

Noah giggled and chased after the errant toss, "No, Maggs, that's throw! Mommy! These babies are c'fused!"

"Sometimes that happens when you're little, sweet boy. Thank you for helping them."

Noah handed the ball back to Maggie. "Throw it to me 'gain, small sister."

Maggie complied. Noah was standing a little too close and couldn't react in time. The ball beaned him in the middle of the forehead. It wasn't a terribly hard throw, but it stunned Noah and he started to cry.

Olivia and Ed rushed to him and inspected his head. Other than the skin being slightly red, there was no sign of any injury.

"You're alright, bud," Ed said softly.

Olivia gently rubbed the top of Noah's head and kissed him. "Got a little jolt, there, sweet boy."

"Small sister!" Noah sniffled. "How'd ya learn ta throw like THAT?"

Wyatt and Maggie were both staring at their brother, shocked and disconcerted, for they rarely saw him upset. Olivia lifted Maggie and instructed her to give Noah a kiss though she stressed the throw hitting Noah was an accident.

"She's got an arm," Ed murmured proudly.

"When small sister has da ball you gotta get back!" Noah said. The smile returned to his face and he was ready to play again. "Maggs, you're up. I'm goin' wayyyy back here!" Noah trotted off several feet away, way farther than Maggie could hit it even with Ed's assistance. Wyatt joined him and Noah coached him into a ready position.

As Olivia started the pitch, she heard Noah say, "If it comes at your head I'll get it for ya, Wyatt. Don't worry."

Maggie and Ed hit a soft pop-up back to Olivia. She caught it, noticed Wyatt chasing her, and started jogging away. He screeched, caught up, and squealed again with Olivia dropped the ball, swung him around over her head, and promptly cried out in pain.

She put Wyatt down and gripped her arm.

Ed ran over, "What happened?"

"Tweaked something," Olivia said, grimacing, "Ugh…I..."

Ed leaned in and kissed her cheek while very gently rubbing her arm. "Thought it was over?"

"Yeah."

"How bout we wrap up the game and go eat? I'm getting hungry."

"I'm hungry, too, Mommy!

"HUNGY!

"We're goin' to da pub, babies!"

"PUH!"

Olivia smiled weakly and shook her arm. "How about one more at bat for everyone? I'm good for a few more pitches."

"Sure?"

"Yes." She kissed Ed's lips.

"Hey!" Noah snapped, "No kissin' on da field!"

Olivia grinned, "I'm gonna kiss you next sweet boy!"

Noah giggled and took off, daring his mother to give chase. "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"I'm gonna getcha!"

" _AHHHHHHHHHHH!_ "

…..

As soon as the third kid was confirmed asleep, Olivia summoned Ed to the bedroom via text and mauled him. She was ravenous, fueled and turned on by the perfection of their family evening. When they arrived at the pub it was still warm enough to sit on their small outdoor patio, and Noah led the twins in one of their favorite games, a toddler friendly game of iSpy. Noah would say a word such as dog and the twins were responsible for spotting one. When he directed them to find a taxi, there were so many, Maggie and Wyatt rattled off at least ten "tassis" before Noah collapsed into hysterics.

"I tricked 'em," he said breathlessly.

"Sure did, bud."

"They're learning so many words, Noah. This is a great game. Those twins are going to be so smart when they start school."

"And da teacher gonna say why are you so smart!"

"Yes," Olivia replied, "And we'll point to you."

"Mommy! I won't be there! I'll be in another class!"

"Oh," Olivia said, pretending to be embarrassed by the mistake, "That's right."

After burgers and fries came dessert and a walk home via the long way. Olivia and Ed held hands and listened to Noah chatter away with the twins. Olivia snuck peripheral glances of her husband pushing the trusty UppaBaby double stroller and grinned to herself. The twins would probably be in college before the sight of Ed pushing a stroller was considered something within the realm of normalcy.

Now at home, behind a locked master bedroom door, Olivia, showing no signs of the earlier pain, braced herself on Ed's biceps and rocked back and forth on top of him. When Ed felt her grip weaken slightly, he guided her face to his and they kissed, or, rather, kept their mouths together until they were both spent and Olivia's body was draped atop his, her body heaving with each breath, and her lips curled into a satisfied smile. Ed ran his fingers up and down her back and finally, needing to hold her and kiss her at the same time, rolled to the side, making sure her weight was on her good arm, and nibbled playfully at her lips.

"You're amazing."

"I love you so much. You are the perfect man."

The compliment made him want to do anything and everything to make her come again. He grinned naughtily and nudged her to her back while sliding down her body. "Every. Inch. Of. You. Is. Perfect."

Olivia gasped.

"And. There. Is. No. Man. Who. Loves. Any. One. More. Than. I. Love. You."

…..

Due to the breakfast date with Brooke, Olivia had to start her day earlier than usual the next morning. For someone who once struggled to get a couple consecutive hours' of sleep, she had turned into a serial snoozer. Wyatt and Maggie always woke first and one twin would rouse the other. Once awake, they could be counted on to occupy themselves in their cribs for a while. Their soft babbles transmitted through the baby monitor, and, when they decided their parents were taking too long to spring them, one would shout "MA! DA!" Usually, Ed took on weekday morning diaper changes and milk duty.

As the third alarm rang, Ed buried his face in her neck, sucking gently and smiling at her groan.

"Time to get up, Olivia Margaret."

"Mmmmmmmm."

Ed sucked a little harder.

"Ed!"

Laughing, he half-whispered, "That got ya up."

"Yes it did."

"Good bonus though…" He teased between her legs. They were both naked under the covers. "I love sleeping like this."

"Me too."

Olivia turned her head and caught a glimpse of the clock. "Okay, I have to get moving."

"Coffee?"

Knowing he would consider it an affront if she declined, she nodded, smiled, and kissed his waiting lips. "Thank you."

Keeping his eyes fixed on hers after their lips parted, he offered some words of encouragement. "Brooke's gonna be fine ya know."

"She will be...but I can't have this between us."

"I know...you're, God, Liv, you're...a great mother, friend, whatever we call that relationship...I think I woulda avoided talkin' to her for at least a month hopin' it would blow over."

Olivia kissed him again and sat up. "No you wouldn't. And you haven't. You and Sarah and you and Brooke have had to talk through some things. And you didn't wait."

"That's 'cause I wanted you to be proud of me."

Olivia grinned at the half-serious, half-silly comment. "You always make me smile when I don't think I want to."

Ed shrugged and shot her a cocky smirk. Seeing Olivia roll her eyes ever so slightly, he asked, "What?"

"If you keep looking at me like that I'll have no choice but to miss breakfast."

Ed's expression didn't change. Olivia tossed a pillow at him. He slowly lowered it. "I'm still here, Liv." She was already standing and leaned in for a last kiss before getting showered. "I'm always still gonna be here," he added.

"Good. I'll meet you here in about fourteen hours."

"You bet."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	40. Chapter 40

**Forty**.

The sunny, breezy early June morning was a perfect backdrop for the walk to school. A hint of impending summer humidity permeated the air, but, for the time being, the weather was perfect for shorts and t-shirts. Or, if you were Noah, short-sleeved school polos and neatly pressed khakis. After drop-off, Ed decided he and the twins would spend part of the morning in the park. He'd grab a second cup of coffee, a couple of pastries, and take the toddlers to watch the model sailboats. Tourist season was already in full swing, and when the area grew too crowded he'd take that as his cue to move on with their day. Ed mentally outlined a to-do list, but there wasn't much on it-Olivia's retirement party had been planned and invitations sent, the apartment was clean and tidy, bills were paid, everything, in general, was in order. He felt good, at ease, fulfilled; the only thing nagging him was that Olivia was probably sitting down with Brooke right now and having an uncomfortable heart-to-heart about words she didn't say but did, perhaps, unintentionally imply.

"Daddy? When da last day of school?"

"Next week, bud. June twelfth."

"Den it's summer?"

"Yep."

"Gonna go to da beach?"

"Well, we're gonna wait until July when Mommy retires. Then, after the party, we'll go to the beach and we'll spend a while there. And we'll have Gramma and everyone come for some days."

Noah giggled. "Gramma gonna ride da jet ski?"

"I dunno, bud. Probably not. But she'll help ya with sand castles I bet."

"Yeah…"

"Gonna miss Kindergarten?"

"No, I wanna be in first grade 'cause in first grade you get to use da card…" A continual source of frustration for Noah was that his school identification card was useless. Beginning in grade school, the card functioned in many different ways. Most importantly for kids, it could be loaded with money and used to purchase cafeteria extras such as smoothies which were not included with tuition.

"That's gonna be fun, but ya gotta keep bein' responsible. Can't forget it or lose it."

"Nope!" Noah reached back and slapped the side pocket of his backpack. "It's in da wallet in here."

"We can getcha a lanyard...to wear it around your neck if ya want."

Noah scrunched up his face, "No...I wanna keep it in da wallet."

"Okay."

"You and Mommy have all da cards and da money in da wallets."

"Yep."

"We should get small sister a purse, 'cause Mommy have one. And Wyatt needs a _verrrrry_ small wallet 'cause he have small pockets in his pants."

"We'll do that."

As they approached the lower school entrance, Noah spotted a few friends and quickened his pace. Mia was not among the cluster of people he joined once on school grounds. Ed looked around. Mia and her nanny were usually the last ones to trickle in and Ed always had Noah there early.

"Daddy, we gonna go in," Noah said.

"Okay, bud." Ed opened his arms and Noah jumped into them for a bear hug. Ed kissed the top of his head. "Have a good day. See ya later. Love you."

"Love you too, Daddy!"

Noah hugged and kissed the twins and followed the herd of students into the school, doing his best to ignore the customary pleas from Maggie.

"Magg GO!" She shouted before the phrase turned into a desperate whine, "Maggg _goooooo_!" The pathetic, lurching scene was a daily one and nobody paid her much attention.

Entering school unaccompanied was a new, end-of-year experiment of which Olivia was not yet aware. When she walked Noah to school, he compliantly held her hand all the way to the classroom door without objection. Ed smiled a little at what he considered the "compassionate deceit" and how Noah innately knew Olivia would struggle with this step toward independence. Nevertheless, the routine tugged at Ed's heartstrings and a lump formed in his throat. He was proud of Noah's confidence and his intellect, but letting go was just as difficult for him as it was for his wife. He just hid it better.

…

The diner was bustling and not exactly the best spot for intense conversation. Olivia chose the most isolated booth-a spot in the front corner in front of a window so she could be easily spotted. Brooke arrived a few minutes late with Sofia in her arms rather than in the stroller. To Olivia's relief, Brooke greeted her with a hug and handed over the baby.

"Hell-lo Sofia!" Olivia kissed her chubby cheeks. She fussed a little and Brooke handed over a bottle. Sofia eagerly opened her mouth and curled into Olivia as she drank.

"Thanks for coming here," Brooke said. "I know you don't have a ton of time."

"I have as much time as we need," Olivia said. She locked eyes with Brooke and got straight to the point. "As much time as it takes to prove to you I'm not critiquing you or your marriage behind your back."

Brooke offered a tiny smile. "I don't think that."

"Brooke," Olivia replied semi-sternly, "Sarah called me. That's why we're here. And the other reason why we're here is, yes, I did tell Sonny he should consider taking you somewhere for a little R and R and I _did_ remind him the past year has been incredibly tough for you. And yes, I'm worried about you, but I'm worried because I know there's still so much bothering you, so many traumas to sort out, and, at the risk of sounding patronizing, I know how that feels."

Slack-jawed, Brooke stared into her coffee. Olivia thought she'd made a mistake by laying all cards on the table out of the gate, and she passed the minute or so of silence gazing down at Sofia's placid face.

"I lashed out at you, well, by proxy, because it's true."

"What's true?"

"All of it. Everything you said. And what you didn't say. I've been thinking a lot and...I honestly don't know if Sonny wants to be married, or if he wants to be married but not to me."

Now it was Olivia's turn to drop her jaw.

"He's so distant," Brooke said, "He's going through the motions. We both are. And I can't help but think I snapped at the suggestion we go away because I don't want to go, I don't want to go, be all alone, and have everything confirmed...that there really isn't any love between us anymore."

Olivia's heart snapped in two. "Honey…"

Her eyes filled with tears but Brooke's were surprisingly dry and resolute. "It's okay," she said, "I...whatever happens between us...I am going to need your support. And Dad's."

"You have it," Olivia replied softly, "Always."

"I'm going back to work," Brooke said, "Next school year. We'll start with that. I need it. For me."

"I think that's an excellent idea."

"I think...if I do everything I need to do for myself, if something's still off, then I need to look at the other parts of my life…" Brooke noticed Olivia's astonishment and acknowledged she sounded different than the defeated, gloomy woman she'd recently become. "I started seeing my therapist again," she explained.

Though she was pleased Brooke had sought professional help, Olivia clenched a little inside at the realization she hadn't been the one with whom Brooke chose to confide. "Therapy helps so much," she said softly. "I'm glad you made that decision."

"Please don't tell anyone other than Dad."

"I won't."

"Olivia," Brooke said with a smile, "I don't want things to be weird between us. I'm sorry I went to Sarah first, it's what I always do and that was, well, immature."

Olivia nodded. In her mind, there was no need for either of them to apologize, but she reciprocated, reached for Brooke's hand, and told her she loved her. "Never forget that," Olivia said. "We get caught up, a lot, with these sweet little ones, but I care about you and love you the same, Brooke."

Brooke managed a self-deprecating smile. "It's taken me a really long time to accept that. But I'm there. I am, finally, there."

…

 _Lieutenant Benson faced a panel of men, all of whom had either "deputy" or "chief" or a combination of both in their titles. On her way to One PP she resigned herself to what was coming. Barba had informed the brass of her relationship with Tucker and she was being called to the carpet. Best case scenario, she figured, was that she had to temporarily recuse herself from the investigation. Worst case? She predicted mandatory, paid time off._

 _Boy was she wrong._

" _Lieutenant, thank you for coming in so late."_

 _Olivia merely nodded and stared blankly back at the Deputy Commissioner for Internal Affairs, a man she'd never actually met._

" _ADA Barba relayed some information to us this evening pertaining to an investigation SVU is handling and, based on his account, there's a clear conflict of interest considering you and Captain Tucker are...involved...in an extracurricular personal relationship."_

 _Stifling a sarcastic chuckle, Olivia swallowed hard. Extracurricular?_

" _With all due respect, sir, my relationship with Tucker has nothing to do with this case. These accusations...are spurious...there is a larger conspiracy going on here, and...we have to continue digging."_

" _SVU will have to do that with Sergeant Dodds in temporary command," the Chief of Detectives replied, "You're being reassigned to Community Affairs. They're expecting to see you tomorrow."_

" _Community Affairs?" Olivia snapped._

" _Yes. We feel your skills and experience will be an asset there, particularly for their female officers and their outreach with women and children."_

 _An impenetrable human wall of dark suits, salt-and-pepper hair, and good 'ole boys power stood between her and her job. Olivia asked no more questions. She had a handful of snarky retorts, but she muttered them to herself on the way to the precinct. She shoved her boxes of personal belongings into the back seat of the sedan and zoomed uptown, toward home, but, as horrible as it sounded, she didn't want to go home. Noah had been asleep for hours. Lucy, used to impromptu calls to duty, planned on staying as long as she was needed, and, right now, she was definitely needed._

 _Olivia called Ed._

" _Are you still out?" She asked without saying hello._

" _Nah, went home. What happened?"_

" _Okay if I stop by?"_

" _Sure. You need me to pick you up?"_

" _No, I'm almost there."_

 _Ed answered the door clad in jeans and the white t-shirt he'd probably been wearing underneath his button down. He had a drink in his hand and passed it to Olivia. She took a generous swig and handed it back. He placed it on a side table._

" _Thanks."_

" _What's goin' on?"_

" _While you're at Group One tomorrow, I'll be reporting to my new assignment," Olivia said, using a clipped, sharp cadence, "Community Affairs."_

" _What?" Ed screwed up his face. "What the hell for?"_

" _According to them, I can't conduct an impartial investigation."_

" _Barba."_

" _Yes. Barba."_

" _Goddam it." Ed stalked around his living room. He stopped at the window, braced himself against the sill, and stared into the night. "Liv, I'll fix this."_

" _We don't even know what_ _this_ _is," she said, taking the liberty to have another drink from his glass. "But it's sure nice to know two cops with impeccable reputations and records are given the benefit of the doubt."_

 _Ed appreciated the sarcasm, but it didn't calm him down much. "They're probably in on it. All of 'em. Probably got those traffickers on speed dial."_

" _What do you know about Eugene?"_

" _Other than he's going straight to hell? Not much. He went to college, got a degree, went into the priesthood, we were never close. Christmas and Easter relatives. But he obviously got himself in over his head in somethin, I show up, and, bam, he's got a convenient fall guy." Ed saw her drinking from his glass and frowned. "Sorry. Lemme get you a glass."_

 _He tried to dash past her but she grabbed him by the wrists. "It's not over, Ed. It's not. I'm not going to stop."_

 _Tension flowed from his body all the love and admiration he had for her collected in his cheeks and eyes. "Piece of advice?"_

" _Go ahead."_

" _You have more riding on this than I do, Liv. Don't let this ruin your career, take your pension…"_

" _We're very far from that."_

" _The more you fight it, the more you push back, the worse it could get."_

" _Neither one of us have done anything wrong," Olivia said. She still had a death grip on his wrists. "_ _We_ ' _ll fight it."_

 _Ed steeled his jaw, "You have Noah to think about. There's no reason to take risks right now, especially not for me."_

" _Yes," Olivia said, pulling him in for a kiss. "Yes, there are reasons. If I have to spend the rest of my career at Community Affairs, fine. But I'm not going to stand by and do nothing while girls are being trafficked and you're being framed. We'll find Nina. Get her to talk. My squad won't stand down, I know they won't."_

 _The grim expression on Ed's face faded and gave way to his classic smirk._

" _You have to be up early tomorrow," Olivia said, biting her lip, "But...come home with me? I don't want either one of us to be alone tonight."_

" _Yeah," he said, trying to hide the fact he was thrilled she wanted to suffer through this together. "Give me a couple minutes and we'll go. You eat?"_

" _No."_

" _Order in?"_

" _You can do that on the way."_

 _He grinned and winked. "I'll be right back." Ed went to grab a clean suit and toss a few things in an overnight bag._

 _Olivia tightened the cap on his bottle of bourbon and slid it into her purse. Her supply had run low. They could have stopped at a store along the way, but the time couldn't be wasted. She couldn't wait to be on her sofa, with Ed, in his arms, and plotting their counterattack. Pity the priests, she thought. Even sidelined, Olivia and Tucker made a formidable team._

… _._

Perched on the edge of the bathtub, Olivia finished bathing the twins by dumping cupfulls of water onto their already rinsed heads. Both Maggie and Wyatt loved getting doused by the lukewarm water and they squealed in delight. Their long eyelashes clumped together, their faces glistened, and their cheeks were flushed as they both clamored for another deluge.

"GAIN!"

"GAIN, Mama!"

At the dining table, Ed and Noah were hovered over a mostly-blank piece of white poster board. Noah's final project of the school year was a "Kindergarten Timeline"-a chronological account of the most important things learned and experienced in class during the year. Noah had already brainstormed items to include and Ed was now taking measurements so the entries were evenly spaced.

"Those babies have loud baths," Noah murmured.

"You remember when we gave the twins a bath and Maggie slid outta her seat?"

Noah twisted his lips and his eyes suddenly grew wide and intense as he recalled the memory. "YEAH! Maggs went like dis!" Noah stiffened his body, "And I tried ta get her and we crashed!"

"Yeah, but you were so good to try and get her. That's prolly one of the reasons why she loves you so much."

"Yeah…" Noah rested his head in his hands and watched Ed mark off intervals with a pencil. "Daddy?"

"Yeah bud?"

"I'm glad we have those babies."

"Me too."

"Henry say he doesn't like his little brother, but I LOVE Maggs and Wyatt!"

"Why doesn't Henry like his brother?"

Noah shrugged. "I dunno. Think 'cause da brother's always tryin to get his toys! But," Noah chewed the tip of his index finger, "We prolly have more toys so Maggs and Wyatt don't need mine."

"We do have a lot of toys…"

"And I have my room! Henry has a room with his brother!"

"Oh…yeah, you're lucky, bud, you can close your door and Maggie and Wyatt won't get your stuff."

"Yeah…" Noah started giggling and it escalated so he was soon convulsing on top of the table.

"What's so funny, bud?"

"Mommy can get ALL your stuff Daddy 'cause you share a room!"

Ed laughed along with Noah. "Well, Mommy's pretty respectful. We share a room but she doesn't take my stuff."

"Yes she does!"

"She does?"

"She takes your shirts! Da ones dat say _Jets_!"

"Oh, well, I kinda gave her those."

"You nice, Daddy."

"Thanks, bud."

…..

Ed cradled Olivia against his chest and ran his fingers lightly over her wounded arm. They were both exhausted and the night's lovemaking, while satisfying, was significantly less intense than it had been twenty-four hours before.

"Gonna tell me about Brooke now?" Ed smirked into her head. Olivia sent him a vague "all good" text earlier, but she and Ed hadn't had a chance to comprehensively debrief.

Olivia rattled off a succinct summary without going into too much detail. She emphasized Brooke's newfound devotion to self-care and downplayed a possible separation. "I think...once she's truly happy with herself and feeling whole again, it'll be different. It's hard to think big when you're dealing with so much."

"Liv, uh...I gotta point out...or, uh...were you thinkin' big when we first, well, when we started seein' each other?"

"Honestly, Ed, I don't know what I was thinking. Or, well, I was thinking I wanted a friend I could trust."

"But-"

"-I know what you mean. How did I get serious about you when there was so much uncertainty in my life?"

"Yeah."

Olivia shimmied around, "That's the one thing I can't bring myself to tell Brooke, or, maybe, I don't want to reveal it about us. I trusted you. It didn't take long, after everything from before, but when we turned that corner there was no going back. Everytime I left a place after we met I felt better, more confident, stronger...you had that effect on me. You still do."

"I was only tryin' to make sure I could count on seein' ya again…every time, that was all."

"If we had to do it all over again I would've been less hesitant."

"Nah," Ed said, "I think I'd have it exactly the same. We are who we are because of the past, Liv. And we had to navigate it all slowly...no other way. We both knew that. We didn't say it. But we knew it. But that's why I knew there was something more to us-we were always on the same page."

"Almost always."

"We more than made up for those almosts."

"Yeah we did."

Ed reached back and turned off his nightstand lamp, the only remaining light in the room. "I'm gonna tell you a secret."

"Okay."

Ed tightened his grip. "Every night, I think about the first time I spent the night with you. I mean, the first night I stayed and we woke up with Noah...it was like winning the lottery, Liv. Odds so far from being there, but, then, it happened."

"You know what I was thinking that night?"

"What's that?"

"I was thinking…" She turned and stared into his eyes. Even in the dark they sparkled. "First I was thinking, no, wondering, no, I was shocked you were so...you weren't playing games. And I remember feeling like this whole new world had opened up in front of me. So, yeah, I suppose, I felt like I'd won the lottery, too."

They cuddled together in silence for a few minutes. The two of them had all but forgotten their brief breakup and they operated as if it had never happened. The split had been silly and nonsensical. Ed accepted it only because he saw Olivia was in the midst of a mild crisis-one she needed to sort through on her own. He wasn't going to let their relationship languish without a fight. He gave her space, and they quickly reignited their love.

"Still feel like you won the lottery?" Olivia asked.

"Not feel like," Ed replied, "I did."

…..

 _Leaving the birthday party, Olivia held Maggie's hand and waited for her almost-five-year-old to comment on the festivities. Since their first birthday, Ed and Olivia chose to have family gatherings at home instead of kid-centered destination celebrations. Now that the twins were older and finishing their stint in preschool, Olivia thought maybe Maggie and Wyatt would like a more extravagant birthday party; today, however, she only was able to get feedback from her daughter, for Wyatt hadn't been invited to the girls-only princess party. Privately, Olivia and Ed had been shocked such gender-normed parties still existed._

" _Have a good time, Maggs?"_

 _As soon as they left the hotel ballroom, Maggie yanked the tiara from her head. "This's scratchy!"_

" _Okay, sweet girl," Olivia took it from her, "Want to keep it?"_

 _No! Frow it in da trash!"_

 _Maggie's little forehead furrowed and Olivia had to stop herself from laughing. Her daughter was adorable all the time, but doubly so when she was annoyed. Each day, her personality became more pronounced, and it was a combination of Ed's no-nonsense practicality and Olivia's justice-driven compassion._

" _Sure?"_

" _Yes!" In case her mother was planning to overrule her, Maggie immediately spotted a trash can, snatched back the tiara, and tossed the party favor inside. Her hair was a bit of a mess from the tiara's teeth, and a few dribbles of ice cream had dried on the floral print dress Maggie had picked out last weekend. On her feet were a pair of stretchy ballet flats and her ankles were adorned with beaded bracelets she made with a set her pushover father purchased when they were on errands for items such as toilet paper and bread._

" _So, sweet girl, you have a birthday coming up-"_

" _-Me AND Wyatt! Gonna be," Maggie jabbed a hand in the air, "FIVE!"_

" _Yes, you and Wyatt. Five years old! Would you like to have a party, maybe not a princess party, but invite all your friends somewhere...you could have games and-"_

" _-Mommy!" Maggie frowned again, "We have da parties with Sare Bear and Justy and Brookey and Sof! On da roof! And we have games dere too!"_

" _Okay, honey," Olivia said, smiling apologetically, "I thought maybe you'd want to have friends there, too, but we'll stick with the parties with our family."_

" _Yes," Maggie stated firmly. "Wyatt and Noah're my friends! And Sof! And Daddy!"_

 _Olivia grinned. At preschool, Maggie was outgoing and always in the middle of a cluster of kids. She rambled on and on about girls and boys at preschool, all of whom Maggie described as friends. Nevertheless, the little girl apparently had drawn a line and put her family members in a superior, exclusive category._

" _And!" Maggie tugged on Olivia's arm with both hands. "You my BEST friend, Mommy!"_

 _Maggie continued half-skipping along next to her, oblivious to the enormous significance of what she'd said. Olivia fought tears the whole way home. Maggie chatted away about everything from the type of cake she wanted (confetti) to predicting she was tall enough to drive a bumper car by herself at Luna Park. Olivia managed a few replies, but mostly she was trying not to burst into grateful, happy tears. She had completely turned the tables on her upbringing. Since getting Noah, Olivia promised herself she would not allow any lingering personal demons to interfere with her ability to love her son, and that promise extended to Wyatt and Maggie when they were born. Maggie, however, was a special case. With her, Olivia had the opportunity to raise a daughter the way she wished she'd been raised, love a little girl how she'd always wanted to be loved, and instill values Olivia knew about only from other families or from television._

 _After they crossed Ninth Avenue and were steps from their building, Olivia picked Maggie up and kissed the tip of her nose. "I love you, sweet girl."_

" _Love you Mommy!"_

 _Maggie squeezed Olivia's neck and growled a little._

" _I'll always be your best friend," Olivia whispered into Maggie's ear. "Always."_

… _._

Whenever anyone entered the apartment, the kids reacted to the alarm chime and sprinted to the door. Olivia loved seeing her children's faces peek around the corner and light up when they saw their mother or father or both their parents at the end of the foyer. Hugs and kisses ensued, shoes and outerwear was shed, and the next stop was usually the island where the family debriefed on what one another had missed while they'd been separated.

The day after Olivia met with Brooke, she returned home from work and an extra face appeared to greet her-Mia's.

"Hi Livia!"

Mia bounced along with the rest of the kids and joined the group hug.

"Hi!" Olivia gathered the kids in her arms and shot Ed an inquisitive glance. "It's so good to be home! I missed you! And Mia! What a good surprise! I've missed you, too!"

"Mia's stayin' for dinner!" Noah said excitedly. "We got pizza stuff and these little crusts and we're gonna make our own pizzas! You can put whatever ya want on it, 'cause it's yours!"

"That's going to be so much fun, sweet boy!"

"I know! Daddy thinked it!"

Olivia grinned at Ed. "Daddy always has good ideas."

"Yep!"

Mia and Noah went back to their toys. Maggie tagged along with the older kids, but Wyatt remained glued to his mother. He fussed a little and Olivia carried him to the bedroom where she swapped her work clothes for jeans and a t-shirt. She gently tossed Wyatt onto the bed and tickled him until he erupted in his deep belly laughter.

"There's my happy boy!" Olivia said. "Sweet Wyatt…" She kissed his cheeks, pulled him into her lap, and held him close. "I love you so much Wyatt Edward."

Ed sauntered into the room and finally kissed Olivia hello. "Poured ya a glass of wine. Want me to go get it?"

"No...I'll get out there in a second. This one...seems to want some extra snuggles. Has he seemed like he was feeling okay?"

"He's been normal," Ed reported. "Prolly just wants his Mommy."

Olivia pressed her lips to Wyatt's head and smiled.

"So, Mia's Dad called me as I was walkin' in to get Noah...their nanny quit abruptly this morning, he's on his way back from Chicago, landin' around seven, so I told him we'd take Mia until he got here."

Accustomed to the haphazard and borderline negligent habits of Mia's caregivers, Olivia merely nodded and asked about how she and Noah were getting along since Noah had indicated their friendship wasn't as tight as it used to be.

"No difference," Ed said, "They played Uno with made up rules, then trains, now they're buildin' somethin' with the legos."

Relieved, Olivia sighed, "Good."

"I got some manicotti for us," Ed said, "In case you don't want pizza."

"Maybe a little of both." Olivia tilted Wyatt's head back. "Are you going to make your pizza, Wyatt?"

"PeeeYAH!"

"What are you going to put on it? Pepperoni?"

"CHEE! Puh-RONI!"

Olivia grinned and kissed all over his face. "Sweet Wyatt…"

Ed stood up and made his way out of the room. He tapped Olivia's knee and winked at her before leaving the two of them alone.

Olivia scooted so she was propped against the headboard and Wyatt was sitting in her lap, facing her. Solo bonding time was at a premium these days, and she stayed there with Wyatt until Noah summoned them into the kitchen.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	41. Chapter 41

**Forty-one**.

"I don't like it when you're sad."

Ed kissed Olivia deeply, pulled away with a smack, and stared into her eyes. Days after she and Brooke had their talk, the marital rift she described was still eating at Olivia. Making things worse, there wasn't much she could do to help.

"Don't be sad, Liv."

Olivia gasped. Ed had sucked, suckled, licked, and kissed her breasts hundreds of times, but the novelty of him lavishing attention on that particular part of her body was no less thrilling than the first time. She lifted her shoulders a bit and watched. Seeing him so engrossed, so wrapped up in loving her intensified the pleasure. Olivia moaned softly and ran her hands up and down his arms. She squeezed his biceps and gasped again.

During a pause for a quick breath, he rasped, "I love you so much."

In response, Olivia only managed another moan. Within the throes of passion, she found herself wondering, once again, how he was so _good_ at this. Even during their first few times he knew exactly what to do and where; like he'd had a sneak preview of a test. As if his sexual sixth sense weren't enough, as soon as Ed's sturdy body came into contact with hers, Olivia was overcome with arousal born of security. In his arms, nothing could go wrong.

" _Edddd…_ "

He knew that tone-part pleading, part desperate. He looked up, brushed her hair back from her forehead, and stared straight into her eyes. "Whaddya want, baby?"

" _You_. Now."

She tugged at his shoulders. With one hand he propelled himself upwards so his face was flush with hers. With the other he grabbed one thigh and gripped it tightly as he buried himself inside her. " _Olivia_." He said her name in way that made him sound relieved to finally be there, with her, in the most intimate of moments, as close as they could possibly be, as if he was never quite right until he made love to her.

Ed kissed her and she held his face close. A relaxed smile formed on her lips, and she told him over and over how much she loved him and how good he made her feel. It was sweet, tender, attentive sex, and, as they laid together in the afterglow, Olivia curled into his side and held him tightly. She closed her eyes and felt the swirls he was making on her upper arm wane and finally stop altogether. Ed fell quickly into a deep sleep and Olivia smiled at his nasally breathing-not quite a snore but an indicator that he was out for the night. She looked up at his face which, even in slumber, showed his satisfaction and contentment.

He'd done his job.

Olivia closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

And she was no longer sad.

…..

 _Tucker opened the tavern door for Olivia. She stepped inside, laughed softly, and nudged him. "Wow," she said, "Just when I think you've shown me every single hole in the wall in the city…" Olivia was in a great mood. Ed had taken her to a supper club, and the twenties speakeasy vibe captivated them both. When Ed suggested a nightcap, Olivia readily agreed._

" _I have a few left," he led her by the small of the back to the bar and ordered for the two of them. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "Think I got caught up in the ambiance of the restaurant. Want something else?"_

 _Before Olivia could answer, the bartender slid the two drinks toward them and took Ed's cash._

" _This is great," Olivia said, raising her glass, "Cheers."_

" _Cheers."_

" _You know, Ed Tucker, I think I always pegged you for a dive bar kind of guy."_

 _He smirked. "I pegged you for someone who could fit in anywhere."_

" _Don't get me wrong," she said, "I like it...quiet, has character, there's a sort of romance in it. And there's a certain charm about Christmas lights...do they leave those up all year?"_

 _Ed's heart fluttered at "romance," but he managed to play it off and answer her question. "Nah. Only for the holidays." He swiveled around on the stool, pretending to desperately search for something._

" _What are you looking for?" Olivia asked, her eyes dancing with amusement._

" _Christmas decorations…" he murmured, "There's gotta be some mistletoe around here somewhere."_

 _Olivia grinned and grabbed one of his hands. "You don't need it, Tucker."_

" _No?"_

" _No."_

 _Swallowing a sudden burst of nerves, Ed planted an assured yet gentle kiss on her lips. She wasn't letting go of his hand and he pulled away only to have her lean in again. They smiled sweetly at each other._

" _You, uh, you give any thought to joinin' us for dinner on Christmas?"_

 _When Ed extended the invitation, Olivia hesitated. Christmas was a big deal, a huge step for which she wasn't sure she was prepared. However, when she thought about declining the invite, her entire body clenched with regret._

" _We'd love to," she said._

" _Great," Ed gave her a huge smile. "It'll be good."_

" _What should I bring?"_

" _Nothin. Yourselves." He saw Olivia's disappointed expression and offered a suggestion. "Well, she's a gin girl. There're a couple of Irish gins you can get here…"_

" _Thank you."_

" _It really isn't necessary."_

" _I have to bring something." Olivia tore the corner of the cocktail napkin and bit her lip. "Does your mom...have a lot of mistletoe around the house?"_

 _Ed's cheeks flushed. "Yeah," he croaked._

" _Well, lucky us then."_

 _Ed almost fell off the stool. He shyly ducked his head. She was killing him. He was sure she knew it._

 _And he never, ever wanted her to stop._

… _._

The final week of school was a busy one. A series of specially themed days led up to Friday's graduation ceremony. On Monday, Ed and Olivia attended the family breakfast, and, on Tuesday, Ed volunteered at the lower school's Olympic Games and spent most of the afternoon measuring long jumps. The next day, at the Academic Showcase, students guided visitors around the gym. Each subject area had its own table and the teachers displayed exemplary work they'd collected throughout the school year. Every student was supposed to have at least one of their projects, papers, or pieces of artwork displayed; Ed and Olivia beamed with pride. At each table, Noah's work was posted.

In the physical education section, Noah pointed out his certificate from the Presidential Youth Fitness Program. There was no other work displayed, but the teachers placed a low balance beam nearby and showed a loop of video highlights of the kids doing everything from Yoga to playing floor hockey.

Wyatt and Maggie, who had been happily toddling alongside their parents and brother, made a beeline for the balance beam. They made a game of hurdling it on their bellies and swinging themselves from side to side, and Noah rushed over to help them cross the proper way.

"Babies, you gotta _walk_ on da beam like dis!"

Noah expertly traversed the beam with his arms out. He trotted back and held Wyatt's hand as he followed in his brother's footsteps. Ed shadowed the boys and Olivia helped Maggie, but the little girl refused to use the beam as it was intended. She jumped up and down, lost her balance, and giggled when Olivia caught her.

"Gain, Ma! Gain!"

"Small sister," Noah warned, "When ya get to school you gotta do it da right way! Or ya won't get da certif'cate!"

Olivia swung Maggie in the air. "You have plenty of time, sweet girl," she whispered.

"Well, bud, what's next?" Ed looked around the gym for stations they hadn't visited.

Noah put his hands on his hips and followed Ed's gaze. "Creative writing," he said. "Think they have da poems over there!"

"Poems, huh?"

"Yep! We rhyme! A-A-B-B means da As rhyme and Da Bs rhyme. Like...red, bed, light, fight!"

"Sounds good, let's head over there."

The Kindergarteners' poems were typed and clearly transcribed in five-and-six-year-old language, though with a bit of adult editing. Their words were centered on large white cardstock and decorated with the kids' illustrations. Noah's work was from Christmas time and it was entitled _My Favorite Things_.

"B'cause of da song," he explained after Olivia read the title out loud.

"We haven't seen this," she said, thinking the poem would have been a perfect gift. She fought tears as she read her son's words.

 _There are lots of things I like._

 _My scooter, my trains, and my bike._

 _I like my Daddy because he's really strong_

 _And I like Mommy because she reads stories even if they're long._

 _I like Maggie and Wyatt-they always smile_

 _And they like to play everything but they really like BABY PILE!_

 _I like Justy and Sare Bear and Brookey and Sonny_

 _And baby Sofia is really funny._

 _I like Manhattan and I like the subway_

 _I like Mia because we always play_

 _Finally I like Grandma Caroline, I like her house and her hair_

 _For Christmas and Sunday we always go there._

"Sweet boy," Olivia said softly, her voice shaking a bit, "I love this poem."

"You see how it's AABB?"

"Yes, honey, I do."

"This is great, bud," Ed carefully peeled back the corners of the cardstock from the adhesive, "We're gonna take it with us."

"Daddy!"

"Ed!"

"DA! DADADA!"

The objections did not stop Ed from removing the poem from the display board. "They shoulda given this to us when he wrote it. Now we have it."

Olivia kissed his cheek. "Thank you."

Noah needed more convincing. "Daddy! There's a big space on da board now!"

Ed glanced around again. The crowd was thinning out and, as luck would have it, the people in charge of the math and science tables were packing up their displays. "It's okay, pal. I'll tell your teacher we took it and the showcase is almost over. See?"

"Oh...okay...but you tell Mr. B you have da poem!"

"I will."

Noah went back to his classroom and Olivia said goodbye to Ed and the twins and went back to work. When she returned home that evening the poem was matted, framed, and on display in the living room.

…..

 _The bartender was used to customers throwing back drinks in rapid succession, but his sole customer on this blustery December afternoon was not only thirsty but indecisive. Sarah began with a vodka tonic and switched to gin only to request a Jameson's and soda for her third round. The bartender served the whiskey and politely asked if she was alright. Sarah nodded dismissively, but the question served as a sort of wake-up call. Sarah had to tell Justin about the doctor's appointment and she couldn't be falling down drunk when she did it. She needed a test run, so she summoned Olivia who was nearby at the Benson Center but dropped everything and joined Sarah._

 _Though Ed and Olivia assumed Sarah and Justin wanted children, the fact that it had been over five years since they'd been married hadn't raised alarm bells. They were both still young, and it was no secret Sarah valued her independence and their carefree lifestyle. She and Justin lavished affection and attention on Noah, Maggie, Wyatt, and Sofia, but everyone knew the two of them also liked giving the kids back after a day of food and fun. Nobody in the family knew they had been trying for a baby since the summer of their marriage. At first, they'd simply abandoned all forms of birth control, but in the past year Sarah had been actively monitoring her ovulation patterns, becoming more scientific about it all, and, when that didn't work, she finally made an appointment with a fertility specialist. Sarah had never expected the final result to end up this way-with her getting drunk in a bar, all alone, the sole bearer of terribly disappointing news._

 _One need not have been a detective to tell Sarah was suffering. When Olivia arrived, she immediately tensed with concern. Sarah's eyes were bloodshot and her face blotchy from constantly digging her fingernails into her cheeks. Pieces of toothpicks littered the space in front of her and the glass containing the Jameson's and soda now held mostly ice._

" _This looks serious," Olivia said as she perched on the stool next to Sarah and motioned for the bartender to bring them another round. She delivered the remark with a hint of jest, but immediately regretted trying to add levity to the situation. "What's wrong?"_

 _Sarah realized she had no clue where to begin. She hadn't eaten all day and she felt the effects of the alcohol. Before Olivia could ask another question, Sarah collapsed into her arms._

 _Stunned, Olivia hugged her tightly and stroked the back of her head. "It's okay, honey," she said even though she didn't know exactly what she was dealing with. "It's okay."_

" _No, Livvie," Sarah mumbled, "No, it's not okay."_

 _Olivia let Sarah cry against her shoulder until she stopped shaking. The bartender looked over curiously, but left them alone. "Sarah," she said, "What happened? Tell me." A million scenarios were flying through Olivia's mind-cancer, something career-ending, marital troubles-but she was not prepared for what Sarah blurted out._

" _We can't have kids."_

" _What?"_

 _The entire saga of the past five years tumbled out in slurred sentences. Olivia's heart cracked more and more with each detail._

" _Did I wait too long?" Sarah asked rhetorically. "Has it always been pretty much impossible for me to get pregnant? I mean...there were some times...in college...with Jeff…maybe there's a silver lining to all that casual sex…like, Livvie, there were times I got the morning after pill, and I swore I would get an abortion if I got pregnant, more than once, and now I'd do anything. Anything. To have a baby." She shook her head in disgust. "Fuck."_

" _That's what the doctor said?" Olivia asked. "That it is was pretty much impossible?"_

" _Yes. And it's all me. Nothing wrong with Justin. So he's probably going to leave me because, hell, I can give him a lot...a nice place to live, a condo on the gulf, theatre tickets, a way for him to not be a starving professor...but I can't give him kids."_

 _Olivia held her by the shoulders and made Sarah look her in the eyes. "You know that's not true."_

" _No, Livvie. I don't."_

" _Justin loves you. Not only that...he's loyal. Trustworthy. He's a good man."_

" _But when we talk about our future...it always involves kids. It involves the two of us being old and having a million grandchildren…"_

" _This doesn't mean you can't have kids. When you...when you process all of this you'll realize there are other options."_

 _Sarah sniffled._

 _Olivia took one of Sarah's hand in hers and sighed, "Sweetie…"_

 _Sarah stared at their clasped hands before fixing her teary eyes on Olivia. "I swear I wanted it...wanted to be pregnant...wanted to see a baby who looked like me, like Justin…"_

 _Olivia understood all of Sarah's emotions, yet, if it weren't for the desperation in Sarah's eyes, she would have kept her sentiments to herself. "What's happening is not a punishment," Olivia said. "It's an unfortunate reality. But I can tell you, it's not over."_

" _Would you have been just as happy if you only had Noah?"_

 _The question was slightly unfair, but Olivia answered as best she could. "When I got Noah, I didn't think I'd ever have anyone. So, yes. My life would have been complete if it had ended up as only me and him. But then...our definition of complete changed. It wasn't that Noah wasn't enough. We wanted more, and, honestly, Sarah, I did want a biological child. I understand how important that is, but it wasn't because we felt shortchanged with Noah."_

" _Maybe...with donor eggs…"_

 _Olivia was still gripping Sarah's hand. "You have options."_

" _I don't want to tell Justin."_

" _He'll be fine," Olivia said confidently. "He loves you. You and Justin will figure out the road ahead together. Trust me on this one. He's not going to leave, Sare."_

" _Ugh," Sarah buried her head in her hands, "This sucks...with Christmas coming up...fuck…"_

" _The two of you...you're going away though, the day after. Maybe it's perfect timing."_

" _Yeah…" Sarah and Justin were flying to Puerto Rico a day after Christmas to spend some time with his extended family and also exploring the island. "But then again, I don't want to have to answer questions about when we're having kids."_

" _Maybe pretend you don't speak Spanish?"_

 _Sarah giggled. "Livvie…they already know."_

" _I spent a long time finagling my way out of those types of questions," Olivia said._

" _That must've been annoying."_

 _Smiling reflectively, Olivia said, "It was at times...especially when the implication was that I didn't care or didn't understand someone's pain because I wasn't a mother. But they were right. As much as I hate to admit it, they were right."_

 _Sarah gulped the rest of her drink, signaled for another round, but asked for the check when the drinks were delivered. "I suppose I better face reality sooner rather than later." She sipped the fresh drink and added, "I'd probably be a crappy mother anyway."_

" _Stop." Olivia's voice was firm and commanding. "You will be. Will. Be. A fantastic mother. I know because I've seen you with Noah and Maggie and Wyatt. This is tough right now, Sare, but soon, you'll see...one way or another, it will happen for you and Justin. You'll get your family."_

…..

The rest of Olivia's day passed without incident, or, rather, without developments that would be important to anyone other than law enforcement or victims. The more Olivia communicated with the television show's producers and writers, the more she realized they had a sensationalized perception of what actually happened at the the precinct. Most crimes and cases never made it to the news, but they were all, at best, life-altering. At worst, they were devastating. She wondered if the show would have the real-life impact its creators intended, and she assumed, at the very least, they had asked her to assist in good faith. Maybe she'd been called in to provide authenticity. It was for this reason, and only this reason, she signed on in the first place.

For reasons unknown, the twins and Noah were unusually hyper. The three kids were in the middle of a boisterous jam session when Olivia got home, and she entered undetected. Even though she missed the kids running to greet her, she paused at the end of the foyer and smiled as she watched Noah and Wyatt bang away at their keyboard and drums. Maggie danced around with a set a maracas. Olivia peeked around the corner at Ed. He was dicing vegetables at the island keeping one eye on the kids and the other on their dinner.

"MOMMY!"

"MAMAMAMA!

"MAAAAAA!"

Olivia crouched and collected all three kids into her arms. "Hello sweethearts! It's so good to be home!"

"MA! PAY, MAMA!" Maggie wriggled away, grabbed a bongo, and brought it to Olivia.

"I'll join the band, honey," she said, "As soon as I change clothes." Olivia stood up, carrying Maggie with her. "And kiss Daddy."

"KIH! KIH DA!"

"Hey there," Ed put his arms around her waist. Even with Maggie on Olivia's hip and Wyatt and Noah playing their instruments, for a moment, it felt like they were the only two people in the room. Olivia remembered the first time he greeted her like this-their waists pressed together, upper bodies angled in opposite directions, eyes locked, and Ed's face contorted in semi-naughty smirk. Then, and now, it was so obvious he was happy as hell to see her.

"Hi." Olivia grinned as he kissed her.

"KISS! KISS MA!"

Maggie puckered her lips and Olivia and Ed took turns kissing her. Maggie reacted both times with an exaggerated "MWAH!"

"Sweet girl…"

"Got stir fry goin," Ed said softly, "And dumplings...you hungry?"

"I am...dumplings?"

"Bought those," Ed confessed, "But the stir fry...all me."

"Sounds so good," Olivia gave him another peck on the lips. "I'll change and help you."

Ed smirked. "Wine?"

"Please."

"PEASSSSE!"

"C'mon, sweet girl," Olivia said, grinning. "Let's get Mommy out of these work clothes."

In the bedroom, Olivia tossed Maggie onto the mattress, tickled her, and blew raspberries on her belly. Maggie giggled uncontrollably and blew raspberries of her own into the air. Ed heard the squeals, smiled to himself, almost burst with joy because he knew Olivia's heart was bursting as well.

She emerged in shorts and a t-shirt. Maggie had already rejoined her brothers and Olivia parked herself at the island. She sipped wine and flipped through the stack of mail that had been piling up since the beginning of the week. Most of it was addressed to her and Ed refused to open it. Olivia tossed the junk mail aside and saved envelopes for last. She and Ed made typical husband and wife small talk until she opened a letter from her publishing agent. Enclosed was a royalty check.

"Oh. My…"

Ed slid the wok to an unheated burner and turned around. "What is it?"

"I guess I never imagined the book...would result in this."

She held up the check. Ed blinked and took a step backwards.

"Wow."

"I know."

He grinned and rounded the island so he could hug and kiss her. "I'm so proud of you."

"This is unreal."

"You deserve every penny."

Olivia chuckled and sardonically muttered, "My life...my career...has a number on it apparently."

Ed held her at arm's length. "That's not what's most important though. There's no telling how far your influence has reached. How many lives you've saved."

Out of appreciation, her face softened. "I should stop being so cynical."

Ed smirked. "That's a tall order."

"Maybe…" she turned the check over and over in her hand, "We can use this for something fun...for the house maybe? That outdoor kitchen we saw? We could really get everything we want...do it up right."

"Sure could."

"And with the rest...savings...have three kids to put through college."

"That's very responsible." Ed took her into his arms again, "But they're all gettin' scholarships or gonna be rock stars so, probably not a priority."

Olivia laughed and put her head against his chest. "Good point, Ed Tucker. Let's blow it all on the beach house."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	42. Chapter 42

**Forty-two.**

There were no limits to the number of guests per student allowed at Kindergarten Graduation, and there were also no tickets, so Ed and Olivia arrived early and reserved an entire row of seats for the rest of their family. Sarah and Justin arrived with Caroline, and Brooke and Sonny filled out the row with a fussy and teething Sofia. Sonny bounced her in his arms and remarked that it was perfect he was seated at the end. Caroline took the baby for a few minutes but returned her to her father once the program began.

"I need to focus my attention on my favorite," she said.

" _Grandma_!"

Caroline shrugged, folded her hands in her lap, and waited patiently for the Lower School's representative to give opening remarks. Soon after, the children paraded in. Sarah and Brooke whispered that Noah was the most sharply dressed in his gray suit. The group sang three songs and took their seats. Noah stayed standing and made his way to the main microphone.

"Welcome to Grad'ation!"

After a thundering round of applause, Noah continued.

"I'm Noah Tucker, da EMCEE!"

Noah grinned at the additional applause. He glanced down at the podium. "First, Mr. B, Miss Taylor, and Miss Lissy will talk!"

Noah sat down and folded his hands in his lap as the teachers reflected on the school year. There was a break for more songs, and then the awards ceremony took place. When Noah didn't receive excellence in math, science, or English, Ed and Olivia got antsy but not terribly concerned.

"What the hell?" Sarah muttered.

Ed gripped Olivia's hand. "They can't give him an award for everything."

"But he should get something!" Olivia hissed.

Caroline patted Olivia's hand. "Dearie, they're saving the best for last."

Sure enough, once everyone thought the awards had run out, the headmaster took the stage. He boasted about how proud he was of the younger students and challenged them to become the next leaders of the school. Then, with the help of the Kindergarten teachers, he motioned for a second cart of medals and trophies to be wheeled out from behind the curtain, and presented the most prestigious awards.

"For highest achievement in math, Noah Tucker!"

Noah marched up to the podium and bowed his head so the medal could be placed around his neck.

Three more academic medals were given, and the art teacher took her place at the podium. She explained how each student completed a major mural project and pointed out the paintings adorning the walls of the auditorium. The paper used was about three feet in length and fifteen or so inches tall. The children had used different paints, pastels, and charcoals to create their masterpieces, and the artwork was pretty much what one would expect from Kindergarteners-a mishmash of color, uneven lines, and amorphous shapes. On her cue, two upper school students brought out one more painting. This one was matted and framed and superior to the others, most notably because the subject was clear. The artist had drawn an abstract cityscape of Manhattan featuring the Empire State Building, taxi cabs, and a green space that was probably central park. Lining the sides of the page were streaks of blue representing the East and Hudson Rivers; one one side, featuring prominently, was a gray strip dotted with scooters and bicycles-the Hudson River Greenway.

"Our Young Artist's Award goes to Noah Tucker for his mural he titled My City. The mural will be hung in the school's main office for a year and then Noah and his family will have the option to add it to the learning commons or take it home." The teacher took a plaque with an embossed painter's palette and motioned for Noah to come and take it. "Congratulations, Noah. Thank you for making our school a little more beautiful."

Brooke, Sarah, and Olivia grabbed for tissues. Ed tried to decipher what Noah said to the teacher as he accepted his award. Caroline clapped furiously and whistled-an action for which she would normally be admonished but the Tucker clan was so emotional nobody bothered to say anything. Maggie and Wyatt were playing with a few toys in the aisle next to Ed and paying zero attention.

The rising first graders sang one more song and lined up to receive their completion certificates. They were ushered off stage and into the school's courtyard where they met their families. Olivia led the way from the auditorium and she nearly burst into tears again when she saw Noah. Tables were set up and volunteers served pieces of cake, cookies, and drinks; most of the children were clustered in small groups, sipping fruit punch, and chatting with mouthfuls of chocolate chips. Noah, however, stood off to the side, his face pressed against a temporary fence. He was ultra-focused on something Olivia couldn't see right away.

"Sweet boy," she said softly so she wouldn't startle him, "Whatcha lookin' at?"

"There's a bee _and_ a butterfly on dat pink flower," Noah whispered.

"Wow…"

Olivia waited patiently. A minute or so passed before the butterfly flew away. Noah spun around on his heel. "That butterfly wasn't afraid of da bee! They were friends jus' sittin' on da flower."

"Amazing."

"Yep!"

"Sweet boy, I'm so proud of you. For your medal, and your certificate, and the art trophy. Your mural is so beautiful." Olivia hugged him tightly. "You are such a special person, Noah. I love you."

"Love you!"

"Grandma wants to take us all out for lunch now," Olivia said, "Should we say goodbye to Mr. B. and go? Or do you want to stay for a little while with your friends?"

"Go," Noah replied, "I'm HUNGRY!"

Maggie and Wyatt ran over. They each had cookies in their hands.

"Coo! Coo, No!" Wyatt gave one to Noah and turned back to Ed. He balled and unballed his fist. "Coo, Dah! Coo!" Ed hustled back to the cookie table and gave Wyatt another one.

Olivia grinned.

Ed shrugged and mumbled, "Two hands, two cookies."

"Guess we're havin' dessert first!" Noah said, giggling.

"I guess so, sweet boy," Olivia cooed. "Come on. Everyone's waiting for us by the steps."

Olivia and Ed shouldered two bags full of Noah's awards, work, and belongings and the five of them left the courtyard hand in hand.

….

 _Inside a cluttered, crowded indoor artists' market near NYU, Ed followed Wyatt as the boy meandered through the displays. Wyatt and Noah were the more careful shoppers of the three youngest Tucker kids, or, rather, Maggie had a sharper sixth sense of where to find perfect gifts. When Ed took Maggie Christmas shopping, the two of them spent more time enjoying various drinks and snacks than they did browsing in stores. The only food Wyatt requested was an old-fashioned peppermint stick which he kept in his mouth as he wandered around._

 _Ed was starting to get a tad bored when Wyatt finally stopped in front of a display case. "These are nice," he said with more excitement than he'd expressed all morning. "Daddy, I like these-I can get Mommy and Maggie the same!"_

 _Ed crouched and followed Wyatt's gaze. He was intrigued by two burgundy-toned clusters hanging from edgy-looking cable chains._

 _A clerk approached them and explained the pendants were made from agate, gemstones symbolizing strength and harmony._

 _Wyatt nodded. "Strength mean strong," he murmured, "...yeah...Daddy, I wanna buy those."_

" _Okay, bud," Ed stood up and asked if the clerk could take some links out of one chain. "It's for my seven-year-old daughter," he said._

" _Sure."_

 _While they waited for the clerk to operate on the chain and box the items, Ed asked Wyatt about Noah's present. He hoped Wyatt had some insight, for he and Olivia had been at a loss about what to give him for Christmas._

" _I'm gonna get him a shirt that says Knickerbockers! Noah loves dem, but he only has t-shirts, he needs a sweatshirt with a hood!"_

" _Good idea bud." Ed paid for the jewelry, "We'll head over by the Garden and get that then, you wanna go for pizza?"_

" _Yup! To Pizza Suprema!"_

" _Sure thing. And...what are you hopin to get from Santa?"_

" _A chess board," Wyatt answered promptly as if it had been weighing on his mind._

" _A chess board?"_

" _Yep. Like those guys play in da park by Sare Bear's. I wanna learn. We watch 'em a lot when we walk by."_

 _Ed wasn't surprised Wyatt had a fascination for chess or the men who played in Union Square. Wyatt had a penchant for solitude and for getting lost in his thoughts. His bedside table was cluttered with a variety of puzzle books. He and Noah often played checkers, and Ed remembered marvelling at how quickly Wyatt picked up the game. Maggie played too, but she was more reckless, more prone to take chances, and she often lost. Wyatt was able to see moves three or four turns ahead, and he was difficult to beat._

 _The best thing about Wyatt's gift for Noah and his own desire to have a chess board was the simplicity of the items. The kids were constantly bombarded by ads promoting the newest technological gadgets, they owned many of them, but they still preferred to play and hang out as a trio. It was a rare occurrence for the three Tucker kids to spend evenings in their separate spaces._

 _When they approached the west side and the imposing Madison Square Garden came into view, Wyatt stopped in his tracks. Like Noah, he was awed by the city's buildings, even the lesser attractive ones like the Garden. "There it is!" He exclaimed. "Home of the Knickerbockers!"_

" _Yep."_

" _Daddy, why they only call them Knicks now?"_

" _It's shorter," Ed replied, "Easier to say."_

" _I like to say da whole thing."_

" _You can say whatever ya want, pal. Hey, ya know, the hockey team, the Rangers play here, too. Would you like to go and see a hockey game sometime?"_

" _Yeah," Wyatt replied, "We watched it on TV, those guys skate fast! We go skating but we don't skate that fast! They ZOOM around!" Wyatt pretended he was skating and made swooshing sounds as he pushed off the concrete. "But!" Wyatt opened his eyes wide, "Those guys crash into each other! In basketball, ya can't do that!"_

" _Right. Different games have different rules."_

" _I like basketball the best."_

" _Well," Ed gnashed his teeth and hoped he wasn't giving away to much of a hint about his and Olivia's family Christmas gift, "Would ya like to go to more Knicks games?"_

" _Yep! They're super fun!"_

" _We'll have to do that." Ed and Olivia had started taking the kids to basketball games when Maggie and Wyatt started Kindergarten. Unlike football and baseball, the games didn't last long and they were typically filled with nonstop action. Also, the Garden was a short taxi or subway ride from their apartment and the kids had a variety of favorite restaurants along the way. For Christmas, they had purchased a partial season ticket package._

" _Alright, Wyatt, food or shopping first?"_

" _Food!"_

" _Alright, Pizza Suprema here we come. Pepperoni?"_

" _Yep! And olives!"_

" _Right. Gonna have orange soda?"_

 _Wyatt looked up at Ed conspiratorially. Soda wasn't the rarest of treats, but orange soda was. "Yes!" he said. "You gonna have orange?"_

" _Nah, I'll get a Coke."_

 _Wyatt sidled up to Ed as they waited to cross the avenue. "Den I'll get a Coke too."_

" _Or we can get one of each and share."_

" _Okay!" Wyatt said brightly; he had obviously been torn between drinking the same thing as his Daddy and having the orange soda treat. "Sharing da drinks and da pizza!"_

" _Yep. Good way to spend the afternoon, huh?"_

" _Uh-huh! An' it's extra good 'cause only you and me like olives on pizza, right Daddy?"_

" _Right, pal."_

 _Ed grinned at Wyatt. He remembered his mother constantly gushing about his good looks and his smile grew even wider. Caroline had been right, and Wyatt hadn't outgrown his cuteness. Wyatt boasted a multitude of contrasting features-deep, thoughtful blue eyes and soft round cheeks gave way to a sharp, Olivia-esque jawline and a perpetually serious default expression that made him look older and seem wiser beyond his years. Maggie attracted people because she was outgoing and silly. Noah was smart and, at thirteen, a better conversationalist than most adults. People gravitated to Wyatt because he looked like he possessed the most treasured, most valuable secret in the history of humankind._

" _Hey," Ed said after they'd crossed the street. "Whadja get me for Christmas?"_

" _Good try, Daddy."_

 _Ed shrugged._

" _But, I'll give ya three hints!"_

" _Okay."_

" _But you haveta guess with questions about da present. Like, is it red? Or, can I use it at the beach?"_

" _Got it."_

…

Everything about Sarah's wedding trended toward the traditional. Justin's sister and Brooke served as bridesmaids, Justin's brothers and two good friends were groomsmen, they were not deviating from the wedding mass, and Sarah's dress included a veil which covered her face and a long train affixed to her dress. She had planned to have Maggie and Wyatt carry part of the train so they could be part of the processional, but after five failed attempts on the night of the rehearsal, it was decided the twins would simply walk down the aisle with Noah, who was getting his second turn as ring bearer.

While the priest led the wedding party through the different parts of the mass, Maggie and Wyatt chased each other in and out of the pews. Wyatt had a toy truck in his hand and he occasionally stopped to send it flying down an aisle. Olivia shadowed them and kept glancing apologetically toward the front of the church, for the twins' delighted shrieks were extra echoey and amplified in the cavernous space. The cathedral was huge, though, and Olivia was always reluctant to put the lid on any type of fun her kids were having. She played along with their game, appearing suddenly at the ends of the rows and causing Maggie and Wyatt to squeal, pretend to be frightened, and run in the opposite direction.

The actual rehearsal did not last long, and everyone reconvened a bit later at a waterside restaurant which Ed and Olivia hosted. Olivia felt a bit guilty about serving as "host." She and Ed hadn't done anything other than provide their credit card; the venue's staff was used to handling all the details.

She and Ed welcomed people as they made their way inside. There weren't many invited guests, maybe twenty or so in all, and, during lulls in traffic, Ed told Olivia how gorgeous she looked in her light yellow shift dress.

"I don't know about this color," Olivia said, "But that's the theme...it's Sarah's favorite."

"You should wear that color everyday."

" _Ed_."

" _Liv_."

"We have to get home at a decent hour," she said, "The twins are way too wound up. They can't be like this tomorrow."

"Ah, if they are, it'll give one of us the chance to get outta there."

"Ed!"

"It's _mass_."

Olivia swatted his chest. "You're terrible."

Sarah had a hand in the dinner plans. Since the reception was casual, she insisted the dinner be buffet-style and as far from pretentious as possible. The menu was simple-roasted chicken, potatoes, a vegetable medley, and, for dessert, individual strawberry tarts. Before any of the formalities got started, Ed and Olivia prepared plates for the twins. Brooke and Sonny helped them eat. Noah insisted on being treated like a big kid and waiting to eat at the same time as the adults.

"Thank you all for coming and for being part of Sarah's and Justin's lives," Olivia began. "Ed and I are so happy to be able to sit down with you and have a nice meal and drinks and really connect. Sarah and Justin, we both love you so, so much, and we wish you all the happiness in the world. You are both special people, and we are looking forward to the years to come."

Olivia handed the microphone to Ed and he took it after kissing Olivia's cheek.

"My wife said it all," he said with a smirk. "I second it. Please, eat, drink, and enjoy yourselves and we look forward to more celebrating tomorrow." Ed took Olivia's hand and they strode back to their table. "Should be dancing here," he murmured under his breath.

"Tomorrow," Olivia said.

He kissed her on the cheek once more. "Promise?"

"Promise."

…

 _Ed tightened the screws on Noah's first-ever scooter. Testing his work, he rolled it back and forth, leaned on the handlebars, and turned the front wheel from side to side._

" _All set," he said._

 _Olivia was sitting on the sofa sipping a tumbler of bourbon and admiring the way Ed's t-shirt hugged his chest as he worked on the scooter. "Thank you," she said. "And, thank you for letting me leave it here."_

" _No problem." Ed stood and swigged the rest of the beer he'd opened at the onset of the project._

 _Olivia was so comfortably buried in the sofa cushions she felt dwarfed by Ed. Maybe it was the presence of tools or the sight of him so casually attired in jeans and the t-shirt or, perhaps, it was his naturally ruddy face made a bit ruddier from the minor exertion of the scooter assembly project...he was practically oozing sex appeal._

" _Got time to grab somethin to eat?" He asked, oblivious to the amorous thoughts running through Olivia's mind and also hat him being unaware of her admiration made him even more attractive._

" _Sure. Well, maybe, we can go have a drink? Pick up food and eat at my place?"_

" _Sure."_

 _Ed started to walk toward the back hallway and his bedroom. Olivia practically leapt to her feet._

" _Ed," she grabbed him by the wrists. "Seriously. Thank you. I don't know why, when I ordered that thing, I thought it would come assembled."_

" _Happy to help."_

 _She kissed him, released his wrists, and put her palms on his chest. She had to. She had to feel the muscles she'd been admiring for some time now. Ed, however, perceived the touch as a cue to stop and he stepped away._

" _I'll, uh, I'll get changed," he said._

 _After a moment of confusion, Olivia realized what was wrong and grabbed his wrists again. "I didn't mean for you to stop," she said softly._

 _He smirked and she both felt and saw him relax. He leaned in for another kiss. This one was decidedly more passionate than any they'd previously shared. Ed held her in a tight embrace for the duration but kept his hands on her shoulders and the middle of her back, still wary of crossing too many lines at once._

" _Olivia Benson…"_

 _She grinned, stared into his desirous blue eyes, and tapped his chin with an index finger. "Ready to head out?"_

 _He was most definitely not ready to head out. He wanted to take her into his bedroom and make love to her, but they had other plans and he was committed to baby-stepping their way to whatever it was they were becoming._

" _Yeah. Be right back. You, uh...you want somethin' in particular for dinner?"_

" _Tacos sound good."_

" _Want me to make 'em? It's my specialty."_

" _Seriously?"_

" _Very serious."_

" _Well, then...tacos it is, Tucker."_

… _.._

Ed hung all the family's wedding attire from the crown molding in the living room. He, Noah, and Wyatt were wearing tuxedos and yellow bow ties. Maggie's dress was made from the same silky material as the bridesmaids' and Olivia's knee-length A-line number was a lacy-patterned goldenrod piece in line with Sarah's color palette but original enough to set her apart as mother of the bride.

"Gotta have a lotta clothes to get married," Noah remarked.

Slightly tipsy, Ed giggled and whispered to Olivia that being married meant people needed fewer clothes. She lovingly rolled her eyes and fed him a bite of the pepperoni rolls they'd ordered after returning home. Neither she nor Ed had eaten much at the rehearsal dinner.

"Do you like the yellow, sweet boy?" Olivia asked, changing subjects.

"It good."

Ed refused to bow out of the conversation. "Bud, when you get married, what color are you gonna want?"

"Prolly blue and green. Gramma gonna like that too, 'cause we're Irish, so we have blue and green."

"Good idea."

"Sweet boy, are you going to dance with me tomorrow? At the reception?"

"Yep! And I gotta dance with Maggs and Wyatt and Mia!"

Caroline had not backed off her intention to take Mia to the wedding. Mr. Bianchi was bringing her to the Tucker apartment in the morning.

"It's going to be so fun!"

"Uh-huh! And Daddy you gonna dance with Mommy 'cause you LOVE dat!"

"I do, bud. When you get married and have a wife you're gonna wanna dance with your wife all the time."

"Cept when ya have ta go to work!"

"Right."

"Pre'soon Mommy's gonna be r'tired so then ya gonna dance all the time!"

Ed sidled up to Olivia and put his arms around her waist. Noah was rifling through the toy box and the noise, coupled with the twins' babbles, made the ensuing utterance inaudible to everyone but himself and Olivia.

"Damn right," he rasped into her neck. "Few weeks...we're gonna be dancing all the time."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	43. Chapter 43

**Forty-three**. ( _features a glimpse ahead to real time Thanksgiving for JB and thanks JB for the idea!/typically the FFs are farther into the future, but we need a little Thanksgiving and I didn't want to create a whole new story or oneshot!)_

"I shoulda known to get a hotel room for tonight," Ed whispered to Olivia as he swayed her across the dance floor. "Weddings make me…" he took a deep, sharp breath, "...so crazy."

Olivia smiled and angled her head against his. Ed had been behaving and keeping his hands on the small of her back, but Olivia knew he was exercising enormous restraint. Even she had to admit, she looked good tonight. No, she looked amazing. The dress and its earthy color had thrown her for a loop at first but it hugged her body perfectly and the deep yellow hue accentuated her skin tone. As her one extravagance, Sarah hired two people to do makeup and hair and, though the makeup artist used color combinations Olivia had never considered, it added a sultry allure to her naturally gorgeous features.

"Livvie," Sarah said, "Dad isn't gonna last the ceremony."

The wedding mass went off without a hitch. At the last minute Ed had worried about lifting the veil and placing it in its proper position on Sarah's head, but he expertly swept it away from her face and smoothed it back before kissing her cheek and whispering "I love you." Olivia noticed him wiping a tear as he took his place in the pew next to her and she squeezed his hand, knowing his emotions were mostly relief that his capricious-in-love daughter was settling down with a man she truly loved.

During the prayers, homily, and vows, Noah stood along with the other groomsmen, handsome in his tuxedo and shiny black wingtips. Occasionally he rocked back and forth, toe-to-heel, and stared at his shoes. He had an affinity for fancy footwear, and he was especially proud of this pair. Every few minutes he would glance at the audience. Once, he saw Mia waving at him and he shyly waved back.

When it came time to exchange rings, Noah delivered them to Sarah and Justin, but, as he was turning to retake his spot, Sarah held him by the shoulder and whispered, "Stay here, Noey." He watched the rest of the ceremony, including the kiss, standing at Sarah's side.

The formality of the mass gave way to a raucous party once everyone settled in at the reception hall. Justin's friends and brothers each gave a toast as did Brooke who hadn't given one at Sarah's first wedding. Her speech was brief but heartfelt and she warmly welcomed Justin to the family. Happy he'd spoken last night, Ed sat back with a smirk on his face and bounced Maggie in his lap. He and Olivia spent the first part of the evening on the dance floor with their kids. Ed danced with Sarah, Olivia danced with Justin, then, more upbeat music took over and they swung the twins, Noah, and Mia around until the four kids drifted off into a huddle with children from Justin's family. As soon as the next ballad was played, Ed darted to Olivia's side, interrupted her conversation, and led her back out to the dance floor.

"We're going to have to leave fairly early," Olivia said encouragingly. "Those sweet babies are going to be exhausted."

"Good." Ed kissed her neck and took a deep breath. "Damn, you smell so...God..."

Parrying his amorous advances, Olivia changed the subject. "Aidan looks good. He's sure grown."

"He looks miserable."

"He's sixteen and at a wedding with people he doesn't know very well. Speaking of, Justin's aunts are hilarious. They remind me so much of your mother. No wonder she and Carmen get along so well."

"You and I get along so well."

"Weddings really do make you crazy, don't they?"

"Mmmhmm. It's 'cause I remember marryin' you like it was yesterday and," he pressed his forehead to hers, "I've been so fucking happy ever since."

"Me too."

When the song ended, Olivia experienced a momentary instance of panic when she couldn't find the twins. Her eyes frantically darted around the hall and she dug her fingernails into Ed's wrist.

"Ah," he said after what seemed like an eternity, "We were lookin' in the wrong direction." He pointed to their table. Wyatt and Maggie, still in their wedding attire, were sitting together, their bag of toys overturned and its contents spilling out between them.

Olivia breathed a sigh of relief and walked arm-in-arm with Ed back to the table. " _Hello_ , sweethearts!"

Wyatt grinned and reached one fist out to her. Inside he clutched the remnants of a brownie.

"Oh, honey, come here," Olivia found their wipes and quickly cleaned him up.

Ed kissed Maggie's head and sat in the chair behind her. "Where's Noah, Maggie May? Where's your brother?"

"NO!" Maggie pointed at the stage.

"Liv, look!"

"Oh my...how…" Olivia found her phone, "Oh my God."

Mia and Noah were standing in front of the DJ booth, and Mia was showing a bewildered-looking Noah how to twirl her around and around. The skirt of her pink dress billowed out around her. She grabbed Noah's hand, put it in hers, and looped herself under his arm over and over again until she was overcome by dizziness. She staggered, recovered, and grabbed Noah's hand again. He quickly found a rhythm and twirled her faster and faster. They bumped into several couples who merely looked down and smiled at the collisions. The twirling stopped only because the DJ decided to play the Cha Cha Slide. Sarah and Justin grabbed the kids and helped them with the moves.

From their places near the table, Maggie and Wyatt did their best to follow along, but they mostly jumped around, crashed into each other, and fell into a giggly heap before standing up and starting all over again.

Brooke, who had been dancing with Sofia in her arms, came back to the table and practically collapsed into a chair. "Phew! That's a workout!"

Olivia took Sofia and cuddled her in her lap. "Where's Carisi?" She asked, forgetting to use his first name as she often did.

"He's out there in front. See?"

"Wow," Olivia said, "He's good at that."

"I know! We're going to have to practice before the next wedding or whatever...I suck at these dances. Dad? How come you're not out there?"

"I'm waitin' for the Electric Slide," Ed quipped dryly.

Olivia and Brooke both broke into laughter.

"I'd pay to see that," Brooke said.

Ed took a drink of his beer while staring at his wife and daughter. He swallowed and winked.

"Get your money ready."

….

 _Ed got up and went to the kitchen, presumably for a refill, but Olivia heard him rummaging through the snacks and he returned with more bourbon and a bowl of caramel corn._

" _Want some?"_

 _Olivia groaned, "I don't think I'll ever eat again."_

" _Sure ya will." Ed collected her back into his arms and kissed the side of her head. "Can't waste these vacation days," he whispered._

" _Plans, Tucker?"_

" _I was plannin' on taking you to dinner once or twice, or," he kissed her head again, "Bringing dinner to you. Or just, doin' this."_

" _I like all of the above," Olivia sighed contentedly. "Such a good day."_

" _It was. I'm glad it wasn't too overwhelming."_

" _It was perfect."_

" _Turkey was kinda dry."_

 _Olivia chuckled, "Isn't it always dry?"_

" _Definitely not my favorite, or my mom's, hence the ham and the pot roast."_

" _Thanksgiving is all about the sides anyway, isn't it?"_

" _Right."_

" _And they were great, especially the mashed potatoes. So good."_

" _Secret's a hell of a lot of butter." Ed popped a few kernels into his mouth. "Sure you don't want any?"_

" _I'm sure." Olivia nestled herself even more snugly under his arm. "Ed, seriously, thank you for today. I was worried...about feeling like an interloper, like Noah and I were casual observers, but that didn't happen. I never had Thanksgivings like that growing up-mine usually involved going to a strangers house and watching adults drink too much-and I want Noah to always have good memories of holidays."_

" _You deserve to have some, too."_

 _Olivia swallowed a lump in her throat. "It wasn't very long ago I didn't think good memories were possible."_

" _I'm glad you didn't give up on them."_

" _I was close…"_

 _Ed tightened his hold on her. He could tell she wanted to talk, that she wanted to offer up more details from her past, and he wanted to make sure to convey he wasn't, under any circumstances, going to let her go._

" _Sometimes," she said, "It all seems so far away. And then, a dream or a person I pass on the street, or just a bad day, brings a piece...or...a lot of pieces back, and I'm back, in that car, at that beach house, on the stand at trial...it's terrifying...but then I remember, I come back to reality, to Noah, to the light that was at the end of the tunnel. When the judge gave me custody, I often wonder if she knew exactly how thin of a thread I was hanging by, how alone I was...did she see that? Did she know she was sort of saving my life by giving me someone to live for?"_

 _Several minutes passed before Ed broke the silence._

" _That was rhetorical, right?"_

 _Olivia shook with gentle laughter. "Yes."_

" _I remember seein' ya before and after."_

" _Exhausted and more exhausted?"_

" _More like tired and good tired," Ed replied. "And don't forget, you were goin' through the foster system with Noah and gettin' used to running a unit, and then eventually preparing for the Lieutenant's exam-"_

" _-forced to prepare-"_

 _Ed smirked. "-yeah, well...I hope eventually, you'll take some pride in all of it, all of that learning on the job with...uh...all that terrible stuff still pretty fresh in the rear view mirror...it's remarkable."_

 _Had Ed not been so sincere, Olivia would have muttered something cynical such as "if you say so" or a comment similarly dismissive of his sentiments. But Ed had managed to put the unimaginable horror and the unexpected bliss of the past eighteen months into simple yet meaningful perspective. Not only that, he was conveying how deeply he admired her but also how much he cared...and had been caring for her for a while._

" _Thank you for that," she said, her voice trembling ever so slightly._

 _Ed reluctantly created some space between them, but he had to look her in the eye for what he was going to say next. "You're welcome." He put the popcorn bowl on the coffee table and held her hands, "Olivia, I want you to know, uh, well, maybe I did put you in between a rock and a hard place with the exam...but I'd never, ever force you into doin' something you didn't want to do."_

" _You did it for me," Olivia said. "If you hadn't, I could've been blindsided by someone showing up and taking my office out of the blue. You were the only one, in the whole department, thinking of me."_

" _Still..."_

 _Olivia was shocked and, ironically, a bit heartened at how her little joke had rubbed Ed the wrong way. She tugged on his wrists and kissed him. "I know, Ed." She kissed him again. "I know."_

…

The entire Tucker master suite saw some form of intimacy on the night of Sarah's wedding. All three kids were sleeping by the time the taxi dropped them off at home and nobody, not even Maggie, stirred when their parents swapped their formal outfits for pajamas. Ed followed Olivia into the bedroom. She went into the closet and seductively asked him to help her with the zipper even though it was located on the side and she could have easily undone it herself.

He took his time removing the dress, and it gave her time to unbutton his shirt. She slid it from his shoulders and he yanked off his t-shirt. She massaged his pecs and his abs as he kissed along her collarbone and then, one by one, freed her arms from the cap sleeves.

"I love you so much," he said, "I wanna marry you again, every day." He pushed the dress down and it collected at her ankles. "Over and over again...I wanna marry you."

" _Ed_."

His entire body, from his shoulders to his waist, biceps to forearms, thigh to throbbing erection to opposite thigh, was rock solid. The familiar flush appeared on his chest and Olivia kissed all over it while she worked at his belt and waistband.

From the closet they ambled into the bathroom. Ed lifted her onto the counter, cupped her head, and buried his tongue in her mouth. It was an almost predatory kiss. Ed opened his mouth wide and smiled as best he could when Olivia kissed back with equal fervor. He unclasped her bra and sucked on each breast until Olivia was whimpering and pawing at his hips. Ed tore off her panties and slid his fingers inside of her; he had the presence of mind to grab the bottle of lube, and Olivia screamed into his mouth as he thrust his fingers in and out at a furious pace.

From there they stumbled to the bed. Olivia didn't regularly their lovemaking sessions, but, the next morning, as she drifted into consciousness from a deep, satisfying sleep and felt the effects from the night before, she couldn't remember a time when Ed had loved her with such a titillating combination of erotic aggression and attentive passion. She turned on her side for a view of him-his face placid in slumber and a single white sheet covering him up to the waist. Surely, one or two or all of the kids were awake, but Olivia almost gave in to the ache she had for him.. Ed often boasted of his addiction to her, but the obsession was mutual. She pressed a kiss to his shoulder and crept out of bed. In that moment, as she gave him one last smile before leaving the room, she realized that, while he constantly admitted his love jones for her, she was never as vocal.

 _That changes now_ , she thought. Ed deserved to hear, definitively and often, how badly she craved him.

…..

 _Security was tight in the blocks adjacent to the Museum of Natural History the day before Thanksgiving. Olivia and Ed weaved their way through the crowd and nodded at familiar and unfamiliar uniformed officers who flanked the path leading to the area where the public could watch the inflation of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade balloons. Olivia pushed the stroller and Ed carried Noah on his shoulders. When they reached the grounds, Noah started bouncing up and down. "I SEE GRINCH! HE'S FLAT!"_

" _Yeah, bud, we're gonna see him get real big in a little bit."_

 _Once inside the viewing area, Olivia and Ed took out their shields. As a matter of loosely-enforced protocol, NYPD officers were supposed to turn in badges upon retirement, but Ed kept his for a number of reasons including times like these when special access could be granted. Portable fences separated the balloons from the spectators; the family would have been fine watching the spectacle with everyone else, but Ed insisted they could get closer. Sure enough, he spotted a familiar Lieutenant and Olivia followed him as he approached._

" _Mark!"_

 _Stunned at hearing his first name, the officer frowned but immediately grinned when he saw who was barking his name._

" _Tucker!"_

" _Buddy, how ya doin?"_

" _Great, great, busy as usual this time of year. Got everyone here...homeland security, ATF, counter terrorism…" Mark suddenly noticed the women and children and softened his tone. "Who do we have here?"_

 _Ed cast his eyes upwards, "My son Noah. No, say hello to Lieutenant Edwards."_

" _Hi!" Noah erupted into laughter. "Daddy, you're Ed and he's EDWARDS!"_

 _Ed grinned proudly and continued the introductions. "My wife, Olivia."_

" _Hi," Olivia shook his hand, and, seeing him try to place her, helped him out, "SVU."_

" _Oh, oh, yeah!"_

 _Olivia rolled the stroller back and forth. "And these two are Maggie and Wyatt."_

" _Hello there!" Mark had gone from tough-as-nails cop to sugary-sweet old friend in a matter of seconds._

 _Maggie screeched at him and Wyatt grinned shyly._

" _So," Ed gripped Noah's ankles, "What's the deal here? Bout an hour?"_

" _Yeah, well, maybe more. If you want, leave the stroller here and you can walk around inside."_

" _You sure?"_

" _Yeah, go ahead, just go on the inside, opposite the fences. No problem. Media's in there and a few other people I may have let through thanks to the shield."_

 _Ed patted Mark on the shoulder. "Thanks, man. I owe ya. Happy Thanksgiving."_

" _Happy Thanksgiving to you."_

 _As soon as the balloons started to take a bit of shape and rise off the ground, Noah asked to get down. With Ed and Olivia prominently displaying their shields, nobody questioned their presence as they wandered through the restricted area. Maggie and Wyatt didn't quite get it until the third loop when they recognized Mr. Incredible._

" _CREBULL!"_

" _CREBULL!"_

 _They jabbed their little arms into the air and craned their necks as far back as they could while still maintaining balance. Nevertheless, Maggie shrieked and got so excited she pounded her feet up and down furiously and fell backward. Ed caught her and held her like an infant for a few minutes._

" _Lookit that, Maggie May!"_

" _Crebull, Dah!"_

 _It wasn't long before she wriggled out of his arms and she and Wyatt followed Noah to the next balloon._

" _GRINCH! Here he is!" Noah announced._

" _Let's get a picture," Olivia said, "Noah, make a grinch face!"_

 _Noah frowned, furrowed his brow, and did his best to look grumpy even though he was nowhere near the mood of the cantankerous Grinch._

" _Good one, sweet boy!"_

 _Noah took a few steps backwards. "He's almost there!"_

 _One of the attendants politely contradicted him. "Got another hour or so."_

 _Ed eyed the twins. They were shouting "GINCH" over and over again. Neither they nor Noah showed signs of fatigue. "We shoulda brought a flask," he whispered in Olivia's ear._

 _Noah continued on. "Babies," he said, "Dis's Charlie Brown! You prolly don't 'member but we always watch Charlie Brown Christmas movie!"_

" _CharBROW!"_

" _Char Brow, NO!"_

 _They were close to the character's shoe which was fully inflated and Noah laughed hysterically. "Dis is Charlie's foot! Jus da foot! He's gonna be HUGE!"_

" _HEWWWWWW!"_

" _FOOT! FOOT!"_

 _Olivia snapped pictures. Ed put an arm around her shoulder. They had shared many sweet family outings, but Ed particularly loved wintry scenes when the kids were bundled into puffy parkas, mittens, and knit caps, their faces full of joy, and their cheeks pink from both weather and excitement._

 _Once they made their way, for the fifth time, past the toy soldier, the balloon was almost at its height and, although it wasn't upright, it was the perfect backdrop for a family photo. Ed found someone who didn't look like he was too occupied and asked him to take a picture. Even though the man appeared disinterested in everything else going on, he snapped several photos and even coaxed smiles from the twins._

 _Olivia eagerly grabbed the phone and inspected the photos. "Ed, they're so nice." She showed him her favorite of the dozen or so images-she and Ed smiling broadly and Noah and the twins looking as though they were screaming blissfully, all with the toy soldier backdrop._

" _Christmas card," he said. "Done."_

 _Olivia didn't have time to bask in the sweetness because Noah shouted "MOMMY! LOOK!"_

 _Men with nets and sandbags were circling each balloon. They deftly unrolled the nets, corralled the characters, and secured them with sandbags._

" _Yeah, bud, that's so they don't fly away overnight._

" _Wow…" Mesmerized, Noah wandered ahead and watched the men repeat the process with the other balloons. "Wow…"_

 _It was dark now and the workers were collecting cables and other machinery they'd used to do their jobs. Maggie and Wyatt were starting to get fussy. Ed and Olivia, though thrilled with their outing, were hungry and looking forward to a glass of wine or a beer._

" _Noah?" Olivia asked, "What would you like for dinner?"_

" _Pizza! There's pizza across da street!"_

" _Uno," Ed grumbled._

 _Olivia shrugged, "It's pizza."_

" _It's not our regular pizza."_

" _They have drinks," Olivia pointed out, "And...you and I could maybe eat something else...later...if we want."_

 _Ed smirked, twisted his lips, and naughtily looked her up and down. "Uno's fine," he said, "I'm not gonna want to eat later."_

" _Gotta save room for all that turkey tomorrow," Olivia quipped, slapping his belly._

" _Yeah," Ed retorted, "That's why."_

… _._

 **#Tuckson**


	44. Chapter 44

_**Forty-four**_.

Since Noah's private school ended classes a week before the city's public schools shut their doors for the summer, Olivia was temporarily puzzled when Carisi and Rollins announced they were headed to a west side middle school to investigate a five-student brawl that had broken out there earlier in the morning. After she straightened out the calendars in her head, she furrowed her brow and asked why SVU was being called in for a fight.

"Must be somethin'," Rollins said, "Precinct requested our assistance."

Olivia groaned. They had so many open, urgent cases of their own to keep tabs on. "Fine," she said, "But don't be shy about handing it right back. A fight?"

"Got it."

Fin wandered into the office next with a fistful of pink phone messages in his hand. "Here ya go, Liv," he said. "Some of yours were mixed in with mine. Sorry…" He screwed up his face, "Why's Barba leavin' you a message?"

"Oh…" Olivia frowned at the unintentional slight, "I read his text a few days ago, was busy, and forgot to reply…"

"Happens." Fin shrugged and left Olivia alone to return the calls.

….

"Daddy? What we gonna do on da first day of SUMMER?" Noah sat on a barstool, his arms resting on the island, and hands folded.

Ed was transferring dirty plates, bowls, and silverware from the sink to the dishwasher with the twins underfoot. He'd left the lower cabinets open with the intention of moving around some of their larger bowls, but he got sidetracked and Maggie and Wyatt began dragging items out so they could crawl inside.

"Hide!"

"Hide! Dada!"

Ed would gently close the doors, murmur a confused "where are Maggie and Wyatt?" and let loose with a relieved sigh when they burst through the doors, smiling gleefully, and shouting "HI! DAH!"

Typically a willing hide-and-seek participant, Noah, however, had other pressing issues to worry about. Most urgent was how to fill the sudden glut of free time. It was not yet noon and he was restless.

"Well, bud, we're gonna get ya all set up at day camp in a couple weeks, so we'll go get ya registered. Then we can grab lunch somewhere and hit the park. How's that sound?"

"Sounds GREAT!"

"You still want to do the art camp, right?"

"YEP!"

"I read the info sheet," Ed slid it from its place between an Eiffel Tower magnet and the refrigerator door and gave the paper to Noah even though the text was written for adults. "You're gonna paint, go on some trips to do sketches, and do some pottery."

"Pottery?"

"Yeah, you make somethin' with clay, put it in an oven, and it gets," Ed looked around and pointed to a large vase on the dining room buffet table, "Like that purple jug over there."

Noah grinned and murmured, "Wow…"

"And," Ed continued, "We have to start workin' on Mommy's retirement party present. And your speech if ya still want to give one."

"Uh-huh! I'm gonna say lotsa words 'bout Mommy!" Noah scrunched up his forehead. "What we gonna get her for a present?"

"Not sure yet, bud. But the two of us will think of something." Ed closed the cabinet door again and Maggie immediately pushed it open.

"DAH! FINEMAGG!"

Noah giggled. "We gotta think of da ideas, Daddy," he said, "Cause those babies jus' wanna play all day!"

….

It was just like old times. Barba and Benson sat at Forlini's bar solving the world's problems. Only, the problems were no longer shared parts of an SVU investigation. After finishing out his term on the Superior Court, Barba decided to make a run for the state Assembly and was starting to become consumed with campaigning.

"You're not in my district, Liv," he joked, "So nobody can say I'm unduly influencing votes by buying you a couple of drinks."

Olivia held up her glass. "Cheers," she said. "It's been too long."

"An innate human fault," Barba said, waxing philosophical, "It's easy to promise to keep in touch, but life makes it tricky when you're no longer running in the same circles."

Olivia wished she could agree. It would have been simple to say she avoided Barba because, as a judge, any contact with him could have been interpreted as unethical, but the truth was, with work and her family, she didn't have much time for anyone else.

"How's everything?" Barba took a sip of his drink. "Ready to hang it up?"

"Everything," Olivia said thoughtfully and with a tentative smile, "Is...so perfect. Noah is thriving," she showed Barba a few pictures from graduation, "and the twins are...amazing. Getting so big and funny and have minds of their own."

Barba looked at the photos and grinned. "And Ed?"

There was no point in Olivia attempting to hide her smile, because, even if she'd succeeded, her eyes betrayed her true feelings. "He's been...such a perfect husband," she said, "A great father…"

Barba saw tears begin to form in her eyes. "He's a good man, Liv," he said, "You deserve him. _And_ , I'm not one to toss around those types of accolades lightly." He took another sip. "You both deserve to be happy."

"Are you happy, Rafael?"

Barba smiled shyly. "Ah, you know me…"

Olivia actually didn't know him. At least, not that personally. She knew he may or may not have had a history with his best friend's eventual wife when he was younger, but she also recalled several instances of Barba hinting at a social life that was a little less traditional.

"You should come to our house in Delaware sometime," she said.

"Delaware?"

"Oh...yeah, Ed and I bought a house there last winter. On the ocean."

Taken aback, Barba muttered, "NYPD paying more than I thought."

"Ed sold his apartment," Olivia explained, "Made a killing...we'd rented this house a couple of times and loved it...old, Victorian, right on the water, a yard, fire pit, tire swing...it's paradise. Here," Olivia produced her phone yet again and showed Barba each room, the renovations they'd made, and the improvements yet to come. "The next big thing is the outdoor kitchen. Ed's been consumed with those plans."

"Jet skis, too?"

"Yes. And a pontoon boat on the intracoastal. It was a steal from one of the neighbors."

"I may take you up on that offer, Liv."

"Please do."

"Sounds like you're ready for the retired life."

Unease clouded Olivia's face. It took her a while to respond. "I've been a bit greedy with the best of both worlds."

"Well, you won't completely leave the department," Barba said matter-of-factly, "Surely there's something you'll do part time. Or...maybe you'll join me, writing legislation protecting special victims…"

Olivia grinned and told him all about the television show. Barba had read her book, in fact, that was the last time they'd spoken. He called to offer his congratulations and praise.

"I'll be occupied," Olivia said, "With the show and the kids…"

"It'll be good, Liv," Barba said reassuringly, noticing the hint of uncertainty in her eyes. "I'm sure of it."

Olivia's voice shook as she blurted out, "Even with everything I have I can't picture myself not in that office."

Her voice was firm, clear, and free from any trembling, but Barba easily picked up on her apprehension. "I felt the same way leaving the DA's office."

"Wasn't the same without you."

"Won't be the same without you," Barba said, "But it shouldn't be. You're special, Liv. The work you've done-unparalleled. And," he raised his eyes to hers, "Part of what makes leaving so difficult is the work you think you're not going to get to accomplish." He let that sentiment sink in. "Don't do that."

"Because at the end of the day there's always another rapist? Another predator?"

"Well, inevitably...but you're not accounting for the impact...the detectives you've trained, the people...the way your cases are handled both in the media and at One PP…"

Olivia nodded, "That's what I've been saying to Ed. The show will maybe open up a conversation people aren't used to having."

"There you go," Barba signaled for another round. "Second career launched."

Olivia smiled skeptically, but she liked the idea. She and Ed had talked about the very same premise; having Barba concur was reassuring.

"Speaking of second careers," she said, "How can I help with yours?"

"Have anyone who can put address labels on pamphlets?"

Olivia nodded. "I believe I do," she replied, thinking of Noah, "And I bet he'd love to go on a couple of campaign stops with you. He loves speeches."

"Done."

…..

 _Tucker's reinstatement was issued without any official word or decree. The end of the church scandal, for him at least, was anticlimactic. SVU made arrests, the developments hit the news, and Tucker's boss sent him a snarky "welcome back" text message. Ed called Olivia, congratulated her, and they made plans to have dinner later that night._

" _Want to come here now?" Olivia asked._

 _Her voice was so buoyant and hopeful, Ed felt bad about declining the invitation. "I need to do a couple things first," he said. "Give me maybe...an hour? Little more?"_

" _Sure."_

 _Ed hung up, shoved the phone in his pocket, and made his way into the building. He flashed his shield and slinked through the employee entrance. The elevator was empty, and he used the minute or so to take a few deep breaths, for what he was about to do was risky._

 _Barba's assistant, Carmen, had been expecting him, but she didn't know his face. As soon as he said "Ed Tucker," she nodded and escorted him to the ADA's office. Barba was at his desk and didn't move when he saw Tucker enter._

" _Have a seat."_

 _Tucker sat in an armchair, feeling like a perp._

" _So you've been reinstated," Barba muttered in a clipped, chilly tone._

" _I have."_

 _Barba kept one eye on a stack of papers he'd been perusing. "Congratulations."_

 _Annoyed and unwilling to spend anymore time than necessary in Barba's office, Tucker leaned forward, "I want you to know Olivia had nothing to do with this. As far as I'm concerned. Not before, not during, not now."_

" _One PP did the "not now" part," Barba retorted, trying to be nice but he quickly saw Tucker didn't appreciate the friendly overtures. "What can I do for you, Tucker?"_

" _Nothing. But you can do somethin' for Liv. You never had a reason not to trust her. I woulda gone to prison before she lost anything...and I mean_ _anything_ _and she shoulda never been involved...other than being called to the case in the first place. It was beyond my wildest imagination those priests would target me after I saw my cousin that day. But...the only thing she was guilty of, we were guilty of, was wanting some privacy."_

 _Barba swallowed and Tucker continued._

" _She's back in her job. You two have to work together. You have to trust each other. I want you to know...I want...you're relationship with her to go back to the way it was, normal. Be suspicious of me all ya want, but not her."_

" _I know," Barba mumbled. "And, your request is noted."_

" _Also," Tucker stood up and started for the door. "This stays between us. Don't tell her I was here."_

…

Olivia opened the apartment door and ran smack into Ed who was stowing boxes in the closets lining the foyer.

"Oh, sorry," she said when she opened the door into his thigh.

He hurried off the step stool and kissed her, ignoring the faint scent of alcohol. "No problem." He kissed her tenderly. "Good day?"

"Better than most. I met Barba just now. He says hello."

Ed offered a grunt and kissed her again. As an afterthought he asked, "How's he doin?"

"Good, getting ready for November."

"I don't wanna think about November," Ed kissed her again, this time more passionately. "I'm thinkin' about us at the beach and not giving a damn when we come back."

Olivia cupped his face in her hands and smiled. "I-"

"MOMMY!"

"MAMAMAMAMA!

"MA TA-OH! TA-OH! MA!:

The twins were referring to the tacos Ed had simmering on the stove. Instead of wine, he iced bottles of Corona and had sangria on hand in case the beer didn't suit his wife's tastes.

"Hi my sweethearts!" Olivia exclaimed. She kicked off her boots and walked into their perpetually cluttered living room. "Tell me about your day!"

Noah rattled off the details of camp registration. He showed Olivia his t-shirt and identification badge which fit neatly into a lanyard decorated with faces of famous artists.

"This will be so fun, Noah!"

"Yeah! And Daddy say we gonna make pottery! Dat's when ya put clay into a really hot oven!"

"Well, I hope you make us something for the beach house!"

In the kitchen, Ed experienced a flutter of relief hearing Olivia talk about their Delaware home. As her retirement neared, she'd been less vocal about summer plans. Using a slotted spoon, he scooped the meat into a serving dish and removed the tortillas from the oven. The cheese, lettuce, tortilla chips, and salsa were already on the table. Olivia snuck up behind him.

"Need help, Captain?"

Ed turned around in her arms and kissed her. "Nah," he said, "Food's ready whenever you are." He eyed her work clothes, "Need a t-shirt?"

"I know where they are."

He grinned and glanced at the phone in her hand. "Everything buttoned up for the night?"

"Oh, yeah...Rollins and Fin are there."

Feeling guilty, he immediately apologized. "Sorry...I...after the weekend, I missed you today."

Olivia caressed his face with both her hands. "I'm going to change. We'll eat...

And...then there will be no more missing me."

Ed kissed the tip of her nose.

"Okay."

….

The next morning, Olivia listened to the update and the reason SVU had been called to handle the school fight. At the center of the conflict was a pregnant fourteen-year-old, her older sister, and the older sister of the boy who she identified as the father. The details were messy and complicated, but the local precinct notified SVU because the boy denied ever having sex with the girl and told officers she asked him to claim the child because the actual father was much older.

"The girl's not saying much," Rollins said.

Fin refused to sugar coat their encounter, "She's got a nasty attitude. Man, I'm glad I didn't have a daughter. Good luck, you two, oh," he glanced at Carisi, "And you."

"Well, the attitude could have something to do with she's in eighth grade, pregnant, and a rape victim."

"Well, the kid blew up her whole story," Carisi said, "But that doesn't leave us with much to go on. She had enough guts to get some hapless little punk to take responsibility...she's not gonna give up the name of the real dad."

"What about her parents?"

"Gone," Rollins said. "Mother's in prison. She never had a relationship with her Dad, so she's living with an aunt and a cousin. Last we heard the aunt was at work, some warehouse in Queens, and she was taking her time getting home."

"Great." Olivia took a deep breath and sighed. "Talk to the people at school. Her friends. Teachers. And the cousin. But remember," she looked pointedly at Fin, "She's a victim."

Alone now, Olivia opened and closed desk drawers and assessed the amount of boxes she'd need to transport her personal belongings home. Two weeks. She considered taking things home little by little, but she couldn't bring herself to do that just yet. Especially not the photographs. She needed to be surrounded by smiling images of her kids and husband until the very last second. Noah's school picture was one of the newer additions to her collection, and she lovingly ran an index finger along the edge of the frame. He was sitting up straight, rigid, dressed in a crisp white shirt and blue bow tie, and smiling regally at the camera. Olivia noticed the five-by-seven was obscuring another favorite image-Ed sitting in their large bedroom armchair cradling Maggie in one arm and holding Wyatt to his shoulder with the other. The twins weren't more than a month old and they looked miniscule yet precious in their father's protective grasp. One of Maggie's little hands clutched Ed's index finger. Ed had his head tilted against Wyatt's and he gazed proudly at his new daughter.

The twins had been doted on, spoiled, and loved by both their parents, but they were most accustomed to being in Ed's care. Olivia wondered where she would fit into their daily routine. Would she be in the way? Would Ed use the extra pair of hands to take some time for himself? Or would they handle everything from household chores to errands to mealtimes as a team?

Olivia swiveled around and faced her laptop, hoping work would shove all the retirement-related question marks to the backburner.

At least for now.

…..

 _Wyatt and Maggie each had their own unique after-school routines. Unless one of them had to stay on campus, they walked home together. Maggie always entered the apartment with a flurry of activity-she flung off her outerwear, kicked off shoes, and threw her backpack on the foyer floor where it would sit until the evening when she got around to doing her homework. Wyatt was more subtle in his movements. He hung his coat or jacket on the rack, made sure his shoes weren't in the middle of the hallway, and his backpack went with him to his bedroom. From there, Wyatt changed clothes, grabbed a book, and often went back out. He liked to read in one of two neighborhood cafes or, if it was nice enough outside, on the rooftop. Maggie didn't have such a predictable routine. Some days she had a snack and chatted with one or both of their parents; other days she flopped on her bed with her phone. Often, she scoured the internet for deals on vintage toys-a hobby she'd picked up after visiting an antique shop last summer. It wasn't uncommon for Maggie to call to Ed or Olivia from her desk and ask for their credit card._

 _When Wyatt arrived home solo one fall day, Olivia, unaware of any after-school activities, greeted him warmly and asked about Maggie._

" _She went to get food with Reagan."_

" _Reagan?"_

" _Yeah, he's in our English class."_

" _He?"_

" _Yep."_

 _Olivia tried to act normally, but Wyatt wasn't fooled. "He's just her friend, Mom. And he sucks at Lit and Maggie's good, so she said she'd help him with the book review that's due tomorrow."_

 _Ed came into the room. "Hey bud," he said. "Have a good day?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Where's Maggs?"_

" _She's with her friend Reagan," Olivia said a little too quickly. "A boy."_

" _Never heard of him," Ed replied._

" _It's 'cause he's an idiot," Wyatt said. Wyatt rarely spoke of anyone with negativity, so Olivia gawked at him. Feeling her scrutiny, Wyatt explained. "He's not very smart. I dunno how he got in."_

" _Who're his parents?" Ed asked._

 _Wyatt shrugged._

" _What's his last name?"_

" _Oliver."_

" _And where'd they go?"_

" _His parents?"_

" _No," Ed snickered, "Maggie and this...kid."_

" _I dunno. Maggie just said food."_

 _Ed picked up his phone and called Maggie. To everyone's, Olivia included, displeasure, he more often made a voice call than sent text messages. She picked up on the second ring, eliciting a smiled from Ed. "Hey, sweetheart."_

 _Wyatt and Olivia heard her greet her father with a sweet "Hi Daddy." Olivia wasn't sure if the affectionate response was a good or bad sign._

" _Listen, uh, if ya don't mind can you pick up some garlic bread and mozzarella cheese on your way home?"_

 _Maggie must have said yes._

" _Got enough money? Okay. Alright. Love you, sweetheart. Bye."_

 _Ed ended the call and, with a satisfied flourish, put the phone on the island. Wyatt grinned, shook his head, and went to his room. Olivia kissed Ed's cheek._

" _Good job, Daddy."_

" _She actually sounded like I was doin' her a favor by calling."_

" _What are we going to do when she goes out on a real date?"_

" _Follow them."_

" _Ed!"_

" _I'm serious."_

 _Olivia grinned and put her arms around his waist. "So, pasta night?"_

" _Uh, yeah, I guess we better do that," Ed replied, "I was makin' that up as I went along."_

" _Well...sounds good."_

 _Ed pressed his lips to hers, parted them slightly, and swirled his tongue around her mouth quickly, knowing Wyatt would reappear any second. "Mmmm...that's good," he whispered. "Never get tired of that."_

 _Olivia patted his back pockets. "I love you, Ed Tucker."_

 _He kissed her once more. "Never get tired of that, either."_

…

After dinner, Noah talked Olivia through Ed's sketch of the elaborate outdoor kitchen he'd designed earlier that afternoon. Noah spread the paper on the coffee table and pointed out each individual feature.

"Dis da plan Mommy," he said, "Grill's here, and dis spot is for keepin' other stuff warm. And here's where the little fridge'rator will go, so, if we're all wet an' sandy and we wanna drink we can jus' get it and go right back to da beach!"

Olivia nodded approvingly. "This looks great, sweet boy." She reached over and squeezed Ed's thigh. "You and Daddy worked hard on this. I can't wait!"

"Yeah...and dere's some cab'nets, but small sister and brother won't be able to get in 'em 'cause there's a real strong…" Noah scrunched up his face until he thought of the word he wanted, " _latches_."

"Oh good…"

"Wanna do a puzzle, Mommy?"

"Sure sweet boy, and, I had an idea today at work. Tomorrow's Wednesday, but Sarah and Justin are in Hawaii...how about I leave work a little early and we'll go do something fun?"

"Yeah! Good idea, Mommy! Daddy, you haveta stay with these babies!"

"Sure thing, bud."

"Mommy! We should ride bikes!" Noah was nearly falling over with excitement. When he rode his bike and the babies were in tow, he had parameters. With solely Olivia or Ed, he could pedal along freely.

"We'll do that."

"Now," Noah said, a triumphant smile on his face, "PUZZLE!"

"PUZZ!

"P'ZLE!"

Maggie and Wyatt ran to the shelves where the puzzles and games were stored. They dragged one of their wooden toddler puzzles to the floor, overturned the board, and the pieces went sliding around. Wyatt dutifully collected them.

"Babies, you do dat puzzle. I'll do," Noah chewed a fingertip and considered his options. "I'll do DIS!" He chose a newer one-a group of sunglasses-wearing dalmatians sitting on a beach.

"Good choice, bud."

Olivia cleared the coffee table and wondered how much of the puzzle they would complete before Noah asked for a dog.

…..

Olivia leaned over the sink, and, despite the toothbrush in her mouth, told Ed she liked his blueprints. "Did you consider going into architecture at some point?"

Ed gargled mouthwash, spit it out, and wiped his face with a corner of the towel wrapped around his waist. It was the only thing he was wearing and Olivia stared at him approvingly in the mirror as she brushed her teeth.

"Nope. Always wanted to be a cop."

"Well you certainly have talent. And an imagination. All those built-ins so they don't clutter the deck? Impressive."

Ed nuzzled her neck. "Been doin' a lot of research."

"I invited Barba," Olivia murmured a bit sheepishly. "Although, I invite a lot of people who will probably never take us up on the invitation."

The sound that came from Ed was somewhere between a grunt and a sarcastic chuckle.

"What?"

"No politicians at the beach."

Olivia turned around in his arms and stroked his face. "What if he comes as Rafael, a family friend?"

"Still a politician...but...of course...whoever you want." Ed tugged suggestively at Olivia's robe. "He's not a bad guy."

"No, he's not."

"Can't really see him on the jet skis though, or building sand castles, or-"

"That's fine," Olivia said, "We'll feed him cocktails and put him under an umbrella." She kissed him and pulled away slowly. "Besides, you're the only man I want to see on jet skis or building castles with the kids or…" Olivia ran her finger from his collarbone to his belly button, "On the volleyball court."

Ed blushed and smirked.

"C'mon," Olivia said, "Let's go to bed."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	45. Chapter 45

**Forty-five**.

Olivia and Noah crossed the final avenue and approached the path adjacent to the Hudson River. The breeze was strong enough to make Noah blink rapidly under his stegosaurus helmet. He gripped the handlebars tightly and rolled back and forth while standing flat-footed on the cement and waiting for his mother's instructions.

"Okay, sweet boy," Olivia said, "Up or down?"

Considering his options, Noah looked back and forth. His preferred outdoor cafes were located to the north, but the best playgrounds and his favorite city sights were in the opposite direction.

"Down! Maybe we'll go all da way to da statue!"

"Well, let's give it a try!"

They pedaled along at a fairly quick pace. Noah weaved his way through slower traffic, and Olivia prided herself for not only ignoring her nervousness but feeling a sense of pride at his skills on the two-wheeler. As they approached the first playground he slowed and came to a stop, but only to take a sip from his water bottle.

"Good ride, Mommy!" He said between drinks.

"Sure is!"

Noah surveyed the playground. There were only a handful of kids and most of them were younger than Noah. "I think I don't wanna stop at da playground."

"We don't have to. We'll keep going."

"Cause...I like ta play with da babies."

Once again, Noah's charm and ability to so easily articulate pure, genuine love for his siblings left Olivia slack-jawed and fighting tears. Moments like these forced her to pinch herself and be reminded he was a real child-an unbelievably sweet six-year-old who was so naturally prone to comments such as the one he'd just made he didn't think twice about how it affected his mother.

"Mommy?"

"Oh, oh, sorry honey," Olivia adjusted her sunglasses, "Ready?"

"Yep! Lessgo! We're almost there! Follow me!"

…..

While Olivia and Noah were on their bike ride, Ed took the twins to meet Brooke and Sofia at Jane's Carousel. It was a long ride through thick traffic for such a quick visit, but Ed had all the time in the world. He packed as lightly as possible, strapped the twins in their car seats, and chatted with them as he drove. "When ya get a little older we'll take the train," he said, peeking at Maggie and Wyatt in the rear view mirror.

"TANE!"

"TANE, DADA!"

"TANE! FASS!"

"Zooooooooooooom!"

"Chooo!"

Their arms and legs flailed all over the place as they shouted out every train-related word they knew.

"We're gonna see Brooke and Sofia and ride on the carousel on a horse!"

"HORSIE!"

Wyatt made a strange-sounding noise. It baffled Ed for a minute until he realized Wyatt was mimicking the horse whinny from one of the twins' activity boards.

"That's right, bud!"

Ed found a parking spot less than a block away from the park. He held the twins' hands as they made their way to the appointed meeting spot and they easily found Brooke sitting on a bench with seven-month-old Sofia standing in her lap.

"Look," Ed said excitedly, "There's Brooke and Sof!"

"BOOK!

Wyatt and Maggie ran to Brooke and jumped around in front of her. Wyatt hugged her legs. Maggie spotted Brooke's cup of fresh lemonade and helped herself to a sip.

"Ope, small sister, well, go ahead."

Maggie had to hold the cup low to use the straw. She was so focused she didn't balk when Ed whisked Sofia from Brooke and swung her around a few times. By the time he sat down, Maggie and Wyatt were entranced watching an older child blow bubbles nearby.

"Gorgeous day," he said.

"Yes! We've been here for a while actually." Brooke seemed unsure what to do with her arms without Sofia so she leaned forward, put her elbows on her knees, and stared ahead at the other children and families enjoying the pleasant spring day.

"Want to go for a spin or two and grab some lunch around here? We had a late breakfast."

"Sure."

On the carousel, Ed found two ponies next to one another so he could keep a hand on each of the twins. During the ride, Wyatt held onto the pole tightly with both hands; Maggie, more excitable and prone to let go, needed to be shadowed more closely. They rode twice more and Ed and Brooke took turns snapping photographs.

What they didn't know was that while they were on the ride, three blocks away, a van operated by a drunk driver had careened through an intersection and plowed into a parked car and, sadly, a cluster of pedestrians. Ed and Brooke had stowed their phones so their hands were free to wrangle the kids for the walk to the restaurant. Olivia, however, was parked at a waterfront table with Noah. They had just ordered lunch and Olivia missed the news alerts at first because Noah was raving at receiving his ice water in a wine glass. Her heart sank when she opened the first link. A pit formed in her stomach and she had to remind herself to breathe. Across from her, Noah sat watching boats enter and exit the harbor, oblivious to what was happening. Olivia frantically dialed Ed. Then Brooke. Then Ed again. While she waited for a call back she desperately searched for more information, but it was too early. Each article ended with "will update shortly."

Noah started talking about New Jersey and how Sarah said it was the "Garden State but dey don't have any gardens!"

Olivia tried to listen and offered a few replies, but she couldn't give Noah her full attention. She kept making calls.

…..

" _Don't be cute, Detective."_

 _Olivia rolled her eyes and rephrased her answer. She had planned to make the interview as brief as possible, but Tucker kept asking frivolous questions about the dinner party-how much and what exactly Amaro ate, his mood, and why he'd been one of the first to leave. The questions became more personal, and his gruff IAB voice turned into something that sounded almost friendly._

" _Look," he said, "Amaro's stuck between a rock and a hard place. And I hope it gets to a jury because a jury will never convict. Not with this. Not even with video footage."_

 _Perplexed, Olivia opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Tucker continued._

" _This," he held a manila folder and inch about the table and let it fall. "Is nothing but One PP making a statement. Politics." He uttered the final word as if its mere sound sent sharp pains through his abdomen. Then, suddenly, he seemed to realize Benson wasn't exactly an ally, amd he reverted back to in-character IAB Ed Tucker._

" _While Amaro's off tell him to get his story straight," Tucker muttered, "This is gonna get worse before it gets anywhere near better."_

" _Got it."_

" _Thanks for coming in."_

 _Olivia raised her eyebrows. "You make it sound like I had a choice."_

 _Tucker shrugged, leaned back in his chair, and shot her a cocky smirk._

 _Olivia did a double-take. His ability to go from kind to IAB to sassy in a matter of seconds amazed her._

" _Have a good day, Detective, or, well, Sergeant now I hear?"_

" _Officially...soon," Olivia tried and failed to suppress a smile._

" _Congratulations."_

 _Olivia narrowed her eyes and nodded her thanks._

 _Tucker could tell she didn't trust his sincerity, and he knew there wasn't anything he could say to change that fact. Nevertheless, he added. "Bout time."_

" _A lot of changes coming…" Olivia let her guard down slightly and added, "Munch and...Cragen…"_

" _NYPD life cycle."_

" _Yeah. Well, if we're done here…" Olivia had a foot in the room and a foot outside. She was eager to end the small talk but wasn't quite sure how to get out of there. Tucker didn't seem to want her to leave._

" _Oh, yeah," Tucker collected the files from his side of the table. "Done. Well, for now."_

" _Right."_

" _We'll be in touch as the investigation continues."_

" _Of course."_

… _._

When Ed called back, Olivia violently grabbed the phone and, for a split second, thought she'd cracked the screen. Noah jerked his head in her direction and looked at her with wide, curious eyes. She said hello to Ed and reassuringly patted Noah's hand.

"Hey, sorry," Ed said. "Just sat down to eat lunch and saw everything."

"Thank God you're okay."

"We're fine," he replied in his most soothing voice. He put the phone between Maggie and Wyatt and told them to say hi to Mommy. The twins cooperated and screeched "MAMA" and their words for "pizza."

"Okay," Olivia mumbled.

"We're gonna eat and come home. Unless...you want me to head there now?"

"No, no...eat. Noah and I don't have our food yet." Olivia took a deep breath. "It's...terrible though, for those people…"

"Not us, though, Liv."

"I know."

"Hey," he sounded a bit like a coach, "Enjoy the rest of the afternoon, or, try to. We'll see you later and Wyatt and Maggs'll tell ya all about riding the horsies."

Hearing him say "horsies" made Olivia chuckle. Hearing her chuckle made Ed smile.

"I love you, Liv."

"Love you."

"Hey-where ya eatin?"

"P.J. Clarke's. The one at Brookfield Place."

"Ohh. _Faaancy_."

Smiling and calmer, Olivia told him to enjoy the pizza and his company. Her own date had been partially ignored for the past few minutes and she needed to give him her full attention. After another round of _I love yous_ , she ended the call and placed the phone in her small wraparound bag.

"Done talkin, Mommy?"

"Nope," Olivia replied, "I'm not. I want to talk to you, sweet boy."

Noah grinned, perched himself on the edge of his chair, and began explaining the differences among the several boats he'd noticed while Olivia was on the phone.

….

 _The tavern's white-clothed tables were filling up quickly when Ed and Olivia arrived, so Ed felt extremely lucky when they snagged a spot for two in front of a window overlooking 18th Street. The view wasn't especially scenic, but strands of multicolored Christmas lights and a blue-bulbed menorah created a cozy, romantic holiday ambience and added to Ed's hearty holiday spirit._

 _Expecting a prompt server, Olivia perused the cocktail menu. Ed watched her lips contort slightly as she read the descriptions. He was caught up in her beauty and how the Cartier necklace gleamed against her skin and fell perfectly in between her collarbone and the edge of her black V-neck sweater. She curled the menu inward and the large diamond affixed to her engagement ring sparkled and momentarily took on the hue of the Christmas colors. Ed was so transfixed, he was visibly startled when the server asked if he could take their drink orders._

" _I'll have the Bourbon Maple Apple Cider," Olivia said at once._

 _Ed blinked and, to buy a few seconds, cleared his throat._

 _Amused, Olivia grinned at him and asked if he needed more time. "Sorry," she said in a teasing voice. "I thought you were ready."_

 _Ed managed to order his usual bourbon and smirked sheepishly at Olivia after the server scurried away to get the cocktails._

" _Y'alright over there?" Olivia asked._

" _Too good."_

 _She cocked an eyebrow. "Is there such a thing?"_

" _When ya can't order a drink?"_

" _Where'd you drift off to, Ed Tucker?"_

" _I was just thinkin' how, wherever we go, I'm the luckiest guy in the room."_

 _Her cheeks turned a deep crimson and it wasn't from the effect of the lights. Olivia felt the blood rush to her face and even after they'd been together for years, she felt the familiar chills traverse her spine. Ed Tucker had been the only man able to cause that particular sensation. She reached for one of his hands and kissed his knuckles. They had spent the late afternoon hours doing some old fashioned, brick-and-mortar-store Christmas shopping. The kids were with Sarah and Justin who generously agreed to have dinner with Noah and the three-year-old twins at one of Noah's favorite places, Max Brenner._

" _I feel good, Liv."_

" _So do I." Her brown eyes were wide and sincere. A year ago at Christmas, their relationship had been as strained as it had ever been. The first month of Olivia's retirement went by quickly. First there was her party and then a few more casual gatherings. Then, they headed for the beach house where they remained until early August. Once Noah went back to school, Olivia began to miss the routine of going to work. She spent more time at the Benson Center and found herself regretting leaving SVU...which then brought on waves of guilt. How could she long for her job when she had a husband and three kids at home? Her plan to be totally present had lasted all of eight weeks. What was wrong with her? Sorting out the complicated emotions was troubling and scary, so she went back to therapy._

 _And...either out of shame or due to old habit or fearing how he'd react, she did not mention any of her anxieties to Ed. At least, not right away. The longer she waited the more nervous she felt about opening up to him. Another round of guilt ensued, for who could she trust if not Ed?_

 _Perpetually good at reading people, particularly his wife, Ed picked up on her melancholy and it didn't take an IAB investigator's instincts to feel the distance growing between them. He was scared because he recognized warning signs from his previous marriage and he was determined this one would be different. This marriage, he thought, was bulletproof._

 _He was right. Olivia finally opened the floodgates and they got back on track._

 _Ed took a sip of his drink and reached for her hand. "It's been a great year."_

" _Fantastic year." There was no doubt about her sincerity. She was grinning from ear-to-ear and her eyes sparkled. Not only was she content and thrilled to be out with her handsome, loyal husband, but she was immensely proud of herself for finally settling in to post-Lieutenant life._

" _You wanna order somethin?"_

" _You know," Olivia replied sweetly as she looked around the dining room, "I think I'd like to hang out with you here for a while…" she lifted her glass, "Couple of these first? Share something a little later?"_

 _Ed followed her sight line and nodded. "Real nice here, yeah...let's stay a while."_

….

Preparing for bed always included flirtatious bumps and nudges. Depending on the day and Olivia's hours, Ed briefed her on the kids or they laughed about something the twins or Noah did or said during their evening together. The next day's plans would be discussed. If the weekend was near, the conversation centered on Saturday and Sunday and which events around the city would be fun and appropriate for their brood.

The night of the Brooklyn car accident, Olivia's words were few and far between. She put on a happy front with the kids, but as soon as they were asleep and Ed had her alone, he dedicated the rest of the night to bringing her back to happier spirits and erasing the tragic could-have-beens from her mind.

"C'mere," he said in the most authoritative voice he ever used with her. He took her into his arms and copied her movements so she couldn't avoid eye contact. "What's goin' on in there?"

Smiling weakly and conceding he'd gotten the better of her, she replied, "I'm glad nobody was killed there today."

"And?"

"And I'm so relieved it wasn't you and I feel guilty about being relieved at another family's expense."

Ed softly kissed her lips. "You're too good for me."

Disappointment filled her eyes. "You're not thinking about the victims?"

"I feel for 'em, Liv," he replied sincerely, "I really do. But the thing is, the difference is between me and you? Is that I'm selfish. It's real easy for me to say, it's not us. And you? You can say it...but you'll never own it," he paused and shot her a cocky grin, "And _that's_ why you're too good for me."

Olivia shook her head. "No...I need you to do exactly what you're doing right now. To save me...from making myself crazy."

Ed kissed her face a few more times. "All of that aside, though...sounded like you and Noah had a good ride."

"We did. He's...he has this growing fascination with New Jersey."

Ed screwed up his face and muttered, "Oh _God_."

His exaggerated disgust made Olivia laugh.

"Well," Ed continued with a shrug, "Maybe we'll take him over there one 'a these days."

"Give him the opposite view."

"Yeah," Ed played with her hair and gazed adoringly into her eyes. "I love seein' you smile."

Olivia swallowed a lump in her throat and ducked her head. Ed could feel her shoulders start to tremble and he wrapped her in a tight embrace, knowing she needed to cry a little to completely shake off the ugly part of the day. He swayed her a bit and rubbed the back of her head until her breathing went back to normal. However, when he started to loosen his grip, she objected.

"Just a few more minutes," she murmured into his neck.

He kissed the side of her head and whispered, "Long as you want."

…

 _When Ed and Olivia decided they'd stretched Sarah's and Justin's generosity long enough, they reluctantly asked for the check and finished the last of their cocktails. Olivia stood up, but before Ed could join her, she put a hand on his arm and asked him to wait a minute._

" _Be right back," she smiled, leaned in for a kiss, and headed for the restroom._

 _Ed stared out the foggy, holiday tinted window. He had Olivia's coat in his lap and couldn't wait to gallantly help her into it, adjust her scarf, and catch a whiff of her perfume as she flipped her hair so it wasn't stuck inside the collar. She hadn't been gone more than a few minutes, but he missed her….he was still desperately, madly in love with Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker._

 _At the feel of her hand on his back, he turned around and was immediately drawn to her freshly glossed lips. His kiss smeared a bit of her work, but he was sure she didn't care-she'd freshened her makeup on purpose, teasing him, and probably predicting he'd rush to get the kids cleaned up and in their pajamas when they got home._

" _Ready?" He asked._

" _Yes."_

 _They exited through the much narrower bar area. Ed placed himself between the densely packed crowd and his wife and led her to the door with his arm around her waist. They were maybe ten or fifteen steps from the exit, but, with each pace, Olivia's body filled with more warmth and security than she'd felt in a while. It reminded her of the first couple of times Ed had made a move like this-an act of chivalry, his protective (and adorably possessive) nature on display, and, what made it so perfect was that he could make her feel safe without diminishing her strength. For the first time in her life, Olivia became comfortable allowing someone else to care for her, and she craved Ed's touch, his obvious infatuation, and his mere presence._

 _Once they were out on Irving Place, Olivia grabbed him by the collar and planted an appreciative, sensual kiss on his lips. It didn't last long, but the smooch left them both breathless. Ed didn't need an explanation, and Olivia didn't immediately offer one. She clasped his arm with both hands and they ambled along, eager to take their children home and bask in more of the perfection that was their life._

… _.._

 _ **#Tuckson**_


	46. Chapter 46

**Forty-six.**

Ed came home from the market and found Olivia sitting on the sofa clad in jeans and a white t-shirt, the collar of which fell tantalizingly low on her chest. Her hair was swept back into a chignon and there was fresh makeup, including Ed's favorite shade of lipstick, on her face. In profile she appeared regal. He smirked. She was so far out of his league. Way too good for him. How did he get so lucky?

"You're home," she said as if she'd been waiting for his arrival for far too long.

"Yeah. What's, uh, you goin somewhere?"

" _We_ are."

Ed held up the shopping bags, confused as to why she'd instructed him to bring food for dinner.

"Kids will have that," Olivia said of the rotisserie chicken and mashed potatoes. "We're going out. Date night." She stood up and kissed him before whispering a husky, "Surprise."

He blushed slightly and puckered his lips for another kiss. "What about," he tilted his chin toward the rug where Noah and the twins were cheerfully playing together. "Those people?"

"Babysitter on the way. Sarah's neighbor."

"Then I guess I better change clothes." Ed looked down at his hooded sweatshirt and well-worn khaki shorts. The outfit would not do for a date with his wife, though he knew she probably didn't care what he wore.

Grinning, Olivia took the bags from him. "Thirty minutes."

Before Ed turned to go to the bedroom, he stopped and asked another question. "Whatcha got planned, Lieutenant?"

"Dinner and a movie? That CIA one you've been wanting to see?"

Flattered, his face flushed even more. "Wow...thanks...you, uh, that one didn't seem to interest you?"

True, spy thrillers were not Olivia's preferred genre, but she wanted to give her husband an Ed-centric night. "I already bought the tickets. Case closed."

"Yes ma'am."

…

Olivia, with Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt underfoot, opened the door for the babysitter. Noah immediately noticed G was without the knee brace, crouched to inspect her leg, and tapped a small scar with an index finger.

"You all better, G! Ya don't have da brace!"

Neither Noah nor Sarah thought to mention seeing G's knee in the brace, so Olivia was confused. G smiled and gave her a brief rundown of her injury and recovery.

"Partially torn MCL," G said, "I had it scoped about a month ago."

"Oh no," Olivia said. Her face filled with concern. "Noah, no chase or any other running tonight, sweet boy. Let G rest her knee."

Noah took G's hand. "C'mon. I show you my puzzles. You wanna do a puzzle?"

"Sure."

Olivia took the twins by the hands and led them to their bedroom where she swapped their shorts and t-shirts for pajamas. Maggie was first. Before Olivia completely pulled the top over her daughter's head, she said, "Oh, no, where's Maggs? Where's my girl?"

"HEEE! HEEE, Ma!"

"There she is!"

Maggie's eyes lit up. She smiled and shrieked. Her staticky hair stuck to the sides of her face and across her forehead. Olivia brushed it back and kissed her. "I love you, sweet girl."

"Ma! Mama!"

Olivia looked down at Wyatt. He had his pajamas in his hands and an expression of longing on his face. He wanted Mommy cuddles, too. Olivia put Maggie on the floor and hoisted Wyatt in the air before placing him on his back on the changing table. She blew strawberries on his belly, touched her nose to his, and told him how much she loved him. Wyatt grabbed her hair and smiled placidly. He yawned, and Olivia hoped the twins' short naps would result in an easy bedtime routine for G and Noah.

"Got your truck PJ's tonight, huh big guy?"

"TUCK! Vroooooom!" Wyatt waved his fists in the air and slammed them down on the pad. "BOOM! Du'truck!"

"So smart, Wyatt."

Ed poked his head into the room. "Ready when you are, Liv."

As she soaked up a few more snuggles with Wyatt, Olivia admired her handsome husband. He wore dark jeans and a plain, tight-fitting, black polo shirt, the sleeves of which hugged his biceps. Olivia's eyes drifted from his arms to his waist. Many men Ed's age had bellies that bulged over their belts. Ed's midsection was trim and firm, and, if she didn't know better, she would have thought the jeans had been tailored specifically for him.

She gave Wyatt one final kiss, whispered that she'd see him in the morning, and put him down. He scampered into the living room to join the others.

"Ready," she said softly.

"I'm followin' you, Lieutenant."

They said their goodbyes and reminded G to help herself to snacks and drinks. Noah asked for permission to watch a movie after the twins went to bed, which would extend his own bedtime, and Ed gave him the okay. Satisfied, Noah grinned and went back to the puzzle.

Ed took Olivia's hand and they headed out.

"Let date night begin," Ed quipped as they waited for the elevator.

"I hope you have a good time."

He planted a firm kiss on her lips. "Already am."

…

 _Minutes after Olivia assured a despondent Sarah that she would, one way or another, get the family she wanted, an unfamiliar number appeared on Olivia's phone screen. She made no effort to hide the call. Sarah saw the confusion on her face and asked if she knew who it was._

" _I don't…" Olivia answered anyway. Ed should have picked up the kids from school already, but strange things could happen and Olivia hated the idea of one of her children calling her only to hear her voicemail message._

 _Sarah listened to Olivia's replies and felt a glimmer of her old, mischievous self return. It didn't take long for Sarah to realize the caller was Maggie's teacher...and he or she was not bearing good news. Very slowly, Olivia pressed her lips together until they were in one straight, rigid line._

" _Maybe I don't want kids so badly?" Sarah asked, her eyes wide and sparkling. She was grateful for a momentary reprieve from the gravity of the day._

 _Startled at the joke, Olivia's jaw dropped. Then, seeing Sarah was genuinely intrigued, she rubbed her temples and shook her head. "Miss Maggie...talks too much."_

 _Sarah burst into giggles. "The teacher called because of that? It must be really bad."_

 _Olivia sighed, "The teacher...I think gets a little, well, disillusioned? Because Wyatt's so calm and laid back and doesn't talk much and Maggie, well, you know, and I think she compares the two of them...unfairly." Olivia wiggled the plastic garnish sword around in her glass, "I wonder if they should be in different classes next year."_

" _Well, if she's comparing Maggs and Wyatt, that's not fair. She needs to channel Maggie's energy."_

" _That would be nice...but Maggie has to be respectful. The teacher said she rolled her eyes when she was redirected."_

" _Omigod." More giggles ensued. "Sorry, Livvie...I wish I could have seen that."_

 _Later, Olivia would have to be stern with Maggie, but she allowed herself to laugh with Sarah. "Is it bad I sort of wish I would've seen it, too?" She asked sheepishly._

" _No, Livvie. I bet it was hilarious."_

…

Movies were a rarity for Ed and Olivia, but when they saw a show in the theatre, they always snagged seats in the upper level, off to the side, where they could be isolated from everyone else. Predictably, Ed grumbled about the console preventing him from putting an arm around his wife's shoulders, and Olivia offered a few kisses as compensation. The movie was fast-paced and required one to pay close attention-the main characters flew from country to country and back and forth across two continents, trying to thwart a ring of smuggling assassins. In seconds, purported good guys became bad guys and bad guys became even worse guys. Ed snuck doubtful glances at Olivia, but she appeared to be just as wrapped up in the plot as he was. She sat back, relaxed but intensely focused. He could practically see the wheels turning in her head as she tried to predict the ending.

At one point, though, the main character found himself trapped in a room with two other men. After being beaten, the men drew a pistol, inserted one bullet into the chamber, and offered up the gun to their victim.

Russian Roulette.

Ed stiffened.

Olivia's jaw tensed, but she did not divert her eyes, even when Ed grabbed her hand and whispered, "Let's get outta here."

Ed was almost standing before Olivia finally processed everything. She nudged him back into his seat and whispered, "I'm fine." The concern on his face was palpable, and she knew he didn't believe her. " _Honey_. I'm good."

She squeezed his hand, and Ed refused to let it go until the credits rolled.

….

 _Although he was afraid to admit it, Olivia Benson was becoming an addiction Ed Tucker couldn't and didn't want to shake. They were becoming more and more comfortable around one another and less cautious about exchanging flirtatious touches and sneaking kisses in public, so, when Olivia rushed into the bar to meet him for a late afternoon cocktail, Ed had no qualms about standing and planting a firm smooch on her lips. She gave him a grin and took the seat reserved for her by Ed's blazer._

" _Sorry I'm late," she said, "Lindstrom was a little backed up today."_

 _Ed's eyes shot wide open. The ease with which she mentioned her therapist startled him, and he didn't know how to respond. "It's, uh...um...was it a regular appointment?"_

" _You mean did something terrible happen?" The grin had not left Olivia's face._

 _Ed was even more shocked she was treating the matter with such levity. "Did something happen?"_

" _No, no," she patted his arm, "Monthly check in. That's all."_

 _He nodded and sipped his bourbon._

" _Something wrong?" She asked. Lately, Ed had seemed to be on cloud nine whenever they met, so his gloomy expression was perplexing._

" _I, uh...therapy...I dunno, seems so private, I-"_

" _I'm sorry," Olivia said. "I didn't think you'd...mind?"_

 _Ed was quick to respond. "No, no, I don't mind. Not at all. I….want you to tell me this kind of stuff, I thought, maybe, it was somethin' you would rather keep to yourself."_

 _Olivia sighed. She held his hand and looked directly into his eyes as she spoke. "I'm probably always going to see someone," she said, "When things are bad and when they're amazingly good...like right now." She emphasized that particular sentence and Ed blushed. "And I can tell you because I know you won't judge me or try to shrink me or feel...inadequate."_

" _I admire you, Liv," Ed replied in his softest voice, "For being committed to going, to taking care of yourself. I never took it seriously when I had to go...it was checkin' a box...and I wonder, if, maybe I would've been more committed some other things in my life woulda turned out differently."_

 _Olivia assumed he was alluding to his ex-wife. She played with his fingers on the hand she was holding. "Maybe, maybe not…were things...already bad...when…"_

" _When I lost those hostages?"_

" _Yes."_

" _They were. We were both so far gone."_

" _Then at least you had a couple of sessions to deal with losing those people. Thinking of you processing it all...all alone...well, I guess, I understand how that goes."_

 _Ed took a deep breath. "I'm about to say somethin' that may be a little, uh, premature for where we're at."_

" _Go ahead."_

" _I wanna see to it that you never have to go through anything alone ever again."_

 _Olivia leaned in for a sweet, tender kiss. She'd been waiting to hear someone say that for a long time, and Ed's words were so sincere she was sure her days of weathering storms solo were over._

…

With the twins sound asleep in their beds, G and Noah decided to park themselves on the couch and watch a movie. G had been around Noah fairly often, but she was nevertheless surprised when he cuddled up next to her and covered himself with one of the several throw blankets the Tuckers placed around the living room.

Noah yawned.

"Tired?" G asked.

"Yeah...had a busy day."

G smiled at the precocious remark. "Thank you for helping out with Maggie and Wyatt tonight," she said.

"Welcome! Those babies always wanna baby pile so we hadta impra'vise."

"Improvise?"

"Yeah, that's when ya gotta have another plan 'cause da first plan didn't work!"

G grinned. Noah was simply amazing. Earlier, when the twins got wound up and rowdy, Noah tried everything he could to calm them down. However, both Maggie and Wyatt jumped up and down and shouted "BAY PIE GEEEEEE!" They ran at G's legs, but Noah put his body between her and his siblings. He then instructed G to sit on the large beanbag and let the twins baby pile on her that way, careful to protect her knee. Maggie and Wyatt draped their little bodies over hers and called out the parts on her face.

"EYE!"

"EAR!"

"NOSE!"

"HAYERRRRR!" Maggie flipped G's hair over her face, huffed, "Where G?" then cracked herself up when she parted the strands, revealing her eyes. "Peek boo!" The baby piling along with the other games they played fatigued the twins enough so they went to bed without fussing. G only had to lay Maggie down twice before she curled up with her blanket and baby and closed her eyes.

Leaning against her now, Noah felt heavier and heavier, and G knew he wouldn't make it through the entire movie.

"G knee," he murmured.

"What's that Noah?"

"G Knee! It rhymes! We learned about rhymes at da end of Kindergarten and I'm gonna write a poem for ya, G!"

"Oh, wow, thanks!"

"I'll write it on da c'puter then I'll send it to Sare Bear...hey! When's Sare Bear gettin back?"

"I think next week."

"I miss her!"

"You really love her, don't you?"

"Uh-huh! We're best friends and I'm her 'sistant sometimes 'cause I'm good at math and I can talk Spanish, that's what Sare Bear does at work she does numbers and tells people stuff in Spanish. Then on Wednesday she picks me up!"

"Sounds like a pretty good life."

"Yep!"

"G?"

"Hmm?"

"I'm givin' a speech for Mommy."

"Really?"

"Yeah...I'm gonna tell all da people I love her and we're super best friends, but...Mia say I can only have ONE best friend!"

"Well, that's not true. You can have as many best friends as you want. The more the better."

Noah looked up at her. "You sure?"

"Absolutely."

As if a crippling weight had been lifted, Noah let out a relieved breath and collapsed back into G's side. Minutes later, his eyelids were drooping. G assumed he had drifted off to sleep, so she was surprised when she heard his voice, slightly slurred, say, "G, you my best friend, too."

….

Ed clutched Olivia's hand and moved at a quick pace as they exited the theatre. Once on the street, he walked so fast Olivia had to tell him to slow down. He apologized and slung an arm across her shoulders, pulling her close. Before the movie, they had chosen a nearby bar for their nightcap, but, as they approached, he showed no sign of slowing down.

"Hey," she said, "Aren't we going in?"

"You want to?"

"Yes." She gave him a quick peck on the lips. "I'm fine, Ed. C'mon."

"Fine…"

It was warm enough to sit outside, but they opted for a corner spot at the bar. Ed had trouble starting any type of conversation that wasn't about the movie scene. He was horrified. "Liv, uh, I didn't know there'd be a scene like that...if I'd known, I never woulda gone."

"I know, honey," she said softly. "I...I can't avoid every reminder all the time...and you can't either."

"I hate remembering you...there…" Ed was desperately trying to avoid saying Lewis' name or _granary_ or any other specific detail from the ordeal.

"It's terrifying," Olivia said in a low voice, "And it's always going to be in my head somewhere. But I learned...through therapy...through, just, living, that I'll be in even worse shape if I'm constantly on the lookout for triggers."

Ed scooted closer so their legs were touching and stroked her face with the back of his hand. "I promised I would protect you...from everything…"

"Impossible," Olivia countered, "But...when you can't prevent...you're still here…for everything that comes after."

"I'm always gonna be here."

"I know...and that makes the trauma, when it comes back, a lot less frightening than it used to be."

He smiled and kissed her. She cupped the back of his head, keeping him close, and inviting a more passionate liplock. Breathing heavily, he pressed his forehead to hers. "Finish this one and we'll go home?"

"We have time…" Olivia saw the urgency in his eyes and acquiesced, "But, sure...we can go."

Ed looked at her apologetically, "I really wanna be home...getcha in my arms."

"Okay." Olivia kissed him once more. "Ed?"

"Hm?"

"I have a question."

"What's that?"

"After...um...when I came in to IAB and sat down with you and Cole…"

"Yeah?"

"You took the lead in questioning me, except...for one question."

Ed nodded. He knew where she was headed.

"Cole asked…"

"I hesitated," Ed explained, "I didn't want to ask...I...I think I didn't want to know, because, if the answer would have been yes...there was no way to get justice, and I felt, well, you know, I had feelings for you even then, didn't know exactly what they were, but I was pissed I couldn't do more to…"

"...protect me?"

"Yeah. Or fix it."

"I don't remember much...about the days after. It's a fog, really. But I remember, in the end, how shocked I was that I could trust you...that you really were trying to do everything to make things easier for me, I didn't agree with it, but I appreciated it...eventually."

"You're so unbelievably strong," Ed gave her a soulful look, "That's one of the things I admire most about you."

"I was worried, for a brief period of time, that I was too strong, that I'd developed such a thick skin that I couldn't love anyone, that I would spend the rest of my life as this hardened, pissed off at the world cop, that I'd lost all compassion, all empathy...but that didn't happen."

"It most definitely didn't happen."

Olivia swigged the last of her drink. She glanced down at where Ed's hand was resting on her thigh. "Sure you don't want one more?" Olivia wasn't trying to prolong their outing to avoid going home; there was something about date nights, even date nights that had taken a dark detour, that made her feel the full effect of the security Ed provided.

"Yeah," he said, smiling, "Let's have one more."

….

 **#Tuckson**

 _Sorry this update has taken so long! Work stuff...grrrrrrr!_


	47. Chapter 47

**Forty-seven.**

It was almost two a.m. when Olivia scratched Ed's belly over his t-shirt; it was the first step in what would be a brief wake-up-for-sex process, especially since Ed hadn't been asleep for long. Olivia was still nestled securely under his arm as she'd been since they crawled under the covers after sending G on her way in an Uber. Ed lamented the movie scene, he couldn't let it go, and Olivia assured him she was perfectly okay, she was used to dealing with occasional reminders of the trauma she'd endured.

"And," she said softly, with a hint of melancholy, "It's always going to be there, Ed. It doesn't leave."

"I hate that," he replied as he kissed her head and pulled her closer.

"I know you do...I do too...but...it's there...it's part of me...and...you," Olivia's voice shook slightly, "You stayed with me anyway…"

"Damn right."

After that, the talking subsided. Ed kept his secure hold on her and rested his cheek against her head. He took deep breaths and fought sleep for a while before drifting off into a deep slumber. Olivia laid her head on his chest, listened to his heartbeat, and concentrated on the feel of his arms, layered across her upper back.

She remembered how he'd held her this same way, years ago, when the entire Lewis story came tumbling out and culminated in violent, uncontrollable sobs. As they grew closer, Olivia revealed her past in bits and pieces, testing his reactions, and, each time, Ed Tucker received the information with a combination of compassion and steely resolve-it was the only reaction that allowed Olivia to be transparent but also comfortable with her vulnerability. Ed listened and told her what, if anything, he knew about the particular ordeal. When Olivia realized he actually knew very little about what she'd endured with Lewis, she worked up the courage to tell Ed the entire story. Afterward, she was an emotional and physical wreck, so much so that she told him she would understand if he wanted to leave.

He cocked his head, smirked, kissed her, collected her into his arms, and told her leaving was the absolute last thing he wanted to do.

Tonight, he'd done the exact same thing.

Cocked head.

Smirk.

Kiss.

Embrace.

And, "I'm stayin' with you forever" followed the "damn right."

He fell asleep and Olivia worked her way from ugly yet comforting memories to an extreme state of gratitude and affection for the man who refused to surrender more than a few inches between them as they slept during the night. She wanted and needed him...all of him.

Ed stirred and his face contorted a bit.

Olivia kissed his cheek and bit gently at his earlobe. She paused to gauge his reaction, propped herself on her hands, and repeated the steps on the other side of his face. By either instinct or reflex, his lower body turned toward hers. She felt his burgeoning erection and smiled as she placed soft kisses all over his face.

"Mmmmm…" he moaned.

"I need you to wake up," she made an obvious show of shimmying out of her pajama bottoms and tossing her tank top aside.

Ed's eyes were still closed but he managed to find her breasts and caress them while Olivia continued teasing him with kisses. At one point, impatience took over and Ed opened his eyes enough to find her lips and connect them with his.

"Baby," he rasped into her mouth.

Hearing the apprehension in his voice, Olivia stopped all movement, including kissing, until he opened his eyes.

"Liv?"

"I need you, Ed."

Her tone was neither urgent nor was it filled with angst. It was filled only with desire. He smiled and cupped the back of her head.

He loved her needing him.

…..

"MAMAMAMAMA!"

"Mommy!" Noah pounded on the door, "Time ta get outta bed!"

"MAMAMAMAMA!"

Olivia and Ed snuggled together in the middle of the mattress. Ed caught a glimpse of the iPad, wondered for a second when they would ditch the device, and grinned at the sight of Wyatt peacefully conked out. Maggie's crib was empty, for Noah had used his trick to spring her from bed.

"The door's open, sweet boy," Olivia called to him. She and Ed chuckled at Noah's faint "oh" and they braced for a Noah and Maggie invasion. Sure enough, Noah boosted Maggie onto the mattress, he followed, and they both bounced around their groggy parents.

"P'CAAAAAKES!" Maggie bellowed.

"I tell Maggs we c'make breakfast!"

Olivia buried her face into Ed's neck and murmured, "I don't know if we have ingredients…"

"I'll go out," Ed replied, "Or...No? You wanna go out to eat?"

"YEAH!" Noah shouted.

"YEAH!" Maggie echoed. She shrieked and collapsed onto her parents.

Olivia played with Maggie's wavy brown locks and grinned at her precious daughter. Maggie's robin's egg blue pajamas intensified the color of her eyes. The little girl lit up the room. Olivia kissed Maggie's cheeks, punctuating each peck with an exaggerated "MWAH!" Maggie repeated the sound as she kissed Olivia's cheeks and then moved on to Ed.

"We gotta get Wyatt up!" Noah said. "Wyatt always wanna sleep!"

"Wyatt's understands the value of rest," Ed joked.

Noah peered at the iPad, "Brother's still snoozin!"

Olivia lifted her head and looked at the screen. Contrary to Noah's observation, Wyatt was stirring. "I'll go get him," she said and turned to Ed, "Can you get these two ready?"

Ed stuck out his lips for a kiss. Olivia obliged, grinned, and went to rock Wyatt until her little boy was as alert as his siblings. On her way to the twins' room, she heard Noah ask if this particular day was the retirement party.

"No, bud," Ed replied, "That's next week."

"Den we go to da beach!"

"Yep. Gonna be great, huh?"

" _Yessss_!"

Olivia watched her feet as she plodded across the apartment. A week from now she would no longer be an active duty police officer. No more Lieutenant Benson. Way more of Mrs. Tucker and Mommy and Liv and Livvie and every other moniker used by her family.

She closed her eyes and rotated the shoulder of the arm that had been pierced by the bullet a few months earlier.

Family.

 _Her_ family.

"Maaaaaa!"

Her head snapped up when she heard Wyatt calling her. "Right here, sweetheart!" She said, grinning as she entered the room. "Mommy's right here!"

….

 _When Olivia retired, both she and Ed assumed they would spend much of their free time volunteering at the kids' school; however, the vision was completely and solely in their heads, for the school only solicited help from parents during the holidays and on special occasions. So, the Tucker parents were mainstays in the fall and winter and also during Teacher Appreciation Week, but any other involvement was the same as other families-pickup, drop off, and chaperoning the occasional field trip._

 _When Ed and Olivia sat down for the conference with the twins' teacher, they had only been in the classroom two or three times since the beginning of the school year. They listened patiently as the teachers politely complained about Miss Maggie Tucker's affinity for conversation and her distaste for redirection. Olivia liked the art and gym teachers best-they raved about Maggie's ability to make friends and her willingness to work with any other student. They reported she was enthusiastic and cooperative, although she did offer her opinion when an activity or a project didn't quite match her vision. The regular classroom teacher, however, relayed a different story._

" _Maggie is so enthusiastic, which I love. She loves to learn. However, she has trouble calming down, though, when she gets excited."_

" _Second grade," Ed murmured, "She should be excited about school."_

" _True," the teacher replied, "But, for example, we read a book called_ _The Best Chef in Second Grade_ _and Maggie talked so much about cooking with you and her brothers, well, she didn't complete the assignment."_

 _Olivia assessed the area. She needed to make physical contact with Ed before he exploded. "We, ah," she patted Ed's forearm. It was the best she could do. She, Ed, and the teachers were all sitting in a circle with no table between them. "We do cook together a lot, and it's very special for us and the kids. I can see how she would have been more excited than the average student. And we'll talk to her about making sure she does her work. I, um, I didn't see anything in the folder home or online or I would have asked her about it."_

 _Ed sat back and smirked at Olivia's indirect jab at the teacher's record keeping. At the beginning of the year she'd stressed the importance of checking the homework folder and the web-based grading system and apparently had trouble following through with her own procedures._

" _Maggie is so smart," the teacher continued, "and so is Wyatt. They're both way ahead of the other kids as far as basic skills, especially reading, reasoning, and critical thinking. I only wish Maggie would focus a little more...she seems to discount the work a lot of times, she'll finish quickly so she can socialize, but the other kids don't finish as quickly. Wyatt does a great job of going to the activity board when he finishes early."_

 _Before Olivia could stop him, Ed snapped, "So, you're sayin, if Wyatt talked more we wouldn't be here?"_

 _The teacher's face fell. Olivia felt a tiny bit bad for her. She was young and idealistic but also terribly inexperienced, especially in parent conference protocol. A veteran teacher would have addressed the immediate issue only and left Wyatt out of it._

" _We'll speak to Maggie," Olivia smiled brightly and started to stand up. "And we don't condone her being disrespectful or not following directions. You can expect an improvement immediately."_

 _Ed remained silent. When they shook hands, he mumbled an insincere "thanks." Olivia cast him an annoyed glance out of the corner of her eye and, once they were alone, she reprimanded him for being so standoffish at the end of the meeting._

" _You could have cut her a little slack," Olivia said, "She's only trying to make sure she has control of the class."_

" _I get that," Ed replied, "She doesn't have to compare the two of them. What the hell was that all about? Wyatt goes to the activity board...what the hell does that have to do with Maggie?"_

" _What's the activity board?" Olivia asked in an effort to try and calm him down._

 _Ed turned to her and smirked. "I suppose...it's what they do when they finish first?"_

" _Yeah…"_

" _Our kids always finish first."_

" _Sounds like it." They waited for the light to change and Olivia leaned in for a kiss. "You're such a good dad. A little overprotective, but a very good dad." She gave him a gentle nudge to punctuate her friendly barb._

" _Our kids, Liv…"_

" _I know."_

… _.._

Olivia spent her final week at SVU tidying up certain cases and preparing her office and files for Rollins who had spent the past few months preparing to take over. She'd taken and passed the Lieutenant's exam and had spent several days shadowing Olivia in order to truly get a feel for the job. Lieutenant Benson was out in the field more than most commanding officers, and Rollins soon developed a newfound appreciation for how hard Olivia had to work to keep up with both the administrative and investigative sides of the job.

The final day began normally-she kissed the kids and Ed goodbye and arrived at the precinct with her bag slung over her shoulder and coffee in hand. Upon entering the squad room she was met with a huge banner reading _Thank You Lieutenant Benson_ and a spread of bagels, lox, and cream cheese.

"Man, Liv," Fin said, "Been quite a ride."

"Sure has," Olivia murmured. "You're next, Sergeant."

"Countin' down the days." Fin put in his retirement papers a few months after Olivia and was going to retire at the end of December. Olivia was secretly pleased he was staying on. She trusted Rollins, but it would have been a tricky adjustment for SVU to lose its two longest serving officers all at once.

"So whatta we doin today, Lieu?" Sonny asked.

" _You_...are working," Olivia said. "And so am I, at least, for the morning. We have the Stuyvesant Town assaults to look into, remember?"

"Tucker comin by?" Amanda asked.

"Later...to pick me up." Olivia steeled her jaw and wrapped a napkin around the rest of her bagel, "Okay, let's get started." Once in her office, she noticed something on her chair. It was a small envelope addressed to her in Ed's handwriting.

 _Dear Liv,_

 _I know you're having some mixed emotions on your last day. I hope you have a good one. I also hope you know how important your job at SVU has been and how much you've elevated the prestige, professionalism, and efficacy of the unit. I know you don't like taking all the credit, but you deserve it, Liv. When I see you later today, I hope you are as proud of yourself as I am of you._

 _All my love,_

 _Ed_

 _P.S. I didn't mean to make you cry first thing…_

Olivia grinned and wiped away a few tears that had pooled in the corners of her eyes. She sent an _I love you_ text message to Ed, sat down, and powered on her laptop. For the rest of the day, she lost herself in the investigation, took a break to go out to lunch with the Chief of Detectives, and returned to her office where she worked until the late afternoon. Either intentionally or not, the squad left her alone for the hour or so before Ed was scheduled to arrive and surprise her with the Benson Center reveal.

Olivia carefully packaged what was left of her personal belongings-a few favorite photos, desk knick knacks, and an NYPD coffee mug she'd received on her very first day of work. It was still shiny, unblemished, and new-looking; Olivia hoped she'd weathered the past thirty years just as well as the mug had. She thought of herself then-a twenty-something newbie trying to both learn the ropes and change the world, full of idealism and lofty goals-Olivia never considered, in those early days, that the job would take her to the darkest depths of humanity and torture both her body and soul.

She recalled certain victims and perps who would be, for different reasons, forever etched in her memory. She wondered what it would be like to not have to bear all the job-related weight, the stress of trials, and the heat of tense investigations. A few uniformed officers hustled through the squad room. They both held plastic evidence bags and their black belts gleamed even in the dim light. Olivia patted her Glock. She couldn't remember life without that accessory. Would she miss clipping the shield to her belt each morning? Would she even notice?

It was an odd feeling to be on a precipice from which she could see her past and her future-two starkly different panoramas. On one side were the hundreds of women, men, and children on whose behalf she'd fought for justice for three decades, Noah included. On the other were the faces of her husband and children-it was strange to think that, in a couple of hours, they would be the only people in the world Olivia had to worry about.

After a deep breath, Olivia took one last look around. Tomorrow, Rollins would move in and adorn the walls and shelves with relics of her own career and family. The occupant would change, but the office would always, in a way, belong to Lieutenant Benson.

….

 _Olivia picked up her office phone and barked a gruff "hello" into the receiver. She didn't feel like dealing with IAB because of Carisi and his almost-brother-in-law. They had a solid case backing Tommy's accusation, and she was already on the defensive, ready to parry an attack on her leadership. She predicted the first question out of Tucker's mouth would be why she allowed Carisi anywhere near the case after the initial disclosure._

" _Sergeant," Tucker greeted her in the familiar, gruff voice._

" _Hello Tucker."_

" _Feel like bumpin' in to me later?"_

" _Pardon?"_

" _I gotta officially tell you to watch your detective closely on this case and I'd rather do it over a drink."_

 _Olivia hid her smile as if he could see her. Butterflies fluttered around in her stomach and she rolled her eyes-Tucker was making her smile? Make her feel giddy? Had the world completely flipped upside down in the past few weeks?_

 _They met at a bar equidistant between their two offices and Olivia joked about whether or not she was allowed to order a glass of wine._

" _Thought ya took to the bourbon," Tucker replied, pretending to be hurt._

" _Wasn't bad."_

" _Just a wine kind of day, huh?"_

" _I think so."_

 _Once they were served, Olivia assumed Tucker would launch into his procedural spiel, but he drifted further and further from the reason he had given for the impromptu meeting. He talked about the frigid February temperatures, asked about Noah, and expressed his frustration with his younger daughter's lackadaisical attitude toward adult life._

" _I cannot believe a member of the Tucker family is having trouble being serious," Olivia teased._

" _Baffles the hell outta me."_

 _The bartender approached them to say his shift was over and that he was transferring the tab to "Jordy" who promptly appeared from the kitchen and said a hearty, too-friendly hello. He wiped a place at the corner of the bar which had been recently vacated and asked if he could get Ed and Olivia anything else._

" _Another round?" Ed asked her._

" _Sure."_

 _Jordy quickly swapped their empty glasses with freshly poured ones. "There ya go. Got a good start to date night goin' on there."_

 _He strode to the opposite end of the bar to check on other customers, leaving Ed and Olivia to exchange coy smiles in silence, each daring the other to speak first, thus setting the stage for how serious they would take the comment._

" _He likes to talk," Olivia finally said of the bartender, "Hope word doesn't get out that I was on a date with Lieutenant Tucker."_

 _Ed smirked. "I don't know that I'd mind all that much if word on the street was I was on a date with you."_

 _Blood rushed to Olivia's cheeks, and she was certain she'd never been so pleasantly embarrassed in all her life. "Do you...do you date much?"_

" _Nah. Lately, not at all. You?"_

" _Me? Yeah, sure, a bunch. With Noah."_

" _No Cassidy?" Ed diverted his eyes and took a gulp of the bourbon. Though he knew it was risky to ask that particular question, he had to know._

" _No," Olivia replied, "That's...very much over and would be kinda tough anyway with him in Florida." Olivia emphasized the last two words because Ed knew damn well Cassidy had retired and moved down south._

" _Oh, yeah," he mumbled. A devilish smirk formed on his face and he added, "Guess I committed a date no-no...bringin' up old boyfriends."_

" _Definitely a faux pas."_

" _Damn, my reputation's gonna take a hit."_

" _We'll pretend it didn't happen."_

" _Thanks, Sergeant, I owe ya one."_

" _Anytime. So," Olivia turned so she was completely facing him, "Are you working up the nerve to ruin this lovely conversation and browbeat me about having Carisi on the case?"_

 _The words visibly stunned Ed. He blinked and replied, "Nope. 'Cause that's not what this is. Well, I told ya on the phone...Minute you think he's losing objectivity, he needs to stand down."_

" _Understood."_

 _Tucker didn't like the formal reply. "So, now that that's done...you, uh, you want to, uh. Let's revisit this whole date thing." He grinned and asked, "Can I take you out to dinner sometime? Get us both outta the drought?"_

" _Wow, um," Olivia brushed a few strands of hair off her face, "Yes, I think...I think that'd be nice."_

 _Engulfed in nervous silence, they both sipped their drinks and stared ahead into the arrangement of bottles stacked in front of a grimy mirror. Ed wasn't used to being this unsure of himself; Olivia processed the shocking fact that Tucker had asked her out on a date. When they dared to resume their conversation, their drinks were almost gone._

" _Prolly gotta go?" Tucker asked._

" _Yes," Olivia replied. "I'm on a streak of being home in time to put Noah to bed. Don't want to break it."_

 _She eyed the bills Tucker produced from his wallet, thanked him, and said she'd pick up the tab next time. The temperature and winds were frigid, so what could have been an awkward, protracted goodbye ended with Tucker giving her arm a quick squeeze._

" _Stay warm, Sergeant."_

 _Olivia smiled, nodded, and replied, "You too."_

 _On her way back to the precinct parking lot, Olivia laughed at how she was admittedly disappointed Tucker hadn't tried to kiss her._

…

The retirement party unfolded in three stages. First, cocktails and hors d'oeuvres were served and Olivia was surrounded by clusters of well-wishers. People like Don Cragen, Casey Novak, Alex Cabot, and Elliot Stabler commandeered most of her time. They huddled together around the bar and caught up on one another's lives. Across the terrace, Ed and Cole leaned against the brick wall and stared into the downtown skyline. Cole didn't exactly qualify as a close Benson friend, but Ed invited him anyway so he would have someone to talk with. Most invitees who were members or former members of the NYPD barely managed a muttered hello when they saw Tucker.

"Brooke and Sarah look good," Cole remarked, "And I met your new son-in-law. Seems nice."

"He's a good guy," Ed replied, "And kinda tempers Sarah, so that's a plus."

"Where's your mom?"

"Carisi went to go pick her up. She had somethin' at the church this morning," Ed looked around, "Too bad Jeannine couldn't come. I haven't seen her in a while."

"Now that you and Liv have all this free time we'll have to get together."

"We'll do that. Goin' to the beach next week with the whole family, so we'll set something up for when we get back."

"How long are you staying?"

Ed smirked, "Who knows? Until Noah has to start school?" He let out a long, satisfied sigh. "Cole, man, I can't tell ya how glad I am I'll...have her...this is gonna sound bad, I'll have her to myself more."

"I understand," Cole said, "You can make up for lost time, and, Tucker, I've never seen you look at anyone the way you look at her."

"A couple weeks ago Brooke joked that we'd get sick of each other, but I don't think that's possible."

"Well," Cole said, "She's got the Center and the show...and kids' stuff. You can get breaks every now and then."

"Yeah…" Ed acknowledged the point but didn't look the least bit interested in taking breaks from being in the presence of his wife.

"You know you're gonna have to give her some space," Cole warned.

Ed hardly heard him. He'd shifted his gaze to his wife who was listening intently to something Alex was saying. On her face was a sympathetic smile, probably in response to the work Alex had been involved in since leaving the DA's office. After a few moments, she felt Ed's eyes on her, looked up, and winked at him. Ed's heart melted and his face turned beet red.

Cole noticed. "Ed, man…"

Ed shrugged. "Can't help it."

"Are you saying a few words later?"

"Sure am."

"You gonna be able to say 'em without passing out?"

Ed chuckled, "Absolutely. But...I'm sure some of these people would enjoy seein' that."

Cole laughed. "Probably."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	48. Chapter 48

**Forty-eight.**

The faces staring back at Ed as he peered into the audience of almost a hundred people were mostly devoid of any emotion. He recognized some people-a dozen or so had endured the heat of an IAB investigation, and a few others had sat across from him as a matter of protocol after shootings or allegations of police brutality. His family looked at him expectantly; Ed had told no one what he was going to say, and, until that morning, hadn't even been sure himself. When Sarah suggested he speak last, Ed balked. He was willing to defer to Cragen or someone else who had had a closer professional relationship with Olivia, but Sarah insisted the final talk should come from Olivia's best friend-her husband.

Judging by Olivia's smile, Sarah had been right.

Ed cleared his throat.

"I probably don't need to introduce myself," he began with a smirk, "But I will anyway. Most of you know me as an IAB investigator, but I stand here today in front of you as the very, _very_ proud husband of Lieutenant Olivia Benson." He paused and locked eyes with Olivia for a moment before continuing. "Liv and I spent most of our careers as adversaries. _Well_ , uh, I suppose I was the more adversarial one," he shot the audience a self-deprecating smirk, "But there was always one thing that struck me about Detective, then Sergeant, then Lieutenant Benson-and that was her passion. Passion for justice and passion for helping victims through their journey toward recovery and healing. At IAB, you see so much, after a while, nothing surprises you. But, Liv, your passion always surprised me because even the most dedicated cops inevitably get jaded, but not you, you became more passionate, more steadfast as you rose through the ranks...and I want you to know, at the end of the day, I always admired that about you."

"I still admire that quality because it permeates all aspects of your life-you're passionate about being a mother, stepmother, grandmother, and, uh," his face reddened a bit, "Sorry, It still seems surreal sometimes to say this-as my wife. You are phenomenal in all those roles, Liv, and there aren't strong enough words to convey how much I love watching you with our family."

A few people in the crowd exchanged raised-eyebrow glances at Tucker's words. Not many colleagues had witnessed the sentimental side of Captain Tucker.

"I'll, uh, I'll wrap up here. Liv, for a lot of people, this job has a beginning and an end. Yours does, too, time-wise, but your legacy and your impact will continue forever. Years from now, the policies and public awareness you've created or changed will still be there. Your successors will keep building on it and more change will come. The Benson Center, the show, your book...there are so many ways your work will stay relevant and continue to have an impact."

"I'm in awe of your career, Liv, and I know everyone in this room is, too." He made eye contact with her and spoke his final two sentences before descending the steps and hurrying to her side for a kiss and a hug. "Congratulations on a job amazingly well done, sweetheart. I love you."

…

 _Noah dragged his sixteen-year-old body out of bed. He stretched and smiled, proud of himself for pressing snooze only once. The faint noises he made failed to wake Wyatt, so Noah shook his brother by the shoulder and whispered imploringly, "C'mon, Wyatt, get up."_

 _Ever the compliant sibling, Wyatt buried his face into his pillows, but he yawned and quickly sat up, rubbing his eyes._

" _I'm doing the pancakes," he mumbled._

" _Okay. You wanna wake up Maggs?"_

 _Wyatt rolled his eyes. "No."_

 _The brothers tiptoed across the apartment to Maggie's room and knocked on the door. To their shock, Maggie immediately hissed, "I'm awake!"_

 _Minutes later, the siblings, clad in pajama pants and thermal shirts, moved around the kitchen tending to their assigned tasks. Wyatt made strawberry and chocolate chip versions of his pancakes. Noah manned the stove, frying the bacon and hashbrowns and hoping the vent fan would prevent most of the breakfast aromas from wafting into their parents' bedroom. Maggie chopped fruit and, once that job was done, cracked eggs in a large bowl._

 _Dishes and utensils piled in the sink and Maggie frowned. "Who's gonna clean all this up?"_

" _We are," Noah replied. "Or...Dad probably will. He always does."_

" _We need a cleaning lady," Maggie said, "Everyone has a cleaning lady."_

" _Dad's the cleaning lady," Wyatt quipped in his typical low-key tone. He had a knack for injecting humor into a conversation without actually sounding like he was making a joke._

 _Maggie giggled and handed the eggs to Noah. "We need coffee," she said._

" _Mom might want tea," Wyatt said._

" _She drinks that at night!"_

" _Not always!"_

" _Make the coffee," Noah said, "If she wants tea we'll heat up some water real quick. No big deal."_

 _Wyatt made a face at his brother and sister. In an act of defiance, he took one of Olivia's favorite mugs from a cabinet and put a tea bag inside, just in case._

" _I think we're ready," Noah announced. "Let's set the table."_

 _Careful not to make too much noise, the trio loaded the food onto serving platters and arranged plates, silverware, and glasses on the table. Wyatt placed the anniversary card between his parents' places and took a few extra seconds making sure he had arranged it at exactly the right angle._

 _Finally, Noah gave the okay to Maggie, who was anxiously awaiting the cue to get Ed and Olivia out of bed. She knocked and waited. On the other side of the door, sheets rustled, Ed coughed, and Olivia audibly yawned as she stretched. Maggie knocked again._

" _Come in," Olivia said._

 _Maggie pushed the door open. In front of her was a familiar sight-her mother and father lying together in the middle of the bed. Their heads were propped inches apart against a mountain of fluffy down pillows. Even at the tender age of eleven, Maggie couldn't imagine sleeping comfortably with another person so close._

" _Hey sweetheart," Olivia said sleepily._

 _Maggie's eyes narrowed and her hands flew around as she muttered, "You guys gonna sleep all day?"_

 _Ed, his eyes barely open, grumbled, "It's barely day."_

" _Well, you have to get up."_

 _Olivia stretched again and disentangled herself from the covers. Ed surreptitiously hooked an ankle around hers and she gave him a playful glare. Once standing, she shivered and grabbed a sweatshirt from the bureau. It wasn't that the apartment was cold; after being so cozily ensconced with Ed all night, the slight temperature change was a bit of a shock._

" _C'mon," she held out her hand to Ed._

 _Maggie flung the upper half of her body onto the mattress, "Wakey, wakey, Daddy!"_

 _Ed fully opened his eyes. Maggie's face was directly in front of his and he returned her grin. "Alright. Alright. I'm awake."_

" _Good!" Maggie propelled herself backwards, "Now, follow me!"_

 _Ed and Olivia shuffled along behind Maggie. When they appeared in the dining area, Wyatt and Noah were standing proudly by the immaculately set table. The red Christmas tablecloth and sparkly holiday centerpiece were still present. They'd expertly arranged the steaming platters, and whoever poured the juice and water had taken care to fill all the glasses to almost exactly the same level._

" _Happy Anniversary!" The three of them said in unison._

" _Oh…" Olivia's hand flew to her mouth and tears automatically filled her eyes._

" _Wow…" Ed murmured._

 _Wyatt noticed his mother's emotions and rushed to give her a hug. Olivia kissed the top of his head and kept her arms around him. "This is...so nice...what a nice surprise," she managed to croak._

 _Ed grinned. "This is great," he said, "Wow...uh...we're not doin' a very good job supervising you three...I had no idea you went shopping."_

" _We snuck it in!" Maggie confessed gleefully. "And hid it behind stuff we don't use!"_

 _Ed laughed. "Code for we need to clean out the fridge." Indeed, the Tuckers' refrigerator and also their pantry were cluttered with remnants of Christmas dinners, drinks, and leftover ingredients._

" _Mom, you want coffee or tea?" Wyatt asked._

" _Coffee, please, sweetheart."_

 _Maggie grinned triumphantly. "Told ya!"_

" _C'mon, let's eat," Noah said._

" _Tell us what you like best!" Maggie said, "Cause we all made somethin!"_

 _Olivia helped herself to a scoop of scrambled eggs, "I'm going to love everything."_

 _Wyatt shook his head, "Can't do that, Mom."_

 _Olivia and Ed smiled at one another. The Tucker children's competitive nature infiltrated every aspect of their lives, even times when they'd initially teamed up to surprise their parents._

 _Once all plates were full, the family chattered excitedly about New Year's Eve plans. Noah had been asking to go to the Times Square celebration since he was in elementary school, but Ed and Olivia had been reluctant to take him or even to let him go with Sarah who had been willing to "take one for the team" and subject herself to the chaos (and the hours of no bathroom access). This year, Ed and Olivia splurged on a hotel suite with a view of all the action and the ball drop. They could follow the action below on TV without worrying about their kids being swallowed up in the crowd. Brooke's and Sarah's families were joining them, and everyone was looking forward to their little staycation New Year's Eve party._

" _Thanks for this," Noah said sincerely._

" _You're welcome, bud."_

" _S'gonna be so cool!" Maggie said, "And Sare Bear said she'd take us downstairs if we want for a little while!"_

" _We'll see…" Olivia murmured._

" _Hey!" Wyatt said, "Open your card!"_

" _Oh," Ed pretended to have been oblivious to the envelope sitting next to his elbow. "Okay."_

 _He handed it over to Olivia so she could do the honors. She opened the card and out slid a gift card purchased with the trio's combined funds._

" _So you can go out on a date without us!" Maggie said._

" _You three are so sweet," Olivia cooed._

 _Ed waved the card in the air, "Lookin' forward to this," he quipped._

" _Dad!"_

 _The card was a silly one. After a good deal of searching, Noah managed to find a "from all of us" card with three characters on the front. The inside read, "Happy Anniversary! From your favorite child and the other two." Under the text, Noah had written "Thank you for being awesome parents! We love you." Under his writing, each kid had scrawled his or her name. Wyatt wrote his in careful cursive. Maggie used gigantic bubble letters. Noah's writing was precise and angular, with a huge contrast between the sizes of capital and lowercase letters._

" _Thank you," Olivia said. She grabbed for Ed's hand, "This is so, so nice. We love you so much."_

" _Ya did good, kids," Ed added._

" _Now," Maggie had just finished a gulp of orange juice and she slammed down her glass. "Tell us the story about how Mom used to hate you!"_

" _Again?" Ed asked._

" _Yes! Again!"_

…

After the party, Ed capped off the retirement-related surprises by taking Olivia to a posh midtown hotel rather than their home. He'd taken the liberty to pack an overnight bag; it and a spread of champagne and chocolate covered strawberries were arranged in the center of the room when they entered.

"You thought of everything today," she held his wrists and kissed him. "Thank you, Ed. Thank you for planning a perfect party and the Center and now this," Olivia continued even though her voice was starting to tremble, "It's all so beautiful...I couldn't have asked for anything more."

"Girls had a hand in the party planning," Ed replied, "I can't take all the credit."

Olivia held him close and whispered, "Tonight you can."

He grinned and, since they had all night, didn't rush to the bed. They stood there and kissed for several minutes, stopping every minute or so to smile and whisper sweet comments and stare into each other's eyes. Eventually, Ed unzipped her navy cap-sleeve dress and let it fall to the floor. He took a moment to admire her matching bra and panties and the smooth olive skin in between.

"You're so beautiful," he rasped. "So, so beautiful."

He placed kisses across her chest while she worked to rid him of his shirt and slacks. Once he was bare chested, she held him at arm's length and grinned.

"You know," she said teasingly, "You're not so bad yourself, Captain Tucker."

They made love and enjoyed the champagne and strawberries in the afterglow. Ed teased her by offering and pulling away bites of the fruit, which led to more lovemaking. The night culminated in a late-night room service order, the pair falling asleep cuddled together under the covers, and Ed making a promise to himself that they'd do this once every few months. He didn't verbalize his plans because he knew Olivia was still apprehensive about what retirement would look and feel like, and the last thing he wanted was for her to know how excited he was to spend more time with her.

The next morning, they were greeted by a bright, clear Sunday sky. Olivia's first instinct was to check her phone, but it was across the room in her bag. Ed must have felt her movements, because the arm he'd kept slung across her as they slept stiffened a bit. A few minutes later, Olivia felt gentle kisses on the back of her neck.

"Morning," she said, her voice still hoarse with sleep.

"Mmmmm," Ed moaned into her skin.

"Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think what I said, yesterday at the party, was okay?"

"It was perfect."

"I felt like I left some people out."

Olivia's speech included a litany of thank-yous, so many that Ed had trouble believing she'd possibly omitted someone. "Nope," he said assuredly. "You even thanked me."

Olivia's body shook with laughter. "Then I must have covered all the bases." She wriggled her body around so she was facing Ed and gently touched his face. "I love you."

"The feeling is very, very mutual."

"I'm ready to get packed and get to the house, but," she cocked her eyebrow, "How much longer do we have here?"

Ed reached for the information card and reported, "Check out's noon. Breakfast?"

"Sure, but..." Olivia inched closer.

"...Need to work up a little appetite first?"

"Yeah."

…..

 _There were only two invitees to Ed's Super Bowl L Party, but he had food for at least two dozen. Olivia slowly walked around his small kitchen-platters were set out on every counter space, including the island and the bar, and most of his liquor cabinet was arranged on the round dining table. She sampled a piece of mini quiche and helped herself to a beer. It wasn't her usual drink of choice, but it seemed like the appropriate pairing for football and tailgate snacks. Ed had stepped out to help a neighbor with her stove, and when he came back in he caught Olivia smirking at the spread._

" _Guess I went a little overboard at Costco."_

 _Olivia raised her eyebrows. "Costco?"_

" _Yeah," Ed replied nonchalantly._

" _I, uh, I can't picture you at Costco." Olivia grinned, "You know, with the huge cart...the people giving the samples...do you get the samples?"_

 _Ed grinned and poured a beer of his own into a pint glass. "Sometimes," he raised the glass to hers, "Cheers. And...good luck on the board."_

" _You too." Olivia grinned and took a sip but didn't surrender any space between them. She wanted a kiss. Ed took the hint and planted a gentle kiss on her lips. His lips were so soft and his manner so affectionate, Olivia immediately leaned in for one more. "I'm glad we could do this," she said as they leaned back against opposite sides of the counter._

" _Yeah...when I asked ya I was kind of expectin' a no."_

 _Amused at his honesty, Olivia grinned. "I was expecting to have to say no, but, apparently we're doing something right on the preventative side."_

 _As she went into Lieutenant mode, Tucker eagerly soaked up her words. Although he relished the non-cop version of Olivia Benson, the intelligence and compassion she revealed when she talked shop was just as sexy._

" _Chatter's way down," she continued, referring to the intelligence they used to monitor known and potential traffickers. "Either the PSA's have had some effect or it's forced them even further underground...or," she frowned, "they've picked up and moved operations to the west coast for the weekend….whatever it is...here I am."_

" _Well," Ed replied brightly, "Lucky me…'cause I dunno how I'd eat all of this on my own."_

 _The smile returned to Olivia's face. "The two of us aren't going to make a dent," she said, "It would have...it would have been fine with me if you invited a few more people."_

" _Not a lot of options there," Ed replied self-deprecatingly, "Work guys were all going to parties...and that leaves me with my daughters, brother and sister, and my mom who, I'm sure, would have declined."_

" _You didn't want to go to the IAB parties?"_

" _Nah," Ed shyly ducked his eyes, "When you said you were free, well, I kinda thought this would be a better idea...the two of us...I kinda wanted to spend some time with you."_

 _It had been a month since the standoff in the Crivello townhouse. Since then, Olivia had taken the required time off, visited Lindstrom regularly, and, once back at work, was consumed with two tricky trials in addition to the other open cases SVU had to investigate. She'd been busy but also unsure how Ed's impromptu, brief return to hostage negotiation would affect their relationship. Tucker was no stranger to the traumas Olivia had endured, but he'd been privy to that information via his position with IAB. She wasn't sure how she or he would handle a more up close and personal incident like what had transpired at the hands of Joe Utley._

 _Apparently, Ed was undaunted and unafraid, yet he was obviously nervous about how Olivia would receive his signals of devotion. Rescuing him from the jitters, she put down her beer and hugged him. He returned the embrace and held her tightly for several minutes. Olivia fought tears, but, when they separated, a few had streaked down the sides of her face. Ed wiped them away._

" _It's all over," he said softly. "All over."_

" _I...how is it I keep...surviving things like this?"_

 _It took a few seconds for Ed to realize the question wasn't rhetorical. She needed answers. "Because you're a mother and you have a son to raise. Because you have important work to do."_

 _Olivia managed a tiny smile and played with the collar of Ed's shirt. "And so I can be here right now," she whispered._

" _Yeah."_

" _Okay," Olivia took a quick, deep breath, "Enough...let's...let's…"_

" _Party?" Ed finished for her._

 _They both laughed._

" _Yes," Olivia said, "Let's start by checking out these numbers." She reached for the three copies of the football boards she and Ed had joined. "I'm not loving my numbers."_

 _Ed screwed up his face. "Six and zero, four and zero, and eight and four? They're great numbers."_

 _Olivia shook her head, "Something weird always happens in these games. A safety or something, or a missed extra point…"_

 _Ed was impressed with her reasoning, but he ran down all the scenarios that could result in scores ending up with Olivia winning some cash._

" _Alright," she said, only partially buying his argument._

" _Hell of a lot better than my numbers," he added._

 _Olivia laughed. "Yours will probably be winners."_

" _Maybe."_

" _You know," she said light heartedly, "I do kind of like the idea of winning money on an IAB-employee-created football board."_

 _Ed swigged the rest of his first beer and winked at her._

" _We'd be happy to give it to ya."_

…

All appeared well when Ed and Olivia retrieved their children from Sarah and Justin later that afternoon. As soon as they entered they heard two sets of two-year-old feet slapping at the the floor followed by the shuffling sound of Noah's familiar skips. The twins' faces had a pink, freshly scrubbed look to them. Maggie's hair was pulled into two pigtails and Wyatt's recently trimmed locks were styled into a messy mop.

"Sare Bear used gel!" Noah reported when Ed commented on the hairstyle.

"You look so handsome, Wyatt," Olivia cooed as she picked him up and perched him on her left hip, still careful to avoid tweaking the opposite arm.

"Ma! Mama Magg Up!"

Ed flipped her upside down, "How bout Daddy?"

Maggie shrieked. "Daaaaaaa!"

Once the kids calmed down, Sarah and Justin invited Ed and Olivia for a drink on the terrace. They accepted and the kids ran in and out via the open door while the adults chatted and enjoyed the perfect July day. It was neither too hot nor too humid and both Olivia and Sarah kicked off their shoes and rested their bare feet on the railing.

"Have a good night?" Ed asked.

Justin flashed his trademark Cheshire cat grin. "Real good," he said, "But I'm gonna predict the three of 'em will be asleep real early tonight."

"I figured they'd be up late," Olivia said.

"We tried the ole' movie trick to get them to sleep," Sarah said, "But it didn't work. Small sister was munching away on the peanut butter pretzels and Wyatt was dancing and I was like 'Noey, how do we get them to sleep?' and he was absolutely no help."

"Unfortunately," Olivia said, "They've become used to those perks when they're not with us." She didn't sound at all concerned, in fact she was pleased her kids had this type of opportunity to step outside of their normal boundaries. "So you're going to need a nap too I suppose?"

"Probably," Sarah said.

"And before I forget," Olivia continued, "Thank you so much for the party, Sare. It was so nice and everything was so well planned and perfect-the food, drinks...everything."

"You're welcome, Livvie. I'm just glad Daddy enlisted our help because who knows how it would've turned out." She saw Ed frown at her and added, "Probably would've been your little after party only." She winked at Ed and took a sip of her rosé.

Ed rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Justin. "Hey, bud, thanks for keepin' my mother company last night."

"No problem," Justin replied, "She's hilarious. I could talk to her all day."

"Yes, thank you," Sarah said, "I was mingling with Brookey hoping to get some juicy stories or some gossip, but all anyone wanted to say was ' _oh, Olivia's so wonderful_ ' which is true but, I'm sorry to say, not very interesting."

"You didn't get the high on mushroom fumes story?" Olivia asked, drawing on one of the few truly funny anecdotes she had in her job-related arsenal.

" _What_?"

Olivia told the story with Ed looking on with an amused, proud smirk. _This is what life's going to be like_ , he thought, _hanging out, relaxed with no place to be_. Inside, the kids were playing a game born of Noah's imagination-something involving Batman, Wonder Woman, a ninja, and some type of villain who was lurking in the master bedroom. He was so caught up in the daydream he didn't hear Olivia decline a refill and mention they had to head home to get ready for tomorrow's departure to the beach house. Sarah, Justin, and Olivia were standing when he finally snapped back to reality.

Olivia went inside to corral the kids and their belongings. Justin volunteered to do an apartment walk through to make sure they weren't leaving anything essential behind. Sarah stopped Ed before he, too, went indoors.

"Daddy," she said in a hushed voice, "I have to tell you something Noah said."

"What?"

"Remember how Livvie said last night in her speech that she got so much from the job, including Noey...or something like that?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he asked me what that meant. I, of course, artfully changed the subject."

"Shit."

"I _know_!" Sarah sighed and looked out toward Union Square. "So I take it you didn't tell him the whole adoption story?"

"Of course not," Ed snapped but immediately apologized, "Sorry...I guess we'll have to tell him now, well, tell him something... _damn_."

"I suppose it's not such a big deal," Sarah said. Her blue eyes were wide and sparkling with optimism. The breeze whipped around a few strands of her blonde hair. "I mean, you could spin it as a really sweet, superhero story."

"I'm not sure there's any way we can spin the way she found him into anything resembling _sweet_ ," he countered.

"Ah, Daddy, have some faith. And anyway, he'll want to know and find out eventually…" Sarah cocked her head so she could get a glimpse of Noah who was helping toss toys into one of the twins' bags. "That kid has to _know_ everything about everything."

Smiling proudly, Ed followed Sarah's gaze.

"I mean," Sarah said, "Last night we were mixing cocktails and he _haaaaad_ to help put the booze in the shaker and do taste tests with straws." Sarah practically bounced up and down waiting for Ed's glare. When it came, she put up her hands. "Kidding! Only kidding!"

"You damn well better be."

….

 **#Tuckson**

 **Going on Holiday Hiatus! Be back January-ish!**


	49. Chapter 49

**Forty-nine**.

Ed redelivered Sarah's report to Olivia with great apprehension. Even though they viewed Noah as the indispensable nucleus of their family, Ed knew Olivia worried about how he would process the story of his past and she agonized over when and how much information to reveal. When Ed told her Noah had picked up on that one sentence of her speech, Olivia chuckled knowingly, shook her head, and said she wasn't surprised her perceptive son had zeroed in on an ad-libbed line.

"Tell me how ya want to handle it." Ed vigorously rubbed both her arms and looked at her, his face dripping with compassion.

Olivia heard his unspoken question. "Both of us will tell him...that I...was trying to help people and, when I was looking for them, I found him…"

"Okay."

Since there was no strict timetable for beginning the road trip to Bethany Beach, Ed and Olivia let the kids wake up on their own and allowed themselves a lazy morning. The twins ate their breakfasts on their own in the high chairs-they ate most of their meals in booster seats, but when Ed and Olivia needed to move around freely and not worry about them toppling over or climbing down on their own, Maggie and Wyatt were confined to the chairs.

"SCRAM EGGS!" Wyatt bellowed, stabbing his food with a chunky plastic fork. He opened his mouth wide and managed to shovel most of the bite into his mouth. Next, he smashed blueberries in with the eggs, took another bite, and grinned at Ed as he chewed.

"Like that combo, bud?" Ed quipped.

Perched on a bar stool, Noah rolled a Matchbox car with one hand and ate his portion of eggs and turkey sausage with the other. He kicked his feet happily and rambled about his plans for the first day at the beach house.

"Haveta take all da stuff outta da car," he said, "Then we're gonna swim!" He twisted his body around for a view of the blue, sunny sky, "Gotta have sunscreen, Mommy."

"We have a whole bunch, sweet boy," she said.

"Yeah," Noah replied sagely, "Got it at Costco."

Olivia smiled. Their last family trip to Costco had been heavy on items needed for the house, and she and Ed predicted they'd have a hard time fitting everything in their small SUV. She was dawdling, putting off broaching the topic of the first time she met Noah, and it wasn't until Ed came up behind her and reassuringly kissed her cheek that she finally conjured the courage to ask.

"Sweet boy," she began, "Do you remember what I said when I spoke to all the people at the party?"

"Uh-huh!" Noah rattled off several details but omitted the part about the job leading her to him.

"And I also said...something about, my job at police helping me get to you?"

"Yeah." There was a slight nervous twitch in Olivia's voice, and Noah noticed. His own voice became quieter and he mumbled, "You say I'm da most _im-port-ant_ thing you got from being police."

"I'll tell you what that meant, honey." Olivia rounded the island, picked him up, and sat him on the countertop so they could be, more-or-less, eye-to-eye. Olivia then explained in the kid-friendliest words possible, how she and her squad were looking for another missing boy and, in the process, they had come across other kids who needed help finding their mommies, including him. "And there you were, sweet boy, a little baby, and I picked you up and I loved you immediately."

"And den you took me home?" Noah's eyes were bright and hopeful.

"After a little while, yes, I took you home and you became my precious son who I love so very much."

Noah thoughtfully twisted his lips and furrowed his brow. His eyes darted around the room and a smile gradually formed on his face as he took stock of its contents-the toys, the beanbags, the small aquarium, and the shelves overflowing with books and puzzles.

"I'm glad you found me, Mommy," he said in a voice barely above a whisper.

Olivia hugged him tightly. "Me too, sweetheart. You are so, so special, Noah."

"Mommy, you're squishin!"

Olivia held his shoulders and kissed his head. "I know, sweetie. Sorry."

Noah grinned and looked backwards at Ed. "Mommy's always squishin!"

"I know it, bud," he replied with a smirk, "That's how she shows us she loves us a _lot_!"

Noah growled and reached forward to hug Olivia again. "Dere," he said, "Squished ya back!" He giggled hysterically.

Hearing him, Maggie and Wyatt shrieked and giggled and wiggled their bodies around. Maggie's sippy cup went flying.

"JUUUUUUICE!" She strained to get out of the chair and chase down her cup.

Ed set the twins free, "Better run around for a little bit before we getcha into the car seats," he said.

"Babies!" Noah clambered down and chased after his siblings, "Betcha can't catch me!"

"NONONONO! GETCHA NO!"

Ed slid his arms around Olivia's waist and they watched the kids run around the living room for a few minutes before they went into beach-trip-prep mode. "That went well," he said.

"Almost too well," Olivia murmured.

Ed tilted his head back and looked at her with concern. "Hey," he said in a low voice. "He's perfectly happy, Liv."

She smiled and put her head on his chest. "I hope he stays that way...forever."

…...

 _By a vote of 3-0, the Tucker kids elected to spend Christmas at the beach house rather than at the Manhattan apartment. It had been a year of changes-Noah's first year of college, the twins' first year of high school, and a new part-time gig for Ed at the Museum of the City of New York. Always a lover of history, he had volunteered to serve on an advisory board for a new, permanent, NYPD exhibit. As he was with most new ventures, he was skeptical at first, but after a couple of sessions with the lead curator, he was hooked. Olivia spent, at most, three days a week at the Benson Center and was writing a second book, so she was relieved when Ed agreed to serve on the board._

 _They invited the entire family-Sarah and Justin, Brooke and Sonny, and, of course, the grandchildren, but the Carisis had to stay in the city because of work and the Vidals were flying to their Gulf Coast condo the day after Christmas. The Tuckers were joining them for the New Years Eve weekend. The plans were a far cry from what had transpired in years past, and Olivia found herself thrilled at the newness of it all, especially since her children were all back together, with her, safely under one roof._

 _On Christmas Eve morning, Olivia awoke early, gingerly peeled herself away from Ed, and crept downstairs, careful to avoid the squeaky spots on the way down. She was surprised to see the lights on the tree and the strands adorning the mantle gleaming in the gray early dawn. A table lamp was also turned on in the living room, and Wyatt lying on his back on the adjacent sofa, reading a book._

" _Hi sweetheart," she said in a low voice so she didn't startle him._

 _He looked up and smiled. Wyatt boasted an enviable grin-his lips curled upwards, one side at a time and he squinted, yet the sparkle from his deep blue eyes still managed to sneak through. He wore his hair shaggier than Noah ever had, but it still curled upward at the ends and naturally fell off to the side, away from his face. At school, the girls loved him, and, at an age when girls were more boy crazy than boys were girl crazy, Wyatt struggled a bit with the attention in seventh and eighth grade. Many times he came home annoyed and frustrated because one girl or another wouldn't leave him alone. Olivia told Ed she thought the girls' behavior bordered on harassment. Ed smirked and verbally agreed with her._

" _Hi Mom," Wyatt said. He sat up, making room for her._

" _You're up early."_

" _Went to bed early."_

" _Yeah, it was a long drive."_

 _Despite keeping a close eye on the weather before leaving New York, the Tuckers had to drive part of the way through a fairly dense snowfall. Ed took it slow, but Olivia spent the entire fifty miles or so with a death grip on the door handle._

" _When you think about it," Wyatt said, "Riding in a car shouldn't make you tired."_

" _It made me nervous."_

" _Not me. Dad's a good driver."_

" _Even so…"_

" _He woulda pulled over if it got too bad."_

" _I know he would have."_

 _It was getting lighter outside and Wyatt fixed his eyes on the water. He grabbed his phone and checked the temperature. "I wanna go for a walk."_

" _I'll go," Olivia said eagerly, "If you want the company."_

 _Wyatt flashed his grin again. This time, his smile reflected the absurdity of his mother's hypothetical comment. "Mom, I always want your company," he said as if the facial expression weren't enough._

 _Olivia and Wyatt bundled themselves in parkas, hats, gloves, and boots and took off along the shoreline. When they arrived at the boardwalk, they took that route instead. Most shops were closed either for the holiday or for the entire winter, but they stopped at a small cafe and warmed themselves with chai and hot chocolate. Maggie snuck regular coffee every once in a while, but Wyatt still complied with the childhood coffee ban._

 _They set back out along the boardwalk toward home but stopped at one point to finish their drinks and stare at the frigid waves crashing at the shore._

" _I think if I had a really good wet suit I could swim out there," Wyatt remarked._

" _Honey, I don't think so."_

" _Did Santa bring me a wet suit?" Wyatt looked at her with wide, childish eyes. He tried and failed not to grin._

" _No, he didn't," Olivia replied regretfully, "We've been here a lot in the winter, and I've never seen anyone out there…"_

" _Mom, I'm kidding."_

" _I'm not sure you are."_

" _Well, maybe not completely…" Wyatt took a deep breath of the cold sea air, "The water's so, I dunno, I love it. It's mysterious….I mean, I know the tides and everything aren't, but it's like...there're a lot of stories out there in that water."_

" _Not just in the water," Olivia pointed out, readily joining in with Wyatt's metaphysical insights, "People looking out into it, like we are, thinking and hoping for their lives to change…"_

" _...or stay the same," Wyatt suggested, "Mostly, when I'm here, I don't want anything to change."_

 _Olivia kissed the side of his head. "You're right. There's a lot of hope out there too. I like to think about you and your brother and sister and all the hopes I have for your futures. I think, most of all, that's what I feel here, a lot of optimism, a lot of clarity."_

 _Wyatt finished his cup, held out his hand for Olivia's, and threw both in a nearby trash can. They continued their stroll and Wyatt mischievously asked who Olivia thought would have the highest GPA when the first semester high school report cards were released in January. Olivia replied diplomatically that both her twins would have A averages._

" _Be more specific," Wyatt said, "Use the numbers."_

" _Four-point and four-point."_

 _Wyatt lovingly rolled his eyes. His mother did not play well into their friendly sibling rivalries, but she also knew Wyatt's ego still stung from the end of middle school when Maggie edged him by a half point in Science. Overall, Wyatt's grades were better, but Maggie's end-of-year Science project was fantastic and earned her extra credit...and also some bragging rights._

" _But, you know," Olivia murmured, "Maggs gets a little lazy sometimes…especially at the end…"_

" _Yeah and she doesn't study for tests!" Wyatt exclaimed, sounding like a little kid again._

" _You know I'm proud of you both," Olivia said._

" _I know. I just wish you'd make a prediction!"_

" _That's never going to happen sweetheart."_

" _I know…" Wyatt smirked against the wind. Olivia could see the wheels in his mind turning, formulating another competition-based question for his mother to sidestep. "Okay," he said, "Whose cutouts will be the best?"_

 _Olivia grinned. He got her. There was no question Wyatt was the most careful when making the sugar cookies and decorating them with frosting and sprinkles. Even Noah's designs came second to Wyatt's. The younger brother was about seven when it became apparent what he lacked in volume he more than made up for in quality._

" _Yours, of course, Wyatt Edward." Olivia gave him a quick side hug. "You could go into the cookie making business...open up a little store here in Bethany...live with your mother forever…"_

 _Wyatt grinned. "Mommmmm."_

" _Maybe that's too much to ask."_

" _How 'bout I promise always to make Christmas cookies with you?"_

" _I'd like that a lot, sweetheart."_

… _._

The master suite at the beach house was huge, considering the house itself was constructed before such things as master suites existed. In addition to the bathroom and walk-in closet, the room featured an alcove large enough to be used as an extra bedroom. When the house was full, Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah occupied that space. The kids loved it-they slept all together on a large air mattress and fell asleep looking at the stars via the skylight. In the morning, the first person awake took it upon herself or himself to pile on the others and the trio proceeded to wake their parents.

The night before they were joined by Caroline and the girls and their families, Ed and Olivia made the most of their last night alone for a couple weeks. They rolled around under the covers and playfully made love into the wee hours of the night. When they finally surrendered to fatigue and cuddled together in the center of the bed, smiles lingered on their faces as they fell asleep. In the morning, at first light, Olivia awakened to Ed stroking and kissing her breasts.

"I want you," he whispered once he realized she was awake.

Olivia moaned and murmured, "I was going to wake you up earlier…"

"Why didn't you?" Ed was on top of her now and gently nudged her legs apart.

"You looked so peaceful...I didn't have the heart to do it."

Ed kissed her cheek and nipped at her earlobe. "I'm not as strong as you are," he said, "I had to give in to temptation…" He continued kissing her neck and gradually worked himself inside her, "God, I love you."

"Give into it anytime, Captain," Olivia gasped, "Oh, _God…_ "

Ed stared into her eyes, "Good morning, baby."

Olivia couldn't form words. She threw her head back, yelped, sucked in air, and flailed her arms around until she got a grip on Ed's muscular shoulders. When they finished, she noticed the red streaks she'd made across his skin and kissed them apologetically. "Ed," she whispered, her voice shaking slightly, "Never stop loving me…"

He rolled over, took her face in his hands, and stared intently in her eyes. "I promise I will never stop loving you, Olivia Margaret. Never."

… _._

Noah, with Maggie and Wyatt on his heels, led Caroline on the tour of the house. He began with the less interesting upper level and showed her all the bedrooms, including his room which his grandmother would be using during her stay. He slapped the mattress, assured her the bed was "super comfy," and showed her how to turn on the lamp by simply tapping its base. Aside from the master bedroom, there were two other guest rooms upstairs, perfect for Sarah and Justin and Brooke, Sonny, and Sofia. When the three kids got a little older they would move downstairs to the pull out couch in the den, but for now they were bunked on the air mattress in the master bedroom alcove. Noah and the twins bounced on it.

"S'like a tramp'line, Gramma!" Noah exclaimed.

"How are your Mommy and Daddy going to get any sleep with the three of you jumping around like Mexican Jumping Beans?"

"After stories we'll go to sleep," Noah said. He was running out of breath and let himself collapse onto his back. He pretended to snore. "Jus' like dis, Gramma!"

"If you snore that loud you'll wake up the whole neighborhood!"

Noah giggled. "C'mon! Now we gotta go DOWN!"

He and Caroline held the twins' hands and slowly made their way down the steps, through the living room and dining room and into the kitchen. "Here's where ya can make da Irish bread!" Noah said.

"Who says I'm making the bread?"

" _Gramma_! You always make it!"

"That's right, dearie."

Maggie yanked on the refrigerator door, but Noah stopped her. "Small sister, we have drinks outside!" Noah turned to Caroline and explained, "Gotta fridge'rator out there now, Gramma! We got a whole kitchen out there, too!"

"Well, I have to see this!"

The four of them joined everyone else on the back porch. Olivia was holding Sofia and sitting on the swing with Brooke. Maggie made a beeline for them and glued herself to Olivia's opposite side. She pointed to the water. "Bee, Mama! Magg Bee!"

"Yes, sweet girl, we'll go to the beach soon."

"Ma, you want a drink?"

"Yes, please, Eddie, we need to toast to this beautiful home you have here. The pictures did not do it justice! It's gorgeous!"

"Thanks," Ed shook a gin-and-tonic and poured it in a plastic tumbler. Before handing it over he garnished it with a lime wedge. "Here ya go."

Caroline led the others in a toast and, after taking her first sip, she inspected the outdoor kitchen. The centerpiece was a six-burner gas grill with warming plates on either side. Caroline ran her hand along the brushed concrete countertop with built in cutting boards, tried the knobs on the sink, and opened and closed the cabinets. She nodded approvingly and needled her son. "A lot of pressure on ya, Eddie, a set up this nice? I expect to be served some delicious meals this week."

"You got it, Ma." Ed produced one of their coolers and asked Olivia about what to take to the beach.

"There's the cheese and fruit in there," Olivia said, "And we'll grab the crackers and that good summer sausage from the deli down the street. I think that's enough for now? We'll come back here for an early dinner? Brooke? How's that sound?"

Brooke fidgeted uncomfortably. "Sounds great...I'm still full from Burger King."

"Burger King?" Olivia asked.

Sonny shrugged sheepishly. "Guilty road trip pleasure," he said, "But, yeah, we're payin' for it right now. Except for Caroline...you seem fine."

"I have insides of steel," she said. Caroline held out her arms for Wyatt and he toddled over to her. She hugged him and cooed, "How's my grandbaby?" Wyatt smiled shyly and ducked his head. Caroline smoothed his hair and kissed each of his cheeks. "You are the handsomest thing," she said. "Are you going to show Grandma how you swim?"

"SIM!" Wyatt struggled to get down. When freed, he ran to one of the baskets where the kids kept their beach toys. He extracted a small pair of goggles and held them up to his eyes. "SIM!"

"Wyatt! Those are mine," Noah scolded him good-naturedly, "Those are too big for ya! Mommy! We gotta get Wyatt some baby goggles."

"We will, sweet boy," Olivia said, "I bet they have some at the surf shop. Maybe we can go later."

"Kay!" Noah grabbed the goggles and made the strap as small as possible. "Here ya go, Wyatt. You can try an' use 'em. I have my mask." Noah slid the goggles on Wyatt's head, but they were still too big. Wyatt didn't seem to care, though, and he walked around the porch with one hand holding the eyewear to his face.

…

 _When the local news stations broadcast the A.J. Martin verdict, Ed Tucker was in his office at I.A.B. watching dash camera footage of Sergeant Benson's takedown of the youth center's security officer. Since George Turner had sought medical attention, it was a matter of protocol that the circumstances surrounding the injury be reviewed. It took only a few seconds for Tucker and Draper to determine Benson acted entirely in self-defense, but Tucker couldn't help rewinding and replaying the footage. The move was impressive...and sexy._

 _At times it seemed like the entire city had been following the A.J. Martin case, and Ed was no exception. Investigating while under the heat of public scrutiny was tough, so he figured it wouldn't be such a big deal if he called Benson to congratulate her and also to assure her she wasn't facing any type of internal consequence for defending herself at the end of the chase._

 _He called her cell rather than the office and could immediately tell she was on the street and was surprised she didn't sound more pleased at the guilty verdict. Taking her brusque reply as an indication she was busy, Ed apologized for bothering her and started to say goodbye, but Olivia interrupted him. Suddenly, the background noise disappeared._

" _It, um, the jury came to the right decision," Olivia said, "But, it doesn't stop there. His wife and son...this isn't over for them. It'll never be over."_

" _At least they're safe tonight," Ed offered. "But unfortunately, he'll never get exactly what he deserves."_

" _Yeah…"_

" _And, uh, another thing," Ed continued, "Didn't know if this was weighin' on your mind at all, but there's no action being taken against ya' for that Turner guy. One hundred percent justified."_

 _The past few weeks had been a blur and Olivia barely remembered what she considered one of the more trivial parts of the Chicago-related case. "Oh," she mumbled, "I, uh, haven't really given it much thought, but, thank you."_

" _You get style points, that's for sure."_

 _She smiled and thanked him._

 _By her mere change in tone, Tucker could tell she was grinning. He hadn't seen her smile much and he pictured her lips curling upwards and her cheeks getting a rosy hue._

" _Everything else goin' okay?" Tucker asked._

" _Yeah," Olivia answered and wondered if he could tell she was lying. The truth was she was exhausted. Between work and caring for Noah she'd been running herself ragged on very little sleep and was looking forward to the Thanksgiving holiday which was typically a slower time for SVU. "But I can't say I'm upset about getting some time off soon."_

" _Deserved."_

" _Right."_

" _I'll, uh," Tucker paused and found himself in the now-familiar conundrum of how to end a conversation with Olivia Benson. There was a new collegiality between the two of them-no, there was a burgeoning friendship and he was interested in where it was headed. Nevertheless, he wasn't quite comfortable enough to suggest meeting for a drink. "I'll let ya go," Ed mumbled, annoyed for not thinking of a more charming way to say goodbye. "You have a nice Thanksgiving."_

" _You too," she replied...sweetly? It was certainly a softer tone than she'd ever used with him. They said their goodbyes and hung up._

 _Tucker tossed the phone aside, sat back in his chair, and resisted the urge to hit "play" once more._

… _._

The kids played in the waves along the shore under the watchful eye of Ed and Olivia for over an hour before they joined the rest of their crew in the dry sand a little farther away from the water. Caroline and Brooke were lounging under the large umbrella and Olivia settled into the third chaise alongside her mother-in-law. Sofia was nestled in Caroline's lap and gradually waking up from her nap.

Noah grabbed four buckets and made two soccer goals. He kicked his small soccer ball around and called for Maggie and Wyatt to join him. Olivia smiled at the three of them-suntanned and clad in brightly colored swimwear. Noah's and Wyatt's trunks were bright red and dotted with smiling blue lobsters. A sunglasses-wearing zebra was printed on the front of Maggie's light blue one-piece. All three kids wore Wayfarers and their damp brown locks clung to their heads and, in Maggie's case, the back of her neck.

The twins did not follow Noah's rules or his instructions, so the game quickly turned into one of chase-the-person-with-the-ball. Maggie, who hadn't wanted to leave the water's edge to begin with, grew bored quickly and ran to the water as fast as her little legs could take her.

Olivia sat up and shouted, "Get her, Ed!"

Sonny and Ed were sipping beers and were closer to the kids. Ed handed over his cup and sprinted to Maggie. He scooped her up from behind, flipped her upside down, and smothered her with kisses until she was giggling uncontrollably. He lifted her high above his head, spun around, and complied with her request to take her back in the water.

Caroline eyed Olivia. "Quite a man you got there, sweetheart," she said.

Olivia nodded. In that span of a minute or so, everything she loved about Ed was on display-springing into protective action, doting on his kids, doing anything he could to make them happy, and, of course, Olivia couldn't deny how irresistible he looked as he ran toward their daughter and how pleasant chills ran up and down her spine when she saw how his muscles flexed as he swung Maggie in the air. When he returned, he'd have Maggie perched on his hip and water droplets beading on his chest.

With a silly smile plastered on her face, she reached over and squeezed Caroline's hand. "Quite a man raised by quite a mother," she said.

"I suppose," Caroline said, "But he was quite the pain in the ass at times."

"Aren't we all," Brooke murmured rhetorically. She held up her cup, toasting to no one in particular, and took a huge gulp.

"I'm sure he's not a pain in the ass for you," Caroline said, "Because I'm quite positive he's terrified of pissing you off, my dear."

Olivia laughed. "I think there might be some truth to that."

"Son," Brooke called to her husband who was now playing goalie for Noah and Wyatt, "Are you terrified of pissing me off?"

"Absolutely!"

"What's pissed off?" Noah asked.

"Oh, shit," Caroline muttered.

" _Grandma_!"

"OH SIT!" Wyatt shouted.

"How the hell did he hear that?" Caroline asked incredulously.

"SITSITSIT!"

" _Grandma_!"

Doubled over with laughter, Olivia merely waved her hand to brush off Caroline's apologies. She took responsibility but also blamed Wyatt's keen sense of hearing. "I don't know how the two of you make any kind of decent love," Caroline said, "One little moan and that one's probably waking up and yelling for Mommy!"

"Oh my God," Brooke gasped. She reached for her phone so she could send Sarah the conversation transcript. She and Justin were on their way and Brooke could picture Sarah reading the message and urging Justin to speed up so she wouldn't miss any other profanity-around-children slip-ups or references to her father's and Olivia's sex life.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	50. Chapter 50

**Fifty**.

With the younger couples out for the evening and the kids fast asleep, Ed and Olivia relaxed on the back porch. They sat together on the loveseat and sipped the rest of the Sangria they'd enjoyed during dinner. In the distance, the waves were still rolling in with a great deal of force.

"Does your mom always go to bed so early?" Olivia asked. Caroline's perpetual perkiness always led her to assume the older woman was a night owl.

"Ten or eleven," Ed replied matter-of-factly, "But, was a busy day. And a lot of sun."

"Right. I can't believe they all went out. I'm more tired than usual." Olivia said.

"A _lot_ more tired?" Ed playfully whispered in her ear.

Olivia squeezed his thigh and reminded him they had roommates for the next week.

"That's never stopped us before," Ed sassed.

"Very true, Captain." Olivia tilted her head back for a kiss. She smiled when Ed gently bit her bottom lip and assured him they would carve out some time and space for intimacy. "I'm proud of you for not giving your mother and Brooke hell today," she added softly, flirtatiously, and also sincerely, for Wyatt had continued to chant "Oh Sit" until they sat down for dinner. Each time, everyone looked up at Ed with wide eyes and waited for his reaction, but he merely shook his head and went back to his food.

Dinner was served in the dining room with the new sliding doors pulled open. Ed and Olivia first considered extending the porch so it could fit a full size table, but they nixed the idea when they realized they'd lose most of the small, grassy backyard where the kids ran around and the fire pit was located. They compromised by swapping the back windows for a series of full-length, hurricane proof, floor-to-ceiling glass windows. Ed had trouble being annoyed with Wyatt's brush with profanity; the sight of his entire family sitting around the custom-made farmhouse table tempered any frustration he had with his mother and daughter. He did, however, agree with Noah when the little boy suggested they find a swear jar for "da beach." Olivia's occasional touches also, as usual, had a calming effect.

Ed felt Olivia shiver ever so slightly and reached for a beach towel from the stack they had wedged in a basket next to the beach toys. Covered now, he massaged Olivia's hip with one hand and curled his other arm possessively around the center of her torso. As the conversation continued, the fingers on her hip teased closer and closer to the center of her body.

"I'm excited to take the boat out tomorrow," Olivia said, "It is big enough for all of us, isn't it?"

"Yeah, might be a little tight, but it seats twelve."

"Should be fine." Olivia turned toward the coffee table and reached for the baby monitor. She hadn't heard a sound from the room where Sofia was sleeping, so she turned up the volume. As she stretched for the device, Ed's fingers wandered between her legs.

"Ed Tucker...I'm making sure our granddaughter is okay and you're-"

"-Don't say _granddaughter_ ," he rasped in a commanding, low voice. "Not right now."

Olivia grinned at him reprovingly. Raising the volume worked and, satisfied Sofia was okay, she focused all her attention on her husband. "There's nothing wrong with _grand_ anything," she said in a challenging tone.

"It sounds old," he said, "And I don't feel old."

"Me neither."

Ed again teased his fingers between her legs. This time, he caught a bit of skin and whispered, "No, you definitely don't feel old."

" _Ed…_ "

"C'mere."

Behaving himself, Ed sat up a little and held her head as he kissed her. The kiss was passionate and fierce and Olivia immediately felt her body respond. The loveseat was large enough for cuddling, but when they began moving their bodies against each other, the wicker frame creaked and, more than once, they lost their balance.

"Let's go down to the beach," Ed whispered.

"Honey, we can't."

Ed groaned. Though disappointed, he smiled at his wife and smoothed her hair. "Yeah, I guess that'd be bad."

"It'd be very bad." Olivia rubbed his chin with an index finger. She'd shut down a porch and beach tryst, but she had not placed much distance between her body and his.

"I still wanna kiss you, Lieutenant."

"Good," she said, grinning, "Because I still want to kiss you, too."

…..

 _By the time Olivia arrived, late, at the pub to meet Ed for dinner, he was one drink in and had ordered two for her. She slid in the booth across from him and squinted skeptically at the glasses, both filled with neat bourbon pours. Ed mentioned he knew she liked a little ice, but he didn't want them prematurely watered down. Ed smirked when he said this, for he enjoyed needling Benson about "tainting" the taste of the liquor to which she responded she'd witnessed, read, and heard the proper way to enjoy the drink was with an ice cube or two._

" _Trying to get me drunk, Tucker?"_

" _Nah, wanted to give you a chance to catch up and also thought ya might need it."_

 _Olivia let out an exasperated chuckle. "No kidding. I have Carisi and Rollins back at the precinct sifting through all of Rudnick's cases...we need to get out in front of any of them that could possibly be subject to appeal now," she paused and stared at the ceiling, "Unbelievable. How? After all these years am I still shocked?"_

" _You ever sense something was off with him?"_

" _Yes," Olivia said assuredly, "Always. He was a weird guy...but then again, he's an ME, but...then again...so's Melinda and she's not…"_

" _...a sadistic serial killer?" Ed finished for her._

 _Olivia gulped her first sip of bourbon and mumbled, "Exactly."_

" _At least not that you know of," Ed quipped and waited for her response wearing his signature smirk._

 _To his relief, she grinned and joined the levity. "Tomorrow's another day...you never know."_

 _The rest of their evening continued on the same note-they traded cop stories, Olivia talked about summer plans with Noah and Ed griped good-naturedly about his daughters. They shared a bruschetta appetizer, traded pieces of their entrees, and split a huge hunk of bread pudding for dessert. Afterwards, they strolled in the direction of Olivia's apartment and, as they neared her block, their gait slowed in a mutual decision to prolong the date._

 _Steps from her building, Olivia suddenly felt relieved of much of the stress of the past few weeks. Noah was officially hers-there was no chance Ms. Jackson was waiting at her door to reprimand her for going out for drinks and dinner with her former adversary. She didn't have the results from the Lieutenant's exam yet, but she felt good about the test and was sure she'd scored well. Lastly, she and her squad had, within the span of a few months, closed several high profile cases. Summer, and the inevitable uptick in violent crime, was upon them, but Olivia felt content, in control, and increasingly charmed by Tucker, particularly when he struggled with saying goodbye to her._

" _So, I'll, uh, give you a call this weekend? See what's goin on?"_

 _The reckless part of Olivia wanted to invite him upstairs, but rational sense won out. "Yeah, sure," she said, "I am on duty Friday and Saturday, but...maybe Sunday?"_

" _Okay," he grinned apologetically. "If not, no big deal."_

 _Everything about his tone suggested otherwise. Olivia stepped closer to him and did something she'd never done before-she initiated a kiss. Up until now, she'd been a willing participant when Tucker gave her a chaste peck on the lips and she leaned in when he kissed her cheek, but tonight, emboldened, she conveyed she was just as enamored with him as he was with her._

 _Her lips were slightly parted when they touched his, and she cupped the back of his head. Surprised at the move, Ed took a step backwards to steady himself and followed her lead. She switched angles, kissed him again, smiled, and kissed him once more. Then, just as quickly as she'd given in to the moment, Olivia pulled away. However, the romantic sparkle remained in her eyes._

" _That was nice," he said._

 _The gentler version of his deep, raspy voice plucked every nerve ending in her body. She fought a shiver by briefly clenching her molars. The smirk was still plastered on his face. Olivia's gaze drifted to the sidewalk and she managed to murmur only the beginning of a thought, "All of a sudden…"_

" _...All of a sudden, I really like kissing Olivia Benson," he said as she trailed off._

 _She appreciated the courage it took to utter that sentiment. Nervous and less sure of herself, she narrowed her eyes and peered at him. "This, ah...this is...wow…"_

" _I know." If Ed was disappointed Olivia didn't reciprocate by saying she liked kissing him, he didn't show it. He held her wrists. "This is okay, Olivia," he said. "It's okay that we want to spend time with each other." His blue eyes were intense yet comforting. "If that is...what you want."_

" _It is." She flashed an appreciative smile. "So...Sunday, right?"_

" _Right."_

 _She leaned in for another kiss, needing to prove to herself the moment was real. "I had a good time tonight, Ed. Thank you."_

" _Anytime."_

… _.._

The pontoon boat was plenty big enough for the entire family, their two coolers, and an assortment of inflatable toys that could be used if they decided to anchor for a while. The boat was docked on a calm bay which appeased Caroline who had spent the morning staring warily into the ocean and walking back her excitement about spending the afternoon on the water. Once on board, she stretched out on a bow seat, put her feet up, and sipped cocktails. Ed, with Noah's occasional assistance, navigated around the waterway and smiled often at his mother who was clearly relaxed and enjoying herself.

"Why is it people wave to each other?" Sarah asked. "I mean, we don't know these people...can you imagine if that protocol applied in the city?" She giggled at the thought. "I'm going to start waving to everyone on the way to work."

"They won't think anything of it," Caroline muttered.

Brooke agreed. "Yep, you'll be so weird at that point, you'll fit right in with the rest of the crazies."

Sarah held a finger in the air in agreement and smiled at Brooke from under her wide-brimmed hat. She wore oversized sunglasses which prompted Caroline to call her "Jackie-O" when she first slid them on earlier in the day.

Olivia rubbed Ed's shoulders as he steered into a wide, semi-private cove on the west side of the bay. He glanced up at her. "This okay to stop for a little bit?"

"Great spot." She kissed the top of his head. "Ready for some lunch?"

"Yeah."

Olivia and Brooke set up their lunch spread on the small plastic table. They brought shrimp and cocktail sauce, two types of smoked fish spread from the local deli, and a tray of sliced vegetables. They kept the sweet items-brownies and miniature muffins-hidden at first.

Wyatt and Maggie, looking bulky in their life jackets, made a dash for the food.

"SIMP!"

"Crah-er, Mama! Peeeease!"

Olivia fixed plates for the little ones and set them up on the floor. Brooke did the same for Sofia. Ed and Sonny tossed the anchor out and everyone proceeded to enjoy their light lunch in the bright sunshine. Olivia participated in the conversation while keeping one eye on the twins and their seven-month-old granddaughter. She wanted to make sure they didn't somehow escape, but she was also observing how Maggie interacted with Sofia. When the four kids were together, the baby usually looked on, bewildered at the bustle of activity. At the moment, Noah was chatting with Caroline at the front of the boat. Maggie and Wyatt babbled and picked food off one another's plates. When Maggie ran out of crackers, she took one from Sofia's portion.

"Maggie, sweetheart, if you want more, ask Mommy," Olivia said sweetly, "Don't take Sofia's food!"

"More, Mama! More Peeeeease!"

Olivia refilled their plates and replaced Sofia's cracker.

"Those two have _not_ warmed up to each other," Carisi remarked. He usually had a weak filter for comments such as this one and it was even more porous thanks to the beers he'd been swilling.

"They're not exactly old enough to be besties," Sarah snickered.

"And Sof will get used to being around more kids when she starts day care," Brooke pointed out. "Since she was born it's kind of been she and I hanging out most of the time."

Ed caressed the back of Olivia's neck. He saw her face contort into the tiniest frown, something only he would notice. Olivia had never stopped being concerned about Maggie's attitude toward Sofia, and she hated that they hadn't managed to carve out more time to spend with Brooke and the baby.

"You lookin' forward to going back to work?" Ed asked Brooke, effectively changing the subject.

"Well, I do love summer," Brooke said, "But, yeah, I think the school's a good fit and I liked everyone I met when I went for processing."

"Where's the school?" Justin asked. Sarah rarely gave him updates and, if she had, he was certain she had not mentioned the name of the school.

"Poly Prep," Brooke said, "It's kind of a great job, actually, I'll be their reading specialist, so I won't actually have my own classroom."

"Ugh," Sarah groaned, "I know you love it Brookey, but I don't think I could teach anyone how to read."

"You're not going to teach your kids their ABC's?" Brooke challenged. "Sounds? Read to them?"

"Oh, of course," Sarah said.

"Well, then, you'll be teaching them reading."

"Noey!" Sarah summoned him from the bow and he ran over, "Who taught you to read?"

Noah twisted his lips and answered slowly, "Daddy...we read da menu at da pub! And Mommy with da books. And Gramma Care-line with da Irish book. And teachers."

"Not me?" Sarah pretended to be insulted.

"Yes, you, Sare Bear! You teached, um, taught, me to read da Subway!"

Olivia laughed heartily, "That could, quite possibly, be the most important reading skill."

"Noah," Caroline said. She took Ed's Captain's chair and stole a sip from his red Solo Cup, "When are you going to take the train and come see me?"

"Ma," Ed said through gritted teeth. He swiped back his cup. "You have my drink, but, more importantly, don't give him any ideas."

Sarah dug in her bag for a Sharpie. "Here! I brought ink!" She passed around the marker so everyone could label their drinks. Noticing Noah's scrunched up expression of disapproval, she plucked a fresh cup from the stack and handed it to him. "Here ya go, Noey. Don't want you to be left out. I'll pour your Shirley Temple in there. Don't spill."

"I _don't_ spill, Sare Bear."

"Accidents happen."

Noah carefully printed his name in letters so large they almost entirely circled the plastic. He examined his work, added a smiley face, and gave it a satisfied nod. "There. N-O-A-H."

"It's a party now!" Sarah exclaimed gleefully.

"Wonderful," Ed muttered under his breath.

Olivia patted his stomach and started to say something, but Wyatt and Maggie, finished with their food, were now pulling at their life jackets.

"OFF!"

"OFF, Mama!" Maggie whined, tugged at the straps, and tried unsuccessfully to separate the two ends of the hard plastic clasps.

"You want that off, baby?" Caroline asked.

"No, no, sweet girl," Olivia scooped Maggie into her arms. "You have to keep the jacket on on the boat."

Wyatt, too, squirmed and managed to wriggle one arm out, but, in the process, actually trapped himself even more in the jacket and started to cry. Ed freed him. "Alright, bud, you're okay. You wanna go in the water with Daddy?"

"YES!" Noah answered for his brother. "Lessgo!"

"See," Olivia said sweetly to Maggie and pointed at Noah, "Noah has a life jacket on. Watch. He's going to jump in!"

"MAGG JUMP!"

"Me first!" Justin propelled himself off the deck and hit the water with his arms and legs splayed out.

"He's gangly," Caroline commented. "A little too much so for me, but, Sare Bear, he's one good-lookin' man."

"And his brother is married. And his father is dead." Sarah said, "If you're getting any ideas."

"No, no," Caroline said, "The only man for me was your grandfather."

"Well, I'm one ahead of you I guess," Sarah joked.

Caroline raised her eyebrows. " _One_? My guess is about ten or eleven!"

" _Grandma_!"

…..

By the time the boat was docked in its slip and the family was back at the house, it was late afternoon, the twins and Sofia were sleeping, and Noah, too, looked like he was ready for a nap. Nevertheless, when Sarah asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and look for shells, he readily grabbed his bucket and joined her and Justin. Sonny and Brooke helped Ed set up wood in the fire pit for the evening's smores. When the task was done, Brooke and Sonny lounged in the yard in the Adirondacks and Ed went to the market for dinner ingredients.

Content on the swing and far enough away to give the Carisis a little privacy, Olivia rocked back and forth and watched the setting sun cast reddish orange rays across the water. Her solace was broken by the creaky screen door opening. She smiled at Caroline who she'd assumed was resting in her room. As it turned out, she had been tidying the kitchen, mixing her soda bread batter, and preparing fresh strawberry daiquiris which she'd poured and arranged on a tray.

"I used your blender," Caroline said, "Hope you don't mind." She lowered the tray and Olivia took one of the tumblers.

"Of course not," Olivia said, "Glad someone's using it."

Caroline delivered drinks to Sonny and Brooke and returned to Olivia's side on the swing. "Nice out here," she said, "I could spend the whole day on this porch."

"It is so, so nice," Olivia said. "I love it."

After a few minutes of silence, Caroline asked how Olivia was doing now that her career had come to an end. "Has it sunk in yet?"

"I don't think so," Olivia replied, "Right now it just feels like I'm on vacation. But...I have no idea where my phone is," she added, grinning, "Which has been previously unheard of."

Caroline ran the fingers of her free hand through her short gray hair and then down the side of her face. Though Ed mostly resembled his father, the rigid cheekbones and piercing blue eyes were traits passed down from both his parents. "Might feel a little different once you get back to the city?"

"Probably." Olivia forced a sardonic laugh, "You would think, after thirty years, a lot of it hellish, I'd be ready to let it all go. But leaving was one of the toughest decisions...the timing was right, I know that, it'll just be…"

"...an adjustment."

"Yes."

"Life's full of those."

"Amen to that."

"And now all that hellishness is someone else's problem."

Hearing this, at first, Olivia met the comment with a serene nod. She mentioned something about the Benson Center and how that entity would allow her to follow up on SVU's most important but less publicized job-ensuring victims and their families had access to and received appropriate, timely, and consistent support.

"Eddie was so thrilled to be in on that surprise," Caroline said.

"I can't believe he was able to keep it a secret."

"He can be pretty tight-lipped when he wants to be."

"He sure can," Olivia mumbled. She was still hung up on Caroline's "hellishness" reply. The way she said it in such a detached way indicated to her that Caroline either didn't know about or didn't understand how Olivia herself survived assaults. "So," Olivia continued, "The Center, I think, will be able to close the gap between the case leaving SVU and the courts and victim services...I'm looking forward to setting it all in motion."

Caroline nodded and sipped more of the daiquiri.

"Me, though, I'll always be a work in progress...sometimes, leaving things in the past is easier said than done."

"I used to worry so much about Eddie," Caroline replied, "More so when he was a patrol officer, I'll tell ya dearie, the day he got promoted I threw a goddam party." She paused for a throaty, raspy chuckle. "But, after a while, I realized that was selfish of me."

"Selfish?"

"Sure. Who was I to worry so much when it was him risking his life day in and day out? So then I decided I'd just be proud." Caroline put her hand on Olivia's knee again. "Honey, I know you've been through...a lot...more probably than I really want to know...but I want you to know that, whatever you've done to get through it, to take care of yourself, to manage to love my Eddie and your children...It. Has. Worked."

Olivia swallowed hard and stared at the floorboards.

"You may look back on it all, years from now, and still be haunted, still regret some things, maybe even see yourself with some permanent damage, but, Noah? Those beautiful babies? They will only know you has their mother who loves them and will do anything for them. They'll remember your smile and your hugs and kisses and the way you tucked them in at night. And they'll carry all of that with them forever, and pass it on. Eddie? The first thing he thinks about each day, I'm sure, is how much he loves you and how grateful he is that you're his wife. That, my dear is what's important."

Caroline tipped Olivia's chin up and lightly slapped her cheek. "I love you dearie," she said, "And, for what it's worth, I'm proud of you."

Olivia leaned in to the older woman's touch.

"It's worth...more than you know."

…..

 _At precisely three o'clock, Noah burst through the apartment door with an advance copy of the week's New York Times Magazine. He didn't bother removing his jacket or shrugging off his backpack, and he ran into the living room with his damp shoes squeaking against the parquet floor._

" _Here it is," he announced proudly and handed the publication to Olivia. "Page three."_

" _Three," Ed marveled, "Wow, bud, that's...big time."_

 _Olivia flipped so fast to the page she almost tore the cover. There he was, in the second row, first column, grinning broadly for the photographer and clad in a white collared shirt and blue and green striped tie. Over the course of his life, Noah had owned many versions of that same tie. Olivia ran her fingers over the title and read the words aloud._

" _Crain's Twenty Under Twenty," she said slowly._

 _Ed peered over her shoulder. "You look great, bud."_

" _Noah Benson Tucker," Olivia read. "Community Activist. Honey," she stood up and blinked back tears, "I am so, so proud of you."_

 _The Tuckers had known for weeks about Noah being named to the list, but seeing his name and award in print and in the New York Times Magazine brought on a whole new and even more intense wave of pride. Olivia hugged him tightly and Noah pretended to struggle for breath._

" _We should celebrate," Olivia said. She reached up and mussed his hair. At seventeen he was a full head taller than his mother. "Anywhere you want to go for dinner."_

" _Alright," Noah grinned. "Lemme think about it."_

 _The coffee table amplified the vibrating of Olivia's phone._

" _Maggie," Ed reported._

" _They're leaving?"_

 _Ed picked up the phone, typed in the code, and read the message. "Leaving school now."_

" _Tell her we're going out to dinner."_

 _Ed typed the message and waited._

" _She asked if it was an early dinner because she's starving."_

" _I'm hungry too," Noah said._

" _Early dinner then," Olivia said._

 _Noah went to change clothes. He returned in jeans and a red polo shirt. "Thought we'd go to Mamasita," he explained mostly to Olivia because her expression told him she had been expecting fancier attire. "Haven't been there in a while."_

" _Whatever you want sweetheart."_

" _Mom?"_

" _Hmm?"_

" _Thanks for helping me with everything." Whenever Noah thanked his parents, he did so with the utmost sincerity and this time was no exception. "I wouldn't be in that magazine without you."_

" _You're welcome honey."_

" _We can go somewhere else if you don't want Mexican."_

" _Nope. Sounds good. And it's your choice. And we're honored."_

" _Let's enjoy it," Ed added, "Enjoy being out before that paper hits the stores this weekend and everyone wants to take ya to dinner." He kissed Olivia's cheek and went to the bedroom to don an outfit similar to Noah's._

 _Noah plopped on the couch and scrolled through his phone._

 _Olivia wandered around the room pretending to organize and straighten a few odds and ends, but she was mostly trying to get rid of the pit that had formed in her stomach after Ed made his comment. She thought about that day, over a decade ago, when Sheila Porter appeared out of the blue and Olivia refused to let her be part of Noah's life. Where was she now? Back in New Hampshire? Across the country and away from memories of Ellie? Out of the country?_

 _If she was anywhere near New York, there was a good chance she or someone she knew would see Noah's picture, see the award, how handsome and grown up he was...how he'd omitted the "Porter" from his name when giving the reporter his biographical information._

 _Would she try to make contact a second time?_

… _.._

Inside the steamy master bathroom, Ed and Olivia stepped out of the shower, wrapped themselves in towels, and hunched over the vanity to brush their teeth. Olivia smoothed cream on her face, arms, and legs, noticed Ed's pout, and asked what was wrong.

"I wanted to do that." He let his eyelids droop and tried his best to look cute and a bit pathetic.

She pulled on a t shirt and pajama shorts, twisted her hair up in a damp messy bun, and kissed him on the lips. "Tomorrow," she said in a low voice. "Now...how about...you come to bed with me?"

"Gladly."

In the middle of the mattress Olivia lay with her back to Ed's chest nestled securely in his grasp. Ed rested his chin on her shoulder. They both fixed their eyes on the alcove where Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt were sleeping soundly despite being piled on top of one another in an uncomfortable-looking heap.

"Look at them," Olivia whispered. "So precious."

"Think we should move 'em?"

"Maybe in a little bit."

Ed breathed in deeply. He loved the scent of Olivia's shampoo combined with a hint of beach air that still clung to both of them. "Good day today."

"Yes. Great boat ride, dinner was perfect, Sofia got her first Smore."

"I told 'em, each time Maggs and Wyatt had one, they got better and better at eatin' em."

"Cute though...them getting so messy and giggling and loving it."

"Yeah…" Ed kissed her cheek and held her more tightly. "Tomorrow, it's our turn to go out at night."

"Where are we going, Captain?"

"You'll see."

"I love your surprises."

"Can't have ya disappointed."

"I never am." Olivia lifted one of his hands to her lips and kissed his knuckles. "Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"Does your mom know...well, how much, about me and the job, does she _know_?"

Though the question was vague, Ed knew exactly what she meant. He and Olivia had an unspoken rule that they'd never mention specific names in their bedroom. "She paid attention to the news, so she knows what the public knew. But, anything else, no. There's no way she could."

"You didn't tell her?"

"No, baby. I wouldn't do that. Why? Did it seem like she knew more than she should?"

"No...I guess... I thought maybe, somewhere along the line, you would have said something."

"I'd never say anything unless you wanted me to." Ed sat up a little and they turned on their sides, facing each other. "What happened, Liv?"

"Nothing, we were just...talking...about retirement, about leaving things in the past...about kids...and how they'll remember us.

To Ed, the conversation sounded distressing and awful. "Aw, Liv, I'm sorry, I'll-"

"No," she interrupted, "No, it was good. It was...more than good. I actually," she chuckled weakly, "After, well, I've always gotten along with your mother, but, it was...so... _comforting_...to have a conversation like that, to feel like she was... _my_ mother...giving me advice, perspective, wisdom...I, uh, never got much of that and never really knew what it felt like until...today."

Ed gazed at her with his lips slightly parted.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he replied, a smirk forming on his face, "But, uh, you're sure it was _my_ mother you were talking to?"

Olivia grinned and swatted at his arm. "Yes, Ed Tucker, I'm sure."

His face softened again. "I'm glad you had that opportunity, Liv. I just hate," he played with her hair, "Hate that it's taken so long for you to have a conversation like that."

"Well, I've had them with the shrink. Family? That's different. _Better_."

He ran a finger across her lips and whispered, "Family."

"Yes," she puckered her lips and kissed his fingertips. "Family."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	51. Chapter 51

**Fifty-one**.

Ed insisted Olivia didn't have to be overly concerned about hair and makeup for their date, but she wanted to add a little flair to her typical, au naturel beach style. She kissed him and sent him downstairs to wait stating that if he stayed in the bathroom with her, there was a chance they'd never leave. Downstairs, among the toddler babbles and adult chatter, Ed heard his mother's voice say "Ante up, Noah. My deal."

Caroline expertly shuffled the cards and dealt five each to herself and Noah. They were playing Crazy Eights at a dollar per hand. Noah held his cards close to his chest, bending them in an arc and tilting them downward so only he could see. To his left sat a neat pile of dollar bills, seven in all.

"You're gambling?" Ed muttered.

"Don't worry, Eddie, he's winning."

"Oh, so, that doesn't make it gambling?"

"Makes him four dollars richer than he was an hour ago."

Refusing to fight a battle he wasn't going to win, Ed rubbed Noah's shoulders like he was a prizefighter and wished him luck.

"You know how ta play dis game, Daddy?" Noah asked, keeping his eyes on his cards and the deck in the middle of the table.

"Yep."

"You can play when you get back from da date!"

"How 'bout tomorrow, pal? You'll be asleep when we get home."

"Kay." Noah played three cards in rapid succession before he got stuck and had to give up his turn. He groaned and muttered, " _Sugar_."

Ed raised his eyebrows but said nothing else and went to say goodbye to the twins. He sat on the edge of one sofa and waved them over. He and Olivia had already given them baths and dressed them in nautical-themed pajamas. Ed hugged them both at the same time and nuzzled their necks until Wyatt erupted in his deep belly laughter and Maggie giggled and shrieked.

"Thanks for staying in tonight," Ed said to the lounging adults. All four of them were sun-drenched and didn't look like they minded a quiet night at home. "They can go to bed when Noah goes if it's easier."

"I'm stayin' up late, Daddy!" Noah called from the table. "Gramma said!"

"We'll figure it out," Brooke said. Wyatt smacked one of Sofia's toys that played music and he and Maggie bobbed their heads and danced around. "Although," she added with a smile, "They may put us to bed."

"Maybe we'll all camp in the den," Justin said. His suggestion was met with sarcastic snickers, even from his wife, but he was undaunted. "Oh c'mon. That's _classic_ sleepover. We'll make tents out of sheets."

Sarah was leaning against him with her head on his shoulder and mumbled, "Okay, honey." Olivia came downstairs just then. Sarah looked over her shoulder and cooed, "Livvie, you're so pretty."

Olivia looked down at her attire-cropped jeans and a simple white t-shirt; she smiled and patted Sarah's head as she went to say goodbye to Noah and then to the twins.

"Be good for everyone, especially Grandma," she said as she hugged and kissed Maggie and Wyatt.

"Goo! Gamma!"

"Gamma dere!" Wyatt pointed to the table. "Gamma! SING!" He meant "swing." Wyatt had spent almost an hour after dinner rocking in the swing with Caroline.

Olivia smiled sweetly at her twins, kissed them once more, and followed Ed outside where he gallantly opened the passenger door of the SUV for her.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." When Ed was seated, he leaned over for a kiss, stared into her eyes, and said, "You _are_ so pretty."

Olivia tickled the back of his neck. "I think we make a decent looking couple."

"Mostly because of you."

"Ed?"

"Yeah?"

Their faces were still only an inch or so apart and Olivia's eyes darted from his lips to his cheekbones to his eyes. He really was underestimating how handsome he was. "Are we going somewhere or…"

"Oh we're going," Ed grinned, "You don't think my plan was to sit in the driveway all night do you?"

Olivia glanced suggestively toward the rear of the truck. "Well, we _were_ trying to find some privacy."

Exaggeratedly so, Ed shivered and started the car. "Lieutenant, you kill me."

…..

After losing eight dollars to Noah, Caroline declared card playing for the night over and surrounded herself with all four little ones on the couch. She recited old stories from memory. They were fanciful tales full of princes and princesses and flying carpets and personified animals. When she paused to take a sip of water, Maggie took over and talked excitedly. Most of her words were indecipherable, but the two-year-old's story, what the adults could decipher of it, had something to do with flying zebras splashing into a body of water. Brooke, Justin, and Sonny listened and stifled giggles. Sarah was fast asleep with her mouth open. It wasn't long before she was snoring.

"Since we didn't build the tents," Justin said, "I think I'll put her in the den tonight." He smiled lovingly at his wife.

"Smart man," Caroline said.

Curious about the noise, Wyatt wandered over to Sarah. He cocked his head and peered at her, crouched to get a view of her nostrils, and finally tapped her cheek with one of his pudgy hands. "Ki-ET, Sah!"

Nobody minded Wyatt trying to stop the snoring, and he chanted his command a few more times. Finally, Brooke pulled him into her lap and snuggled him. "You are sassy this week, aren't you Wyatt?"

"Sah_piggy!"

Noah erupted into giggles. Only he understood the words between Sarah and piggy. "Wyatt said Sarah sounds like da piggies!" Noah exclaimed. He snorted and flung himself on the floor.

Maggie copied the sound and sent herself into a giggle fit of her own.

"It's a goddam zoo in here!" Caroline remarked gleefully.

"Uh oh," Sonny said. He eyed Wyatt warily, waiting for him to repeat the phrase.

Brooke held him tightly and kissed his head. "I think he's over his experiment in swearing." Wyatt yawned and curled into Brooke's chest. "Aww, sweetheart, you're tired, aren't you? Noah? Let's go read and go to bed."

Noah was on all fours and Maggie was in the process of draping herself over his back. "We're playin' horsie now, Brookey," he said matter-of-factly and in a tone that made clear there was no possible way he or Maggie could sleep in the immediate future. "Cause it's da zoo!"

Brooke looked at Sonny with a helpless expression on her face. He shrugged and quipped under his breath, "At least he didn't say it's the _goddam_ zoo."

Careful not to jostle Wyatt too much, Brooke shook with soft laughter and leaned against Sonny. She saw Sofia starting to doze off in Caroline's arms. "Grandma, you have one down," she gestured to Noah and Maggie, "and two to go."

"Easy peasy, Brookey, I'll put this one down, grab a Jamie, and get started on those two."

Sonny's jaw dropped, for he perceived the comment to mean she was going to give Jameson's to the kids.

Caroline noticed his reaction and clicked her tongue. "I meant one for me, Sonny, Jesus Christ in heaven...I'll sing them a little Too-ra-loo like I used to do with Noah...I sing better with a little whiskey to wet my whistle."

Sonny grinned sheepishly. "Oh, yeah, I knew that."

Caroline rolled her eyes. "No ya didn't."

"Well don't have too much," Brooke said, "Big day for you tomorrow."

"What big day?" Caroline asked cluelessly.

Even though he was crawling around saddled with Maggie, Noah had been listening to the conversation and he shouted, "Your BIRTHDAY, Gramma!"

"Oh!" Caroline said. "I remember now. When you get old like me your memory gets fuzzy."

"GI'YUP! Gi'YUP, HORSIE!"

With Noah temporarily not in the conversation, Brooke took over. "Did you think we forgot?"

"No," Caroline replied, "But it's not one's responsibility to make sure everyone else remembers their birthday."

"We have the whole thing planned," Justin said, "Starting with breakfast in the morning. So don't drink all the Jamie...need it for the coffee."

"Bless you, young man."

…

When they boarded the boat, Olivia immediately noticed a cooler that they did not leave on board the day before. She opened it and discovered some beer, champagne, and a small container of bite-sized desserts from a local bakery.

"When did you have time to do all this?" She asked a smirking Ed.

He collected her into his arms and pressed his waist to hers. "Remember when I went to the store earlier? I may have picked up a few extra things and taken them here."

"I love you."

The shared a deep passionate kiss and parted when they were interrupted by the gentle waves of another watercraft entering the marina. "Ready to go out?" Ed asked.

"Yes."

He flipped switches, making sure the lights worked, started the engine, and navigated slowly to the center of the bay. Aside from distant lights from a few waterfront homes, they could only see the moonlit water, the surface of which was so still it resembled obsidian. Ed tossed out the anchor and stuck the legs of the removable plastic table into the floor slots so they could reach the food and drinks from their perch in the back corner seat. Olivia sat back against Ed's chest and stared up at the stars sprinkled against the clear night sky.

"I love this," she murmured.

Ed agreed. "Doesn't get much better."

"It does not." Olivia put her hands over his and rubbed his thumbs. "I'm so happy everyone's having a good week," she said. "Brooke seems so much happier, and your mom's loving it."

"I knew she would," Ed replied, "She loves the water, it's just a matter of gettin' her out of the neighborhood. Set in her ways…"

"And Brooke? Have you noticed how different she is?"

"Yeah, just hopin' it's not an act, or, I dunno, drugs."

"Drugs?"

"She saw a psychiatrist, right?"

"She told me therapist...I don't know which kind. I think we should look on the bright side and assume she's feeling good about her new job and she and Sonny are getting along...and all is well."

"Yes ma'am." Ed kissed her head.

"Ed, I'm scared about going back." Olivia blurted out the admission so unexpectedly and so frantically, Ed flinched. The sentence was a stark contrast to the serene setting. He started to sit up, but Olivia held his arms in place. "No," she said, "Please, just, stay right here."

"Okay." He kissed her again. "You wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know if there's all that much to say," she said, "I have a hard time picturing myself anywhere other than SVU, well, I mean," Olivia cringed but she needn't have worried. Ed knew exactly what she meant.

"I did, too," he said. "Even though I was ready, and I'd been ready for a while, the idea of bein' a full time Dad and husband was a little scary."

Now Olivia sat up and looked him in the eyes. "You never told me that."

Ed assessed her expression. Her words had not come out as accusatory. It was more like she felt guilty he had had to sift through the mixed emotions of his own retirement on his own. "I'm sorry," he said sincerely. "It didn't last long, not even a couple weeks."

"I always worried you would get restless."

"I'm _not_ ," he insisted. "And I never was. Hell, Liv, they have to drag me out every once in a while to give a talk at the Academy. It's...just...like you said before, after all those years of bein' a cop and doing almost nothing but that kind of work, it's hard to imagine what life's like after. It _sounds_ good...but in practice? A little daunting."

"I, uh," Olivia felt a burning sensation in the middle of her chest. She knew exactly what it was-it was the dread she'd experienced years before when she and Noah were becoming more reliant on having Ed in their lives and she was sure, at some point, Ed would reconsider taking on the responsibility of a toddler and bolt.

Despite the lack of light, Ed saw the color drain from her cheeks. " _Liv_. I am one hundred percent committed to you and the kids. I have been since that morning, remember? That Saturday morning? That whole weekend? We didn't do anything but hang out with Noah, watch TV, go to the park? That was it for me."

Remembering the weekend, Olivia smiled. As quickly as it faded, her color returned. "If you would've told me then-"

Ed knew she was going to continue with "it would've been a lot less stressful" or something along those lines. He disagreed.

"-If I woulda told you then, it woulda been too much. We were in show-not-tell mode. You were worried about me not wantin' to be a Dad again? I was worried if I told you how much I wanted that, it'd backfire."

"And somehow, with all that hanging up in the air, we made it."

"We did." Ed smiled at her, relieved that the moment of tension between them was over. "So, back to your original, uh, well, back to what you said. I'm not sayin' it's not gonna be hard for you, Liv, but whatever you need...to adjust...tell me and I'll do it."

"Thank you."

"And don't forget, there're other things happening-the Center, the show-"

"-the kids."

"Oh yeah. Them."

Olivia laughed and landed a soft punch in the center of his chest.

"Seriously, Liv. It's gonna be good. You'll see."

"Okay Captain," she said in a low voice. "I trust you."

…..

 _Given the slow progress of their relationship over the course of its first year, Ed found himself pleasantly astonished when he realized he could rightfully claim the title of Olivia Benson's boyfriend. When she had the benefit of a regular work day, dinners together were implied. Weekend afternoons were spent at the park, and Friday or Saturday nights were becoming exclusively reserved for dates at new restaurants followed with nightcaps at one of Tucker's favorite dive bars._

 _Spending the night in her bed had also become a regular occurrence. However, Ed always respectfully left early in the morning before Noah was up and moving around. He'd done this of his own accord, Olivia had never kicked him out, but she had also never stopped him from leaving. Ed stayed the course and stuck to the routine until, one Saturday morning, Olivia snuggled into his side when he started to stretch and move around before slinging his legs off the mattress._

 _She kissed his cheek twice and burrowed her head under his chin. "Don't go."_

 _Ed wasn't sure what to say. He assuredly put his arms around her and they lay together in the middle of the bed for several minutes in silence, listening to the sounds of the apartment-the clank of new ice cubes, the whirring of the HVAC unit, and, eventually, the rustling of Noah's bedding and then his soft babbles as he coaxed himself into consciousness._

" _Hungry?" Olivia asked._

 _Ed self-consciously wondered if his stomach had been growling. "Uh, not really, not yet. Are you? Want me to go out and get you somethin?"_

" _I was thinking...coffee now? Maybe we'll all go out later?"_

" _Yeah, sure."_

 _Noah was now semi-urgently calling for his mother, so Olivia decided to rescue Ed from the depths of his obvious uncertainty. "If you don't mind...will you start the coffee while I go get him? I, um," she sat up, kissed him, and caressed his head, "I'm ready for this. And Noah is, too. If," she bit her lip, "You are?"_

 _He played with the ends of her brown locks. Elated, he grinned and said that he, too, was ready for this next step. While Olivia took care of Noah, Ed dutifully prepared the coffee and Noah's milk, which he knew he drank out of one of two preferred sippy cups. Seconds later, the little boy came running out, shouting Ed's name._

" _Hey, bud!" Ed picked him up for a hug. "Good morning!"_

 _Noah mumbled something that sounded like "good morning." He saw the cup and reached for it._

" _Here ya go. You wanna sit on the couch with me?"_

 _Noah nodded._

" _Alright," Ed put Noah on the floor, "Head over there, I'm right behind ya." Ed brought his and Olivia's coffee to the table and sat in the middle of the sofa with Noah at his side._

 _The apartment wasn't that big, and Olivia heard the entire interaction. She slowly made her way into the room. With every step, her heart filled with more joy. Ed found Sesame Street on the television and was helping Noah name the characters. Sensing Olivia's presence, he eventually looked back and saw her standing there, watching them with a look of fulfillment on her face he couldn't remember seeing before._

" _Got your coffee out here," he said casually._

 _Noah kicked his feet and pointed his cup at the screen, "Bi'Bird, Mama!"_

" _I see, sweet boy," Olivia said, taking the seat on the other side of Noah. She smoothed his hair and kissed his cheek while keeping her eyes on Ed. "Ed sure knows how to find the good shows, doesn't he?" Olivia sat back against the cushion and rested her feet on the coffee table._

 _Ed smirked and copied the position. "Maybe we'll order in for breakfast?"_

" _Let's do that," Olivia said, "I think we're good right here for a while."_

… _._

Ed held up his coffee mug and the rest of the family, including little Wyatt and Maggie, followed suit. "Ma, we're so happy you're here with us and we're so lucky to be toasting your-"

"-no numbers, Eddie!"

"Okay, we're so lucky to be toasting your birthday here in our own little paradise. Love you, Ma. Cheers."

Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah gleefully bumped their plastic cups together. The twins kept chanting "Cheers, Gamma!" and Noah explained how they were supposed to take a drink after saying the word. Sarah burst into laughter when he said, "so, if ya keep sayin' cheers ya haveta keep drinkin!"

"I hope he doesn't abide by that rule when he's older," Sarah mumbled under her breath. "Could be dangerous."

After a sip of the spiked coffee, Caroline spoke. "Thank you, Eddie. And thank you two for having me here. It's a beautiful house. I'll be back. Fair warning."

Olivia locked eyes with her mother-in-law. "Anytime," she said.

"Alright, let's eat," Justin said. He and Sonny had woken up early to prepare the food and Justin took the lead in passing around the serving plates. He had even taken it upon himself to prepare separate portions for Sofia, Maggie, and Wyatt, but Brooke thought Sonny did it.

"Nice work, Son," she said, happy to simply hand the food over to Sofia.

"That's all Justin," Sonny said.

"Yeah, I put onions and peppers and some spices in the potatoes," Justin explained, "So I made some plain ones for them and put 'em on separate plates and went from there."

"Very smart," Brooke said. "Thank you."

"No problem."

Sarah simpered at Justin and gave him a quick kiss. She whispered something and he sweetly grinned back at her.

"Gramma," Noah said, "Whaddya wanna do on your birthday?"

"Well my dear, I think I'd like to watch you on that board thingamajig and then take a walk and then, later on, we'll watch the sunset on the boardwalk and your Daddy will make us dinner on that fancy grill of his."

Noah grinned, "We can get da claws tonight. _AND_ , gotta have your cake!"

Caroline opened her eyes wide and pretended to be horrified. " _Claws_?"

"Yup. I take ya to da store and show ya! And we got ya a blue and green cake for da Irish."

"You're such a good boy, Noah," Caroline blew him a kiss. "You're my favorite."

Noah blew her a kiss back and giggled. By now he was used to Caroline passing around the "favorite" title. He took a bite and noticed that Sofia's plate was almost empty. "Wow, Sof! Hungry baby over dere!"

Hearing her name, Sofia waved her arms and slammed her cup against the high chair tray. The cup went flying, hit Brooke's coffee mug, the drink spilled and its contents pooled across the table, headed for Sarah's spot.

"AH!" Sarah leapt to her feet.

"Crap," Brooke said, trying her best to catch the mess with her napkin before it seeped any further.

"Here," Sarah tossed more napkins on the mess.

Out of nowhere, Wyatt shouted, "OH SIT!" Everyone's face turned to the toddler. His blue eyes, fixed on the spill, were wide with alarm. "Oh. SIT!"

Completely bewildered, Noah stared, slack-jawed, at his brother.

Everyone else burst into laughter. Caroline and Olivia wiped tears from their eyes. Recognizing the connection between his words and the others' collective reaction, Wyatt said it again and, this time, Maggie joined in.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

"Wyatt, Maggie," Olivia said softly yet firmly after everyone calmed down, "How about we say _oh darn_?"

"SIT!"

Noah shook his head sagely, took a bite, and said with his mouth full, "Those babies are gonna need some dollars for da jar."

Sarah skipped over to her purse, produced a twenty dollar bill with a flourish, and slapped it between the twins. "Here ya go, babies. Go crazy."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	52. Chapter 52

**Fifty-two.**

Ed cracked open a can of beer, and stretched his legs, digging his heels into the sugary sand. He was grateful for the break, for he'd spent most of the late morning and early afternoon playing kickball in the sand, chasing down Noah's skim board, and swinging Maggie and Wyatt in and out of the crashing waves. Maggie could not get enough of being whipped around in the water and screamed "GAIN" after each turn. Lucky for her, Wyatt figured out how his new, properly-fitted goggles worked, and he plopped down on his chest a foot or so from where the waves crashed and let the water wash over him. Olivia, assuming he was bored, tried to pick him up so they could join Ed and Maggie in the knee-deep water, but Wyatt fussed and said, "Stay, Mama!" Olivia watched in amazement as her usually timid son faced the frothy surf headfirst. She sat down and waited for him to tire, but he didn't move until Noah coaxed him to the kickball game. Afterwards, Olivia took the twins in for a nap and Noah voluntarily tagged along.

"Don't get too juiced, Eddie," Caroline warned, "It's early and I expect steak and lobster grilled to perfection this evening."

"Don't you worry, Ma."

"And you'll want to make sure you're alert for your wife."

Ed turned his head to her and smirked. "Don't worry about that, either."

"Nice you have someone adore you, isn't it?"

"Real nice."

"You're probably used to it," Caroline said, "But I see the way she still looks at you."

"How does she look at me?"

"Like she finally found the pot of gold after chasing rainbows for a hundred years." Caroline swilled her hard lemonade, cursed the plastic bottle, and added, "It'd be okay if this were to be my last birthday because I know someone's taking care of my Eddie."

Ed clenched his teeth. Caroline waxing sentimental was not at all a rare occurrence, but she usually did so with joviality, not morbid gloom. She noticed her son's discomfort.

"I said, _if_ , Eddie! Relax. In fact, being here? I think it's added at least ten, twenty years."

"Canceled out a few smokes?"

"Perhaps. Are you still sneaking one or two every once in a while?"

"Nope."

"Good," Caroline said, "You need to stay in shape."

"You don't think I looked in shape out there on the kickball field today?"

"I _meant_ ," Caroline shot him a devilish smirk, "Well, yes, for your kids, but your wife...gotta stay in shape for her, Eddie."

"Like I said, Ma, no need to worry."

…..

 _Concerned Ed wasn't getting enough air, Olivia eased herself onto her side. He responded by shifting to his back and apologizing for putting too much weight on her._

" _No, you're good." She ran a hand over his damp head and smiled sweetly, " you need to breathe."_

 _Ed slithered so he was partially on top of her again. "I need you." Ed felt her shiver and he grinned. "Y'alright?"_

" _Yes." She put her hands over his ears and guided him in for a kiss. It was sensual, fiercely passionate, and Olivia shivered again when Ed groped around for her hands and held them in a fist over their heads. He peeled his lips away from hers, kissed up and down the inside of each arm, and rasped her name._

 _Olivia closed her eyes and swallowed hard. What was it about this man? Did she love him? Was that even a fair question to ask, right now, after he'd so skillfully made love to her and was working his way toward a second round? The familiar quiver of arousal reappeared and she tried to localize the pleasure by focusing on the exact spots where Ed's lips touched her skin. She wasn't sure what to say, or if she needed to say anything. She wanted him to continue, move lower, perform oral sex like he'd done the last time they'd been together, it had been a first for them and Olivia tingled at the mere thought of what had transpired. Should she...put in a request?_

 _He kissed her again, this time ravenously with his mouth open wide. Panting, he lifted his head, smirked, and tilted one shoulder back so he could massage a breast. He still couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe Olivia Benson was letting him love her._

" _Tell me what you want," he whispered._

 _Unsure how to respond, Olivia bit her lip._

" _Tell me," Ed coaxed._

 _Olivia wasn't sure if he was goading her into bawdy talk or trying to make absolutely sure she wanted what he was about to do next. "Last time," she said in a low voice, "Last time, you-"_

 _He gave her a peck on the lips and stared into her eyes. "Okay."_

" _Oh God…"_

 _How did he know? How did he know which spots to hit? What to do? He navigated her body, in and out, like he'd known her forever. In the moment, Olivia couldn't think about whether or not her reciprocations were worthy of what he was doing because the only thought running through her head was how, moving forward, she was going to be able to look at him and not be aroused._

 _Olivia moaned and cried out-his name, pleas to keep going, he was doing it differently tonight, and...how could it possibly be better? Was this her life now? Work, Noah, and...Ed Tucker in her bed?_

 _Ed felt her quiver and begin to writhe. He stopped. Olivia, thinking he was finished, threw her arms out at ninety degree angles. She took a deep breath. Then another. On the third, Ed picked up where he left off, and it wasn't long before Olivia was lying limp and sated in his arms._

 _Ed adjusted the top sheet and blanket and possessively looped a leg around Olivia's. "I'll leave in the morning if that's alright," he spoke in a low voice in her ear and took the opportunity to kiss the side of her head._

" _I don't want you to go," she cooed._

 _Ed started to say something but caught himself; Olivia, however, noticed and asked what he had been about to say._

" _Probably not the right time," he said casually._

" _Tell me."_

" _I uh, was just thinkin' out loud, well, almost," Ed stammered, suddenly reduced to jitters._

" _Ed," Olivia turned to him and put a hand on the side of his face. "Tell me."_

" _It's starting to feel strange sleeping...alone...without you."_

 _She smiled. "I know. I...I miss you when you're not here." They exchanged a few relieved kisses and Olivia nestled herself back into her previous spot, her back to his chest. She held his arm firmly in case he was thinking about letting go. "Long day tomorrow," she murmured._

" _What's goin on?"_

" _We got a tip about possible trafficked girls. So, you know the drill, in the morning getting all the tech up and running and ready and, later, wait and watch."_

" _Putting someone inside?"_

" _Carisi."_

 _Ed experienced a flutter of relief that it wasn't her. Sex traffickers were getting more and more violent when it came to protecting their enterprise. "Really long day for him, then."_

" _Right."_

" _Need help with Noah?"_

 _Olivia smiled and tilted her head back for an appreciative kiss. "Lucy's staying with him."_

" _Okay."_

" _Depending on how it goes down, though, I'll need a coffee...or a drink...or," Olivia intertwined her fingers with his. "This."_

" _I like this a lot."_

" _Me too."_

…...

It was fun for the family to be annoyed with Sonny and his camera, but, years later, they would all take great pleasure and comfort in the neatly catalogued array of photographs he snapped with the fancy Nikon Brooke gave him for his first Father's Day and regularly upgraded as the years went by. Busy with beach fun, he left the camera in its case for the first part of the week, but on Caroline's birthday, he assumed the role of family photographer. He used the tripod to take group shots with both the back of the house and the ocean in the background. Once those were taken, the eleven of them were sorted into subgroups-kids, twins, Noah and Olivia, Noah and Ed, Ed and Olivia, Sarah and Brooke, the grandchildren and Caroline and so on. After the posed pictures, Sonny encouraged everyone to "act normal" which wasn't difficult since Caroline's birthday dinner and celebration had to be prepared. He meandered around the house, porch, and yard, trying to be as invisible as possible.

"He's a little creepy," Sarah said, peering out of the window above the sink. "Like, I wonder if he takes pictures of you when you're sleeping, Brooke."

"Oh, shut up," Brooke snapped even though she gave Olivia a look that suggested she didn't completely disagree with her sister. "Olivia?"

"Hmm?"

"Do you think we're eating too much seafood? Isn't it bad to have high mercury levels?"

"I don't think so," Olivia furrowed her brow and grabbed her phone, "I mean, I don't think we're eating too much."

Sarah hiccuped and her words came out slurred, "Peopleherehaveiteveryday."

Brooke tugged Sarah's messy bun, "Your alcohol will cancel out any other toxins," she joked. "I don't know how you're going to stand pregnancy."

Olivia abandoned her Google search and her eyes darted to the sisters. The two of them had always been close and had a good relationship, but they had been especially chummy since arriving at the house. Olivia assumed it was the proximity to one another but realized there could be another explanation. "Time for baby?" She asked softly and tried not to sound surprised. Sarah had insisted she wanted to wait a while before having kids and had reported Justin was on board with the plan.

" _Brookey_ wants it to be," Sarah sounded every much a like a petulant little sister. "But _Sarah_ and _Justin_ are perfectly fine the way we are." She hiccuped again. "For now."

"You drunk and him dealing with a wife that sounds like a foghorn when she's sleeping it off."

Sarah held up her tumbler and grinned. "Something like that!"

Olivia left them to bicker about Sarah's drinking habits and her future children and went outside to check on Ed who was manning the grill solo. He was confident preparing seafood-it was easy and cooked quickly-but steak was an entirely different world, especially when the requests ranged from medium rare (Caroline) to medium well (almost everyone else).

"Hey there." She came up to him from behind and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Looks so good."

"Hope it tastes good." Ed inspected the underside of one filet with tongs. "Experimenting with this one first." Olivia wasn't letting go. Ed put the tongs down and turned around in her arms. "You wanna help?"

"Not really."

He tilted his head back and smirked. "You just out here to distract me?"

"You looked entirely too serious for a man grilling on his back porch."

"How do I look now?"

Without giving up any space between them, Olivia's eyes drifted up and down his body. He was wearing his favorite, well-worn, khaki shorts, one of his t-shirts that seemed especially tailored for his chest, and no shoes. The sun had tanned his skin and made his face deliciously ruddier than usual.

"So handsome," she answered, smiling and biting her lower lip.

Ed gazed at her for longer than necessary-she was used to it by now but he kind of missed the way she used to fidget under this type of adoration. They didn't know it, but, at that moment, Sonny, using a long-range lens, captured the tender scene between husband and wife. When Ed kissed her though, he turned his attention back to the kids.

"I think I fucked up that steak," Ed murmured, his lips still touching hers.

Olivia grabbed the tongs and removed the steak from the heat. She cut into it with a sharp knife and shrugged. "Looks perfectly pink to me," she said, "Maybe...five minutes a side and a kiss is the right amount of time?"

Ed kissed her cheek and peered over her shoulder. "I guess so…but maybe...we can swap a few more kisses for the minutes?"

Olivia leaned backward and Ed gave her a slightly clumsy smooch at a weird angle. "Sure, Captain," she said, "I think that's a great idea."

….

Wyatt and Maggie, wiped clean and freed from their booster seats, followed Ed to the den and "helped" him bring Caroline's presents into the dining room. They arranged the boxes next to her, leaving room for the cake which Olivia slowly walked into the room. She lit the candles and the twins bellowed warnings to their grandmother.

"HOT, Gamma!"

"Do'Touch!"

Noah grinned triumphantly. "I teached 'em dat!"

Wyatt's eyes were so wide and intense, Sarah muttered a prediction that he was,once again, going to let loose with a string of profanity. Luckily, the singing of _Happy Birthday_ distracted him. When the song concluded Maggie and Wyatt, familiar with the routine, shouted more commands.

"BOW, Gamma!"

"BOW, Can'le!"

"Buh-day cake!"

Caroline took a deep breath and blew, extinguishing all the candles at once.

"YAY!"

"Good JOB, GRAMMA! Ya get your wish!"

"Oh good," Caroline said, sounding relieved, "I wished for sunny days for the rest of the week."

"Gramma!" Noah frowned, "If ya say da wish you don't get da wish!"

"After your fiftieth birthday, you can say the wishes without penalty, Noah." Caroline was very serious and Noah listened intently. "That's the reward you get for living half a century. No more secrets."

" _Ohhhh…_ "

They finished their cake quickly and Noah excitedly announced it was time for present opening. Caroline's gifts included restaurant gift cards, items for her garden and her back patio, and a stack of puzzle books for which she admittedly had an addiction. Each morning as Olivia or Ed rocked on the swing with the twins, Caroline sat nearby working her puzzles.

"Keeps the brain sharp," she said.

The final present was wrapped in metallic blue paper and tied with a gigantic green bow. The cuts made on the paper were jagged, too much tape had been used, and the bow was off-center. Noah plopped the heavy gift in front of Caroline and said proudly, "Dis from me."

"Oh," Caroling clutched her shirt over her heart, "Oh, my, sweetie, what a gorgeous present!"

"Blue an' green for da Irish!"

"Yes it is….I wonder what's in there?" Caroline gently shook the gift.

"Open it, silly!" Noah grinned and bounced up and down.

Caroline gingerly peeled back the paper and opened the box. She unwrapped two items-a cup and a small dish, one blue one green-that were made of thick, sturdy, hardened clay.

"Noah!" Caroline held the items at arm's length. "I love these!"

"It's pott'ry! I made 'em at camp! See? I made it an' den we put it in da hot oven and," he tapped the mug with his fingernail, "It gets like DIS! _And_ …" he grabbed the dish from Caroline and turned it over, revealing the letters _NBT_ , "I signed it for ya!"

Normally not one to become overwhelmed, Caroline nevertheless wiped tears from her eyes before hugging Noah. "This is the best present," she told him, "It's better even than the bicycle I got when I was seven."

Noah giggled doubtfully. Even though he was proud of his work, he figured a kid close to his age getting a bike was way more exciting than a couple of pieces of pottery. Sarah threw up her hands and recalled all the gifts given by and to Noah over the years-the NYPD shield with his name on it, the tie and tie bar gifted to Ed, the hand-drawn cards and pictures. "I can't compete," she moaned in jest, "Can't fuh-freaking compete!"

Caroline shot her tipsy granddaughter an eye roll. "How about we go for our walk, now?"

"Kay! C'mon, babies!" Noah, with Maggie and Wyatt on his heels, ran outside and found an empty pail for shells. Caroline was last to join the group, for she took an extra minute to run her hands over the pottery. Noah had either had a lot of help or had an incredibly steady hand, for there were very few imperfections-the clay was smooth and evenly proportioned. She turned the cup over and over in her hands and, when the light caught it just right, saw one welcome blemish. Near the bottom of the cup, plain as day, was Noah's child-sized thumb print.

…

 _The houses in old Bethany Beach were a good distance apart, so it was unusual for the beach to be as crowded as it was on this breezy July day. There were so many people, Olivia and the kids had trouble focusing on their reading material. On either side of her, Maggie and Wyatt sat in low beach chairs, books dangling from their fingers, and eyes focused on their fellow beachgoers._

" _Wy, we should build a castle," Maggie suggested._

 _Wyatt grinned, for he knew what his twin sister was thinking. She'd been making faces at the elementary school kids nearby whose construction was lopsided and imprecise, though vast. Maggie wanted to show them up. "Kay."_

" _I'll get the stuff!"_

 _Maggie started jogging toward the house._

" _Don't forget a knife!" Wyatt called after her. She waved in response._

" _I'm glad your dad didn't throw all that stuff out," Olivia teased._

 _Wyatt knew better. "You still have our sippy cups," he pointed out, "And, Anthony and Mari use them!"_

" _And all the-"_

" _HELP!"_

 _Wyatt's and Olivia's heads snapped to the direction of the voice. A group of four middle-school-aged kids had been using an inflatable boat to ride the calm late-morning waves. Intentionally or not, they had capsized and one boy was clearly not a strong swimmer and was fighting to stay afloat about thirty yards from shore._

" _Wyatt!" The desperation in Olivia's voice was drowned out by the sounds of the ocean and the people shouting to the distressed swimmer. Wyatt's feet were already making indentations in the hard, shoreline sand when Olivia realized what he was doing. She froze momentarily and then joined the cluster of about two dozen people watching the rescue unfold._

 _Olivia heard several people making 911 calls. She clenched her teeth and balled her fists as she watched Wyatt's long, lithe body slice through the blue-green water and reach the flailing boy within seconds. He had such strong lungs that Olivia heard her son's voice urging the boy to calm down and relax._

 _People in the crowd murmured their praise._

" _That kid can swim."_

" _Must have lifeguard training."_

" _Lookit, there they come now."_

 _Olivia's heart was racing and it was only when she heard Maggie whistle for her brother that she realized her daughter was standing next to her, bag of sand toys dangling from one wrist. Maggie wore blue-tinted, retro-looking sunglasses and an oversized Knicks tank top over her bathing suit. She jabbed a fist in the air and cheered. "WHOOOHOOO, WYATT! My BROTHER!"_

 _Wyatt walked the boy out of the ocean as the paramedics arrived. The medical team took over and Wyatt walked nonchalantly to his mother and sister. The crowd broke into applause and his face immediately turned red._

" _Honey." Olivia hugged her son tightly "Wyatt, sweetie…" Unlike hers, Wyatt's breathing was calm and, despite the swim and the rescue, his heart was not jumping out of his chest. She held him at arm's length and smoothed back a few tendrils of sun-drenched, soaking wet brown hair._

" _Kid's a hero," One man muttered as he ushered his kids back to their towels and chairs._

 _Olivia could only form a few select words. "Honey…" she murmured and hugged him again. "You scared me!"_

 _Wyatt shrugged. "He wasn't that far out."_

" _But...the currents."_

 _Wyatt pointed to the boardwalk in the distance. "Green flag, mom. No rip currents out there."_

" _He's an Olympian," Maggie said sassily._

" _Junior Olympian," Wyatt corrected._

 _Olivia took a deep breath and blew out a long stream of air. "Please don't ever do that again," she said, though a hint of a proud smile was forming on her face._

" _Dad's gonna FREAK!" Maggie held up the bag. "C'mon, Aquaman, there's a good flat place over here."_

" _Mom's still freaking," Olivia mumbled to herself._

 _Wyatt started to follow Maggie but looked back at his mother. He darted back and gave her a tight squeeze. "Love you, mom."_

" _I love you too, sweet Wyatt."_

" _Thanks for the swimming lessons," he said, his blue eyes twinkling._

 _Olivia shoved him playfully. "Go build your castle."_

… _.._

With sleeping children at her side, Olivia propped herself against the headboard and flipped through the day's photographs. She licked her lips as she studied Ed's physique. Many men his age had resigned themselves to beer bellies and sallow, unhealthy complexions, but her husband still boasted a firm build and his skin never seemed to lose its bronze, reddish hue.

Ed emerged from the bathroom wearing only a pair of boxer shorts. Without a word he carried the kids to the air mattress one by one. He draped a blanket over all three, kissed their heads, and slid into bed.

"Good day today," he said, slurring a bit from fatigue as he put his head on Olivia's shoulder.

"Very good day." Olivia finished the photo stream and wriggled under the covers with him. "But I will sleep well tonight."

"Me too." Ed gazed at her, played with her hair, and gave her a kiss. "I love you." He kissed her again and hummed against her lips. "Damn, I love havin' everyone here but…"

"Couple more days," Olivia said.

"Maybe we need to add a bedroom."

Olivia looked over at the kids. Maggie and Wyatt had been placed a few inches from Noah but had already plastered themselves to his sides. Wyatt's fist was in his mouth, Maggie's lips were puckered, and Noah was the epitome of serenity. Even in sleep, he was the proud big brother.

"Someday soon we'll wish they want to sleep in here with us," Olivia said.

"Not that soon." Ed kissed her once more and held her more tightly. "Got a lot of little kid years left."

Olivia chuckled softly. "Little kid years…"

"What?"

"Nothing….I love hearing you talk like that."

"A lot of years of that ahead of us, too."

Olivia rocked her head back and forth, wedging herself in the cozy space where his shoulder met his chest. "Tell me it won't go by too fast."

"We'll make it last as long as possible," he kissed her head, "It won't go by too fast."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	53. Chapter 53

**Fifty-three**.

A gray drizzly haze hovered over Bethany Beach the day before the Carisis and Caroline were scheduled to return to New York. The weather induced laziness, and the house was slow to come alive. Olivia and Noah were the first out of the bedrooms. They left Maggie and Wyatt on the bed with Ed and cuddled together on the porch swing. Olivia drank coffee and Noah sipped from a Capri Sun, a rare treat.

"Sweet boy, we haven't had a lot of time, just the two of us," Olivia said softly as she played with Noah's closely-cropped hair. "We've been having so much fun with everybody…"

"Yeah, da beach is for _re-lax-ing_ but it's busy too!" Noah giggled at the irony of his comment.

"Yes," Olivia agreed, "There's a lot to do, that's for sure."

"Yep! Da boat and da board and jet skis and castles and kickball...and then cards and games!"

"You're going to have a lot to tell your friends about when you go back to school."

"When's school?"

"Not for about six weeks," Olivia replied, "We still have a lot of summer left."

Noah's eyes tracked a heron swooping in and out of the tall sea grass. "Lookin' for food," he remarked, "Gotta get his breakfast, or, Mommy, is dat bird a boy or a girl?"

"I'm not sure, sweetie."

A second heron flew into Noah's sightline. "Ope! There's another one! Probably da Mommy and da Daddy getting breakfast for da kids. Where they live?"

Olivia felt bad repeating _I don't know_ , so she speculated they had a nest nearby somewhere. "If they have little babies," she explained, "They want some place where people won't bother them."

"Yeah, they prolly have a good nest and a password 'cause I don't think those birds have locks and keys, so they have a door with sticks and, and, maybe something sticky...like gum...so it stays together and they tell da baby birds, _DON'T OPEN_ unless we give you da password."

"I bet that's exactly how they keep each other safe," Olivia said.

"But people have keys and locks!"

"Yes."

"And da 'larm."

"Exactly."

"Mommy, is it gonna rain all day?"

"No sweet boy. It's supposed to clear up and be sunny this afternoon."

Noah pumped a fist. " _YES_! Daddy said we're gonna go on da jet skis and Justy wants to do more skimboarding with me 'cause he was mad that he fell a lot last time!"

"I thought you were both really good," Olivia said, "I don't think I could do that."

"Yeah ya could! I show you."

Olivia chuckled and kissed his head. "I think I'm okay watching you do it, honey."

"Kay." Noah turned his head in response to a reflection off the glass due to movement inside. "There's Gramma!" he said gleefully, "Prolly with her puzzle book! I like those books, too, Mommy."

"We'll get you some."

"Thanks 'cause Gramma said da Irish are clever and good at puzzles and have good brains so we're super smart. It's in our _blood_."

Olivia pulled Noah closer to her chest and kissed him again. "Grandma Caroline is absolutely right," she said, "I am so proud of how super smart you are, sweet boy."

"And today when da sun comes out?" Noah looked at his mother with the brightest, most cheerful smile he had, "We're gonna be super _fast_ on those jet skis!"

….

 _Fifteen minutes after dragging the distressed swimmer out of the ocean, Wyatt lugged buckets of sand, two at a time, to the spot Maggie claimed as their construction site. Olivia looked on from twenty or so yards away. Seeing them work in tandem like they'd done since they were old enough to play together on the apartment floor did wonders for her racing heart. She took deep breaths and talked to herself. Calm down. He's fine. Maybe starting to get a little annoyed at his bossy sister, but fine. Still shaky after thirty minutes, she picked up her phone and called Ed. After several rings, Noah answered._

" _Hey Mom."_

" _Oh, honey, hi."_

" _Nice to hear your voice too."_

 _Olivia smiled, "I'm sorry, sweetie. I was expecting your Dad to answer."_

" _He kept hitting the wrong spot on the screen," Noah said._

 _Now Olivia laughed. She and Ed recently upgraded to an SUV with all the bells and whistles and they were both occasionally stymied by the technology and how their phones functioned when synced with the system._

" _We're both still learning," Olivia said, "Maybe you can give Dad a tutorial on your way back. How was the train?"_

" _A little crowded but smooth. Dad says we're about forty-five minutes away."_

" _Okay."_

" _Here he is."_

" _Thanks, see you soon sweetheart."_

 _After Ed's typical "Hey, Liv," the rescue story came spilling out. Olivia told it seemingly in one breath and, bewildered, Ed didn't immediately respond. He finally asked if everyone was okay._

" _Yes," Olivia said, "They took the boy to the hospital as a precaution and...Wyatt and Maggie are building a sandcastle."_

" _Was he under at all? Did the paramedics see him?" Olivia heard Noah ask what was going on. Ed muttered to him that everything was alright._

" _No...it was...it was like Wyatt went for a quick swim. He wasn't winded or anything," Olivia's voice started to sound panicked, "Do you think I should've made him go to the hospital too?"_

" _Nah," Ed replied confidently. "He gets more water logged doing his laps in the morning."_

" _MOM!"_

" _Hang on Ed."_

 _Maggie jogged over. The front of her legs and her arms up to her elbows were caked in sand. "Mom, can you pretty please go get us two plastic cups?"_

" _Sure."_

" _Thanks!"_

 _Maggie flashed her an appreciative grin and trotted away. Olivia assured Ed she was okay and said a quick goodbye. She hurried to the house, grabbed the requested cups, and hustled back to the beach setup. Though she had, by her assessment, done a remarkable job resisting being an overbearing helicopter parent, her overprotective nature resurfaced. The twins were seventeen. They would be starting their senior year of high school in a couple months. Yet Olivia spent the rest of the afternoon watching them like a hawk._

…

Brooke waited to join everyone else at the beach until Sofia woke up from her nap. She dressed her daughter in a pink-and-white striped bathing suit, white terry cover-up, a floppy beach hat with strings that tied under her chin, and the sunglasses purchased by Sarah who had an obsession with buying too-expensive, designer eyewear for the children.

"Here she is," Brooke handed Sofia off to Olivia, "De-crankified and clean."

Sarah bopped Sofia on the nose, "Are you in a better mood, now, baby girl?" Sofia smiled and babbled at Sarah. "Yes you are," Sarah cooed, "Much better than the screaming I got earlier! You almost burst my eardrums!" Sarah made a face and Sofia giggled.

Olivia bounced the baby on her knees. "A nap cures all," she murmured.

"Omigod," Sarah said, "Speaking of nap, lookit Grandma."

At Noah's request, Caroline was sitting on the shore in a low beach chair where she had a closer view of the jet skis. She watched dutifully until Ed and sonny steered the watercrafts toward the inlet and out of sight. Rather than drag the chair back with everyone else, Caroline stayed put, leaned her head back against the cushion, and dozed under the sunlight.

"I think she might want to stay and go back with you two," Brooke said to Sarah. She and Justin were staying two days longer than Brooke and Sonny. He had to go back to work and the annual Carisi family reunion was being held that weekend on Staten Island. "Of course, if that's alright with you and Dad, Olivia."

"Absolutely alright."

"She's a horrible backseat driver," Sarah said, "But we'll schlep her back. No problem."

"Olivia," Brooke said, "You're probably ready for some peace and quiet."

"Exactly the opposite. I like having everyone here." Olivia took a deep, contented breath. "It's almost like...something from the movies. Everyone all together."

Sofia was leaning forward, wanting to get down and play with Maggie and Wyatt. The twins had a variety of pails and funnels at their disposal and Wyatt was gleefully filling his dump truck with sand, rolling it to Maggie, and pouring the load onto her legs, burying them. Maggie would then kick her feet, say "ta-da" and then "GAIN!"

Olivia sat Sofia on a towel and she immediately crawled over to Maggie who paid the baby no attention. Wyatt, however, graciously gave Sofia one of their spare toy cars and said, "Pay, baby! Pay, sand!"

Sarah giggled. "Small sister still wants nothing to do with her niece."

"At least she hasn't knocked her over or poured sand on her," Olivia said weakly, trying to find some humor in Maggie's attitude.

"We'll keep an eye on them."

"Maybe they'll end up being best buds," Brooke said.

Sarah twisted her lips doubtfully and started to say something, but the jet skis were coming toward shore and Sonny was zigzagging across the waves. He managed to get some air and, in the process, throw Justin off the back.

"Omigod, he hit his head!" Sarah sprinted for the water.

Caroline, who had been jolted awake by the sound of the engines stood up and waved her arms, signaling to Ed who had been keeping his distance from the other machine when he noticed Sonny start to gun the engine over the waves.

Olivia and Brooke sat on the edge of their seats. Justin's head was visible, they hadn't been very far from shore, and he was probably standing. Sonny idled to shore and killed the engine. Ed did the same. Olivia cringed when Noah jumped into the water from the back platform of the jet ski. He always did this after a ride, but given what she'd just witnessed, the leap was unsettling.

Sarah ushered Justin out of the water and to their setup. "I need to get him some ice," Sarah said sharply. "Sit down, I'll be right back."

"Justin, man, I'm sorry," Carisi said, looking sick with guilt, "Totally didn't mean to get that wild, man, we hit the wave just right and went flying."

"Is it your head?" Olivia asked. She removed her sunglasses, squinted her eyes, and circled Justin.

"My shoulder," he said.

"Oh...yes, it is your shoulder," Olivia touched the huge red welt forming above Justin's right shoulder blade.

"Justy, you got hurt?"

"I'm good, Noah. Bumped the back of the jet ski."

"You have your bag?" Noah asked.

"No, I left that back in New York. Sarah's gettin' me some ice. That'll make it all better."

"What 'bout da ouchie cream? Mommy? Justy needs it!"

"We'll start with the ice, honey. Then we'll get it."

Noah scrunched his nose in disagreement but did not protest further. Sarah came back, her lips pressed in a firm, straight line, and held the ice pack to Justin's bruised skin. The tension was palpable.

"Jus! Jussy!"

Maggie and Wyatt slogged through the sand to the towel.

"BAY PIE! Jussy! BAY PIE!"

Giggling and screeching, they dove at Justin.

"Babies! Justy's hurt!" Noah tried to stop them but Maggie and Wyatt were already fully-involved in baby-piling on Justin and, by default, Sarah.

"Sorry," Ed mumbled as he gathered both twins into his arms.

"If ya sit like dat," Noah said matter-of-factly, "You're gonna get a baby pile."

The twins squirmed in Ed's arms. "You wanna go in the water?" Ed asked them sweetly.

"Wa'er DAH!"

"SPASH!"

"Mamamamama! Wa'er!"

Olivia grinned, stood up, and tossed her flowy cover up onto the chaise. Ed put the twins on the sand and told them to run to Grandma. Noah led the way and they attacked Caroline with a modified baby pile. Not caring one bit about who was watching, Ed patted Olivia's behind, kissed her cheek, and winked.

"Ready for a swim?" He asked.

"Yes," she said, "Too much drama going on back there."

…..

 _Late that night, as she and Ed waited for the kids to return from a neighbor's bonfire, Olivia was still agonizing about Wyatt instinctively running to the rescue earlier that day. A low-budget weekly newspaper was published in Bethany Beach, and a reporter showed up at the house around dinnertime to interview Wyatt and take a few pictures of him posed with a lifeguard's buoy even though he hadn't used the implement. Wyatt explained that, after hearing "HELP", he simply reacted and didn't consider himself a hero. He was a good swimmer, and he used his skills in an emergency situation. The reporter smiled and nodded at the humble response._

" _You must be very proud," he said to Ed and Olivia._

" _We are," Olivia replied._

 _Proud yet shaken, Olivia took comfort in being in Ed's arms on the loveseat. The sound of the waves was surprisingly soothing especially since she'd considered them formidable and menacing that afternoon._

" _Before I knew it he was in the water," Olivia said, talking with her hands even though she held a glass of wine in one hand. "It all happened so fast, people were cheering for him and clapping and there I was practically biting through my cheeks."_

 _Ed kissed the side of her head three times and put his other arm around her, clasping his hands across her stomach and adjusting their position so he was propped against the arm rest and their legs were extended across the seat cushions._

" _I'm sorry you had to go through that by yourself," Ed said softly._

" _It wasn't like...I mean, I wasn't terrified...I was, I think, shocked, or, maybe it was, I didn't know what to do because I couldn't stop him."_

" _Of all of 'em," Ed said of their children, "Wyatt's the most cautious. He wouldn't have gone if somethin' wasn't right. He's got a sixth sense about that kinda thing."_

" _He does…" Olivia took a deep breath. "Please don't tell me he'd make a good cop."_

 _Ed chuckled softly. "Good news, sweetheart. I don't think he'd make a good cop and I also don't think he wants to be one."_

 _Olivia let out a relieved sigh._

 _Ed ran the back of an index finger across her cheek. "Hey," he rasped, "Don't do the what-ifs."_

 _Olivia smiled. "You know me too well."_

" _No such thing."_

" _Maybe...well, I need to listen to Wyatt, what he said to the reporter. He's a strong swimmer, so, naturally he was going to help."_

" _Right."_

" _And I think the kid was panicking more than he was drowning," Olivia swelled with pride as she retold the next detail, something she'd forgotten to tell Ed, "And the whole time Wyatt was swimming to him, he was yelling at the kid to calm down. I could hear him. His voice. He sounded like he was taking a walk on the beach rather than swimming. And he was yelling, but he didn't sound...worried, he was so...in control."_

 _Ed smirked proudly. "Good quality to have."_

" _He gets that from you."_

" _Nah," Ed buried his face in her hair. "He gets it from you."_

… _.._

Dressed in their pajamas, Noah and the twins ran around the bedroom, chasing each other, while Ed and Olivia changed into their own sleepwear. The sleepy morning, only a half day at the beach, and a boisterous night of card games were not conducive to adherence to regular bedtimes. Ed watched the trio from the bathroom doorway and said they were getting a good workout before going to sleep. Hearing this, Noah stopped in his tracks and reminded Ed they hadn't done bench presses for a while.

"C'mon, Daddy! Let's do da workout!"

"Alright," Ed positioned himself on the rug. "Let's go. Noahs first." He counted off ten reps, sat up, and smirked at Olivia who was observing with a smirk of her own.

"Mommy!" Noah jumped up and down, excited at his idea, "You and Daddy RACE with Maggie and Wyatt! You see who gets ten first! Den you win!"

"Sure," Olivia said, "I'm up to the challenge."

"Mommy, you have Maggie and Daddy has Wyatt."

"No," Olivia said, "Give me Wyatt. He's a couple pounds heavier and I don't want your Daddy using that as a reason he lost."

Noah nodded his approval even though the trash talk went over his head. Ed and Olivia held Maggie and Wyatt at their chests and their thighs. Noah acted as the starter. "On your mark! Get set! GO!"

Ed and Olivia pumped their arms and the room filled with shouted numbers and the laughter of both the kids and the adults. Maggie and Wyatt shrieked and giggled. Ed and Olivia half-grunted, half-laughed. Finally, Noah shouted "TEN" and declared Olivia the winner.

"Mommy wins! Mommy wins! Wanna go again?"

"One more time," Ed said.

"Same baby?"

"Yes," he said, slightly short of breath, "Same baby."

Downstairs, Caroline and Sarah were having a nightcap and watching a cable channel that aired classic reruns.

"What in the hell is going on up there?" Caroline asked.

"Oh, you know how they are," Sarah said, "Can't keep their hands off each other. It's so _hotttt_."

"With the kids in there?"

"Well, um, _nooo_...I don't think they'd do it with them in there, so something else might be going on. Unless," Sarah's face brightened, "...they're in the bathroom behind locked doors!"

"I hear the kids."

"Oh, c'mon, Grandma, you don't think they've woken up the kids before?"

"Touche my dear granddaughter," Caroline lifted her glass, "Touche."

"At any rate, I'm not goin up there."

"Nor am I," Caroline said. "Refill?"

Sarah grinned. "Allow me."

…..

 _After a long stretch without seeing Dr. Lindstrom, going back to his office made Olivia feel like a regression. She sat in an armchair and dug her fingernails into the armrests. Lindstrom waited patiently for her to speak; the familiar, pensive expression was plastered on his face._

" _This whole Yates…saga...has brought back Lewis," she said, sounding both dour and angry with herself. "It has...similar markers...an elusive, crafty perp, signatures...torture…obsession…"_

" _But this time the obsession isn't you."_

" _No...it was his sister, and Erin Lindsay, one of the Chicago detectives." Olivia briefly closed her eyes, "I can't help but replay the whole thing, the whole case in my mind and wonder if I screwed up somewhere, because of my own assault, I'm second guessing things, could I have done something? Anything? To save a life? Lives?"_

 _Knowing her questions were mostly rhetorical, Lindstrom merely listened. She talked for a few more minutes, mostly about Yates but then drifted into other topics. She was tired. Noah was doing well but in full-blown toddlerhood complete with an occasional tantrum and roughhousing. Then she mentioned Ed Tucker._

" _I've been seeing, well, I'm not sure if you can call it that but, well, yes, seeing someone, from the job, socially."_

" _A relationship," Lindstrom said with a smile, "That's great."_

" _It's new," Olivia replied, "And, a little strange, given the fact that we spent most of our careers as adversaries."_

" _So you have history. You know each other."_

" _You could say that." Olivia felt her face turn red._

" _And could you also say you understand each other?"_

" _Yes. We've...spent a lot of time over the past few months getting to that point."_

" _Sounds like a good thing, Olivia."_

 _She smiled. "I think it is."_

 _Olivia didn't tell Lindstrom, but she had a date with Ed after the appointment. They were meeting at a swanky hotel bar with panoramic views of the city. On the cab ride there, Olivia scrolled through pictures and hoped she'd chosen the right outfit. She was wearing tight black jeans, gray sweater, a chunky eggplant scarf and a sleek black leather jacket. It'll have to do, she thought, no time to go home and change now._

 _Ed was waiting for her in the lobby. Seeing his date, he broke into a wide smile and any reservations she had about her attire were immediately forgotten. "Hey," he said softly, greeting her with a kiss on the cheek, "You look great. I like this scarf."_

" _Thanks," she said, "I don't get a chance to wear it much."_

" _Well," he said, "Good thing I asked ya out tonight then."_

 _They rode the elevator with three other couples and, upon exiting, were greeted with the vaunted floor-to-ceiling windows and a pristine aerial view of the west side. Ed checked in and they were escorted to their table, a banquette for two facing east. They could see both the Empire State Building and the Chrysler building gleaming in the distance._

" _Kinda a younger crowd," Ed said, looking behind them._

" _It is," Olivia replied, "But it's not a...club...I like it. And, can't beat this view."_

" _Or this one." Ed gently held her chin between his thumb and forefinger to guide her lips to his. After the kiss, he smirked, stared into her eyes and whispered, "Hi."_

 _Olivia grinned and returned the coy greeting. A server arrived and took their drink orders. He returned promptly, poured the wine, and Ed and Olivia shared a toast and another kiss. Olivia inched closer to him. She loved the sultry ambiance and the cozy, semi-private booth._

" _Get to see any sights in Chicago?"_

 _Olivia laughed sarcastically, "Not a one."_

" _Well, I'm glad you're back."_

" _Me too," She turned and smiled at him. "I, ah, I'm sorry I've been a little out of touch the past couple of days. This one...took a lot out of me."_

 _Ed draped his arm across the back of the booth and looked at her with utmost concern. "I figured you were exhausted," he said, "But, what else is goin on? If...if you want to talk about it."_

" _I saw the shrink today," Olivia said. She quickly assessed his reaction. Ed's expression remained unchanged-calm, sincere, and worried about her well-being. "This whole thing-escape, the assaults, tormenting law enforcement, I started to have some flashbacks, not full-blown panic attacks, but close."_

" _I hadn't thought of comparing the two."_

" _I hadn't either, until, well, I think it was the juror, the one-"_

 _Ed didn't want her to have to say Lewis' name. "-I remember her," he interjected._

" _That night, I couldn't sleep. Not that I had time to sleep anyway, but, when there were moments of quiet, all I could think about was her, and him, and I powered through, but I called Lindstrom before I got on the plane."_

" _Good," he said in a low voice. "You gotta take care of yourself."_

" _The funny thing is," Olivia said, "The rest of the hour I spent talking...about you."_

 _Ed raised his eyebrows and the corners of his lips curled upwards in a shy smile._

" _I, um," Olivia continued, "I was talking about how...how I have so much to look forward to, now, as opposed to then."_

" _Well yeah," Ed said, "You have Noah."_

 _Olivia put her glass down and reached for his hand. "And you," she said._

" _That's really good to hear," Ed smirked and kissed her fingers, "I look forward to seein' you, too."_

" _Sorry," Olivia ducked her eyes, "We're supposed to be enjoying our evening, not talking about my...issues."_

" _You don't ever, ever have to say you're sorry. Not to me." His words dripped with sincerity. "Or to anyone for that matter. And I'll talk to you about whatever you want, anytime."_

 _Olivia smiled and there was a teasing twinkle in her eye._

" _What?"_

" _Your voice," she said, "You go back and forth between sounding like you're IAB and sounding like you're…" Olivia paused. She was stuck, trapped by her own words._

" _A friend?" He offered._

" _I think we've kind of...outgrown that label, haven't we?"_

" _Yeah," he played with a lock of her hair, "Yeah we have."_

…

 **#Tuckson**


	54. Chapter 54

**Fifty-four.**

 _Ed took long strides around his apartment, preparing for Olivia's imminent arrival. His home was never embarrassingly in disarray, and Olivia had seen it far messier than it was now, but there had been something about the tone in her voice on the phone call that enticed him to make the place extra tidy._

 _He swapped the bathroom hand towels for a fresh set, hastily wiped down the mirror in wide, sweeping strokes, and caught a glimpse of himself. Even with his face flushed and his hair in need of a trim, Ed decided he looked, at best, not bad, especially in his long-sleeved distressed blue t-shirt and jeans. Even though the sight of one another in casual clothing was not the novelty it had been a year ago, he and Olivia still gave each other approving, suggestive glances when they wore something other than work attire._

 _When Olivia arrived, she was, as expected, in her usual blazer, blouse, and pants. She kissed Ed hello and happily accepted the drink he'd poured for her. Relieved his subtle hint they'd been going overboard with alcohol hadn't swelled into an argument or awkwardness, Ed touched his glass to hers and leaned in for another kiss before they took their next sips._

 _Olivia grinned and shook the blazer from her shoulders, revealing her toned, smooth arms. "I have jeans here, right?"_

" _Yeah. I washed 'em for you. Not the sweater, though...I didn't know if it went in the machine or not."_

 _Her smile grew. "It does."_

" _Oh."_

 _The single syllable nearly made her knees buckle. His tone-innocent yet flirtatious-and his expression, sycophantic yet sassy, took her breath away. "I'm going to get out of these clothes," she said, cocking an eyebrow, "Come help me?"_

 _Ed's mouth watered and he swallowed. Hard. "Yeah, sure," he took her outstretched hand and followed her to his bedroom._

 _Had they been at her place, Olivia would have quietly closed the door, but here, with no chance of an interruption, the door stayed open. Ed tugged at her white blouse. "Need help with this?" He rasped into her neck._

" _Mmmmm…"_

" _Guess that's a yes."_

 _Olivia curled her fingers around the back of his head as he kissed and sucked at her neck. Spring had slowly been revealing itself, and the days were lasting longer. Early evening dull sunlight streamed in through the windows and cast a yellowish glow over the stark white walls, Ed's mission-style furniture, and his simple, charcoal sheet and comforter set. Olivia wondered how they looked together, in this light, her head angled backward, her left hand full of Ed's shirt and her other hand holding his head to her body. In a few minutes she would get impatient. She would arch her back so she could feel him. At that point she would have to sacrifice one of her hands so she could loosen his belt, unbutton and unzip his jeans and bite her lip as she glanced down at him, clad only in boxer briefs, throbbing and ready to love her._

" _Mmmm," she droned again, "God I missed you today."_

" _I missed you, too," Ed replied with his lips still on her skin. "I always miss you."_

" _I woke up thinking about you."_

 _Ed met her eyes. His danced with jestful excitement. "Oh yeah?"_

" _Yeah," she replied just as sassily._

" _How much were you thinkin' of me?"_

" _A_ _lot_ _. But, then...a call...it was getting late...and...I made up my mind I'd see you later."_

" _And now it's later."_

" _It is."_

 _A clear, starry night blanketed the city when Ed and Olivia finally gave in to a pleasant exhaustion. They lay wrapped in twisted covers, trading kisses and smiling lazily at one another. Ed played with her hair, her fingers, and, in between, he traced patterns on her cheek._

" _Aw, Liv," he sighed, "I am so…"_

 _After a too-long pause, Olivia prompted, "...so...what, Ed?"_

" _I am feeling so lucky right now, Liv. So, so lucky." He gave her kisses between each "so."_

" _I don't want to leave this bed."_

 _Ed inched closer to her and slung an arm across her body. "So don't." Catching himself, realizing that literally staying in his bed was impossible, he rephrased, "I mean...let's, uh, think about, not being apart."_

" _I think it's time...to do that," Olivia smiled, "Do you want to start...tonight? I have the day off tomorrow and all I want is to...well, when I get up with Noah, I want to know you're there."_

" _I wanna be there, Liv."_

 _Olivia planted a firm kiss on his lips. "Where are those jeans?"_

" _On the dryer. With the sweater."_

" _Thank you for not putting it in the washer. That was very thoughtful."_

" _You're welcome."_

…

Ed woke up and, in his sightline was Olivia, conked out with her mouth half-open. Farther across the room in the alcove, Wyatt and Noah were propped up against the wall, cushioned with pillows, cuddled together with the iPad. Wyatt's head rested against Noah's shoulder and the tiger Wubbanub hung from his mouth. Given Noah's stillness, Ed guessed they were watching a video with the sound muted. Sensing their Daddy's eyes on them, Noah and Wyatt both turned toward him at the same time and their faces broke into smiles.

Placing an index finger on his lips, Ed crept out of bed. Even though he was careful to make the least bit of movement, Olivia stirred and her eyes fluttered open. Ed leaned over on his elbow and kissed her. "Sleep," he whispered. "I got 'em."

Ed slung Noah over his shoulder, but before he could get a grip on Wyatt, the little boy flopped onto his stomach and bopped his sister in the nose. "Wayup, Magg," he said, his voice slurred by the pacifier which he now only used at bedtime. "Wayup!"

Eyes closed, Maggie grimaced like she was going to sneeze. Wyatt gently smacked her cheek. It wasn't a move of violence; judging by his face, it was rooted in curiosity, as if Wyatt couldn't quite understand why his sister didn't want to get up and join them. Maggie opened her eyes and jolted up when she saw Ed with Noah. Wyatt smiled and rolled off the mattress. He knew his sister wouldn't want to miss any possible early morning fun.

Noah waited to talk in a normal voice until they were in the kitchen. Ed filled the sippy cups and handed them over to Maggie and Wyatt. Maggie made a beeline for the patio door and banged her cup against the glass. "OUT! OUT, Dada!"

"One minute, Maggs."

Ed didn't love the Kuerig, but it was faster so he compromised. He took his coffee and the kids onto the porch. The morning sky was hazy and he could tell they were in for a hot, humid day. Wyatt rolled his cars across the glass tabletop, faster and faster, until they flew off the side and under the loveseat. Ed reached for it and sent it back.

Wyatt yelped with delight. "G'juh, Dada!"

Noah giggled. "Wyatt's tellin' ya good job! He thinks you're a good driver, Daddy!"

"You think I'm a good driver, bud?"

"Yep! Hey! Maggs! Daddy, Maggs is going down da stairs!"

"Maggie," Ed called over to her in a tone slightly more stern than usual, "Come here, Maggs." Ed looked around for something to lure her over. He grabbed the rings from their ring toss game and threw one at the pole. "C'mere, play with Daddy."

"Dah! FROW!" She ran over and Ed grinned at her bedhead and her flower-printed pajamas, a set Sarah traded for another she'd purchased. That pair featured a large cat on the chest and Maggie refused to wear it.

"Daddy," Noah held out his thumb, "Got somethin' in my finger."

Ed peered at the hand. "Does it hurt? Looks like a sliver."

"No, it just got in dere when I got Wyatt's car from under the chair. Ha!" Noah grinned, "I rhymed!"

"Yeah, you're a poet and don't know it."

"Dat's what Gramma says!"

Ed worked at Noah's thumbnail but had no success at dislodging the tiny piece of wood. "No, stay out here with Maggs and Wyatt. I'm gonna go get the nail clippers." Ed hustled into the downstairs half bath and found the clippers even though he hadn't been positive they were there. Ed sat Noah on the outdoor kitchen countertop and got to work. Noah watched with his tongue wedged in the corner of his mouth.

"This might hurt a little, bud."

"Kay," Noah replied bravely.

Within seconds, Ed had the shard between this thumb and forefinger and flicked it away. "Ya know what pal? While we're at it, let's check everyone's nails." He sat Maggie and Wyatt next to Noah. "Lemme see your hands. Time ta clip."

"KIP!"

"KIPkipkipkip!"

The three sets of legs swung back and forth as Ed worked slowly and carefully on their fingernails. The twins' hands still looked so miniscule in his, and he felt a twinge of sentimentality as he remembered the first time he held those little fingers. He finished with Maggie, growled, and gnawed at her fist. "Gotcha, Maggs!"

Maggie growled back. "Gosha, DAH! GOSHA!"

Wyatt raised his arms as if he were flexing his biceps and, fists balled, he bellowed loudly, mimicking the sound his Daddy and sister had just made. Noah laughed.

"Sounds like a buncha bears!" He said, then, in a split second, he froze and his eyes grew wide. "Daddy? There bears in Del'ware?"

Ed stopped what he was doing and reassuringly held Noah's face. "No bud," he said firmly and sincerely, "No bears here."

"Yeah...Bears don't like da beach. S'too hot and they're really furry."

"That's right."

Ed continued clipping. Maggie and Wyatt babbled. When everyone's impromptu manicure was complete, he put the twins back on their feet and helped Noah jump down.

"Daddy?"

"Yeah, bud?"

"Do da guys with hair right here," Noah slapped his chest, "Do they get super hot?"

Ed couldn't help but break into soft laughter. "Not too much, pal. At least, I don't think so."

….

 _Sarah had been trying to hide her despondency since the flight from New York to San Juan. Rather than play along, Justin tried his best to be reassuring and to stop Sarah from blaming herself. Nevertheless, her reaction to the doctor's report had sent her into an downward spiral Justin had never seen before, and it scared him. In the face of adversity, Sarah always steeled herself and soldiered on with an optimistic attitude. But processing infertility threatened to break her._

 _On their second full day, they awoke to sunny skies and perfectly warm temperatures. After a morning run on the beach, they showered and set out for breakfast, sightseeing, and shopping in one of the city's open air markets. Sarah seemed better. She held Justin's hand as they strolled around, and, though she was quiet, she was smiling and compulsively snapping pictures._

 _In the market, they stopped at most of the booths. Craftsmen, bakers, and artisans sold everything from freshly made bread to wall-sized oil paintings. Sarah made small talk with the locals and made several purchases, mostly for Noah, Sofia, and the twins. She was particularly intrigued by a case of child-sized bracelets. They were made of brightly colored thread and clearly handcrafted. No two were alike._

" _I love these," Sarah said to Justin. "Help me pick out four."_

" _That bright pink one," Justin said, "That's Maggie's."_

" _For sure."_

 _Sarah chose three more and the clerk put all four into a small plastic bag. On the bag was a sticker printed with a cross and an image of St. Monica. Sarah glanced at the booth's placard-the artist's name and the label didn't quite add up._

" _The children from 's orphanage make these," he explained, "I sell them here and they use the money for their school."_

" _Oh...wow...that's kind of you," Sarah said. "They're beautiful."_

" _The orphanage is right around the corner," he replied. "If you can find it in your heart, they are always hurting for cash donations."_

 _Assuming this was some sort of shakedown, the more streetwise Justin tugged on Sarah's elbow. "Ready?"_

" _Yeah, sure," Sarah mumbled to him and turned her attention back to the clerk. "Around the corner? In which direction?" She listened to the instructions, thanked him, and she and Justin continued on. After they'd circled the entire market, Justin suggested grabbing a drink on the beach, but Sarah wanted to find the orphanage first._

 _Justin looked at her skeptically._

" _Let's just walk by," Sarah said, "Maybe one of the kids will be outside and I'll tell them we bought their stuff."_

" _Alright, but keep your wallet in your bag."_

" _Jus! You think a little kid's going to mug me?"_

 _He shrugged. "You never know. You don't have to go far here to be in a rough neighborhood."_

 _Sarah hugged his arm. "I have you to protect me."_

 _Justin grinned and gave her a kiss. "Yeah, you do."_

 _Sarah had been expecting a stately, imposing building like something out of the Annie movies, but the "orphanage" was, in reality, nothing more than a one-story cinder block church annex surrounded by a sandy field. A bright new play area stood out in stark contrast to the weathered, drab surroundings._

 _Justin and Sarah stopped to read information on the gate, and they were just about to continue on when a woman on a bicycle pulled up next to them and asked if she could offer any assistance._

" _No," Sarah said, "We just bought a few of the bracelets-"_

" _-Oh!" The women thanked her profusely and asked if she'd like to meet the children who made them._

" _Um, sure." Sarah heard Justin groan and she made a point of tightening her grip on her bag's strap and then shot him a good-natured glare._

 _They followed the woman into the yard, and, seemingly out of nowhere, children burst through the main doorway and onto the playground. A few older kids immediately started a soccer game. Boys and girls hung on the monkey bars, chased one another across the woodchips, and pumped their legs on the swings. Trailing the group were three adult employees leading a group of toddlers into the play area. Four of the little ones clambered for a turn on one of the two ride-on fire trucks._

" _They've just had lunch," the woman explained. "Wait here. I'll ask the art teacher to send over the kids."_

 _She was gone for a while, and some of the children gave Sarah and Justin curious looks. One of the toddlers, a little boy whose dark brown hair curled around his ears the way Wyatt's used to, rode up to them and came to a skidding stop. In Spanish, one of the adults admonished him for riding away and bothering the guests._

" _He's not bothering us," Sarah crouched down and greeted the boy. He grinned but didn't respond when she asked about his name. Sarah noticed the incongruity of his attire-threadbare cotton shorts and tank top but on his feet were fresh white socks and brand new Nikes._

 _The second woman introduced herself as Marta and the boy as Anthony. She spoke English with no accent and Sarah guessed she was a volunteer or member of a nonprofit organization from the United States._

 _Sarah shook her hand. "You work here?"_

" _Not exactly. I'm a nurse. "My team and I are here once a week to check in on the chronic ones and do routine exams on the others. Are you here for an adoption?"_

" _Adoption?"_

" _Oh," she smiled apologetically, "I was asking because we've had at least three couples be approved in the past few weeks."_

" _No, no, we just...we were at the market and one of the men was selling their bracelets...told us we could...come by and maybe make a donation."_

" _Well, those are always welcomed."_

 _Sarah pressed her lips into a straight line. The tone of the woman's reply indicated she was more enthusiastic about finding permanent homes for the children than about money. Nevertheless, she ticked off a list of ways a cash donation, big or small, could help._

 _While they were talking, Anthony abandoned the truck and slowly circled Sarah and Justin. At one point he tugged at Justin's fingers and pointed at the swingset. Speaking Spanish, Justin asked him if he wanted to swing and Anthony eagerly nodded._

" _That okay?" He asked Marta._

" _Sure."_

 _A few minutes later the first woman returned alone and with an apology. The art teacher wasn't around and the kids she asked had no idea about the bracelets. Sarah wondered if the man had been lying and was merely trying to make a sale. Maybe Justin was right-it was all a ruse to get people to come here and give more than the few dollars they'd paid for the braided thread jewelry._

" _Well, I, uh, my husband and I should be going," Sarah said. Feeling weird about handing over a handful of cash, she asked for a website or donation envelope. The woman excused herself to run inside for a business card and left Sarah with Marta. Sarah made eye contact with Justin and waved him over._

" _Anthony likes him," Marta said. "He doesn't usually take to people that easily."_

" _Why's he here?"_

" _The storm," Marta replied. She was talking about the previous summer when the island took yet another direct hurricane hit. The storms was not as severe as those they'd endured in 2017, but areas with shoddy construction were devastated. "He and his sister were found in what was their house, nothing more than a shack, really, in La Perla." Marta paused and looked at Sarah to see if she recognized the name of the slum._

" _I've heard of it."_

" _According to neighbors who survived, he lived there with his mother and her boyfriend, but both of them have been missing since then."_

" _Swept away?"_

" _Who knows? Maybe. Maybe they left ahead of the storm."_

" _And left the kids?"_

" _People get desperate…" Marta trailed off._

" _Which one is his sister?"_

" _Oh, she's inside," Marta said. "Her name's Mari. That's the only word he says...he's got to be almost three-years-old, but that's the only thing he's ever said. Mari."_

 _A lump formed in Sarah's throat. She coughed it down and smiled at Justin. "You, um, you ready?"_

 _Justin looked longingly at the little boy. He waved and said goodbye. Sarah thought Anthony might burst into tears, but he merely stepped back, toward Marta, and offered a wave of his own. The resignation on his face broke Sarah's heart, and by the time she and Justin were back on the road and headed toward the beach, tears were streaming down her face._

….

Olivia closed the bedroom door and leaned against it, watching Ed wrestle with the collapsed air mattress. It had arrived in a compact, flexible plastic case-packaging that was apparently impossible to recreate. Ed rolled it, folded it, and finally tried to simply cram it in there in one clump, but, no matter what he tried, the case wouldn't close.

"How about we leave it here for now?" Olivia stood behind him and rubbed his shoulders. She leaned down, kissed the top of his head, and caught a whiff of sunscreen. After lathering the kids and himself, he always ran his hands through his hair.

"It's pissin' me off," Ed grumbled, still trying to compact the dark blue mass.

"Ed?"

"Huh?" She had taken her hands off him, so he looked back and saw her slowly peeling off her tank top.

"Leave it," she repeated.

Ed ran his hands up and down her upper legs. Kneeling in front of her, he pressed his forehead to her waist and breathed deeply. Olivia tickled him behind the ears. "We've been waiting all week…"

"I know. I'm nervous."

"You are?"

"Yeah."

Olivia grinned and laughed softly.

"I'm serious." Ed started kissing her inner thigh.

As much as Olivia was enjoying the sensation of his lips on one of the most sensitive spots of her body, she knelt in front of him. "Why are you nervous?"

"I dunno," he said, "Got a little shaky all of a sudden. Maybe I'm worried it's not gonna be as good as we think."

He looked pathetic and Olivia stuck out her lips sympathetically. She wondered if his inability to tackle the air mattress was somehow emasculating. "Ed Tucker, it's always as good as we think. _You_...are...so good."

"We haven't gone this long...in a while."

Grinning shyly, Olivia stroked his cheek. "So let's get back on track." She kissed him passionately and smiled when she felt his hands on her back, pawing at her bra clasp. However, before he could go any further, they both froze at the sound of children's footsteps slapping at the hallway hardwood floor.

"What are they doin?" Ed whispered. He kept his lips on her skin, hoping he hadn't actually heard what they heard.

The sound was getting fainter, but voices had been added to the mix. "They're going downstairs," Olivia whispered.

"Little shits."

Olivia threw on a t-shirt and followed Ed. He opened the door without making a sound and he and Olivia tiptoed out into the hallway. Wall sconces lit the space, but neither the children nor their shadows were there. They stopped and listened. From what they could tell, the three kids were already downstairs.

Deciding the trio was a little young to scare, Ed and Olivia made sure to make their presence known before they flipped on the lights. Maggie saw them first, her eyes widened, and she pointed at her brothers.

"No! No! Snack!"

"Whaddya doin?" Ed asked.

Noah peeked around the pantry door. "We're hungry!"

Wyatt, woozy and looking like he'd been roused from sleep to join his siblings in their late-night clandestine activities, struggled to keep his balance. Olivia picked him up and he laid his head on her shoulder. She soothingly whispered to him as Ed handled the other two.

"Alright, bud, one quick snack. Then bed. And no more gettin' up. Got it?"

"Got it." Noah stood on his tiptoes and plucked the container of Oreos from one of the shelves. "Small sister, you want dese?"

"O-ree-O! O-ree-O, NO!"

Wyatt's head snapped up. "Ooo! Oreo!"

Without having to be asked, Ed poured three cups of milk and set them on the table. He and Olivia helped Maggie and Wyatt dunk their cookies.

"Justy doesn't like it when dey get mushy," Noah said, "He only likes five seconds. Sare Bear likes eight seconds, but I like ten!" Noah held his Oreo in the milk and counted ten seconds. "How many seconds you like?" He asked with his mouth full.

"I like a quick dunk," Ed replied.

"I'm with you, sweet boy," Olivia said, "Ten seconds."

"Wow," Noah said, "It's eleven-six!"

"Eleven-thirty," Olivia said. She lowered her voice and pretended to be stern, "Very late for little people to be up."

"Late for big people, too!"

"Oh yeah?"

"Yeah," Noah said, taking another bite, "I told Maggs and Wyatt _be quiet_ 'cause Mommy and Daddy were sleepin!" He shrugged, "But I guess we woke ya up."

"That's okay bud," Ed said with a mischievous glint in his eye, "But we're really tired so we're goin' back to bed after this cookie. And so are you three. And no comin' out of the room until it's eight o'clock. That's when the little hand is on eight and the big hand is on twelve."

" _Daddy_ ," Noah said, "We have da other kinda clock in da bedroom!"

"So then, eight, the dots, and two zeros. Got it?"

"Got it. But…" Noah scrunched up his forehead. "It's us'ally seven or six when we get up in da mornin!"

"You owe us," Ed replied, "For the cookies. Sound good?"

Noah nodded. "Sounds good."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	55. Chapter 55

**Fifty-six**.

"Liv," Ed managed to say though he was whispering and clearly out of breath, "I can't stop." He heaved himself on top of her and meticulously kissed every freckle he could see in the dim light.

Olivia was sure she would feel their love making in the morning, or, in a few hours, since it was technically already morning. Ed more than made up for the week of no sex. Sure, they'd managed a shower or two and enjoyed some intimacy in front of the bathroom mirror, but nothing compared to being in bed together.

Ed ran an index finger from between her eyes to the tip of her nose. He loved the way she looked lying on the pillows, messy brown locks framing her gorgeous face, and her olive skin alluring and seductive against the white sheets. "I love you."

"I love you."

"You okay?"

"Yes."

"You wanna sleep."

It was a statement, not a question, and Olivia smiled. "I'm torn," she said, "It's us and the three of them...starting at eight, dot, dot, zero, zero."

Ed kissed her quickly yet seductively. "You're right. Let's sleep."

Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "But maybe...we can afford to stay awake a little longer?"

He grinned and kissed her even more passionately. "I love you so much." Ed continued kissing her. He was in one of his moods-it was the same one that had given them Maggie and Wyatt and the one that had drawn out the first "I love you." For as long as he lived Ed would desperately search for more words, better words, to explain how he felt about his wife. The search, time and again, would fail. It was easier to show her, and he made it a point every day, whether it was long nights of tender, attentive sex or waking up first and making sure her coffee was ready a split second before she wanted it.

"Oh…. _Eddddd…_."

He kissed her thought she was trembling with passion, and she held him tightly, her fingers dug into the muscles in his upper back. Ed panted and moaned, slowed the pace almost to a standstill, savoring every last second until he collapsed next to her, utterly spent, welcoming sleep.

"Night," Olivia sighed contentedly as she settled in against his chest.

"Sweet dreams, baby."

"From now on," she whispered, "Always."

….

 _Olivia entered Fin's Glock into the evidence log and left it with the desk sergeant. She called him for an update. Detective Tututola was still waiting for a nurse to take his blood, and he'd already seen his PBA representative. Media presence was light and Fin joked that he would probably be able to leave through the main entrance instead of sneaking out through the alley._

" _Okay," Olivia said, "Well, you know the drill. Go home. See the shrink in the morning. I'll see you after that."_

" _Alright," he replied, "Thanks, Liv."_

" _It was a good shoot," she added, "You were doing your job."_

" _Still doesn't make it any easier."_

 _The next call Olivia made was to Tucker. Thinking it strange that neither he nor Draper had shown up at the hospital, she started the conversation with a summary of the day's investigation. Tucker interrupted her before she came to the final chapter-the standoff in the warehouse._

" _We heard it on the radio," he said. "Procedures followed? Tox screen? He turn in his weapon?"_

" _Yes, yes, and yes."_

" _Send me over the report. Doesn't sound like we need anything more than a few days of desk duty while we button everything up."_

 _Olivia blinked and her jaw dropped. She was glad Tucker wasn't there to see her shocked face. "That's it?"_

" _You said it was a good shoot, Sergeant?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Then that's it." Tucker must have heard her take the deep, disbelieving breath. "There a problem?" He asked._

 _There absolutely was a problem. "Tucker…" Olivia began without having a clear statement in mind. She'd been doing this a lot lately when Ed was on the other side of the conversation. "I don't...I'm, ah, I have to tell you I'm a little surprised and I don't…" Olivia squeezed her eyes shut and blurted out what was troubling her, "If this had happened last year, or the year before, would we be having this same conversation?"_

" _No, you weren't the boss a year or two ago," Tucker replied sassily._

" _I-"_

" _-I know what you're gettin at. Don't make things difficult, Sergeant. I trust you. And I didn't say we wouldn't investigate, we will, there doesn't seem to be a reason, at this point, to make anyone's life miserable."_

" _Okay."_

" _So sit him at a desk for seventy-two hours and we'll get back to you."_

" _Got it."_

" _And maybe...in a couple hours you can bump into me over at that place on Fifty-ninth."_

 _Olivia grinned. "Do I have a choice?"_

" _Yes. You can let me buy ya a drink or say no and make me feel like an idiot...either scenario...has nothing to do with your detective."_

" _I wouldn't want you to feel like an idiot."_

" _Good," Ed replied in a way that made Olivia practically see his smirk, "Then I'll see ya in a little bit. Sixish?"_

" _Sure."_

" _Lookin' forward to it, Sergeant."_

" _Me too."_

… _.._

One of the purchases Sarah made during the week was a large four-person tube complete with armrests, cupholders, and retractable personal awnings. It was obnoxiously large, but the kids loved using it both in and out of the water. After breakfast on the porch, Ed and Olivia slathered sunblock on the kids, dressed them in their swimwear, and the five of them headed out to float in the gentle late morning waves. Maggie, as usual, fussed and whined when strapped into her life jacket.

"Sorry, pretty girl," Ed said softly to her, "Gotta wear it."

"NO Ja'et!"

"Yes, jacket," Ed kissed both her cheeks.

"Da! SPASH!" Maggie exclaimed with a frown. She babbled a little more and Ed figured out she wanted him to toss her around in surf-something he did without putting her in the life jacket since he held her the whole time.

"We're gonna float for a little bit, Maggs. See?" He held up the mesh bag full of drinks. "We're gonna have a raft party!"

"Let's have a _parrrrty_ ," Noah sang. "Red Solo CUP!"

"That song…" Ed murmured, rolling his eyes. Sarah had played it nonstop the last time they were on the Pontoon and Noah easily picked up on the lyrics, especially the chorus. Ed grumbled about Sarah teaching him a drinking song, but no one, Olivia included, paid him any attention.

"I gotta get my cup," Noah said. He ran into the house and returned with one of the several Red Solos he had decorated and insisted on keeping. "I got Chris!"

"Chris?" Olivia asked.

"Chris da cup! See?" Noah showed them the face, smiling and with spiked hair, he'd drawn on the side.

"Very nice."

Once they reached the shore with the raft, Ed waited for everyone to get on before he pushed it out into waist-deep water. He eventually hoisted himself on and twisted himself into one of the seats. He and Olivia cracked open beers and toasted to their Sunday.

"Not very busy out here," Olivia remarked.

"People prolly still at church."

"How come we don't go to church?" Noah asked. "Gramma always go."

"She goes to play cards and bingo," Ed replied.

"And to talk to God!" Noah countered. He made something that resembled the sign of the cross, "She go like dis and den talks to him!"

Ed and Olivia exchanged glances. Even with sunglasses on, they both could tell the other was uncertain how to answer Noah's question.

"Yeah, bud, and to talk to God. You wanna go with Grandma some Sunday?"

"Uh-huh. Or with Carmen. I like da church where Justy and Sare Bear were at da wedding!"

"How about we start with Grandma Caroline first," Olivia suggested. "I'm sure she'll like to take you along. But you have to be very quiet and listen."

"S'like school when da teacher's talking!"

"You always listen to the teacher bud?" Ed asked in a teasing voice.

Noah twisted his lips. He was torn. Telling the truth meant he would have a ding in his flawless academic reputation and he knew it. "Sometimes...if Mia or another kid wants to talk I jus' have to say _shhhhh_! And then I keep listening."

"That's very good, sweet boy. Always listen. Especially with first grade and all. It's going to be serious."

"I arready know first grade in math."

"But now ya got first grade everything else," Ed pointed out.

" _Whoa_ ," Noah sighed, "Gonna be a lotta work."

"You can do it, bud. And Mommy and I will help ya. Especially Mommy. She's the smartest."

"Mommy? You're smarter than Daddy?"

"Yes."

Noah giggled. "Mia always say da girls are smarter den da boys."

"What do you think?"

"I dunno…." Noah twisted his lips again. "Mia's good in music! And I'm good in math and reading, I always have to tell her words…"

"Everyone has different things they're good at," Olivia explained. "That's what matters. It's okay to be really good at some things and not so great at others. We need all kinds of people with all types of talents to make the world go round."

"Round and round and round," Noah swiveled in his seat. "Whoa! Dizzy!"

Maggie and Wyatt bounced up and down in the center. "DI! DIZZZZY!"

"We wanna jump in!"

The waves had carried them halfway to shore. Olivia hopped off the raft and stood in the thigh-deep water ready to catch her babies and pass them to Ed who remained on board for that very purpose. The kids took turns jumping for at least an hour. Maggie and Noah immediately wanted to jump again after they crashed into the water. Wyatt, however, took a few turns off in order to remain floating at Olivia's side, ducking his head in and out of the water, watching the activity below through the lenses of his first pair of goggles.

….

 _The church was still in view when Justin and Sarah turned back. In sniffly, stammering speech, Sarah insisted they turn around and at least ask about the little boy and his sister. Was anyone looking for possible family members? Would they be sent back into an environment that was unsafe or exactly like the one from which they'd been rescued?_

" _C'mon," Justin said, "I'm not gonna be able to get his face outta my head."_

 _Suddenly, cocktails at a beachfront bar were far from their minds. They found Marta and the other woman who turned out to be a nun still in the yard. When Sarah looked at her skeptically, the woman explained not all women of the cloth wore the full habit, at least not all the time and certainly not when they were caring for children all day._

" _Sister Ana," she said, outstretching her hand. "Was there...something else I could help you with?"_

" _Marta said...there were people coming here often, adoptive parents," Sarah said. "What exactly...what's the process for doing something like that?"_

" _Oh," Sister Ana smiled, "It's thorough and comprehensive but straightforward."_

 _Sarah listened, but her head was spinning. She was overcome with an urgent need to rescue Anthony from this place, to take him home and spoil him with toys and a plush, cozy mattress and rock him to sleep playing with those adorable jet black curls. She saw Justin eyeing the boy who was now sitting by himself on the ground rolling a car back and forth, and she knew her husband was thinking exactly what she was thinking. Anthony was destined to be theirs._

 _Their son was right there, twenty feet or so away._

" _...background check...two-to-four week waiting period...home visit...yes, we can do that remotely...we are an approved, in-house Commonwealth Clearance Adoption Agency…the regular database takes months...match you with the right child…"_

 _Sister Ana had switched to English, perhaps assuming Sarah's distant expression was one of confusion rather than longing. Sarah asked, in Spanish, about Anthony and his sister._

" _They were declared wards of the commonwealth weeks ago."_

" _Can we...can we see Mari?"_

 _Sister Ana looked back and forth from Sarah to Justin. "You speak Spanish well," she said, "Where did you learn?"_

 _She was asking Sarah, not Justin. Her accent betrayed the fact that she wasn't a native speaker. "School," Sarah said, "I picked it up," she snapped her fingers, "Like that. And it's...it's helped me more than any skill I've ever learned…" She rambled on about her job, working for a time in Argentina, the study abroad semester she'd done in Spain but quickly found her way back to the subject of seeing Mari. "Can we meet her?"_

" _Sure."_

 _The inside of the cinder block building crushed Sarah's heart. The staff did their best to make it homey and child-friendly, but it was difficult to look past the drab, light gray painted cement walls and the stark metal cribs. Sister Ana led them to Mari's crib. She was sitting up and entertaining herself with a plastic rattle. There was only one other infant nearby and the baby was sound asleep._

" _Hi Mari," Sarah said. When the baby smiled, Sarah slowly reached one hand into the crib. She'd meant only for Mari to grab her finger, but she crawled straight to Sarah and pulled herself into a standing position._

" _You can pick her up," Sister Ana said._

 _Sarah took Mari into her arms. Like Anthony, she was skinny with a mop of black hair and deeply set brown eyes. Sarah caught a whiff of baby powder and bleach-heavy laundry detergent. The little girl wore only a white onesie._

" _The storm was last summer," Sarah said, "July...how old is she?"_

" _Seven or eight months."_

" _No birth certificates?" Justin asked._

" _Home births probably," Sister Ana said, "Or, if she did give birth in a hospital or a clinic, she could have left without filing the paperwork...the limited information we have...we have to guess, really. Anthony and Mari aren't the only ones."_

" _Not knowing your birthday," Justin murmured._

 _Sarah put Mari back in the crib. Unlike Anthony, she cried, screamed really, to be held again. Sister Ana nodded to Sarah, and she picked her up again. Sarah dabbed at the gigantic tears that had pooled under her eyes._

" _You...returned quickly," Sister Ana said._

" _I don't think I can leave San Juan without them."_

 _Justin put his arm around Sarah's shoulders. It was his way of telling her he agreed. "What, uh, you said you were independent," he said, "What exactly would we have to do...foster care? Get a place and stay here for a few months?" Justin was already weighing his options-he could get a job teaching English, or with the local university. Sarah could certainly work remotely, she'd done it before._

" _No, no," Sister Ana said, "If you went through the national registry, the process would be a little different. No foster care...if you're willing, if you pass, if everything clears, you can adopt."_

" _Omigod."_

 _His wife's elided response was all the confirmation Justin needed. "We'll fill out whatever paperwork we need."_

" _The children, though, do need to stay with us until it is all in order," Sister Ana said with twinkle in her eye._

" _Of course."_

" _But Mari can come with us into the office."_

 _Sarah grinned and hugged the baby to her chest. "You're coming with us, sweet Mari," she whispered. "Sweet girl…"_

… _._

Olivia and Ed kissed the kids goodnight and warned them about getting out of bed before morning. Olivia nuzzled Maggie's and Wyatt's necks and threatened to make them sleep in the portable playpens if they didn't comply. Eyes wide, Noah added, "Mommy's ser'us, babies." When Ed and Olivia blew them kisses as they closed the door, Wyatt and Maggie were curled up on either side of Noah, overly compliant and emphasizing how much they did not want to be relegated to the Pack-and-Plays.

Ed uncorked a bottle of wine and directed Olivia onto the porch. When he joined her with two glasses, she was peering at her phone. He handed her a glass and kissed her cheek. "Here ya go."

"Thank you," she said sweetly. "Wow...this...this Benson Center is really happening."

"Sure is," he slung his arm around her shoulder and started rocking the swing back and forth. "News?"

"Yeah, uh, just looking at some applications...counselors mostly...and some proposals for how it's actually going to function. It'll be so important for a victims services place to focus and follow up solely on rape and assault. But it has to get started on the right foot...this can't be haphazard or thrown together at the last minute."

"Good thing you're in charge then." Ed kissed her cheek again. "And tell me if I can do anything to help...hang pictures...you know...I don't think I'm qualified for much else."

Olivia grinned. "You're qualified to be my wonderful husband."

Ed smiled and touched his glass to hers. "Cheers to that."

"Listen, ah, I know you planned to stay here as long as possible...but…"

"...You wanna get back."

"I just don't want to be rushed. I also got an email from the producer, they're starting to film the pilot at the end of August and they want me on set, the calendar's already starting to fill up and...that's not even taking into account the first days of school and you and the twins…"

"Liv, we got it," Ed shifted so one leg was under his body and he was facing her. "We got it. Whatever you need, whenever you wanna go back, say the words and we're in the car. I," he held her hand, "I want you to be happy."

"But I want you to be happy, too," she said, "I don't want you to feel like life always has to revolve around me. That's not fair."

"Life," he said, smirking, "Actually revolves around those three people upstairs and you. And that's perfectly fine with me. That's the way I want it." He gazed at her and touched her cheek with the back of an index finger. "I'm so glad you're my wife."

"I couldn't ask for a better husband."

Ed took her glass and but them both on the coffee table.

"C'mere."

….

 _Blustery cold and snow greeted Manhattanites the week after Christmas, and Ed and Olivia used the forced inside time to make a dent in the mess they'd left for themselves under the Christmas tree. Partially opened boxes and shards of paper still littered the floor along with plastic and foam toy packaging, stray labels, and and an assortment of cookie and cracker crumbs._

" _Mom, you have eight missed calls," Noah reported from the couch._

" _Sare Bear," Wyatt added with his mouth full of something-either cookies or the banana bread they had for breakfast._

 _Multiple missed calls from Sarah weren't typically cause for alarm, but given her crisis, Olivia immediately called her back. She patted Ed's behind, jerked her head toward the bedroom, and mouthed "be right back."_

 _He raised his eyebrows skeptically and pretended to be offended by her leaving him with the mess and the three kids._

" _Livvie, omigod, I need the HUGEST favor." Sarah picked up and immediately started talking as if they were in the middle of a conversation. "I need you, please, please, please, pretty please, to go to my apartment and wait for this guy, and-"_

" _-Sarah!"_

" _Oh, shit." Sarah muttered as she realized she was getting way ahead of herself._

" _Yeah," Olivia paused, hoping Sarah would take the opportunity to breathe. "What guy? What's going on? Are you okay?"_

" _Livvie, I am so okay you wouldn't believe it. Remember how I said I didn't feel like going on this trip?"_

" _Yes."_

" _We were_ _supposed_ _to go on this trip. Like. SUH-POSED."_

" _Sarah."_

" _Oh, right, sorry, this is what happened." Sarah launched into the whole story, starting with the bracelets and ending with that afternoon which she and Justin spent in the church office filling out form after form-employment and income verification, medical history, criminal history, an application for an appointment to have hers and Justin's fingerprints run, and a home study consent form._

" _Sarah," Olivia broke into a wide smile. "Wow...this is...wow…"_

" _Fast and crazy right?"_

" _Yes, but good crazy?" Olivia felt a bit out-of-character. She was usually more cautious, especially when helping the capricious-natured Sarah, but the excitement was contagious and Sarah's voice harbored nothing but pure joy._

" _Perfectly good crazy." Sarah added the story-Anthony playing with Justin and Mari screaming when Sarah put her back in the crib. "Livvie, she finally fell asleep but I stayed there until she woke up, I couldn't stand the thought of her waking up and looking around for me."_

" _I can imagine…"_

" _So you'll do it?"_

" _Do what?"_

" _Oh, geez, sorry, they've agreed to do a remote home study. So we don't have to go back and forth. I need you to please let them in. It'll be better than the super doing it." Sarah gave Olivia the name of the company and of the two people to expect._

" _Sure, of course, I'll meet them. No problem."_

" _Thank you, Livvie."_

" _Sarah, how long? How long until it's official?"_

" _Livvie, I am not leaving this island without Anthony and Mari. It could be a month. Maybe two. But I'll work from here. The next time I get on an airplane, I'll be...bringing my kids home."_

 _A lump started to form in Olivia's throat and she croaked, "I'm so happy for you, Sare."_

" _I can't believe it, Livvie. But I can. Gawwwwd, you were right. Everything works out."_

" _Is it okay if I tell your Dad?"_

" _Absolutely, but…" Sarah's voice fell slightly, "Please don't tell anyone else, not Noey, not Maggs and Wyatt, just in case...we hit a snag."_

" _Okay."_

" _Thank you, Livvie."_

" _You're welcome sweetheart. I love you."_

 _Ed wandered into the bedroom and hugged Olivia from behind. He kissed her neck slowly, from side to side. "Almost done out there," he rasped._

" _I'm...I'm going to have to head out soon."_

" _Where?" Ed screwed up his face. Not two hours ago Olivia had remarked how she was glad she didn't have to go anywhere on this brutal winter day._

" _Sarah's."_

" _Why?"_

" _We," Olivia paused for dramatic effect, "Are getting two new grandchildren."_

 _Now Ed really looked perplexed. "What?"_

 _Olivia fell into the oversized chair and stretched her legs on the ottoman. She patted the cushion next to her. "C'mere. I'll tell you all about it."_

… _._

 **#Tuckson**


	56. Chapter 56

**Fifty-six**.

The atmosphere at the Benson Center was, appropriately, more casual and relaxed than what Olivia had become accustomed to at SVU. It was also quiet-there were no patrol officers scurrying in and out, no banter between Carisi and whoever was bantering with Carisi, and no heavy, metallic thuds of interrogation doors or holding cell bars closing. Olivia couldn't decide if she missed the commotion or welcomed the tranquility of her new space.

Today, though, she didn't have total peace. She and the lead social worker were reviewing resumes and scheduling interviews while also vetting local shelters and assessing the city's affordable housing pool. Olivia's plan was to closely partner with one or two facilities, so, when a victim needed temporary housing, she and the staff could ensure they were safe and their unique needs were met as expeditiously as possible.

Olivia had a flat screen television mounted on one office wall and a bluetooth speaker on the credenza, but she left them both off, choosing instead to listen to the sounds of Maggie and Wyatt playing on the plush shag carpeting. Since she had planned to spend only the morning at the office, she brought the twins and a bagful of toys along and gave Ed a few hours to himself. After a bit of cajoling by Sarah, Ed and Olivia had agreed to let Noah accompany her to Florida for the next two days so she could sign the paperwork for the condo she'd finally purchased. At the last minute Justin was offered a spot in a water rescue training course-something he'd been yearning to add to his resume-so Noah took his first class seat.

"They play so well together."

Olivia had been staring at her laptop but daydreaming about Noah on the plane and immersed in her twins' sweet voices, so the social worker's voice startled her. Olivia removed her reading glasses and tossed them aside, "Yes they do. They always have. You should see them when their big brother's around-he organizes games, all these...scenarios...and they follow right along. Except when they play school-they don't sit still for long."

The two women watched Wyatt pile books into his dump truck, roll it to Maggie, and empty the contents at her feet. Wyatt went back for more books and Maggie stacked the others into a wobbly pile. The twins babbled to one another in a combination of toddler gibberish and discernible words and phrases. Maggie built two more book stacks, each shorter than the other. She placed smaller toys-a horse, some action figures, and a few of Wyatt's cars on top of each tower. Finally, she called to Wyatt and they stood side by side.

"Oneoooooreeee!"

At the end of the phrase, they knocked the toys to the ground and squealed with delight.

"They're saying one-two-three," Olivia explained, "They remember it from jumping into the water at the beach. Are you jumping your toys, sweethearts?"

"JUH! JUH Mama! Wa-er!"

"SPASH!" Wyatt bounced up and down and made a bunch of "guh" sounds.

"No, honey," Olivia said, "We don't have your goggles here. No water." Olivia lifted her arms and shrugged. "You can use them in the bathtub tonight."

"BA! Buh-bath! Magg! Buh!"

For whatever reason, Maggie took off running. Wyatt chased her. They made a lap around the room, Wyatt spotted their toy bag, saw a ball, and threw it to his sister and they began chasing the ball instead of each other.

"So," Courtney, the social worker said, getting back to business, "I just got off the phone with Ken Bartuzzio? A parole officer?"

The name didn't ring a bell with Olivia.

"He has a guy under his supervision, he was released a couple of months ago, apparently did amazing research in prison, and he wants to know if we can give him something part time."

"A _parolee_?" Olivia asked disbelievingly. "I don't think so."

Courtney handed her a pink slip of paper from the message pad, "I didn't think you'd love the idea, but here's his information. He sounded really," Courtney searched for the right words, "Really...genuine, I guess. For a PO."

"Okay," Olivia replied, "I'll call him."

Courtney closed the door halfway on her way out. Wyatt followed her, but quickly popped back into sight. "PEEKBOO! PEEKBOO MAMA! PEEKBOO MAGG!"

Olivia played along with him and then Maggie until they moved on to something else. She rolled the message paper into a tiny cylinder and tried to decide if she was annoyed or not with Bartuzzio, whoever he was, trying to pawn off a convict on her. It was difficult, though, to be annoyed or filled with any type of negative energy with her happy two-year-olds a few feet away.

"Sweet twins," she murmured to herself.

 _Please_ , she begged to any higher power that was listening, _let them stay this happy forever._

…

 _Maggie Tucker stalked out of the school's auditorium and found her twin brother in the library, sitting in his favorite corner spot with his leather boots propped on the window ledge. Without looking, Wyatt said hello to Maggie and plucked his bookmark, a playing card Joker, from the front pocket of his backpack._

" _Can we go?" Maggie asked impatiently._

" _I was waiting for you to get out of practice," Wyatt retorted good-naturedly._

" _Well, I'm sick of the stupid play and stupid Mr. Haskins and Lydia because she's always messing up her lines then I miss my cue and then I mess up!" Maggie clenched her jaw and fumed while Wyatt packed up his things. To emphasize her discontent, she yanked two sections of her ponytail in opposite directions, creating a goofy-looking lump on top of her head._

" _Alright, I'm ready," he zipped his windbreaker and slung the bag over one shoulder. He finally took a good look at Maggie and cocked his head, concerned. "You want me to run the lines with you?"_

 _Maggie groaned, "That's not gonna help if that dummy doesn't remember hers."_

" _Sure it will," Wyatt insisted. "If you know the whole scene with everyone's lines, then you won't have to worry about what other people know and you'll be ready if they make a mistake."_

 _As usual, Wyatt's reasoning made a whole lot of sense. Maggie smiled appreciatively. "Okay."_

" _Can you text Mom and tell her we'll be a little longer?"_

 _Maggie pulled out her phone but sassily inquired about Wyatt's device._

" _It's dead."_

" _You don't have your charger?" Maggie was shocked. Wyatt was always prepared and never, ever, let his phone or his laptop get dangerously low on battery power._

" _Someone," he coughed purposefully, "Took it from my bag."_

 _Maggie winced. "Oh," she murmured, "Sorry."_

… _..._

Once the seatbelt sign was turned off, Noah scooted forward in his seat and tapped the screen to scroll through the available movies and games. He seemed to be having a difficult time finding something to suit his interest and Sarah asked him if she could help.

"Want somethin' 'bout da Gulf of Mex-i-co," he said. "Cause that's where we're goin."

"Hmm, I dunno if we'll find that," Sarah said, "What about anything with the ocean?"

"Da Gulf isn't da ocean!"

"Yes it is," Sarah said, proud she could draw on something she'd learned in elementary school social studies class, "A gulf is when the ocean is surrounded by land on three sides."

"Ohhhh," Noah tapped to get to the "flight view" screen and zoomed out, "Dere's Florida and next to Florida is jus' a little bit of Al'bama, then em-ess-"

"Mississippi," Sarah said.

"Dat's too many letters."

"Oh."

"Then Texas! I really wanna go to Texas, Sare Bear, can you drive us there after we buy da condo?"

"Noey, it's farther than it looks, so, no. But someday we'll go."

"I wanna see da cowboys with those giant hats! And da Alamo."

"How do you know about the Alamo?"

"It's on da map at school."

"It's summer!"

"Sare Bear!" Noah narrowed his eyes, "You 'posedta r'member da stuff! Even in summer!"

Sarah gave Noah a quick yet vigorous side hug. "I love you, Noey Boey. You're so smart." She grinned at their first class area-Noah's blue backpack, two puzzle books and the iPad shoved in the seat pocket, the complimentary blanket and pillow still in the packaging, and a can of Cherry Coke at his side. "Thank you for coming with me."

"You welcome. Thanks for takin' me on this BIG PLANE and to da beach again!"

" _You_ are welcome."

"Justy probably gonna haveta go to our house for dinner," Noah said.

Sarah grinned. "Justin can cook! You've eaten his food a lot!"

"But Justy cooks for _people_ ," Noah countered. "He makes a whole buncha food!"

"That's true. Well, he can order from Seamless."

"I gotta get that on my phone," Noah murmured.

Thinking about how her father would react if she hooked Noah up with the app, Sarah laughed. "I don't think that's a great idea. Maybe when you're thirteen."

"Yeah...Mommy and Daddy get me all my food," Noah said.

"Speaking of food, we have to decide what we want for dinner. Chicken or veggie pasta?"

Impressed and a tad awestruck, Noah said, "We eatin' dinner on da plane?"

"Yes. Well, we can. Or we can skip it and eat somewhere when we land."

"I'm kinda hungry now."

"Okay then, Chicken or pasta?"

"Pasta."

"Okay. You want another soda?"

Noah jiggled his can. "Still got a lot."

"I think there's a documentary about the ocean," Sarah said, "You want to watch that?"

"Nah," Noah said, "I'll draw. Whadda you gonna do?"

"Look through these magazines," Sarah pulled three hefty periodicals from her bag, "So I can get some ideas about how to decorate the condo."

"Ooo!" Noah rose to his knees. "I'll help ya! Then, then, I'll draw da condo on da iPad and show you where da couches and stuff go!"

"Sounds like a plan, Noey. You might be an architect someday. Or maybe a designer. Or maybe both. Wouldn't you like to make cool buildings?"

"Yep!" Noah sighed. "Lotsa stuff ta do…"

Sarah saw his face contort ever so slightly-it was a rare expression but it was one born of stress and uncertainty. She hated seeing him like this, looking older and a tad weary, and she knew he had trouble articulating his own feelings. "Don't worry, Noey Boey," she hugged him again and kissed his head, "You have a whole bunch of years to do all the stuff. One thing at a time. Like, right now? All we have to do is look at these magazines and enjoy our flight!"

Noah grinned. "Yeah! I'm really enjoyin' this flight, Sare Bear! I love it!" He swooped his arm around, "Got all dis stuff and da movies and snacks and drinks!"

"I know. It's so great," Sarah touched her glass to his soda can. "Now, let's design us a condo."

Noah took a huge gulp. "Kay. You should get a purple couch like G."

"Ya think?"

"Yep."

"Well, that does seem beachy."

"Yep! I want my room to be blue though."

Sarah chuckled. "Okay."

"But when you get kids I'll sleep on da couch. Because babies cry a lot and they'll wake me up!"

"Noey, you'll always have a bed in my house."

Noah put his head on her shoulder. "Thanks, Sare Bear. You have a bed in my house, too!"

"Good deal."

….

Olivia worked for longer than she'd planned. The twins were content in her office, especially after Courtney started giving them cookies from her stash when they wandered into the main reception area. She called Ed and they agreed to meet at a nearby restaurant with ample sidewalk seating. Olivia arrived first, situated Maggie and Wyatt in booster seats, and ordered their food right away since they hadn't had a proper lunch. She also ordered a glass of wine for herself and a beer for Ed, and the drinks arrived seconds before Maggie and Wyatt spotted him approaching.

"DA!

DADA!

Wyatt's eyes were huge. He looked at Olivia and pointed toward Ed. "Ma! Dada! Dada c'min!"

"Yes, sweet Wyatt, there he is!"

At the attention, Ed smirked and wove his way through the tables. He cupped Olivia's face and pressed a firm kiss to her lips.

"Dadada!"

Ed pinched the twins' cheeks and gave them kisses. Maggie babbled and giggled. From what they could make out, she was explaining all they'd done that morning and afternoon. Olivia had pulled her hair into a ponytail, and it bounced around as Maggie spoke. Wyatt played with his car and made "Vrooom!" noises. When the car collided with Maggie's cup, he shouted "Beep beep!" When he smiled, his pearly white teeth gleamed and stood out in contrast to his deep olive skin. The sun had added golden streaks to both his and Maggie's locks.

"Have a good day?" Ed asked. He sat down and took a sip of the beer.

"We did. Courtney's scheduling interviews, oh," Olivia frowned, "A PO asked for a favor, that we give one of his guys a job."

"A guy on parole?" Ed asked, incredulous at the request.

"Yes!"

"Bullshit," he said under his breath so Wyatt and Maggie couldn't hear.

"I know. What the…" Suddenly, the street noise died down and Olivia caught herself, "So, other than that, a good day. How about you? What'd you do?"

Olivia leaned on her elbow and grinned. She had been so happy to give Ed some rare alone time, but he only managed a weak smile, "Changed light bulbs. Took some stuff down to the storage room...watched the ballgame."

"Sounds productive."

"Somethin like that."

Olivia narrowed her eyes and reached for his hand. It was cold from the frosted pint glass and she kissed his fingers. "Something?"

"Ah, had more time on my hands than I thought," Ed replied, trying to downplay how bored and aimless he'd been after a couple of hours of solitude.

"That's good though? Right?"

Ed shrugged. "I think I'm a little out of practice at bein' by myself," he said. "It's been...a few years now since I really had nothin' to do but go to work, go have a drink, and go home and watch _Jeopardy_."

" _Jeopardy…_ " Olivia murmured.

"Yeah," Ed leaned in for a kiss. They were both remembering some of the early days when they spent evenings together watching the game show with Noah playing nearby.

Maggie saw her parents trade kisses and shouted, "MWAH!"

Olivia kissed Maggie on the cheeks, punctuating each kiss with a "Mwah" of her own. Maggie giggled, grabbed a french fry from the basket and offered it to her mother. "F'fry, Mama?"

Olivia took a bite. "Thank you, sweet girl."

"F'fry, Wy!" Maggie shoved a fry at Wyatt.

"Tayouuu!" He said, grabbing it and taking a blissful bite.

Ed smoothed Wyatt's hair. "Good thank-you, bud."

Ed and Olivia sat back in their chairs and gazed at their twins as they ate their fries and chicken fingers. Even though it meant their hands were mostly free, both parents experienced some sadness at the fact they no longer had to cut the twins' food into bits. They didn't even bother chopping the chicken pieces in half.

"Noah and Sarah should be landing soon," Olivia said. "I miss him."

"So do I. But I bet he's havin the time of his life on the plane with her."

"You're right." Thinking of Sarah's no-holds-barred attitude toward Noah, Olivia smiled. "I hope she remembers to let us know when they're on the ground."

"She will."

Olivia reached for his hand again. "What do you want to do tonight?"

"Movie?"

She grinned and took a deep, satisfied breath. Cuddling up on the couch with Ed sounded like the perfect way to spend the evening hours. "I love that idea. Something...not too heavy?"

He smiled at the prospect of hearing her laugh at some trivial, inane humor. "Sounds good to me."

Olivia picked up a menu and waved it around, "Any of this sound good to you?"

"Not as good as watchin' a movie with my wife, but I suppose I gotta eat."

Olivia gave him a playful punch to the upper arm. "I wonder if Noah and Wyatt will flirt like you do."

"If they're lucky enough to be as in love as I am, Liv, they will."

….

 _Ed was so late Olivia wondered if he'd either forgotten about their planned stay-at-home date or if there'd been an incident he needed to immediately investigate. She checked the scanner app on her phone, but traffic was quiet. She didn't want to nag Ed, so, instead of sending him a "where are you" message, Olivia turned the burners on low so the stir-fry would stay warm and sipped the wine that had been poured for almost a half hour. Noah had already eaten, as planned, and was playing on the floor with his barnyard animal set. The television was on but muted, so the only sounds were Noah's "moos" and "oinks." Finally, the intercom buzzed, signaling Ed's arrival._

 _Olivia opened the door and before she could do or say anything, Noah sprinted over and jumped up and down at Ed's feet._

" _Hi Noah!" Ed grinned down at the boy, but he couldn't do much else because his hands were full. In one hand he held a six pack of beer, the cardboard damp from condensation, and in the other was a paper shopping bag. "Got somethin' for ya if Mommy says it's okay."_

 _Noah grinned and stood on his toes, trying to get a glimpse of the bag's contents._

" _Of course it's okay," Olivia took the beer and squinted at Ed. She could feel the outside heat radiating from him. "Still scorching out there?"_

" _Humid," he replied. "Nasty. I'll uh," he kicked off his sneakers, "I'll put this down and, if you don't mind, splash some water on my face."_

" _Sure." Olivia led him into the kitchen where she got a glimpse of the treats for Noah. She had been expecting a store-bought package, but instead found a Ziploc freezer bag full of cookies. "Wow."_

" _My mom made 'em...for little man here. She and my daughter stopped by, that's what took me so long," Ed picked Noah up and sat him on the counter. "Look good?"_

" _YES!" Noah smiled at the bagful of chocolate chip and shortbread cookies._

" _She didn't make peanut butter," Ed reported ruefully, "She was worried he might be allergic."_

" _He's not," Olivia said, "But that was very thoughtful of her. Tell her thank you." Olivia opened the bag. "Here you go, sweet boy, pick two."_

 _Noah chose two cookies and wandered back into the living room with them. Olivia touched Ed's face with the back of her hand. "Let me get you a fresh towel."_

 _Ed followed her to the back hallway. Olivia took a sweet-smelling hand towel from the closet and gave it to Ed. She didn't let go right away, though, and he gave her two pecks on the lips. "I'll be right back," he said in a low voice. "Thanks."_

" _You're welcome."_

 _Olivia had planned to serve dinner at the table, but after drinking a beer each they mutually decided to have dinner sitting on the couch instead. Ed ate the first few bites of chicken and vegetables more quickly than Olivia had ever seen him consume food._

" _Hungry?" She asked with a grin on her face._

" _Very. Skipped lunch," He smirked shyly. "And...it's really good. Thought you said you couldn't cook?"_

" _I think it might be more of an effort and time thing than a skill thing," Olivia said._

" _Well," Ed's eyes met hers, "Thanks for takin' the time and effort tonight."_

" _You're welcome."_

 _They turned back to the television. An episode of Jeopardy was starting and Ed immediately started answering the questions. Impressed and eager to keep up, Olivia did the same._

 _Alex Trebek read the next question. "The only country with a two-sided flag."_

 _Clueless, Olivia scrunched up her face, but Ed answered._

" _Paraguay."_

 _Sure enough, that was the correct answer._

" _How did you know_ _that_ _?" Olivia asked._

" _I'm not exactly sure."_

" _Not a fact one just knows, Tucker."_

 _He shrugged, "I really don't know...maybe one of those trivia things they have at bars?"_

" _Or you're a closet vexillologist," Olivia suggested._

" _A what?"_

" _Vexillologist-a flag expert."_

" _Now how'd you know that?"_

" _Heard it used in a movie once a long time ago."_

 _By the time Final Jeopardy rolled around, Noah was between them turning the pages of a board book, and Ed and Olivia had begun keeping score. They laughed when the category was announced._

" _Law Enforcement History."_

" _I'm betting it all," Olivia said._

 _Ed nodded. "So am I."_

 _After they read the question, however, they were both less confident. "In 1909, a member of the Texas Rangers discovered a palm pistol and was credited with preventing the assassinations of President Porfirio Diaz and this U.S. President."_

 _Ed sat on the edge of the cushion and pursed his lips. Olivia stared at the ceiling and tried to narrow down the list of Presidents to turn-of-the century names. "Roosevelt…" she murmured, "No...that's not right."_

" _McKinley?" Ed guessed. "No, he was actually killed. Damn," he muttered under his breath, "Cleveland? No…"_

 _The answer was William Howard Taft. Defeated, Ed and Olivia flung themselves back against the cushions._

" _We both lose," Olivia said._

" _Good game, Lieutenant."_

 _They turned their heads and smiled at each other. Ed peered down at Noah who was still happily entertained by the book and then continued gazing at Olivia. "I don't feel like a loser, though," he said softly._

" _Me neither." She reached over and massaged his shoulder. She scooted close enough to lean in for a kiss._

 _Ed was thrilled that she was comfortable showing him that type of affection in front of Noah. "We'll have to have a rematch sometime," he said after they parted._

" _Absolutely." Olivia ran her fingers through Noah's hair, "Sweet boy, why don't you say night-night to Ed? It's bedtime." Noah frowned, but obediently mumbled the words. Olivia picked him up and, with a wink, told Ed she'd be right back. He was in the same spot when she returned a few minutes later. "Want another beer?" she asked._

" _Sure."_

" _Or...I have bourbon, and wine."_

" _Beer's good."_

 _Olivia got two more beers from the refrigerator and sat down again, this time much closer than she'd been earlier. "I hope you didn't mind staying in tonight," she said, "I haven't had a lot of time at home with Noah lately. I feel like I'm under the microscope with Mike Dodds there now."_

" _Just the opposite," Ed replied, "I like tonight." He gave her a gentle kiss and continued in his softest voice. "Don't forget you're the boss. And you're good, Liv. Respected. Bill Dodds and everyone else at One PP care about press and care about statistics. Your squad delivers what they need; they're not gonna mess with that, not even with Bill's kid there."_

" _He seems so...not Chief Dodds," Olivia said, "I can't figure out if he's playing me or if he's genuinely a good guy."_

" _Sometimes the apple falls far from the tree."_

 _Olivia broke into gentle laughter. It was no secret that Ed Tucker despised the elder Dodds. "In this case, let's hope so," she said, clearly amused._

 _He inched closer and rasped, "What's so funny, Lieutenant?"_

" _You're cute when you're cynical."_

" _I don't like that they did that to ya. Liv, I," his face reddened and he nervously glanced around the room, "If I coulda stopped it I would have."_

" _It's going to be okay," she said, "I doubt he's there for long...I'm sure the Chief has other promotions in mind."_

" _Even so…"_

" _You gave me a heads up about the test," she said, "It's not your fault Dodds got a window to get Mike a job...that was all Barba...and me."_

" _Yeah, I know," Ed replied, "But I still feel kinda responsible...and I also know you can fight your own battles, but...it's-"_

" _-it's the way you are."_

" _I guess so."_

" _I like that about you, Ed Tucker."_

 _Ed sighed with exaggerated relief. "Thought it could go either way."_

" _I'm sure those protective instincts annoyed your girls a few times as they were growing up."_

" _Sure did. But they apparently haven't held it against me. Or at least they don't when they need money...or a place in the city to crash...or my shield to skip lines."_

 _Olivia smiled. "Have to work the perks of having a generous cop for a Dad."_

" _Believe me, they know."_

 _Maybe it was the way he rolled his eyes or how his face contorted into a slight frown, or it could have been the way he grumbled the sentence-annoyed yet full of love for his daughters, but Olivia was overcome with an urgent need to kiss him and be in his arms. Without another word, she closed the distance between them and held his face as they kissed. She felt his hands on her back and her spine tingled. She wanted him. She wanted tonight to be the night, yet, as she started to unbutton his shirt, they were interrupted by the sound of Noah's pathetic cries._

 _Olivia closed her eyes and pressed her forehead to his. "I'm sorry."_

" _Don't be sorry," he said, "Might be my fault...too many cookies?"_

" _Cross your fingers that's all it is."_

 _While Olivia checked on Noah, Ed caught his breath. He was thrilled. Though he didn't mind taking things slowly, he'd had his mind made up for a while that he wanted Benson, forever, and he was willing to do whatever it took to make that happen. Via the monitor, Ed heard her soothing Noah back to sleep and he let himself daydream about the day when, perhaps, they would handle bad dreams and middle-of-the-night tummy aches together._

 _Olivia returned and came up behind him. "Where were we?" She whispered in his ear._

 _Ed hated to tell her she'd missed a call while she was gone, but he had to do it. He reached up and entangled his fingers in her hair so she knew how reluctant he was to utter the next sentence. "You have a message," he said._

 _Olivia groaned. "Seriously?"_

" _I really wouldn't joke about that," he looked up and smirked at her. "Not right now."_

 _Grinning, Olivia rounded the couch and check her phone. "Carisi," she said. "I have to call him back."_

 _The questions Olivia asked and her businesslike tone signaled to Ed that she would have to go. He was right._

" _I can stay," he said._

 _Olivia liked the idea of letting Lucy have an uninterrupted night, but she had never called on Ed to babysit before. "Are you sure?"_

" _Absolutely. But I get it...if you'd rather call the sitter."_

" _No, no, I...I don't want you to, well, I don't know how long I'll be…"_

 _Ed stood, went to her, and held her hands. "That doesn't matter. Be as long as you need to be. We'll be here."_

" _Okay." She glanced down, loving the sight of their fingers entwined together. "I'm going to change and get going then. Do you want...a pillow and a blanket or anything?"_

 _Ed kissed her before releasing her hands. "Nah...I'm gonna brush up on Jeopardy practice questions."_

 _Olivia grinned and swatted at his chest. "I'll bring them for you just in case."_

… _.._

The movie had concluded more than an hour earlier and the television screen was frozen on the main menu waiting for the operator to either exit or restart from the beginning. Ed and Olivia were stretched out across the cushions exchanging post-coital kisses. A throw blanket partially covered their naked bodies. Ed ran his foot up and down between Olivia's ankle and knee. The intensity of his kisses told her he wasn't finished making love to her for the night. Olivia could also tell he was in a possessive mood which meant something was bothering him.

"Mmmm," she droned, her lips against his, "I suppose we'll try to watch the end tomorrow night?"

"Sure we'll _try_."

"Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"Are you alright? With today?"

"Olivia Margaret, I am very alright."

"No," she created some space between them under the guise of playing with his hair. "I meant...earlier today, you seemed a little, down, at lunch. I...got a little worried. I still am."

Ed held her more tightly and looped his top leg around her lower body. "It was weird is all," he admitted, knowing he wouldn't be able to convince Olivia he hadn't been affected by the time alone. "So much to think about...when I have you and the kids with me, when we're all together, it's all about that moment. Today I was thinking about first grade and teachers and hopin' Noah's in a class with Mia again, then about where they'll all go to college and if they'll move away and how it will all work...when we're old...good stuff...but heavy stuff."

Olivia let him kiss her for a few more minutes before she responded.

"My heart breaks a little when I think about them getting older," she finally said. "But it shouldn't, because we're going to do everything we can to make sure they're happy, but this age...I love it so much."

"Me too."

"And I think...deep down...we're both scared about not seeing a lot of their adulthood…"

"If I have a regret, if you can call it that, that's it."

"I don't regret anything." Olivia stared into his eyes. "I think...we're packing more happiness into our lives right now than most people get in seventy, eighty years."

"You're right, and," Ed rolled himself on top of her, "More sex, too."

Olivia grinned. "Truer words have never been spoken, Captain."

"You know what else?"

"What?"

Ed smirked devilishly. "I love kids in cribs."

"Enjoy it," she said, "Our six-year-old gets back in two days."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	57. Chapter 57

**Fifty-seven.**

Before Sarah and Noah ventured out for breakfast and then to the attorney's office to sign the purchasing documents, Noah called New York via Face Time. He walked around the condo Sarah rented for their brief stay and ended up on the balcony where he chatted with his parents with the aqua blue water in the background.

"Sare Bear say after we eat and sign da stuff we're goin' to check out the place _then_ we're hangin' on da beach for da rest of the day!"

"Sounds like a good time, bud. Whatcha gonna have for breakfast?"

Noah shrugged. "Sare Bear say we might _do brunch_ an' that means we'll have breakfast and lunch together!" He could hear but not see Maggie and Wyatt playing in the background. "What'd those babies have for breakfast?"

"Waffles and strawberries," Olivia answered. "They miss you. Wyatt pointed at your spot and kept saying your name, sweet boy."

Noah grinned, but responded in a gravely serious tone. "You tell him I'll be back in one, _TWO_ days! Tell small sister, too."

"Okay, honey."

Before he hung up, Noah propped the phone on his knees so he could blow everyone kisses with both hands. Ed retrieved Maggie and Wyatt and they copied their brother's motions. Like they did when they were infants, the toddlers pressed their faces to the screen. When the call was over, Olivia rubbed the phone against her shirt.

"I'm glad he's having a good time," she said, "But I miss him so much!"

"Two more nights," Ed gave Olivia a quick kiss and went to grab the twins so he could swap their pajamas for regular clothes. "Ready to hit the gym, Tucker twins?"

Maggie's and Wyatt's jubilant responses indicated they were very ready to head to the toddler gym. Olivia was on her way in to lend a hand when her phone rang and the producer's name flashed on the screen. He was calling to ask Olivia to attend the pilot's table reading, an invitation he'd first extended via email while the Tuckers were at the beach.

"Sorry," Olivia said, "I completely disconnected while we were on vacation."

"Not a problem. It'd be great if you could come, though, considering…" He meant that the script they'd chosen was the one with which Olivia's advice had been most influential.

A pained expression crossed Olivia's face. She twisted her body around for a view of the twins' room. Wyatt was already dressed in red cotton shorts and a white t-shirt and Ed was wrestling a clean diaper on Maggie. Olivia asked about the time and length of the read and told the producer she'd call him right back.

"Hey," she said sweetly as she entered the twins' room and picked up Wyatt. "I got a call from the show…."

"Oh yeah?" Ed looked up, smiling and interested.

"They want me in for a table read today...in an hour."

For Ed, the decision was a no-brainer. "Well go," he said cheerfully.

Olivia longingly eyed Maggie and Wyatt. It had been months since she accompanied them to the gym since Ed took them on the outings during the day when Noah was at school. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Is it your script?"

"Not mine," Olivia replied, "But...the one I helped with the most, it's the one...mirrored after the election?"

"That's what I meant." Ed scrunched up his face, a little perplexed that Olivia thought he wouldn't remember, "The one that kinda combines everything-PR, squad dogged by the media, vics that don't realize they're vics...yeah...you need to be there, Liv."

"I know I do. It's...I feel bad...we haven't even been back a week and, two days in a row, I'm...out."

Ed placed Maggie on her feet and put his arms around Olivia. "But you'll be back in a few hours. And you won't get a call in the middle of the night...or tomorrow morning. If ya want, we'll go to the gym again tomorrow. Or we can wait. You _can_ have both worlds, Liv."

Since Ed came into her life, Olivia knew, deep down, he positioned himself so that his world revolved around hers. That type of deference could have come across as sycophantic overcompliance, but it didn't. Ed was madly in love with her and wanted desperately to make her happy; he achieved this in hundreds of subtle little ways, but now, it was glaringly obvious how hard he always tried to make her life perfect. And, for the first time, that realization caused her pangs of guilt and discomfort because she was falling short on reciprocating.

Olivia stroked his face and asked, "Why are you so good to me?"

"Because you deserve it," Ed kissed one cheek and then the other, "And because I love you. More than anything."

"Maybe someday I'll get used to that."

"Ah," Ed shrugged and a cocky smirk formed on his face, "Maybe you shouldn't."

…..

 _The San Juan hotel suite Sarah and Justin rented for their impromptu extended stay took a while to resemble a space occupied by a couple with young children. At first, Sarah refused to buy anything for Anthony and Mari. She was afraid such purchases were presumptuous and would jinx their unbelievable, unexpected good fortune. Deep down, Justin, the more practical of the two, thought her reservations were unfounded, but he played along until the adoption was finalized._

" _Sare," he had said that afternoon, "We gotta get some clothes, toys...bottles and formula...this time tomorrow we'll have them. The hotel will give us a crib, but...they don't come with accessories, babe."_

 _Sarah managed a smile. "Justin, what are we doing?" She asked, clearly panicked._

 _For the past few weeks, as they jumped through the hoops of the adoption process, Sarah's mood fluctuated between excited and apprehensive. She spent hours on the phone with Olivia, Brooke, and Caroline. Her concerns ranged from gravely serious to borderline ridiculous. In the same sentence she would wonder if she would be a good mother and then ask Justin to go out and get more sweets because she wasn't sure what Anthony liked. Justin's even-keeled demeanor baffled her. "Why aren't you freaking out?" She asked at one point. He shrugged and grinned and Sarah realized she had never actually seen Justin lose control._

" _We're getting our kids tomorrow," he said softly. "And then we're taking them home Friday."_

" _I have to call Brooke and make sure they set up the crib and didn't just deliver it."_

" _You did that, remember? She sent a picture."_

" _Oh, yeah…we're gonna have to look for a bigger place. Anthony's not going to want to share rooms with his sister for long."_

" _He's three. He'll be okay for a couple years."_

 _Sarah chewed her fingernail. "Maybe a year…" Her eyes grew wide as saucers and she stared at Justin. "I cannot believe this."_

 _Justin pulled her into his arms. "We lucked out, Sare. That takes a while to sink in."_

" _Sure as fuck does." Sarah giggled. "I guess the days of unfiltered speech at all times are over."_

" _Yeah," Justin said, "Swear jars are funnier when they involve other people's kids."_

" _I may be in for some payback." Sarah grinned. "Yeah...major payback. I can't wait."_

…

Semi-strong wind gusts forced Sarah, Noah, and other patio patrons to secure napkins and other lightweight items with water-filled glasses, plates, and silverware. Even though Noah was wearing his aviator sunglasses, Sarah could tell worry and concern filled his eyes.

"Too windy, Noey?"

He furrowed his brow but remained fixated on the boardwalk that led to the beach. "Looks like dat path's gonna blow away!"

Sarah grinned but didn't laugh. She didn't want to belittle his concern. "The wood _looks_ like it's worn out, but it's really strong," she explained. "And the people who own this place want their customers to be safe, so they wouldn't let people out there if it wasn't sturdy."

"Sturdy…"

"Synonym for strong."

"Yeah…"

"Do you like this place?"

"Has a lotta rooms and lotsa...stuff hangin' on da walls," Noah said, smiling now and perched on the edge of his chair, "And those guys with the guitars are good! I like dat music."

"You do?" Sarah was truly amazed, for she was certain Noah had never been exposed to country-western music.

"Yup."

"Then I think you'll really like Texas."

"Those guys had da hats!"

"You don't have to be in Texas to wear them. Maybe I'll get you one for your birthday."

"You take me to Texas for my birthday?"

Despite the sunglasses, Sarah knew Noah was batting his eyelashes. "Of course I'll take you to Texas. But, well, maybe your parents will want to go...since Mommy's retired and all."

"Yeah...Mommy'll wanna go and she'll get a big hat for Daddy."

Sarah couldn't stop her giggles. She was picturing her Dad in cowboy gear and Olivia's face when she saw him. _Such a sexy scene,_ she thought. "Yes, everyone shall have the hats. Girls can wear them, too, ya know."

"I only saw boys in da picture."

"That's because people are still gender biased."

"What dat mean?"

"It means some people think boys and girls have to be separate and they can't do the same things."

"That's dumb."

"I _know_!" Sarah finished off her cocktail and signaled the waiter for another round. "So, Noey, are you excited that your Mom will be around all the time now and won't go to work?"

"Yeah, dat's good. And she won't get shot anymore."

Sarah choked on the orange wedge she'd popped into her mouth. "Why do you think Mommy's getting shot?"

"Dat's what hurt her arm."

"How do you know that?"

Noah gnashed his teeth, "At da beach...da _other beach_ at our house...I was gettin' a snack and Daddy and Gramma were on da porch and Gramma said it."

"Did they know you were there?"

"No," Noah mumbled guiltily.

"You snuck out for a snack?"

"Uh-huh."

"Where was Mommy?"

Noah shrugged. "I dunno."

It took Sarah a few minutes, but she realized Noah could have been describing the night she, Olivia, and Brooke went out for girls' night cocktails. Caroline had been invited but she was content on the back porch with the sound of the waves and her son.

"Noey," Sarah took another sip, "Mommy's safe now. She's not going to get hurt anymore."

"Who shot her with a gun?"

Sarah looked around hoping for the wind to overturn an umbrella or something and sufficiently distract her young charge. "A bad guy. He wasn't trying to shoot her-he was shooting at the air, really, he wanted the police to go away, and the bullet hit something and then hit Mommy's arm. He didn't mean to hurt her."

"I don't like Mommy gettin' hurt."

"Me neither." Sarah stood up and held out her hand. "C'mon, Noey. We are being entirely too serious. Let's go dance with the cowboy band while they'll still let ya in there."

Noah hopped to his feet and took Sarah's hand. "Lessgo," he said, "I'll twirl ya!"

… _..._

If there was a bright side of Noah being away, it was the amount of free evening time Ed and Olivia had at their disposal. While the twins were stuck with a strict bedtime, Noah, during the summer at least, was good at bargaining for extra time. With him in Florida and undoubtedly enjoying a vacation from curfew, Ed and Olivia waited to eat dinner until Maggie and Wyatt were asleep and they enjoyed their takeout feast at the candlelit dining room table with soft jazz music playing in the background.

"I like Indian food," Ed remarked with his mouth full, "Why don't we eat it more often?"

"I never think about it," Olivia replied, "But it popped up on the app as a suggestion."

"I like these," Ed held up a triangular pastry, "What are they? Samoas?"

" _Samosa_ ," Olivia corrected, "Samoas are Girl Scout Cookies."

"Well I like those, too." He dipped the samosa in the accompanying sauce, "So, tell me, you said it was a good read, but...what else?"

"It was a little strange at first," Olivia admitted, "Everything in that script...I've lived it, for real, and I wasn't sure, initially, how I felt about it being dramatized like that. And, of course, it's an hour-long show, so things happen so quickly, so many times I wanted to say, 'wait, stop, it doesn't work like that' but in television, I suppose it has to work like that."

"Too bad really," Ed remarked, "Lot of people lose faith in the system because it takes so long."

"Yeah, well...double edged sword. Swift justice isn't necessarily authentic justice."

Ed rocked his head from side to side. "There've been a lot of instances when I wanted exceptions to the rules."

"So have I…"

"Were you happy with the actors?"

"Yes," Olivia smiled, "They're amazing actually-how they go from themselves one second to the character the next. I mean, this guy who plays the chief, sort of a Dodds role, he's from California but he sounds exactly like a New York cop when he's in character."

Ed raised his eyebrows. "Who's this actor?"

Olivia grinned and gave Ed the name.

"Never heard of him."

"This is his first lead role."

"He good lookin?"

"No."

Ed took a bite and chewed with a smirk on his face. "They oughta cast you. Show'd be at the top of every chart."

Olivia's cheeks burned. Ed could still embarrass her and she loved it. "I don't know. I wouldn't be good at acting, especially not in this role, I'd get too emotional." She looked up. Ed had a funny look on his face. "What?"

"The fact that you'd get emotional...just made me think of how invested you'll always be in SVU work...I wouldn't get emotional about hostage negotiation. Or IAB."

Olivia laughed and murmured, "Emotional about IAB…"

"S'why I'm so glad you have the Center. The best part of you, the work with the vics, the healing, you can do that forever."

Olivia pushed food around her plate. "You're not worried I'll be there too much?"

"No," Ed replied, "And I know there'll be times when you're gonna have to be there a lot. I'm invested, too, Liv. I might not be directly involved, but I'm your biggest cheerleader. I want the Center to make an impact. A huge impact."

"Ed," Olivia sighed, "You're...I, um, you...you're amazing."

Ed dropped his fork and reached for Olivia's hand. "I love you, Liv. But not only that...I'm so proud that _you_ love me back. That's, always, been kind of a big deal for me, maybe, because, you, me and you, was at one time so...improbable."

Olivia kissed his knuckles. "And now, most days, I forget there was ever a time when we weren't together."

"Well, there'll never be a time like that again."

"I love that reality."

"Me too."

….

 _Ed ran his fingers through Olivia's hair. Some stands were more damp than others and he made sure no stray pieces were stuck to her forehead or her cheeks. They were both sweaty and hot and not yet breathing normally._

" _Aren't you supposed to be at Community Affairs right now?" Ed's eyes danced. Even now, with them both in crisis, he loved teasing her._

 _Olivia groaned. "Fuck Community Affairs."_

 _He raised his eyebrows and kissed her. She parted her lips, inviting a more passionate liplock, and he tasted remnants of the whiskey they'd had for lunch. When they parted, he asked if she wanted to go out for some lunch of the non-liquid variety. "I could eat," he said apologetically. Even though hunger pangs were gnawing at him, he wasn't very interested in leaving the bed._

" _Yeah," she said, "Let's get cleaned up, go eat, and then I'll have to get Noah."_

 _Ed shook his head and made a minor edit. "_ _We'll_ _get Noah. Unless...unless you want some alone time?"_

" _No," she said firmly, "I want a regular night, the three of us, here, I want...to not think about all of this for one night."_

" _You got it."_

 _Olivia slid out of bed and walked to the bathroom. When she realized Ed wasn't following, she looked back, raised her eyebrows, and asked, "You coming?"_

 _Ed's spine tingled and he all too enthusiastically followed Olivia into the bathroom. She started the shower, took his hand, and stepped inside. She pulled Ed under the water stream and tilted her head back. He placed soft kisses along her collarbone and neck before initiating a deep, passionate kiss on the lips._

 _Olivia lathered body wash in her hands and rubbed it over Ed's chest and back. She moved her hands slowly, savoring the feel of his firm muscles. When she finished he grabbed the shampoo and massaged a handful into her tresses. He was thorough and careful, and when he guided her under the water to rinse, he kissed her again and moaned when he felt one of her hands begin to stroke him._

" _Liv." Ed opened his mouth wide._

 _She didn't verbally respond._

" _Aw, Liv, that feels so, ahhhhh…"_

" _Good?"_

" _Yes," he croaked. "Harder."_

 _Olivia obliged. They took turns with each other until the tips of their fingers and toes were wrinkled. They wrapped themselves in towels and kissed more in front of the mirror. Ed joked that, from now on, a regular, solo shower would be a huge disappointment._

" _Then maybe you should be here more often?"_

 _He swallowed hard. They were both in the middle of a work-related crisis and it seemed Olivia was responding by clutching their relationship with a death grip. Maybe she figured it was the only thing she could control at the moment. Or maybe she trusted him as much as he trusted her. Or maybe she was falling in love with him...like he had been falling in love with her for the past few months._

" _I'll be here as much as you want me to be." He wished he had a better line, but she smiled. "I, Liv, this-"_

 _She put a finger to his lips. "Stop overthinking," she said, "That's what I do...and, right now, I'm not."_

 _He tangled his fingers in her wet locks and smirked. "You want me to dry your hair?"_

" _Sure."_

 _He brushed her cheek with the back of his fingers. "You're so beautiful."_

 _Olivia smiled and gazed at him._

" _Whatcha thinking?" He asked when a minute or so passed and she hadn't said a word._

" _I'm thinking this was a hell of a lot better than spending the afternoon in a cubicle at Community Affairs."_

 _Ed chuckled sardonically, "Damn right about that."_

…

Ed and Olivia were lying under the covers when they heard the faint Face Time ring. Ed leaned over and searched the pile of clothes for his phone. Olivia admired his bare backside and reached in the opposite direction for her t-shirt which had been tossed aside during foreplay and caught on the knob of her nightstand drawer.

"Hey bud!" Ed propped himself against the headboard and smiled at the screen. "Have a good day?"

"Da BEST day! Sare Bear and me were out line dancin!"

T-shirt on, Olivia sidled up against Ed. "Line dancing?"

"Yep! Right foot, left foot, heel dig!"

"Omigod, Noah was so good!" Sarah exclaimed gleefully, "They even let us stay a little after six."

"Well that's fantastic," Ed muttered dryly.

"Everything go smoothly today?" Olivia asked.

"Yes," Sarah replied, "A few signatures, some initialing, the check...and keys! Noey loves the condo and he's already picked out the room you'll use, but it desperately needs paint and of course furniture, but it's ours."

"So great."

"We went to da _lawyer's_ office t'day," Noah interjected. "Lotta papers! An' Sare Bear signed her name like dis," Noah made zig-zagging motions in the air, "I gotta prac-tis signin' my name like dat!"

"Good thing for you to do on the plane, bud."

"We're comin' back t'morrow."

"Yeah, we'll be there to pick you up."

"Daddy," Sarah said, "We can take a cab. Picking us up is silly."

"We want to," Olivia said.

Never one to argue with Olivia, Sarah nodded. "Okay. At least it'll be late enough so you're not in crazy traffic."

"Whaddya gonna do tomorrow?" Ed asked.

"Mini golf," Sarah said, "And we're going to check out the bird park."

"Bird park?" Ed asked, his brow furrowed.

"Yes," Sarah said, "They have macaws and other exotic creatures with wings. And if it's boring, we'll go to the zoo, but I heard it's good."

"I'm gonna talk to a parrot!" Noah exclaimed.

"Don't teach it any bad words," Ed joked. " _Or_...maybe teach him some."

"Need Wyatt for that!" Everyone burst into laughter and as the adults calmed down, Noah asked his next question, "You in bed?"

"Yeah, bud, we're in bed."

Noah giggled. "You're in bed b'fore me!"

"Well, you're at the beach, you always stay up a little later at the beach."

"It's not that late," Sarah said, grinning mischievously. Even through the screen, Sarah felt the intensity of her Dad's glare. "Or, maybe it is. Noey, we must think about sleep."

"You said we're gonna go to the bonfire."

Sarah smiled weakly. "That I did."

Olivia returned her grin. "You two have fun. We love you and can't wait to see you tomorrow. Sarah, congratulations on the condo."

"Thanks, Livvie. We'll call you in the morning. Kisses!"

Sarah and Noah blew kisses and cooed their goodbyes. When Ed was sure the call was over, he tossed the phone back on the heap of clothing and wasted no time removing Olivia's shirt. "Now, where were we?"

" _Ohhh_ ," she gripped his hip, "I think about here."

"You're handling our son being away quite well."

"You're doing a nice job making me...think about other things."

Ed let his eyelids droop. "Other things, huh?"

"Yeah," she said in her softest, most alluring voice.

"We do have a lot of _other_ _things_ to think about," He nudged her to her back. "I love you, Liv."

She smiled and ran her fingertips all over his head. "I love you, Ed Tucker. More than you know."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	58. Chapter 58

**Fifty-eight.**

Maggie was out of her booster seat for less than five minutes when her breakfast came back up in the form of heaving, projectile vomit. Frightened at what her body was doing, Maggie froze and screamed. Her arms went rigid and she balled her fists so hard they turned a deep crimson.

" _Sweetheart_ ," Olivia ran over and cradled Maggie to her chest.

Ed grabbed a rag and disinfectant wipes and cleaned up the mess. "Not a ton of splatter," he remarked good naturedly, making quick work of the cleanup. He tossed the wipes in the trash, rinsed the rag, and went over to Wyatt. "You alright bud?"

Wyatt's eyes were bright and his cheeks were their normal, healthy, pinkish hue. "No, Dada! Where No?"

"Noah's comin' home on the airplane tonight."

Wyatt squirmed to get down and sprinted for the toy box. He found his airplane and flew it around and around in exaggerated swoops.

"He seems fine," Ed smoothed Maggie's hair and peered at her. "She seem hot?"

"No," Olivia said, "Maybe something didn't agree with her. C'mon, sweet girl, let's get you cleaned up." Olivia kissed Maggie's forehead and took her into the bathroom.

Ed realized Wyatt was no longer in the room and called, "Wyatt? Where are ya, bud?" He waited for a response but the only sounds he heard were those of Olivia, Maggie, and running water. Ed checked the twins' room and the beanbags, but Wyatt was nowhere to be found.

"Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"I think Wyatt's crying. Noah's room."

Ed hustled back there and, sure enough, Wyatt was in tears and frantically pacing the floor between Noah's bed and his desk. "Bud, what's wrong?"

Wyatt crouched and looked under the bed. "Where NO?"

"Aw, bud, Noah's in Florida with Sarah. He'll be back tonight. After dinner."

"Want NO!" To emphasize his point, Wyatt ran to the nightstand and grabbed a framed photograph of Noah and Caroline taken on his last birthday. "NO!"

Ed gently took the picture from Wyatt and sat down on the bed with his young son in his lap. "C'mere, pal. It's okay. _Shhh_."

"Where _Nooo…_ " Wyatt moaned.

"Hey, how 'bout we play something until it's time to go get Noah?" Ed tried to sound as cheerful as possible.

"Tane?" Wyatt asked, his eyes hopeful and wide. He pointed at Noah's train table-the one exclusively for his use. "No, Tane?"

"Yeah, let's play trains." Ed took out his phone and snapped a picture of the table so he could return the set up exactly the way Noah had left it. "C'mon." Ed's face filled with pride as he watched and listened to Wyatt work. Not even Noah took such care in dismantling the track. Wyatt moved around the table thoughtfully and, in his soft, sweet toddler voice mumbled words like _tunnel_ and _bridge_ as best he could.

"What color should I use, bud?" Ed held up the green locomotive. "This one?"

Wyatt bit his lip and, after a few seconds, plucked the blue engine from the middle of the table. "Here, Dada! Boo! Boo choo choo!" Ed didn't notice Olivia in the doorway. She looked on with a smile on her face as Ed and Wyatt made the whistles, sounds, and engine roars necessary for playing trains. Maggie, still reeling from the effects of her upset stomach, was immune to the fun and burrowed herself into Olivia's chest.

"Maggie's all cleaned up," Olivia finally said in a voice soft enough so as not to startle Ed. "No temperature, but she's not a hundred percent."

Ed jumped up and kissed the back of Maggie's head. "I think we have some Pedialyte."

"Yeah we do." Olivia puckered her lips for a kiss. "Play," she said, "We'll be on the couch."

"Mommy's gonna take care of you, princess," Ed whispered, rubbing Maggie's back.

"Ma... _ma_ ," she murmured.

The dreamy, blissful look Olivia always got when her children showered her with affection filled her face and her eyes. Ed squeezed her hand. "We won't be in here long."

"Maybe it's better to keep them apart."

"It's not better for me to be apart from you," Ed replied, "But...I'll take one for the team."

…

 _Sarah expected the women who ran the orphanage to be more emotional than they were when they relinquished custody of Anthony and Mari. Rather than send the two children off with tear-filled expressions of love, the nun gave each child a quick hug, gave Sarah and Justin two bags full of their "personal belongings", and wished them all good luck. Justin took Anthony's hand, Sarah held Mari to her chest with both arms, and they began the short walk from the church to their hotel. Anthony neither looked back nor did he seem impressed at the sights and sounds of San Juan's bustling city center. He looked around, but his face remained expressionless. Even so, Justin reported the little boy's grip on his hand did not loosen until they were inside the room._

 _Anthony walked around, apparently enthralled by the way the carpet felt on his bare feet. He touched the bedding and the pillows and peered out at the ocean through the sliding glass doors._

" _Want to go outside?" Sarah asked in Spanish. She kept her distance and was careful not to make any sudden moves. She was terrified of scaring her new son. Anthony gave her a small, crooked smile, so she opened the door and led him onto the balcony where she switched to English. "Up?" She held out her arms and Anthony stepped into them. "Look," she said in her softest voice, "Look at the pretty waves and the palm trees. And the beach! Would you like to go there?" She poked her head inside and said to Justin, "I bet they've been within a mile of the beach their whole lives and never gone."_

" _Very possible."_

 _Sarah sighed. "I can't...wow...I, we, I need to take some pictures and send them but...I kind of want to not do that right now."_

 _Justin carried Mari onto the balcony and kissed the side of Sarah's head. "Let's take it minute by minute," he said, "But, I'm kinda hungry. Want to order in or go out?"_

" _I really want to take them on the beach," Sarah said, "Let's go out and then for a little walk?"_

" _Yeah." Justin held Mari out in front of him. "You gonna get chilly, baby girl? We gotcha a sweater…pink like Mommy's."_

 _Chills traveled up and down Sarah's spine induced by Justin's sweet demeanor toward his daughter and him describing her as "Mommy." She ran her hands up and down Anthony's arms. He was warm enough, but the evening breezes were cool. Sarah was grateful Justin had thought to buy some warmer clothes for them._

 _During dinner and their walk on the beach, Mari came alive. She smiled and squealed and babbled baby talk. Anthony, however, showed little emotion other than a few hesitant smiles. Late that night, unable to sleep, Sarah and Justin fretted about their new son's psychological health. What had he seen? What did he remember? Did he remember his mother? Miss her? Miss the neighbors from their ramshackle neighborhood?_

" _Jus," Sarah whispered, "Are we sure he wouldn't rather be...at the orphanage?"_

" _He doesn't wanna be there," Justin said. "It's gonna take him some time, Sare, that's all. He's not crying and he doesn't seem upset, he's just gotta know...we're not gonna leave him. That's huge. But it's gonna take a while to build that trust."_

" _At least he ate…" Sarah said weakly._

" _He sure did."_

 _Anthony had eaten healthy portions of mashed plantains and roasted chicken at the restaurant. The food as well as the mango juice they'd ordered for him seemed unfamiliar. At the first taste his face filled with consternation but he continued to eat and drink. On the way back to the hotel they stopped for ice cream and Anthony eagerly opened his mouth for bites. Sarah thought she had won him over, but when it came time to go to bed, Anthony was distant and resistant to any type of affection._

" _Good night, sweetheart," Sarah whispered as she put him in the crib. She and Justin thought he was too big for one, but he was used to sleeping in a crib at the orphanage. Anthony stared up at Sarah and Justin wide wide, dark eyes. "We love you, Anthony. Mommy and Daddy love you." She tucked the blanket around his body. Sarah smiled when she saw his eyelids immediately begin to droop._

" _I wish he had a bear or something," Sarah whispered to Justin as she joined him in their bed._

 _Justin cupped her face and kissed her. "We'll get him one."_

" _They said Mari sleeps through the night but is up really early."_

" _You wanna get up with her?" Justin grinned at his joke._

 _Sarah smiled as well, but replied, "I don't think I'm going to sleep much tonight."_

" _C'mere," Justin stretched out and guided her head to his chest. "Close your eyes. Another big day tomorrow."_

… _._

Hours after getting sick, Maggie showed no signs of fever, but she was lethargic, clingy, and far from her bubbly, rambunctious self. She spent most of the day in Olivia's lap watching animated shows, and she managed to keep her lunch and the Pedialyte down. Nevertheless, she refused to be apart from her mother for long; she even burst into tears when it came time to change her diaper.

"Sweet girl," Olivia had said in her most soothing voice. "Mommy's right here." Olivia expertly swapped the soiled diaper for a fresh one. "It's about time to seriously start going on the potty, Maggie May."

"Potty, No…"

"Yes. Noah goes on the potty. Don't you want to?"

"Magg!" Maggie tugged at the diaper's waistband. "Magg! D'per! Magg BAY!"

"Oh honey," Olivia lifted Maggie to her shoulder and hugged her tightly, "You'll always be my baby."

After dinner, Ed and Wyatt left for the airport. Ed had briefly considered taking Sarah up on her offer to return to Manhattan via taxi, but as he and Olivia talked, Wyatt ran to the foyer and dragged Ed's shoes to the table. "Get No!" He said adamantly. "Dada, GET NO!"

Ed smirked. "Well, that decides it," he said, "C'mon, bud. We'll go get No."

At the airport, after Sarah let Ed know they were almost to the point where passengers entered the waiting area, Ed put Wyatt on his shoulders. He instructed Wyatt to watch for Noah and smiled when he felt his son's little fingers determinedly grip his ears. As soon as he spotted his brother, Wyatt kicked, bounced, and squealed Noah's name.

"Hi Daddy!" Noah hugged Ed around the waist and then tugged on Wyatt's foot. "Hi, brother!" Face filled with consternation, he looked around, "Where's Mommy and Maggs?"

"Maggie got a little sick earlier," Ed replied, "She's not feelin' great so Mommy kept her at home."

"What's wrong with her?" Sarah asked.

"I dunno. She puked after breakfast." Ed put Wyatt down and Noah wrapped him in a tight bear hug.

Sarah's eyes sparkled with mischief, "Hungover?" She said so Noah couldn't hear.

" _Stop_."

"Sare Bear, I gotta show Wyatt his present!"

"Let's wait til we get in the car," Ed picked Wyatt up again and ushered everyone toward baggage claim. "Plenty of time to show Wyatt everything on the way back."

"I told you we didn't mind taking a cab," Sarah said.

"Wyatt wasn't havin' it."

"He's two."

Ed raised his eyebrows, "Interesting criticism for someone who gets a six-year-old whatever he wants."

"Wait until small sister, Wyatt, _and_ Sofia can make requests," Sarah said, "It's gonna get cray-cray."

….

 _The cab stopped in front of Olivia's building. She paid and clutched the handles of both her bags while impatiently waiting for the receipt. Her plan to spend the day with Noah had been ruined by flight delays, and her son wouldn't even be awake for her to kiss him goodnight. Always aware of her surroundings, Olivia's shoulders tensed as she stepped onto the sidewalk and sensed another person's presence. She looked one way then the other and jumped at the sight of a figure propelling himself from a perch on a neighbor's stoop railing until the street light illuminated a familiar face._

" _Tucker," she said, her lips curling into a smile. She had been sending him frustrated text messages all day while she and Fin were stuck at O'Hare. Realizing she hadn't returned his last inquiry about a drink, she winced and groaned. "We boarded and then I...forgot to text you back."_

" _I figured," he said a bit sheepishly, "Sorry for showin' up like this. Seemed like a good idea but now...it's kinda creepy."_

" _Especially with it being so cold," Olivia sassed. "It's not like you were out for a walk enjoying the evening and decided to wander over here."_

 _Ed grinned, "Total bust." He reached for her leather overnight bag, "At least lemme get this. Save some face. That is, if you're inviting me up?"_

 _His shoulders slumped pathetically, and the embarrassment in his eyes wasn't completely the product of jest. Olivia jerked her head in the direction of the entrance. "I am," she said, "Under one condition."_

" _What's that?"_

" _No cop talk. I need a break."_

" _You got it."_

 _Inside, Olivia apologized to Lucy and profusely thanked her for being so flexible. She mentioned she would be going in late the next day and would drop off Noah at day care; the details pleased Ed, for it meant there was a chance, if Olivia wasn't too tired, that their evening together would last at least a few hours. After Lucy left, Olivia gave Ed a quick peck on the cheek and went to change clothes. She returned in an old, oversized sweater and blue jeans. She tucked her bare feet under her body when she sat down next to Ed._

" _How was your day?" She asked._

" _Not bad."_

" _That all?"_

" _You said no cop talk," he replied, his blue eyes sparkling._

 _Olivia grinned and shook her head with mock shame. "That I did, Tucker."_

" _Why all the flight delays? Weather seemed fine."_

" _It seems the flight gods did not want us back home," Olivia said, "The first time it was a mechanical issue and the next the plane was delayed coming in from...somewhere...I don't remember."_

" _Well, I'm certainly glad those gods let ya get back." Ed leaned in for a kiss. "I missed you."_

" _When I had a free second to think," she said, "I missed you."_

" _Someday we'll go to Chicago, in the spring, not now. Go on the Ferris Wheel at Navy Pier. Go a weekend the Yankees play the Cubs. Bet Noah'd love it."_

" _Ferris wheel…" Olivia murmured._

" _Heights?"_

" _Not afraid of heights...afraid of…" Olivia scrunched up her face searching for a word, "Engineering?"_

" _I'm sure it's safe, Benson."_

" _Well," she patted his knee, "If you're sure, then I'm sure." They gazed at each other, smiling. "I really should make it a priority to travel for pleasure more. Especially with Noah getting older...the last time we went to the Children's Museum he was so much more engaged."_

" _Gettin' to be a fun age."_

" _He is...and I'm relieved he's starting to talk more, I've been so worried about his language development...not knowing what he went through, early on, his pediatrician can only guess at so much."_

" _She say she thinks he needs to see a speech therapist?"_

" _Not yet."_

" _If it makes you feel any better, my daughter Sarah was alarmingly quiet until she was in Kindergarten."_

" _Really?" Olivia asked incredulously._

" _Yup. After that the teachers never stopped calling about her talking too much."_

 _Olivia sighed. "I think I'd definitely prefer that problem."_

" _And also, for what it's worth, Idda never thought something was wrong if you hadn't said anything," Ed put one of his hands over hers. "But then again, I'm not exactly qualified to make a diagnosis."_

" _Maybe not," Olivia squeezed his fingers, "But knowing that makes me feel a lot better." The last two words were spoken through a yawn._

 _Ed downed the rest of his drink and put the glass on the coffee table. "I better go," he said, "You gotta be exhausted."_

" _Stay for one more," she implored. "I can sleep in tomorrow."_

" _Little guy gonna cooperate with that plan?"_

" _Probably not, but, when he wakes up, if I put him in bed with me he'll doze a little longer."_

 _Ed grabbed his glass again. "You want another one?"_

" _Yes." Olivia grabbed his wrist and looked up at him with desirous eyes. He leaned down and kissed her. She smiled. "I'm glad you showed up tonight."_

" _That mean I'm forgiven?"_

" _You didn't make a mistake," Olivia countered._

 _Ed smirked and kissed her once more. He quickly refilled their drinks and sat down again, this time a couple of inches closer to her than he'd been before. "So," he draped his arm across the back of the couch, "What else is on your travel list?"_

" _Some place tropical," Olivia replied, thinking about the frigid February cold snap they were currently dealing with, "And Europe of course...London, Barcelona, Paris…"_

" _Paris, huh?"_

" _Have you ever been?"_

" _No. Sarah and Brooke have. They've been all over."_

" _Good for them. I hope Noah wants to get out there and see the world while he's young."_

" _He seems to really like the planes in his toy box."_

" _That's because they make fun noises."_

" _Maybe," Ed shrugged, "But maybe it shows a precocious love of travel."_

" _I hope so."_

" _Ya trusted me on the Ferris Wheel and the amateur speech analysis…"_

" _Yes I did." Overwhelmed by the serious underlying meaning in their words, Olivia took a deep breath and ended up yawning again._

 _Ed moved even closer, close enough to run his fingers through the strands of hair that fell on the side of her face. "I really should let ya get some sleep. Feel bad keepin' ya up."_

 _Olivia tilted her face into Ed's hand and closed her eyes. Seconds later, she positioned herself so her back was against his chest and her head under his chin. He put an arm around her and she put her hand over his._

" _I might fall asleep," she mumbled._

" _Okay."_

" _Wake me up when you're ready to leave."_

 _Ed kissed the top of her head and repeated the "okay" knowing there was zero chance he'd ever be ready to leave her side._

… _.._

Noah burst through the door and marched into the living room without removing his shoes. Leaving footwear on past the foyer was a rare occurrence, but he had serious business to investigate.

"Maggs? Mommy?"

"Noah!" Olivia appeared from the back hallway, hugged Noah, and swung him around in a circle. "How is my sweet boy? How was your trip?"

"Great! Small sister still sick?"

"She is, honey," Olivia said, "She's in our bed sleeping right now." She glanced at Ed and told him she'd started to run a fever. "I gave her some medicine though," Olivia said to Noah, "So she'll be feeling better soon."

"I'll go back and lay with her so Noah can tell ya all about the trip."

"Okay."

Olivia smiled at him and grabbed a handful of his t-shirt as he passed. Ed gave her a kiss, stopped in the kitchen for a bottle of water, and went to the bedroom. Wyatt busied himself on the floor with a set of wind-up frogs he'd been gifted, so Olivia sat Noah on the island and listened as he relayed the details of the past two and a half days.

"Me an' Sare Bear were verrrry busy!" Noah described the lawyer's office and signing the papers, "But after da buis'ness we could _chill_ and we went to da beach and saw da huge birds-Mommy, they were all diff'rent colors, I show you on my phone-and we danced with da cowboys-I wanted ta go to Texas but Sare Bear say dat's too far for _this time_ -den we went to da bonfire and sang songs and den we came home and we watched movies and had cherry Coke on da plane!"

"Well, that sounds like a fantastic trip," Olivia hugged him again, "But I am so glad you're home. I missed my boy!"

"I missed my Mommy!" Noah batted his eyelashes at her, "I like you readin' da stories to me, Mommy."

"Oh, honey," Olivia kissed his head as her heart swelled, "I love reading you stories. What are we going to read tonight?"

Noah shrugged. "I'll look…" he glanced over at Wyatt, "But, Mommy, can Wyatt sleep in my bed? He gonna be all by himself if Maggs is with you!"

"Sure."

"Kay, den, I read one of da Irish stories and we read a train one and den I think Noon B'loon 'cause Wyatt love dat one and it's about flying and I loooooove flying in dose airplanes!"

"Sounds like a plan. I'm going to give Wyatt a quick bath. Will you take your clothes out of your suitcase and put them by the washing machine?"

"Yup! I taked a shower b'fore we left, Mommy!"

"I can tell. Your hair smells so good."

"S'coconut shampoo!"

"I love it. We'll have to get some for here."

"Tell Daddy to buy some when he goes to da store!"

Olivia smiled, but she experienced some mild qualms about Noah making the connection between household necessities and the fact Ed always purchased them. He ran most of the errands and did the majority of the chores. Olivia plopped Wyatt in the tub, and, as he played with the boats and funnels, she looked around at the built in shelves where the towels and washcloths were neatly folded and ready for use. Extra toilet paper was stacked in a wire cylinder. The kids' toothbrushes were lined up in the holder which was always free from dried collected toothpaste. Paper cups decorated with _Peanuts_ characters were loaded into the adjacent dispenser. All of this was Ed's doing and Olivia had never thought twice about it. Now, though, confronted with routines that had been going on for years without her participation, she began to feel some trepidation about the days, weeks, and months ahead. How did retired Olivia fit into her family's well-oiled machine?

"Mommy!" Noah came running in, rolling his suitcase behind him, "Case is all empty, but," he held up a small bag, "Here's your present!"

Olivia opened the satchel and peered inside at a bar of handmade soap. "Sweet boy…"

"I knew ya'd like it!" Noah grinned and bounced from foot to foot. "S'a little scratchy but it makes your skin nice and smooth! When we were in da beach store we were smellin' all da stuff and I picked dis one 'cause when I went like dis," Noah sniffed and closed his eyes, "I saw ya!"

Later, when Olivia replayed the conversation for Ed, she would remark she had no idea how she didn't break down into a ball of sobs. She hugged Noah again, apologized for squishing, and, by the time she, Noah, and Wyatt were snuggled together for story time, questions that had been swirling in her mind an hour earlier were nowhere to be found.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	59. Chapter 59

**Fifty-nine.** _Not very lengthy, but the chap ran its course._

Crowded, cacophonous birthday parties did not conjure much excitement from Ed and Olivia so when the twins were invited to a day care friend's celebration they flipped a coin to see who would accompany them. Olivia lost. Ed offered to go anyway, but Noah was already excited about spending the afternoon with some one-on-one time with Daddy. They were going to sail the model boats in Central Park then meet Sofia and Brooke for lunch.

The party was held in the ballroom of a midtown hotel near Times Square. Olivia wheeled the twins inside and knew she'd have trouble letting them out of the stroller. The vast lobby teemed with people, and even when she found the correct room, the amount of guests did nothing to calm her nerves. The room was decorated with a circus theme in primary colors. Jugglers and people making animals out of smaller balloons wove their way through the kids and their parents. The host immediately spotted the new arrivals, greeted them warmly, and ushered them to their table. Olivia placed the blue conical party hats on the twins' heads and finally let them loose. Nevertheless, they stayed close by. Wyatt clambered to get in Olivia's lap.

"Let's go see the games," Olivia said enthusiastically. She grabbed Maggie's and Wyatt's hands, "Look! Ring toss! You play that at the beach!"

Hearing "beach," Maggie perked up and skipped along. Wyatt picked up his pace, but he still leaned in to Olivia's legs. Once they got to the ring toss, though, the twins both eagerly participated. They threw errant arcs at a gigantic pole and picked prizes from a treasure chest. Maggie chose bangle bracelets and Wyatt selected a yellow school bus. Though miniature, it was much larger than the other toys.

"Wyatt Edward," Olivia said, "Whatcha got?"

"BUS! Vrooooom!"

The sound of a horn honking caused everyone to look to the entrance. A set of four miniature coupes presumably driven by members of the birthday boy's family circled the perimeter of the room. They parked along the back wall and the children waited in line for their turn. Maggie sprinted for the queue and Olivia reluctantly followed with Wyatt in tow.

"Sweet girl, hang on." Maggie pushed herself toward the front of the line and took it upon herself to hop into one of the cars. "Honey, wait your turn."

"It's okay," the driver said, "I'll take her for a spin." He picked Maggie up and put her in the seat. "Let's go, pretty lady."

Olivia tracked every inch of the loop. The man kept his hands on the steering wheel but Maggie sitting so close to a stranger made her feel so uneasy she thought she sensed the beginnings of a panic attack. Maggie smiled, screeched, and gripped the dashboard. She was having the time of her life, yet Olivia labored for breath until her little girl was back in her arms.

Instead of staying in the car, though, the man stood up, nodded to a few of the family members, and approached Olivia.

"Got a brave one there," he said, "Most kids don't want to go at first."

Olivia looked at the parade of children being driven around the room. "Seems like this crew doesn't have that problem."

Maggie was, in a combination of actual words and baby talk, explaining to Wyatt the wonders of riding in the car. With both the twins bouncing at her feet, Olivia bent over and put an arm around them both.

The man offered to take Maggie for a second spin, but Olivia shook her head and deftly scooped both twins into her arms. "I'm going to get them to the table so they're ready for lunch. Thank you, though."

"You sure?"

" _Yes_ ," Olivia replied curtly, "Very sure."

"Got a handful there."

"I've had a few years of practice," Olivia said, "I'm good. Enjoy the party."

…..

 _Ed and Olivia settled in at the bar and ordered drinks. They were both spent, the past few weeks of simultaneously clearing their names and investigating from the shadows having taken their toll._

" _How was your first day back?"_

" _First day back was...a little awkward at first," Olivia ran a hand through her hair, "Felt like everyone was staring at me...but then duty called and everything got back to normal."_

" _Good." Ed moved to kiss her cheek but Olivia surprised him, turned suddenly, and kissed him square on the lips. He smirked._

" _Everything's different now," she murmured._

" _Not everything." They were so close Ed could feel Olivia's breath on his lips. "I'm still crazy about you, Olivia Benson."_

 _She smiled. "Are we going to have trouble existing without a crisis?"_

" _No," Ed replied, "Exactly the opposite." He braced himself against her thigh and leaned in for another kiss._

 _Olivia cocked an eyebrow. "What are you doing for dinner tonight, Captain Tucker?"_

" _Let's try a new place."_

" _I told Lucy-"_

" _I meant," Ed interjected, "Let's get Noah and try a new place."_

" _Love it."_

 _Ed downed his drink and tossed a few bills next to his empty glass. Olivia took his arm and they walked out of the bar. Outside, the sun was setting and bathed the avenue in a burnt orange hue. Olivia squeezed Ed's muscular upper arm. Her contentment muted the street noise until a group of rowdy, clearly intoxicated college-aged men poured out of a sports bar hooting and hollering about one of the NCAA Tournament basketball games. Ed shrugged out of her grip, put an arm around her upper back, and ushered her to the crosswalk. He eyed the bunch who were now almost completely blocking pedestrian traffic._

" _Let's cross here."_

" _Okay."_

 _Olivia's chest filled with warmth. Ed didn't want to take any chances and pass the drunk guys. They clumsily ambled along and, a few blocks later as they waited for another light, Olivia faced him, patted his back pockets, and tilted her head back._

" _You're a good man, Ed Tucker."_

 _The kissed last longer than the red light. Other people brushed past them and hurried to cross the street. When Ed and Olivia continued walking, they made their way to Noah's day care hand-in-hand._

…..

The Tucker home was alive with activity later that night. Maggie and Wyatt, still riding the high from the birthday party, relentlessly chased Noah around the living room. When they caught him he offered horsie rides to the beanbags where he rose up on his hind legs and dumped the twins on their chairs.

"Let 'em wear themselves out," Ed whispered in Olivia's ear. "means early bedtime."

Olivia leaned back, into him, loving the feel of being partially supported by his sturdy body. "I hated that party today," she said.

"Why?" Ed asked, his gut filling with guilt for not attending.

She told Ed about the mini cars and how, after they ate lunch, Wyatt and Maggie both wanted to ride and she waited nervously as they completed a lap with a different driver. "That first guy...he was...I had a terrible feeling. And he was probably harmless. Am I ever going to relax?"

"Instincts are instincts, Liv."

"Then I let our daughter get into a potentially horrible situation."

He held her by the shoulders. "No. You didn't. You were right there. And you woulda knocked everyone out before Maggie got hurt."

"You're right."

"Damn right I'm right." Ed smirked and smoothed her hair. He kissed carefully all around her face, hands covering her ears. "You are the best mother," he whispered and repeated for emphasis, " _The best._ "

Noah screeched an extra loud " _NEIGHHHHHH_!"

Maggie and Wyatt, laughing hysterically, tumbled onto the beanbag. They scrambled to their feet and gave chase. Tired, Noah ran to the parents for cover. Maggie and Wyatt rounded the corner, flung themselves at everyone's legs, and babbled a combination of "gain!" and "G'up!"

"I think it's time to gallop to bath and bed," Olivia said.

"I get da big tub!" Noah didn't wait for approval. He ran into the master bedroom and started the water and the jets. The scent of mint bubble bath filled the air. Noah typically squeezed a healthy portion into the stream.

"I'll get these two," Ed tucked the twins under each arm. "C'mon, Tucker twins."

"Da! DOWN! Down Dada!"

"Nope. _Bath_. Let's play with your boats."

"BOAT!" Maggie bellowed.

"TOOOOOOOOO!" Wyatt made tugboat noises.

Olivia passed the bathroom on her way to help Noah and wished Ed good luck. Before they settled down for stories, Ed swapped t-shirts, for the boat races had gotten a bit out of control. He and Olivia agreed to read stories all together in the big bed, but Ed responded with a firm "no" when Noah asked if they could all sleep there.

"Please?" He begged. "We can watch a movie. You pick!"

"Sorry bud. Everyone in their own beds tonight. We all need good rest."

"Da best rest is one, two, three, four, FIVE right here!"

"Not tonight."

"T'morrow?"

"Sure."

It was another hour before the three kids were sleeping soundly. Ed and Olivia wasted no time turning off lights, checking the locks, and otherwise preparing their home for the nighttime hours. As soon as they entered the bedroom, Olivia closed and locked the door. Ed immediately latched on to her neck and tugged at her waistband.

"You're not right," he rasped, staring directly into her eyes. "I'mma make you right, Olivia Margaret."

"I'm sorry," she whispered, "It's...the thought of anything happening to my, _our_ , kids, and me right there…"

"I know. It's horrifying to think about," he smoothed her hair and spoke in his softest, most reassuring voice, "But everyone's perfectly safe and healthy...and, I'm pretty sure they're happy."

Olivia broke into soft, semi-ashamed laughter and momentarily ducked her eyes. "I'm pretty sure, too."

"And what about my wife?" He tilted his head backwards and sized her up.

"Every day I think I've never been happier."

"Well, that's really good news." Ed assessed her expression, whether or not her shoulders were slightly slumped like they got when she was upset.

Aware of what he was doing, she bit her lip and watched his eyes move up, down, left, right and then make the pattern in reverse. She waited for him to finish, to end at her eyes, and, when his finally met hers they sizzled with love and desire. The tips of their noses touched and Olivia whispered, "Make love to me, Ed."

Rather than smirk, he nodded, as if he were agreeing to the most solemn, important task in the world. The kiss lasted a long time. For Olivia, it was almost too long. They remained standing and Ed held her and kissed her for so many minutes she wondered if maybe he'd misheard her. " _Make love to me Ed"_ could have sounded like...what else? Finally he lifted her into his arms and laid her on the mattress. The bed was freshly made and Olivia caught a whiff of their fabric softener...and him-the way their shampoo and her lotion took on a slightly different, masculine scent when combined with his body chemistry. She thought about how he'd done the same to her life-Ed made everything different, everything better -

"Liv, you alright?"

"Oh, yes, I'm," she held his face with both hands, "I'm sorry I was…"

She was taking too long to answer. "Were what, baby?" He asked gently.

"Thinking about how much I love you."

He shot her a haughty smile. "Hold that thought," he said, "I'm far from done."

…

 _Sarah spoke to Anthony in Spanish while the airplane descended toward the city. She held him in her lap and explained they were going home, to New York City, a place where there were so many people and so many things to do, and, most importantly, their family. She told him about Noah, Maggie, Wyatt, and Sofia and boasted that Noah could speak Spanish and would help him learn English._

" _He's definitely the smartest of them all," Sarah added._

 _Justin objected. "Wyatt is."_

" _Book smart, maybe," Sarah countered, "In the all-around category, I'd go with Maggie, actually."_

 _Anthony still wasn't talking. Sarah thought for sure the majestic sight of Manhattan coming in to view would cause some type of verbal reaction. Even though Anthony's deep brown, almost black eyes, grew wide and interested, he said nothing. The only reason Sarah and Justin weren't more nervous was that Anthony smiled and reacted to Mari, he ate and drank without reservation, and he wasn't skittish about being touched or held. In fact, that morning, he'd readily held up his arms for Sarah to pick him up._

 _After landing, it seemed like an eternity before the seat belt sign was turned off. Sarah shouldered most of the carryons because Justin was cradling a sleeping Mari. They had tried to pack lightly, but Sarah quickly learned travel with two young children made that goal impossible. They hustled down the jetway and saw Ed's and Olivia's heads peeking up over the crowd. Ed pointed to a spot off to the side in the waiting area and he and Olivia grinned as Sarah and Justin rushed to them with their two new grandchildren._

" _Omigod," Sarah said breathlessly as Olivia embraced both her and Anthony. "I feel like it's been forever since I've seen you."_

" _Me too," Olivia whispered. She stepped back and smiled at Anthony. "Hello, sweetheart."_

" _I've been speaking to him in Span-"_

 _Anthony reached out for Olivia._

" _Is it okay if I take him?" Olivia asked._

" _Yes, absolutely," Sarah said. Her arms were aching and she handed Anthony over._

 _Olivia held Anthony at her waist with both arms. She smiled and cooed at him using Spanish and English phrases. To her he appeared healthy and alert. He was dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved henley shirt, but, out of instinct, Olivia examined his visible skin, searching for signs of injury or neglect. His coloring was similar to Justin's and a small speck, probably from a recently healed scab, was light pink against the otherwise deep, caramel hue._

 _Anthony had apparently been sizing her up as well, for he gently grabbed a fist full of her brown locks and peered at them curiously. Next he touched the shiny gold Cartier. Then he looked Olivia in the eyes and murmured the very first word he had spoken while in his new parents' custody._

" _Hi."_

" _Omigod."_

 _Justin's jaw dropped. Later, he would claim most of his shock was due to the very English-sounding greeting. They'd assumed he had only been exposed to Spanish._

 _Confused by their reactions, Olivia raised her eyebrows._

" _That's the first thing he's said...ever."_

" _Probably not ever," Justin added._

" _With us," Sarah clarified._

 _Tears welled in Olivia's eyes. She was both honored and guilt-ridden that this special moment came courtesy of meeting her and not Sarah or Justin._

 _Sarah kissed Olivia's cheek and then Anthony's. "It's fine, Livvie," she said cheerfully, "Thank gawwwd he said something. In fact...I never talked so much until I met you, either, so actually, it makes sense."_

 _Bewildered, Ed stared at his daughter who exited the plane looking every bit like the typical harried mother after a long flight and here she was now, bubbly and blabbering like her old early-twenties self. Finally, he smiled, shook his head, and fixed his eyes on Mari._

" _Want me to take her?" He asked Justin._

" _Yeah, sure, thanks." Ed cradled her against his shoulder and assessed her weight. "Think about six months?"_

" _That was their best guess," Justin said. "Sare made appointments with your pediatrician, so maybe we'll be able to narrow it down. I felt so bad when they had to basically make up birthdays for the birth certificates."_

 _Ed and Justin, walking faster, unintentionally separated themselves a bit from Sarah, Olivia, and Anthony. Ed patted Justin's shoulder. "When they grow up, you can explain it, you'll figure it out, it's kinda...it sounds daunting but it comes naturally."_

" _Prolly gonna need your help when the time comes."_

" _You and Sarah and Anthony and Mari have all the support in the world," Ed said, taking a peek back at his wife, "A lot of which might be unsolicited."_

 _Justin grinned. "Wouldn't have it any other way."_

… _._

Brow furrowed, Noah scrutinized the supply list his first grade teacher emailed to parents. Ed kept shooting him amused glances, for he was the one who opened the message. Nothing on the list-glue sticks, scissors, etc.- seemed out of place or irregular for elementary school, so Ed couldn't immediately pinpoint the source of Noah's consternation.

"Ed?"

Whenever Olivia needed his attention, Ed snapped into action. Even if he was in the middle of a diaper change, he kept a hand on a twin and trained his eyes on his wife. Ed was sure Noah was going to need at least another ten minutes to decipher the list, so he patted him on the back and followed Olivia into the back hallway.

"The premiere's the Monday after Labor Day," she said, her voice filled with both excitement and uncertainty.

Ed waited for more information.

"It's...a real...premiere," Olivia continued, "Like, with, cameras and this is...huge, and they want me to be there," she slid her arms around Ed's waist, "You'll go, right?"

Ed couldn't suppress a polite laugh. "Olivia, I will go anywhere with you."

"It's formal...well, I guess, I don't really know that, I-"

Ed caught her hands as she waved them in the air. " _Olivia_."

She startled to attention, "I'm sorry, what?"

"I'm going with you," he said, " _Gladly_."

Clearly excited at the vision of attending the pilot among fanfare, Olivia grinned and kissed him. "Thank you."

"Going anywhere with you," he played with her fingers and twirled her rings, "Is one hundred percent my pleasure."

" _Mommy, I need a The'saurus!"_

"We need a thesaurus," Olivia whispered, her lips still pressed against Ed's.

Ed blindly grabbed for his phone. "We'll have one tomorrow."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	60. Chapter 60

**Sixty**.

Kneeling on a dining chair, Noah assessed his collection of brand new school supplies. He couldn't decide whether or not he wanted to unpackage them before the first day or if he preferred to keep them secure until they were needed. A Kindergarten veteran, he speculated he would not be asked to do a lot of work on the first day and wondered aloud if he should go so far as to keep some items at home.

"Babies, whaddya think?"

Maggie and Wyatt were playing on the floor in their usual spot between the living and dining areas. Older now, the play mat had been discarded and replaced with a Berber-style rug, but a variety of toys-large, small, loud, and lacking sound capabilities-proved two young children resided there. Wyatt stood at his workbench hammering plastic nails into their pre-cut holes. Maggie had constructed a maze with blocks and was rolling cars through the lanes until she got tired of following her own path and blasted through the walls.

Wyatt narrated for her. "CASH!"

"CASH!" Maggie echoed. "Bi'CASH! Here, car, Wy!" Maggie ran to Wyatt and gave him the bus he'd won at the birthday party ring toss game. As soon as he grabbed it, Maggie took it away. "MY CAH!"

"S'a bus, small sister." Noah said.

"BUS!"

Maggie ran to Noah and tugged at his arm. "Pay, NO! Bus!" Liking the way the work came out of her mouth, Maggie chanted "bus" and skipped back to the rug. Noah decided to let the school supply dilemma wait for a while longer and joined the twins. Maggie had elongated her maze using a cheap set of plastic baby dolls neither Ed nor Olivia could remember buying.

"Maggs!" Noah watched with shock as Maggie ran the bus over the dolls. "You don't run over people!"

"Dolly, No!"

Noah picked up a doll and smoothed its synthetic, straw-colored hair. "Be nice to the baby, don't hurt it! If you get under a bus, it's really gonna hurt." He looked over at Wyatt's bench. "Now, brother can hit da nails but it doesn't hurt 'em 'cause nails are 'posedta get pounded."

Ed strode into the room from the foyer where he'd been stacking boxes destined for either storage or charity. Part of his last week of summer was devoted to decluttering their lives. "Remember when we used the tools to put the cribs together, bud?"

"YEP!" Noah grinned proudly. "We made dose beds, Daddy!"

"Sure did," Ed replied, "And we're gonna have to make some other beds pretty soon. Maggie and Wyatt aren't gonna be in the cribs much longer."

"They aren't?" Noah asked, wide-eyed.

"Remember? Gotta get them some toddler beds, maybe in a couple months. Maybe for Christmas."

"Christmas…" Noah looked out the window at the warm, sunny Manhattan day. "Daddy, those babies always sleep in da cribs! How they gonna sleep in a bed like me?"

"Sometimes they do sleep with you, bud. They've had some practice."

"We haveta have da rail," Noah said, "So they don't fall out."

Maggie spontaneously erupted into a giggle fit. She careened across the floor, off-balance, and ran into Wyatt. They fell to the floor in a heap, managed to hold their heads up so they didn't collide with the parquet, and became so tangled Ed and Noah eventually helped them stand.

"You two are silly," Ed said.

"SI'Y! Dada!"

They looked like Olivia when they smiled. Ed swore he saw a childlike version of his wife's face superimposed on theirs. Sure, Maggie's face was narrower. When she was determined, her eyes steeled and got icy like her father's, but when she smiled, she undoubtedly resembled Olivia.

On cue, the door opened and Olivia appeared. Noah shouted, "MOMMY'S HOME" and the three of them ran to her.

"BAY PIE! BAY PIE MAMA!"

Olivia crouched and hugged all three of them. She maintained the position as long as she could and ushered the trio farther into their home where Ed was waiting. He grinned and gave her a tender kiss. She'd been gone all day, consumed with Benson Center matters, and he'd missed her.

"Welcome home," he said softly.

"Babies," Noah said, "C'mon, let's get a drink and after Daddy kisses Mommy we eat dinner."

Ed and Olivia pressed their cheeks together and laughed. "Whaddya wanna eat?" He asked.

"In or out?"

"You were just out."

"It's a beautiful day," Olivia said, "Let's go somewhere and...be loud and order a bunch of food that isn't good for us."

"You got it."

….

 _The Vidal Apartment had never looked more festive than the day Sarah and Justin brought their children home to New York. Brooke and Noah spearheaded the venture with the occasional assistance of the seven-year-old twins and Kindergartener Sofia. The living room was filled with multicolored balloons, silver streamers, a "Welcome Home" banner, and assorted, cheesy, New York City souvenirs which Maggie insisted on including. For an additional touch, Wyatt added a Puerto Rican flag magnet to the refrigerator and then surrounded it with magnetic letters spelled out in Anthony's and Mari's names. Noah scanned the space, nodded approvingly, but predicted Sarah and Justin would have to move sooner rather than later._

" _They're gonna need another bedroom," he said sagely._

" _Anthony and Mari can share for a while," Brooke replied from the kitchen where she was arranging crackers and cheese on a glass platter._

" _She's a baby," Noah pointed out, "All that crying."_

" _Brookey?" Maggie interrupted, "Is Mari's name Mari or is it a longer name? Like Maddie is really Madeline."_

" _I don't know," Brooke murmured hesitantly, "And we probably won't know."_

 _Maggie stuck out her lips in an exaggerated pout and put her hands on her hips as if she thought Brooke was lying. "Why not?"_

 _Brooke sized up her young adversary, but she couldn't match Maggie's steadfast insistence on always knowing exactly what was going on. Behind her messy brown ponytail and deep blue ocean-colored eyes, Maggie was fierce and relentless and not backing down, so Brooke found herself looking to Noah for help. Other than Olivia, Noah was the person most effective at explaining life to Maggie. However, to Brooke's surprise, Wyatt stepped in._

" _Cause Mari's first mom is gone," he said. "Daddy said she probably got dead in the hurricane."_

" _Wyatt," Maggie replied matter-of-factly, "If her Mommy got dead then where's her Daddy?"_

 _Noah took over. "We don't know very much about Anthony and Mari," he explained, "Because they're adopted. Like me."_

 _Maggie nearly toppled Noah with her hug. "Love adopted you!" She growled. "Best big brother!"_

 _Wyatt joined the bear hug and Brooke grinned at the older version of "baby pile."_

" _Noah?" Wyatt asked, "If Sare Bear gets a new house, where we gonna do the stories?"_

 _Noah glanced at the door leading to the terrace. He and Wyatt had spent many afternoons there eating chicken from the Nugget Spot and people watching. They would fixate on certain individuals and narrate their actions until the person disappeared at which point they either completely made up the plot or focused on someone else. Maggie didn't have the patience to sustain the tales, nor did she have the interest in making up fictional lives for people who clearly had places to go. She would scoff and say things like, "See? And he goes home. Down to the train! The end!" Wyatt and Noah would sometimes predict where the person was going; sometimes they were so elaborate that they even mapped out the subway stops._

" _I bet Sare Bear will wanna always have a balcony," Noah said._

" _You tell her she hasta have one!" Wyatt insisted._

" _Okay."_

 _Sofia pressed her face to the glass door. It was the dead of winter and way too cold to be outside, but she liked the feel of the frigid window against her skin. "Mommy we need a balcony."_

" _Well, we don't have one," Brooke said, "We do have an Aunt Sarah, so that'll have to do for now." Brooke glanced at her phone and audibly gasped. "They're here," she said to the four expectant faces._

 _The kids lined up, tallest to shortest, and waited for the door to open. Sarah entered first, holding Anthony's hand. He was bundled up in the new parka, hat, and mittens Ed and Olivia brought to the airport. Sarah removed the outerwear. Behind them stood Olivia and Ed. Olivia had Mari in her arms and Ed bore half of the suitcase load. Justin had the rest._

 _Brooke and Company had not rehearsed a greeting, so instead of a loud "WELCOME HOME," everyone exchanged glances in silence until Anthony smiled and ran for the toys. The trucks, cars, dolls, and stuffed bears were a combination of new purchases and items donated from the Tuckers' and Carisis' personal collections. The four kids stood proudly to the side and watched as Anthony rifled through the stacks. The adults audibly gasped when Anthony selected a small purple bear and handed it to his sister. Mari was sleeping, but Olivia placed the bear under one of her arms. Satisfied, Anthony spun around in a slow circle, apparently pondering his next move._

" _Wanna play trains?" Wyatt asked abruptly._

 _Nobody was yet sure whether or not Anthony spoke exclusively Spanish or if he understood or could communicate in English, so they all waited, anxious to hear how or if he would respond to Wyatt's question._

" _Tane," Anthony finally whispered._

 _Sarah let out a whoop as if she were cheering at a sporting event. Ed laughed. Olivia, Justin, and Brooke waited. Anthony followed Wyatt back to the toys and Wyatt connected pieces of track into a loop. He offered trains to Anthony._

" _Blue? Red? Green?"_

 _Sarah and Justin and the orphanage staff has estimated Anthony's age to be approximately three and a half. Certainly old enough to know a few colors. Anthony sat down in front of Wyatt and selected the red train._

" _Rojo," he said softly._

" _YUP!" Noah skipped over, "Rojo!" He then fired off several sentences in Spanish. Maggie and Sofia joined the boys and, very soon, they were in their own little imaginary-filled, bilingual world._

 _Sarah turned and looked at Justin and Ed who where still shouldering bags and holding luggage handles. Olivia rocked Mari in her arms. Brooke had retreated to the kitchen to fix snacks and drinks for the kids._

" _I guess, uh, well, let's….eat?" She asked._

" _Yeah," Olivia said softly._

 _Sarah looked at her living room, a space that, when she and Justin departed, had included no less than ten hazards for young children. She noticed Brooke had covered electrical outlets and otherwise cleansed the space of dangerous impediments. The guest bedroom had also been transformed into a child-friendly space, complete with the crib and toddler bed Sarah had ordered online. The beds were made, accessories in place, and the room was ready to receive its occupants. Sarah wedged herself past Olivia and Ed and grabbed Justin's hand._

" _I love you," she whispered._

 _He grinned and kissed the top of her head. "Love you, too."_

…..

After tossing around a few ideas, the Tuckers ended up settling in for dinner at a large garden table at a recently opened restaurant a few blocks away from their home. Ed initially balked at the "comfort food" theme, but after perusing the website and immediately seeing a "build your own burger" section, he agreed to go. When the host distributed menus, Noah politely asked for a "big one" in addition to the kids' version. Olivia and Ed smiled appreciatively. Olivia was ready to explain that Noah had eschewed children's menus since he'd been dining with Sarah on a regular basis, but the host gamely handed over a regular menu and cheerfully took their drink orders.

"Oooo," Noah said, "C'we get da mac-n-cheese balls?"

Olivia read the description and nodded. "The bacon wrapped shrimp look good, too."

"We don't have anywhere to be," Ed said, "Let's get a few of these small plates."

The twins were already absorbed with the restaurant-issued crayons and coloring pages. Olivia appreciated that the high chairs were the perfect height and allowed for the toddlers to sit flush with the table. She predicted they had at least a half hour before they got restless, and, even then, the garden was small and secluded enough for her to feel comfortable letting them wander as long as it didn't get too crowded.

"How'd it go today?" Ed asked after they'd toasted to the nice day and taken their first sips.

"We're ready," Olivia reported. "The two counselors and the social worker are starting Monday. They'll lead the group sessions, make recommendations for follow-ups with whatever's needed. We have the services all mapped out-emergency housing, detox centers, educational and job assistance-I'm not...excited...but there's some satisfaction there."

"Can't really be excited about the first person to walk through the doors."

"No."

"Who's gonna be the first person?" Noah asked innocently. He had a knack for both playing with Maggie and Wyatt and keeping an ear on the conversation.

"Someone who needs my help, sweet boy," Olivia replied, then, realizing the answer was probably not specific enough, added, "Someone who's not feeling so great."

"Yeah," Noah said confidently, "You help 'em feel better." Some birds flew around in a nearby tree and distracted Noah before he asked more questions. "Look!" He said to Maggie and Wyatt, "Those birds are chasin! Three birds! Jus' like us!"

Wyatt looked up and grinned. "BUH!" He shouted then babbled something that sounded like _birds in the tree._

Maggie replied with an equal amount of toddler talk and decipherable words. Then, she reached over and grabbed a crayon from Wyatt's grip. "BOO! My BOO!"

Though proud of Maggie's ability to recognize the hue, Olivia took the crayon and gave it back to a bewildered-looking Wyatt. "Maggie, Wyatt's using the blue. Wait until he's done with it. Here, use this." She gave her a red crayon but Maggie handed it to Wyatt and took the blue again.

"MY BOO!"

Terrible at discipline and amused both by Maggie's stubbornness and Wyatt's expression, Ed smirked and sipped his beer. When Olivia looked to him for help, he shrugged. "They shoulda given them two sets of crayons," he explained.

"They did."

Noah looked under the table. "Da other blue's on the floor!" He slithered from his chair and, careful not to bump his head, he retrieved the blue and a yellow and pink and triumphantly slapped them on the table.

"Problem solved," Ed said, "Thanks bud."

Olivia didn't look convinced, but she buried her concern for the moment. "So," she said brightly, "Looks like your decluttering mission has been accomplished."

"Almost," he replied, "Last thing is the clothes."

Olivia cringed. She hated parting with the twins' clothing. The last time she and Ed purged items from the bureau and closet, she did so with tears in her eyes. The only silver lining was that many of Maggie's outfits were going to Sofia.

"They probably haven't worn a lot of the things," Olivia murmured.

"Nah," Ed replied. "I think we did a good job this go-round."

She shot him a grateful smile knowing there was a strong chance he was fibbing. "Well then, that's good news...room for more shopping, right, Maggs?" She played with Maggie's brown pigtails and kissed her cheek.

"Boo cran, Mama?" Maggie offered the crayon to Olivia.

She grinned, "You worked hard to get that from your brother," she said, "you keep it."

"Liv?" All five Tucker heads turned to the source of the voice-a tall, suntanned man with wavy blonde hair and tattoos running from each wrist up to where the patterns disappeared under his t-shirt sleeves.

"Michael!" Olivia stood up and gave him a quick hug. "Ed, this is Michael Watts, he's one of the show's producers."

Ed smiled politely and shook Michael's hand. "Congratulations," Ed added to break the ensuing awkward silence, "We're lookin' forward to seeing the pilot."

"Yeah, couple weeks," Michael said, "It's been a long road, but, this one," he squeezed Olivia's shoulder, "Has been a tremendous help. Couldn't have done it without her. She brings such authenticity to the writing."

"Three decades'll do that," Ed replied, smirking proudly at his wife.

"No doubt." Michael eyed the three kids. "Let me see," he said slowly, "I'll bet...you're Noah," He paused and Noah nodded and grinned, "And this is Maggie," he tapped Maggie's head and did the same with Wyatt, "And this is Wyatt."

"Right!" Noah said cheerfully. "And we're havin mac and cheese balls _AND_ shrimp _AND_ pretzel sticks!"

"Excellent choices," Michael said, "I might have the same thing."

Noah giggled.

"Well," Michael saw the server go to his table, "I don't want to be left out of the cocktail order. See you next week, Liv. Nice meeting you all."

Ed waited to speak until Michael was out of earshot. "He seems like a good guy."

His tone was dry and clipped. Olivia tilted her head to one side and gazed at her husband. His neck had reddened and blazed against the collar of his black polo. In an attempt to try and look like the encounter hadn't bothered him, Ed appeared that much more threatened and annoyed.

"Everyone on set calls me Liv, Ed," Olivia explained, accurately sensing one source of his angst.

"Everyone get so handsy?" Ed managed to pose the question in a lighthearted voice so it wouldn't alarm Noah.

"That guy he's sitting with," Olivia shot a quick glance at their table, "Is his _husband_ ," she said pointedly.

Ed broke into a relieved, self-deprecating grin. "I kinda figured, but…"

"...you're possessive and prone to becoming insanely jealous?"

"Exactly."

"Well, Ed Tucker, I have good news."

"What's that?"

"I feel the same way about you."

Their uneasy flirting came to an abrupt stop because a food runner arrived with a large tray containing the Tuckers' first course. He placed the steaming platters in the center of the table. Noah rose to his knees and surveyed the food. "YUM!" He said as he unrolled his silverware from the napkin. "Looks hot, though, babies, don't touch!"

"DO'TOUCH!"

"Do'touch, NO!"

Olivia broke a pretzel stick in half and blew on it. "These are okay," she gave one each to Maggie and Wyatt. "Here you go, sweethearts."

"Mmmm," Wyatt droned, "Chi'nugg!"

"Those aren't nuggies, silly," Noah said. He dipped a pretzel into the accompanying cheese and took a bite.

The small plates were next to Ed. He filled one and handed it across the table to Olivia. It was a chivalrous gesture many women would have perceived as outdated and unnecessary, but she saw the care he'd taken with the portion size and that he'd pierced the fried exterior of the mac-and-cheese so it would cool more quickly and she wouldn't burn her mouth on the first bite.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome," he said.

They locked eyes for a split second. Ed silently plead for forgiveness. He couldn't help his instincts; he couldn't stop the tension that filled his entire body when he saw Michael embrace his wife and heard him use "Liv" in such a friendly, familiar tone. Olivia had never mentioned Michael before, but they were obviously friends. How many more Michaels were there?

"Noah," Olivia said, "Have Daddy cut the macaroni and cheese like he cut mine. Let it cool off a little bit before you take a bite."

"Kay." Noah watched Ed slice the ball with a sharp knife. "Good job, Daddy."

"Thanks, bud."

Olivia reached across the table and grabbed Ed's fingers. "Daddy's a good man," she murmured. "We love him." She leaned forward, kissed his knuckles, and mouthed _I love you._ "

This time, when his face reddened, it was the good kind of flush-the kind he got when Olivia lovingly toyed with him. Satisfied the tense moments were over, they resumed their family-focused chatter, ordered more food, and snapped photos when Noah's dessert-a strawberry milkshake as big as his head-arrived with a mound of whipped cream, sprinkles, and extra cherries on top.

…

 _Inside a loud, crowded pub, Olivia and Rollins treated Carisi to drinks after his stint undercover at the shelter. Prior to having Jesse, Amanda had been a regular at the pub and people occasionally stopped to say hello and coo at photos of the baby. A pair of fellow NYPD detectives invited themselves to their table and listened with interest as Carisi, clearly feeling the effects of the alcohol, described his experience. They traded stories, laughed, and the guests bought another round. Olivia checked her phone. Tucker was en route and taking her to dinner. After jumping back into her role amid such an intense case, she was looking forward to a quiet, romantic dinner. She let him know exactly where in the bar they were set up and less than a half hour later, he appeared, looking authoritative and every bit the IAB investigator he was._

 _Olivia stepped forward and greeted him with a quick peck on the cheek and rubbed his arms. "Hi," she said with a smile, "No coat?"_

" _Left it in my office," he said, "I was in Cole's office and walked out with him...didn't wanna be late."_

" _We'll go some place close."_

" _I'm good."_

" _Want a drink or would you rather go?"_

 _Socializing with Olivia and her squad was new and still a bit awkward, but Ed nevertheless agreed to stay for one last drink. Between Carisi's animated anecdotes and the boasting of the other two, Ed didn't have to contribute much to the conversation, but Olivia saw his jaw set rigidly every time one of the guys nudged her or said something that made her laugh. She inched closer to him and drank quickly. Fifteen minutes later she placed her empty glass on the table and wished everyone a goodnight._

" _Where you wanna go?" Ed asked as soon as the door slammed behind them and they stepped into the chilly March night._

 _Olivia looped an arm through his. "How about the Thai place up here?"_

" _Sure? I'm really not cold."_

" _Yeah, I like it there."_

" _Okay."_

" _Everything alright?" Olivia asked, "You were a little quiet in the bar."_

 _Ed grinned sheepishly. They were only a few feet away from the restaurant and he waited until they were seated to answer. "I hate to tell ya, Olivia Benson, but...other guys makin' ya laugh like that, it's kinda like a gut punch."_

 _Even though Ed was always honest with her, the raw transparency of this particular admission stunned Olivia._

" _...I'm sorry to say," he added weakly, pouting a little and letting his eyes droop._

 _She grabbed his hand and tugged him close for a kiss. "Polite laughter," she said softly. "Wouldn't have looked very good if I was standing there stoically while they told their cop stories."_

" _Gonna take a little while to get used to...bein' around people."_

 _Hearing this, Olivia broke into genuine laughter. "People can be awful."_

 _Ed grinned. "You know what I mean."_

" _I do," Olivia kissed him again and went back to the menu. "You want to share a couple things?"_

" _Yeah," he said softly, "You pick."_

" _Oh come on," Olivia replied, "You choose something."_

" _I choose you."_

 _Everything dropped-the menu, Olivia's jaw, her stomach-the look on Ed's face suggested the sentence had unintentionally slipped out but its impromptu delivery did not diminish its meaning._

" _Wow…" She murmured. "Ed, I...wow…"_

 _For the second time that night, he apologized. "Sorry...it's, uh, it was the logical response."_

 _She grinned and cocked an eyebrow. "Logical?"_

" _Maybe that's the wrong word."_

" _I like your words," Olivia said. "I especially like them when they surprise me. And I hope…" she bit her lip, "You'll choose to come home with me, stay tonight?"_

 _This time, Ed fought the urge to be completely honest and say something like he wanted to be there every night. "I did have somethin' like that in mind."_

" _Really…"_

" _I've been thinking about you all day, Liv."_

 _She smiled shyly and ducked her head._

 _He continued. "Wasn't busy...not much goin' on...maybe everyone's still avoiding me to a certain extent-"_

" _I didn't know it was so hard for you to go back."_

" _It's been different," he admitted, "But that's fine...because...there's you and Noah...I have you two to look forward to, even if it's a night we're not together, I know, eventually, we will be." Ed grinned sheepishly. "And I could literally sit at my desk and think about that all day. Sor-"_

" _-Stop apologizing," Olivia said firmly yet she was clearly enamored. "I hate that it wasn't a smooth transition back, but...for you to say we make it bearable...Ed, that's probably one of the greatest compliments. It makes me happy."_

" _Are you happy?"_

" _Yes," she replied confidently, "And I'm...optimistic...about the future."_

" _So am I," Ed raised his wine glass, "To the future."_

 _Olivia shot him a wide smile. "To the future."_

… _._

Olivia tore her shirt from her body and wrapped her arms around Ed. He yanked off her bra and shoved down her jeans without completely unzipping them. Mouth open wide, he part-kissed, part-inhaled her chin and neck. He was already breathing hard, panting, and Olivia could feel his fingers in her hair and against her back. It was a prelude to torrid, fierce sex which was a rarity. Ed never felt comfortable getting close to rough with his wife and Olivia never complained. Sometimes his drawn out foreplay annoyed her, or, rather, annoyed her as much as an infatuated husband dedicated to tantalizing her every erotic nerve could be, but she never found herself wishing he was more forceful. Sure, they'd had their trysts on countertops and against walls, but those circumstances mandated a higher level of ferocity. To be rough for the sake of being rough wasn't in Ed's repertoire.

"Ed, honey," she managed to say, "Slow down."

Worried he'd gone too far, Ed completely froze and looked at her with raised brows.

"I want long, drawn out sex tonight," she said in a low, sultry voice. "I want to feel you loving me. All night."

"Okay."

Olivia could see she'd deflated him a bit, so she added, "It's early. We have all night."

He smirked and lifted her onto the mattress. As he hovered over her, Olivia slid off the rest of his clothing then closed her eyes. During sex her mind often wandered to pleasant places-memories of their life together, the early days when Ed was a little nervous yet intensely earnest...maybe, she thought, his demeanor still fit this description. She wondered if it was wrong that, when they were in the throes of carnal bliss, montages of her family flashed in front of her-smiling faces, lazy days at the beach, raucous sessions with their extensive collection of toys and games. Tonight, on the heels of the encounter with Michael, as innocuous as it was, Olivia couldn't conjure any of those happy thoughts. She was worried. If Ed reacted to Michael with near-seething jealousy, what would he do at the premiere when they mingled with dozens of Michaels? On a larger scale, was he really supportive of her second act, or was he merely reciting versions of the same script over and over again, hoping she'd believe him?

" _Liv_." Ed had kissed his way back up her body. Olivia could feel him, ready, hovering over her but unwilling to make any moves until she gave him permission to proceed.

She caressed his cheek and gazed into his eyes. Even in the darkness, they sparkled and glistened. "I love you, Ed. I love you so much."

"I love you, Olivia Margaret."

Later, the breeze from the ceiling fan wafted over their bare, damp bodies. Olivia shivered and Ed worked to straighten a sheet that had become twisted and tangled with other bedding. He covered Olivia and wrapped her into his arms so she was partially on top of him.

"I'm sorry," he whispered into her hair.

"For what?"

"For earlier. For feeling like I'm gonna blow up if someone other than me touches you. I, Liv, I dunno why I get like that. It never happened," he swallowed hard, " _Before_."

" _Ed-_ "

"I can't lose you, Liv."

"You're not," Olivia took and deep breath and continued in a pragmatic manner, "I promise you, you're not. But, Ed, you have to understand, _accept_ , that there are other people who...I'm going to meet and work with and," her stomach flip-flopped, "It's going to be hard for me if I have to constantly worry about how you're going to react."

To Olivia's relief, Ed kissed her face and lovingly played with her hair. "I'll be better," he said, "You don't have to worry. I promise."

There was a hitch in his voice and Olivia raised her eyebrows. "But…?"

"You love me more than the tattoo guy, right?"

Thrilled their conversation was shifting to playful banter, Olivia grinned, but her answer was still deeply sincere, maybe excessively so. Nevertheless, they were words she knew he needed to hear. "Ed, I can't live without you. There is no one I will ever love more than you. _You_. You are everything to me. I don't say it enough, I know, but I love you most, and I always will."

Tears may have welled in Ed's eyes, but Olivia couldn't be sure. Invigorated, Ed shifted their positioning so he was on top and he kissed her again. It was passionate, and they gasped for breath every few seconds while still keeping their lips together. More sex was imminent. If she hadn't been absorbed in the kiss, Olivia would have grinned appreciatively at Ed's virility and his ravenous desire for all things her. She closed her eyes. The mild panic of a few hours ago was nowhere to be found. Ed trailed kisses down her chin and neck. Olivia took a deep, relieved breath. She glanced down at Ed. Sensing her eyes on him, he looked up, and they locked eyes long enough for him to shoot her a cocky smirk before he continued lavishing his love on every inch of her body.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	61. Chapter 61

**Sixty-one.**

Caroline's backyard was alive with activity the day before Labor Day. Maggie and Wyatt ran around with plastic Little Tykes golf clubs. Noah had given up on trying to get the twins to play the game properly, so he and Ed played catch with a football while Maggie and Wyatt hacked away at the oversized plastic golf ball. Everyone else was on the deck seated on outdoor furniture Caroline had owned for years. Olivia took advantage of Maggie being distracted and doted on Sofia, whose first birthday was a couple of months away. She and Brooke had spent the day before planning her party, and Olivia was grateful for the rare time alone with the two of them. Sarah was swamped with new projects at work; not only was she missing the cookout, but she had been practically living in her office for the past two weeks. Justin kept busy working as a Teacher's Assistant for one of his former professors in addition to also taking EMT shifts. A year after he earned his Bachelor's Degree, he agonized over which career path to take, and was once again becoming the object of Brooke's tacit scorn. Ed and Olivia, as a couple, made a conscious decision to ignore her, but Olivia, nevertheless, remained troubled by Brooke's continued skepticism and was quietly relieved Sarah and Justin were absent on this final summer weekend.

"Thank God it's not so goddamn hot today," Caroline said, appearing from the kitchen and letting the screen door slam behind her. She handed a pair of tongs to Sonny who was manning the grill. "Eddie trusts you with the cooking, huh, Junior?"

"Hard to screw up hot dogs and burgers," Sonny quipped. "You didn't screw up the potato salad, didja?"

Caroline swatted his back. "Hell no." She pulled up a partially rusted metal wicker chair, glared at Sonny for a few seconds longer, and muttered, "He knows better than that."

"Caroline, your hydrangeas still look so gorgeous," Olivia said, "I'm surprised the heat didn't bake them, especially since they're in direct sunlight."

"Olivia my dear I don't even want to count how many hours and gallons of water I wasted on those damn flowers," Caroline replied, "My water bill's going to be ugly. I may need to take out a loan. Noah! Noah, don't let your Dad throw the ball into my flowers!"

"We're not, Gramma!" Noah called back to her. He then briefly turned his attention to Maggie and Wyatt. "Babies, don't hit da flowers!"

"Fower, NO!" Maggie tossed the golf club aside and ran for the bushes lining the side of the garage. The pastel-colored bulbs were suddenly alluring and Wyatt joined her. Seconds before they tore the petals from the stems Ed scooped them into his arms and deposited the twins on the other side of the yard.

"Monkeys in da middle!" Noah shouted gleefully. "Try ta get da ball, little monkeys!"

Over on the deck, Caroline observed the action with a gigantic smile on her face. "Olivia, it's probably a good thing you retired when you did, those two little ones are getting to have minds of their own."

"And they're fast," Olivia added. "I always feel a little guilty when we take them to the park or out anywhere because Noah is old enough now to keep an eye out and I'm relying on him to be a third parent in a lot of instances."

"I imagine it's hard to relax."

Olivia nodded. "It is...which is why I love these times more than you know. A lot of eyes. Fenced yard."

"I don't know how you do it," Brooke said, "I'm barely swinging it with one."

Ah," Caroline waved her hands in the air, "The first one's the hardest. After this one you could have three, four more and it'll be a breeze."

Brooke rolled her eyes. "Olivia, have you and Dad ever given any thought to moving out of the city?"

"We talked about it a few times before we bought the Delaware house," Olivia said, "But I don't want to take Noah out of his school, and he really loves the city. Having the beach is a good enough balance for now. And...with the center and the show...it's also where I need to be."

"So tell me more about this center and this show," Caroline said.

Olivia took a deep breath and gave Caroline a concise overview of both ventures. She explained how the Benson Center was intended to work as the bridge between all boroughs' Special Victims Units and the complex maze of counseling, housing, and other services survivors were entitled to yet often found overwhelming to navigate. "The Center's staff," she said, "Has a full time social worker and psychologist and they, along with me, will do the intake, make recommendations, and pair everyone with the proper services. Eventually, we'll do outreach, educational programs on prevention, reporting...work with schools...anyone who will have us."

"Ambitious," Caroline remarked.

"It's the...cap on my life's work."

Brooke was leaning forward, hanging on every word. "What about the show?" She eagerly asked.

"It is, eerily enough, patterned after the real SVU...the main character is...well, me," Olivia spoke as if her words had only, right then, made her realize how closely the premise mirrored her own career. "So we have to be very careful with it...I don't want it to become...a joke."

Caroline downed the rest of her drink. "Dearie, I am sure, if you're involved, it will be exactly what you want it to be."

"Thanks, Caroline," Olivia said, "That really means a lot. Seriously."

"I think it will be great, too," Brooke murmured.

Olivia smiled at her and lifted Sofia above her head. "We want you and Maggie and Wyatt and Noah in the safest world possible," she said to the baby. "I love you, Sofia Angelina!"

Brooke winced at Olivia's use of the moniker she'd given Sofia with the intention of honoring her mother. However, she was apparently the only one experiencing unease. Caroline baby-talked to her great-granddaughter, and Olivia held Sofia's hands as she stepped across the wooden slats to Caroline.

"I'm going to go help Ed," she explained, "Carisi, how's the food coming?"

Carisi inspected the burgers. The hot dogs were already sufficiently charred and on the warming rack. "Five minutes," he reported.

"You better not be cooking them to death, Dominick!" Caroline snapped.

"Low and slow, Caroline," he said, "Low and slow."

….

 _Mia blinked against the narrow ray of sunlight piercing Noah's living room from between the curtains. The scent of breakfast cooking greeted her, and she looked up to see Noah working assiduously over the stove in the small kitchen. He slid a steaming pile of scrambled eggs onto one platter and lined a plate with paper towels before stacking the bacon on top. In the toaster slots the thick bread stood ready to be browned, but Noah checked on Mia prior to pressing the button. She was standing now, smiling, and making her way to the L-shaped countertop clad in her pink plaid pajama pants and one of his well-worn high school t-shirts._

" _Morning," she said, adjusting her ponytail so it sat directly on top of her head. "You have a regular Waffle House going on here."_

" _Waffle House?"_

" _This place...in the South...you don't know Waffle House?"_

" _No."_

" _Seriously?"_

" _Seriously."_

" _Well, we have to get you out in the world more."_

 _They both laughed, for Noah had been more places in the world prior to turning twenty-five than most people had been in their lives._

" _But, anyway, thank you," Mia said, "After last night...I...need breakfast." Her dark brown, almost black eyes grew wide and they locked in on Noah. "Seriously," she said again even though she knew she used the word too much, "Thank you. You're, you've been...outrageously nice."_

 _Noah shrugged. "You're welcome," he said, "But don't give me too much credit. "It's the way I was raised."_

" _Yeah...that's for sure," Mia said softly._

 _Noah poured a cup of coffee, arranged it on a saucer, and slid it, a spoon, and the sugar jar toward Mia. "Is that cynicism or jealousy?"_

" _Maybe both."_

" _Fair." Noah glanced at his breakfast which was quickly losing its heat. "You wanna eat?"_

" _Yes."_

 _They shoveled the food in their mouths in relative silence. Mia complimented Noah's culinary skills; he downplayed the praise. Mia asked about the night before and he filled in the blanks with semi-embarrassing anecdotes, including Mia dropping a tray full of steamed dumplings on the floor of a nearby restaurant._

" _I'm so sorry," she said._

" _In your defense," Noah replied, laughing at the memory of Mia reaching across the table for a condiment, "I was hogging the Sriracha."_

" _I hate when you do that."_

" _You'll notice I gave you your very own, this morning" he smirked and nodded at the small tin cup on her plate._

" _Thank you. I appreciate it." Mia simpered at Noah as he continued eating, "No?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _I love you."_

 _Visibly startled, Noah dropped his fork and took a step backwards. Mia had been a fixture in his life since they were in preschool together, but she was unpredictable. After elementary school, she attended a fine arts academy on Long Island only to return a year later to public school and then go back the next year. Her life had taken on the lackadaisical character of the way she'd been parented, yet she and Noah kept in touch and remained friends only for him to have his heart broken when she decided to walk away from the apartment they planned to share in order to pursue her acting dreams. Even then, Noah made excuses. He understood Mia; he was familiar with her restlessness, her desperation to follow her dreams and her heart rather than her head. But that didn't mean he was any less hurt. If anything, he was more dejected that he wasn't part of the master plan she'd been spinning in her head since she was a little girl._

 _Mia realized she'd completely stunned him, so she continued. "You're...ugh, ugh, I hate to say this because it's soooo cliche, but you're my best friend. Every time I've been lonely or in trouble or having a great time and on top of the world...every single fucking time, No, I miss you. I want you there. I am so," Mia buried her face in her hands, "I am so fucking awful and selfish. I probably always will be, it's...I can't help it….and I don't know what's going to happen, ever, but I do know, at every single point in my life when I've needed someone, you've been there. And when I've wanted someone to... . It's always been you. I'm sorry, I think I might still be drunk, I don't-"_

" _-Stop." No longer concerned about the food, Noah stared at Mia intently. He gripped the countertop until the cut edges of the granite began digging at his skin. "You know I've always loved you," he said softly._

" _No," she replied, her eyes as intense as ever, "No, I don't know that. I've been horrible to you. How could you love me?"_

" _They're two different things," Noah replied._

 _Mia pondered this while staring at her plate. "You've always taken care of me...always been good, always…been," she groaned, struggling for words, and tears welled in her eyes, "Why, Noah? Why is it that we...can't stay away from each other? That's a sign, right?"_

" _You keep leaving and coming back," Noah said matter-of-factly, "You happen to be coming back to where I am. Probably because you know it's safe."_

" _I'm safe with you."_

" _I don't know if that's enough. To be safe with me…"_

 _In Noah's experience, Mia had never gradually started crying. Since Kindergarten, she either steeled herself against grief and moved on or spontaneously erupted into loud, guttural sobs. This time, it was the latter. Noah didn't have the heart to let her suffer alone, so he rounded the counter and collected her into his arms._

" _I want to be with you Noah," Mia murmured through her sniffles. "I know you want to be with me. Please, just say it. Say that we...can be we. I promise I won't leave. I won't…."_

 _Noah closed his eyes while Mia finished rambling. In all of his relationships, not that there had been many, he'd always thought of his parents when he wasn't sure how exactly to proceed romantically. In this particular moment, he realized Mia had grown up seeing his parents love each other, lavish affection on their children, and walk the fine line between giving them everything they wanted and spoiling them to death. As they got older and reached adulthood, Noah had concluded that Mia wanted Ed and Olivia, not him, and that's why it was always so easy for her to wander in and out of his life._

 _Noah held her by the shoulders, at arm's length, and lowered his eyebrows so she would understand he was serious. "The next time you feel like you want to leave," he began slowly in the most even-toned voice he could muster, "Please talk to me first. Please act like...an adult...act like you're telling the truth that you love me...because you haven't acted like that...for a long time."_

 _Mia reached up and touched his face. "I will. I promise."_

 _Noah pressed his eyes closed for a minute, maybe more. Never in his life did he make spur-of-the-moment decisions unless the situation absolutely warranted it. Sarah and Maggie were better at that. He and Wyatt were thinkers and innately uncomfortable of making on-the-spot decisions. Maggie often got impatient with her brothers, for she saw everything-from what to order for dinner to which parties to attend-as black and white issues and decided things almost immediately. Wyatt and Noah agonized._

" _I can't do this again, Mia," he added. "I can't-"_

" _-You've always been there for me," she patted his chest and cast him a tentative smile, "Let me...let me prove I can be there for you. Like a real couple. I've been awful, but we're supposed to be together. It's fate."_

 _Noah nodded in appreciation, glad he didn't have to drag the admission out of her. "Okay."_

" _Okay."_

 _Glancing down at the counter, Noah grabbed the forks they'd both abandoned and handed one to Mia. She took it, but, in the process, grabbed his wrist and showed no signs of letting go. "I love you," she said again, this time in a whisper._

" _I love you, too." He smiled nervously and kissed her. They'd kissed before, but it had always felt like an experiment, like two friends innocuously finding their way in the world of intimacy. This time, though, Noah felt the spark was almost positive the chemistry was different. He knew. Perhaps he'd known since the day he gave Mia part of his cookie stash in preschool. She was...The. One. She always had been._

" _Your breakfast is getting cold," he whispered._

" _So's yours."_

" _Crispy bacon...like you like it. Almost burned."_

" _Noah?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _Are you going to be terribly offended if I tell you I don't want to eat right now?"_

 _Blushing, he smiled and shook his head. "No," he croaked, "I won't be offended at all."_

…

Olivia hopped down the steps and jogged across the lawn with her arms outstretched, inviting a throw. Ed lobbed a pass to her. She caught it and playfully taunted the kids with a celebratory dance.

"Touchdown!"

"Ma! T'down!"

"Mamamamamama! BAH! MY BAH!"

"Maggs doesn't wanna share!"

"Tuh….DOWN!"

"GAH! Gamma! My BAH!"

"Hungy, mama, h'dog?"

The kids circled around their parents chattering loudly until Sonny announced the food was ready. "C'mon," Olivia said, jogging toward the house, "Let's go wash up. You're dirty, sweethearts!" She took the three of them inside and scrubbed and dried their grubby little hands in the small downstairs bathroom off the living room. "Noah, honey, I'll be right out. Will you take the twins back outside?"

"Yup!"

"Thank you, sweet boy."

"Welcome!"

Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt skipped back outside. Olivia washed her hands and splashed some water on her face. When she looked up from the sink, she saw Ed behind her.

"Hey," she said with a start.

"Sorry, didn't mean to startle ya."

Olivia smiled at him in the mirror and turned around, "You need to get in here?"

"Nope, well, yes," he said coyly, "Wanted a kiss."

Olivia made a show of approvingly eyeing him from head to toe. She could see his navy polo was a little damp from running around in the yard and his neck and arms had a healthy flush. He'd owned the khaki cargo shorts since before he and Olivia had started their romantic relationship and they were frayed at the hems and along the pockets. The muscular curve of his calves gave way to thick, strong ankles. He hadn't kicked off his shoes upon entering the house and blades of grass clung to the soles of his gray Nikes. Olivia stepped forward and held him by the wrists. She kissed his cheeks and neck, not caring that he was sticky and salty; and unbothered by the heat radiating from his body.

"Wish we had time for a shower," Ed said as he took a sharp breath.

"I brought an extra shirt for you," Olivia said, "Extra shirts for you, the twins, Noah...everyone's taken care of."

"I love you."

They locked eyes and Ed finally got his kiss. It was quick yet passionate and he groaned with disappointment when Olivia pulled away, slapped his back pockets, and told him she would see him outside. "Dinner's ready," she added with a wink.

"I'll be out in a minute."

"Okay."

Ed stuck his head into the hallway. "One more kiss."

"One more," Olivia gave him a quick peck on the lips, "I'll get the shirt for you, too."

"You're the best."

…..

 _Olivia was still in her work clothes when Ed buzzed the apartment. She unlocked the door, perfectly fine with him letting himself in, but he knocked anyway. Grinning, she opened it with a flourish and immediately wrapped her arms around his neck. She had planned on going home directly after court that afternoon, but the verdict and the video leak extended her day. Noah was sound asleep and didn't stir when Olivia kissed him goodnight and whispered yet another apology. Lucy gamely brushed off Olivia's apologies. Now, Ed stood in front of her, smirking, lips puckered, ready for her kiss._

" _This suede?" He admired her blazer, rubbing a piece of the lapel between his thumb and forefinger._

" _Yes."_

" _I like it."_

" _Thank you." She kissed him once more and pressed her body to his. She was still wearing her shield and her weapon and they clinked and crunched against his belt and coat. Suddenly, Olivia wanted nothing more than Ed Tucker in her bedroom. Anticipating the pleasure of Ed loving her sent chills up and down her spine. His black parka was already unzipped and she slid it from his shoulders. "Have you eaten?" She whispered the question in his ear and she was certain she detected a shiver._

" _No," he rasped._

" _Can you wait a little while longer?"_

" _Absolutely."_

 _Olivia took his hand and led him to the bedroom. She placed her shield and Glock on top of the bureau and let the blazer fall to the floor. Minutes later, both their sets of clothes were in adjacent heaps and Ed's face was buried in her chest. The frantic start meant they didn't bother to peel back the covers or turn off the lamp Olivia typically left on at all hours of the day, so, afterwards, as Ed entangled his legs with hers and made circular patterns across her back, Olivia studied the sight of their bodies and intertwined limbs and became obsessed with how perfect they looked together._

 _Ed kissed the tip of her nose and asked, "Whatcha thinking?"_

 _Ordinarily, there were multiple thoughts running concurrently and interminably through Olivia's mind at all hours of the day and night. In contrast, though, this moment brought to her a rare sense of clarity._

" _I wish I could bottle right now," she said in a voice only slightly louder than a whisper._

" _Only one way to do that," Ed replied, his voice extra deep and gravelly. Olivia expectantly raised her eyebrows and Ed smirked as he answered her unspoken question. "Have more right nows."_

 _Olivia smiled. One arm was positioned under her head and she cupped the side of Ed's face with her free hand. "That really seems possible."_

 _Ed furrowed his brow at the semi-skeptical response. "It is possible, Liv."_

" _I believe you."_

" _You sure?"_

" _I do," she pinched his chin and tilted her head forward for a kiss, "It's just...I'm surprised I believe you. I'm shocked, really, at this. But in a good way...you know?"_

" _I know."_

 _Olivia glanced at the digital clock on the nightstand. "You must be starving."_

" _Not starving, but I could eat."_

 _Their food was ordered and delivered within thirty minutes. Ed ripped the bags open and arranged the platters on the coffee table. Olivia handed him plates and he doled out equal portions of the two Thai dishes and topped the presentation with a spring roll._

" _Hot sauce or sweet and sour?"_

" _Both please."_

" _Here ya go."_

 _She took the plate and leaned in for a kiss. "Thank you."_

" _You're welcome."_

" _So nice," she murmured as she took her first bite. At her request, Ed took care of the ordering and him fixing her plate was adorable and chivalrous. She loved how he doted on her; how she could simply_ _be_ _around him and not worry about anything or anyone other than Noah._

 _Ed let the comment pass without a response. He sat back against the cushions and ate, suddenly realizing how hungry he was._

" _Have you heard anything about the video leak?" Olivia asked._

 _Taken aback and a bit disappointed by her switch to work-related conversation, Ed blinked. "Yeah...heard about it as soon as it happened."_

" _Oh...did...Chief Dodds handle it?"_

 _Shaking his head, Ed replied, "Nope. I assumed it was Rollins after she pulled that unauthorized UC stunt."_

 _Olivia laughed. "Hah, me too. But Mike let it slip, or, well, let me infer that it was him."_

" _Mike Dodds?"_

" _Yes."_

 _Ed shook his head in disbelief. "Wow...good for him."_

" _Ed?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _Why didn't IAB go after Rollins a little harder?"_

" _Draper handled the original complaint," he replied matter-of-factly, "I imagine if they woulda been convicted their lawyers would've made a bigger deal about it. That aside, she didn't know they'd lawyered up, so doesn't rise to the level of misconduct that we'd worry about. Command discipline?"_

" _Probably not. She's been through enough, I suppose, maybe she's finally learned a lesson. Maybe I need to talk to her, mother-to-mother, so she gets the risk. It's not only her career she could jeopardize, it's her ability to take care of Jesse. She's got to make better decisions."_

" _I get the instinct," he said, "But you're right. Especially with her jacket…"_

" _Right." Olivia took another bite and worked up the courage to ask another, more pointed, question, but Ed beat her to the punch._

" _Lieutenant, even if you still hated me we wouldnta gone after Rollins for this one."_

 _Olivia, chagrinned, ducked her head for a second, but when she met his eyes again she was smiling and clearly amused. "I'm not used to being with anyone who's capable of being a step ahead of me."_

" _I think we match wits well."_

" _We do."_

" _But," Ed put his plate on the table and gripped her legs above her knees. "I promise you, no matter what, no matter how good it gets between us, SVU won't get any special favors from IAB."_

" _Well don't overcompensate," Olivia said, "I'd really hate to go back to the times when we all muttered horrible things under our breath when you walked into the precinct."_

" _I don't think we're going back there, are we?" Ed moved even closer. He took her plate and put it next to his._

 _Olivia gripped his head. "No," she replied with utmost sincerity. "No, we're not."_

 _They traded a few kisses. At a pause, Ed glanced at the table and said, "Food's getting cold."_

" _I have a microwave."_

 _He shot her a mischievous smile. "Well then…"_

" _I want more right now," she pressed her forehead against his and stared intently into his eyes. "I want you."_

" _I want you, too, Olivia Benson."_

 _They fell into each other's arms kissing passionately, slowly at first but then more fervently. Olivia rose to her knees and then put her feet on the floor, dragging him with her. They clumsily kept kissing on their way back to her bedroom where they made quick work of disrobing once again. The clarity returned, and as Olivia and Ed moaned and whispered and cried out with pleasure, the sole realization in her mind was that she was sure she was falling in love with this man._

…

The steam from the shower filled the bathroom and clung to every surface. In their rush to strip and get under the water, Ed and Olivia had forgotten to turn on the fan. Ed held her face and kissed her with enough force that Olivia had to take a step backwards for balance.

"Sorry," he mumbled.

"I know you won't let me fall," she whispered back.

"Never."

"Ed, come here." Olivia adjusted the shower head, circled around, and sat on the corner bench. She waved him over and repeated, "Come. Here."

" _Liv_."

"Let me. You're always...giving...all the time, everywhere," she reached forward, clutched his hips, and looked up, "Just a little? Okay?"

Ed swiped back locks of her hair that had become glued to the sides of her face. "You don't owe me anything, Liv."

"That's not what this is," she replied.

Ed wasn't so sure. "Thirty seconds," he said with a hint of jest in case his hesitance was beginning to cause her frustration.

"Sort of diminishes it a little if you're timing," Olivia massaged his thigh and placed several slow, methodical kisses in a line below his belly button. "Relax," she whispered.

" _God_ , _Liv_ ," Ed threw his head back and let the water rush over his face. One of the reasons why he was always so wary of receiving oral sex with her was that he enjoyed it too much. Normally he could pace his arousal, but not in these rare instances. His knees buckled, swirls of pleasure encircled his midsection, and as soon as he felt himself begin to lose control, he pulled away, propped one of her legs on the bench, and they resumed the ferocious kiss while he rocked against her.

"I don't know how I'm still standing," Ed rasped into her mouth after he came. They resumed their position directly under the pulsating water and he buried his face in her neck. "I love you, Olivia," he sighed and nuzzled her skin, "You're so beautiful, so perfect, _God_ ," he held her as tightly as he could, "I'm so lucky. How did this happen? That I got so lucky?"

Olivia stroked the back of his head and concentrated on breathing normally. "You took a chance and bought me a drink," she cooed, "And now we're together forever."

"That bourbon made everything all right with the world."

She grinned and nibbled his earlobe. "What a great drink."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	62. Chapter 62

**Sixty-two**.

Morning came too quickly. Even though he'd been utterly exhausted from chasing the kids around all afternoon and the nighttime shower tryst, Ed awoke with a start when he heard sounds from the twins' room. He lifted his head and peered across Olivia's body at the baby monitor. Maggie rolled back and forth in her crib, arms wrapped around the small plush pink baby doll she'd owned from birth, and cooed words Ed couldn't quite decipher. Wyatt was still covered by his blankets and showed up as one jungle-animal-covered heap. When Maggie grew still again, Ed laid his head back on the pillow and gazed at his wife. The sight of her smooth olive skin juxtaposed with the crisp white sheets would never get old, and he smiled to himself when he remembered how he'd vowed never to use different color bedding. Theirs was simple white, but the view was perfect.

With an apologetic smirk on his face, Ed began kissing her face. One cheek, then the other, then her forehead. He carefully smoothed back a section of her hair and kissed around her ear before she finally reacted with a twitch. The corners of her lips curled upwards and Ed kissed them, too.

"Sorry," he whispered, "Go back to sleep."

Olivia grabbed his forearm, opened her eyes, and rasped, "No."

From there, sweet lovemaking ensued. After an abbreviated version of his favorite foreplay moves, Ed stared into her eyes as he moved inside of her.

"S'posed to rain all day," he said through labored breath.

Olivia's moan gave way to a smile. "Get organized," she managed to gasp, "For tomorrow."

"School."

"School."

"Should send the twins, too, then," Ed placed a sloppy kiss on her lips, "This, all day."

"They," Olivia gasped again, "Take naps."

"Sure do."

"Ed, yes, right there."

"Here?"

"Oh _God…_ "

….

 _Feverish and peaked, Wyatt curled up under the navy blue microfiber blanket and stared blankly at the WWI documentary he'd been watching for at least two hours. He looked generally miserable and pathetic and Olivia wished there was something more she could do to help him feel better._

" _Here you go, sweetheart," she set a fresh glass of grape-flavored Gatorade on the coffee table, "Are you sure you don't want to eat something?"_

 _Wyatt shook his head._

" _You haven't eaten anything since yesterday. Soup?"_

" _Okay."_

" _Chicken dumpling from the deli?"_

 _Wyatt smiled; his mother knew his favorites and knew he couldn't turn down his preferred comfort food. "With oyster crackers?"_

 _Olivia smoothed back his brown hair and kissed his forehead, "Anything you want, Wyatt Edward."_

" _I'm mad I don't get to go," Wyatt moaned. While he battled the flu, Noah and Maggie were going to see Mia sing at Carnegie Hall with her school chorus. The venue was hosting a series of high school performers in the weeks leading up to Christmas, and Mia's group was headlining opening night._

" _I know, honey," Olivia said softly. She gazed sympathetically at her son as his eyes drifted back to scenes of trench warfare and carrier pigeons._

 _Later, as Wyatt took tentative bites of his soup, Noah and Maggie posed for pictures. Eighteen-year-old Noah looked handsome and regal in his dark gray suit, white shirt, and kelly green tie. His early obsession with stylish footwear had not waned, and he wore a pair of shiny black wingtips on his feet. Maggie insisted on wearing red, and had been searching for the perfect dress ever since Noah invited the twins to join him for the evening. She chose a bright red sweater dress with a chunky collar and accessorized with one of Olivia's long pendant necklaces._

 _Ed had to fight tears as he snapped the photographs. Noah, a high school senior, was now a head taller than his mother, handsome yet baby-faced, and was still every bit the sweet, kind boy he'd been in his younger years. Thirteen-year-old Maggie was full of middle school sass, spunky, silly, but effusive with love and affection for everyone. Ed studied her features. She had inherited his cheekbones, Olivia's jaw, and his blue eyes though the deep ocean-blue color was a nuance all her own. Olivia had curled her hair and it fell in soft brown waves across her shoulders and upper back. Ed was very grateful Noah had also maintained his protective nature because Maggie could have passed for a few years older than thirteen._

" _Ready?" Noah offered his arm to his sister._

" _Why thank you, sir!" Maggie grinned and looped her arm through his. She was wearing Olivia's black, leather-sleeved trench coat. It was a little big on her but she insisted on borrowing it because the evening necessitated fancier outerwear than what she owned._

" _Bud, you have your wallet?" Ed asked even though he was positive Noah would answer in the affirmative._

" _Yep."_

" _Enough money?"_

" _Yep."_

" _You sure?" Maggie interjected, "You promised me a show and dinner! A fancy dinner!"_

" _I have the card, too," Noah assured her._

 _From the coach, Wyatt groaned. He and his siblings had a penchant for exploring New York's restaurants, and, lately, they'd developed an addiction to fine dining establishments. Ed and Olivia joked they were spending more on food than they would on college. "Where you gonna go?" Wyatt asked weakly._

" _I want steak," Maggie said._

 _Wyatt groaned again. "Take pictures."_

" _We will!" Maggie blew Wyatt a kiss, "Bye brother!"_

 _After the duo left, Wyatt pouted. "I'm so jealous."_

 _Ed mussed his hair and sat down beside him. "Feelin any better, bud?"_

" _Better than yesterday."_

" _You'll be good by Christmas."_

 _Wyatt grinned and rolled his eyes. Christmas was three weeks away. "Gotta get better soon," he said, "We have to get presents."_

" _Have anything in mind?"_

" _Definitely a fancy coat for Maggs," he said, "Wearing Mom's...it looks like she has on a Snuggie."_

 _Ed burst into laughter at the reference. In itself it was funny, but he had no idea where Wyatt learned of the "blanket with sleeves" that had a been a short-lived fad before he was born. "Where'd you ever see a Snuggie?"_

 _Wyatt frowned and gestured toward the screen. "Old Infomercials."_

 _Ed smiled. "You wanna watch somethin else?"_

" _Nah," Wyatt replied, "Will you play Scrabble?"_

" _You sure?"_

" _Yeah. I think the soup...that soup really works. Mom? Mom, you wanna play?"_

" _Sure," Olivia said, "I'd love to beat the two of you."_

" _I don't think so, sweetheart," Ed retorted. He and Olivia eyed Wyatt and then exchanged knowing glances. The odds of them both losing to Wyatt were high. Due to his studious nature, Wyatt found places on the board to play obscure, high-scoring words, and even when he drew unfavorable letters he still managed to be competitive._

 _Wyatt sat at the table with the blanket wrapped around his shoulders. "You two are both going down," he said in a voice that was far from intimidating. "But I'll go easy on ya."_

… _.._

The imprint of Maggie's and Wyatt's foreheads smeared the window glass. They _oooed_ at the black clouds and sheets of relentless rain. At the table, Noah was working on the optional assignment his teacher gave students at the August meet-and-greet. His "BioArt" included drawings of the beach house, jet skis, and the smiling faces of his family members. Tomorrow on the first day of school he would introduce himself with the visual aid.

"Whatcha see, sweet twins?" Olivia kissed Maggie and Wyatt on the tops of their heads. They babbled their answers but remained fixated on the weather. Olivia wandered over to the table and watched Noah draw. His lips were pressed into a straight line and every ounce of concentration was focused on his work. Olivia decided not to interrupt him. She joined Ed on the couch and sat so she had a view of the kids, back against the armrest and her legs bent over Ed's lap.

"Want to try and get outta the house for dinner?" He asked as he massaged one of her calves.

Olivia looked down at her sweatpants and t-shirt. Everyone else was similarly attired. "I don't think so," she replied, "I think we're all comfortable."

Ed grabbed her and and kissed it. "Okay."

"We'll cook?"

"Yeah," he said, "We have ingredients."

For what seemed like the thousandth time since she'd retired, innocuous details about Ed running the household punched her in the gut. She couldn't remember the last time she'd actually shopped for the purpose of stocking their pantry. "I guess I have to take your word for it," Olivia said. She winced at the unintended edge in her voice.

Ed raised his eyebrows.

"Sorry," she entangled her fingers with his, "It's been, eye-opening since we got back from the beach, the amount of work that goes into running this place, the kids, diapers in stock...and...I didn't even realize it was going on. I mean, of course, I knew we had to get those things from somewhere, it's-"

"-Won't need diapers for much longer," Ed interrupted her, smirking, and clearly trying to lighten the mood.

Olivia didn't bite. "I'm wondering where I fit in all of this," she blurted out.

Ed cocked his head and carefully set her feet on the floor so he could move closer to her. "You, Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker, fit in right here," he put his arm across her shoulders and kissed her cheek with too much passion given that they were within a few feet of their children, "And here," he kissed her lips, "and here," he kissed her on the neck and stopped only when Olivia let out a soft moan at which point he pulled away and looked into her eyes, "Seriously, Liv, we aren't _we_ without you. And making sure we have olive oil doesn't make one any more or less valuable."

"Olive oil?"

Ed grinned sheepishly and shrugged. "First thing that popped into my mind."

" _Olive_ _oil_?"

"Yeah. Extra virgin," he leaned in for another kiss, "Great for a saute, or on pasta," he kissed her again.

"DAH! DADA! Magg kiss!" Maggie ran over with Wyatt on her heels.

Olivia hoisted the twins onto the couch and she and Ed took turns smothering the twins in kisses. They screeched and laughed and wriggled around in Olivia's lap. Finally, Olivia hugged them both close to her chest while they caught their breath. The weight of her babies on her chest was comforting, and she felt the pent up anxiety leave her body.

"I'll start dinner," Ed patted Olivia's leg and stood up, "Unless...you wanna do it?"

"No thank you," Olivia said with an appreciative smile, "I think we're all better off if I watch you cook."

…..

 _When Olivia went to One PP late in the afternoon on the day Sally Landry reported the rape, she hadn't considered she might run into Ed. Staring at her phone and frustrated at being told to handle yet another high profile perp with caution, Olivia stepped off the elevator and into the lobby paying very little attention to her surroundings or the others bustling around her._

 _The royal blue blouse immediately caused Ed to stop in his tracks. The two sides of the neckline met in a knot near the center of her chest, adding extra allure to what the silky material was covering. The cavernous space typically echoed with the combined voices of officers and visitors, but Ed heard nothing other than his own voice call out, "Liv!"_

 _She whirled around, smiling, and made a beeline for him. Forgetting where they were, she slid her arms around his waist but froze when she saw his shocked expression. "Oh," she said. She glanced around and dared to give him a quick peck on the cheek._

" _No, no," he said softly, "Ya surprised me is all."_

 _Olivia shoved her hands in her coat pockets, but she didn't surrender any space between them. Any onlooker would assume they were married or at least in a serious relationship. It had been three weeks since they'd both been reinstated, but those weeks seemed like months and the church scandal was now buried in the rear view mirror. The only hitch was that Olivia's return to SVU began with Carisi going undercover and continued with yet another famous man accused of rape. All the down time spent together, afternoon bar hopping followed up by stress-relief sex and then spending evenings with Noah also seemed like a distant memory._

 _Ed poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue. He couldn't resist letting his eyes fall to the blouse, her chest, and he felt goose bumps form on his lower back and on his arms. Olivia had to duck her head to force eye contact, and he shot her a sheepish grin. "That top," he explained, "I like it."_

" _Yeah?" She replied in a teasing voice, "Better than the red?"_

" _Do I have to choose?"_

 _Olivia cocked an eyebrow and spoke in a low, seductive voice. "No."_

 _Ed was having a hard time catching his breath and wondered if she could tell. "You, uh, you done for the day?"_

" _I can be." In addition to the eyebrow, she tilted her head to the side and her wavy brown locks fell enticingly across her face and chin. "Whadja have in mind?"_

 _He was close to breaking out into a giddy sweat. "Do you have any idea what you're doin' to me right now?" He asked under his breath and took a mischievous look around as if he were searching for a closet or even an alcove where they could have a few minutes of privacy._

" _Let's go to your place, then mine." Olivia didn't wait for an answer. She merely gave his wrist a tug and he followed her outside where she led him to her parked sedan. He watched in admiration as she wove her way through traffic, to his neighborhood, and expertly found a spot in a zone restricted to most other New Yorkers._

 _Inside the apartment, Ed gallantly took her coat and hung it next to his, but Olivia wasn't interested in any other pleasantries. She threw her arms around his neck and kissed him fiercely until he pulled away and held her at arm's length, once again, admiring the blouse._

" _Hold on," he said breathlessly. "I, damn…" Ed significantly slowed things down. He kissed Olivia's exposed skin slowly and methodically before carefully peeling back the material to expose more of her breasts. "You are so gorgeous," he whispered, "So beautiful."_

" _I've missed you," Olivia murmured, throwing her head back and relishing the feel of Ed's lips on her skin, his hands on her back, and his burgeoning erection pressing against her lower body._

" _I missed you," he lifted his head and looked at her with desirous blue eyes, "I miss you all day." He went back to kissing her chest and soon they were naked, in his bed, crying out with pleasure and then cuddling under the covers as their breathing went back to normal._

 _With her head nestled under his chin, Olivia lightly scratched Ed's stomach and sighed contentedly._

" _Good?" Ed asked._

" _So good." Olivia craned her neck so she could kiss his chin. "Ed?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _When you said you miss me all day," she began, hesitating a bit before uttering each word, "What...what exactly does that mean?"_

" _It means I can't stop thinking about you," Ed answered without missing a beat. "Is that," he adjusted their positions so he could see her face, "Is that too much?"_

" _I feel like it should be," Olivia said with a smile, "But it's not. I-" An agonized expression filled Olivia's features._

 _Ed interjected, "-I don't want to rush anything."_

" _I don't feel rushed," she ran a fingertip across his lips, "I want this, Ed. I want you. I'm annoyed these past few weeks have been so crazy because…" she screwed up her face, "...the whole thing with the church...it was the greatest of all silver linings, don't you think?"_

" _I do."_

" _Things will calm down," she said, "And I'm back to a full squad. And," she circled his nipples with an index finger, "I'm sure I could arrange some day care pickups if you want."_

 _He kissed her head. "I want."_

 _Olivia nestled her head back against his shoulder and said, "I like the idea of coming home to you and Noah." It was an admission she'd kept to herself until now and decided to test how it felt to actually say it._

" _Me too," Ed replied softly then quipped, "Especially if you're wearing that blouse."_

 _Ed had a sixth sense about when to inject levity into their conversations and when to stay on a more serious course. Olivia assumed he felt her breathe a sigh of relief and considered that a signal to needle her a bit._

" _Should I keep an extra one at the office so I can change before I head home?"_

" _Nah," he said softly, "I don't want anything delaying you."_

 _Olivia smiled and pressed a kiss to his chest. "Speaking of home," she said, "We better get going."_

 _They dressed quickly and Olivia waited while Ed threw a few items in the now-familiar overnight bag. She sat on the edge of the bed and watched him move between his bureau and closet. "I'm glad I ran into you at One PP today," she cooed._

 _He smirked and zipped the bag. "Yeah...that needs to happen more often...or, maybe not at One PP…"_

" _What were you doing there?"_

" _Putting a training course together for next week," he said and added, "Avoiding procedural violations when a suspect resists arrest."_

 _Olivia contorted her lips into an "O" shape. "I may need a refresher on that one."_

" _I doubt it." He slung the bag over his shoulder and held out his hands. He pulled her to her feet and held her close for a kiss. "But if you're havin' trouble sleeping later I can read you the script."_

 _Olivia laughed and a naughty grin lingered on her face. She replied in a half-whisper, "I don't think I'll have trouble sleeping."_

… _._

By the time he arrived at the door of his new classroom, Noah had been photographed at least two dozen times. Before leaving home, Olivia posed him with Maggie and Wyatt, with Ed, with herself, and then set up the camera on the tripod, set the timer, and snapped one with the whole family. The five of them grinned for the camera standing in the middle of the living area surrounded with toys, the easel, the train table, and the three bean bags. Noah, in his khaki pants and burgundy school polo, looked hilariously formal in the middle of the chaos and among his jeans-and-t-shirt-clad siblings and parents.

Ed helped Noah stow his BioArt in the appointed corner of the room, shoved his hands in his pockets, and stood off to the side with Olivia. They shifted their weight from foot-to-foot, knowing their presence was no longer necessary and it was a matter of minutes before the teacher or her assistant politely asked them to leave.

"Is this ever going to get easier?" Olivia whispered to Ed.

He glanced down at the twins who were taking in the classroom scenery from the stroller. For the moment, they were quiet and almost paralyzed from sensory overload. Ed shuddered to think of the day when they would drop all three kids off at school. _It's only going to get more difficult,_ he thought.

"It'll always be tough," he replied, squeezing her hand, "But we'll do it together."

Olivia nearly teared up at his sincerity which was a bit unexpected given their surroundings. Instead of attempting a reply, she clutched his hand to her chest for a minute. Finally, when the last of the parents began filing out of the room, Olivia waved at Noah and he came over in his usual, half-skipping gait.

"Gonna go, Mommy?"

"Yes, sweet boy. Time for school," she bent down and kissed the top of his head, "You have a good day. I love you."

"Love you, too, bud."

"Love you!" Noah said and then addressed Maggie and Wyatt, "Babies, I gotta be here and learn t'day, but I see you later, at two-thirty, that's when school ends."

"No! Bock!"

"Yep, small sister! Got blocks here and art stuff and tablets…" Noah turned around in a circle, "Lotsa stuff to do!"

"Out!" Wyatt fought against the harness and reached for Noah, " _Ouuuut_!"

Noah hugged Wyatt. "Brother, I'm in first grade now, so I gotta go." Noah looked up at his parents, "We're gonna have ice cream after, right?"

"Right, sweet boy."

Noah addressed Wyatt in his most serious voice, "Wyatt, when you pick me up we're gonna have ICE CREAM, kay? You want cookie dough?"

Wyatt grinned. "Coo DO!"

Satisfied the thought of a sweet treat would be enough to distract Wyatt from his absence for the rest of the day, Noah nodded and addressed his parents. "S'okay, now. Wyatt knows he's gettin' ice cream!"

"Alright, bud," Ed said, "We'll see ya this afternoon."

Noah rushed back to the center of the room and took his seat. Ed ushered Olivia and the twins out of the room and down the corridor toward the building's entrance. As they rounded a corner, they almost collided with Mia and her father.

"Hi Livia! Hi Ed! Hi Babies!"

"Hi there," Tony Bianchi brusquely shook Ed's and Olivia's hands, "We're, uh, a little behind schedule this morning."

Ed and Olivia mumbled some pleasantries and said hellos to Mia before her father practically dragged her down the hall. Once they were out of earshot, Ed rolled his eyes. "Late on the first day? What a mess."

"Poor thing," Olivia said, looking back even though Mia was out of sight.

Wyatt was still squirming and Ed used the pause to get him out of the stroller. "C'mon, big guy," he hoisted the little boy onto his shoulders, "Up ya go."

"Up!" Wyatt repeated and hugged Ed's head, "Dada! U'high!"

Olivia smiled at the sight of Maggie thrusting her fists in the air. "Magg _ouuuuut_!"

"Sorry," Ed mumbled apologetically.

Olivia got Maggie out of the seat and perched her on her hip. Olivia simpered at Ed and pushed the stroller one-handed. "Don't apologize for being a fantastic Dad," she said softly.

He smirked proudly and gripped Wyatt's ankles more tightly. "Hold on, bud."

Wyatt clutched Ed's ears. "Dada gahme!"

"That's right," Ed murmured, "Daddy's gotcha."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	63. Chapter 63

Sixty-three.

 _The game had three steps:_

 _Run around the coffee table until gasping for breath._

 _Jump._

 _Count the phones._

" _One! Two!"_

 _Repeat._

" _Good job, Noah," Ed praised the boy, and, for an added challenge, set his toy phone next to the others. "How 'bout now? How many?"_

 _Run around table._

 _Jump._

 _Noah twisted his lips and studied the objects. Finally, shouted, "One, two, THREE!"_

" _Yes!" Ed held out his hand for a high five and Noah slapped his palm. The little boy, grinning from ear to ear, took another lap, counted the phones, and dove at Ed for another high five. Ed flipped him once then held him above his head. Noah spread his arms wide._

" _I fly!" He shouted. "I fly!"_

 _Olivia had been in the kitchen unwrapping their dinner-a premade chicken and rice casserole from a nearby market. She slid it in the oven and joined the jolly duo. She handed Ed a glass of wine and sat down with her legs tucked under her body. Noah was a bit hyper; Olivia assumed he hadn't had a very long nap at day care, but she merely grinned as he ran around. Once he was bored with the counting/cardio game, he picked up Ed's phone and pretended to take a picture._

" _Click!" He said. "Click! Click!"_

 _Ready to rescue the phone, Olivia leaned forward but Ed beat her to the punch. "C'mere, bud," he quickly enabled the camera, "Here, take some for real."_

 _Noah cheerfully snapped photographs all around the living room and then took some of his mother and Ed. They posed and smiled. Later, they would laugh when they saw parts of their heads cut off in the images._

" _Noah," Olivia said, motioning him over, "Come sit here. Let's take one of all of us." She took the phone and flipped it to selfie mode. Ed and Olivia tilted their heads toward Noah's and the three of them beamed into the camera. After that, Noah lost interest, wandered over to his toy box, and became engrossed in his fire truck and all its detachable parts. Olivia sipped her wine and remarked that they'd just hit another relationship milestone. "Our first selfie," she said._

 _Ed leaned in for a quick kiss. "I'll send it to you," he said._

" _Thanks. To the other phone?" Olivia added. She and Ed were almost always communicating with their personal devices now._

 _He nodded. Having access to her "other" number still thrilled him even though he'd been using it for several months. Ed felt his face flush with excitement as he started to send the photo, but Olivia's hand on his wrist stopped him._

" _How about another one?" She said, biting her lip. "Here, I'll do it." She put one arm across his shoulders, pressed her face to his, and held the phone in front of them with her other hand. "There, send me both."_

 _Ed tapped the screen a couple of times and smirked at their selfie for a few extra seconds before he tossed the phone aside, "There ya go," he inhaled deeply, "Smells good."_

" _Oh," Olivia jumped to her feet, "I forgot about the food, hope it's not burning."_

 _Ed followed her to the kitchen and peered over her shoulder when she opened the oven. The casserole was browned and bubbling but not anywhere near overdone. He grabbed a kitchen towel and placed the pan on the stove to cool._

" _Thanks," she said, grinning and tugging on his belt loops._

" _You're welcome."_

 _After a few pecks on the lips, Ed glanced at Noah and dared to kiss her more deeply. She grinned as much as she could as he swirled his tongue around her mouth. "Somethin funny, Lieutenant?"_

 _A placid expression tinged with a bit of awe supplanted Olivia's smile. She brushed his cheek with the backs of her fingers and replied, "I'm so glad you're here."_

" _Don't wanna be anywhere else."_

" _Hungry?"_

" _Yeah. I'll get the plates."_

" _I'll get Noah in the booster seat." Olivia patted Ed's stomach and went to grab her son. She loved how Ed preferred to eat at the table, all together, even if the meal was a simple store bought casserole, he didn't care. Being together at the table was important, he insisted. It symbolized everything he valued-structure, routine, a bit of formality..._

 _And family._

… _.._

When Mia entered the classroom, the teacher greeted her warmly with a forgiving smile, and ushered her to her seat. The class was quiet. Noah leaned back so he could catch his friend's eye and offered her a grin and a shy wave. Later, when they broke into groups for station work, the two friends finally got a chance to chat. They chatted so boisterously that the teacher's aide immediately split them up and curtly marked check marks on the roster sheet next to each of their names. That afternoon, when Noah packed his "Take Home" folder and noticed the infraction, he immediately started crying. Ed and Olivia were shocked to see him, ruddy-faced and watery-eyed, when he met them in the hallway outside of the classroom.

"Bud, what's wrong?"

Too upset to say anything at first, Noah's chin trembled and he buried his face in Olivia's leg. She rubbed the back of his head and walked him a few steps away, around a corner, where they had a little more privacy. "Sweet boy," she said softly, crouching next to him, "What happened? You didn't have a good first day?"

Noah shook his head back and forth.

"Why not?"

With all the reluctance in the world, Noah let his backpack fall to the floor. He unzipped the large pocket and handed the folder to his mother. Gigantic tears rolled down his cheeks as he watched her examine the contents. Finally, he spoke.

" _Two_ ," he said as if the number tasted bad.

"Oh, honey…"

Ed joined them with the twins in tow. They'd left the stroller near the front entrance and let Maggie and Wyatt run around while they waited for the final bell. "What is it?" He asked, his jaw firm and rigid, for he sensed whatever had upset Noah was most likely not his son's fault.

"Math stations," Olivia reported, "He...got a two."

"What's a two and I thought they were sendin' him to a different class for math?"

"Not anymore, they give him different work in the classroom," Olivia said, addressing the easy question first, "A two...well, it looks-"

"-We get one, two, THREE points for each one," Noah interjected indignantly; he was now becoming more angry than sad, "An' I got, three, three, three," he jabbed the paper with an index finger, "But TWO here!"

"Why, bud?"

Noah shrugged and started crying again.

"Stay here," Ed said firmly, "I'll be right back."

" _Ed_."

"I'm just going to talk to her."

…

 _Over their dinner of pork tenderloin, mashed potatoes, and mixed vegetables, Ed and Olivia traded glances as the kids talked about everything from the disgusting growth on one of the lunch ladies' cheeks to whether or not it was worth it to try and go to the beach for the upcoming four-day fall break. They ultimately concluded it would be better to stay in the city, especially after Noah reminded the twins they always took a short road trip to the Hudson Valley to an apple orchard._

" _CORN MAZE!" Maggie shouted with her mouth full of green beans. She poked Noah in the side, "We lost ya last time, No!"_

" _Yeah ya did," he mumbled._

 _When it came time to have serious discussions with their kids, Ed and Olivia tried to isolate whoever needed the conversation. If there was something going on with Noah, they took him aside. The same with Maggie and Wyatt. However, when the issue involved two of the three, Ed and Olivia were less likely to isolate. After the meeting with the second grade teacher, Ed and Olivia spent the better part of the afternoon debating how to handle the complaint. Ed was in favor of letting everything slide without mentioning one second of the conversation. Olivia disagreed, so they compromised and opted for a casual chat rather than a formal confrontation._

" _We met with your teacher today," Olivia said in her sweetest voice. She was looking pointedly at the twins, so Noah immediately relaxed, not that he was ever in serious trouble. Maggie and Wyatt, however, dropped their jaws and their forks. Wyatt's eyes were huge and they darted back and forth between his mom and dad. A stranger would have gotten the impression that Ed's and Olivia's punishments were severe and unforgiving. Maggie peered expectantly at Olivia and sat back in her chair, ready to accept whatever reprimand was coming._

" _She said you're both really smart," Olivia continued, "But we know that."_

" _I'm on level TEN!" Wyatt exclaimed, either referring to the math or English assessment system their school used._

" _I'm on NINE but only b'cause I was SICK!" Maggie furrowed her brow and glared across the table at her parents, "And I was ABSENT on the day they did da last test!"_

 _Ed decided to simply break the bad news, "Your teacher says you talk too much, Maggs."_

 _Wyatt and Noah giggled. Maggie scrunched up her face and rolled her eyes. Olivia couldn't help but smile. Her indignant daughter's face was flushed and her brown hair was swept on top of her head in a messy ponytail. Even though she boasted gorgeous blue eyes, they were deeply set and seemed darker than they actually were. Olivia loved watching Maggie's mannerisms-she was so animated and transparent. Wyatt and Noah could hide their emotions if they tried; Maggie was incapable of such restraint. Sometimes, Olivia worried this trait would become problematic, but, so far, it had merely manifested as Maggie being perceived by others as a force to be reckoned with._

" _She's worried you're not taking your work seriously," Olivia added._

 _Wyatt scrunched up his nose, "The work's easy. We get done really fast."_

 _Noah nodded knowingly. He'd been down the same road._

" _But, after you're done," Ed mumbled quietly. Even the kids could pick up on his reluctance to have this conversation, "What are you supposed to do?"_

" _Go to the choice board," Maggie groaned._

" _Your teacher," Olivia countered, "Said sometimes you don't finish quickly, that you talk and then finish at the last minute."_

 _At this, Maggie vehemently objected, and she zeroed in on one particular assignment, "We had one, two, three problems!"_

 _Ed chuckled because Maggie had adopted Noah's habit of counting steps instead of simply saying the total number. Olivia wanted to nudge him, but it would have been too obvious and she needed them to maintain a united front._

 _Maggie continued, "And then! Then! They were easy! So I did 'em in my head 'cause I didn't wanna do the choice board to I kept 'em in here," she slapped her forehead, "And was gonna put 'em on the paper later!"_

 _Ed threw his hands up. He stood, kissed Maggie on the head, and went to the kitchen for the bottle of wine he and Olivia were sharing. Olivia tried to make a face at him, for he was no help, but she couldn't wipe the smile from her face._

 _Realizing she was on her own in this discipline venture, she tried another angle, "Sweet girl-"_

 _Ed chuckled. "Sweet girl" wasn't exactly the most authoritative start to a reprimand._

 _Olivia shot him a glare out of the corner of her eye. It was quick, so only Ed noticed and he sat back and fell in line after that. She began again, "Maggie, you have to follow the teacher's rules, and you have to do your work...when you're supposed to do it. School is for learning first, then being with friends, and your friends may not understand things as easily as you do-"_

" _-I arready read chapter books! They do baby books! Still_ _Noon Balloon_ _! That's baby!"_

 _Olivia nodded. Even she had to admit that particular title wasn't exactly on Maggie's or Wyatt's level; however, she also acknowledged that she and Ed had spent more time with the twins as they grew up than most parents of second graders, and much of that time had been spent teaching them the alphabet, how to count, and other basic skills so that when they entered Kindergarten they were far ahead of many of their peers, even the kids who had attended elite preschools._

" _I like_ _Noon Balloon_ _," Wyatt murmured. Indeed, the story was one of his favorite titles and had been since he was a toddler._

" _But it's easy, Wyatt!"_

" _Yeah…"_

" _Anyway," Ed interjected, "New plan, Maggs. Do the work and the choice board. No more keepin' the answers in your head 'til the last minute. If you need some harder work we can arrange that after school. Me and you. Right here."_

 _Maggie took a bite and eyed him while she debated whether or not he was serious. Ed maintained a businesslike expression, and Maggie gave up her protest. "Okay," she sighed. "I'll do da work when I'm 'posed to." Unwilling to concede everything, she added, "But I'm gonna do just ONE thing on the choice board!"_

" _Well, just don't bother your friends if they're still working on the assignment."_

 _Maggie groaned but then brightened. "I'll bother Wyatt!"_

 _Wyatt looked up from his food and frowned, but, as he considered being bothered by his sister, he shrugged. "She always bothers me," he said, "I'm used to it."_

 _Maggie leaned over and hugged Wyatt's head._

" _Ahhhhhhh!"_

" _Alright, alright," Ed said, "Finish your dinner."_

" _We have dessert?" Noah asked._

" _We might have some ice cream."_

" _Sprinkles?" Maggie asked hopefully._

" _We do have sprinkles."_

" _Syrup?"_

" _That too."_

…

It didn't take long for Olivia to completely calm down Noah and he was soon running around with the twins. Curious about what was taking Ed so long, she peeked around the corner. The classroom door was open, but she couldn't hear anything. Ed wouldn't launch himself into a tirade, but she wished she could hear something. He was most intimidating when he was his quiet, brooding self, and she was worried he would set a negative tone for the rest of the school year.

"Where Dada?"

Wyatt ran past her in search of his Daddy. Olivia caught up with him as Ed was leaving the room. Olivia scooped Wyatt into her arms and looked at Ed expectantly. He jerked his head toward the entrance and signaled they'd talk once they were out of the building. They steered their brood to another set of doors so they didn't have to walk past the classroom. The route took them past the school's large conference room and a group composed of parents and administrators were filing out. A few faces were vaguely familiar and Ed and Olivia nodded hellos; one person, though, caught Noah's attention.

"G!" He pointed at Sarah's neighbor who appeared stunned to hear her nickname called out in such a staid environment. "Mommy! Daddy! Babies! It's G!"

Once she realized the source of the voice, G smiled and strode over to the Tuckers. It took the twins a few seconds to place her, probably because she was attired in a dress and light sweater rather than the casual clothing she wore to babysit. Also, it had been awhile since they'd seen each other.

"Hi there!" Olivia opened her arms and gave G a quick yet firm hug, "How are you?"

"Great," G replied. "I didn't know this was your school!"

"Yep!" Noah said, "Dis my school!" He slapped the embroidered insignia on his chest, "See! I have da uniform!"

"I see that," G replied. "You look very professional."

Noah grinned proudly.

"Whatcha doin here?" Ed asked.

" _Ed_!"

"I didn't mean it that way," he said sheepishly.

"I know," G said, "I was a few seconds away from asking the same thing. Weird, huh? Anyway, I'm consulting for this year's fundraisers. Most schools have their own teams that run everything. Not this one."

"They don't?" Ed screwed up his face. He seemed to remember writing several checks made out to the school in the past year and assumed all the events and planning had been done in house.

"No," G replied, "Not the major fundraising. They have people to run things like graduation and holiday things, but...not the events that bring in the big bucks."

Olivia wondered why neither she nor Ed knew the school contracted out in this way, but, then again, they didn't pay as much attention to the fine print as they probably should have. "Wow," she said, "That must be a high stress job."

"Oh it is, but, when it's all over, it's satisfying."

"So where's our money goin' first?" Ed quipped.

"Art auction."

"Like, the kids' art?"

"Not exactly."

"I don't remember an art auction last year," Olivia said with her brow furrowed. She wondered how she could have been so completely oblivious to the school's first function.

"You didn't have one," G said, "Which is why they called us in. "Your endowment's huge, but most other independent schools bring in way more revenue from donations during the year than this one. That's why they hired my team."

Noah stepped up and squinted, "You have a good team, G?"

"Yes I do."

"I can be your 'sistant! I was Sare Bear's 'sistant, but now she's the boss and has lotsa 'em!"

"Sounds like you have experience then," G expertly humored the first grader, "I'll make sure I keep you in the loop."

"Yep! I have 'sperience!" Excited, Noah turned around in circles, "Loop, loop, loop!"

Olivia laughed and relaxed, relieved it had not taken her son long to bounce back from the disappointment of the low "two" rating. The twins were getting bored. They ran around and were getting rowdier and rowdier with every minute of small talk.

"We better head out," Ed grabbed Maggie as she ran by, "You wanna join us for ice cream?"

"No thanks," G said, "We're not quite done here, but...you have fun. Noah, I'll let you know when I need your help."

"Kay!"

…..

 _Ed finished brushing his teeth and splashed water on his face. He grabbed a hand towel, dried off, and rehung the towel on the rack. A pang of guilt stabbed him in the gut as he glanced at the towel, darkened in the places where it was wet. He wandered into the bedroom. Olivia was already under the covers, glasses on, looking at her phone._

" _Whatcha doin?" He asked sweetly as he crawled in next to her._

" _I can't stop looking at the pictures from tonight," she said, showing him their selfie. "I don't know why...it's like...I feel like a teenager again."_

 _Ed removed her glasses and kissed her cheek. "That can be a good thing."_

 _She turned to face him and kissed him on the lips. "It is." Pulling away for a moment, she noticed the consternation on his face, "What's wrong?"_

" _I used your towel."_

 _Confused, Olivia scrunched up her face and waited for more information._

" _I, uh, I guess I don't know quite yet what...what bugs you and what doesn't."_

" _What do you mean?"_

 _Ed explained what had happened-teeth brushing, mouthwash, water on face, and the use of the hand towel. "After I did it, I didn't know...if that would bother ya or not."_

" _It doesn't."_

 _He draped his arm around her and held her close. When he spoke, Olivia felt his lips against her cheek and she tilted her head backwards, wanting more of the sensation. "Don't wanna piss you off." He was only half-joking._

" _Toothpaste on the towel would be annoying."_

" _Agree." Ed kissed her again, "What else annoys ya?"_

" _About you? Do I limit this search to the past year or all time?"_

 _Ed laughed. "Past year."_

" _Honestly, Ed, nothing."_

" _Nothing?"_

" _Nothing." She puckered her lips for another kiss. "What about you? What annoys you about me?"_

" _You want the one-hundred percent transparent truth?"_

" _Yes."_

 _Ed closed his eyes and went for it. "Other than I want to be with you more, nothing."_

 _The room filled with silence as she let the admission sink in. Olivia flipped positions so she was completely facing him. Ed's face was apologetic, but no less sincere. She could tell he desperately wanted to be with her; she could sense his passion and his sincerity, and it almost made her burst into tears. "Ed-"_

" _-Liv, I know you're job is so important. To you. To the vics. To the city. I. Know. That. But these past few months, the past year actually, all of it, it's...there's somethin' big here, Olivia. I know it. I can feel it. And," he puffed out his chest a bit, "Those instincts have never failed me. Ever. So...I had to say it. Even if it's not possible. I want you to know it's there. Those feelings are there, Olivia Benson."_

 _She smiled and traced his cheekbones. "I feel them, too," she said, "But you're right…" She trailed off but realized Ed was waiting for her to continue, "I'm...trying," she said, "To make it all work. First there was Noah, then you," she let out a sarcastic chuckle, "Thirty years in this and I have everything figured out except how to be a mom and a…."_

" _...and the woman Ed Tucker's crazy about?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Let's not worry about all that right now," he suggested._

" _What else should we worry about?"_

" _Nothing." Ed kissed her passionately. He felt her respond. She shifted to her back and dragged him on top of her. He propped himself on his forearms and she slid her hands under his t-shirt. "Absolutely nothing," he whispered as he started kissing her neck. "Nothing but right now." Olivia gasped and moaned but didn't form any words. Ed lifted his head. "You okay?"_

 _She managed to wriggle out of her tank top and toss it aside. "Make love to me, Ed," she gasped, "I want you."_

 _Ed continued moving down her body. "Whenever you want me Liv, whenever you need me...I'm here."_

 _She gasped again._

" _Tell me you know that."_

" _I know."_

…

Breathless and exhausted, Ed and Olivia cuddled together under a single sheet and basked in the familiar contentment of their afterglow. The moonlight drifted in through the window and they had a perfect view of the clear night sky.

Feeling philosophical, Ed murmured, "I think I was put on this Earth to love you."

"If there were stars out there," Olivia said, playing along, "I would thank them."

"You don't need to thank anyone. I do."

"I thought we agreed a while ago we were mutually grateful?"

Ed kissed the side of her head. "Yeah, we did. I just love you so much, Liv. I love our kids so much."

"It is a little miraculous, though."

"And that makes it that much more special."

"Yes it does." Even though Ed was still not breathing normally and she could feel some soreness setting in, Olivia scratched his belly, a signal she was not yet done for the night, "So...you never told me...what exactly you said to the teacher today."

Ed chuckled haughtily. He had already relayed to her the story-Mia and Noah were talking too much during the station and were told to split up. "I told her they were friends from preschool and hadn't seen each other all summer...and also that the assistant needs to maybe have more patience. Especially on the first day. She said the lady was trying to set a tone. I said it's first grade. We agreed to disagree."

"And you came away with a new chart."

"Damn right," Ed said of the second behavior chart the teacher printed for him, complete with 3's for Noah.

Olivia draped her body on top of his. "I love you."

"I love you." Ed glanced at the clock. "You wanna nightcap?"

"Bourbon?"

"It is the first day of school…"

Olivia laughed. "Well, then, cheers Captain."

Ed reached for his nightstand drawer and produced the bottle. "If I woulda known first days of school could be this good, I woulda had a better attitude."

"Now's what counts, sir," Olivia retorted, "And I think you have great attitude."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," She replied, "Now...c'mere."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	64. Chapter 64

**Sixty-four**. _(Remember-in this universe, Olivia did not allow Sheila to meet Noah when he was younger!)_

The life Ed envisioned-dropping Noah off at school, enjoying lazy mornings with the twins, and making love while they napped-did not materialize over the course of September's first week. Olivia spent a few hours each afternoon at the Benson Center. Its full-time staff was preparing for the official "opening" the following week, and Olivia was busy meeting with commanding officers, including Rollins. She needed to make sure her vision for the Center was crystal clear so neither time nor resources were wasted. Since the Center was not yet active, she took one or both of the twins thinking she was giving Ed a needed break. By the end of the week, the apartment was spotless, orderly, and decluttered, Ed had visited the doctor and dentist for routine check-ups, and, by Friday, he was desperate for interaction and met his now-retired former partner for lunch at one of their old haunts.

Cole and Ed ordered beers and a shot like they'd done after difficult days at the office. Neither man seemed interested in eating right away. "Summer good?" Ed asked, his eyebrows raised with genuine interest.

"About as good as it can get with two in college," Cole wisecracked. "We pay for them to have fun all school year and then we're expected to take them on vacations in the summer…"

"Where'd ya go?"

"Cruise and then to Texas to the family reunion."

Ed chuckled. "Noah's wanted to go to Texas since about January," he explained.

"Really?"

"Yeah-he saw some pictures on a map they had in his classroom last year-cowboy hats...horses...guess it looks like an adventure to him."

"It certainly can be," Cole replied, "How 'bout you? Spend a lot of time at the beach?"

"We did. My mom came down. It was nice," Ed stared straight ahead and lost himself in his thoughts for a moment, "Still need to travel more. Probably when the twins get a little older."

"Two now?"

"Twenty-eight months to be exact."

Cole smiled at his clearly-smitten friend. "And you don't even look exhausted. I like you look younger, actually."

Ed merely smirked and held up the shot glass. "To looking younger," he said.

"Where's Olivia?"

"She's at work at the Center...we're goin' to the premiere of the show she was working on this weekend. It's a pretty big deal. Brand new suit and everything."

"Can't let go of it, huh?" Cole asked of Olivia.

The question hit Ed like a gut punch. "The Center's gonna help...cushion that shock of letting go. I almost didn't wanna come back from the beach," Ed lowered his voice, surprised he was revealing so much to Cole, "Like a different world there. She disconnected. I saw it. But we get back here and I could tell she was itching to get there," Ed trailed off and added, mumbled, "Back to work…" Ed felt his former partner's scrutiny, took another, longer drink, and continued.

"Cole," he said through a sigh, "You ever...look at your wife, this beautiful person, inside and out, who you love more than anything-" Ed took another gulp, "-I mean, words do not exist to describe how much you love her-" he knew he was getting carried away, but he trusted Cole and didn't care, "-The mother of your children, the person you need in your life just so you can breathe, and you want to be with her all the time, at the very least so you can make sure every second of her life she knows she's safe and loved, and think," Ed paused for effect, to take another drink, and also because the next question was painful, "You're not enough for her?"

Not only was Cole not used to Tucker being outwardly sentimental, he was unaccustomed to his old partner speaking with such a lack of confidence, so it took him a minute or so to respond.

"Tucker, I gotta tell ya," Cole began, "I've felt like a shitty husband from time to time. I know how that feels. But I don't think that's what you're talking about. But Imma tell you one thing-the last time we all went out and had dinner? When was that? Christmas?"

"Yeah."

Cole smirked, "That woman loves you as much as you love her, man."

Embarrassed, Ed ducked his head. He signaled for another round and said, "Cole, you sound just like my mother."

The fresh drinks came and Cole held up his glass, "Can't go wrong with Caroline."

…

 _Mia disappeared backstage after her performance and let Noah know via text that her mother was immediately taking her out to Long Island for the weekend, so the invitation to go to dinner would have to be saved for another day. So, a slightly disappointed Noah and star-struck Maggie sat down for dinner at a midtown bistro where Maggie got her steak and Noah patiently listened to his sister recall her favorite parts of the night. When their food arrived, Noah snapped photographs and sent them to Ed and Olivia,_

 _Perched on a barstool, Olivia leaned on the island countertop, smiled at the pictures, and reminded Noah to have someone take a shot of both of them together. Ed closed the dishwasher, turned on the under-cabinet lighting, and plucked the bourbon and two small glasses from a top cabinet. He poured two servings and rounded the island to personally hand Olivia her glass._

" _For my wife."_

" _Thank you." She grinned and kissed him before taking a sip._

 _Ed clutched one of her thighs and leaned forward for a kiss, "I love you."_

 _After the kiss, Olivia glanced down at his hand. "You know that that reminds me of?"_

" _What's that?" He asked, his eyes dancing with excitement and affection._

" _Us," she answered with an eyebrow cocked and her voice soft yet seductive. Ed appeared puzzled, so she explained further, "I remember, when you put your hand here," she covered her hand with hers, "For the first time, I remember how it was so...bold, but how much I loved it."_

 _Ed smirked and shrugged. "Logical hand placement."_

" _Logical, huh?" Olivia stood up and put her arms around him. "Logical…"_

" _Log-" He couldn't finish the word because Olivia practically mauled him. She shoved him toward their bedroom, not worried about waking Wyatt who had eaten dinner and taken moderately strong meds. Olivia figured she and Ed had about an hour before Noah and Maggie were home and she intended to use it to their full advantage. The two of them still enjoyed an active sex life, but they were respectful of their children and were almost more careful when having sex now than they were when Noah and the twins were little._

" _Goddamn I love you," Ed gasped on the way._

" _Shhhh," Olivia's lips vibrated against his._

" _No," Ed replied, "I'm never gonna be quiet about loving you."_

…

Olivia pretended not to be offended when she picked Noah up from school and he immediately asked why Daddy was not there. She smiled, kissed his head, and explained Ed had a meeting with his friend Cole and he would meet them at home later. Noah scrunched up his face as he tried to picture Cole and finally smiled and nodded.

"Oh yeah," he said slowly, "Da Sergeant."

"Yes."

"Gold Badge!"

"That's right."

"Lieutenant's better."

Olivia chuckled softly. She and Noah talked about his day as they made their way down the street. Noah skipped alongside the stroller, and, after he'd answered Olivia's questions he asked Maggie and Wyatt about their time at the Benson Center. When Wyatt pouted and moaned, "No skooo!" Noah gave his brother a clumsy hug.

"Got the whole Saturday and Sunday with ya, Wy!"

"SAH! Park!"

"Yup! I'll push ya on da baby swings then I go on the big swings! Mommy? What else we gonna do?"

"Well, sweet boy, tomorrow you're going to be with Sarah and Brooke. You'll have a little party with Sofia while we go to the show premiere."

Noah jumped up and down. "That's gonna be a good party!" He exclaimed and then proceeded to list snacks and drinks they would need for the night. "How come Sonny and Justy aren't comin?"

"They're both working," Olivia said, "Do you think you'll be able to help out with Maggie and Wyatt?"

"Yup! I know how to take care of ya, right babies?" Maggie and Wyatt were babbling incessantly and Noah grinned. "Yep! They know! That's 'cause I'm the big brother, OH! Mommy! Maybe G will come over to Sare Bear's too! That'll be really fun."

"Have you seen G at school?"

"Nope! But she can get da number for my phone and send me a message like Sare Bear. Dat's how they talk to the 'sistants."

"Oh…honey, um, do you, you don't use your phone at school, do you?"

"I text Sare Bear at lunch," Noah said with a shrug.

Olivia decided not to reprimand him at that particular moment, but she remembered the tears when he saw the two on the first day of school. Later she would remind him to follow the teacher's rules for phone use at all times, even if he was simply letting Sarah know what was on the school lunch menu for the day. Besides, Olivia enjoyed looking through his text messages which were a combination of proper early elementary grammar and punctuation and a plethora of emojis.

"Noah, what should we make for dinner? We're going to cook for Daddy."

Noah giggled, "Daddy's always cookin for us!"

"I know," Olivia replied, "So let's surprise him."

"Daddy likes cheeseburgers!"

"Oh," Olivia said, "Good idea, should we grill on the roof?"

"YES!" Noah continued skipping along but tilted his head back for an upside-down view of his mom, "And we gotta get cookies, Mommy, okay?"

"Absolutely."

…..

 _Ed and Olivia saw one another from opposite sides of the street. Ed was about to walk into the bar when he sensed eyes on him and glanced back. There she was, grinning back at him as she jaywalked across to him._

" _Hey there," she said flirtatiously, pretending to be a little out of breath. "How are you?"_

" _Helluva lot better now." Ed jerked his head toward the entrance, "C'mon. Lemme buy you a drink."_

 _They cozied up at the corner of the bar. Ed's back was to the wall and, once they'd had their initial sips, Olivia inched closer to him. "You know, Captain Tucker," she said, "You don't have to always buy me drinks to spend time with me."_

 _He raised his eyebrows, "No?"_

" _No."_

 _Ed put a hand on her thigh and leaned in for a kiss. Olivia met him halfway and savored the dual pleasure of the kiss and the sensation of his fingers gripping her leg. Soft twinges of arousal swirled around her midsection. She smiled against his lips, opened her eyes, and whispered, "Hi."_

" _Hi." He took a quick breath and asked, "What if I wanna buy you drinks? And dinner?"_

" _I'd love to have dinner with you."_

 _A proud smile formed on Tucker's face. His hand remained attached to her thigh and he gazed into her eyes. Electricity sizzled between them. He could tell by her pursed lips and cocked eyebrow that she wanted another kiss. The second smooch was longer, a bit sloppier, and felt like a prelude to a night of torrid lovemaking._

" _Where ya wanna go?" He asked softly._

" _Some place quiet, small, romantic."_

" _Table by a window?"_

" _Yes." She replied, grinning._

" _Busy outside; relaxed inside?"_

" _Exactly. Perfect people watching setup."_

 _Ed smirked shyly, "I don't think I'll be able to pay attention to anyone but you."_

 _Olivia leaned forward for another kiss, "Starting with the romance part, Tucker?"_

" _Yeah," he said softly, "That alright?"_

" _Absolutely," Olivia replied, "I like it. A lot."_

" _Good."_

…

Ed and Cole drank more than they ate, so when Ed entered the apartment he stumbled a bit as he removed his shoes. Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah came running to greet him. Quickly regaining his balance, he crouched and collected all three kids into his arms for a group hug.

"How're my kiddos?"

"Great! We're makin' dinner!" Noah exclaimed among the twins' excited babbles.

"Oh yeah?"

"Yep! We got da burgers ready for da grill! And Mommy put vegt'bles and potatoes in foil and wrapped it all up, so we have that too! And cookies!"

Maggie and Wyatt screeched "Cookies!" and ran back into the living room. Ed and Noah followed and met Olivia in the kitchen. The kids, each eating one pre-dinner sweet treat, went back to their toys, leaving Ed and Olivia alone.

She smiled and held up the platter of uncooked burgers. "Perfect timing." Ed rounded the island and kissed his wife hello. She could smell the booze and studied his eyes. "You alright?"

"Yeah, yeah," Ed replied in a husky voice, "Kinda lost track of time...and drinks...sorry." His apology was genuine and his face contorted in a pathetic pout.

Olivia patted his chest. "You need food," she said, "And then a good night's sleep. Big day tomorrow."

"Can't be lookin' rough bein' your arm candy," he quipped, smirked, and put his arms around her waist. "Seriously, Liv, I'm excited. I'm so, so proud of you. I know how much it means...how important it'll be."

Olivia smiled sweetly but narrowed her eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he answered firmly, "I just want you to know...I'm behind ya one-hundred percent. With the show. The Center. Anything and everything you want to do."

"Thank you." Olivia sensed there was more Ed wanted to say, but he'd been drinking and they needed dinner. She'd ask him more questions later. They traded a few kisses. The kids were getting louder and more rambunctious.

"Let's get upstairs," Ed said, "Burgers were a good idea."

"Noah's idea."

"Good man. Hey, No! What kinda cheese do you want?"

"What kind you want?"

"American."

"Then I want 'merican too!"

…

 _Even though Noah had a credit card and money, Maggie insisted on taking the subway home and he acquiesced to his sister's demands. After all, Noah was never one to decline a ride on the trains. He'd been named to the Crain's Twenty Under Twenty List for his work to bring more accessibility and other services, including pop-up barber shops and personal hygiene giveaways for the homeless, to the subway stations. At their C Stop, he and Maggie bounded the stairs and he jokingly complimented her on her ability to walk around in semi-high heels._

" _Probably next time I'll fit into Mom's," she said._

" _Then we'll definitely need a cab."_

 _Maggie shoved him and Noah gamely laughed. His childhood love for his siblings had never waned and he harbored a lot of uncertainty about his college choice. He was eager to study, but terribly reluctant to leave Maggie and Wyatt. The siblings ribbed each other as they meandered down their block but came to a halt when a woman stepped from the shadows of a stoop and smiled at them._

 _Noah and Maggie screwed up their faces because the woman stood there, in front of them, and said nothing until Noah finally stepped in front of Magge and asked, "Can I help you?"_

" _Noah?" She asked in an airy, dreamy voice._

 _He studied the woman's features, trying to place her, but couldn't. "Who are you?"_

" _Are you Noah?"_

 _Instinctively, Noah ushered Maggie to their building's entrance. The doorman stepped forward and greeted them. Noah told Maggie to go inside, but she refused, rushed to her brother's side, and repeated Noah's words._

" _Who are you?"_

" _I wanted to meet you."_

 _Rolling his eyes at his redundancy but also feeling confident in his suit, Noah repeated his question for the second time. Counting Maggs' inquiry, the third overall. This time, he paused between each word. "Who. Are. You?"_

" _I know you, from when you were a child."_

 _Arms akimbo, Maggie glared at the woman. She and Wyatt knew the very G-rated story of Noah's adoption, and this woman didn't fit the narrative. "Are you-"_

 _Noah clasped his hand over her mouth, something he rarely did. Cowed, Maggie bowed her head and took a half step behind her brother._

" _How do you know me?" Noah asked, hoping she was a teacher's aide or some other assistant he didn't remember. The problem was, the woman's eyes were too intense. She was too still. Too composed. Noah was both freaked out and intrigued._

" _We go way back."_

 _Maggie couldn't help herself, "Way back where?" She snapped._

" _Maggs!"_

" _Noah you need proof!" She hissed, "She prolly knows you from those people in the shelters." As soon as Maggie uttered her hypothesis, she doubted it. The woman, even if she was unstable, was clean and well-dressed, Nevertheless, Maggie had a few years of street sense under her belt and remained skeptical. She stared ahead with narrowed eyes._

 _Noah couldn't dismiss the woman so easily. "What's your name?" He asked._

" _Sheila."_

 _Tentatively, he reached out and shook her hand. "Noah Tucker," he said, "Nice to meet you. This is my sister, Maggie._

 _Maggie did not extend her hand. Instead, she dug her phone out of her coat pocket and called Olivia._

… _._

A novice at show business, Olivia assumed, since the series was produced for an online streaming service and not a major cable network, there would not be a lot of fanfare surrounding the premiere. To her shock, she and Ed were picked up by a limousine and walked into the screening venue via a red carpet. They posed for photographs in front of a screen emblazoned with the logos of the show and the production company. The men and women behind the cameras shouted her name, imploring her to turn their way; she and Ed fell into an improvised, back-and-forth two-step until they were ushered out of the spotlight and into the next room where Olivia finally saw the familiar faces of the writers and directors.

She held Ed's hand while she returned hugs and accepted friendly kisses on the cheek. The show's creator led her to a group of journalists who peppered her with questions about her career and involvement with the scripts. Both proud and overwhelmed, Ed remained by her side and, as he listened to the conversations, became appreciative of everyone's sincerity. One of his concerns about the venture was the possibility that Olivia's career would be trivialized when translated to a fictional world, but those worries appeared to be unfounded.

After the Q&A, the press, cast, and staff moved en masse to a small theatre. There were, maybe, a hundred seats and every one of them was occupied by the time the lights dimmed. Ed reached for Olivia's hand. "I'm a little nervous," he whispered.

"So am I."

He pressed his lips to her knuckles. "It's gonna be great."

It was great. The first installment introduced the characters and the work of the Special Victims Unit. The plot centered around a powerful politician who had been using his money and his clout to coverup and brush aside sexual harassment allegations for years. It was, sadly, a familiar story; nevertheless, the way the investigation was written was interesting and unpredictable. At the end, when the credits rolled, Ed didn't move until he saw his wife's name listed among the others.

"Whadja think?" Olivia asked as soon as the room was illuminated again.

"It was great," Ed smiled and kissed her, "I could see your influence there...could practically hear your voice," he leaned in for another kiss and whispered, "You shoulda played the main role...you're way better looking than that actress."

Olivia grinned and swatted at his shoulder. "Let's not tell her that."

"Never. But I wanted you to know."

… _.._

 _In the midst of their shared, post-coital haze, Olivia and Ed didn't initially hear the phone. Ed was lazily kissing Olivia's shoulder; her eyes were half-closed and she basked in the comfort of Ed's kisses and touches as he used his last reserves of energy showering her with affection. When she reached for the phone, Ed whined._

" _Kids are out," Olivia reminded him. She stretched for the nightstand and Ed used the opportunity to move into a spooning position. Olivia laughed softly when she returned to her spot and it was only partially vacant. She answered the call, expecting to be asked for a curfew extension. "Hey Maggie."_

 _In her most urgent voice, Maggie reported there was a strange woman outside of their building and she knew Noah's name. Olivia immediately jumped out of bed and threw on a t-shirt and sweats. Ed asked what she was doing, what was going on, and she muttered something about Sheila. She knew it was her. After Noah brought home the New York Times Magazine with his picture inside, Olivia had been living with the fear that Sheila would see it and try to make contact. Ed hurriedly dressed and followed his wife out of the apartment. He swiped a set of keys from the bowl on the counter and grabbed their coats. Olivia twisted her hair into a ponytail and mumbled her thanks as she zipped the parka._

 _On the street, Sheila stood there like a deer in headlights, frozen, her unblinking eyes fixed on Noah. Bewildered, he looked back and forth from the stranger to his sister. When Olivia burst through the door, he whipped around and his knees buckled at the terror on her face. Ed trailed, barely keeping up, his arm extended as if he were trying to pull her back inside._

" _Maggie, Noah, upstairs," Olivia said, making an exaggerated show of putting herself between her children and Sheila._

 _Usually compliant, Noah didn't budge. Maggie, in the too-big, leather-sleeved trench, glued herself to Ed's side._

" _I only wanted to congratulate him," Sheila said softly._

" _Daddy," Maggie whispered through clenched teeth, "Who is that?"_

 _Ed didn't answer. Olivia glowered. Ed could hear her sharp breathing and he briefly considered letting go of Maggie and putting himself between his wife and Sheila. He was relieved Olivia didn't have her gun because he swore she would have wielded it even though Maggie and Noah were standing right there._

" _Leave," Olivia said through clenched teeth. She stabbed the frigid winter air with her arm and pointed to the busy avenue a block away. "Get out of here. If you come back, I'll have you arrested."_

" _Mom what is going on?" Noah asked in a voice that sounded much younger than his eighteen years. It had a visible effect on Olivia. "Mom?"_

 _Olivia was irate and heartbroken. The secret she'd kept from Noah for all these years was going to have to come out, and she had no way to do any damage control. Seething yet near tears, she turned to Ed and silently begged him to intervene._

" _Noah, Maggie," he said, "Go upstairs."_

" _Dad, I-"_

" _Go." Ed ordered._

 _Taking one last quick glance at Sheila, Noah and Maggie did as they were told. They made their way into the building, keeping one eye on the three adults, and reluctantly stepped into the elevator when it arrived._

" _Do you think Mom's gonna kill that lady?" Maggie asked with wide, concerned eyes._

" _No…" Noah screwed up his face, "But...that was so weird…"_

" _She's probably a psycho stalker," Maggie said, "She saw you in the magazine and, like, she got obsessed with you. Are you scared, Noah?"_

" _Not really scared," he replied, "More like...intrigued."_

" _Well, if Mom kills her, I hope they make it look like an accident."_

 _Noah laughed and gave his sister a playful shove. "You watch too many movies."_

 _Ignoring his comment, Maggie nodded, "Yeah...Mom and Dad can totally make it look like an accident...no problem. They know what they're doing. When they come back up, if they change clothes real fast, we'll know."_

" _Okay, small sister," Noah replied absent-mindedly. He couldn't get the woman's face out of his mind._

" _Did they have on gloves? Can't leave fingerprints…"_

 _Noah looked down at her and grinned. "You really do watch too many shows."_

… _._

 _#_ **Tuckson**


	65. Chapter 65

**Sixty-five**.

Toys, sippy cups, stuffed animals, and board books covered almost every inch of floor, sofa, and table space in Sarah's apartment. Bowls containing the snacks Noah and Olivia purchased for the evening were set out on two end tables and on the island. Noah had been allowed soda, but Maggie, Wyatt, and Sofia were limited to Tahitian Treat fruit juice. For dinner they ordered pizza and ate it while watching a movie on the big screen. The kids sat all together on the floor among large pillows and shoveled pizza into their mouths. Brooke cut some bits of a cheese slice for her ten-month-old and snapped photos of the adorable scene-baby Sofia hanging out with the older kids. She mimicked the others-when they laughed, she laughed, and when one of the others pointed excitedly at the screen, Sofia did the same.

"You're staying here tonight, right?" Sarah had her hand on a bottle of wine but waited for Brooke to answer in the affirmative before uncorking it.

"Yeah, but, are you sure Justin won't care?"

"He's on until six a.m."

"I thought he was working at the university?"

"He is. He's going to TA for his advisor."

"Why doesn't he focus on one thing?" Brooke asked, "He must be exhausted."

"He'll take fewer shifts once the semester really gets going," Sarah said, "He loves what he does, and he can do both, so...I guess he'll do that until he gets severely burned out and is forced to drop something."

"Like when you have a kid?"

"Or when he starts researching for his master's thesis," Sarah countered.

"It just seems like he doesn't know what he wants to do," Brooke said.

"More like he wants to do a lot of things," Sarah said, "Better to have that problem."

Brooke shrugged. "I suppose. Well, I'm kind of in the same boat with Sonny," she said, "He still talks about going into law, but now, with Olivia retired, now he'll occasionally bring up the Sergeant's exam…"

Sarah could have berated Brooke for the double standard, but she didn't want to add any unnecessary tension to their evening. "Well," she said, "At least the two of us have it together! How was your first week? How was Sofia's at day care?"

After stepping away from teaching for the past couple of years, Brooke started a job as a Reading Specialist at school near their neighborhood. "Mine was fairly boring," Brooke said, "Basically looking at test scores. It was hell leaving Sofia at day care the first couple of times, but she warmed up and got excited to see the teachers and the kids."

"Gawwwwd," Sarah exaggeratedly threw her head forward, "I _haaate_ that. When I had to leave the twins at day care that one time I almost cried! The only reason I didn't is that Noey was there and he was all, 'chill out, Sare Bear,' and was totally being the adult."

Out of pizza, Wyatt ran to the kitchen with his empty plate. He held it up, "More, Sah? More pease?"

Sarah played with his hair and took the empty plate. "Sure sweetie," she cooed, "Looks like most of your first slice got on your shirt!"

Wyatt looked down and clutched a handful of his gray-and-blue striped t-shirt. "My sirt! Pizza on my sirt!" His blue eyes grew wide, "UH OH!" Wyatt ran to the foyer where their bags were lined up against the wall and rifled through his dinosaur-themed overnight tote with his name embroidered on the side. He successfully found another shirt and brought it to Brooke. "New sirt Book! New sirt, pease!"

Brooke helped him change as Sarah filled his plate with more food. "These are the cleanest, most polite children in the universe," Sarah said. "Now, Wyatt, don't get this one too dirty or you'll have to wear small sister's clothes." She handed him the plate, "Here you go. Two hands."

"TAYOUU, SAH!" He walked slowly back to the living room, careful not to tip the plate. He sat down and proudly said, "More, No! More pizza!"

"Yeah," Noah said, "You got more pizza! That's a HUGE slice!"

Wyatt offered the slice to his brother. "No, bite?"

"I have some still, Wyatt. I got a WHOLE slice. You eat it."

"Wy, eat!"

"Yup."

Wyatt took a gigantic bite and smiled as he chewed. "YUM!"

Sarah and Brooke watched and listened from the kitchen. "Gahhh," Sarah said, "They are so adorable."

"They really are," Brooke smiled and nodded, "Seeing that makes me feel better about waiting to have number two."

"I bet Livvie and Daddy are making four and five right now," Sarah grinned and nudged Brooke. She was obviously joking, but Sarah knew how sex talk made Brooke uncomfortable, particularly when it involved their father and Olivia.

"You're insane."

"Well, technically," Sarah winked at her sister, "For Daddy, it's six and seven."

"You really are certifiable."

…

 _After Richie Caskey was placed in a holding cell for the night, Olivia rushed home and changed into a hunter green sweater and jeans. Noah was already asleep, so she gave him a soft kiss goodnight, lavished her thanks on Lucy, and went back out to meet Ed. He'd spent most of the day with his mother and his daughter Sarah. They attended the St. Patrick's Day Parade, had a late lunch, and spent the rest of the afternoon playing cards at her home in Riverdale. It took forever for Ed to get back into the city through dense rush hour traffic; he parked his car near his building and holed up at one of his favorite dives waiting for Olivia's "I'm finished" text message. As the night dragged on, disappointment mounted. He was certain she would leave work exhausted and want to go home and crash, so when he read that she was on her way, he grinned so much at his phone screen that the bartender correctly guessed he had a "lady friend" joining him._

 _As soon as she entered the bar, Olivia wore an ear-to-ear grin. The place was dark and narrow and neither the barstools nor the high top tables had been replaced in the past couple of decades. Even though bars no longer allowed smoking, the yellowish lights created a haze and while she could see Tucker, he was, at first, a little blurry._

" _Hi there," she gave him a hug and a kiss before removing her coat, "Happy St. Patrick's Day."_

" _Same to you," he replied. "I like the green."_

 _Olivia tugged on the sleeve of his blue-and-green gingham button-down shirt. "I like this."_

" _Had to have the blue," Ed explained, "Or my Mom would disown me."_

" _I'm sorry I couldn't join you today...for any of it...the whole day went by quickly-"_

" _-Get your man?"_

" _I think so." A pained expression crossed Olivia's face, "I hope your mom and Sarah don't think I'm avoiding them." During the day, when it was clear she wasn't going to even be able to sneak away for lunch, Olivia briefly considered suggesting Ed pick up Noah from day care and take him to the parade, but, not wanting to force Ed into a day of babysitting and navigating crowds with a two-year-old, she reconsidered._

" _They don't think that," he said, "Although Sarah did want to make a detour to the precinct."_

 _Olivia smiled and grabbed his hand, "And I hope...you don't think I'm avoiding you."_

 _Ed faced her, took her other hand, and swung their arms in the space between them, "If you wanted to avoid me, I don't think you'd be here right now."_

" _True," she cooed. "I'm extremely glad to be here. And not just because I need a drink after today."_

" _Why else?"_

" _If I've realized anything in the past few weeks," she said, "It's that I'm lucky to have you...have Noah...have...us."_

 _Ed leaned in for a kiss. "I agree with All of the above," he replied, "But I'm ridiculously lucky to be able to do that."_

" _Maybe you'll get even luckier later," she retorted with one eyebrow cocked._

 _The flirty sass took his breath away. He reddened and shook his head, "Olivia Benson…"_

…

Even though he was out of breath and could not feel much else other than the erotic pleasure swirling through his body, Ed tried to carry on a conversation as he made love to Olivia. After the premiere and the post-show cocktail hour, they enjoyed a quiet meal at a neighborhood bistro. In between feeding each other bites from their meals, Ed and Olivia picked apart the show. She explained the parts in which she was the most influential; he beamed with pride and exuded compliment after compliment. The praise was not limited to her work. At one point he sat back, sipped his wine, and declared no one had ever looked so beautiful in a dress than she looked at that moment.

She wore a flared, navy lace cocktail dress with elbow-length sleeves. Since the design was so intricate, she chose simple accessories-the Cartier necklace, a matching gold tennis bracelet Ed had gifted her for her last birthday, and, of course, her rings.

Olivia felt the blood and heat rush to her cheeks. Not only were Ed's words raw and sincere, his eyes arrested her entire body. Ed had a unique way of projecting what could have been perceived as negative characteristics in ways that were endearing and attractive. With Olivia, he was possessive but not overbearing. Ed managed to convey this message in the most innocent, loving way. Even tonight, when she was surrounded by admirers and well-wishers, he stood by her side as she shook hands, accepted congratulations, and returned friendly hugs. On the way to the restaurant, Olivia gave him a passionate kiss and commended him for patiently sharing her with others for a few hours.

Now, alone in their bedroom, Ed grinned and pressed his forehead to hers when she, through raspy, labored breath, pointed out that he was the only man in the entire world who got to be where he was. "You're the only one," she said, "Who makes me feel like this… _Ohhhh_!"

"Who _loves_ you like this," Ed whispered before letting out a moan of his own. "Aw, baby…" he gasped and couldn't quite articulate what he'd planned to say after that. Olivia's hands flew all over, her back arched, she pleaded for him not to stop and he didn't until she was writhing and crying out his name and even then he made himself last as long as possible before collapsing on top of her in an exhausted heap.

"Liv," he said after he'd rolled over and collected her in his arms, "I'm terrified there'll be a day when," Ed paused, sighed, and kissed her head, "When we won't be able to get here, when I won't be able to love you like I wanna-"

Olivia's head snapped up, "Is something wrong?" Nothing certainly seemed wrong; she shivered just thinking about the past hour.

"No, no," Ed managed a chuckle. "I dunno why I thought of it; it's-"

"-I think we'll be old and barely able to walk before that happens." Olivia reassuringly rubbed his chest and kissed his chin. She narrowed her eyes and asked, "Are you sure you're okay? I mean...I know you're _okay_ ," she gave his lower body a quick glance, "But-"

"-I love you so much," Ed replied, "I say it, show it...but I always wanna show it, I always wanna make love to you Olivia Margaret," he smoothed her hair back and gazed into her eyes. "Always."

Knowing there was nothing she could say to fully reassure him, Olivia held the side of his face and planted a deep kiss on his lips. "You know what I want?" She asked in a low, seductive voice.

"What's that?"

"Bourbon. You have any in the drawer?"

Ed smirked. "You know I do."

…

 _Ed could see Olivia's shoulders rise and fall with each breath. Her jaw was clenched, and Ed could tell her mind was rife with indecision. Sheila remained in the same spot with a blank expression; she appeared neither intimidated nor scared, only mildly surprised her encounter with Noah had resulted in this type of conflict._

" _Leave," Olivia said again. "Do not come back. Ever."_

" _I only wanted to see him," Sheila said in an eerie, disembodied voice. "All I wanted to do was say congratulations."_

" _Sheila," Ed took a step forward, "You've gotta go. We'll get an order of protection if we have to-"_

" _-He's not yours," Olivia snapped. "You have NO RIGHT to show up here and think you can carve out a place in his life. He's happy! Smart!"_

" _Liv-" Ed grabbed her by the elbow, worried she was going to physically attack Sheila. Even though the woman had obviously obtained their address through underhanded means, she technically hadn't broken any laws. Nevertheless, she'd startled their daughter and, when they got back upstairs, they would have to tell Noah the full truth of his background. Ed believed Olivia had always intended to tell Noah he had a living blood relative, but as he got older that plan seemed to lose its luster._

" _-LEAVE HIM ALONE!" Olivia shouted though she didn't fight back against Ed's grasp. Instead, she drew closer to him as if she wanted him to hold her back. "Years ago, we settled this," Olivia continued, switching to a more even-keeled voice, "The judge ruled in my favor," Olivia smacked her own chest with her fist, "Mine! I don't ever, ever want to see you near my children again. Not here. Not anywhere. Do you understand me? Unless you want to spend the next decade in a cell...Stay. Away. From. Our. Lives."_

 _Ed expected Sheila to show some emotion. The venom in Olivia's voice unsettled him; he imagined being the target of her vengeful words would feel like being stabbed repeatedly in the gut. Nevertheless, Sheila remained stone-faced and glassy-eyed. After Olivia uttered the last sentence, she put her hands in the air, a gesture of surrender._

" _I'll go," Sheila said. She turned on her heel and walked away._

 _Ed and Olivia watched her round the corner. Once she was out of sight, Ed wrapped his arms around Olivia and held her while she broke into gentle sobs. "What am I going to do?" She moaned into his chest. "He's going to ask questions, Maggie's going to ask questions...they're up there right now waiting for us to get back…"_

" _We'll tell him the truth," Ed said in his most soothing voice. "He'll understand. It may take some time, but he will Liv. We'll get through this, all together. No one. No. One. can hurt this family." He held her at arm's length and made her look into his eyes, "No one."_

 _Olivia sniffled, stared up at the sky, and met his eyes again. "Thank God I don't have to do this alone."_

" _You never will." Ed played with the collar of her unzipped parka. "C'mon. It's cold. Let's go in...see what we're dealin' with."_

" _Okay." Olivia cocked her head and looked inquisitively at Ed. A tiny smirk was creeping onto his face. "What is it?"_

 _His eyes fell to her chest. "Your shirt's on backwards."_

" _Oh my God…"_

" _C'mon," Ed put his arm around her, "We can fix that in the elevator."_

" _I hope fixing the damage with Noah is as easy."_

" _It'll be fine," Ed kissed the side of her head as they entered the building, "I promise."_

 _In the elevator, after a quick shift of her shirt, Olivia leaned against Ed as the car climbed to their floor. Uncertainty abounded, but, for a moment, she was able to see the big picture. Ed was right. Eventually, after some tough conversations and questions, their lives would go back to normal. At the end of the day, she would be able to justify her decision to Noah and he would understand, even if he disagreed. Such was his way. Olivia shuddered to think about how she'd react if he wanted to reach out to Sheila, but a broader realization quelled most of her anxiety. Ed, her rock-solid husband, was by her side and always would be. Noah might be angry. The twins might be confused. Olivia was definitely already riddled with guilt and nervousness and uncertainty, but Ed? He steeled his jaw and so tightly held her hand Olivia was positive, even after he let go, she would feel his grip indefinitely._

….

Unlike the grand opening of a department store or a new amusement facility, there was no fanfare on the first official day of operation for the Benson Center. Olivia, the social worker, and the psychologist waited in their respective offices for a call. When a phone finally rang, it was Olivia's cell and Sergeant Amanda Rollins on the other end. They exchanged quick pleasantries, but Rollins quickly got down to business. Last week SVU caught a case involving a woman working on a temporary assignment in the city who got confused while riding the subway late at night and ended up accepting "help" from a man who took her to his apartment and assaulted her. She managed to fight off the attack before she was raped, flee the building, and call 911; however, after filing the initial report, the woman was reluctant to cooperate further.

"She wants to finish out the rest of her contract and go back home," Rollins explained. "Talk to her?"

"Absolutely," Olivia said. "What does she do?"

"Well, here's where it gets tricky, or, well, interesting," Rollins said, "She's consulting for Barba's Assembly campaign."

"You're kidding."

"No."

"And I'm assuming he doesn't know?"

"Nope."

"Does she know his history with us?" Olivia winced slightly, unsure whether or not she was allowed to use "us" when speaking of SVU.

"I told her," Rollins replied in a tone that suggested she wasn't sure if her answer was correct in Olivia's eyes. "I don't think she actually heard me at that point. But, she agreed to come and see you, so, that's a step in the right direction."

"It is. And it's why we're here. Thanks, Rollins."

Nervous yet curious about how she'd respond to police-ish work after a months-long absence, Olivia hung up and waited in silence. After a few minutes, she reminded the others she would take the lead on this first case. She played soft, instrumental music then turned it off, adjusted the lighting and the blinds, and checked the mini-fridge even though she knew it was stocked with water, juice, and soda. Seconds after she sat down in the desk chair she'd taken from her old office at SVU, the Center's main door opened and the receptionist greeted the woman with a warm hello.

Olivia stood and was in the middle of the office when her visitor was escorted in. "Hello," she said, extending her hand, "I'm Olivia. Olivia Tucker." The whole scene was surreal-a victim but no bustling precinct or bleak interrogation room, "Olivia Tucker" instead of "Lieutenant Benson," and, other than the brief summary Rollins gave her, no advance knowledge of the crime, no evidence, and no profile on the perp.

The woman introduced herself as "Stephanie" and gave Olivia a firm handshake. It was a politician's grip and Olivia soon realized her entire affect was one of a powerful, highly intelligent player in the electoral world.

"Let's sit," Olivia said, gesturing to the pair of loveseats in one corner of the office, "Tell me about last week."

….

 _The fanciful wish that Noah and Maggie would have brushed off the encounter and went directly to bed did not come true. When Ed and Olivia entered the apartment they found both kids sitting on the edge of the sofa, still wearing their coats, and staring expectantly into the foyer. The questions began immediately. Who was that? What did she want? How did she know Noah's name? Was there something wrong with her?_

" _She looked really, really..." Maggie rotated an index finger around and around beside her head, "Really crayyyyyzyyyyy!"_

 _Ed ordered Maggie to her room and she assumed it was because of her insensitive comment._

" _Please Daddy, let me stay, I'm sorry, I'll be quiet!" She slapped a palm to her mouth to prove her point._

" _Go to your room, sweetheart," Olivia said, "Let us talk to Noah alone for right now."_

 _Outnumbered, Maggie stalked to her room with slumped shoulders. The boys now shared the twins' old room and Maggie had taken over Noah's former space. As soon as they heard the door close, Olivia angled the large armchair so she was directly facing Noah and sat down. Ed took a seat on the chaise, acknowledging Olivia would be taking the lead._

" _Noah, first of all, I want you to know, everything I've told you, we've told you, about your life is true." Olivia paused to assess her son's initial reaction to the beginning of what was obviously going to be a gravely serious conversation. He appeared every bit his unflappable self, and Olivia took a deep, steadying breath before continuing. "But we left something out, and this...omission...is totally on me. It was my decision."_

 _Another pause. Noah nodded in acknowledgement._

 _Olivia glanced at Ed for encouragement and he, too, nodded. Struck by the similarities in their nonverbal responses, almost all of the anxiety disappeared. It really was all going to be okay. Olivia continued, speaking slowly, and carefully choosing her words. "Ellie...was not honest about her upbringing," she said, "I'm not sure what was true and what was an exaggeration of certain circumstances, but, the whole truth is, her mother was alive, is alive, and that's who you saw tonight."_

 _The wheels spun around and around in Noah's head. Ed instinctively moved closer to him. Olivia froze, for she could not tell what her son was thinking. Usually he wore his heart on his sleeve. He and Maggie always had trouble with their poker faces. Ed always joked that Wyatt would be the best of the three to take to Atlantic City should he and Olivia ever decide to embark on a casino weekend._

 _When Olivia and Ed first told Noah some of the more sordid details of Ellie's past, they had done so only because he kept asking questions. Even then, they'd watered the whole story down so it was age appropriate and they continued to do so until they couldn't anymore. Framing the Sheila concealment as the fault of Ellie was valid, but Olivia knew Noah wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily._

" _I knew there was something about her," Noah said in a low, thoughtful voice, "More than...what Maggie said...someone who wasn't all there, mentally. Did she ever meet me? Before?"_

" _No," Olivia said, "Family court, we went to court, ruled in my favor. Left it up to me whether to give her visitation...and I said no...it was...what I thought was best, maybe it was selfish, but…" Olivia trailed off when she realized she didn't have much of a coherent argument. She hadn't wanted Sheila complicating their lives and the judge said she didn't have to. End of story._

 _During the lull, Ed finally spoke up, "Your mom and I wanted to protect you," he explained, "It seemed like the best decision at the time, and, honestly, bud? I still feel that way."_

 _Noah bit his lip. Furrowed his brow. Ran his hands through his hair. Olivia wanted to point out each and every one of those mannerisms mimicked either one of hers or of Ed's. Moreover, Maggie's and Wyatt's nonverbal quirks were mostly replicas of their older brother's. She desperately wanted to point this out, that they were a strong family connected by shared experiences and stories and and inside jokes and wounds and triumphs and days at the beach and Uno tournaments...every single decision she and Ed had made over the past fifteen years had been right. Olivia desperately hoped, as they sat there in contemplative silence, that Noah would eventually agree._

…

 _ **#**_ **Tuckson**


	66. Chapter 66

**Sixty-six.**

When Olivia came home from the Benson Center she very nearly ran over Maggie who had bolted for the door as soon as she heard the key in the lock. Sporting messy pigtails and a pink hoodie, Maggie held up her arms and demanded Olivia pick her up. Olivia wrapped her in a tight embrace and kissed her head.

"Hi my sweet girl! Did you just get back from the park?"

"PAY!" Maggie bellowed, "No, Wy, pay!" She proceeded to explain she'd been on the swings and the slides and been treated to a cookie, the remnants of which were clinging to the corners of her lips.

"Where are the boys? Where's Daddy?"

"DAH!" Maggie pointed toward the interior of the apartment and Olivia carried her inside. It was odd to be greeted by only one kid. Usually everyone, Ed included, made a beeline for the foyer as soon as she came home. "No! Lootee!" Maggie grinned at Olivia and then carefully pried open Olivia's mouth with an index finger and tapped her bottom teeth.

"Liv, we're back here!"

In the bathroom Noah was perched on the vanity facing the mirror with his mouth open wiggling a bottom tooth. Ed stood behind him in case he became so consumed with the development that he lost his balance. Wyatt was perched on on of Ed's hips and fixated on his older brother's reflection.

"Sweet boy! You have a loose tooth?"

"Yup," Noah said, only partially enunciating since his mouth was still wide open.

"Bud, you good?" Ed asked, "Wanna get down? Go play?"

"No! Too!" Maggie bellowed. She craned her neck for a view similar to Wyatt's but one arm remained securely around Olivia's neck as if she weren't quite confident enough with this strange phenomenon to relinquish the security of her mother's arms.

"Okay," Noah hopped down and asked, "When's it gonna come out?"

"Probably in a week or so."

He squinted up at Ed, "There gonna be blood?"

"Yes."

"Is it gonna hurt?"

"Maybe a little, honey," Olivia said soothingly, "But, when I lost my teeth, I remember it happening so fast...I don't remember it hurting, I only remember being excited that the tooth fairy was going to visit!"

"Who's _that_?"

"She's a fairy who comes while you're sleeping. You'll put your tooth under the pillow and she'll give you a reward for it," Ed explained.

"Like Santa?"

"Kind of."

"What she do with da teeth?"

Ed looked to Olivia hoping she knew the answer to that particular question. "She plants them in her garden," Olivia answered, "Good baby teeth like yours help her grow beautiful gardens."

"Where da gardens?"

"In Central Park," Ed said before he realized he was going to have to take Noah somewhere new in the park, with gardens, in order to complete the story.

Impressed his tooth was going to contribute to the park's natural beauty, Noah's face brightened. It took him a minute to process the enormity of it all in his imagination and when he was finished he went back to the mirror, counted all of his teeth, and wondered if the park's flora had been created solely with the teeth of New York's children. Ed would later joke that image was creepy, and Olivia agreed it seemed like the premise of a horror film or novel. In the moment though, they smiled sweetly as Noah wondered aloud about the magical gardens.

When he and the twins skipped into the living room and occupied themselves with their toys, Ed finally kissed Olivia hello. He pulled her back into the hallway and planted a passionate smooch on her lips. "I am so glad to see you," he rasped.

"I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't think I'd be this long...but this first one…" Olivia trailed off.

Ed finished the sentence for her, "...has to be right."

"Exactly."

"Talk about it?"

"Not right now," Olivia replied, "But I'd love a glass of wine and to play sous chef."

"Well," Ed patted her behind, "Let's get you an assignment then." He firmly kissed her once more.

"I'll be there in a minute. Have to change."

Ed poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue and let his eyes drift down her body. "Okay."

Olivia gave him a playful shove. "You're horrible."

Ed grabbed her hand, kissed it, and shot her a wink before he made his way to the kitchen. "Sorry," he said, "Still can't believe you're my wife."

…..

 _Noah took a minute or so to pose his next question. When he did, it was, not surprisingly, more analytical than born of emotion._

" _How'd she know about me?"_

 _Olivia swallowed hard and replied, "When she was looking for her daughter, she found out about you and then found out about me, us."_

" _She must have been so desperate."_

 _Ed managed to stop himself from releasing an audible groan. Situated slightly behind Noah, he had the luxury of not worrying about his facial expressions and he frowned at Olivia, disappointed he'd misjudged how Noah would take this news. Olivia had been right to worry; Ed assumed Noah would be sympathetic but ultimately want nothing to do with Sheila. His tone and his questioning indicated Ed was probably wrong._

" _She was, honey."_

 _Though calm, Noah screwed up his face and asked, "Then why didn't you let her meet me?"_

 _Had the subject not been so serious, Ed would have proudly slapped his son on the back. Ed understood Noah's confusion-when faced with someone who was clearly in distress, who needed help, empathy, and compassion, Olivia had done something seemingly out of character. She'd turned Sheila away._

" _Noah, I was scared," Olivia answered honestly, "I was terrified of losing you, of sharing you, and of what her true motives actually were. It didn't feel right, sweetheart. It didn't. It still doesn't. And, if I can trust anything, it's my instincts."_

" _Is she okay?" Noah asked, "Like...seriously, she seemed a little off."_

" _Bud, that's one of the reasons why your mother didn't want her around. Who knows what would have happened." Ed glanced at Olivia to check in and make sure his occasional comments were welcome and appropriate._

" _It's weird she came here like that," Noah said slowly._

 _Ed took a deep, relieved breath, but he wished he would have sat next to Olivia. She was wringing her hands, the color had drained from her face, and, overall, she was the epitome of a mother terrified she'd made an awful mistake. Ed maintained eye contact with her as long as possible._

" _Does she live here?" Noah asked._

" _I don't think so," Olivia said, "She didn't like the city," she saw Noah's brow furrow ever so slightly. Noah had continually expressed his love for New York ever since he could talk and, though more mature and capable of seeing things from others' perspectives, he couldn't quite comprehend how anyone could have anything but affection for his home turf. "She's from New Hampshire," Olivia added as further explanation._

" _Maybe I should see her before she leaves," Noah said apologetically, "If, um, if that's okay with you, Mom? I don't know, I...feel kind of...not bad, I didn't do anything, but it seems like I matter to her."_

" _Noah, I have always wanted to protect you," Olivia croaked, "And that's what I was doing. Protecting you. Us."_

" _I know. It's…complicated," Noah murmured. He raised his eyebrows when Olivia laughed softly at the last word he'd uttered. "What?"_

" _Oh...that word, complicated, it was my go to for a long time," she replied, "But, you're right honey, it is complicated. It was complicated fourteen years ago and it's complicated now." Olivia moved to sit next to him. She pulled him close and kissed the side of his head. She swore she picked up a faint hint of his baby scent mixed with the green tea peppermint shampoo all three kids preferred. "I understand, honey. We are one hundred percent behind you. I'll get someone to find her contact information."_

 _Wearing his sincerest expression, Noah looked straight into his mother's eyes and said, "If you don't want me to I won't."_

 _The offer both broke and warmed Olivia's heart. On one hand her son needed face-to-face closure, and, on the other, he did not want to do anything that would cause her pain. "This is about you, Noah. You're old enough to make your own decisions. I made it for you when you were little. Maybe it was the wrong one, but what's done is done."_

" _I think I want to talk to her."_

" _Okay."_

" _Will one of you come with me?"_

" _We will, bud," Ed replied, "Whatever you want."_

" _Thank you."_

" _Hey," Olivia said, her voice much brighter and light-hearted, "How was the show?"_

 _Noah's cheeks reddened as he smiled. "Mia's amazing," he said, "She's gonna be a star."_

… _._

The loose tooth was the object of fascination for the rest of the evening and into the weekend. Ed and Olivia would constantly catch Noah working his tongue against the tooth and Maggie and Wyatt would watch with awe and extreme interest. At one point Maggie crawled into Noah's lap, pried his lips apart, and wiggled the tooth herself. Then, frightened, she ran to Olivia, buried her face in her neck, and whimpered.

"No, toooo!"

Olivia rocked Maggie and caressed the back of her head. "It's okay, sweet girl," she cooed, "Noah's getting to be a big boy and he's going to get big boy teeth."

"I'm okay, small sister!" Noah skipped over and balanced on one foot then the other, "And when da tooth fairy gives me money I can buy you a toy!"

Hearing this, Maggie perked up. "Toy?"

"Yep!"

"Bay doll?"

"Small sister, you have a buncha baby dolls!"

"BAY DOLL, NO!" Maggie wriggled out of Olivia's grip. Once on the floor she ran into the bedroom and sprinted back with her arms full of dolls and stuffed animals. She dropped them all at her feet in one heap and went back for a second load.

Seeing the pile, Wyatt came over and belly-flopped on it. He giggled and rolled over and became partially buried. Maggie rushed over and cleared the animals and dolls. "Wy! Wy!"

"Small sister's saving Wyatt!" Noah exclaimed. "She loves her brother! Mommy, with my tooth fairy money I'm gonna buy small sister and brother a toy, but a toy for _learning_. They have a lot of toys for playing."

"That sounds like a good plan, but buy yourself something, too" Olivia said, thinking about how she and Ed were going to have to give him way more than a dollar, "How is that tooth? Any looser?"

Noah pressed on the tooth with his tongue. "Nope. Still in there pretty tight!" Noah shuffled over to the island and picked up the iPad, "Mommy, I'm gonna play some math games, kay?"

"Okay, sweet boy."

Olivia parked herself on the floor and played with Maggie and Wyatt. The toddlers were able to carry on some semblance of conversation with their mother, but Olivia also liked to hear them babble to each other. She wondered if they would come up with their own secret language one day or if Maggie's penchant for wrapping Wyatt in a clumsy, impromptu bear hug would continue as they grew up. As she often did, Olivia studied their faces. Wyatt's chubby cheeks stood out in contrast to his rigid jawline. Maggie's face couldn't quite figure out if it wanted to mimic Ed's or Olivia's-she clearly had her father's cheekbones and eyes, but when she smiled she looked like her mother. When angry, she resembled Ed; when determined, her features were all her mother's.

"Hey," Ed came into the room and kissed the top of Olivia's head, "My mom wants to know if we're coming for dinner tonight."

"Sure, absolutely," Olivia said but then cringed and made a hissing sound, "Except, I'm supposed to meet Stephanie in a couple hours. What time?"

"Probably sixish."

"Okay, I'll call her and see if we can meet earlier," Olivia grabbed Ed's hand and pulled herself into a standing position. Ed didn't let go of her hand and Olivia gave him a quick peck on the lips. "I need to build some trust with her," she added.

"Yeah, of course," Ed replied.

"Worse case scenario, you go and I'll Uber up there?"

Ed shook his head, "No, we'll wait for you."

"I don't want your mom to have to-"

"-Liv, we'll wait."

"Okay." Olivia took her phone into the bedroom to make the call. While she waited for Stephanie to pick up, she replayed Ed's "Liv, we'll wait" in her head and wondered if she had picked up the slightest hint of frustration in his voice. She second guessed herself. The first meeting with Stephanie had not gone well. The young woman did not waver from what she told Rollins-she wanted to complete her job, get out of the city, and forget. However, her stint with Barba's campaign was only getting started; the election was ten weeks away; nevertheless, when Olivia suggested they meet for coffee after Stephanie had had a few days to process it all, she agreed.

Fortunately, the earlier time worked and Olivia hastily swapped her sweats for jeans and a sweater. She clipped her hair back, dabbed on some makeup and lip gloss, and applied hand cream before sliding on her rings. She smiled at the baubles, thinking of how nervous and excited Ed must have been when he purchased the engagement ring. She had never asked, but she imagined he'd taken his time choosing the perfect design.

On the way out she gave him a kiss significantly more passionate than the standard good-bye smooch. "I love you," she said, staring into his eyes. "I'll be back in an hour."

"Take your time."

"One hour. I promise."

"Okay. Oh, Liv?"

"Yeah?"

"Love you too."

…

 _For reasons unknown, Ed fidgeted in his chair and seemed oddly nervous. He and Olivia had been seriously dating for weeks and were having dinner at a small Italian restaurant. On the walls were painted coastal and mountainous vistas and Ed thought about how much he would enjoy taking in those views in person with Olivia and Noah. He imagined sitting on a terrace, sharing a bottle of wine, and listening to Noah's awestruck commentary. Olivia would be sitting across from him, a serene expression on her face; she would be so at peace Ed would feel a bit guilty talking to her, but he would have to talk to her. He loved hearing her voice, particularly when she was at peace._

" _Ed?"_

" _Oh, sorry," he jerked to attention and smiled shyly._

" _What are you thinking about?"_

" _Uh, ah, um," Ed stammered, unsure whether or not he should reveal the details of the daydream. "Wondering if this is a real place," he gestured toward the wall, "Cause I wanna take you there."_

 _Slackjawed, Olivia stared across the table at him. He was neither smiling nor frowning; Ed merely looked back at her, clearly hoping she would say she'd like for that to happen. "It certainly would be an amazing trip," she said. "I'd love to go with you, Ed Tucker."_

" _Good." He kissed her hand then reached into his jacket pocket, "I, uh, well, in the meantime, I wanted to give you this." Ed handed her a small velvet pouch._

 _Relieved it wasn't a ring, Olivia tugged the bag open and took out the contents-a gold chain with an oval glass pendant. The pendant immediately reflected the reddish hue of the small table lamp. "Ed," she said with a smile, "This is gorgeous."_

" _Took my mother to one of those artists' markets," he said, "I don't usually buy anything at those places but I walked by this stall and it kinda popped out at me."_

" _I love it," she said, "Thank you."_

" _You're welcome."_

" _Help me put it on?"_

" _Sure."_

 _Ed stood up and rounded the table. Careful not to trap any of Olivia's hair in the clasp, he secured the chain and kissed her when she looked up at him. He took his seat and smirked when Olivia asked him if the gift was why he'd been so quiet and a little off since they'd met earlier that night._

" _I guess so," he said. "I see things, a lot, and think about buyin' 'em for you."_

 _Gazing at him and playing with the corners of her napkin, Olivia murmured, "This is really happening, isn't it?"_

" _Rhetorical?"_

" _No."_

" _Yes," He gently pulled the napkin from her fingers and ran his thumbs across her smooth pink nail polish. "Yes, it's really happening. And I'm so, so excited about it, Olivia Benson."_

" _I am, too."_

 _Only the waiter arriving with their meals interrupted the intimate moment. He set down steaming plates of ravioli and linguine and asked if they needed anything else. Ed and Olivia both told him they were good and surveyed the food before taking their first bites._

" _Those scallops are huge," Olivia said of Ed's dish._

" _Here," Ed cut one in half, "Try it." He blew on the portion and fed it to her._

" _Very good," she pierced a ravioli and reciprocated._

 _Ed nearly fell out of his chair. Olivia's eyes were focused on his lips; her own were slightly parted in concentration. She leaned forward and waited for his assessment. The care with which she fed him was etched on her face. Had the mushroom ravioli been revolting, Ed would have given the same answer._

" _That's great," he said softly. "I like it."_

" _Want more?"_

" _Nah, I'll order it next time. Or," Ed's eyes darted around, "Could ask for another plate? We'll share?"_

" _Sure." Olivia flashed him a wide grin. Ed blushed and she asked a teasing question, "Still nervous, Captain Tucker?"_

" _A little," he admitted, "But mostly I'm really glad you like the necklace."_

… _._

Ed's body partially covered Olivia's, he cradled her face in one hand, and placed soft kisses on her cheeks, lips, and forehead. Every light in their bedroom was turned on, and the brightness was a stark contrast to the post-lovemaking scene that anyone would have written as occurring in near-darkness. Ed ran an index finger along her jawbone, played connect-the-dots with her freckles, and studied her eyes. During dinner at Caroline's she'd been distracted; her mind was clearly elsewhere and Ed assumed her late afternoon coffee with Stephanie had not yielded much progress.

"You're worried," he said softly.

"No," Olivia cooed. Her eyelids drooped and her lips curled into a lazy smile.

"Didn't go well this afternoon?"

Olivia sighed. More alert now, she reached back for another pillow and sat up a bit. She leaned in to Ed's touch when he brushed a few stray strands of hair from her face, "Was it that obvious?"

"Not to anyone but me."

"Honey, I'm sorry."

"I love you, baby," Ed kissed her forehead again, "I can tell when all's not well in this pretty head of yours. Tell me. Talk to me."

"I don't know why I'm frustrated," she said, "How many times have I seen this? Dozens? Maybe hundreds? A victim who doesn't want, for whatever reason, to pursue a case, and I've never judged, or I've tried not to judge, but this one? Ed? I was so close today to taking her by the shoulders and screaming _why_? Why won't you let me help you? And I know the answer, I get it, but I felt that way anyway, and I hate that I did."

Ed curled an arm under his head. "It's the first one," he said, "You said it yourself, you wanted it to be perfect, but, Liv? There's no perfect case. You know how powerful it can be to get justice, and the fact she's willing to talk to you? That's somethin. A baby step, but a step. And maybe you have this sense of urgency because you have a finite amount of time, with her being here on a contract and all." He twirled a lock of her hair around and around, "You talk to Barba at all?"

"She doesn't want that, so...I keep soldiering on. And Rollins said she referred another family this morning, now I'm worried if, with such a small staff, if we'll be able to properly do what I envisioned."

"Is part of you bein' frustrated, is it also because you know you're not going to be able to be personally involved with each person? That you're gonna have to let the place function a little more bureaucratically than you want?" Ed gazed at her with wide, concerned eyes.

"Sounds about right. I mean, this was supposed to help victims and their families navigate bureaucracy, not create more of it."

"Might have to tweak a few things, but that's part of beginnings, right? Of everything? The process of fine tuning?"

Olivia nodded in agreement, "Sure it is, but, Ed, these are lives. Human beings' _lives_."

"Which is why I can't think of a better person to be at the helm over there."

She smiled and nestled her head under his chin. Ed stretched and turned off the lamp on his side of the bed before wrapping both arms around her. Olivia untangled a sheet and unfurled it over their bodies.

"Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"If anything ever happened to one of our kids I would genuinely go crazy."

"You and me both," he kissed the top of her head, "But I think we do a pretty good job of protecting them."

"We can't be everywhere all the time."

"No, but, Liv, we teach 'em to be smart, say no, trust their guts...we've done and we'll do everything we possibly can to send them out into the world so that they're safe." He tightened his grip and kissed her once more. He could feel her body start to get heavy with sleep and hated that he would have to let her go in order to turn off the rest of the lights. "And you know what else, Olivia?"

"What's that?"

"There're still some good people out there."

Olivia sighed, smiled, and murmured, "I love you...you...always make me feel better...feel right."

"My life's mission."

Olivia chuckled.

"I'm _serious_ ," Ed insisted.

Olivia snuggled into him even more securely. "I know. I believe you."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	67. Chapter 67

**Sixty-seven**.

 _(I'm obviously revising some of the canon Sheila saga to fit which doesn't bother me much because I hated how they wrote it on the show. Long chapter so I could put the whole Sheila thing to rest.)_

Sarah wasn't sure whether or not using the archery set in the park was prohibited, so as she and Noah took turns firing plastic arrows at the target she kept her eyes peeled for law enforcement or a stern-faced parks department employee. She and Noah had claimed a spot at the southern end of the park and fallen, yellow and amber leaves crunched under their feet as they jogged to retrieve the arrows and set up their next shots. After Sarah picked Noah up from school they stopped at the Tucker apartment so he could swap his school uniform for jeans and a green Jets sweatshirt. He briefly considered wearing his soccer cleats before opting for his trusty gray Nikes. After double checking for his phone and wallet, the pair headed out on their Wednesday adventure.

It took Noah no time at all to figure out how to successfully use the bow and he gleefully kept track of the points the two of them earned in his head. He completed his last turn and announced the score was ten for him and two for Sarah.

"Noey, I don't think that's correct," Sarah said, "I've hit the target more than two times!"

"But when ya miss we subTRACT!"

"I don't remember agreeing to those rules."

"Those _are_ da rules, Sare Bear!"

Never one to pursue an argument with Noah, Sarah shrugged and relented. "Fine," she said, "But now that I know, well, you're going down little brother. I was goin' easy on ya!"

"That's what Daddy says when he loses at Yahtzee."

"You play Yahtzee?"

"Nah," Noah said, "Well, sometimes, but dat's a game Mommy and Daddy like ta play after dinner when we're all playin before we gotta go ta bed. Daddy say, 'c'mon, Benson, you and me, right here' den dey sit at da table and play and we play and sometimes I roll," Noah giggled, "Mommy always wants me ta roll when she really, really needs a number."

Intrigued and grinning at the images in her head, Sarah asked, "And who wins usually?"

"Mommy. She's really good. But dat's when Daddy say, 'I'm goin' easy on ya' and den Mommy laughs and writes down da score on da box then we gotta go to bed." The accuracy with which Noah was able to mimic Ed's voice made Sarah burst into laughter. Noah squinted, "Why you laughin' Sare Bear?"

"You tell good stories, Noey Boey."

"Thanks."

Sarah turned around and scanned the area before taking her next turn. The sun was beginning to set and the fall colors gleamed in the late afternoon sun. Sarah had experienced almost three decades of New York autumns, and the spectacle never failed to leave her awestruck. "Noey, come here, let's take a picture of us. Look," she pointed north, in the opposite direction of the midtown skyline, "Isn't it pretty?"

"Yes! Let's take a selfie!"

Sarah snapped several photos and she and Noah immediately inspected them. "Looks good," Noah remarked.

"We are a beautiful couple."

"Yep! Send 'em to my phone."

"Alright," Sarah texted them to Noah's number and tried not to laugh even harder. He sounded so old, so adult-like, yet he looked every bit like the first grader he was.

"S'your turn," Noah said, handing her the arrows. "Here ya go. And 'member, you SUBTRACT when you don't hit da target so con-cen-trate."

"Okay," Sarah bit her lip and narrowed her eyes as she lined up her shot. As she released the string, a woman rounding the paved path adjacent to the swath of grass caught her eye. Had Sarah not been on the lookout for cops and park police, the woman would have been just another pedestrian enjoying a leisurely fall stroll through the park. However, Sarah was certain she'd seen the woman pass them at least three times and she was suddenly overcome with a creeped out feeling. "Noey," she said, "Come here. Another selfie." Sarah took the photographs quickly, hoping to catch the woman in the frame.

"Sare Bear, we're not in da middle."

"It's okay, we can see more of the park in these."

Noah shrugged and jogged back to the target.

"Hey, Noey, after I shoot these how about we say you're the winner and we go eat? I'm famished."

"You're what?"

"Famished! It means very, very, very hungry."

"Oh, well, I'm famished, too!"

"Where are we eating?"

"Sushi!"

"You got it."

They packed up the archery set and slid all the parts into the cylindrical carrying case. Sarah slung it over her shoulder and she clutched Noah's hand before embarking on the path leading out of the park. Surely he regarded the gesture as suspicious. Sarah held his hand when crossing streets, but she rarely did so at any other time and never when they were within the confines of a park. Noah didn't object. He squeezed her hand and used it to propel himself in extra high skips while he thought out loud about what he would order at the sushi restaurant. Sarah made a mental note to mention the woman to Ed and Olivia when they returned and then tried to refocus her attention on Noah and remind herself that, from his perspective, everything in the world was perfect and she would do everything in her power to make sure it stayed that way.

….

 _Maggie begged to go_. _She even went so far as to rifle through Olivia's side of the closet and select a businesslike blazer and blouse to pair with her crisp blue jeans. When Wyatt commented on the outfit's incongruity, Maggie brushed off the criticism and fired back, albeit good-naturedly, at her twin._

"This is _fashion_ , Wyatt," she said.

 _Nowhere near filling out the blazer quite yet with her middle schooler frame, Ed couldn't help but chuckle when he saw his youngest daughter in the bulky work wear. Insanely proud yet wary of her good looks, he had to admit he preferred Maggie playing dress up in Olivia's clothes rather than her attired in typical teenage wear._

" _Mom, Dad, pleeeease? I won't say anything. Hey!" She grinned brightly, "I could just, like, be there! Like a regular customer! I'll go now!"_

" _Princess," Ed held Maggie's face and kissed her head, "You're going to hang out with Sarah and Brooke and everyone. We won't be long, and," he looked into her blue eyes, "we'll give you the recap."_

" _Daddy, are you ever going to stop calling me Princess?"_

" _Only when you stop acting like one."_

 _Maggie shot him a good-natured dirty look and retreated to her bedroom where she changed clothes. Two hours later she and Wyatt were in the rec room on the top floor of Sarah's building playing pool with Anthony, Justin, Sofia, and Mari. Justin and Sonny "helped" their daughters. Anthony and Wyatt teamed up. The game was horrendously played, but nobody cared. Brooke and Sarah hung out nearby on the plush easy chairs and sipped white wine._

" _I cannot believe Olivia and Dad are letting this happen," Sarah said, "I cannot believe Dad and Olivia didn't kill her years ago, actually."_

 _Brooke, as always, was more down-to-earth, "They don't have a choice," she said, "Noah wanted to see her. He was going to do that with or without their blessing. It's better if they do it now."_

" _But what if he," Sarah screwed up her face, "Like, wants to have a relationship with her? Wants to see her on a regular basis? Wants to invite her to Christmases and weddings and Thanksgivings and…" Sarah groaned, "They really should have just killed her. The two of them could've done it, tossed the body, no trace, no problem."_

" _We're lucky," Brooke said, "It's a good thing you saw her in the park that time. If you hadn't, who knows what would have happened?"_

" _My parental instincts were sharp even then."_

" _That they were, sister."_

 _Wyatt made a bank shot and Maggie erupted in cheers. She hugged her brother and gave him an encouraging shove, "Keep it going, Wy! Two in a row! Let's bury 'em right here!"_

" _She's so intense," Sarah said._

" _I know," Brooke replied, "Sofia's always been a little afraid of her."_

" _Afraid?"_

 _Brooke fidgeted, "I don't know if that's the word, but they've never been close. I'm glad Sofia has Mari."_

" _Until Sofia's a couple years older and doesn't want anything to do with her," Sarah joked._

" _Family's different."_

" _Maybe, but you just pointed out that Maggie hates Sof."_

" _She doesn't hate her," Brooke said, "She...well, you remember. Maggie always running to Olivia when she held Sofia? I don't think Maggie likes anyone being close to her mom."_

" _Which is odd because she's the most independent of everyone, including me," Sarah said._

" _And she's always, on the surface, so friendly, but it's like," Brooke peered at her young half-sister as she tried an impossible combination shot, "She's holding back because she knows something we don't. I don't know...she's always been tough to crack."_

" _That's good," Sarah said, "Nobody's taking advantage of her. Wyatt and Noey are too nice. Someone's sure to hoodwink them at some point. Sof? She's nice, too, but she has a little edge. Anthony and Mari? I'm going to helicopter them forever, so no worries."_

 _Brooke chuckled, "Says the one who encouraged Noah to ride the subway by himself and study abroad and-"_

" _-Hey!" Sarah interjected, "I'll do the same thing for A and M, I'll just do it a little less enthusiastically."_

" _What about when they want to go to Puerto Rico and track down long lost blood relatives?"_

 _Sarah flung her head back and stared at the ceiling. "I dunno, Brooke," she took a gulp of wine and continued, "But, if it's important to them, important to them understanding their identities, then I'll fly them there and back first class."_

" _First class being the most important part."_

" _No," Sarah retorted, "_ _ **Back**_ _is."_

… _._

With bellies full of chef's specialty rolls, Shirley Temples, and sake, Sarah and Noah slogged into the apartment. Noah flopped on a bean bag and gently warned Maggie and Wyatt against baby piling. Sarah fell into the large armchair and propped her feet on the coffee table. Maggie and Wyatt ran to her with hopeful expressions and batted at her arms and legs.

"Sah!"

"Pie, SAH!"

"Oh God," she groaned, "Don't mention pie. How about hugs? You have hugs for your Sare Bear?"

"Hug!"

Wyatt held out his arms and Sarah embraced him and then turned to her other side and snuggled Maggie. "You two are scrumptious," Sarah said.

"Want something to drink?" Olivia asked, "Tea? I have peppermint. It's supposed to be good for digestion."

"No thanks," Sarah quickly collected herself and sat up, remembering she had other important business to attend to. She eyed Noah. Not trusting he was fully absorbed in his puzzle book, Sarah asked if they could talk in private.

"Of course," Olivia said, "Let's go to our room."

They kicked Ed out of the room, he'd been reading a book in the oversized chair, and Sarah took his spot. The room was much tidier than usual, but she held back the compliment since it would reveal she'd spent more time in their private space than they realized. Slightly nervous, she unwound her blonde hair from the elastic band and immediately retied it on top of her head.

"What's up?" Olivia asked. She was sitting cross-legged in the middle of the neatly made bed.

"It's probably nothing," Sarah began, "But today at the park I was freaked out we were gonna get in trouble for shooting arrows even though they're plastic," Sarah realized Olivia was oblivious to the archery set they'd purchased that afternoon, so she inserted that particular update and continued, "So, I was looking around more than I usually would and there was this lady, she passed us at least three, maybe four times, but she wasn't a regular jogger or someone walking around...she was like, _without_ _purpose_." Sarah flipped through her photos and found the one that best captured the woman.

Though blurry, Olivia immediately knew it was her. The color drained from her face and she called for Ed.

"Who is it?" Sarah asked, alarmed and suddenly filled with terror. How close had she come to something horribly bad happening?

"It's-"

Ed came rushing into the room and needed nothing more than his wife's ashen expression to figure out Sarah's information had something to do with one of their children. Olivia held out the phone for him to inspect the image. His heart sank. It was her. It was Sheila.

Ed's presence made it possible for Olivia to breathe again, and the color gradually returned to her cheeks. "She's Noah's biological grandmother," Olivia said.

" _What_? I thought...I thought-"

"Thought he had no living blood relatives? Me too. Until a few years ago when she showed up requesting custody, arguing that the adoption should be void."

" _What_?" Sarah said again, her Tucker-esque face screwed up and her icy blue eyes narrowed into slits.

"Obviously," Olivia replied slowly, "She lost...the court case, all of it, was resolved as quickly as it blindsided me, but...the judge did recommend I allow her visitation, and I said no I couldn't do it; there was something about her I didn't trust. I had a horrible feeling whenever I was around her...like I knew she wanted to rip my heart out, destroy my life-"

Ed put his arm around her shoulder and kissed her cheek. "Sare, can you give us a minute?"

"Sure," she hoisted herself out of the chair, "I'll go make sure the kiddos aren't tearing the place up."

Olivia handed the phone back, "Will you send those to me?"

"Yep."

"Sarah, thank you. That was smart."

"Wish that was the case," she said brightly with her typical cool-under-pressure attitude, "If I hadn't been so worried about getting arrested I would've never noticed." She sauntered out of the room leaving Ed bewildered and Olivia chuckling at Sarah's unfounded and exaggerated assumption that she and Noah would have been subjected to hard core punishment if the arrows had, in fact, been prohibited in the park.

…

 _Olivia watched sheets of rain pelt the windows as she meandered around her living room talking with Ed on the phone. She spoke in a low voice, for Noah had gone down for a nap less than twenty minutes ago, and she was sure he wasn't yet in a deep slumber. Ed asked what she was doing for the rest of the day and Olivia grumbled that her plans to take Noah to the piers to watch the boats and have a late lunch had to be postponed due to weather._

" _Maybe next weekend," she lamented. "But, I need to get him out of the house. He's had a lot of day care lately with Lucy gone...maybe we'll go to the Natural History Museum. I think he'd like that."_

" _That's a good idea," Ed replied, "Lotta stuff to entertain him in there."_

" _Do you want to go?" In hindsight, the amount of time Ed took to answer was maybe a second or two longer than usual, but in the moment it felt like an eternity, so Olivia added, "It'll be fun, or, more fun, for me, to have another adult there? To be honest I'm not the biggest fan of dinosaurs and fossils and…" she realized she was rambling and trailed off._

" _I'd love to go," he said. "Couple hours?"_

" _Yes. I'll text you when he wakes up and we'll go from there."_

" _Sounds good."_

 _Olivia and Ed spent the time between the two phone calls obsessing over their appearances and this new step in their relationship. Spending most of nap time with her head in her closet, Olivia finally decided on an extremely casual look-jeans and a burgundy t-shirt. She'd add a rain jacket when they left, but she liked the shirt because its scoop neckline was low enough to be flirty without being inappropriate for a day at the museum with her son and her...boyfriend? After a series of push-ups and sit-ups, Ed took a shower, let his hair air-dry so it had a look edgier than his usual IAB style, and chose a pair of jeans and a slate gray polo. As he gave himself a once-over in the mirror, he took deep, calming breaths. This was a big deal. He'd met Noah before, but only in passing, as he was saying hello or goodbye or goodnight before or after he and Olivia went out for drinks or dinner. Ed had not spent any extended time with the little boy, but he was getting a chance this afternoon. Sure, Olivia had presented the invitation as a favor to her, but Ed instinctively sensed part of her offer was born of curiosity about how Noah and Ed would interact with one another._

 _Ed met the two of them in the museum's lobby and soon they were strolling through the labyrinth of prehistoric creatures, taxidermy, and gift shops. Olivia opted not to bring the stroller. Though she held Noah's hand, she let him lead the way. On the dinosaur floor Noah made himself dizzy looking up at the room-sized Tyrannosaurus Rex. Olivia caught him as he fell backwards and held him for a minute like an infant so he could get a better view. The way she kissed and cuddled Noah warmed Ed's heart, but what happened next made him absolutely giddy._

 _As they crossed the room, Noah walked along the bannisters separating visitors from other, smaller, skeletons. When they came to the end of the line and were headed out of the room, Noah reached up for his mother's hand...and Ed's._

" _Where to next, sweet boy?" Olivia asked sweetly. She checked her map, "Bears? Birds? Fish?"_

" _Bears!" Noah jumped up and down, growled, and giggled. "Lessgo!"_

 _Olivia caught Ed's eye as Noah squeezed their hands and headed for the stairs. She could tell he was trying to suppress a smile even wider than the one plastered on his face. Noah skipped down the steps, counting them off as they descended._

" _One, two, three," He craned his neck backwards, unconcerned about losing his balance, "Whassnext?"_

" _Four, five," Olivia replied._

 _Noah repeated the numbers and looked back again. This time, she waited for Ed to answer._

" _Six, seven, bud."_

" _Six! Seven! Bud!"_

 _Noah shrieked with laughter at his own joke. Ed and Olivia laughed, too._

" _You are so funny, Noah," Olivia cooed._

" _BEARS!" Noah ran ahead to the first set of windows and gawked at the two Alaskan Brown Bears. He gripped the edge, straining for a better view, and Ed picked him up. Enjoying the higher perch, Noah pointed excitedly at the mountainous backdrop and the fish the bears had purportedly caught. "Fiss are da dinner!" He exclaimed._

" _That's right Noah."_

 _Ed's voice dripped with effortless paternal affection. Olivia drifted closer to him and slid an arm around his waist. "Speaking of dinner," she said in almost a whisper, not wanting to interrupt Noah's fixation on the scene, "Can I treat you tonight?"_

" _Was gonna ask you the same thing," Ed replied._

 _Olivia grinned, "Well, it's settled then."_

 _Ed shifted Noah to his other hip so he could kiss the side of Olivia's head. It was dark in this particular space, so he didn't think she'd mind. Judging by how she leaned into him, the kiss was welcomed. "My treat, though," he insisted._

" _Okay."_

" _Got any favorite places nearby?"_

" _Other than bars? No…"_

" _How about Fred's? They have the dogs all over the walls?"_

" _That'll be perfect."_

 _Despite the darkness, Ed easily found and squeezed her hand. "Turned out to be not such a bad rainy day after all, huh?"_

 _Olivia nodded in agreement, "One of the best rainy days I've ever experienced."_

" _One a these days we'll see how well we can do when it's nice outside."_

" _We're in, Captain," Olivia replied, a hint of sass and flirtation in her voice, "Hopefully soon?"_

 _Ed smirked, leaned down, and pecked her waiting lips. The amount of PDA she was allowing and asking for in the museum was thrilling beyond belief. "Soon as ya want," he said, "I think we'll do a nice day really well."_

…..

Thursday, the day after Sarah snapped the picture of Sheila in the park, Olivia dropped Noah off at school and didn't leave until she had spoken with the office and security staff and the Lower School's director. They assured her no one other than family members on the list would be allowed to pick up Noah, and everyone was given a copy of Sheila's photograph. Olivia had no idea how long Sheila had been in the city or how she'd tracked down Noah and Sarah, but the obvious answer was that she'd tracked them from school, to the toy store, and then to the park. It was too much of a coincidence to assume she'd simply been walking around and been fortunate enough to encounter the duo by chance.

Next, she zoomed downtown to the precinct. In Rollins' office she unleashed an expletive-peppered tirade behind the closed doors and blinds. Rollins made multiple phone calls and almost too easily came up with a hotel reservation.

"She's at the Hampton Inn, Times Square," Rollins rolled her eyes, "Checked in two nights ago. Reservation's until next Thursday. For someone who hates the city that's an interesting neighborhood choice."

"Amanda, what do I do?" Olivia leaned forward on her elbows and buried her head in her hands. "She's committed no crime. I don't have a restraining order. I've never had one. I've only had a gut instinct."

"And that's all you need, Liv," Rollins replied, "Want me to send a detail there? Scare the shit out of her?"

"No...I...I'm going to call Judge Linden, maybe she'll...do me one last favor before she retires. And I need to get back to Ed...I left him with two sticky twins and I wasn't exactly the most pleasant person to be around this morning."

Rollins chuckled knowingly, "Let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks."

….

 _Wyatt's bedside lamp was out, but Noah knew his brother wasn't sleeping. He rolled over, tucked a pillow under his arm, and squinted as his eyes adjusted to the darkness and made out his brother's figure and also his open eyes._

" _Can't sleep?"_

" _Just thinking."_

" _About what?" Noah asked even though he knew exactly what was troubling Wyatt. After they returned from the meeting with Sheila, the five Tuckers debriefed together in the living room. Noah gave his brother and sister his assessment of Sheila-she struck him as lonely, as having lived a difficult life, and also someone he did not plan on contacting again. As he and Ed and Olivia walked home, he confided in them that he, too, got an odd feeling about her and, for now, with all the changes coming up in his life, he thought it was best that they move on without Sheila in their lives._

" _Nothin."_

" _Come on, Wy."_

" _Okay," Wyatt sighed, "I just...Noah...this whole thing happened fast and it was scary. Like, what if you woulda really liked her and felt this connection and had this whole second family?"_

 _Noah turned on his own lamp and sat up. His younger brother's innocence and thoughtful concern were somewhat amusing but it mostly broke Noah's heart. Wyatt read voraciously and watched too many cerebral movies and documentaries, so his imagination and his reactions to reality were often skewed toward the dramatic. "Never was an option," Noah said, "And I didn't, there wasn't a connection, Wy, because she's not my family. You are, and Maggs, and Mom and Dad and everyone else. We're related, sure, have some same DNA, and maybe there are other people out there related to me...who knows...but those people, if they exist, don't matter. You do. I have a, um, unique history, but all I remember about being little was being your big brother. That's what's important."_

" _I'd be really confused if I were you," Wyatt admitted in his soft, hesitant voice._

" _I was confused at first, when Mom and Dad started telling me, everything, but I'm not anymore. How can I be confused when I got really, really lucky?"_

 _Wyatt pondered the sentiment for a minute. One hundred percent of his life and the lives of his siblings had been rooted in the unconditional and doting love of their parents. He simply could not wrap his head around the debauched circumstances of Noah's infancy, and it frustrated him that he couldn't empathize with what he perceived as his older brother's crisis._

" _Noah?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _Are we gonna get to come visit you at college next year?"_

" _Of course."_

" _Okay." Wyatt stretched and turned to his opposite side. "Night."_

 _Noah raised his eyebrows. It was an abrupt end to a serious conversation. But he didn't press his brother. "Night, Wy."_

 _On the opposite end of the hall, behind two sets of closed doors, Ed and Olivia conducted their parental debriefing under the pulsating water of the shower. The four-feet by six-feet space had, over the years, become a sanctuary, one of the few places they could enjoy total privacy and raw intimacy. It was proof of their mutual, unabashed comfort with one another; even if they only went so far as to kiss and take turns lathering one another with soap and shampoo, Ed and Olivia made no distinction between their showers and sex._

" _Mmmmm, Ed, that feels so good," Olivia closed her eyes and tilted her head back as Ed massaged her shoulders._

" _Can't go to bed with all this tension," Ed kissed behind her ear and smirked when he felt her shiver._

" _Then I'm going to need a turn with you," Olivia said, reaching up to caress his face, "Has this jaw relaxed yet?"_

 _Earlier, as Noah and Sheila gingerly exchanged questions, answers, and anecdotes, Ed locked his eyes on Sheila and did not deviate from his most formidable IAB glare. Myriad emotions churned in Olivia's mind and in her gut; however, insecurity was not one of them. At the first sign of nefarious intent, she was sure Ed would jump up and, and the very least, verbally check Sheila. At one point, he'd been frozen for so long, she put a hand on his thigh. Keeping his eyes trained on Sheila, he put his hand over Olivia's and didn't let it go until an awkward silence fell over the round table and Sheila mumbled that it was probably time for her to go._

" _It's back to normal," Ed murmured. He worked his hands from Olivia's shoulders to her elbows and then held her hands. He held her body flush with his and pressed his lips to her skin as he spoke. "Was I intimidating?"_

" _Yes. I got IAB flashbacks."_

" _In that case, I'm sorry. Didn't want to make_ _you_ _feel uncomfortable."_

" _Quite the opposite. I knew everything was going to be okay as long as we were all there together."_

" _I was surprised at the questions Noah asked," Ed remarked._

 _Neither Olivia nor Ed had prepped Noah before the meeting and he hadn't asked for any advice. Almost all of his inquiries were about Sheila's relationship with Ellie. At eighteen, he had heard his friends gripe about their parents, but he had trouble comprehending how that parent-child relationship could get so far out of control. At one point Ed and Olivia both agreed Noah sounded like an attorney when he couldn't quite square Sheila's interest in him and her apparent lack of concern when Ellie was killed. He pointed out how Ellie hadn't used a pseudonym and had been laid to rest on Hart Island. Sheila fumbled through the answer and, after that, the conversation tapered off into a brusque exchange of meaningless drivel._

" _He was trying to prove his instincts wrong," Olivia surmised._

" _I think he did a damn good job of proving them right," Ed turned her around so they were facing each other, "Are you okay?"_

" _Almost," she softly kissed his lips, "I...last time...I thought it was over, now I'm scared to think she won't come back again because I thought that way last time. I need this to end."_

" _I wish I could tell ya for sure it's the end, Liv, I really do," Ed toyed with her soaked locks and kept his hands on the sides of her face, "But, a couple things make me feel better. Noah was turned off, the first thing he said after she left, remember? He was glad he met her but he never wanted to see her again? And she knew it and she...didn't seem combative, only defeated. Maybe part of this is wishful thinkin' but I predict she'll go back to New Hampshire and hole up in the woods for the rest of her life." Though Ed was sincere, there was a buoyancy in his last sentence that made Olivia smile. He pinched her chin and gave her a kiss. "There it is." He felt her fingertips dig into his back and he opened his mouth wider, initiating a more passionate kiss which did not end until Ed was satisfied he'd chased all despair from Olivia's mind and body._

…..

With childcare options limited and Olivia insistent that Ed accompany her to the hotel, they were forced to wait until either Brooke or Sarah were available to watch the twins and, depending on the time, Noah. Brooke called back first and, having been briefed on the situation, picked up Sofia from daycare and rushed to Manhattan. Ed and Olivia camped out in the hotel lobby before Ed got impatient, and, wielding his badge that technically no longer held any power, demanded the room number from a mousy, meek reception desk attendant. Wearing a pleasant smile, as if she were expecting their company, Sheila opened the door but, wisely, did not invite the surly pair inside.

"Stay away from my son," Olivia seethed. "I'm filing for an order of protection. You're _stalking_ him. If you come near him or my family again you will be arrested and I swear to God I will make sure you serve the longest possible sentence." She did not give Sheila a chance to respond. She grabbed Ed's wrist and darted toward the elevator. Sheila's door closed with a resounding click and Olivia hunched over, her hands on her knees, trying to catch her breath.

Ed rubbed her back. He wasn't sure what to say; they hadn't been operating with a script, and he hadn't been sure what to expect. Heaving, Olivia rocked back and forth from heel to toe and Ed urged her to stand up straighter. "C'mon, Liv," he held her hands, stared into her watery eyes, and took deep breaths with her. "Breathe, baby."

"Do you think she believed me?" Olivia asked through gasps, "About the protection order?"

"I think she believed you about her serving the longest possible sentence."

"I need Rollins to keep surveillance on her until she leaves."

"She say she'll do that?"

"Yes."

The first elevator car had come and gone. A second arrived and they stepped inside. Olivia was still stiff with tension, but she leaned into Ed's embrace. He held her head to his shoulder. "You're alright," he whispered, "We're alright. We'll make sure she gets outta the city; everything's gonna be okay, Liv."

"Ed, if she tries anything with him I will kill her."

His only response was to hold her more tightly.

"I'm serious, Ed. I will fucking rip her apart."

"Whatever you decide to do, Liv, I'm on board."

The mundane, sycophantic response made Olivia chuckle. The elevator doors opened and they walked into the lobby. "You sound like we're deciding what to order for dinner."

Ed shrugged, "What to order for dinner, what to do with a body...pretty much the same thing."

She paused, in the middle of the vast, busy tourist hotel lobby, and hugged him. "I love you so much, Ed."

"I love you, too, Liv. And I'll do anything for you. For us."

"I know," she noticed two patrol officers enter the lobby and speak with a desk agent. They could have been there for a number of reasons, but Olivia convinced herself they were there to keep tabs on Sheila, that Rollins had put a priority alert on this particular assignment. "C'mon," she said in a decidedly more cheerful voice, "Let's go rescue Brooke."

"I was gonna say let's tell her we'll be a little while longer and go get a drink. They're safe and sound at home."

Olivia looked up at him, her eyes sparkling, "Stop at a dive like the old days?"

"Yeah...kinda weird...to have good memories of having drinks after a near disaster."

"That was us for a while," Olivia pointed out.

"Yeah it was," Ed replied, "Maybe it was...it was the only way we could figure out we could trust each other?"

"Whatever it was, I came out on the other side, not wanting to weather any storm with anyone but you...and soon after, I didn't want to do life without you."

"Me neither," Ed gazed at her with his most sincere expression, "You _are_ my whole life, Olivia Margaret, through the ugly and the beautiful. And it's been mostly beautiful when you look at the big picture."

They both pictured the blissful faces of their children, of Sofia, of Brooke and Sarah and Justin and Caroline, they saw their cozy apartment and all its clutter, their beach house, the jet skis and the boat, they heard the laughter, the twins' babbles, Noah's wise-beyond-his-years commentary. Olivia nodded. Ed was right. It was all beautiful, overwhelmingly so, and, no matter what, she trusted their lives would stay that way forever.

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	68. Chapter 68

**Sixty-seven**.

Despite the shower and being ensconced next to Ed, sleep eluded Olivia. She stared at the iPad baby monitor and attempted to come to terms with what happened in the past forty-eight hours. Sheila had returned. Deep down, Olivia wrestled with, once again, telling her she had no place in their lives. Had the shoe been on the other foot she probably would have gone to unimaginable lengths to get her hands on Noah. She thought of her son, sleeping peacefully down the hall, curled up under his Pottery Barn comforter, his sweet head nestled among his four pillows-two regular, one shaped like a train, and the other a bright yellow smiley face. Olivia was sure he had fallen asleep on his side, head facing the window, with his left arm curled around Bernie. Noah was predictable that way.

Olivia snaked out from under Ed's arm and tiptoed out of the room. She crossed the apartment to take a peek at Maggie and Wyatt. The twins were sleeping peacefully on their backs, their arms bent at the elbows at ninety-degree angles. Wyatt's tiger Wubbanub laid below his mouth though his lips still moved ever so slightly as if the pacifier was still in his mouth. Maggie's pink plush baby doll was by her side. They were so perfect and Olivia's heart nearly burst while she adjusted their blankets, kissed her fingers and pressed them to each of their heads, unworried about waking them since they'd stayed up well past their bedtimes.

Next, Olivia made her way to Noah's room. He, too, was completely out. Olivia stood over the bed and took deep breaths. Her first grader smiled in his sleep. Noah was so content; he could have been the poster child for children's _anything_ at that moment. Unable to contain the tears in her eyes, Olivia rushed back to the master bedroom. Ed was sitting up, groggy, yet clearly wondering why he was alone in bed.

"Liv?"

"I was…" she barely croaked the words.

Ed sprung to his feet and wrapped her in his arms. Shaking but not crying, Olivia collapsed into him. He ushered her back to bed and they laid against the mountain of pillows for several minutes until Olivia spoke again.

"It's so strange," she said, "To have everything I want right here, right now but be so terrified it'll be taken away."

"It's not going away, Liv. Nobody's taking anything away from you. _Nothing, nobody_ is going away." Tears streamed down her cheeks and he wiped them away. He dared to plant a semi-passionate kiss on her mouth. It was a risky move, but sometimes only his actions could convey how much he wanted to make all her pain and anxieties go away.

Olivia responded by gripping his head with one hand and coaxing his body on top of hers with the other. " _Ed_ , I love you."

"I love you, baby." With one forearm on the mattress, he brushed back the hair from her tear-filled eyes. He kissed her neck, cheeks, all over her face with great care and deliberation.

" _Ed_." The tears subsided. Her eyes pleaded with him to keep going, to keep loving her, and, most importantly, to take her away from reality for a while.

" _Shhhhh_ ," He kissed her again. More fiercely this time, and, while doing so, he worked them both out of their cotton sleepwear. The last garment to be tossed aside was Olivia's t-shirt and Ed used the brief pause to assure her, once more, that, as long as they were together, their family was safe, in tact, protected, and perfect. Inch by inch, he made his way down her body. Often, he was too deliberate, and Olivia's satisfied, moaned, _Eds_ , were spoken with a hint of impatience. But not tonight. Olivia closed her eyes and savored every second from the moment he gently sucked at her neck to when he finished inside of her.

"I think," she sighed as she sank into his body and felt his arms lock across her torso, "This is my favorite part."

"It _is_?" Ed whispered back with mock incredulity.

"Okay, _one_ of my favorites," she took one of his hands and kissed it. "It's...I've always loved how you hold me after. You always have done that, even when we were on a tight schedule; it's such an amazing feeling...and I feel it every time, like it's the first."

"It's perfect," Ed whispered in her ear, "I remember, after that first time, never wanting to let you go."

"Weren't quite sure you were going to get me back?"

" _Well…_ "

Olivia shimmied around so she could see his smirk and the teasing glint in his eye. She touched his pursed lips before kissing them and whispering, "Cocky, Captain?"

"I kinda knew I was gonna getcha back," he admitted. "It was _so_ good."

"It still is."

"Seriously?" The smirk was still plastered on his face.

Olivia slithered on top of him and held his face in her hands. "Seriously."

…..

 _Maggie rarely hesitated to talk to anyone, a characteristic that amused Ed and persistently caused Olivia to worry and warn her daughter about getting too friendly with people she did not know. When the Tuckers and another family shared the Magnificent Mile hotel elevator, it took Maggie all of thirty seconds to strike up a conversation with the other family's only child._

" _Where'd ya get that?" Maggie asked the girl who was maybe a year younger than the twins. The object in question was a bright blue stuffed dolphin._

" _Shedd Aquarium," the father replied after his shy daughter slunk into his legs._

 _Maggie squinted at her own parents, "We can go there, right?"_

 _Olivia nodded._

 _Maggie turned back to the other family. "We're here on vacation but also for work 'cause my brother's in a comp'tition called Ac'demic Bowl. He's super smart so he knows all the answers then after the bowl we get ta go explore!" Maggie beamed and added, "But that's all for tomorrow. Today we're gonna only have fun 'cause it all doesn't start 'til tomorrow."_

 _Ed smirked at his effusive daughter, cupped her head, and held her close. Olivia, Wyatt, and Noah all grinned apologetically at the family of three. When the elevator stopped at their floor, the father wished them luck in the competition and they hurried down the hall to their room. Once the doors closed, Maggie laughed haughtily._

" _Hah!" She said, "We're on a super high floor! We on the top, Daddy?"_

" _Not quite, but close."_

" _Room with a view!"_

 _Ed and Olivia exchanged amused glances. Where did Maggie come up with these things? On their floor, the family walked in a single file line to their suite. Each kid dragged a small rolling suitcase and wore a backpack. Noah's mostly contained study materials. Maggie's and Wyatt's were stuffed with headphones, tablets, summer reading books, drawing paper, colored pencils, and an assortment of snacks. At the door, Ed tapped the card and let the kids go in first. He and Olivia waited to hear their reactions to the city view with the Lake Michigan backdrop. They were not disappointed._

" _WOW! Lookit! All that water!"_

" _Thatsa HUGE river!"_

" _It's a lake."_

" _It's GIGANTIC!"_

" _I bet that's where they get the fish for the aquarium."_

" _Where's American Girl? I don't see American Girl! Mommy said we could go there to check it out and see if they have different stuff!"_

" _And pizza! We gotta get pizza! Daddy said it's diff'rent!"_

" _They have all kinds of taxis here. Not just yellow…"_

" _This," Maggie spread her arms wide, "Is Chi-ca-go."_

 _Ed wheeled the suitcase he and Olivia shared into the bedroom where a king-sized bed was set up facing floor-to-ceiling windows and a picturesque view of the coastline. Olivia hugged him from behind and rested her chin on his shoulder. "Fantastic view," she murmured._

" _Yep," Ed turned around and kissed her, "This one's a little better, but, yep."_

" _Mommy! Noah says he has to study but me an' Wyatt wanna go swim!"_

 _Their moment of solace over, Olivia and Ed joined the kids in the living room. They had, probably at Noah's direction, lined up their suitcases neatly against one wall. Wyatt was inspecting the entertainment system and Noah was reading the mini bar prices. "Five dollars for the Cliff Bar," he murmured in disbelief._

 _The main feature of the room was a giant, seventy-five-inch screen which allowed guests to do everything from play video games to order room service. There was a pull-out sofa, a loveseat, and a sleeper chair-enough space for Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah to each have their own sleeping space. Olivia was grateful to find the room, for nobody, she and Ed included, liked to share a bed with the perpetually-restless Maggie._

" _How about we all go and get something to eat?" Olivia suggested, "And then Noah, you can study and one of us will take Maggs and Wyatt swimming? How does that sound?"_

 _All three children agreed this sounded like a good plan, and they all eagerly wanted to try this strange kind of pizza Ed had been alluding to for the past week. They walked to one of the city's more famous and more touristy pizza restaurants. After a brief wait they were seated at a table in a loud, crowded dining room and inspected other parties' pies with great interest. Wyatt, in particular was intrigued. He sipped his orange soda and tracked the servers from kitchen to table._

" _Those trays are prolly really heavy," he remarked._

 _When the Tuckers' food arrived, the pizza was met with mixed reviews._

" _Crust is pretty good," Noah said, "But it's like...not pizza, it's a…"_

" _...casserole," Wyatt finished for him. "It's like the casserole we get at the deli!"_

" _I like it," Maggie said with her mouth full of cheese and pepperoni, "But it's kinda messy!"_

" _It's tastes good," Ed added, "But it's too thick for me. I'm always gonna be a New York pizza guy."_

" _Me too," Noah said._

" _Me three," Wyatt chimed in._

 _Olivia grinned and said, "Me four."_

 _All eyes were on Maggie who was voraciously finishing her first piece. She looked up, suddenly realizing the was the center of attention. Noah started to repeat the prompt, but Maggie interrupted him. She'd been listening all along._

" _Mommy," said said sternly, "You can't be 'me four' b'cause Daddy said he's a pizza GUY! You're a girl!"_

" _Oh," Olivia covered her mouth, "I am so sorry. My mistake. I'll always be a New York pizza girl."_

 _Even though Maggie helped herself to another portion, she nodded in agreement. "Me too, Mommy. Hey! What other weird food they have here?"_

 _Wyatt replied immediately. "Hot dogs. They have hot dogs with slime green relish!"_

" _Slime? Wyatt, you can't have slime on a hoddog!"_

 _Noah chuckled, "He said slime green, not slime. It was in the magazine on the airplane."_

 _Maggie ignored him, "Slimy hoddogs!" She giggled uncontrollably, "Slimy hoddogs and fat pizza! This is a craaaaaazy place!"_

 _All three Tucker kids laughed loudly, but it made no difference in the cacophonous space. Ed and Olivia shared one of their proud, we-love-our-family-so-much glances. Ed gave her thigh a squeeze and Olivia leaned over for a quick kiss. Most kids would have balked at this, but Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt were very much used to their parents engaging in public displays of affection. They teased one another about the "Chicago slime dogs" and mutually decided they would all try one for dinner, if that was, they would ever be hungry again after stuffing themselves with the "fat pizza."_

… _._

Even though it was mid-September, the New York weather felt more like July or August. Stifling humidity blanketed the city, the sun beat down on residents and tourists from a cloudless sky, and parks, sidewalks, pubs, and shopping centers all seemed more crowded and boisterous than usual. Part of the reason for the extra energy was the arrival of football season and that both the Mets and Yankees were still alive in the baseball playoffs. Brooke chalked up the rest as people desperately trying to hold on to summer, even if that meant sweating on the subway platforms and higher ConEd bills.

"I'm glad we have AC in our school," Brooke said, "We only had window units when I was in the Bronx and, weather like this? We would've died."

"Oh, God, I can't imagine," Olivia replied, "By the end of the day it'd be ripe in there!"

"Oh for sure!" Brooke shuddered. She ran a hand through her short blonde hair which was now cut stylishly just above the nape of her neck. "Ugh, gross...I don't miss that. But...I hope they're all doing okay. They were all good kids, just had such a hard life, most of them. Compared to what I had on the Upper West Side? And now?"

"It's heartbreaking." Olivia watched the twins chase Noah around in the Prospect Park splash pad which remained open longer than scheduled due to the high temperatures. Sonny walked the perimeter, helping Sofia and also keeping an eye on the Tucker kids even though Noah was very cognizant of staying within the boundaries Olivia had set. Noah led the twins under a waterfall and they screeched with delight when they got sprayed. They were all still suntanned and their brown locks were a shade lighter thanks to the sunshine. Their bright swimwear-bright green for Wyatt and Noah and pink for Maggie punctuated their tans and also made them easy for Olivia to track. "I always feel bad, selfish, when I think about how Noah and the twins will grow up with...everything, every opportunity."

"You shouldn't feel guilty," Brooke said, picking at a few blades of grass. "The chips fall how they fall...and there are so many more opportunities for poor kids now than there were even five, ten years ago."

Olivia found it surprising how Brooke could talk about her past job so casually, almost flippantly, given that one of her former students had been shot and killed by her stepfather not more than two years ago. It was like she'd disconnected herself from that part of her life. However, she did quickly change subjects.

"Are you okay?" Brooke asked, "Sarah told me about the...grandmother…"

"I'm okay," Olivia replied after taking a deep breath. She assumed Brooke knew the history, so she didn't delve into the backstory. "Amanda Rollins had a detail on her until she left town; police in New Hampshire confirmed she's back there. I can't help but wonder, though, how often she comes back here to get a glimpse of Noah. I hadn't heard from her or seen her since the first time she came around. I assumed she'd given up, maybe moved across the country to put all this behind her, but I suppose that was my wishful thinking. Short of following Noah around for the rest of my life," Olivia spoke more cheerfully, "We've done everything we can do. Rollins even flagged her credit cards and her plates in case she decides to come back."

"Wow."

"Perks of two retired cops. Don't mess with our kids."

The Tucker trio came trotting over then, asking for drinks.

"Juice, Mama! Pease, Mama, juice!"

Wyatt tugged at the cooler lid himself and rummaged through the ice. He found a fruit punch juice box and handed it to Olivia, "Open, Mama, pease!"

Brooke grinned, "How did you get them to say please and thank you all the time? It's amazing."

"I think they picked it up from Noah and also, we sort of drilled it into them from the time they could talk. They do it only with food and drink though," Olivia joked, "We still have some work to do with toys and art supplies." She handed Wyatt his drink, "Be careful honey, take a sip. Don't squeeze."

Wyatt took three huge gulps. "Ahhhh! Do'squezze! Ta'youu Mama! No!" Wyatt pointed to the water, "Lessgo, No!"

"We're gonna rest here for a minute, Wyatt," Noah said, "Can't bring da drinks in there!"

"Bay! Bay, Book!" Maggie frantically gestured toward Sofia. She was crawling around at the edge of the pool, laughing as the soft waves lapped at her hands and knees. She wore a wide straw sunhat that tied around the chin and a yellow bathing suit. "Mama! Book! Bay!"

"It's okay, sweet girl, Sonny's there with her!" Olivia sat Maggie in her lap and pressed their cheeks together. The coolness of the water on Maggie's face was a welcome respite from the sticky air, "See, honey? Sof's Daddy is right there."

"Where Da?"

"Daddy's playing golf."

"GUFF!"

The twins watched Noah mimic a golf swing. They laughed at clapped at their brother's exaggerated strokes.

"I can't believe he's golfing," Brooke said. "He goes like once a year. How does he even enjoy it?"

"Especially on a day like today," Olivia said, "I hope he's hitting a lot of bad shots so he can stay in the shade. I'm sure he didn't wear any sunblock. But, the last time he went...he said he played well, but I think it's mostly a chance for him and the guys to hang out, catch up, and have a few beers." Olivia kissed Maggie's head and held her tightly, unconcerned her daughter was soaking wet, "It's good for him to get some alone time, or, well, some adult alone time."

Though she had no justification for it, Brooke was slightly taken aback by Olivia's comment. "I've never thought about him needing alone time," Brooke remarked, "He's always so all about you and Noah and the twins. Like, he never seems sick of it, and," she sighed good-naturedly, "We all get sick of it at some point."

Maggie spotted Noah and Wyatt heading back to the water and she wriggled back down. "Bye, Mama! Bye Book!" Then she screeched, "Wy! No! Magg go!" She caught up and Noah led the twins back into the ankle-deep water by their hands.

"That's funny," Olivia said, "I used to ask him, well, maybe it was more like me begging him to get out, go call up some of his friends, I know he has _some-_ " Olivia and Brooke shared a chuckle, "But, other than the occasional drink with Cole, he always kind of said okay, and continued...being a Dad. He doesn't even see your uncle as much as he should."

Brooke laughed, "Uncle Johnny and my Dad are a year apart but John acts like he's ninety. No wonder when everyone found out you were having Maggie and Wyatt-John was like, how?"

Olivia grinned, "I think a lot of people asked that question. But they can ask all they want-look what we got." Her smile broadened and she lazer-focused on the kids for a minute, "But, at any rate, I think he's happy."

"Dad?"

"Yes."

"No question," Brooke said, "Sarah and I used to make fun of him, when we first met you, the way he'd light up when you walked in a room and then be all disappointed when you left even though he tried to hide it. And, now that I think of it, he's still that way...we're just used to it now. Now, that's default Dad."

"Default Dad…" Olivia murmured. Missing Ed at that moment, she picked up her phone and sent him a text message. "Let's check in on default Dad and see how he's playing and…, more importantly, if he's still alive. This heat's brutal."

…..

 _For a late February evening, the weather was pleasantly balmy, so Tucker and Benson chose to walk back to her building rather than hail a cab. Olivia had just been through the wringer, again at the center of a high profile case which had been impeded, at best, by Chief Dodds. She was content to let Mike take the reins for the weekend and enjoy a couple of days off with Noah and, she hoped, Ed. The weekend was off to a great start; they'd shared Tapas and wine, ordered dessert to go, and she was seconds from asking Tucker to spend the night when he asked about the leaked tape-the one that showed Rollins being assaulted by the actor and his bar owner friend._

" _Alright, Benson, who leaked it?" Ed asked. He was smirking, jovial, and nudged her a bit which was easy since her arm was looped through his. Other than a few minutes at the beginning of the evening when Olivia vented about the verdict, they'd steered clear of police talk. However, Ed was curious about how it all went down and he'd had just enough wine and pre-date bourbon to gather the courage to ask._

" _I am confident the leak did not come from my squad," Olivia said robotically, repeating part of what she'd told the Chief, the brass, and Sgt. Draper at One PP earlier that day._

" _Aw, come on."_

" _First, tell me this," Olivia said, "Did you send Draper on purpose or were you actually busy?"_

" _I was ridiculously busy," Tucker replied in his deepest, sexiest voice. He was blatantly flirting and nudged Olivia again. He knew she was frustrated and annoyed, but he also knew they'd had a fantastic evening and guessed it probably wasn't over. He was eager to be in her apartment, on her couch, maybe sharing one last drink and many, many kisses before she invited him back to bed._

" _Seriously?"_

 _They approached a busy intersection and had to wait for the light to change. Ed held both her elbows and regarded her with his most earnest expression. "I would never lie to you, Lieutenant," he gave her a quick kiss on the lips. "Never. So, seriously, I was that busy."_

 _Olivia shot him one of her genuine grins, a smile that was rare and indicated she was truly happy or amused. "You busy for the rest of the night, Captain?"_

" _Not at all."_

" _Well," The light changed and she took his arm again. "That's very, very good news."_

 _Ed broke into a haughty smirk._

" _Oh, and," she said, "I honestly don't know for sure, but Mike had something to do with it."_

" _Mike Dodds?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Well, I'll be damned."_

….

In an Uber on the way home from the golf course, Ed called to say he was about forty minutes out and wondered what they were doing for dinner. Olivia reported they'd been out all day and suggested, to Ed's approval, that they order in. Shortly after he called, Rollins sent Olivia a message asking if she would be available to meet with a family that night at the Center. On the phone, Ed sounded normal, sober, far from how he'd been the last time he'd spent the day at the golf course, so Olivia gave Rollins a tentative yes. However, when she met him as he shuffled through the doorway, it was obvious she was going to have to decline and assign their on-call counselor instead.

"Da! Dadada!"

"Daaaaaaaa!" Wyatt's voice vibrated with each of his running steps.

"Hi Daddy!" Noah skipped down the hall, but it was clear his energy had been sapped that afternoon. He came to an abrupt stop. "You're RED!"

Olivia put her hand on Ed's face. She could tell by his eyes he'd had a few drinks, but she had, perhaps, misjudged his intoxication level due to the nasty sunburn. "Ed, honey, come on, let's get some aloe on you." Olivia lifted one of his shirtsleeves. Sure enough, there was a clear division between the exposed skin and the part of his arm that had been covered during the round. "Jesus," she murmured, "Noah, I'm going to put the sunburn spray on Daddy. We'll be right back."

"Kay! C'mon, babies, lessgo finish da movie!"

Olivia heard the crunch of the three kids flopping back into the beanbags. Satisfied they were safe and content for the time being, she concentrated on her bleary-eyed, beet red husband.

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"Fine? Ed, honey, you're burnt to a crisp! You put sunscreen on at the beach all the time. Why not golf? You never put it on when you play. I think this happened last time, but, this is worse. You're going to get blisters."

He shrugged and his eyelids drooped. "I'm an idiot."

In spite of Olivia's disappointment that she had to personally pass on Rollins' request, she couldn't help but feel some sympathy for her husband. "No...you're not. You're...well, I think men on golf courses maybe think differently than they would otherwise."

"That, my dear, is very," Ed gave Olivia a sloppy kiss on the lips, "Very, very true. Mmmm, I missed you today."

"I missed you," Olivia cooed. She could feel the heat radiating from his skin, "But I'm glad you had a good time. Did you win? Come in here," she motioned toward the bathroom and found the aloe gel. He flinched when she first dabbed at his face. "Sorry," she said, "Hold still."

"It's cold."

"Your skin is a thousand degrees."

"I didn't win," Ed reported glumly.

"That's okay," Olivia said, "We still love you."

Ed let out a relieved sigh. He was about to lean in for another kiss when the sound of Noah's footsteps stopped him. "Hey bud," he said instead. "Mommy's fixin' me up."

"You look like Elmo!" Noah giggled and held up Olivia's phone, "Mommy dis is ringing a LOT!"

"Oh, crap," Olivia said, "I forgot to call Rollins back." She put the aloe bottle on the counter, "One second, hang on."

"You comin' back out here, Mommy?"

"Yes, sweet boy. Couple minutes. Let me finish with Daddy."

As soon as Noah was out of the room, Ed pawed at Olivia's hips and started kissing her neck. "You gonna finish with Daddy?" he whispered in her ear.

"First I need to call Rollins back," she said in a normal tone of voice even though Ed's kisses made her quiver and she tilted her neck back for more, "And then I'm going to finish putting aloe on Daddy so he's not in even more pain tomorrow. I'm surprised you're not hurting now."

"I might be…" Ed trailed off because Rollins picked up and Olivia explained she wouldn't be able to get to the Center. "Hey," he stepped back and looked at her apologetically, "I didn't know ya had to work tonight."

"I didn't. Something came up. Rollins called. It's no big deal-we have someone to take the emergency after hours cases."

"Then why'd she call you?"

Olivia continued applying the gel to Ed's neck and arms. "It was a whole family...mother and two kids, she thought it'd be something I'd want to take."

"Do you?"

"No," Olivia replied, "I want to be here."

"But you woulda taken it if-"

"-If we hadn't been apart all day?"

"Nah, if I hadn't been drinking all day."

"Ed, I'm _retired_ ," Olivia said firmly. She recapped the aloe bottle with a click and stored it under the sink, "My priority is right here. Right now. Yes," she admitted, ducking her eyes for a second, "Yes, I would have liked to be there tonight, but that's not my job. I have to learn, have to practice saying no, especially when we have competent people on staff."

"You did hire them," Ed pointed out with a smirk.

"I did." Olivia pecked at his lips and noticed they, too, had a reddish hue. "You are going to be a peeling mess in a couple days."

"If I am, you'll take care of me."

"You will be," Olivia said, "And yes, I will. C'mon. I ordered Chinese."

"Spicy Schezwan beef?"

"Yes."

"I love that."

Olivia handed him a pair of gym shorts and a t-shirt. "I know you do."

"Thanks," he started to unbuckle his belt and noticed her leaving. "One more kiss?"

"Sure."

He kissed her and stared into her eyes. "Liv, I really am sorry about tonight, I shouldn't have-"

"-Stop," she put a hand on his chest, "Change. Couch. Kids movie. Spicy Schezwan beef."

"Yes ma'am."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	69. Chapter 69

**Sixty-nine.**

Ed woke up with a rancid taste in his mouth and a crick in his neck from falling asleep at an awkward angle and not moving until this particular moment. He was sweaty, his shirt was damp, and when he moved it felt like his skin was being stretched well past its limits. Either because of his breath or because of the heat radiating from his body, Olivia had distanced herself from him during the night and was sleeping closer to the edge of the mattress than usual. Stifling a groan, Ed gingerly extricated himself from the covers and shuffled to the bathroom where, after closing the door and flipping on the lights, he laughed at his appearance. His entire face, except for where his sunglasses had been, was bright red as were his arms from the middle of his biceps down. A small triangle of his chest below his throat was the same color. He looked absurdly incapable of taking care of himself. Olivia had made him eat and drink water, so, other than the stale, thick saliva caught in his throat, he felt fine. Two rounds of tooth brushing, gargling, and a shirt change later, he returned to bed.

"Feel better?" Olivia mumbled.

"Oh, yeah," Ed replied, startled at hearing her voice. "Didn't mean to wake you." He rolled over, winced at the sunburn pain, and added, "Do I smell better?"

"Huh?"

"My mouth tasted like a dumpster."

"I didn't notice. You were so hot, though. How's the burn?"

"Can't feel it at all."

"Liar."

"Yes," he kissed her shoulder, "I'm lying but only 'cause I didn't want that to be a reason for no sex."

Olivia was groggy, exhausted from the long day, the heat, the late night wrangling the three kids mostly by herself, but Ed's voice and his lips on her shoulder induced the familiar chills that began at the nape of her neck and shot up and down her body. He was irresistible, especially since she figured he also wanted to make up for coming home in less than perfect shape.

"I'll be gentle," she quipped seductively, turning to him, and initiating a passionate kiss. Wary of his scorched face, she wasn't sure where to put her hands.

"Touch me, Liv," he said breathlessly.

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You're not gonna hurt me."

Olivia slid her hands under his shirt and gently tugged it off. She ran her hands all over his chest, and, noticing he wasn't moving his arms much, went ahead and slid his boxers from his body. Bracing herself on his shoulders rather than his biceps, she leaned down, kissed him again, and rocked her hips into his. When he finally reached for her, he hooked a finger inside her waistband.

" _Off_ ," he rasped. Ed could prolong actual intercourse for a long time when he was in charge of foreplay; however, when Olivia was in control, Ed possessed very little restraint. The sight of her-gorgeous face, hair falling across her face and onto his skin, her hands and lips making patterns across his body-it rendered him both speechless and aroused in a way he'd experienced only with her. She shimmied out of her own shorts and straddled him again, curling her knees upwards. He stroked her calves as she moved on top of him.

" _God_ , Liv, I love you. You feel so good, baby," He moved his hands to her thighs. He could feel her muscles flexing and he cried out, moaning and groaning, trying but failing to form words. It was too fast; he knew there was no way, even though her face was contorting with pleasure, she was anywhere close to being satisfied. He sat up, tangled his fingers in her hair, kissed her, and got the leverage he needed to switch positions.

Anticipating what he had in store for her, Olivia gasped, "Oh God" seconds before Ed began swirling his tongue between her legs. She threw her head back against the pillows and concentrated on breathing normally until Ed had coaxed her into a writhing orgasm. He slithered up to her and pressed her forehead to hers.

"I needed you to come first," he whispered.

Olivia clutched the back of his head and kissed him ferociously. She raised her hips to his and grinned as she murmured, "Your turn."

Ed smirked. "I love you so fucking much."

…..

 _The Tuckers' late lunch and subsequent walk down Michigan Avenue put them back at the hotel mid-evening. Nobody was hungry, so Noah and Olivia cleared themselves a workspace in the room and Ed took Wyatt and Maggie to the pool. It was located on a high floor and boasted views similar to those from their room-the city's skyscrapers juxtaposed with the vast expanse of Lake Michigan._

 _Maggie and Wyatt wasted no time toeing off their flip-flops and emptying their bag of pool toys onto the tile floor. They had a set of mini torpedos, dive rings, a small football, and a regular, tennis-sized ball that bounced on the water's surface if one threw it properly. Wyatt tossed the rings into the pool and jumped in. Maggie followed him. Ed wondered how he could possibly hear his daughter's giggles when she was underwater. But he heard them. He loved his kids' laughter almost as much as he loved Olivia's._

 _The Tucker family members never failed to create competitions in any circumstance, and soon Ed was throwing the torpedoes and timing Maggie and Wyatt as they took turns retrieving them. When the seven-year-olds were winded, they took a brief break for a drink of water and jumped back in, this time with the football._

" _Hey, how 'bout you two stand on the side and jump in and try to catch it when I throw it?" Ed suggested._

" _Okay!"_

" _Yes!" Maggie exclaimed. "One point for a catch."_

" _And FIVE points for an acrobat catch!" Wyatt added._

" _Yep! Good idea, Wyatt!"_

" _What makes it an acrobat catch?" Ed asked._

" _If you go like this," Wyatt got a running start, jumped, turned 180 degrees, and hit the water._

" _Or," Maggie got her own running start, "Like this!" She bent her knees and landed cannonball style. "Actually," she said as she surfaced, "Daddy, you get ta choose, kay?"_

" _Alright, but let's start with a couple practice rounds."_

" _Kay."_

 _Wyatt and Maggie lined up poolside and Ed wished he had a waterproof camera. Lanky Maggie, clad in the plain red one-piece bathing suit she used for swimming class, was hunched over, hands on her knees, staring straight ahead with wide, focused eyes. She'd finger-combed her hair straight back and tightened her goggles. This fun pool game might as well have been the Olympics as far as she was concerned. Wyatt, as always, was more casual. He rocked back and forth from his heels to his tiptoes. Ed saw the muscles in his calves relax and contract and was surprised they were so defined. Compared to his peers, Wyatt was big, not pudgy or overweight, but definitely more solid and less scrawny than the other second graders. Ed liked to tease Olivia that, in his day, nobody would mess with a kid looking like Wyatt. Olivia would counter with an incontrovertible truth-Wyatt was the most gentle, sweetest child on the planet. He was more likely to hug someone than fight them. Nevertheless, he, like Maggie and Noah, liked to be good at things. They liked to win. And hotel pool football trick catches were no exception._

" _Okay, Daddy, I'm ready," Wyatt said. He yanked on the strings of his black swimming trunks and took a deep breath. He launched himself into the water and easily caught the ball Ed had lofted at his midsection._

" _Good, Wyatt!" Maggie cheered._

" _Easy one," he said, swimming to the shallow water and handing the ball off to his Dad._

 _Maggie, too, caught her initial toss. Ed started challenging them, throwing the ball in different directions, higher, lower, in a direction opposite of where gravity was taking them. The three of them became so absorbed in the game that they ignored everyone else. The pool area wasn't crowded at first but soon other families arrived and Ed told Maggie and Wyatt it was time to play something else._

" _We gotta give other people some room," he explained._

 _Maggie audibly groaned. "Fine."_

 _Ed shuddered to think of the sass he and Olivia were in for during their daughter's teenage years. "Why don't ya take the ball, or the other stuff and go make some friends?"_

 _Maggie and Wyatt treaded water and sized up the other kids. A few were younger, toddlers really, but most were close to their age-mostly second, third, or fourth graders. The twins dove to get their rings and torpedoes and waded across the pool with the toys. Ed got out of the pool and by the time he was relaxing on a lounge chair, the twins and the other kids were tossing around the bouncy ball and deciding on rules for another made-up game. Ed realized there was a menu on the table next to him and picked it up._

" _Huh," he grunted to himself. "Room service at the pool…" He dialed the extension and ordered a beer for himself and Shirley Temples for the twins._

" _Daddy, WATCH THIS!" Maggie shouted._

" _I'm watchin, Maggie May!"_

 _Maggie wound up and heaved the ball. It skipped at least eight times across the water before it came to rest and other kid picked it up._

" _I get TEN!" Maggie called over to Ed, "Cause no one could catch it!"_

" _Good job, baby girl."_

" _Now it's Wyatt's turn! He's really good, too!"_

" _Got some fun drinks comin for ya," Ed called over to them. A few other parents gave him the side eye-either because their own children had asked to get poolside service or because the sentence was too adult for their liking. Either way, Ed didn't care. Maggie grinned, blew him an appreciative kiss, and let out a loud whoop when Wyatt's throw ended up being uncatchable._

…..

Noah's school celebrated Grandparents Day at the end of September rather than at the beginning of the month when back-to-school kinks were still being worked out. Noah's day began in his first-grade classroom where the students wrote notes and drew pictures for their guests. In the event an older relative was not able to attend, each student was allowed an "honored friend," so a few younger men and women were peppered in among the gray-haired set. Ed and Olivia dropped Caroline off a few minutes early and walked her to the multipurpose room. They found her place card, created by Noah the previous week, and stood off to the side, waiting for the children to enter.

"Eddie, I'm fine, you can go," Caroline said with a wave of her hand.

Ed and Olivia struggled to keep the restless twins close, so they reluctantly agreed to leave. They reminded her to take pictures and that they'd be back at the end of the day. The program included lunch and a tour of the school. By the end of the tour, it would be almost time for dismissal.

The children arrived soon after Ed and Olivia left and kicked off the program with a rendition of Bruno Mars' _Count on Me_ followed by Louis Armstrong's _What a Wonderful World_. Noah easily found Caroline and she greeted him with a hug and a kiss.

"My gosh, Noah, those songs were wonderful!" She gushed, "You must know those are my two favorite songs!"

"I didn't pick 'em, Gramma!" Noah said, "Da teacher did!"

"Well, I like that teacher."

"Didja see da card I made?"

Caroline nodded at the place card. Noah had carefully printed her name in pencil and outlined it in blue and green strokes. "Well," Noah said excitedly, "I made ya ANOTHER ONE!" He produced the second card with a flourish and bounced up and down excitedly as she read it.

 _Dear Gramma Caroline,_

 _Thank you for coming to school today! I hope you love school because I love you!_

 _Love,_

 _Noah_

Below his name he had drawn a shamrock.

"Thank you so much, dearie," Caroline mussed his hair and took her seat after Noah pulled it out for her. "I will keep this card forever and ever. And you did such a nice job with the blue and green and the Shamrocks. It's beautiful, Noah."

"You see I used t _hree leaves_?" Noah jabbed his finger at the card, "Cause you say da four leaf is _blarney_!"

Caroline let out a loud, guttural laugh, "I see, and I also see you listen very well to your Grandma."

"Yep!" Noah folded his napkin in his lap and thanked the person next to him for passing the rolls. The luncheon was formal and the rolls were followed by a pasta salad and then a choice of baked chicken or fish for the adults and chicken tenders or shrimp for the kids. He gave the basket to Caroline and said, "Gramma, I wanna go to Ireland with you. Like when you went with Daddy? It should jus' be me an' you!"

"You think your Mommy and Daddy will let us?" Caroline asked conspiratorially.

Noah twisted his lips, " _Well_...probably they'll let us 'cause Mommy and those babies love hearin' da Irish book and we could get a new Irish book when we're over dere!"

"Good thinking, young man."

"Gramma, you gonna get chicken or fish?" Noah asked, holding up the small rectangular menu.

"Fish."

"Me too," Noah replied, "Wish they had Shepherd's Pie."

"You think it would be as good as mine?"

"Nope! No way!"

…

 _The way Ed interacted with his mother was close to what Olivia had expected. They unrelentingly sassed one another, pretended to be at odds even when they agreed, and often exchanged the same smirk. When Noah met Caroline for the first time, Ed made sure she hadn't smoked in the house for a week and made her promise not to light up while they were there. She assured him she would abstain from the cigarettes and added that she was going to be busy in the kitchen anyway and wouldn't have much time to think about a smoke._

 _Upon arriving, Noah clung to Olivia, but as soon as Caroline offered him a cookie, the two of them were instant friends. Ed looked apologetically at Olivia, but she shrugged and reminded Ed that he ought to have known by then that she wasn't exactly a stickler when it came to rules such as no dessert before dinner. Caroline sat Noah on the kitchen counter while she made several loaves of soda bread; she rattled off all the people expecting a loaf for the holidays, among them her neighbors, her priest, and her very best friend who was now confined to an "old folks home." Noah listened intently and with interest as he chewed his cookie and sipped chocolate milk. There wasn't much room in Caroline's galley kitchen, so Ed and Olivia parked themselves on the couch in the living room._

 _Ed put his arm around Olivia's shoulders and kissed her cheek. "Hot in here," he murmured, "Want me to open a window?"_

" _No! It's forty degrees outside."_

" _Just for a minute?"_

" _No," Olivia repeated, "I like it. I mean, I may have to take my sweater off and eat dinner in a tank top, but, I like it."_

" _That's really fine with me," Ed retorted with his most serious expression._

 _Olivia gave him a shove. "I also like it because...it's such a_ _home_ _. The pictures, those knitted throw blankets, the lamps...there's such a history here. It's comforting."_

" _She's lived here thirty years. Moved from the city to the 'country' three decades ago."_

" _Olivia?" Caroline called from the kitchen, "Is Noah allergic to nuts?"_

" _No."_

" _Okay! Kids these days are allergic to everything, my Eddie…" The rest of Caroline's words were inaudible and they heard Noah giggle at whatever she said next._

 _Olivia placed a hand on the side of Ed's face, "Her Eddie what?"_

" _She's probably telling him how I told everyone I was allergic to potatoes when I was in grade school."_

" _Potatoes? Seriously?"_

" _Was tryin' to be difficult," Ed replied with a smirk._

" _You? Difficult? No way."_

" _I've heard it's possible." Ed leaned in for a kiss, met her lips with his partially open, and slowly pulled away. "I'm so glad you and Noah are here."_

" _I have to admit," Olivia said softly, "It still seems a little strange, surreal, doing things like this, together, but, Ed, every time...there's something new, we get more and more personal, I want more of it."_

 _Ed lifted his chin and twirled a lock of her hair. "I do too. That's why tonight's so important. I want you and Noah in this part of my life." Olivia smiled, but it was one of her smiles that harbored some reservation-she was happy but unsure, content yet confused. Ed recognized this and held her hands as he continued, "Don't be nervous," he said softly with an emergent smirk, "Be...intrigued...by all the secrets my mom's gonna spew tonight."_

 _Sure enough, Olivia broke into soft laughter. "Sold," she said._

 _He kissed her hands. "Good...just promise me you won't hold any of what's up next against me?"_

" _Not at all," Olivia retorted with a sly grin, "I can't wait to hear stories about little Eddie."_

 _Ed cupped her face and kissed her again. "You're the first girl I ever kissed on this couch," he said with a boyish grin. "Prolly the only girl I'll ever kiss on this couch."_

 _Olivia put her hand over his, took a deep breath, and replied, "I sure hope so."_

…

The school tour ended in each child's classroom, and once Caroline had inspected each area she asked Noah if he was ready to go.

"You takin' me home?" He asked with squinted eyes. Ed and Olivia always told him how he was getting home before dropping him off each morning and Noah had not been informed of this plan.

"Your Mom's here!" Caroline said, "Look, She's over there."

Sure enough, Ed was in the doorway, looking uncharacteristically impatient. She waved them over. "It's pouring rain and there's more and worse on the way. Caroline, you're gonna come back to our place for a little bit. Ed'll take ya back when it passes."

They gathered Noah's backpack and jacket and hurried to the exit.

"Where's Eddie?" Caroline asked.

"He had to circle the block," Olivia said, "There are a lot of people picking up Grandmas!" She hugged Noah to her side, "Did you have fun today, sweet boy?"

"Yes!" Noah was more concerned with the sky, "It's DARK!"

"Yeah, honey, we're going to hurry home."

"Thunder! Hey! G!"

Caroline screwed up her face, "Noah, what in the world are you talking about?"

"It's G! Dat's Sare Bear's neighbor and she works at da school sometimes!" GEEEE!" Noah waved his arms in the air. G had apparently left the school through a side entrance and was walking along the sidewalk under the umbrella of a man Olivia didn't recognize. She heard Noah call out her nickname and her eyes darted around. When she spotted him, she smiled and waved. Olivia waved, too, and noticed there was also a sense of relief in G's smile. She also caught a glimpse of their SUV rounding the corner. Olivia opened the umbrella and ushered Caroline and Noah to the car. On the way, they crossed G and the unfamiliar man. Noah said a quick hello, but the rain was now coming down in violent sheets.

"C'mon," Ed called out to them, "Get in. Gonna be a tight squeeze, but let's go. It's gettin' bad."

He ran around the car and helped Caroline into the front seat. Olivia squeezed in the back and Noah climbed into her lap. There was just enough room between the twins' car seats for an adult and a little person. Ed had removed Noah's booster. He closed the doors, but before running back to the driver's side, he noticed Sarah's neighbor. She had her own umbrella out now and seemed to be unsuccessfully trying to end the conversation with whoever she was talking to.

"Hey," Ed said, approaching them. "G, you need a ride?"

"No," she said, "I, uh-"

"I got it," the man said.

"Why don't ya come with us?" Ed said, grabbing her elbow and warily eyeing the man, "We'll get ya home."

The question came out as more of a demand. G nodded and followed Ed to the car. She mumbled a thank you, but she was sure he didn't hear it. Olivia, seeing what had been transpiring, shifted Noah to the read of the truck, implored Ed to be careful, and pressed herself as close to Wyatt's car seat as possible. "C'mon," she motion G inside, "There's room."

A bit bewildered, G climbed into the car without protest but, as Ed pulled out into traffic, suggested they drop her at the train. "Columbus Circle or even Lincoln Center's fine," she said, "I can get something from there."

"G, there's a HUGE STORM coming! Da subways not good. You come home with us! Mommy say we're gonna make some lef'overs and wade it out."

"Wait it out, sweet boy," Olivia corrected, turning to G. "The trains have to be a mess. We'll drop you wherever you want, but we're only a few blocks from home...if you want to join us for whatever we can scrape up from the fridge...we definitely have wine."

The rain pelted the windows so hard it was impossible to see exactly where they were. "Sure," G said, "Thanks, though, I don't want to bother you. I'll get out of there as soon as it clears up."

"We want you to be safe," Olivia said, "And it's not a bother."

"I'm sure I can make something edible with what they have," Caroline said from the front seat, "So don't let the lack of a good food offer deter ya!"

G laughed, "You're right...I really don't want to get out in this. Thanks...I'll make it up to you somehow. Babysitting?"

"Absolutely," Ed said, "Let us know your available October dates."

"Will do."

"No," Olivia interjected, "There will be no making it up to us-"

"CAH SEAT!" Maggie shouted jubilantly, clearly to get G's attention. She tugged on her harness and repeated, "CAH SEAT! CAH SEAT, GEEEE!"

Noah giggled from the back, "She wants ya to get her out, G!"

"Sorry Maggie," G said. She managed to extricate an arm and reach over to tap Maggie's nose, "Stay in that seat until we park."

Ed double parked the car outside of their building a few minutes later. Olivia and G unbuckled the twins and plotted their sprint to the doors. "I think," Olivia said, "Let's the two of us get out, you grab Maggie, I'll get Wyatt, and we'll make a run for it. Noah? You want to come with us or park with Daddy?"

"PARK!"

"Okay. Caroline?"

"I may just sit here until it blows over."

"Ma, it's not blowin' over in a few minutes!" Ed snapped. "Look! It's pitch black and comin' this way."

"Even so…"

"Ma, get outta the goddamn car," Ed snapped through gnashed teeth. Traffic was building behind him, a parking spot was going to be hard to come by, and he and Noah were sure to get drenched.

"GAHDAMN!"

G was knocked into Maggie as Olivia whipped around in the enclosed space. "Wyatt!" Olivia said, her eyes wide and shocked. But nobody heard her. Wyatt repeated the phrase and everyone, Maggie included, erupted into raucous laughter.

"That baby," Caroline said through tears, "Looks innocent enough but he's something else!" She turned and grinned at her chubby-cheeked, blue-eyed grandson who was kicking his feet and having the time of his life strapped in his seat as the rain engulfed the SUV. "Wyatt Edward, you have the vocabulary of a sailor!"

"Maybe if we didn't laugh every time he repeats one of us…" Olivia murmured.

"We'll work on that," Ed replied, winking at his wife in the rear view mirror. "Now, can we please get a move on, here?"

"Yessir."

G and Olivia shoved open the back doors, each grabbed a twin, and sprinted through the ankle deep water. Caroline slogged behind them, muttering curse words nobody could hear. They gathered themselves under the overhang and the doorman ushered them in. "Gonna wait for Ed?" He asked, obviously having witnessed everything.

Olivia assessed her babies-both Wyatt's and Maggie's hair was matted to their heads. They looked like Olivia had just rinsed shampoo from their hair in the bathtub. Normally she would wait for her husband, but she would be forgiven. "No," she said, "We'll head up and dry off."

In the elevator the three women caught their collective breath. Maggie and Wyatt, a bit bewildered by the weather, clung to G and Olivia. Caroline was already thinking about food and drink. "Does Eddie have my gin?" She asked. "If not I can text him to stop for some."

Olivia guffawed thinking of how Ed would react to such a request. "We have it," she said. "Tonic too. G? What do you like to drink?"

"Gin's good," she said.

Caroline patted her head, "No wonder my grandbabies love you."

Outside, Ed circled the block and finally found a spot a couple of blocks away. Ed turned around and looked at Noah. He rested his chin on the seatback and waited, wide-eyed, for instructions as the downpour intensified.

"Bud, pass me the umbrella that's back there."

Noah looked around. "No umbrella, Daddy."

"What about down on the floor? Under the car seats?"

After a few seconds, Noah replied, "Nope."

" _Damn_."

Noah raised his eyebrows. "We could take da subway," he suggested.

"Well bud, I think we have a farther walk to the subway than we have to home."

"Den we gotta run," Noah concluded with a great degree of resignation in his voice.

Ed and Noah jogged and splashed their way down the sidewalk, doing their best to duck under awnings; nevertheless, they were completely drenched by the time they reached their building and when they walked into the apartment foyer their shoes squeaked against the tile.

Wyatt was the first to reach them. "Dada! No! Baff!"

Ed grinned at his youngest son, "Sure looks like we had a bath, doesn't it, Wy?"

Olivia rounded the corner and broke into soft, almost apologetic laughter. "You two," she held out her arms, "Come on, let's get you changed." Olivia stripped Noah down to his underwear and carried him in a bear hug to his room. Ed grinned sheepishly at G and his mother, strode to the bedroom, and swapped his wet clothing for a fresh pair of jeans and a t-shirt. As soon as everyone reconvened around the kitchen island, the doorbell rang. It was Sarah looking no worse for wear. She dropped her pink umbrella outside the door and sauntered into the kitchen where she promptly began uncorking a bottle of wine she produced from her purse.

"Don't take this the wrong way," Ed said, "But why are you here?"

Caroline guffawed. Olivia rolled her eyes and turned to grab wine glasses.

"G told me you'd rescued her," Sarah said, pretending to be offended, "And Noah texted me and said you were having a storm party...so...here I am."

"No party without da Sare Bear!" Noah chimed in from the floor where he was starting a Lego construction. "Let's have a _parrrtyyyy…_ " he sang as he worked.

"But don't you worry," Sarah said, "A few drinks, storm will pass, and I'm taking G to meet Justin and," she paused for dramatic effect, "His friend from school."

This was news to G. She raised her eyebrows, "What am I doing?"

"Justin is taking this new professor guy someone for drinks tonight and I'm going and I said I'll bring you since, well, why not?" Sarah's big blue eyes were formed in almost perfect circles. Her offer gushed with sincerity. "And if he sucks then at least we can hang out and Justin can deal with the dude."

" _Ohhh_ kay…" G replied slowly, "But I really need to go home and change."

"No problem," Sarah said. "Now, who's up for a game? Gram? Gin rummy?"

"Sure dearie," Caroline said, "You know I can't say no to anything with gin."

Olivia saw Ed roll his eyes. She patted his back pockets and they shared a kiss before joining everyone else at the table. Seeing the desire in Ed's eyes, she winked and mouthed, "Later."

He blushed and went to find the cards.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	70. Chapter 70

**Seventy**.

The cards for gin rummy had been dealt and Olivia joined the table last having poured Caroline another drink. She set the glass in front of her mother-in-law, and, touching her shoulder in the process noticed her shirt was damp.

"Caroline!" She exclaimed, "Let me get you another shirt!"

"I'm fine, honey."

"No, no, come on," Olivia practically dragged Caroline to the bedroom and sent her into the closet. "Take your pick," she said of her casual shirts hanging from the rack, "And we'll put yours in the dryer."

"Thank you, dearie."

Back at the table Sarah explained the rules of the game to Noah who insisted on playing. He nodded slowly at the instructions and giggled when Sarah explained the variant they were actually playing was called 500 Rummy but Grandma Caroline would only play if they called it _gin_.

"Yeah," Noah said slowly and seriously, "Gramma love dat drink."

Ed disapprovingly shook his head and turned to G, "The guy with you today in front of school. He alright?"

Whenever she was around the Tucker family, G interacted with Ed the least. He always seemed uninterested in talking to any adult other than his wife, so G was slightly surprised at not only the question but its personal nature. "Oh, um, ah," she stammered, "He's a vendor from a company we use for AV. He's a little overbearing is all...stubborn…"

"If he goes from overbearing and stubborn to someone else, you let us know."

"Okay," G murmured, overwhelmed that Ed's protective nature extended so far out of the family orbit. Then again, the twins and Noah had been entrusted to her care on more than one occasion, so maybe he saw her as an adjunct member of the Tucker clan.

"Caroline will be right out," Olivia said as she took her seat, "Ready?"

"I know howta play now, Mommy!" Noah said, curling his cards in front of his face. "Sare Bear say we're playin' for a dollar a game."

"Well, let me get some dollars then," Olivia said. She started to get up again, but Ed stopped her. He reached back for his wallet and slapped two dollar bills onto the table. "What about Noah?" Olivia asked.

"I got my money right here!" Noah reached into his pocket and pulled out a fistful of bills. "Cept I need some change! These dollars say FIVE and TEN and TWENTY."

Olivia laughed, "We'll get you some change sweet boy."

Caroline strode back into the room. In one hand she held her shirt and in the other was a bottle which she lifted in the air and regarded curiously, "Eddie, what is this?"

"Omigod," Sarah gasped, "Omigod, omigod, omigod."

Noah squinted his eyes. Ed's and Olivia's faces turned bright red and they both sat paralyzed from embarrassment.

"Grandma," Sarah shot up, "Give me that." Once again Caroline was dragged to the bedroom and, in a low voice, Sarah explained the contents of the bottle.

On the way back, Caroline snapped, "How was I supposed to know it was some sort of magic sex potion?"

Ed broke into laughter. Olivia buried her face in her hands. "I'm sorry," she said, looking up at G, "We, ah, well-" She trailed off knowing there was no explanation that could possibly void her embarrassment.

Caroline and Sarah reappeared and Ed admonished his mother, "Ma, we offer you shelter and clothing and you snoop around in our bathroom?"

"It was right out on the counter, Eddie! Such a sleek bottle, I was intrigued!"

Ed smirked at his wife, "We'll keep it in the drawer from now on."

Sarah grinned, " _Ooo_! What drawer?"

"Never mind," Olivia said, warily eyeing Noah and anticipating a question. "Let's play."

"Don't need da magic potion, Mommy?" Noah asked, wide-eyed.

Though her cheeks were still crimson, Olivia kept her cool, "No, sweet boy, I can win without it."

" _I'M_ gonna be da winner!"

The game commenced, and Olivia made sure to keep her eyes away from Ed. She was sure he was ready to smirk naughtily at her, and she could practically hear him formulating a sassy, sexy retort about winning.

….

 _After Noah decided he'd had enough study time, he and Olivia went to the hotel pool area and snuck up on Ed. The drinks had arrived and he was sipping his beer and watching Maggie and Wyatt who were still splashing around with the other kids. The torpedoes and rings were neatly lined up along the edge of the pool and Wyatt kept glancing over, checking on them, not fully trusting the strangers sitting nearby even though they were adults with no kids._

 _Olivia came up behind Ed, gripped his shoulders, and kissed his head. "Hey there," she said in a low voice._

 _Noah said a quick hello but wasted no time tossing aside his t-shirt and jumping in the pool. He landed inches from Maggie and Wyatt and, after the twins recovered from the splash, good-naturedly flicked water at their big brother. Seconds later, Maggie was standing on Noah's shoulders, boasting how she could do a back flip from the perch even though she simply jumped backwards into the water._

 _Ed found one of Olivia's hands and dragged her down next to him. "How was the study session?" He asked as he kissed her cheek._

" _I finally had to tell him we'd done enough," she said, "You know how he gets when he's overprepared. He wanted to go over some of the science questions, but I put my foot down."_

" _He doesn't trust the science kid," Ed concluded, smirking proudly._

" _He wants to be prepared," Olivia leaned across Ed and swiped his beer. She took a sip and grimaced. "A little warm."_

" _I'll order ya something else," Ed picked up the menu and read a few options aloud. Olivia chose a tropical-themed cocktail and Ed raised his eyebrows, "Wouldn't have guessed that."_

 _Olivia shrugged, "We're poolside."_

" _That we are," He cupped her head gave her a kiss. He ordered the drink and another beer for himself then asked if she was going to swim._

" _Pool looks crowded," she said, "Hot tub?"_

" _Sure."_

 _They waited for the drinks to arrive then carried them to the jacuzzi tub which was situated at the deep end of the pool so they had a clear few of the kids. As often happened in large groups, Noah and the twins gradually drifted away from the other kids and played on their own. Maggie and Wyatt had never lost their admiration for their older brother and they listened intently as he dictated the rules for a game he'd invented._

" _Wanna just order room service tonight?" Ed asked as they settled in front of two jets._

" _Yes. I bet those three will be worn out anyway. And an early day tomorrow." Olivia suddenly sat up, her back stiff as a board, and she called out, "Maggie! Jump out! Away from the edge!"_

 _Maggie responded with a garbled, "Kay!"_

 _Ed put his arm around her shoulders and kissed her cheek. Maggie had landed at least three feet from the concrete pool edge, but he humored his wife. She relaxed and he kissed her again, not caring that there were two other people in the hot tub with them and the PDA was clearly making them feel uncomfortable._

" _I'll take him in the morning," Ed offered, "He's gotta be there at 7. We don't all have to get there that early."_

 _Olivia did not mount a protest, "No we do not. At least we're done by noon and we can all go have lunch and explore more."_

" _Tickets for the tower tomorrow or the next day?"_

" _Tomorrow."_

" _Daddy!" Wyatt rushed over, slightly out of breath. He dripped cool pool water on his parents as he hunched over and, goggles still covering his eyes, asked, "Can you be the judges? We're gonna race but we need judges!"_

" _Sure bud," Ed replied without hesitation, "But how are you gonna race with only three of you?"_

" _I'm goin' twice," Wyatt replied, "Maggie and Noah'll go once each."_

 _Ed hoisted himself out of the hot tub and held his hand out for Olivia's, "No cheating," he teased._

" _Never," she retorted._

 _Ed and Olivia positioned themselves at opposite ends of the pool and held out their hands for each swimmer to slab before he or she turned around and headed for the other side. When the kids got winded, they took a break, swilled their Shirley Temples, and eagerly nodded their heads when Ed suggested they order poolside snacks. Noah wanted chips and guacamole, Maggie wanted mozzarella sticks, and Wyatt wanted calamari. Ed ordered all three appetizers and the five of them tossed the football around until the now-familiar waiter arrived with the food. They munched and made plans for the next day._

" _After Noah wins," Maggie said enthusiastically, "We're gonna go up HIGH in the tower and then to American Girl and we haveta go to the bean, too! And maybe the zoo."_

 _Olivia grinned. To anyone who didn't know them, the Tucker kids appeared ridiculously spoiled-fancy drinks, overpriced appetizers, an impressive collection of pool toys-but Olivia had barely heard anything other than "after Noah wins." Sure, she and Ed probably did spoil them, yet Maggie, Noah, and Wyatt were also the most caring children she'd ever encountered. They were unabashed in their love for one another and they were each other's biggest fans. She crossed her fingers they would remain this close and tight-knit forever; she'd never had a sibling she could count on, but she was elated her children would have the opposite experience now and throughout their lives._

…

By late evening the worst of the storm had passed and a light drizzle fell over the city. Numerous power outages were reported, however, including a large swath of the Bronx, including Caroline's neighborhood. After some cajoling, Ed and Olivia convinced her to stay with them for the night so she wasn't alone in a dark, sweltering house.

"I am not afraid of the dark," Caroline insisted, her jaw steeled in the classic Tucker expression of indignance, "But I must admit, air conditioning wins out. This is a helluva Indian Summer we're having here."

"Indian Summer?" Noah scrunched up his face.

"It's what we used to call a hot September when we used to be able to say _Indian_ ," Caroline explained.

" _Ohhhh…_ "

"I'll put some fresh sheets on Noah's bed," Olivia said brightly, changing the subject, "Noah, how about you sleep in Maggie's and Wyatt's room tonight? You can have a slumber party."

"Yes!" Noah stabbed the air with his fist. "You hear dat Maggs and Wyatt? I'm gonna sleep with you! But not in da crib! Hmm," Noah twisted his lips, "We can all sleep on da floor with da big cushions!"

Uncertain about freeing the twins for the night, Olivia glanced at Ed. He shrugged, indicating it was her call. "You know," she said sweetly, "That's a good idea. Maggie and Wyatt are going to have to get toddler beds soon, so this will be good practice."

Noah ran to his room and returned dressed in Marvel character pajamas. He and the twins had the same set and he insisted they match for sleepover night. Caroline read stories on the couch, and the three kids snuggled in amongst the bean bags and oversized pillows. Olivia turned on the planetarium projector and Noah softly told imaginary tales about the planets and the stars. Maggie hugged her baby and Wyatt put his fist in his mouth, a sure sign he was close to falling asleep. Both twins stared placidly at the ceiling and listened to their brother. Maggie occasionally murmured her version of what Noah had said.

"Magg stah, No?"

"Yeah, small sister," Noah replied in a sweet, gentle voice, "Dat's your star. Right there."

Olivia lingered in the doorway until Ed came up behind her and kissed her neck. They watched their trio for another few minutes and then joined Caroline who had found _Casablanca_ on the classic movie channel and was watching happily. Ed and Olivia had another drink and finished the movie with her.

"Oh, my," Caroline said, " _North by Northwest_ next? It's my lucky night!"

Olivia yawned, "I'm going to have to pass."

"Sure, sure, goodnight, dearie," Caroline said, "Thank you for the lodging."

"Anytime."

Olivia kissed Ed and stroked the side of his face. "Will you check on the kids one more time before you come to bed?"

"Absolutely," He patted the back of her thigh, "I won't be long. Love you."

"Love you."

…..

 _Sporting pastel blue pants, a crisp white oxford, and a blue bow tie, Noah walked slowly around the yard searching for plastic eggs containing candy, dollar bills, and small plastic cars and animals. He delicately placed each egg in a plastic bucket before moving on; unlike most other kids, he did not rush from spot to spot. He toted the bucket as if the eggs would break._

 _Ed and Olivia stood off to the side. They had attended Easter Mass with his family. After the service, everyone else headed back to Caroline's house to help her prepare their feast. On the way out, Olivia noticed the advertisement for the egg hunt on the back page of the church bulletin and was going to pass until Noah caught sight of the other kids making a beeline to the small, shaded garden adjacent to the cathedral. He pointed eagerly and squirmed to get out of Olivia's arms._

" _Okay if we take him?" Olivia asked, thinking about the transportation arrangements._

" _Of course," Ed replied brightly. "John, Ma can ride back with you?"_

" _Yup."_

 _Caroline gave Noah a hug and a kiss and instructed him to bring back "all the treasure." Noah smiled and nodded. He squirmed more and Olivia finally put him down. "Okay, sweet boy, let's go." Inside the gates, each child was issued a bucket and sent out on the hunt. Olivia and Ed shadowed him at first, but he caught on quickly and the area wasn't that large. They drifted to the perimeter and observed._

" _Oh, good job, pal," Ed murmured as they watched Noah overturn a fairly large stone slab and pluck an egg from underneath._

 _Olivia gazed at her boyfriend. In her cork wedge heels she was slightly taller than him, so leaning over to kiss his cheek was effortless. He blushed. She grinned. It was thrilling to see him jolted by her affection even though he tried to act unaffected._

" _Now that the religious part is over," he said, "I'm ready for a drink and some food. You're in for a treat; Ma does it up at Easter. Hope mass wasn't too excruciating. At least on Easter they kinda speed it up knowin' there are people like me there."_

" _I didn't mind it," Olivia replied, "The sanctuary's beautiful. And, well, I have a complicated relationship with religion, but there's a certain beauty in it...I suppose it's admiration...I admire people who can have such an unwavering faith."_

" _So do I. Especially in the Catholic church."_

 _Olivia squeezed his hand. "They're not all bad guys."_

" _Maybe not," Ed sniffed, "Ten, twenty percent aren't. And that includes the nuns."_

" _Ed!"_

 _He grinned but was nowhere near apologetic. "Oh, here he comes." Ed crouched down to greet Noah. The little boy proudly offered up the bucket. His eyes sparkled when he looked up at his mother and then at Ed who was showing him how to open the eggs. "See? You pinch it a little and, there!" A small blue race car fell from the egg, "Lookit that!"_

" _Boo Car!" Noah exclaimed._

" _That's right."_

 _Noah pointed at Ed's tie and then at his own. "Boo! Noah boo! Ed boo! Boo car!"_

 _Olivia was conveniently attired in a floral shift with streaks of blue, so she wasn't left out of Noah's matching club; however, his obsession with blue didn't last long. There was more treasure to discover. He opened the rest of the eggs and soon he had a pile of wrapped chocolates, more cars, two plastic bunnies, and a rabbit's foot keychain._

" _Soft," Noah murmured. He gingerly touched the keychain as if he expected it to move on its own. Then, he babbled a sentence Olivia assumed only she could decipher since it was a combination of actual words and baby talk, so her jaw dropped when Ed immediately responded._

" _You're gonna give it to Grandma Caroline?" He asked. "You sure?"_

 _Noah touched the keychain to his face, "Gamma Care-line loveit!" He said, jumping up and down._

" _Alright then."_

 _Ed and Olivia each took one of Noah's hands and they strolled out of the garden gates. Ed mumbled something about the car's location, but Olivia ignored him and instead said, "You knew what he was saying."_

 _Ed didn't immediately pick up on what she meant._

 _Olivia noticed his blank expression, "When he said he was going to give the keychain to Caroline, you understood him."_

" _Yeah I did," Ed replied, finally connecting the dots. "We, uh, we've been spending a lot of time together lately. I didn't even notice."_

" _I did." Olivia simpered at him and puckered her lips for a kiss. A different type of chemistry sizzled between them. It warmed Olivia's heart, and she never wanted that feeling to go away._

…

Halfway through the second movie Ed found himself dozing off at intervals, so he kissed the top of his mother's head, peeked in at the kids, and went to bed. Olivia was in her usual position-lying partially on her side with one arm bent over her head. As soon as he crawled in next to her she sensed his presence and turned her head toward him.

Ed kissed her cheek nestled his head next to hers, and slung an arm around her torso. A few minutes later, Olivia began running her fingertips up and down his forearm. Though already half-asleep, Ed started kissing her neck and Olivia rolled over so they were facing each other.

"Liv," he said, "I dunno if I can do this with my mother across the hall."

"You can do it with a house full of kids," Olivia whispered, her lips touching his as she spoke.

"There's something about...my _mother_ being twenty feet away."

"I think it might be at least thirty."

He grinned sheepishly.

"I think you're still a little freaked out about her finding the lube."

"Maybe that's it," he said, "That was awkward."

Olivia kissed him once more then turned again so her back was against his chest. "It sure was. And poor G saw it, too. I can't imagine what she thinks." She pulled his arm back across her chest and held it tightly.

Ed chuckled softly into the back of her neck. "She probably thinks it's amazing people our age even think to buy that stuff."

"I can't believe I'm not more mortified."

"Years of Sarah," Ed replied matter-of-factly, "You're used to our sex lives being the topic of conversation."

"Very true."

"You remember when you first met her? And Brooke?"

"Of course," Olivia replied, "They showed up...and I couldn't place them at first. I felt so bad. I knew those eyes...I knew they were familiar, I just...I was working, I didn't think Ed Tucker's daughters would pop in and drag me to a dive bar."

"But you're glad they did?"

"Absolutely."

"It wasn't that long ago…"

"No it wasn't," Olivia replied, her voice was starting to get heavy with sleep and had a dreamlike quality to it, "But it was like we were all meant to be together. Sometimes I catch myself forgetting there was a time you weren't in my life, when I didn't know Sarah or Brooke or Caroline...those days just seem so far away."

"Hard to go back that far when we have the three musketeers who," Ed lifted his head to catch a glimpse of the video monitor, "Are surprisingly still where we left 'em."

"Did you lock the door?"

"Not the twins' door."

" _Ed_!"

He chuckled. "It's locked. Dead bolt, the works, and I put the coat rack and the scooters in front of it." He felt Olivia shake with laughter. "What?"

"I still get a little chill when I hear you talk about kid stuff...like scooters. It's so far from IAB Ed Tucker. I love it. It reminds me of the first few times you played with Noah-seeing a brand new version of a person I'd known for a long time...it's...breathtaking."

"You think _I'm_ breathtaking?"

"Yes."

"Not sure if I deserve that."

Olivia shifted around again and gazed into his eyes. "Yes, Ed. Yes you do."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	71. Chapter 71

**Seventy-one.**

With a combination of skepticism and concern, Noah leaned forward on the table and watched Maggie and Wyatt with such an eagle eye that Ed wasn't sure he'd blinked. On this particular afternoon, the twins were getting their first experience with Play-doh. They each had a mat printed with various shapes and letters one could make with the material, but the two-year-olds, too stimulated by the unfamiliar texture, ignored the graphics. Wyatt opened and closed his fists and shrieked with delight when the red clump oozed out from between his fingers. Maggie broke her portion into smaller pieces, flattened it, and put it back together again.

"Don't put it in your mouth," Noah warned, "No eating."

"Doh' EAT!" Wyatt bellowed.

"If you eat it, you'll get sick." Noah made a retching sound and pretending to vomit. Maggie copied him and he giggled, "Dat's right, small sister! You're gonna PUKE!"

"PUKE!" Wyatt mimicked gleefully.

Ed sat down in his regular chair at the head of the table intending to be a silent observer, but Maggie reeled him into the conversation. "Doh eat, Dada!"

"I won't, Maggs," he replied with a grin, "Hey, why don't ya make me somethin? How about an apple?"

Ed pointed to the block "A" on the mat and the corresponding image of the fruit. Maggie glanced at it and then her Play-doh pieces. They were green. She bit her lip and snatched half of Wyatt's red. Wyatt frowned and cried out in a short, sharp spasm. His little forehead furrowed and he slapped at Maggie's mat.

Noah came to the rescue, "Here Wyatt," he exchanged Maggie's green for his red, "You use green for a lil' bit while Maggs makes da apple."

Still frowning slightly, Wyatt nevertheless collected the green into his hands and continued playing. Maggie made a lopsided apple and grinned proudly at her Daddy. He cupped her head and kissed her cheek, "Good job, baby girl."

Using two hands, Maggie offered the apple to Ed. He took it and mimicked a bite, growling as he did so. "Yum!"

"YUM!"

"Yummyummmy!"

Wyatt pounded his dough into flat pancakes and babbled in a low voice. Noah translated. "Daddy, Wyatt wants a snack! And I do too!"

"How 'bout some cheese and crackers?" Ed suggested. He glanced at the clock and wondered what was keeping Olivia out so long. She'd spent most of the day at the Benson Center even though, when she left that morning, she predicted no more than two hours. Each time she checked in, the two hours became four and then six. The kids were getting hungry because it was close to their usual dinner time, and, since retiring, Olivia rarely missed evening meals.

Noah agreed to the cheese and crackers. Ed went to the kitchen to prepare the plate, opting to wash the twins' hands last. As he sliced the block of cheddar and arranged Triscuits, he listened to the kids' conversation, punctuated by the occasional shriek and bursts of unintelligible toddler babbles. Each day the twins displayed a growing vocabulary, but Ed knew both he and Olivia would miss the sound of the jubilant, rapidly-spoken, jumbled sentences only Maggie and Wyatt could understand. If Noah couldn't make out what his brother and sister were saying, he simply created his own translation and went with it, another routine Ed and Olivia found endearing.

"Daddy!" Noah shouted, "Your phone! It's Mommy!" He held up the phone and, sure enough, the photo of a smiling Olivia that accompanied her ringtone filled the screen.

"Go ahead and answer, bud."

Noah greeted her cheerfully, "Hi Mommy!" He rested an elbow on the table and tilted his head to the side. Olivia must have asked what he was doing because he explained the adventure with Play-doh and that Ed was currently preparing a snack. "When you gonna come home so we can eat dinner?" Noah asked in a sincere, innocent voice that was sure to melt Olivia's heart. He grinned at her response and reported the answer to Ed. "Mommy's on her way right NOW! She's bringing TACOS!"

"TAH-OH!" Maggie and Wyatt bellowed at the same time. "TAH-OH!"

Ed set the cheese and cracker plate on the table closer to Noah and out of the twins' reach. He took the phone, assured Olivia all was well, and brushed off her apologies. After putting in a request for carne asada tacos, he told her he loved her before saying goodbye. Next, he packed the Play-doh back into the containers, rolled up the mats, and carried the twins to the sink and washed their hands.

"Daddy?" Noah asked when they returned to the table, "How come Mommy's r'tired but she's still at police?"

"She's not at police, bud," Ed replied, "She's at the Center, remember? You've been there. It's the place where people can get help after the police have helped them."

Noah squinted, "What _kinda_ help?"

Ed popped a cracker into his mouth, chewed, and did his best to explain the mission of the Benson Center to his first-grader. "Well, when someone gets hurt, they might worry they're gonna get hurt again. So Mommy and the others at the Center find ways to help the people feel better and not worry so much."

Noah twisted his lips and his eyes drifted to the ceiling as he processed what he'd been told. "I got a cast from basketball," he murmured, "But I still play basketball! My arm's all better!"

"That's right. You kept playing."

"Yep! I'm not worried!"

"Nope. But, the people Mommy helps, sometimes, they have to practice going back to things they did before, they have to practice a lot before they're not worried anymore. That's why Mommy's there. To help them practice."

"That's good."

"Yeah it is."

….

 _Maggie grumbled impatiently and fidgeted in her seat. Not only had she had to wake up early when she was on summer vacation, but she was trapped in a large hotel conference room and forced into silence as her brother and his teammates battled another group of sixth graders for the Academic Bowl championship trophy. At first, seeing Noah on stage and easily firing off answers to questions from the studious-looking moderator was exciting, but after the second round, both Maggie and Wyatt showed signs of boredom-induced fatigue. Wyatt pulled out one of his summer reading novels. Maggie begged Olivia for her phone._

" _Please," she hissed in her mother's ear, "No sound! I promise!"_

" _Where's your book?"_

" _I read it already."_

 _Olivia shot her a reproving mom-glare._

 _Cowed, Maggie mumbled, "Well, I read the first part..."_

 _As often happened when she tried to discipline her children, Olivia bit her lip to stop from smiling. Two chairs down, Wyatt had tucked his legs under him and leaned against Ed, fully engrossed in the child-sized novel. Maggie was barely on the chair, perched on the edge and playing with the hem of her blue jean shorts._

" _Cheer for your brother," Olivia said softly._

 _Maggie screwed up her face and looked around. The Tucker family had attended many different sporting events over the years and "cheer" to Maggie involved shouting and stadiums and hot dogs and soda. "Can't_ _cheer_ _here, Mommy!"_

 _Chuckling at her mistake, Olivia put her arm around Maggie's shoulders and gave her a little side hug. Maggie put her head on her mother's shoulder and sighed dramatically, "S'boring."_

" _The speed round is next," Olivia whispered. "That will be more fun."_

 _Maggie rolled her eyes, "It's just answering questions really fast."_

" _Well, after that we're going to have lunch at a restaurant in a skyscraper and then we'll go to American Girl. And then we're going to see the Mets play the Cubs! You'll get to see Wrigley Field."_

" _And get a hoddog?"_

" _Sure."_

" _I like these Chicago hoddogs! Slimy hoddogs! But that's some good slime!"_

" _It sure is," Olivia said, "And tonight we can swim more and tomorrow we go home."_

" _Then we're goin' to da beach?"_

" _Yes."_

" _But we didn't try Chicago tacos. Noah wants ta try 'em!"_

" _We will."_

" _Daddy say this year I can drive the jet ski at da beach."_

" _Oh did he?"_

" _He said it!" Maggie replied indignantly, "No take backs!"_

 _Hearing the distress in his daughter's voice, Ed glanced in their direction, smirked, and bolstered his daughter's argument. "I did say it," he said in a low voice, "And she's right, no take backs."_

 _Olivia rolled her eyes and focused her attention back on Noah, "We'll see," she whispered._

" _If I'm good the rest of the time here," Maggie offered, "Then I can drive?" Maggie looked up at Olivia, her wide blue eyes were filled with hope. She knew her mother was the boss and her endorsement was necessary._

" _Deal," Olivia said._

 _Of course, Maggie would "drive" the jet ski with Ed sitting behind her and controlling the speed. The "driving" would amount to steering in the calm waters of the intercoastal waterway. Nevertheless, it was a major milestone in Maggie's eyes. Satisfied and trusting her mother's word, Maggie stopped fidgeting and paid attention to the speed round. She clenched her fist after each of Noah's team's correct answers and when they emerged victorious, Maggie stood and let out a triumphant whoop as the rest of the audience broke into subdued, polite applause._

… _._

Ed and Olivia sat up in bed, side by side against the headboard, and sipped cocktails made from an orange-infused tequila they'd been meaning to try since it had been gifted to them as a beach housewarming present from Sarah and Justin. Inspired by the Mexican food, Ed attempted to make margaritas but, lacking the proper ingredients, created a cocktail instead.

"Are we wrong for this?" Olivia asked, holding up her glass, "Letting the kids stay up late so they sleep in? Drinking in bed?"

Ed leaned over and gave her a sloppy, passionate kiss. " _Nothing_ ," he said, "Is wrong with this."

Olivia smiled but her eyes quickly clouded over. "I'm sorry for today," she said, "I'm...trying to let go…"

"It's one day, Liv."

"No...it's been more than one day. I know I'm doing it, the hours are adding up. But the second when I think we're at a lull, someone new comes in and I can't stay away from it. Today-a woman and her three kids, eight, four, and three, her husband was an Amtrak engineer, was driving one of the trains that crashed last year and he's a mess, PTSD, drugs, they had this perfect life and then, bam, last year he starts hitting her, she knows he's not himself but she can't stay…"

Ed held one of her hands and ran his thumb over her knuckles, "Sounds worse than the average SVU case," he said, "One minute everything's fine and then your life completely changes."

"And with kids that young...how does she explain what's going on? Especially to the older one."

Ed's insides clenched. "Speaking of explanations…"

"What?"

He told her about Noah expressing his confusion at his mother being retired yet seemingly still working on a regular basis. "I wasn't gonna tell ya at first," he said, "Because I knew it'd upset you. But I also don't want ya to be blindsided in case he brings it up. And I don't want to keep anything from you."

"He's right though…"

"Maybe," Ed downed the rest of his drink and put the glass on the nightstand. "But people need you, Liv. They need what the Center provides and you need to be there to make sure it's running the right way. It'll calm down."

Olivia took a deep breath. Since they were in a moment of complete transparency she decided to make another admission. "It's not just that, Ed," her voice was heavy with regret, "I miss going to work. I miss that office. I knew I would, but not this much."

He caressed the side of her face, "After thirty years, Liv, it's gonna take some time."

"You're not worried?"

"No."

"But you were able to flip the switch," she said, "You went right into retirement mode."

"I wasn't anywhere near as attached, as dedicated to my job as you were," he countered, "And I had a far more important task ahead of me-I needed to prove to myself I could be a good dad, a present dad. And a husband worthy of _you_."

"But I don't have to do that kind of proving to anyone?"

"Not to me. You take as long as you need to adjust, Liv."

"But Noah…"

"Noah was confused about _definitions_...he needed to know whether or not he understood the word right."

"Nice save."

Ed took her glass. "Done with this?"

"Yes."

"Want more?"

"No," she said in a low voice and traced his lips with an index finger. "I want you."

Ed placed her glass next to his and wasted no time draping himself over his wife's body. He kissed her furiously, possessively-it was the way he kissed her when he was trying to erase any and all negative thoughts running through her mind. Very quickly he was hard and throbbing against her, but he slowly, deliberately worked his way down her body, removing her clothing and exploring every inch of skin with his mouth. When he finally moved inside of her they locked eyes and remained that way until they were sated, panting, and lying completely relaxed in the middle of the bed, arms and legs intertwined and exchanging hushed, sweet, _I love yous_.

"It might still be hard for me for a while," Olivia murmured almost apologetically as if she was sorry the night's lovemaking didn't immediately make everything all better.

Ed picked up on the implicit meaning. "Like I said," he kissed her cheek and smoothed her hair, "I'm not worried. But I will do _anything_ to make it easier for you."

"Even put up with me being six hours late?"

"Even that. That's easy, Liv. And you wouldn't be there if it wasn't important."

Tears welled in Olivia's eyes, "But you know…you and the kids, you're the most important, right?"

"We know," Ed replied softly and kissed her lips to emphasize the point. "We know."

….

 _If asked why she was in attendance at the notoriously boring NYPD promotion ceremony, Olivia had several different answers at the ready. She was a newly-named Lieutenant and thought it would look good to the brass for her to be there. One of the women who had graduated from the Academy with her was being promoted to Sergeant. Even after almost thirty years, she still had an appreciation for the formality, the solemn oaths, and the optimism in the room as a newly decorated group of officers stepped into new ranks. The real reason, though, was that tonight, Ed Tucker was getting his Captain's shield. He was one of the few receiving that particular promotion. NYPD Captains, though paid more, worked longer hours and were expected to be significantly more involved with One PP and its complex, politically-skewed structures and operations. It was a prestigious job, but not a very attractive one. Tucker, though, had set his eyes on "Captain" since he entered the Academy and, when he shook the hand of the Police Commissioner, his face broke into a rarely-seen proud smile. He posed for the obligatory photo and nodded to his daughters. Then he froze for a split second, visibly stunned, and his breath caught in his throat when he saw Olivia sitting to the right of Brooke._

 _She smiled back at him and the question marks practically floated in the air between the two of them. They were so new. They'd agreed to take things slowly, keep a low profile, not rock the boat...and definitely not do things like show up at a very public event and sit next to the honorees' daughters. But there she was. Grinning. Radiant. Proud. Ed couldn't wait to hug her._

 _The hug had to wait until they were safely a few blocks away from the venue. Sarah and Brooke graciously walked ahead a few steps and temporarily made themselves blend in with the crowd as they waited at a busy intersection. Ed turned to Olivia and wrapped her in a quick but firm embrace. "Thanks for comin," he said, "Wasn't expecting that."_

" _I didn't think you would," Olivia said, "But maybe," she played with the lapel of his coat, "But maybe you were hoping I'd show up?"_

" _Thought it was a long shot, but, yeah, maybe a little."_

 _The light changed. They turned to cross the street and catch up with Sarah and Brooke and their hands briefly touched. Ed smirked and dared to hold out his hand. Olivia smiled and they walked the rest of the way to the bar with their fingers entwined._

 _Inside the pub they found a hightop table in a front corner. It was cozy but also had a view of the street. Ed discreetly asked Olivia if the setup was okay. After all, it was entirely possible they could be spotted through the glass, but she brushed off the concern and even seemed slightly surprised at the question. The four of them quickly fell into an easy conversation. Sarah updated everyone on her life in Philadelphia. Brooke talked about the ups and downs with her sixth graders. Two cocktails and two shots later, Olivia had to finally bid farewell._

" _But we haven't even eaten!" Sarah protested._

" _I'm sorry," Olivia hugged Brooke and then Sarah, "Thank you for the drinks, but I really have to get home. My poor babysitter has been taken advantage of a lot this week."_

 _Sarah groaned dramatically._

 _Brooke rolled her eyes at her sister's display. "Thank you for coming," she said politely and a bit too formally, "It was good seeing you again!"_

" _It was good seeing you two," Olivia replied, "Maybe...we'll get together in the near future?" She eyed Ed._

" _Yes!" Sarah said. "It's almost Thanksgiving. Are you coming to Grandma's?"_

 _Olivia and Ed had not talked about Thanksgiving, but Olivia had sensed he'd been trying to bring it up. Sarah, as she would learn was her MO, forced the issue. "I...we haven't actually discussed Thanksgiving…"_

" _Well you have to come."_

 _Ed's cheeks were burning. He was nervous but he had to say something, especially when Olivia looked at him imploringly. "You have to come," he said with a smirk on his face._

" _Well that settles it," Olivia said. "We'll be there. But now, I really have to go."_

 _Ed helped her on with her coat. "I'll walk you out."_

 _The balmy late fall day had given way to a breezy, chilly night. Olivia hastily buttoned up her trench and wished she had brought a scarf. She didn't have a long walk home, but the distance would certainly be closed at a brisk pace._

" _Want me to walk you?" Ed asked gallantly, "Or, want a cab?"_

" _No, I'm good." Olivia shoved her hands into her pockets put quickly removed them, worried that the gesture would prevent Ed from kissing her._

" _You sure?"_

" _Yes. It's not far. Will be good to clear my head after those shots."_

" _Yeah, well, sorry about that...Sarah can get carried away."_

" _It was fun," Olivia said before he could make any more apologies. "It was a good night." Ed had left the bar without his own coat and he shivered a bit. "Go back inside, Ed. I'm fine."_

" _Just fine?" He took a step toward her, the smirk back on his face. He felt her warmth. The bulkiness of her coat. He detected the faintest scent of her shampoo and the perfume she sometimes wore. Before he kissed her he took an extra second to stare at her pursed lips and remind himself that this kiss, like every kiss before it and every kiss in the future had to be perfect._

 _Ed loved feeling her hands on his back. The little moan she let out each time their lips parted. But the smile-coy yet seductive-she did that thing with her eyebrow and it was all he could do to stop his knees from buckling._

" _Don't get too crazy tonight," she tapped his lips with an index finger, "A lot of dirty cops to go after tomorrow."_

 _The confident smirk returned to his face. "Don't you worry about that."_

 _She winked and squeezed his hand. "I won't. Congratulations, Captain."_

 _Ed barely croaked a thank you and grinned as he watched her walk away. He knew he'd still be blushing when he rejoined his daughters, but he didnt care._

…..

Ed and Olivia were not very familiar with Prospect Park, so they used their phones to navigate to the playground closest to Brooke's apartment. Olivia and Ed pushed the strollers-Sofia's and the twins'-and Noah rolled along on his scooter.

"Dis a pretty good park," Noah commented loudly, for he was several paces ahead. "S'big, and there's a pond," he took a cursory look around, "I think over there. It's Brookey's park...Brookey in Brooklyn!" He giggled, "That's why they prolly live here."

"You like Brooklyn, bud?"

"Yep! And I know da trains! Da F comes here and we take da C to Brookey's and dere's da G! But that's a really really small train!"

"Have you been on the G?" Olivia asked.

"One time but Sare Bear said it was a m'stake."

Olivia and Ed looked at each other and laughed quietly.

At the playground they freed the twins. Maggie and Wyatt immediately made a beeline for the slide, but instead of climbing up the wooden slats Maggie crawled up and, before Olivia or Ed could object, she was at the top and beaming. Wyatt, having ascended in the traditional way, joined her. Olivia snapped photos of the two of them. They were wearing jeans and their usual zipper hoodies-pink for Maggie and green for Wyatt. Maggie hurtled down the slide ahead of her brother, landed at her feet and tumbled forward into the woodchips. She got up, brushed herself off, and waited for Wyatt to join her. His landing was less dramatic and he followed Maggie as she started to make her ascent back up the slide. There were more kids at the top now, and, since Olivia was occupied with Sofia, Ed grabbed the twins and redirected them to the ladder.

"This way kiddos," he said as he ushered them to the side. Before Maggie started to climb the wooden slats Ed held her up and adjusted one of her pigtails before sending her on her way. "Careful," he said, although he didn't help either one of them climb. "Good job. There ya go."

Satisfied the twins were alright on their own, Ed drifted to the edge of the play area where Olivia was standing with Sofia on her hip. At almost a year old, Sofia wasn't walking yet and most of the playground's offerings were a little much for her.

"I'll put her on the slide in a minute when it clears out," Olivia said.

"She looks tired," Ed studied his granddaughter's eyes, "Is it about your nap time Sof?" He and Olivia were at the mercy of their instincts on this particular day. The Carisis' day care closed for a decontamination regimen after one of the children who attended came down with a case of Pertussis, so Ed and Olivia readily volunteered to watch Sofia for the two days they would be shut down. "Brooke did say she was vaccinated, right?"

"Yes," Olivia kissed Sofia's head. "She seems fine. She probably does take a nap at about this time, though," Olivia gnashed her teeth, "Oops."

"Ah, she can roll with the twins' schedule today and tomorrow."

"Which schedule?" Olivia asked flirtatiously, "The one where we don't let them nap for long and keep them up a little later?"

"Is there a better schedule?"

"No, Captain, no there is not." Olivia watched Noah traverse the monkey bars. He swung his way back and forth swiftly and with so much ease he appeared weightless. At the end of a run he sensed his mother's eyes on him, looked over, and ran to join them.

"Good bars," he said, "They're grippy."

"I saw you sweet boy," Olivia cooed, "You went across and back twice without stopping! Great job!"

"Yeah...Sof gonna slide?"

"She seems a little tired, but, you want to take her?"

"Yup! I'll go up there and you give her to me!"

Noah rushed to the top of the slide. Maggie and Wyatt, playing nearby, saw their brother and followed , Olivia thrust Sofia into Ed's arms and she darted to the set of steps Maggie and Wyatt were taking to the upper level of the jungle gym. A man was shadowing them.

"Ma! KIME!" Maggie shouted when she saw her mother.

"Bi' STARE!" Wyatt chimed in. "SIDE!"

The man realized Olivia was their mother. "I, uh, I'm sorry, ma'am, but...your daughter, she has my son's bus. It's his favorite."

Olivia relaxed. She spotted the small bus in Maggie's clenched fist and quickly retrieved it. "Here you go," she said, "Sorry about that."

"No problem." The man smiled and walked off.

Maggie and Wyatt skipped to the slide. Ed handed Sofia to Noah and the four of them waited for Olivia to get in position to take a video and then they all slid down together. They landed in a giggling heap.

"We're goin' again!"

"Gain, No!"

"Gain, Mama!"

Ed grabbed Sofia so Noah, too, could get himself reset. She tracked the other kids and reached out for them once they appeared at the top of the slide. She swatted at Ed's face and cooed, "Gain!"

"Lookit that," Ed said gleefully as he swung her in the air, "We're gonna have a fourth chatterbox real soon." He plopped Sofia into Noah's lap and he and Olivia waited for them to arrive at the bottom. "Ya know Liv, I think we coulda handled a fourth one."

Olivia broke into a disbelieving chuckle.

"I'm serious."

"No you're not."

"Okay I'm not...but ya gotta admit, we're good at this parenting thing."

She gave him a quick peck on the lips, for the kids were approaching the bottom of the slide. "Yes," she replied, "Yes we are."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	72. Chapter 72

**Seventy-two. (** a lot of the chap devoted to flashback here, but I couldn't help myself **)**

 _The second time the Tucker daughters invaded the precinct to capture Olivia they were not treated with the suspicion or intrigue they'd caused the first time around. Sarah and Brooke breezed through the squad room, nodded at Carisi and Rollins, and proceeded into the Lieutenant's office even though the door was closed and she was hunched over her laptop, at least giving the appearance that she was engrossed in work._

 _Sarah's "Hi Livvie" drowned out Brooke's more subdued "hello." The older sister was more sensitive about the context. It had only been a couple of weeks since Mike Dodds' passing, and she knew, via her father's reluctant admissions, Olivia was having a hard time._

 _Olivia peeled off her reading glasses and smiled sweetly at the pair. It was a surreal scene- the two of them being there, Sarah smiling jubilantly and Brooke a bit embarrassed for the intrusion and also for her sister's fawning display. "Hi," Olivia half-sighed. "I sure am glad to see you."_

 _Sarah furrowed her brow and her large, loose, messy blonde bun flip-flopped from one side of her head to the other, "You knew we were coming?"_

" _No," Olivia replied, "I really am glad to see you."_

" _Well, come on then," Sarah grinned and plucked Olivia's lightweight trench from the rack, "Let's get out of here."_

" _We came to see if you wanted to have a drink," Brooke added, "If...if you're not too busy."_

 _Olivia glanced into the squad room. Everyone moved in slow motion. The squad went about their business but did so in a morose, dejected manner and Olivia was sure the mood was more uncomfortable when she was around. Deep down, she knew going back to work so soon was a mistake, but, for the first time in her life, not even the confines of the precinct felt normal._

" _Not busy at all," she said. "Let's go."_

 _The three of them took a cab to one of Sarah's favorite midtown pubs and cozied up at the corner of the bar. After one cocktail, Olivia relaxed and contributed more to the girls' chatter. She peppered Sarah with questions about living in Philadelphia and laughed at Brooke's tales of her students' antics. Offering a story of her own, she mentioned how she'd bought Noah his first scooter and how he'd spent the weekend trying it out in the park._

" _He's almost there," Olivia said, "He'll be whizzing around on his own in no time."_

" _Was Dad there with you?" Sarah asked about the weekend outing._

" _Sunday, yes, he was."_

" _Why not Saturday?"_

" _Sarah!"_

 _The little sister slapped away Brooke's admonition. Sarah stared intently at Olivia, clearly expecting an answer._

" _We, ah, well," Olivia stammered, "I spent most of Saturday running errands for the trip...and by the time I got home your Dad was at the game-"_

" _Yankees," Brooke clarified for her oblivious sister._

" _-So Sunday was it."_

 _Sarah rested her head on her hand and gazed at Olivia. "It's so romantic you're going to Paris," she gushed, "I'm so jealous. It's going to be so fun and, so, so, gahhh, romantic. Sorry. I can't think of a different word."_

" _It'll be a good getaway," Brooke said, patting Olivia's shoulder, "And a perfect time of year to go. It'll be so pretty there."_

" _I know," a dreamy expression crossed Olivia's face, "I've wanted to go for so long...I'm so excited...and a little bit...well, it seems unbelievable, to finally get to go, take my son, and-"_

" _-be doing all this with my Dad?" Sarah quipped._

 _Olivia ducked her head. "Yes."_

" _You know what?" Brooke said. "Why don't you let Sarah and I watch Noah tonight? You can go out and have a quiet dinner with Dad." Olivia looked reluctant, so Brooke continued, "We'll take good care of him, I promise."_

" _I know you will, I just...I don't want-"_

" _-we want to," Sarah said. Brooke's impromptu suggestion suddenly became her sole mission in life, "We'll order pizza and play whatever and watch shows and it'll be fun!"_

 _Olivia eyed her almost-empty second drink. "Well, okay...let's...let's go get Noah from day care and I'll call Ed on the way."_

" _Sweet!"_

 _At day care, Noah brightened when he saw his mother, but he practically jumped out of his shoes at the surprise of Brooke and Sarah. He shouted hello, hugged their legs, and reached out for them again when Olivia picked him up. "Sarah and Brooke are going to eat pizza with you tonight," Olivia said as she nuzzled his cheek. "Sound good?"_

" _P'ZA!"_

 _Noah strained for Brooke and she held out her arms. "Oof! You're getting heavy!"_

" _Hi Brookey!" Noah put a hand on each cheek and pressed them together. "Smoosh face!"_

" _I want a smoosh face!"_

 _Noah dove at Sarah and hugged her neck. "SQUISH!"_

" _Or a squish."_

 _Olivia drifted off down the hallway to get Noah's things and call Ed. He picked up on the first ring._

" _Hey," he said, sounding all too happy to hear her voice._

" _Hi."_

" _How are you?"_

" _I'm really good."_

" _That's great to hear."_

" _Sarah and Brooke...came to my office...bought me a drink… and now they're going to watch Noah tonight so we can go out. Are you free?"_

 _Ed chuckled. "Olivia Benson, I am always free to take you out."_

" _Meet us at my place?"_

" _I'm on my way."_

… _.._

Maggie and Wyatt insisted on walking, so Olivia pushed an empty stroller with one hand and held Maggie's hand with the other. When Sarah tried to take Maggie's hand or the stroller, Maggie scrunched up her face and snapped. "NO! Mama hand!" and "NO! Mama push!"

Sarah rolled her eyes, playfully tugged at Maggie's ponytail, and remarked, "Small, _stubborn_ sister!"

Olivia nodded knowingly, for, earlier that day, she'd been on the receiving end of Maggie's obstinacy. While the temperatures were more fall-like, the sun was out, so Olivia made sure to slather the kids' exposed skin with sunscreen before they left. During the process she noticed a couple of Maggie's nails needed trimming, so she sat her daughter on the bathroom vanity and found the clippers in a drawer.

"NO!" Maggie had shouted, balling her fists, "DADA KIP!"

It was another reminder that the Tucker household was still growing accustomed to two retired parents, yet Olivia couldn't help but take Maggie's objection personally even when she relented after Wyatt's nails had been clipped.

"This one has very specific ideas about who does what lately," Olivia said in a cheerful voice.

"We'll see what she thinks when I get a caramel apple."

Justin grinned but shook his head. He loved Sarah with all his heart but even he occasionally questioned her childish behavior. His wife's tone suggested she had every intention of torturing Maggie with the sweet treat even though it was assured that the Tucker kids would get their share of junk food over the course of the afternoon.

Noah skipped along between Ed and Caroline. Even though there were game booths and rides lining the streets at the west side fall carnival, he was content to stroll around and take stock of everything there was to do before engaging in the activities during the second loop. On the way he explained the neighborhood to his Grandmother who had grown up in the center of Hell's Kitchen and knew more about these particular streets than Noah did. Nevertheless, she was patient and reacted as if everything Noah said was brand new information.

"Dat up there," he said, Dat's da High Line. Usedta be a train track but now its a buncha little parks! And over there," he gestured toward the river with a flourish, "Dat's New Jersey! Once Sare Bear took me on a boat and we went close to there but then we kept goin' to the statue and then where da imm'grants come to America! Gramma?" He squinted up at Caroline, "You come here on a boat from Ireland?"

"Yes I did."

" _Wow_."

"The next time you come to my house I'll show you pictures and tell you all about it."

"When dat gonna be?"

"You come for Sunday dinner a little early next weekend. Your Daddy will bring you."

"Kay."

Olivia grinned at Ed who was pretending to be annoyed. She gave him a soft elbow to the side and clumsily kissed his cheek. "Mark your calendar, Captain."

"Got it." Wyatt was starting to get distracted by the sights and sounds, so Ed put the little boy on his shoulders. "You know what this reminds me of?" Ed asked under his breath.

"What?" Olivia was truly perplexed. They had been to this particular carnival since its inception and before that they'd spent many Saturday or Sunday afternoons wandering through the various street fairs different neighborhoods hosted throughout summer and fall.

"I think Noah was about Wyatt's age when we first came to one of these. Remember? He won the taxi?"

"You mean you won him the taxi?" Olivia corrected, grinning at the sudden recall of the memory. It seemed odd to think of their relationship at that time-so new and raw. Yet, she remembered how badly she wanted to bottle the feelings of the day; she was nearly reduced to tears thinking those emotions-the security of Ed in her life, the happiness of being surrounded by family-had become her life's norm.

"I had to win it," Ed replied, puffing out his chest, "And I brought a lot of cash in case I need it to win everyone something."

"Let's set our sights on smaller items," Olivia suggested, remembering how Noah refused to let her get rid of the taxi until it was replaced with a brand new police car balloon-a good trade as far as Olivia was concerned, because the mylar inflatable couldn't be blown up a second time.

Noah suddenly came to a jump stop. Maggie copied him and Wyatt kicked his feet forward and then back, jamming the heels of his Adidas into Ed's chest.

"We're back at da beginning," Noah announced. "Time ta do stuff!"

Brooke bounced Sofia on her hip. "I think she can go in a car," she said, eyeing the small vintage-designed automobiles that rotated in an agonizingly slow circle. "If someone goes with her. Noah? Could you ride with Sofia once?"

"Yep!" He peered at the sign, "Daddy, need five tickets! And five for Maggs and Wyatt and Sof, dat's…" Noah's eyes drifted to the sky as he calculated. "TWENTY!"

"Holy shit," Sarah said under her breath.

"Genius," Sonny added.

Amazed the carnival was using such an antiquated method of admitting riders, Ed pulled the roll of tickets from his pocket and counted off twenty. There was a problem, though. The cars were not big enough for adults, and, if Noah was taking Sofia, that meant the twins had to wait.

"Or they can go together," Sarah suggested. She jerked her head at the riders who were mostly the twins' age or younger. "They have seat belts and they're going like two miles per hour."

"She's right," Ed mumbled, knowing this was one-hundred percent Olivia's call.

"They'll be fine," Olivia said, surprising everyone including herself with her willingness to give the toddlers the tiniest bit of independence. "Maggs, Wyatt, you want to go in the car?"

"CAH!"

"Magg GO!"

"Alright, let's go."

Ed got Noah and Sofia situated in one car while Olivia buckled the twins into the vehicle in front of Noah's. She tightened the straps and kissed their heads. "Sit down the whole time," she said sweetly. "No standing up."

"SIT, Mama!"

Wyatt craned his neck toward Noah, "No! No, bay! _Vrooooom_!"

"Yes, sweetheart, Noah's right behind you," Olivia tapped the steering wheel, "Now, hang on, drive the car."

"DIVE!"

Maggie jerked the wheel to the right and then to the left. "GO GO GO!"

The attendant started to make the rounds to check the seatbelts and Ed and Olivia took this as their cue to exit the area. They stood outside the gates and watched the the twins smile and squeal once they were sent in motion. Knowing Sarah and Sonny were snapping pictures, they left the phones in their pockets and observed. By Noah's standards, the ride was tame. He slung one arm around Sofia and waved at the crowd with the other. Maggie and Wyatt, however, tightly gripped their steering wheels.

"They're havin' the time of their lives," Sonny said, snapping away with his Nikon.

"Lookit that," Caroline leaned over and waved frantically as the twins once again came into view, "Hello darlings! Wave to Grandma!"

"Wyatt looks so serious," Justin remarked.

"And Maggie's wishing they were going faster," Sarah added. "Noah and Sof are just chilling."

"I think I push Sof faster when I jog," Brooke said.

"Since when do you jog?"

"I started when I went back to work," Brooke explained, "I was so tired at the end of the day and going to bed at, like, eight when she did, then I would wake up in the middle of the night. So I started jogging after I pick her up from day care. It's really helped."

"I knew you looked different," Sarah said, "Your face is skinnier."

Ed studied Brooke's face and agreed with Sarah's assessment. "You feel any different?"

"Less tired for sure," Brooke said, "And, well, overall... _good_."

"Make sure you're eating," Ed advised. "You start working out like that you need to eat more."

"I really need to get out on the bike more," Olivia said, "We have the carrier for the twins and Noah is fine on a two-wheeler…"

"That's true, Livvie," Sarah said, "You are a TV star, so you must keep your figure."

Olivia smiled politely. "I'm not actually on the show."

"But you're helping to write it!"

"Olivia, dearie," Caroline interjected, "I don't know why they didn't just follow you around with a camera for the past couple of years. That would've been all the show they needed!"

"They probably wouldn't have wanted to do it if they saw what actually happens," Olivia said.

Hearing this, Sonny dropped the camera and sauntered over. "No kidding. You won't believe this case we caught…"

The ride was ending and Ed, Justin, and Brooke went to help the kids off the ride. As soon as Sonny broke into shop talk, Olivia became engrossed in the details. She paused to greet Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt with hugs and to listen to their comments about the ride, but as soon as the group moved on to the next attraction, Sonny continued the story and he and Olivia drifted to the back of the group. Distracted by the din of the bells, clangy music, and shouts from food and game vendors, the other adults didn't notice Ed's expression.

Except Caroline.

She intentionally bumped into her son. "Relax, Eddie. It's to be expected."

He raised his eyebrows, questioning his mother.

"You don't think she's gonna get sucked into police talk every now and then? When your _son-in-law_ is still there?"

Ed didn't say anything, but the muscles in his face relaxed.

"There ya go," Caroline said. She took his arm, "Now, I brought no cash. Buy your mother an elephant ear."

…..

 _Watching his father signal for another round, Noah wondered if he was wrong in thinking his parents hadn't aged. Over time, especially after prolonged stretches of not seeing one another in person, he noticed flecks of gray in Brooke's hair, saw Sarah's perpetually jerky movements slow down, but, when he saw Ed and Olivia, he was never shocked. They showed no signs of aging. They had the same posture, same bright, cheerful eyes. His mother, of course, dyed her hair, but rarely did she miss an appointment. Olivia Benson Tucker sported no gray roots. Both at the beach and in Manhattan, Noah even found himself going to bed before they turned in for the night._

" _So," Ed half-grumbled after they were served the second bourbon, "How're you doing?"_

 _Noah inhaled deeply and stared into his glass. His Dad always met him at the train, but Noah knew, this time, there was an additional motive involved, hence the second, and probably third, drink. "I'm fine."_

 _Ed smirked. Like mother like son, he thought. "Gotta be a little rough. Her takin' off like that."_

 _Noah looked at him with the same wide, curious eyes Ed knew from when Noah was a preschooler. "Mom ask you to do this?"_

" _Nope," Ed replied confidently, "Preemptive strike. I wanna know."_

 _Noah's shoulders slumped. "She had to go," he mumbled. "I get it...she has a dream. Why not? And she should. She's way too talented...she's bored going to school, doing those types of productions…" Noah chuckled sardonically, "She's always been bored with school. That's...one of the last things she said before she left, well, before she said she was sorry for leaving. She wished she liked school half as much as me."_

 _Ed took a sip and reached over to muss Noah's hair. "I wish I liked school half as much as you, too, bud. But that doesn't change...what happened. I know you're hurtin."_

 _Noah nodded and took a sip of his own. He didn't hide the grimace at the burn of the bourbon, but he assumed his Dad would chalk the reaction up to inner pain. "It...sucks," Noah said, sighing and deflating a bit, "I thought there was this whole plan...everything laid out, but, I was wrong and I'm stupid for thinking it. I was selfish, I-"_

" _-Bud, you're not stupid and you're not selfish. You told me yourself you didn't know she wanted to do any of this."_

" _She didn't say it," Noah said, "But I knew."_

 _Ed took another drink and nodded._

" _It's just…" Noah continued, "...I tried so hard. My whole life, I saw you...I saw you be," Noah grimaced and twisted his lips, again, like he had done when he was younger and facing a tough decision, "I saw you and Mom have this...you were, are-" Noah groaned._

" _What bud?"_

" _Perfect," he spat out. "All I ever knew about any relationship, you taught me. Holding doors, paying, pulling out chairs, letting her try the wine first even though the waiter gives it to the guy...all of it...I thought I was doing everything right." He was tearing at his napkin now, "But it wasn't enough."_

" _Hey, hey," Ed pried the napkin from Noah's fingers, "Sometimes we do everything right and we don't get the desired outcome. It's not over, pal. I know it hurts right now, but this isn't the end. If I woulda given up on your Mom the two of us wouldn't be here right now."_

 _Noah raised his eyebrows._

" _Yeah," Ed continued with a smirk on his face, "She tried to get rid of me."_

" _Seriously?" Noah asked, clearly thinking his Dad's comment was a fib intended to infuse some optimism into the conversation._

" _Seriously."_

" _What'd you do?"_

" _Got really drunk. Woke up the next morning feeling like hell. And decided I'd wait...and get her, and you, back."_

" _Sounds easy."_

" _It wasn't. It was excruciating to wait for her. But I did. And I don't need to tell you what it all was worth."_

 _Noah grinned. He didn't need to be told. "Dad?" He asked in a more cheerful tone._

" _Yeah?"_

" _Do you and Mom still sleep in the middle of the bed like you used to?"_

" _Like we used to?"_

" _I remember coming in there in the morning and you two being so close together...like there was this whole bed and you were using maybe an eighth of it."_

 _Ed finished the bourbon and signaled for another. "Bud, since your mom and I got together, all I've wanted was to be close to her. And I know she gets annoyed with me from time to time. But, yes, we sleep like that, and we always will."_

 _Noah swirled the sip of bourbon that remained in his glass. "I guess relentlessness is the key…" he murmured._

" _That, and romance and respect."_

" _Three R's."_

 _Ed touched his glass to Noah's. "Don't you worry, kid, the three R's work every time. Might take a little while, but they work."_

…..

The sun was starting to set when Ed finally won the last of the kids' desired prizes. Noah and Wyatt both clutched inflatable robots and Maggie was now the owner of a ladybug which was taller and wider than its new owner. Ed haughtily glanced over at Sonny who was still attempting to throw footballs through impossibly narrow rings.

"Justin's hit ten free throws in a row over there," Olivia pointed out under her breath.

Ed shrugged. "I'm more interested in what Carisi's doin."

"More like you can talk more trash to him?"

"Well, yeah." Ed quipped as if Olivia should have known better than to ask.

"Bug, bug, bug, bug," Maggie chanted and walked in circles around her parents. Like her brothers, her face was streaked with powdered sugar, caramel, and red splotches from an Icee. Her vintage She-Ra t-shirt also bore remnants of the day's treats. Nearby, Wyatt and Noah were battling with the robots as the vendors started to pack up for the evening.

"Eddie, I'm starving. Are we eating?" Caroline was standing close to the boys and in constant danger of getting bopped in the head.

"Yeah, Ma, we are. Whaddya want?"

"Burger and a beer."

"Burger and a beer!" Noah echoed. "Da pub has dat!"

They headed to their favorite neighborhood pub and, as luck would have it, the small sidewalk seating area was available and there were enough chairs for their party of ten. The chairs were rickety, so even the twins sat in booster seats. Maggie and Wyatt fussed at first but Sarah distracted them by blowing bubbles from a bottle she pulled from her purse.

"What the hell Sarah?" Caroline asked, "You carry bubbles around?"

"I got them at the carnival!"

"Oh thank God because that's weird as hell, darling."

Noah giggled. "Gramma, you gonna have onion rings?"

"No, sweetie. Fries for me."

"I'm gonna have tater tots but...Sare Bear, you have onion rings?"

"Yes, Noey."

"I can have one?"

"Yep!"

At the other end of the table, Brooke rearranged chairs around Sofia's high chair so Ed and Olivia could sit next to one another. "Thanks," Olivia said, squeezing Brooke's elbow.

Brooke nodded in acknowledgement. She could tell that her father, even after having been in his wife's general presence all day, missed being within arm's length of her. Sure enough, as soon as they were both seated, he slid his chair as close as possible to hers and put his arm around her shoulders. After drinks were served Sonny led the toast, and Ed and Olivia clinked their glasses last, punctuating the "cheers" with a not-so-chaste kiss on the lips. They maintained eye contact and smiled dreamily at one another for a few seconds afterwards. Around them, the four little ones were babbling incessantly. Car horns honked. Passersby chatted with one another or barked into their phones. Caroline bantered with Sonny and Justin. Sarah chided Brooke and told her she better order a salad since the older sister was now _so_ into physical fitness. But Ed and Olivia managed to drift off into their own little world for a moment. When it became clear they'd have to rejoin the others, Ed kissed her again and winked, but he waited until he absolutely needed both hands to remove his arm from her shoulders.

….

 _Ed knew exactly the place. Knowing Olivia didn't want to have to make any decisions, he led her to a tiny Italian joint not far from his apartment and, as luck would have it, they were seated at a cozy table for two in an alcove, as far away from other patrons as was possible in the confined space. Ed ordered a bottle of wine and slid the initial pour to Olivia who nodded her approval. When both glasses were full, he made a simple toast. "To a quiet night," he said softly._

 _She smiled and touched her glass to his. "Cheers."_

" _So," he said, "Ready for Thursday?"_

" _Yes." Her smile widened. "I'm so excited."_

" _So am I." They grinned at each other for a long time. It was the kind of silent interaction that should have made them both uncomfortable, but there was no awkwardness between them anymore. Ed reached for her hand and held it tightly. Since the funeral he'd been mostly at a loss for words. An officer killed in the line of duty was not a new challenge for him, but walking his girlfriend through the trauma was uncharted, delicate territory. "Whatcha most excited to see?"_

 _Olivia cocked her head. "Is it too simplistic for me to say all of it?"_

" _No."_

" _Then that's the answer," she said. As she spoke more she waved her hands around in front of her face. "Walking along the Seine. The Louvre. Notre Dame. The Eiffel Tower. Sitting in a park, maybe a picnic, some wine, bread, cheese, watching Noah run around, and...being there." She squeezed his hand. "With two people I love."_

 _Ed swallowed hard. Inadvertently, or not, he stroked her ring finger with his thumb and when he realized he was doing it his cheeks burned and he hoped she hadn't made the connection. He desperately wanted to marry her. Maybe it was machismo, but he was convinced he could erase all of her pain by making her his wife. Not only that, he wanted to prove to her that her could step in and be the father Noah deserved._

" _It's gonna be a great trip."_

 _The cracks in his voice were obvious and Olivia narrowed her eyes. "What's wrong?"_

" _Not a thing."_

" _You-"_

 _Ed was still holding one hand and he took the other. "It's...this trip...it's a huge deal to me, Liv. I want it to be perfect. It's," Ed fidgeted and his eyes darted around before meeting hers once again, "Like I said before, it'll be nice to get away. But it's also...I know everything's hard right now...but it's also...it feels so right to do this. For the three of us to be getting away. Together. I guess I don't want it to seem like it took a tragedy for us to take a break...a vacation...even though that is the way it is."_

 _Olivia took a deep breath. "I'm terribly sad," she admitted. "But you know I'd want to do this even if it were all different. I want to do a lot of things with you, Ed Tucker." She kissed one of his hands and then the other. "I love you."_

" _I love you, too."_

" _So," she bit her lip and glanced at the menu. "Are we sharing?"_

" _How bout we share, get dessert to go…"_

" _...I love the way you think, sweetheart."_

 _Ed poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue and a naughty smirk started to form on his face. Terms of endearment courtesy of Olivia Benson thrilled him beyond description. They ordered and ate more quickly than usual. Conversation was kept to a minimum. There was an unspoken agreement that they needed to get back to her place sooner rather than later._

 _When they finally arrived at her apartment, Brooke and Sarah, either tired or sensing Ed and Olivia wanted to be alone, left after saying hurried goodbyes. Olivia wasted no time shoving Ed against the wall. While they wrestled for control of the almost-violent liplock, Olivia loosened his belt, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants, and shoved them to the floor. By the time Ed half-carried her to the couch, every article of their clothing had been dropped in random places on the floor among Noah's toys._

 _Ed threw his head back and squeezed her breasts as she straddled him and moved up and down at a pace much slower than he'd expected given the voracious beginning to the night's intimacy._

" _Eddd," she moaned, obviously consumed with erotic bliss._

 _He gasped a throaty, "Goddamn, Liv," and groaned at the pleasure of her leaning forward, gripping his biceps, and quickening the tempo. He held her tightly, closer, and gently bit at her earlobe. Words were impossible now. The room was filled with their pants, cries, and whimpers, and, afterwards, Olivia remained in his lap, breathing hard against his damp skin, one arm tucked between her chest and his. Her other hand massaged his left bicep; the sensation of his taut muscles sent fresh chills up and down her spine._

" _You're so sexy," she mumbled into his neck._

 _Ed whispered, "You are." He stroked her back, turned his head, and gave her a lazy, sloppy kiss._

" _I needed to be with you tonight," she said softly, "I love you, Ed."_

 _The fingers that had been traversing her spine moved to her hair. Ed pressed his forehead to hers and stared into her eyes. "I think we're startin' to realize we need each other."_

" _Yeah we are." They traded a few more kisses and shifted a bit; their positions on the couch were starting to get a bit uncomfortable. Olivia tapped his chin. "Want to try that dessert?"_

 _Ed grinned. "Damn, I forgot about it," he said, "But yes...dessert."_

 _Olivia plucked the box from the table and went to the kitchen. Ed stood up, noticed the couch cushions, and immediately went to the back hall closet._

" _What are you doing?" Olivia asked when he returned._

" _Kinda...a mess out here."_

 _She grinned and slid the tiramisu from its box to a plate. While Ed scrubbed, she grabbed an oversized t-shirt for herself and a pair of boxers and a white t-shirt for him. She tossed him his typical sleepwear and he joined her in the kitchen. They ate the dessert leaning against the counter. Olivia had swept her hair back into a clip and a few loose strands hung loosely along her jaw._

" _So good," she murmured after taking a bite. He was silent for longer than anticipated and she looked up at him, her brown eyes wide and tinged with curiosity. "Do you like it?"_

" _Yup."_

" _What's wrong?"_

" _Nothin," he replied in a soft, raspy voice, "I just can't get over how beautiful you are."_

 _Olivia ducked her eyes. "Captain Tucker, you're embarrassing me."_

" _You're even more gorgeous when you're embarrassed," he touched her cheek, "You start getting red right here. Then…" he paused for effect and smirked._

" _What?"_

" _Then you bite your lip, like ya just did."_

 _Her eyes were glistening with emergent tears, but the corners of her lips curled upwards into a tiny smile. "You...you're getting to know me so well."_

" _I've been payin' a little attention," he replied with a shrug._

 _Olivia dropped her fork and took his face in her hands. "I love that about you, maybe the most."_

 _Ed playfully glanced at the couch. "The most?"_

 _She swatted at the side of his chest. "You know what I mean."_

" _Yeah I do."_

…

 **#Tuckson**


	73. Chapter 73

**Seventy-three.** (Didn't proof, I'm away)

Ed settled into bed next to Olivia. He kissed her cheek and slung an arm around her; as usual, she melted into his chest, sighed a bit, and gripped his forearm. Ed breathed in the scent of her shampoo. "Never switch brands," he whispered, smirking at the feel of her face break into a grin, "Was fun today."

"It certainly was," Olivia replied, "I love it when we're all together like that. Everyone smiling and happy. And I'm _so_ proud of myself for not freaking out when the twins went on the rides."

"I'm proud of you, too."

"After the first one it was all easier. I don't remember being so nervous about Noah...but maybe he was a little older."

Over the course of the afternoon and early evening, Maggie and Wyatt went on the car carousel twice more and on an similarly tame "rollercoaster" which was nautical themed. The riders were seated in one of six bulky tugboats. Maggie and Wyatt sat on either side of Noah and he protectively put his arms across their shoulders. Olivia's favorite part was when they passed the area where the Tucker adults were standing and the twins squealed, "Hi Mama! Hi Dada!"

"Did we put him on a ride the first time we took him?"

"No," Ed replied, "They didn't have the rides that first time. Or maybe...I was too wrapped up in winning prizes and buying cotton candy and impressing you."

Olivia smiled. "I'm sure that was probably it." Her eyelids fluttered closed and she yawned. "Love you, sweetie."

"Night, Liv. I love you."

Silence engulfed the room, but Olivia and Ed did not fall asleep as easily as they should have. Olivia fidgeted. Ed apologized for being so close. Olivia insisted she wanted him there and that an apology was never, ever necessary. Not for wanting to hold her. Hearing this, he smiled and kissed her cheek with his lips parted-it was an offer, really, and Olivia accepted. They made love slowly, sweetly, and tenderly. Ed stroked her face and tried not to gasp for breath too harshly as he came. There were very few combinations more appealing, more pleasurable than gazing at his satisfied wife as he finished inside of her. He didn't want to ruin this particular moment with carnal grunts and groans.

" _Mmmmm_ ," Olivia ran her fingers through his closely cropped hair. Her chest pressed against his as she took a deep breath. Almost all of Ed's weight rested upon her and she shivered at the extra close contact. "I love you," she whispered.

"Love you," he shifted to his side and held her against his chest.

"Okay, seriously," she said though her voice was full of levity, "Sleep."

"Sleep," he repeated.

A few more minutes passed and Olivia spoke again. "Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"Carisi was talking to me about work today…"

"I know."

"How did you know?"

"He kinda commandeered your attention for a while," Ed replied softly, "I put two and two together."

"Of course you did."

"What's goin on?"

"Everything...SVU...keeps going...unfortunately. And some cases come back full circle. Apparently they caught one, similar to one of the Chicago connections-a boy, grew up being abused, now he's the perp... _cycles_...never end…"

"You remember the case?"

"Yes. Vaguely. It was a long time ago. Carisi mentioned it because he saw my notes...noticed my handwriting."

Instinctively, Ed started playing with her fingers. Olivia glanced down at their hands-his thick, a few hangnails, a scratch here and there and hers a couple of shades darker, smooth and elegant, nails painted a soft neutral shade. There were so many things to love about Ed, but those hands represented stability and assurance. A simple touch to her back was enough to fill Olivia with immense gratitude.

"You wish you woulda stayed on longer?" Ed asked cautiously, slightly afraid of the answer.

"You know what?" Olivia cocked her head to one side. "I don't. When he was rambling on and on today-"

She and Ed shared a quick laugh.

"-All I was thinking is, _God, this sounds exhausting._ And of all the emotions I've been dealing with, exhaustion isn't one of them. I'm not tired anymore. Haven't you noticed that?"

Ed twisted his lips and grimaced. "I dunno if there's a right answer to that one, sweetheart."

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"If I say yes, you might take it as sometimes you looked like hell when ya came home, which," he kissed the tip of her nose, "You never do. If I say no, I sound like an asshole."

"Withdrawn, then," Olivia replied. "Maybe that was a little unfair."

"I think…" Ed murmured, "What I've noticed isn't...you being less tired. It's, well, I can tell when something's bothering you, I see it in your face, and I haven't seen it in a while, so, yeah, I've noticed a difference. Still a lot goin' on, but I nothin's ever going to weigh on ya like SVU."

"At least we hope not?"

"No," Ed kissed her fingers, "Nothing. Ever."

It was getting difficult for Olivia to fight the drowsiness now. She yawned and smiled as her eyes drifted shut. "You're the first person to say things like that so I believe them," she mumbled.

Ed gave her one last kiss before he, too, surrendered to sleep. "You believing me is a compliment that'll never get old."

…..

 _Over the course of their beach home ownership, the only major redesign had been the back porch. Ed and Olivia were constantly updating and adding to the outdoor kitchen, and they replaced the outdoor furniture cushions at least twice per year. Every spring Ed and Noah spent a weekend at the house repainting, restaining, and otherwise sprucing up the yard. Recently, their work included installing a new swing and pounding nails into two palm trees that were finally mature enough to hold a hammock which Noah tested while Ed, arms akimbo, turned around in a slow circle. He was incredibly proud of their coastal abode._

 _In Manhattan the family's furniture was sleek and modern, but, for the Bethany house, Olivia preferred bulky, cozy sofas and chairs in soft, pastel, beachy colors. In the center of the living room was a large, rustic coffee table locally made with reclaimed wood and metal. The walls represented both Ed's and Olivia's tastes. She chose large, impressionist oil paintings and he became obsessed with finding, purchasing, and framing vintage advertisement posters from local businesses. Family photographs were displayed on every table and shelf. A veritable timeline of years of beach activities snaked through the Tucker home._

 _Ed and Olivia sat together on the loveseat, their usual spot. Ed rested his legs on the table and Olivia curled up, perpendicular to him, her head on his shoulder. They were watching the ten o'clock evening news and passing issues of a local events magazine back and forth._

" _What in the hell are they doing up there?" Ed glanced at the ceiling and tracked Maggie's and Wyatt's footsteps from their side of the second floor to where the master bedroom was located._

" _Maggie! Wyatt!" Olivia called without moving, "Come here!"_

 _The twelve-year-old twins immediately bounded down the stairs and skipped into the living room. Their faces were guilt-free, so Olivia doubted they had been up to any type of criminal behavior. Maggie's sunstreaked brown hair was pulled into a messy, off-center ponytail, her typical summer hairstyle. She and Wyatt both wore school t-shirts and khaki shorts. Their blue eyes were even more prominent against their tanned skin. Around Wyatt's eyes and forehead and along the side of his head the hue was a shade lighter due to his penchant for wearing his goggles either over his eyes or pulled up just over his eyebrows whenever he was outside. The habit was one of his endearing childhood quirks Olivia was happy he had not yet outgrown._

" _What's goin on?" Ed asked._

 _Maggie bounced from foot to foot. "Noah's out there. With a girl!"_

 _Olivia reproachfully shook her head even though she was smiling. "Don't spy on your brother."_

" _Which girl?" Ed asked, smirking as Olivia rolled her eyes._

" _Mallory," Wyatt replied. His eyes drifted to the glass door leading to the back porch. Like his sister, he was wanting to get back to their mission._

" _Which one's that?"_

 _Three lots down from the Tucker home was large, sprawling, three story home owned by a family from Maine. Each summer they hosted an assortment of aunts, uncles, and cousins, so the Tucker kids had no shortage of neighbors to hang out with during the day and, as they got older, at night._

" _He took her on the jet ski today," Maggie replied impatiently._

" _Give them some privacy," Ed said._

" _They're right out there on the beach!" Wyatt protested._

" _Yeah! Everyone can see," Maggie added, "Why can't we?"_

" _You have a different motive," Olivia pointed out._

 _Maggie groaned. "C'mon, Wyatt, let's go out and play cards." She grabbed the Skip-Bo deck from a nearby basket and waved it in front of her face. "Now we have no motive!" She announced with a sly grin._

 _Olivia and Ed dropped their objections. Maggie and Wyatt went outside, slamming the door behind them._

" _Wonder if he'll get a kiss tonight," Ed mumbled._

" _I think they're just friends," Olivia confidently replied. Noah had always been more likely to hang out with a group than go on a date, and he'd never had a serious girlfriend. Both she and Ed assumed this was mostly due to the fact his longstanding, close relationship with Mia had permanently taken him off the teenage dating market even though Noah was adamant in his insistence that he and his childhood best friend were strictly platonic._

" _Every kid needs a summer fling."_

" _I never had one."_

" _Oh come on! Olivia Benson never had to break some poor kid's heart at the end of August?"_

" _Nope. What about you?"_

" _Every summer. Yes. Always had a girlfriend in the summer. Even if I didn't really like her."_

 _Olivia swatted at his belly. "You're horrible."_

" _Maybe...but I couldn't be the only guy without a girlfriend."_

" _I'm shocked you were ever that concerned about your reputation."_

" _I was," Ed admitted with exaggerated shame and a sigh, "But I haven't had to worry about that in a long, long time."_

" _No?"_

" _No," Ed smirked and kissed her, "My rep's been bulletproof since we've been together. I'm the envy of everyone."_

 _Olivia chuckled, "Good for you," she said sarcastically, "But, I hate to tell you, I'm not sure there are many people paying attention anymore."_

" _Oh they are," Ed replied. "Trust me."_

… _.._

On the observation level of the One World Trade building, Noah and Sarah wandered around, pointing out familiar sights, and took innumerable selfies. The pair had been to the top of all of Manhattan's skyscrapers, and this one was still Noah's favorite. Not only could they enjoy the views, but there was a restaurant and a bar where Sarah always treated him to fancy non-alcoholic cocktails. After a few laps around, they found a table for two facing northeast and enjoyed their drinks.

"Sare Bear I wish they had ropes up here so we could swing around to da next building like Spiderman!"

"Noey, that would be extremely scary."

"Not scary," Noah said, "If you hold on real tight and you prolly need some gloves. And maybe some shoes that are spiky or sticky, then ya push off and _zoom_! Ya jus' go to the next one and the next!"

"We'll work on that plan," Sarah tightened her blonde ponytail by dividing it into two sections and yanking each in opposite directions. "So, other than you doing stunts across Manhattan, what else is new?"

Noah's eyes grew wide, "Did you _know_ ," he said dramatically, "Mia's Mommy and Daddy don't live in the same house anymore?"

"I hadn't heard," Sarah leaned forward on her elbows, "What happened?"

Noah shrugged. "I dunno. Mia said her Mommy wanted to go live with where her horses are and her Daddy said no, so now they have one, two houses!"

"Oh," Sarah said, "Well, some people have two houses. Like you. You have a beach house and then you also have the apartment here in the city."

"But Mia's Daddy isn't 'lowed at da horse house!"

" _Really_?"

"Uh-huh," Noah took a gulp up his drink and wiped the dribble of pineapple juice from his chin using his sleeve.

"Is Mia sad?"

"No."

"Oh, well, sounds like maybe it's all working out for the best," Sarah concluded. "That's some pretty serious news you had for me."

"You have some news?" Noah asked with genuine interest.

Sarah giggled. He sounded so much older than six-going-on-seven. "We're training a bunch of newbies, that means new people we hired, and they're young so they don't know anything, so it's been a struggle." Sarah groaned. For her, the last few weeks had indeed been exasperating, "So that's why I missed last Wednesday," she explained. "Sorry, cutie."

"S'okay! Mommy and Daddy and da babies got me and we had ice cream _before_ dinner!"

"Lucky!"

"Yeah."

"Oh, and the big news is," Sarah said theatrically, "This is Justin's last week riding with the ambulances! He's going to work for his professor full time and get his doctorate!"

"Whassat?"

"It means you are an expert in whatever you're studying. So Justy's going to study really hard and he'll be Dr. Vidal!"

"That's cool!"

"Sure is."

"I wanna be a doctor, too!"

"The kind that makes people feel better or the kind like Justin who reads a lot and writes papers and does research?"

Noah twisted his lips and pondered the question for a minute. "I think...the Justy kind. What's he gonna write about?"

"About kids and their parents-people who need some extra help because they had some hard times when they were growing up. He wants to show the government how they can make sure kids get a good education and are cared for and, at the same time, their parents can get better jobs." Sarah wasn't sure Noah was following her watered-down explanation of Justin's complicated project, so she paused.

Eventually Noah nodded his head and grinned after he figured everything out in his head. "Justy loves helpin' people," he concluded. "B'fore, with da ambulance and da bag he helped 'em after they got hurt!"

"Yeah," Sarah smiled sweetly at the thought of her husband who not only had a huge heart but also had a calling to make a difference in the lives of others, "He's a good helper for sure. So," she tapped the tabletop and looked around, "What else do you want to do today? Where should we eat?"

"C'we go to play skee ball?"

"Absolutely! And then we can get some noodles or dumplings for dinner."

"Kay!"

"Noey, you are the most delightful companion on this whole Earth. Promise me we'll always have our dates? Even when you're a hundred and fifty."

"Sare Bear, people don't get that old."

"Maybe someday they will. Be optimistic."

"What's that mean?"

"That you always think on the bright side, always think good things!"

"Okay, I'll be opt-mistic," Noah said, "Can we have another one a these please?" He lifted his empty glass.

"Of course. You can have anything you want."

….

 _A familiar number popped up on Olivia's office phone and she smiled at the screen. She let Ed's call ring a few times before picking up and answering with a coquettish "Hey." She pictured Ed leaning back in his chair, smirking, holding the phone with one hand and spinning a pen between his thumb and forefinger with the other._

" _Hey," he replied. "How's is going over there?"_

" _Fine."_

" _Just fine? Well, lemme make your day better."_

" _How are you gonna do that?"_

" _One of the attorneys of a guy who lived in that homeless shelter," Ed explained in a more formal tone, "Filed a complaint about Carisi's undercover op. It's nothing, baseless, but I have to at least review the file and his notes. Can I come over and pick it up this afternoon? Maybe bring you lunch?"_

 _Olivia peered into the squad room. The day had been oddly slow. She felt bad wishing they would catch another intense, fast-pace case like the one they'd recently solved. Working only felt normal when they were busy. During down time their interactions felt strained and awkward, at least to Olivia. To her, everyone was trying so hard to be normal they created the exact opposite atmosphere._

" _How about I bring it to you?" Olivia suggested. "I wouldn't mind getting out of here for a while."_

" _You sure?"_

 _Olivia told him she was, took his lunch order, and strode out of the building. Less than forty-five minutes later she knocked on Ed's office door even though it was ajar. He responded with a gruff "come in" and his face filled with remorse when he realized it was her and not a colleague requesting entry._

" _That didn't take ya long," He stood up, set the lunch bags on the credenza, and nudged the door closed with his foot. "You're staying to eat right? Lemme take your coat."_

" _I was planning on it," Olivia replied. Before Ed could help her with the trench she handed over the file. "Here's everything."_

" _Thanks." He tossed it haphazardly next to the food and slid the coat from her shoulders._

" _Ruse?" She asked, her eyebrow cocked and her lips ready for the impending kiss._

" _Nah, I really need it," he said in a soft, low voice, "But I really needed to see you, too, so," he shrugged, "Two birds..." Ed threaded his fingers through her hair and gave her a deep, passionate kiss. He backed her against the wall. Other than softs smacks and moans, the only sounds in the room were belts and shields colliding at their waists. "This is, by far," he whispered against her lips, "The best thing to ever happen in this office."_

" _Yours is more private than mine," Olivia said, "All those windows…"_

" _Goddamn horrible windows."_

 _They grinned at each other. Their eyes sparkled and cheeks flushed with hints of arousal._

" _Wanna eat?" Ed asked._

" _Sure," Olivia replied in a tone tinged with disappointment. She actually wanted more of Ed, but that would have to wait until later, after Noah had gone to bed and they retreated to her sofa for a drink and classic sitcom reruns. She sized him up as he unpacked the food-he was so sexy in his dark suits, freshly dry-cleaned shirts, and sleek ties, but she couldn't wait to see him in his sweats, and then, after they went to bed, in nothing at all._

" _Damn, still extremely hot, careful with yours."_

 _They sat on opposite sides of Ed's desk and ate slowly in order to prolong their time together. Ed stirred the ramen and blew on each bite before shoveling it into his mouth. It was an act, like many she'd witnessed over the past several months, that seemed wildly out of character for the tough IAB investigator._

" _Good," he murmured. "You get the same thing?"_

" _I did. It's their classic. The only thing Carisi orders there. So," she grinned, "Please don't get rid of him. He's full of valuable tips."_

" _Pro forma," Ed replied. "Nothin' to worry about."_

" _Excellent."_

" _Supposed to be another terrible weekend weather-wise. You, uh, you wanna take Noah up to Legoland Saturday or Sunday? Make a day of it?"_

" _Legoland," Olivia said the name of the amusement center slowly as she broke into a huge smile. "I bet Noah will love it."_

" _Looks fun."_

" _Been researching kid-friendly getaways, Captain?"_

 _Ed stopped eating and gazed into her eyes. "Yeah I have."_

" _The weekend's clear," Olivia reached for one of his hands, "Legoland it is."_

" _Then after maybe we can find somewhere interesting to eat up there."_

" _I love the way this whole thing is coming together," Olivia said. "How about we go Saturday...then that gives us Saturday night?"_

 _Ed lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles. "Really lookin' forward to it, Lieutenant."_

" _So am I...and Noah will be too. Are we seeing you for dinner tonight?"_

" _Sure."_

 _Olivia groaned, "I wish I could cut out early, leave now, but, no can do."_

" _Some other time."_

" _Yeah…" Olivia glanced down at her half-empty bowl. "We may be having leftover ramen for dinner."_

" _Nah, I'll cook."_

" _Again?"_

" _Yes, again. Probably a bad time to ask what you feel like eating."_

" _Probably."_

" _Then I'll surprise you," Ed watched her put the lid on the bowl, "Gonna head back?"_

" _Yes." Olivia stood up, planted her palms on the desk, and leaned forward for a kiss. "I'll see you tonight."_

 _Smiling dazedly at the kiss, he replied, "Hope the rest of your day goes by fast."_

" _Same to you. Seven-ish?"_

" _I'll be there."_

….

Reading glasses perched on their noses, Ed and Olivia sat against the headboard concentrating more on their phones than Noah and the twins who were camped out at the other end of the bed watching shows on the rarely-used bedroom flat screen.

"Got me by not much that game," Ed mumbled, tapping the _rematch_ icon, "You're goin' down this time, Benson."

"We'll see about that. Hah! Yahtzee! First roll!"

"Ugh," Ed grumbled. "Well, it's early." He kissed her cheek and whispered, "I'm gonna owe you big time."

Olivia eyed their three pajama-clad children. They were sharing one pillow and engrossed in the newest version of _Boss Baby._ Wyatt's fist was already in his mouth, signaling sleep was imminent, but Maggie and Noah looked nowhere near ready to turn in for the night. She predicted Noah would request to sleep "all in the big bed" so whatever Ed was planning on "paying" her would most likely have to wait until the next night.

Since Brooke introduced Ed and Olivia to the Yahtzee app, they had developed an addiction for the game. Not only did they relish the competition, but they enjoyed trash talking each other through the chat feature. It was silly and fun and another simple kind of intimacy they shared.

When Ed won the current game after a remarkable, two-Yahtzee comeback, Olivia reacted by shouting "NO!" so loud it startled all three kids. Wyatt scrambled to his knees, Maggie dove at Olivia's legs, and Noah sat up, his face crinkled and full of concern.

Olivia laughed and hoisted Maggie above her head. "Daddy came back and won, Maggie May! Mommy was beating him but he got really, really lucky!" She nuzzled Maggie's neck until the little girl was consumed with giggles. Wyatt scrambled for his turn as soon as Maggie was on her back between Ed and Olivia.

Noah, however, didn't readily join in the fun. "Wha'happened?" He asked.

Ed explained how he'd been losing by a hundred points but caught up with his final two rolls. Noah accepted the explanation, but wasn't completely assuaged. "You mad 'cause ya lost, Mommy?"

"No, honey," Olivia said, a little breathless from lifting Wyatt up and down. "I won _wayyy_ more games than Daddy, so I'm very, very happy. And, I'd be happy even if I didn't win because I'm here with my family and I love you so much."

"What's the matter bud?" Ed pulled Noah into his lap. "You know we don't get mad when we play games. Even if we lose...that's part of playing, remember?"

"You gonna move to a diff'rent house?" Noah asked.

By the time Sarah dropped Noah off, they had spent two hours at the arcade, had dinner, and stopped at her apartment, so she'd forgotten to mention what Noah had told her about Mia's parents, if, that is, she remembered in the first place. Unintentionally left in the dark, Ed and Olivia were blindsided by Noah's serious question.

"No, I'm not moving to a different house." Ed made sure to directly and clearly address the question first. "Why'd ya think I'd do that?"

Noah launched into the same story he'd told Sarah. Ed and Olivia exchanged worried glances. Noah needed reassurance that his parents weren't separating, but Ed saw the wheels turning in Olivia's head. She needed to know whether or not Mia would be staying in Manhattan or moving out to Long Island with her mother.

"Sweet boy," Olivia reached over to smooth his hair and gently pat his cheek, "Daddy and I are always, always going to live in the same house, okay? Neither one of us is ever going to move away."

"But what if ya get really, really mad?"

Ed held Noah even more tightly. "If we get mad we talk about it," he explained, "Everyone gets mad sometimes, Noah. But Mommy and I know that we have to talk and listen to each other, then we're not mad anymore," Ed kissed the top of Noah's head, "And I love your Mommy way too much," he added, his voice softening, "To live anywhere else."

Noah looked to Olivia, needing reassurance from her as well.

"I'm never leaving Daddy, honey," she said, "I love him and he's my best friend."

"And he cooks all da food!" Noah quipped and started giggling. It was contagious and he fell into a heap with the twins.

"Hey," Olivia objected good-naturedly and started tickling them, "I cook sometimes!"

"Ahhhhh!" Noah shrieked and managed to retort, "Daddy makes your fav'rites!"

"That's true."

"Like tacos!"

"TAH-OHS!"

"Tahohtahohtahoh!"

"Daddy," Noah disentangled himself from his siblings and sat up, "You wanna make us tacos _right_ _now_?"

"It's almost bedtime, pal. Tacos tomorrow."

"C'we sleep here?" He asked.

"No sweet boy. It's a school night. Everyone in their own beds on school night."

" _Please_? Jus' till I fall asleep then Daddy can carry me to to my bed?"

As if she figured it would be tougher for her parents to say no if she were already under the covers, Maggie peeled back the blanked and top sheet and curled up next to Olivia. Wyatt was already snuggled at her side.

Ed turned to Olivia and they nodded at one another.

"Okay," Olivia said. "Only until you fall asleep."

"Kay."

Ed got up and went to get the twins' blankets. He returned with three of their favorite bedtime books. Olivia turned off the movie and dimmed the lights. Soon, the kids were dozing off, the reading glasses were back on, and Ed and Olivia were back battling for Yahtzee wins.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	74. Chapter 74

_**Seventy-four.**_

 _Boss_ _Baby_ had become the Tucker kids' fall movie obsession. The original hit had premiered a few years prior, but the creators followed up with _Bossier Baby_ and then _Even Bossier Baby._ The latest release featured a new baby sister and Noah immediately recognized the similarities between the characters and his own family. He and the twins watched the movies constantly, even during the week as they ate breakfast standing around the coffee table. Between bites of eggs, waffles, or whatever Ed or Olivia prepared for them, they recited the movie lines and took turns declaring "I'm the boss!"

Most days, Ed and Olivia operated without a strict timeline after they dropped Noah off at school. If Olivia went in to the Benson Center she arrived mid-morning or later if they had errands to run or if they took the twins to the park. On this particular day, however, Olivia was taking Wyatt to the set of the show. She had been consulting more frequently as the production gained fans and traction. The most recent script included a character who had a toddler son and one of the producers suggested Wyatt play the little boy. All Wyatt had to do was smile in the arms of the actress as her character spoke to detectives, so Olivia and Ed agreed.

With the three kids occupied and a good hour left before they had to leave, Ed wandered into the bathroom intending to take a quick shower. Olivia must have just finished blow drying her hair because Ed caught a whiff of the faint charcoal odor before he wrapped his arms around his wife and kissed her neck.

"You're beautiful," he whispered.

Olivia smiled at him through the mirror and replied with a sweet, "thank you." She tilted her head back, allowing him more room, and entangled her fingers with his.

Ed raised his eyebrows when he realized she was nudging his hands lower. "Yeah?" he asked softly and maybe a bit hopefully. The prospect of a morning quickie thrilled him.

"Yeah."

Together, they bunched the fabric of her oversized night shirt in their combined fist. Ed stroked her in a circular pattern and shivered when Olivia ran her fingernails up his arm then reached back and curled her wrist around his neck.

"God Ed," she sighed, " _Amazing_."

"How bout now?" He thrust his fingers inside of her. With his other arm he held her more tightly and adjusted the angle so he could get more aggressive.

"Even better," she managed to croak. She felt Ed growing harder and harder against her. "Hurry," she said, "Lock the door." The last thing Olivia wanted was for him to finish what she started all alone in the shower.

Ed shoved his shorts down far enough to free his erection. Olivia watched their reflection in the mirror and smiled. Ed sucked at her neck and clutched her left thigh; he smirked when Olivia responded to his first thrust with a sharp, yet approving breath.

"Harder," she commanded. When he complied she moaned, " _Yessss_! Oh, like that. _Yesss_." Ed was working furiously and Olivia felt his skin dampen against hers. She cried out again, quivering, going almost limp in his arms, and when he pulsated and came inside of her, the familiar feeling of being completely satisfied in his arms was intensified by the impromptu nature of this particular bathroom tryst.

"Goddamn I love you," Ed gasped and kissed her with his mouth wide open. He pictured her showing up on set still flushed with afterglow and he shivered again.

Olivia slapped at his hips. "You're so good, Captain."

Ed smirked proudly and kissed her again. He clasped his hands behind her back and they swayed together for a moment.

"Get in the shower," she eventually said, "I'll, um, get cleaned up and get the kids ready."

"You sure?" Ed showed no signs of letting her go.

"Yes."

"I won't be long," he said, "What time do you and our movie star have to be there?"

"Ten."

"Time to get a coffee after we take Noah?"

"Of course."

"When are we gonna get away, just the two of us, again?" He leaned in and whispered the next sentence, "I wanna make love to you all day."

Olivia grinned. "Surely we can beg or bribe someone to stay with the kids one of these weekends."

"Give me twenty-four hours," Ed replied confidently, "I'll make it happen."

"Where will we go, Captain?"

Ed shrugged. "I don't know...and, if you're there, I'm not sure I care."

…

 _While the fourth-graders waited impatiently for Field Day to officially begin, the adult volunteers, each dressed in a bright, lime green shirt, listened to instructions given by the Physical Education Director. She read from a prepared list and assigned each person to a particular station. Olivia was sent to the softball throw and Ed and a few other fathers were manning Tug o' War. Ed was disappointed he wasn't working with his wife until he noticed the stations were next to each other-close enough for him to casually stare at Olivia and shoot her the occasional naughty smirk._

 _The teachers led stretches for the students and then released the kids to their first events. They were divided into teams of ten and identified by different color shirts. Maggie was part of the yellow team and Wyatt wore orange. Before they left that morning Ed privately joked to Olivia that their youngest son looked like he was training to work at Home Depot._

 _Olivia and her partner quickly established an efficient system for recording the throw distance and returning the softballs to the next participant. Olivia stood in the "outfield," shouted the measurement, and returned the ball. She approached the job in a businesslike manner until Maggie's team arrived and her competitiveness took over._

" _Hi Mommy!" Maggie shouted and waved from the line. The yellow tee-shirt was too big and Maggie tied the shirttail in a knot at her waist. Her brown hair was pulled back in a ponytail, but loose strands flew around in the breeze. Maggie's legs showed signs of a kid who played hard-there were patches of lighter skin where scab had been, a purple bruise on her left knee, and a few other innocuous scrapes._

" _Hi sweet girl!" Olivia jogged over for a quick hug. "How's it going? Having fun?"_

" _We won the relay race," Maggie reported breathlessly, "But we lost soccer. To Wyatt's team! Wyatt doesn't even play real soccer but he went," Maggie moved one hand in the air in a snake-like pattern, "Like this and was really fast!"_

 _Olivia wasn't surprised. Even though Wyatt's sport of choice was swimming, he liked to play most sports and picked up on new skills quickly. He was probably the best athlete of the three kids, but he was the least interested in competition. Maggie and Noah hated losing. Wyatt would gleefully celebrate a victory, but easily shrugged off defeats._

" _Well, you and your team can pick up some points here," Olivia replied, "Remember to step into your throw."_

 _Maggie practiced her technique in slow motion._

" _Yep, that's it," Olivia said._

 _Over at Tug o' War, Ed snuck a glance at his wife and smirked. She was waiting for the throws but her shoulders were tense. He could tell she desperately wanted Maggie to win. Ed let the other two volunteers handle a couple of rounds so he could watch his wife and daughter. When it was Maggie's turn, she confidently stepped up to the line, slapped her hair away from her eyes, wound up, and threw the ball. It flew in a high arc, straight at Olivia, and landed far beyond any previous attempt._

 _Olivia beamed, "Great throw, Maggs!"_

 _Ed clapped his hands and shouted, "Way to go, Maggie May!"_

 _Maggie grinned and turned back to her team. She slapped hands as she jogged back to her place in line._

 _One of the other fathers was watching as well. "She's got an arm on her."_

 _Ed turned around and nodded, "Yeah, she's been playin' softball for a couple years now."_

" _Send her to any camps? Looks like she's had a lot of practice."_

" _Nah, just tossing the ball around in the park with us and her brothers."_

" _Dad!"_

 _Ed snapped his head in the direction of Wyatt's voice. He and the orange team had arrived to take on the waiting blue team. Ed went over and asked Wyatt the same general questions Olivia had asked Maggie. Wyatt, though, reported that his team had not lost one competitive event and accounted for fifty pushups and twenty pull ups._

" _Wow, bud, that's impressive! Good thing you have a strong team-the blue team hasn't been beaten in tug o' war."_

 _Wyatt stretched his arms and sized up the opponents. "We can beat them." He kicked the ground and inspected the tread of his NIkes, "I wish I had my cleats."_

" _You'll be alright. But we'll remember for next year."_

 _Ed helped Wyatt's team line up strategically. On the whistle, he and his orange-clad comrades had no problem out-tugging the other team. Ed clapped his hands and congratulated the winners. Olivia, however, let out a loud whoop from the softball field._

" _WAY TO GO ORANGE!" She yelled with a wide smile plastered on her face._

 _Ed grinned back at her but shook his head. "So competitive," he mumbled to himself. Most other parent volunteers robotically went about their duties, but Olivia wholeheartedly performed hers. She cheered for everyone (for Maggie and Wyatt the loudest) and encouraged even the least skilled participants. He was sure she would sit through the awards ceremony on the edge of her seat, hoping Maggie and Wyatt would win individual honors and that their teams would place high enough to win one of the shiny fake gold trophies displayed at the school's entrance._

 _During a water break, he wandered over to Olivia's side. "Hey there," he gave her hand a quick, surreptitious squeeze, "Havin a good time?"_

" _Yes," she replied, grinning and sporting flushed cheeks, "Maggie's throw is still the best...boys and girls. I don't think her team is in the overall lead though," she added, "They didn't do well in soccer."_

" _Wyatt said his team hasn't lost anything."_

" _Orange had a lot of good athletes," Olivia remarked, biting her lip, "I wonder how they chose the teams."_

" _Had to be random," Ed speculated, "To be fair."_

" _Maybe that's why they didn't put Maggs and Wyatt on the same team."_

" _They'd dominate."_

 _Ed was joking, but Olivia responded with utmost sincerity. "They would."_

 _Ed couldn't help but chuckle._

" _What?"_

" _You're funny."_

" _Why do you say that?"_

" _Because you're so_ _into this_ _."_

" _Hey," Olivia quipped, "Go hard or go home, right?"_

 _Ed couldn't resist. He gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "That's right, my dear. That's right."_

…

The first stop for Olivia and Wyatt at the production studio was a large conference room where the episode's writers and directors sat down for a quick briefing before the day's filming got underway. Olivia's place was marked with a card printed with her name and title. A fresh glass of ice water sat on a coaster imprinted with the company's logo. One of the assistants added an iced coffee.

"Almond milk; light sugar?"

"That's right," Olivia said with a gracious smile.

Wyatt lunged forward and reached for the cup. "My Stahbucks!"

"Oh, no, no no, sweet Wyatt," Olivia adjusted her grip on the toddler, "No coffee for you. I have your drink in the bag. Thirsty?"

"No dink!" Wyatt crinkled his nose, "Stahbucks!"

The members of the production team broke into polite laughter and the comely assistant stepped back to Olivia's side, "Would you like to me to run and get him something without caffeine?"

"No, no," Olivia replied, "He's fine."

"Ah, he's part of the cast," one of the writers interjected. She simpered at Wyatt, "He needs a treat. How about a mango smoothie? My daughter's three...she loves them."

"He'll love that. Thank you," Olivia kissed Wyatt's chubby cheeks and snuggled him. "Your Starbucks is on its way, baby boy."

Wyatt grinned and kicked his feet.

"Happy kid," another writer remarked.

"Is he dressed okay?" Olivia asked of Wyatt's tan khaki pants and navy striped button-down shirt. On his feet were brand new brown chukka boots that matched the pair she'd bought Noah for the beginning of the school year. This was Wyatt's first opportunity to wear them.

One of the directors answered. "He is. We'll need him in pajamas for the second scene, but we won't film that until later this week."

"Oh, I thought this was a one-day thing."

"We made some alterations to the script and added a scene. If it's a problem we can try to squeeze it in today...we'll have to change the set."

"Don't do that," Olivia said, "It's not a problem to come back."

Everyone seated around the table smiled and nodded approvingly. They proceeded to summarize the scenes that would be filmed that day. As they were concluding the conversation, the assistant returned with a small mango smoothie and Wyatt squealed excitedly when she put it in his hands. Olivia reminded him to say thank you.

He beamed and shouted, "TAYOU!"

"If he goes on to do anymore acting," the assistant said, "Make sure to write mango smoothies into his contract!"

"Will do," Olivia murmured into the side of Wyatt's head knowing it was a long-shot to think she and Ed would allow their son to become a child actor. "Alright, Wyatt Edward. Are you ready to meet Marisa? She's so nice."

"Missa!"

Olivia and Wyatt were taken to another room and soon joined by the actor who would play Wyatt's mother. Either she or the assistant had done their research because she carried a yellow dump truck in one hand and a stuffed dinosaur in another. Wyatt wriggled out of Olivia's arms and ran to the toys. He loaded the dinosaur onto the truck and pushed it around. Marisa sat on the floor and she and Wyatt took turns rolling the truck to one another. Olivia stood off to the side. She knew it was important for the show to have Wyatt warm up to the actor, but it was a tiny bit painful to see her normally-clingy little boy so quickly befriend the stranger.

Perhaps sensing his mother's unease, Wyatt plucked the dinosaur from the truck and gave it to Olivia. "Dino, Mama! _RAWWWR_!"

"Thank you!"

Wyatt babbled something that sounded like a jumbled "you're welcome" and ran back to the truck. A few minutes later someone popped in and summoned everyone to set. Wyatt abandoned the truck and dinosaur without protest and half-skipped alongside his mother and Marisa.

"To set!" Olivia said to him.

"T'SET!" Wyatt giggled and repeated the words, "T'SET!"

…

 _Olivia turned around in her chair and stared out into the dark, rainy night. Carisi and Rollins were on their way upstate to intercept Carl Rudnick and Fin had gone home for a few hours' rest. To say she was exhausted would be an understatement; Olivia barely had the energy to swivel back to face her desk, and she groaned to herself when the desk Sergeant called her name from the squad room._

 _She tilted her body from side to side, trying to catch a glimpse of a visitor, but there was no one other than the Sergeant and the usual patrolmen weaving around the detectives' desks. Groaning again, Olivia stood up and walked on achy feet to the desk._

" _What's goin' on?"_

" _Delivery."_

 _He indifferently slid her a brown paper bag and continued shuffling papers and folders around his desk leaving Olivia to inspect the package on her own. She hadn't ordered food, so the unexpected meal was a bit disconcerting. She gingerly flipped over the receipt stapled to the top of the bag._

 _Chicken Lo Mein._

 _Egg rolls._

 _Soda._

 _And the word_ _ **PAID**_ _written in large block letters._

 _Baffled, Olivia nevertheless took the bag back to her office and took a second look at the receipt before removing the contents. She noticed the name of the restaurant and whoever wrote the order had placed her middle initial between her first and last names. Nervous energy swirled in her gut._

 _The sender was Ed Tucker._

 _Now that she knew the package didn't contain an explosive device or something else that would injure or kill her, she spread her meal out on her desk and took a bite of an egg roll before calling to thank Tucker._

 _As usual, he picked up immediately and answered with a raspy "Hey."_

" _Thank you for dinner," she said, sounding slightly flustered. "I, uh, it was a nice surprise."_

" _Heard everything that's goin' down," he replied, "And it's easy to forget to eat."_

" _Sure is."_

" _Sorry about the soda...they couldn't do coffee. But I can bring you some later if you want."_

" _Soda's good," Olivia replied, "And once Carisi and Rollins check in from up there I'll go home. They won't be back until tomorrow anyway. So...can we do that coffee in the morning?"_

" _Sure."_

" _Ed, thank you," she said sweetly, "This was so nice. So thoughtful."_

" _Enjoy, Sergeant."_

" _I will," Olivia found herself disappointed that their conversation was ending and she almost wished Tucker had delivered dinner in person so they could eat together. "I'll see you tomorrow? The same Gregory's where we went before?"_

" _I'll be there."_

" _Great."_

" _Oh, hey, Sergeant? What time?"_

" _Eight?"_

" _Eight it is."_

…

Olivia kissed Noah goodnight, placed the book they'd finished back in its place on the shelf, and joined Ed on the couch in the living room. He was watching the news with the volume low and kissed the side of Olivia's head when she nearly sat in his lap while cozying up to him. The room was bathed in soft light from one lamp and the aquarium glowed blue against the light gray walls.

"How's the mother of the movie star?"

"She's sleepy," Olivia replied through a yawn, "Long day."

"Didn't expect you home so late."

"Me neither. They must have shot that scene a hundred different ways. This'll be our first and last foray into acting. I don't know how people do it...but I suppose they make it worth it with the salaries."

Ed agreed. "Too many horror stories of what it does to kids."

"Not worth the risk."

"Nope. But, he was good?"

"Perfect," Olivia replied, "I think he liked watching everyone move around behind the cameras. They had to start over a couple times when he pointed at something and started talking, but he really was good."

"We'll have to have everyone over and watch it."

"Definitely."

Ed sat up, suddenly interested in something that was on the screen. "Lookit that!" He said brightly.

The anchors were doing a segment on a movie theatre in Sweden that boasted double beds rather than regular seats. The camera panned around the theatre as its manager narrated in accented English; the space looked more like a mattress warehouse than a venue for viewing films.

"Now _that's_ a great idea. You know how I hate those huge armrests." Ed remarked. He kissed Olivia again, "We need one of those in New York...or...maybe I'll just take ya to Sweden."

"Seriously?" Olivia jovially screwed up her face. "You wouldn't last through the previews."

Ed raised his eyebrows. "And you would?"

Olivia leaned in for another kiss and whispered, "Probably not. It'd be a waste of, what? Thirty dollars?"

"We could do way more than thirty dollars worth right here," Ed eased Olivia onto her back and crawled on top of her, "Dontcha think?" He slowly placed soft kisses on her neck and answered his own question, "Yeah...we're already at _wayyyy_ more than thirty. But you know what? I wouldn't mind making love to you in Sweden."

"Should we," Olivia gasped, "Maybe-" Another gasp. "Go to bed...before someone catches us... _kissinglayingdownonthecouch_?"

Ed chuckled into her neck. "We better do that," he rasped, "Cause I wanna do way more than kiss you."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	75. Chapter 75

**Seventy-five.**

Perched on his knees on one of Caroline's dining room chairs, Noah carefully picked up each decades-old photograph, thoroughly studied the image, and placed it back on the table. He had rolled up the sleeves of his burgundy school uniform shirt, and the expression on his face was all business. After a day of traditional learning, Noah was getting a history lesson (and dinner) at his Grandmother's house.

"Gramma," Noah murmured, "In dese pictures you have long hair and it's _BLACK_!"

"When you get older you get white hair," Caroline replied matter-of-factly from the kitchen where she was slicing bread. "Look at the ones from when your Daddy was little. He had dark hair, too."

One of Noah's hands flew to his head, "I'm gonna have white hair?"

"Someday! But a very, very long time from now."

"This one looks like our street!" Noah exclaimed, "Cept there's no color."

Brooke, who had picked up Noah from school and drove him and Sofia to Riverdale for the visit, came over and peered at the image. "That's where Grandma lived when she first got married to Grandpa John. It's by...it's by where we go on the path to the water. You know? When we ride to the statue and see New Jersey?"

" _Yeahhh_ ," Noah replied slowly, "But I don't know Grandpa John!"

"I know," Brooke replied softly. She picked up a picture of her Grandfather and stared at it. Her father had inherited John Tucker's long, narrow face, but the rigid cheekbones and blue eyes were definitely from Caroline's side of the family. "He died a long time ago."

"Like Angela."

"Yeah."

"And like Eric."

"Who's Eric?"

"Our Tetra. He died and Daddy buried him by da park so he could get back to the water in fish heaven," Noah explained with grave sincerity.

It took every ounce of restraint Brooke had not to laugh. "Daddy _buried_ it?"

"Yep. We had a funeral."

Caroline had heard the entire exchange. She came into the room with a tray of chips and dip, set it between Noah and Brooke, and took a seat at the opposite end of the table. "You're Daddy's a good man just like his Daddy," she said, "And you'll be a good man like them, too. Do you know what your Grandpa John liked to do?"

"What?" Noah asked, his eyes wide with interest.

"After a long day at work, he'd take your Daddy and your aunt and uncle and they'd go to the pub for a snack and a drink, then he'd get the kids a new spaldeen and throw stickball batting practice until supper. Then after supper the neighborhood game would start and go on until it got too dark to see."

"What's _spal-deen_? An stickball?"

"A spaldeen is a pink rubber ball," Caroline flapped a hand at Brooke, "Look it up on the Google, Brookey. And stickball is like baseball but the kids didn't use bats-they used broomsticks."

Brooke laughed softly at the description, but Noah was still as serious as ever. "There a picture of stickball in here?"

"I think so," Caroline rummaged through the box for a few minutes. Despite the disorganized jumble of snapshots, she seemed to be able to sense the general location of the desired picture. "Here it is! Yep. There's Grandpa-see, he's throwing the ball to your Daddy."

The expression on Noah's face startled Brooke. Though the corners of his mouth curled upwards, despair collected in his eyes and, for a second, he resembled a wounded old man. Brooke wondered whether or not he was old enough to feel regret for not being able to meet people who were no longer alive. She expected more questions, but not the one he asked.

"Gramma?" He asked softly, "Can I have dis?"

"Sure, sweetheart. Would you like a frame for it? I bet I have one around here somewhere."

Noah nodded, "I'm gonna put it on my table in my room. I _love_ dis picture."

"It is a good one," Caroline said. She got up and kissed the top of his head. "I'll go find a frame."

"Thanks, Gramma."

"Anything for you, dear boy."

…

 _The bib number pinned to Noah's dri-fit t-shirt had worked its way loose at one corner and flapped in the breeze as he ran toward the finish line. Each year the NYPD hosted a 5K race and Fun Run to benefit the families of fallen officers. Olivia typically skipped these types of non-mandatory events, but her weekend was free thanks to the time she took off in the wake of Noah's adoption. Also, Ed Tucker had mentioned he was running and suggested Noah take part in the children's event. As Olivia speed-walked alongside Noah (she wasn't quite ready to let him go unaccompanied), she vowed to one day run the event herself. Maybe she'd train enough to compete with Ed who, despite smoking the occasional cigarette, still finished the course in under thirty minutes._

 _Olivia jogged a little ahead of Noah so she could snap pictures of him as he ran through the inflatable blue-and-white tunnel. Volunteers cheered and whistled and one of them placed a medal around Noah's neck._

" _Good job, sweet boy!" Olivia exclaimed. She picked him up and swung him around. "You ran so fast!"_

 _Noah inspected the medal. It featured the race's logo ringed with silver and gold. "Pize!" He said brightly, holding it in front of his mother's eyes._

" _Yes, that's right! A prize! A prize for Noah!"_

 _Olivia held him up high. The medal swung in the air and hit her chin. When she whirled around, she saw Ed walking toward them. Olivia did a double take. The sight of him in navy athletic shorts and a white sleeveless t-shirt was thrilling and a bit fascinating. Olivia inconspicuously checked out his surprisingly suntanned legs-she assumed he spent most of his days in suits-and his arms were solid, thick, and dotted with dark freckles. She imagined how those biceps would look if Ed held Noah how she just did and pleasant shivers tickled her spine. Ed Tucker was inching his way into her life, and Olivia wasn't quite sure what to make of it yet, but she couldn't deny his sex appeal._

" _Look, Noah!" She said, "There's Ed!"_

 _Noah buried his head into her neck but mumbled, "Hi Ed."_

" _Hey there Noah," Ed greeted him cheerfully, not at all daunted by the shy reception. "Good race. See you got a medal!"_

 _Noah perked up, "PIZE!" He yanked the medal from between his chest and Olivia's and showed it to Ed. "No PIZE!" He cocked his head and peered more closely at Ed, "You pize too?"_

" _Yep. I got one, too."_

 _Noah grinned. His grip on Olivia loosened but he remained glued to her hip._

" _Beautiful day for this," Olivia said._

 _Ed wiped his brow with his forearm, "Yeah, there've been a few of these when it's been eighty and humid...miserable."_

" _So what does one do after running a 5K?" Olivia asked, her voice hinting at flirtation._

" _Have a beer and eat something."_

" _Well, where to?"_

" _Let's head up a few blocks, away from the crowd, there's a little pub I like. They let kids in."_

" _Great. Let's go."_

 _Ed glanced around. The awards ceremony was underway and dozens of runners and their family members milled about. The makeshift platform was decorated with balloons and streamers. "You want me to take a picture of the two of you?" He asked, "Don't wanna waste this background."_

" _Yes, please," Olivia replied. She handed over her phone and posed with Noah. Her smile grew wider when Ed coaxed Noah into a grin using a whimsical voice._

 _The crowd seemed to thicken around them in the minute it took to snap the photographs. Olivia switched Noah to her other hip. Her eyes darted around as she tried to find the best route out of the park. She felt a hand on her back and flinched a split second before she realized the hand belonged to Ed._

" _Oh, sorry," he sounded truly apologetic but not necessarily regretful. "Instinct."_

 _Olivia smiled, "It's okay...I…"_

" _No, no, my fault."_

" _I'm just used to being by myself," Olivia explained before she could stop herself. Somehow, Ed's touch had enticed her to be more transparent._

" _So am I," Ed replied. He shot her a playful yet earnest smirk. "But today...things are a little different."_

 _She returned his smile and intentionally bumped into him. "That they are, Tucker. That. They. Are."_

… _._

Since Noah had spent the afternoon and evening at Caroline's, his getting-home-from-school routine took place later than usual. Brooke was in a rush to get home and put Sofia to bed, so Ed and Olivia gave their granddaughter quick kisses and cuddles, thanked Brooke, and she was on her way.

Wyatt and Maggie had had a fun afternoon and evening of their own. Ed and Olivia had taken them to swimming lessons and then for dinner. On the way home they ducked into a quaint toy store, the type that were quickly disappearing, and Ed purchased wind-up circus animals after Wyatt refused to relinquish the display set. While Ed paid the twins stood at his feet and tracked the animals as the box traveled from Ed to the cashier and into the bag. Olivia couldn't resist taking pictures of the scene. The hope etched on her babies' faces was precious and hilarious.

The thrill of winding up the animals and letting them speed across the floor did not dissipate quickly. Ed built a ramp with some cardstock and blocks and showed Maggie and Wyatt how to shoot the animals up the ramp. They squealed with delight when the zebras, elephants, and tigers flew through the air and crashed.

"Mama! You doit! Here, Mama," Maggie ran over and shoved an elephant into Olivia's hand. Maggie crouched and showed her mother how to send the animals toward the ramp. "YAY!" Maggie clapped her hands and giggled so hard she fell to the floor in a heap.

"PIE! BAY PIE!"

Wyatt hugged one of Ed's legs. Ed pretended to be dragged to the floor and Maggie and Wyatt piled on top of him.

"MAMA PIE!"

After the baby piling and a juice break, the twins went back to shooting the animals off the ramp and they were excited to show their brother their new trick. Ed and Olivia let the three play together for another twenty minutes and then used the divide-and-conquer strategy to prepare for bedtime. Olivia took the twins and Ed first sorted the contents of Noah's backpack before getting him into pajamas.

"T'morrow's Saturday," Noah remarked as he climbed under the covers and snuggled Bernie under his arm.

"Yeah bud." Ed started to hang the bag on its hook but it felt too heavy. He unzipped the front pocket and found a small object wrapped in an old scarf Ed recognized as his mother's.

Noah noticed the discovery. Playing with the twins had distracted him and he shot up, suddenly remembering the important piece of history stored in his bag. "Dat's da picture. It goes right here." He slapped his nightstand.

Ed unwrapped it and his jaw dropped.

"It's you and Granpa John!"

"Sure is," Ed replied slowly, not taking his eyes off of the younger version of himself and his father. "He's throwin' me batting practice. He always liked to do that when the weather was nice."

"An' go to da pub?"

Ed set the frame on the table and sat down next to Noah. "That's right. Grandma tell you that?"

"Uh-huh! She said you and him liked ta play ball and fish and fix stuff in da house! She said," Noah cuddled up next to Ed and bounced the book he'd chosen on his lap, "You gave him da tools and fixed everrthing!"

"He liked to make sure everything was workin' right," Ed explained, "You like this picture, huh?"

"Yeah," Noah looked around Ed to get another glimpse of the picture, "Itsa good one."

"We're readin' from the Irish book tonight?"

"Yes!"

"Which story?"

"Which one did Grandpa John like?"

"You know what, bud?" Ed crinkled his face, "I don't know. Grandma always did the reading and she never even used the book, all the words were in her head. Same thing with Grandpa's stories-they were all in his head."

"Oh…"

Ed gave Noah a few minutes to process the explanation.

"Daddy are you sad 'cause Grandpa died?" Noah's eyes were wide, curious, and concerned.

"I was really sad when he died," Ed replied honestly, "It was a long time ago, so...I guess I got used to how life is without him here," he checked Noah's expression and it seemed like the little boy was following, "But I do wish you coulda met him. He would have loved you, Noah. All the things you like?" Ed smiled as a grin formed on Noah's face, "He liked."

"Really?"

"Yep."

"What 'bout trains?"

"Loved trains."

"Pizza?"

"Yep."

"Da park?"

"Definitely. Especially when everything was green."

Noah sighed, "Daddy, you gonna tell me a story that's in your head?"

"Sure pal," Ed tossed the book aside and rustled up a tale, "I'll tell ya about an adventure of Finn McCool."

"Ooo! I like goin' a'ventures!"

"Finn had a lot of 'em. Ready for one?"

"Yep! Oh, but, Daddy?"

"Yeah?"

"C'we go on a 'venture tomorrow?"

Ed took another look at his dad and kissed Noah's head, "Absolutely."

….

 _The field day medals bounced against the twins' chests as they skipped down the street in front of Ed, Olivia, and Noah. Their sneakers were caked with dust, their skin smelled of sunscreen, and the corners of Maggie's mouth were temporarily dyed red from the sports drink she'd guzzled as the kids sat waiting for the results. Wyatt had a bottle of his own, but he'd chosen lemon-lime rather than fruit punch. He was also way more fastidious when eating and drinking than his sister. Their incessant chatter was mostly about Field Day. Wyatt's team won first place and Maggie was meticulously picking apart each of her team members' skills so she could pinpoint the exact reason her team had come in third. The bronze medal certainly wasn't her fault. In addition to winning the softball throw, Maggie had also been the fastest to complete the obstacle course. Ed and Olivia ducked away from their stations to see both kids run the course and they laughed in amazement at how Maggie and Wyatt, wearing determined expressions, hurdled, wove, shimmied, and sprinted their way to the end._

" _Mommy," Maggie started walking backwards, "Are we gonna have early dinner?"_

" _Would you like to have early dinner?"_

" _Yes 'cause all they had was PIZZA for lunch and it was two slices but they were really small and I'm HUNGRY! And Wyatt is too and probably Noah too because they had cass'role for lunch today and Noah doesn't like that and plus he said he's sick of sandwiches."_

" _How do you know there was casserole if you had pizza on the field?" Twelve-year-old Noah challenged._

" _It's on the menu on the fridge," Maggie replied matter-of-factly._

" _The casserole is not good," Wyatt chimed in. "I like almost every other thing but not that."_

" _What's it have in it?" Ed asked._

" _Chicken and broccoli and makes me wanna PUKE like Marco." Maggie replied gleefully._

 _Noah screwed up his face in confusion, "Huh?"_

" _Kid puked today after the relay race," Ed informed him._

" _Puked on field day?" Noah asked incredulously, "Too serious."_

" _It's very ser'ous," Wyatt countered, "Because everybody wants a medal. I'm gonna put mine on the wall by my bed. Dad can you put a nail in the wall?"_

" _Sure."_

" _Tonight?"_

" _Yes."_

" _I think we need some nails."_

" _We have some," Olivia said, "In the drawer by the fridge."_

 _After some debate, the Tuckers decided to go out to eat rather than use the rooftop grill at their building. They settled on a neighborhood tapas bistro that had been a family favorite since it opened a few months ago. Ed and Olivia liked the food, but they loved how they didn't have to worry about their trio being too loud. Diners were seated at long, wooden, communal tables and the cavernous space amplified everyone's conversations._

" _Noah, when are you gonna have field day?" Maggie asked after they were seated and served drinks. Her face was almost fully concealed behind a gigantic non-alcoholic cocktail served in a wine glass and garnished with pineapple wedges._

" _Next Friday."_

" _You have shirts?" Wyatt asked._

" _We get them Monday. Mr. Ratzenberger had them today but he's not giving them out until Friday morning."_

" _That's dumb."_

" _Maggie, honey, why is that dumb?" Olivia asked, "Maybe he doesn't want kids to lose the shirts or forget to bring them."_

" _Cause I don't like how new clothes smell!" Maggie replied, adamant in her reasoning. "I like 'em with Downy! That's the best smell! If Noey doesn't get his shirt 'til Friday Daddy can't wash it b'fore!" Maggie was animated and her ponytail swung from side to side as she argued her points._

 _Olivia grinned at her smirking husband. Over the years, as much as she insisted on helping Ed with laundry, she finally gave in to the fact that she disliked the task and let him have full control over the washer and dryer._

 _Noah didn't buy into his sister's concerns. "It's gonna get all sweaty anyway."_

 _Maggie sniffed her shirt and then leaned over to get a whiff of Wyatt's sleeve. He rolled his eyes at his sister's antics but agreed when she proclaimed the shirts still had a hint of the fabric softener. "That's 'cause Daddy puts extra 'cause he knows I loooooove Downy!" She announced with a grin._

 _Ed shrugged. "Just doin' my job."_

" _Mom, you look sunburned," Noah remarked._

" _Do I?" Olivia picked up Ed's phone, typed in the code, and inspected her face, "Oh, yeah...I am a little red."_

" _Need the burn cream," Wyatt said._

 _Ed nudged his wife, "You were puttin' sunscreen on kids all day," he teased._

 _Olivia shook her head at the oversight and murmured, "Oops."_

" _Dinner then burn cream," Ed said._

" _Hey!" Maggie frowned, "You promised gelato after dinner! It's gotta go dinner, gelato, burn cream!"_

" _You did promise gelato," Olivia said. She kissed Ed's cheek. "I think we can squeeze in dessert, don't you?"_

 _Ed's eyes danced at the underlying flirtation in the question. He gazed into her eyes like he'd done so many times before and grinned. Olivia could still make him feel like a giddy teenager in love. "Always time for dessert," he replied._

 _Olivia patted his thigh and rested her hand there for a couple extra seconds before turning her attention back to Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. "Alright kiddos," she said, "What are we ordering?"_

…

When Ed was upset or bothered, which wasn't often, he went nearly mute and made love to his wife. He knew he wasn't fooling Olivia and he'd have to talk later, but it was easier to articulate his feelings when he was holding her in the afterglow. Deep down he admitted to himself that postponing the potentially painful conversation preserved his sense of masculinity. The other way around would have felt like pity sex, and he only liked pity sex when he was sunburned or injured or jealous because some random guy had smiled at Olivia.

"You gonna tell me what's wrong now?" Olivia ran an index finger across his lips and leaned on her elbow.

"Nothin' really wrong," Ed replied, "Noah saw pictures of my Dad today and he had a lot of questions."

"What kind of questions?"

"If I was sad, what he liked to do, what his voice sounded like, what he did at his job…"

"He's obsessed with knowing everything," Olivia said, "Not sure if that's a good or bad thing. But, in this case, _are_ you sad?" Of all the details of their lives that had been shared, neither Olivia nor Ed had talked much about their deceased parents. Caroline referenced the memory of John Tucker more often than Ed. It wasn't that they avoided the subject; the subject simply did not arise very often.

"Disappointed," Ed sighed, "He would have been...gratified...to see all of this. To see me so happy. Things weren't so great when he died. He didn't spend a lot of time with Sarah and Brooke. I think he really woulda enjoyed bein' around Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt." Ed cupped Olivia's face. "And he woulda loved you. You make me so happy, Liv."

Olivia couldn't stop the tears from welling in her eyes. "Maybe...somehow...your Dad and my Mom know how everything turned out."

"I hope so."

A devilish grin formed on Ed's face.

"What?"

"I thought you were gonna say maybe they're lookin' down on us right now. And how awkward would _that_ be?" Ed turned to his side a hooked a leg around hers.

Olivia shook her head and met his eyes. "We're the only ones who get to experience this. Only us."

"I think that's one of the reasons why I love loving you so much," Ed planted soft kisses all over her face, "I love the kids, I love our family, but this is the one thing just the two of us have. God, I can't get enough of you. Can Never. Ever. Get. Enough."

"I'll always be here Ed. I'm not going anywhere."

Ed looked up from her chest and smirked. "You stole my line."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	76. Chapter 76

**Seventy-six**.

True to his word, Ed arranged childcare for the long Columbus Day weekend, booked a flight and a hotel room, and told Olivia to pack clothes for tropical temperatures. He'd considered going somewhere in New England and envisioned staying at a sleepy, seaside bed and breakfast where they could cozy up by a fire at night, but the more he researched those types of getaways, the more he wanted the opposite experience. So he set his sights farther south, and, in a few hours he and Olivia would be peering at the Atlantic Ocean from their Miami Beach balcony.

"Cash," Ed held up an envelope and slapped it on the island next to spare keys and the familiar list of emergency numbers which smart phones had rendered pointless but Ed still insisted on leaving.

Brooke nodded. The three Tucker children were bunking with Sarah and Justin for most of the weekend, but Brooke and Sonny volunteered to watch the kids Thursday night through Friday afternoon. Brooke felt bad about not being able to take the three kids for the entire weekend, but Sonny was on call and four kids on her own, even with Noah's help, was a herculean task.

"Liv's got their stuff all packed for the weekend. They'll just need to put the toys they want into their backpacks."

"Got it."

"Backpacks are on the chairs."

"Yep."

"And you know where the stroller and diapers and everything are."

"Wyatt keeps saying _potty_ ," Brooke pointed out, "And yanking at his diaper. Do we have to do anything potty training wise?"

"Yeah, we're slacking in that department," Ed replied, "We put 'em on the toilet before they get in the tub, but," he glanced out the window into the distance, "That'll be our winter project."

"You're going to miss diapers?" Brooke asked, accurately reading his expression.

"More like miss babies," Ed replied, "They're growing up so fast."

"Well, you could always have another one," Brooke joked.

Ed grinned sheepishly, "I don't think so."

"So you really buried a goldfish?" Brooke jerked her head at the aquarium and shot her father a grin.

"A tetra actually." Ed's reply was serious and he proved to be immune to the teasing. "Damn thing died about a week after we got it. Noah named it and everything and his friend at school conveniently had been to a funeral, so," Ed shrugged, "We had a fish funeral."

Brooke chuckled softly, "That is so sweet."

"I think it helped him."

"Better than flushing it down the toilet for sure."

"Honestly? That was my first instinct."

…

 _Frustrated with her daughter, Olivia threw up her hands, stalked out of Maggie's bedroom, and convened with Ed at the kitchen island. Instead of coming home from school, eating a snack, and enjoying some downtime, Maggie demanded she be taken out to buy a second dress for the next day's Eighth Grade Promotion Ceremony. In her conversations and photo-sharing sessions with her peers, Maggie discovered she and three other girls had purchased the same dress. Ed was seconds away from grabbing his wallet and keys and taking Maggie, but Olivia beat him to the punch._

" _Honey, everyone's in white," she said, "No one will notice that you and a couple other people have the same dress."_

" _Yes they will! The lace at the top and bottom is super noticeable and everyone will know! I don't wanna look like I copied someone else! Even though I HAD that dress way before they did! Ugggghhhh. Please can we take this one back?"_

" _I don't think so," Olivia replied, "You wanted this dress and this is the one you're going to wear." She and Maggie had spent three consecutive weekend afternoons searching for the perfect outfit. Maggie wasn't usually very fussy about her clothing, but, for some reason, this dress was extremely important._

" _I'm sitting right in front of Josie and SHE HAS THE SAME DRESS!" Maggie stalked to her room and threw herself on the bed. She buried her face in her pillows and sobbed, but Olivia wasn't convinced there were actual tears coming from her daughter's eyes. She followed Maggie, sat down on the edge of the bed, and rubbed her back. "I wish I was a boy," Maggie moaned, "Boys just have to put on some pants and a shirt and tuck in and DONE."_

" _Sweetie," Olivia said softly, "It's fun being a girl. We'll curl your hair and put a little makeup on-"_

" _-Dad doesn't like that!"_

" _It's a special occasion, he'll be okay."_

" _I need a new dress! I. CAN'T. WEAR. THAT. ONE." Olivia thought Maggie was on the path to calming down, so this outburst took her by surprise. Maggie broke into another round of sobs, and this time Olivia knew they were for real. Maggie gulped and sniffled, and when Olivia tried to soothe her she shouted, "LEAVE ME ALONE!"_

 _In the kitchen, Olivia spoke to Ed in hushed tones. Noah wasn't home and Wyatt had already wisely retreated to his bedroom._

" _This is ridiculous," she said._

" _Maybe we should just take her to get another dress?"_

" _It took at least fifteen hours to find this one," Olivia grumbled, "There has to be some other reason why she doesn't want to wear it." She took a deep breath and glanced at Maggie's open door. "I'm going back in."_

 _She found Maggie still face down on her bed._

" _Maggs, sit up."_

 _Maggie violently shook her head._

" _Sit. Up."_

 _Finally, Maggie complied. Olivia's attitude immediately softened when she saw her daughter's precious face red, blotchy, and streaked with tears. "Sweetheart," she sighed and compassionately tilted her head, "Tell me why you don't want to wear the dress. What is it, honey?"_

" _I already don't like that we all have to wear the same color," Maggie griped, "And I thought nobody would have that dress but then everyone has it and I. DON'T. WANNA. MATCH. THEM. This is STUPID. Teachers always say it's good to be unique and different then they want us all to be THE SAME! Dumb, dumb, dumb!"_

 _Olivia had a hard time creating a rebuttal; Maggie's argument made too much sense. She considered telling Maggie that she was beautiful and smart and funny and, despite the uniform color, perfectly special and unique. However, those compliments could wait. Today, there was only one way to pacify her daughter, and Olivia could stand to see Maggie upset for only so long before she desperately needed to see the girl's dazzling smile._

" _Okay, sweet girl. Let's go."_

" _Really?" Maggie's eyes sparkled and her entire face brightened._

" _Yes. Put the other dress back in the bag," Olivia was sure Maggie would never, ever wear the old dress. "And we'll head out."_

 _Maggie wrapped Olivia in a fierce hug. "Thank you, Mommy."_

" _You're welcome."_

 _Having overheard the entire exchange, Ed was smirking when Olivia returned to the kitchen. Olivia dropped her own set of keys into her bag and slung it over her shoulder. "Yes I gave in," she admitted sassily, "And we could be gone for hours so...you and the boys may be on your own for dinner."_

 _Ed leaned across the island for a kiss. "Keep us posted."_

" _Will do."_

 _Maggie bounced out of her room. One would have never guessed that, minutes earlier, she'd been despondent and crying. "I'm ready!" She announced in a sing-songy voice._

 _Ed rounded the island and put his arms around Olivia. He gave her another quick kiss and whispered, "You're a good mother, Liv."_

" _Either that or a pushover."_

 _Ed brushed off the latter option. "Nah," he said, "Good mother."_

… _._

The balcony overlooked a section of Atlantic Ocean beach that was noticeably less crowded and boisterous as the public areas Ed and Olivia had seen on the ride in along Ocean Drive. Ed had no particular reason for choosing South Beach other than he'd never been there. He was curious, and always shied away from asking Brooke and Sonny about their honeymoon here because the vacation had culminated in Brooke learning her stepfather had shot and killed her former student.

Ed tipped the valet and joined Olivia on the balcony. "This okay?" He asked as he slid his arms around her waist.

"Okay? It's perfect. Paradise."

"It occurred to me on the flight I remember you once sayin' you hated Miami when you were here before."

"We were here to arrest someone," Olivia said, "And, you're right. I did hate it...but the coast is different. We were downtown, somewhere, it was muggy….no sand…" She leaned back into him, "No you."

Ed smiled and kissed her head. "Whaddya want to do? Lunch? Hit the pool? Walk?"

"I thought," Olivia turned around in his arms, "We were here to make love all day and night?" She seductively cocked an eyebrow but couldn't help grinning at his expression.

"Lieutenant...you're makin' me nervous."

"Ed Tucker? Nervous?"

"Doesn't happen often." Ed took a sharp breath. Olivia was kissing his neck and massaging his back. "You're one of the only people-" She untucked his navy polo and slid her hands inside his shorts. " _God_ , Liv."

"I want you to make love to me," Olivia whispered in his ear and nudged him back inside. "Leave it open," she said of the door, "I want to hear the waves."

Ed himself didn't hear anything other than his wife's satisfied sounds. No kids around meant their sex was louder and wilder than usual. They used every inch of the king-sized mattress and joked about disturbing whoever was next door. It was lively, spirited sex, but when Olivia collapsed on her back afterwards Ed immediately collected her into his arms and sweetly cuddled her until their breathing went back to normal.

"That what you wanted?" he asked in his deep, gentle voice.

"Exactly what I wanted."

For the first time, Olivia assessed the room. The resort was either new or recently renovated. The walls were stark white and decorated with vintage photographs of the Miami area. A large flat screen sat on a sleek, low table and abutted a kiosk which held the mini bar, fridge, and microwave. The wide plank dark hardwood floors starkly contrasted with the walls but fit the modern decor perfectly.

"You want to check out the shower?" Olivia played with Ed's fingers. Though satisfied and still tingling from what they'd done, she still craved his touch.

Ed didn't respond verbally right away. He shifted positions and gave Olivia a sloppy, passionate kiss. "You know I do," he said afterward.

"And then we'll get some food? Some place on the water?"

"I absolutely want to take you to eat on the beach." Feeling possessive, Ed added, "I don't wanna be more than two feet away from you this whole weekend."

Olivia rose to her knees and took his hands, pulling them up. "Sounds good to me, Captain Tucker."

"But tell me if you want me to get lost for a couple hours."

Olivia eyed his body from head to toe and shook her head. "Never, ever going to happen."

…

 _Fleet week rarely conjured any rosy feelings in Olivia. Over the course of her career the presence of the sailors all but guaranteed at least one SVU-related investigation, and, in general, she was suspicious of the military, especially high-ranking officers. Ed, however, possessed a deep sense of patriotism and respect for the men and women in uniform, and he was awestruck by the interior of the massive ships docked at Pier 88. He led the way with his head craned upward and he enthusiastically pointed out technical specifications to Olivia and Noah. Noah tracked Ed's hands as they flew around; Olivia did too, but she did so with an amazed, borderline patronizing grin plastered to her face._

 _The tour of the USS New York concluded with a pass by the sailors' bunks. Olivia cringed at the confined space and the lack of privacy. The sailors slept in stacks of three and were apparently assigned only a narrow locker for personal belongings._

" _Bed!" Noah exclaimed._

" _You know what they're called?" Still awestruck, Ed poked his head inside the room, "Racks. This is home."_

" _A rack and a locker," Olivia murmured._

" _Don't need much else when you're at sea."_

" _Ed, I'm sorry, but this seems awful."_

 _He smirked and they continued on to the exit ramp, "Ah, it's how they develop a rapport with one another."_

" _It reminds me of something I saw in school when we learned about concentration camps."_

 _He gently elbowed her ribcage, "I'm not gonna be able to convince ya there's merit in it, am I, Benson?"_

" _No...but I do have a new appreciation for what they sacrifice...life, time with their friends and family," Olivia's voice deepened and she added, "comfort."_

 _They disembarked and found a grassy patch of park adjacent to the paved path. Olivia held up the plastic picnic mat she'd stuck in her bag at the last minute that morning and suggested they hang out there for a while. It was a gorgeous day, the area was slowly getting more crowded, and they were lucky to find such a prime boat and people watching spot. Of course, Ed agreed with the plan, and an added bonus was that the mat wasn't very large. In order for the two of them to sit side-by-side, inadvertent touches were unavoidable._

 _Noah jogged around and explored the area. Olivia had also packed a few toys, but, for now, he was content to pluck blades of grass, call them flowers, and deliver them to his Mommy and Ed, who had become a familiar face in their lives._

" _He's good at stayin' close," Ed remarked, "My daughters? They always took off somewhere, got distracted, like with a butterfly or something."_

" _He probably senses how nervous I am."_

 _Ed raised his eyebrows and turned to meet her eyes, "You're nervous right now?"_

 _Nodding slowly and somewhat regretfully, she replied, "I think I might always be a tiny bit nervous. But not why you may think. It's because Noah was so...unexpected...I think that makes me extra overprotective." Olivia chuckled sardonically, "Poor kid."_

" _Ah, it might aggravate him from time to time but at the end of the day he'll know he's safe and loved." Olivia looked overly startled and Ed furrowed his brow in confusion, "What's wrong?"_

" _Nothing," Olivia accepted another pile of grass from Noah, thanked him, and partially turned her attention back to Ed, "Ellie, Noah's biological mother, she said something like that-safe and loved-right before she died. Not a day goes by when I don't hear those words in my head."_

" _She's probably restin' easy knowing that Noah will never struggle like she did."_

 _Trying not to cry, Olivia pressed her lips together and forced a smile._

" _Hey," Ed said in a bright voice, "Hungry? They got a bunch of food down there," he pointed to part of the path that jutted farther out into the river. "What sounds good?"_

 _Despite wearing sunglasses, Olivia squinted into the sun and tried to make out the titles of the food stalls. She guessed they all had typical street food offerings all of which were acceptable to her and Noah. "I'll let you surprise us," she answered, matching his cheerful tone._

 _The options were numerous and some lines were long, so it took Ed several minutes to return. When he did Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the amount of food he'd bought. In one hand he balanced two plastic cups of beer and in the other was a bag containing three take-out containers._

" _Got hot dogs, chicken and rice, and pizza," he said, "Napkins, forks, water, and a chocolate chip cookie."_

" _Thank you," Olivia gushed. She summoned Noah and cleaned his hands with a baby wipe. "Say thank you to Ed, sweet boy!"_

 _Noah smiled, jumped up and down, and said, "Thanks, Ed!"_

 _They made a fairly significant dent in the food. Ed and Olivia sipped the beer and leaned back on their elbows. Noah, still accustomed to taking a short afternoon nap, curled up next to Olivia using his sweatshirt as a makeshift pillow._

" _You know," Olivia said, "I've always hated this week. It's nice to enjoy it for once."_

" _All we need is for them to ship out tomorrow without incident," Ed said, only partially joking._

" _Can you make that happen?"_

 _Ed smirked, "Lemme make some calls."_

 _Noah was asleep now and all of Olivia's attention was focused on Ed. He was wearing green khaki cargo shorts, a tight-fitting gray t-shirt, and sneakers. The garments fascinated Olivia because she couldn't imagine Ed shopping for such casual clothing. She watched him pack up the leftovers, tie the plastic bag, and set it to the side. As he leaned over, the muscles in his calves flexed and Olivia got a quick peek at the skin of his lower back. Gestures of affection between the two of them were still new and initiated with the slight weight of uncertainty, so Ed blinked with surprise when she assuredly gripped his wrist._

" _This was a great idea," she said in a hushed voice. "Thank you."_

" _Anytime." She wasn't letting go. Rather, she slowly let the upper half of her body drift closer and closer to his. Ed's eyes drifted from her eyes to her cheeks to her lips. He needed to make a split-second decision about the impending kiss._

 _Ah, what the hell, he boldly thought._

 _His lips met hers and he dared to thread his fingers through her hair. She didn't pull away, so he kissed her again and then a third time. When the moment of tenderness was over, Ed stroked her cheek with a knuckle, returned her smile, and said, "That was a great idea, too."_

…..

In order to avoid potential embarrassment, Ed and Olivia made sure they Face Timed the kids while seated at their dinner table and with the shore as a background. It was a little difficult to hear with the waves crashing, so the volume was turned to its peak and Olivia hoped the patrons seated nearby weren't too annoyed. Sarah and Justin reported everyone was well-behaved and happy, and, to prove it, they handed the phone over to Noah.

"We're goin' to Max Brenner!" He announced gleefully, "So we put these babies in old clothes 'cause they get really messy there!"

Maggie and Wyatt were playing on the living room floor and Noah showed them the screen. They shrieked at their parents' smiling faces.

"HI MAMA!"

"HI DADA!"

Wyatt held up a plastic airplane and train-two parts of a set Sarah kept at her house for when the twins came over. "A'PANE! TANE! MAMA PANE!"

"Yes!" Olivia said, "Mommy and Daddy went on an airplane! We flew to Florida!"

"FEWTAFA!" Maggie shouted.

"You gonna eat some cake for dinner Maggie May?" Ed asked mischievously.

"CAKE! YUM! SAH CAKE!"

"Jussy cake!"

Maggie darted to the corner of the room and returned with a piece of strawberry cheesecake from her play kitchen set. She pretended to take a bite and repeated, "YUM!"

"Thanks, Dad," Sarah said, "Now she's going to expect cake for dinner."

"S'okay, Sare Bear," Noah said, "Small sister loves da mac and cheese there!"

"I think she had that in her ears the last time you went there," Justin said.

Sarah shook her head, "No, that was cake. Or, well, maybe a combination of things. Anyway, we'll be sure to clean up as well as we make a mess." She was interrupted by a thud and a crash and whirled around, "Oh, no, no, we're going out," Sarah pulled Wyatt away from the closet door. "He knows the art stuff is in there," she explained, "C'mon handsome, we'll draw after we eat."

"Well, we'll let you go," Olivia said. The kids seemed overly rambunctious and she felt a tiny bit bad that she and Ed were about to have a peaceful seaside meal while Sarah and Justin were about to have the opposite experience with their kids.

"Have a good night!" Sarah said. She showed no signs of distress. "We'll call you in the morning!"

"Okay!"

They all exchanged _I love yous._ Oliva hung up and emphatically dropped the phone into her purse. The waiter came over and asked how they liked the wine and if they wanted to order any appetizers.

"We're good right now," Ed told the young man who probably wasn't much older than twenty.

Both Ed and Olivia expected him to leave them alone for another few minutes, but the waiter lingered at the side of the table and pointedly looked at Olivia, obviously waiting to get her answer before he moved on.

"Yes," she said, "We're good. Thanks." She eyed the waiter with an appreciative expression as he walked away. "That was...refreshingly nice."

"I've never seen that before."

Olivia reached for one of his hands and shot him a teasing grin, "Not sure Ed Tucker loves that practice," she cooed.

"Ed Tucker," he leaned forward and smirked lovingly at her, "Loves the practice of respecting women, especially his wife."

"I love that about you," Olivia leaned over for a kiss, "Somehow you...you have that old school chivalry but it's not overbearing or offensive. I remember how I felt when I figured that out."

"How'd ya feel?"

"Similar to how I felt when I got Noah-stunned but so, so grateful. And happy."

"I still feel stunned from time to time," Ed admitted somewhat sheepishly.

"Me too. But I don't think that's a bad thing."

"No," Ed sat up, suddenly back to his assured and confident self. He stared out at the ocean for a few seconds before turning back to Olivia. "Exactly the opposite. It's one of the greatest things we have."

…..

 **#Tuckson**

 _I'm going on vacation! Next update make take a couple weeks!_


	77. Chapter 77

**Seventy-seven**.

Sarah prided herself on her patience, but she arrived at her wits' end when Maggie and Wyatt incessantly peppered her with "Where's Mama?" and "Where's Dada?" questions. The toddler interrogation began Sunday morning after their phone call to Olivia and Ed and continued throughout the afternoon. When Brooke and Sofia arrived for dinner, Sarah greeted them with a frown.

"Welcome to the house of complainers," she grumbled.

Brooke handed Sofia off to Sarah and kicked off her topsiders. "What's going on?"

"The twins miss their parents. Maybe they always missed them when they were away, but now they can talk about it and it's really hurting my feelings."

" _Oh, come on_."

"The struggle is real."

"They're two," Brooke remarked dismissively, "I wouldn't take it personally."

"Well, I am." Sarah hugged Sofia to her chest then gave her eskimo kisses until she giggled. Sofia gently smacked Sarah's face and played with her necklace, but when she spotted the other kids playing in the living room she whined until Sarah put her down.

"Whatcha playing?" Brooke asked the older kids. She played with Noah's hair and grinned at the twins.

"We're buildin' a neighborhood," Noah replied. "There's Maggs' house and that's Wyatt's and dis one's mine!" He pointed proudly to the largest of the Playmobil houses and added, "But those babies have a tree house and I don't."

"That's nice of you to let them have it," Brooke said.

"Sof! You need a house!" Noah rummaged through the large plastic bin. Unable to find a regular house he offered Sofia an alternative. "Dis is da pet hotel, but it can be your house, kay?"

"It looks just like a house," Brooke said encouragingly, "It has three rooms!"

"Yep! But no bathroom but we'll put it next to my house," he erupted into laughter. "Da family's gonna have to go outside to go potty!"

Sarah summoned Brooke to the kitchen and handed her a glass of her favorite seltzer. In a low voice she asked if Brooke had been watching the news. The day after Ed and Olivia left for Miami, news of a missing mother of three was broadcast across the city. By all accounts, she'd simply vanished into thin air after a spinning class. The next day, another woman disappeared under similar circumstances.

"Of course I have," Brooke said, "And Sonny hasn't been home since it happened."

"So did they go voluntarily or not?" Sarah asked, "Because I feel like the police and news people are trying not to freak out the public but by not freaking us out they're not giving us information to protect ourselves. Surely they're related."

"Two different neighborhoods…"

"So what? It's not exactly hard to get from SoHo to Murray Hill. Although those crosstown commutes are nightmares…"

"Son told me there's no hard evidence they're related...or not. I can't believe there's no video. He said the first one left Equinox, turned a corner, and...nothing. The other one, same thing but she was coming out of her therapist's office of all places."

"Hmmm...coming out of places where you're...not exactly clear-headed."

"Good point."

Sarah leaned forward on her elbows. Strands of blonde hair fell across her face but she didn't bother swatting them away, "You think they've thought of that?"

Brooke gave Sarah a patronizing grin, "I think so."

"Well, Sonny didn't demand you stay in, so it must not be that dangerous," Sarah surmised, "But I'm sure Livvie might be freaking out and texting any minute."

Raising her eyebrows, Brooke studied her sister's face to determine whether or not she was serious.

"What?" Sarah asked.

"Do you really think Olivia and Dad are keeping track of the _news_?"

The familiar, devilish grin crossed Sarah's face, "Well I'll be damned, Brookey," she said, careful not to speak too loudly, "I think I've finally started rubbing off on you."

….

Ed and Olivia had commandeered a corner of the hotel pool that overlooked the ocean and was partially shaded by two royal palm trees. In two days in Miami Beach they had become regulars, and Ed merely had to make eye contact with one of the servers in order to receive another round of drinks. He and Olivia began the afternoon with pina coladas, but, judging them good but a little too sweet, switched to bourbon-based cocktails. Ed was secretly happy this particular resort wasn't family-friendly, for he knew Olivia would miss the kids even more if there were masses of children playing in the pool. The absence of kids, however, did not cause her to let her guard down when it came to skin care.

Olivia hoisted herself from the underwater bench onto the concrete and reached for her bag.

"Whaddya doin?" Ed asked.

"Your shoulders are getting red," she held up the bottle of sunscreen, "Come here."

" _Sure_."

Olivia smiled as she lathered the coconut-scented cream onto Ed's skin. She pushed her oversized sunglasses onto her forehead so she had the clearest view. "There you go," she snapped the lid closed, tossed the bottle aside, and kissed his cheek. "All set."

"Thank you." He turned and kissed her on the lips. When the sunglasses became dangerously wedged between them he quickly pulled away. "Sorry...don't wanna break those."

"Especially since they're my last pair," Olivia adjusted the shades and rolled her eyes. "I can't believe I lost my good ones!"

"I'm positive they were on the table last night. We'll check back with the restaurant later. Maybe they turned up."

"Or someone swiped them."

"Or that."

"Well, I'm in sunglass jail," Olivia said, "Those were expensive. Cheap ones for...a year."

"A whole year?"

"Yes."

Ed leaned in and kissed behind her ear, "I'll getcha another nice pair." He noticed her jaw twitch, "What's wrong?"

"Do you think," she sat with one leg tucked under her body so she could face Ed, "We spend too much money?"

Ed put a hand on her thigh, and replied, "No."

Expressing her disapproval with the flippant answer, Olivia pressed her lips in a straight line, and Ed changed his tone.

"We're good, Liv. We have money."

"But we...don't think twice about spending it. And we have three kids to put through college."

"We have their college accounts," Ed pointed out. He wasn't being glib. The money Sarah insisted on paying him as compensation for the funds "wasted" on her first wedding had gone into a fund for Noah. When the twins were born they set up separate accounts for Maggie and Wyatt and set up monthly contributions. Sure, they'd splurged on the Delaware beach house after Ed sold his Hell's Kitchen apartment, but they both had pensions, Roth IRAs, and hefty savings accounts. Between Sarah's graduation and meeting Olivia, Ed had worked so often he never had the opportunity to spend much money. Even after Olivia adopted Noah, she wasn't exactly living paycheck to paycheck.

Acknowledging his point, Olivia nodded, but she didn't look convinced. Ed put a hand on the side of her face and kissed her again, this time on the lips. He lingered there for a few seconds. "We'll dial it back a little bit," he said reassuringly.

"I just don't want to be irresponsible," Olivia murmured.

"We're not," he replied, "But, I get it. We'll tighten up."

"Okay." She broke into a tentative smile. "Sorry...conversation got a little heavy for paradise."

"I like any conversation with you, my dear." Ed leaned in for another kiss and threw Olivia off balance. They half-crashed into the pool, held onto each other, and laughed with their faces an inch or so apart. "You okay?" Ed gallantly asked even though it was clear Olivia was uninjured.

"Absolutely," she replied, "Good thing we didn't have the drinks."

Ed glanced at the plastic tumblers, "Drinks are safe."

 _And so am I_ , Olivia thought as Ed swayed her around in the shallow water. _So am I_.

…

 _The approach of Father's Day exacerbated the agony Olivia experienced in the weeks following Mike Dodds' death. Mother's Day was difficult too, but Olivia didn't have to live with day-to-day interaction with Mike's mother. Chief Dodds was a constant presence in her professional life, and she dreaded seeing him as the June Sunday drew closer and closer. The only respite she had was when she was in the presence of Noah and Ed. Her son's smile and his innocence always conjured feelings of happiness and optimism, and Ed seemed to have a sixth sense about how to love and care for her in the midst of a crisis. He provided welcome distractions-most notably the trip to Paris-but also patiently comforted her when she was brooding and despondent. Lately, Olivia was experiencing the added pressure of feeling inadequate in the sense that she knew she wasn't carrying her part of the emotional load in the relationship. More alarming was that she was also becoming suspicious of Ed. Why was he still there? What did he get out of it?_

 _Deep down, she knew these questions were unmerited and frivolous, but that realization only compounded the guilt. Why was she trying to create a rift with Ed when he had made it abundantly clear, in words and actions, that he was committed to her and to Noah?_

 _The day before Father's Day began before dawn when Noah woke up fifteen minutes earlier than his usual six a.m. Ed didn't stir when Olivia slid out of bed and gently closed the bedroom door behind her. Noah greeted her with a cheerful "Hi Mommy!" and wrapped his arms around her neck. "Where Ed?" He asked._

" _Ed's sleeping," Olivia replied in a whisper, "You're up so early, sweet boy."_

" _C'toons an' milk?"_

" _Yes," Olivia kissed his cheeks, "Then what? We have the whole day!"_

" _Spash pad!"_

" _Sure, we can go to the splash pad." Olivia put Noah down, turned on the television, and went to pour his milk._

 _Noah had other ideas. Instead of curling up on the couch with his blanket, he giggled and made a beeline for Olivia's bedroom. He expertly opened the door and heaved himself on the bed, wedging one foot between the mattress and boxspring for a boost. Olivia arrived in time to see Noah belly-flop onto Ed's back and bellow, "Wayup! WAYUP horsie!" He grabbed the neck of Ed's white t-shirt and used it as his reins._

 _After taking a deep, nasally breath, Ed's eyes fluttered open and his lips curled into a smile. "I think there's someone on my back, Liv," he said in his extra-gravelly morning voice._

" _I think there is, too," Olivia cooed._

 _Before Ed could inquire further, Noah let himself fall forward so his cheek touched Ed's face. "It ME!"_

" _Oh!" Ed managed to flip over without throwing Noah off the bed. "It's my bud! Mornin' pal!" Ed lifted him in the air and Noah held out his arms to fly. Ed swayed him from side to side and then did a few bench press-style lifts._

" _C'mon! Spash pad, Ed!"_

" _We're goin' to the splash pad?"_

 _Noah nodded vigorously._

" _Well I better get movin' then."_

" _MOOOOOVE!"_

" _Noah," Olivia picked up her son, "Let's let Ed at least have some coffee first. And you have your milk."_

" _Bet Mommy needs her coffee, too," Ed added with a smirk._

" _Yes she does."_

 _Ed hopped out of bed and kissed Olivia on the cheek. "I'll be right out," he whispered in her ear and grinned when he felt her shiver._

" _Okay," she whispered back, making no attempt to temper her joy._

 _While Ed made his pit stop in the bathroom, Olivia resettled Noah in the living room and poured two mugs of coffee. She stared into the steam, took a deep breath, and surrendered herself to the overwhelming sense of peace filling the apartment. Ed came up behind her, slid his arms around her waist, and spoke into her neck._

" _Morning."_

" _Good morning."_

 _She replied in a tone decidedly more cheerful than the one she'd been using in the past few days. Ed held her more tightly and kissed the other side of her face. "I gotta run home before the splash pad. Hot out there. Need some shorts."_

" _You have plenty of time," Olivia replied but secretly she was thrilled. All of a sudden she knew how to make things up to Ed even though the whole concept that she somehow owed him anything was completely her creation and existed only in her head. While he was away, she'd hurry and take Noah out to buy a card. On the way she'd see if her toddler had any ideas for a last minute gift. A card would certainly be a special gesture; a present would be icing on the cake._

" _Yeah," he said, "Coffee and cartoons first."_

" _And the newspaper?"_

 _Ed grinned. He preferred the print copy of the New York Times but Olivia only subscribed to the electronic version. "Mind if I use your iPad?" He asked._

" _On the table," Olivia gave him a little shove. "I'm right behind you."_

…

After their swim and cocktails, Ed and Olivia wandered back to their room and Ed promptly removed Olivia's flowy yellow cover-up and damp bathing suit. Paying no mind to the heap of wet garments on the floor, Ed and Olivia fell onto the bed and made love in their frisky, playful, alone-in-a-beachside-hotel-room style.

"Do you always want to scream like that?" Olivia asked as she shot Ed a teasing grin and kissed along his collarbone even though she had just begun to catch her breath. Ed's skin was sticky, salty, and streaked with remnants of chlorine and sunscreen, but Olivia didn't care. He was incredibly sexy in this moment-flushed from sex and suntanned at the same time.

"Yes," he answered breathlessly but found the energy to lift his head and whisper in her ear, "But I like to hear you more."

"I'm still tingling," she said, knowing it would cause him to smirk proudly.

"Good," he threaded his fingers through her hair and scratched her head. She kept kissing him and he closed his eyes so he could focus solely on the sensation of her lips traversing his chest.

"I love you so much, Ed."

"Mmmmm," he droned, "I love you, Liv."

Olivia heard his stomach growl and realized they hadn't eaten anything substantial since last night. Most of the calories consumed that day had been of the liquid variety. She smiled and looked up at his face. "How about we get cleaned up and get some food, Captain Tucker?"

"Yes. Same place?"

Olivia laughed. Ed quickly developed an affinity for the rustic seaside seafood shack they discovered on their first night. The combination of live music, fresh, generous portions, oceanfront views, and proximity to the hotel couldn't be beat. Olivia was also certain he intended to do everything he could to locate the misplaced or stolen Tom Ford sunglasses.

"Same place," she said, pressing her lips to his. "C'mon. Shower then we'll call the kids before we leave."

"Oh yeah, the kids."

…..

 _Clad in orange-and-blue Mets gear, Wyatt stood out among his siblings who were both sporting crisp, white Yankees jerseys. Maggie and Noah had inherited their father's love for the Yankees, but Wyatt had always preferred the Mets. His reasoning was simple-they had the same colors as his beloved "Knickerbockers," so, in his mind, rooting for the Mets was a no-brainer._

" _You're gonna get heckled," Maggie warned._

 _Wyatt shrugged._

" _Probably not too bad," Noah tugged on a fitted ball cap, "It's Yankees-Mets so there'll be a lot of his people there."_

 _Maggie giggled, "His people! Like they're all aliens!" Her smile quickly turned into a frown, "Do you think this is dumb? It's giving away the surprise."_

 _She was referring to their baseball attire and the tickets they'd purchased for Ed for Father's Day. The two teams were playing in the Bronx later that afternoon and the three kids were giddy with anticipation. They couldn't wait to see their Dad's expression when he opened the card. The twelve-year-old twins and teenage Noah had pooled their money and, with a small contribution from Olivia, bought seats right behind the Yankees' dugout._

" _Not dumb," Wyatt said, "We're goin' to the pub for lunch first. He'll think we're wearing this stuff because the game's on."_

 _Noah nodded in agreement._

" _Uggghhhh!" Maggie groaned, "Where are they? I'm SO hungry and they've been gone forever."_

" _They walk five miles," Wyatt said, "That's an hour and a half."_

" _I dunno how they walk so long," Maggie said, "When I went I was tired after two miles. Or maybe I was bored."_

" _Bored," Noah said._

" _They just talk, talk, talk."_

 _There were very few times when Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt sensed they weren't exactly welcome around their parents, but their parents' weekend morning walks definitely qualified as parents-only time. Ed and Olivia usually left before the kids were out of bed, stopped for coffee, and, if the weather was warm, enjoyed their drinks on a park bench while watching the city slowly come to life. Once in a while the kids went along, but Ed and Olivia walked fast and seemed to operate in their own little private bubble._

" _Where's the card?" Wyatt asked. His blue eyes were wide and worried. Maggie had been the last to sign last night and he didn't completely trust the card and gift in his sister's possession. Wyatt kept his hair longer than Noah and the ends of his light brown locks curled around his ears and above his eyebrows like they'd done when he was a toddler. While he waited for Maggie's response, his Olivia-esque jaw locked in place and he stared intently at his twin._

" _On my desk," Maggie darted into her room and returned with the powder blue envelope. She gave it to Wyatt and rolled her eyes, "It's fiiiiine! Not bent. Not wet." She nudged her brother and shot him a signature Maggie grin. There was a hint of an apology in the smile, for she knew both Wyatt and Noah got annoyed with her penchant for forgetting to use drink coasters._

" _Hide it," Noah muttered when he heard the key in the door._

 _Maggie shoved the card into her crossbody tote. "Look normal," she said through clenched teeth._

 _Looking normal on demand was tough, especially since the trio was standing in between the foyer and the living room-a place in the apartment used to get to or from the front door or Maggie's room. Nobody ever simply hung out there, so the three of them dashed to the island._

" _You three are all ready," Olivia remarked when she rounded the corner. She winked, acknowledging their secret, and smiled sweetly._

" _We're starving!"_

 _Ed wiped his face with a paper towel. "We'll hurry," he murmured and headed for the master suite._

" _Everything all set?" Olivia asked in a hushed voice._

" _Yep!"_

" _Where's the card?"_

" _Shoved in Maggie's purse," Wyatt muttered._

" _Mine's in the drawer over there," Olivia gestured to the credenza, "Will you get it and put it with yours?"_

" _Got it," Noah replied._

" _Alright," Olivia said, "Pub and the game."_

" _Dad's gonna be so excited!" Maggie jumped up and down._

" _He will be sweet girl," Olivia kissed the side of Maggie's head._

" _I'm SO hungry Mom!" Maggie whined._

" _I know. Fifteen minutes. Then we'll go. Sit tight." Olivia heard the water stream through the pipes and went to join Ed. She wondered if the kids knew or paid attention to their routine of showering together. At times like this it was the most expeditious way for them to get ready, so she assumed, if they noticed, they would...maybe...appreciate them saving time? And water? Olivia chuckled. Would she ever stop second guessing her parenting?_

 _Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah were accustomed to their parents exchanging affection with one another, but they weren't focused on the shower while they waited. Maggie peered at the envelope Olivia asked her to pack and asked if it was sealed._

 _Noah checked the flap. "Yes it is."_

" _I wanna see what she wrote."_

" _That's private!" Wyatt said._

" _Dad's gonna prolly put it on the shelf anyway!"_

" _He should read it first," Noah said. "And it's not open."_

" _For Mother's Day he wrote her a love letter," Maggie said. Exuberance oozed from her face. "Have you ever written a loooooove letter, Noah?"_

" _Nope."_

" _Have you Wyatt?"_

 _Wyatt's cheeks turned red. "Uh-uh."_

" _Well, when you're ready, Daddy'll show you how."_

…..

Ed ordered his part of the meal without reading the menu. He and Olivia typically shared their dishes and tonight was no exception. After their shrimp cocktail and oysters, crab legs and bacon-wrapped scallops would follow. Olivia took a sip of sangria and plucked one of the liquor-soaked cherries. After eating it she tossed the stem aside.

"Can you tie that in a knot in your mouth?" Ed asked.

"What?"

He repeated the question.

"I've never heard of such a thing."

Truly shocked, Ed let his jaw drop. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Give it to me."

Olivia handed over the stem and watched, amused, as Ed worked it around in his mouth. It took a minute, but he triumphantly produced the tightly tied stem.

"Very impressive," Olivia grinned and patted his hand, "And very...middle school?"

"Hey, whatever keeps us young."

Olivia bit her lip and raised an eyebrow, "I feel pretty young."

"Do ya now, Lieutenant?"

"I do." They traded a few kisses before being interrupted by the arrival of the small plates and another round of drinks. Ed handed Olivia a plate and waited for her to serve herself before taking his portions. Satisfied with the entire evening, he sat back, chewed a bite, and smiled.

The one drawback to the restaurant was that it catered to sports fans and boasted several flat screens mounted above the bar. Two of the screens were tuned to national cable news and Ed did a double take when he saw the headline from New York. "Damn," he muttered.

"What?" Olivia followed his gaze and immediately concentrated on reading the closed captioning. She finally mumbled an agony-filled, "Oh God."

"Girls didn't mention it when we called earlier. Probably on purpose."

"I need to call Sonny," Olivia stared to reach into her bag but reconsidered without removing her phone. "Don't you think," she leaned forward over her plate, "If he really thought Sarah and Brooke were at risk...if they thought they were...they would have said something?"

"I'm sure they would have," Ed reached for her hand and kept one eye on the screen. "And with all this heat? They're safe, Liv." A pit formed in Ed's stomach and he selfishly worried that this would signal an early end to their mini-vacation. He could brush off things like this, but he hadn't been at SVU for over twenty years. Olivia, at times, had trouble remembering SVU crimes didn't mean her family was destined for the same tragedy.

"I'm just...I'm going to call Sarah." Olivia resolutely set her jaw while she waited for her to answer. "I'll feel better if I talk to her and Brooke about this."

Ed nodded.

During the call, Olivia's facial muscles gradually relaxed. By the time she hung up, she was actually smiling. "Brooke said Sonny told her they have leads...flooding those neighborhoods. Brooke's going to stay with Sarah tonight until Justin gets home and then Sonny's going to take Brooke and Sofia back." She inhaled and exhaled slowly. "Everything's okay. Under control."

"Sounds like it."

"Excuse me sir?"

The interruption came courtesy of a man dressed in a navy suit, attire far more formal than the floral button-down shirts and khaki shorts worn by the waitstaff. Eyebrows raised, Ed looked up at him and waited for more information. The man introduced himself as the manager and held out a familiar sunglasses case. "I'm sorry it took so long for us to reconnect you with these," he said, "They were locked in the night manager's office and she arrived a few minutes ago."

" _Thank you,_ " Olivia said so quickly she was afraid she'd interrupted the man's explanation. It didn't matter, though, for her extravagant eyewear had fortuitously ended up back in her hands.

The manager smiled, nodded, and wove his way back through the restaurant.

"The waiter must have turned them in," she said, "Now I feel bad for thinking he or someone else may have taken them."

Ed shrugged. "Logical explanation."

"I guess we left a little too quickly…" Olivia checked the contents of the case, closed it, and dropped it into her bag. The sun was setting and the glasses wouldn't be needed until tomorrow morning.

"Good call puttin' 'em in there," Ed quipped, "We may need to make a quick exit again tonight."

Olivia grinned, "It _is_ our last night here."

"We can't go back to the room until I get a dance with my beautiful wife, though."

Olivia held up her glass, "Cheers to that plan, Captain. I love how you're always thinking ahead."

They clinked glasses and kissed, but Ed merely gazed into her eyes. He didn't talk for an awkwardly long time.

"Ed? Are you not speaking anymore tonight?"

"Bear with me, baby, I'm strategizing for after we dance."

"Strategizing huh?"

Ed smirked and cocked his head. "Olivia Margaret, you're blushing."

"I know."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	78. Chapter 78

**Seventy-eight.**

In a slight breach of protocol, Dr. Lindstrom greeted Olivia with a warm hug. It had been almost five months since the shooting on the pier, the near-tragedy which had led to the mandated, but necessary, therapy session. Olivia chose one of the armchairs, crossed her legs and smiled, trying her best to make sure the expression was genuine. There were only two people in the world who could tell when she was faking contentment. Ed was one. Lindstrom was the other.

Lindstrom began the session with an innocuous remark, "You look like you've been in the sun!"

"Miami Beach," Olivia replied, "Ed whisked me away for the long weekend."

"Good time to go," he replied, "Did you take the kids?"

"No. Just the two of us."

Lindstrom leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. He detected a hint of shame in her answer. "That's healthy, Olivia. I'm glad you and Ed take opportunities to get away together. It gets easy to forget about your marriage when you're home and chasing around three young children. You're not letting that happen."

An introspective expression crossed Olivia's face. Her fingernails dug into the fabric of the armrest and her lips twitched before she replied. "We really disconnected, well, as much as parents of three young kids can disconnect. It was so nice, so perfect. I even," her hands started flying around in front of her face, "I even put the missing moms case out of my head," she smiled weakly, "But then I get back here and I want to rush to the precinct and be briefed and direct the investigation."

Lindstrom did not seem particularly surprised. "You miss it."

"Sometimes, yes."

"That's not unexpected, Olivia," he leaned even further toward her, "We've had this conversation before."

Olivia screwed up her face. "We have?"

"Different contexts, but same concept," Lindstrom replied, "For years there were two constants in your life-your job and you solely taking care of yourself. It took a long time for you to get used to Ed being present, for you to realize you didn't have to do everything on your own. And it's going to take some time for you to figure out how to operate in retirement."

"I'm keeping so busy…the show...the Center…"

"But it's not the same."

"No."

"And it never will be. But, remember-you'll never have to confront the guilt you felt when you missed one of the twins' milestones or when you were late or missed one of Noah's games or school activities. And I know that pressure weighed on you."

"It did."

"SVU has competent, dedicated people," Lindstrom continued, "They'll get the job done. But your children, your husband, your family...there's only one _you_ in their lives. And isn't _that_ what tilted the scale as you were debating when to walk away?"

Olivia blinked back tears and croaked, "Yes. Yes it was."

….

"DAAAAHHHH!"

"Dadadadada!"

There were very few moments more precious than returning home to the kids' thunderous, jubilant welcome. Maggie and Wyatt ran to the foyer as soon as they heard the door open and greeted their Daddy with smiles, jumps, and shrieked words, some discernible and some not. The two-year-olds were not dressed alike very often, but on this particular day they both wore baby blue waffle tops and blue jeans. Maggie's brown hair fell across her face and chin; Wyatt's locks had been recently cut, and he looked older and more dignified than his twenty-nine months.

Ed scooped them both into his arms. "Hiya kiddos!"

Maggie launched into a partially-babbled, animated explanation of what was happening in the Tucker home. Ed pursed his lips and listened intently and chuckled when Wyatt attempted to get a word in. This was not the first conversation Maggie had dominated in her young life and it would certainly not be the last.

In the kitchen Olivia finished preparing a plate of cheese, crackers, and fruit and she stepped back to admire her work. Ed rounded the corner with the twins still in his arms and grinned at the platter. "Looks good."

"Thank you."

"Where're Noah and Mia?"

Olivia glanced in the direction of Noah's room. "Back there," she said, a hint of agony in her voice.

Ed raised his eyebrows and smirked, Oh yeah?"

"They're looking at Halloween costumes on the computer. I told him they could bring the laptop out here, but you know how he doesn't like it away from his desk."

"Computer's spot is on the desk," Ed repeated Noah's familiar phrase and mimicked his son's characteristic shrug-the body language he used when stating an immutable truth or fact.

"I've been checking on them every five minutes."

Ed put the twins on the floor and they trotted back to their toys. Hands free, he rounded the island and collected his wife into his arms. It would have been easy to tease her or to brush off Olivia's overprotectiveness, but neither option crossed Ed's mind. "I'll take the rest of the shifts," he said.

Olivia smiled and kissed him. "Want to take them the snacks?"

"Food in the bedroom?"

"They're having such a good time...they want to find _matching_ costumes. The last I heard they found two pieces of an Oreo."

Ed's expression betrayed his feelings about the idea. "Hopefully they pick somethin' a little more interesting." He winked at Olivia and took the tray and some napkins to Noah's room.

The first graders were huddled at the laptop. Noah controlled the wireless mouse, but he let Mia use his comfortable child-sized office chair and he was perched on the chair that matched the bathroom vanity in the master bathroom. It was typically used more as a receptacle for rewearable t-shirts and shorts rather than a place to actually sit. Noah and Mia were so engrossed in their search that Ed's voice startled them. Noah flinched. Mia let out a little yelp. But they both laughed an instant later and eagerly helped themselves to the food.

"You back from helpin' Gramma?" Noah asked with his mouth full of strawberries and white cheddar.

"You saw _GRAMMA_?" Mia frowned and put a hand on her hip. She jerked her head to the side and her jet black ponytail swung from side to side.

"I did," Ed replied apologetically. He was a little intimidated by Mia's accusatory question.

Mia squinted at Ed, "Whadja do there?"

"Cleaned out the garage a little bit," Ed replied, "Put the smoker away, put the storm windows on the front porch. Just gettin' ready for winter. Maybe you can come with me and Noah next weekend when we go there to get the rest done."

"She gonna make the Irish bread _and_ cookies?" Mia asked.

"Gramma _always_ makes dat stuff!" Noah said then added knowingly, "She prolly gonna make Sunday roast. Dat's what she always make on da weekends."

"What's Sunday roast?"

Noah held his hands about a foot apart, "It's in a pan like dis and it's meat with potatoes and carrots. I don't like carrots but I eat Grammas 'cause they're pretty good. Da meat's like steak kinda."

"I like steak," Mia said. She patted her belly. "Yuuuu- _um_!"

A semi-awkward silence invaded the room while Noah and Mia chewed. Ed peered at the computer screen and asked how the costume search was going. There was no sign of the Oreo costumes; the screen was filled with vampires, witches, and more traditional, scary Halloween wear.

"Might be a witch and a warlock," Noah said and added for clarification, "That's a boy witch."

Ed politely nodded.

"We wanna be somethin' really _spooooky_!" Mia said gleefully. "So we're gonna need lotsa red makeup for blood! I was a witch b'fore, but I can be a _baaaad_ witch this year!"

"We'll getcha whatever you need," Ed replied. He placed the platter on Noah's dresser. "We'll be out in the living room bud. Let us know if you need anything."

"Kay, Daddy!"

….

 _Two thick steaks and a bottle of red wine separated Ed and Olivia. The restaurant had been a New York institution for over fifty years and its dark, sultry interior and the jazz standards playing at low volume from wall speakers made Olivia feel like they'd been transported to an earlier era. Having chosen the spot without her input, Ed swelled with pride at Olivia's verbal and non-verbal approbations. A pleasant smile had been plastered on her face from the moment they stepped through the heavy mahogany doors._

" _So, how have you spent your week off?" Olivia asked as she made the first cut into the meat. It had a buttery, crispy crust and was perfectly cooked. "Mmmm," she said before Ed could answer, "This is...fantastic."_

" _Glad you like it," Ed replied after swallowing his first bite, "Wasn't sure if a steakhouse would be up your alley."_

" _I would not have chosen it without some prodding," Olivia admitted, "But I love it. Excellent job, Lieutenant."_

 _Ed smirked, still proud that he'd nudged Olivia toward taking the exam and earning the promotion. "Thank you...Lieutenant."_

 _Olivia returned his cocky expression and they locked eyes for a few seconds before continuing the meal. "Are you avoiding telling me how you've spent your vacation?"_

" _Nah," Ed replied, "Not all that interesting. Binge watched Baker's Dozen on the plane."_

 _Olivia blinked. She couldn't decide if his use of "binge watched" or the admission he'd seen the reality show was more shocking. "Oh really…" Her smile grew as she waited for more details._

" _I was intrigued," Ed replied nonchalantly, "And I had to confirm these people are as weird as I thought they were. I think everyone at IAB was gossiping about it." Ed clenched his teeth as he realized the lighthearted water cooler talk was actually born of a criminal act._

 _Olivia, however, simply shook her head in disbelief and agreed, "There were a lot of weird things about that case," she said._

" _The thing that bothered me most was the blind loyalty," Ed took a sip of wine and continued, "That's the problem with religion. These 'men of God' can get away with murder because nobody ever thinks to question them or their actions or motives. They can fly under the radar...or the collar or the cross or whatever and prey on people-" he stopped abruptly and apologized, "Sorry...I'm rambling."_

 _Olivia had never heard Ed vent in that way before and she wanted to hear more. "No you're not," she said, "Well, you are, but...you're right."_

" _My question is...when will people wake up? The church is no longer worthy of blind trust. How many priests have to be implicated in sex abuse scandals for everyone to decide they've had enough?"_

" _You mean the masses turning away from organized religion?"_

" _Not necessarily. I mean...refusing to give the clergy carte blanche with...everything. When I was growin' up, our priest, he was a good guy, at least I think he was, but my mother? She wouldnta ever questioned him. And_ _she's_ _a force to be reckoned with."_

" _If you're anything like her, I imagine that's true." Olivia's eyes sparkled. Tucker's rant was endearing and served to further affirm the fact that he was, despite everything in the past, a good man. His cheeks reddened, and shy, embarrassed Tucker warmed her heart even more._

" _You'll have to meet her one of these days," he said. "I know she wants to meet you and Noah."_

 _Olivia's breath caught in her throat, "You've...mentioned us?"_

" _Yeah." Ed quickly took another bite, prolonging further explanation if only for a few seconds. "Last weekend, at the apple orchard, it was such a good day-"_

" _-until I got called away."_

" _...Well, yeah, but that's what happens. I'm glad we got that chance, even if it was cut short. I had dinner at my Ma's house the next day. And," Ed paused, searching for the right words, "I guess I wanted to see how it felt to tell someone about the two of you."_

" _And?" Olivia raised her eyebrows, "How did it feel?"_

" _It made me want to plan another Saturday getaway." Ed was nervous and the answer came out partially mumbled. "No pressure, I, uh-"_

" _Hey," Olivia put down her fork, reached over, and squeezed his hand. "I feel the same way."_

 _Relieved, Ed grinned. He held up his glass and offered a soft-spoken, sincere toast, "To more Saturdays."_

 _Olivia touched her glass to his. "Absolutely," she said, "To more Saturdays."_

…..

As she often did when she was in a pensive mood, Olivia paged through one of their dozens of digital photo albums. She chose the one labeled with the twins' birth year and "Beach" and, as she viewed the images, her lips curled into a blissful smile. Always one to easily shed a tear or two, she preemptively held a tissue in one hand, but she didn't need it until she came to a photo she couldn't recall having seen before. She assumed it must have been taken by Sonny and, in merging her photos with his, been overlooked.

The image was snapped at sundown after what must have been a long, hot day on the beach. The back porch was littered with brightly colored pails and shovels, a beach ball, assorted sand-encrusted flip-flops, and towels draped over the railing. Ed was lying on a chaise clad in his well-worn khaki cargo shorts and no shirt. The twins, wearing only diapers, were asleep on his chest. Their hands were curled in fists above their heads and Ed rested a hand on either of their backs. Maggie and Wyatt were tiny, three months old, and perfectly safe and content in their Daddy's arms. Their faces epitomized peace and all that was right with the world. Ed, too, had his eyes closed, but Olivia could tell, even now, that he wasn't totally out. He had often "napped" with the twins in this manner, but rarely did he actually fall into a deep sleep. Too much could happen, especially with the squirmy Maggie who, even in infancy, was capable, in a matter of seconds, of waking up and deciding she wanted to get down and try to crawl.

Olivia stared at the picture for several minutes. It overwhelmed her. There was so much to love and appreciate-their coastal home that wasn't yet actually theirs, Ed's strong, protective hands cradling their twins, the twins themselves-two little miracles who were practically willed into existence after Ed had spontaneously confessed he wanted a baby, and the magnificent mess of the porch.

"Reminiscing?" For the second time that night Ed's presence startled someone. He smirked at Olivia and then the photograph. "That's a great shot," he remarked softly.

"I can't believe I've never seen it before. Carisi must have taken it...but it's so good. He should've shown it to us."

"Needs a frame."

"I'm going to send it to be printed," Olivia navigated to the app she used for printing images, but Ed stopped her.

"Can it wait?" He asked innocently.

"Of course." Olivia set the iPad on the nightstand and reached for Ed's hand. "You okay?"

Ed sat down on the edge of the bed and kissed her on the lips. "Been kinda crazy since we got back," he said.

Olivia rubbed his arm up and down from bicep to wrist. "A little different from Florida."

Ed laughed sheepishly. "Yeah." He twirled a section of Olivia's hair around an index finger. "How you doin? With this case?"

"It's not my case, Ed."

"It's gotta still _be_ there," Ed kissed her forehead, "Especially now that they're basically admittin' they've been dealin' with one dead end after another."

"I doubt my presence would change that."

There was an iciness in her voice and Ed furrowed his brow. "Where'd that come from?"

"What?"

"Nothin," Ed replied, eager to change the subject, "Shouldn'ta brought it up."

"Ed, it's everywhere. The whole city's on alert."

"But very few people in the city are Lieutenant Olivia Benson."

"She's retired," Olivia said, "And yes...she's been resisting the urge to call her son-in-law and have him fill her in. And _yes_. A part of her wishes she was there, leading the investigation. But that would mean," she grinned, "Can I switch back to first person now?"

"Please do."

"That would mean I wouldn't be here. With you. And I wouldn't have been there today when Mia hugged Noah goodbye and he looked so...unsure of what to do…"

"She's a bear hugger."

"No kidding." Olivia bit her lip and studied the contours of Ed's face. "And this year I don't have to worry about finding someone to cover for me for trick-or-treating."

"We do have three active candy seekers this year."

" _Ed_." Suddenly, anguish poured from Olivia's voice and face, "I'm always asking you, expecting you to be patient. You were patient when we first started seeing each other. Patient after things got serious, the whole way, until we got married. And now I'm asking you to be patient again, and it seems so unfair."

"Listen to me," Ed said in a voice as close to his IAB tone as he ever came these days, "I love you, Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker. I made a choice five years ago that I wanted to be with you and I knew being with you meant being with you through some times that weren't perfect. But we just had a _perfect_ weekend. It's gonna be an adjustment not bein' on the job. We both knew that. But last weekend proved we can still find that perfect, Liv. And we didn't have to look too hard. We _never_ have to look too hard."

Tears welled in Olivia's eyes. "I feel like I'm constantly looking for silver linings in this whole world of retirement."

"Pretty soon you'll consider those silver linings as _your_ _life_ ," Ed replied. "And then we'll be talkin' about how we shouldn't take any of this for granted."

"I don't think we'll ever take any of this for granted."

"Yeah," he placed another gently kiss on her lips, "You're right."

….

 _There were very few times Margaret Caroline Tucker got out of bed before her brothers. Since toddlerhood, she hated bedtime, but, once asleep, Maggie had a hard time dragging herself out of bed._

 _With one exception._

 _The beach._

 _After their mini-vacation in Chicago, the Tucker family flew home, loaded the car, and drove to Delaware the next day. They arrived in the late afternoon and had dinner at one of their favorite seaside restaurants. Everyone was tired, so, instead of playing cards or a board game, Noah and the twins selected a movie. The film wasn't half over before the three of them fell asleep. The early night meant Ed didn't have time to go to the market, so the next morning he was thrilled to find coffee and sugar in the pantry. While it brewed he stared out at the ocean through the kitchen window. The sky was blue, seagulls swooped along the shoreline, and a few morning joggers trotted by. When Ed heard footsteps, he assumed it was Olivia._

" _Hello, Daddy!" Maggie gave him a quick hug. "We gonna go get the jet ski?"_

" _Good morning, sweetheart," Ed turned around and kissed the top of her head, "And yes, we will."_

" _When?"_

 _He checked the clock. "Ten."_

" _Ten?" Maggie crinkled her nose. She was excited to get to "drive" and three hours seemed like an interminable wait._

" _Yes."_

 _Maggie groaned but didn't argue. She reached into the cabinet where the glasses were stored, grabbed a mug for herself and one for Ed, and poured two cups of steaming hot coffee. Ed smirked at her when he noticed. "Whaddya doin?"_

" _Having coffee."_

 _Ed took one mug and slid it in front of where he was standing, claiming it as his own. He picked up the other and said, "How bout we take this one to Mom instead?"_

 _Maggie scrunched up her entire face. "There's nothin' to drink!"_

" _Water?"_

" _Yuck."_

 _Feeling bad that he didn't have a better offer for his daughter, Ed offered a new plan. "Take this up to Mom. Then we'll go shopping and get you somethin' on the way."_

 _Maggie grinned, "Kay! Be right back!"_

" _Go slow," Ed warned. Maggie was already at the foot of the stairs. She had only filled the mug halfway, but Ed was sure he'd find coffee streaks on the stairs later on._

 _Upstairs, Maggie tiptoed to her parents' bedroom door and slowly pushed it open. The floorboards creaked in a few spots, one of the home's quirks neither Ed nor Olivia wanted to repair. Maggie crept to Olivia's side and set the mug on the nightstand next to an almost-empty glass of water. She stretched across the bed and kissed her mother's cheek._

 _Olivia opened her eyes, "Hey sweet girl."_

" _Got you some coffee, Mama."_

" _Thank you, honey."_

 _Maggie swung her legs onto the bed and curled up against her mother. "Daddy's gonna take me shopping. Cause we only have coffee! Nothin' to drink or eat!" Maggie laid her head on Olivia's pillow so their noses were almost touching. "Want me to getcha some blue chips and the salsa with cherries?"_

 _Olivia gazed into Maggie's lively blue eyes. "That would be great, sweetie. Thank you."_

" _We'll get some other stuff, too!" As quickly as she'd hopped into the bed, Maggie sat up. "I gotta change my clothes," she looked down at her black-and-white pajama set. On the shirt were the words_ _Let Me Sleep_ _. Maggie giggled. "Can't go to da store in my PJs!"_

 _Olivia grinned and agreed. "Probably best if you change. Do you need help?"_

" _I can do it," Maggie replied. She bounced off the bed and easily landed on her feet. "You drink coffee."_

" _Yes ma'am." Olivia sat up and took her first sip while Maggie left the room. She sprinted at first, then, acknowledging the creaky floors may disturb her brothers, stopped on a dime and switched to a tiptoed gait. The smile didn't leave Olivia's face and she whispered, "Sweet girl…"_

… _.._

 **#Tuckson**


	79. Chapter 79

**Seventy-nine**.

The Missing Moms case quickly became a local election debate topic, and Rafael Barba, who was running for a State Assembly seat, was uniquely suited to respond to citizens' concerns and present options for crime prevention in the future. Though drawing on his experience was sufficient, he enlisted Olivia's help in the final two weeks of the campaign. While she and Barba strategized in his office, Noah helped his staff organize flyers, sort t-shirts, and stuff goody bags that would be distributed at the next rally. At one point, an aide poked his head in to take their coffee orders and grinned when Olivia asked if Noah was bothering them.

"Are you kidding?" The young, college-aged man asked, "He's _on_ _it_. He's probably done more bags than all of us combined." He typed their drink preferences into his phone and darted off to the campaign's favorite cafe.

Barba grinned, "I think Noah has politics in his future, Liv. I can tell by the way he carries himself and interacts with everyone."

Olivia's first instinct was always to protect her children and she shuddered to think of Noah in the middle of a nasty, mudslinging election. "I hope you're wrong," she said.

Reading her mind, Barba replied, "Maybe by his time politics won't be so ugly."

"It's never not been ugly," Olivia pointed out.

"True." Barba slid a legal pad across to Olivia, "Here's what I've come up with so far. We've debated this topic before, but that was prior to this...case," Barba screwed up his face, and asked rhetorically, "The media couldn't think of a better name for it? Seems insensitive at best."

"You don't want to alienate them," Olivia said, "But maybe find some way to bring up that very point? That reporters aren't helping by making this sound like something out of a cheap novel."

Barba tapped a pen against his chin. "I'll work that in," he jotted down a line of notes and looked up at his former colleague, "Squad been filling you in?"

"Nope," Olivia said proudly, "I've kept my distance. I'm sure they would, Brooke's told me Carisi has barely been home, but I fear one tiny tidbit of insider info will suck me back in. Unless evidence points to a prior case and I can provide some insight...I'm staying away."

"Smart move," he muttered. "Does this qualify as staying away?"

"It does," Olivia replied. She put on her reading glasses and scanned the page. It felt good to work with Barba again. During their time together it felt like the old days when they would pore or squabble over cases. Their old symbiosis returned easily returned and an hour passed before they were interrupted again by the same staff member who took the coffee order.

"Raf, we're going to go out on the canvass now. Ma'am? Is Noah allowed to come along?"

Olivia felt bad saying no, especially when Noah was looking at her with wide, hopeful eyes, but they had been away most of the day and Ed deserved a break. And dinner. "Oh, wow," she gasped, "It's late. Noah, honey, maybe next time you can go out with everyone but we have to get home."

"Please Mommy? We gotta hand out all dese papers!"

"Honey we have to go," Olivia replied, "But I'm sure we're invited to the rally this weekend?" She looked at Barba with her eyebrows raised.

"Absolutely," he said.

"And Noah, we'll need a lot of help handing out the bags," the staffer added.

Noah nodded and replied slowly, "Okay...Mommy? I gotta wear a tie. Everrone has ties! 'Cept the girls." He added with a giggle.

"Deal," Olivia said. She said goodbye to Barba and held Noah's hand. "We'll see you Saturday. At the rally. With a tie."

…..

 _The elevator in Ed's building was small, rickety, and scheduled to be overhauled as the building and neighborhood attracted younger and wealthier residents. Several small, octagon-shaped, black-and-white tiles were missing and the original oak wall paneling was nicked and gouged in several places, most likely from years of residents moving and in out without the benefit of a service elevator. On the ride to his fourth-floor unit, though, Ed saw none of these imperfections. He didn't hear the creaking gears and pulleys. And he definitely didn't feel any of the jolts._

 _Olivia hadn't had much downtime after the whirlwind manhunt that took her from the city to upstate New York and then to Chicago, but she'd had the benefit of a few regular shifts and consecutive nights of solid sleep. Ed gave her space to rest, even though he was desperate to talk to her, so when she called and suggested they have drinks and dinner he was thrilled and eagerly made the plans. The night had been full of flirtation and sexual innuendo. Rather than the usual divey cop bar, they had cocktails at a classier lounge and shared sips of their drinks and several kisses across the small round table. Once they had tried to ban "shop talk" from their conversations but quickly realized the restriction was impossible. On this night, however, the only police-related topic was Ed asking about Mike Dodds' injury. After the update they chatted about books, movies, the frigid winter, sports, Noah, Ed's daughters, and then, finally, music. Sarah and Brooke were attending a concert at the Bowery Ballroom and Olivia teased Ed when he relayed this information with obvious disgust._

" _I suppose I shouldn't hold my breath for an invite to a show then?" She asked, her eyes twinkling with jest and then satisfaction when she saw him blush._

" _It's standing room only there," he explained weakly, "I'm game for the Garden."_

" _I never recognize the bands playing at the smaller places anyway," Olivia admitted._

 _Ed grinned and moved closer. He wanted another kiss. "Me neither."_

" _Something else we have in common."_

" _List is gettin' long."_

 _Had they not been in a dark corner of the bar, Olivia probably would not have let the kiss get so passionate, but she, too, was caught up in the moment. She smiled when she felt Ed's fingers in her hair. Ed grinned back at her. "You're beautiful, Olivia Benson."_

 _Ed briefly considered forgetting about dinner and taking her back to his place, but he worried the change of plans would be perceived as impolite and tawdry rather than spontaneously romantic. At the next stop, a tapas restaurant, they shared a pitcher of Sangria and a few small plates. At one point Olivia, after raving about the mussels, dipped a piece of bread in the buttery broth and offered it to Ed._

" _The sauce is delicious," she said in a low, sultry voice, her eyes locked on his lips as he took a bite._

 _Ed had barely swallowed when he leaned forward, rested his hand on her thigh, and kissed her. "I'm really enjoyin' tonight," he said in an extra gravelly voice. They were several drinks in, relaxed, enamored with each other, and he was feeling bold, "You wanna come to my place for a little while? I'll take you home later?"_

 _She answered with an unequivocal yes and their first taxi make out session ensued. On the way in to the building they held hands and then practically mauled each other in the elevator. Ed hand trouble containing his excitement. Olivia was pawing at him, grabbing for his shirt, cupping the back of his head. By the time the car stopped at Ed's floor, her lipstick was smeared. They were both noticeably disheveled. Olivia pecked at the back of Ed's neck as he unlocked the door, but she felt his shoulders stiffen before he actually pushed it open._

" _Someone's in there," he muttered._

 _A different type of adrenaline rushed through their veins. Neither one of them were armed. Olivia reached for her phone, the next best option. Before she could unlock it, however, Sarah's voice caused them both to breathe a sigh of relief...and also one of disappointment._

" _Daddy, it's me!"_

" _Sarah?"_

 _Ed screwed up his face. Olivia smoothed her hair and wiped the area around her mouth with her thumb and forefinger._

" _What are you doing here?" Ed asked, making no effort to conceal that he was annoyed by her presence._

 _Sarah saw Olivia and smiled. Her eyes filled with delight and maybe an iota of remorse. It did not take keen observation skills to conclude Ed and Olivia had been headed straight for the bedroom._

" _Brooke had a headache after the first set," Sarah explained, "So she Ubered back home. I stayed but it wasn't great, so I figured I'd come back here for the night since there's an extra room and it was closer. I sent you a text."_

 _Ed found his phone. "So you did."_

" _I'm...sorry...I can head up to Brooke's, I didn't know-"_

" _We were just comin' here for a nightcap," Ed replied, "No problem."_

" _Yes," Olivia said cheerfully, thankful the embarrassment had subsided, "Join us. So good to see you again." She gave Sarah a hug, removed her coat, and hung it on the rack. "Ed? Jameson with a little ice for me, please."_

 _Ed grinned and kissed her cheek on his way to the liquor cabinet. "Comin' right up."_

…

The project Justin was working on at the university took him away for two weeks, and, after only two days, Sarah had had enough of alone time. Making the solitude worse, this time of year was always slow in her line of work, so she wasn't able to dive into her job. She spent most of the day helping Brooke with Sofia and then wound up at the Tucker home for the evening. When she arrived at the building an ambulance was parked outside. She thought nothing of it, but the doorman gave her a reassuring pat on the back when he directed her to the elevator and Sarah quickly found out the EMT crew was there for one of her family members. She rushed to the apartment, expecting to see one of the twins or Noah bloody or injured, but it was Ed who was strapped to the gurney. There was an oxygen mask strapped to his face and one of the techs barked out readings from a stethoscope and blood pressure cuff.

"Daddy!"

Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt were sitting on the couch gawking at the action. Noah held each of his siblings by the hand. Sarah could tell he was trying to be brave, but his lower lip jutted out and his eyes glistened with unshed tears. Ed was conscious and Olivia hovered over him while listening to the paramedics' report. She reached out for Sarah, held Ed's arm, and nodded as the man gave her an initial diagnosis.

"With the normal vitals, probably low blood sugar or something like that," he said, "But we'll take him in to get looked at by a doc. They'll probably want to keep him for observation."

"I'm fine," Ed muttered through gritted teeth.

"Livvie, go with him," Sarah said. She was trying not to panic and her voice sounded like a child's. "I'll stay here."

"Ready?" A member of the EMT team asked the group.

"Let's head out. Mt. Sinai, ma'am."

Olivia hurried over to the children and gave them hugs and kisses. "Daddy's okay, sweethearts. We're going to go see the doctor to see if he needs any medicine. I'll be back in a little bit. I love you so, so much."

"Mommy, why'd Daddy go like dis?" Noah let the top half of his body go limp and his head bobbed lifelessly.

"I don't know, honey, that's what we're going to find out," Olivia replied soothingly. She kissed his forehead and forced a smile. "Sarah's going to stay here until I get back."

"Kay."

Sarah gave Olivia a quick, tight hug. Olivia mumbled something about the kids not having had their dinner yet and Sarah told her she'd take care of it. "Go, Livvie. I got it." Olivia gave the kids each another hug and followed the medics. Sarah put her hands on her hips and assessed her three young charges who were still very much bewildered at what had just occurred.

Wyatt started crying and screaming for his Mommy and Daddy. Maggie sniffled. Noah finally let his tears fall. Sarah gathered all three into her arms and rocked them back and forth. Like their mother, she assured them everything was under control. "The doctors are really good, remember, Noey? They take care of people and they'll take good care of Daddy."

"He comin' home _today_?" Noah asked in a shaky voice.

Sarah wanted to say yes, but she didn't want to lie. "I don't know, Noey. Sometimes, if there aren't enough doctors working they have to wait a little bit. But the good thing was that Daddy was awake and talking. Was he sick today?"

Noah shrugged. "I dunno. Mommy and me got home and he was playin' with da babies and then Mommy said ' _ED'_ and Daddy was like dis!" Noah slumped over and let his head bob again. "Then Mommy called the people, the people like Justy usedta be, but then Daddy got up but then he fell down again!"

"That sounds so scary," Sarah said softly. She strained to reach for the tissues Olivia always kept on a side table. Wyatt's face was a mess of snot and tears. Maggie had calmed down, but she remained plastered to her brother.

" _Very_ scary."

Sarah did her best to be cheerful, "Well! How about something to eat and drink? Everybody hungry?"

"I want Daddy," Noah said, "And Mommy."

"They'll be back soon," Sarah said, "And when they get back we don't want to be hangry."

"Hangry?"

"Yes, that means you're so hungry you're angry. _Hangry_."

This new word got a smile and a soft chuckle out of Noah. "Han-gry…" he said slowly.

"Yes. So. What do you want? Pizza?"

Noah nodded and hearing pizza perked up both Maggie and Wyatt.

"P'ZA!"

"P'za w'cheeeeese!"

"Pizza it is," Sarah said. She picked up her phone and ordered, keeping the kids by her side. Whenever she babysat, the trio played boisterously and crisscrossed the apartment in quick strides, always searching for another toy or game or whatever else they needed to entertain themselves. Over the next few hours, even when she had to open the door for the pizza delivery, the three of them were never more than a few inches away from her grasp.

…...

 _Before shopping at the local market, Ed took Maggie to cafe for a smoothie. The place was so tiny it offered no seating, only a walk-up window, so father and daughter sat on a bench and watched the main street slowly populate with locals and tourists. Bethany was the typical east coast beach town complete with a boardwalk, quaint shops, and a predictable population increase from June-August. Ed and Maggie recognized some people and waved, but most passersby were strangers to be ignored._

" _When's Mari and Anthony gettin here?" Maggie asked before she slurped another gulp of her smoothie. She dressed herself in blue jean shorts and the field day t-shirt. Her flip-flopped feet swung back and forth._

" _This afternoon," Ed replied, "Probably around dinner time."_

" _And Brookey?"_

" _Not until the weekend."_

" _We can sleep in the sunroom this year?"_

 _The beach house had four upstairs bedrooms. Noah and Wyatt occupied one, Maggie a second, and guests had the use of a second master suite on the opposite side of the house. When a second group arrived, Maggie bunked with her brothers, but sometimes they were allowed to sleep downstairs. The "sunroom" probably had originally been part of the porch but was now a cozy ten-by-twelve space with three oversized chairs that converted to beds and windowed walls. The kids loved to sleep there because of the flat screen TV they could watch all night._

" _We'll see."_

" _Sare Bear and Justy have FOUR!" Maggie said adamantly. "The only place with FOUR is my room!" She took a sip and swallowed triumphantly. Indeed, her room boasted a queen-sized bed and a pull-out sofa. It was also large enough for a crib where Mari still slept._

" _We'll see."_

 _Maggie grumbled. "Daddy, you always say that then you talk to Mommy and then the answer is NO!"_

 _Ed laughed, "Not always. But, yes, I always talk to Mommy."_

 _Maggie groaned again. Talking to Mommy usually meant she wasn't getting what she wanted. Around Kindergarten she and Wyatt learned their mother called the shots and she'd had a few years of experience under her belt._

" _You ready to shop?" Ed asked._

" _Meh."_

 _Ed grinned. If there had been nothing else to do, Maggie would have been content to sit on the bench for at least an hour and people watch._

" _Let's at least make the list," Ed suggested, "So we don't waste any time."_

" _Kay."_

" _What for lunch?"_

" _Chips, bread, meat, and da chicken salad. I LOVE IT!"_

" _Absolutely."_

" _Mommy wants the cherry salsa and and we need chips and cookies."_

" _What about smoothie stuff so you don't have to drink coffee?" Ed asked with a smirk._

 _Maggie shook her head as if Ed should have known better, "Daddy!" She admonished, "You ALWAYS take me to get these smoothies!"_

" _Oh yeah…"_

" _But for everyone else we can get juice."_

" _Yep. And what else?"_

" _The list is my head," Maggie tapped the side of her face, "Eggs, bread, bacon-you make the best bacon, Daddy-the cheese crackers, the meat in da roll, the brownies," she rubbed her stomach, "we love those brownies!"_

" _Maybe some veggies and dip?"_

 _Maggie crinkled her nose, "Okay."_

 _Ed put his arm around his daughter and kissed her head. Moments like these would become more and more rare as Maggie got older and he soaked up the closeness. He loved each of his children, but their bonds were different. Wyatt was content with down time and he liked museums. He studied things; and Caroline reminded Ed he had been the same way when he was young. Noah was smart, but he picked up on things quickly and knew a lot about a wide range of subjects. Ed often had trouble keeping up with his intellect. Maggie was silly. She had always been. And she brought out the more lighthearted side of her father. Wyatt and Noah made Ed think. Maggie always made him laugh._

" _We'll get veggies and dip," Ed said, "But you don't have to eat it."_

 _Maggie fist bumped her Dad and then wrapped him in a ferocious bear hug. "I love you, Daddy."_

" _Love you, baby girl. More than you know."_

…

 **#Tuckson**


	80. Chapter 80

**Eighty**.

Hospitals, emergency rooms in particular, were almost as familar to Olivia as the 16th Precinct's SVU Squad Room. She knew the sounds-shuffling of rubber-soled feet, beeps, crackly all-calls (some urgent; others mundane), and the hushed voices of nurses, doctors, and other staff as they went about their shift duties in an almost robotic fashion. When arriving as a police officer, she, too, had an air of professionalism, but now, as a worried wife, fear and dread were etched on her face.

They lived only a mile or so from the hospital, so the ambulance ride wasn't long yet the brevity didn't make it any less stressful. The half-moon shapes created by Olivia digging her nails into her palm were still evident on her skin. Ed insisted the oxygen mask be removed, claiming it was restricting his airways rather than helping him breathe. Whether or not that was true was unclear, but it allowed him to talk to his wife without impediment.

"This really isn't necessary," he said.

Olivia kept one eye on the monitor and ignored him. "Are these vitals normal?" She asked the paramedic.

"Yes ma'am. Heart rate's a little elevated, but that's not surprising. Being transported in an ambulance will do that."

"Especially when you don't need to be," Ed grumbled.

"Honey, just...let them do their jobs please."

Ed let his head fall back onto the firm gurney padding. For the moment, Olivia won.

With no badge to get her into restricted areas, Olivia was relegated to the waiting room once they were at Mt. Sinai. She paced, sat, and paced more. It seemed like years before she was allowed to see Ed. When she did, he was sitting up in a hospital bed and looking every bit like her perfect, handsome husband-healthy, pissed off, and happy to see her.

"Ed." She draped her body over his.

"I'm fine, Liv. I didn't need to come here. I tried to tell everyone that."

"You collapsed-"

"I didn't collapse." Ed grimaced and rubbed his face with the hand that wasn't on Olivia's shoulders. He realized he'd been more out of it than he thought. "Dammit, the kids. Where are they? Noah okay?" Semi-collapsing, or whatever it was, in front of his children was something strong, protective fathers didn't do. How could he assure the kids, Noah in particular, that it wouldn't happen again? That Daddy was just as fierce as before?

Olivia hadn't had time to think about how to process any of the aftermath. Her one prayer, hope, wish was that Ed was going to be alive and conscious when she was finally allowed to see him. Now that one hurdle had been cleared, she had a million questions.

"Mr. Tucker?"

It would always sound strange to hear someone call Ed "Mister" instead of "Captain." Olivia jumped to her feet, shook the doctor's hand, and took a seat in the hard plastic chair adjacent to the bed. Ed wasn't in an actual hospital room; rather, he was placed in a narrow ER bay. With the chair, bed, and three people, there wasn't much room for anyone else or elaborate movement of any kind.

The doctor spoke in calm, even tones and immediately made Olivia feel relaxed. He echoed what the paramedic said. Ed's heart rate and blood pressure fell within the normal ranges. There was nothing in the preliminary tests that were alarming. "By process of elimination," he said, "And from what you reported, sir, it seems like a bout of reactive hypoglycemia."

Olivia grabbed Ed's hand. "This has never happened before," she said, eyeing Ed, " _Has_ _it_?"

"No."

"Sometimes this condition can be an early indicator of diabetes, but, again, that doesn't seem to be the case here. I would like to keep you overnight to monitor your heart rate and blood pressure but-"

"-I'm not staying overnight," Ed muttered.

The doctor's face told Olivia the two of them had already engaged in this debate. She squeezed Ed's hand. Following the doctor's orders was usually something she did without question, but Ed really did look healthy and, selfishly, she did not want to return to the apartment without him.

The doctor sighed, "I understand. But, keep in mind what I told you. You have to eat better. You're a busy Dad with little kids, but you must eat like an adult."

Olivia raised her eyebrows.

"The nurse will be in with the glucose tablets and don't forget to follow up with your PCP."

"Got it. Thank you."

Olivia thanked the doctor as well and turned back to Ed. "What did he mean? _Eat like an adult_?"

Ed shrugged. "Most days, when it's just me and the twins, I eat what they eat. And not much of it."

Devastated, Olivia stroked his face and kissed his forehead. " _Ed_ , honey." She had never given much thought to what Ed ate when she wasn't around. He wasn't much of a breakfast person, except on Saturday or Sunday mornings when he and Olivia made a huge late-morning feast. When they were all together, it was common for them to get lunch at a neighborhood restaurant after playing in the park or taking the twins to the toddler gym. However, lately, Olivia had been away in the afternoons, so the only meal she actually witnessed Ed consume was dinner.

"We're going to go home, get a good night's sleep, and this weekend I'll meal prep for next week," she rattled off her schedule, "I have to be on set with Wyatt Tuesday, then the Center Wednesday and Thursday morning, but I'll be home at lunch…"

Ed grabbed her hand, effectively hitting pause on her rambling. "Liv-"

"-I'm going to take care of you, Ed. I'll get that cookbook out and...no more Gerber Graduates leftovers for you."

Ed laughed and puckered his lips for a kiss. He wanted to get out of there, so he whispered, "Okay," and sat up, swinging his legs off the mattress. Olivia studied his body, looking for any signs of dizziness. Satisfied, she stepped back and he stood under his own power.

"I'm so glad you're okay," she blurted out and wrapped her arms around his sturdy chest.

Ed held Olivia tightly. He could feel her start to cry and he rubbed her back reassuringly. "I'll start takin' better care of myself, Liv," he said softly, "I promise."

"And don't forget the follow up appointment," she added in a shaky voice.

"I won't. I'll make it first thing in the morning."

"They open at seven."

"I'll call at six fifty-nine."

…

 _As Ed predicted, the Vidal family arrived in Bethany Beach mid-evening. As soon as the wheels of the black Ford Explorer crunched in the driveway, Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah ran out to meet them. They yanked open the back doors and enthusiastically greeted Mari and Anthony. This was their first time at the house and the Tucker kids were eager to show the newbies all of the fun things there were to do. Mari wasn't walking yet, so Sarah handed her over to Maggie without questioning whether or not she was old or strong enough to handle the baby. Maggie held Mari to her chest with two hands, and Olivia rushed over to help. When Sarah and Justin took custody of the siblings, Mari was skinny, estimated to be about four months old but underweight for that age. Now, at about ten months, her cheeks were chubby and her thighs were full of baby fat. She had a head of thick black hair and deeply-set brown eyes that often showed astonishment, especially when she was around the bouncing, shrieking, energetic Tucker clan._

 _Anthony had grown accustomed to the family, but it had taken several weeks before he settled in to the new norms of his life. He was protective of his sister and refused to leave her presence, so, even a quick errand to the market meant taking both kids or one of the adults going alone. Sarah wanted to enroll him in preschool but decided to wait until the fall. Instead, she and Justin took Anthony and Mari to swimming lessons and bought a membership to the toddler gym Maggie and Wyatt had attended so they could interact with other kids and still be in one another's presence. Slowly, Anthony got more comfortable, but he still clung to Justin when he became overwhelmed. Noah and Wyatt sticking their faces in front of his while he was still strapped in his car seat was definitely something that could trigger the little boy to call out for his Papi._

" _Noah, Wyatt, give him some space," Olivia called over to them from the opposite side of the truck. She was bouncing Mari on her hip and whispering softly about the water and the sand and how Grandpa was going to make them a yummy dinner. "You all must be hungry?" Olivia speculated, "You couldn't have stopped?"_

" _Just at a rest area," Sarah said, slinging bags over her shoulders, "Snacks and juice boxes and bottles! Who said traveling with kids had to be a slog?"_

 _Once Anthony was out of his seat, he let Wyatt and Noah take his hands and lead him into the house. Ed and Justin took care of the suitcases and Sarah dropped the bags in a corner of the dining room, explaining they were filled with toys and cups and other items they didn't need upstairs. "Let's go out," she said excitedly, holding her arms out for Mari. "Anthony, baby? Let's go see the beach cutie pie!" She spoke to him in English; she and Justin interchangeably used both languages._

 _Sarah wasn't sure if the sight and sound of the ocean and its waves would startle Anthony or not. She wondered if the setting would make him remember the slum of San Juan where he'd spent his first years of life and whether or not he would be scared, sad, or otherwise affected. He certainly had been old enough to remember his mother and any other family members, but he had spoken very little of them at the orphanage and Sarah hadn't tried to draw out any new information._

 _Maggie broke into a run as soon as they stepped off the porch. She sprinted down the flagstone path that led to the boardwalk and then the beach. Tall seagrass obstructed the little ones' views, but Mari, in her mother's arms, saw everything all at once-waves crashing to the shore, brightly colored umbrellas of those still lingering in the sand, the beach volleyball players, people playing frisbee and slamball, and the seagulls swooping in loops, probably searching for their dinner._

" _C'mon!" Maggie shouted to the others from the end of the walk. She splayed her arms in a "V" above her head, "Itsa a beautiful day!"_

" _C'mon, Anthony," Wyatt said, "Let's run!"_

 _The Tucker kids did not have the restrictions other children had when it came to running on surfaces that could potentially be dangerous and, consequently, at least at the Bethany house, Anthony wouldn't, either. The rules may materialize differently at the Gulf Coast condo. The boys took off to meet Maggie. When Olivia, Sarah, and Mari caught up they were midway to the water._

" _Noah!" Sarah called, "Hold his hand, okay? Don't let him dive in!" Then, she sheepishly shrugged and added, "You never know."_

 _Olivia gave her a friendly nudge, "Believe me. I get it."_

" _Ugh, Livvie," Sarah kissed Mari's head, "I hope this goes well."_

" _Why wouldn't it?"_

" _I'm worried about being away from home," Sarah said, "They've been doing so well and I think it's because we've been so consistent with their routines. I mean, every day, the same thing. Get up. I give Mari her bottle, get them breakfast, go to work and Justin takes care of the rest. I mean, I hesitate to feed them anything different! So...I'm hoping they, well, mostly Anthony, I'm hoping he's not totally glued to Justin the whole time."_

 _Noah was unearthing shells and showing them to Anthony. Wyatt took the good ones from Noah and put them in the pockets of his trunks. Olivia smiled when she saw Anthony copying Wyatt and shoving shells in his own pockets._

" _He seems good right now," Olivia said, "We didn't think to ask you about food. Ed's grilling hot dogs and burgers. I have potato salad, chips, the usual. We can run out and get something else if you think that'd be better." Sarah's revelation about food was news to Olivia. And it also seemed odd since Sarah had always been the one to pioneer Noah's culinary adventures. Nevertheless, Olivia understood how motherhood could alter even the most deeply-ingrained personality traits._

" _No, no, don't do that. He's eaten all that stuff before. We've been kind of...going in spurts with food. Lately it's been pasta so some protein in hot dog form will be good."_

" _Mommy!" Wyatt ran up to Olivia. "I forgot my goggles! I gotta go get 'em!"_

 _Olivia tousled Wyatt's brown hair, "I think you're okay without them, honey. We're not swimming. Daddy's making dinner."_

" _I gotta show 'em to Anthony! I told him he could see underwater and he's gotta see how they work! Sare Bear? Does Anthony have goggles?"_

" _Um, no."_

" _We gotta buy some." This was not a suggestion or a question. Wyatt was adamant. One way or another, he was getting Anthony a pair of goggles._

 _Olivia assured him they could make a trip to the closest surf shop after dinner. Wyatt grinned from ear to ear. His smile was electrifying. Wyatt was a happy child, but he, like his mother, was guarded. He was judicious when it came to doling out huge smiles like this one._

" _When's dinner?" Wyatt asked._

" _Soon," Olivia said. "Are you hungry?" For lunch they'd gone to their favorite pizza joint and eaten cheese slices on a boardwalk bench even though Ed and Maggie had stocked the fridge with goodies after their morning outing._

" _I'm a SEVEN!" Wyatt said, using the Tucker family's rating scale. Seven meant he was ready for dinner. Eight meant one needed an immediate snack. Nine was an immediate BIG SNACK. Ten meant you were going to die._

" _How 'bout you get everyone back up here and we'll go tell Daddy to get started. It won't take long."_

" _Wait Livvie," Sarah said, "Let's put Mari's legs in."_

 _Wyatt lifted his arms, "Lemme take her." He had the benefit of both his father's and his mother's body composition. He was tall, sturdy, and often mistaken for older than a new eight. Even so, Olivia started to object, but Sarah gave Mari to Wyatt without hesitation. "Just don't go in with her. Just her legs."_

" _Kay."_

 _Wyatt was careful and only let the crashing waves wash over Mari's feet and ankles. He went no farther than the shoreline. Mari getting wet, Maggie and Noah splashing around, and Wyatt doing a great job of handling his sister emboldened Anthony. He jumped up and down, lost his balance in the wet sand, and fell onto his bottom. Sarah yelped, but immediately started laughing when Anthony screeched in delight as the water washed over him._

" _I think he's going to be just fine," Olivia wrapped her arm around Sarah's shoulders. She briefly wished she had her phone, but Sarah had hers and she ran to the shore, snapping photos in rapid fashion. Olivia smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. Sarah had been uncharacteristically nervous since Anthony and Mari came into her life, and it was refreshing to see her act like her old self-silly, cheerful, and using up half of her phone's memory on one photo session._

…..

It took an aggravatingly long time for Ed to be officially discharged, so it was well past everyone's bedtimes when he and Olivia arrived back home. Sarah had been given regular updates and Olivia told her not to worry about putting the kids to bed. The twins could sleep in and she thought maybe it would be a good idea to keep Noah home the next day. At the very least, to prove his Daddy was, indeed, healthy and okay. On the cab ride home, Ed objected to this idea.

"He needs to know everything's normal," Ed replied. "And I'm fine. Nothing's changing. Proceed as scheduled."

"Well, it's Friday, so I didn't have anything scheduled," Olivia said, "So that makes me happy." She chuckled a little and Ed raised his eyebrows. "You saying you're fine is a bit of a switch," she remarked.

"Are you convinced?"

"No."

"Well, I never am, either," he put his hand on her thigh, "But I'm gonna be less fine if Noah thinks there's something really wrong. And there's not."

"If you say so."

They were out of the cab by now but hadn't entered their building. There was no evidence Ed had been to the hospital. He and Olivia could have been returning from dinner for all anyone knew. But the doorman knew. The neighbors knew. And worse, his kids knew.

"I'm making the appointment in the morning," he said in a stern voice. "But right now...I need to be home. With you. With Noah and Maggie and Wyatt and they need to know I'm there."

Olivia knew exactly what Ed needed. He needed her to be strong right now and to believe him when he said he was fine, or at least to pretend to believe him for the sake of everyone else. They could talk later. There was a lot of heartache and terror they hid from the rest of their family, but they never hid it from one another. Not anymore.

Olivia kissed him. He held the back of her head and kissed her back, obviously attempting to prove there was nothing wrong. He expected Olivia to push him away but she backed him against a concrete barricade and continued the kiss. "Ed, I-"

"-I love you," he finished for her. "C'mon. Let's go home."

Olivia leaned into him and sighed, "Home sounds good."

…..

 _Cassidy loosened his tie and slowly spun around in his chair. His new digs-a cubicle within a maze of identical partitions on the floor that functioned as the heartbeat of New York's Internal Affairs Bureau-were drab and depressing, yet he wasn't eager to go home. The past week's events involving Nick Amaro threw Cassidy into the fire and forced him to split the hair of personal and professional loyalty. His relationship with Olivia was strained and it was evident that no matter how well he did his job, he would never be comfortable or accepted at IAB. Retirement increasingly seemed like the best option. Even if he requested a transfer after his trial reinstatement, his reputation had taken an irreparable hit._

 _From the corridor leading to the offices, a door slammed, then another, and the voices got closer. Cassidy turned around again to see Tucker and Draper walking to the elevators. They both sported dark suits, white shirts, plain ties, and the same cocky, haughty smirk. Cassidy thought Tucker would be the major pain in his ass, but Draper was equally austere and aloof. They made the perfect couple._

" _Cassidy, you're still here?" Tucker asked though it was clear he didn't care if Cassidy spent the entire night at his desk. The question was most likely rhetorical and offered merely because it was impossible for Tucker to have pretended he didn't see the detective._

" _Yeah, uh, just finishing up some things."_

" _Well, have a good night," Cole said._

" _Yeah, thanks, you too."_

 _A mischievous glint sparkled in Tucker's eyes, "Tell Sergeant Benson congratulations," he said._

 _Draper ducked his head to hide his amusement._

 _Cassidy screwed up his face. "For what?"_

" _You didn't hear?"_

 _Now Draper was really struggling not to break out in laughter._

" _Hear what?" Cassidy asked, getting more annoyed with each second._

" _Cragen's out," Tucker reported, "And Benson's in." He puffed out his chest, filled with satisfaction. IAB was detested, but the NYPD grapevine ran right through its power structure. Tucker had known about Benson's promotion before she did._

" _He still has a few months," Cassidy replied weakly. He was clearly out of the loop and there was no good reason for him to question Tucker._

" _Apparently not."_

" _Tucker," Cole muttered, "I'm runnin' out of time if you want to get that drink."_

" _Oh, right," Tucker adjusted his coat, "See you Monday, Cassidy."_

….

In an effort to give the kids some semblance of normalcy, Sarah made them take baths and get into their pajamas though Noah insisted on waiting for his parents to actually go to bed. Sarah understood. Despite Olivia's texts, she was not going to be totally calm until she saw her Dad. Without another adult to talk to, her mind wandered to dark places. It didn't help when she noticed Ed's abandoned phone on the table and his t-shirts and shorts tossed on the bed. She hated the eerie scene of someone snatched prematurely from his life. So, when Ed, clutching his glucose pills, and Olivia walked back into the apartment, she sprinted past Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah and wrapped them both in her signature bear hug.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod thank _gawwwwd_ you're alive."

Ed hugged her back but mumbled, "You're bein' a little dramatic."

"I don't like health problems," Sarah griped.

"I don't have health problems."

A chorus of "Daddys" came from the children's mouths and they jumped around the adults. Ed picked up Noah first. "Thanks for bein' so brave, bud. I"m proud of you."

"Daddy you sick?"

"Nope," Ed replied, "I'm okay. The doctor told me I need to eat a little better."

"Like veg'bles and fruit?"

"Yeah."

"Mommy, we need to buy dat stuff!" Noah ordered, his face gravely serious.

"We will, honey. And we'll also make sure Daddy eats it."

"That's _all_?" Sarah asked incredulously.

Olivia explained they were following up with Ed's regular doctor and that he had been mostly living on a toddler's diet. She also added a self-deprecating joke about not keeping a very close eye on her husband. Then, she said, "It's late. Time for stories and bed."

After everyone was tucked in, Ed and Olivia went through their bedtime routines as if nothing was wrong. They climbed into bed and cuddled in the center. Olivia yawned. Ed held her close and kissed the back of her neck.

"I love you," he whispered.

"I love you," Olivia replied, "And I'm so relieved you're okay and thankful you're here with me," Olivia squeezed her eyes closed and a few tears escaped. She'd learned from the few times she and Ed had been apart that sleeping without him was excruciatingly difficult.

"I'm here," Ed gently shifted positions so they were facing each other, "I'm here Liv." He kissed her lips and rested his cheek against hers. "I promise you I'm not goin' anywhere. I'll do whatever the doc tells me to do. Whatever you tell me to do. I am _not_ leaving you." He kissed her again, this time with more passion, more force. One of his hands drifted to her lower back and then her hip.

" _Ed…_ "

"What?" He innocently raised his eyebrows and looked her in the eyes.

"We can't...not tonight...you were...in the _hospital_."

"I've never felt better."

"I don't think it's a good idea."

"Okay." Ed easily relented, but he kissed her several more times.

"Remember, six fifty-nine tomorrow morning," Olivia murmured as she settled in against his chest.

"I'm tempted to call him at home right now."

"You're pouting."

"A little."

Olivia smiled and wrapped her fingers around his forearm. She wasn't changing her mind, but she loved being desired by Ed. The worst part of the night for him wasn't going to the ER or collapsing in front of his kids-it was not being allowed to make love to his wife.

"We'll see what the doctor says," Olivia added. "Hopefully we can get in to see him this week."

"This _week_?" Ed chuckled and kissed the back of her head, "No, no. _Tomorrow_. A week will not do."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	81. Chapter 81

**Eighty-one**.

 _The rumbling of heavy machinery caused Olivia to awake with a start. She lifted her head and squinted at the master bedroom's open, south-facing window. The noise hadn't bothered Ed. He was next to her, breathing heavily, almost snoring, deeply asleep. Olivia could not deny she was showing signs of aging. She had to have her roots colored more often, she needed stronger reading glasses, and, in the mornings, it took several full-body stretches before she worked out the kinks in her muscles and joints. Nevertheless, there were two things that age had not yet come to claim. The first was her skin. It was still smooth and firm and her face was miraculously mostly wrinkle-free. Second, she was still powerfully attracted to her husband._

" _Ed." She whispered his name and kissed his bare shoulder. Last night, after the family movie, popcorn, and sodas, she and Ed made the nightly rounds through the house. They checked locks, bathroom nightlights, made sure stray items on the porch were put away, and set the thermostat. On this night they also made sure the ceiling fan in the converted sunroom was on so Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah could sleep comfortably. Maggie had won her case for bunking there and the kids were already dozing off when Ed and Olivia checked on them. On the way upstairs Ed swatted at Olivia, and, once they were on the landing, he kissed the back of her neck while they made their way to the bedroom._

 _Olivia shivered as she recalled the lovemaking, especially when she pictured Ed's face-the way he stared into her eyes, the way he looked at her as if he'd never seen anything or anyone more beautiful and precious in his life._

 _She kissed Ed again, this time making sure to press her body more firmly against his. "Ed, honey, wake up."_

 _He turned his head to her, eyes still closed, and smirked._

" _No," Olivia said, shooting him a grin of her own, "The guys working on the driveway are here."_

 _Ed groaned. "Not why I thought you were wakin' me up."_

" _I know. Sorry."_

 _In one quick, deft motion, Ed lifted himself push-up style and propelled his body on top of hers. His hands were on either side of her head. Olivia grinned at the impishness in his expression. She sighed with both pleasure and disappointment when she gripped his arms and felt his biceps flexed, firm, and strong._

 _Outside, the Bobcat revved and roared._

" _I don't really need to be there," Ed rasped into Olivia's neck._

" _No?"_

" _They're gettin' rid of the gravel then leveling everything," He switched to the other side._

" _What about the flagstones?"_

" _Droppin' em off this afternoon. With the mortar mix."_

" _Are you sure they don't need to talk to you now?"_

" _Liv," Ed slowly tugged at her pajama shorts, "There's only one thing in the world anyone needs right now."_

" _Ed…"_

" _Shhh…"_

 _Olivia giggled. Ed hadn't shaven in a few days and his whiskers tickled her neck. He growled and teased her more by running his fingers along the side of her torso. Olivia laughed again, louder, and Ed started to slide the shorts down but the morning intimacy was destined to be short-lived._

 _The doorbell rang._

 _Someone bounded up the stairs._

" _Daddy! The guys are here!" It was Wyatt. His raspy, eight-year-old voice warmed Olivia's heart. She was also relieved, because Wyatt was probably not going to burst through the bedroom door and she was sure she had a flush that could not be easily explained in child-friendly terms._

… _._

The days after Ed's "episode" were filled with check-ins from almost every member of his family. Caroline gave him a lecture over the phone, Brooke stopped by, Sarah sent a fruit basket and a cheeky note, and both Justin and Sonny sent text messages. Even Ed's brother and sister called which made him more annoyed than comforted.

"One thing's for sure," he muttered to Olivia, "If I die you'll have plenty of support."

"Don't joke about that," Olivia passed by him in the kitchen and kissed his cheek, "And what everyone is doing is called being caring. It's part of being a family. And also human."

Ed grunted and stabbed a piece of melon with a fork. He chewed and smiled at Maggie and Wyatt who were eating their own breakfasts in their booster seats at the table. Both twins had mastered the use of a fork, yet the process was slow and each bite had to be taken carefully. A few stray blueberries fell beneath their seats, but they had both developed into tidy eaters.

It was a school day, and Noah had already eaten his berry-covered waffles. Ed heard him switch off the battery-powered toothbrush and open the cabinet for the mouthwash. Noah gargled and spat into the sink. He half-skipped from the bathroom to his bedroom and emerged clad in his school uniform-tan pants and burgundy oxford. The shirt was impeccably pressed. They'd picked up a fresh batch from the dry cleaner the previous night.

"Ready, bud?"

"Ready!"

Olivia checked the contents of his backpack and made sure everything was where it was supposed to be. The thick plastic blue folder was stowed in the interior pocket, his pencil pouch and art supply case were secured with elastic straps in the main compartment, and his water bottle was tucked in one of the side pouches. Last year's shark backpack wasn't very durable, so Noah upgraded to a dark blue Patagonia bag embroidered with his initials. He chose the bag because of its red-and-white zig zag piping. "Looks like shark teeth," he'd remarked approvingly.

As soon as Noah tied his sneakers and zipped his fleece jacket, he went to the refrigerator and held the door open. "Daddy, your lunch is here."

"My lunch?"

Noah tapped a covered plastic container. "Yep. Ri'here."

"You made my lunch?"

"Uh-huh! Last night when you were runnin' errans!"

Ed glanced at Olivia. She passed by him again and patted his stomach. "We made Daddy and me a good healthy lunch, didn't we sweet boy?"

"Uh-huh!" Noah proudly exclaimed, "It has brown pasta and 'sparagus and some other veg'bles and red sauce!"

"Wow…"

"You can have a salad for dinner," Noah added.

Ed picked him up and gave him a firm hug. "Thank you, pal," he said softly. He sat Noah on the island, "But you don't worry about me, okay? Daddy's healthy and strong."

"When ya eat dat food," Noah jerked his head toward the fridge, "You gonna be SUPER strong!"

"That's right."

"Like a superHERO!"

"Yep."

Noah giggled. "SUPER DADDYYYYYYY!"

…..

 _Olivia was a few blocks away from the bar when she remembered Ed's "call me when you get a chance" text she'd read a few hours ago. She wasn't ignoring him, but the day had been hectic and she forgot all about calling him back until now. After four rings, Ed answered. Olivia could immediately tell their plans for the night would have to be postponed._

" _Hey," he said in a nasally, congested voice._

" _Hey to you," Olivia said, "Everything alright?"_

" _I feel like hell," Ed replied, "Gonna have to cancel tonight. I'm really sorry."_

 _Most people, when nixing plans for whatever reason, did so with a cursory apology. After all, the reasons-illness, injury, work or family-related emergencies-were almost always unforeseen and not one's fault. However, Ed's "I'm really sorry" was so earnest it almost made Olivia cry._

" _That's okay," Olivia said, "You shouldn't be doing anything if you're feeling miserable. Have you taken anything? Eaten?"_

" _Nah...just need a night's sleep and I'll be good to go tomorrow."_

 _Olivia clicked her tongue reprovingly. Being sick seemed out of character for Tucker. He was so steady and predictable and it was difficult to picture him suffering from even the most mundane illnesses. On the other hand, Tucker sick and thinking a simple good night's sleep would cure everything was completely in line with his personality._

" _Are you achy?" Olivia asked._

" _Am I what?"_

" _Achy. Do your muscles and joints hurt?"_

" _No."_

" _Probably a cold then," Olivia surmised, "Why don't I bring you something to eat, some meds? You really should take something."_

 _There was no way Ed was going to turn down the offer. "Well, uh-" he continued after two sneezes, "If you don't mind…"_

" _I'll be there in a little bit," Olivia said, "Don't fall asleep."_

…

There was so much pasta, Ed and Olivia couldn't finish it all, so Ed snapped the lid back on the plastic container and placed it on the same refrigerator shelf. He predicted Noah would come home from school and immediately inspect the contents, and he took a second glance at the container to make sure it showed he and Olivia had made a dent.

Most afternoons at the Tucker home unfolded identically each day. The twins polished off their lunchtime sweet treat, usually a pudding cup or a small scoop of ice cream, and they squirmed while Ed or Olivia wiped their faces and hands. Once set free, they dashed to the sofa. Sometimes they watched a thirty-minute cartoon show, but most days they read books before naptime. On this particular afternoon, Olivia narrated the stories. Maggie and Wyatt were curled up at her sides, listening intently. Occasionally, one or the other would point out something interesting or humorous on the pages.

Ed used this time to check his email. His inbox contents were consistently dull and deleted without having been opened. Today, though, the report from his recent doctor visit was there and he eagerly opened and read it. When he walked into the living room triumphantly carrying the laptop, Olivia was leaving the twins' room.

"I'm perfectly healthy," he reported in a low voice even though he was excited to deliver the news. "Got the results from the doc."

"What did it say?"

"Everything's in the normal range except good cholesterol. Need more of that. Not really sure what exactly that entails, but…"

"...Cholesterol, like fats, are good and bad. LDLs are bad. HDLs are good."

"I have no idea what language you're speaking."

Olivia rolled her eyes and opted not to explain further. Ed was clearly elated and trying to be difficult and cute. It was working. It always worked. "Is that all? What else?" She asked.

"He said I need to have as much sex as possible."

" _Mmmhmm_ ," Olivia droned skeptically.

Ed placed the laptop on the island and slowly approached her. "It's true," he said in a low, extra-raspy voice, "Good for the NHLs."

"That's a hockey league."

"You know what I mean." He started on the left side of her face, kissing her neck behind her ear, sucking gently, waiting for her to either stop him or urge him to keep going. "I'm so, so healthy Liv," he whispered between kisses. "It's been four whole days. I can't wait any longer."

Even if she'd been tired or irritable, or not in the mood, Olivia would not have been able to resist him. He was desperate to prove there was nothing wrong with him and that the "episode" had been an anomaly. "I can't wait either," Olivia sighed. She threw her head back and put her arms around his neck.

Making love, for Ed, was a production, and he almost always began at a slow pace unless circumstances required something more frenetic. It seemed he was content to stand there and kiss every millimeter of Olivia's neck and collarbone for an indefinite amount of time, but that didn't make Olivia's body respond any less quickly. She tilted his head back and kissed him on the lips. Suddenly, they were tangled in a desperate, ferocious liplock. Their arms flew everywhere as they tried to both remain glued together and walk to the bedroom. Once there, they made quick work of disrobing and falling onto the mattress.

Ed knelt above Olivia and gazed down at her body. Olivia recognized the look in his eyes-a combination of awe, appreciation, and respect. She knew he'd like to bottle this moment and the emotions that came with it, seconds before they became one, when he realized for the millionth time that he was the luckiest man in the world.

…

 _The reason why Wyatt didn't burst in to his parents' bedroom was two-fold. First, he was polite and regarded closed doors seriously. Second, he was much more interested in getting back downstairs to watch the contractors work. He sat on the porch, elbows on his knees and head in his hands, marveling at the way the Bobcat operators zoomed back and forth. The first machine scooped gravel and the second smoothed the dirt. Soon, the driveway would be ready for its makeover. The gravel had always annoyed Olivia, but other house-related projects took precedence over the years. Now that the backyard, deck, and interior were all exactly how she wanted them, the driveway was finally getting its renovation._

 _When the men were close to finished, a second truck arrived and the flagstones were dropped into neat piles on the lawn. Wyatt skipped from the porch and walked among the stacks, running his hands over the smooth surface. One of the workers finally noticed him, killed the engine on the Bobcat, and asked Wyatt if everything looked okay._

" _Looks great!" Wyatt said._

 _Ed joined him soon after with a coffee in his hand. He and Wyatt watched the Bobcats put the finishing touches on the driveway and then load the unwanted gravel in the dump truck. Ed chatted with the men a bit before they took off. When they were gone, an almost eerie silence replaced the rumbling. Wyatt giggled, "It's super quiet!"_

" _Sure is."_

 _He skeptically eyed the stones, "We gotta put those together like a puzzle?"_

 _Ed understood Wyatt's question and concern. There was no consistent pattern to the edges and, if they were all supposed to dovetail into one large piece, the task was daunting at best._

" _No, bud," Ed peeled back the wrapping from one pile. He placed two stones at his feet, "See? We're gonna space 'em apart like this and then we'll pour the mortar, that's the stuff between bricks on buildings, and let it set up. Then we'll be done."_

" _And Mommy'll be really happy!" Wyatt said gleefully, recalling the numerous complaints he'd heard from his mother during his young life._

" _She sure will," Ed replied, "Why don't ya go get some regular shoes on and grab the gloves from the shed? Then we'll get started."_

" _Okay!"_

 _Wyatt returned minutes later looking every bit like a miniature Ed. They both wore tan khaki cargo shorts, no shirts, sneakers, and dark sunglasses. The pair got right to work. The stones were too heavy for Wyatt to lift, so he told Ed where to place them and turned them to the perfect position once they were on the ground. They were soon joined by Noah and Maggie. Olivia made sure everyone had cold water and sunscreen, and she ducked out to the porch every so often to check on the progress._

" _You like the rocks, Mommy?" Maggie asked at a point when they were just about finished. The work gloves she wore belonged to Olivia and they looked comically large hanging from the ends of her skinny arms._

" _I love them," Olivia said, "You all are doing a great job! Ed? Justin wants to know if you're ready for him yet?" J_

 _ustin had volunteered to mix and pour the mortar since he'd briefly worked in construction as a teenager._

" _Not quite," Ed jogged over to the porch and downed an entire glass of water._

" _Want more?" Olivia asked._

" _Sure, thanks," Ed replied._

" _Anything to eat? Why don't you take a lunch break and cool off and come back later?" Olivia looked up at the clear blue sky. The cool, breezy morning had given way to a scorching hot afternoon._

" _Nah," he said, "We'll get these all laid out, pour the mortar, and it'll be dry by tonight."_

" _Okay…"_

" _But maybe, wanna bring me a handful of those blueberries?"_

" _Sure," Olivia smiled. She was standing on the top step and Ed two steps below her. She leaned down for a kiss. Ed stuck his lips out, graciously trying to avoid his sweaty body coming into contact with hers._

" _Daddy!" Wyatt called from the driveway, "We have more stones but they're too big! They won't fit in these spaces!"_

 _Ed grinned at Olivia and she darted inside. He assured Wyatt this challenge was not a problem and went to the shed. He returned with a sledgehammer, tossed one of the flat rocks onto the lawn, and swung the hammer over his head with both hands._

 _Olivia returned to the porch right as Ed hit the stone with a crushing blow, splitting it in two. The kids cheered. Wyatt and Maggie ran over to pick up the lighter pieces, and Ed tossed another full size one on the lawn. Mesmerized by her husband's strength and ability to quickly problem-solve, Olivia stood, slack-jawed, and watched him split another stone. Every single one of his upper-body muscles tensed and flexed. His skin was ruddy and glistening. She was so entranced she didn't hear Sarah until she was standing next to her with Mari in her arms._

" _Don't mind that view, huh?" Sarah said, nudging Olivia in the side._

 _Well past the days of being embarrassed by Sarah's teasing, Olivia held out her arms for Mari. "Grandpa's strong, isn't he?" She cooed to the baby, "Lookit that! There's one rock...then there's two! Boom!"_

 _Mari squealed and smiled. Olivia bounced her on her hip. Ed smashed three more rocks. He wiped his brow with his forearm, glanced at the driveway, and split one more in case he'd underestimated._

 _Sarah let out a long, high-pitched sigh. "Livvie...I know he's my Dad...but...you're the luckiest woman this side of the Mississippi," she turned to go back inside but paused and added, "And the other side, too."_

 _Olivia hugged Mari and nodded. It was hard to argue with that._

…

Noah did not immediately inspect the refrigerator when he arrived home from school, but he did remember to check after he'd changed clothes and was searching for the perfect snack. Ed told him the food was excellent and thanked him before he asked Noah about his day. The first-grader's highlights were all Halloween-related.

"We're makin' pumpkins in art and we learned two new songs in music," Noah said, "I'm gonna teach one of 'em to those babies!"

"Why not both?"

"The other one's kinda hard."

Noah ate his snack at the island then joined his siblings on the floor. Maggie and Wyatt mostly followed his instructions for adding to the circus they were constructing. Ed opened the contents of the shopping bags Olivia had dropped on the counter. Pork tenderloin. A bottle of thirty-minute marinade, and two plastic bags-one containing potatoes and the other holding a horde of Brussels Sprouts.

"Brussels sprouts?" Ed asked her with exaggerated disgust.

"Yes," she replied, unaffectedly, "We needed something green and the lettuce didn't look good."

" _Brussels_ _sprouts_?"

Olivia swatted at his back, "Stop. They're good. Olive oil, salt, pepper, a little lemon…roast at four-hundred."

"Fine." Olivia shot him an annoyed glare and he grabbed her hands. "What I meant to say was, thank you. Thank you for taking care of me. For taking care of all of us."

"I think we do a good job of taking care of each other," Olivia kissed him, "Don't you?"

"Yeah I do."

…...

 _If Ed had wanted to pretend he was well, he couldn't have. When he opened the door Olivia was greeted with a peaked, red-nosed version of the IAB investigator. The sight was, admittedly, a bit heartbreaking. He was clad in sweatpants and an old Yankees hoodie and he sniffled violently as he followed Olivia into the kitchen._

" _Soup," she said, sliding him a quart-sized container from a nearby Chinese restaurant. She also brought crackers, ginger ale, seltzer, two types of over-the-counter cold medication, and another, unfamiliar bottle._

" _Pedialyte?" Ed scrunched up his face, "Noah sick too?"_

" _No, that's for you," Olivia replied breezily, "Supposed to help with hydration," she passed Ed a spoon, "Athletes swear by it."_

" _That so?" Ed blew into the soup and took a bite. "That's good." Hungry all of a sudden, he crumbled crackers into the broth and consumed half the container within minutes._

 _Olivia opened the Pedialyte, "Drink," she said, handing it to him._

" _Yes ma'am."_

" _Well...I should let you rest," Olivia said after a few minutes of watching Ed alternate between taking bites and blowing his nose._

" _Can you stay awhile?" Ed turned over the boxes of medication in his hand, selected one, and popped two pills into his mouth. He washed it down with the Pedialyte and complimented the cherry flavor._

" _Ed, you didn't read the directions. I think you only take one of those."_

 _He shrugged, "All the more reason for you to hang around a bit. In case I just ODed."_

 _Olivia grinned._

" _C'mon, watch the six news with me? Unless you have to get home…"_

" _The news?" Olivia asked, clearly amused at the weak attempt to entice her to stay._

" _Forgive me," he shrugged, "I'm sick."_

 _Olivia agreed to stay and Ed trudged to the sofa. She helped herself to a small pour of bourbon and took the glass and the Pedialyte to the living room. Seeing the alcohol, Ed grinned, "Now that's my kinda remedy."_

 _Olivia shook her head and set the plastic bottle in front of him. "This is yours."_

 _Ed took another bite of soup and downed more of the drink. "I feel better already. Free tomorrow?"_

 _Olivia put her feet up on the coffee table and laughed. From the opposite end of the couch she turned toward him. Even sick, he was handsome, charming, and a little bit pathetic which only made him more desirable. "I can be," she replied._

" _Then it's a date," he flipped to his preferred news channel but paid it no attention, "Thanks, Liv," he said softly, "This was really nice of ya."_

" _You know I can't stand to see anyone suffer."_

 _Ed's stomach flip-flopped and it wasn't due to illness. His head was fuzzy, he couldn't stop blowing his nose, and there was an annoying scratchiness in his throat. But he was now in the category of people for whom Olivia Benson considered worthy of her care._

 _He smirked._

 _All was right with the world._

…..

The song's chorus went like this:

 _Ghosts and gouls and scary vampires;_

 _A witch with her nose crinkly and green!_

 _Kids in masks and Oh! The Black Cats!_

 _Candy, candy, candy, and Trick or Treat!_

 _Get your pumpkins! Get your sleep!_

 _Because it's Hall-o-weeeeeeeeen!_

Noah taught the song to Maggie and Wyatt and they did their best to sing along. There were two parts, however, that they sang clearly and with a shout-"Trick or Treat" and the elongated "Halloween" at the end. Eventually, they added a dance to the lyrics complete with jumps and twirls. It wasn't unusual to find Maggie or Wyatt absorbed in play but also humming the tune. Olivia was getting more and more excited to see her little ones actively participate in this year's festivities.

Two days before the big day, Olivia lifted Maggie out of her crib and answered the same question the toddler had been posing each morning for a week.

"It tickorteet?"

"No sweet girl. Two more days." She laid Maggie on the changing table. "I know you can't wait!"

"I EmEM!"

"Yes, sweet girl! You're the purple M & M!"

"Wy BOO!"

Olivia thought Wyatt was still half-asleep, but, hearing his name, he popped up and bounced on the mattress using the railing as support. "I BOO! I BOO Emem!"

"Yes!" Olivia blew air kisses at Wyatt and finished changing Maggie's diaper. "You are going to be the cutest candies!"

"EmEM, Mama!"

"Sorry Maggs, the cutest M & M's."

"No GEEN!"

After much deliberation, Noah chose two separate Halloween costumes. For regular trick-or-treating, he was going to join his siblings as the green M & M. For his school party he broke ranks with Mia, who wanted to be something scary, and chose to be a doctor. Olivia pointed out he'd been an EMT the previous year, but Noah didn't mind the similarity. "Dis way...if someone eats too much candy, I can make 'em better," he said with a knowing giggle before shifting to more serious tones, "And, if Daddy gets slumpy again I can help him!"

The latter part of the explanation made Ed's entire body clench. Since he'd been transported to the emergency room, he'd been giving Noah reassuring pep talks before bed each night. It was heartbreaking to see his son so troubled, but he also knew Noah would process everything in his own time and own way.

From the island, Ed watched the twins run into their room and dive right into their toys. They were dressed in matching orange pajamas printed with smiling ghosts. Sensing eyes on him, Wyatt whirled around, grinned, and said, "Hi Dada!"

"Mornin' bud! Morning, Maggs!"

"M'nin, Dada!" Maggie ran to the island, "Dink? Juice, pease?"

Ed had already poured their juice and he handed over the two sippy cups. "Give one to your brother."

When Olivia came into the room, Ed slid her a mug. "I put that french vanilla stuff in there."

"Oh, thanks!" Olivia said, clearly delighted, "I thought we were out and it's impossible to find."

"Not impossible. I picked some up yesterday."

Knowing Ed probably had to visit several markets before he found the particular brand of coffee creamer, Olivia gave him a more-than-chaste kiss on the lips. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Ed leaned over for another kiss.

"You look so happy."

"I'm happy whenever I can give ya what you want."

"Even something as simple as french vanilla cream?"

"Even then," he said, " _Especially_ then."

…..

# **Tuckson**


	82. Chapter 82

**Eighty-two**. _(Taking some liberties with timing of the traffic stop flashback but hey, it's fic!)_

Halloween was complicated by another kidnapping with the same circumstances as the previous two. After a two-week lull, the "Missing Moms" case was again thrust front and center in every newspaper and news broadcast and it shot to the top of SVU's priority list. People whispered about it in coffee shops, women fitting the perp's targeted profile traveled around the city in groups, and social media speculation ran rampant. Some believed the women, tired of family life, simply vanished of their own accord; most people, though, were convinced there were more nefarious elements at play and the fear quickly manifested as harsh criticism of the police department. Though concerned, Olivia reluctantly admitted she was a tiny bit glad this wasn't her case. Everything about it was perplexing.

With Sonny working night and day and considering Sofia wasn't yet walking, Brooke was going to skip trick-or-treating until Olivia demanded she and the baby join them for the evening. Ed picked them up in the SUV, they had an early pizza dinner, and then set out on the annual quest for candy.

Olivia managed to shove the case to the back of her mind and enjoyed the evening. She snapped dozens of photos of her trio lumbering down the street, their disc-shaped costumes taking up too much space and forcing many passersby to step off the sidewalk to let them pass. Orange plastic pumpkins purchased from CVS dangled from their fingers. Maggie and Wyatt, buoyed by their brother's lead and experiencing a newfound sense of independence, crawled up stoops on their own and jubilantly shouted "TICKORTEET!" Noah would hold their hands on the way down. Once back on the sidewalk, the twins would make a break for the next house. Olivia, and sometimes Brooke, chased after them.

The whole time, Ed remained a step or two behind his family. He participated in the fun. He smiled. He made jokes and reacted with amazement when one of the kids showed him how much candy they had. But he didn't relax until everyone was safely home. That included Brooke. After they called it quits, he drove her and Sofia back to Brooklyn, parked, walked them into the apartment, and didn't leave until he was confident they were secure. By the time he got home, Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt were all asleep and Olivia was sitting on the couch, a glass of wine in her hand. A glass of bourbon was sitting on the coffee table, ready for Ed.

"Thank you and cheers," he sat so close to Olivia he clipped her leg as he flopped onto the cushions. He kissed her cheek before taking a sip. "Traffic was hell getting back."

"I figured it would take you a while."

"And I figured it would take a miracle to get the kids to sleep, but I was wrong. Good work, Mommy."

"Thank you," Olivia took a long drink of the wine, "The candy is in the pantry on the top shelf. Oh, look at this!" Olivia grabbed her phone and played a video. Maggie and Wyatt were sitting in the middle of the living room floor. Noah was counting his pieces and separating them into sweet/sour and chocolatey. Maggie tore open a wrapper.

"SweeTAR! SWEETAR!" She popped the tablets into her mouth one at a time. When the sour taste hit her she flinched, froze, then burst into giggles. "SWEETAR!"

Ed laughed and replayed the video a few times, "That's hilarious," he said between chuckles, "And Wyatt and Noah are just sittin' there laughing at her."

"I probably let her have too many," Olivia said, "But her reaction was so funny."

The pile of costumes in the corner of the room caught Ed's eye. "Whadda we do with those?" He asked.

"Brooke may want one...but if not, we'll donate them somewhere."

"Oh, that's easy."

Olivia played with his short hair, "What'd you think we'd have to do?"

"I dunno," Ed shrugged and let his eyes droop, "I remember my mom having a closet full of costumes that were never worn more than once...maybe I was worried about storage."

"Don't worry, Captain," Olivia said, "I got it under control."

"Speaking of worrying," Ed tilted his head into her hand and relished the feel of her fingers against his cheek. "What are ya thinkin' about these women?"

"I'm trying not to think about it."

Not convinced his wife could completely block the case from her mind, Ed gazed at her with skepticism etched in his features. "Trying but not succeeding?"

"Right."

"What's worse? Worrying about yourself and Sarah and Brooke or not bein' there to investigate it."

"It's more like...this is terrible, and I'm thinking about how I would handle it but when I do that I'm so thrilled not to be there, and then I feel guilty because...shouldn't I want to be in the mix? There in the squad room trying to piece everything together?"

"The only place you should be is where it feels right," Ed replied, "And I know you don't quite feel right yet, bein' gone."

"I remember cases like this, so many of them, that didn't make sense, that went against the grain, that challenged everything we thought was true or expected from perps. I'd stay up, toss and turn all night trying to crack it," Olivia sighed and glanced out into the clear Manhattan night. "I guess, where am I going with this? I don't know...but I do know I'm not wishing those days were here again."

Ed cradled the side of her face. "Nobody's ever gonna be able to replace you, Liv. Nobody. But. Selfishly? I'm thrilled you don't have those nights anymore. But even if ya did...I'd still wanna be right there. I love every single version of you."

Being loved and adored by Ed made Olivia feel weightless. There were times when a declaration like this would have made her burst into tears, but all Olivia wanted at this moment was to be in his arms and kiss him until they were both breathless.

…

 _Noah confidently boarded the NYPD patrol boat and paused for a few seconds to slowly turn around and take in his surroundings. On the west side of the East River, Manhattan towered overhead, its buildings glistening in the early evening sunlight. Ahead of him, in the booth, a variety of screens and communication systems blinked red and yellow. The boat's operator welcomed him aboard, as did the four-member crew. Ed shook their hands and thanked them for allowing him and Noah to tag along as they escorted one of the four fireworks barges from New Jersey, through the harbor, and to its spot south of the Brooklyn Bridge._

 _The officers peppered Noah with questions. First came the basics-his age, the grade he had recently completed, and how he was planning to spend his summer. Noah proudly told the men he was seven, recently finished first grade, and was going to go to "Del'ware" for the rest of the summer until it was time to go to second grade._

" _Ever been on the water here before?" One officer asked._

" _Yep! I went on da tour boat with my Sare Bear! And on a sailboat with Daddy. And, at the beach, we're gonna ride da jet skis and da pontoon," Catching his mistake he added with a giggle, "But that's not New York!"_

" _Excellent," he replied, "You're experienced then. Why don't ya come in here and help me take her out to sea."_

 _Noah gawked at the steering wheel. "Whoa…"_

" _C'mon."_

 _While Noah and the boat's operator steered the vessel away from the dock, Ed chatted with the others. He explained that his family was on the Brooklyn side and asked if they could drive by the pier where they were camped out on the lawn. "No problem," one of them replied. "We usually make a few laps anyway. Which pier?"_

" _One."_

" _Good spot. We probably coulda got ya all out here on the water."_

 _Ed chuckled, "I don't think so. My whole family's there. Eleven of us."_

" _Daddy!" Noah skipped out of the navigation room. He was wearing the captain's hat. "We're on the way to New Jersey! I got her outta da parking spot!"_

" _Great job, pal. That was pretty smooth!"_

" _Yep! Cap'n Dill said I was really good and when I get big I can have his job!"_

" _That's great news!"_

 _It took about thirty minutes to travel from New Jersey since the barges moved only slightly faster than idle speed. Ed picked Noah up so he could see the pyrotechnic tubes arranged on board. He explained the best he could how the whole production worked. He and Olivia hadn't taken Noah to the New York fireworks since he was a toddler because they'd been at the beach for the past few Independence Days._

" _There's one, two, three, four barges," Noah said, "They all shoot diff'rent fireworks?"_

" _Nope. They'll be the same. And some will come from the bridge."_

" _Da bridge?" Noah asked, "What 'bout da people?"_

" _Nobody's allowed up there."_

" _Oh...that's good 'cause the people might go BOOM and fall right off!" Noah kept his eyes glued to the barge as it made a U-turn under the bridge and came to its resting spot. "Okay," he said, "All set!"_

" _Yep, all set. Now we're gonna cruise around for a little bit. Lemme text Mommy and tell her to look for us."_

 _Noah gazed in the direction of the Brooklyn Bridge Park piers, "Lotsa people over there," he murmured doubtfully._

" _Don't worry pal, we'll find 'em."_

… _.._

Carisi wasn't much of a drinker, but he swilled two beers in less than an hour. No stranger to dulling job-related stress with alcohol, Olivia bit her tongue but wondered at what point she should advise him to slow down.

"Lieu, we keep bangin' our heads against the wall," he griped. "I keep waiting for the break, for the one thread we overlooked or hadn't properly considered, and we just can't find it. Meanwhile we have three men at home with little kids and those little kids don't have their moms."

Olivia paged through evidence she technically wasn't supposed to be viewing. Out of desperation, Sonny had called her earlier that day and offered to treat her to a drink or two in exchange for him being able to pick her brain. She didn't know he'd bring the folder or show her the electronic files. As she perused the information, she wondered if the pit in her stomach was what relapsing alcoholics or drug addicts felt when they gave into temptation.

"Nothing on their financials...no marital problems?"

"Nope."

"Of course the husbands are the ones who gave you that information."

"Right."

"They all look so similar," Olivia scrolled through the women's photos. They were all mid-thirties with shoulder-length brown hair, pretty but not overly attractive; they reminded Olivia of people who would be cast in a housewares commercial.

"Yeah so there's that," Sonny said, "And then there's the neighborhoods. Whoever's doin' this knows the areas so well he knows where there are cameras, how they're angled, and somehow lured them away without calling attention to himself. But it's the _why_ that's killing me. Is this some sort of weird housewife trafficking ring?"

Carisi meant the question to have a bit of levity, but Olivia raised her eyebrows. "Anything's possible...have you been looking at known trafficking sites? Ads? Craig's List?"

"Maybe not as much as we should be doing."

"That could be your thread," Olivia said, "We saw countless fetishes...why wouldn't the sweet housewife type be one of them?"

"I gotta text Rollins," Carisi pulled out his phone and signaled for another beer. "You want another one?"

"One more," Olivia said, "And then that's it."

"I'll walk you home."

"Carisi, I'm fine."

"Uh-uh," he retorted, "If I let you go alone Captain Tucker'll kill me."

…

One more round turned into two more, and Carisi waited for Olivia to disappear into the building's elevator before he caught an Uber back to Brooklyn. He had only a few hours to sleep, realized he hadn't eaten, and made the car stop outside a pizza place before continuing the trip. Carisi shoveled the slices into his mouth and his shirt was streaked with sauce and grease before they left Manhattan. Olivia took deep breaths in the elevator. She had eaten dinner but the final two drinks went straight to her head. The alcohol made her feel pleasantly unsteady on her feet, warm, and eager to see Ed. Every light was on in the main living area when she got home and Ed was hard at work tossing items in the toy boxes. He stopped tidying up and collected Olivia into his arms.

"How'd it go?"

"I gave him a lead, well, more of a theory," Olivia said.

"Yeah?"

She gave him a quick summary of what she and Carisi discussed. "It's a little far-fetched, but, they're at the point when they need far-fetched."

"Sounds like it."

"And I need you…" Olivia slid her hands under his shirt. She put her palms on his pecs and kissed along his jaw. "Mmmmm," she droned.

"Liv?"

"Hmmm?"

"Not that-" he took a sharp breath when she bit his earlobe and almost kept his concerns to himself. "Not that I'm not likin' this-" another gasp, "-a lot...it's, uh, are you alright?"

Olivia took a step back and let her arms fall to her sides. "Why are you asking me if I'm alright?"

"Baby, I love you," he finger-combed a few strands of hair away from her face, "But I get the feeling, somethin's off, you've been out...you seem a little keyed up-"

"-I _am_ keyed up, Ed," Olivia took another step away from him. "And yes, I've had a few drinks. And I was looking forward to coming home to you, but…" she trailed off and went to pour herself a glass of water.

"But what?"

Frustrated she couldn't find the words to express herself, Olivia waved him away. She stalked to the bedroom, put the glass on her nightstand, and went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. It was an unusual move, shutting him out like that, and she stared at herself in the mirror wondering if she'd been too hard on him. The only reason for Ed's hesitation was that he never, ever wanted to make love to her if she was in the wrong head space. While brushing her teeth and washing her face she assumed, at some point, Ed would knock, but he didn't. When she opened the door, the bedroom was dark save for the lamp on her side of the bed and Ed was either sound asleep or pretending to be.

Her body was heavy with regret and booze-induced fog. She slid under the covers and closed her eyes. Sleep came quickly, yet fitfully. During the night she frequently woke up, each time she expected to feel Ed's arm around her or at least the close proximity of his body, but each time she was disappointed. More distressing was that, sleep wise, he was unflappable in the wake of their fight. His face, his body...he was completely relaxed and at ease.

 _I shouldn't be surprised,_ she thought. He'd spent the bulk of his career walking in and out of tense situations and he never gave off the impression that he was jaded or exhausted. Maybe he was simply drawing on old experience and compartmentalizing so he could get some much needed rest.

Olivia sighed. She watched the ceiling fan blades circulate on the low setting. Ed knew that's how she preferred to sleep, no matter the season. The fan wasn't moving when she entered the room earlier, so he must have turned it on.

The small gesture temporarily quelled her anxieties and Olivia willed herself to sleep.

…..

 _The news of the traffic stop reached Captain Ed Tucker less than twenty-four hours after the Lieutenant had been patted down and forced to take the DUI field test with her terrified son looking on from the back seat. Tales of Rob Miller's vile, self-serving tactics were old news by now, but this latest move crossed a line, at least as far as Ed was concerned. He shook his head at the allegations of witness intimidation, bribery, and even murder, but when he heard Miller's goons had state troopers in their pocket he almost lost his mind. He and Olivia hadn't spoken in a while, but Ed had made sure to send a text message every now and then. She always responded, but never with any type of indication she wanted to see him._

 _It didn't take much digging to locate Miller and track his movements. Ed was loathed in many NYPD circles, but he still had a lot of friends and even more connections around the city. Never one to ask for many favors, when he did ask, most of the time, people delivered. Miller regularly ate dinner at a certain Midtown restaurant not far from his residence. On one balmy night, Ed took a chance and waited outside, hoping he would walk home. As luck would have it, Miller exited the posh establishment and strolled down the block as if he didn't have a care in the world._

 _Ed had been smoking a cigarette between a defunct Chinese restaurant and a retail store closed for the night. He grabbed the lapels of Miller's jacket and shoved him against the side of the restaurant's thick metal stoop. Stunned, Miller stared at Ed and said nothing. Not at first._

" _You think you've got the world by the balls, dontcha?"_

" _Who the hell are you?" Miller's thick beard rustled in the wind._

 _Not only was Ed pissed, he thought the facial hair looked ridiculous which only heightened his fury. "I'm the guy who's gonna make your life hell if you or anyone else goes near the Lieutenant or her son again." Ed still had Miller pinned. "Anything else happens, like that stunt you pulled with the trooper, your trial's gonna be the least of your worries." Ed started to release Miller's coat but shoved him back against the wall for good measure before stalking away and disappearing into the night._

 _Ed had not intended for Olivia to learn about what he'd done and he didn't think there was much of a chance she'd find out. He hadn't identified himself. As far as he knew, nobody had taken photos or recorded the encounter, and Ed believed Miller's ego and machismo would prevent him from revealing the details to his legal team._

 _Apparently, his reasoning was way off because Olivia called Ed the next day. "I need to see you now," she said curtly._

" _Where?" Ed glanced at his watch. It was getting late and he hoped she would name a bar instead of a coffee shop. He got his wish. Olivia selected one of his favorite dive bars, and he tried not to read too much into her decision. Mostly, he couldn't wait to see her, even if she was going to upbraid him for taking it upon himself to rush to her and Noah's defense._

 _Olivia was dressed in work clothes, entirely in black except for the white stripes on her blouse. Despite the relative warmth of the bar, she had not removed her black trench._

" _Sorry I'm late," he said as he pulled up a barstool and fought the urge to hug her._

" _I didn't give you a specific time," Olivia said, "And I've only been here for a few minutes. Not even long enough," she impatiently glanced at the bartender, "to order anything."_

" _Done for the day?" Ed asked innocently. He flagged down the man, ordered his usual bourbon, and glanced at Olivia._

" _Same thing," she said, "With a little ice."_

 _Ed remembered giving this same bartender the same order when they were together and his heart sank._

" _To answer your question," she said, "I wasn't done for the day, but Stone has me on hold while he decides whether or not I can still lead the investigation after someone I have a personal history with threatened Miller last night."_

 _Ed sipped through clenched teeth. "Sorr-"_

 _Olivia interrupted the apology by touching his wrist. She fixed her eyes on the sights of her fingers touching his skin. Then, her gaze gradually drifted to his eyes. "Thank you," she said in a shaky voice. "Thank you for...doing that...it, I…"_

" _Hey," he dared to roll his arm toward her so her hand fell into his. "He might get away with murder but he's not gonna terrorize you and Noah. Someone had to remind him he's not the most powerful guy in the city. He doesn't call the shots."_

" _At first I was so mad," Olivia said, "Then I didn't believe it. Because why would you? And then, after Peter assured me they knew it was you and they knew about us...I don't know, this has been a hell of an investigation and it was a huge relief...to know someone was going to fight for me and Noah."_

" _Why would I?" Ed screwed up his face. He'd barely heard anything else she'd said. "Liv, just because we're not seein' each other anymore doesn't mean I stopped…" Ed swallowed hard. The words couldn't be taken back; he had to finish the sentence. "It doesn't mean I stopped caring about you and Noah. If this ends up makin' things worse for you I'm sorry and I'll fix it...but when I heard about you gettin' stopped and all...I couldn't let that go."_

 _Olivia folded a corner of the coaster upwards. "Ed, I shouldn't have said that. I know you'll always be there for us." He was staring blankly into his glass. "Ed?"_

" _You know that's the first time you've ever said you believed me?"_

 _The question hit Olivia like a gut punch. She ducked her head. Strands of her hair narrowly missed falling into the bourbon. "Ed, I can't do this right now. There's too much going on. I need this to be over. I need to feel in control again."_

" _I only came here because you asked me to, Liv," Ed said softly, "I was expecting to have to explain what I did...nothing else."_

" _There's more to it than that."_

" _No," he gently objected, "There's not. No matter what happened between us, I'm not going to sit around on my hands when some creep with ungodly amounts of money is willing to do anything to get out of goin' to prison."_

" _So that's what it's about? You versus evil?"_

" _No. It's about me not wantin' that evil anywhere near you and Noah."_

" _See, that's where we're not seeing eye-to-eye," Olivia said. "There's more to this than you think, Ed. You know Miller could damn well come after you now, and you risked that...for us."_

" _It's worth knowing you're safe. That's what this is about."_

 _Olivia rubbed her temples. "Can we...maybe...talk about something else for a while?"_

" _Sure. You wanna take that coat off?"_

 _Her lips curled into a tiny smile, "It is hot in here."_

 _Ed stood up, gallantly helped her out of the coat, and hung it on a nearby hook. When he sat down again he subtly inched closer to Olivia and ordered another round._

….

The kids awoke early and gave Olivia and Ed no chance to talk about the previous night. They were cordial to one another as they readied themselves and the kids for the day. Olivia was headed to the Center after she dropped Noah off at school, and she and Wyatt were due on set that afternoon. As she applied her makeup and fixed her hair, Maggie sat on the vanity playing with the bottles of hair and skin products.

"Nee 'dis Mama?" She'd ask, holding up one of the containers. Olivia would take it, pretend to use the contents, and thank her.

Maggie tried to use Olivia's brush, but the size made it unwieldy. Olivia found one of Maggie's baby brushes in a drawer and handed it to her. "Here sweetie. Use this one."

"Pitty, Mama!" Maggie cooed as she brushed her hair.

"You are so, so pretty Maggie Tucker."

Maggie reached over and touched the brush to Olivia's locks. "Ma pitty!"

"Thank you, sweetheart."

Olivia dawdled a bit. It was comforting being in the presence of a person who saw only good in her. However, Noah had to get to school, so Olivia put on her lipstick, pretended to put some on Maggie, grabbed a cardigan, and called to Noah that it was time to go.

Before leaving, she hugged and kissed the twins. "I love you sweethearts," she said. "I'll see you later." Then she turned her attention to Ed. "I'll be back here around noon to get Wyatt. Can you feed him before that?"

"Sure, we'll do an early lunch," Ed replied.

He sounded normal. Olivia breathed a little easier. "Thanks," she said.

"No problem." Ed handed Noah his backpack, "Have a good day, bud. Love you."

"Love you, Daddy!" Noah gave Ed a hug. "Kay Mommy! Kiss Daddy and lessgo!"

Ed smirked. Leave it to Noah to cut through the tension.

Olivia sidled up to Ed and kissed his cheek. "Bye."

Noah was already in the foyer and she started to follow him, but Ed grabbed her elbow. He kissed her on the lips. "Noon, right?"

She smiled and pressed her forehead to his. "Right."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	83. Chapter 83

**Eighty-three**. _(Note to guest review re: Rob Miller flashback-I always wanted to write something about how Tucker would have responded to Benson getting pulled over, but there wasn't enough for a one-shot. So...since this is fic [as mentioned in the note at the beginning of 82] I pretended the incident happened way earlier than it did. Maybe I should've used Barba's name instead of Stone. Anyway...that's what I was thinking. Sorry you were so confused)_

Wyatt was a hit on set. Usually the Tucker child least likely to be comfortable around people he didn't know, he instantaneously warmed up to the lead actress and the crew. The equipment entranced him. His on-screen mother's affect was warm and cheerful and each time he showed up, there were new toys for him to play with. The assistants also made sure Wyatt had a smoothie or another fun drink in his hands within minutes of arrival. Olivia was sure the writers were going to want to give him more screen time. In addition to being cute, he was also remarkably compliant. Granted, he didn't have any spoken lines, but if he was told to play with the trucks or lay in the bed and close his eyes, he did it. _Good thing they needed a boy_ , Olivia thought, because Maggie would not have been nearly as manageable.

Today's scenes required him to wear pajamas. Olivia brought a few pairs of his own, but the costume designers had options laid out for him in one of the dressing rooms. The toddler crouched in front of each set and finally chose a one-piece printed with alligators.

"Go ni'night, Mama?" Wyatt asked as Olivia changed his clothes.

"We're going pretend night-night," Olivia replied, "With Marisa."

"Missa ni'night?"

"Yep. You're playing night night with Marisa for the cameras." Olivia ran her fingers through Wyatt's hair and wiped away remnants of his strawberry cooler that had collected in the corners of his mouth. "Okay, let's go."

Unlike the first scenes Wyatt filmed, this one was finished in only a handful of takes. It took three tries for Wyatt to get used to the toddler bed. After Marisa laid him down, he popped back up and asked, "Where my crib?" Olivia stepped in and explained, in pretend, he was going night-night in a big boy bed like Noah's. They gave Wyatt a few minutes to jump around in it and then got back to work. Eventually, they got the perfect take-Wyatt settled in under the covers, squeezed his eyes shut, and stayed that way until Marisa turned off the lights.

"Cut!"

"Wake up now?" Wyatt asked, still under the covers and facing the wall.

"Yep!" The director called, "Wake up Wyatt!"

He climbed down from the bed and ran to Olivia. She hugged and kissed him and praised his work. "Good job, sweet Wyatt. You're so good at pretend."

"I outta bed, Mama!" He exclaimed, a huge grin on his face, "No crib!"

Olivia chuckled and joked with one of the crew members who had a daughter a few months older than the twins, "We may have a problem getting him in bed tonight."

"Carlotta's not in a bed yet, either," she said with a slight frown, "My husband and I are reluctant to admit we no longer have a baby."

"I completely understand," Olivia commiserated. She took Wyatt back to the dressing room and swapped the pajamas for his jeans and hoodie. She zipped him into his blue fleece jacket-it wasn't quite parka weather yet-and gave him his knit beanie.

"My hat!" Wyatt yanked the cap on his head.

Olivia grinned at her gorgeous son. Though she was apprehensive about his gig as a child actor, she couldn't blame the show's creators for choosing him. He had Olivia's thick brown hair that looked best a little longer because it curled upwards at the ends and his deep-blue, ocean-colored eyes were enough to charm the hardest of hearts.

She and Wyatt said goodbye to everyone and made their way out of the studio. Though they were away from set, Wyatt was still hung up on one detail.

"No crib, Mama!" He said.

"That's right, for pretend you don't have a crib!"

"Magg crib?"

"Yes," Olivia said, "You and Maggie still sleep in your cribs." She kissed his cheek and murmured, "But not for much longer…"

…

 _Almost three decades had passed since Ed had been around small children and he'd forgotten how quickly and easily they could fall asleep anywhere. Five minutes ago he'd been showing Noah how to throw a ball, and now he was completely conked out in the middle of the blanket using his jacket as a pillow. Ed covered him with his own fleece pullover. The sun was setting, and he knew their time together was coming to an end. If Noah was warm and content, Ed figured he'd eke out an extra hour or so of alone time with the two of them._

" _The trees look beautiful in this light," Olivia said. She leaned back on her elbows and took in the sight of the orange rays hitting the Upper West Side skyline._

" _Can I say somethin' really corny?" Ed asked._

 _As she swung her head to look in his direction, her hair flowed in the breeze. "Sure," she replied._

" _So do you."_

 _They smiled at each other and met just above Noah's head for a kiss. Ed supported himself on one forearm and tangled his other hand in her thick swath of brown hair. Public displays of affection were new and Ed was careful not to get carried away. But kissing her filled him with an addictive warmth. It was safe to say, he was obsessed, yet, he was wary of showing it._

 _Reluctantly, he inclined his head away from hers and tucked a piece of her hair behind her ear. Olivia, though, wasn't finished. She grinned and shimmied closer to him. "One more," she requested._

" _Sure."_

 _A few minutes later they retreated to their opposite sides of the blanket and surveyed the green expanse in front of them. Most people who'd come to the park to lounge were gone and only a few flag football players remained._

" _I should probably wake him up," Olivia said of Noah, "Or he'll never go to sleep tonight."_

" _Missed his regular nap today?"_

" _Yeah…"_

" _Sorry 'bout that."_

" _Are you kidding?" Olivia asked, "He had a great day._ _We_ _had a great day."_

 _There had been no shortage of things to do during their afternoon at the park. Noah blew bubbles, played ball, ran around, practiced somersaults, and squealed with delight when Ed flew him around in circles._

" _Sure did."_

 _The afternoon was supposed to be a park date for two, but Lucy had to cancel at the last minute. Olivia apologized profusely and offered to cancel, but Ed insisted they all go. Lately he'd been seizing every opportunity to show Olivia he wanted to be a part of_ _their_ _lives, not only hers. The day had gone so well, Ed decided to see if he could take things a little further._

" _Can I take the two of you to dinner? Or, if...you'd rather head home...take out?"_

" _That sounds good... let's see what kind of mood he's in and we'll decide from there?"_

 _Ed smirked at Noah. He predicted they'd be eating at her place. Olivia kissed her son's cheeks and ran her fingers through his hair as she cooed his name. After a few minutes, his eyes fluttered open, and he whined and fidgeted. Olivia sat him in her lap and he started to fall back asleep._

" _No, no sweet boy. C'mon. Wake up. We're going to eat with Ed! What's my handsome little man want for dinner?"_

 _Whether the words "Ed" or "dinner" perked him up was uncertain, but whichever it was, Noah sprung into consciousness. He stood up and skipped around the blanket swaying his head back and forth and hummed a little tune from one of his cartoon shows._

 _Ed grinned. "So...out?"_

 _Olivia nodded, "Out it is."_

…..

Leaving the bathroom door open this time, Olivia got ready for bed and silently rehearsed what she might say to Ed depending on how their conversation unfolded. There had been no palpable tension during dinner or throughout the evening. Olivia talked about Wyatt's performance and Noah chatted about the science experiment he began at school. With three kids, it was easy for Ed and Olivia to communicate with each other without _really_ interacting. At bedtime, Wyatt mentioned the big boy bed again, but once he was among his blanket, pillow, and tiger Wubbanub, he forgot all about his earlier step out of babyhood. Maggie did not fuss at all when Ed put her in the crib, and Noah didn't ask for any extra time to read or draw. It was as if all three kids had made a pact to be as little of a nuisance as possible in order to give their parents the space to get back on track.

"Gotcha your water," Ed came into the bathroom and plucked his toothbrush from its charger.

The whirring noise filled the silence before she could thank him. Olivia washed and dried her face and rubbed face cream into her skin. She pulled her hair back into a twist and secured it with a clip. Routine complete, she left Ed alone, sat up against the headboard, and pretended to read a magazine.

Ed was wearing only a pair of loose black boxer shorts when he emerged from the bathroom. Arousal fluttered through Olivia's midsection at the sight of her husband one piece of fabric away from being sans clothing. His shorts sat low, an inch or so below the slight curve of his stomach. Daily pushups, "da workout," and good genes helped his pecs and upper arms stay firm and toned. Before he covered himself with the top sheet, Olivia got a glimpse of his thick, sinewy thighs.

She swallowed hard and bit her lip. Their rift had to end right here and right now.

"Ed, I'm sorry about last night," she blurted out.

He pulled the cord on his lamp and rolled over onto his elbow. With the opposite hand he cupped one of her cheeks and kissed the other. "Me too."

"I...overreacted. I know you were only trying to make sure I was okay."

"That's true, Liv," he replied, "But...it also felt like we were...somehow so disconnected then, it didn't feel right. I don't know why. Well, uh, I do know why. It seemed like you were...tryin' to make up for dabbling back into police work. And you don't have to do that. I-"

These revelations clearly pained Ed. Olivia grabbed his hand, coaxing the words out of him. Remorse oozed from his eyes.

"-I, uh, this isn't gonna sound how I want it to sound, but, I don't know how many times I have to tell ya, Liv, that you feelin' guilty about missing work isn't necessary. I get it. I expect it. And it seems like you're making it harder on yourself because you're tryin' to hide it."

"I'm just so disappointed I couldn't make a clean break," Olivia said. "And it was so easy when we were away at the house."

"Do you really think you'll be able to live the rest of your life completely tuned out? Because if you do, Liv, I hate to tell ya, but you're wrong."

Ed had come as close as he ever got to handling her. But instead of being upset or getting defensive, Olivia experienced a welcome sense of relief. Ed understood the emotions and uncertainties she'd been processing since returning from the beach. He gave her time to figure it out on her own, but he'd finally decided it was time to speak with raw honesty. Ed had simply gotten tired of seeing her founder; he loved her too much to let her struggle.

"You'll find the right balance," he said softly, inching closer to her. "Trust me."

"I've never gone wrong trusting you."

"And vice versa."

Olivia caressed his face. "Do you feel reconnected?"

"Yeah I do."

Their fiery kiss lasted several minutes. When Ed began rocking his hips into hers, Olivia slid her hands inside his boxers and wrapped her legs around his. Ed worked his way on top of her and momentarily tore his lips from hers. Olivia yanked off her shirt. She grinned when she heard a few seams of her pajama pants rip as Ed tugged them down her legs. They resumed the ferocious liplock. Refusing to stop kissing her, Ed partially removed his shorts and Olivia did the rest of the work with her toes. The tryst was progressing way more quickly than usual, but, for once, Ed didn't care. He felt the heat radiating from Olivia's body. She was already starting to quiver.

"I love you, Olivia," Ed rasped into her mouth.

Olivia couldn't reply. She lifted her shoulders, held his head to hers, half-screamed, and half kissed back. It was as rough as sex between them ever got, a welcome variation, a way for both him and her to eliminate the strain of the past twenty-four hours.

Ed was moving so vigorously, Olivia couldn't believe he hadn't yet hit his climax. She began to feel the familiar flutters of euphoria, her legs grew numb, there was the familiar...ache?...in her stomach. Even though they were still doing their best to keep kissing, Olivia could tell he was smirking.

"Harder, Ed," she gasped. There was a different sensation coming and she desperately wanted to experience it.

"Sure?" He croaked.

" _Please_ , harder, there, oh _Goddddddddddd_." Olivia whimpered uncontrollably but she didn't let go of Ed. She cried out again. He was still so hard and pulsating; the entirety of the moment was overwhelming, tears formed in her eyes and dripped down her cheeks. Ed slowed down and kissed them away.

"Don't stop," Olivia mumbled. Her eyes were partially closed but she found his lips and swirled her tongue around his. The kiss, though, was short lived. Ed's last few thrusts struck more raw nerves and she had no choice but to bury her face in his neck as he finished inside of her.

Ed situated himself on one side of her so he could tease her body with his fingertips. They kissed lazily, pausing frequently for Olivia to gasp for breath because Ed was not yet finished pleasuring his wife. It was well after midnight before he began to lose steam.

"Why don'tcha let me change the sheets?" Ed said in a half-whisper.

"After a shower?"

"Sure."

Olivia sat up and slung her legs over the side of the mattress. "Whew," she said, "I may need your help." Ed rounded the bed and pulled her upright. She rose to her tiptoes and gave him a kiss. "Thank you."

"My pleasure."

"Ed?"

"Hmm?"

"We're better, aren't we?"

He smiled, "Yeah, baby. Yeah we are."

…

 _The process of pouring the mortar and re-leveling the driveway was more time-consuming than Ed thought, but the job was finished by late afternoon and he was proud of the work. Before he and Justin spread heating blankets over the surface, so it could dry properly, he invited Olivia out to take a look. She raved about the sleek design. Ed was surprised when she threw her arms around him and gave him a passionate smooch._

" _Well thank you," he said._

" _It's the least I can do."_

" _I'm kinda gross."_

 _Olivia swung his arm by the wrist. "Why don't you come upstairs and get cleaned up after you put that cover on?"_

 _Intrigued, Ed raised his eyebrows, "Where's everyone?"_

" _In the backyard deciding what we're eating for dinner."_

 _Justin rounded the side of the house carrying the rolled blankets on his shoulders. They were big and bulky, but Justin was having no problem. He dropped them onto the lawn and jogged back to the shed, presumably to get the stakes._

" _Gimme about ten minutes," Ed whispered. "I'll be right up."_

 _Olivia started the shower and got in first. When Ed opened the bathroom door he was greeted with the amazing sight of her silhouetted in the late afternoon light and steam behind the glass. He tossed his clothes to the corner in a heap and stepped inside. "They're talkin' about going to buy some fireworks," he said._

" _Fireworks, huh?" Wasting no time with small talk, Olivia pounced on him like she'd wanted to do all day, ever since she saw him attack the flagstones with the sledgehammer. All of those muscles now were within arm's reach and her hands flew all over his body, giving him a preemptive, soothing massage. Ed soaked up the attention, raved about how good it felt, and how appreciative he was. But they didn't have a lot of time._

 _Olivia sat on the bench and guided him to her._

" _Liv…"_

" _Shhh," she hissed. "Right now...is all about you."_

…..

The post-make-up-sex days were blissful and flirtatious and filled with subtle and not-so subtle touches, winks, and suggestive glances. It was like Ed and Olivia were stuck in the afterglow; they hadn't yet come down from that night. They doted on each other even more than usual and thank-yous always came with kisses. Had Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt been a few years older, they would have been put off by their parents' behavior. Brooke and Sarah were plenty old enough and even Sarah raised her eyebrows a few times when they all got together for dinner and a movie on a rainy Saturday night.

Ed and Olivia had the largest living room and the most kids, so they hosted. Dinner was Greek take-out and the movie was _Rudy_. It was tough to find films suitable for Noah and the adults, and Sarah found the title on a list after a Google search. "It's football season," she reasoned, "Let's watch it."

While everyone claimed their spots around the flat screen, Ed and Olivia made quick work of cleaning up the kitchen and refrigerating the leftovers. Olivia called out, "Pudding cups!" and the three kids abandoned their bean bags and came running for the desserts. Sarah twisted around to watch the action and nudged Brooke when she saw Ed remove the lids, lick one of them, and then kiss Olivia. She smiled, said " _Mmmmm_ ," and reciprocated.

"I can't believe this," Sarah muttered under her breath. She wasn't worried about being heard. Justin and Sonny were playing with the surround sound. Ed and Olivia had never used it so they had no clue how to funnel the audio to the speakers. "They're all over each other."

"What is going on with them?" Brooke asked, her voice equally hushed, "Do you think they're having another kid?"

"No way."

"Did you see them eating? Dad _wiped her mouth_!"

"She missed a spot," Sarah replied matter-of-factly, "Those sandwiches were messy. Still, I get your point. I saw it."

"And they'll probably go to that side of the couch," Brooke jerked her head toward the chaise end of the sofa, "How are they both going to fit there?"

"She's gonna sit in his lap," Sarah surmised.

Sarah was wrong. Olivia sat in the armchair, tucked one leg under her body and let the other hang over the cushion. Ed sat on the floor with his back against the chair. Olivia's calf was next to his head and he occasionally reached up and rubbed her leg. Olivia occasionally toyed with his hair or his ears. Halfway through the movie, he was holding her ankle. Later, Sarah and Brooke would estimate the pair had only been farther than a few inches apart when they carried Maggie and Wyatt to bed. Noah was still wide awake when everyone left and Sarah giggled.

"That's gonna be really problematic for the lovemaking portion of the evening," she said.

"Real torture," said Brooke.

"Can we talk about something else?" Sonny asked from the front passenger seat. He and Justin were trying to block out the ladies' conversation and make small talk of their own, but Sarah and Brooke were too bubbly and loud.

"Shall we talk about _you_?" Sarah said breezily. "Sofia Angelina is away for the weekend with Grammy Carisi and you and Brooke spend Saturday night with _us_?"

"Family's important," Sonny said.

"And the night's young," Brooke added.

"Do you guys wanna go somewhere with Justin and me? Justy? Nightcap?"

Always agreeable, Justin said, "Sure. Where to?"

"Let's go home first and drop the car then we can maybe go to Park Bar or something? They have fun cocktails."

"Or Headless Horseman," Sonny said. "I love that place."

"Let's do both!" Sarah said. "Bar hopping like old times!"

"You okay with that Brooke?" Sonny asked.

"Yes," she leaned forward and gave him a clumsy kiss. "It'll be good."

"Oh boy," Sarah said, "Here we go. We have Dad and Livvie Junior in here, Jus!"

Brooke rolled her eyes. "You're insane."

….

Noah downed the rest of a Coke that was not originally his and flopped back onto his beanbag. He used the remote control's voice feature to search for another movie, but before he could start a second film, Ed stopped him.

"Bed, bud."

Noah scrunched up his face. "Please one more?"

"Nope. It's late. And you have basketball in the morning."

"Oh yeah!" He jumped to his feet and pretended to dribble the basketball weaving among the bean bags and chairs. "Drive to da hoop and... _SWISH_!"

Ed caught Noah mid-shot and slung him over his shoulder. " _Annnnd_ , here he goes, around the couch, through the living room, fakes left, goes right," They were in Noah's room now, "The kid goes up-" he hoisted Noah high in the air before dropping him on the mattress, "-And it's good!"

Noah giggled uncontrollably, "Good one, Daddy!" He said breathlessly.

"Thanks bud," Ed kissed Noah's forehead and tucked him in. "G'night. I love you."

"Love YOU Daddy!"

"Mommy'll be right in. See you in the morning." He passed Olivia on his way out of the room and squeezed her hand.

"Everything's turned off out there," she said. "Twins are sound asleep."

Ed winked. "I'll be waitin' for ya."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	84. Chapter 84

**Eighty-four**.

Saturday night's rain continued into Sunday morning and was forecast to hang around until the sun went down. From their bed, Ed and Olivia watched the drops pelt the bedroom windows. They didn't mind the weather. There was a certain romanticism in the dreariness. It reminded Olivia of one night, after one of their first dinner dates, when she and Ed walked home, huddled under a single umbrella, crushing soaked, fallen leaves under their feet as they shuffled to her building. She mentioned this to Ed. He smiled, tightened his hold on her, and, in the process, caught a glimpse of the twins on the iPad. They were both awake but not particularly eager to get out of bed. Assuming Noah was either still asleep or had found something quiet to occupy himself until everyone else woke up, it seemed the entire Tucker family was perfectly content to enjoy what was shaping up to be a lazy day at home.

Ed and Olivia allowed themselves alone time until seven-thirty and found Noah sitting at the island in front of a sheet of lined paper. To his left, sat his open pencil case. Olivia nuzzled the back of his head and asked what he was working on.

"Birthday list," he said.

"We _do_ have a birthday coming up, don't we?"

"Yep! I'm gonna go up from six to seven!"

Olivia noticed he had divided the paper into three sections and asked what each was for. Noah tapped each area with the tip of his pencil as he explained.

"Dis one for presents. Dis one's for what to bring to school. And dis one's birthday dinner!"

"That is very helpful honey," Olivia said. Deep down she was relieved Noah wasn't interested in having elaborate birthday parties that included dozens of kids his age. He was fine with bringing cupcakes or some other treat to school and having his class sing him _Happy Birthday_. The actual celebration would be with his family and, if she was available, Mia. When Olivia mentioned the invitation to her father he said she'd be there as long as it wasn't her weekend to be at her mother's home on Long Island, and he still hadn't confirmed whether or not that was going to happen.

Ed brought the twins into the room. He held one under each arm. They giggled and squealed and reached out for Olivia and Noah before Ed sat them both on the island. Maggie and Wyatt reached for Noah's writing utensils.

"Color!" Wyatt said.

"No, Wyatt," Noah said sternly, "Dis my list and my _plan_!"

"Come here sweet twins," Olivia picked them up and put them on the floor, "Let's color down here." She laid out the large, two feet by three feet, pad of white paper and took the lid off their bucket of chunky crayons. She tossed two coloring books on the floor as well, but Maggie and Wyatt, like Noah, preferred the blank sheets.

Across from Noah, on the opposite side of the island, Ed spread out the _New York Times_. He and Olivia shared the paper and sipped coffee. When Noah mentioned breakfast, Ed checked the contents of the refrigerator.

"I'm gonna run to the market," he said, "We need bacon. Right, No? We need a big breakfast for this rainy day and we have to have bacon."

"Right, Daddy!"

"Wanna come with me?"

"Yes!" Noah carefully placed his pencils back in the case and closed the lid.

Olivia could tell he wasn't sure what to do with his list. "How about we put it in the drawer over there," she pointed to the credenza where she and Ed kept all their important documents, "It'll be safe."

"Kay!"

Noah climbed down and ran to change his clothes. Once in jeans and sweatshirts, he and Ed zipped their rain jackets, checked for their wallets, and headed out. Olivia sat on the floor with the twins. Maggie was using both hands to draw broad, swooping lines. Wyatt concentrated on coloring one corner of the page solid green.

"Daw, mama?" Maggie handed over one of her crayons.

"I'd love to draw with you." Olivia drew a sun and stick figures to represent each member of their family. She labeled each with their names and started adding hair, facial features, and clothing.

"Magg pink!"

"Yes! Good, Maggs! You're pink! Would you like another color? How about yellow? Or blue?"

"Magg PINK!"

Olivia grinned and filled in the rest of stick-figure-Maggie's outfit with the pink crayon. Then she sat back and watched her babies work on their masterpieces. Their pudgy toddler hands clutched the fat crayons in death-grip fashion. Wyatt sucked his lips inward in concentration; Maggie pursed hers. Maggie's artwork took up most of the page and she eventually added to Wyatt's area. Unbothered by the intrusion, he simply moved to another area of the page. As the paper became filled with their drawings, the twins looked like they were chasing one another around in a tight circle, searching for a sliver of blank white.

"Are you going to be hungry for breakfast?" Olivia asked.

"B'FAST!" Wyatt bellowed. He tossed his crayon aside and took a long drink from his sippy cup.

"Fre'fries!" Maggie said with a grin. "Fre'fries!"

Olivia laughed. "Not today, sweet girl. French fries for breakfast are for very special occasions."

….

 _The sunrise was muted by foggy skies, but the sight of the rays hitting the ocean waters was still picturesque. Ed stepped onto the porch and handed Olivia her coffee. They headed to the shore for their morning walk. The air was thick and it didn't take long for their skin to get sticky and beads of perspiration to form on their foreheads._

" _Goddam," Ed muttered, "Glad we're here and not in the city, but shit, it's this hot already?"_

" _High nineties and humid," Olivia said. A wave rushed over their feet just then and she yelped a bit, "That's refreshing though. A lot of swimming today."_

" _I'm gonna have to get gas in the jet ski."_

" _Do you have enough to get to the marina?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Are you sure?" Olivia raised her eyebrows. The trip to the marina took at least twenty minutes. It was on the bay side of Bethany Beach and if Ed got stranded in the Atlantic, even close to shore, she wasn't sure where the currents would take him._

 _Ed curled his arm around Olivia's shoulders and kissed the side of her head, "Yes I'm sure." He flung his coffee into the ocean, "I can't drink this. Too hot."_

" _Want to get an iced one?" They were approaching the boardwalk and a few cafes were open._

" _Yeah, let's do that."_

 _They trudged across the sand and stopped at the nearest breakfast joint. Iced coffees in hand, they continued the walk on the wooden slats until it ended and continued their stroll along the water. By the time they turned around for home, the beach was already dotted with colorful chairs and umbrellas and families setting up for the day and, probably, the night._

" _How early you think we need to get a spot?" Ed asked about the parade, a Bethany Beach Fourth of July tradition._

 _Their home was situated on Atlantic Avenue but not on the parade route. However, all it would take was a glance down the street to see how quickly the area was filling up. Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah always did a great job monitoring the crowd. "Last year we were out there by eleven," she said, "Maybe we can send Noah and the twins with the cooler and they can save us a spot."_

" _Kids are so useful."_

" _They really are." Olivia's phone vibrated in her pocket. "Speaking of kids, Noah wants to know the plan for this morning," she reported. Noah wasn't a stickler for a set agenda, but he liked to begin each day with an idea of how the ensuing hours would unfold._

" _You wanna go out for brunch?"_

" _It'll be crowded," Olivia said, "And Brooke and Sonny should be here soon…"_

" _Brunch at home? We'll force Justin to cook?"_

" _Excellent idea, Captain. I'll ask Sarah if we need to pick up anything on the way back." She sent a reply to Noah and the question to Sarah. "Do we have champagne left for mimosas?"_

" _I bought a whole case. There better be some left."_

" _I'm sure there is. Sarah doesn't drink as much as she used to."_

" _They're doin' a great job with the kids. I know she's been stressed out."_

" _At least she still has a sense of humor about it," Olivia said, "She jokes about how different it is to be responsible for her own kids as opposed to spoiling the hell out of ours and then returning them at the end of the day."_

" _I do kind of miss that," Ed quipped, "Now we have to spoil 'em."_

" _I know," Olivia sighed with mock scorn, "Such a pain…"_

 _Ed chuckled and kissed Olivia again. "I love you, baby."_

" _Love you."_

 _As they approached their home just north of the boardwalk, the areas of the beach adjacent to public parking lots were getting crowded even at this early hour. Sarah sent a shopping list, so Ed called Noah and told him to take their umbrellas and chairs out to the beach so their usual spot wasn't taken. Most visitors didn't venture too far into the more residential parts of the area, but, with the holiday, there was a good chance a few groups would wander farther away from central Bethany. Ed and Olivia walked back to the main road. On the way to the market they passed a small shack-like bar that always seemed to be open. Ed shook the ice in his otherwise empty cup._

" _Can I treat ya to a drink, Lieutenant?"_

 _Olivia grinned. It was not yet nine o'clock, but a drink alone with her husband before spending the rest of the day surrounded by ten other members of their family sounded nice. "Bloody Mary? They do make a good one here."_

" _Well then, let's go." There was no actual door to hold for her, so Ed put a hand on the small of Olivia's back and led her inside. He chuckled when he saw three other couples sitting at the bar, presumably with the same idea._

" _It's going to be a great day," Olivia murmured after they made a toast and took their first sips._

 _Ed bit an olive off the garnish stick. "Already is."_

 _Even though he was mid-chew, Olivia gave him a kiss and stared at him affectionately with her head resting against a fist. They would be celebrating their tenth anniversary at the end of this year and there was so much to appreciate about the last decade. Considering everything in its entirety was mind-boggling which was why Olivia cherished moments like this-little capsules of happiness that allowed her to zero in on one particular element of her amazing life._

" _Now Liv," Ed tried his best to pretend he was gravely serious but his smirk betrayed the attempt, "You're gonna have to control yourself today. I dunno if we're gonna be able to sneak off somewhere."_

" _You're usually good at making that happen."_

 _Swirling his glass, Ed nodded knowingly, "One of my lesser known talents."_

 _Olivia threw her head back and laughed, "That's not something we really need to publicize."_

…..

The urgency in Brooke's voice contrasted sharply with the sounds of Nickelodeon characters and Maggie's and Wyatt's voices. The twins were at the age where they actually played _with_ rather than alongside each other, and their words had become easier to understand. They hammered away at the workbench, filled dump trucks with whatever it was they imagined they were creating, and transported the items to Noah's bean bag. A few minutes later, Maggie started transferring the heap of blocks to her kitchen where she put them inside the oven and closed the door with a flourish. Olivia watched the fanciful play and silently acknowledged how her world and Brooke's, on this day, were so drastically different.

" _Can you do something?"_

No, Olivia couldn't do anything. At least, not officially. She assumed Brooke knew as much but, out of desperation, had asked anyway.

Maggie opened the oven door and its contents spilled out. She shrieked with delight at the noise of the blocks hitting the parquet floor. Wyatt whirled around, eyes wide, and shouted "CASH! BOCK CASH!" He wheeled a dump truck over and loaded the blocks, dropping them in two at a time using both hands.

"Bear, WY!" Maggie ran to their bedroom and returned with three stuffed animals. She put them in the oven and slammed the door. As an afterthought, she added a few plastic vegetables and went back to the workbench.

" _I have a terrible feeling about this."_

No spouse, girlfriend, or boyfriend liked to hear his or her significant other was going undercover. The clandestine nature of the assignments was maddening. There were no daily updates. Only under the most extraordinary of circumstances could officers contact family members, and undercover work was inherently dangerous. All it took for the operation to go south was one bad guy recognizing the agent, and there was no panic button, no way for his or her law enforcement friends to come rushing in.

Olivia suspected Brooke's bad feeling was born of uncertainty. Her own sense of trepidation had more factual merit. But certainly Rollins, Fin, and even Carisi himself remembered how many times Sonny had worked undercover among sex traffickers. Surely they'd vetted this new target and were sure they had no connections to the other rings SVU had busted over the years. But why did she feel like she was the only one who recognized this potentially lethal snag?

Besides…

" _He left this morning."_

Olivia wandered around the apartment. While she counseled Brooke with every reassuring line she could think of, she examined every single photograph hanging on the walls or sitting on the shelves. One of Olivia's favorite hobbies was swapping more recent photos for older ones, but there were a few constants-the wedding, the first family snap of their new family of five, and one of the three kids in profile sitting in the sand at sunset. She knew Brooke had dozens of her own family photographs displayed in the apartment in Fort Greene, and she could have been looking at them right now, wondering if, moving forward, future frames would include Sonny.

"Ed will be home soon," Olivia said, "He went to pick up Noah. I'll come over...walk you through the details, or, at least what I can tell you from prior experience...so you have some idea of what to expect."

"Thank you."

"I'll text you when I leave."

…...

 _Tucker watched the live broadcast of Sergeant Olivia Benson's confession and flames of rage burned in his chest. How in the hell did anyone let her do that? What was Murphy thinking over there at SVU? Tucker knew and respected Declan, but this strategy, whatever the aims, seemed drastically out of character for the level-headed officer. Later that evening when Draper informed him Benson had slipped her protective detail, presumably to pursue Lewis, Tucker snickered sardonically._

" _Is this some kinda April Fools' joke?"_

" _Nope," Draper replied curtly. "The Sergeant has a death wish."_

" _Where's Cassidy?"_

" _At his desk."_

" _He know?"_

 _Draper shrugged and his body language indicated he didn't want much more to do with the conversation. He shoved his hands in his pockets and his shoulders slumped. He shifted his weight from foot to foot. "Want me to send him in here? I'm on my way out."_

" _Yeah, thanks. Have a good night."_

" _Tucker?"_

 _Ed looked up from his phone. He had been scrolling through contacts for someone who could give him the most up to date information on the search for Benson._

" _She's tough," Draper said, "She'll be alright."_

 _Ed's only reaction was to focus his attention back on his phone. Draper had been his partner for years now and surely he had picked up on clues that Tucker had developed some feelings for Olivia Benson. After the first round with Lewis, he wondered aloud how she was coping with the trauma. Tucker didn't have to offer Cassidy a way out of the Bronx courts. There were dozens of other officers who would have been willing to accept the assignment, but he chose Cassidy even though he privately criticized the embattled former detective. When Benson was promoted, Tucker had seemed a little too happy for her._

 _It had been about a month since Tucker had last seen the Sergeant. After Declan Murphy saved Rollins' career and possibly her freedom, Ed called Benson in and warned her to keep close tabs on her detective. He remembered how she'd taken the advisory with a quiet nod when he'd been expecting a sassy retort. A weariness he'd never seen before cast a pall over her face. It was as if some invisible demon was sucking the life out of her._

" _Draper said you wanted to see me?" Cassidy poked his head in. He was unshaven and his tie was loose. He never looked comfortable in a suit._

" _If you need to take some time off go ahead," Tucker said._

" _For what?"_

 _Had the situation not been so dire, Ed would have smirked. "Benson? She's MIA."_

" _What_ _?" Cassidy yanked his phone from his jacket pocket and furiously pounded the screen._

" _She's not gonna pick up, Cassidy. She's goin' after Lewis."_

" _Why would she do that?"_

" _I dunno...you tell me...surely you've spoken to her more recently than I have."_

 _Cassidy glared at Tucker. He wasn't sure if the Lieutenant was getting a dig in at the recent breakup or if Tucker was merely being a sarcastic asshole and implying that someone so close to Olivia should have known what was going on in her head._

 _Tucker waited for a response. His countenance was haughty and practically dared Cassidy to lash out at him._

 _Keeping his cool, Cassidy replied, "We're not...living together anymore."_

" _Oh. Sorry to hear that," murmured Tucker who didn't sound the least bit sympathetic._

 _Cassidy grunted but ignored the flippant reply. "I'm, uh, gonna get out of here...maybe see if I can pick up anything on the scanner...check in with Tutuola, or…"_

" _I'll let you know if I hear anything."_

 _Cassidy wasn't sure he believed Tucker but he nevertheless thanked him._

 _Ed waited until Cassidy's footsteps faded before calling one of his buddies from Hostage Negotiation. He was positive, from there, he'd be able to receive timely updates on the whereabouts of Sergeant Benson._

….

Olivia spent more than three hours with Brooke and left with great reluctance. Conversations with her were always challenging. Despite the nervousness during the phone call, Brooke tried to convince Olivia she'd calmed down and had made peace with the fact Sonny was walking into a dangerous situation. After all, it wasn't the first time he'd been undercover. Olivia _sent_ him undercover more than once. He'd survived being in the line of fire. Her husband was a good cop-competent, confident, and smart. He could handle it, and she trusted that if he felt too much heat, he would get out. Olivia patiently listened to her reasoning. When Brooke fell silent and started pacing the room, Olivia hugged her. Only then did she break down in sobs.

"It was...excruciating," Olivia told Ed that night as they curled up together under the covers. "All I could do was hug her. I couldn't say it'll be okay, I couldn't say everything was under control. Hug her...tell her we're here for her...that we love her. That's it."

"You told her the truth," Ed whispered. "We'll take care of her while he's under. And she knows that. She knows we're not gonna let her suffer by herself. And, on the other side, we gotta trust the operation."

"She kept saying she has this deep fear unlike anything she's ever experienced before. And I couldn't rationalize that; I couldn't walk her out of it...because how do you tell someone their terror isn't justified?"

"And what do you think? Do you think she's overreacting?"

"How many times have we seen this same situation play out? And, most of the time, the worst thing that happens is UCs are under for too long, they lose touch with reality, alienate their families, hell, look at Declan...he's probably going to end up living as his alias longer than with his own name. The only thing different here, this time, is there's a higher than normal risk of someone making him."

Ed ran his fingers up and down her arms. "When you took down those rings...everyone go in? Anyone get a deal?"

"Not a deal with no prison time. And most of the johns we busted, I'd like to think, they wouldn't go back to their old ways after ruining their marriages...losing jobs... But you never know. There's always someone with nothing to lose." Olivia stretched backward, kissed the bottom of Ed's chin, and asked if he would be comfortable sending anyone, let alone his son-in-law, into this situation.

"As long as I'd done my homework, I'd be fine with it," Ed replied. "And they have, Liv. And I don't believe Carisi would be reckless, not with Brooke and Sofia at home."

"Good point."

"So...we wait. Fingers crossed. Have some faith. Get info when we can."

"You're right." Olivia kissed his hands, then his wrists. He still had a hint of a tan line where he wore his watch even though it was November; she found that little detail sexy. She switched positions so she could properly kiss him. Minutes later, she scratched his chest over his t-shirt and wedged one of her legs between his.

"Didn't think you'd want to do anything tonight," he said softly.

"I do," she replied, "Do you?"

"Yes."

She rose to her knees and slowly removed her shirt.

"Damn," Ed licked his lips and reached for her, "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	85. Chapter 85

**Eighty-five.**

Wyatt's acting debut was featured in the third episode of the series, and Ed and Olivia hosted a watch party in lieu of Caroline's regular Sunday dinner. The matriarch arrived armed with three bags full of ingredients for their meal, scurried around the kitchen, and only accepted an iota of help. Her television did not have streaming capability, necessitating the venue change. She didn't mind, though. She was excited to see Wyatt on screen, and, as an added bonus, Ed and Olivia owned more modern utensils. Their vegetable peeler, for example, was a breeze to use. However, Caroline swore by her trusty old range and her decades-old pots and pans so much so that she brought her roaster from home.

"Gramma did you know," Noah climbed onto one of the island chairs and slapped his palms on the granite as he spoke, "I only like carrots when you make 'em?"

"Why my dear, no I didn't know that, _but_ ," Caroline took a drink from a gin-and-tonic that had been sitting for so long the ice was completely melted. "I suspected. And I believe I know why."

" _Why_?" Noah leaned forward as if he were about to be the recipient of the world's most tightly guarded secret.

"First of all, they taste the best when they cook right next to the meat. That way, they don't taste _totally_ like carrots," Caroline arranged the carrots and potatoes around the roast, "But I think the best explanation is that you ate my carrots the first time we met. So it was love at first taste."

Noah giggled. "I _did_?"

"Yes. You were a little older than Maggie and Wyatt and your Daddy brought you and your Mommy for dinner and I was so happy because I've always wanted a grandson."

At the table, Sarah screwed up her face and interjected, "You have _two_ grandsons from Uncle John and Aunt Margie, remember?"

Caroline tapped Noah's nose, "I always wanted a grandson like _you_ , dear boy. Now, tell me about first grade. What are you learning?"

"Bout Thanksgiving," Noah said. "Abraham Lincoln made Thanksgiving a hol'day but Thanksgiving isn't happy for everrybody! Da 'Mericans were _mean_ to da people who lived here before them! So we're learning 'bout da Lenape. They lived here before this was _New York_! They were really good at growing food and hunting and fishing and they lived in _clans_ and the _moms_ were in charge of 'em!"

Caroline listened intently, but when he was finished with the lecture, she looked at Ed and muttered, "What the hell ever happened to listing things you're thankful for?"

"And making turkeys with your hand!" Sarah chimed in.

Ed shrugged. "That's where we're at now, Ma. Tellin' the whole story."

Caroline turned on a burner and filled a pot with water to boil. "Is there something wrong with asking children to think about how lucky they are?"

"I'm sure they'll touch on that, Ma."

"Yeah!" Noah said, "Ri'now we're r _e-search-ing_!"

"Researching?" Caroline raised her eyebrows, "How are you doing _that_?

"We have da iPad with one map and then da reg'lar map of the United States of America and we're putting da names of _in-dij-niss_ people where they useda live!"

"Serious business," Caroline murmured.

"Yep!"

"How's Mia?"

"She's good but she doesn't liketa do research," Noah replied matter-of-factly.

"Well, bless her little heart."

….

 _Arms akimbo, Ed read the sign standing guard at the beginning of the lighthouse visitor line. "Damn," he muttered to Olivia under his breath. "Forty-one inches." He looked down at Noah. The little boy was staring out into the sea and the breeze made his hair stand on end. "I don't think he's gonna pass for that tall."_

" _He's about ten inches too short," Olivia said, remembering the stats from Noah's last check-up._

" _Maybe they won't notice?"_

" _I doubt it," Olivia replied, "And...I'm sure they have that rule for a reason?"_

" _Right, well, we'll just have to come back when he's taller," Ed grinned. He loved thinking about a future that included Olivia and Noah._

" _Couple years," Olivia murmured wistfully, "Let's not grow up too quickly, though, sweet boy."_

 _Noah pointed down to the beach. The ocean waters crashed against the rocky shore at the foot of a cliff. "Sand!" He exclaimed, "Waves!"_

" _Wanna go down there, pal?" Ed looked at Olivia, "Take a walk?"_

 _They each took one of Noah's hands and meandered down the path to the water. Ed picked up some stones and handed a few to Noah. "Remember?" He coached, "Step, arm back, step, and throw!"_

 _Noah heaved his first stone._

" _Good one!"_

 _Ed lobbed a baseball-sized rock into the rough waters. Noah clapped his hands and copied the praise. "G'ONE!" He picked up an onyx-colored rock and gave it to Olivia. "Frow!" The trio spent a half hour or so tossing stones into the water. Noah's sand toys were back at the hotel and they weren't planning on planting themselves at the beach out here anyway. Noah didn't miss the toys; he delighted in unearthing the rocks and giving them to Ed and his mother._

 _Olivia climbed on a boulder and took a seat. She took a deep breath of the fresh sea air and sighed contentedly. "This was such a good idea, Ed. Good weekend to get out of the city." The August temperatures had been consistently in the nineties._

" _Have you ever been out here before?"_

 _He was shocked at himself for not asking sooner. When Olivia mentioned she was free for four straight days the idea to go out to Montauk popped into his head. It had been almost three months since they returned from Paris, but Ed had a hunch another getaway was needed. Olivia battled each day with the specter of Mike Dodds looming overhead. Work distracted her for only so long; once the day's duties were done, the horror of the Sergeant's death came rushing back. It was suffocating._

" _Yes," Olivia replied, "When I was younger, very young, my mother's friend had a place out here somewhere, but we never came to this particular spot. So this," she gestured around to the immediate area, "Is a first. What about you?"_

" _Long time ago. Took Sarah and Brooke."_

" _Did they go to the top?"_

" _Yeah. They tried to race and got in trouble. Don't mess with those old ladies workin' in there."_

" _They did seem a little prickly."_

 _Noah skipped over to Olivia and, with Ed's help, scaled the rock and flopped into his mother's lap. The scent of the breeze clung to his hair and skin. His Teva sandals were soaking wet and caked with sand on the edges. She was proud of herself for bringing him a second pair of shoes._

" _Firsty, Mommy!"_

 _Olivia gave him his water bottle. "Ed, you want to go back up and have a drink at the restaurant? Looks like there's a great view from the patio."_

 _Of course Ed wanted to go. He hoisted Noah onto his shoulders and led the way back up the path to the cafe. Ed was in such good shape he wasn't winded when they reached the top of the hill. He swung Noah's ankles and asked him what he wanted to drink and if he was hungry._

" _Wanna snack!" Noah exclaimed._

" _Hungry, Liv?"_

 _Olivia perused the menu. The offerings were adequate, but not very interesting. "How about...just some fries for now? I think there are probably better options in town."_

" _You got it. I'll go order."_

 _They sat on a wicker loveseat with Noah in the middle. The swarming bugs were a nuisance, so it was clear this first drink would be their only one. Nevertheless, Ed rested his arm on the back cushions, loosely enveloping both Noah and Olivia. His fingers dangled on her shoulder and he played with the sleeve of her shirt._

 _Noah laughed hysterically at a red-winged blackbird that landed on the table in front of them and was pecking at crumbs left behind by the last occupants. "He eatin!" Noah shouted. "Ope! Flew 'way! Bye bye birdie!"_

" _Bye, bird!" Olivia and Ed said almost simultaneously in whimsical, childlike voices. They turned to each other, laughed, and kissed._

 _Noah tilted his head back so far his chin was pointed out at the ocean. "You kiss Ed, Mama!" He erupted in more giggles, puckered his lips, and made a "MWAH!" sound._

" _Yes, I kissed Ed," Olivia said, grinning, "And now I'm gonna kiss you!" Olivia bear-hugged him and kissed all over his face._

 _Once he caught his breath, Noah said, "Wanna buil' san'cassa!"_

 _Ed downed the rest of his beer. "Well, let's head back. How big should we build it?" Ed held his hand about three feet from the floor. "This big?"_

 _Noah shook his head. Ed raised his arm a few inches._

" _This big?"_

" _Uh uh."_

 _Ed stood up and raised his hand to his head. "THIS big?"_

 _Noah nodded vigorously. "DatBIG!"_

" _We have a lot of work to do, pal." Ed held out his arms and Noah jumped into them._

" _Oh, look, the bird's back!"_

 _Noah slung his arm around Ed's neck and squealed again at the sight of the gorgeous bird who was not shy about being near humans. Fascinated yet tad nervous the bird might come closer, Noah glued himself to Ed's chest. Out of the corner of his eye, Ed saw Olivia taking pictures of the two of them, heads together, studying the movements of the winged creature. He held the pose until Noah got impatient._

" _Cassa, ED!"_

" _Oh, yeah," Ed held out his hand for Olivia's. "Ready?"_

" _Absolutely," She sprung to her feet and kissed both Ed's and Noah's cheeks, "Castle time!"_

… _._

"Omigod, omigod, omigod, _Wyattttt_ you were so good!" Sarah encircled her arms around Wyatt and twirled around the room with her lips pressed to his head.

The others echoed Sarah's enthusiastic praise. Everyone but Caroline had watched the first two episodes and Brooke joked she was eager to see the main character's son because she was so devoted to him. "When it was Wyatt I was... _surprised_ ," she said, grinning, "Even though I knew it was coming! That was so crazy! Like, I _know_ that kid! That's my brother!"

Luckily, Wyatt's first appearance occurred around a fairly tame fictional case and there were few profanity-laced lines of dialogue, so Noah was allowed to watch. He screeched when his little brother appeared on screen first toddling around the living room where he "lived" and then on Marisa's hip. "WYATT'S A STAR!" He shouted.

"I told _you_ ," Caroline slapped her knee and raised her tumbler, "From the second he was born that baby was going to be a movie star!"

Ed and Olivia exchanged confused glances. _Did she actually say that or is that the gin talking?_

Maggie looked back and forth from the screen to her brother, trying to make sense of him being in two places at once. Wyatt's total screen time lasted a total of less than two minutes, but it unsettled Maggie. She wedged herself next to Wyatt in his beanbag and put her head on his shoulder. She played with a Baby Einstein toy for most of the episode, but when Wyatt got up in search of other entertainment, she followed him.

Wearing their proudest expressions, Ed and Olivia sat next to each other, mostly in silence, and listened to the reactions. Brooke asked if it was difficult to get Wyatt to follow directions. Sarah wanted to know if he was ever going to have any lines. Caroline predicted he'd own an estate in the suburbs by the time he was in middle school.

"Okay, Grandma," Brooke said in a critical voice. She didn't mind the silliness, but Caroline's cocktail limit had been reached and breached and Brooke was getting annoyed. She clicked her tongue when Sarah poured everyone another round, and Justin offered an apologetic shrug.

"Games anyone?" Sarah asked.

Brooke opened her mouth to say no and pivot to evening-ending cliches, but before she could say "it's late" or "I have to get Sofia up early tomorrow," Noah had both the Yahtzee game and the Uno deck in his hands.

"Grandma, do you have a preference?"

"No dearie. I'm not playing right away. My twin grandbabies and I are going to sing some songs."

Sarah and Brooke both broke into laughter.

" _Great_."

…

 _The adults sat in a semicircle on a ridge about three feet from where the crashing waves ran out of steam. Anthony, Sofia, and Wyatt were playing Sand Hole-a beach version of cornhole. Wyatt, always solicitous about the younger kids, helped the other two throw the bean bags even though he would have rather tossed around the football with Maggie and Noah. Maggie was standing in ankle-deep water and throwing tight spirals to her brother. She delighted in leading Noah into the waves and making him dive for the ball. After five successful catches, Noah and Maggie switched places._

" _Noah's nicer than Maggie," Sonny observed. "Maggs sends him all over the place. He throws it right to her."_

" _He's gonna have to start testin' her soon," Ed was stretched out in the low chair so his heels were buried and his calves touched the sand. He was close enough to Olivia's armrest to occasionally hook a finger around hers. "She'll get bored."_

 _Olivia saw Wyatt longingly check out his siblings' game and she stood up._

" _Where ya goin?" Ed asked._

" _I'm going to play with Sof and Anthony," Olivia said, "So Wyatt can play football."_

" _I'll go," Justin said._

 _Sarah stirred her drink. "Yeah, poor Wyatt's always the free babysitter."_

 _Justin jogged over to the bean bag toss and said a few words to Wyatt. He beamed, yanked his goggles over his eyes, and ran out into the surf next to Maggie. Adjusting the rules for a third player, Noah shouted out commands, and the twins nodded. He called out a number and threw the ball. The tougher the potential catch, the more points Wyatt and Maggie could earn._

" _Anyone wanna switch?" Noah asked after a while._

 _Wyatt glimpsed at Maggie, but his body language indicated he was already resigned to coming out of the water. He trudged toward Noah and held his hands out for the ball._

" _Wyatt's so nice," Brooke said. "I love him."_

" _He really is genuinely a kind soul," Olivia said. She didn't say it to everyone, but she often worried about people taking advantage of Wyatt's considerate, thoughtful personality, especially as he got older. The one silver lining, though, was he and Maggie were very close and he was able to temper his sister's occasional impulsiveness. They'd been polar opposites from the second Maggie decided to make her appearance in the world eight years ago and Wyatt hadn't been quite ready._

" _Dad? What's going on with the fireworks? Are we doing some of ours first like usual?"_

" _Yeah," Ed assessed the setting sun. "Maybe in an hour?"_

" _Oh, wow," Olivia said, "Is anyone hungry? We have all that food in the fridge!"_

 _Per the usual Tucker Fourth of July meal plan, they'd eaten hot dogs and hamburgers as a late lunch and then would eat chips and dip, cheese, fruit, and other snacks on the beach as they waited for the show._

" _I could munch on somethin," Sonny said._

" _Me too," Sarah said. She bounced Mari on her knees, "Are you hungry, sweetie?" Mari looked up at Sarah and sweetly blinked her eyes. "Yes," Sarah cooed, "We'll have some cheese and some berries...you loooooove those strawberries don't you, gorgeous?"_

" _Let's go get the food then," Ed held out his hand and helped Olivia to her feet, "I'll help ya."_

 _Ed's ulterior motive was so obvious it went unnoticed. Olivia saw his smirk out of the corner of her eye all the way through the cool sand, up the wooden path through the seagrass, and then across the flagstones to the back porch steps. The cooler was already out, so they went inside to grab the already-wrapped plastic containers and more drinks._

" _That was easy," Ed curled an arm around her waist and swung her inside and around so her back was against the wall to the left of the door._

 _Olivia yelped, recovered, and held his head with both hands during the kiss. It was hot and passionate but necessarily short-lived. Ed playfully bit her earlobe and sloppily licked her neck._

" _Ew!" Olivia screeched though she was still holding him close._

 _Ed tilted his head back and raised his eyebrows. "Ew?" He asked, feigning incredulity and then burying his face in her neck and sucking gently but also making sure to tickle her with his three-day old whiskers. Her laugh was so rewarding, so energizing. He stopped before they got too carried away, but it was with great reluctance. They fell into a warm, tight hug._

" _I love you," Olivia droned into his ear, "I love you so, so much."_

" _I love you, Liv."_

" _Now," she put her palms on his chest, "We better get out there with food and drink before people start to talk."_

 _Ed swatted at her rear end as she walked past him into the kitchen. "Too late," he quipped. "They've been talkin for about ten years now."_

" _We're going to keep them talking forever, right?" Olivia looked up from the counter with one eyebrow seductively cocked._

 _Ed winked at her. "Damn right about that, sweetheart."_

…

Ed and Noah drove Caroline home in the Tucker family SUV and Sarah and Justin went home in an Uber which left Brooke and Sofia alone with Olivia and the twins. The lighthearted mood of the afternoon and evening faded away, or, rather, there was nothing to divert Brooke's attention away from what might be happening to her husband.

"Remember when he was undercover on Christmas Eve," Brooke asked, "And it lasted, what? A day? He came to dinner here that night?"

"I remember."

"I keep thinking the same thing's going to happen," Brooke laughed derisively at herself. "That's what people think when someone's just died."

When Olivia couldn't think of anything comforting to say, her default move was a hug. She gave Brooke a good squeeze and held her at arm's length by the shoulders. "You'll get through this," she said softly. "You're doing a fantastic job, you're a wonderful mother, you've got everything under control. One day at a time, honey."

"Yeah," Brooke sighed. Her shoulders dramatically rose and fell a couple of times as she took deep, calming breaths. "One day at a time. That's...really what has to happen. I drive myself insane thinking so far ahead, so big picture."

"There _is_ a time for thinking big picture. But now is not it."

"Thanks, Liv." Brooke mumbled.

Olivia smiled sweetly and hugged Brooke again. The eldest Tucker daughter did not often use the truncated version of Olivia's name and it always warmed her heart when she did.

"Okay," Brooke said, "Enough of me for now...I...I have to ask you something. Unrelated to Sonny...and not even really my business."

"Go ahead."

"Is there something... _up_...with you and Dad?"

"What do you mean?"

Brooke smiled nervously and chewed a hangnail. Her deep-set Tucker blue eyes had a glint of Sarah-esque mischief and her round, smooth cheeks were rapidly turning crimson. "Well, um, Sarah and I noticed, you two are extra _into each other_ lately."

Olivia's laugh was mostly due to Brooke's expression. She oozed with visible relief and maybe a little bit of pride at having had the courage to be so transparent. Olivia drifted to the island and poured two glasses of wine. "We had a little trouble," Olivia saw Brooke grow rigid with alarm and quickly continued, "For, well, a day or so. Just some tension stemming from me getting used to being retired, ugh," Olivia groaned, " _Retired_ sounds so...old. Anyway. We talked. Fixed it, and…" she trailed off with a beguiling bite of her lip.

" _Ah_ , make up sex," Brooke replied, more confident now since she wasn't the only one feeling a bit awkward.

"Exactly."

"That explains it."

"Were we really that obvious?"

"Liv, you two are always obviously in love, but the other night? During the movie? Dad never let you go."

"Yeah…" Olivia murmured, "What about tonight? How were we? A little better?"

"A little. But I love how Dad reaches over to help one of the twins and then _accidentally_ bumps into you."

"And I did have his arm the entire show," Olivia recalled sheepishly.

Brooke brushed off that detail, "Ah, you were watching Wyatt. That was special."

"It was."

"He's in the next one, too?"

"The one after next. But I don't think it'll even be thirty seconds. He gets put to bed."

Brooke laughed, "Good think they wanted Wyatt then. Could you imagine Maggie?"

Olivia grinned and raised her glass. "My thoughts exactly."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	86. Chapter 86

**Eighty-six**.

On the Monday before Election Day, Noah was allowed to skip school. He readied himself as usual and slipped into a navy blue suit fresh out of dry cleaner plastic. Ed helped him tuck in his white shirt and buckle the brand new belt, the cognac color of which perfectly matched his wingtips. Noah watched in the mirror as Ed tied his tie and mentioned he needed to learn that skill sooner rather than later. The outfit was capped off by a dual flag pin-one side the stars and stripes and the other the flag of New York City.

"Raf said I'm gonna have 'nother pin on this side," Noah slapped his right lapel, "It says Bar- _ba_."

"Yep," Ed replied, "You look sharp, bud. You excited?"

"Yes! I'm gonna say, 'Election day's tomorrow! Vote for Barba!' and then I hand 'em a flyer with all the things Raf's gonna do for the people!"

"Sounds great!" Ed eyed Noah's shoes. "I think we should put your other shoes in your bag just in case." The wingtips weren't brand new, but Noah had only worn them a couple of times. "You're gonna be walking a lot."

"I have to wear _dese_ shoes!" Noah protested. "They match da belt and the guys wear shoes like this too!"

"You don't have to change," Ed said, "But we'll put them in the bag in case your feet start to hurt, okay?"

"Kay," Noah reluctantly agreed.

"You look so grown up. I think I should give ya some coffee."

Noah giggled, "Daddy! I don't like coffee! It's YUCK!"

"YUCK!" Maggie ran into the room and went straight for Noah's train table. She grabbed the yellow locomotive and ran it once around the track. Next she rearranged some of the trees and the buildings. Then she whirled around and peered at her older brother. "No, SCHOO!"

"Not goin to school today, Maggs! I'm going to WORK!"

Olivia came into the room with Wyatt on her hip. Maggie was still in her pajamas, but Wyatt was dressed in khaki cargo pants and a navy henley. His bedhead had been combed down and his face was clear of breakfast remnants. He too was curious about Noah's unusual attire and cocked his head inquisitively.

"I'm one-for-two," Olivia said, "Miss Maggie got away."

"Gonna stay in your PJ's all day, Maggs?" Ed asked.

Maggie collected a fistful of her shirt and shrieked "Jammies!" she held up one of the locomotives that featured people's profiles painted on the windows, "They go ni'night! Jammies!" She put the car under the covers of Noah's bed and wandered around the room searching for something else to play with.

"Alright, sweet boy, ready?"

"Yep!"

Noah shouldered his backpack. It included the extra pair of shoes, his lunch and water bottle, and his phone. He'd already slid his wallet in his back pocket. Ed opened a drawer and took out one of their better pens, "Here bud, put this in the jacket pocket, on the inside. You should always have a pen."

"Thanks, Daddy."

"You're welcome," Ed kissed Noah's head. "Love you. Knock 'em dead today." He and Noah fist-bumped and made explosion sounds. Wyatt and Maggie rushed to join in.

"BOOM!"

"BAM!"

Olivia kissed Ed on the lips, "I'll be back in a bit...after I make sure he's...settled in." At first, Olivia thought she would go along on the canvass, but after she learned the elementary-school-aged children of two other staffers were participating, she felt completely comfortable leaving Noah in their care. Besides, Noah was assigned to the crew which included Barba himself, and she knew her friend would keep a close eye on her son.

"Take your time," Ed said softly and glanced at the twins playing among the absolute mess of toys in the living room. He and Olivia were terrible about making the kids clean up after themselves. They usually straightened the room before going to bed, but they ignored the disarray last night. "I might have Maggie dressed and ready to go by the time you get back."

"Where those babies goin?" Noah asked.

"To get their flu shots."

"I go doctor!" Wyatt said.

"Be brave, babies!" Noah sagely advised, "Jus' a little prick! Den ya get ice cream!"

"That the way it works, bud?"

"Dat's da way!"

….

 _Fourth of July detritus littered the backyard and part of the deck. After the main fireworks show, Ed and Sonny lit sparklers for the kids and shot off the rest of the store-bought explosives in the yard while poor Justin was inside trying to soothe a fussy Mari. After sipping cocktails all day, Sarah had fallen asleep early and was snoring on the couch, oblivious to the boisterous "ooohs" and "aaahs" of the kids. Their afterparty was cut short though thanks to a short-lived but potent pop-up thunderstorm. Everyone made a mad dash for cover and, the next morning, charred remnants of the amateur display clung to the blades of grass._

" _We did a shitty job of cleaning up last night," Ed took a hesitant sip of his steaming hot coffee and stretched his legs across the coffee table. Olivia sat down on the loveseat and slowly leaned back against him, careful not to spill her own drink._

" _It was pouring," Olivia said, "We'll get it later."_

 _Ed surveyed the deck. He and Olivia were surrounded with beach games and inflatables, towels laid out to dry, bottles of sunscreen, half-consumed cans of soda, and the thick plastic tumblers they used for frozen drinks. "Oughta make Sarah clean up out here," he said. "Punishment for bailing."_

" _I didn't think she had that much to drink," Olivia said._

" _When ya drink all day…"_

" _True." Olivia craned her head backwards and kissed Ed's chin, "It was a good night. I thought the show was a lot better this year. Or...maybe longer?"_

" _Both," Ed rubbed her arm and eventually wove his fingers between hers. As was his habit, he fiddled with her rings. "Woulda been a lot longer if it hadn't been for that storm. Kids prolly stayed up all night."_

" _They had such a good time. I love their ages right now. So silly and happy and carefree. It's almost tragic to think they'll have to grow up and become adults and experience heartache at some point."_

 _Ed spoke with his lips pressed to the side of Olivia's head, "When they do go through rough patches they'll have times like this to remember and smile."_

 _For a few minutes, the sound of waves crashing and seagulls squawking were the only audible noises. Ed and Olivia were content with their coffee and being curled up with one another. But Olivia soon came up with a question. She brought his fingers to her lips, kissed them, and asked, "What memories make you smile?"_

 _Ed replied quickly as if he'd been expecting the question all along. "A lot of 'em. But, in particular, some of our first times seein' each other, getting to know you. That was so exciting, talking to you, the anticipation of something more between us. Noah calling me Daddy for the first time. Watching the twins sleep when they first came home, those perfect babies and feelin' like I was in a dream."_

" _Good dream?"_

" _Best dream." Ed put his mug on the table and shifted so he could hold her with both arms. "And you, Olivia Margaret? What makes you smile?"_

" _So many things," Olivia murmured, "But, you know...there's one picture, of all of us, from last Labor Day, we were all piled on and around one of the chairs on the roof, Sonny put the camera on a timer?"_

" _Yeah, I remember."_

" _I need to print and frame that one. Everyone smiling, happy to be together, and that was a perfect day, too." Olivia kissed Ed's fingers again. "And...thinking about your mom, how she didn't blink once at me and Noah, just took us right into the fold. And you're right...sometimes I look at Maggie and Wyatt, they could be doing something as simple as getting themselves cereal and I feel so overwhelmed, so lucky."_

" _Hard to believe we almost had life without them."_

" _I know," Olivia replied in a near whisper, "But there's one more thing."_

" _What's that?"_

" _Staring at you after our first time making love," Olivia leaned back again, this time for a kiss on the lips. "Talk about surreal…"_

" _No kidding. Look," Ed held up an arm, "I still get goose bumps thinkin' about it."_

" _Your face...you were so...thrilled and, maybe...relieved? I don't know, you just looked so..._ _satisfied_ _."_

" _I was...but...I knew then I'd always want more of you." Ed bit her earlobe, kissed her cheek, and smirked when she turned her head and they fell into a deeper kiss. Inside the house they heard Mari's faint cries and knew Justin or Sarah would be downstairs soon to get her bottle. "You know, Liv," he held her head and gazed into her eyes, "I've loved every second of our life together. I don't think I've complained in at least a decade."_

 _Olivia successfully suppressed her laughter even though she was flattered and heartened by the "every second" part of Ed's declaration. Ed complained all the time-teachers gave too much homework, coaches didn't give one of the kids enough playing time, their neighbors didn't replace the common area rooftop furniture after using it, the tourists took up too much of their beach space. However, his complaining almost always grew out of his protective nature. If something or someone stood in the way of his family's happiness, Ed first complained. If Olivia couldn't talk him down or divert his attention, he acted._

" _We have so many more seconds to love," Olivia said, biting her lip because she was about to throw a barb, "But I think your no complaining streak might end right around Maggie's first date."_

" _Not gonna happen."_

" _Complaining?"_

" _No. The date."_

 _More laughter ensued. Olivia's was haughty and sympathetic. Ed's was a bit sheepish. "You know," he said in an airy, whimsical voice, "I really thought I would be the one who brought up a sex memory. After ten years, you still surprise me, Benson."_

" _Yeah?"_

" _Yeah."_

 _Ed grabbed Olivia's head for one more deep kiss before the end of their alone time, but something caught his eye and his head snapped up. "What the hell is that?"_

 _Olivia followed his gaze and saw a large white inflatable unicorn. It had a pink crown and a golden spike on top of its head. "Oh my God that thing is terrifying," she gasped. "Must have blown over here last night."_

" _It looks like it comes alive when no one's watching," Ed joked._

" _Now it's even more terrifying. Thinking about that thing prancing around in the dark."_

" _Well look this way then," Ed guided his face to hers, "Get that prancing unicorn outta your pretty little head." After the kiss he took another look at the unicorn. "Lemme get that thing outta here. I'm gonna have nightmares."_

…

Whenever the twins or Noah got hurt, Olivia's heart broke. She hated seeing their little faces crinkle and redden then, a split second later, hearing their frantic, piercing cries. Nevertheless, she handled scrapes and bumps and even Noah's broken wrist better than shots. Though she wholeheartedly believed in the science, she hated watching the nurse whip out the needle and aim it into her babies' veins. Accidental pain was easier to stomach than the intentional prick to the arm.

Olivia and Ed each held a twin. Maggie and Wyatt babbled away and squirmed a bit until Ed let Wyatt play with his phone. Seeing this, Maggie leaned over and watched as Wyatt navigated around the DUPLO train app. Ed and Olivia laughed while Maggie cheered him on, shouting phrases like "Go, Wy! Tane Wy!" When the nurses arrived, one asked if they wanted to let the twins continue with the game while she administered the vaccines.

"No," Ed answered, "Let's not have 'em associate a fun game with a shot."

Olivia raised her eyebrows. Of the two of them, Ed was the most likely to frown upon distracting the kids with a phone or an iPad or TV, but not only had he given Wyatt the phone but he didn't want any negative connotations connected with it. Ed took the phone from Wyatt, and they held their babies tightly as the nurses assured them the pain would be short-lived.

Maggie yelped and jerked her head back and forth, looking at her parents, wondering how they could have possibly authorized this type of agony. A similar expression crossed Wyatt's face, but it was directed at the attractive nurse who resembled his on-screen mom Marisa. How could _she_ hurt him? He sniffled and whimpered but bit his lip as the sting faded.

Ed kissed the side of his head and intoned "good boy" over and over until Wyatt was sitting up straight again, sufficiently soothed, and asking for the phone.

Maggie's reaction was delayed. The nurses were leaving the room when she let loose a guttural, spine-tingling wail...and then flung herself against Olivia and fell completely silent.

Olivia looked at Ed. Ed studied Maggie's face. She looked like she'd just returned from battle. Her lips rippled as she blew out distressed streams of air.

"Ice cream, sweet girl?" Olivia gently asked.

"YES!" Maggie shot up so quickly Olivia had trouble holding onto her. Once on the ground, Maggie stomped her pink Adidas against the carpet and demanded "Chocit EYEKEEM!"

On the way out of the office, the desk clerk offered the twins lollipops. Wyatt took his and cooed a sweet "tayooo!" Maggie refused the candy and confidently marched toward the door. She had been promised ice cream, and she was going to get it.

…..

 _Five minutes after Noah was strapped into the car seat he was asleep with his lips parted and drool dropping onto the sleeve of his jacket and possibly onto Ed Tucker's back seat. They day at Legoland had sapped the toddler of all his energy. In the front seat his mother swiped through the photographs she'd taken of Noah among the huge bricks, watching in awe as the buildings in Miniland gleamed and airships hovered overhead, attempting to save the captured princess during the Kingdom Quest ride, and constructing his own Lego car which he then tested on an adjacent race track. Since he'd enthusiastically shadowed Noah as he meandered through the exhibits, Ed appeared in many of the pictures. Olivia's favorite was a shot of the two of them side by side, deep in concentration, snapping together pieces of the car._

" _This was such a great idea," Olivia said, "Fun day."_

 _Ed reached over the center console and patted Olivia's thigh, "Glad everyone had a good time," he replied, keeping his hand on her leg._

 _Olivia pretended to look at her phone but she was actually staring at his hand. Intimate gestures like this one were becoming more frequent and, even though she was loving it, the ease with which he put his hand on the small of her back or, in this instance, grabbed her thigh took her by surprise. Ed was careful and respected their plan to take things slowly, but, more and more, Olivia saw flashes of how Ed would fit as a permanent part of their lives. He doted on them both but, lately, he was obviously eager to prove he was suitable and willing to be a father to Noah. At lunch he cut Noah's cheeseburger in half and swapped the regular straw given to him by mistake for a bendable one. All of this could have felt like an intrusion, but Olivia welcomed Ed's help. They were showing the early signs of becoming a team._

" _You had fun, right?" Olivia asked._

 _Ed squeezed her leg, "Yeah, I'd go again next weekend."_

" _Maybe we can find another place to explore," Olivia said._

" _I'll bet we can do that."_

 _There was a hollowness in Ed's tone that bothered Olivia. They'd had a fantastic day, but something was apparently nagging at him. "Of course we can," she covered his hand with hers, "But...what's wrong?"_

 _Ed smirked. It was not the first time and it wouldn't be the last time one of them picked up on the other's uncertainty. He glanced at Noah through the rearview mirror and his heart swelled. Not only was he in love with Olivia, he loved her son like he was his own. "Just wonderin' where you're at with...the three of us. I don't want to overstep, but, it's gettin' hard to keep my distance."_

" _Why do you think you have to keep your distance?"_

 _The question momentarily stymied Ed. His grip on the steering wheel tightened and he turned over his other hand so he could hold Olivia's. "Gut feeling I guess? Or, well, we haven't talked about...Noah...and every step along the way, we've talked about where we're goin."_

" _He loves you," Olivia said, "And he has the benefit of not having to think about it, not having to question it or wonder if he's doing the right thing. Maybe we need to adopt that mentality. If you didn't have to think, if you were operating on instinct only, what would you do?"_

" _I'd be with you and Noah as much as possible."_

 _Olivia clutched his hand and kissed his fingers. "Let's give that a try then," she said._

" _You sure?"_

" _Yes." She looked at Noah, conked out but clutching the car he and Ed made. Her eyes darted around the interior of Ed's SUV-his wallet wedged in one of the cupholders, his phone stowed in the compartment in front of the gear shift-the SUV's black interior was clean and still gave off a hint of new car smell. Just being in Ed's car was comforting. "This feels right," she added. "I don't want to hold back anymore." She kissed his fingers again._

" _Then grab my phone. I made a list of things to do with Noah in my notes."_

 _Olivia grinned. She thought Ed had been joking earlier that week when he said he was researching child-friendly activities available around the city, but she should have known better. When it came to her and Noah and their burgeoning life together, Ed Tucker was completely honest._

… _._

At the prompting of Barba's staffers, Noah checked in periodically during the day. At mid-morning they had already stopped for a rally at a small neighborhood park and distributed half their flyers. At noon, Noah reported they were eating cachapas for lunch and he enthusiastically told Olivia they needed to visit this particular restaurant more often. He assured her he could save the lunch she'd packed for later. Noah explained that they were going back out and, before hanging up, he added a giggly, "Vote for Barba." Clearly, he was having the time of his life.

An hour after the call, the power went out. The overcast day didn't do much to illuminate the Tucker apartment, so Ed and Olivia lit candles and found their flashlights. Initially, Ed speculated the outage would be short-lived, but multiple, contradictory, news alerts flashed on their phones. Con Ed reported a "major failure" with one of its transformers and warned residents they could be without power for several hours. Outside, the dark windows of the buildings glared menacingly over the city. Olivia shuddered.

"You don't think they would have taken the subway, do you?"

"Nah," Ed came over to the window and kissed Olivia's cheek while keeping an eye on the twins. They were mesmerized by the candlelight and the sudden darkness. "Let's give 'em a call."

Noah beat them to the punch. Olivia's phone vibrated on the table and she rushed to answer it.

"Mommy, it's DARK!" Noah said without saying hello. "All da lights went out!"

"I know, sweetie! It's dark here, too! Can I talk to Raf or another adult with you?"

"Yep!"

As Noah made his way to Barba, Olivia heard people barking directions and car horns blaring. They seemed to be debating whether or not to continue. She heard Noah laugh and say "that's a good one." A few seconds later she heard her son gleefully say, "Vote for Barba! He'll get the lights on!" Olivia smiled but hoped Noah wouldn't forget his mother was on the phone and needing to talk to Barba. She breathed a sigh of relief when she heard her friend's voice.

"Hey, Liv," Barba said as if nothing was out of the ordinary.

"Hey, ah, where are you? I'll come and get Noah."

"We'll bring him home," Barba said, "Fewer cars on the road the better."

"Are you sure?"

"Absolutely. We're finishing this block then sending a skeleton crew out to finish the canvass. Who knows if we'll even vote tomorrow...I hear it's bad. But give us, say, a half hour."

"Okay."

Barba heard the reluctance in her voice. "Liv, it's really okay. I know what you're thinking. We have a security detail with us. Everything's under control."

"Alright. Call when you're close."

"Will do."

Olivia turned from the window and saw Ed laying against Noah's beanbag. The twins were curled at his sides watching a show on the iPad. Olivia scratched the top of his head, "May want to save the battery," she said, "In case we need it for later."

"Oh, yeah, good idea. We'll finish this one and call it quits."

"DARK, Mama! Ni'night!" Wyatt grinned at Olivia and reached for her. "Wa'watch?"

"Sure, honey," Olivia grabbed another beanbag and joined them on the rug. "They're bringing Noah back," she told Ed, "I told them to call a few minutes before. It'll take us a few minutes to get down the stairs."

"Didn't think of that," Ed mumbled good-naturedly. "I'll go."

Olivia saw the way the walls reflected the flickering candlelight. She kissed Ed and played with Maggie's hair. Wyatt's head was getting heavier and his fist was in his mouth. "You know," she cooed, "This is inconvenient, but it's kind of cozy."

Ed smirked, "And romantic."

"Has potential to be very romantic," Olivia replied. She moved closer so she could nestle her head on his shoulder against the curve of his neck. "But right now-" she was going to say she wanted her little boy home, but her phone rang. It was Barba telling her they were less than a mile away.

While Ed went downstairs, Olivia took the twins to the kitchen. Normally, she would let them play on their own, but the candles and the toddlers partially unsupervised made her nervous. She sat Maggie and Wyatt on the island and opened the fridge, using her phone's flashlight to illuminate the contents.

"Juice for my sweeties," she said, placing three Capri Sun pouches on the counter and quickly closing the door to preserve the temperature. Maggie and Wyatt grabbed them and tore away the straw. Olivia inserted the straws and took the first sips even though the two-year-olds were adept at handling the containers without squeezing. "Noah and Daddy are on their way up," Olivia said, "And when they get back we'll show you how to make shadow puppets!"

Maggie and Wyatt had no clue what shadow puppets were, but Olivia's voice was cheerful and upbeat and they squealed with delight before sucking down more of the Capri Suns. Olivia smiled, smoothed their hair, and kissed their cheeks. "I love you, cutie pies!"

"Ooooo!"

"Lubbooooo, Mama!"

Olivia carried them to the window and they peered outside. Dusk was falling and rush hour pedestrians scurried up and down the streets and in and out of cabs. From this vantage point, the power outage did nothing to disrupt their lives.

It seemed like it was taking too long for Ed to return with Noah, but they did have to climb twenty-three flights of stairs. Olivia experienced a split-second of panic before remembering that she and Ed had eaten a good, healthy lunch and he'd been making sure to drink plenty of water each day since he'd been rushed to the emergency room. Surely, Ed could handle the steps.

When he and Noah finally arrived, they were winded but all smiles.

"Hi Mommy!" Noah bounded breathlessly down the foyer.

Ed, the backpack and Noah's blazer in his hands, trailed him. He brushed away a layer of perspiration on his brow and kicked off his shoes.

"Hi Noah!" Olivia gave him a huge hug, "I'm _SO_ glad to see you! Was it scary out there with no lights?"

"Not scary," Noah said, "Raf's gonna fix da lights but we jus' stayed all together and were really careful drivin' back 'cause, NO STOPLIGHTS! Why da lights out, Mommy?"

"We don't know for sure, but we saw on the news that there's something broken at the power company so they're trying to fix it now."

"Good thing we got candles!"

"And flashlights!" Ed flipped the switch on their two flashlights and held them under his face. "Should we tell ghost stories?"

"Oooo!" Noah exclaimed, "Scarrrrry ghost stories!"

Olivia kissed the top of Noah's head, "Why don't you change clothes and, before we tell ghost stories, I want to hear all about your day."

"Kay," Noah started skipping back to his bedroom, "Noah stories den ghost stories! Babies, you sit with me! That way you won't be scared!"

Olivia and Ed grinned at Noah then turned to each other. "Do you know any ghost stories?" She asked under her breath.

"Nope," Ed replied with a shrug, "I figured maybe you did."

"I don't."

"Well then, we'll Google," Ed slid his arms around her waist and slapped her back pockets, "Then later, you and me, a drink, some music...if our phones aren't dead yet...we'll have our own little blackout party."

Noah jogged back into the room. "Got my diff'rent clothes on!" He said.

Maggie and Wyatt jumped at their brother's feet as they always did when he got home from school. They were always desperate to play with him. Ed and Olivia moved the candles so they lit the play area and the five of them sat on the floor. Noah simultaneously played with the twins and told his parents about his day on the campaign trail. Throughout the evening they fielded calls from Brooke, Caroline, and Sarah. Everyone offered their homes as a refuge, but Ed and Olivia decided it was best to wait it out in their own apartment. They had food and drinks. The heat wasn't working, but the temperature inside was still comfortable. If the outage lasted into the next day, they assured Caroline they would bunk at her place since she had the most room. For now, they were content and snug in their sweats showing Noah and the twins how to make shadow puppets on the wall.

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	87. Chapter 87

**Eighty-seven**.

Ed uncorked a bottle of port and poured two servings into a small pair of goblets etched with the letter _T_. He used a butane lighter to ignite three previously unused candles, thankful they were unscented. After several hours of paraffin fragrances wafting through the living room, his senses were ready for a break.

"I cannot believe they're all asleep," Olivia said in a low voice as she walked into the room. They constructed a tent for Noah and the twins in Noah's room by tucking one end of a bedsheet between the mattress and box spring and the two other corners wedged in a bureau drawer and under the desktop. The kids added pillows, blankets, a spare down comforter, and the iPad with the most shows downloaded into its memory. They cuddled up around Noah to watch the first movie; but on the second check-in, all three Tucker kids were fast asleep and the iPad was lying flat on Noah's chest.

"Well, Lieutenant," Ed hit his phone's screen and soft, saxophone-heavy, jazz standards began playing. "Believe it. We have some things left to do." He took her hand and slipped one arm around her body, attempting to sway her around their bedroom using proper dancing form. "I really don't know how to do this," he chuckled after they ran into the ottoman.

"I would be open to lessons," Olivia said. Ed not knowing traditional dance steps always took her by surprise. It seemed like a skill he would have not used very often but learned anyway just in case the opportunity presented itself. "But I do love the way we dance."

"Me too." Ed held her head against his shoulder. He closed his eyes and lost himself in the music and the comfort of having the love of his life in his arms. Not only that, he knew Olivia felt happy, safe, and adored. Being the man she chose to help her get to this place of contentment was the highest honor.

After _The Way You Look Tonight_ , Olivia leaned back. The candlelight caught her eyes just right and the brown looked more like a flaming burnt orange. She was alluring and radiant. "I love you, Ed Tucker," she said in a sultry voice.

"I never get tired of hearin' you say that," he replied, "And...I love you, baby. I'm _insanely_ in love with you." An impish smile crossed his face.

"What?" Olivia asked, cocking her head.

"Just thinkin'...it's weird ya know…" his voice fell to a whisper and he spoke into her ear, intentionally letting his lips brush her lobe, "I'm dyin' to make love to you but I'd also love to dance with ya all night long. This ambiance is...perfect," he grinned, "And tomorrow we might be at my Ma's so…"

Olivia gently kissed his lips, "Then let's not waste tonight."

…..

 _Bayard Ellis muttered a litany of frustrations as he and Benson left O'Dwyer's office. He always took on Project Innocence cases with a certain degree of skepticism. There were so many variables that had to fall into place or be corrected before a purportedly innocent man or woman saw a glimmer of hope; nevertheless, the deeper he and Benson dug into the Thompson case, the more he believed, at the very least, Derek deserved a new trial. He and Benson strode out of the building and into the windy late April afternoon. Carisi and Rollins were on their way to talk to Derek's original defense attorney; Benson assured Ellis they would keep him posted and they agreed to meet later that evening after Bayard debriefed with the Thompsons and Reverend Curtis. When Ellis returned to SVU, he nodded at Rollins and coasted into the Sergeant's office._

" _Motion hearing's on the docket for tomorrow morning," he said triumphantly._

" _That was fast."_

 _Ellis shrugged, "Helpful to have people who know people. I'm taking the later train. Drink?"_

" _Sure, I have a little time," Olivia quickly packed her things and swiped her black trench coat from the rack. "Where to?"_

 _Ellis suggested an off-the-beaten path bar near Penn Station. It was an unusual choice, but he was worried about being seen by the wrong people. The appeal had the potential to be explosive, and even though the two of them having a drink didn't breach any ethics protocol, a chance encounter with an unscrupulous journalist or enterprising attorney could be detrimental and used to distract a judge or jury from the facts of the case._

 _After two rounds, Bayard checked his watch, waved the bartender over, and paid their tab. He apologized for the abrupt departure and mumbled something about not having realized that construction had reduced the frequency of his line. If he didn't leave now, he'd have to wait another two hours. "And with the motion hearing first thing," Bayard said, "That'd be bad news."_

" _Thanks for the drinks," Olivia said. She rattled around the ice in her tumbler and downed the final sip. As soon as she put the glass back on the bar, another arrived. Confused, she raised her eyebrows at the bartender._

" _From the gentleman down the way."_

 _Bayard looked across the tops of other patrons' heads. No one looked familiar. "You have an admirer somewhere down there," he murmured in the same breezy tone he often used to question witnesses. "I'll see you tomorrow, Sergeant."_

 _As soon as Bayard turned and started snaking his way out of the bar, Ed Tucker took his seat, smirked at Benson, and muttered, "Thought he'd never leave."_

 _Amused, Olivia grinned and chidingly shook her head. "Following me, Tucker?"_

" _I was here first."_

 _Tucker's tie was loose and hung at a clumsy, lopsided angle. The top two buttons of his collar were undone and his neck was flushed. Olivia wasn't sure if the ruddiness was the result of alcohol or the thrill of bumping into her._

" _Flying solo tonight?" She asked._

" _Draper was here," he replied, "But...he has kids...a wife…"_

" _As does Ellis," Olivia said, implicitly calling out Tucker's envy._

 _He grinned. "Ah, so, not a date then."_

" _Not even close."_

" _Workin' a case together?"_

" _Yes. He's-"_

" _-I know who he is," Ed interrupted. "He's been around."_

" _He didn't recognize you."_

" _I," Tucker paused to take a drink, "Am unremarkable."_

" _Not how I would describe you," Olivia retorted, "But okay."_

 _Ed rested his elbow on the bar and held his glass with the opposite hand. One of his knees bumped hers and, when she didn't recoil or flinch, he kept it there. "How would you describe me, Sergeant?"_

 _A little drunk? Ruggedly handsome? Adorably pathetic with jealousy? So many options flooded Olivia's mind, but she played it safe. "Kind and intuitive...for knowing I needed another drink." She touched her glass to his. "So, thank you."_

 _Suddenly Ed appeared completely sober. The silly, droopy-eyed expression left his face and was supplanted by a stock IAB expression. "Hit a snag in the adoption?"_

 _Olivia smiled. Tucker immediately connecting her apparent stress to her legal status with Noah added to the affection that had been building toward him in the past couple of months. "No thank God," she threw him a bone and touched his hand, "But I appreciate the thought."_

 _Ed shrugged, a little unsure what to do with the compliment._

 _Olivia gave him a brief run-down of the case. "Bayard's convinced...I'm trying to be convinced, but I can't get there. Not yet. And I can't help but second-guess myself. Everyone but the new guy thinks this is a waste of time. Or, at least, not worth pursuing."_

" _That's the good part about bein' the boss," Ed replied, "_ _Everyone_ _doesn't get to decide what's a waste of time and what's not. You do."_

" _And if I'm wrong?"_

" _Then you're wrong. But nobly so."_

 _The compliment rendered her nervous and she mumbled while staring into her glass, "Thanks Tucker."_

" _Anytime." He took another swig, trying to consume the drink quickly so she'd stay for one more, "But, uh, adoption goin' okay?"_

" _It's on the right track," Olivia said, "Almost there."_

" _That's real good news. I'd congratulate ya, but...maybe we'll save that for another time?"_

" _Sure…"_

" _I can tell you're not one for premature celebrations."_

 _Laughing softly, Olivia rolled her glass between her palms. It wasn't surprising that Tucker knew her so well; the surprising part was that she didn't mind him analyzing her like this. Oddly enough, it was comforting and flattering. And this comment in particular opened the door for another meeting, which she wanted._

" _This time, a month from now, it'll all be over," she said. "You can set a reminder."_

 _Ed winked at her and signaled for another round._

" _Don't need one."_

… _.._

The candles were mere pools of melted wax and the flames grew larger and lapped at the glass canisters. Ed and Olivia were still slowly moving in circles around the room. "You remember the '77 blackout?" He asked.

"Vaguely," Olivia replied. "I was with a babysitter...my mom was away at a conference, which was just as well because it would've been a hell of an excuse to go on a bender."

Ed used to apologize when a question resulted in Olivia unearthing memories of her mother, but he no longer felt guilty. Working through tough parts of their lives together was something they both had come to value and appreciate and Ed loved that he could function as both her lover and her confidante. Their feet were no longer moving. For several minutes, the room was still and the two of them stood in front of the window, torsos glued together. Ed didn't have to say anything. The lifetime reserves of stress, compliments of Serena Benson, bubbled up but subsided gradually.

"What'd your Mom do with the four of you and your Dad?"

"I actually think she may have gone on a bender," Ed quipped. Olivia shook with laughter against his body, "I remember it bein' fun at first, like there were no rules, but then it got bad...too tense."

"Too tense for Captain Tucker?"

"I was Eddie then."

The comment was so adorable, Olivia had to kiss him. She lingered on his lips and stared into his eyes. "I would have liked to see you as Eddie," she said. "But I don't know that we would've been friends."

"You're the prettiest girl in Manhattan. We woulda been friends."

Olivia melted into his arms. Their kiss progressed from sweet and passionate to torrid and desperate. They fell onto the mattress in a heap, frantically trying to keep every body part touching. The emotions were almost too heavy to bear. They didn't know whether to smile or cry. They were beautiful together, but there was some underlying terror, for Ed and Olivia knew neither one of them could ever be replaced. The lovemaking, the inside jokes, the little stolen stares, the subtle nudges...the trust, especially the trust-the equation worked only when they were the variables. Lately, with Ed's health scare, Olivia wrestling with retirement, the catastrophic undertones of the blackout, and the constant, worst-case scenarios presented by politicians seeking office, their world had clouded a bit. But as they made love in the near-total darkness, they rediscovered some of the extraordinary pleasure of their early days together.

His back nestled among their many pillows, Ed toyed with Olivia's hair and stared at the candles, the wicks struggling with their purpose after having melted all the wax.

Olivia basked in the satisfaction of lying against him and her body rose and fell with the rhythm of his breathing. "Do you ever wish your mom talked about your brother?"

"Yeah, sometimes," Ed replied. He shifted and fidgeted but kept talking, "It's always been weird, ya know, she runs her mouth off at everything, but my Dad and Jack? I dunno, she's always, well, almost like the burial shut the door on everything."

"It must have been terrible for her to lose a child...so young."

"I can't imagine." Ed swallowed, "But you know what's weird? That picture Noah has by his bed? I think that's really Jack, not me. My mom took all the pictures Jack was in and put them away. Somewhere. It was too hard for her to have 'em out. But I think she missed that one. And Noah chose it."

"Oh...wow…"

"I'll tell him about Jack when he's older. Or maybe not."

"Poor kid," Olivia said, "Or, maybe, poor us."

"Just gotta remember there's a difference between _need_ to know and _should_ know."

"Right."

"I-"

Olivia's thought was interrupted by the sudden restoration of power. She and Ed squinted at the instantaneous flash of light. A chorus of appliance beeps rang out. Three pairs of feet came running.

"Shit." Ed muttered. He jumped out of bed and pulled on a pair of boxers. Olivia rushed to the bathroom.

"DADDY! DA LIGHTS ARE ON!"

"DA! BIGH' LIGHT!"

"BIGHLIGH!"

Noah made a dash for the candles and blew them out. Ed tossed Maggie and Wyatt onto the bed. Noah joined and they jumped around. "Itsa bright light party!" He shouted, "Barba turned da lights on! We gotta go tell everrone!"

"They know, bud."

"Bar-ba! Bar-ba!"

"BABABABA!"

"JUMP JUMP JUMP!"

Olivia walked into the room dressed in sweatpants and Ed's oldest hoodie-gray with faded Yankees lettering. Ed eyed her approvingly. Her hair was pinned back in a clip and a few strands fell across her face, almost parallel to her jawline. Makeup free, when he kissed her, he saw every freckle on her skin.

"Guess we're not gettin' much sleep tonight," he droned into her ear.

Olivia touched her face to his and watched the kids bounce around in their pajamas. The twins copied whatever Noah chanted. Occasionally they would fall into a breathless heap. "I'm okay with that," she whispered.

She and Ed hovered around the bed so they could catch the kids if one of them bounded precariously close to the edges. Their stamina lasted longer than expected, and it was after three a.m. when they were tucked back into their temporary beds under the tent.

….

 _The backyard came alive by mid-morning. After breakfast, the kids organized a wiffle ball game. They had an odd number of eligible players, so Noah created an individual scoring system. Each batter got a point for a hit and was "out" if he or she missed the ball or a fielder caught a pop-up or line drive. No one had come to claim the unicorn, so Maggie made it all-time catcher and propped it up between home plate and an adirondack chair._

 _On the porch, all adults except for Sarah watched the game and passed Mari around. After making an initial appearance and trying to drink a cup of coffee, Sarah announced she wasn't feeling well, apologized, and went back to bed. Justin joked about her not bouncing back from drinking as well as she used to, but it was apparent he was worried. Sarah painted a rosy picture of Anthony's and Mari's progress; nevertheless, the stress of motherhood seemed to be taking its toll._

 _Wyatt was the only kid batting left-handed, so his hits flirted with the dunes and sea grass that separated the Tucker's property from the beach. Eventually, he walloped an arcing shot into the dunes. Maggie chased after it but froze after a few steps. Olivia leapt to her feet, worried the sudden cessation of movement meant something had bitten or was threatening Maggie. Slowly, Maggie turned around and, very quietly, spoke to her brothers._

 _Ed went down to see what was going on._

" _There's a turtle!" Maggie said in a hushed, delighted voice. "A big turtle!"_

 _Ed crouched and peered through the long blades of grass. Sure enough, there was a large, yellowish-brown creature with a shell that looked like it had been scorched by a flame. It lifted its sharp beak and turned its oval eyes toward the group. They all huddled around Ed, clinging to his neck and arms for extra security. "It's okay," he assured them, "Stay here. I'll get the ball." The turtle didn't move as Ed skirted it and grabbed the ball. He tossed it back to Noah and sized up the reptile before trudging out of the grass._

" _I'll bat the other way," Wyatt said as the game resumed. He set up at home plate batting right-handed. Ed grinned and lovingly mussed Wyatt's hair on his way back to the porch. His youngest son seemed to be put on Earth to make everyone's life easier._

" _I didn't know turtles came this far north," Brooke said after Ed told them about the creature._

" _Global warming," Sonny said. "Pretty soon they'll be nesting on Long Island."_

" _What was it doing?" Olivia asked._

 _Ed shrugged. "Stared at us. Didn't move. Maybe I should call DNR to let 'em know. The thing could've been injured for all I know."_

 _It was getting hot and Olivia got up and turned on the ceiling fan. "Anyone want anything? It's about time for me to get out to the beach."_

 _Somehow, Maggie heard her and called, "I'm drivin' the jet ski first!"_

" _I'll help you get everything together," Brooke said. Even though they had the outdoor kitchen and refrigerator, they always took a cooler of snacks and drinks to the beach. She followed Olivia inside and opened the refrigerator._

" _Toss me a can of ginger ale," Olivia said, "I'm going to check on Sarah real quick." Olivia took the drink upstairs and tiptoed toward Sarah's room. The door was slightly ajar, but Olivia knocked anyway. She expected to see Sarah in bed, but she was sitting on the window seat hugging her knees. "Hey sweetheart."_

 _Sarah sniffled and wiped her eyes. "Hey."_

" _What's wrong?" Olivia dropped the soda on the nightstand sat next to Sarah._

 _Sarah painstakingly tore her eyes away from the window and faced Olivia. It was difficult to tell if her tears and the expression on her face were the result of sadness, fear, or both._

" _Honey, what is it?" Olivia prompted in her softest voice._

 _After a deep breath, another glance out of the window, and some fidgeting, Sarah finally answered._

" _I'm pregnant."_

… _.._

Election Day was a school holiday, so it wasn't a big deal that Noah had interrupted rest. Even though he and the twins stayed up late and had an hour-long, early morning interlude, they didn't sleep very late. By seven a.m., the twins were noisily playing in the living room and Noah, wearing his Vote for Barba t-shirt, was begging to get out of the house and see what was going on outside on "Lection Day."

"You're gonna come with Mommy and me when we vote, bud," Ed assured him, "Just give us a little bit."

While the kids at breakfast, he and Olivia inspected the contents of the refrigerator and freezer. Finding partially thawed meat, bags of frozen vegetables, and boxes of waffles, they decided it was best if they threw everything away. The only items surviving the blackout aftermath purge were bottles of ketchup and mustard, juice boxes, and soda.

"We can vote and hit Costco," Olivia remarked.

Hearing this, Maggie ran to the foyer and rolled her miniature shopping cart into the room. "Sop, WY! SOP!" She and Wyatt busied themselves by tossing every item light enough for them to pick up into the cart. In went the coasters, candles, books, magazines, and pictures frames within their reach.

Noah grinned at his siblings, but more serious matters were on his mind, "Mommy, when you vote, you gonna vote for Barba?"

"I would, honey," Olivia said, "But, the city is divided into districts so each person who gets elected has a little area they're in charge of. And Barba's district is north of us." She went to the credenza and pulled out the Subway map Sarah had given him. She traced imaginary lines over the city, "See? It's divided up into smaller parts so the politicians only have to worry about a few neighborhoods and not the whole city."

Noah twisted his lips for a minute and a smile slowly supplanted his confused expression. "Like da teachers have classes 'cause it'd be hard to teach _all_ da kids in one big room!"

"Very good comparison."

Olivia kissed the top of his head and sidestepped Maggie who was barrelling across the room with the cart. She rammed a table leg and doubled over with laughter as Wyatt erupted into a chorus of "Uh-ohs."

"Pay, Dada! PAY!"

Ed thought she was saying " _play_ " and he assured her he'd be over there in a minute to join in the fun. But that wasn't what Maggie meant. She ran to the bedroom and returned seconds later with Ed's wallet. She dropped it into the cart and continued making her way around the room with Wyatt on her heels.

"That's a really bad sign," Olivia joked.

Ed stared at the ceiling, pretending to painstakingly rifle through his memories. "Let's see," he intoned, "What age...did Sarah and Brooke start reaching for that wallet…" he twisted his lips and nodded, "Yep, Maggie May, you are precocious in every sense of the word."

"What's p'coshus?" Noah asked.

"It means a person is very smart even though they're very young. Like, how you've been campaigning? That's precocious. Not many first graders know about elections."

"And small sister's p'coschus 'cause she knows there's a lotta money in Daddy's wallet!" Noah threw his head back and erupted in laughter and sighed, " _Oh Maggs…_ "

In the time Noah discussed vocabulary with his parents, Maggie and Wyatt abandoned the shopping cart and ran after each other in one of their classic games of chase. They circled the table, the sofa, and trotted up and down the foyer. "Hide!" Wyatt shouted, "Hide!" He and Maggie disappeared into their bedroom and crawled under Maggie's crib, surrounding themselves with stuffed animals.

"I'm gonna go find 'em," Noah said, "But I'mma pretend I can't first!"

"You're a good big brother, bud," Ed said.

Noah grinned. "Maybe when they're three they gonna hide a little better!"

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	88. Chapter 88

**Eighty-eight**. ( _Sorry it's been so long since the last update!_ _New job is taking up 99.9% of my time!)_

Sporting cinnamon and sugar moustaches, Noah and Mia chattered away incessantly between bites of doughnuts. Mia boasted that her mother's horses were much faster and stronger than the ponies they'd ridden earlier that day, but she admitted today's animals were very nice and friendly. At one point, through giggles, she said she wanted to take one home to the city. They meandered into the pumpkin patch and assessed the offerings. Mia took her time, circled each one, and crouched to see if they were black underneath.

"We don't want _DEAD_ pumpkins!" She exclaimed in her congested-sounding, little kid voice. Noah nodded and dutifully followed her lead.

The twins delighted in stomping the straw beneath their feet. They grew adept at finding dry pieces that hadn't been matted down by the Saturday foot traffic. "Cunch!" they'd shout after each step or jump. "Cunch!" Every few minutes they looked back at their parents and flashed proud smiles. Ed and Olivia grinned back. The twins growing up conjured mixed feelings, but it was fun to see them actively participate in outings like this one.

"Daddy?" Noah asked, "Why they still have pumpkins and it's already been Halloween?"

"Because pumpkins are part of fall," Ed replied, "People still like to have 'em for November"

"Oh, yeah, like Gramma has one on her table!"

"Gramma has a _PUNKIN_ on her table?" Mia asked incredulously.

"Jus' a little one," Noah said, "Itsa corn-cup-a."

"A _corncuppa_?"

"Yep! Has corn and some other stuff and two really little pumpkins," Noah cupped both hands to show Mia their size. "Like dis."

People on a hayride passed by, and before Noah and Mia could ask, Olivia assured them they would go a little later. They continued their walk through the patch, selected two pumpkins even though they hadn't planned on buying any, and headed over to the bouncy slide for the second time that day. It was the final weekend of the farm's fall festival season and the premises was packed with families squeezing in one last visit on the perfect autumn afternoon. The sunny skies and low-sixties temperatures were a welcome respite from the cold, rainy October and the short-lived but unsettling partial blackout of the week before.

Instead of crawling up an unsteady rope ladder, kids used inflatable steps to reach the top of the slide, so Ed and Olivia were perfectly comfortable with letting Noah and Mia escort the twins to the top. They both snapped photos of the foursome in various stages of descent and laughed at their facial expressions in the images.

"They didn't have the slide here when we brought Noah way back a few years ago," Ed remarked.

"No, but, we didn't come to this farm," Olivia replied.

"Yes we did."

"Ed," she grinned, "No, we didn't. We went to one in New Jersey."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." She grabbed a handful of his jacket and kissed his cheek.

"If you say so," he said. "I do remember Noah bein' really little though. We would've had to go down the slide with him."

"You would've gone."

"Hell yeah I would have." He gazed at her, eyes oozing with sincerity, "I wanted to be invited back."

"And look," Olivia waved her arm around in a sweeping motion, "You're _way_ more than invited back, Captain."

"Yeah," he said with a smirk, "Not bad for a guy who woulda been happy with a regular date once a week."

Olivia elbowed his side, "Liar."

Ed slung his arm around Olivia's shoulders, kissed her, and kept her close. "I think if I woulda told you I wanted to marry you and have more kids that woulda been a little much for that point in our relationship."

Laughing, Olivia conceded his point. "I would have thought you were insane," she said, "But...I think it all worked out pretty well."

"Sure did."

A few minutes later, Ed whistled and waved over the kids. Their jeans were streaked with dirt and their hands were grubby. Maggie and Wyatt babbled along with Mia and Noah about their races down the slide. When Olivia asked if they were ready to head home, the question was met with a resounding no.

"We gotta go target shootin!" Mia said.

"Oh, yes, can't forget that," said Olivia of the apple cannon range where guests shot overripe apples through rudimentary cannons at a series of targets.

"You guys can do this one with us!" Noah said graciously, feeling guilty about the younger set having all the fun on the slides while the parents stood at the bottom with nothing to do but watch and talk.

Ed stretched his arms and rolled his neck in slow circles, "I'm gonna win this one," he stated confidently. "Care to make a bet?" He asked Olivia.

Noah overheard the question and responded. "Whoever wins...is the BOSS!"

Maggie and Wyatt, remembering their favorite movie, enthusiastically echoed him.

Knowing their wagers never resulted in someone actually _losing_ , Olivia agreed. "I win, I'm the boss for the night. You win, you're the boss," she whispered to her husband, delighting in seeing his cheeks get red.

In an equally hushed voice, he replied, "Fine with me."

"LESSGO!"

"Le'go le'go!"

Olivia swatted at Ed's back pockets and winked.

"Let's go."

….

 _In the throes of crisis, Sarah seemed smaller, childlike, and insecure. She hugged her knees and wrung her hands. Earlier she'd been crying, sobbing really, but now she was silent and stared out of the window, letting the tears stream down her face. Olivia patiently waited and watched Sarah's chest heave and her chin tremble. Always one to welcome a hug, Sarah didn't seem eager for any affection, so Olivia kept her distance and leaned against the wall careful not to so much as touch Sarah's toes._

" _What am I going to do, Livvie?" Sarah asked in a weak voice._

 _Wishing the question was rhetorical, Olivia took a few seconds to formulate a response. "Tell me what you're thinking."_

" _I'm thinking…" Sarah struggled for words at first. She bit and twisted her lower lip, sighed, and still refused to look at Olivia, "I'm thinking...fuck the doctors and I'm thinking I'm, we, are already barely keeping up with two kids and now...a baby? And now that I've said that I feel awful, guilty, because," she glanced down at her stomach and her voice softened, "A baby…"_

 _Daring to reach for Sarah's hands, Olivia echoed, "A baby."_

" _What if, Livvie, I've been drinking," Sarah finally made desperate eye contact, "What if…"_

" _The risk so early on," Olivia said, "Is low. You can't be that far along?"_

" _I don't think so."_

 _Olivia couldn't take it anymore. She collected Sarah into her arms and held her like she'd held her younger children when they were upset. "It's okay," she said over and over while gently rocking back and forth, "Everything will be okay."_

 _The sound of the kids bounding up the stairs, presumably to change into beach gear, made Sarah sit up with a jolt and slap at her eyes. "I...I don't know...I can't do this right now."_

" _-Everyone thinks you're sick."_

" _You mean hungover."_

" _Yeah," Olivia reluctantly admitted._

" _Livvie, I...I'm sorry but...I think I...want to be alone," Sarah pronounced each word apologetically, "I...can we pretend I'm hungover...for today?"_

 _Olivia kissed her forehead, "Okay. Our secret. But...the longer you keep it inside, the tougher it gets. Keep that in mind?"_

" _I will."_

…

Ed held himself push-up style over Olivia, smirked, and asked where he should start. When Olivia gave him a funny look he reminded her that she'd won the apple cannon target shoot and she had earned the right to be the boss. He refused to move without direction.

"Kiss me," she said.

Ed gave her a peck on the lips. "That all?"

"One more," Olivia held his head in place. They kissed but she managed to whisper, "Come closer." Ed let himself fall on top of her and she sighed into his mouth before tilting her head to one side and touching her neck. "Here," she instructed.

"Like this?" Ed gently sucked her skin and looked up for approval.

" _Yesss_."

"Stay here?"

"Lower," she commanded. Olivia moaned as Ed buried his face in her chest. His body was hot and firm, and the way he always took foreplay so seriously never failed to thrill her. "Keep going," she said.

Ed grinned and trailed kisses down her body. He looked up again.

" _Lower_ ," Olivia implored. "But...go slow."

"Yes ma'am." Ed followed the same pattern on each leg. He ran his fingertips up and down, from knee to thigh, before tracing the same path with his tongue. By the time he blew cool air between her legs, she was already starting to squirm and resisted the urge to scream. It never failed. Before Ed took her to the point where she could no longer form coherent thoughts, she couldn't help but be amazed at how unbelievably euphoric Ed could make her feel and how selfless he was in loving her. Right after she came, as he kissed his way back up her body, she chuckled, thinking about how inaccurate Ed had been that afternoon at the apple cannon. Seconds after making the bet, he'd probably started anticipating this moment-watching her utterly sated and satisfied. It had been his plan all along.

…

" _Darts?"_

 _Ed sensed Olivia needed a diversion from police talk and other serious matters, so he jerked his head toward the well-worn dart board bolted to the wall in a back corner of the narrow bar. She grinned, nodded, and followed him, drink in hand, along the threadbare carpeting. Ed wrote their names on the slate with one of the broken chalk nubs. Olivia's heart skipped a beat when she saw Ed scrawl her letters and wondered what it would be like to receive a handwritten card or note from him._

 _He handed Olivia the darts and asked, "Know how to play?"_

 _Olivia rolled her eyes and clicked her tongue. She snatched the darts and toed the frayed piece of duct tape demarcating the throwing boundaries. Squinting one eye, she aimed and fired._

" _Guess that answers that," Ed mumbled as her first throw landed close to the bullseye._

 _Olivia smiled triumphantly and completed her turn. She made the appropriate hash marks with the chalk and turned to watch Ed. His light blue oxford pulled a little from his jeans, and, once again, Olivia found herself the captive of a quick but vivid daydream. What would it be like to untuck that shirt? To feel the skin underneath?_

 _Ed was no slouch and he had a better round than Olivia, closing out his 17s in one turn. He shot her a triumphant smirk and tried not to gloat._

 _Olivia raised her eyebrows approvingly, "Okay...I see...this won't be an easy victory…"_

" _Care to make it interesting?"_

 _Ignoring her nerves, Olivia replied, "How interesting?"_

" _Loser has to tell the winner somethin' the winner doesn't already know. Somethin," Ed hesitated for a moment and placed the darts in her hand, "Somethin...personal." Had it not been for the drinks, he would have never had the guts to make the proposition. Part of him was terrified Olivia would throw the darts to the side and bolt._

 _To his surprise, she marched to the line for her second turn and said, "Deal."_

 _The game was close and Ed and Olivia gradually dared to move within close proximity to one another. They bumped elbows when switching places and held on too long when transferring the darts. Ed's fast, precise start did not last the entire game. Either by design or because of the bourbon, he faltered and Olivia ended up victorious. They were alone in the back of the bar and they huddled over a small round table and their half-consumed drinks._

" _You don't have to...tell me anything," Olivia mumbled._

" _Bet's a bet," Ed replied, "And I'm a man of my word."_

" _Is that the personal revelation?" Olivia teased._

" _No," Ed's smirk faded slightly, "But...okay, at the risk of depressin' ya, well, I have a brother, well, had a brother. Jack. He was killed in an accident. Car came up on the curb while we were walking home one night. Drunk guy."_

" _Oh my God," Olivia gasped._

" _Yeah…"_

" _How old?"_

" _Eight."_

" _That's…" Olivia pressed her eyes closed, "That's horrible. Your poor mother...and you!" She stared at him with wide eyes, "You saw it all?"_

" _Whole thing."_

" _Ed," Olivia grabbed his hands and squeezed his fingers, "I'm...I'm so sorry it's, God, I can't imagine...all the way around...tragic."_

 _Ed forced a self-deprecating chuckle, "I, uh, maybe I went overboard with that personal detail," he said._

" _Maybe a little," Olivia replied. She was still holding his hands, "But I understand why you wanted to tell me."_

 _Ed smiled shyly. It wouldn't be the first time his motives were detected by the Lieutenant._

" _If…" Olivia took a deep breath and looked around to buy a few extra seconds, "Wait. No. Not if." She leaned in for a kiss and it boosted her confidence. "This is what people do, right? They talk and drink and get to know each other and like each other and reveal secrets...even if they're painful."_

" _Yeah," Ed replied, "I think that's how it goes."_

" _Does it...does the accident...still haunt you?"_

" _Sometimes. I dunno...my whole family...after the funeral, we, uh, we kinda never talked about it. Maybe outta respect for my mom? But, I always felt bad about that."_

 _They locked eyes and didn't speak for a long time. At least for one or maybe two of the classic rock songs playing from the decades-old jukebox. Exchanging words wasn't necessary. They'd found more common ground. Ed trusted her with a deep, tragic detail from his life that he'd tried his best to keep buried in the past. While he intended the admission to help her understand him, the result actually happened. Ed Tucker revealed he had an idea of what it was like to be her._

" _C'mon," Ed said after they'd finished their drinks, "I'll walk you home."_

 _Olivia smiled. Ed turned to return the darts, but Olivia tugged on his wrist. She kissed him on the lips and whispered, "Thank you for telling me."_

" _Thought you should know."_

…..

As soon as Noah walked into Barba's victory party, one of the staffers waved and ran over. The man fist-bumped with Noah and introduced himself to Ed and Olivia before crouching and greeting Maggie and Wyatt. The twins, a bit bewildered by the already-raucous atmosphere, clung to their parents' legs. Olivia picked up Wyatt, kissed his cheek, and straightened his navy bow tie. Everyone was in formal wear tonight, and they were fashionably late because Olivia made everyone participate in her amateur photo shoot before they left home.

Shortly after they found their table, Barba came over and took a seat. His own bow tie was already loose and his face was flushed with excitement and pride. He spoke quickly and loudly and drank from a tumbler full of scotch.

"Couldn't have done any of it without you Noah," Barba gushed, "You coming up with the phrase that I'll turn the lights on was genius."

"He came up with that?" Olivia asked.

"Yep," Barba replied, "He asked me if I could turn them back on and everyone's eyes got wide. They knew we had a winning tagline. Heck of a job, young man."

Noah beamed.

"I owe you one," Barba continued, "When you run for office, I'll be your campaign manager."

Noah shook his head, "I haveta fix da subway when I grow up," Noah said, "Cause sometimes it rains in there and da trains are late, so I haveta fix it!"

"You can do that, too," Barba said, "You'll see. So," he took another drink and slapped his knees, "What do I have to do to get Olivie Benson, _er_ , Olivia Tucker on my team?"

Olivia glanced at Ed and laughed nervously, "I don't think that's gonna happen," she said, "I think I have more to do now than I did when I was with the squad." Of course, this was obviously not true, but with the Benson Center and the commitment to the show, she had more to do than the typical retiree.

Ed did his best to seem unbothered by Barba's question. He kept one eye on Maggie who was slowly drifting toward the dance floor. Her sippy cup dangled from one hand and she bobbed her head to the salsa music. Olivia dressed her in a frock with a solid navy top that gave way to a frilly, flared bottom printed with tiny white flowers. On her feet were navy mary janes and a section of her brown hair was held in place by a white, star-shaped barrette. Deciding it was best if he left Olivia and Barba alone for a few minutes, Ed got up and held out his hands.

"Wanna dance, baby girl?" he asked. He grabbed the sippy cup and tossed it into their bag. Maggie took his hand and Ed twirled her onto the dance floor.

Seeing this, Noah took Wyatt's hand, "C'mon! Let's go dance! Mommy? You gonna dance?"

"In a few minutes, honey. Let me finish talking to Raf."

"Okay!"

She turned around and faced Barba, "You're not serious, are you? What would you need me on your staff for?"

"What would I not need you for? You understand people, Liv. You have _ideas_ , you see the big picture, and I'm in a position to have some influence now, to be on the proactive side rather than the reactive one. Can you imagine the possibilities?"

Never one to trust the political system, Olivia doubtfully furrowed her brow. "I'm so happy for you," she said softly, "I really am. And I love seeing you so excited and optimistic and rejuvenated. But what you're talking about, it's not right for me. I can't be pulled in another direction."

"Ah, don't tell me that," Barba said, "You told me yourself the work on the show wasn't consistent and you make your own hours at the Center. Hell, you could work out of the Center office if you wanted-"

"-It's almost a hundred blocks from your district."

"You'll have an office in my building too."

Olivia took a drink of wine and sat back in her chair. Barba was still sitting on the edge of his, looking intense and like he was preparing for battle. She knew he wasn't going to take no for an answer, at least not now and she was in a hurry to join her family on the dance floor. Maggie and Wyatt were shrieking with joy, and she wanted in on the fun.

"Let me sleep on it," Olivia said. "I can't think about the heavy stuff tonight."

"You're right," Barba replied, "My fault. You came here to have fun, not to attend a job interview."

"Oh, you made it sound like it was a lock."

"Oh it is," Barba said, "But, you know me, always one to avoid any semblance of impropriety."

Olivia stood and patted his shoulder. "You're going to be great, Rafael," she said, "The Assembly and your constituents are lucky to have you."

"And you," he added with a wry grin.

Olivia rolled her eyes and spun on her heel The sequins sewn into her crimson sheath dress caught the light and caused him to blink. When Barba opened his eyes she was already in Ed's arms.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	89. Chapter 89

**Eighty-nine.**

The Tucker kids wanted for nothing. Their closets and bureaus were stuffed with clothes. Their beds were always made with fresh sheets and blankets and the kitchen was stocked with everyone's favorite drinks and snacks. Ed and Olivia wanted Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt to grow up feeling comfortable, secure, and well cared for. They believed it was possible to give the children this type of life without it resulting in a sense of entitlement or snobbery. However, even the doting parents had to admit the quantity of toys in both their homes bordered on the obscene. The three young Tuckers owned every type of toy imaginable at their disposal, yet, on a blustery afternoon the weekend before Thanksgiving, the trio occupied themselves with a bag of small plastic turkeys and an orange Home Depot paint bucket.

The twins stood on the couch, facing backward, looking down at Noah who was on the floor holding the bucket in place. On his command, Maggie and Wyatt threw the turkeys into the goal. The fake birds hit the plastic with a loud pop. When the twins were out of ammo, Noah counted the number of successful throws.

"Ten!" He announced after one of the rounds. "Good job! Now...let's try ta get 'leven!" He gathered the turkeys in the bag and dropped it between his siblings. Before he could get set, Maggie wound up and hurled a turkey across the room.

Muttering a nonchalant, "ope," Ed sidestepped the object and wandered over to the island. He nuzzled Olivia's neck and glanced at her reading material-Barba's plan for his first hundred days in office. "Whaddya think?" He asked.

"I hate to say it," Olivia replied, "But it sounds like the same old politicians' drivel. Faster trains, lower crime, better schools, more attuned to the people's voices…"

"They're all the same," Ed grumbled good-naturedly. His chest was still flush with her back and he kissed her cheek. "Barba's no different."

Olivia detected a hint of venom in the last comment and turned around, squinting at her husband, "I think he is. Aren't the messages always the same? That people should have a better life? The difference," she pointed out, "Are the methods. Which is what he hasn't quite ironed out yet."

Not wanting to start an argument, Ed grinned and said, "He's a smart man to ask you to help with that part."

While Olivia ran some of her ideas past Ed, Noah and the twins started what was probably their tenth round of turkeys-in-a-bucket. Wyatt and Maggie became more rowdy and started throwing the turkeys with more force. Noah backed up and tilted the bucket, but, one of Maggie's throws pelted him between the eyes. Stunned, he stumbled backwards, landed on his bottom and started crying.

" _Owwwwwww_!" He wailed.

Olivia jogged over and peeled Noah's fingers away from the wound.

"Maggs hit me," he whimpered.

"Sweetie," Olivia cradled him and kissed the top of his head, "It's okay, baby."

Ed crouched to inspect the wound. A small pink welt was forming above the bridge of his nose, but there was no blood. He guessed Noah's tears were more a result of shock rather than pain. Over on the sofa, the twins looked on quietly, their blue eyes filled with concern. Ed went over and helped them to the floor. They ran to their brother.

"Hur No?" Wyatt asked, peering at Noah's head.

"Maggs hit me with the turkey," Noah weakly mumbled.

"I don't think she meant it bud," Ed said, ruffling Maggie's hair. "Give Noah a kiss, Maggs."

Maggie puckered her lips and kissed Noah's cheek. He smiled. "Thanks, Maggs."

"Ah better?" Maggie kissed him again, this time punctuating it with a "MWAH!"

Noah giggled, "Small sister, you still blowin' bubbles!"

Relieved Noah was okay, Wyatt crawled into Olivia's lap and carved out a space for himself. He touched Noah's head with an index finger and whispered, "Owie."

"S'okay, Wyatt," Noah said, "Doesn't hurt anymore." Suddenly, Noah's eyes grew wide, "Mommy! I'm gonna have a bruise on my birthday!"

"I bet it will be almost gone in three days, sweet boy," Olivia assured him, "C'mon, let's put some ice on it."

The Tuckers retreated to the couch to watch a movie. Noah ate popcorn with one hand and held a small ice pack to his head with the other. After a few minutes, he got tired of his vision being obstructed and handed the ice to Olivia. "Doesn't hurt," Noah said.

"And it's only a little pink," Olivia said, "I don't think you'll have a bruise."

"Small sister sure can throw those turkeys!"

"She sure can."

"Hope she doesn't throw da Thanksgiving turkey!" Noah joked.

Ed and Olivia exchanged smiles. "We'll make sure she doesn't bud," Ed said.

"Gramma would prolly laugh though," Noah said, "She doesn't even like turkey!"

"Still, we can't have a food fight at Thanksgiving," Olivia said.

Noah burst into laughter as he imagined his family peppering one another with their Thanksgiving meal. After a pause to catch his breath, he thoughtfully cocked his head. "I think maybe it'd be fun to have a food fight. Da mashed p'tatoes would go SPLAT on da walls!"

"Who'd clean all that up?" Olivia asked.

"Daddy," Noah replied matter-of-factly. "And prolly Justy."

Ed was in the chair holding Wyatt in his lap, "You gonna help me clean, pal?" He asked the toddler.

Wyatt scrunched up his nose and pointed down the foyer to the closet where the mops and other cleaning supplies were stored, "DAH Keen!"

Olivia laughed and winked at Ed. "Daddy cleans," she murmured, "Quite the rep you have, Captain."

Ed smirked and his eyes sparkled. They were so far away from the days when his reputation was one that induced ridicule and scorn. Rarely did he let a day pass without being immensely grateful for this life of theirs. The kids quickly became reabsorbed in the movie and he puckered his lips, sending a kiss to Olivia through the air.

…

 _Hearing the kids come home from school was one of Olivia's favorite times of day. It seemed they all burst through the door at the same time, in mid-conversation, often, the conversations were friendly yet passionate debates, some serious, some trivial. After the thuds and rustles of shoes being kicked off and jackets being hung on the rack, the twin twelve-year-olds and sixteen-year-old Noah headed straight for the kitchen and hunted for their favorite after-school snacks and beverages._

 _Olivia knew other parents had trouble getting their kids to talk, but she'd never experienced any reticence from her brood. Maggie gleefully gave up an abundance of information. Noah did too, although his daily reports were more precise and organized than his sister's. Wyatt, as he had been since infancy, was the quietest, yet when he was able to get a word in, he usually peppered in funny, keenly observed anecdotes. However, on this day, Wyatt didn't have much to say. His shoulders slumped, and before he wandered off to change out of his school clothes, Olivia pulled him aside._

" _What happened?" She asked._

 _Wyatt shrugged. "Nothing."_

 _Maggie breezed back into the room as if she'd never left and answered for her brother, "Wyatt got kicked outta the lunch table," she said contemptuously._

 _Olivia studied Wyatt's face. He clenched his jaw and shot Maggie a glare, but he also appeared relieved she'd confessed for him. She waited for Wyatt to fill in the rest of the story. When he remained silent, Olivia told Maggie to go to her room. Reluctantly, she obliged._

" _What happened, honey?" Olivia asked again._

" _Nothing," he repeated, "It's, well, some other kids were at my regular table today and I was finishing this book, and everyone was talking about the Jets-Giants game and I was just about to say that we were going and we'd been on the field before, but...I was finishing the book and before I was done, Miles told me I should go eat in the library," Wyatt's face contorted and he painstakingly finished the story, "With the other losers."_

 _Olivia hugged Wyatt tightly. Academically, school had been easy for him since Kindergarten. He was intelligent and focused and almost too meticulous when completing assignments. It wasn't uncommon for him to re-start a project after he'd completed it because one tiny detail wasn't quite to his liking. Socially, though, Wyatt occasionally struggled. He was a bit of a loner. So much so that every elementary school teacher mentioned it in parent-teacher conferences. By the time he entered middle school, those concerns faded. He liked to read and solve word and logic puzzles. However, he was handsome, tall, and bigger than most of his peers. Summers at the beach and afternoons in the park had honed his football and baseball skills, and he was a valuable member of pick-up teams. Wyatt's more athletically-inclined male peers didn't understand or appreciate his bookish side, and, outside of chess club and academic bowl, he didn't interact much with the school's more scholarly set. Olivia and Ed didn't worry about Wyatt not having many close friends, because the boy always was genuinely happy and it was impossible for him to conceal his feelings when he was upset._

" _What happened after he said that?" Olivia asked softly, still holding him to her._

" _I went outside for the rest of lunch," Wyatt groaned, sounding annoyed that he had to spell this out for his mother but also ashamed for not standing up for himself._

 _Wyatt stared at his knees and wisps of brown hair fell across his forehead. Olivia's heart ached for him. She wanted to go to Miles' house and talk some sense into the boy. Explain her son was smart, kind, and compassionate and nobody had the right to make him feel this bad, to force him out of his usual lunch seat, all because he was engrossed in a novel. But, of course, none of that was going to happen. "Wyatt, honey," she said softly, "I happen to think you are one of the most amazing, interesting people I know."_

 _The corners of Wyatt's mouth turned up slightly._

" _People, especially people your age, are going to be mean and rude, that's the way some kids...most kids are...and it makes me and it makes your Dad so proud you're not like that. You don't deserve what happened today, and you did the right thing by walking away because, honey, that's the way we win when we're up against those types of people. And you shouldn't ever be embarrassed for loving to read or being smart or wanting to have some time to yourself."_

 _Wyatt bit his lip, debating whether or not to buy his mother's reasoning._

" _And another thing," Olivia continued, "Insulting you made Miles feel good for a little while, but that doesn't last, Wyatt. He may have gotten some slaps on the back from the rest of the boys at the table, but being mean isn't something to be proud of, honey. In time, Miles and the others may realize that or maybe they won't, but, at the very least, you can rest easy knowing you're not like them."_

 _Wyatt nodded and broke into a wry smile, "And...they don't have fifty yard line seats for the game Sunday," he quipped._

" _No they do not," Olivia grinned and hugged him again. "I love you so much, sweetheart. I am so proud of you."_

" _I love you too, Mom."_

… _.._

With Olivia spending days either at the Center, on set, or with Barba, the only time she and Ed could carve out to wrap Noah's birthday presents was late in the evening after the kids were asleep. They sat on the floor in their bedroom, carefully cutting and taping the metallic blue and red paper and joking about the unintentional scientific theme of the gifts. An _Adventure Kids s_ et included binoculars, a flashlight, compass, and a magnifying glass. There was a 3D Tyrannosaurus Rex nightlight, a small drone, and a book entitled "5,000 Awesome Facts About Everything." The only item that didn't fit was a second book- _Funny Jokes for Seven-Year-Old Kids_. Olivia was pleased they had shown some restraint with the purchases. Ed agreed and predicted Noah would quickly become obsessed with the two books.

"Maybe we should study a little," he suggested, "I don't wanna be humiliated."

"It's already wrapped," Olivia slithered across the floor and kissed him. "And you're a smart, smart man, and...you look cute when you're a little humiliated."

Ed grinned and cupped the back of her head. The liplock lasted until they were lying on their sides on the floor and Ed pointed out they had a king-sized bed at their immediate disposal. Olivia stood up. Slowly and seductively she peeled off her shirt and bra. Ed's breath caught in his throat. Her beauty still astonished him.

The past week had been challenging. Ed resumed his solo childcare duties while Olivia worked and he insisted it was all fine with him. And it was. Nevertheless, he hated sharing his wife. Making love to her was the only time he was assured exclusive access to the woman everyone seemed to want in their lives. With every pant, sharp gasp, and rasp of their names Ed fell more in love with her. It was frightening to be so possessive, to be so terrified at the possibility that he wasn't enough-he'd conceded long ago she was way too good for him-and he had spent the better part of the past few years proving he was worthy, that he, despite his flaws, could give her everything she'd ever wanted.

But he couldn't.

The part of Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker that loved work, that loved being a catalyst of change and relished finding paths to justice for even the most hopeless cases-that part of her he couldn't fulfill. Even now, as he sucked at her neck and made her quiver and flail against their sheets, he was faced with the reality that her life's purpose wasn't completely wrapped up in him.

" _Mmmmm_ ," Olivia murmured into his head after he'd collapsed at her side, looped a leg around her body, and buried his face in her hair. " _Ed…_ "

"Ya good?" He half-whispered.

"Way better than good. I feel so," Olivia paused, searching for the perfect word, "Complete."

Ed lifted his head and gazed into her eyes, "I like that description."

"What about you? How do you feel?"

A contemplative smirk crossed Ed's face, "I feel...like everyone's where they're supposed to be," he said.

Olivia smiled and burrowed herself further into his chest. "I feel that way, too."

…

 _By the time Eddie Sandow surrendered to the NYPD, almost the whole department had tuned in to the action via one method or the other. Precinct captains listened on the radio, squad room screens were tuned to the local news channels, and former negotiators like Ed Tucker gritted their teeth and silently judged the decisions of the crew charged with getting everyone out of the loft alive. When it was over, guys remaining at their desks packed up and, in most cases, headed home. Tucker took a chance and wandered into a bar where he was certain to encounter some former HNT colleagues._

 _He had no trouble finding familiar faces and, after the second or third round, the guys around him erupted in hoots and hollers. In walked the barrel-chested Sergeant Mullen. He beamed at the praise, shook a few hands, and downed a shot passed through the circle. Two shots later, Ed found himself shoulder-to-shoulder with Mullen and the night's hero immediately asked if Ed had ever worked with Detective Benson of SVU._

 _Ed almost choked on his drink. "Yeah," he said, wiping his mouth with his wrist, "Well, not worked with per say, but, yeah, I know her."_

" _Persistent as hell," Mullen muttered, "And borderline insubordinate...but...she did get everyone outta there alive. The only thing I did was give her an order and let her ignore it."_

" _Sounds about right," Ed grumbled._

" _I'mma give her a call tomorrow. I might like to have a drink with her one of these nights."_

" _Careful," Tucker said in his IAB voice, "You're a superior officer."_

" _Not her direct supervisor," Mullen countered, "And even you guys down there at the rat squad would give me a pass, right? I mean damn," he took a drink and blew out a long stream of air, "She's easy on the eyes. To say the least."_

 _The conversation was making Tucker uncomfortable. He felt his jaw tense and his shoulders stiffen. Mullen had probably not eaten all day, was on his way to being very drunk, and there was an underlying lewdness in his words. Mullen had a good reputation, but, after this exchange, Tucker knew he'd always consider the guy a scumbag._

 _Scumbag or not, Mullen was a savvy police officer and sensed Tucker was agitated. "You ever date her?" He asked._

 _Tucker forced a sarcastic laugh, "Nah. That'd be a problem on a couple of levels."_

" _Yeah, IAB...talk about a conflict of interest."_

" _Yeah," Tucker huffed. He could have mentioned the dozen or so times he'd investigated Benson and SVU or that he was quite sure she or any other member of the squad would gladly take a swing at him if given the chance. But he downed his bourbon, signaled for another, and breathed a sigh of relief when Mullen struck up a conversation with someone else._

 _Ed brooded and pretended to watch the grainy television set mounted on the far end of the bar. He was tempted to call Benson and warn her. Would Mullen even call? Or was the whole proposition merely bluster? Ed guessed it was. Tomorrow Mullen would wake up with a tequila headache and another call would come in and he'd forget all about the stubborn detective who risked her life so a little girl and her mother could be safe._

 _For whatever reason, though, Ed couldn't forget. Olivia Benson weighed on his mind. Or, rather, Mullen's attitude toward her was troubling. Ed knew from experience there was no one more passionate about the job than her and he was sure, if he were ever lucky enough to peel back all her layers, he would find a kind, compassionate, genuinely good person who deserved more than to be objectified by the likes of Sergeant Mullen._

…

Ten miles from the Tucker apartment, Caroline rummaged around her Riverdale home's attic, searching for a box she hadn't touched in close to fifty years. She traipsed across the creaky boards, back hunched, and her path illuminated by a hanging work light with a bright yellow handle. The space was cold and smelled of humidity, wood, and cardboard. Neither Caroline nor her family members entered the attic much-she had plenty of storage space in the bedrooms and basement-she was quite sure her grandchildren weren't aware the attic even existed.

She found the box inside a plastic tub-the kind Margie bought her a few years ago after the roof leaked and destroyed several film reels of she and her brothers as toddlers. It took no time at all for Caroline to find what she was looking for-a small jeweler's case containing a necklace she never had the chance to give her late son Jack. Caroline clutched the bead chain to her chest, closed her eyes, and let her thoughts drift back to the morning she'd sent her kids off to school believing she was the luckiest woman in the world.

She momentarily lost her balance, stumbled, and opened her eyes to get her bearings. Before shuffling back to the hatch, Caroline made sure to snap the tub's plastic lid in place. As she did so, she silently acknowledged the next time someone opened the box would most likely be after she'd passed away. She blew a kiss at the container that held Jack's most precious belongings and made sure to flip the switch on the light before carefully descending the ladder.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	90. Chapter 90

**Ninety**.

As the train rumbled south, Sarah and Noah became more crammed together among evening commuters, but Noah's questions about their destination didn't abate. Sarah wrapped a protective arm around his shoulders and answered evasively. Her bag was sandwiched between them and Noah played with its leather tassels as he wondered aloud where they were going. It was the day before his birthday and the final day of school before Thanksgiving break. Sarah picked him up, but, instead of heading straight to their ' _venture_ , they stopped at the Tucker apartment where she explained he had to change clothes.

"We're going to have a special dinner today, Noey," she said, "Because turning seven is one of life's most important milestones."

Needing no further reasoning, Noah nodded and dutifully followed Olivia into his bedroom. She changed him into the navy suit he'd worn on the campaign trail with Barba, but this time paired it with a fancier, blue and green paisley tie. Had Sarah been traveling with another person, she would have taken a cab or an Uber, but Noah always insisted on riding the subway. The sharply-dressed duo settled in on the A Train. When Sarah good-naturedly complained, Noah shrugged and pointed out they were on an express line.

With his birthday and five vacation days on the horizon, Noah was in a good mood and even chattier than usual. He boasted about having no concerns about blowing out seven candles and excitedly brainstormed all the card and board games they'd play at Caroline's after the remnants of the holiday feast were cleared. As they became more crammed together among the rush hour commuters, Noah noticed an elderly woman having trouble handling her shopping bags and holding onto the railing. Noah stood up, tapped her arm, and offered his seat before hoisting himself onto Sarah's lap.

"That was so nice, Noey," Sarah whispered to him.

"Mommy always say to let people sit," he whispered back, craning his neck at an awkward angle. "And she looks like Gramma Careline!"

Age-wise, the woman was probably close to Caroline, but the resemblance ended there. Caroline was wiry-every one of her physical features, from her spiky hair to pointy toes was angular and sharp. The woman now sitting to Sarah's left was fleshy and round.

When the train finally stopped at the Fulton Street station, Noah and Sarah poured out of the car with most of its passengers. Sarah took his hand and they criss-crossed the crowd, headed for the exit that would take them out to streets east of Broadway. When Noah recognized where they were, he grinned. "We're goin' to World Trade."

"Nope."

Brow furrowed, Noah ventured another guess, "Goin' on da boat?" He wasn't as confident with this prediction. The sun was setting and the forty-degree temperatures weren't exactly ideal for a ride on the river.

"Nope."

"Are we going to your _work_?" Even though Noah did enjoy visiting Sarah's office, a few hours as her assistant didn't exactly seem like an appropriate birthday present. Besides, she'd mentioned food.

"Nope."

Sarah led Noah down narrow Liberty Street. The Federal Reserve building and a newer high rise loomed over them. They turned into a nondescript entrance and took the elevator to the Sixtieth Floor. When they were led to their table at Manhatta, Noah gasped.

"Whoa!"

"Isn't it awesome?"

Noah turned around in circles. The floor-to-ceiling windows offered an exclusive, expansive view of Manhattan and Brooklyn. Careful not to touch the glass, Noah peered into the cityscape. "Lotsa old buildings and new ones," Noah murmured to himself before turning to Sarah and pointing at a crane, "It looks scary to work up there!" He said.

"No kidding! No way I'd get up there!"

"You can even see all day way to Chrysler," Noah pointed in the direction of the skyscraper.

Sarah grinned, "Do you know all the buildings in Manhattan?"

"Only da tall ones."

"You know what, let's get a picture. This lighting's really good right now." Sarah waved the host back over and she gamely snapped several photos. "They're perfect," Sarah said, "We are the most photogenic couple in the universe."

The menu briefly stymied Noah. The restaurant served French-inspired food, and it would have been laughable to ask for a kid's menu. Sarah had been to the restaurant once before and, knowing it would be a great spot to take Noah, made sure kids were allowed. He slowly pronounced dishes like "foie gras" and "smoked trout mousse." Sarah assured him that the food was excellent, even if it was difficult to pronounce. Never one to turn down an opportunity to try new things, Noah, with Sarah's help, selected a dish for each of the three courses.

They sipped impeccably-garnished drinks and watched the skyline illuminate as darkness fell. Noah swung his feet as he talked, revealing navy socks printed with geometric patterns. Sarah wondered what her father thought of the footwear. Noah's shoes were more in line with Ed's taste-the camel-colored wingtips were classic, yet stylish and sleek.

"So, the big seven," Sarah said, tucking a section of her wavy blonde hair behind her ear, "This is a very important age, Noey, you know that, right?"

"It _is_?"

"Yes. At seven adults start thinking of you more as a big kid rather than a little kid. It's something about the way the number looks," Sarah drew a seven in the air, "It's a little more grown-up looking than the six."

Noah agreed. "S'okay," he said, "Big kids get to do a lotta stuff that little kids don't get to do. Like, in second grade, we get to go to da library by ourselves and not with da teacher! And I think...in soccer we play on da big field and if I play baseball it's with a pitcher and not the tee."

"A lot of changes coming up," Sarah said.

The restaurant's tables were filling with patrons and Noah peered around the dining room. The fact he and Sarah were seated at one of the best tables in the house was not lost on him. "Dis a really nice place, Sare Bear," he said, looking at her with the utmost sincerity, "Thank you for bringin' me here."

"You are very welcome. I'm glad you still want to hang out with your old Sare Bear," she said facetiously. "Usually big kids don't like to be around adults."

"You're not a 'dult," Noah said, scrunching his nose, confused by his own response, "Well, you are, but you're like a kid too!"

Sarah giggled. "I suppose I am."

"Sare Bear?"

"Hmm?"

"I like it when it's jus' us."

Sarah smiled at her young companion and started to feel slightly guilty about telling him he was no longer going to be considered a little kid. Despite his adult-looking clothes, Noah's babyface was innocent and pure and radiated happiness that could only come from a child. "I like it too, Noey. I love those babies and everyone else, but it's special when it's just the two of us. We," Sarah gestured to Noah and then herself, "We get each other."

"We sure do!"

Sarah laughed. Not many people would "get" her spending over two-hundred dollars on a meal at a place that was very far away from being kid-friendly for her almost-seven-year-old brother. But she didn't care. And she loved that Noah, although he acknowledged this particular outing was extra-special, had come to expect being treated as Sarah's equal.

Their first courses arrived, and Noah hesitantly picked up his fork. The artistic presentation made it seem criminal to actually touch the food. Sarah sliced a piece of foie gras and put it on one of the accompanying crostini wedges. "Here. This is a delicacy. Super good."

Noah took a bite, chewed, and briefly closed his eyes. "Dis _reaalllly_ good," he murmured with his mouth still full.

"Told ya," Sarah popped a piece into her mouth and added, "When it comes to food and drink, gotta trust your Sare Bear."

"Can I have another piece?" Noah asked.

"Of course, Noey Boey. You can have anything you want."

….

 _Olivia shuddered a bit as she and Ed left the crowded bar and it wasn't from the cold. For two people who were intent on keeping their relationship under wraps, lately they'd been taking a lot of risks. Part of the reason for kicking off the restraints was that Olivia was simply tired. Her job was stressful, it had been a trying start to the year, to say the least, and she wanted Ed in her life. She craved his stability and his dry sense of humor. In his presence, she could relax and vent. Or, if she wasn't in a talking mood, Ed had no problem sitting with her on the couch and absent-mindedly flipping through television channels while Noah played on the floor. On nights like tonight, when all she wanted was a good meal and a drink, Ed was happy to be at her side. They'd eaten at an upscale midtown bistro and stopped at the bar for a nightcap. Olivia loved how easily Ed fit in at both places, but he looked most at home in his precious dives. There was something about how he looked in the dim, yellowish light that made his rugged features even more attractive. The problem was, a lot of those dives were also favored by current and former cops, so the two of them were careful about displays of affection in those places._

" _I cannot believe Mullen recognized me," she griped, "That was three, maybe four years ago."_

 _Who wouldn't recognize or remember her? Ed immediately thought. However, he did recall the conversation with Mullen from years ago and knew he had to tell Olivia. He cleared his throat. "Uh, well, I believe it," he said._

 _Olivia stopped in her tracks and her eyes shot wide open. They had been cutting through a small park on their way to her building and other pedestrians sidestepped them. A few raised their eyebrows, sensing the tension._

" _Why?" She asked, using a decidedly accusatory tone._

 _Ed kept his cool. He grabbed her hands and pulled her toward him. "That time? A few years ago? Coincidentally enough...I bumped into him that night."_

" _And?"_

" _And other than taking all the credit for the peaceful resolution, he also said he was gonna give you a call."_

 _Olivia rolled her eyes and laughed softly. Ed breathed a sigh of relief._

" _Oh really?" She asked in a sing-songy voice._

" _Yeah."_

" _Well, he never called."_

" _Glad he didn't."_

 _Olivia moved closer to him and kissed his lips. Wisps of brown hair flew into her face and Ed's, but neither of them moved to slap them away. Their eyes remained fixed on each other and Ed tightened his grip on her fingers. He felt his face getting hot. In a way, he also felt busted, as if he should have told Olivia about the encounter earlier._

" _I don't think I would have gone anywhere with him," Olivia said softly._

" _Well, I think you were, uh, with someone at that time anyway."_

" _Wrong."_

" _Cassidy?"_

" _No, he was gone. That was over."_

" _Haden."_

" _Not yet...we were...circling each other, but, as you know, that also ended...as quickly as it began."_

 _Breaking eye contact, Ed uncomfortably glanced around and fidgeted._

 _Olivia jerked his arms a bit and asked, "What?"_

" _I, uh, I don't wanna be that story," Ed replied, clearly struggling for words, "I don't wanna have you tell some other guy a year from now about me and use the word over."_

 _The kiss took Ed by surprise and he stumbled backward, hit the small curb with his heel, and stumbled more. The clumsy start didn't faze the couple and they stood in the half-frozen, dead grass making out like teenagers getting in one last romantic rendezvous before curfew._

 _At a pause, Ed tugged on her thick coat sleeves and smirked. "You wanna continue this at your place?"_

" _Yes." Olivia looped her arm through Ed's and they continued their walk home at a brisk pace. She leaned into him and he kissed her head whenever they had to stop at an intersection. "Ed?"_

" _Hmm?"_

" _Did you want to kiss me in the bar tonight? In front of Mullen?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Next time," Olivia smiled slyly, "I want you to."_

… _._

Ed wheeled the twins into the Benson Center and nodded to the young woman staffing the reception desk. Her face was familiar, but Ed couldn't remember her name so he breezed by hoping the silent greeting wasn't rude. Usually she cooed at the twins, but Maggie and Wyatt were both sound asleep. When Olivia saw him, she broke into a huge smile, got up, and gave him a hug and a kiss.

"Hi there," she said before bending over and inspecting the twins. Their heads were slumped at similar angles. Maggie's mouth twitched and Wyatt sucked on his fist. They wore fleece jackets and beanies and their cheeks were pink. "So precious," she murmured.

Ed took a seat on the sofa and stretched his legs out in front of him. "Busy today?"

"Not really," Olivia said, "I was just following up with a few people over the phone and reading some research on cognitive processing therapy."

"That's stood the test of time," Ed replied.

"It's still apparently the most effective treatment for PTSD," Olivia said, "But it's not working well for two of our clients. I'm also talking to a few different therapists who use other methods, but," Olivia bit her lip, "I'm so worried about one particular woman...she has two kids, history of drug use...she's not doing great."

"EMDR?"

Olivia smiled, sat down next to him, and kissed his cheek, "That's on the agenda for tomorrow's meeting. You want to sit in?"

"No. I'll leave that to the experts." Ed kissed her on the lips and grinned, "I love comin' into your office and being able to do that."

"I think you kissed me once or twice in the old office."

"Did I?"

"Trust me, it happened," Olivia patted his leg above the knee and gazed into his eyes, "Did you have a good day?"

"Yep. Dug for fossils at the museum, got the rest of the decorations for Noah's party, ate pizza, and now we're taking a late nap. You hear from Sarah?"

"Yes, she sent me a few pictures. That place looks amazing."

"I'll take you there sometime. We haven't had a date in a while, Lieutenant." He saw clouds form in Olivia's eyes and quickly added, "Hey, I didn't mean that in a bad way, Liv. I meant...I want to take ya out soon, just the two of us."

"I haven't been the most available retired wife in the world."

"We knew it wasn't going to be the traditional retirement."

"I know," Olivia reached for his hand and kissed his fingers, "And I want you to know, Ed, how much I appreciate you giving me this space, this latitude. It's...if I were you, I'm not sure I'd handle it well."

Ed moved closer to her, "I am a little selfish with ya," he admitted, "But this makes you happy. This type of work'll always be part of your life, part of _you_. So, it's part of me, too. If that makes sense?"

"It does," Olivia replied, "But you'll tell me if it gets to be too much?"

"I promise I'll tell you."

"I love you, Ed."

"I love you," he smirked and played with a few strands of her hair, "You about ready to get outta here? Dinner?"

"How about we order in? Watch a movie? I'm ready to curl up on the couch and relax."

The plan sounded great to Ed. He stood up and tried to rouse Maggie and Wyatt and winked when Olivia let out an empathetic sigh. "They're gonna be up all night," he remarked, "Can't have that."

….

 _In the days between receiving his cap and gown and graduation day, the gown's polyester fabric had been ironed five times. Ed considered taking it to the dry cleaner, but Noah insisted it would be fine after one more press and a week hanging in the closet. The night before the ceremony, he tried on everything-stole, cords, and all-and stared at himself in the mirror while Maggie and Wyatt looked on._

" _You nervous about your speech?" Maggie asked. She sat on the floor and hugged her knees. She'd gone with Olivia for a mani pedi that afternoon and her toes and nails were painted a shimmery lavender shade. White spots where scabs had been dotted the sides of her knees. Spring softball was already taking its toll on her body._

 _Noah grinned. He'd been giving speeches since he was in preschool. "Nope," he said, "But you're probably gonna be asleep by the time it's my turn. I saw the program today. There's like ten things before me."_

 _Wyatt was more optimistic, "There were a lot of things on our program," he said of their recent promotion ceremony, "But it went fast."_

" _True," Noah said._

" _Tell us what you're gonna say!" Maggie insisted, "We can be your audience. You have to practice!"_

" _I've already practiced a bunch. At school. The speech is a surprise. The only one who's heard it is Mr. Abadi. But I think a few other people approved it."_

" _Mom's gonna cry," Wyatt said under his breath, as if he were afraid of Olivia overhearing him and becoming prematurely upset._

" _She always cries," Maggie said, "That's her EmOH!"_

 _Noah laughed and started carefully removing the regalia piece by piece._

" _I'm gonna have all those ropes and stuff," Maggie boasted, "Probably I'll have more than you!"_

" _I think he has all of 'em," Wyatt said._

" _Then I'll have all of 'em."_

" _I don't have all of them," Noah unzipped the gown and draped it over the hanger. He untucked and unbuttoned his shirt and peered at his siblings in the mirror, "A little privacy please?"_

 _Maggie and Wyatt had started brainstorming all of the ways one could earn the honor cords and became so absorbed in the conversation that they hadn't realized Noah was changing out of his school clothes._

" _Oops! Sorry!" Maggie said. "C'mon Wyatt let's go eat something I'm STARVING!"_

 _They skipped out of the room in search of food, leaving Noah to himself. Before he tugged on one of his favorite t-shirts, his necklace caught a ray of sunlight just right and flashed in the mirror. Noah smiled, rolled the pendant between his fingers, and thought about how much he hoped the spiritual people were right-that there was a heaven from where loved ones could observe the living because he hoped and wished his Grandma Caroline could see him. He closed his eyes and pictured her face, crinkled with old age, eyes squinted and jaw held high in a proud smile. It had been almost a decade since she passed away, but Noah missed her terribly, especially in times of celebration. One of the reasons why he'd wanted to give the speech so badly was to mention her, and he was thrilled to have the opportunity to honor his Grandmother in that way._

 _If only, he thought to himself, she'd be able to somehow hear his words._

…

On the morning of Noah's birthday he woke up early and wandered,bleary-eyed, into the living room and immediately gasped. The night before Ed and Olivia had filled the room with green and blue balloons and a shimmery sign reading _Happy 7th Birthday, Noah_! He covered his mouth with his hands, giggled, and skipped around until he came to a pile of wrapped presents topped with his name written in his mother's familiar script.

"Happy Birthday, sweet boy," Olivia said softly so she didn't scare him. Knowing he'd wake up early, she made sure to set her alarm. Noah ran into her arms and she turned in circles as she hugged and kissed him. "I love you so much, mister seven-year-old."

Noah giggled again, "And you got me balloons! And a sign!"

"We did. Do you like the colors?"

"Uh-huh! Green and blue! My fav'rite!"

Yawning, Ed shuffled into the room and collected both his wife and son in his arms, "Good morning and Happy Birthday, bud!" He held the two of them firmly, appreciating the moment, and thinking about how Noah was about the twins' age when he first became a regular in their lives. "What's the first thing you want to do?"

"Is it gonna rain?" Noah asked.

"Nope."

"Then I wanna go play in da park! We c'play football or soccer or maybe both. Or the frisbee!"

"Done," Ed replied.

"What would you like for breakfast?"

"C'we make choc'lit chip waffles?"

"Of course we can."

After breakfast and the park, Noah and the twins relaxed in the bean bags and watched a few shows. The three of them ended up dozing off and woke up an hour before guests were supposed to arrive. Ed ran out to get the cake, and, before he got home, Brooke and Sonny showed up with Sofia and Caroline.

"We're a little early," Brooke said, "Hope you don't mind."

"Not at all," Olivia said. She ushered everyone in and hung their coats.

Brooke plopped Sofia on the floor and she crawled over to Maggie and Wyatt. Sonny produced more presents from a large shopping bag and Brooke and Caroline hugged the birthday boy. When Ed returned with the cake he paused in the foyer so Noah could be shielded. They wanted its design to be a surprise until the last minute.

"Noah, why don't you come with me?" Caroline said, plucking a small rectangular gift from her purse, "I have something special I want you to open before everything else."

"Kay," Noah said. He led her by the hand to his bedroom. "What's da present?" He cocked his head and examined the box.

Caroline handed it over. "Happy birthday, honey."

Noah tore away the paper. The box's hinge creaked as he pried it open. " _Wow_ ," he said, "It's a...it's a-"

"-It's St. Brigid's cross," Caroline said, "I bought it a very long time ago and I decided you should have it," Caroline helped Noah remove it and carefully clasped the bead chain around his neck. "Anyone who wears it," she added, "Will be safe and happy forever."

Noah looked up at Caroline, smiled, and walked over to his mirror. He held the intricately woven small, offset silver cross between his thumb and forefinger. Caroline put her hands on his shoulders and kissed the top of his head. "I love you Noah," she said in her raspy voice, "You bring your Grandma so much joy."

Her voice wavered and Noah turned around. "You okay, Gramma?"

"Yes," Caroline replied in a whisper, "Give Gramma a hug and let's go celebrate. I think your Daddy got a double chocolate cake."

" _Double_ chocolate?"

"Yes, sir."

"And didja bring da Irish bread and cookies?"

"Oh," Caroline's eyes shot wide open, "I forgot…"

" _Gram-MA_!"

"Of course I brought bread and cookies. We can't have a party without them!"

"And we have your gin," Noah said proudly. "It's in da high cab'net over da sink."

Caroline cringed but she mussed Noah's hair and put her arm around his shoulders. "You pay attention to every detail, don't you, honey?"

"Yep!"

"Well don't go back to first grade and tell everyone your Grandma Caroline likes gin."

"I won't," Noah said, "I jus' tell 'em you like Ireland."

"Good."

"Don't forget we gotta go there."

"I won't."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	91. Chapter 91

**Ninety-one**.

Ed and Olivia cuddled under the covers and watched Noah help Wyatt and then Maggie climb out of the cribs. Ed nuzzled Olivia's neck and mentioned, with some reluctance, that it was time to start shopping for toddler beds. It was only a matter of time before one of the twins threw Noah off balance and caused an injury-inducing tumble to the floor or into the bureau or changing table. Olivia held one of Ed's arms to her chest and sighed. For now, the trio was safe and headed into the kitchen to get their juice boxes from the refrigerator.

Since they had a few more minutes of alone time, Olivia turned over, gazed at Ed and stroked his stubbled face. "I love you," she whispered before kissing him. Last night as they debriefed after the party, Ed explained the full significance of the necklace Caroline had given Noah. The story tore Olivia's heart in a million pieces. Ed's brother Jack died days before his seventh birthday and the superstitious Caroline firmly believed, had he had St. Brigid's cross around his neck, his life would have been spared after the accident.

"She was always worried about Jack more than the rest of us," Ed had told Olivia in a hushed voice, "I used to think it was because he was the youngest, but now I wonder...I think she had some sixth sense that haunted her, told her he didn't have long."

"That must have been excruciating," Olivia said. "Even now...all these years...is there ever closure?"

"Maybe giving the necklace to Noah was closure," Ed speculated.

"I hope so."

Olivia slept soundly, safely ensconced in Ed's arms and the memories of the happy day. The entire family, including Ed's brother and sister and Justin's mother, attended the party. Everyone was in a festive mood. They munched on foods of Noah's choosing, cheered when he blew out all seven candles, and simpered at the newly minted seven-year-old when he delayed playing with his new toys in order to play cards. While the adults and Noah competed in rummy and Uno, the little ones played in the middle of the room. Olivia breathed a sigh of relief when she saw Maggie readily including Sofia. Now that the one-year-old was walking, perhaps Maggie was a little less skeptical about her.

When she woke up a few minutes before six a.m., Olivia's first instinct was to force herself back to sleep but she caught a glimpse of Ed and thought otherwise. His lips were parted slightly and one arm was draped across her body. She kissed his bicep, sucking gently, and succeeded in waking him.

Their pre-dawn lovemaking was attentive, sensual, and culminated mere minutes before they heard Noah greeting his siblings with a cheerful "Good morning!" Wyatt popped up and held out his arms. Once he was safely on the ground, Maggie did the same.

"Alright," Ed uttered in a half-groan, "I'm gettin' up." He kissed the side of Olivia's head, "Stay here as long as ya want."

Olivia smiled. Ed would have let her stay in bed all day without criticism. "I'm looking forward to a lazy day," she said, "But not _that_ lazy."

Ed smirked and disappeared into the bathroom for a couple of minutes. When he returned he was dressed in shorts and a long-sleeved t-shirt. He tossed Olivia her own set of lounge wear and she slipped it on. She opened her mouth to say something, but Noah's frantic voice stopped her.

"MOMMY!"

His footsteps got closer and closer. Ed opened the door and they were greeted with their son's distressed face.

"Maggie and Wyatt got PUDDING all OVER!" He said before anyone could ask what was wrong.

There was such a mess in the kitchen, Ed and Olivia had no choice but to laugh. Maggie and Wyatt each had a plastic pudding cup in their hands and their faces and pajamas were chocolatey messes. Wyatt tilted his head back and tried to drink the rest of the contents. Maggie grinned and licked her fingers.

"What are you doing, sweet twins?" Olivia asked through her chuckles.

"Eee pudding!"

"YUM!"

Wyatt offered his cup to Olivia. She took it, put it on the counter, and Wyatt started to whimper. Olivia shrugged and gave it back. Ed went back to the bedroom for his phone and snapped pictures. Noah had climbed up on the island and observed the messy scene from the safety of the countertop. When the twins finished their early morning treat, Ed scooped them both under each arm and announced it was bath time.

Olivia wiped pudding streaks from the cabinets and floor. When she was finished she put her hands on her hips and faced Noah. "Well, what should we do?"

"T'morrow's turkey day," Noah replied, sounding as if he was worried his mother forgot the holiday.

"Yes it is, sweetie," Olivia said, "But we don't have much to do."

"C'we go out and use da science set I got for my birthday?"

"Of course."

Noah hopped down from the island and landed with a thud, "I'm gonna go pack my bag." He looked down at his attire, "Ope! And change my clothes! I can't go in jammies! Mommy, you gotta change too!"

"I will."

"Babies!" Noah called into the bathroom on his way to his room, "You're gonna haveta take another bath! We're goin' out on a 'venture to find some bugs!"

Olivia stopped in the bathroom and rubbed Ed's shoulders as he dumped buckets of water over the twins' heads. They squealed in delight and shouted, "Gain! Gain Dada!" Their long eyelashes clumped together the two pairs of blue eyes sparkled with excitement.

"Bugs, huh?" He asked, keeping his eyes on Maggie and Wyatt.

"Yep. Up for a hike in the park?"

"Sounds good to me."

….

 _Olivia Benson didn't have positive feelings toward comedy clubs, so she was disinclined to accept Tucker's invitation when he offered her one of two tickets he'd received from a colleague. When she dithered, Tucker immediately guessed why and speculated the lineup would be more snarky than offensive. He handed her the accompanying pamphlet and when Olivia saw two female comics headlining, her fears were partially allayed. Stand-up comedy wasn't her preferred choice of entertainment, but what was? She hadn't had much room for fun over the course of her career, and, at the very least, the mere sight of Ed Tucker at a comedy club would give her a few laughs. Lately, one of her favorite things to witness was him out of a suit and tie and IAB-mode. He probably felt the same about her._

 _As they spent more time together, Olivia took note of Ed's personality traits. She had come to appreciate his dry humor and deep sense of responsibility to the city, his mother, and his children. Ed was a protector and this characteristic became more apparent each time they were together. Instead of being surprised by him holding doors or nodding to her to order first or feeling his hand on her back as they wove their way through crowds, she expected and craved the chivalrous gestures._

 _The comedy club was large and dark save for wall sconces emitting light from crimson-tinted bulbs. When the comedians came on stage, they briefly squinted into the spotlight before launching into their jokes. The topics ranged from life in New York to navigating childhood in the shadows of an ultra successful sibling. Olivia let her guard down and enjoyed the show. Ed inched his chair closer to hers and put his arm across the back rest. Turning to him, Olivia smiled and moved her chair even closer. Her smile grew larger when she felt Ed's fingers curl around her shoulder._

 _When the show was over and the lights flashed on, they jerked apart and stood up as if they'd been caught in an unseemly act. Ed smirked sheepishly and mumbled, "Wasn't expectin' that."_

 _Olivia nodded. "A little warning would have been nice."_

 _The walk outside and the cab ride home felt awkward. Ed felt like he needed to apologize but wasn't sure why. The night's physical proximity wasn't new. He hadn't done anything wrong. Olivia was laughing, smiling, and happy. The sudden awkwardness was baffling._

 _The car stopped in front of her building. Ed followed Olivia out of the cab. They weren't quite at "do you want to come up" status yet, but he always walked her to the door and strolled home from there. The walk gave him a chance to replay every second of their time together; Ed was obsessed with getting this relationship right. So, he couldn't let her disappear into the elevator without addressing whatever had caused a rift between them._

" _Was it as bad as ya thought it would be?" He asked softly. Olivia was walking slowly toward the entrance, an encouraging detail._

" _Bad?" She faced him with disbelieving eyes, "It was surprisingly good. Great, actually. I had a great time, Ed. Thank you for inviting me."_

 _He cocked his head and furrowed his brow, "Then, uh, why-"_

" _-It was an almost violent yank back to reality," Olivia said, reading his mind, "That's all...I wasn't...I wasn't quite ready for it to be over."_

" _Oh," Ed cast her a relieved smile, "In that case, I wasn't either."_

 _She grinned and kissed him on the lips. "Thank you. I'd go again."_

" _Let's do that."_

 _She squeezed his hand and glanced around nervously, "Have a good night."_

" _You too."_

 _Unable to shake his disappointment with the way the night ended, Ed hunched his shoulders, shoved his hands in his pockets, and started walking up the block to Ninth Avenue where he would turn south and head for home. He stared at the busy intersection ahead and became so lost in his thoughts that, at first, he thought the sound of Olivia calling his name was a figment of his imagination._

" _Ed!"_

 _He spun around on his heel and saw Olivia briskly walking in his direction, her coat and her hair flapping in the breeze. She grabbed his wrist, pulled him aside, and planted a passionate, fierce kiss on his lips. Caught off guard, Ed took a step backwards but quickly regained his balance and held her tightly, kissing her back._

 _When they parted, breathless, Olivia bit her lip and smiled slyly. "That's a better end to the evening, don't you think?"_

" _Much better," Ed replied._

" _Call me tomorrow?"_

 _Ed touched her cheek with the back of an index finger. The touch was simple but full of affection. He grinned and gazed into her eyes. "I will."_

…

The buzz of the intercom was a welcome sound of relief for Sarah. She hoisted Sofia into her arms and trotted to the door where she pushed the button to allow Brooke entry and opened the door a crack. Sarah was always willing to help out with childcare, but Sofia was either cutting more teeth or getting sick because she had been cranky all afternoon. No matter what Sarah tried, Sofia would not be soothed. When Brooke stepped inside the apartment, Sofia dove into her arms but still fidgeted and whimpered.

Brooke felt her daughter's forehead, "She doesn't feel hot," she said.

"Teeth?"

"Maybe." Brooke wasn't planning to stay long and started gathering Sofia's things. "Thank you for watching her. Sorry I took so long, I went to get my prescription after and it took forever."

"Prescription?"

"Yeah."

"For what?"

Brooke screwed up her face, "Seriously?"

Clueless, Sarah mimicked her sister's expression. "Seriously."

"It's Xanax," Brooke said, "I've been taking it since...before Mom died."

"Really?"

Exasperated, Brooke put Sofia down and fell onto the couch, "You knew this, Sarah. _Hello_? And I didn't take it, of course, while I was pregnant, and it was...tough. I'm just now starting to feel under control again."

"I had no idea."

"Because you don't always pay attention."

Sarah didn't let the comment slide, "I do pay attention, Brooke. Which is why I'm so surprised. I didn't know you were taking anything. I knew you were going to see someone but I thought it was just therapy not a psychiatrist. I mean, it's not a big deal, well, it is a big deal because you're dealing with something, but...I didn't know."

"Olivia knows."

"And?"

Brooke tucked her hair behind her ears and stared at the ceiling. "I don't know why I assumed you knew," she mumbled, "It's been such a regular part of my life."

"Brooke, I am going to tell you something and it's going to sound wrong but I assure you it's coming from a very loving place." Sarah sat on the coffee table in front of Brooke and put her hands on her sister's knees. "You can't expect people to understand you or be sympathetic or... _know_ _you_...if you don't open up every once in a while. And another thing, you know better than to think Olivia would share your medical history with anyone."

"I honestly thought I told you." Sofia was trying to hoist herself onto the couch and Brooke picked her up, "I'm sorry."

"No apology necessary. But you _know_ ," Sarah stared at Brooke with intense, sincere, wide eyes, "You can tell me anything."

"Easier said than done," Brooke said, forcing a smile and sitting up, "I'm not an open book like you are."

"Hey! I keep some things to myself!"

"Like what?" Brooke challenged. She grinned, happy that she'd successfully parried Sarah's questions and created a less serious mood. It wasn't difficult. Sarah was easy to steer.

Sarah twisted her lips. Her eyes darted around the room. She took a deep breath. Brooke grinned, expecting a silly response, but Sarah surprised her. "I miss Justin," she admitted through a deep breath. "And I'm worried...this project he's working on, well, he's gone a lot on research trips, I'm worried we're going to lose the momentum we have."

A sympathetic expression supplanted Brooke's haughty grin. She darted to the kitchen and took a bottle from Sarah's wine cooler.

"What are you doing?" Sarah asked.

"Sarah therapy," Brooke replied. "What happened to all your glasses?" She opened and closed cabinets to no avail.

"Dishwasher."

"Clean?"

"No, just use juice glasses."

Brooke raised her eyebrows, "You know, you have to actually put the detergent in and turn the machine on for the glasses to get washed."

"You see?" Sarah leaned over the island on her elbows, "I'm totally lost without Justin!"

….

 _Olivia twirled the final piece of Maggie's brown locks around the curling wand just as her date knocked on the door. His arrival had been announced by the doorman, the young man was early, and Olivia and Maggie rushed to finish hair and makeup. Olivia asked Ed to answer the door and sweetly but sternly reminded him to be nice. Logan, Maggie's date, was not a brand new face, but he and Maggie had only recently been spending time together as a couple as opposed to with their close-knit group of friends._

 _Olivia and Maggie heard Ed greet Logan with a gruff, "How are ya?" Logan's answer was inaudible. Ed brought him into the kitchen and offered him a soda. Logan declined._

" _Take the soda," Maggie muttered under her breath._

 _Olivia stifled laughter, "It's okay. Dad won't hold that against him."_

" _I feel so bad," Maggie finger-combed her hair and took one last look at herself in the mirror, "I should've known he would be early." She grabbed her leather jacket and flashed a smile, "Thanks for helping me, Mom."_

" _You're welcome, sweetheart." Olivia swallowed a lump in her throat as her beautiful seventeen-year-old daughter whirled around and hurried out to meet her date. Maggie wore jeans and a simple black v-neck long-sleeved blouse. Olivia predicted Ed would say something about the wine-colored jacket-it was a piece Maggie had had an eye on for several months, and they bought it for her for Christmas. With its heavy buckles and Maggie's silver jewelry, the complete look was edgy, borderline sexy, and had Olivia not trusted her daughter and her date, she would have suggested dialing it back a bit._

" _Where are you going?" Olivia asked when she joined everyone in the kitchen. Logan and Maggie were standing awkwardly next to each other, two feet apart. Ed wasn't showing any sign of doing anything other than stare at the two of them with his jaw clenched._

" _Modern Pinball," Logan replied confidently, undaunted by Ed who was standing directly across from him holding the edge of the island with a death grip._

" _That sounds like fun," Olivia said, "Noah's been there before, a long time ago, Maggs, have you and Wyatt been there?"_

 _Maggie nodded, "With Noah and once with Brooke and Sarah. But a long time ago."_

" _I was there on a school trip for STEM club," Logan said, "But they didn't let us play any games." He grinned at Olivia and Ed, revealing perfectly straight, white teeth. Logan had short dark blonde hair and deeply set hazel eyes. The skin on his face was unblemished and smooth except for a few whiskers poking out along his jawbone. He had an intense aura about him which Olivia first recognized when he competed with Wyatt on the Academic Bowl team._

 _Ed finally spoke, "Got enough money?" He asked Maggie._

" _Yes, but I can always take more!"_

 _Bested by his daughter's levity, Ed relented and let himself smile. "Nice try."_

 _Maggie shrugged, "Always worth it."_

" _How ya gettin over there?"_

" _Uber." Maggie met her father's eyes. She knew the drill. "I'll text you when we get there." She tugged on Logan's elbow. "Let's go."_

 _The two of them left. As usual, Maggie let the door slam and, once in the hall, she laughed loudly enough for Ed and Olivia to hear. Ed smirked at his wife. "She sounds like you."_

" _You think so?"_

" _She has ever since she started laughing."_

 _Ed and Olivia stood in reflective silence and pictured their daughter, years ago, kicking her feet and waving her arms as she cracked up at their silly faces and noises._

" _So, we gonna follow them or…?" Ed trailed off, only partially joking._

" _It's just the two of us tonight," Olivia said, "Let's go on a date of our own, Captain."_

" _Why am I the apprehensive one this evening?"_

" _I have no idea," Olivia replied, "I like Logan a lot. He's a good kid. And so is Maggie. They've been out before."_

" _Not alone."_

" _The way I see it," Olivia approached Ed and tugged on his belt loops, "We can drive ourselves crazy or...we can go have a quiet, romantic dinner."_

" _You know I can't say no to that offer."_

 _Olivia patted his chest and gave him a kiss and a wink. "Oh, I know."_

…..

Three hours hunting in the park for bugs, leaves, rocks, and other specimen resulted in three grubby children and another round of bathtimes. Before Ed and Olivia could get the kids into the two tubs, Caroline called. She needed assistance retrieving roasting pans from her cluttered basement. Noah begged to go and the twins copied his pleas.

"Go! Go Gramma house!"

"G'ma C'line!"

Olivia grinned at the kids and assured them they would see Grandma the next day. Soil was caked into their palms and under their fingernails. She squeezed Ed's wrists and looked at him earnestly. "I'll go," she said softly, "I'd...really like to go."

"Alright," Ed replied, not sounding at all upset at being left at home with the dirty, hyper, hungry brood. "I'll order a pizza or somethin."

"I won't be long."

Olivia drove their SUV to Riverdale through light traffic She presumed Ed suspected the reason for her offering to run the errand and she appreciated his acquiescence. It was odd to be alone in the vehicle. She was so rarely alone these days and usually never by herself in a car. There were kid items everywhere-a Hot Wheels car in the cupholder, a board book in the passenger door's storage slot, and she was sure there were small toys tucked inside the seat pockets behind her. Olivia laughed to herself. Never in a million years did she think she'd be here, right now, driving a car she owned jointly with Ed Tucker.

"Not to mention the three car seats," she murmured to herself.

Without asking if she wanted one, Caroline shook Olivia a cocktail minutes after she ushered her inside. The sunny skies had disappeared and a chilly, rainy evening was ahead. Caroline cursed the rain and declared she preferred snow any day to this type of dreary weather.

"Little ones asleep already?" Caroline asked.

"No, they weren't exactly in shape to make the trip," Olivia replied, "Noah wanted to use his adventure kit today and they basically played in the dirt for three hours."

"Ah, that sounds fun," Caroline said, "I always loved calling Eddie and the others in at night and making them wash up. They were always outside doing something. Back before video games and everything else. Even when they read books they were outside."

"I'm glad Noah's not glued to the TV or computer," Olivia said, "We've been good about keeping him balanced, but he's also always asking to go out, to go somewhere. He doesn't like staying put for long."

"He has a wisdom about him," Caroline said. "Always has from what I remember."

Olivia couldn't stall any longer. Mother-to-mother, she _had_ to bring up the necklace. "Caroline, thank you for giving Noah the cross," she began slowly, pausing after each word to gauge the older woman's reaction. "I told him he has to be careful with it. He understands how special it is."

Though Caroline hadn't so much as uttered her deceased son's name in decades, she resigned herself to the fact she'd have to face his death one more time in her life. There was no possible way Olivia was going to let Noah accept the weighty family heirloom without mentioning something to Caroline. "The day after I met Noah I decided I would give it to him," Caroline replied, her voice low but unwavering, "I even added it to my will just in case."

"We'll all take care of it."

"And it'll take care of him when he needs it most," Caroline said, "My Jack-" she pressed her eyes closed for a few seconds, "-I don't believe Jack was destined to be with us long. When he was born, he wasn't breathing. I thought we'd lost him then, didn't even know him and lost him, but he pulled through. A miracle, one of the nurses said. Some people only get one miracle, only one good outcome after a close call, and that was his."

Olivia tried to speak but no words came out.

Caroline raised her glass and touched it to Olivia's. "We're lucky, dearie. We're lucky to be alive and to know each other, well, thanks, I suppose to Eddie, too. He had something to do with it."

Olivia grinned, "Maybe a little."

"He got another chance at family," Caroline said, taking a sip, "And I suppose, I did, too."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	92. Chapter 92

**Ninety-two.**

By everyone's assessment, Thanksgiving had been a success. It was one of the larger parties Caroline had ever hosted. Almost all of her grandchildren were in attendance and they brought a smattering of spouses, significant others, and great-grandchildren. Noah held court as the oldest kid there and spent most of the night chasing or being chased. When Caroline wondered aloud whether or not he would want to get into his pajamas and listen to her sing lullabies, Noah readily went for his bag and plucked out his sleepwear. Unlike Maggie and Wyatt, he did not stir when Ed carefully shoved his arms in his coat sleeves and carried him to the car.

Two years earlier, Ed and Olivia began the tradition of putting up their Christmas tree Thanksgiving night while the kids were sleeping. In the morning, they would wake to find the gigantic faux evergreen in the living room, screech with delight, and run to unwrap the ornaments. It was like a preview of Christmas morning.

Ed had already taken the boxes out of storage and hidden them in their bedroom, so he and Olivia got right to work. While he constructed the tree's spine, Olivia poured spiced bourbon-a treat they saved for the winter months-and sorted the branches. Each year they debated buying a real tree, but deferred to the fake one because of the lack of mess. Even so, Olivia fantasized about watching Ed one day cut down a tree in the middle of the forest and tie it to the roof of their car. If they ever spent Christmas at the beach house, she would suggest such an outing.

It took the two of them and a step stool to secure the final section. Afterwards, they took a few steps back and stood, arm-in-arm, admiring their work.

"Wanna put the lights on tonight?" Olivia asked.

"Nah," Ed took a sip of his drink and kissed the side of her head.

"You're right," Olivia replied in a hushed voice, "Noah'll probably want to help, too."

"Every man needs to know how to properly string lights."

Olivia leaned into Ed and laughed at the inside joke. They were terrible at placing lights in uniform increments along the outside of the tree. Each year it took them at least three tries to get it looking right. She let the arm that was wrapped around his drift to his back pockets and lifted her chin for a kiss. "Happy Thanksgiving, Ed Tucker."

"Happy Thanksgiving to you."

Olivia took a deep breath and sighed, "I feel good right now," she said, "Calm. It's been a hectic fall."

There was no place to put his glass, so Ed wrapped one arm around her waist and replied, "Hey, you're bein' too hard on yourself. On us. We have three little kids, Liv. Life's supposed to be hectic. I like it a little hectic."

"But I want to enjoy it. I want to slow down. It's...I can't. I like these new opportunities. I love the Center. I'm starting to enjoy the show even more. Barba's work...that's intriguing, too. I-"

"-Hey," Ed said again. His face contorted into a slight frown, "Liv, if I've learned anything in the past few months it's that you need to have all of these things in your life. That's _you_. And I love you. I love that you have that passion, that drive. And think sometimes…" Ed fidgeted and trailed off.

"Sometimes what?"

"Let's sit?"

"Sure."

They moved to the sofa and situated themselves on the couch, facing each other. Ed held Olivia's hands and continued, "I think you kinda judge yourself according to me," he said, "I think you've seen me have no problem leavin' the job, being a Dad, and I think it bothers you but also makes you feel guilty," Olivia balked and Ed squeezed her hands more tightly, "We are so good together, Liv, but we don't have to be the same. You know once you were talkin' to me about balance. Remember that?"

"Yeah."

"And the same concept applies now," Ed said, "But we balance each other. I think you still forget sometimes we're in this together.

"I do. It's not that I forget you. It's-"

"That's not what I meant."

"It's hard to get out of that habit. Reacting like I"m alone. And that's really what it is..a reaction."

"I know," Ed replied, his gravelly voice soft and sincere, "I just hate seein' you beat yourself up for not meeting expectations nobody really has for you. You are the best wife. Best Mother. Best daughter-in-law. Best step-aunt." Olivia laughed and let her head fall against Ed's. He stroked the back of her head. "I think that's what you'd call it?"

"I think so," Olivia murmured.

" _Mmmm…_ "

"Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"Are we going to put the lights up in our room?"

Ed smiled. "Of course."

"Tonight?"

"If that's what ya want."

Olivia made little circles on top of his thigh, tilted her head back, and cocked an eyebrow. "That's what I want, Captain Tucker. Lights…a lot of you..."

Ed planted a firm kiss on her lips. "Then lights and me you'll have."

"And the bourbon, too?"

"Never forget the bourbon."

….

 _Olivia stomped around the apartment barking pleas at the caller who was obviously not willing to accept what she was proposing. The call began on a fairly innocuous note with pleasantries and even a comment that elicited a laugh; however, Olivia's amused reaction was short-lived. Ed watched, awestruck, as her expression flipped on a dime from a precious Benson grin to a fierce scowl. When she said goodbye, she flung the cell phone on the couch so it wedged between a pillow and the back cushion._

" _I'm happy to be here and not wherever that guy is," he quipped, handing her a glass of wine. "Or, whoever he is."_

 _Olivia didn't wait for Ed to ask a more direct question. "Do you remember Elias Kemp, Jr.? And," Olivia glanced at the ceiling, recalling another name, "The Dentist…"_

" _Alexander," Ed muttered._

 _Eyes wide, Olivia replied, "I cannot believe you remember that name."_

" _I'm not the idiot hardass some people think I am, Benson."_

" _Well, I never called you an idiot hardass," she said, flirtation in her voice, as she sat down next to him. The phone remained in its temporary holding area. She grinned, tipped her glass toward his, and kept smiling as they traded a few kisses. "I may have chosen some other choice adjectives, but never idiot."_

" _Hardass?"_

" _I think I used worse."_

" _Like what?" Ed asked playfully._

 _Olivia knew he was joking so she matched his tone in order to not kill the buoyant mood they'd created. "Don't make me say it," she said, "I don't want to go back to those days, do you?" She kissed him again. It was a passionate, suggestive kiss and she stared into his eyes afterward._

" _No," he croaked, "No I don't."_

" _Good."_

 _Ed held his wine with one hand and curled his other arm around Olivia, holding her close and feeling like the luckiest man on the planet. They were getting along so well lately. He couldn't explain why, but it felt like they'd reached some invisible milestone or had come to an unspoken agreement that they were, finally,_ _together_ _. Except, of course, for that pesky reality that their relationship to everyone other than themselves and Noah was a secret._

" _So… who was it?"_

" _Who was who?" Olivia took a drink and was genuinely puzzled._

" _On the phone."_

" _Oh," she shot him a self-conscious grin and laughed, "I completely forgot. It was Jimmy Mac."_

" _The guy from the Ledger?"_

" _That's the one."_

" _I heard he's got half a liver and cancer...somewhere," Ed's face contorted and he added, "Esophagus I think."_

" _That's horrible," Olivia said, "I hadn't heard that."_

" _Well, I could be wrong. My sources aren't always that reliable."_

 _Olivia swatted at his leg, "And he finally admits it!" They laughed together and kissed again, but she knew Ed was still curious about the call. "Every time he picks up a story on the scanner, or from someone he knows in the department, he calls, and then lurks, and then, if he's really interested, won't stop calling for about a week until I convince him the case isn't all that Ledger-worthy."_

" _Sounds desperate."_

" _In a way, he is. Hanging onto his career by-"_

" _-Not what I meant," Ed interrupted in a voice decidedly softer than his usual tone, "I meant he sounds desperate to talk to you."_

" _Maybe a little of that too," Olivia replied cockily._

 _The expression on Ed's face grew a tiny bit more serious. He cupped the side of Olivia's face and ran his hand over her cheek. Her skin was so smooth and perfect. Her eyes were sparkling and she soulfully gazed back at him, expecting him to utter something profound._

" _I know how it feels to be desperate to talk to you," he said, "And I can't get too cocky about bein' here right now 'cause I know what it's like to not be here."_

" _What's that like?" Olivia challenged, nudging him even further out of his comfort zone._

" _There've been many afternoons when my primary objective was to figure out how to see you again," he admitted sheepishly, "So I get it. I get him."_

 _Olivia shook her head, "No," she said, "You can't completely get him, because, Ed Tucker, you...you're here, with me, and you don't want anything else but to be here with me. With everyone else, there's always an ulterior motive. Always some nuance...some...something owed."_

" _You're right."_

 _Olivia put both their glasses on the coffee table and rose to her knees. "I'm glad you're here, Ed. And I miss you when you're not." She kissed him until they were off-balance. They stood up and ambled to the bedroom, kissing and laughing at themselves, especially when they misjudged a corner or bumped into a door. Minutes later their clothes lined the perimeter of Olivia's bed. All through the night, while they made love, whispered to one another while staring out into the night, made love again, and fell into a peaceful, deep sleep, Olivia's phone remained pinned between the couch cushions._

….

In addition to the Thanksgiving night tree tradition, the night also marked the beginning of the Christmas-themed pajama rotation. Dressed in a matching blue set striped with strings of lights, the kids circled the tree as if it were the first time they'd ever seen it. Maggie and Wyatt tried to echo Noah's observations-The tree was huge. You could see it all the way at Grandma Caroline's house. It was like the one that was by the place where they went ice skating every winter.

"You gonna skate with me this year?" Noah asked his siblings. Maggie and Wyatt responded with a few garbled sentences Noah pretended to understand. "They're gonna skate," he announced to his parents, "I'll help 'em balance but then when I go fast you gotta hold their hands, kay?"

"Okay," Olivia said as she set a tray of mini muffins and fruit on the plastic Little Tikes table and watched with a satisfied smile as her children skipped happily over and started munching on their breakfasts.

Ed rounded the corner from the foyer and placed two storage bins of ornaments in front of the tree. From a nearby bag he produced the lights. They'd been neatly wrapped the year before and Ed unfurled them with ease.

"Think we got enough lights, Daddy?" Noah asked.

"Yep," Ed replied, "But we can get more if we run out. Gotta test 'em first though."

"I'll plug 'em!"

"Alright."

Once it was confirmed the lights were all in working order and no bulbs needed replacement, they got to work stringing the strands on the tree. The twins watched and munched, and their mouths slowly became ringed with crumbs. Olivia sat on the floor and pulled them into her lap, sneaking a few snuggles before the ornaments came out.

A tree-decorating veteran, Noah made sure to step back and hold the twins at bay as Ed and Olivia unpacked the most fragile baubles including the spheres printed with each child's name and birthdate and the one gifted to them by Caroline as a wedding present. It featured a photograph of Ed, Olivia, and Noah with the word _family_ printed all around the bright blue globe.

"Those go right there," Noah pointed to the middle of the tree at his eye level, "All together. One, two, three, four! Right in dis row!"

"That's right," Olivia said. She and Ed solemnly threaded branches through the hooks. Olivia blinked back tears. This, too, was a tradition and it had been since the first time she and Ed decorated a tree together. She remembered how overwhelmed she'd been that night as she and Ed sipped wine on her sofa and admired their work. There were so many more ornaments on the tree now and most held significance far more important than simple holiday decor.

"Here's my handprint from preschool!" Noah was digging through the second box of less-likely to be broken items and found the handprint formed from Plaster of Paris. He compared the size of his four-year-old hand to the seven-year-old version and smiled proudly. "Whoa! Lot bigger! Babies, when you get to school you'll have a hand on da tree, too!"

Ed hung a few more and Olivia noticed him pause to gaze at one emblazoned with the twins' newborn footprints. He took a moment to reminisce and could practically feel those brand new toes feeling so delicate in his hands. He remembered laying Maggie and Wyatt on their plush new rug and watching in awe as they kicked, stretched, and moved their little tongues and lips around, getting used to the way their bodies worked.

"TANE! CHOO CHOO!" Wyatt found one of several train ornaments and headed for the train table. He played with the train for a minute or so before Noah led him back to the tree.

"Dis train goes on da tree, Wyatt," Noah explained. He took his little brother's hand and helped him secure it to a branch. "There. We put it on a low one so you can play with it if ya want, but then ya gotta put it back."

"Choo Choo, No!"

"You got a lotta trains over there," Noah said.

Wyatt went back to the table and gathered as many locomotives as he could carry into his arms. Ed, Olivia, and Noah chuckled when they saw Wyatt try to figure out how to balance the cars on the tree. Noah held up his hands and helplessly remarked, "Now he thinks all da trains are orn'ments!"

"P'cess!" Bored of the trains, Maggie rummaged through the box and found the Disney princess set Sarah had given her last year. "My p'cess! Dada!" She handed the ornament to Ed and he put it on the tree for her.

"Get the other ones, baby girl," he said, "I'll show ya how to put it on."

There were so many precious photos taken that morning, but the one Olivia snapped of Ed crouched next to the tree helping Maggie with the princess ornaments was an instant favorite. The combination of the lights reflected on their faces and Ed's sturdy frame alongside the toddler's resulted in an image showing the epitome of fatherly affection, security, and holiday peace. Maggie's lips were pursed in concentration and Olivia caught Ed mid-sentence. It was a gorgeous photograph which she would eventually print and frame. She hoped to one day give it to Maggie and hoped she would treasure it for the rest of her life.

…

 _Olivia fussed with throw pillows and adjusted the angle of picture frames while she waited for her family to arrive. For some reason, she was nervous. The past three months had been excruciating. Noah leaving for college had been difficult, but having all three of her children away for the first time ever was near torture. Increasing the torment was Maggie's decision to attend Stanford. Olivia cried in Ed's arms every night for the first two weeks she was gone. Wyatt and Noah were closer-Boston and Washington, D.C. respectively-but it was little consolation to Olivia._

 _Amused, Ed sat at the island, patiently paging through the newspaper, not really reading but pretending to do so to avoid staring and smirking at his wife. He, too, missed the kids, but he'd been so focused on helping Olivia adjust he hadn't had much time to process his own feelings of emptiness. Furthermore, the kids frequently sent texts and pictures, particularly Maggie who spent her weekends along the coast. The long distance communication comforted Ed but did little to fill the void in Olivia's life._

 _In addition to Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah living away from home, Sarah, Justin, and their kids were wrapping up a stint in South America. Over the past five years, Sarah's job had taken her family to Spain, London, and, most recently, Argentina. She and Justin were thrilled to have the opportunity to live in different, exotic places. Olivia and Ed were happy for them and even took their brood to visit the Vidals in Barcelona and England, but they both preferred everyone all together in one city or, at least, within a short road trip._

 _Ed swore Olivia reacted to the sound of the key in the lock before the noise actually reverberated down the foyer and into the apartment. It seemed like it took her a total of two steps to get to the door and Ed wasn't yet around the corner when he heard her gasp, "I am so happy to see you. Happy Thanksgiving!"_

 _Noah and Wyatt were the first to arrive. They would all go to the airport later to pick up Maggie. Olivia clung to her boys for a few extra seconds and, with smiles on their faces, they patiently waited for her to finish the hug. Two well-traveled black suitcases sat on rollers behind them in the hall. When Ed got a turn to hug his sons, their parkas crunched under his grasp._

" _Good trip?" Ed asked as he backed away and snaked an arm around the waist of his weepy wife._

" _Crowded," Noah said, "And this guy next to me didn't stop talking on his phone the whole way, but," he paused and gave his mother another quick hug, "It's good to be home."_

" _And the craziest thing?" Wyatt chimed in, "We were on the same platform! Noah's train came in five minutes after mine!"_

 _Olivia and Ed grinned. In many respects, Wyatt was still so childlike it was difficult to picture him strolling around his Ivy League campus and engaging in abstract discussions about philosophy and literary theory. Olivia patted his cheek and brushed his brown bangs to the side. "I've missed you so much. And," she squeezed Noah's hand, "You, too."_

 _Noah burst into gentle laughter, "I know Mom, you're used to me gone."_

" _I'll never be used to any of you gone," she said. "But, enough of this, come on, get comfortable. Your Dad and I need updates."_

 _Wyatt and Noah wheeled their luggage to the bedroom they'd shared since Wyatt was six and Noah ten. They reappeared at the island, the de facto family meeting place, where Ed served Noah a beer and slid Wyatt his favorite orange soda. Ed held his own beer glass in the air, "A toast," he said, "To having the five of us back together again."_

 _They clinked glasses and took sips. Noah eagerly told his parents and brother about his latest project. He'd been working as a staffer on Capitol Hill as part of his graduate program and clearly relished the research, pace, and content of his work. Wyatt spoke of study groups, professors, and pick-up football games in the Harvard quad. He loved the Boston/Cambridge area and added that he only had a few more "extra touristy" things to see and do. Noah joked about the challenges of living alone for the first time in his life; Wyatt good-naturedly complained about having roommates._

" _When does Maggie land?" Noah asked after he'd taken a long swig of his beer. He didn't drink much, but it tasted good and he still felt warm from the train._

" _Nine," Wyatt answered immediately._

 _Ed and Olivia exchanged glances. Almost the entire country separated their twins, but Maggie and Wyatt kept close tabs on each other._

" _And I want you to know right now," Wyatt said in the most authoritative voice he could muster, "She's gonna say I have a girlfriend but I promise you she's just a friend."_

" _Who's that?" Ed teased. "Oh, yeah, you mean Lana?"_

" _Lana is…" Wyatt trailed off. He could feel his face getting hot and knew he needed to mount as brief a protest as possible, "She's a really good friend."_

 _Noah nudged his brother, "Maggs said she crushed you in Socratic Seminar."_

" _She didn't crush me," Wyatt retorted, "She, uh...she knew I wasn't prepared for one particular part of the argument, and-"_

" _-so she crushed you."_

 _Wyatt's cheeks were beet red. "Yeah."_

 _Ed sidled up to Olivia and kissed her cheek before reassuring Wyatt. "Nothin wrong with that, bud," he said, "I loved it when your mom crushed me."_

 _Olivia raised her eyebrows, "Loved?"_

" _Well," Ed's own cheeks flushed, "My mistake._ _Love_ _. She's still crushin' me every once in a while."_

….

The twins danced around the room to music Noah played from Olivia's iPhone. When he hit the pause button, he shouted "FREEZE" and the twins did their best to stop on a dime. More often than not the attempts resulted in one or both of the toddlers toppling over which sent Noah and then Maggie and Wyatt into fits of giggles. Sarah and Brooke looked on skeptically and placed bets on how long it would take to get everyone in bed and asleep for the night.

"Keep us posted, Livvie," Sarah slurred. She and Brooke had spent the day with Aidan and Dave. When they both showed up tipsy that evening, neither Olivia nor Ed were surprised. "Brookey, since it's just you and me tonight, why don't we bar hippity hop back to my place?"

"I thought Justin was home?" Olivia asked.

"He left a day early," Sarah whined, "Actually, calendar error. He and I both thought today was tomorrow." She waved her hands in front of her face, "Maybe we need to still live with parents? So, anyway, it's me and Brookey tonight since Sonny Bunny agreed to babysit, even though," she touched her index finger to her chin, "I don't think one babysits his or her own children. Daddy? Do you say babysit?"

"No."

Sarah guffawed at Ed playing a round of freeze-dance with the twins and Noah. He stumbled a little and smacked his forehead. "Ya got me, Maggs and Wyatt! You win!" Maggie and Wyatt attacked Ed's legs and he flipped them upside down, one at a time, kissing their noses on the way down.

"Daddy, flip me!" Noah said.

"C'mere, bud!" Ed flipped Noah and then, for good measure, flew him across the room and landed him on a beanbag. Noah erupted into belly laughs when Ed tickled him, the twins squealed and ran over, and the cacophony almost made Olivia miss a phone call from a familiar number.

She stepped into the back hallway to talk and was back after less than a minute.

"Everything okay?" Brooke asked.

Olivia nodded and called Noah over. Breathless, he rolled off the couch and skipped to the island. "Guess what, sweet boy?"

"What?"

"Mia's going to sleep over tomorrow night!"

Noah jumped up and down, "She _IS_?"

"Yes!"

Ed twisted his lips and looked at Olivia quizzically. She smiled back and winked. They'd talk about the details later. For now, Olivia found herself elated to host Mia for a night, and, even though she wouldn't entrust Noah and the twins to anyone other than family, she was honored Mia's mother and father called upon the Tuckers to help them out.

Sarah threw her arms into the air, "SLEEPOVER! Omigod, can I sleep over too?"

"Sare Bear, this is for little kids," Noah informed her with his hands on his hips.

"Oh."

"And," Brooke gathered her purse and gently knocked Sarah off a barstool, "You promised to hang out with me and Sof tomorrow while Sonny works. There's your sleepover."

" _Fine_ ," Sarah said, "But we shall Face Time."

Noah grinned. "Yep! We shall!"

…

 **#Tuckson**


	93. Chapter 93

**Ninety-three**.

Mia arrived at the Tucker home with a sequined purple duffle bag and her school backpack. Hanging from the bookbag's zippers were clusters of charms, keychains, and furry animal heads. She dropped the backpack in the hall, tossed her parka on top, said a hurried goodbye to her nanny, and skipped into the living room. Maggie and Wyatt were playing with two new wooden playsets-a treehouse and a fire station-and Mia plopped herself on the rug and immediately inserted herself in the activity.

"We got the fire trucks all ready to put out the fires!" She said gleefully. "Is the treehouse gonna be on fire? These guys will save the kids in the tree house! Noah? We gotta build a treehouse, we should build one in the park!"

Noah took a seat next to Mia and the two of them debated whether or not they would be allowed to construct such a hideaway in any of the parks they knew. Minutes later, Noah dragged the large drawing pad from the hall closet and he and Mia used his vast collection of markers, pens, and pencils to create a blueprint for their dream treehouse.

"Need a ladder to get up dere."

"And some flashlights, but we'll buy those at da store."

"And two windows for lookouts!"

At the island, Ed and Olivia looked on and brainstormed ideas for the rest of the evening.

"They seem pretty self-sufficient," Ed remarked.

"They usually are," Olivia replied, "Let them play for a while. Do we dare take the four of them out to dinner?"

"It'd be good to get out."

"Alright," Olivia fist-bumped him, "We got this, Captain Tucker."

Ed grinned and gave her a quick kiss. "We sure do."

…..

 _Even though he was at the airport to retrieve his daughter, Ed grumbled about traffic and the congested parking garage. He steered the SUV up the snaking ramp and finally found a narrow spot between two pillars. "Can ya get out?" He asked Olivia._

 _She carefully opened the door, "I think so." Impatient to see her daughter, she made quick work of wedging herself out of the car and looked around for the elevator. Spotting it, she led the way into the terminal. Ed and the boys almost had to jog to keep up with her. They had no problem arranging to go through security so they could meet Maggie at the gate. Once they were through the line Olivia stopped at the arrivals board and her eyes darted around frantically, searching for Maggie's flight._

" _It's right there Liv," Ed put his hand on the small of her back, "B thirty-two."_

" _Ok, let's go."_

" _Can we go to the sky club?" Wyatt asked._

" _I don't think you can get in there if you don't have a boarding pass," Noah said._

" _We don't have much time anyway," Olivia said, "She'd supposed to land in fifteen minutes."_

 _Wyatt played around with his flight tracker app and confirmed the estimate, "Yep, they're at less than ten-thousand feet now."_

 _Olivia peered over his shoulder as if she hoped she could actually see Maggie on the airplane. Noah and Ed exchanged knowing glances. They were used to Olivia being extra-fussy when it came to Maggie, and they understood that the holidays and the separation resulted in an extra-emotional mother._

" _C'mon, Mom," Wyatt said softly, "Let's sit over there." He gestured to a row of seats facing the window. "That way we can see the plane as soon as it pulls up." Wyatt rushed over to claim the seats._

 _Olivia sat down but fidgeted and wrung her hands until Ed reached over and took one. She gave him a grateful smile. "Sorry," she whispered, "I just can't wait to see her."_

" _Don't apologize," Ed kissed her head, "We all miss each other." He let go of her hand and slung his arm across her shoulders. As travelers mingled about and gate agents made announcements, Ed thought back to August when he and Olivia dropped Maggie off at Stanford. It wasn't until they actually said their final goodbyes in front lobby of her dormitory that Ed and Olivia really believed Maggie was serious about wanting to go to school in California. She had been the child of grand ideas and plans, and when she started talking about college on the west coast during her junior year of high school, both Ed and Olivia chalked it up to their daughter's imagination getting the better of her._

 _Ed remembered how well Olivia kept her emotions in check as she wrapped Maggie in a long, firm embrace and then jokingly reminded her to check in every once in a while. Maggie responded with a smile and one of her characteristic eye rolls. Olivia and Maggie had been texting back and forth constantly ever since the day Maggie received her first phone. Neither mother nor daughter expected that to change. Nevertheless, they had to part. Olivia squeezed Maggie's hand, then grabbed Ed's, and let him lead her out to their rental car._

 _Once in the sedan, the tears poured down Olivia's cheeks. She buried her face in her hands and let her body fall against Ed's when he reached out for her. He glanced at the building to make sure Maggie hadn't followed them out for one last goodbye. Earlier that summer Maggie had a heart-to-heart with her mother and told her she would reconsider Stanford if it was going to be too heartbreaking. Olivia insisted she follow her dreams, pursue the plan she had in mind, but she didn't lie and say Maggie living over two-thousand miles away would have no effect on her. Seeing Olivia heaving and consumed with sobs would have caused Maggie undeserved anguish._

" _There she is!"_

 _Ed had been so caught up in his memory he hadn't realized the flight arrived and the first passengers were making their way down the jetway. They'd purchased a first class ticket for Maggie, so she was one of the first to emerge, sunkissed, smiling, and looking the exact opposite of her travel-weary flight companions. She had not been told that her family would be at the gate, but she was not at all surprised to see them standing there._

" _Hi guys!"_

 _Ed and the boys deferred to Olivia and let her be the first to hug Maggie. As mother and daughter embraced, Ed had to fight back tears._

" _I'm so happy to see you, sweet girl," Olivia murmured softly. She pressed the side of her head against Maggie's. They were almost the same height. Maggie's hair was a shade lighter than Olivia's, her face was a bit narrower, favoring Ed's side of the family, but when she took a step back and smiled at her mother, even Olivia had to admit it was like looking in the mirror._

" _I'm happy to see you, Mom!" Maggie turned to Ed and gave him a hug, "And you, Dad! Thanks for the sweet seat."_

" _No problem."_

" _Maggs gets first class and we get a packed Amtrak," Wyatt muttered good-naturedly._

" _BROTHER!" Maggie attacked Wyatt with a hug and kissed him on the head. Wyatt pretended to fight her off like he'd done a hundred times before but Maggie wasn't buying it. She laughed, gave him an extra squeeze, playfully shoved him away, and verbally sized him up. "You look very much Harvard."_

 _Not even Noah, ever the mediator, could deny it. Wyatt was even more fastidious than his older brother when it came to clothing. A year removed from the private school uniform, Wyatt still preferred collared shirts and khaki pants. His definition of casual was leaving a shirt untucked. On this night he wore a navy sweater over an oxford shirt with wheat-colored chinos._

 _Wyatt shrugged and grinned._

" _Let's get the bags and go eat," Ed said._

" _Pub?" Noah asked._

" _Yes!" Maggie said, "The pub!"_

 _Ed and Olivia let their trio lead the way to baggage claim. Ed intertwined his fingers with Olivia's and they exchanged smiles. The week would probably pass quickly, but, for right now, they could bask in the perfection of being all together. Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah would order their dinners and agree to share their sides-onion rings, tater tots, and french fries-and, after dinner, they'd go home and play cards, banter, and good-naturedly rib one another. Early the next morning, Ed and Olivia would probably find the three of them crashed on the couch, having fallen asleep watching a movie or old sitcoms. That summer, they'd been obsessed with Three's Company._

" _Pub okay with you?" Ed whispered to Olivia merely because he knew the answer._

 _She beamed and leaned into him, "Right now, anything's okay with me."_

" _Mom?" Maggie drifted away, back from her brothers, to walk by Olivia's side._

" _Hmm?"_

 _Maggie cocked her head like she always did when she was about to ask for something important, "Is the tree up?"_

" _Not yet, honey," Olivia replied. "You know that's for the day after Thanksgiving."_

" _Oh, good," Maggie said, "My friends told me that after the kids are gone the parents just do whatever."_

" _Not us," Olivia replied, "Traditions...will remain."_

 _Even though they were walking through a crowd, Maggie put her head on Olivia's shoulder. "Good," she sighed. "And, you know what?"_

" _What?"_

" _I'm soooo looking forward to this cold weather."_

" _It's missed you."_

 _Maggie gave Olivia a side hug. "I've missed you!"_

…..

Ed and Olivia planned to let the kids run around a little bit after dinner, but the meal took longer than they'd anticipated and it was getting dark by the time they left the restaurant. When they returned home, Noah and Mia took turns leading the twins in several rounds of _Simon Says_ which caused several giggle-fit-interludes. Maggie and Wyatt were good at following directions, but they didn't quite understand the rules.

After _Simon Says_ , Wyatt retrieved the iPad and brought it to Noah. "Hokapoka, NO!" He exclaimed.

Noah grinned and explained to Mia that Wyatt and Maggie loved the _Hokey Pokey_. He pressed play and they bopped around the living room, dancing along with the age-old tune. On the fifth or sixth "turn yourself around," all four kids spun in circles until they became dizzy and tumbled to the floor. Maggie fell onto Wyatt's chest and he whimpered a bit.

Mia crouched over Wyatt, "You okay, baby?"

Wyatt appeared surprised to see Mia comforting him and he forgot about any pain he'd endured. He let Mia help him to his feet and take his hand. "You have any cookies?" Mia asked Ed and Olivia, "My Daddy always gives me a cookie when I get hurt!"

"We sure do," Olivia said, turning to the pantry and grabbing the package of Oreos. She gave one to each kid.

Recovered, Wyatt munched on his cookie and skipped away chanting "Oh-wee-oh" in a sing-songy voice. He joined Maggie at the workbench and put the uneaten half of the cookie down. Maggie subsequently smashed it with a plastic hammer and the twins gleefully turned around and grinned at their parents.

"MESS! Mayamess!"

Ed went over to wipe up the crumbs.

"I smass, Dada!" Maggie said. "Where cookie go?"

"You made it disappear, Maggs," Ed replied, "All gone."

"Ah gone!"

"Much to Wyatt's dismay," Ed mumbled on his way to the trash can. He kissed Olivia's cheek and whispered, "They don't look like they're wearin' themselves out very well."

"No, they don't," Olivia agreed.

"Hey!" Mia said loudly, "How 'bout we build a maze and see if these babies can get outta it?"

"Oooo!" Noah rubbed his hands together, "Less go get my Legos...actually," he bit his lip," Let's get da babies' legos 'cause they're bigger and we can build da maze faster. And we have da big blocks, too."

"Kay!"

After a few minutes of maze-building, it was apparent Maggie and Wyatt were not going to cooperate. They dismantled the Lego walls as quickly as Mia and Noah built them or tried to hurdle the stacks and kicked pieces, sending them skidding across the parquet floor. Before the two first graders could get overly frustrated, Olivia stepped in. "How about we give the twins their baths and get them ready for bed and they can do the maze when we're done? That way it'll be a surprise and you'll really see if they can do it."

"Good idea, Mommy! But," Noah tapped his chin with an index finger, "Can they brush brush brush later and we'll give 'em another Oreo if they get through?"

"Sure, honey."

…..

 _Olivia put Noah to bed and changed her clothes, and when she came back into the living room, Ed turned off the television so they could focus all attention on one another. It had been a chaotic few days since Yates and Rudnick broke out of prison and Ed hoped the quiet, dimly lit ambience would help to set Olivia at ease._

" _Probably not goin' to be able to take much time...with Dodds?"_

" _No," Olivia sighed, "But I talked to him today and he sounded good, confident, but then again he always sounds like that. Either way, I don't think he'll be out long."_

" _Still a lot to process. And rehab'll be a bitch."_

" _Yeah."_

" _And what about you?" Ed asked, "How are you feeling?"_

 _Olivia brushed a section of her hair to the side and tucked it behind her ear, "You know, I wonder sometimes, what takes the bigger toll. The day to day grind or these cases, these psychopaths who, until we take them down, seem untouchable...always one step ahead of us."_

" _Gotta be them," Ed replied even though he sensed the question was rhetorical, "Since you still have the day to day stuff with those guys looming over you for added…"_

" _...Fun?"_

 _Ed smirked sheepishly, "I was gonna say that, but, um, even though-"_

" _-Sarcasm," Olivia said, "I get it."_

" _I don't want you to think I'm downplaying...any...of what you've been through."_

" _Ed," Olivia tilted her head to the side and gazed at him, "I've never gotten the perception that you've been dismissive. Not at all. At least, not recently."_

 _Visibly relieved, Ed replied in a half-whisper, "I was scared when you said you were goin' to Chicago," he said, his voice laced with emotion. Even though Yates didn't have an obsession with her, he couldn't help but see parallels between him and Lewis and he genuinely feared for Olivia's life._

 _Their relationship had undergone a transformation, yet the admission took Olivia by surprise. "You were?"_

" _Yes."_

" _Why?" She asked even though she was sure she knew the answer. Her shock came only because she hadn't thought twice about chasing Yates to Chicago. It was part of the job, and she'd been in work mode._

" _Because I care about you, Liv," Ed replied nervously, "And I was worried...that, well, I've seen people get obsessed with gettin' a guy and get tunnel vision and kinda get trapped...and then make the wrong call," his shoulders slumped and he added, "Not that you'd do that."_

" _I have done that," she replied._

" _Not what I was referrin' to," he inched closer to her. "I'm not judging you. I'm just so glad you're here with me. Safe. There was no telling what was going to happen. That's the other part of what scared me."_

 _Tears welled in Olivia's eyes. She blinked. Ed, thinking she was fraught with horrific memories, froze, unsure of what to do. A few drops escaped and streaked down her cheeks, but the ends of her lips curled upwards ever so slightly._

 _She was smiling?_

" _Liv?"_

" _You were scared?"_

" _Yeah," Ed swallowed hard, "I was."_

" _I don't know that anyone's ever said that to me before," she said, "Maybe they felt that way...maybe...but, to actually hear it...is...different."_

 _Ed played with her hair and thought carefully about his next words, "You're so tough," he said, "So maybe, someone tellin' you they were scared for you, maybe it seemed like an insult?"_

" _Maybe."_

" _Are you insulted?" He asked with genuine concern, "Because I said that?"_

" _No. I'm...I feel...maybe a little annoyed that no one's said it before?" Ed chuckled. Olivia continued, "But also, it feels good. I don't like that you were scared, but I, well, maybe it's a little flattering?"_

 _Ed smirked, "Then I'm glad I'm the guy to say it."_

 _Both Olivia and Ed could feel the nerves fluttering between them. There were so many emotions and sentiments left unsaid, but they stared into one another's eyes and slowly closed the distance, eventually falling into a deep, passionate kiss. Olivia loved the way Ed enveloped her in his arms. If there were a good way to be smothered, to be wholly consumed by another person, Ed knew how to do it. She was locked in his arms, but she didn't want him to let go. He was obsessed with her in all the right ways, and she was content to let him dote on her, let him care for her, for as long as he was willing to do so._

…..

The twins easily navigated the uncomplicated maze and ate two cookies each before Olivia announced it was time for everyone to change into their pajamas and get ready for bed. The Tucker pre-sleep routine-choosing books, reading the chosen books, saying goodnight to Maggie and Wyatt, a Noah-only story, then tuck-in-regularly took almost an hour. The whole process befuddled Mia. It became clear she wasn't used to such attention at nighttime.

"Okay," Olivia said after she closed the final book of the evening. "Time for sleep." She chose "sleep" rather than "bed" because the four kids were sleeping all together in Noah's room under the tent they'd created earlier with bedsheets.

"But we can watch da ocean show, right?" Noah asked, referring to a documentary called _Creatures of the Sea_ which was essentially footage from an underwater camera accompanied by soothing xylophone music.

"Yes."

Before Olivia left the four kids alone, Mia sat up and asked, "Hey! Where you gonna sleep?"

"In our room," Olivia replied and pointed down the hall, "Right over there."

" _Ohhhh_. At my house there's Mommy's room and then Daddy's room. And when we're at the stables there isn't _any_ room for Daddy!"

"My Mommy and Daddy always sleep in da big bed," Noah said, a tad boastful, "And sometimes we sleep all together in there! One, two, three, four, five!" He giggled, "With you, Mia, dat's onetwothreefourfiveSIX!"

"I think we're good with four in here," Olivia said. "Fifteen minutes of the ocean. Set the timer."

"Kay."

Olivia blew them a kiss and went to the living room to help Ed tidy up the space. The toy boxes had been emptied and their contents had been scattered everywhere, including under the tree because one of the night's activities had been to pretend it was Christmas morning. When she arrived, Ed had the toys put away and was waiting with a glass of wine. The only light in the room came from the tree, the Frank Sinatra Christmas Album played at a low volume from the speakers, and Ed led Olivia by the hand to the sofa.

"Everything good in there?" Ed asked as he and Olivia curled into one another and he stretched his legs onto the coffee table.

"Yes," Olivia rested her head under his chin, "And it looks great out here. You'd never know four kids spent the night playing here."

Ed smiled and kissed the top of Olivia's head. "They had a good time."

"They did," Olivia replied, "Do you know what Mia said to me?"

"What's that?"

"She said her mom and dad slept in separate rooms...she was so surprised, well, shocked, at all of it tonight. Me helping her with her pajamas, the stories, hugs and kisses goodnight...and the fact that the two of us would be sleeping in the room across the hall."

"Does that mean we can't lock the door tonight?" Ed joked.

"Yes, I'm afraid it does," Olivia retorted without missing a beat.

"Well," Ed replied, "I wonder...probably...not many kids have what ours have, Liv. We're kinda old school in that way."

"And isn't that a good thing?"

"I think so."

"There are so many difficult situations that they'll have to deal with," Olivia said, "Shouldn't they at least have the security that their parents love them unconditionally? That they can always come home to us and be safe and loved and...comfortable?"

"Yes. And they will."

"But not Mia."

"At the moment, no, not Mia, or at least it doesn't seem that way, but, Liv, we can't do anything about that."

Olivia let out a conciliatory sigh. "I'm so happy Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt don't have to grow up like I did. I think I worry about Mia more because her childhood is more familiar to me than our kids' is."

"And Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt won't have a clue what it's like to have Mia's childhood," Ed pointed out. "And they won't take it for granted. Because they'll see other kids' lives, they'll notice the little things, and, it won't always be rosy, but they'll understand we love them, they'll know what it's like to be loved and cared for."

"And they'll pass that on to their families."

"Yes they will."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	94. Chapter 94

**Ninety-four**.

"Mama!"

"Dada!"

"Up!"

" _UhhhhP_!"

With eyes half-open, Olivia reached over and gave Maggie and Wyatt a boost onto the bed. Wyatt burrowed underneath the covers on Olivia's side and Maggie nestled herself in the space that was created between her parents when Olivia rolled over. Olivia kissed Wyatt's head and held him close. He craned his neck backwards, gave her a lazy smile, and shoved his fist in his mouth. She felt a little bad about letting him sleep in Noah's room. Wyatt loved his bed and he was usually the first to fall asleep and last to wake up. He would always be included in the alternative sleeping arrangements, but Olivia knew he was most comfortable in his own space.

"C'toons, Dada?" Maggie only held still for a moment and she strained across Ed's body for the remote control. "Powpuffgirls!"

"How 'bout Transformers?" Ed asked.

"NO!" Maggie frowned and put her hands on Ed's cheeks, "POWPUFF!"

Ed kissed Maggie's nose, "Whaddya say?"

"Peeease!"

Ed flicked on the television and found Maggie's show. Olivia sat up and pulled Wyatt into her lap and Ed did the same with Maggie. Minutes later, Noah and Mia skipped into the room. Ed and Olivia were shocked to see Mia's ponytail still tightly tied at the back of her head. It looked like she'd slept either flat on her face or sitting up.

"Noah said we can have waffles!" Mia announced, skipping any and all morning pleasantries. Her dark brown, almost black, eyes shone with excitement. She grinned and her freckles became even more pronounced. "He say ya have booberries and chocolate chips, oh, I know it's b _uh-lue_ -berries, but I like ta say booberries 'cause it's like Halloween then!"

Amused, Ed raised his eyebrows and nodded. He smiled at Noah and grinned. He and Mia had been friends for three years, but Mia's whirlwind-like personality left him bewildered at least once each time they were together.

"We didn't see you for Halloween this year," Olivia pointed out, "What was your costume?"

"A taco."

Noah giggled, "A _taco_?"

"Yep!" Mia balanced on one foot and then the other as she assessed the room. "You gotta lotta pictures, Livia!" She wandered around the bed to the opposite wall. "Lookit Noah! Baby Noah! And baby babies! Hey!" She spun around on her heel, "These babies are like little kids now!"

"We always call 'em babies," Noah said assuredly.

Mia shrugged and went back to the photographs. "There's the Sare Bear! And there's Ed!"

"Do you have many pictures on your walls at home, Mia?" Olivia asked.

"Nope! We have...jus' pictures of places, but no people in 'em."

Noah ran over to join Mia and to give more context to the photographs. There were shots of the kids at holidays and birthdays, on the Manhattan rooftop and at the beach house. In some they were dressed formally and in others they were wearing jeans and t-shirts and snapped mid-action rather than frozen in a pose. "Lookit dis one," he said, "That's from last year and see? Da presents were taller than US!"

Ed rolled toward Olivia and whispered, "Did we overdo it last year?"

"We always do."

The twins were sitting up now, between them, and clapped their hands at the action. They babbled the names of the characters and Wyatt turned around frequently to make sure either his Mommy or Daddy were paying attention. "P'fessor!" He would bellow. Or, when the villain Mojo Jojo appeared, he would say that name and look back and forth from his parents to the screen with wide eyes. Ed saw the pure joy on Olivia's face and he snuck a couple of quick kisses before suggesting they move their little lazy morning party to the kitchen and living room. He tasked Noah and Mia with finding the breakfast ingredients and helped the twins to the floor. Maggie and Wyatt forgot all about their show and rushed to join the older kids.

Ed leaned over Olivia, "You comin?"

"Yes," she grinned and puckered her lips for the ensuing kiss.

Ed played with her hair and stroked her cheek with an index finger, "Coffee?"

"Yes, please." Olivia reached out, took Ed's hands, and allowed him to pull her to her feet. He wrapped her in a tight embrace and she sighed, "I love this."

"So do I."

…..

 _Watching Noah happily play among other carefree, cheerful toddlers and elementary-school aged children made Olivia feel even more miserable than she'd felt that afternoon, post-verdict, when she walked out of the courthouse with Darius McCrae's inconsolable mother. It seemed so wrong for her to be enjoying a beautiful June evening with her son and Ed Tucker when, uptown, Cheryl was at home in her tiny apartment trying to figure out how to weather the next seven years with her son in prison. Nearby, Noah rolled his mini-tractor along the concrete wall of the sandbox. Every few minutes he'd look back at the bench, smile, and turn his attention back to his toy. Another little boy approached with a similar truck and the two giggled at the coincidence. Minutes later, they were racing around the perimeter, laughing loudly._

" _Whatcha thinkin' about?" Ed asked. Olivia had been more reticent than usual, and he knew it was because of the verdict. However, he wasn't used to this type of near silence and was debating whether or not he should simply offer to leave her alone._

 _Olivia wedged her fingertips between the wooden slats and clenched her jaw. She was glad she'd remembered her sunglasses. Even though she'd cried in front of Ed before, she didn't want to completely break down right here in the park and she felt very much on the verge of sobs. She took a deep breath and answered. "I'm thinking...about how, a few weeks ago, Darius was just a kid, going to school, who liked to read and take care of his sister...and his mother had all the reason in the world to hope he'd have a bright future. And now, he'll be in his twenties and have a record when he gets out. So many options...down the drain."_

" _Think they'll appeal?"_

" _Maybe. They have a case, but they don't have money. So it'd take someone like Bayard to come along and do it pro bono. And even then...it doesn't bring Avery back. Darius still has to live with what happened. It's a losing situation all around." Keeping one eye on Noah, Olivia glanced at Ed, "You paid attention to the trial. What do you think?"_

 _It was a tricky question. Ed was a rule-of-law man. He had always seen things in black and white. There were good guys and bad guys. Wrong and right. So, a case like the one that had concluded that afternoon challenged his principles. Hashing it out with Olivia had flipped a few of those principles upside down. "I heard about Lindstrom's testimony," he said, "And I thought, after that, there was enough reasonable doubt. That's what made the most sense to me, that, in the moment, the kid lost control."_

" _And the judge takes it upon herself to agree with attaching the hate crime," Benson scoffed, "It should've never been in adult court anyway. Sometimes...justice screws everyone."_

" _Jesuits...I think they may have been onto somethin."_

 _Confused at Tucker ostensibly veering from the subject, Olivia furrowed her brow and raised her eyebrows. "The Jesuits?"_

" _Yeah, they, uh, they had this thing for novel problem solving...when conventional reasoning didn't work. They looked at problems from the inside out, so, instead of applying broad principles, a problem could be solved on its own merits. Too many times we take our principles or predetermined conclusions and apply them to the problem when, really, shouldn't it be the other way around?"_

" _So why have principles at all?"_

" _It's not abandoning principles. It's the order we use them. Take this case, for example. I'd say, in law enforcement, we all adhere to 'equal justice under the law', right?"_

" _Sure."_

" _But, proceeding in this case, with that principle first and foremost, skewed the case from the start. Zeroing in on who was responsible, making someone pay, made a pretty complicated case less nuanced than it needed to be. Case in point-the other two kids got off scot free, more or less. You think they learned anything?"_

 _Olivia gazed at Noah and thought about Ed's reasoning. The pair had had several deep conversations in the past, but she'd never been exposed to this side of philosophical Ed and it caught her off guard. Despite the context, there was something romantic about the way he articulated his argument and she reached over to squeeze his hand._

" _So," she said, "If I'm hearing this correctly, you're saying, the Jesuit way of approaching a case like this would have been to meticulously interview and evaluate everyone involved and decide, from there, what justice should look like?"_

" _Exactly. It's the order. Our ideas of justice can fail us because, by default, we wanna punish the one who did it, and we can still punish the one who did it, but also maybe get a truer result."_

" _Perhaps we don't approach cases like this because it'd take even longer to get to a resolution."_

 _Ed chuckled sardonically, "Good point there, Benson."_

 _Bored with the sandbox, Noah trotted over to the bench, kicking his tractor in front of him. Ed stopped its motion with his foot and brushed the sand from the wheels. "Got some good use outta this today," he remarked._

" _Duhty!" Noah said, smacking his hands together._

 _Olivia pulled a package of wipes from her bag and cleaned Noah's hands and face. "Ready to go, sweet boy?"_

 _Noah grinned and held out his hands for the tractor. "I carry," he said._

" _Want to grab some dinner on the way back?" Olivia asked Ed. She nudged his side a little as if to make it clear she was talking to him._

" _Yeah," he replied, "I, uh, I wasn't sure if maybe you wanted to have some time to yourselves."_

" _Earlier I thought that's what I would want, but...I feel better now," she patted the center of his back, "Thank you."_

" _For ramblin' on?"_

" _For precisely that." She nudged him again, "I kinda like hearing you ramble."_

…..

The cloudy morning turned into an even more overcast afternoon, and by the time Mia's father called and apologetically explained he was running late getting back to the city, snow had begun to fall. At first it failed to stick and turned into gray slush, but soon the surfaces were blanketed in white and pedestrians left trails of footprints along the sidewalks. Mia, unfazed by her parents' tardiness, and Noah pressed their faces against the window and wondered aloud if they would be able to go sledding

With a guest in the house, it was impossible to get the twins down for a nap, so Ed and Olivia did their best to stay patient with their two-year-olds who were cranky from fighting fatigue. When they tried to put Wyatt in his crib, he whimpered pathetically. He and Maggie snatched toys from one another, whined, cried, found something else to do and then repeated the cycle all over again. When the doorbell rang relief washed over Ed and Olivia. It would be a lot easier to soothe their brood with only their children in the home.

"I'll help her with her things," Olivia said softly and went to find Mia's sequined bag.

"Door, Dada!" Wyatt said, pointing down the foyer. "Door!"

"Let's go see who it is," Ed grabbed Wyatt's hand. He assumed the doorman recognized Mr. Bianchi from previous visits but was, nevertheless, surprised they hadn't received a heads up. He opened the door and quickly got an explanation-instead of Mia's father there stood Sarah and Brooke. Brooke held Sofia in her arms and, in Sarah's, was a small dog.

"Surprise!" Sarah said, holding up the pet for Ed to have a better view, "It's a girl!"

"You brought a dog over here?" Ed asked. He tickled Sofia's chin and kissed her head. He then glanced at Wyatt who was hugging his leg and curiously looking up at the dog.

"Yes," Sarah said, "Are you going to invite us in?"

"I don't know."

" _Dad_."

Expecting Mia's father, Olivia rounded the corner, stopped in her tracks, tossed the bag to the side, and gave them a hearty hello. She held her arms out for Sofia. "How's my sweet grandbaby?" She cooed in the one-year-old's ear. "Come inside and play with all the kids!"

"Can we bring the dog in, Livvie?"

"Of course," she replied breezily, "You can't leave it outside in the hall."

Inside, Sarah introduced the yellow labrador puppy to everyone. Her name was Pearl and Sarah came to own her the night before when Brooke's neighbor inadvertently mentioned her dog had given birth to puppies she was afraid she'd have to take to the Humane Society. The dog's presence injected some positive energy into the bunch and the five kids delighted in chasing Pearl around. Maggie and Wyatt giggled and fell onto their backs when Pearl licked their faces. Recognizing the dog's penchant for chewing anything within its reach, Noah quickly grabbed Maggie's baby and a few other treasured items and tossed them into the twins' room.

Brooke and Sarah perched themselves on bar stools and Ed and Olivia opened a bottle of wine. "Hungry?" Olivia asked, sliding two glasses across the granite to them and drifting over to the pantry.

"I'm good," Brooke said, "Sonny's mom brought leftovers. I feel like all I've been doing this week is eating."

"Omigod that lasagna was _so_ _good_ ," Sarah gushed. "I need to get out to Staten Island more often for dinner."

"Where is Carisi?" Olivia asked.

"His sister's having computer problems," Brooke said. "So he's on tech support duty."

"Did you know his brother-in-law was in _prison_?" Sarah asked, wide-eyed.

"Yes," Ed grumbled.

"He's doing well," Brooke said, feeling obligated to intervene on behalf of Tommy. "And Bella has a great job doing marketing from home, which is why she needs the computer set up."

"How's their daughter?" Olivia asked.

"Adorable. We really need to see them more often. They don't live too far away...we're both so busy though and time flies. But," she gave her sister a reproving glance, "Tommy's not a bad person. It seems like he's had a lot of bad luck compounded with dumb decisions."

Ed grunted and sipped his wine. He remembered the case and how he'd had to caution Olivia about Carisi getting too close to the action and used the whole thing as an excuse to meet for drinks. The memory of the two of them tentatively sipping drinks at a downtown bar made him smile.

Sarah cocked her head and asked, "What's so funny?"

"Nothin."

" _C'mon_!"

"The dog's funny," Ed jerked his chin toward the living room. Pearl had somehow ended up in one of the toy boxes and was struggling to get out.

" _Oh_ ," Sarah ran to the toy box and freed Pearl. She stood, arms akimbo, over the kids and pretended to be angry. "Which one of you munchkins put poor Pearl in the box?"

"We gave her a boost," Mia said.

"Yeah!" Noah chimed in, "She was lookin' for toys then she crashed in!"

"Noey, you're going to have to come with me and get some new toys for her," Sarah said. "We'll do that next week when I pick you up."

"Kay," Noah said, "Hey! Who's gonna watch da dog while you work?"

"Dogs can stay by themselves for a little bit. And I can always ask G if she can let her out if I'm late. And Justy will be back soon."

While Sarah, Noah, and Mia chatted about dog care, Pearl wandered over to one of the beanbags and found Wyatt sound asleep. He'd somehow found one of his Wubbanubs and was sucking away peacefully. Pearl sniffed around and eventually crawled in next to him, nestling her snout under his chin.

"Omigod," Sarah whispered when she noticed the sweet scene. "Look!"

Olivia whipped out her phone and snapped pictures. They let Wyatt and the dog stay where they were. Sarah was happy that Pearl had calmed down and little Wyatt was finally getting some much needed rest.

"Livia?" Mia asked.

"Yes, honey?"

"You gonna put those pictures on the wall?"

"Maybe," Olivia said, thinking of the thousands of pictures on their phones, computers, and in the cloud that would never see the walls. "You know what? Let's take a nice one of you and Noah. Then we can put you up there."

"Okay!"

Mia and Noah stood in front of the Christmas tree. Brooke adjusted the lighting to eliminate glare. Olivia counted to three, and Mia and Noah broke into broad smiles. They were each missing teeth, and Mia's shirt was streaked with the Capri Sun she'd spilled earlier, but the photograph captured their innocent bliss and Olivia promised herself she'd print and frame it in the next few days.

…..

 _Olivia wrapped another throw blanket around Maggie's shoulders and handed her a cup of hot apple cinnamon cider. Maggie mischievously asked if there was whiskey in the drink and her question was met with an eye roll from her mother and a classic Ed Tucker IAB glare which he was only able to sustain for a few seconds._

" _I don't think it'd be good with whiskey," Wyatt said innocently and apparently not recognizing that his comment was incriminating._

" _How would you know?" Maggie asked._

" _Too harsh," Wyatt replied. He took out his phone and completed a quick search, "See? These recipes all say rum or brandy. What's brandy taste like?"_

" _It's citrusy," Noah said. "I had it a couple of times after dinners. It's a digestif."_

" _I need a digestif," Maggie said, "I'm stuffed. But...do you think I look fat? I eat so much at school it's not even funny." All of the Tuckers looked incredulously at Maggie's lithe body and shook their heads. Seeing their reactions, Maggie added, "I'm serious! The food is so good!"_

 _Considering how much money they were shelling out in living expenses, Ed had to believe the food was, indeed, incredibly delicious. "A lot different from when we were in college," he said, "It was slop, and you ate it. And now...you have a sauna in your dorm?"_

" _Yep. We need it...there's a gym in there too. Need a good steam after your workout!"_

" _Unbelievable."_

" _Need to be fit and relaxed for studying!"_

" _Are you worried about final exams?" Wyatt asked. "Everyone on my floor is."_

" _Nah," Maggie replied, "Well, the math one maybe a little bit, but I'm not worried. Oh, and I have a paper due which I was hoping you'd proofread for me pretty pretty please, twin?"_

" _Sure."_

" _You guys wanna play a game?" Noah asked. He was used to long days and nights and was nowhere near ready for bed._

 _Olivia yawned. "I'm going to turn in," she patted Ed's knee, "I'll leave the lamp on for you."_

" _Nah," Ed replied, "I'm right behind ya. Turn the lights off," he said to the kids, "See you in the morning." He and Olivia made their way to their bedroom while Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt debated what to play. A few minutes later, they heard music playing and the sound of cards shuffling. They didn't care about the noise, they were both tired and content and would easily fall asleep. They changed clothes in the bathroom and stood side by side while they brushed their teeth and washed their faces. Ed kissed Olivia and looked at their reflection in the mirror._

" _I love you," he murmured._

" _I love you."_

" _Happy?"_

" _Very happy," Olivia said, "I love having everyone here. Under one roof."_

" _I do too."_

 _They slid into bed and curled up together under the covers. Ed wrapped an arm around Olivia and held her close. She'd swept her hair up and he kissed her exposed neck. "It's gonna be a great week," he whispered._

" _Yes it is," she rolled onto her back, inviting a more passionate kiss on the lips. "I don't want it to go by too fast though," she whispered during a brief pause._

" _I wish I could pause time for ya."_

 _Olivia cupped his face and smiled, "I love that about you," she said, "You always want to do the impossible for me."_

" _You never know," he said, "Sometimes those impossibilities...they end up happening."_

" _Work your magic, Ed Tucker."_

 _Ed smirked and kissed her again, "Yes ma'am."_

….

Ed propelled himself backwards on the mattress and landed with a grunt. "Are we sure everyone's gone?" He asked Olivia who was finishing up in the bathroom.

"Only the people who are supposed to be here," she said, "Are here. And they're sound asleep."

"Good. Come here." Ed reached out and ran his fingers along Olivia's thighs as she crawled on top of him. "Mmmmm...finally, the two of us, in here, alone. Where _you're_ supposed to be."

It seemed like it had been weeks since they'd last made love. Olivia's entire body tingled with anticipation. Ed asked her what she wanted and she immediately replied "everything." He smirked and sat up just enough so he had the leverage to flip their positions. As he started kissing at her neck and then her chest, Olivia noticed the smirk did not fade.

"Enjoying yourself?" She asked.

"Hell yes," he looked up, "You're not?"

" _Yes_ ," Olivia fought off the pang of guilt. She hadn't meant for him to perceive the question negatively. "That smile...it reminds me of earlier. When Sarah was talking about Tommy-"

"-Oh yeah," the smirk widened, "It just reminded me of the two of us then. How we were so hesitant, how badly I wanted to be just like this with you."

"You controlled yourself."

"I did. But it was so...so hard."

Olivia grinned. "Don't control yourself anymore, Ed."

"How asleep didja say they were?"

"Very."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	95. Chapter 95

**Ninety-five**.

When he heard one of the twins wake up from their afternoon nap, Ed wasted no time tiptoeing into the room (in case the other was still snoozing) and springing the toddlers from their cribs. Neither Maggie nor Wyatt slept very long during the day any more, but during that hour or ninety minutes, if he was alone, Ed found himself extremely bored, almost depressingly so. Until a few years ago, passing non-work hours by himself was normal, but he had become so used to having people around that the quiet and stillness of the apartment unnerved him.

The Monday after Thanksgiving brought with it the return of routine. Noah went back to school and Olivia split her day between the Center and Barba's office. After he'd incessantly asked for her help, Olivia agreed to join his transition team and warned him her tenure only extended until he officially took office. However, Ed saw the glint in her eye when she talked about the work ahead and knew there was no way she'd abandon Barba in January. Adding to her agenda were visits to the show's production offices; filming was on hiatus until mid-December, but the writers were hard at work developing the second half of the inaugural season. The series was a hit, and the streaming service had ordered more episodes. Almost five months into retirement and the Tuckers' world didn't look much different than it had looked when Olivia was working.

After dropping Noah off at school, Ed and the twins hurried back home. Winter-like weather had arrived, and there was no chance for a stop at the playground. The twins played in the living room while he put a few things away, made beds, and emptied the dishwasher. The apartment in order, Ed poured himself a second cup of coffee and read the newspaper at the island. The twins were perfectly content. Maggie loaded her toy stroller with small toys and delivered them, one by one, to Ed. He thanked her and lined up the items on the island. Wyatt busied himself by driving cars along a mat printed with an overlay of city streets and buildings. Every few minutes he would look up at Ed, select a car, and describe it.

"P'lice!"

"Truck!"

"Dada Cah!"

"Cah on my sirt!" Wyatt slapped his chest and smiled when Ed praised him for recognizing the similarities between the racecar printed on his t-shirt and the one in his hand.

He fed the twins lunch at the large table and watched them carefully stab pieces of chicken, vegetables, and pasta with their plastic forks. Ed talked about the prospect of playing in the snow soon and the twins babbled enthusiastically about snow, sledding, and Santa Claus. Their words were intelligible about half the time, but when Maggie and Wyatt spoke to each other they seemed to understand each and every word.

After lunch, while the twins slept, Ed paged through a magazine and absent-mindedly flipped through the news channels on television. The time dragged, and Ed grabbed Noah's iPad to play Tetris. Finally, he heard Wyatt's voice followed by Maggie's.

"Da!"

"Dada! _Ouuuuut_!"

"No!"

"No, _Ouuuuut_!"

When Ed entered the room, Maggie had wedged a foot between the crib slats and was trying to climb out on her own. Wyatt desperately reached out for Ed and giggled when his Daddy swung him high in the air.

"There ya go, pal," he said as he stood Wyatt on the floor. "You're free. C'mon, Maggs," Ed lifted her out of the crib and kissed her cheeks, "No climbin' outta there."

"No, cimb! No ge'me OUT!"

"I know he gets ya out," Ed replied softly. He raised his eyebrows at an idea that popped into his head. "C'mon, you two." He poured juice and sat with the twins on the couch with the iPad in his lap. "Let's look at some new beds."

Ed did an image search for toddler beds. Maggie and Wyatt were interested and screeched and squealed at beds they liked. There were garish cartoon-character designs Ed was sure Olivia would veto. The twins also pointed out tent beds, one in the design of a tree house, and another fashioned after an airplane. "You wanna sleep in a bed like this?" Ed asked.

"No bed!" Maggie said.

"Yeah, you're gonna get a bed kinda like Noah's. No more crib."

"Bye Bye Crib!" Wyatt said and then erupted into giggles. He toppled over into Ed's lap and laughed even harder when Maggie piled on. Ed tickled their bellies until they were gasping for air.

"Now," he said as Maggie and Wyatt sipped their juice, "Mommy's gonna be a little sad about these beds at first. So we gotta be extra nice to her, okay? Lotsa extra hugs and kisses for Mommy." The twins' big blue eyes grew wide in response to Ed's serious tone. They stared at Ed. He nodded and they did the same. "Alright. Look at the time! Time to go get Noah. Let's get your coats."

The twins scrambled off the couch and into the foyer chanting, "Get No!" Wyatt found his knit cap and yanked it on his head. Maggie sat on the floor and tugged on her boots.

"Stroller, Dah!"

"Yep, we're goin' in the stroller."

"Gotta get No!"

Ed assured Wyatt they were definitely going to get Noah. The twins, too, preferred everyone to be all together. He zipped the twins into their parkas, put on their mittens, and buckled them into their seats. "Alright," he said, "Let's go."

"Get NO!"

"Yes," Ed replied sweetly, "We're goin' to get No."

"Ge'Mama?"

"No, we'll see Mama later.

"Where Mama?"

"She's at work," Ed said with a gulp, "But we'll see her later. And remember, hugs and kisses for her."

"Bye bye crib!" Wyatt said.

Once in the elevator, the twins were distracted by the buttons and a neighbor who joined them halfway down. They rolled through the lobby and waved goodbye to the familiar doorman. After a block, snowflakes started to fall and the twins squealed in delight. Never one to love the cold weather, Ed nevertheless experienced some jolts of excitement. Three months of sledding, ice skating, and snowman-building were ahead of them, and he knew the kids would enjoy every second.

…..

 _For the fifth or sixth time that night, Olivia texted Ed her apologies. The undercover assignment at the shelter was consuming more time than she'd anticipated, and having Carisi out of the squad room and Dodds at Quantico meant she, Fin, and Rollins were spread impossibly thin. A day after Olivia reminded Fin about the importance of balance in one's life, she was stuck at work while the duo she'd come to refer to as "her boys" were at her apartment spending the evening without her._

 _When Ed's reply came several minutes later, he, too, apologized._ _Dozed off,_ _he wrote,_ _we're good. I'll stay tonight._ _Olivia smiled and scrolled back through their messages-hers succinct and rueful, and his kind and borderline-mushy. She sent off one more message insisting he go to bed instead of sleep on the couch until she got home. He said he would, but Olivia suspected she'd find him in an awkward position on the sofa when she finally got home._

 _Amanda and Fin called to report they were headed to the hospital for three separate calls. Olivia waited for a uni to escort a perp they had in holding to overnight lockup and went to join them. By the time the exams were done, statements taken, and the women driven home, it was almost three in the morning. Olivia stifled yawns as she drove home and gave an exhausted smile to the doorman when she entered her building._

 _To her surprise, Ed had apparently helped himself to a solo spot in her bed. She noticed he'd cleaned up Noah's toys and that they'd had burgers and fries from a familiar take-out spot for dinner. Ed had left the kitchen light on for her. She flipped it off and strode to her bedroom._

 _As if he felt getting under the covers without her was too much of an intrusion, Ed slept on his back on top of her comforter. The lamp was on and his phone rested on his chest. He was wearing a white t-shirt and gray sweatpants. Olivia grinned. It was still a little surreal to see him like this. She decided to skip a shower, she'd be up with Noah in three hours anyway, and crawled into bed. When she reached across Ed to turn off the lamp, he didn't stir._

" _Ed?" She gently shook his shoulder, "C'mon, you're going to be cold." She peeled back the blankets and top sheet the best she could while he came into consciousness. Olivia successfully got him under the covers and nestled against his side, her head on his chest._

" _Welcome home," he whispered, his voice thick with sleep. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped both arms around her. "Sleep in tomorrow. I'll get up with Noah."_

" _I can't," Olivia said, "I have to be in early. We caught three cases tonight, Carisi's still out. We're killing ourselves."_

" _I wish I could make it better," he mumbled._

" _You are. You're here."_

" _Don't forget that," he slurred sleepily, "I'm here."_

 _Olivia kissed his chest and closed her eyes. She was still keyed up, so sleep wouldn't come easily. "I won't forget," she whispered. A few minutes later, she could tell Ed had drifted back into his deep slumber, yet his hold on her hadn't slackened and probably wouldn't until Olivia switched positions. If she was going to struggle for sleep, at least she was struggling with Ed next to her._

… _.._

Soft new age instrumental music played from the speakers in the lobby of the Benson Center. It was common for the staff to work with some background noise. In her office, Olivia pored over the files of the past few months, separating them into three categories of urgency. The Center, even in its infancy, had become an indispensable part of all borough's Special Victims Units. Olivia insisted the Center vet every person that came their way, and the volume resulted in two new hires. Initially, Olivia was involved in every single intake interview, but she had to scale back. Many of the casefiles she was now reviewing were unfamiliar to her which made the project more time consuming than she predicted. She set the alarm on her phone so she remembered to call it quits in time to get home in the late afternoon.

When the reception buzzer rang, she paid it no mind. A member of the clerical staff was on duty and always did a good job of screening visitors and deliveries. Rarely did anyone show up completely unannounced, the Center did not publicly advertise its services, so Olivia was slightly startled and curious when she was asked to come up front.

"Elliot Stabler's here?" The receptionist asked, her face contorted into a confused grimace.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"He's okay," Olivia said, adding, "My former partner. Send him in."

Dressed casually in jeans, henley, and heavy parka, Stabler entered the office with a smile. He held his arms out, expecting a hug, and the former detectives gave one another a quick embrace. Later, Olivia would think it was rude, but instead of offering him a spot on the sofa or an easy chair, she took a seat behind her desk and he sat down in an armchair.

"What brings you in?" She asked, "How did you know this was here?"

Stabler chuckled at the lukewarm welcome, "I used to be a cop, Olivia," he said, "But, I was in the city helping Maureen move into her new apartment. Not too far from the precinct, so I stopped by, said hello to a few people who still recognize this old dinosaur, saw Fin, and he mentioned you'd probably be here."

"Speaking of dinosaurs," Olivia murmured of Fin who seemed more and more reluctant to retire. "Anyway, wow, Maureen's back in the city? I thought she was somewhere down south?"

"Charlotte for a couple years, the Atlanta, then Boston, and now back here," Stabler reported, "She's living with her," Elliot, uncomfortable, rubbed the back of his neck, "Her girlfriend."

"Girlfriend? Oh, wow, good for her. Is this something long term?"

"I think so," Elliot said, "I'm still gettin' used to it. There's this. Kathleen's not doing so great. Dickie's wandering around the country with his friend's band calling himself a manager. It's been," Elliot stared at the ceiling and searched for words, "Not how I imagined it would all be right now." He grinned, "You probably feel the same. For different reasons, of course."

"What about Eli?" Olivia asked, sidestepping the tacit inquiry into her personal life.

"He's thirteen," Elliot replied, "Aren't they all a pain in the ass at thirteen?"

"I've heard," Olivia said.

"You wanna get out of here? Go grab a drink?"

Olivia glanced at her timer. She had a little over an hour left to work and eyed the files. "I wanted to take care of these," she said, "But, I'll find some time later." She shoved the folders into her bag and grabbed her coat. Despite not having seen or spoken to one another since the retirement party, and, before that, the communication gap had been at least a year, she and Elliot easily reconnected.

They stopped at one of their old haunts, a longstanding midtown Irish pub, and took seats at the bar. Olivia immediately asked about Kathleen, and Elliot described her struggles with mental health as a "rollercoaster he wasn't equipped to deal with." In between drinks of beer he took long pauses. "We're taking her to Florida with us when we leave for Christmas," Elliot said, "And I'm terrified she's gonna ruin the holiday. And Kathy, she's so strong, but I don't know how much more she can take, or," he took another drink, "Maybe I don't know how much more _I_ can take."

Over the years, Sarah and Brooke had had their share of troubles, but nothing like what Kathleen Stabler and her family were battling. Olivia didn't have any magic advice for Elliot, so she said, simply, "All you can do is love her, El. Help her get the help she needs and be there."

"I'm just so tired of _one day at a time_ ," Elliot said, "That's what Kathy says, one day at a time. And I'm starting to really hate that phrase."

"But it's worth something," Olivia said.

"I suppose." Elliot shrugged and forced a smile, "Tell me something good, Liv. Tell me about Noah, your twins. How was Thanksgiving?"

Olivia beamed. Her smile was unlike any that Elliot had ever seen and her eyes immediately glistened with happy tears. "Noah, Maggie, Wyatt, they're all so great," she said, "Noah's so smart, reading, loves school, loves his brother and sister, and, as much as I don't want the twins to grow up, they're getting to be so funny, talking, have minds of their own."

"Good ages."

"Yeah."

"And Tucker?"

Olivia picked at her napkin. After her relationship with Ed became public knowledge, over time, she had heart-to-hearts with almost everyone with whom she'd been close. Elliot was the exception. "I know it must have been shocking to hear...when, everything came out."

"It came through the grapevine," Elliot said, "I didn't believe it."

"I'm sure you had the same reaction everyone had," Olivia replied and did her best to mimic Fin, " _Tucker_?"

"Yeah, that's about it."

"He's a good man, El. _He_ ," Olivia paused because she knew there was a chance what she was about to say could sting Stabler, "He makes me feel so right, safe, _complete._ He makes me feel...like I'm always the priority. And I love that."

"You deserve to have it," Elliot replied, "And people change. I just never woulda put my money on that person being Ed Tucker. But? I guess nothin' surprises me anymore. And I'm glad you're happy."

Elliot was drinking more quickly than Olivia remembered was his norm, so she finished her beer and announced she had to go. She was worried this friendly, impromptu meeting was going to quickly turn into an Elliot Stabler pity party, and she simply wasn't interested in being his shoulder to cry on. She gave him a hug and wished him luck. "Have a Merry Christmas," she said, "Enjoy the warm weather."

"Yeah, sure," Elliot said, "You have a good holiday too. Tell Tucker I said Merry Christmas."

"Will do."

…

 _Ed closed the bedroom door and unbuttoned his shirt. "Now I can really understand why some people give their kids Benadryl to get them to go to sleep."_

" _Ed!"_

 _He grinned devilishly, "I'm kidding. A little bit."_

" _We better set our alarms," Olivia said, "Can you imagine their faces if they wake up tomorrow morning and there are no presents under the tree?"_

" _That would be quite the parenting fail. And they're too old for us to say, oops, it's not really Christmas. Christmas is tomorrow."_

 _Olivia laughed. "That'd be even worse."_

 _Ed licked his lips and flipped the lock on the door, "Screw the alarms," he said, "I think we can make ourselves stay awake." He hovered over Olivia. His unbuttoned shirt hung down and she massaged his chest. Slowly, lowered himself until their lips were touching. Before kissing her, he whispered, "I love you, baby. Merry Christmas."_

 _He barely gave her time to reply before initiating a hungry, fierce kiss. Olivia moaned and gasped into his mouth when she felt him growing hard against her. She fumbled with his belt. Ed teased her by refusing to relent on the kiss, making it more difficult for her to loosen the pants. He paused and chuckled, his mouth still against hers._

" _You're horrible," she said._

" _Am I?" He let his eyes droop and he pressed his forehead against hers, "How-"_

 _The sound of doors opening and closing caused them to freeze. Ed propped himself on his forearms and held still. They listened for more activity. Another door. Footsteps. Whispers. "All the presents are in here," Olivia said, "They're going to be disappointed if they're snooping."_

" _I'll go," Ed said._

" _No," Olivia glanced down at his body, "I will." She pulled on her robe and tiptoed down the hallway. The refrigerator was open and Maggie and Wyatt were at the island. "What are you doing?" She asked, doing her best not to scare them._

" _I don't think we left enough food," Wyatt said, "We gotta give more sugar and more cookies and milk. No milk for the reindeer!"_

" _And no carrots," Maggie said, "I read the reindeer like carrots, too."_

" _Do we have carrots?" Olivia asked._

" _Yeah, Daddy getted them."_

" _Okay, well," Olivia saw the heaping plate of snacks. She and Ed were going to have to hide them in their bathroom until they could safely get them out with the trash. "I think that's good," she said, "We've never left this much."_

" _But the reindeer are older this year," Maggie reasoned, "So they need a little more."_

" _Couple more carrots," Wyatt said to himself as he arranged the food along the edge of the plate, "And two more cookies and a little more milk. Okay. That's good."_

" _Alright," Olivia said, "Back to bed. Or Santa's going to skip us."_

" _We're goin' Santa!" Maggie said._

 _Olivia knew Ed wouldn't be asleep, but she wasn't expecting him to be completely naked, covered with a single sheet, waiting for her. He smirked, "Figured I'd cut to the chase," he said. "What's goin on?"_

" _Santa and his reindeer have a full meal," she said. "The little ones were worried they'd be underfed."_

 _Ed typically cared about everything their kids did, but in this instance he was not very interested in Maggie's and Wyatt's late-night Christmas Eve snack adjustment. "So we're all good then?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _Good," Ed stroked one of Olivia's arms as she climbed into bed, "I want you," he said, "This time of year...making love to you...nothin' like it."_

" _It's the lights," Olivia said of the strands of multicolored bulbs hung on the perimeter of their bedroom windows._

" _No," Ed cupped her face and kissed her, "This time of year, a long time ago...it's when I started to fall in love with you. I'll never forget that feeling."_

" _You're right," Olivia pressed her body to his, "I remember."_

" _I love you, Liv. Merry Christmas."_

" _It's our tenth Christmas together," she pointed out._

 _Ed stopped kissing her neck so he could make eye contact, "Sure as hell is. I didn't realize it. Well then," he gave her a quick peck on the lips and then went back to kissing her neck, "I better make this good."_

…..

Ed warned Wyatt to stay back and checked the temperature of the beef tenderloin roasting in the oven. "Still about fifteen minutes," he reported as he lifted Wyatt onto the counter, "C'mere, bud. I know you're hungry." Ed gave Wyatt some crackers and then doled out portions to Maggie and Noah. "I sorta did somethin' a little more elaborate than I'd planned," he explained sheepishly to Olivia.

She sipped her wine and kissed him, "It smells great."

"I'll get on the potatoes."

"Okay," she said, "I'll check out Noah's backpack." Olivia plucked the bag from its usual place on the back of the dining chair closest to the window. It was a chair used only when the Tuckers had guests. Olivia knew Ed had graciously left the task of checking Noah's home-school folder to her, and the small act of consideration warmed her heart. "Noah, honey? Come over here. I want to hear about your day."

Noah had been playing a game on his phone. He tossed the device in the beanbag and ran over to his mother. "Dis is math and dis is science," he said, "And I haveta write da minutes I read in the box, but I already read my book. Daddy? How many minutes?"

"Thirty."

" _Thirty_ ," Noah repeated, pointing to the paper, "Three-zero. Goes right here."

"Got it." Olivia wrote the number and asked what else happened at school.

"We had music," Noah said, "I gotta bring my g'tar."

"When?"

"Da next time we have music!"

"Oh, okay," Olivia replied, paging through the other papers trying to figure out when the next music session would be held.

"And, I saw G today! You know, Sare Bear's neighbor? She said 'hi Noah' and den we talked 'bout Pearl. Sare Bear's pickin' me up Wednesday and we're gonna buy Pearl some good dog toys."

"Oh, so G's met Pearl? Did she like her?"

"Oh yes! She said Pearl's a good dog! Mommy? Do you think I can walk her on da leash?"

"I don't know, sweetie. Pearl might pull too much."

"Yeah, G said she walked her and she pulled."

"Maybe Sarah will send her to doggie school when Justin gets back from his trip," Olivia suggested.

" _Doggie_ _school_?" Noah asked, wide-eyed. He was clearly envisioning a school like his only populated with dogs instead of humans.

"Yes. The teachers show the owners how to make the dogs sit and stay and sometimes, if they're off leash, come when they're called."

"I'm gonna tell Sare Bear."

"How's Mia?" Ever since Mia spent the night with the Tuckers, Olivia was more worried than usual about her. Instead of her father picking her up, Mia was retrieved by her annoyed-looking nanny. Olivia had a bad feeling and almost volunteered to keep the little girl another night.

"She's good," Noah said, " _But_ ," his eyes got wide again, "Her Mommy came to get her early today and Mia didn't wanna go and her Mommy said 'NOW MIA' and, and, went like," Noah looked around, searching for something. Olivia wasn't sure what until Noah found a teddy bear and yanked on its arm, "Went like dis and said 'we're late' and then they left and Mia didn't even get her backpack!"

"She didn't?"

"Nope. We were at recess and she jus' left. It's on da hook."

Olivia's heart broke thinking of the lone backpack hanging on the hook near the cubbies in Noah's first grade classroom. She was sickened to think that, wherever Mia was right now, she was not talking about her day at school, her father wasn't busy preparing a roast, and she would not have a bubble bath waiting for her before bedtime.

"So she can't do da homework," Noah said matter-of-factly.

"Your teacher will probably let her have another day to do it," Olivia speculated hopefully.

"Yeah."

"Food's ready," Ed called from the kitchen.

"Let's go wash our hands," Olivia said, "C'mon sweethearts. Wash hands with Noah!"

Maggie and Wyatt ran to the bathroom and waited for their turn on the stepstool. Noah pumped soap into their hands. "Rub rub rub!" He said, "Till ya see bubbles! There ya go! Now we gotta dry 'em off! Here's da towel!"

Olivia and Ed brought the food to the table and waited for the kids to finish. Ed kissed her cheek. "Mia's okay, Liv."

"I don't think she is."

"It'll be okay," Ed said softly, "There's nothing we can do right now."

"She's-"

"-ignored, maybe," Ed interrupted, "But she's not in danger."

"How do we know that?"

"We don't," Ed replied, "Not for sure, but we've met her Dad. He's a decent guy. The only thing we can be sure about is us."

Olivia smiled and hugged him, "That's all I need," she said, "Us."

"Nah," Ed gently objected, "You need to know everyone you care about is safe, but, right now, there's not much we can do."

"I know."

"So we'll have Mia over again soon."

"Good idea."

The kids skipped into the room showing off their clean hands. Noah climbed into his seat, "Wow!" he exclaimed, "Dis is a _fancy_ dinner!"

"Think so, bud?"

"Yep!"

Olivia lifted Maggie into her booster seat, but before she sat her down, Maggie squeezed her neck. "Hug, Mama!"

Reminded of Ed's earlier direction, Wyatt wrapped his arms around one of Olivia's legs. "Mama hug! Mama kiss?"

Olivia kissed Maggie then Wyatt. She held her baby boy close before putting him in his seat. She closed her eyes and murmured, "Mommy loves you so much."

"We gonna toast, Daddy?" Noah asked.

"Yeah, bud," Ed waited for Olivia to sit down before he lifted his glass, "To us," he said, locking eyes with her.

"To us!" Noah repeated.

"US!"

"Us, us,us, us!"

…

 **#Tuckson**


	96. Chapter 96

**Ninety-six**. ( _this might be the most plotless chapter ever_ )

Ed's lovemaking was possessive, fierce, and meticulous. A couple of years ago, a painstaking effort like this would have rung so many alarm bells that Olivia wouldn't have enjoyed a minute of it, but she knew better now. The drink with Stabler wasn't a secret, but as often happened, she and Ed didn't have a chance to debrief until after the kids were bathed, read to, and tucked in bed. Depending on the context, the space in between was sometimes awkward and hyper-focused on Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt, but tonight their routine unfolded smoothly. So smoothly that Olivia foolishly assumed Ed was unaffected by her meeting with her old partner, but as soon as Ed took her into his arms in the kitchen as they were wiping down the last inches of countertop, she realized he was stinging inside.

He didn't talk. He wouldn't talk other than to murmur the familiar phrases of sex, yet even those were few and far between. Ed stared into her eyes-it was the stare that, on their first few dates, had made her uncomfortable. Not because she didn't want his attention, because it was apparent Ed Tucker could somehow see past the facade and see, and appreciate, everything she was trying to hide. Now she merely stared back, daring him to look elsewhere, and the only reason he broke the eye contact was to kiss her. When he did, it took her breath away.

Ed finger-combed her hair and repeatedly kissed her forehead after they finished. He was prolonging admitting he was jealous, mostly due to the fact there was no reason for him to envy Stabler but also because, in that admission, was a thread of diffidence. And who in the world would have ever pegged Tucker for someone who lacked confidence in himself?

So, he bit the bullet and dove right in.

"Good seein' Stabler this afternoon?"

Olivia decided to tease him a little and offered a reply she knew would stoke the flames of envy, "Always good to see old friends."

Ed grunted.

Olivia made circles around his belly button and kissed his chest. "I was thinking about you the whole time."

"Right."

"I was," she insisted, "He's in crisis mode. And, in between trying to give him sagely advice, I was thinking about how I didn't have any of that, how I have you." Olivia slithered on top of him and let her hair fall onto his face. "You're tense," she remarked in a sultry voice.

"I hate thinkin' of you sitting with another guy and people walking by and watching and thinkin' you're together."

"Nobody thought that. No way."

"It drives me crazy."

Olivia kissed his cheeks, chin, and then his lips, "You're a little pathetic, you know that right?"

"Yes."

"And I know you can't help it."

"I can't."

"Not the worst weakness in the world."

"No, but…" Ed trailed off.

Olivia raised her eyebrows, "But what?"

"But it's painful."

Olivia threaded her fingers through his hair. "That's quite heartbreaking, Ed Tucker."

"I wanna be the only man in your life."

"You are." She gave him another, more passionate kiss, "I promise you, you are." Olivia let her body completely fall on top of him and they kissed until Ed rolled them on their sides and entered her once more. With one arm draped across her back, he rocked slowly and smoothly against her and they playfully nipped at one another's lips until they were reduced to pants and lazy smiles.

" _Edddd_ ," Olivia moaned. "Oh, God, I…"

"I know," he rasped into her mouth, "There aren't any words, Liv."

"I need there to be words."

"I don't know," he replied, "Might be better...to...just know, like, right now, whatever it is, I think we just know."

"Yeah we do."

…

 _The two men on the opposite side of Olivia weren't loud or obnoxious, but they were drinking heavily and grumbling about some type of quarterly report due by the end of the week. There was nothing threatening or remarkable about their appearance. Middle aged. Dark suits. Loosened ties. Conservative haircuts. One wore a class ring on his right hand; the other wore no jewelry other than a watch that he probably bought thinking it would make him look sophisticated but was actually laughably garish. Tucker wouldn't have cared much about the men at all, but, after returning from the restroom, the one not wearing a wedding ring did a double take when he noticed Olivia._

" _How are you tonight?" He shot her a confident smile, and it revealed a mouthful of perfectly straight but, in Tucker's opinion, too-large teeth._

 _Olivia politely replied she was fine and turned back to Tucker._

 _The man did not concede defeat. He continued, "Do you work in the area? I feel like I've seen you before."_

" _Not far from here."_

" _Oh, well," he held up his glass and smiled again, "Cheers to Tuesday." He finally acknowledged Tucker and, after taking a sip, nodded and directed a disinterested, "How are ya?" at him._

 _She hadn't taken measurements, but Olivia sensed the man was now sitting closer to her. She moved her stool toward Ed's as inconspicuously as possible until they bumped reacted to the contact as if they'd both been hit with lightning bolts. It was accidental yet intimate. Both sets of eyes shot wide open. Ed and Olivia glanced at one another and then nervously ducked heads. Ed licked his lips. Olivia's back arched as she took a deep breath._

" _Sorry," she mumbled, not knowing what to say but feeling the urge to say something._

 _Ed acted as normal as possible, "S'alright. You got enough room?"_

" _Yeah, I," Olivia chanced a glance over her shoulder, "I wanted to make sure he does." She eyed Ed's forearms, resting on the brass rail, his white dress shirt peeking out from under the sleeves of his blazer. Olivia dared to grab a hand and, on reflex, Ed's face jerked in her direction. The same electricity that had coursed through their bodies seconds ago made another loop through their limbs. Olivia grinned. "Do you want to maybe go somewhere a little less crowded? Get something to eat?"_

" _Sure. But, uh, you like this place. Those figs wrapped in bacon? Don't want you to miss out on those." Ed sat up straighter and a hint of a smirk crossed his face. He was proud of himself for remembering what they'd eaten at this particular restaurant a few weeks earlier._

" _Are you comfortable here?" Olivia asked, "I do love those figs."_

 _Ed leaned in closer to her, "I'm comfortable."_

" _Then let's stay."_

" _Okay." Olivia grinned and welcomed the familiar butterflies that always swirled in her chest when Ed leaned in to kiss her. All of this was new and exciting and she couldn't help but laugh a little when Ed briefly glared at the guy over her shoulder as he tilted his head and pressed his lips to hers. It was quick. They were being careful, but they weren't likely to run into anyone they knew in this place._

 _The bartender passed by and took their order-the vaunted figs, a dip with pita wedges, and another round._

" _Ya know," Ed remarked, "I laugh sometimes thinking about the food I grew up on and the food I'll eat now."_

" _Were you a picky eater?"_

" _No, I just don't remember so many options. And going out to eat was pretty rare, unless it was for a hot dog or somethin' like that. Dinner was meat, potatoes, a vegetable. Our lunches were sandwiches, an apple or a banana. Now...bacon wrapped figs and crab artichoke spread."_

 _Olivia smiled in agreement. "You're right. One of the biggest differences for me is cheese-I love a nice cheese board, but, growing up, the cheese I knew were the American slices."_

" _You wanna get the cheese board?"_

 _She grinned, "No, I think we're good," her eyes met his and she patted his wrist, "Next time."_

 _An implied guarantee there would be a next time was good enough for Ed. He grinned. She returned the smile. The man to her right had taken the hint, and there was now plenty of space for Olivia to move her stool back to its original placement, but she left it where it was. She angled her shoulder playfully into his and he smirked at her._

" _Somethin' the matter, Benson?" He asked._

" _No," she replied, "I...I like being close to you."_

 _It was, perhaps, the best compliment Ed had ever received and it took him by surprise. Olivia wasn't usually so straightforward in articulating her emotions. He returned the gesture, "That's, ah, really good to hear," he said, "Cause I like bein' close to you, too."_

…

Noah skipped out of his classroom and immediately spotted Sarah. She was sharply dressed in a burgundy skirt and matching blazer. Her hair was pulled back in the tight ponytail she favored for work, and when she spotted Noah she broke into a huge smile. She loved seeing him emerge from the classroom, clad in his school uniform, gripping the straps of his backpack, and usually chatting with a small group of friends. Sarah looked around for Mia, but the girl was nowhere to be seen.

"Hi Sare Bear!" Noah greeted her cheerfully, "Where're we gonna go?"

"I thought you would have some ideas," Sarah replied, "Hey, where's Mia?"

Noah shrugged, "She didn't come to school today."

"Is she sick?"

"I dunno."

"Was she sick the last time you saw her?"

"No."

"Do you have her number?"

"No, she doesn't have a phone." Noah impatiently shifted from foot to foot, "Sare Bear, what we gonna do t'day?"

"Well, it's not very nice outside," Sarah said, "Museum?"

Noah crinkled his nose, "Nah, we did a lotta hist'ry today."

Sarah laughed, "You did?"

"Yeah. Bout da American _Rev-o-lu-tion_."

"Really? I don't think I learned about that until I was in eighth grade, and even then I didn't pay much attention."

"I can tell ya about it on da subway."

"Sounds good. But we're not getting on the subway until we know where we're going. We can't just ride the trains all afternoon! How about Gulliver's Gate? We haven't been there in a while."

"Yeah!" Noah looked up at Sarah with concern etched on his face, "You think there's gonna be a lot of people? Last time it was too crowdy."

Sarah grinned at Noah's version of _crowded_. "Not today," she said, "Last time we went on a Saturday. If there are too many people we'll try Ripley's."

"Kay."

"To Times Square we go," Sarah said.

"We gonna take da one?"

"Yes, or the two or even the three. But I bet the one will come first."

"I bet da two will come first."

"What are we betting?"

"A Hamilton."

Sarah cracked up and shook her head, "Noey, I don't know where you pick up these things, but you're hilarious."

…...

 _From the wraparound porch of their rented cabin, Olivia and Ed watched the kids play horseshoes. They hadn't bothered looking up the rules, so the trio made them up as they went along. Even though the scoring seemed arbitrary from what the adults could tell, the system made perfect sense to Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. They were competitive, but cordial and encouraging to one another. Their individual strategies for tossing the horseshoes reflected their personalities. Wyatt took the longest. He concentrated, bit his lower lip, and narrowed his eyes under the bill of his baseball cap. Noah consistently lobbed his tosses at high arcs. He never considered another type of throw. Maggie threw hers at line drives, hoping the horseshoes would hit the stake and drop, which would give her maximum points. Ed and Olivia had a hike planned for the day, but they agreed on a shorter route and let the kids play._

" _We can see plenty of fall colors here," Ed pointed out, partially joking. It had been Olivia's idea for the long-weekend getaway and he didn't want to completely torpedo her plans. Nevertheless, he was perfectly content on the deck lounging on the Adirondack chairs and sipping a warm pumpkin-spiced drink Olivia concocted._

" _We sure can," Olivia warmed her hands in the pouch of her hoodie and peered out at the treeline. It was a perfect fall day-crisp air, partial sunshine, and they were surrounded by the warm ambers and golds of the lake's foliage. Punctuating the pristine atmosphere were the sounds of her children laughing and good-naturedly ribbing one another as they played their game. They'd chosen the perfect rental house. It came complete with a tire swing, fire pit, croquet mallets, badminton racquets, and a cornhole set. There was no shortage of things to do and Olivia and Ed congratulated themselves for raising kids who were more interested in playing together outside than playing games on their phones._

" _Whadja put in this?" Ed asked after he'd finished off his first drink._

" _You don't like it?"_

" _Opposite, it's damn good."_

" _Whiskey, honey, the pumpkin liqueur we got at that little shop, and some cinnamon."_

" _I like it. Not too sweet."_

" _Nope."_

 _The kids tired of horseshoes and threw rocks into the lake as they discussed what to do next. In a few weeks Noah would turn thirteen, and he'd hit a bit of a growth spurt. He was clearly the big brother, a couple of heads taller than his siblings, and the twins still revered him as they'd done since infancy. From the time they were capable of tracking people with their eyes, Maggie and Wyatt had always been hyperfocused on where Noah was and what he was doing._

 _Olivia and Ed couldn't hear what they were talking about; however, the three of them suddenly turned and ran to the house. They thundered up the stairs on one another's heels. Maggie spoke for the group._

" _We're hungry!" She said, "C'we have lunch?"_

" _Sure," Olivia replied. She turned to Ed, "Want to take the boat to eat? We can dock at the marina, have lunch, and then go for the hike? The trailhead's within walking distance."_

" _Sounds good."_

" _Then can we go to the Frankenstein museum?" Noah asked._

" _Sure," Ed replied, "But let's not forget, we have two more days."_

" _Yeah but we all want to go there today," Noah insisted. His brother and sister nodded in agreement. Olivia thought it was cute that they were ready to leap to his defense, especially since the kids acted as if she and Ed regularly said no to their suggestions._

 _Ed smirked, "Then we'll go today. Let's get out there then. You may wanna bring your jackets._

 _All three kids were wearing jeans and hoodies. Olivia started to get up to gather the proper outerwear, but Maggie climbed into the chair with her. "This is cozy," she said as she curled up with her mother. Olivia wrapped her arms around Maggie and breathed the autumn-scented air that clung to her brown locks._

" _Very cozy," Olivia said, "And tonight we can have a fire. That'll be super cozy."_

" _And make s'mores?"_

" _And make s'mores."_

 _Wyatt put his hands on his hips and looked out over the water. "This is a really good place," he said, "We should have a house here, too."_

 _Olivia chuckled, "Maybe someday, Wyatt Edward."_

" _When I grow up I'm gonna have a house here," Wyatt said, "And you guys can all have rooms."_

" _That's so sweet, honey."_

" _And I'll have a sailboat and a pontoon and maybe three jet skis."_

" _Three 'cause there are one, two, three of us!" Maggie chimed in. "I want mine to be blue, purple, and yellow."_

 _Noah crinkled his nose, "Interesting choices. Wyatt, you're gonna have to get that custom made. I'll take a black and white one, maybe with some silver."_

" _Okay," Wyatt said, "Mommy, what color do you want?"_

" _I thought the third one was yours?" Olivia asked. She was still cradling Maggie and not eager to relinquish hold of her little girl._

" _It can be yours," Wyatt offered generously._

" _Then I'll take blue. A nice, bright blue."_

 _Wyatt nodded solemnly as he mentally catalogued the requests. He and the three others listened to the wind rustle the leaves and the occasional bird chirping until Ed burst through the screen door grinning but also pretending to be annoyed. "What are you doing?" He asked, "I thought we were getting ready to head out?"_

" _Daddy, we're jus' having some peace and quiet," Maggie said. She spontaneously erupted into giggles. Her laughter was infectious and everyone followed suit. Soon the five Tuckers were howling for absolutely no reason._

" _Now that the peace and quiet is gone," Ed said breathlessly, "Can we go? I'm starving."_

 _Maggie propelled herself to her feet, "Lessgo," she said, "I'm driving."_

…..

The unfavorable weather kept Olivia, Ed, and the twins inside all day, and by the time evening rolled around, they were all going stir crazy. They'd entertained the twins with bowling, trains, basketball, puzzles, and finger paint, so Olivia didn't feel guilty about playing a movie on the big screen and situating Maggie and Wyatt in their beanbags with juice and a bowl of veggie straws. Outside, cold rain pelted the windows and people rushed from their offices to the subway or into cabs. Olivia covered the twins with their blankets and kissed their heads. She grinned at her cozy duo and went to sit at the island and watch Ed make dinner.

"I hope this tastes okay," he said, "Chili's supposed to simmer all day, or longer."

"It'll be great," Olivia watched him open a box and raised her eyebrows, "Cornbread?"

"Yeah, recipe said to make it."

"I don't think I've ever seen you eat cornbread."

"I've eaten it a few times. Have you?" Ed asked with a grin.

"Yes."

"You like it right?"

"Yes."

Ed released an exaggerated sigh of relief and leaned over the countertop for a kiss. Olivia playfully bit at his lower lip and Ed put a hand on the back of her head, loosely clutched a handful of her hair, and planted a more passionate smooch on her lips. At that moment, something in the video made Maggie and Wyatt giggle, and the sound of their laughter enticed him to kiss Olivia once more.

"Hey," he said brightly when he returned to mixing the cornbread, "Get your phone. Go to the news."

"Okay." Olivia followed his instructions but was unsure what exactly she was supposed to see. "What am I looking for?"

"North Carolina man awarded seven-hundred thousand against man who stole his wife."

Olivia found the article and quickly read it. "Wow," she said, "That's unusual."

"Somebody would have to pay way more than that if they stole you," Ed quipped.

"Good thing that's never going to happen," Olivia replied, playing along, "Nobody would be able to afford it."

"Nope, not enough money in the world." Ed poured the batter into a small cake pan and put the pan in the oven. He stirred the chili, placed the lid on the pot, and took it off the heat. "Can I ask you a question?" He took a seat across from her and reached for her hands.

"Of course."

"Why me?"

"What?"

"Why me? Why'd ya let me be the one?"

"Because I trust you," Olivia replied without hesitation, "I knew it early on, that I could trust you with everything, and that trust got stronger, and it grew into," Olivia held her arms out, palms up, "This."

"This is the most precious thing in the world to me, Liv."

"Me too." Olivia narrowed her eyes and squeezed his fingers, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah, uh-"

"-the article took you to a dark place?"

"Yeah. I dunno why I let headlines bug me, but they do."

"You do know why," Olivia said, "You just said it. Because this is the most precious thing and the thought of losing it, even though it's never, ever going to happen, is excruciating."

"Yeah." Ed kissed her and smiled sheepishly, "Thank you."

"You're welcome." Olivia rounded the island and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I love you."

"Love you."

"Um, Ed?"

"Yeah?"

"The oven's not on."

" _Shit_."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	97. Chapter 97

**Ninety-seven**.

Mesmerized, Noah stood on his tiptoes and watched the miniature 9/11 Memorial light up and come to life. "Hey look," he said to Sarah, "It's us! You and me!"

"You think?" Sarah asked, "I like to imagine us skiing over there in the Alps."

"We'll go over there in a second," Noah said, "Ri'now, we're still in New York." Brow furrowed, he looked up and Sarah and asked, "Sare Bear, why'd those guys crash da planes into da towers?"

"Because they were evil and wanted to hurt people," Sarah replied.

"It's nice that there's a m'morial," Noah murmured. "We went to da top of da new tower and the planes didn't hit us!"

"Now there's so much security around the city," Sarah explained, "We're very safe. Now, can we please go to another country or even another city in the United States of America? You're obsessed with New York, Noey!"

"I love New York!"

"I know you do," Sarah kissed the top of his head and hugged him, "And I love you."

"Love you, Sare Bear."

Once Noah was pried away from the New York miniatures, Sarah and Noah meandered through the exhibits and used the magic key to operate the mechanized scenes in rainforests, foreign cities, and famous landmarks. As she predicted, the place was less crowded than the last time they visited; however, Sarah watched smugly as children Noah's age were hurried along by their caregivers. She let Noah take his time and dictate the route, even when he doubled back and spent an inordinate amount of time watching model planes land on the tarmac. When they finally made their way to the exit, Noah knew exactly where he wanted to go next.

"Lessgo see Pearl!"

"Okay," Sarah said, "What about food? Aren't you hungry?"

"We can order with your phone."

"Sounds good. What made you think about Pearl?"

"Saw a dog in one of da cities," Noah said, "An' I didn't get to play with Pearl much last time 'cause she was sleepin' with Wyatt."

"She sure was," Sarah said, "Good idea, too, because I feel bad leaving her in her crate."

"Why's she haveta be in the crate?"

"Because she'll eat everything in the house!"

Noah giggled, "Yeah, she ate part of Maggs' shoe."

"I know," Sarah said, "I owe her a new one."

" _Sare_ _Bear_ ," Noah said, "You can't jus' buy one shoe!"

They stepped out onto busy 44th Street and Sarah stopped to determine the quickest route to the subway. She grabbed Noah's hand and they walked toward the heart of Times Square.

"Always gotta hold hands here," Noah murmured.

"Very true. That's why Maggie and Wyatt can't come here yet. They always want to run around," Sarah said.

"Yep."

"Hey! Guess what?"

"What?"

"We're going to take the N!"

Noah grinned, "Dat's da _best_ train!"

…

 _After their hike, the Tuckers' shoes were mud-streaked and the wind had turned their cheeks pink. On the half-mile stroll back to the marina, they stopped at the Mystery Spot and the kids took turns shouting and singing and positing theories about the odd acoustic effects. When they left, the sun was setting and the trio agreed to wait until the next day for the arcade and the Frankenstein Museum. They stopped at a market for a few items then boarded the boat and cruised back to their rental cabin. Before going inside, they arranged logs in the pit for the night's fire. Olivia made hot chocolate for the kids and spiked cider for her and Ed, and they sipped their drinks on the oversized leather couches in the family room._

 _The centerpiece of the room was a grand, stone fireplace flanked by a moose head and a pair of elk antlers. There wasn't much room for any other artwork or tapestry-the rest of the living area featured floor-to-ceiling windows, giving residents a gorgeous, unobstructed view of the backyard and the lake in the distance._

 _Maggie noticed Noah's phone vibrating over and over and peered at the screen, "You gotta lotta messages!"_

" _I posted one of the pictures from the waterfall," Noah said._

" _Hey! There's Mia!" Maggie exclaimed, recognizing Mia's handle, "What'd she say?"_

" _So pretty," Noah read, "Wish I was there."_

 _Ed and Olivia locked eyes for a split second. Until last year, they had regularly invited Mia along on day trips and had also included her on a few overnight weekend getaways. But middle school had created a physical and emotional gulf between the two longtime friends. Mia attended a magnet school for the arts and was bombarded with a multitude of after school lessons. Olivia sensed Noah wasn't yet at the point where he was interested in girls beyond the scope of friendship, but she did think he'd been slightly hurt when Mia posted pictures from a performance. In the photos, she had her arm around a male castmate, and Noah's eyes clouded when he saw it. Nevertheless, he and Mia remained friends and kept in frequent contact. At the very least, Mia could always be counted on to comment on Noah's social media posts._

" _What's Mia doing this weekend?" Olivia asked._

" _Nothing," Noah replied, "Well, she's at the stables, but she doesn't like riding so I guess she's just...there."_

" _She doesn't like the horses?" Wyatt asked, clearly perplexed. Aside from the pony rides at the zoo, he'd never been on a horse, but the idea of galloping along through open space was intriguing to him._

" _She's sick of it," Noah said, "And her mom wants her to be in the competitions and she doesn't want to."_

" _Probably not fun for her anymore," Ed speculated._

" _I think it'd be really fun!" Maggie said. She jumped up and skipped around the room. "You can jump those horses! It looks super fun! Daddy, can I go on a horse?"_

" _Maybe in the spring," Ed replied dutifully. There was a fifty-fifty chance Maggie would forget the half-hearted assurance._

" _Kay!"_

 _Ed finished his cider and announced he was going to get the grill ready. After a simple dinner of hot dogs and baked beans, it was time for the bonfire and smores. Ed and Olivia sat back and let Noah help his siblings prepare the gooey sandwiches. After Olivia took her first bite, Ed noticed chocolate had collected in one corner of her mouth. He couldn't resist._

" _C'mere," he whispered. He grabbed her wrist and kissed her, making sure to get the chocolate._

" _Thanks," she said, "These are so messy."_

" _I gotcha."_

 _The kids were on the opposite side of the fire skewering another round of marshmallows. Their faces glowed and their jaws were set in concentration. The trio carefully cooked the marshmallows, turning the rods slowly so they browned evenly and didn't char._

" _You realize we started this whole idea here," Ed said under his breath out of the corner of his mouth. His voice was barely audible above the crackling of the fire. He and Olivia were still gazing through the fire at their children. Indeed, it had been at Lake George almost a decade ago when they agreed to try for a baby._

 _Olivia reached over for his hand, "I know," she cooed, "It's a special place."_

" _You guys want another one?" Noah asked._

 _Ed and Olivia stifled laughter, for Noah posed the question so that it could be construed that he was asking if they wanted another baby. Ed winked at his wife and reached for the beer he'd brought out to the fire._

" _Sounds good," Olivia said, "But I'm okay with this one. Thank you."_

" _Same here, bud."_

" _Alright," Noah replied in a tone that suggested he thought his parents were making a huge mistake._

 _Ed and Olivia finally peeled their eyes away from the kids and looked at each other._

 _Ed leaned in for a kiss, "I love you," he said softly._

" _I'm so happy," Olivia said, "I love you, too."_

…

Noah's expression at seeing Pearl in her crate crushed Sarah's soul. He ran to the cage, unlocked the door, and took Pearl into his arms. The dog whined, yelped, and licked all over his face. Noah fell onto his back and laughed uncontrollably as the yellow lab showered him with affection. Sarah took the opportunity to hook Pearl's leash to her collar and she and Noah went right back outside and circled the block with the boisterous puppy. Noah jogged alongside Pearl and narrated her every move. He screwed up his face when Sarah, unbothered, unfurled a plastic bag and bent down to scoop the waste.

" _Ewwww_ ," he said.

"All part of having a dog, Noey."

"I dunno if I wanna dog," he murmured.

"Not to worry," Sarah said, "I don't think you'll be getting a dog at home anytime soon. You can always come over and play with mine."

"Yup!" Noah resumed skipping along. He was so focused on Pearl he didn't realize they had made it back to Sarah's building. Sarah stopped and he kept walking until Pearl's leash became taut and he looked back and giggled. "Sare Bear! You tricked us!"

"Gotta pay attention, Noey," she replied, "Come on. Let's get inside and order food. I'm hungry and it looks like it's going to snow or rain or something." She snapped up her collar against the wind, "We're going to Uber you home for sure."

Just then, a car stopped in front of the curb and G emerged wearing a weary expression, but when she heard Noah's voice shout, "HEY G!" she grinned and jogged over. Noah gave her a hug then crouched next to Pearl, "Ya see this little girl?" He asked, "S'Pearl. It's Sare Bear's and Justy's new dog!"

"I know," G said, "I've met her before."

"G's taken Pearl out for me while Justy's away," Sarah said, "She's the best of all neighbors. Okay, can we _please_ get inside? I'm freezing."

They rode the elevator together and discussed their days. Sarah felt a tiny bit guilty that she and Noah had basically goofed off all afternoon while G reported being trapped in two long, stressful meetings, so she invited G to join her and Noah for dinner. G was quiet and kept to herself, but to Sarah's surprise, she accepted.

"Chinese does sound good," G replied. Noah had mentioned ordering noodles and dumplings.

"Then Chinese it is," Sarah said.

"Let me put my stuff down and change real quick and I'll be up."

While they waited for the food to arrive, Noah tried to teach Pearl how to play fetch but the dog was more interested in playing keep-away rather than returning the ball to Noah. When he paused to take a breather and get a drink, he noticed several familiar notifications on G's phone.

"Hey! That's Yahtzee!"

"Yeah," G replied, "I've been playing with my sister for a couple of years now."

"Can I play?"

"Sure Noey," Sarah plucked his phone from its pouch on the side of the backpack. She found the app, installed it, and did the same on her phone. "There. Now we can all play."

"Thanks!" Noah meandered to the couch with his head buried in the phone. He found G and Sarah and challenged them to games. Soon he figured out they could play multiple games against one another at once.

"Noey!" Sarah said, "Three is enough!"

G laughed and accepted the fourth request from Noah, "I guess I know what I'll be doing in my spare time."

"But not at school!" Sarah said with a wink, "You'll get in trouble and then I'll get in trouble!"

Noah managed a preoccupied chuckle, "Sare Bear in timeout," he murmured, picturing her receiving a first grade consequence. "No smileys."

…..

 _Olivia walked in to a candlelit apartment and Ed Tucker sitting in the middle of her sofa wearing a proud smirk. The air smelled of roasted meat, beeswax, and the crisp outdoor breeze sneaking in from a window Ed had cracked to cool the place down. Olivia hung her coat and blazer and grinned at her boyfriend who she thought would either be asleep or lying on the couch watching the late news. Instead, Tucker had spent the evening preparing a pot roast, looking after Noah, and tidying up after the toddler fell asleep. Ed knew Olivia was going to be very late, but he was determined to insert some romance into their lives._

" _I guess I'm not the only one who was working hard tonight," Olivia said. She walked over to Ed and gave him a kiss. "Smells so good in here."_

" _Hungry?" He patted her hip and stuck his lips out for another kiss._

" _Starving."_

" _Wanna change? I'll get everything on the table."_

" _Okay."_

 _Olivia swapped her work clothes for attire that matched Ed's-jeans and a t-shirt. She chose a light weight, nearly sheer white v-neck and warm bursts of arousal shot through her chest when she saw his reaction. Ed's desire for her always equated to foreplay._

" _Music?" Ed asked as they sat down at the small table._

 _Olivia noticed he'd cleared the clutter by relocating it to a nearby credenza. "You know what? Let's not. I like it like this. Peaceful."_

" _Okay." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. "I'd serve you, but-"_

" _-please do."_

" _Sure." Ed portioned the meat, potatoes, and carrots onto their plates. "Always my favorite meal," he said, "Not as good as my mom's, but not bad."_

" _You taste tested it already?"_

" _Of course."_

" _Did you have a good day?"_

" _Yeah. A little slow at the office, no big deal, then I got Noah. It was too cold to do much, so we came back here, hung out, cooked, read some books...and now you're here."_

 _Olivia patted the top of his hand, "I'm here. It's the middle of the night, but I'm here."_

" _You know I love bein' with you no matter the time," Ed's eyes sparkled in the candlelight. "I mean it." He followed her eyes with his. He was intentionally going overboard and laying it on thick because actually saying to her that he was infatuated and constantly preoccupied thinking about how to make her happy would have been, to Olivia, startling, to put it mildly._

 _Olivia pushed food around her plate and played with the edge of the placemat. "I can tell you mean it," she said in a soft voice, "It's, I, um, this is the first time I've ever come home, late, to-" she held her hands up, "This."_

" _You like the roast?" Ed asked, trying to lighten the mood._

" _I do. It reminds me of commercials I would see as a kid-I don't remember what was being advertised, but I remember all these perfect families with well-behaved children sitting around dinner tables, eating food just like this. I always wondered what it was like to be in one of those families, sitting at that table," more confident now, she turned to him, "Thank you for showing me what it feels like."_

" _You're welcome."_

 _They traded a few kisses, sipped wine, and continued eating. Ed talked about how he and his siblings saw those same commercials and wondered how it was possible to have such an orderly meal. Tucker dinners were loud, he said, full of people talking over one another and barked demands to pass a platter, and his mother speculating out loud that her boys had not properly washed their hands._

" _Your mother must be a saint," Olivia said, "All those kids so close in age. That must have taken a lot of patience."_

" _Patience and whiskey."_

 _Olivia laughed softly. "I like to think I'm a patient mother. Maybe not the most patient cop in the world, but, outside of work, yeah, I am."_

" _I'm not," Ed said, "Elevator in my building? I'm the one who's calling every day, every hour if I need to for someone to come."_

" _But with your daughters?"_

" _Forced to be patient."_

" _With me?"_

 _Ed raised his eyebrows. Olivia had already put down her fork and he did the same. Taking her hands, he looked her straight in the eyes and said, "Especially with you."_

" _We could have-"_

" _-No," Ed interrupted, "No hypotheticals. Everything that's happened with us happened the right way, the necessary way. And look," he grinned, "We're here eating dinner together like the most normal couple in the world."_

" _It's one a.m."_

" _Today, that's our normal."_

 _A smile slowly crawled across Olivia's face, "I suppose, what could be more normal than pot roast, potatoes, and carrots?"_

" _Now you're on the right track."_

" _It's still one a.m.," Olivia said, "You must be ready to collapse."_

" _How bout we take the rest of the wine and collapse over there?" He jerked his chin toward the sofa._

" _Okay."_

 _Olivia took the wine and Ed brought the candles over to the coffee table. Ed leaned back and rested his legs on the coffee table. Olivia reclined against his chest. "I love this light," she said. "We need candlelight more often."_

" _You got it."_

….

Noah quickly became addicted to the Yahtzee app. Sarah couldn't believe how, in the course of a couple of hours, he went from being indifferent about his phone to unable and unwilling to put it down. On subways or in cabs he was usually alert and talkative, but in the Uber he kept his head down and made no sounds aside from the reactions to his rolls. Sarah warned him about playing against random people, but Noah didn't mind the restriction since, in addition to Sarah and G, he was now connected to Justin and Brooke. When he lost he shrugged and murmured, "Gotta start 'nother one." Sarah rubbed her eyes. Her father had accepted the phone purchase without much objection or reproval, but Yahtzee was definitely going to test his patience.

"Put the phone away," Sarah muttered to Noah before they approached the apartment door.

Noah put forth an annoyed sigh, and he and Sarah simultaneously broke into laughter. Sarah didn't typically order him around, and Noah rarely ever responded to her with genuine defiance.

They found Ed standing on the dining table changing light bulbs in the chandelier. The twins, dressed in jeans and matching gray hooded sweatshirts, stared up in awe. "Dada fix yight!" Maggie said to Noah and Sarah. She jabbed a finger in his direction. "BiYIGHT!"

"He can come fix mine next," Sarah said. She bear-hugged Maggie and Wyatt and studied their faces. "You two are getting too old looking!"

Ed hopped down and shook his head. He didn't think the twins looked old at all, and both he and Olivia were perfectly fine with that. They were taller and heavier; their hair had thickened-they no longer had heads full of fine wisps of baby hair-and they were starting to string words together in sentences. Olivia was torn between wanting to freeze time and desperately wanting to have conversations with her babies, even if it meant guiding them through the many crises of growing up. Ed, too, was looking forward to being silly with all three kids as verbose participants.

Ed gently pinched one of Wyatt's chubby cheeks and played with the wavy locks at Maggie's neck. "You think they look old enough for regular beds?"

"Omigod, NO!" Sarah's eyes shot wide open as if she'd been given the worst news, "They're still babies they can't leave their cribs! Look!" She scooped up Wyatt and held him like an infant, "I can still hold him like a baby! You want a buh-buh handsome?"

Wyatt squirmed and Sarah put him down. "Are you sure they're ready for a bed? What if they get up and wander around at night?"

"They don't wake up in the middle of the night," Ed replied, "But they are startin' to climb outta bed. We have locks. Better to have 'em get outta a bed five inches off the ground than jump out of the cribs." Ed bobbed Wyatt up and down across the floor. "Right bud?"

"Jump! Jump! Jump!" Wyatt said through chuckles. He screeched as Ed swooped him through the air in exaggerated leaps. When Ed brought him down for a final landing, he realized Noah hadn't said much since arriving at home. "No? Good day bud?"

"Yep."

"Whatcha doin?"

"Yahtzee."

"Yahtzee?"

"Yup."

Sarah gritted her teeth, "I may have introduced him to online gaming."

"Ah, there's strategy involved," Ed reasoned, "Drink?"

Instead of answering right away, Sarah screwed up her face and asked, "You alright?"

"Yeah," Ed opened the refrigerator and took out a beer, "You want one?"

"Um, sure," Sarah said even though beer was rarely her drink of choice. She hopped onto a barstool and took a sip. "What's wrong?" Then, clued in to the source of his sudden melancholy, Sarah twisted her lips and nodded slowly, "Where's Livvie?"

"Planning meeting with Barba's staff. Before that, the Center. Before that, a meeting with the show's writers."

"Oooo is Wyatt going to be in anymore scenes?"

"I dunno."

"Sorry," Sarah said, "Back to the subject at hand. How are you coping with missing Livvie?"

"I'm not _coping_ ," Ed replied, "It's ah, well, a little disappointing is all. Wrong word actually. Look," He rested his forehead on the countertop and lowered his voice, "I knew she wouldn't retire like I did, hang it up and not look back, but, lately, there's so much goin' on in her life. And things keep popping up. The meeting with the writers? They're supposed to be on hiatus right now."

"Have you talked to her about this?"

"Yeah. And I don't wanna make it worse because she feels guilty, but she's also pulled in all these directions and she lets herself get pulled. She wants it all, and she can have it-"

"-But in the meantime you miss your wife."

Ed took another drink and nodded.

"You're not going to split up are you?"

He burst into as much laughter as Ed Tucker ever mustered, "Good one."

"Just checking."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	98. Chapter 98

**Ninety-eight**.

Ed heard the key in the lock and scrambled to close Olivia's book and slide it back in its place on the shelf. He expected her to be home much later since meetings with Barba's staff often ended with drinks at what had become their unofficial campaign bar. The television was off and the apartment was still; to Olivia it must have appeared as if Ed were sitting in the apartment surrounded only by the lights of the table lamp and the Christmas tree, doing absolutely nothing. She either didn't notice or chose not to question what he'd been doing. Instead, she kicked off her shoes, hung up her coat, and greeted him with a hug and a kiss.

" _Hi_ ," she closed her eyes and held him tightly for a few extra seconds.

Ed splayed his hands across her back and kissed her head. "Hi," he whispered back, "Good day?"

"It was...challenging," Olivia said. She pulled away but grabbed his hand and led him to the couch, "It's confirmed...I despise politics."

Ed chuckled softly, "I bet you're good at it."

"Opinions and beliefs are one thing," Olivia said, brushing off the compliment, "But when it's time to put those into action? Develop policy? With all those strong personalities in the room, it's difficult and frustrating."

"Thought Barba's the one who's supposed to set the course?"

"I think," Olivia examined her fingernails and frowned at a chip in her gel polish, "He's given a little too much control to the staffers. He has someone on schools, someone on adult education, someone on public safety, but none of it is very well-coordinated, at least, from what I see, which is shocking, considering Barba...but maybe that's the way it works?"

Ed put his arm around Olivia's shoulders and she leaned against him. He felt terrible for garnering a modicum of consolation from her complaints, but he couldn't ignore the sense of calm that had engulfed his body and mind. "What were _you_ workin on?"

"Similar to what Justin's doing," Olivia said, "Childcare and job training for single parents. Such a simple, glaringly necessary concept but there are so few options for anyone who's on their own with little kids. Can you imagine? Doing it all alone?"

"No," Ed replied. Worried Olivia would realize the irony in the question, Ed quickly pivoted to a lighter subject. He gestured toward Noah's phone which was charging next to the flat screen. "In more serious news, Noah came back from Sarah's today with a phone addiction."

Olivia grinned, "What'd he discover?"

"Yahtzee."

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah, he was barely talking when Sarah brought him back. Maggie and Wyatt were bringing him toys, trying to get him to play, but he was dialed in. He was playing with G and Justin and he only put the thing down when they stopped." Ed chuckled again and shrugged, "At least there's some strategy involved?"

"At least," Olivia echoed. "Smart to make him charge it out here."

"He didn't mount a protest. I think he was tired. They went to Gulliver's Gate and then back to Sarah's and played with the dog...until he found that app."

"He'll probably want a dog soon."

"I dunno. I don't think he liked the fact that it's a dog owner's responsibility to pick up the shit."

Olivia laughed, "Of all the reasons not to own a dog," she said, "That's my number one."

"Mine too."

…

 _Olivia waited until everyone cleared the squad room before she called Tucker back. He'd left two voicemails-one a dinner invitation and the second an assurance that he was still open to meeting up later if she had time after what he guessed had been a grueling day and evening. She found his persistence charming, especially since his voice, though always deep and gravelly, sounded friendly and affectionate. Olivia could tell he felt bad about her having to work late and not only because he wanted to see her._

" _Want me to come pick you up?" He asked after they decided to meet at a spot that had become a regular haunt-it was off the beaten path, close to their homes, and more upscale than the typical dive or Irish Pub their colleagues frequented. The sunken bar also allowed for a level of privacy they appreciated._

" _Sure," Olivia had planned on taking one of the cars home, but she threw Ed a bone, and she pictured a satisfied grin forming on his face._

" _Leaving now."_

 _Ed sent her a text when he was a couple of blocks away and Olivia made her way downstairs. She nodded to the desk sergeant and tightened the belt on her black trench. Prior to leaving the office she'd touched up her makeup and smiled at herself in the small pocket mirror. Ed would have a hard time taking his eyes off of her, and she couldn't wait to see them dance when she got into the car._

 _His SUV rolled around the corner and came to a stop outside the precinct doors. Ed gave her a shy little wave and Olivia hurried over. Tucker had barely said hello when she leaned across the console and kissed him on the cheek. "Thanks for coming to get me," she said, her eyes sparkling, "And hi to you, too."_

" _My pleasure," he replied, giving the car some gas and continuing down the street, "Get anywhere tonight?"_

" _We think so." Despite the tragedy, Olivia couldn't help filling Ed in on the gossipy details. "I had no idea familial DNA was going to not only lead us to the killer but also expose years of marital infidelity."_

" _Oh yeah?"_

" _Boy do I have a story to tell you."_

…

Backdropped by a gray, overcast, early December lower Manhattan skyline, Sarah sat at her desk crunching numbers across three computer monitors. Two cups of lukewarm coffee sat on a piece of blank white paper folded in half lengthwise as a makeshift coaster. She took a sip from one cup, frowned, and called her secretary to ask for a refill. When she delivered the fresh drink, she mentioned Brooke had called the main line a minute or so earlier.

"She needs you to check your phone? Something about her daughter?"

Alarmed, Sarah unearthed the phone from under a stack of papers and saw multiple text messages and missed calls. "Shit," she hissed and pounded the screen to dial Brooke's number. She answered immediately. "Hey," Sarah said, "What's wrong?"

"Sofia's sick, Sonny's working, and I absolutely cannot miss a meeting this afternoon. It's with a lawyer, about a student's IEP, I have to be there, I did the testing. Is there any possible way you could pick her up, at least until I'm done with the meeting? I'd ask Dad or Olivia, but I don't want the twins or Noah to get whatever she has."

Sarah gritted her teeth. Sure, she was the boss, at least of her division, but higher-ups were watching and she was sure, although her work was impressive and commendable, someone would notice her pesky habit of ducking out early and it would come back to bite her at some point in the future. Despite sensing it was a possible bad move, Sarah would do anything for her sister, so she agreed to get Sofia.

Brooke gave her instructions about medication, monitoring for fever, and making sure the one-year-old drank plenty of fluids. She managed a bit of levity, joking that she'd pay to clean any of Sarah's garments that were soiled with vomit. Sarah laughed and applauded Brooke for wisely not mentioning the exact nature of Sofia's illness until Sarah was already in the car and headed for Brooklyn.

When the day care staff handed over Sofia, the little girl was flushed and cranky yet happy to see Sarah. She wrapped her arms around Sarah's neck and rested her head on her shoulder. "Oh, my poor niece," Sarah cooed, "Let's get you home sweetie pie." Sofia whimpered and Sarah hugged her with both arms.

For a split second, Sarah feared she'd taken a different set of keys with her that morning, but she did, indeed, have the ring that included Brooke's key. The apartment was only three blocks away, and, minutes later, Sarah was parking the stroller in the downstairs lobby and trudging up the stairs. Before Sarah could unlock the door, though, it opened and Sonny was on the other side.

"Oh, hey," Sonny gently touched the back of his daughter's head and felt her cheek, "Thanks for pickin' her up. C'mere, Sof." Sonny took his daughter into his arms and swayed her back and forth.

"Careful," Sarah said, "Word on the street is she's been puking."

"Oh, yeah, that's what Brooke said, I forgot."

Sonny placed Sofia on the couch. She was in the midst of a fitful sleep and Sarah sat down next to her so she didn't topple to the floor. He buttoned his wool coat. Sarah screwed up her face; she was sure Sonny had come home from work at the last minute and was here, heeding Brooke's call.

"You can stay right?" Sonny asked, noticing her consternation, "Brooke said you were good until she was done at school?"

"Yeah I am," Sarah narrowed her eyes, "But, _you're_ here, _Dad_."

"Change of clothes," Sonny said, "I've been on for twenty, twenty-one hours."

"And you're going back? Aren't there other people working there?"

Sonny's jaw dropped. Sarah rarely hid her feelings, but he wasn't used to direct attacks. His voice caught in his throat and Sarah continued, albeit in a kinder tone. "I mean, Brooke's constantly doing this mother thing by herself. Every time we get together or I talk to her, it's always, Sonny's out, Sonny's at work. It's not fair to her."

Sonny's shoulders slumped in defeat. He sat at a kitchen chair and briefly buried his head in his hands. "I know," he admitted gloomily, "But since Liv left, well, we've had a revolving door of detectives come through. They don't last. It's been tough. If I'm here I feel bad leavin' them in the lurch and if I'm there I feel guilty that I've abandoned my wife and kid."

Unable to ward off sympathy, Sarah cocked her head, "You haven't _abandoned_ them," she said. "But, how long can this arrangement last? When's the last time you and Brooke actually did something together that didn't involve Sofia?"

"I have no idea."

"Look," Sarah wasn't smiling but she was trying to sound as sisterly as possible though she was annoyed, "I haven't talked to Brooke. She seems okay, but, with her, she's okay until she's not and then? She's _really_ _not_. I don't want to tell you what to do, but if your family's important, you're not showing it. And that's totally not the Sonny Carisi I first knew."

Carisi looked like he was going to cry. He stared at Sarah and nodded slowly.

"So, go back to work," Sarah said, "But for God's sake come home tonight."

"Yeah...you're right...thank you."

"Bring Brooke dinner...that's as romantic as it's possibly going to get with a sick kid. Oh, and some Pedialyte."

" _Pedialyte_?"

"Yes. That'll really turn her on."

…..

Olivia closed the laptop and handed the credit card back to Ed. "Well, that does it," she said, "Toddler beds by Christmas."

Ed put the card into his wallet, tossed it on the counter, and rounded the island. He gave Olivia a kiss and asked, "You okay?"

"Yes," Olivia sighed, "It's either this or one of them does a header over the railings."

Ed winced, "Ouch."

"Sorry, that was a little dramatic. But...you haven't seen Maggie or Wyatt try to get out without Noah, have you?"

"No."

"Then, I'm not worried... _much_."

"They're good," Ed kissed her again and moved closer so he could take her into his arms. "Everyone's asleep," he commented, "Whaddya feel like doin?"

Olivia ran her fingers through his hair with one hand and held his forearm with the other. "Want to watch a movie? Or catch up on _The_ _Crown_? I have a stack of books in there but I don't feel like reading at the moment."

"Sure," Ed kissed her forehead, "Drink?"

"Yes, please."

"Flavor?"

"Surprise me."

….

 _Olivia and Ed toweled off and sat together on top of the covers propped against the headboard. After a long day in the sun and sand, they were tired and had to force themselves to shower, but the pulsating water was energizing, and they weren't quite ready to turn in for the night. Rather than turn on the television or grab a magazine or his phone, Ed addressed the elephant in the room._

" _What's wrong with Sarah?" He asked, smirking proudly because he was sure Olivia thought she'd get away with keeping quiet about her hour-long hiatus in Sarah's room earlier that evening._

" _I promised I would keep it between the two of us," Olivia admittedly did a terrible job of being evasive, "But," she played with the hem of his shirt and ended up sliding her hand inside, "I tell you everything."_

" _Tryin to change the subject?" Ed asked, feeling twinges of arousal. He clenched his teeth and tried to think of the matter at hand, but not even the thought of his daughter in some sort of distress could temper the pleasure Olivia was inducing by simply running her fingers across his abdomen._

" _Maybe," she replied with a mischievous grin, "But...well, are you ready for this, because it's big."_

" _What?"_

" _She's pregnant."_

 _That did it. Ed relaxed and tensed again, this time for a completely different reason. "I thought-"_

" _-We all thought," Olivia said, "Nature works in mysterious ways."_

 _After a few minutes of silence, Ed replied, "That's definitely a lot. But they can handle it. They're great parents. Prolly, right now, more of a shock than anything?"_

" _She's already stressed," Olivia said, "It hasn't been easy for them-"_

" _-I know, I didn't mean it's been easy. We are talkin' about Sarah, the one who never wanted kids in the first place. Now, in less than a year, she has three. That's why I said-a shock."_

 _Olivia kissed him. "Why aren't you more...in shock?"_

" _Because it's gonna be okay," Ed replied, "She talked to you. Justin's a great husband. He'll be there for her. We're here for her. It'll all work out. The way I see it? The more the merrier."_

" _She's going to need all of us on board," Olivia said._

" _We're always on board." Ed took a sharp breath as Olivia's hand traveled up his chest and then slowly back down, "How long do I not know about this?" He clasped his fingers together behind his head and pretended to be unaffected by his wife's movements._

" _She said she was going to tell Justin tonight. We'll have to play it by ear." Olivia slithered up his body and kissed his chin, "The more the merrier, huh?"_

" _Yeah."_

" _I know you're tired," Olivia kissed along his collarbone._

" _I'm not that tired."_

" _No?"_

" _No."_

…

"Surprise."

Ed handed Olivia an expertly garnished tumbler. He'd stuck a lime and lemon wedge over the rim and threaded Amarena cherries on a toothpick. Olivia reached for the glass, her eyes fixed on the skewer. Ed let her take the glass but he swiped the cherries away. "Not so fast." He took his spot on the other side of the mattress and offered a toast, "To us," he said in a whisper.

"To us."

Olivia swallowed and shot him a serious expression, "Are you going to make me beg for those?" She asked of the cherries.

"Nope," Ed replied, "Here." He fed her the first piece and as soon as she took the bite, he planted a fierce smooch on her lips. "Good huh?"

"Very good," Olivia grabbed the toothpick, "You try."

Ed chewed. "So good."

They kissed again and fell onto the stack of pillows, somehow managing to keep the glasses steady enough to avoid spilling the contents on the bed. "This is so much better than _reading_ ," Ed remarked with his signature smirk. He took another gulp, let Olivia take one, and set both their glasses on his nightstand. When he turned back to her, she was so close he had to remain on his side.

"Make love to me, Ed," she said in a deep, throaty voice. "I want you so badly right now."

He raised an eyebrow, "Right now?"

"We've been a little...distant," she said, "And I know it's my-"

Ed put a finger to her lips, "-nope, don't say it. 'Cause it's not true. There're gonna be times we drift a little, there _have_ been times we've drifted, for good reasons, but, Liv, we _always_ find our way back."

Tears welled in Olivia's eyes. "Our way back," she echoed in a whisper.

"Yeah," Ed kissed her lips then each cheek, "The way back."

"It sounds so pessimistic, so arduous."

"Nope," Ed shifted his entire body on top of hers. "It's us. And I don't know about you, but any path that ends in this, us, right now, well, it's the right one, Liv."

" _Ed…_ "

He kissed both her eyes, lifted his head, smirked, and buried his face in her neck. "Enough thinking for one night," he said during a rare pause for breath, "No more thinking."

…..

 _Midway through her explanation, Olivia started to realize she loved the way Ed looked when he was truly baffled. His brow furrowed, but, somehow, his eyes grew, forming wide circles and his entire face reddened. The capillaries along his cheek and jawbone darkened and a crimson flush flooded his neck. There was a very thin line between perplexed Ed and angry Ed._

" _He had_ _four_ _kids sleepin' around on his wife?"_

" _Apparently," Olivia replied, "And that's just on City Island. Then again, he always made it home to his wife and family, so maybe the infidelity is confined."_

" _Confined infidelity," Ed cynically huffed. He cupped his drink with both hands and stared into the rows of liquor bottles._

 _Olivia rested her elbow on the bar and poked her cheek with a knuckle, "Did I say something wrong?"_

" _No," Ed turned to her. The insides of their knees touched. He leaned forward for a kiss. "It's, uh, the height of disloyalty. Doin' that to your family, and the other person's family. Wrong on so many levels, affects so many lives."_

 _Olivia agreed with Ed's assessment, but she told the story thinking the two of them could get a sarcastic laugh out of it. She gripped Ed's shoulder and forced eye contact. "Is it difficult to have such a high sense of honor like you have?"_

 _An embarrassed smile formed on Ed's face. "No one's ever asked me that before."_

" _I'm trained to ask the probing questions. So?"_

 _Ed shifted in his seat. "Yeah," he answered, "I suppose it is. And I think that's why, Olivia Benson, why I like bein' with you so much. I don't have to constantly be on guard. When we're together? I feel myself relax."_

 _Olivia reached over and played with his collar. "I enjoy relaxed Ed Tucker a lot," she said. They kissed again before the bartender interrupted them and asked if they wanted another round. "No," Olivia answered and glanced at Ed, "I think we're ready to get out of here."_

 _Ed pulled out his wallet and fumbled it a bit. The tone of Olivia's voice suggested they were going to either his or her apartment together, for a nightcap that involved a level of intimacy they couldn't quite achieve in the middle of a crowded bar. He calculated the tip, signed, and helped Olivia on with her coat. Her sultry "thank you" sent ripples of pleasure down his spine. He put a hand on the small of her back and led her out, careful to put his body between her and the most crowded sections of the room._

…

Due to evening rain showers followed by an overnight dive into freezing temperatures, schools were running on a two hour delay on Friday morning. Olivia and Ed took the opportunity to make breakfast and eat all together at the dining table, a luxury they didn't usually enjoy on school days.

"Babies, what you gonna learn today?" Noah asked between bites of his pancake.

"Dip, dip, dip," Maggie sang as she smothered a piece of her own pancake with syrup. She took a bite and grinned across the table at Olivia through brown bedhead wisps of hair.

"Yummy?"

"YUM!"

"Bay, No?" Wyatt meant _berry_ and he offered a strawberry to his brother.

"Thanks," Noah said, "But what you gonna learn? Adding? One plus two equals…." He waited for a response.

"One, two, TEN!" Maggie said, slamming her fork on the table. "Pay dum! Boom, boom, boom!"

"Maggie," Ed said, "Use the fork to eat. No drumming at the table."

"No dum?"

"No."

Maggie continued to tap the table and Ed reached over for the fork. "No drumming."

"Wa' DUM!" Maggie whined and pouted. She picked at her food with her fingers but held her hand up and whimpered, "Sticky!"

Olivia grabbed the nearby wipes and cleaned her hand, "Maggie, Daddy's going to give you the fork back, but you have to eat with it. No drumming."

"Eat, Magg!" Wyatt said, "Eat pa'cay!"

"No dum," Maggie whispered. Ed handed the fork back to her and she compliantly took another bite.

"Thank you, sweet girl," Olivia said.

"Mommy?" Noah asked, "You think there's still gonna be ice outside when we go to school?"

"Probably a little."

"But you said school was later 'cause da ice had to melt!"

"That's right," Olivia explained, "The ice has to melt on the roads so people can get into and out of the city, so it's safe. Most of the sidewalks will be ok to walk on, but some places don't get enough sun, so those spots could still have ice."

"We gotta walk in da sun."

"We will honey."

"It's almost Christmas," Noah murmured.

The twins heard him and squealed, "SANTA!"

"Ji'bells!" Wyatt said and added a sentence that sounded like _Santa's coming with reindeer_.

"We gotta go see Santa," Noah said.

"HO HO HO!" Maggie bellowed. "Fosty! Fosty on jammies!" She clutched a handful of her pajama shirt to emphasize it was, indeed, printed with snowmen.

"We'll go soon, bud," Ed answered, "And you know what else we have to do? Someone's gotta take my mom shopping."

"I'll go," Olivia said. She always savored one-on-one time with Caroline. They got together often, but the gathering usually involved multiple family members and Caroline was either cooking or playing cards. "This weekend or early next week, I'll call her this afternoon."

"Babies, we can't go 'cause Gramma's gonna buy presents for us," Noah explained to his siblings, "Then she hides 'em in da attic."

"I don't like her goin' up there," Ed muttered to Olivia.

"I'll do it," Olivia replied.

"She's gonna want to do it herself," he said, "She's stubborn."

Maggie started rapping the table with the fork again. Olivia grinned, reached over, and gave his thigh a squeeze, "Runs in the family."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	99. Chapter 99

**Ninety-nine**.

 _Olivia kicked off her shoes and smiled sheepishly. Ed strolled into the foyer, greeted her with a gentle kiss on the cheek. "What's funny?" He asked as he took her coat and hung it on the rack. Ed prided himself on his gallantry and tried to stifle his smirk. There was little doubt in his mind that he was the only man who'd ever doted on Olivia like this. At first, she was taken aback, maybe a little startled at the chivalry, but now he could tell she expected and craved it._

" _A night ago I was telling Fin to get some balance in his life," she tilted her head and removed her earrings, "And I'm the one who worked all night."_

" _You're missin' a sarge, and got one undercover." Ed pointed out. "And I'm here to help. There's your balance."_

 _He stepped closer and kissed her again. Olivia sighed and melted into his chest. Ed felt her weight against him; it was heartwarming, to feel needed and wanted...to feel necessary. He forgot all about offering her a drink or asking whether or not she'd eaten. Olivia sighed again, but, this time, she exhaled into his neck and began kissing, then sucking at his skin. Ed rubbed her back. The red blouse she was wearing fit tightly and the material didn't seem as if it would stretch easily. Olivia's kisses were sending chills up and down his spine, but Ed was consumed with trying to figure out how in the hell to remove the blouse._

 _Soon they were fully engrossed in an intense, standing makeout session and Olivia slowly unbuttoned his shirt. Ed's hands drifted to her hips. Along the way he felt the blouse's side zipper. "There it is," he whispered._

" _There what is?" Olivia asked breathlessly._

" _Zipper."_

 _Olivia chuckled, "Next time just ask."_

 _Ed cocked his head, "Yeah?"_

" _Yes." Olivia noticed a hint of uncertainty in Ed's blue eyes. She traced the line on his face below his eye, "What's wrong?"_

" _Nothin', I, uh, was just thinkin' about...where we're headed."_

 _A sly smile formed on Olivia's lips, "To bed?"_

 _Ed grinned but remained serious and focused. "While you were gone, I was thinkin' about how normal this is all getting to be. Me, you, Noah, Lucy not battin' an eye when I show up instead of you, getting him from day care," he brushed her cheek with a knuckle, "Waking up next to you…"_

" _Ed, what are you trying to say?" Olivia's voice cracked. A minute ago she was anticipating a night of sex and cuddling with the man she was certain she loved and now he looked like he was panicking which meant she was, too._

 _Ed saw the undeserved inner turmoil and quickly clarified. "I just want you to know, ah, you can tell me to leave if you want. If you don't feel the same way, Liv, I don't want you to be in a situation you're tryin' to get out of. I-"_

" _I don't want out," Olivia replied, "And I want you here. With me. With us. I can't imagine ever telling you to leave." She tugged on his belt loops, pulling herself closer to him, but he still appeared unsure of himself. "Why is this coming up now?"_

" _I, uh, I'm too comfortable. Was worried I've started to take this for granted."_

" _I have a very hard time believing that."_

 _Embarrassed, Ed ducked his head. When he lifted his eyes to meet hers, a jolt of electricity sizzled between them. Olivia's eyes grew wide and her jaw slackened. Ed reached for her hands and intertwined their fingers. He grinned. "You feel that?"_

 _Olivia managed to choke out a yes._

" _Liv, I-"_

" _Ed, stop. You're obsessing."_

" _I do tend to obsess."_

" _Yeah, you do."_

 _They kissed again and gradually made their way to the bedroom. Olivia closed the door, careful not to slam it, and slowly removed her blouse. She tossed it to the floor and watched Ed try not to drool at the sight of her in a bra yet still wearing pants, badge, and Glock. Ed stepped closer and, one by one, removed the gun, handcuff case, and shield. He placed them on top of the bureau and slid his arms around her waist._

" _I don't think we'll be needin' those anymore tonight."_

" _No, we don't."_

 _They clumsily collapsed onto the mattress and laughed through more kisses until Olivia stopped suddenly and held Ed's face in her hands. "How could you think I wouldn't want this?" She sincerely asked._

" _I guess maybe I wanted you to want it as much as I do."_

" _I want all of it Ed. I might fumble and not quite know what to do all the time, but...I promise you, I'm in."_

" _I believe you."_

 _Ed's voice and ensuing kiss were so sincere, Olivia almost burst into tears. Instead, she kissed back with equal passion. They made love and spent the rest of the night curled together in the middle of the bed, sharing a pillow, a practice that would become a regular part of their lives._

…

While Olivia applied makeup and styled her hair in preparation for her shopping date wtih Caroline, Maggie and Wyatt played with the bathtub faucet and a few plastic dolls that belonged to various playsets they'd acquired in their two-and-a-half years. The twins splashed water on the floor and dumped out half of Olivia's favorite peppermint bubble bath, but she didn't care. They babbled cheerfully to one another and were having the time of their lives. The simplicity of it all was sweet and heartwarming.

"Are you getting the people really clean?" Olivia asked.

"Keen! Skub, skub!" Maggie applied the loofah sponge to one of the plastic people. "Duh'ey! All keen!"

Wyatt hurled one of the miniature animals into the water, "Doggie baff!"

Olivia watched through the mirror. She couldn't get over the perfection of her toddlers, clad in their Christmas tree pajamas and sporting messy brown locks playing together in harmony. Maggie had always been the clear leader. Wyatt typically fell in line behind her, but he wasn't a pushover. When he disagreed with how Maggie was doing something, he'd started to say, "No, Magg!" and would take over. Olivia imagined them growing up-Maggie a little bit impulsive and Wyatt tempering her as the voice of reason.

"Alright sweet twins," Ready to go now, Olivia pulled on a navy v-neck sweater over the white tank she was wearing. "Let's go find Daddy and get dressed. What are you going to do today?" She turned off the faucet and nudged the twins out of the bathroom. Wyatt sprinted ahead and tried to climb onto the bed, but the mattress was still too high for him to get up there without assistance.

"Juh!" He exclaimed, "Mukkey on da bed!"

"C'mon, little monkey," Ed called from the hall, "How 'bout we hit the gym?" He kissed Olivia on the cheek, "Unless you want us to wait 'til later?"

"No, no," Olivia said, "Go and maybe we'll meet you for a late lunch?"

"Sure," Ed hoisted Wyatt over his shoulder and called for Maggie. "Maggs! Where are ya?"

The question was met with silence.

"Maggie?" Olivia hurried back to the bedroom. She hadn't heard any crashes or the water turn back on, so she was more worried about a mess than Maggie's safety. When she saw her daughter, she doubled over in laughter. "MAGGIE! What are you doing?"

A shimmery mauve line ringed Maggie's mouth. She clutched another lipstick tube in one hand, clearly planning to add another color to the mix. Maggie looked up, smiling proudly, and generously offered some makeup to her mother. "Lippick, Mama?"

"No thank you, sweetheart," Olivia said, still laughing, "I already have mine on. How about we show Daddy and Wyatt how pretty you are?" Olivia took her hand and led her out into the living room. "Daddy," Olivia said, "Look at your gorgeous daughter!"

Ed smirked, "Whadja get into in there, Maggs?"

Maggie pointed to her mouth, "Lippick! Pretty!"

"You are so pretty, Maggs," Ed replied. He picked her up and kissed each of her cheeks, "Which is why you're not going out on a date until you're thirty-five."

"One, two, thir-FIVE!"

Ed laughed, "Nope. Thirty five doesn't come after two."

"One, two, _THIRFIVE_!"

Olivia grabbed her bag and zipped her parka, "I'll let you two hash that out while I'm gone," she said. She gave Maggie and Wyatt a kiss goodbye and waited for Ed to put Maggie down. As expected, he enveloped her into his arms and gave her a soft kiss on the lips.

"Bye," Olivia whispered.

"Have fun."

"Never a dull moment with Caroline."

"That's for sure. See ya later." Ed gave Olivia a wink and watched her leave the apartment. There was a spring in his wife's step which he attributed to her anticipating a few hours of alone time with the family matriarch. A part of Olivia's soul still stung from her rocky relationship with her own mother, and Ed liked to think time spent with Caroline filled a longstanding void in Olivia's life.

…

It was a bit of a hike from Brooklyn, but Sonny took Ed up on the offer to join him and the twins at the toddler gym. When he and Sofia arrived, Maggie and Wyatt had already disappeared into the maze of tunnels, slides, and padded climbing areas. Ed was happy to have Sonny's company, for the twins were mostly self-sufficient, at least in this particular area of the gym which was designated for kids aged up to three years. Olivia typically shadowed the kids, but Ed felt comfortable giving the twins some independence in this environment. There was only one way in and out, and the staff strictly enforced the capacity limit.

Sofia, who had only recently started confidently taking steps, stood between Sonny and Ed at first, unsure of where to start. When Wyatt rounded a corner in chase of a gigantic rubber ball, Ed called him over. "How 'bout you take Sofia to play, bud?" Ed gestured to one of the less intricate tunnels and noticed Maggie had made her way to the top of the structure and was preparing to hurtle down the slide. "Look at Maggs," he said to Sofia, "Wyatt'll take ya up there."

Wyatt took off to join his sister and Sofia followed. Eventually, she crawled up the steps and joined Maggie and Wyatt, but not before the twins had taken several turns on the slide.

"Sofia's almost useful," Sonny quipped. He followed Ed to a low wall and they took a seat, "I've never been to this place before. It's nice."

"We've been to a couple of 'em," Ed replied, "But this one's our favorite." He took a sip of his coffee, "Day off today?"

"Yeah, I've been too wrapped up in the job lately," Sonny replied, "Took a few vacation days to get reset, if that makes any sense."

"Sure does. It's easy to let the work get all-consuming."

"You got that way?"

"More often than I'd like to admit," Ed replied, "There were nights I'd pore over interviews, footage, recordings, lookin' for that one shred of evidence I could use to prove a cop was dirty," Ed gazed at the twins who were now wading through the ball pit as Sofia watched from the ledge. "Times the only sleep I got was at my desk, a few minutes at a time."

"Wow, Cap, I always thought IAB was mostly a nine-to-five thing."

"It can be. But it wasn't for me."

"I'm thinking more and more about applying to the DA's office," Sonny said, "But there's somethin' that keeps pulling me back. I think maybe, deep down, I think I owe somethin' to Liv to stay. Fin's gonna retire soon, Rollins is working her way up the ladder, Liv gave me a chance, you know?"

Ed nodded. He knew exactly how it felt to be fearful of letting Olivia down. "Owe the vics," he said, "And you can fight for them on either side."

"True."

"I get the dilemma," Ed said, "I loved bein' a cop. The adrenaline rush, and, as much as I hate to admit it, the power. I _liked_ walkin' into a room, into a precinct and seein' people tense up. And I believed in what I was doin' until, well, a couple cases that got more nuanced, you realize not everything's black and white. Your question is, are you gonna believe in DA work as much as you believe in police work?"

"And I won't know that until I'm actually in the DA's office."

"Probably not."

"And then on the other side of things, Brooke and Sof, they're on their own so much, I'm not around as much as I'd like to be, but will that really change? Every ADA I've worked with has been on call almost as much as we have."

"You'd probably have more flexibility," Ed replied, "But those middle-of-the night calls, the seventy-two hour shifts, those would go away. You'd have your weekends for the most part. Holidays…"

"Yeah. I-"

A woman's high-pitched voice interrupted the conversation. "Is that _Wyatt_?" The voice belonged to a woman, maybe in her late thirties or early forties, wearing khakis, practical, low-heeled loafers, and a fleece pullover embroidered with the logo of the production company that had created the SVU-inspired series.

Ed jumped up and met her at the ball pit. "Hi," he said, "I'm Ed Tucker, Wyatt's Dad."

"Oh, hi," the woman vigorously shook his hand, "I'm Kennedy Cain," she said, "I write and occasionally direct for Five Productions," she said, "I've been on set with Wyatt a few times. He is such a sweetheart." She waved again to Wyatt, he grinned, and Kennedy cooed, "Hi there you handsome thing! And is that Maggie? Oh, my, we may need to get her on screen, too!"

Ed chuckled politely, "I dunno," he said, "Wyatt bein' on the show kinda took up by surprise."

"We needed a baby quick," Kennedy said, "And there he was! So, have you been to set? I've only seen Olivia there, but I'm not around all the time."

"No," Ed replied, "Liv's the one who takes him since she's consulting. We always make sure to watch, though."

"Well good," Kennedy looked around, "Well, I better find my nanny and my kid and get going. It was good meeting you Ed."

"Good meetin' you."

Ed returned to a smirking Sonny. "Well that wasn't obvious at all," he wisecracked.

"What wasn't?"

"She was flirting with you, Captain."

Baffled, Ed shook his head, "According to Sarah and now you, everyone's flirting with me."

Sonny held up his hands, "I can't speak to any other time, but her? She was definitely flirting, but, don't worry," Sonny nudged Ed in the ribs, "I'll keep that between us."

…..

 _Ed made his usual rounds of the apartment before turning in for the night. He made sure to take Maggie's phone and laptop, for she hadn't proven she could be trusted with the devices at night. Wyatt was sound asleep. Since birth, Ed and Olivia never had to beg him to go to bed or worry about him being distracted by electronics. He typically read a book before falling asleep, and it was common for Ed to find his youngest son conked out with the open book on his chest. Noah pored over his own laptop at the dining table which surprised Ed. Noah was studious, but it was Friday and he hadn't mentioned any major school projects due soon._

" _Whatcha workin' on, bud?"_

" _Just reading some articles."_

" _Articles?"_

 _Never one to have an easy time hiding his emotions, Noah fidgeted and grimaced. "We had a debate today in Social Studies."_

" _Bout what?"_

" _If violence is genetic."_

 _Now it was Ed's turn to wince. Noah knew his biological father was deceased and knew he had a violent history. Ed and Olivia had managed to spare him Johnny D's name and his specific crimes. Now Ed worried the whole truth would have to be told sooner rather than later. Then again, Noah had the opportunity to ask before and he did not. Olivia speculated that maybe he had an innate sense that knowing would be more difficult than not knowing._

" _It's my understanding most scientists worth anything say it's not."_

" _That's what I'm finding, too."_

" _You know," Ed sat down across from Noah and grinned appreciatively when Noah closed the laptop. "Tabula Rasa always made the most sense to me."_

" _Tabula Rasa?"_

" _Yeah. It's the theory that everyone is born with a blank slate. That you aren't born with any innate knowledge or behavior, that a child grows up to be whoever he or she is based on experience and how they're raised."_

" _Do you really think that's true?"_

" _I think it's all very complicated," Ed replied, "But I also have a hard time believin' some people are doomed from the start."_

" _Then," Noah bit his lip, "If that's true, I should've been doomed."_

 _His conclusion stung Ed. "That's the number one reason I don't believe it, bud," Ed said after he swallowed hard. "You had a lot workin' against you when you were born, but it ended up not mattering because your mom got you. And you're a fantastic young man because of that."_

" _And because of you," Noah said, looking his Dad square in the eyes._

" _Yeah," Ed got up, rounded the table, and kissed Noah on top of the head. "You want to talk to your mother?"_

" _Nah," Noah said, "She's probably asleep anyway."_

" _She'll wake up to talk to you."_

" _It's okay," Noah said._

" _Alright."_

" _Dad?"_

" _Yeah, bud?"_

" _You want to watch Sean Phillips?"_

 _Ed grinned and nodded. Phillips was the new king of late night variety television. "Sure. Lemme go turn the lights off in the bedroom and I'll be right out."_

 _Noah smiled knowingly. When his mother went to bed first, his dad always made sure to go in and kiss her goodnight, even if he'd done so only seconds before. Noah grabbed a soda from the refrigerator and a previously microwaved bag of popcorn and took his usual spot on the sofa. During his few minutes alone, he decided he wasn't bothered by what was said in class earlier that day. His Dad was right. Noah was one hundred percent likely to live a life that closely emulated the parents who raised him. He flipped the channels to Sean Phillips, and Ed showed up just as he comedian began his monologue._

" _Mom asleep?"_

" _Sound asleep." Ed shoveled a handful of popcorn into his mouth. He wanted to tell Noah finding Olivia sound asleep used to be a rare occurrence, but he knew his son had had enough of the heavy talk for one night._

…

By noon, Caroline and Olivia had hit a combination of locally owned shops and retail department stores and the back of the Tuckers' SUV was filled with shopping bags. Caroline profusely thanked Olivia for humoring her and graciously driving around the north suburbs so Caroline could mine all her favorite stores for gifts. Olivia admired how careful Caroline was in selecting presents, even for her children who now, in their fifties and sixties, were particularly difficult to shop for because, as Caroline admitted, "if they want something, they buy it."

It was more fun and easier to shop for the little ones. Wyatt, Maggie, Noah, and Sofia all would receive handcrafted wooden sets of cars, people with bendable arms and legs, and, of course, trains. Caroline added a doll each for Maggie and Sofia, a stuffed tiger for Wyatt, and a parrot for Noah purchased simply because it was blue and green. There were other items-sweaters, pajamas, and slippers-but Caroline's eyes lit up when she selected the toys.

"I think I have everyone all set," Caroline said. She slammed the back passenger door and climbed in the front seat. "Now dearie, I know we're having lunch a little later but how about a cocktail?"

Olivia grinned, "Sure."

Caroline wiggled her fingers in front of her face, "Let's go to Frankie's."

The name was familiar to Olivia. Ed had taken her there once or twice early on in their relationship. It was a typical, long standing neighborhood bar. Its wood-paneled walls were covered with beer-brand mirrors, old street signs, and decades-old framed newspaper clippings. Rips in the leather of the bucket chairs were repaired by duct tape. Everything in the place, except for new flat screens, seemed dated enough to be museum-worthy.

"Now, you're sure Maggie won't be upset that her doll's dress is yellow?" Caroline asked after they'd chosen spots at the bar and ordered. She ran her long, spindly fingers through her hair then tapped her nails impatiently on the lacquered barrail.

"I'm sure," Olivia said, "The only reason she has so much pink in her world is, well, because Sarah buys pink and, girl things, tend to be pink or purple. Even now."

"I'm glad you and Eddie let it happen that way," Caroline said, "Everyone's getting too politically correct out there."

"Our three usually play all together," Olivia said, "Even though they have things of their own. Maggie plays with the trains just as much as she plays with her kitchen set or her dolls. And Wyatt loves the kitchen set, even though his favorite thing to do is see how many things he can fit inside the oven."

"Little darlings," Caroline mumbled while taking a sip of her gin and tonic and shouting to the burly, bearded bartender, "This is good, Charlie! After thirty years you finally figured out how to mix a drink!"

Olivia laughed. Caroline and Charlie bantered for another couple of minutes until a regular at the other end of the bar needed a refill and muttered something about the Jets being to blame for him spending too much money on alcohol.

"Now I'm still going to need some more wrapping paper," Caroline said, "But I'll have Sarah order that for me."

"We can order it," Olivia pulled out her phone and opened the Amazon app, "Color? Style?"

"Santas, candy canes, snowmen," Caroline replied, "It's all for the kids. I have other paper but it's not very fun. And I know my Wyatt loves snowmen."

"He does," Olivia pictured her youngest son and grinned, "Every time I put them in snowmen pajamas he spends half the night talking about them. I hope it snows soon so we can make one."

"Precious babies," Caroline murmured. She put her hand on Olivia's knee and lowered her voice, "You know, a few years ago? Before Eddie brought you to meet me? I was ready to go."

Olivia swallowed hard and raised her eyebrows. Even though she knew what Caroline meant, she croaked, "Go?"

"Yes," Caroline said. "Go. Go be with my husband and my son. I was ready. I was ready to die."

The blood drained from Olivia's face. "Caroline," she half-whispered, "I, um, it's-"

"-No, no," she patted Olivia's leg, "I didn't mean to make you feel uncomfortable. I wanted you to know how much life you and Noah and now Maggie and Wyatt have given me. I know my Eddie got a second wind when you let him take you out and I know I did too. Now I don't plan on ever dying." Caroline grinned slyly, finished off her cocktail, and ordered another.

Stunned, Olivia waited a minute or so before speaking. "Noah has a grandmother," she finally said, "A grandmother like I always imagined a grandmother was supposed to be. And I didn't think I'd ever be able to give him that, but it happened. So, I suppose, me letting Ed take me out was one of the best decisions I've ever made."

Caroline lifted her glass, "Amen."

Olivia laughed softly and Caroline looked at her inquisitively. "Just thinking about Ed dropping me off after our first actual date and calling his mother," she explained.

"He did."

" _What_?"

"He did," Caroline said again, "Now, I don't know which time it was, but I do remember him giving me a call one night, I was watching the news and all of a sudden the phone rings-nobody calls me that late unless someone's dead-and it's Eddie calling just to say hi. And we get to talking and then I come to find out there might be this wonderful woman and her son coming to Sunday dinner."

"Then that was definitely not the first date," Olivia smiled and recalled the evening. It wasn't long after she met Sarah and Brooke for the first time, and it was one of the first times they spent an entire meal and walk home talking about topics other than police work. Olivia remembered how at ease they'd been with each other and how nice it had been to stroll home with her arm looped through his. "But it was a perfect night," she added.

Though the subject briefly took on a less morbid tone, Caroline again grew serious. "I have to go to Ireland at least one more time," she said, "With Noah. I promised him I'd take him."

"We can make that happen," Olivia said, "June? After he's out of school?"

"That would be the perfect time to go."

"We'll start planning. Maybe we'll surprise Noah...his present for finishing first grade."

"Ha!" Caroline erupted into her raspy, throaty laughter that always made Olivia wonder if she'd made good on her promise to permanently stop smoking. "You might be setting the bar a little too high, dearie. What on earth will the second grade present be? Third Grade? And don't forget you have those babies!"

"Very good point."

"You and Eddie will burn through the college funds by middle school!"

Olivia and Caroline laughed together for a few minutes. Charlie returned and asked what all the ruckus was about.

"Spoiling children with trips around the world," Caroline said.

"Sounds expensive."

"It is," Caroline retorted. She slid her empty glass across the bar. "So how about this last round is on the house?"

Charlie grinned and shook his head in a way that suggested this wasn't the first time Caroline had charmed a complimentary drink out of him. He shook up two more cocktails and placed them in front of his customers. Caroline found a photograph of the three Tuckers plus Sofia and showed it to Charlie.

"Wouldn't you spoil these precious angels?" She asked.

Charlie was drying glasses, but he took a look and winked at the two of them. "Every day of my life," he said, "Cheers."

…..

# **Tuckson**


	100. Chapter 100

**One-hundred.**

 _Will this ever end? Sorry it took so long!_

The encounter between Kennedy Cain and Ed at the toddler gym amused Olivia. Ed initially couldn't remember her name, but as soon as he started to describe the woman, Olivia quickly figured out who she was. "She's been married four times," she said, nudging Ed. "She's probably pegging you for number five."

"I don't think so," Ed gave Olivia a quick kiss on the lips. "Not my type."

"No? What's your type?"

"You." Ed winked. "So, whadja buy?"

Olivia ticked off a few items that had been purchased that afternoon, leaving out Ed's presents and lowering her voice when she mentioned Maggie's and Wyatt's gifts. The twins were playing nearby and seemed to be in their own little world, but they both had keen ears and often surprised their parents by picking up on conversations when it was assumed they weren't paying attention.

"And she didn't want anything in the attic," Olivia added, "But I made her promise, if she changes her mind, she'd call one of us."

"She probably won't."

"So, we decided that we'd be at her house for Christmas Eve this year," Olivia said, "I'd love to have everyone here, but I don't think we have the room."

"Good," Ed replied, "Less work for us."

The sound of Olivia's phone vibrating came from her purse and she rummaged around in the bag for the device. The number cause a brief sense of panic, for it was Noah's school calling. Eyebrows raised, Ed looked on and listened.

"What's goin' on?" He asked.

"Noah's sick," she said, "He's running a fever. I'll go get him. And he's also crying because he can't go to the holiday program rehearsal."

Ed hated it when the kids were sick, and he especially hated seeing Olivia worry about them, but he had to grin when he pictured Noah, under the weather yet mad about being trapped in the school clinic while the rest of his class was in the auditorium practicing their songs. Olivia left for the school, Ed found some chicken noodle soup in the pantry for Noah, and leaned against the island watching the twins while it heated in the saucepan.

"Whatcha doin you two?"

"Bay-a-cake!" Maggie exclaimed, "Ha'BIRDAY!"

"Birthday?" Ed asked, "Who's birthday is it?"

"My BIRDAY!" Maggie replied. She toddled over to the Christmas tree and picked up one of the wrapped boxes. "MY PESENT!"

"No, no, baby girl," Ed did his best to sound stern, "Those are for Christmas. Not for now. Put it down."

"Down, Magg!" Wyatt joined her at the tree and tried to wrest the box from her grip. The twins whined and frowned, each trying to get control of the package. Before Ed could get there, the paper ripped, revealing an Etch-a-Sketch. Ed and Olivia bought one each for the twins.

Ed shrugged, "Well, that's one less present you have to open on Christmas morning," he mumbled, mostly to himself.

Wyatt held up the box to his Daddy, "Open!"

"Tried to get your sister to do the right thing, but now that doesn't matter, huh, bud?"

"Open!"

Ed took out the Etch-a-Sketch and placed it on the floor. The twins fell to their knees and experimented with the knobs. Ed showed them how to shake it to erase the writing and they shrieked with delight. Then, feeling bad that there was only one toy, Ed got the other one and let Maggie and Wyatt practice unwrapping another gift.

"Tayouuu, Dada!" Wyatt said. He took the Etch-a-Sketch to his beanbag and plopped down on his belly to draw. He kicked his feet against the floor and made little cooing noises as he experimented with the new toy. A few minutes later, Maggie joined him, choosing to share his beanbag rather than use hers.

"You daw, Magg!" Wyatt said.

"Daw, Sanna, Wy!"

"SANNA!"

"Sanna bing pesent!"

In the kitchen, Ed stirred the soup and chuckled to himself. "Two fewer than before," he murmured and shrugged again, "Oh well."

…

 _Olivia hated arriving to a busy squad room, but Noah had a doctor's appointment that morning and she had no choice but to come in late. Carisi, who had been shadowing Barba during a lull in SVU's workload, chattered incessantly to Fin, who was barely listening. Olivia said a quick hello to the detectives and Sergeant Dodds before retreating to her office. Not long after she sat down, a sudden silence caused her to look up into the squad room. She tried not to grin. Ed Tucker's presence had made everyone momentarily stop in their tracks._

" _Hi Captain Tucker," she heard Carisi say._

 _Mike Dodds stood up and shook Tucker's hand. "Captain, congratulations on the promotion."_

 _Tucker probaby muttered his thanks, but Olivia didn't hear it. She did hear him ask if the Lieutenant was in. Dodds said she was and, noticing the open door, told him to go right in. When he passed, Dodds, Carisi, and Fin all exchanged curious looks. Who was in trouble now?_

" _Maybe it has something to do with Rollins," Carisi speculated. "Hopin' that the early labor wasn't because of her delaying desk duty too long."_

" _Why would that be IAB?" Fin asked._

" _You never know," Dodds added, eyeing the Lieutenant's office, "They like to stick their noses in everywhere they can."_

 _Once inside Benson's office, Tucker dropped his intimidating IAB exterior and smirked at Olivia. "Lieutenant," he said, "Good morning."_

" _Good morning," she replied, "Here on business or pleasure?"_

 _Tucker jerked his head toward the interrogation room, "Can we step over there for a minute and I'll let you know?"_

" _Sure." Olivia glanced into the squad room. Everyone had at least pretended to go about their business. It wouldn't necessarily ring alarm bells for them to go into the adjoining room, at least, not the type of alarm bells she was concerned about setting off._

" _Pleasure," Ed said as soon as she closed the door. "Haven't seen ya since Thanksgiving. Was gonna call and see if you wanted to grab a drink tonight, but I was in the area and I figured I'd pop in."_

" _I'm sorry," Olivia said, "We haven't been busy but, with Rollins gone, I'm shorthanded, again, it's-"_

 _Ed stepped closer to her, "Hey, I understand. Don't feel bad. I just wanted to see you. And really, I was nearby."_

" _Really."_

" _Well, on my way to Midtown South."_

" _Uh-oh."_

 _Ed smirked again. "Everything okay?"_

" _Yeah," Olivia replied, "Thanksgiving was so great, Ed. Noah keeps talking about Caroline and the piano and Sarah and Brooke. Last night he set up his stuffed animals around the coffee table and named them all after you, me, everyone. He had so much fun."_

" _And you?" Ed took another step toward her._

" _I had more fun than I've had in a long time."_

" _Good." He dared to lean in for a kiss and was pleasantly surprised when she not only kissed back but did so with significant force. "You ever kiss anyone in here before?" He asked cockily._

" _No."_

" _First time for everything."_

" _There certainly is." Ed was so cool and casual and sexy as he perched himself on the table, Olivia had to stop herself from lunging at him. Instead, she threw him a bone. "So, you're buying me a drink later?"_

" _Absolutely. Name the place."_

" _I'm going to try and leave in time to feed Noah and put him to bed," Olivia said, "He had shots today and I felt terrible taking him to day care, but...it is what it is. But unless we catch something major, I'll duck out around five. Come by my place at eight?"_

" _I'll be there." Ed beat her to the door, but Olivia put a hand on his elbow before he could turn the knob._

" _Bye," she whispered before kissing him softly on the lips._

" _We're playin' with fire here," Ed replied, not seeming particularly turned off by the risk Olivia had taken._

" _Maybe we are," she replied, "But I'm...really glad you stopped by."_

" _I'll have to do it more often."_

 _Olivia grinned, "Make sure you look irritated when you leave," she said, "Or people will start to talk."_

 _Ed returned her smile, "More intelligent words have never been spoken." He stiffened, set his jaw, winked, and strode back out through her office and into the squad room. Olivia sat down and focused on her laptop, bracing for the first person to come in and ask what Tucker wanted. A little chill fluttered down Olivia's spine._

 _He wanted me, she thought. He wanted me._

… _._

The twins greeted Noah with their usual barrage of shrieked "Nononos" but the older brother, weary and so tired Olivia carried him from the car into the apartment, managed only a week "hi." His eyes drooped and he sighed when Ed removed his coat and shoes. Since Noah was glued to Olivia, Ed decided to wait to suggest they get him out of the school uniform and into pajamas.

"C'mon, Maggs and Wyatt," Ed ushered the twins into the living room and into their beanbags. "Let's watch some shows. Noah? Bud? I'm gonna get you somethin' to drink."

"Don't wanna drink," Noah mumbled, "My throat hurts."

"Sweet boy," Olivia stroked his damp hair and sat in the easy chair, cradling him. "Ed, there's some children's Tylenol in our medicine cabinet. Let's start with that. And, Noah, let's try to drink something, okay? It'll help you feel better."

"I gotta _sing_ tomorrow." Noah said with all the urgency he could muster.

"You'll probably miss the rehearsal tomorrow," Olivia said gently, "But you'll be back to your old self by the time the concert rolls around."

"Who am I now?" Noah asked in a muffled voice, for his face was buried in Olivia's neck.

Olivia smiled and rubbed his back, "You're my sweet, sweet boy who needs his Mommy to make him all better," Olivia whispered. "So will you drink something for me, please? Just a little?"

Ed came into the room with a plastic cup of medicine and a larger cup full of Pedialyte, which the Tuckers bought in bulk from Costco whether they needed it or not. "Here ya go, bud."

With a groan, Noah turned around in Olivia's arms. He lifted his head just enough to swallow the medicine and a few gulps of juice. "Dere," he said breathlessly, turning back to snuggle into his mother.

"Want me to take his temp?" Ed asked.

"Sure," Olivia said, "They took it before we left. A hundred point two."

Ed grabbed the device from a drawer and stuck the tip in Noah's ear. "Hasn't changed," he said. "Good sign."

"Sweet boy," Olivia eyed the twins and hoped whatever it was Noah had would quickly make its rounds through the house by the end of the week. "Let's you and I go get you in some jammies and maybe watch a show on the iPad in your bed?"

"What dose babies watchin?"

"Boss Baby."

"Dey always watchin' dat show!" Noah smiled lazily and smacked his lips. "I wanna go to bed, Mommy. Want Bernie. But you _staywithme_." Noah slurred the last words, sneezed, and rubbed his face against Olivia's sweater. She glanced up at Ed and they exchanged smiles.

"Lemme get some fresh sheets and pillowcases on there," Ed said, "Hang on a minute."

Olivia smiled and nodded. She shifted Noah to one arm and yanked her phone out of her pocket with the other when it started vibrating. It was the show's lead writer and she answered in a quiet voice. The call didn't last long, but it lasted long enough for Ed to catch the tail end of Olivia's side of the conversation.

"Gotta go in?" He asked.

"No, not today," Olivia said, "They want Wyatt to come in tomorrow to read lines with Marissa."

" _Read_ _lines_?" Ed asked, his brow furrowed.

"Well, she'll read the lines. He'll be...around? Being held? I don't know."

"Missa gimme STAHBUCKS!" Wyatt exclaimed from the beanbag. He excitedly waved his arms around in the air and smacked the sides of his chair.

"Not even three years old," Ed murmured, "And he's addicted to Starbucks."

"I don't know how long I should let this go on," Olivia said, her voice nearly a whisper because Noah had fallen into a fitful sleep, "Do we really want a child actor?"

"Thought ya said it was really far away from that?"

"I have a feeling they're going to ask more and more of him and then, before we know it, he's going to Hollywood."

"I think it's fine," Ed replied, "You're there. He gets a smoothie and pretends to go to bed and gets carried around a set by an actor, and we get a little cushion in the college fund. We'll know when it's time to get out."

"Okay," Olivia leaned in for a kiss, careful not to jostle Noah. "Are you alright with the twins for a little while? I don't want to leave him alone until I'm sure he's really asleep."

"Of course. You gonna try to get some sleep too? You've been goin' at a steady kick and you were up early this morning."

"You're right," on cue, Olivia yawned, "I might sneak a nap."

"I'll keep the soup on the warmer."

Olivia grinned and kissed him again. "You're the best."

…..

 _Between the stop at Midtown South and meeting Olivia, Ed caught up with Cole for a late lunch at a diner near their office building. They were regulars, and the scene of them sitting down at their usual table, being greeted by name, and waving off a menu was almost cliche. Tucker was never effusive, but Draper immediately sensed his partner was troubled by something, though he was not expecting the admission Tucker presented as they chewed bites of BLT and tuna salad._

" _Cole, you gotta quit bein' my partner for a minute, okay?"_

 _Draper raised his eyebrows, "Okay." Over the years, he and Ed had developed a bond that only two IAB investigators could forge. They trusted each other yet were also respectful of abusing that trust._

" _I'm not even gonna try to speak in hypotheticals," Tucker began, "I've been seein' Benson," he added, "From SVU," which made Cole grin. Everyone in the NYPD either knew or knew of Lieutenant Olivia Benson and where she worked._

 _Cole's eyes brightened and he smirked. "Wow, that's, well, honestly Tucker? I'm not surprised."_

" _Yeah," Ed murmured, acknowledging he hadn't done a good job of hiding his desire to be close to Benson and he was sure his cheeks reddened when he spoke of her._

" _So, whaddya gonna do?"_

 _Tucker shrugged and grunted. "I'm kinda lettin' her decide," he said, "We haven't been hiding, but, uh, I get the sense she's still kinda figuring out what it all is, like she doesn't want to make a big deal if it's not serious."_

" _Is it serious?"_

" _Yes."_

 _Cole sat back in the booth and folded his hands in his lap. "You know there's no policy issue there."_

" _Yeah, but-"_

" _-Your professional paths could cross."_

" _Right." Ed leaned against his forearms, "And I want to protect her, I don't want her to pay for somethin' that could've been prevented."_

" _You could retire," Cole quipped._

 _Ed grinned. "Right. Then who would pay for my daughter's spring breaks and rent and everything else?"_

 _Cole held up his coffee mug as if it were a cocktail, "Amen. Look. If you're following her lead, I don't think that's the worst decision in the world."_

" _Yeah, good point."_

" _And cheer up. You're dating a beautiful, smart, classy woman."_

 _Ed nodded, "I am...there's still...with the secretiveness, I hate to question her judgement, but, I have a feeling…" Ed trailed off._

" _You talk to her about it?"_

 _Ed grinned sheepishly, "I think I might be avoidin' that conversation. It's, uh, going really well right now. Thanksgiving...she and Noah came, and it was like…"_

" _...like what?"_

 _Ed raised his eyes to meet Cole's. "Like it was right."_

 _Cole took a huge bite of his sandwich, chewed, and smirked again. "Then it's probably right. Your instincts aren't bad, ya know."_

 _Managing a laugh, Ed replied, "Thanks."_

….

When Sarah and Justin arrived to see Noah, he was tucked in bed, propped against four pillows, and watching a show on the iPad. A cup full of more Pedialyte and a half-eaten bowl of soup sat on the nightstand. Soggy oyster crackers floated in the broth. His fever had come down and he was significantly less lethargic than he'd been the night before, but he was obviously not one-hundred percent back to normal.

"Noey!" Sarah dramatically draped herself across his body, "I'm so sorry you're sick!"

"You didn't pick me up t'day, Sare Bear," Noah said matter-of-factly.

"I _know_ ," Sarah replied, "And I was so bummed out, but Justin and I decided to come and see you and bring you some treats. We brought you tea, some cookies that aren't too sugary, and a book Justy brought from his trip. It's all about the city of Milwaukee."

"Mil-wau-kee?"

"Yes, it's in Wisconsin where they make cheese."

"I dunno Wisconsin," Noah said. He closed out his movie and navigated to the maps app. "How you spell Wisconsin?"

"Sound it out."

Noah contorted his lips, sounding out each syllable, until he spelled the state's name well enough to get it to show up in the search bar. "Dere it is!" He grinned proudly, "Wow! Dat's far, but not as far as Texas. I still gotta go to Texas," he added in a murmur.

"We'll go, Noey."

"And Ireland."

"We'll go there, too."

Noah's eyes brightened, not at the promises of trips, but at the sight of Justin entering the room. Justin had been traveling so much with his former professor and the research team that he hadn't seen much of his or Sarah's family in the past couple of months. "Hi, Noah!"

"Justy!"

Justin ruffled Noah's hair, "Sorry you're not feeling well, little man."

"I'm almost better, Justy," Noah said reassuringly, "Mommy said I can go back to school maybe tomorrow. Justy, we gotta practice da _songs_ for da concert! I'm missin it!"

"Ah, you'll be fine," Justin said, "You know all the words?"

"Yep!"

"Then you'll be excelente!"

Noah smiled at the word uttered in Spanish, but his smile was followed by a yawn.

"Are we making you tired, Noey?"

"Yeah," Noah answered honestly, "I eat your cookies later, kay, Sare Bear?"

"Okay."

"Thank you for da book, Justy. I'll read it t'morrow."

"Alright, No." Justin grinned. The book featured panoramic images of Milwaukee through the years and was intended for older audiences. Justin purchased it knowing Noah loved books like these and often would spend hours poring over them and pointing out certain images and facts to the twins.

Sarah and Justin joined Olivia and Maggie in the living room. Olivia opened a bottle of wine and served everyone a glass. Sarah told Maggie to get a brush and elastics and she styled Maggie's hair while they chatted, pausing every once in a while to take a photo and show it to the little girl. Maggie would giggle, yank the ties from her hair, and bellow, "GAIN! GAIN, SAH!"

"I love that her hair is getting longer," Sarah said, "And it's so thick."

"Definitely not baby hair," Olivia said. "And, speaking of beauty, Ed texted me and said Wyatt was getting makeup on today. Wow. Maybe he was right, they're going to, little by little, make him a movie star and we don't even know it."

"Ed's at the studio?" Justin asked, chuckling.

"He is, why?"

"I can't imagine he's, uh, liking that too much."

"He probably isn't," Olivia said, "But we had no choice. I couldn't leave Noah. He's not sick very often, but I hate it when he is. It reminds me of when I first got him. We were in the ER _too_ often."

"That must've been torture," Justin said.

"It was," Olivia replied, "And then, all of sudden, around his second birthday, he grew out of everything. The doctors told me that could happen, but, I kid you not, one minute I was worried about every little cough, and the next? I had a perfectly healthy little boy."

"Sometimes we catch a break," Sarah said.

"That was a huge break," Olivia replied, "So, I can handle a touch of whatever this is every once in a while. He and the twins got a flu shot, his pediatrician didn't seem too concerned, so, another day or so and he'll be fine."

"And Daddy's with the movie star," Sarah added, giggling.

Yes he is." Olivia took a long drink of her wine and turned her attention to Justin, "How was the research trip?" She asked, "Sarah told me a little about it. Sounds fascinating."

"Fascinating and heartbreaking," Justin said, "The paper's about generational, systemic poverty, so we focused on a few different neighborhoods in Chicago, Milwaukee, and Detroit. The hypothesis is that if childcare were free, and housing and school or vocational training were free or significantly reduced, that combination could break the cycle. Sound simple, right?"

"It does."

"Way more complicated, but, it's good work."

Justin was beaming and Olivia returned his smile, "It's rewarding to do the good work," she said, "Even if it's painful."

She was obviously speaking from experience. Justin could see the agony, both long and recently buried, boiling beneath the surface of Olivia's pleasant and placid demeanor. He was tempted to lean in to the conversation, but, out of respect and compassion, he shifted gears. "Other than the serious stuff," he said, "It was interesting to explore those cities. There's something intriguing about the rust belt, the aftermath of all that prosperity. A little different in Chicago, but Detroit and Milwaukee? They have some great revitalization efforts going on. It's inspiring."

"I've never been to Milwaukee," Olivia said. "Worth telling Ed we need to go there for a long weekend?"

"I think so. But," Justin grinned, "Wait until the spring or summer. The wind there was brutal. Worse than Chicago."

"Speaking of getaways," Sarah nudged Justin with her elbow, "We're due for one. But, Livvie, do you think you could watch Pearl?"

Olivia sighed through gnashed teeth. "You know we'll help you out," she glanced reflectively around the room, "But that's going to be a tough sell to your Dad, but, then again, you've taken the three kids for a weekend, so we do owe you."

"Livvie, it's not a payment thing," Sarah said. "We love playing house with the kiddos! Don't we Justin?"

"Yep," Justin replied without hesitating. "Need a day to recover after, but yeah, it's awesome."

Maggie wriggled away from Sarah, ran to the toybox, and returned with a xylophone, "Pay music, Sah!" She started to beat on the keys with the mallet, but Sarah caught her fist just in time.

"No, small sister," she said, "Noey's sleeping. Let's play something quiet. How about a puzzle? Or, want to draw? Draw me a picture?" Sarah went over to the bookshelf and took out the basket of crayons and a small tablet that Ed and Olivia kept on the bottom tier, well within the reach of the twins. "Here ya go."

Maggie stuck her tongue out in the corner of her mouth, selected a blue crayon, and went to work, "Boo, Sah! I daw boo sky!"

"You are so smart, Maggs!"

Olivia watched as Maggie deftly switched the crayon from her left to right hand and back again, "And ambidextrous," she remarked.

Maggie hummed a song to herself while she worked. The adults took a few minutes to observe her in total concentration. After the song, she mumbled to herself and mentioned the names of her family members, Pearl the dog, and some playground-themed vocabulary. She wore a pair of blue jeans and a crimson sweater, the sleeves of which she kept pushed up around her elbows. Maggie was all business.

Eventually, Sarah broke the silence, "How long do the shoots usually last?" She asked, glancing outside at the darkening sky.

"This isn't even a shoot. It's more like a read through and they wanted Wyatt there to rehearse some scenes. But, when I go with him, we're usually there most of the day. Your poor Dad's probably miserable."

"Do you guys want to do dinner?" Sarah asked, "We could order in?"

"Sure," Olivia replied, "Let me text Ed."

…..

 _A box of old photographs sat in the middle of the living room floor, and the Tucker kids carefully took them out, one by one, and either giggled or asked questions, depending on who was pictured. The tradition began when the twins were five and Ed and Olivia decided to declutter before the holidays. Boxes came out of closets, unworn clothes were wrapped up in gigantic black trash bags, and each kid was allowed one box in which to store items that held too much sentimental value and had to be retained. As Ed and Olivia stacked boxes, the kids peeked inside each one. Most of the contents were uninteresting, but the photographs became a mutual prized possession. Every year, as Christmas drew near, they pulled out the box and spent a couple of hours examining the people, most of whom belonged to Ed's past._

 _Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt spent so much time on each picture that they had not yet sifted through them all in three years. On this particular go-round, the kids found themselves in the middle of a cluster of their mother's photographs, mostly from her early years on the force, a few roommates, and a few early group snaps at SVU. It was one of those pictures that Maggie chose for a deep dive._

" _Mom, who are these people?"_

 _Olivia came over and sat between Maggie and Noah. "My old squad. Stabler, Cassidy, Jeffries, and Munch."_

" _Munch," Maggie giggled._

" _Yeah, he was a good guy. He's not alive anymore."_

" _Are these other people alive?"_

"Not all of them _."_

 _Ed passed out cups of hot cocoa to the kids and spiced bourbon to Olivia. The bourbon was a surprise, for their neighborhood liquor store had been out of its supply recently. Olivia took a sip and winked at her husband. Feeling confident and deeply connected to her, Ed was a more jaunty than usual._

" _One of those guys was your mom's old boyfriend," he said, "Guess which one."_

" _Not Munch," Maggie said, "He's old."_

" _And dead," Wyatt murmured._

" _Wyatt, he could be dead now and still have been her boyfriend," Noah pointed out._

" _Mommy does not like OLD MEN!" Maggie said. She shoved the picture in front of Olivia's face. "Which onea' these is your boyfriend?"_

 _Olivia took the photo and tossed it in the box, "It doesn't matter," she said softly, "Daddy's the only boyfriend for me."_

" _Yeah," Maggie said, "You and Daddy match."_

" _We match?"_

" _Yep. Like my outfits."_

 _Olivia slung her arm around Maggie's shoulders and wrapped her in a tight side hug, "Just like your outfits," she said softly and kissed her head. "Exactly like your outfits."_

….

The only light in the Tucker bedroom came from the string of white Christmas lights hanging around the perimeter of the west-facing window. Ed and Olivia typically left those lights on during the night. They liked the ambience, but Ed was also reluctant to leave the bed once he was settled in next to his wife.

"Mmmm," he hummed into her neck and wrapped an arm around her waist. Olivia turned to him and they traded a few quick kisses before a longer, more passionate liplock.

At a pause, Olivia whispered, "I'm so tired."

Ed raised his eyebrows, "Feeling okay?"

"Yes. I can't help but worry when one of the kids is sick. I think that drains me."

"I'm sure it does. C'mere," Ed moved positions so he could wrap both arms around her. "Sleep, Liv," he kissed the back of her head, "I love you, sweetheart."

"I love you, Ed," Olivia clutched one of his wrists. "Wake me up if you hear Noah and I don't?"

"I will. But get some rest, baby. Everything's okay."

"It is, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Ed kissed her again, "Forever and ever."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	101. Chapter 101

**101**.

It was good thing Olivia snapped photographs of Ed and Noah dismantling the cribs because she witnessed the entire scene through tears. The emotions ran high for two reasons, the obvious one being the unofficial end of the twins' babyhood, and the other was Noah's and Ed's teamwork. Noah handed Ed tools, carefully placed screws and washers into small plastic containers, and helped Ed carry the pieces into the foyer. Later, they would move everything to the basement storage unit. Ed didn't yet have the heart to suggest they advertise the cribs on the homeowner's association resale website.

At the project's onset, Wyatt and Maggie wandered around their room with plastic toy screwdrivers and hammers and chanted "Bye bye, cribs!" They eventually lost interest and busied themselves with two new tree ornaments that played a rotation of classic Christmas songs. Maggie and Wyatt danced around the living room, shaking their heads and shoulders to the tunes and shouting "GAIN" at one another when the songs ended. Olivia lounged on the sofa and convinced herself to relax and bask in the domestic bliss.

"Daddy?" She heard Noah ask, "Where're those babies gonna sleep t'night? They don't have any beds!"

"How 'bout they sleep in your room? We can make a tent again."

"Oooo! And we can watch _Home Alone_!"

"Which one?"

Noah made some humming noises as he deliberated. "Um, I think, da first one! And then da one in New York if we're still awake."

"Sounds good."

Maggie ran to the sofa with a plush Santa Claus ornament in her hand, "UH-OH, Mama! Sanna fah down!"

"Oh!" Olivia exclaimed in a tone that matched Maggie's serious expression, "Poor Santa! Let's put him back on the tree." Maggie grinned and skipped away. Olivia followed and helped her put Santa back in his spot on a low branch. "There you go, sweetie."

"Sanna say HO HO HO!"

"HO HO HO!" Wyatt chimed in and then hit the button on the ornament to play more music. "Dance, Mama!" Olivia danced around the tree with the twins until they attacked her legs and shouted "BAY PIE!"

Olivia cooperated and fell into the beanbags. "Ahhhhhh! Babies! A baby pile!"

"Bay pie, Mama!"

Noah scampered into the room, "I wanna pile, too!"

"Tucker trio pile!" Olivia said through laughter. She wrapped all three kids into her arms and kissed them repeatedly. "I love my three babies so, so much. How's my big boy?" She said to Noah, "Everything all done in there?"

"Almost," Noah said, "Daddy said we can have a tent t'night 'cause those babies don't have anywhere to sleep!"

"That will be fun."

"Uh-huh! Or," Noah bit his lip, "We could all be in da big bed! One, two, three, four, five!"

"One-er-ee-FIVE!" Maggie echoed.

Wyatt toddled over to Olivia and held up one hand, "Five, Hi'FIVE!"

Olivia slapped hands with her youngest son, winked at Noah, and said, "Big bed it is."

….

 _The streetlight outside of Olivia's bedroom window provided enough illumination for Olivia to make out her boyfriend's facial features as he slept. It had been only a week since their reunion, and she and Ed had been making up for lost time whenever they could. She was burning the candle at both ends and would soon need a quiet, lazy weekend, but she didn't care. Ed Tucker was back in their lives._

 _Ed's lips fluttered ever so slightly with each breath, and Olivia couldn't resist the urge to kiss them. She was as gentle as possible, but Ed stirred and opened his eyes, smiling at the sight of her so close and realizing what had awoken him._

" _I'm so glad you're here," she whispered._

 _They were both sans clothing having spent the hours after Noah fell asleep entangled under these covers, making love, conversing in hushed voices, and making love again. Olivia partially draped herself over Ed and massaged his thick, muscular chest and realized there had never been truer words spoken than the ones she'd uttered seconds before._

 _She was so happy he was there, and she never, ever wanted him to leave._

" _I'm so glad to hear you say that," Ed replied, resting one hand on her hip and using the other to play with her hair. "There's nowhere else I wanna be."_

 _Olivia's eyes clouded slightly. "Ed, I'm sorry," she said even though she knew he was tired of hearing her apologize. "I should've never let you leave."_

" _Liv," he replied softly, "I understand. You didn't do anything that warrants forgiveness, but, I already told ya, if you think you did, I forgive you, Olivia Margaret Benson. I think maybe…" Ed trailed off and tried to make Olivia forget he was going to say something else by kissing her and letting his hand drift to her inner thigh._

 _Olivia took a sharp breath and grinned at the sensation of his touch, but she wasn't letting him off the hook. "You think maybe what?"_

" _I think," Ed stared into her eyes, "I think maybe you're having trouble forgiving yourself." Tears instantaneously formed in Olivia's eyes. Ed was absolutely right, and the fact he had the guts to say it signaled a major step forward in their relationship. He cupped her face and kissed both of her cheeks before whispering, "But it's over, Liv. We're right back where we need to be."_

" _I don't know if I trust myself…"_

 _Ed kissed her again. "Trust us," he said._

" _I like the sound of that."_

" _Me too."_

 _Olivia grabbed his wrist and cocked an eyebrow as she put his hand back on her thigh. "I had to wake you up," she said in a sultry voice. "I want you."_

 _Ed smirked mischievously and gently laid her on her back. He kissed all over her face and let his body fall on top of hers. "Don't even think about apologizing for that," he said as he trailed kisses down the sides of her neck. "You wake me up anytime you want."_

….

By the end of the original _Home_ _Alone_ , all three kids were asleep between Ed and Olivia. Wyatt had snaked his way to the headboard and wound his body around Olivia's head. The position looked uncomfortable, but Wyatt, fist in his mouth, was perfectly content. Maggie and Noah were side-by-side under Maggie's favorite floral-printed fleece blanket, their arms resting above their heads, both pairs of fists next to their ears.

When the credits on the movie rolled, Ed grabbed the remote and asked Olivia if she wanted to watch anything else. She took a minute to gaze at each of her children. "Watching this is perfect," she replied in a soft voice. She reached over and cupped the side of Ed's face. "I love you."

Ed turned and kissed her hand. "I love you too," he said, leaning over Noah and Maggie to kiss Olivia on the lips. When he pulled back he grinned at Wyatt. "Should prolly move him."

Olivia did her best to look backwards. "He's so peaceful."

"Kid who can sleep anywhere." Ed grinned widely and before Olivia could ask what was so funny, he said, "So, we got the beds comin' tomorrow and...Pearl, too?"

Olivia squeezed her eyes shut. Consumed by the drama of dismantling the cribs, she forgot to tell Ed she agreed to watch Pearl for the rest of the weekend while Sarah and Justin went to Vermont. She'd mentioned dogsitting a few days prior, but, at that point, no concrete plans had been made.

"Oh," Olivia murmured, smiling sheepishly, "Yeah...I'm sorry, I haven't even told the kids yet, obviously, I don't know if Noah could handle the excitement."

"It'll be fun," Ed remarked. He saw the surprise in Olivia's expression. "What? I can adapt...to a dog...for a couple days. And we can tell Noah it's a good opportunity to learn about responsibility. He'll take that very seriously."

Olivia grinned. "He will."

Ed leaned over to kiss her again, "And while these three are chasin' around the dog, you and I can-"

Olivia cocked an eyebrow, "-Chase each other around?"

Ed chuckled, "Readin' my mind, Benson."

They kissed again, getting as passionate as they could while surrounded by three sleeping children. Olivia ran her fingers through Ed's short hair and pressed her forehead to his. "We're overdue for some alone time," she whispered.

"Yeah." Ed pecked at her lips some more. By any other couple's standards, it hadn't been _that_ long since they'd made love, but Ed and Olivia weren't just any couple. "Maybe tomorrow? Kids'll prolly camp out in the twins' room with the new beds?"

"We'll let them have the iPad," Olivia said with a wink, "Insurance."

"Love that device."

Ed and Olivia laughed softly and had one final kiss goodnight before rearranging Wyatt and turning in for the night. Seconds before Olivia closed her eyes, she took a long look at the scene in front of her eyes and did her best to imprint it in her memory.

….

 _For the middle of the night, there was entirely too much noise coming from the kitchen. Olivia slid out of bed slowly, careful not to rouse Ed, but he woke up anyway, whined, and pawed for her to stay. He hated the bed without her and he said so._

" _I'll be right back," Olivia said, rolling her eyes a bit. He was in his sixties, but Ed Tucker was perfectly capable of acting like a child every once in a while. She patted his hand and made her way into the main living area. She found Noah padding around the kitchen, in the middle of making a substantial midnight snack. "Honey, what are you doing up?" She asked softly._

 _Startled, Noah's eyes shot in the direction of her voice. He smiled sheepishly when she came into view. "I, uh, I couldn't sleep and I didn't want to turn the light on and wake up Wyatt so I came out here...and then I thought food sounded kinda good." He held up the loaf of bread, "Want a sandwich?"_

" _No thank you," Olivia took a seat at the island and watched Noah take a huge bite. "Why couldn't you sleep?"_

 _Noah sighed and took another bite before answering. "I keep thinking about those people today."_

 _Olivia nodded sympathetically. Noah's school required students to perform a certain number of community service hours a semester, and Noah had been completing his at a downtown homeless shelter. Every Tuesday after school, he spent two or three hours there helping prepare and serve evening meals and sorting donations. When he came home he never said much about specific people, but everyone noticed the satisfaction in his demeanor. The work made Noah feel good about himself._

" _What about today was different?" Olivia asked._

" _Nothing," Noah said with a shrug, "It's just, I feel so bad. It's almost Christmas and these people don't have anyone. Where are their families? How come people they know won't help them? I keep thinking," Noah's entire face contorted as if he were in a great deal of physical pain, "What if that happened to me? Like I had nothing? There are like at least ten people I could call and stay with until I could live on my own again. But these people? Their relatives have just let them be on the street."_

 _Noah downed his entire glass of water and refilled it at the refrigerator. When he returned to the island, Olivia offered her thoughts. "Every one of those people has a complicated story," Olivia said. "And a tragic one. Some have histories with drugs, different types of abuse, untreated mental health issues, and, for one reason or another, going to family for help isn't an option."_

" _But why?" Noah asked._

" _Honey, I don't know. But I've seen some people, well, they're addicted to alcohol or drugs and they were violent and, when that happens, a family can cut someone out of their lives pretty quickly, for the safety of everyone else. Maybe, in some cases, family members tell someone they need to get help or else...and they don't get help."_

 _Noah's eyes grew wide. "What if me or Maggie or Wyatt did something horrible? If you and Dad didn't feel safe with us here or around anyone we know?"_

 _Olivia reached for one of his hands and held it with both of hers. "Your Dad and I would do anything for you and your brother and sister. We would support you, go to the ends of the Earth to get you what you need. I hope," Olivia briefly squeezed her eyes shut, "We never have to. But we would, Noah."_

" _You would, but others don't?"_

 _The question hit Olivia with an air of relief. Noah wasn't really concerned about his family. He knew everything Olivia had just said; he was having trouble comprehending why other mothers and fathers didn't have the same philosophy._

" _We're lucky," Olivia said. "We have so many resources. We have time and energy and we can recognize a lot of problems before they explode into something unmanageable. Others don't have what he have, honey."_

 _Noah rubbed his face and stared out into the night. "That's just...horrible."_

 _Olivia waited patiently for Noah to say something else, but he finished his sandwich and the second glass of water and said he was going to try to sleep. Olivia wrapped him in a tight embrace-her teenage son, now a head taller than her, seemed small and vulnerable in her arms. "I love you so much, Noah," she said softly. "We are all so lucky. Never forget that." She felt Noah nod and held him close for a few extra seconds. This wasn't the first time Noah had been troubled by others' misfortune, and she was certain it wouldn't be the last. However, she was proud of herself for her ability to talk him through it and, in this case, get him to the point where he could rest. Noah's tendency to obsess over timeless problems simultaneously worried her and warmed her heart._

" _You are a wonderful person, Noah Porter Benson Tucker," she added before they parted to their own rooms. "The world is lucky to have you."_

 _Noah flashed his familiar grin and shyly ducked his eyes. "Thanks mom," he said, "It's lucky to have you, too."_

….

The toddler beds were delivered mid-afternoon, on schedule, and Ed and Noah began assembly immediately. The frames were small and came in large pieces, so they made quick work of tightening the screws and securing slats. After exhaustive searches, Ed and Olivia decided on a simple mission-style design, charcoal for Wyatt and white for Maggie. They did let the twins pick out their own sheets and comforters, but they had no intention of depriving them of their favorite fleece blankets. When the beds were made and the room cleared of the packaging and other debris, Olivia sent Maggie and Wyatt into their room.

"Go look and see what Daddy and Noah made for you!"

The twins ran inside. Wyatt immediately hopped onto his mattress and crawled around. Maggie stopped in her tracks. Brow furrowed, she pointed at her bed which was neatly covered with the butterfly duvet she'd chosen.

"My bed?" She asked Olivia.

"Yes, sweet girl, that's your new bed!"

"No Kib?"

"Nope."

Noah patted Maggie's mattress, "Try it out Maggs! Me an' Daddy made sure it's, it's, Daddy, what's that word?"

"Sturdy."

"Me an' Daddy made sure it's sturdy," he said proudly and seriously, "Itsa good bed!"

Maggie still was not convinced. She slowly approached the bed and walked around it, inspecting every inch. Eventually, she touched the wood finish, and, liking the smooth texture, smiled at Ed, Olivia, and Noah who were all anxiously waiting for her final reaction.

"Wanna try it out?" Noah asked. He glanced at Wyatt who was lying down, head on his pillow, holding his favorite book, Noon Balloon, in front of his face. "Lookit brother," he murmured with a grin, "Wyatt always love dat book."

Ed smoothed Wyatt's hair and kissed his head. "Readin, bud?"

"I ree', Dada," Wyatt replied, his words slurred by the fist in the corner of his mouth.

Across the room, Maggie climbed onto the mattress and started jumping. "Jump, jump jump!"

Noah gripped the headboard. "Hold on here," he said.

Maggie put her hands where Noah's had been and kept jumping. Olivia didn't love the idea of using the bed as a trampoline, but she wanted Maggie to be comfortable and didn't think reprimanding her was a good way to introduce the new furniture.

"We're gonna have a sleepover in here tonight," Noah said, "S'gonna be fun! Mommy, can we have cheese puffs?"

"Not in the bedrooms," Olivia said, "How about regular chips or veggie straws?"

"Kay," Noah said. "Can't have cheesy fingers."

"That's right."

"Well bud," Ed said to Noah, "How about we give ourselves a little treat right now for doin' so well with our second set of beds?"

"Oooo! What kinda treat?"

"Whatever you want."

"I want…." Noah trailed off, thinking of his preferred treat, "A float! Like Gramma makes! You know howta do dat, Daddy?"

"I sure do."

"Yeah," Noah said, "You know everrthing." Before he could run to the kitchen for the ice cream and soda, there was a knock at the door. Noah veered down the foyer and called "Who is it?" in a sing-songy voice.

"It's Sarah and Justin and Pearl!"

The excitement of the beds had made Noah forget about dogsitting. He grinned and yanked the door open. Pearl had been sitting obediently, but she immediately jumped on Noah, barked, and licked his face. "Hi there, girl!" He said, "Eeek! You really love ta lick!"

Sarah detached the pink leash and hung it on the closet handle. Justin brought in her dishes, a small bag of food, and a box of treats. He and Sarah thanked the Tuckers profusely for keeping Pearl, gave some simple instructions, and headed out to their car after admiring the new beds.

"C'mon, Pearl!" Noah said, "I'll teach ya how to fetch!" He squeezed her plush football. It made squeaking noises and Pearl galloped alongside Noah into the living room.

"Still want that float, bud?"

Noah, thinking the question was hilarious, doubled over in laughter. "Yep! Still want da float, Daddy!"

….

Late that night, Ed and Olivia softly closed their bedroom door and began a slow, sensual makeout session. They fell on top of the mattress, holding each other and appreciating the feeling of their bodies pressed together. Wrangling three kids and a puppy had left them utterly exhausted, but once everyone was asleep, Ed and Olivia caught a second wind. The kiss energized them as did the anticipation of the pleasure to come.

Ed removed Olivia's hooded sweatshirt and slid his hands under her tank top. It was tight-fitting, so she'd skipped a bra for lounging that night and Ed massaged her bare breasts. He began grinding his hips into hers and grinned proudly when Olivia moaned her approval.

"You feel so good, Liv," Ed whispered as he started kissing her neck. "God, I want you." He expected Olivia to reciprocate in some way-give him another moan, or a throaty "yes," or an " I want you, too." But she froze and craned her neck toward the door.

"We have company," she said.

Hearing the footsteps, Ed groaned. "We sure do." He stood up, took a deep breath, and opened the door. Noah, Maggie, Wyatt, and Pearl were all standing there. Wyatt and Pearl looked groggy, apparently dragged out of bed by the other two, who were smiling as if being awake and at their parents' door at one-thirty in the morning was the most normal thing in the world.

"I think Pearl hasta go out," Noah said, "She was crying."

"Doggie," Maggie mumbled.

"Sarah didn't mention she has to go out in the middle of the night," Ed griped to Olivia. He ducked into the closet and grabbed a fleece pullover. "Like a newborn. I'll take her."

Olivia, feeling guilty since she was the one who agreed to take Pearl, mumbled a thank you. She got up, kissed Ed on the cheek, and picked up Wyatt. "Alright sweethearts, back to bed."

"Can I get a drink?" Noah asked.

"Dink!" Maggie echoed.

"Sure."

Instead of going to the kitchen, Noah went into the bathroom and helped himself to a Dixie cup of water. He filled another for Maggie. She drank it all and asked for more. Olivia eyed her pajama bottoms, making sure she'd put a diaper on Maggie earlier that night.

"Okay," Olivia said. "Bed."

"C'we stay with you 'til Daddy gets back?"

"Sure."

Ed wasn't gone long, but when he returned, Olivia and the kids were sound asleep in their bed. Ed smiled but shook his head, lamenting the elusive alone time. He got under the covers, and when he rolled over to turn off the lamp, he saw the dog lying on the floor on Olivia's discarded sweatshirt. She peered up at him with her wide, brown eyes.

"G'night Pearl," he grumbled. "Welcome to our room."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	102. Chapter 102

**102**.

On her second evening in the Tucker home, Pearl began the night in Noah's room only to make her way to the master bedroom when it was time for her to go out. Ed remarked that she was, at least, consistent with her timing and he shuffled into the foyer for her leash and his parka and boots. The dog came alive in the chilly weather and she galloped along, seemingly more interested in getting late night exercise than anything else. Ed gamely walked her around the block, steering her away from the trash bags lining the curbs. Once back inside, Pearl scampered away. On instinct, Ed peeked into the twins' room on his way back to bed. They weren't there.

In a moment of panic, he spun around and stared at the apartment door, trying to remember if he'd locked it or not. His keys were still clutched in his fist, so he was sure he had. Even if he hadn't, neither Maggie nor Wyatt had ever successfully turned the knob. Taking a deep breath, he scanned the living room, looking for the twins in their bean bags or even curled up on the rug near the Christmas tree.

Nothing.

Next he tiptoed into Noah's room, and, sure enough, Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah were packed together in his bed. Noah must have woken up when the twins joined him, because they were all snug under the covers with Noah on his back serving as the guard rail, closest to the edge of the mattress.

Ed shook his head and smiled, but let them stay where they were. The frigid night air and the adrenaline rush from seeing the twins absent from their beds eliminated all fatigue and he hoped Olivia was still awake.

He found her in the middle of the bed, reading something on her phone. As soon as she saw him enter, she tossed the device and her reading glasses aside, smiled, and murmured something about how it seemed to take him longer than last night.

"She wanted to run around out there," Ed explained.

Olivia touched his face. "You're freezing," she said, her eyes open wide, "Come here." She kissed him ferociously and fell onto her back, dragging him on top of her. They grinned, kissed some more, and sighed at the relief of breaking their dry spell. Olivia gently pushed him away to throw off her shirt, and, in the seconds it took for her to toss it aside, Ed grew distracted. "What is it?" She asked.

He groaned and replied, "The dog."

Olivia lifted her upper back and looked down at Pearl. She was lying on the makeshift bed-the same hoodie Olivia had been wearing the night before. "She's about to fall asleep," Olivia said, noticing the dog's drooping eyelids, "Just... _concentrate_." Olivia put her hands on Ed's cheeks and guided his lips to hers. "It's okay."

"She's watching us," Ed mumbled.

"She's a dog," Olivia said, trying hard to mask her impatience.

"What if she jumps up here?"

"She would have done that already," Olivia said, "It's too high."

"Alright." Ed grinned, "I'll uh, pretend she's not here."

"We've done it with the twins in the room before."

"We did?"

"I think so." Olivia slapped his hips. "C'mon, enough thinking. Where were we?"

Ed glanced down at her breasts and smirked before he descended upon them. "I think, here."

" _Yesss_."

Soon they forgot all about Pearl and whether or not they'd made love in the same room as their sleeping infants when they were still in bassinets. Ed, overjoyed at finally having the chance to make love to his wife after a brief hiatus, went about foreplay deliberately, careful to hit all of Olivia's most sensitive spots. He very nearly lost control when, as he trailed kisses along the inside of Olivia's right thigh, she shivered, moaned, and reached for the back of his head just in case he was going to bypass the center of her body. Olivia whimpered and cried out softly.

" _Ohhhh_ , _Goddd_ , _yessss_ , _Ed_ , _Ohhhhh…_ "

 _ARF_!

"Goddamn it." Ed lost all rhythm. He groaned again and let his head fall onto Olivia's stomach. " _Liv…_ "

Not willing to give up on the intimacy quite yet, Olivia got up, opened the door, and tried to shoo Pearl into the hallway. Refusing to comply, the dog barked again. " _Shhh_ ," Olivia said. "C'mon, why don't you go sleep by the tree?"

Hearing the urgency in Olivia's voice, Pearl leapt up and trotted into the hall, but when Olivia didn't follow, she barked again...and again. Olivia threw her hands up and turned back toward the bedroom thinking she could, perhaps, salvage a bit of the evening, but the next noise she heard was a faint "Mommy?"

She threw on a shirt and went to Noah's room. He was sitting up, groggy and confused, his brown hair sticking out in several different directions. Ed had neglected to mention the twins had relocated themselves, so the sight of Maggie and Wyatt took her by surprise.

"Sweet boy," she knelt beside the bed and held Noah's hands. "Sorry, honey. Pearl's a little hyper tonight."

""Shehavetagoout?" Noah slurred.

"She already went out," Olivia said, "I think...um...she wanted to come up on the bed with me and Daddy, but that's not allowed."

"C'she come on my bed?"

"Honey," Olivia whispered, "Maggie and Wyatt are already here. I don't think there's much room and you three need your sleep. I'm going to make her a little bed in our room, okay? You can play with her in the morning."

"Kay."

Olivia helped Noah get resettled under the covers and she kissed his forehead. "Go back to sleep, sweetheart. I love you."

"Loveyou," Noah turned onto his side and tucked Bernie under his chin. Olivia kissed him once more and went back to the bedroom where a very disappointed Ed Tucker was pouting.

"Sarah needs to get this damn dog," he grumbled. "She's ruining our lives."

" _Ruining_ our lives?"

"Well," Ed shrugged, "Maybe I'm bein' a little dramatic."

"I think so." Olivia kissed him and laid her head on his chest. "I'm sorry," she said, "I didn't think she'd be this much of an intrusion."

"It's not your fault," Ed kissed her head and wrapped his arms around her, "I didn't mean to make ya feel bad. And I thought it'd be more of a pain in the ass pickin' up her shit, not her...cockblocking."

Olivia burst into silent laughter. "Did you say _cockblock_?"

"Yeah. You don't know that word?"

"I do...I never thought I'd hear you say it."

Ed chuckled and kissed her again, "Desperate times, Liv...desperate times."

….

 _Laughing hysterically, Ed and Olivia walked out of the elevator and toward her apartment. Mindful of neighbors and then of Noah, they hushed their voices and said goodnight to Lucy. The babysitter gave them a funny look and hurried away, leaving them to continue their laughter alone in the kitchen._

" _Oh wow," Olivia said breathlessly, "Those two...wow…" she reached for a bottle of bourbon and held it in front of Ed's chest before opening it, "Want one?"_

 _Ed took the bottle from her and leaned in for a kiss, "Sure." He watched Olivia's shirt pull a little from her waistband as she reached for the glasses on a high shelf of the cabinet. "Were we that awkward on our first date?"_

" _No, we weren't," Olivia confidently replied. She poured two generous portions and handed one to Ed. "Cheers to not being awkward."_

" _Cheers." He took a sip and kissed her again. They had so much fun at dinner that night. They'd chosen a sports bar with large banquettes and parked themselves next to one another so they could watch the Olympics on the large screen. However, they'd spent most of the evening surreptitiously eyeing a couple who were obviously very unfamiliar with each other. The duo struggled to make conversation. They fidgeted. And, although Olivia admitted feeling a tiny bit bad about using their agony for entertainment, the whole thing caused the two of them feel even luckier to be together._

" _You know," Olivia said, "I keep wondering, why did he try to feed her? It's obviously not going well, and then he decides to do that?"_

 _Ed thought of the scene and started chuckling again. The man, who was probably in his late twenties, could only have been less graceful if he'd dumped the forkful of food on the floor. One minute he was taking a bite of his shepherd's pie and the next he was lunging toward his date who had the choice of opening her mouth or getting slapped with a faceful of mashed potatoes. "It was probably the worst move of all time. At least in that bar."_

 _Olivia moved closer, backing him into the corner between the sink and stove. "You were way smoother than he was," she purred._

" _I hope so."_

" _Can't even compare the two, actually."_

" _You remember the first time I fed ya something?"_

" _Yes," Olivia cocked her head in surprise, "How could I forget it? We were in that little Italian place by your old office. In the back, hidden, at the beginning, and-"_

" _-you were eyein' my ravioli."_

" _-I was. I almost ordered it. But you were," Olivia grinned and tilted her head the other way. "So kind." She kissed his chin, "Still are."_

" _I love sharing."_

 _Their bodies were pressed together now. Ed had abandoned his drink. Olivia placed hers on the counter. "I know you do," she whispered before burying her tongue in his mouth and wedging her fists between them so she could begin unbuttoning his shirt. Olivia thought of the unfortunate couple from the bar and how they weren't doing what she and Ed were doing right now, they probably never would, or, at least, never would do it as well. She felt the bulge in Ed's pants and the warmth in her own. She slid her hands under his white t-shirt, paused, closed her eyes, and touched her cheek to his. Yes, he's real, she thought. This man is real, and he loves me, and he got the whole giving me a bite of food right on the first try. He-_

" _Liv?" Ed gently stroked her back. He was patient but perplexed. Why did she stop?_

" _Oh," she slowly turned and locked her eyes on his, "I, um, sorry. I...was trying to make sure, make sure I wasn't taking this for granted. I don't want to ever, ever forget nights like these."_

" _Me neither," Ed held her face in his hands, "And we won't."_

" _Promise?"_

" _I promise." Ed smirked and turned the mood back to one tinged with playfulness. "Now, Olivia Benson, you want me in the kitchen tonight, or…?"_

 _Olivia pretended to agonize over the decision for a few seconds then grabbed his hands, "How about the bedroom again? Conventional, but…"_

 _He smirked and finished for her._

" _Never boring,"_

…...

The next evening, after Pearl was picked up and the Tucker kids were bathed and read to, Ed gathered them all together in front of the Christmas tree before he and Olivia put the twins to bed. Dressed in similar green-and-white pajamas, with Noah in the middle, they stood still, reverently looking up at Ed-three sets of wide, blue eyes regarding their father with all the seriousness in the world.

"Now," he said sternly, "We're all goin' to our beds. Noah in his, Maggie in hers, Wyatt in his, and we're staying there _all_ _night_. Got it?"

Noah nodded.

"Maggie, Wyatt, no getting outta bed until morning."

In the kitchen, Olivia was wiping down the island and trying to hide her smile. She had no idea how much of the order Maggie and Wyatt understood, but Ed slowly nodded and the twins copied his movements. Occasionally Ed spoke to the twins as if they were much older, and Olivia found it hilarious.

He repeated "no getting outta bed" and Wyatt echoed him. Maggie simply shouted, "NO BED!"

Satisfied, Ed told Maggie and Wyatt to say goodnight to Noah, took them by the hands, and led them to their room. He and Olivia tucked them in, gave them kisses, and turned on the planetarium projector. They closed the door and told Noah to come and get them if his siblings wandered into his room again.

"Kay," Noah said doubtfully, "But dose babies liketa come and sleep with me!"

"They gotta stay in their beds, bud," Ed replied, "And you have school and I don't want you wakin' up in the middle of the night."

"You need to get good rest, sweet boy," Olivia cooed, smoothing his hair.

"Arright," Noah sighed. He instantaneously brightened and added, "Hey! You can tell Maggs and Wyatt that Santa won't come if they don't stay in da beds!"

"You think that'll work?"

"Uh-huh! They know all about Santa!"

Despite Olivia's semi-threatening glare, Ed agreed. "We might have to try that," he said, "But, ya know, I think they may stay in there tonight. I think they like the beds."

"Dat's 'cause we made 'em good and sturdy like da cribs!"

"That's right."

….

 _Jet lag had gotten the better of Noah and Wyatt, and the brothers had dozed off on the edge of the large blanket shortly after eating lunch. Maggie, unaffected by the previous day's travel schedule, was still munching on her panini. She was sprawled on her belly, sandwich in one hand, pencil in the other, doodling in her sketchbook. Ed and Olivia sat on the other side of her, a bottle of wine between them. They sipped and snuck kisses much like they'd done ten years ago when they visited the city together for the first time. The idea to make a return trip to Paris came up during Christmas when Maggie complained that Noah was the only Tucker child to ever go "anywhere fun." After all, he'd been to Ireland with Grandma Caroline, Paris with their parents, and a couple of years earlier, Sarah and Justin took him to Barcelona during Spring Break. Maggie easily recruited Wyatt as her co-counsel, and the two of them used pictures from the Paris trip to bolster their argument._

" _Look!" Maggie said, stomping her foot on the floor to emphasize her point, "Noah was a little, little baby kid and he got ta go to Paris!" She made sure to pronounce "Paris" using proper French._

 _Ed and Olivia eventually agreed and planned a trip for that summer. The twins had just turned ten, so they no longer could use the argument that they were too young for such demanding trip. Since they had plenty of time, the vacation grew in scope during the planning phase. After a week in France, they would travel to London for a few days. From there, they were flying to Dublin and ending their time away with three nights in Ireland. The kids were thrilled, Maggie most of all._

 _As they'd done ten years earlier, Ed and Olivia booked a flight that left later in the evening with the hopes the kids would sleep. However, none of the Tucker kids, not even Wyatt, slept well on airplanes or during road trips. Noah nodded off for twenty minutes at a time and Maggie crashed for a couple of hours. Wyatt hardly slept at all. For him, there were too many people to watch, too many travel books to read, and too much that fascinated him about international travel. With four hours to go, Olivia suggested they watch a movie together, hoping it would lull her son to sleep. It worked, but not for nearly as long as she'd hoped. So, knowing the kids wouldn't last long, she and Ed planned a lazy first full day in Paris. After breakfast they walked along the Seine and took in some of the city's most famous sights. They veered off a few times to visit a few shops and stopped to take photos. By the time they reached Champs de Mars, everyone was ready for lunch and a break from walking, so they found a spot in the grass, Olivia unfurled the blanket she'd toted in her backpack, and Ed, Noah, and Wyatt went off in search of sandwiches. Maggie claimed she could walk no farther._

" _Mom?"_

 _Maggie had been quietly taking in the action around them, so her voice semi-startled Olivia._

" _Hmm?"_

" _Did you and Dad fall in love here?" Maggie batted her eyelashes and grinned mischievously._

" _No...we fell in love in New York," Olivia said, "But, well, here...I knew we were going to be a family."_

" _But you didn't have us."_

" _No, we didn't have you. But...you were possible after we got back. Does that make sense to you?"_

 _Maggie crinkled her nose. "No."_

" _Your Dad and I, well, when you go on a vacation like this with someone you really love, it makes you love them even more. After we went on the trip, I knew I wanted to be around your Dad all the time. I wanted him to be my husband."_

" _Oh…"_

" _Now I have a question for you, my dear," Olivia said in a teasing voice._

 _Maggie grinned and she twitched her neck a little, making her brown ponytail flop back and forth. She waited eagerly._

" _What made you think we fell in love here?"_

" _Cause of the frame!"_

" _The frame?"_

" _Yeah," Maggie said, clearly shocked her mother didn't know what she was talking about, "The frame with the Paris pictures in it says love."_

" _Ahhh...it does."_

" _So that's why."_

" _I get it."_

" _Now I have another question."_

 _Olivia smiled lovingly at her daughter and raised her eyebrows expectantly._

" _Can we go to the aquarium here in Paris?"_

 _Olivia had been expecting a far more serious inquiry, so she laughed heartily. "Of course we can, honey. Tonight when we get back to the hotel we'll plan out the week."_

" _And we can swim?"_

" _Absolutely," Olivia replied, "What's a vacation without swimming in the hotel pool?"_

 _Maggie giggled, "You're a good thinker Mom."_

" _So are you, sweet girl."_

….

On the morning he first woke up naked next to Olivia Benson, Ed Tucker's soul danced with joy. He'd never once complained about the slow progression of their relationship, but as they baby-stepped their way into each other's lives and, finally, her bedroom, the anticipation of making love to Olivia became so overwhelming Ed sometimes had to remind himself to breathe when he was around her. In the weeks before they first had sex, every single thing she did or said struck him with an air of sex appeal. The way she intoned "thank you" to bartenders, the way she steeled her face against the winter wind, the motion she made when she performed the simplest movements, like unlocking her door-it was all, to Ed, one long prelude to intimacy. When he found himself peeling off her clothing for the first time and kissing every inch of her gorgeous body, he actually experienced a tiny twinge of regret-like that moment was the only time he'd ever feel this type of thrill-the pleasure of the highly anticipated yet previously unknown. Bottling it was impossible, but he needn't have worried. Their sex life was exciting beyond his wildest dreams, especially so when he and Olivia finally enjoyed an uninterrupted evening.

No illnesses.

No monsters.

No tiny footsteps running across the apartment to bunk in a different space.

And, most importantly, for Ed at least, no dogs.

Ed lying on his back panting, lacking even the energy to hold her afterwards, amused Olivia. She propped herself on an elbow, and smirked at his heaving chest and the ruddy skin on his face and neck. She kissed the side of his head. "Feel better?"

He tried to laugh but the sound came out as more of a grunt. "Hell yes. You don't?"

"Oh I do," Olivia cooed. "You, um, seem more spent than usual?" She played with his short hair and kissed him again.

"Gotta make sure you remembered what it's like."

After a groan and a loving eye roll, Olivia drew closer and wrapped an arm around his torso. "If I would have, for some reason, forgotten, this certainly would've jogged my memory, Captain Tucker. You are so, so good."

"No other option." Ed mustered the energy to cup her face and give her a quick yet passionate kiss. "Can't half ass loving you, Olivia Margaret."

"Mmmm," Olivia nestled her body next to his and rested her head under his chin. She stared at the window, outlined with the Christmas lights, and sighed contentedly. "I love this," she said, "I love you, Ed."

"I love you, Liv," he replied, "And I love you fallin' asleep in my arms." Ed sported a silly grin while he thought back to another first-sitting with Olivia, on her couch, and she suddenly reclined against his chest, inviting him to hold her. Within minutes, she was asleep, safe in his arms, and it was nearly dawn before she stirred. Ed had never felt so needed in his life.

"That is the best. But," Olivia tickled the side of his torso, "Wake me up if you need me."

"I may hold you to that, sweetheart."

"Don't be shy."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	103. Chapter 103

**103.**

Ed and Olivia woke up before the alarm on their phones or the chatter of the kids jolted them into consciousness. Admittedly, they hadn't actually slept much-their night had been a cycle of dozing sessions and intimacy. Olivia took a deep breath against Ed's skin and stretched. "Want to get in the shower?" She asked in a throaty voice.

"Prolly should."

Under the hot, pulsating water, Ed and Olivia took turns with the loofah and the bottles of shampoo and conditioner. It was still early, so they took their time. Afterwards they dressed in sweats, sipped coffee and paged through the newspaper at the island.

"We oughta go see the tree this weekend," Ed said of the Rockefeller Center Christmas Tree.

Olivia's eyes shot wide open, "I forgot all about it."

"Ah, it's early," Ed replied. "And we haven't had a lot of snow. I need snow to get into the Christmas spirit."

Olivia grinned, "Then I hope we get dumped on soon," she said, "I love Christmasy Ed Tucker."

Ed returned her smile with a shy grin of his own. Every once in a while, the tone of Olivia's voice or the glint in her eye made him weak in the knees and rendered him shy and speechless. He felt his cheeks get hot. Olivia leaned forward and the sight of her cleavage peeking out beneath the collar of her tee shirt nearly made him drool.

"What do you want for Christmas?" She asked in a sultry voice.

"A lot of you."

"Well, that makes my shopping easy," Olivia said, "I don't know about Noah's. But, he always thinks of the most thoughtful presents, on instinct. I love that about him. He picks up on every little thing about other people."

"He likes to make people happy," Ed replied.

"Like you," Olivia cooed.

Ed started a reply, but some shuffling noises and a faint whine came from the twins' room. He and Olivia turned and saw a bright-eyed Maggie dragging her half-asleep brother into the room. "G'morn!" She shouted. "G'MORN! Morn, WY!"

Olivia's face oozed with sympathy and she rushed over to Wyatt. He buried his face in Olivia's neck and she swayed him back and forth, meandering back into the kitchen and her place at the island. Ed simpered at Maggie and playfully admonished her for waking up her brother. Then, he offered her juice or milk.

"Chocmilk!"

"Chocolate milk it is," Ed said. He rounded the island and swatted at Olivia's behind when she mumbled the word _pushover_. When he opened the fridge though, Ed found no chocolate milk and he knew there was no syrup or powder. "Maggs," he said, "We gotta go out and get your chocolate milk."

Olivia didn't bother objecting to Ed throwing on his coat and shoes and running to the corner bodega for his daughter's preferred morning drink.

"You wanna come with me?" Ed asked Maggie.

Maggie jumped up and down and raced for the foyer. "Magg GO!" She shouted, "Magg GO!"

Wyatt was still draped across his mother's chest with his fist in his mouth. Ed kissed them both. "See ya in a few minutes," he whispered, "You gonna want breakfast?"

"I think we'd all love breakfast," Olivia replied with an appreciative smile, "And I better eat before I shop with Sarah and Brooke." She winked. It was no secret her Christmas shopping trips with the girls were mostly an excuse to bar hop and engage in girl talk for most of the day.

"MAGG GO, DADA!"

"Here I come, Miss Maggie!" Amused at the fact he had a third demanding daughter to raise, Ed jogged to the foyer where Maggie was waiting, boots on, clad in PJs, and fumbling with her parka. Ed helped her with the coat and took her to the elevator by the hand. Maggie was loud, but Ed did little to quiet her down in the hall. Olivia's heart warmed when she pictured Maggie skipping down the block with Ed, clearly fresh out of bed, boisterously babbling away at the sights and sounds of the street.

…

 _Olivia was proud of herself for leaving the office early enough to have dinner and some quality time with Noah. They played with toys, most of which were still strewn around the living room, played with boats and funnels in the bathtub, and, before bed, Olivia read him story after story until his eyelids drooped. She laid his head on his pillow and kissed his exposed cheek. After tossing items back into the toy box, she sat on the sofa and exchanged a few texts with Ed. Eventually, she invited him over. It was still early and she was wide awake and not interested in being alone with her thoughts._

 _He arrived with two bottles, one of bourbon and one of wine, and explained he didn't know what she was in the mood to drink. Olivia inspected the labels and chose the bourbon. "Cleveland Christmas Spiced Bourbon," she read aloud, "This looks interesting."_

" _Thought so," Ed replied._

 _Olivia went to the kitchen for glasses. She looked up and noticed Ed hadn't removed his coat. "Are you staying or just dropping off liquor?"_

 _Ed smirked, "I'll stay a while if ya don't mind."_

" _Are you waiting for me to take your coat?"_

" _Oh, no," Ed peered at his military-style parka as if he was surprised he still had it on, "Just thought of somethin'..." He took the coat off and hung it on the rack._

 _Olivia handed him one of the glasses and they sat down on the sofa. "Thinking of what? Everything okay?"_

" _Yeah," he said. They clinked glasses before he continued, "Was wondering whether or not that bottle would be a good idea for the gift exchange at the office."_

 _Olivia nearly choked on her drink. "IAB does a gift exchange?"_

" _Yeah," Ed replied casually. "You don't?"_

" _No, and I'm a little shocked you do."_

" _Why's that?"_

 _Olivia grinned and replied, "It seems so...un-IAB."_

" _Ah," Ed smirked again, this time it was with an air of haughtiness, "You don't think we can celebrate the season, Benson?"_

" _Oh I'm sure you can. Individually. With your own families. But, as a group? It seems extremely out of character. I can't imagine you all standing around in one of the rooms over there and opening presents."_

" _Well maybe you should drop by. December 20. Noon. We're ordering in lunch, too. Does that seem un-IAB?"_

" _Not at all." Olivia took another sip of the bourbon. "This is excellent," she said, "Unless you have some rule against having booze on the premises, I think this would be a perfect gift. Or...any recovering alcoholics over there?"_

" _Not that I know of."_

" _Then I think this is what you should contribute. Are you assigned a person?"_

" _No, it's this thing were everyone brings something, each person gets a number, they choose a gift, then you can steal? I dunno the exact rules, but one of the officers in communications organized it...she was kinda pushy about everyone participating so I put my name in the hat."_

 _Olivia raised her eyebrows, "Ed Tucker got pushed around? Wow."_

" _Happens every once in a while. Not often." Ed took a sip, winked, and stared at her. She was dressed in an oversized navy blue sweater and a pair of old jeans. The denim was frayed in some places and he could see traces of the skin on her legs. Butterflies swirled in Ed's stomach as he thought about how much he'd love to be pushed around by Olivia Benson._

" _I'll take everyone out for drinks," Olivia said, "But we've never made a big deal about Christmas. Everyone always had their own things going on. Either that or they didn't really care about celebrating. Every day can look the same, even holidays, if you let it."_

" _That's true. Sounds familiar." Ed reached for her hand, "I'm glad you're comin' to my Mom's on Christmas Eve," he said softly, "Thanksgiving was kinda forced on ya-"_

" _-No it wasn't," Olivia interjected, "Sarah wanted us to be there. She couldn't help it."_

" _She can be a little much," Ed groaned, "It can be hard to say no to her."_

" _I wanted to be there," Olivia said, "And we had a great time. And we'll have another great time on Christmas Eve. I like the fact these days don't look the same for me anymore." She leaned forward and Ed threaded his fingers through her hair while they kissed. The familiar flutters of nervousness traveled up and down her spine. Lately, she and Ed had become even closer and their relationship was rapidly hurtling into "serious" territory. Olivia welcomed the change, and assumed the jitters occurred out of giddiness. She genuinely wanted everything Ed represented._

 _Ed was careful not to cross any lines and ended the kiss before it became too heated. He kissed both her cheeks before retreating back to his side of the couch. "Want another one?" He held up his near-empty glass._

" _Sure."_

 _Olivia watched him walk into the kitchen. She loved the way he looked in his jeans and long-sleeved polo. The clothes fit as if they'd been tailored especially for his physique. When he returned and handed her the glass, she fixated on his hands and fingers. He kept his nails meticulously trimmed and his sturdy hands gave way to thick, strong wrists. Olivia's breath caught in her throat and she smiled slightly at how such a simple part of his body could ignite arousal in hers. "Thank you," she managed to intone._

" _You're welcome."_

" _Thanks for coming over too," she said, "I brought some work home, but I felt like having some company."_

" _Anytime," Ed replied. "Work can wait. Nice to have some downtime every once in a while."_

" _I'm just now figuring that out."_

" _Well, I can certainly help," Ed shot her a cocky grin, "All ya gotta do is call."_

" _That's all?" Olivia inched closer to him._

" _Yeah," Ed closed the distance between them. "That's all."_

…..

Before departing to meet Sarah and Brooke, Olivia found Noah lying on his stomach in front of the tree with a silver pencil in his hand and a drawing tablet on the rug in front of him. He'd taken it upon himself to dim most of the apartment lights, so the Christmas bulbs cast a reddish hue everywhere in the apartment. Olivia snapped a quick picture before she sat down next to him.

"Hey sweetheart," she said, "Whatcha doin?"

"Makin a list."

"Oh," Olivia replied, "We'll go see Santa soon. Good idea."

"No, Mommy," Noah said, "I'm makin' a list of _people_."

"People?"

"Yep," Noah tapped the top sheet of the pad with the tip of his pencil, "I gotta get presents for all dese people." He continued to work and Olivia peered over his shoulder. Noah gripped the mechanical pencil with perfect form. His letters were large, but significantly less wobbly than they'd been at the beginning of the school year. "I'm not writin' da presents," he explained, "Cause they're s'prises."

"Got it," Olivia managed to croak in a half-whisper. In addition to his family, Noah included his teachers, the doormen, their favorite waiter at the pub, Sarah's neighbor and their occasional babysitter, G, and Mia. "We can shop this weekend for everyone on your list."

"But you're goin' with Sare Bear and Brookey t'day!"

"Yes, I'm leaving in a few minutes," Olivia said, smiling at her son's precocious knowledge of her schedule, "But tomorrow you and I can go and maybe then we can get your present for Daddy."

Noah grinned, "Kay!" He lowered his voice and his eyebrows and turned to look up at his mother, "We gotta have a good hiding place. Like...under my bed. Maggs and Wyatt look under there but Daddy never does!" Noah giggled at his clever plan. "So da presents for those babies haveta go up high in your closet."

Olivia kissed the top of his head, "Good idea," she said.

"And Daddy's under my bed!"

"Okay."

"Whatcha gonna buy with Sarah and Brookey?" Noah asked. His eyes shined with mischief, wondering if his mother would fall for his trick.

"I don't know," Olivia cooed mysteriously, "Probably just something for Pearl the dog."

Noah giggled, " _Mommy…_."

Olivia kissed the top of his head. "I'll see you later honey. I love you."

"Love you too."

…...

Three intricately made, holiday-themed cocktails rested on red and green napkins in front of Olivia, Sarah, and Brooke. At their feet, balanced on the foot rail, were four large shopping bags containing gifts for every close family member except for John and Margie. All three women perpetually had trouble purchasing presents for Ed's sister and brother. Caroline was easy. She loved gadgets, throw blankets, knickknacks-and her cluttered house reflected it. John and Margie were both minimalists.

"I know we're not supposed to resort to gift cards," Brooke griped, "But I think that may have to happen."

"Maybe some kitchen towels and stuff for Aunt Margie? And, I dunno, let's get Uncle Johnny some Yankees tickets."

"Ooo, good idea."

"From both of us, so we're all set."

"But we're just getting Aunt Margie towels?"

"Hmm," Sarah tapped her bottom teeth with her fingernail, "She likes music. Maybe some symphony tickets? Or a Broadway show? Yeah, let's do that. One of us will have to go with her but that's fine. Or she could take Grandma."

Brooke took a drink and slapped the bar, "So we're done. Excellent outing, ladies."

Olivia held up her cocktail, "Cheers to that even though Santa still has some shopping to do and your Dad is taking the kids to get my presents. He always does it with Noah, but this year he thinks Maggie and Wyatt are old enough to go."

"Omigod, that's so adorable," Sarah gushed.

"He was making a list of people who he wanted to buy for when I left," Olivia added, "That boy…"

"Crap," Sarah said, "I didn't get anything for Pearl. Brooke, do you still have that dog store open by you? Maybe I can get something there."

"Yeah, but I'm sure there's a store around here."

"Yeah...oh, hey, Livvie, thank you again for watching Pearl while we went away. It was such a fun weekend, I spent most of it on my ass on the ski slopes, but, _gawwwd_ it was romantic!"

"We had fun with Pearl," Olivia said.

Sarah picked up on the hesitation and leaned on her elbows toward Olivia, " _But…_ "

"I don't think we're going to be ready for a puppy any time soon," she said, "It's like having a fourth child."

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you she needed to go out at night," Sarah said.

Brooke groaned, "Seriously? She does?"

"Just like a baby," Sarah replied, "Well, uh, I suppose you wouldn't take a baby outside. But, yeah, like, eleven or so and then bright and early at four-thirty."

"Oh, Liv," Brooke lamented, "You guys must have been miserable."

"It was fine for a couple of days," Olivia said, "The kids loved playing with her."

"Did she sleep with Wyatt?" Sarah asked, "She snuggled right up to him last time."

Olivia knew there was no way she could hide or deny the flush on her cheeks. Even Brooke broke into a grin in anticipation of some gossipy details. "Well," Olivia began, "She slept in our room…"

Sarah giggled.

Olivia continued, "So it was a little crowded."

"A little crowded…" Sarah echoed, "In what sense?"

"In the sense she barked at us."

Sarah and Brooke both guffawed.

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

"And that was a little challenging..."

"Well of course," Brooke said.

"Justin and I are kind of used to it," Sarah said.

"It wouldn't have been such a big deal if," Olivia bit her lip, "If...we hadn't been struggling to find some alone time lately. It's been a little hectic with the holidays, the kids, work-"

"-and the dog," Brooke interjected.

"-and the dog."

"Well Livvie," Sarah signaled for another round and put her hand on Olivia's forearm, "For that I am truly sorry. To make up for it, Justin and I will watch the kids the next time you get away and, as an added mitzvah for Brookey, we shall take Sofia for the weekend, not the same weekend, so she and Sonny can go upstate or to Vermont where we went."

"That would be good," Brooke replied, "I need Son to figure out what he's doing with his life. He's going back and forth about this whole DA thing and I'm at the point where I wish he'd make a decision and run with it. The gray area is killing me. And," Brooke bit her lip, "I'm sorry to drop this bomb, but, um, I think I'm going to use some of the trust money and stay home with Sof for a year. I...it's there, and…"

"You don't love it," Sarah said confidently.

"No," Brooke looked Sarah in the eyes. "How did you know?"

"I know these things, Brookey," Sarah pressed the side of her head to her sister's, "I can tell. The money's there. Mom would want you to do what you love, to do what makes you happy. Do it."

Olivia took a steadying breath and asked a question she felt neither she nor Ed asked enough, "Is it tougher, this time of year, thinking about your mother?" To her surprise, their eyes stayed dry. Nothing even close to a frown crossed their faces. Olivia wondered if the two of them had processed Angela's death like she'd processed her mother's-a brief mourning period followed by years of wrestling with messy, borderline-embarrassing feelings in isolation.

"Honestly," Brooke said, "I'm more disappointed in myself for not watching over Aidan more. With everything that happened with Dave...I, well, I was more focused on making sure I was okay and that Sonny and I were okay. That whole sequence of events was a total blur. Maybe I haven't even confronted the enormity of it all yet."

Sarah nodded in agreement. "So does that mean someday a heap of guilt and remorse will rain down on us?"

Olivia was quick to jump in, "No. It means you have to be patient with yourself." After a few moments of silence, she asked about Aidan. At one point, she and Ed speculated he'd end up living with either Sarah or Brooke and he'd become an adjunct member of their family, but quite the opposite happened.

"They're living in New Jersey now," Brooke said, "Close to the shore. I'm not sure what Dave's doing, but the last time we spoke he didn't seem like he wanted much to do with us. He did thank us for taking care of Aidan."

"His New York rep was ruined," Sarah added, "He had to go somewhere else."

"It's all...tragic," Olivia murmured.

"But Aidan'll be in college soon," Brooke said cheerfully, "He can go off and make his own life. I told him that the last time we texted. He doesn't like his school, it's hard to go in new when you're a junior, and he's totally given up sports. But he has a job and he's saving money. He doesn't think his Dad has much left, and his trust money doesn't kick in until he'd twenty-one."

"We could change that," Sarah said.

Brooke shrugged, "Better to wait if he can."

"Yeah…" Sarah downed almost all of her second drink, "Okay, enough of this talk. Let's cheer up. Livvie, I do believe the twinsies are the perfect age to come out of their room on Christmas morning and be excited at all the presents Santa brought, so I'm definitely going to need you to video that."

"Will do," she said, "Although we'll set up something on a tripod. I read that your memories aren't as sharp when you're seeing the event through a phone or a camera."

"Makes sense," Brooke said.

Sarah was still bouncing up and down on her stool, "And, omigod, I cannot wait to see Noey's face when Grandma gives him the Ireland trip. That is going to...omigod, do you think he's going to cry?"

"He might."

"Omigod, omigod, omigod."

…..

 _The Tuckers' Paris hotel room wasn't in the exact same location as the one Olivia, Ed, and Noah had occupied years ago, but the layout was similar. It was classified as a junior suite, but there seemed to be nothing "junior" about the place. There were two spacious bedrooms with adjoining baths, a small living room and kitchenette, and an expansive balcony with pristine views of the Seine. After swimming, the kids camped out there. Ed and Olivia decided to simply order pizza rather than go back out since they'd spent several hours at the pool and the kids were sure to fall asleep earlier than usual._

" _This pizza's pretty good," Wyatt said. He held a square-shaped slice in front of his face and examined it closely. The dough was airier and thicker than a typical New York slice. Otherwise, he didn't notice much of a difference. The Tucker kids had eaten a lot of pizza in their lives and were used to many variations._

" _The sauce is kinda sweet," Maggie chimed in, "But I like this green stuff."_

" _Arugula," Noah said, "I like it too."_

" _Tomorrow we're going to have more exotic food," Olivia said, "So get ready."_

 _Maggie giggled and scooted to the edge of her lounge, "Like what?"_

" _How about snails?" Ed suggested._

" _SNAILS?"_

" _Your mom and I had them when we were here," Ed replied, "Liv, you think we can find that restaurant? We had an amazing meal there."_

" _We did."_

" _Did baby Noah eat snails?" Maggie asked._

" _No, he ate french fries."_

" _We gotta get steak frites," Wyatt said sagely, "I read that steak frites is the best thing to eat here."_

" _And the desserts," Noah added. "Don't forget the desserts."_

" _All this talk about food," Ed said, "You think we're gonna have time to see any of the sights?"_

" _We should make a list," Noah said. He ducked inside and returned with his trusty Moleskine notebook and a pen. "Okay...tomorrow we should get up early and get to the Louvre by eight so we don't have to wait in line. It's Wednesday so maybe it won't be so crowded."_

" _Why are we goin' there?" Maggie asked._

" _To see art," Wyatt said._

" _And the Mona Lisa," Noah said, "People say it's not a big deal, but I really wanna see it."_

" _Okay," Maggie said, "But then we get to do the aquarium!"_

" _And the boat ride!" Wyatt said._

" _Yep," Noah scribbled furiously in his notebook. "Mom? Dad? What else for tomorrow and the next day? Cause then we're going to Disney."_

 _Ed slung his arm around Olivia's shoulders and kissed the side of her head. They were sharing both a chaise and a bottle of red wine. "Sounds like you have everything under control, bud. We'll follow you."_

 _Noah shrugged. "Alright." He, Maggie, and Wyatt huddled over their phones, a tourist map of the city, and the Moleskine. By the time the nearby church bells signaled it was ten o'clock, they had a plan for the next forty-eight hours and had made sure to factor in time for swimming in the luxurious hotel pool._

 _Ed and Olivia continued to sip wine and sneak kisses as they contentedly stared out into the Parisian night. "I love it here," Olivia whispered._

" _Couldn't have predicted we'd be back with two more kids."_

" _You're right," Olivia whispered, "But now? I can't imagine us any other way."_

….

The snow reached Manhattan on Saturday night. While the Tuckers ate their take-out dinner at the coffee table while watching _Elf_ , sheets of snow furiously blanketed the city. Every once in a while Noah would run to the windows, peer down at the street, and give his assessment. By the time the movie was over, he gleefully reported, "everrthing's white!"

He skipped back to the sofa and squeezed in between his parents, "C'we go outside?"

Ed and Olivia exchanged glances and shrugs.

"Yeah bud. We can go out. We gotta go get the sled from downstairs."

"Why don't you go get that," Olivia said to Ed before kissing him on the lips, "And I'll get everyone ready."

"Be right back."

"Okay, kiddos," Olivia said, "Snowpants!"

Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah all ran for the hall closet. Noah opened the door and the kids immediately swiped their sets of pants from the hooks. Olivia swapped the twins' socks with thicker pairs, snapped the buckles into place, and put on their mittens and hats. She waited until Ed returned with the sled to zip them into the parkas.

"C'we sled into the elevator?" Noah asked.

"Sure bud."

When they arrived in the lobby, the doorman shot them a wary grin. He was picky about the appearance of the area, and dragging a sled full of three kids was sure to scratch the recently waxed tile floor. Ed motioned for them to get up. Without protest, the trio hopped to their feet and sprinted for the door.

"We goin' out in da snow!" Noah announced.

"SNOW!" Maggie and Wyatt echoed. "WAI'NO!"

"I'm waitin!"

Outside, Noah sat in the sled and Maggie and Wyatt piled into his lap. Ed started slowly, merely walking at a fast pace, until they approached Ninth Avenue where he turned North and started jogging. The kids squealed in delight. Olivia trailed the sled, laughing and inhaling sharp breaths of the frigid air. Snowflakes collected on her long brown locks and were veritable icicles by the time Ed stopped for a break.

He pinched a section of her frozen brown hair, grinned, and leaned in for a kiss, "Too cold?"

"Not at all," she said, "Winded?"

"A little," he replied, "This is hard work." He looked around. The streets were dotted with a few other families whose children had had the same idea as Noah. Older children had come out and were pelting one another with snowballs. The snow was at least a foot deep now and showed no sign of letting up anytime soon.

"Want me to tow them for a while?" Olivia asked.

"Nah," Ed replied, puffing out his chest, "I'm good now."

While Olivia and Ed bantered, Noah and the twins grew restless. Noah leaned over and tried to make a snowball like the other kids he saw in the street. Maggie and Wyatt did the same thing and they ended up toppling into the snow.

"AHHHHHHHH!"

Thinking someone was hurt or crying, Olivia darted to the sled, but she realized all three kids were laughing hysterically. Noah rolled onto his back and swept his arms and legs back and forth. "Babies, do dis! We gonna make angels!"

Olivia and Ed helped Maggie and Wyatt. A few minutes later they got the kids to their feet and they examined their creations.

"See the angels?" Olivia asked them sweetly. Wyatt and Maggie pointed and babbled in delight. She noticed their cheeks were extremely pink and told Ed they should maybe make a lap around the block and then think about heading back home.

"No!" Noah said, "We gotta go get a warm drink! Lessgo to da pub!"

"Honey," Olivia said, "Pubs don't let kids inside when it's late like this. How about we get a hot chocolate?" There were a few cafes and a Starbucks nearby, so she knew she could make good on the offer.

"Okay," Noah said. He sat back down in the sled and waited for the twins to baby pile on him. "We goin' for hot choc'lit," he explained as Ed resumed the jog down the block. "Mmmmm, a good warm drink!"

"Stahbucks, No?" Wyatt asked, craning his head backwards so he could look at his older brother. "Stahbucks?"

Noah giggled, "Mommy! Wyatt thinks everrthing's Starbucks! And we don't even like Starbucks da best!"

"I know," Olivia said breathlessly, "I think Sarah taught him Starbucks."

"Oooo!" Noah said, shifting gears on a dime, "We gotta go play with Pearl in da snow tomorrow after shopping!"

"Okay."

There wasn't much space for more discussion. Ed turned a corner and the sled careened forward on one edge. Noah tightened his grip on the twins. "Wheeeeeeeee!" He shouted. "Crazy driver! Hang on!"

Olivia took out her phone and started a video. Their pace would make the footage a little choppy, but she had to have part of this digitally catalogued. She was sure, at some point in the future, she'd want to relive this perfect night.

…...

 **#Tuckson**


	104. Chapter 104

**104**.

Noah and Olivia trudged through the snow-covered Union Square paths on their way to Sarah's apartment. The wind whipped at their faces, but, other than the occasional sniffle or mitten across his nose, Noah wasn't bothered. He was very much used to winter in New York, and the ever-present reminders of Christmas and Santa's impending visit were enough to keep him in good spirits. Plus, he and his siblings owned the very best of winter gear, so, by the time they arrived at Sarah's door, the only evidence of the brutal weather was the pink flush on his cheeks.

"Hey guys," Justin answered the door and flashed his friendly, welcoming smile, "C'mon in. Lemme take your bags."

"Don't look in 'em," Noah warned as he peeled off his boots.

Justin took the instruction seriously. "I won't," he replied. "In fact, I'll put them right here in the closet so we're not tempted. You hungry? Thirsty? We made some real hot cocoa and we have some snacks."

"Thanks, Justy," Noah said. "Hey! Where's Pearl?"

She's out on the balcony with Sarah," Justin said, "She has her mat out there, remember? So we don't always have to take her out. We knew you wanted to go play with her, so we didn't go all the way downstairs."

Noah ran to the terrace and let Pearl inside. He giggled when the yellow lab puppy yelped and tackled him and he eventually led her to the guest bedroom where most of her toys were stored. Justin took Olivia's coat and invited her into the kitchen.

"Red? White? Brown?"

Olivia took a seat on a barstool and grinned, "Let's start with brown."

"Straight up? I've been making this cocktail with cinnamon and ginger…"

"That sounds wonderful."

Justin grinned again. He grabbed a shaker and dumped the ingredients inside, "Sare got me this as an early Christmas present and I love it. So fun."

"Hmm," Olivia said, "Maybe I should get one of those for us."

"Comes with a recipe book," Justin said, "Only hard part is getting some of these weird things, but, Trader Joe's is right there. They usually have everything."

"LIVVIEEEEE!" Sarah ran into the room and wrapped her arms around Olivia's neck. "Gawwd, I love this time of year. Did you taste the cocoa? I know you don't want a whole one, but it's sooooo good. Justin made it and then we put Bailey's in there...Grandma's going to love it."

Olivia grinned. Sarah had obviously been drinking spiked cocoa since she woke up that morning. "I'll be happy to try some." She watched Justin meticulously measure ingredients and mix the cocktail. His dark complexion and black jogging suit contrasted sharply with the white kitchen cabinets and light granite countertop. Unlike the Tucker home, the Vidal apartment was full on contrasts. Large, brightly painted canvasses were affixed to the stark white walls. The centerpiece of the living room was a black leather sectional, but it was flanked with two pink and purple paisley armchairs.

Justin slid the cocktail and a small taste of the cocoa to Olivia, "There you go. Enjoy."

"Thanks." Olivia took a sip of the cocoa and then the bourbon concoction, "Oh, wow. They're both great. And I bet that cocoa is good with Baileys. Nice work, Justin."

"Livvie, did you and Noah do all your shopping?" Sarah motioned everyone to the sofa and brought the cheese tray she and Justin had prepared. Noah and Pearl were still in the guest room and his giggles occasionally resonated throughout the apartment.

"We did."

"For _whoooo_?"

"His teachers. I'm always so torn between buying them gift cards and getting them an actual gift. So we compromised this year. We found these nice candles and we'll put a gift card inside the bag." Olivia drank more of the cocktail and complemented Justin again. "You could moonlight as a bartender," she said.

Justin shrugged. "Nah, just here."

Sarah was still eager for gift details, so Olivia continued. "We bought a paper doll set for Mia-"

"-Paper dolls?"

"Yes, they still make those things. Noah thought the girl looked like her, so that's what he bought. For Maggie and Wyatt we have books, a new easel since we used ours as a jungle gym and broke it, and two new scooters."

"Omigod that's so cuuuute!"

"And for Ed he bought a screwdriver ratchet set with all these different attachments," Olivia couldn't help but laugh, "And a tool belt."

"Omigod."

Justin broke into giggles of his own and refilled Olivia's drink. "Did Ed want that?"

"Well, I think he was inspired by putting the twins' beds together," Olivia replied, "Ed had to borrow a couple of tools from the super and mentioned something about needing his own set. So Noah decided that's what he was going to buy."

"Good man," Justin said.

"So he'll have to wear the belt at least once."

"For sure."

Noah came bounding into the room with Pearl on his heels. "I think she wants ta go out in da snowww-ohhhh!" He said in a sing-songy voice with an endearing grin.

"Give us a few more minutes, sweet boy."

"How many?"

"Fifteen."

Noah punched in fifteen minutes on his digital watch timer, "Kay. See ya in fifteen. C'mon, Pearl!"

…..

" _This snow is insane," Olivia remarked. Even more insane was the hour. She'd left the precinct thirty minutes earlier, at eleven p.m, having previously promised herself she would only stay until ten. Hopped up on coffee and adrenaline, she called Ed and he met her at a pub equidistant from their homes. The snow fell in flurries as she walked, but by the time they were on their second round, the flakes furiously pelted the buildings and streets. Olivia tilted her head and strained for a view out of the lone grimy window and murmured, "I better get home soon."_

" _You can always put Lucy in an Uber. Or I can drive her home and come back." Ed was being forward, maybe even a bit pushy. He felt bad, but not bad enough to not make the offer._

 _Olivia grinned. She loved being the object of Ed's desire. She also appreciated that Ed was willing to eke out alone time whenever and wherever he could get it. "Lucy knows I'll take care of her," she said._

 _Ed let his knee touch Olivia's thigh. "And who's takin' care of you?"_

" _You?"_

 _Until now, Olivia had never verbally admitted how much she had grown to rely on Ed Tucker. He inched his way into their lives, and, in the process, made himself indispensable to Olivia and Noah. A multitude of small acts of grace, kindness, and love morphed into a mutual sense of understanding-Olivia wanted all of this, but it seemed too good to be true. Ed was willing to wait until she realized there was no such concept, at least, not between them._

 _Very few muscles in Olivia's face ever relaxed, even after they'd made love, but, after she uttered that one little word,_ _ **you,**_ _he noticed a change. A millimeter or so above her jaw, that space, finally, it loosened up for the first time. Maybe not ever, but the first time Ed had witnessed. He kissed that very spot on her face and gazed into her eyes. It was too early for I love you, but he loved her and he knew she knew. In fact, he saw that muscle tense again in anticipation of hearing the words. But Ed simply kissed her, his lips parted slightly, halfway between chaste and "let's get out of here."_

" _Ed?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _I'll put Lucy in an Uber."_

 _He cocked an eyebrow and smirked. "Then let's head out," he said softly, "I'll get your coat."_

… _.._

Ed scooped up the twins before they could pile on Noah. When he and Olivia returned home, they had come directly from the park and Noah's outerwear was a cold, wet mess. Olivia helped him out of his boots, snowpants, and parka and carried him to the master bathroom where she started him a jacuzzi bath. He bounced from foot to foot, waiting for the tub to fill up. By the time he was in the water, he'd dumped a third of the peppermint bubble bath into the water and his face was barely visible among the suds.

Ed poked his head in the bathroom and grinned at the sight. "Have a good time, bud?"

"Yep! But don't ask what we bought 'cause it's a secret!"

"I won't," Ed assured, "Did Pearl like the snow?"

"Oh YES! She loved it! I make a big pile and hide behind it and Pearl would come an' find me and bust RIGHT through da pile! Like dis!" Noah punched through the bubbles. "And Sare Bear put a sweater on her but Pearl didn't like it! Her fur makes her warm enough! And we gotta wear all dis stuff!"

"Yep. But you have good gear."

"Yeah, but Mommy still let me buy hot choc'lit. Justy made it too, but after da park we had another drink and now we're home but I'm really hungry!"

"Liv?" Ed called into the living room, "You didn't eat?"

"No," she came into the room with Wyatt on her hip and Maggie on her heels, "We had some snacks at Sarah's but this one," she leaned over and kissed Noah's wet head, "Was so in a hurry to go outside with Pearl we forgot we were hungry."

"I have some leftovers from our dinner…"

"...don't worry about it," Olivia gave him a kiss, "No big deal. Noah? Pizza?

"YES!"

Olivia kissed Ed again. "See? No big deal." She kissed Wyatt's cheeks and took Maggie by the hand, "C'mon, sweet twins. Let's pick out your books."

"Pee-ah, Mama?"

"No sweetheart." Olivia's voice got fainter as she and the twins drifted farther away from the bathroom. "You're going to bed."

"No BED!"

"Yes, bed."

"No, BED!"

….

 _Maggie skipped over to where Olivia and Ed were seated at the cafe on the other side of their favorite ride, Big Thunder Mountain. "We're gonna go again," she said breathlessly, "Noah and Wyatt are there, but I'm thirsty," she gulped water and practically threw the glass in Ed's direction, "Gotta go." She ran off to join her brothers who were waiting patiently near the fast pass line. Ed and Olivia amusedly watched the boys rib their sister and sass them back. Maggie had a reputation for always needing a drink wherever they were. She was rarely without a water bottle or a soda or a cup from one of the neighborhood cafes._

" _Convenient their favorite rollercoaster is across from a bar," Ed remarked with a smirk. He sipped his beer and nudged Olivia's thigh with his knee._

" _Very convenient," Olivia said. "And a lot different from the last time we were here."_

 _Ed grinned. She was absolutely right. Instead of navigating around the park with a toddler, this time, Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt took the lead. They pored over the map and carefully read descriptions of rides and other attractions. They even made sure to take note of traveler reviews and to include a few rides they thought their parents might enjoy. The parents, however, were content to hang out in places like this western-themed restaurant and watch the youngsters snake through the line and appear in the exit chute._

" _It's been a little surreal, huh"_

" _Has it been that obvious my head's been in the clouds?"_

" _Nah," Ed replied, "Not often. And I get it. It's hard not to think about how astronomical the odds were that we'd be here again," he nodded in the direction of the ride, "with those three."_

 _The kids came sprinting over before Olivia could reflect any further. Their t-shirts were dotted with splashes of water. "Can we get the picture?" Wyatt sweetly asked. "It's really funny! We're all like this!" He opened his mouth, mimicking how he looked when he screamed._

" _Sure," Olivia said._

 _Ed pulled out his wallet and handed Wyatt a few Euros._

" _Want me to go with you?" Olivia asked._

 _Wyatt shot her a sheepish smile. He and his siblings were earnestly trying to speak French wherever possible, and he wasn't confident about navigating the photo purchase conversation even though all the workers at the park spoke English. "Yeah," he replied._

" _I'll follow you."_

 _Noah and Maggie took seats at the table and examined the laminated menus. "Dad are we going to eat here?" Noah asked. Suddenly he felt hungry and the tex-mex offerings looked appetizing to him._

" _We can," Ed replied, "Maggie, whaddya think?"_

" _Got tacos," she said, "I looooooove tacos! But," she wrinkled her nose, "These French people know how ta make 'em?"_

 _Ed chuckled softly and glanced around the dining area, "People here seem to be enjoyin' them."_

" _Okay," Maggie replied._

" _But let's wait for Mom and Wyatt," Noah said._

" _Can I get a drink though?" Maggie looked at Ed imploringly._

 _Amused, Ed nodded and pulled out his wallet again. A stranger would have thought Maggie was used to hearing "no" more often than not when the exact opposite was the case. "Noah, you want anything?" Ed asked._

" _I'll wait."_

 _Maggie trotted off with her Euros, leaving Ed and Noah at the table. "Was this Big Thunder Mountain the same as the one in Florida?" Ed asked._

" _Nope," Noah said, "It goes inside a lot more and it goes faster," he shot Ed a wry grin, "Americans are so worried about lawsuits."_

 _After a short burst of laughter, Ed replied, "Noah, my boy, you're absolutely right." He reached over and mussed the fourteen-year-old's hair. "You havin a good time?"_

" _Yeah," Noah replied, "But I'm glad there's only one day here. I like the city. I want to see some other parts, you know, parts where the real Paris people live and not just tourists."_

" _We can do that."_

" _Thanks. I know where and I know the subways."_

" _Good deal."_

 _Maggie returned with a large soda right as Wyatt and Olivia returned with the photograph. Sure enough, the camera captured all three Tucker kids mid-scream. Their eyes were jubilant and a tiny bit fearful as they anticipated the impending plummet into the faux mine shaft._

" _Now this is a perfect souvenir," Ed remarked._

" _Pefecto!" Maggie exclaimed._

" _We were talkin' about food," Ed said, "Want to eat lunch here or find someplace else?"_

 _Wyatt and Olivia peered at the menu. "Looks fine to me," Olivia said._

" _Me too," said Wyatt. "Better have some normal food before you make us have snails tonight." He glanced up at his family with his familiar half-grin, the expression he used when he thought something he said was funny but wasn't sure how others would respond._

" _That's right, honey," Olivia said matter-of-factly, "Everyone has to try the snails tonight. That's the rule."_

" _Hey!" Maggie said, "No rules on vacation!"_

" _Now who said that?" Olivia asked._

 _Maggie bit her lip and shrugged her shoulders, "I just made it up."_

" _Travel rules according to Maggie," Noah murmured._

" _That can be my app! We're gonna make apps in school this year and I can do that!"_

 _Wyatt agreed. "That's a good idea," he said softly and with genuine encouragement._

" _So you're ready for school to start?" Ed teased._

" _NO!"_

" _Uh-uh."_

" _NO WAY!"_

 _The Tucker kids all liked school for different reasons, but nobody ever outwardly balked at attending, at least not during the regular school year. However, summer vacation had just started and the rest of their European trip was ahead of them followed by a couple of weeks at the beach house. There was too much unbridled fun to be had on the horizon._

 _While the family ate their tex-mex, they chatted about the afternoon and then the next couple of days. When Maggie learned of Noah's suggestion that they explore some residential areas, she readily agreed._

" _Yeah, 'cause we might wanna move here someday," she said casually, popping the last of a taco into her mouth. "Maybe for college."_

 _Ed knew his daughter's innocent prediction stung Olivia. Even though sunglasses blocked his eyes, he gave her a reassuring wink and reached under the table to squeeze her leg above the knee. Those two gestures were all it took to bring her back to a cheerful mood._

" _Mom?" Maggie asked, "You gonna go on Big Thunder Mountain one more time with me?" She hugged Olivia's arm and batted her eyelashes. Once again, the whole production was overkill, but Olivia ate it up._

" _Of course, sweet girl," Olivia said. "Then what?"_

" _Then shopping!" Maggie replied, "Gotta buy a bunch of souvenirs!"_

… _.._

Olivia returned from dropping Noah off at school, gulped the rest of her coffee from earlier that morning, and rushed to the bedroom to change clothes. The weekend had produced a flood of women needing the Benson Center's services, and her office manager, Sophie, had called her as she strolled hom, frantically requesting manpower, or, at least, triage advice.

"The problem," Olivia explained to Ed as she pulled on a sweater and jeans, her new go-to work attire, "Is that we're not solely affiliated with SVU. And the precincts realize this now, so, when they catch a DV or something, we're it. We're easier."

"They need to do their jobs," Ed grumbled.

"They are," Olivia replied, "But this way, while they investigate, the vics can get help sooner rather than later. And the detectives know where they are which, as you know, is sometimes half the battle."

Ed merely offered a faint, "yeah," in response. He wasn't in the best of moods. He hadn't slept well and woke up feeling like he was coming down with a cold. With Christmas coming in less than a week, there was too much to do and he was annoyed that he might be getting sick. To make matters worse, Olivia had had a bout of her own insomnia, and, instead of waking him up to burn off some of her energy, she'd left the bedroom and retreated to the sofa with her laptop. He found her that morning asleep on the couch, reading glasses still on, and the lifeless computer tented on her chest.

"Okay," Olivia had dabbed on some makeup and lipstick and twisted her hair back behind her head. "I'll be back in a little bit."

"Alright." Ed sneezed and swiped a tissue. His surly disposition was momentarily assuaged by the twins who were in their bedroom playing among the clutter and mimicked the _achoo_ sound.

Alarmed by his watering eyes and splotchy face, Olivia raised her eyebrows and checked his forehead for fever, "Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine."

"You don't seem warm."

"Maybe a little head cold," Ed replied, "No big deal."

"Make sure you drink something," Olivia gave him a little shove, "Of the non-bourbon variety. And don't forget to eat. I could possibly be back before lunch. I can bring you something."

"Liv, I'm good. Go."

"MAGG GO!" The little girl's wisps of wavy brown hair slapped at her face as she bounced toward her mother, demanding that she be allowed to tag along. She was dressed almost identically to her mother, but her sweater was a lighter shade of blue.

"You want to go, sweetheart?" Olivia asked.

"YES! MAGG GO!"

Olivia eyed Wyatt who was paging through the stack of magazines in a bin next to the ottoman. He didn't seem the least bit interested in joining her, and Olivia figured that Ed might appreciate having only one kid to wrangle, especially if he wasn't feeling one-hundred percent. "Well, let's go then, Miss Maggie. You can come with Mommy."

"Liv, you sure that's a good idea?" Ed interjected.

"Why wouldn't it be?" Olivia asked.

"Just not sure the Center's the best place for a little kid right now," Ed replied in a calm voice.

"She's been there before. They all have."

"Yeah, but, you said it's gonna be crazy. You don't know who's comin' in, what they're dealing with, who might be comin' after them…I know it's safe, but…"

"...I get it," Olivia replied curtly. "You're right. Sorry, Maggs. You have to stay here."

Ed probably perceived the underlying anger in her tone as directed toward him, but later Olivia would realize her response came out as so acerbic because she was upset with herself for not recognizing the potential risks in bringing Maggie to the Center under these circumstances. At best, she wouldn't be able to watch her daughter as closely as she normally would. At worst, she could have walked her daughter right into a hostage situation.

"Magg Goooooooo!" Maggie frowned and stomped her foot.

The stomp caught Wyatt's attention. Realizing his sister was in some sort of distress, he bellowed her name and showed her a magazine cover picturing the muppets being pulled in Santa's sleigh. "Sanna!" He exclaimed, "Kermie, Mi'Pigg, Sanna!"

Sufficiently distracted, Maggie trotted over to Wyatt and they babbled to themselves, making up a story about the characters on the cover.

Ed gently held Olivia's wrists. "I just don't think it's a good idea," he said softly, "I don't have a bad feeling or anything, I-"

"Ed, you're right," Olivia gave him a peck on the lips and forced a smile, "I have to go, but I'll let you know about lunch after I get there and see what's going on."

Forcing down a cough and willing himself not to sneeze again, Ed smiled, nodded, and gave her hands a squeeze before letting them go. "If I can get them down for an early nap, I'll finish wrapping."

Olivia furrowed her brow, for she and Ed had done all the gift wrapping together. They always had. It was a late-night holiday tradition that almost always culminated with lovemaking on the floor, or the chair, or wherever they happened to be. But, she was already late and picturing poor Sophie at her desk, trying to figure out how to juggle ten intakes at once, so she ignored his passive-aggressive plan and smiled.

"If you want, that'd be great," she said.

Ed had expected her to protest, but he didn't show his surprise. He merely kissed the side of her head, told her to have a good day, and dove onto the bed, startling the twins on the other side, and sending them into a fit of shrieks and giggles.

…

 **#Tuckson**

 **Dear Readers,**

 **I am traveling out of the country for the holidays, so I probably won't update until 2020. I hope you all spend some time with family and friends and you have a very happy, Tucksony, New Year!**


	105. Chapter 105

**105**.

Ed popped three ibuprofen, the strongest medication he ever willingly allowed in his body, and chased it with a shot of Children's Tylenol. Following Olivia's directive, he made himself an egg and cheese bagel sandwich, made sure to drink a full glass of water, and sat at the island, pondering what to do with the day. He was not confident Olivia would return in time for lunch, so he assumed he and the twins would be on their own until it was time to get Noah. Thinking of the first grader, he checked the school calendar and called Caroline to remind her the holiday music program was scheduled for Thursday and he'd pick her up that morning. She was in the middle of making cookies and a few other things for the church's outreach program and rushed him off the phone.

"Maggs? Wyatt? Whaddya want to do?" He asked the twins, hoping they would, at least, want to interact with him.

"Go 'side, Dada!" Wyatt suggested. "Snowman!"

Maggie whirled around the room, a taxi in hand, and shouted, "SED!"

Even though the Tucker kids were content at home and always found toys, books, art supplies, or other items to occupy their time, all three loved going out. It didn't matter if the trip was down the block for simple errands or if the destination was the park or playground, Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt were always game for getting outside or going somewhere.

Ed took a minute to assess his health. The medicine seemed to have kicked in and the food hit the spot. He definitely could take the twins out for a little while. He wasn't in the mood for the toddler gym-too many people wanting to strike up small talk-so he decided to bundle the twins in the stroller and walk to Rockefeller Center. They hadn't gone to see the Christmas tree yet all as a family, but Ed figured they could go again at night and see the lights in their full glory.

It was cold outside, but the skies were clear and there was no wind. He zipped the twins into their parkas, made sure their mittens and beanies were secure, and wrapped a blanket around each one after they were strapped in the stroller. Ed tugged on his own outerwear and they took the elevator downstairs. As they made their way across the city, Wyatt and Maggie jabbered away.

"Stahbucks!" Wyatt exclaimed each time they passed the familiar coffee shop. "STAHBUCKS!"

"Want Starbucks, bud?"

"Stahbucks, Dah!"

Ed turned into the store, nodded to a man who held the door for him, and wheeled the twins inside. They were smack dab in the middle of midtown, and he and the twins people-watched while they sipped their drinks. "Lookit all the people buyin' presents," he said with an air of excitement and mystery.

"Sanna Caus comin!"

Maggie said before launching into a litany of fast-paced, incomprehensible babbles. When she paused, Wyatt added a few lines from Jingle Bells and bellowed, "Ho! Ho! Ho!" They were loud and attracted a few simpers and waves from customers coming and going. On her way out, one patron stopped and said hello.

"How old are they?" She asked Ed.

"Two and a half," he replied.

"Such cuties," she said, "Going to see Santa?"

"Already done."

"Mine screamed," she said.

"They didn't," Ed reported proudly, "But they had their older brother with them, so he did most of the talking. Good buffer."

She smiled, revealing a mouthful of large, perfectly straight, white teeth. Judging by her attire, Ed assumed she worked somewhere nearby in the corporate world, but as she adjusted her scarf, he caught the glare of an NYPD shield catch the light. "I hope Santa brings them everything they asked for."

"What precinct ya at?" Ed asked, nodding toward her waist.

"Midtown North," she replied with raised eyebrows. "Are you-"

"-Retired," Ed stuck out his hand, "Tucker, uh, Hostage Negotiation and-"

"-and IAB," a grin slowly formed on her face and her eyes narrowed, "We've met before. A while ago. Maybe ten, fifteen years. You were tough."

Ed shrugged. What was he supposed to say? Of course he was tough; he had to be.

Sensing he was uncomfortable, she asked, "How long have you been off the job?"

"Almost three years now."

"Stay at home Dad?"

"Somethin' like that."

"Good for you," she smiled again, "I have at least seven years left."

"It'll go by fast."

"The last thirteen sure did."

"DA! Ah'done!" Wyatt stretched one of his arms out, desperate to rid himself of the empty cup. "Ah'done!"

"We're about ready to get goin," Ed took the cup and grabbed Wyatt's mittens, "Nice talkin' to ya."

"Nice talking to you," she waved at the twins, "Bye kids! Have a good day!"

Ed coaxed Maggie and Wyatt into two soft "Bye byes" and checked the immediate area for anything they may have dropped. Seeing nothing, he put their hoods back on. "Ready?"

"Re'Freddy!" Maggie giggled.

Wyatt echoed the rhyme they'd learned from Noah and laughed heartily.

"Alright, silly twins, let's go see the tree."

Back on the street, Ed took a deep breath of the chilly winter air. He and Olivia hadn't parted ways that morning under the best circumstances, but, suddenly, he felt better, almost buoyant. He glanced down at the twins, two sources of constant joy, and his heart filled with warmth and gratitude. How could he be in a funk when he had these two giggly, happy toddlers in his world? For the time being, he decided not to worry about the morning's tension or anything else for that matter and focused on soaking up the charm of the city in full-blown Christmas mode.

….

 _With all the reluctance in the world, Ed Tucker pulled on boxer shorts, the bare minimum of sleepwear. He and Olivia really had no choice but to don some clothing, for it was the night before Christmas and the kids would be invading their room in a matter of hours. The sound of the water draining from the tub echoed through the bathroom. Olivia turned on the faucet again to rinse the tub of bubble bath residue. When she stood up, Ed enveloped her in his arms and kissed the back of her neck._

" _Merry Christmas, baby," he rasped into her peppermint-scented skin._

 _She tilted her head back and they managed a kiss. "Merry Christmas. I love you, Ed."_

" _I love you."_

" _And I'm going to love the five a.m. wake up call a little more if we get some sleep," she turned around and put her palms on his bare chest. "C'mon."_

" _Yes ma'am."_

 _They fell asleep curled together in the middle of the mattress. During the night they meandered apart a few inches to their own sides of the bed, but Olivia briefly woke in the wee hours of morning, sidled up to him, and slung her arm across his torso. Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah found their parents in that position when they burst in a short while later._

" _Santa came!" Maggie exclaimed._

" _There's a bunch of presents," Ten-year-old Noah reported. "Like way more than ever before!" Noah hadn't officially asked his parents about the reality of Santa Claus, but, from conversations with friends, he knew it was probable the whole Santa thing was a myth. Yet, he hung onto the belief, perhaps because he wasn't quite ready to take the step out of childhood fancy. Besides, the family took great joy in Santa-related magic. Maybe, deep down, he thought if he acknowledged the truth, the Christmas season would lose a bit of its appeal._

" _We were good this year!" Wyatt chimed in._

 _Maggie was already jumping on the bed. Attired in green Charlie Brown pajamas, she loomed over her parents, threatening to land on them at any time. Wyatt and Noah were politely draped on the edge of the mattress, their feet on the floor._

" _You were good until now," Ed quipped._

" _Daddy! We always get up early on Christmas!"_

" _Probably the reindeer and Santa liked the cookies and carrots and milk," Wyatt speculated, still hung up on the horde of wrapped boxes in the living room._

" _We have to get coffee first," Olivia teased._

" _I can make the coffee," Noah offered._

 _Maggie finally lost her balanced and collapsed on top of Ed and Olivia. She wedged herself between them and giggled. "Daddy, why you never wear a shirt to bed even in da winter?"_

" _Cause Mommy keeps me warm."_

" _Ew," Noah murmured good-naturedly._

" _There goes one of your presents, bud."_

" _You have presents out there, too," Wyatt cheerfully pointed out, "I saw one, two, three for you, Daddy! And I know there's more! It's hard to see!"_

 _Olivia rolled over and cupped one of Wyatt's cheeks, "And how many for me?"_

" _A thousand million!"_

" _Ed," Olivia said, "We have to get out there. I have a thousand million presents to open! And we have to be in Riverdale at two."_

 _Ed stretched, grunted, groaned, and, in the process, playfully swatted Maggie in the face. "Daddy! That was naughty! Minus ONE present!"_

" _Uh-oh."_

 _Olivia lifted her daughter to the other side of the bed, giving her a quick hug and kiss in the process, "Okay, we're up. Noah, will you start the coffee for me and Dad? Wyatt, Maggie, get the big plate out of the refrigerator and put it on the tray with the folding legs. I left it out last night."_

" _Is there pashio bread on it?" Wyatt asked, adorably mispronouncing "pistachio."_

" _There sure is, sweetheart," Olivia replied, "And carrot cake and cinnamon rolls."_

" _And bagel?" Noah asked. He wasn't a fan of sweet breads and pastries, at least not for breakfast._

" _And bagel," Olivia replied. "Cream cheese, too of course. Your favorite from the deli."_

 _Noah flashed his unmistakable grin, "Thanks, mom."_

 _The kids ran into the living room to arrange the breakfast food and prepare the drinks. Olivia took Ed's hands and dragged him out of bed. "C'mon, naughty Daddy. Time for Christmas morning."_

 _Ed smirked devilishly and gave her a sloppy smooch on the lips. With one hand, he played with her hair, with the other, her breasts. "I am still so in love with you," he whispered._

" _That's a good thing, sir."_

 _He gazed into her eyes, "Tell me you feel the same way."_

" _I do," she cooed, "I'm in love with you more every single day. It's cliche, but so, so true."_

 _He kissed her again, "Guess we better get out there?"_

" _I guess so."_

" _Since you have a thousand million presents…"_

" _It will take a while…"_

 _Ed squeezed her hand before he darted into the bathroom to retrieve jogging pants and a hooded sweatshirt, "You deserve every one of 'em."_

… _.._

The small Christmas tree in the corner of the Benson Center reception area was almost unnoticeable among the dozen or so women and their children milling about, waiting to be seen by Olivia or one of the other staff members. Olivia's arrival immediately brought a sense of calm to Sophie, but her peace of mind did nothing to shorten the wait for those needing the Center's assistance. Olivia got right to work. She entered her office and closed the door so she could review the case files. She prioritized the women who had small children and quickly made phone calls to arrange for beds at shelters for those who needed them. By mid-afternoon, she had regrettably failed to bring Ed and the twins lunch, but the waiting room chairs were no longer at a premium. Confident another person could handle the rest of the day's tasks, Olivia called in her final consultation of the day.

Kamara was disheveled, walked with her shoulders slumped, and stared at the floor the entire time she sat in Olivia's office. Her answers were delivered in one or two words, and, despite the cold, she wore only a light denim jacket. A pilled fleece headband seemed to support her entire mop of tangled black hair. From the report, Olivia learned she'd been picked up in a raid on a house occupied by a known drug trafficker. Instead of booking her, the seasoned arresting officer opted instead to call Special Victims.

Gradually, Olivia extracted her story. It was like so many others, yet no less tragic. She'd fled an abusive home as a teenager and eventually made her way to New York where a "friend" introduced her to another "friend" who promised work and a roof over her head. Soon, she became the de facto property of one of the region's most notorious street gangs.

"Do you have anyone you can stay with?" Olivia asked softly.

"Am I going to jail?"

"No. You're not. But you will have to cooperate with the detectives."

"Testify in court?"

"Not always," Olivia said, "But maybe. And, that's a long ways away. Let's focus on right now and where you can go to be safe and take care of yourself."

Kamara clutched her threadbare jacket to her chest. "I ain't got nowhere to go. Not here."

"If not here," Olivia replied, "Then where?"

"I got a Grandma in Boston," she said.

"Do you know how to contact her? Could you stay with her?"

"Yeah."

Olivia slid her the phone. Kamara picked up the receiver and dialed the number from memory. Fighting emotions, Olivia listened as Kamara spoke to her Grandmother. She tearfully explained that she'd fled her mother's home but now had no place to go. Olivia heard the older woman's pleas before Kamara hung up and reported her Grandmother had demanded she come to Boston.

"We can have you there tomorrow morning," Olivia said.

Kamara looked herself up and down and tears welled in her eyes. The Center's budget did not allow for many hotel room purchases, but this young women certainly warranted one. Before boarding the train tomorrow, she could have a hot shower, a hearty meal, and a good night's sleep.

Accurately predicting her apprehension, Olivia continued, "We can get you some new clothes. And tonight we have a place for you to stay. I can have one of our caseworkers follow up with you over the phone," Olivia handed over her card, "and I'm only a call away."

Kamara nodded.

Olivia made another phone call, this time to one of several big-chain hotels with which the Center partnered. They offered reasonable rates but were three-star establishments in well-populated, safe locations.

"C'mon," she said after hanging up with a clerk at a Holiday Inn near Penn Station, "I'll drive you and make sure you get situated. We can get food on the way."

Once again, Kamara nodded. But, this time, she mumbled a barely coherent, "thank you."

"You're welcome," Olivia said, "This time tomorrow, you'll be with Grandma. That is what you want, right?"

"Yes."

"Good."

"I don't have to do nothin else?"

"Other than answer the detectives' calls, no. Just...take care of yourself," she handed Kamara a stapled collection of papers. One of which listed numbers she could call in Boston for counseling and other support.

"Okay."

Olivia shouldered her bag, "What would you like for dinner?"

Kamara shrugged and didn't answer the question. Instead, she gestured toward the framed photographs on Olivia's desk. "Those your kids?"

"Yes," Olivia answered proudly.

"Where're they now?"

"With their Dad," Olivia replied and quickly added, "My husband." Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat. Kamara was emerging from the lowest, darkest point in her life and she grinned uncontrollably at the image of Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt piled at the end of one of Central Park's slides. Other than the tears, it was the only emotion she'd shown in the three hours she'd spent at the Center.

"They all look like you."

Olivia smiled graciously.

"Santa's comin," Kamara remarked.

"Yeah he is," Olivia replied, "Now, how about food?"

"I don't know how I'm gonna do alone tonight," Kamara said.

"I'll tell you what," Olivia put a reassuring hand on her shoulder, "I'll wait with you until you're comfortable, and then I'll have an officer check on you every hour and take you to the train in the morning. How about that?"

Kamara mumbled a hesitant, "Okay."

"Let's go. I promise you, it'll get better from here."

…..

 _Olivia was running late and futilely jabbed at her floor's elevator button as if it would make the car go faster. Noah hadn't eaten, Lucy was late for her Thursday night seminar-her only class of the semester-and Ed would be arriving any minute. She assessed her attire. It would save time if she went out on their date wearing work clothes, but she desperately wanted to change. She yanked out her phone on the way to her door. No return text from Ed._

 _Maybe, she thought, he was running late, too._

 _As soon as she turned her key in the lock, she knew that wasn't the case._

" _G'shot!" Noah exclaimed. "My tuh!"_

" _Okay, pal," Ed replied, "Let's line ya up."_

 _At some point that afternoon or evening, Noah had acquired a velcro bow-and-arrow set and he and Ed were target shooting in the middle of the living room. As soon as Ed heard Olivia enter, he swiveled in her direction, taking Noah with him, and grinned. "Hey there."_

" _Hey yourself," Olivia said. "Um, where's Lucy?"_

" _Arr'a, Mama!" Noah ran to Olivia, handed her the projectile, and pointed to the target. "Aim dere!"_

" _I will, sweet boy." Olivia grabbed the plastic bow and took a shot. She missed and the arrow caromed off the window. "Oops."_

" _Just need a few practice shots." Ed rose to his feet and greeted his girlfriend with a tender kiss. His eyes were closed and, as they parted, he raised his lids slowly and whispered, "Hi."_

" _Hi."_

" _And, to answer your question, I got here a little early, hope ya don't mind."_

" _I don't."_

" _And Sarah and Brooke'll be here in a few minutes. I'm surprised you didn't run into them."_

" _It's so nice of them to babysit."_

" _They owe me."_

 _Olivia grinned. "Where are we going, anyway?" Their schedules had been tight but Ed insisted on her keeping this particular night open._

 _Ed walked over to the coat rack and pulled an envelope out of his coat pocket, "I have third row tickets to the Rockettes," he said._

" _Oh...wow…"_

" _Now don't get too excited," he said, "I won 'em."_

 _Olivia laughed. "Well, I'm glad I can tag along on your night of misery."_

" _Nah," Ed replied, "I'm happy to go," he gave her another kiss, but made it quick. She still hadn't removed her coat, "But even happier to go with you."_

 _Suddenly, the stress of the day was forgotten. Olivia felt lighter than she'd been in years. She grinned at Ed, excused herself to change, and appeared seconds before Brooke and Sarah arrived in fresh makeup, skinny black jeans, and the leather jacket she rarely had a chance to wear. Taken aback, Ed's jaw dropped and he stumbled backwards when he saw the edgy look._

" _Damn," he murmured under his breath, conscious of Noah's keen ears._

" _What?" Olivia asked innocently._

 _Recovering and managing to play it cool, Ed shrugged, "Nothin...you, uh, set the world record for gettin' ready."_

 _Olivia laughed._

" _Ok, I'm a bad liar," Ed reached for her hands and swung their arms between them, "You. Are. Gorgeous."_

 _Olivia grinned. "Thank you."_

" _Seriously," he continued, "You're always beautiful, but, this…" he played with the lapel of her jacket, "This is making me wanna skip the show."_

 _Olivia cocked her head, "We can go back to your place after?"_

" _Was gonna buy ya dinner."_

" _We can get that to go, right?"_

 _Ed poked the inside of his mouth with his tongue. His eyes traveled up and down her body. He could barely breathe, but he leaned in for another kiss and croaked, "Right."_

… _._

Olivia had trouble finding a parking spot for the family's SUV, so she had to park several blocks away from their building on one of the few streets in Manhattan that were deserted after five p.m.

She walked a few blocks, and, after waiting to cross 57th Street, decided to stop into their regular pub for a drink before heading home. The bar was dark, not busy, and the bartender brought her the Jameson's quickly and with no small talk. Olivia rolled the glass in her hands and sorted out her thoughts. She should have gone straight home. After all, she'd missed yet another day in the twins' lives. But she couldn't go straight home. Not after the day she'd had. She needed to decompress. To let herself feel all the emotions she felt during SVU investigations and, eventually, to let go of the unbearable weight they left upon her shoulders.

The whiskey burned her throat, but the warmth it provided after that initial sting was welcome. After another sip, Olivia felt her body relax. She began to accept that Kamara was probably not going to get on that train tomorrow... Kamara was probably not even going to be in that hotel room when the appointed officer checked on her in a few hours. No, Kamara was going to eat the burger and fries Olivia purchased for her, maybe catch a short nap, and go right back to what she'd known for the past five years. Recovery was not as easy or as simple as what the Center made it seem in its literature to its patrons and donors. Olivia was more frequently wrestling with that reality as the Center generated more frequent and more generous donations. Money could buy a lot of things, but it couldn't undo trauma and all its repercussions.

"One more," Olivia said to the bartender when he came around. It was still early. She sent Ed a text, telling him she'd be home soon, with dinner, since he'd shouldered the entirety of parenting duties for the day. Seconds after she sent the message she realized she'd forgotten to ask him how he was feeling, so she added a "do you need anything else" to which he'd replied in the negative. While she had the phone out, she placed a take out order and asked for another drink and the check.

Before leaving the pub, she called Rollins. "Hey...any word on whether or not the unis kept an eye on Kamara?"

" _Yeah_ ," Rollins said slowly, "She wasn't there when they checked in initially."

Olivia chuckled sarcastically, "Well, I'm losing my touch," she said, "I predicted five or six hours."

Rollins' shrug was almost audible through the phone, "We always have to hope the next one's different. If we didn't, why are we even here?"

"Why are we…"

"You okay, Liv?"

"Yes," Olivia adjusted her scarf and set out toward home, "I'm fine."

…..

 _Coffee and hot chocolate had been poured and small plates were filled with breakfast carbohydrates. Ed and Olivia manned their traditional posts seated against the back of the couch, facing the Christmas tree. At Ed's side was a large black trash bag that would quickly fill with shards of wrapping paper, bows, and ribbon._

" _Who's Santa this year?"_

 _All three kids shouted "ME!"_

" _We have so many presents," Olivia said, "Why don't we trade off?"_

" _Kay," Noah said. He plopped down on the floor with his hot chocolate and bit into a sesame bagel, perfectly content to wait for his chance at playing Santa._

" _You can be Santa first, Maggs," Wyatt said, offering his sister the red and white hat._

 _Maggie grinned. "Kay! Youngest to oldest or oldest to youngest?"_

" _Youngest to oldest," Noah said._

" _Then Wyatt, here's yours! It's from Mom and Dad," Maggie dropped a large box into her brother's lap, "You were born AFTER me!"_

 _Ed grabbed Olivia's hand. The twins loved to tease each other about who was oldest and youngest, but they didn't know of the brief panic surrounding Wyatt's birth. Noah vaguely remembered not being allowed to see Wyatt right away, but he, of course, didn't understand why at the time, and the subject had never been brought up since. Though she'd been rushed for the emergency C-Section and her body underwent unimaginable trauma that day, Olivia, then and always, had always been grateful that both her babies had been born alive and healthy. Nevertheless, she would always be a tiny bit more protective of Wyatt and sensitive at stories of his birth._

 _Wyatt grinned and his chubby cheeks took on an endearing flush as he tore into the first gift. His breath caught in his throat when he caught the first glimpse of the picture on the box and he bellowed, "WHOA!" It was an indoor basketball set that calculated baskets made. Like his siblings, Wyatt loved basketball. He loved to play, but ever since he was old enough to count, he was particularly obsessed with the statistical side of the game. It wasn't uncommon for the Tuckers to leave Madison Square Garden and hear Wyatt rattle off numbers of free throws attempted and made._

" _Thank you!" Wyatt said in a shaky voice. For reasons unknown, he was so overwhelmed he almost started to cry._

" _You're welcome, bud," Ed snaked an arm around Wyatt's neck and kissed the top of his head, "Mom and I know ya like that game." Ed was referring to the touristy Dave and Busters where they took the kids every so often._

" _I really like that game," Wyatt said, his voice back to normal._

" _Okay," Maggie clapped her hands, having had enough of the semi-sappy moment, "I'm NEXT!"_

…

The lunch plans never materialized, but Olivia got a hero's welcome when she arrived at home with tacos. Other than pizza, tacos were the family's favorite meal, and Noah eagerly tore into the bags and unwrapped the steaming foil packets while Ed and Olivia arranged plates and napkins.

"You get rice, Mommy?"

"Yes, in the bottom of the bag."

"YUMMY!"

The three kids were oblivious to the mild strain in their parents' relationship, and they were their normal, chatty selves around the dinner table. Noah's school tales all involved holiday celebrations and he spoke joyously of a book involving a dreidel song and mentioned his class would be performing a similar number for the holiday concert. He walked the twins through the lyrics of _Up on the House Top_ , and decided they should watch Alvin and the Chipmunks after dinner. Olivia and Ed participated in the conversation when necessary, but rarely with each other. It was their normal go-to response when things weren't quite right between them-focus on the kids, wait until they were in bed, hash out their differences later. Only this time, _later_ was not meant to happen on that night.

During a few seconds of quiet, Ed heard his phone ringing. He jogged into the bedroom and picked up immediately. Olivia heard him say "Hey Ma," and then "WHAT?" and then "I'll be right there, get outta the house."

When he returned to the table, Olivia and Noah were waiting for him with wide, concerned eyes.

"What's wrong?" Olivia asked.

"Gramma okay?"

"She's okay," Ed replied, "But somethin' behind her oven was sparking. She's goin' over to the neighbors until I get there."

"Can I come?" Noah asked.

"Not this time bud. I don't know what's wrong and I want you to stay here where you're safe, alright? We might have to have the firemen come," he turned to Olivia, "At the very least I may need to cut her electricity."

"Bring her back here then," Olivia said.

Ed nodded and murmured, "Yeah, I will. I'll keep ya posted." He squeezed Olivia's shoulder on his way to the foyer.

His departure left a noticeable void at the table, so Olivia did her best to regain the cheer, "How about we have dessert?" She said, noticing their almost-empty plates.

"What we gonna have?" Noah asked.

Olivia knew they had some muffin and cake mixes in the pantry and she mentioned them to Noah, "Why don't you pick one out? I'll get Maggs and Wyatt cleaned up, we'll make the dessert, and start the movie while it bakes."

"Kay!"

Olivia collected the plates and leftovers and returned to the table to wipe the twins' hands and faces.

"I ea' taco, Mama," Wyatt said, his sweet voice muffled by the washcloth.

Olivia kissed him and grinned, "Was it good? Good taco?"

"G'Taco!"

"MORE TACO!" Maggie growled hilariously before Olivia descended upon her.

"More taco?"

" _Peeeease_ , Mama!" Maggie stared at Olivia with desperation etched all over her sweet two-year-old face.

"No problem, sweet girl," Olivia quickly brought a half of another taco to her daughter, "You can have as many tacos as you want."

….

 **#Tuckson**

 _Well, I lied. I updated because our flight was delayed and then canceled today...silver linings. I still have more Christmasy Tuckson in mind, so hopefully you're not too weary of the holidays come January!_


	106. Chapter 106

**106**.

Efforts to stay awake until Ed returned home failed, and Olivia woke up to the sounds of the twins' familiar early morning soft babbles. She smiled at the screen and watched as Maggie tossed stuffed animals across the room to Wyatt who carefully lined them up against the wall. Next to Olivia, Ed was dead to the world. She scrolled through their text messages, trying to determine what time he'd come home, surprised neither the alarm system's beep nor the sense of his presence had awoken her. It was only when she loaded a few more items into the dishwasher that she realized she'd consumed more alcohol than usual the night before. In addition to the drinks at the pub, she polished off the bottle of wine they'd opened before eating dinner.

After dropping Noah off at school, Olivia took the twins on a few errands and, like Ed, gave in to Wyatt's demand for a Starbucks stop. At the cafe, Olivia plotted out the rest of the week. The situation with Kamara absconding from safety deflated her Benson Center-related motivation, so she decided she'd go in for a brief time later that afternoon and clear her desk for the rest of the year. The Center would operate with a skeleton staff until January, and navigating the web of victims' services would fall to the individual precincts and the women, children, and men themselves. Olivia had a feeling she would have a pile of client folders waiting for her in a couple of weeks.

There were a few emails from the show's lead producer, including a filming schedule for the next couple of months. Wyatt was needed only sparingly, but Olivia's presence was requested more often than she was comfortable committing. She decided to wait to reply until she talked everything over with Ed and had a chance to cross reference with Noah's school calendar. There were always a few other solicitations in her inbox-invitations to speak at various conferences and university courses and appeals for her to use her expertise and weigh in on cases that ranged geographically from Manhattan all the way to New Mexico. She was almost finished clearing the inbox when a text message from Ed popped onto the screen.

 _Gonna be much longer?_

Olivia grinned. She pictured Ed wandering around the apartment wondering what to do with himself with everyone gone. She replied that they were on their way and asked if she could bring him anything. However, his response was different than what she'd expected.

 _Going back to my mom's to meet with the electrician. Are you good with the kids for a couple hours?_

She knew better than to attach perceived tones to typed messages, but Olivia couldn't help hearing a flat, businesslike edge to the words. The inferred uncertainty about childcare also stung.

 _Of course I'm good_ , she replied, _see you when you get back_. Olivia resolutely slapped her thighs and stood up, "Okay, sweet twins," she said, grabbing for their hats and mittens, "it's just the three of us today. Let's go do something fun!"

The twins cooed and babbled at her with grins on their faces and hot chocolate rings around their mouths. Olivia dressed them back in their warm clothes and wondered if the two-year-olds could pick up on the manufactured cheer in her voice.

…

By the time the school's holiday program concluded, Maggie and Wyatt were cranky and ready for a late afternoon nap and Ed was visibly frustrated with his wife. Not only had Olivia brought her work phone, but she frequently checked it whenever Noah wasn't on stage. At one point he leaned over and asked in a hushed voice if she needed to step out. Olivia shot him an incredulous glare in response, but she did put the phone in her pocket, albeit on vibrate so she would be alerted if anyone called or texted with news about Kamara.

They were joined by Caroline and Sarah, and as much as they all enjoyed these annual performances, the four of them agreed the show was at least thirty minutes too long.

"I'm _starving_ ," Sarah griped, "Are you all joining Noey and me for a late lunch?"

Ed and Olivia wrestled with the squirmy twins and declined. "We need to get these two home," Olivia said.

"And I have wrapping and cooking to do," Caroline said, "Now that my oven works!"

"Well thank God you didn't burn up," Sarah said.

"Ma, I'll drop Olivia and the twins off and then take you back home," Ed chimed in.

"Allrighty." Caroline broke into a wide grin, "There's my boy! Noah! Great job! You sang all my favorite songs!"

Noah momentarily disappeared into Caroline's bear hug, "Which one ya like da best?" He asked when they separated.

"Probably _Up on the House Top._ That's my favorite _._ "

"Dat's mine too!" Noah exclaimed. "Cause I play da clickers."

"You did a terrific job, young man."

From there, Noah gave his backpack to his parents to take home and he and Sarah walked to the Tucker's SUV before setting off on their own. Sarah raised her eyebrows at the interaction or lack thereof between Ed and Olivia. The two of them never missed a chance to rub elbows or bump into each other or even exchange quick, romantically-loaded smirks, but, this afternoon, they were all business as they strapped the twins in their carseats, said goodbye to Noah, and took their places in the vehicle. Olivia sat in the back between Maggie and Wyatt, Noah's usual spot, and, as they drove away, Sarah noticed they both wore the same steely expression.

"So, Noey," Sarah said, taking his mittened hand and wondering if she could get any insight into the apparent marital strain via Noah, "What's been going on?"

Noah shrugged, "Gettin' ready for Santa!"

Sarah nodded and a tiny sense of relief washed over her. Perhaps they were simply exhausted from holiday preparations. There had been only a three week window between Thanksgiving and Christmas and maybe her Dad and Olivia had waited until the last minute to check off items on their to-do lists.

"What's been goin' on with you?" Noah asked in an adorably polite voice.

"Oh, the same," Sarah replied, "I have to get a few more presents for Justin's mom and for Pearl."

"Does Santa bring dog presents?"

"Hmmm, I don't think so," Sarah said, "At least, we haven't given him a list for Pearl."

"Then ya gotta get her a bunch of new toys!" Noah said. "Hey! Do we haveta go let her out?"

"No," Sarah said, "Justin was home for lunch and took her for a little walk. She'll be fine until we get back. And, if we're late, I'll text G."

"OH!" Noah's eyes widened and his skipping gait slowed, "I gotta get a present for G!"

"We can do that," Sarah replied, "Where shall we begin?"

Noah twisted his lips and blinked at a blast of cold wind before grinning and shouting his answer. "Soho!"

"Soho it is! Onward!"

…

 _Elated and relieved to be back in one another's arms, Ed and Olivia refused to surrender more than an inch or two of space between their bodies. They kissed and grinned and whispered to each other under the covers of Olivia's bed which they'd shared for seven consecutive nights after their reunion. They were both busy at work, Noah, of course, needed his mother's attention-essentially, nothing about their lives had changed, but during a long, at times tearful, conversation, one incontrovertible truth emerged. There was too much love among the three of them. Throwing it all away would be foolish and tragic._

" _It's possible," Olivia murmured at one point._

 _Unsure what she was referencing, Ed's face broke into an inquisitive smirk. "What's possible?"_

" _We can have everything," she answered in a raspy voice._

" _We sure can," Ed clutched a section of her hair and kissed her passionately, opening his mouth wide and nearly consuming the lower half of her face._

" _You always knew we could…"_

" _Don't do that," Ed said softly, "There's no one to blame here. We agreed on that, Liv. We can't move forward if we're still beatin' ourselves up. And, right now, we should be very, very, very far away from doin' that." He'd punctuated each "very" with a kiss._

" _I think I'm always going to have a little sliver of guilt with me."_

" _Me too," Ed replied softly, "But, the whole thing boils down to...are our lives better with each other in it our outta it?" His blue eyes blazed with passion and sincerity as they bored into hers, "We're better together."_

 _Olivia practically dove on top of him. She closed her eyes and savored the feel of his hands on her back as they enjoyed a slow, sensuous kiss. Then, realizing she hadn't responded, she abruptly lifted her head and let her hair fall onto his face. Even though she spoke in a whisper, Ed couldn't remember her sounding more confident as she smirked and said, "Yeah we are."_

…..

"Sare Bear," Noah said as he and Sarah stepped into her building's elevator, "We gotta give G her present!" Noah lifted one of the shopping bags he was carrying. It contained a Himalyan salt lamp he spotted while window shopping. Once they were in the boutique, the astute clerk spoke of the powerful effects of the crystals and showed Noah the various dimming effects of its bulb. "I think G would like dis," he said confidently, "S'relaxing." When Sarah asked him how he knew G needed to relax, Noah replied matter-of-factly, "When I see her at school, G's really busy! And she walks super fast! Like dis!" Noah paced the narrow aisle using long strides and powerfully swinging his arms.

Sarah was chagrined to admit she'd forgotten all about her neighbor's high stress job spearheading fundraisers, auctions, and similar revenue-generating functions for independent schools and other entities who lacked their own in-house event staff. Now that Justin was back in the city and working mostly from home, she didn't see G as often as she did when he was gone and Sarah both needed her help and also popped in from time to time for a drink. Even then, their conversations mostly involved gossipy girl talk rather than work-related topics.

Sarah agreed that they should give G the gift right away, but she pressed her floor's button. "We have to wrap it," she explained, "But, when we get inside, Noey, you have to stay in the living room. You cannot go anywhere else."

Noah understood this meant the other rooms were filled with presents. He grinned, "Not even da _bathroom_?"

Laughing, Sarah replied, "You have to cover your eyes and I'll walk you there."

"What 'bout the kitchen?"

"Kitchen, hmmm," Sarah bit her lip, "I suppose the kitchen's okay."

An hour later, the duo knocked on G's door. Noah, holding the gift wrapped in shiny green and red paper, bounced from foot to foot. "Is she home?"

"I hear music," Sarah said. She knocked again, harder this time, and nodded when the sound of footsteps grew nearer and nearer.

"Merry Christmas!" Noah said when G opened the door. He held up the box, "Dis is for you, G! S'from me and Sare Bear!"

"Oh, wow…" G wiped her hands on her jeans and invited them in, "Sorry it took me so long to answer the door. My sister's here and we're making a gingerbread house."

Noah crinkled his nose, curious about the house and G's sister. He skipped inside, easily navigating the apartment's layout since it was exactly the same as Sarah's. He turned into the kitchen and, before Sarah and G caught up, they heard him introduce himself and the screech of the bar stool's legs as he climbed up for a better view of the construction. As they finished the house, G and her sister, who was visiting from college before the two of them left for their parents' home, narrated their technique for Noah, and by the time he left, Sarah had promised to pick up supplies so he could make one at home with Maggie and Wyatt.

"Hey!" Noah said before they said their final goodbyes, "You didn't open da present!"

"Oh, should I open it now?" G asked.

"Yes!"

G carefully tore off the wrapping paper and examined the box, "Oh, wow," she said, "This looks like such a nice lamp!" She read the box aloud, "Air purifying, calming crystals create a spa-like ambience. Noah, thank you. This is exactly what I need!"

"You're welcome," he opened his arms for a hug, "Mer'Christmas, G."

"Merry Christmas to you. I hope Santa brings you everything you want. I'm sure you've been a good boy all year."

"Yep!" Noah said boastfully, "No timeouts at school."

"What about at home?" Sarah asked mischievously.

" _Sare_ _Bear_ ," Noah said, "Never timeouts at home!"

She mussed his hair and shot G and her sister a knowing smile, "Either you're the best behaved boy in the country or the luckiest. I can't decide."

…

 _Throughout their childhoods and teenage years, Olivia and Ed made sure to carve out alone time with each of their children. With only two weeks together before the trio made their way back to college and, in Noah's case, his internship in Washington, D.C., they had a narrow window in which to divide and conquer. With Maggie out with friends for the afternoon, Ed and Wyatt went out to purchase last minute gifts and Noah and Olivia did the same. If forced to choose her preferred shopping buddy, Olivia had to pick Noah. Maggie and Wyatt both liked to browse. They wandered in and out of shops-Maggie voicing out loud her thoughts on merchandise and Wyatt pensive and indecisive. Noah always had an idea of which gifts to buy for each person and efficiently planned shopping routes within specific neighborhoods. This year he'd purchased most items online, so he only needed to make a few specific stops. Afterwards, he and Olivia parked themselves at the longstanding Broome Street Bar and ordered drinks and an appetizer to share._

 _Noah offered a toast when the full glasses arrived, "Cheers," he said, "To Christmas all together again."_

" _Cheers," Olivia had not stopped smiling since the final third of her trio arrived at home two days ago. She took a sip and wondered if it would ever not seem a little odd to watch her son drink alcohol. It had been just over a year since Noah turned twenty-one, and she still wasn't used to him nonchalantly grabbing a beer at home or ordering one at a restaurant._

" _It's so good to have you home, honey," Olivia said._

" _It's good to be home," Noah replied. "I thought I'd be able to come back more often, but that obviously didn't happen. We get so caught up…"_

" _There's no reason to feel bad," Olivia said, "I get it. But you get caught up and like it, right? That's the only thing I worry about. You are such a hard worker...so diligent…"_

" _I like it a lot, Mom," Noah assured her. "I don't know if I want a career as a political candidate, but the research side of it? The polling? The studies? I really like that."_

" _Good. That makes me so happy." Olivia and Noah regularly communicated and he often spent an hour or more on Sunday afternoons on the phone, relaying the week's progress on various proposed legislation he was working on with other interns and regular staffers. Noah wasn't yet sure what exact line of work he wanted to pursue after finishing graduate school, but he was collecting an impressive portfolio of experience in public service._

 _Noah picked at the coaster, "Has it been okay with all of us gone?" He peered across the table at his mother, trying to gauge her true emotions. As he sized her up, he also looked for signs of aging. Most of his friends' parents were in their fifties, but his were approaching seventy. The number sounded so old and the thought of losing his parents was agonizing. However, aside from a few stray wrinkles, his mother could have easily passed for being much younger and his Dad, despite the gray hair, never seemed to look much different, even when Noah compared him to photographs from years before._

" _Most of the time," Olivia said, doing her best to be honest yet not let on that having an empty nest had been excruciatingly difficult for her and Ed. "We miss you, but we're happy you're all happy. And you do a good job of staying in touch."_

 _Noah grinned, "At least you didn't have to scramble to hide all the presents before they were wrapped?"_

" _Now that's a very good point. It was nice to come home and leave the bags or unpackage the boxes and leave everything out."_

" _Sounds like you may have overdone it?"_

" _I think we may have," Olivia admitted, "But that's okay."_

" _Are you ready to get a bunch of California-themed stuff from Maggie?" Noah asked with a glint in his eye that told Olivia her kids had been sharing the details of their Christmas presents with one another and it warmed her heart._

" _Should I be?"_

" _Absolutely." Noah giggled to himself, "She was threatening to get Wyatt a Lakers hat. He was getting so mad, like, we were on Face Time and he was red and said, 'why would you even waste your money?' and Maggs and I were cracking up."_

" _You evil children," Olivia joked, "Stressing out your brother."_

" _You could totally see him torn between betraying the Knicks but wearing the hat because Maggie bought it and not wearing it and throwing away Maggie's cash."_

" _I hope she was smart enough to avoid California sports team gear," Olivia said._

" _I think she was," Noah said._

" _Your Dad could sure use another t-shirt though," Olivia said, "He rotates all three of your schools. I can practically see through the Stanford one."_

" _I bet he'll have a replenished supply in no time," Noah said with a wink. He was close to finishing his beer, "Are we leaving?" He asked._

" _We have time for one more," Olivia said, "Let's not forget to shop for dinner on our way home."_

" _Tacos?"_

" _Tacos," Olivia confirmed, "And then a Tucker game night rematch."_

 _Noah grinned, "Dad has a big fat head after last night."_

" _He sure does," Olivia said, "So it's time to take him down a few notches."_

 _Noah laughed and shook his head. He had always known his parents to be loving, kind, and attentive to one another and to their children, but when it came to competition, it was everyone for themselves. "I love you mom," he said._

" _I love you, too, honey. But I'm still in it to win it at the game table tonight."_

 _Noah nodded. None of his family members would have it any other way._

…..

Ed had not yet returned from Riverdale when Sarah dropped Noah off at home. She ran around with the twins while Olivia helped Noah stow the items they'd bought and got him in the shower, which was something new to his nightly routine.

"Omigod, omigod, no more baths?" Sarah asked.

"Oh, he still takes baths, but usually in our tub with the jets," Olivia replied, "Quicker and closer to us this way. Santa may have got him a iPod-like thing he can use to play music in the shower."

"Oooo, so cool! I wouldn't mind one of those myself." Sarah unwound her chunky eggplant scarf and tossed it aside. She picked miniscule pieces of lint from her sweater and gathered the nerve to ask Olivia about the tension she'd witnessed earlier. She mustered her signature _I'm going to so cross the line_ expression, and said, "So, do you miss Pearl?"

Olivia recalled the conversation they'd had at the bar and blushed, "Oh yes," she lied, "of course."

"Noey made me buy a shitload of toys for her today," Sarah said, "So that's more for me to wrap. Gawd, I don't know how you and Daddy do it. Three kids...Christmas...holiday programs…"

"And we haven't even been to see the tree," Olivia lamented of the Rockefeller Center mainstay.

Sarah furrowed her brow, "I thought Daddy said you went there."

"Nope."

"I swear," Sarah yanked her phone from her purse. The hairs on the back of her neck stood up and she felt her cheeks get hot as she realized she may have unintentionally driven the wedge further between the two of them. But there was no walking it back. Sure enough, she had remembered correctly. "Yeah, I, um, I was in the neighborhood and going to stop by but he was there with Maggie and Wyatt."

"He must have forgotten to mention it."

"Livvie," Sarah stared across the island, her eyes wide and imploring, "Is everything okay with you and Daddy?"

"We're fine," Olivia said.

"You don't seem fine."

"We've just been busy," Olivia said before catching her mistake, "And we can't seem to find any time...if it's not the kids, it's me going to the Center or Caroline's house about to blow...sorry, that's, I don't want to sound horrible. We're just...a little disconnected right now."

"That happens…" Sarah said weakly and ruefully, knowing it was a pathetic attempt to make Olivia feel better.

"It hasn't happened since we moved in together," Olivia said, "Only that one time-"

"-When you broke up?" Sarah winced at the words. She remembered how hurt her father had been in the aftermath, not to mention how the news had slammed her and Brooke like a freight train.

"That's the only time I can remember things being remotely close to what they are now," Olivia admitted. Never one to easily shed tears, Sarah looked like she was about to burst into sobs and Olivia found herself becoming the consoler rather than the consolee. "But it'll be okay. We're nowhere near that. We never will be."

Sarah forced a smile, "Good. You're _goals_ ," she said, repeating the phrase she had so often used, particularly with Noah.

Olivia smiled. "And we'll continue to be goals."

Hearing Olivia use lingo outside of the norm for her age range made Sarah break into genuine laughter. Then, suddenly, she remembered a plan she'd been meaning to bring up and slapped the granite. "Why don't you guys come to Florida with us?"

"When?"

"The day after Christmas. Justin and I decided last night and bought tickets. I bought that condo and haven't been back since. Three bedrooms? Maybe Grandma will come? It would be so fun!"

It did sound fun, and it also seemed like a perfect opportunity for Olivia and Ed to get back on track. Outside, the cloudy afternoon had turned into a gray, dreary evening. More snow was on the way. A white Christmas was assured, but Florida sunshine and the white sand of the Gulf's beaches would be a welcome change after the holiday.

"I think we should do it," Olivia said, "I don't see why your Dad would say no...and we could be there for our anniversary…"

"We'll babysit. You can go someplace romantic on the beach!"

Olivia was ready to purchase airline seats at that moment, but she settled instead for checking prices until Ed got home. At such short notice, the fares were a little pricey, and they were trying hard to make sure they weren't overspending. However, she continued to collect royalty checks from the book and consulting fees from the show. The extra income was more than enough to cover the five tickets, and besides, other than kid-centric outings, they hadn't treated themselves to much during the year.

"This is a great idea," Olivia said, beaming, "Thanks, Sare."

Sarah grinned triumphantly. "Anytime."

…..

 **#Tuckson**


	107. Chapter 107

**107**.

School on the last day before break was only a half day, and by the time Olivia made it home from dropping Noah at the front doors it seemed like it was time to pick him up again. He reported his teachers loved their presents and they spent most of their three hours together cleaning out areas of the classroom and writing "r'flections." Olivia asked what those were about and Noah answered, matter-of-factly, "They're about what you did good and what you wanna do better. And, what was fun and what was _not_ _fun_!" When Olivia probed him for the details on his "not fun" response, he replied that the only not fun part of school he could think of was inside recess.

At home, Noah had no trouble deciding how to spend the afternoon. He brought the gingerbread house kit Sarah purchased for him to the table and unpacked the contents. Olivia sat down and helped him get the basic structure started. Intrigued, the twins ran over and clambered to get into their booster seats. Noah invited them to help, but quickly changed his mind. In a matter of two minutes, one side of the house imploded and the twins were sugary, sticky messes.

"Mommy!" He shouted, "These babies are _not_ helping!"

Olivia whirled around in time to catch a glimpse of Wyatt biting into the semi-stale gingerbread. Maggie was intently trying to unwrap a candy cane. "Come here you two," Olivia scooped Maggie and then Wyatt under each of her arms, "Come over here and make your own house."

"You got another kit?" Noah asked.

"No," Olivia plopped the twins on the tile floor and laid a large placemat between them, "But we have some plain sugar cookies and frosting. That'll do."

Ed came into the room, stopped at the table, and added a few gumdrops to the roof. He then rounded the island and almost stomped on the twins and their mess. "Whoa," he said, spinning past them with his arms in the air, "Whatcha got goin on here?"

"Cookie, dah!" Maggie said. She offered Ed a fistful of crumbs and frosting.

"No thanks baby girl." Ed laughed and watched Wyatt smear frosting all over one cookie until it was completely covered then stick it on the cabinet door. Proud of himself, he looked up at Ed and smiled triumphantly. "Good job, pal. Very festive." He grabbed a beer from the refrigerator and leaned against the counter.

Olivia returned and draped two Christmas-themed hand towels over the oven handle. "I completely forgot about these," she said.

"It's not the holiday season unless we have the proper linens."

"That is correct, sir." Olivia patted his belly. Normally, she would have given him a quick kiss, but she was upset that he'd taken the twins to Rockefeller Center, or, rather, she was upset he hadn't told her about it. "Do you...want to all go see the tree today? We're running out of time."

"Sure," Ed replied. "Couple hours?"

"Yeah," Olivia said, "That should give us enough time to get these two cleaned up." She peeked around the corner at Noah, "How are you doing, sweet boy?"

"Good! Fixed da wall!"

"I'll come and be your assistant in a minute."

"Kay!"

Olivia took a deep breath, turned back to Ed, and blurted out the question that had been smoldering in her mind. "Why didn't you tell me you took the twins to the tree?"

Ed had not intentionally kept the information from his wife, but the pain etched on her face suggested she believed the omission was both intentional and malicious. "Liv, I, uh," Ed closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose. This explanation was not off to a great start. "I didn't think about it in time to tell ya that day. We were out wandering around, it was a nice day and I took 'em over. It'll be different now, at night. And then I had to go to my ma's...I just...forgot."

Olivia pressed her lips into a straight line. She wanted to be angry, but, with the sound of the twins delighting in their mess and Noah singing a mishmash of Jingle Bell lyrics, it was impossible for her to summon the tiniest bit of rage.

"Liv, I didn't mean to keep it from you," Ed dared to hold her wrists. "I really didn't."

"I believe you," she replied. "It just seems like...life is getting in the way of so much these past few weeks."

"Maybe it is. But, how about, right now...we make these gingerbread houses, or," he glanced down at the twins who now had frosting and cookie in their hair. They had also "decorated" three more cabinet panels. "Whatever that is they're making and then we'll head out."

"Okay." Olivia leaned in and kissed him. "I love you, Ed Tucker."

It felt so good to hear those words and feel her lips against his-the kiss was tender and loving, far from the perfunctory pecks they'd been exchanging lately. "I love you, too," he replied in a shaky voice. "I'm sorry, Liv."

She put an index finger to her lips, "Right now, remember?"

"Right." His familiar smirk returned, "And, uh, I guess you called the least messy kid…"

"I did," Olivia crouched and cooed to Maggie and Wyatt, "Sweethearts, Daddy's going to help you with your house, then we're going to see the tree all lit up."

"See Buddy?" Wyatt asked.

"Buddy?"

"Yeah," Ed clarified, "From _Elf_. He was there, uh, well, last time."

Ed winced. Olivia's eyes briefly clouded. But they soldiered on through the evening. She helped Noah finish the house. Ed collected the twins and started wiping them down before they "redecorated" another cabinet door. And, as the city came alive in all its Christmas-lit glory, they put on happy faces and made their annual trek to Rockefeller Center, hoping the magical sight of the enormous tree, and, most likely, the Saks Christmas Windows, would help narrow the gulf that had grown between them.

….

Over in Brooklyn, Sarah entertained Sofia while Brooke prepared meals in the kitchen. Sonny's mother was not feeling well and had farmed out Christmas cooking tasks to all family members while she convalesced.

"Is she dying?" Sarah asked, genuinely concerned, "I can't believe she gave her recipes to an outsider." While she chatted she sat in the middle of Sofia's Fisher Price garden and slid plastic envelopes through the mail slot. Sofia giggled and sent them right back, each time with more force.

"Um, I'm hardly an outsider," Brooke replied curtly, "I'm married to her son and bore her grandchild."

Sarah screwed up her face, "That sounds so weird...and a little, um, _crude_ when you put it that way. But, seriously, what's wrong with her? Still the flu?"

Brooke slid a casserole dish into the oven, checked directions, and then took it back out and secured foil around the edges. "She had the flu right after Thanksgiving and it turned into Bronchitis and then pneumonia. She's supposed to be discharged today. Hopefully being out of the hospital will at least cheer her up."

Thinking about hospitals induced bone-chilling memories for Sarah. They were places of immense joy but, more often, they represented death, as they had for her mother and now, possibly, for Mrs. Carisi.

"Not so sure about that," Sarah joked, "Staten Island actually might be a step _down_ if she was in a nice hospital."

Brooke rolled her eyes. Sarah sat Sofia on a small ride-on bus and Brooke warned her sister to only let Sofia take a couple of laps around the room. "The people downstairs can hear it," she explained, "They've been nice but I can tell they're getting annoyed with little feet pattering around here all day."

"She's one," Sarah said, "How much can they hear?"

"They can hear it," Brooke replied, "Especially when she stomps around in my shoes!"

Sarah laughed. She picked up her niece and swung her around in the air. Sofia's straight blonde hair was held back with a plastic barrette, but a few stray sections clung to her cheek which was sticky with candy cane. "Well, I must add some gorgeous kicks to your Christmas present, missy!" Sarah cooed at her. "Or maybe some sandals for your tropical trip. Hey, is Sonny okay leaving his mom?"

"He is," Brooke unwrapped a package of Italian sausage and dropped it in a frying pan. As she replied she stabbed the meat furiously with a spatula, breaking it down into miniscule pieces. "Or he's pretending to be. He kind of has to be. We didn't buy trip insurance or anything. And it'll be nice to get away before he starts the new job."

"Ahhh, _Hawaii_ ," Sarah gushed in her familiar dramatic fashion, "I wanna go."

"You'll be at your neglected condo."

"Neglected is right. I haven't even rented it out. It's just been sitting there."

"Do you even have towels and sheets?" Brooke held up a pan streaked with tomato sauce, "Cooking stuff?"

"Yes, Noey and I hit Target pretty hard when we were there, but I'm sure I'll have to buy some other things. At least we can control the temperature and everything remotely. I hope you and Sonny don't mind if Grandma's in your room."

"We haven't even been there," Brooke pointed out, "I don't know _our_ _room_."

"I sent you pictures!"

Brooke rolled her eyes again. "And I appreciate it. But...I'll need some alone time with it in order to make that first special connection."

Sarah knew Brooke was sassing her, but she pretended to take the response seriously and gave her a solemn nod. "And I'm going to give Daddy and Liv the room on the side by themselves," she said, "I'm worried about them."

"Why?" Brooke turned the burners to simmer and finally took a break. She re-tied her short ponytail on top of her head and waited for Sarah to fill in the blanks.

"At Noey's concert, I could tell something was up. Like, Livvie was on her phone a lot and Dad was getting that look, you know the one where he almost dislocates his jaw he sticks it out so far? And then after, they were just, um, _icy_ with each other. So when I took Noey home I lucked out and got Liv alone and she said they were busy and hadn't had much time together, but I feel like there's something else wrong."

Even though Sarah delivered her anecdote with utmost urgency and desperation, Brooke was barely moved. "Doesn't sound like a huge deal," she said. Sarah's eyes almost popped out of their sockets and Brooke chuckled in a patronizing way. "You live in fantasyland when it comes to them," she continued. "Being married with kids is hard. Shit, being married without kids is hard."

"I'm married without kids! And with a dog!"

Brooke sighed. Almost all serious conversations with her sister followed a predictable pattern-Sarah dissected the topic through rosy lenses and then Brooke had to shove her into the orbit of reality with brutally honest truth. "Do you at all remember marriage number one?"

Sarah grimaced as if she'd eaten something incredibly sour.

"That marriage was hard for you," Brooke said softly. "And you were lucky. You got out of it before it got really bad and before you and Jeff had kids or bought a house or did anything really permanent. Now, well, maybe you and Justin _will_ go through life not having any major hurdles, but most likely, you'll have to deal with something down the road."

"I guess…" Sarah stared forlornly at Sofia.

"And you've always held Dad and Olivia in crazy high regard, but they're human. And they have stuff to deal with too, like the rest of us."

"Well, I don't like seeing it," Sarah snapped, "They need to get it together because I cannot handle them not being all _I_ _love you, no I love you, no I love you more, no, I love you the most_ …"

Brooke shook her head and laughed, "They do not sound like that."

"Yes they do!" Sarah insisted. "And it's my favorite thing in the world!"

…

 _Noah narrated the story of the erstwhile "love lock" tradition on the Pont des Arts in Paris. Maggie and Wyatt listened intently and their eyes grew wide as they imagined forty-five tons of padlocks affixed to the bridge's railings. Enraptured by the romantic details, Maggie sighed and vowed to one day restart the tradition._

" _You'll get in trouble," Wyatt said._

 _Unbothered, Maggie countered, "Maybe I'll marry a prince and we'll be prince and princess and then nobody can get us in trouble."_

" _They don't have princes and princesses anymore in France," Noah said._

" _Somewhere they do!"_

 _While their children debated Maggie's chances of landing a prince for a husband, Ed slid an arm around Olivia's waist and planted a few kisses along her jawbone. They gazed out at the Seine and commented on the gorgeous scenery. The trees were in full bloom and their bright green leaves were a perfect contrast to the stately architecture in the distance._

" _We have to get a picture of all of us," Olivia said._

" _We will," Ed eyed the groups of tourists, searching for someone he could trust with the family's Nikon. "In a few minutes." With an index finger her turned Olivia's face toward his and kissed her on the lips. "This is a great spot," he whispered._

" _The best."_

 _Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt were taking turns holding silly, contorted poses and making faces for iPhone photos of their own, and Ed and Olivia laughed. For the kids, the European vacation offered a brand new adventure every day, and Ed and Olivia quickly became enamored with seeing Paris through their young eyes. On another level, though, the trip represented how far they'd come as a couple and reminded them how much they treasured the precious family they'd built._

" _Mom," Maggie galloped over to her parents and handed them her phone, "C'you take a picture of us, but, we're gonna count, one, two, three, and jump and then you take the picture, okay?"_

" _Sure."_

 _It took several takes, but, out of the dozens of snaps Olivia took, there were two or three the trio deemed acceptable. Olivia made sure to send them to herself before handing over Maggie's phone. A few minutes later, Ed stopped an acceptable stranger who was carrying and impressive-looking camera of her own, and asked her to take their family photo. She graciously waited for the pictures to be approved before moving on._

" _Merci," Olivia said, grinning._

 _The woman returned her smile and said "Pas problem!" before scurrying off on her own mission._

 _The kids clambered to see the screen._

" _That's a really good one," Maggie said._

 _Wyatt nodded, "Yeah...and nobody has their eyes closed!"_

 _Noah agreed. He looked at it for an extra second, noticing how he'd grown taller recently. The family pictures around their home were all at least a few months old and his head now came up to his mother's shoulders. He stood between his parents with his arms around Maggie and Wyatt. The twins leaned into his chest. Blissful smiles were plastered on the kids' faces. Ed and Olivia oozed with happiness and pride._

" _Mom," he said, "We should get one of those frames with all the different sections when we get back."_

" _Good idea."_

" _Because I think it would be funny to have this picture next to the one from last night."_

 _Olivia laughed. Before the Tuckers dug into their feast which included frog's legs, escargot, and oysters, they all pretended to be horrified for the camera. "Perfect juxtaposition," she remarked. "We'll do it."_

" _What's juxt'position?" Wyatt asked._

" _It means putting two things next to each other," Ed answered._

" _Oh, well," Maggie started skipping ahead, "Let's juxt'position us with some ice cream!"_

 _Noah looked up at his parents, "I don't think that's right…"_

" _Not exactly," Ed replied with a grin._

" _But we get it," Olivia said, "And I agree. Whaddya say, Daddy? Ice cream?"_

 _Even on a crowded bridge teeming with tourists, Olivia could still render Ed weak-kneed and nearly speechless. Ed smirked, grabbed her hand, and answered with his go-to response._

" _Whatever you want."_

…

Eyes wide with disbelief, Olivia glanced back and forth from Ed to the clock when she realized they still had three large presents to wrap and, in fifteen minutes, it would technically be Christmas morning. Ed started to apologize, for he had taken it upon himself to complete most of the presents, but Olivia waved it off before he uttered a full word.

"C'mon," she said, "Let's get started."

Once the large boxes were covered with paper, they carried them out and wedged them beside the others. They stood, arms akimbo, and temporarily forgot about everything but the anticipation of seeing the kids' reactions in the morning. Ed tentatively stepped toward his wife and gently moved a section of her hair aside so he could kiss her neck. Nervous, his hands trembled ever so slightly and didn't stop even when Olivia leaned into him and then wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Merry Christmas, Ed," she intoned in a deep, sultry voice.

"Merry Christmas, Liv," he replied. "I love you baby."

"I love you."

Since they'd been married, not one Christmas Eve had passed without late night lovemaking, and this evening was no exception. Whatever friction that still existed was temporarily set aside, and they fell onto the bed, hungry and desperate to reignite their shared passion for one another. Earlier, in front of the tree, when he'd dared to kiss her, Ed was worried they'd merely go through the motions and that the sex would, perhaps, satiate a physical need but be lacking in emotion. Though there were very few words exchanged, Ed held her afterward as she fell asleep and firmly believed they were back on track. However, he struggled to sleep for most of the night and waited until it was absolutely necessary to wake Olivia so they could get dressed before the kids arrived.

Barely opening her eyes, she whined and stretched. "Will you bring me something?"

"Sure."

"Thanks," she replied sleepily, "I don't want to leave this spot."

Ed stroked her face and gave her a soft kiss, "That's really good to hear," he said. "Be right back."

…..

" _You know," Olivia said sassily as she sat on the decades-old diner stool Tucker had saved for her with his coat, "You are the most stereotypical cop I've ever met in my life." She peeled the small plastic menu from the worn vinyl countertop to make room for the promptly delivered coffee._

 _Always game for being needled by Benson, Ed put down his newspaper, pursed his lips, and regarded her with raised eyebrows. "That right?"_

 _She handed over his coat and removed her heavy gray trench. "Yes," she replied with a little wave, "This place, the bars, takeout, practically living out of your office-do you have a cot in there, by the way?" Olivia grinned and sassily flipped her hair._

" _I'm considering it."_

" _You do have those extra suits there." Olivia had recently taken a peek into Tucker's office while at IAB to answer a few pro forma questions about the undercover operation she and her squad conducted on Super Bowl Sunday._

" _And shoes."_

" _You're all set then."_

 _Ed nodded his thanks to the server who refilled their mugs. "You gonna eat?" He asked Olivia._

" _Sure." Olivia took a quick glance at the menu and ordered scrambled eggs and toast._

" _Same for me," Ed said, "But add bacon. Crispy. And hashbrowns. Also crispy. Oh, and the eggs over easy."_

 _The annoyed looking server went to put in the order, and Olivia broke into quiet laughter._

" _What?" Ed asked._

" _That guy's wondering how the two of you could have such wildly different definitions of the word 'same'."_

 _Ed smirked and sipped his coffee. He saw something in the paper pique Olivia's interest and followed her eyes to a short article about AJ Martin, the former NFL star who was convicted of charges relating to an assault on his girlfriend._

" _AJ Martin in protective custody after brawl," Olivia read from the subtitle. She read no further and slid the paper back in Ed's direction. "Not surprised."_

" _He wasn't gonna all of a sudden not be violent," Ed remarked._

" _I didn't think he'd be so stupid," Olivia said, "But then again he still thinks he's above the law."_

" _Probably not his last time locked up."_

" _Probably not." Olivia shook her head ruefully and caught a glimpse of Ed. For a split second, he looked unsure of himself, maybe even nervous. The conversation had hit a dead end and he wasn't sure how to proceed. "Hey," Olivia said brightly, coming to his rescue, "I forgot to ask you. Did you win any money on the board?"_

 _Ed visibly relaxed. "The Super Bowl board? Hell no. Not even close. I have horrible luck."_

" _Yeah?"_

 _His cheeks burned. She was flirting with him and proud of herself for making him blush, smiling triumphantly as she waited for a response._

" _Well, bad luck with those types of things."_

 _The food arrived then, much to Ed's relief. They passed ketchup and salt and pepper shakers back and forth and made more small talk. Ed asked about Noah, and Olivia reported the social worker finally seemed to be relenting a bit. She joked that Noah was probably glad that her vacation was over, for the week she'd spent at home was filled with trips to museums, the library, and swimming lessons._

" _Every night," she said, "He was out like a light."_

" _I'll bet," Tucker replied._

" _What about you?" She asked, "Any time off coming up?"_

" _Nah. Well, depends on what my daughters are doing and if I'm invited or just bankrolling."_

 _Olivia couldn't tell if Ed was simply being truthful or if there was a slight hint of injury in his voice. Whenever he talked about his daughters, it seemed like they got along well. Then again, Ed Tucker wasn't the type of guy to waste time playing games, so it was likely he saw room for improvement when it came to his relationship with his two girls._

" _Aren't all parents perceived as a bank at some point?"_

" _Yup. Even when they have careers of their own, apartments…" Ed smirked, "See what you have to look forward to?"_

 _Olivia chuckled softly, "I'm sure it'll be a fun adventure."_

" _Yeah," Ed made sure to make eye contact, "I'm sure it will be."_

…..

When Noah opened his eyes it was pitch black in his room, save for the New York Knicks nightlight plugged in next to his desk. It took a few seconds for him to realize this was not just another morning, and, when he remembered it was Christmas, he catapulted out of bed and ran into the living room.

His hand flew to his mouth. Under the tree, presents were stacked, leaned against one another, and some reached midway up the branches. The family's stockings bulged with smaller items, and Noah resisted the urge to peek at his. Next he checked the food and drink they'd left for Santa, and, sure enough, the plate and glass were empty save for a few crumbs and, this year, Santa had left a note written in fancy script.

 _Thank you, Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt. The reindeer and I were very hungry. Merry Christmas. S. Claus_

"Wow," Noah whispered.

There wasn't much time to examine anything else, for waking Maggie and Wyatt was imperative. Careful not to startle the twins with loud noises, he crept into their room and left the door open, allowing in the muted light from the living area.

"Maggs? Wyatt? Santa came!"

The twins were sound asleep. Noah went to Maggie first and jostled her shoulders. "Wake up, small sister! S'Christmas!"

Maggie smacked her lips and rolled over, clutching her baby. As soon as she opened her eyes and saw Noah, she shot into a seated position. "Sanna?"

"Yep!" Noah said, "Santa came!"

While Noah and Maggie worked on waking Wyatt, Ed, having heard Noah get up, woke Olivia up for the second time that early morning and pulled her into the living room. They were just in time to see the three children emerge from the twins' room. When Maggie and Wyatt saw the haul of presents, they screamed, giggled, and jumped up and down.

"SANNA!"

"SAN' bring 'pesent!"

"San-TA! San-TA!"

When the twins finally noticed their parents, their eyes grew wide and they pointed at the tree.

"Pesent, MA!"

"Dada, Sanna!"

"Ho, ho, ho!"

Then, mesmerized, the trio circled the tree, curiously assessing the shapes of the boxes. Olivia sat cross-legged on the rug and watched them with a sweet smile on her face.

"Well," Ed said, "Whaddya say we go back to bed? Maybe open 'em later?"

"NO DADDY!" Noah exclaimed before he realized Ed was joking. He started giggling at his mistake and fell to the floor next to Olivia, convulsing in laughter.

Ed crouched beside them. "Big haul, huh?"

Noah didn't have a chance to respond.

"PIE!"

"BAY PIE!"

Noah lifted his head, "Uh-oh."

Noah pretended to be terrified at the incoming baby pile and he braced himself to absorb the weight of the two-year-olds. Maggie and Wyatt climbed on him, then on Ed and Olivia.

"Itsa Christmas baby pile!" Noah shouted.

Ed and Olivia exchanged a quick, tender glance.

"Yes it is, sweet boy," Olivia cooed. "Best way to start the day."

…...

 **#Tuckson**


	108. Chapter 108

**108**.

The departure gate was located near a short ramp, and Noah quickly realized he and the twins could occupy themselves by rolling down it atop Caroline's small rolling carry on bag. The area wasn't crowded, so Ed and Olivia let them run around and play, especially since they had several hours of travel ahead of them. There was no direct flight to an airport close to Sarah's condo, so a connecting flight was necessary. The kids were armed with backpacks full of books, electronics, headphones, coloring supplies, and snacks, but hurtling down the ramp was, for the time being, their preferred travel day diversion.

Ed had gone off to purchase coffee, and when he returned he noticed Olivia concentrating on her phone. Jealousy surged through his chest, for he mistakenly thought she was texting on the phone she used for the Benson Center. However, when he handed over the coffee he recognized the familiar case and calmed down. Olivia thanked him for the coffee and showed him pictures Brooke had sent of Sofia on the airplane. The Carisis had departed for Hawaii a couple of hours earlier.

"First flight," Olivia said, beaming at their granddaughter. "And a long one, too."

"Ah," Ed was completely at ease now, "We took Noah to Paris when he was little. Now _that's_ a first flight for the record books."

"He was so good," Olivia recalled wistfully.

"Yeah he was."

The twins were now barrel-rolling down the ramp and Noah stood at the bottom, acting as line judge.

"Hey, No," Ed called, "If you're done with Grandma's bag, bring it over here, pal."

Noah dragged the bag over to Ed and Olivia. "C'we go see Gramma and Sare Bear and Justy?"

"I don't know exactly where they went," Olivia answered. The three of them had gone off to have a Bloody Mary, but there were no bars in the immediate vicinity.

"C'you take us?"

"Sweetheart, we're going to be getting on the plane soon, so we're going to stay here. But, maybe Daddy will take you to the bathroom and you can go get them?"

"Good idea," Ed hopped to his feet. He let out a familiar whistle. Maggie and Wyatt snapped to attention and ran over to the bank of chairs the Tuckers had claimed. Through the large window they saw an airplane waiting outside and pointed excitedly.

"Yes, sweet twins, what's that?"

"Ah'pane!"

Wyatt outstretched his arms and ran around in a tight circle, "Vrooom!"

"Fy me, Dah!"

Ed hoisted Maggie into the air, whirled around a couple of times, and landed her in Olivia's lap. "Noah and I'll be right back," he said to Olivia.

She held Maggie with one arm and squeezed his fingers with the other hand. "We'll be here."

Appreciative of the subtle yet tender touch, Ed smirked. He was suddenly excited, almost giddy, about the two flights and the forced yet very welcome togetherness. When Olivia brought up Sarah's offer, he'd immediately agreed but was secretly concerned the trip would do more harm than good. After all, they had been lacking alone time and sharing a three bedroom condo with six other people didn't sound like a very effective remedy. But now he was filled with optimism. All those years ago at the North Carolina beach condo was where their relationship took one of its most serious turns. Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt loved the beach and Ed and Olivia loved watching their kids enjoy the sand and the surf. They would have to get creative when it came to intimacy, but that had never stopped them before. Yes, Ed was certain, this vacation had arrived at exactly the right time.

…

 _As soon as the pilot gave the all clear signal and the seat belt light went off, Olivia unbuckled Noah and let him walk around in the space between their Delta Comfort seats and the bulkhead wall. They had a row of three seats to themselves, so she wasn't worried about bothering other passengers and little Noah immediately made himself at home in what he viewed as ample space for play._

 _During takeoff, Olivia buckled Noah in the middle seat. With it now vacant, Ed moved over next to her, took her hand, and kissed it. She put her head on his shoulder and her hand over his. "I'm excited," she said softly._

" _So am I."_

" _I'm also looking forward to forgetting everything for a while," Olivia added. "So if you catch me going into work mode, say something."_

 _Ed tilted his head so he could see her face, "You really want me to do that?"_

" _Yes." She gave him a soft, sweet kiss on the lips. "I really do."_

" _Okay." They kissed again. Ed plucked the in-flight menu card from the pocket in front of him. "You, uh, feel like celebrating a little?"_

" _Sure."_

 _Even though the flight attendants were busy, Ed rang for one anyway. He ordered champagne, they had a toast, kissed again, and agreed they would need a different drink since they did not appreciate champagne the way they were supposed to._

" _Ah, that's better," Ed murmured after he took a sip of the whiskey he ordered._

" _Definitely," Olivia replied._

" _So, we'll see how we like these seats after seven hours," he said, "And then, if we need to, on the way back we can see if we can upgrade."_

" _This is perfect," Olivia said. She'd seen Ed longingly eye the Delta One pods on the way to their row, but this setup was better for the three of them and they had plenty of space. She smiled and gestured to Noah, "He has his little playroom...and we're all together. Those seats up there are kind of...too separate for what I want right now."_

 _His cheeks blazed crimson and he smirked proudly._

 _Olivia touched one side of his face, "You're blushing, Ed Tucker."_

" _Yeah," he croaked, unable to say much else._

 _The armrest was already raised, so Olivia had no problem settling in against him. He slung an arm around her shoulders and kissed her head._

" _Want to watch something?" She asked._

" _Nah, not right now...if that's okay with you," Ed tightened his grip, pulling her even closer to him. "It's nice like this."_

 _At their feet, Noah was more than content with his trains and cars. He made noises and talked to himself, and, other than the constant drone of the engines, his sweet voice was the only thing Olivia heard. "Yes," she said, glancing down at her son, "It certainly is."_

…

During the layover in Charlotte, the group of eight had time for lunch and a few cocktails, so by the time the plane was in the air, Caroline was asleep in the first class seat next to Sarah that Justin had generously given to her. He gamely took Caroline's seat, and Noah jumped at the chance to sit next to him. For takeoff, Ed sat at the end of the row while Olivia and the twins were across the aisle, but as soon as the all clear was given, Ed moved next to his wife and they put the twins together in the window seat. Maggie and Wyatt started watching a movie, but, with full bellies and lacking naps, quickly dozed off.

"Y'alright over there, Justin?" Ed asked, though it was very clear he and Noah were having a great time with Noah's collection of puzzle books, drawing pads, and the in-flight entertainment system.

"We're good," Justin grinned at Ed. He had let his beard and hair grow a bit and looked more rugged than Ed remembered, yet, he was no less kind.

"Justy, wanna play tic tac toe next?" Noah asked, paying little attention to his Dad, "Then we can watch a movie, den, after," he tapped one screen which they'd frozen on the flight tracker, "We'll be almost there!"

"Sounds good!"

Ed turn the knob and let down his tray table, "We're pretty much unnecessary right now," he grumbled good-naturedly.

Olivia was paging through a magazine and looked at Ed through her reading glasses. With her big, wide, curious eyes, raised eyebrows, and chunky frames, she was irresistible and Ed planted a quick, sloppy smooch on her lips. "Wow," she said dazedly.

"You are so gorgeous," he whispered.

"Well thank you," she said with a grin, "And, maybe it's okay for us to be unnecessary for a little while." She peeled off her glasses and glanced over Ed's shoulder. Justin and Noah were now wearing headphones and fixated on the screens. "I, um, I want whatever's been going on between us to end. Now."

The muscles in Ed's face twitched and he fidgeted. He knew better than to assume the Christmas morning lovemaking meant everything was back to normal, but he hadn't expected Olivia to be this forward about making up.

"And it's pretty clear what the problem is," she continued.

Stunned, Ed managed only to blink. He waited for her to elaborate.

" _We_ don't work separately. And I let _us_ fall down the list of priorities. That," she stated firmly, "is my fault. And I'm sorry."

"No," Ed reached for her hands, "We both let it happen."

"Things got crazy and chaotic all at once," Olivia said, "And we let it control us. Especially me. The Center, Ed, it's...so important, but I've been thinking, it's important to me but more so to the people who come there for help, and we have a staff to help them. A _very_ competent staff. I need to delegate better when it gets busy, and I have to stand up to the precincts who are looking to us to do part of their jobs."

"They have been takin' advantage of you, well, not you personally, but the Center in general."

Olivia nodded. "And, I'm thinking about giving up my office there."

"Liv, no...the idea was for you to be there-"

"-and it was a great idea. But I can be part of the advisory board. I can fundraise. I can consult and give training to other precincts, I don't have to be in the trenches. I retired, Ed, so I wouldn't be there anymore and I've drifted right back to the job."

Ed cupped one of her cheeks, "Don't make any final decisions just yet," he said softly, "Let's clear our heads this week, celebrate the New Year, our anniversary," he pressed his forehead to hers, "And, when we get back, if ya feel differently, you feel differently and can go from there. No matter what, I'll support you."

"Whatever happens," Olivia said, "I promise...you and the kids come first."

"Liv, these past few weeks haven't been tough only because you were busy. We had Thanksgiving and Christmas back to back, things with the kids, my Mom...and it seemed like every time we were settling down to be together, something came up."

"Tis the season to be interrupted," Olivia quipped.

Ed let the hand that was on her face drift to her thigh. "I _hate_ interruptions," he rasped, letting his lips brush against hers.

"Next time life gets busy, let's hit pause."

"Deal," Ed played with her hair and smirked, "We'll hit the brakes."

"I love you, Ed."

"I love you, Liv." He kissed her again and took a look at the twins and then Noah and Justin. Everyone was either asleep or occupied. "You wanna watch something? Do the crossword?"

"No," Olivia rested her head under his chin, "I want to...just do this for a little while."

"Okay," Ed replied, "Whatever you want."

….

 _While the Tuckers enjoyed some hotel pool time, rain showers descended upon the city, and when they returned to the room, the three kids stood at the balcony doors and watched the sheets of rain collide with the Seine. It was early evening, but the dark skies made it seem much later. Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah delighted in seeing pedestrians scramble for cover under awnings or their own raincoats._

 _Ed found a television channel broadcasting the weather and learned it was supposed to be rainy and overcast most of the night, so he suggested room service or delivery. Everyone agreed, but not on the type of food, so he and Olivia went into the suite's bedroom to change and left the kids to decide. He kissed Olivia's neck as she peeled off her coverup and swimsuit._

" _Let's take a quick shower," he whispered into her neck. "They're gonna need at least a half hour to decide."_

 _Olivia grinned and took his hand. Sure enough, when they reappeared in the living room dressed casually in gym shorts and t-shirts, the kids had not yet decided on a restaurant. They'd narrowed it down to two and offered the final decision to their parents._

" _Italian," Olivia said, "Pasta would be good."_

" _And breadsticks!" Maggie said._

" _And breadsticks."_

 _While Ed and Noah navigated the ordering app and Wyatt searched his backpack for cards and the Uno deck, Olivia wandered back into the bedroom for a warmer shirt. The pool area had been oddly cool, and they kept the suite's air conditioner running full blast. She pulled a lightweight hooded sweatshirt over her head and whirled around just in time to see Maggie sprint into the room and belly flop onto the bed._

" _I love this hotel," she said as she slapped damp brown strands of hair away from her face._

" _Isn't it great?" Olivia replied._

" _Uh-huh!" Maggie wrapped herself in the comforter and shuddered, "Brrrr!"_

" _I'll turn the air down a little bit," Olivia said, "Do you want to take a bubble bath before the food gets here? That'll warm you up."_

" _No, don't wanna."_

 _Olivia kissed Maggie's forehead and noticed she was still wearing her bathing suit, "Okay, sweet girl. But get out of those wet clothes!"_

 _Maggie giggled, "But we might swim again! S'rainy!" She shrugged, "Nothin else to do!"_

" _I packed you five bathing suits. You can put a dry one on if we go again."_

" _Kay." Maggie rolled out of the covers and bounced on her knees. She watched Olivia hang the towels she and Ed had just used. Maggie screwed up her face. "You took a bath?"_

" _Shower."_

" _When?"_

" _While you and your brothers were deciding what to eat."_

 _Maggie thought their obliviousness was hilarious. She fell backwards in a fit of laughter before bounding again to her knees. "Mommy, why you and Daddy always take a shower together?"_

 _Olivia felt the back of her neck get hot. For a few seconds, she had no idea how to respond, but Maggie's innocent yet curious face set her at ease. She sat on the edge of the bed and told her daughter the truth. "Because we love each other," Olivia said, "And when Moms and Dads love each other so much, there are some things they do to spend a little time together and be close, just the two of us."_

 _Maggie nestled into Olivia's side, "That's good," she said softly._

" _Yes it is."_

" _Cause some of my friends' moms and dads don't even live in the same house! How come that happens?"_

" _Sometimes people who thought they loved each other, well, they don't love each other as much as they thought. Or," Olivia paused, searching for an explanation that her ten-year-old would understand, "The mom or the dad does something mean to the other person, and it's so mean they can't forget it. That's why your Dad and I are always telling you to be nice...to everyone...and to ignore the mean people."_

" _S'hard," Maggie sighed._

" _I know, sweet girl," Olivia said, "Because we want everyone to be nice and to be kind like us."_

" _Yeah." Maggie shivered._

" _Sweetie, come on, go get some dry clothes."_

" _Kay," Maggie jumped off the bed and, on her way out of the room, she proclaimed in a syrupy-sweet voice, "Then we're gonna eat then I'm gonna crush the brothers in Uno!"_

…..

Everyone raved about the condo's interior and its unobstructed view of the pristine white beach and the teal-hued Gulf of Mexico. They stood on the balcony for a while, taking in the views. Noah and the twins chattered away as they noticed swooping seagulls, a few novice surfers, and people lounging in and on the edge of the pool ten stories below.

"Sare Bear," Caroline said, "There's only one thing wrong with this place, dearie."

"What's that Grandma?" Sarah asked, wide eyed and a little hurt her beloved grandmother was not one-hundred percent happy with the vacation home.

"There's no goddamn food!"

Wyatt grinned mischievously, but before he could open his mouth, Olivia covered it with her hand. "No, no, Wyatt Edward," she said sweetly, "No copying Grandma. Or Daddy."

"Sare Bear, we gonna go to da place with da cowboys? We went last time?" Noah jumped up and down, excited about the prospect of revisiting the shack-like restaurant where they'd eaten outside and line danced to the live music.

"Flora-Bama?" Justin asked, eyeing Ed and Olivia. He knew they weren't exactly restaurant snobs, but the famous beach bar seemed almost too divey for them.

"Yes." Sarah frowned and checked her watch, "Noey, it's too late. They don't let kids in after six...or maybe it's seven, but either way, too late. We'll go for lunch there sometime okay?"

Dejected, Noah shrugged. "Kay."

"I'm sure there's another fun place we can go tonight," Olivia said.

"Yeah…"

"Hey, No, want to check out some places?" Justin pointed to the living room, "We have a magazine in there on the table. It has pictures of all the restaurants around here."

Noah was easy to cheer up. He skipped inside and sat on the couch with the magazine. Maggie and Wyatt followed. The adults went inside and unpacked as the sun started to set. Ed wheeled three suitcases into their assigned bedroom and he and Olivia unzipped each one. Olivia put a few items into an open drawer then wandered to the sliding glass door an opened the curtains.

"Gorgeous view," she said. "I'll love waking up to this. It was nice of Sarah to give us this room."

"My view right now's better."

Olivia turned around and saw Ed smirking uncontrollably. He was still dressed in the jeans and navy polo he'd worn for travel, but the clothes perfectly fit his body and she could see a faint outline of his chest muscles and his biceps bulging against the sleeves. Lately, she hadn't taken the time to appreciate how strong and sexy he was, and she promised herself never to do that again.

Ed slowly walked over. He took her face in his hands and gave her a passionate kiss on the lips. "Don't give up the office," he whispered as he stared intently into her eyes. "It's not right. I don't want you to give it up."

Olivia shot him a hesitant smile and raised her eyebrows, "You've been thinking about this the whole flight?"

"Yeah," Ed replied with a shrug.

They hugged each other tightly and remained in the embrace even when they heard someone approaching. "Livvie, Daddy, I know it's not really decorated, but I thought we could-" she stopped in her tracks after stepping into the room and into the intimate moment. "-do a little shopping this week," she mumbled.

Despite the interruption, Ed and Olivia didn't let each other go. They pressed their cheeks together and looked at Sarah.

"I'd love to go," Olivia said.

"Great! Well, uh, I'll...um…"

Ed helped her out, "We're almost ready," he said.

"Do you want me to get the kids in some different clothes?"

"We'll do it," Olivia said, "Will you send them in here?"

"Sure." Sarah spun on her heel and walked back into the living room with a triumphant expression on her face. Thanks to Justin's texts, she knew the flight had been a success as far as her Dad and Olivia were concerned and finding them wrapped in each other's arms seemed to indicate an end to the tension. She sent the kids into the bedroom and double checked to make sure the sofa bed guard rails had been delivered. They had, so there was no reason why the twins and Noah couldn't sleep in the living room, at least for tonight.

"Why are you looking so self-congratulatory?" Caroline asked from the kitchen where she'd poured herself a cocktail.

"I see you've found the liquor cabinet," Sarah replied.

"It's the only cabinet with any food in it, dearie."

" _Food_ is arguable," Sarah retorted, "And, I look like this because I am so happy. This is going to be the best, most perfect week ever."

Sarah flounced into her bedroom leaving Caroline sitting at the bar shaking her head and curling her spindly fingers around the tumbler of gin.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	109. Chapter 109

**109**. _Well, are our on-screen Tuckson hopes permanently dashed? Sadly, I suspect they are, even though I expect Warren Leight to give the character a more gracious, intriguing, and respectful exit than that Eidteen fool tried to do. I'm unsure how my fic heart will react after being forced to say a final goodbye to SVU Tucker, but, for now, Rest of Our Lives continues!_

… _.._

The family-friendly beachside restaurant Noah picked out with Justin's help featured live music, and while the adults sipped after-dinner cocktails, Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah danced wildly in front of the singer. She had a deep, bluesy voice, and, if asked, the audience most likely would have agreed she belonged on a stage much bigger than that of a coastal seafood shack. When she sang, she threw her head around, sending her long dreadlocks and heavy beaded necklaces flying in loops. Her hand-sewn tunic's sleeves were cut broadly, so when her arms were outstretched it looked like she could easily fly away. When the kids took a break from dancing, they stared at her in awe.

"I can't believe they're still standing," Olivia stifled a yawn, "It's been a long day."

"Great music helps," Justin said.

Ed downed the rest of his beer and added, "They'll sleep well." He punctuated the remark with a kiss on Olivia's cheek.

To everyone but Sarah, the kiss was routine, mundane even, but she couldn't contain her satisfied smile. Things were back to normal. When the waiter arrived hoping to get everyone another round, Sarah was the first one to suggest they call it a night. Back at the condo, Noah was thrilled to share the sofa bed with his siblings, especially so when Sarah showed him how to work the flat screen.

"We're settin' the timer, bud," Ed said as he and Olivia kissed the trio goodnight.

"Kay."

"Noah," Olivia said, "When you wake up tomorrow, come and get me and Daddy. Don't go on the balcony without us."

Putting forth maximum effort, Sarah tried to lock the sliding glass door, "Livvie, this is pretty childproof...almost Sarah proof, actually. Justin, help!"

"You gotta push it this way," Justin leaned into the handle with all his weight, "Then lift up. There. Locked."

"Okay," Olivia said. She smiled at the kids' faces peeking out from under the covers. All three of them looked like the long day had finally taken its toll and she was sure, when the timer ran out, all three would be sound asleep. "Goodnight everyone."

"Hey," Noah said, "We didn't play games."

"We will tomorrow, Noey," Sarah said.

"Yeah, bud," Ed replied, "We're all tired. Get a good night's sleep and we'll stay up later tomorrow night."

"Kay, Daddy."

Ed and Olivia entered their room and gently closed the door. Ed walked over to the beachfront slider and cracked it open so they could hear the waves in the distance. The moonlight gave the room a purplish glow. Olivia was standing in front of the bed, and, when she was sure Ed was watching, she slowly removed her shirt. Ed did the same and nonchalantly tossed his polo aside. Olivia unbuttoned and unzipped her shorts and let them fall to the floor. Ed followed suit. Down to only his boxer briefs, Ed slowly walked toward Olivia. Once he was close enough, he reached out and stroked her arms with the backs of his fingers.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered. "I'll never get over how beautiful you are."

The corners of Olivia's mouth turned upward. She reached behind her back and unclasped her bra. Ed's breath caught in his throat-the waves, the lighting, the memory of seeing her completely naked for the first time-it was the most welcome of sensory overloads. He peppered her collarbone with kisses and massaged her breasts while growing hard against her. She moaned softly and cupped the back of his head, encouraging him to keep going. Her entire body tingled and jolts of electricity shot through her midsection when Ed's hips rocked against hers. They were only getting started, and Olivia already felt ready to explode.

Impatient, she tugged at his boxer briefs. Once she was out of her panties, Ed teased between her legs, pressed his forehead to hers, and rasped, "Goddamn, baby, you feel so good."

"Keep going," Olivia managed to croak, "Oh, _Goddd…Ed, I want you so bad._ "

Slowing down a bit, Ed wrapped his arms around her back and initiated a fierce, hungry kiss. He walked them backwards until they fell on top of the mattress, still kissing, and Olivia frantically pawing at his hips, desperate to for him to be inside of her.

Ed stared into her eyes the entire time, even when his breath caught in his throat, even when he clumsily kissed her cheeks, chin, and lips. He smiled when she started to come and propped himself on his forearms, freeing his hands to brush strands of hair out of her eyes. When her body jerked and she threw her head back against the pillows, Ed buried his face in her neck and thrust vigorously until he finished and rolled onto his side.

Olivia stroked his cheek and gazed dazedly at him.

Ed puckered his lips and turned his head so he could kiss her fingertips. It was quiet except for the waves and he collected her into his arms. The love they had for one another was palpable, and words were unnecessary. He and Olivia were never ones to pass up an opportunity for spoken _I love yous_ , but the ambience was so perfect in that moment, even that phrase would have detracted from the mood. They fell asleep entangled together in the center of the mattress with Ed trusting his internal alarm clock to wake him before the morning Tucker trio invasion. Olivia must've trusted it too, for she slept like a rock and barely moved the entire night.

…..

 _Olivia had just dressed Noah for the day and was running through her mental options of toddler-friendly things to do when she noticed two missed calls from Ed Tucker. She smiled at the notifications and pictured him, disappointed at the first non-answer, calling again and then using all his willpower to avoid dialing for a third time. Poor guy._

" _Should we call Ed sweet boy?" Olivia cooed at her son. Noah smiled and pointed to the miniature police helicopter Ed had recently given him._

 _Ed picked up on the first ring and greeted her with a breathless, "Hey."_

" _Busy?"_

" _Nah, just put the backseat down in my truck. My daughters did a little shopping yesterday and didn't think about how they were gonna get two chairs and an old card catalog back to Brooke's apartment on the train." Olivia heard the sound of a car door closing and Ed continued, "Was callin' to see if you and Noah maybe wanted to take a little road trip to Tarrytown? There's a lighthouse up there, a few good places to eat-"_

 _Olivia needed no more convincing. "I was just thinking to myself that I wished I had more exciting plans for Noah and me today," she said. "We'd love to go."_

" _Great! How long ya need?"_

" _We're ready now."_

" _I'll put half of the backseat back up and be there in a few minutes."_

" _We'll meet you downstairs."_

… _.._

Maggie walked between Olivia and Caroline, holding their hands and, every ten steps or so, stopping in her tracks and demanding they swing her in the air. When she wasn't kicking her white-sandaled feet and giggling with delight, she pointed at the brightly colored photographs and canvasses displayed at the artists' market and asked over and over, "Dat one, Sah?"

Olivia laughed each time. They hadn't planned on bringing Maggie, but the little girl had been clingy with her mother that morning, so she tagged along. Sarah explained the purpose of the shopping trip in the car on the way and Maggie had apparently understood.

At one point Caroline led Maggie to a kiosk featuring handcrafted children's toys, chunky jewelry, and a few naturally-sourced cosmetics leaving Sarah and Olivia to flip through a seemingly endless array of gulf sunset panoramas painted by a man who reminded Olivia of Colonel Sanders.

"They're all starting to look the same," Sarah remarked. "I think I need to just pick a few and roll with it." She glanced at Olivia out of the corner of her eye, "So, uh, sleep okay last night?"

"Oh yeah," Olivia replied casually. "We cracked the door...so nice to fall asleep listening to the ocean."

"Mmm." Sarah grinned, though she didn't make full eye contact.

"Thanks for letting us have that room," Olivia added, "I know it's supposed to be the master."

Sarah shrugged, "Really dual masters. No big deal, but, that one's...on the side of the condo all by itself…" she trailed off speaking suggestively and nudged Olivia with her elbow. "And the kiddos on the sofa bed." When Olivia merely smiled, Sarah groaned, "Oh, come on, Livvie, are you made up yet?"

Sarah's blue eyes were intense in a way Olivia had come to realize was unique to the Tucker family. Even Brooke, who was significantly less outwardly emotional than Sarah, was capable of a stare that emulated her father's. Across the way, Maggie stood on her tiptoes and grabbed for something with the same expression. All of her facial muscles seemed to radiate from those determined aqua-colored eyes.

"Yes," Olivia said firmly, confidently, and with no hint of modesty.

Sarah yelped and clapped her hands. Olivia had to laugh-a minute ago she noticed how closely Maggie resembled Sarah, and now Sarah was reacting to all that Olivia's "yes" implied with a Maggie-esque response.

"Thank _gawwwd_ ," Sarah gushed. "Omigod, I love makeup sex so much."

Olivia cocked her head, "You and Justin have that often?"

Sarah giggled, "No...I mean, well, I don't mind having a little argument...every once in a while. But we get along so well and he's always so calm, it's hard to fight with him."

"Your Dad too."

"Livvie," Sarah bit her lip, "I have to disagree with you there. Daddy doesn't fight with you because he would die if he ever said anything to hurt you. He loves you so much, _gawwwd_ , I know everyone thinks I'm crazy but I really believe I see more of what's between you two than anyone does. It's like a sixth sense sort of thing."

Olivia pulled Sarah into a quick side hug, "I love that about you."

"Mama!" Maggie and Caroline came over and Maggie, looking very pleased with herself, held a small shopping bag in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Her mouth was already a pink sticky mess. "Lippick, Mama!"

Olivia took the bag and peered inside. Caroline had purchased lip balm, soaps, and a few small tubes of hand lotion as well as a few cloth miniature dolls.

"Good to have in your bag, dearies," Caroline explained. "The cream, not the dollies. Those are for my Maggie girl."

Sarah unscrewed one of the caps and took a whiff. "Mmm, I love it! I hate perfumey stuff but this is subtle."

Olivia agreed. "Thanks, Caroline."

"Grandma, what do you think of these?" Sarah gestured to the display.

"I like them all, Sare Bear," Caroline said, "They all look the same."

Laughing, Sarah shook her head, "My sentiments exactly."

"So make a couple of purchases and let's go have a girls' happy hour before we go back."

Sarah yanked out her wallet, "Now that I can do."

….

 _The Uno games were followed by Travel Yahtzee and by the time Noah and Wyatt were crowned as winners, it was too late for a second visit to the pool. Noah and the twins set up camp in the living room-the two large easy chairs converted into beds for the boys and Maggie took the couch. Wyatt tossed his sister the remote control, for it was her turn to choose the movie. Each morning Ed and Olivia found the three kids conked out and the mounted monitor frozen on the title screen of whatever movie that had lulled them to sleep._

" _Night kiddos." Ed kissed the top of each of their heads._

 _Olivia did the same and took an extra few seconds to gaze at the trio before following Ed into the bedroom. Her children were just as precious at ten and fourteen as they'd been at four and four months._

" _Comin?" Ed tugged on her wrist and spoke almost directly into her ear sending shivers down her spine._

 _Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt were already ultra-focused on the beginning of the film. Olivia let Ed lead her into the bedroom and closed the door gently behind them. They wandered over to the huge picture window and gazed into the night._

" _It's a painting," Olivia murmured._

" _Yeah it is," Ed twirled a thin strand of her hair that had escaped the clip and began kissing the side of her face. He got a kick out of how Olivia pretended to be uninterested in his advances and kept her eyes trained on the Parisian night. He slid the collar of her loose t-shirt off her shoulder, kissed her there, and slowly made his way to the other side of her body._

" _One more day in Paris," she said softly._

" _One more day."_

" _Do you think we'll ever come back here?"_

 _Ed stopped what he was doing and squinted at her. "Whaddya mean?"_

" _It's, well," shades of agony clouded Olivia's face, "Life goes by so fast. It seems like a few days ago we had babies crawling around and Noah's first day of Kindergarten and now they're getting so big, so independent. It's taken us over ten years to get back here again. In another ten we'll be almost seventy, and then-"_

 _Ed interrupted her with a quick kiss to the lips. "We'll come back next year if ya want. Rent a car. Do a European road trip._ _Anything_ _," he said insistently, "To make more memories, to be all together."_

 _Olivia took a deep breath then took his face in her hands. "You always know what to say," she said lovingly, "How do you always know what to say?"_

" _I just wanna say whatever I can to make you smile again," Ed replied with a shrug._

" _Ed Tucker…"_

" _C'mon," He took her hand again, "Let's go to bed."_

" _The door doesn't lock."_

" _We'll be quiet. Trust me._

" _I trust you."_

…..

Back at the condo, Justin and Ed cleared the breakfast dishes, collapsed the sofa bed, and stowed the extra blankets and pillows in a hall closet. Noah and Wyatt played contentedly while the older men worked, but once everything was back in order, Noah begged to go outside.

"We can jus' go to da pool," he said before running to the balcony and reporting there weren't many people there, "And then when da girls come back we go to da beach!" Noah started to lay out his case in more detail, but Ed and Justin didn't need much convincing.

"Sarah had some pool toys delivered," Justin said. He hunted around in the hall closet and found an unopened Amazon box. "Yep," he said after tearing one side open, "Dive rings and a couple of rafts." Justin emerged from the foyer and grinned at Ed, "We're in luck. They have an air pump down in the parking lot."

"Thank God," Ed replied. "When Sarah and Brooke were little I almost went into cardiac arrest a few times...then I got one of the electric compressors for Father's Day."

"Good gift," Justin joked.

"Yeah," Ed muttered.

When they finally arrived poolside, they had their choice of lounge chairs, and Noah chose a spot near the shallow end with an unobstructed view of the Gulf of Mexico. Behind them was a covered area with barbecue grills and a bar that wasn't yet staffed. Beyond that was a sandy area with a small jungle gym and chin-up bars. Even though they brought their own towels, a pool attendant rushed out with an armful of extras.

Noah skipped to the side of the pool where the water deepened and jumped in cannonball style. He surfaced with a grin and paddled back to the edge. "You comin in too, Daddy?"

"Yeah bud."

"How's the water?" Justin asked.

"S'GREAT!"

Ed tried to put Wyatt's arm floaties on, but he whined and wriggled out of Ed's grasp. Wyatt ran over to where Noah was holding on to the side of the pool, crouched, and pointed at the water. "Swim, No! Jump!"

Tossing his t-shirt and the floaties aside, Ed jumped into the pool and held his arms out for Wyatt. "Let's see if he remembers swimming lessons," Ed said to Noah.

Noah pushed off from the side and treaded water, "I bet he does! Justy! C'mon! You do a cannonball, too!" Justin obliged and expertly cannonballed into the deep end. He swam to Noah and tossed him in the air while Ed waited for Wyatt.

The little boy carefully dipped a toe into the water. He looked at Ed and grinned. "Cold!"

"It's a little cold, pal," Ed said, "But it's nice when you're in."

"I go in!"

"C'mon, jump to Daddy."

Suddenly brave, Wyatt flung his body toward Ed and hit the water feet-first with his arms flailing. Ed remained close but let Wyatt bob to the surface on his own, reminding him to kick and paddle. Once in the water, all of the swimming lessons came back to Wyatt and he cut through the water toward Ed, kicking furiously but making smooth cuts into the water with his arms.

"Good job, Wyatt!" Ed hoisted him into the air, "Good swimming!"

Wyatt laughed as Ed hugged him to his chest. Wyatt was always one to enjoy a good hug, but Noah called his name and the two-year-old fought against Ed's grasp. Ed grinned and let him go.

"Daddy! Lookit Wyatt! He's swimmin!"

"I know, bud! Lookit him go!"

Amazed, Justin asked how many lessons the twins had had.

"They did a whole intro course," Ed replied, "But it was a year ago. I guess...it all came back to him once he was in the water. Kinda hard to tell when we're at the beach."

"He's gonna be an Olympian," Justin remarked.

Ed stationed himself in the middle of the pool while Noah and Wyatt took turns jumping in. Realizing he'd completely forgotten to take pictures, Ed grabbed his phone and sent a few action shots to Olivia and went back to cheering on his sons with Justin.

After, perhaps, the twentieth jump, Noah noticed the vending machine and also the fact that they hadn't brought any drinks down to the pool. "Dad, can I get a water bottle?" Noah asked.

Ed mumbled, "Sure," but he made his way out of the water in a stunned fog. Behind him, Justin played with Wyatt, but their splashes and laughter were muted and distant. Ed plucked a few dollars from his wallet and helped Noah make the purchase. Noah took a few sips and returned to the pool, oblivious to what was going on inside his father's head.

Until a few minutes ago, Noah had, since that day on the street outside of day care, always called Ed _Daddy_. He had never, ever used the truncated version.

" _HEYYYY_ GUYS!"

All four of them looked up at the source of the sound. Sarah was on the balcony and, lacking consideration for anyone who may have been trying to enjoy peace and quiet, called out another, louder, "WE'RE BACK!"

"Thanks for the warning," Ed muttered.

Justin bobbed Wyatt up and down in the water and shook his head, "Hope no one was sleeping," he said. "Might have an HOA letter at our door tomorrow."

"We gotta go in?" Noah asked dejectedly.

"Nah, bud," Ed replied, "I bet Mommy'll bring Maggs down for a swim."

Noah nodded, "Small sister and Wyatt c'race!"

Ed watched Wyatt take another swim from where Justin was positioned to the steps and thought to himself that Maggie would have to learn to graciously lose swimming races.

"It c'be the TwinLympics!" Noah shouted gleefully.

Ed grinned, "TwinLympics," he repeated and added, "Good one, No," but Noah didn't hear him for the seven year old had ducked underwater, determined to pick up five dive rings before he was out of breath.

…..

 _The store where Sarah and Brooke had purchased the antique furniture was packed with interesting pieces from a variety of different eras. Ed and Olivia wandered around while the clerks wrapped and loaded the two items into the back of his SUV. They laughed at a 1970s-era loveseat in the shape of a pair of lips and shook their head at other oddities. Ed pretended to shiver at a case of dolls, murmuring that they looked like they would come alive and run around at night._

 _There was no discernible departmental organization in the store other than a small children's section cordoned off by two rocking horses, one solid wood and the other supported by four rickety springs. Noah made a beeline for a box full of alphabet blocks. He parked himself on the floor and started constructing a tower._

" _Sir, your items are loaded and ready to go. Ladies paid, so you're all set."_

 _Ed plucked some bills from his wallet for a tip._

" _Noah, sweetie," Olivia said, "Put the blocks back. We're going to go see the lighthouse!"_

 _No matter how exciting Olivia tried to make the lighthouse visit sound, Noah didn't appear ready to leave the blocks any time soon. He continued to add to his tower._

" _Sweet boy, let's go."_

" _Pay BOCKS!"_

" _How about we buy a few and take them with us? Let's get a…" Olivia sorted through the pile, "An N, an O, and A, and an H? For Noah?"_

 _Noah held up another pair of blocks that were decorated with images of zoo animals rather than letters or numbers._

" _And we'll take those, too."_

 _Satisfied, Noah hopped to his feet and allowed Olivia and Ed to lead him out of the area and to the cash register. Olivia tossed the blocks into the bag and handed it to Noah. She reached into her purse for her wallet, but Ed had already paid._

" _Thanks," she said sweetly._

" _My pleasure. Ready? Lunch or lighthouse first?"_

" _Lighthouse," Olivia replied, "Let's do the sightseeing first."_

" _You got it."_

 _On instinct, Ed put his hand on the small of her back as they made their way toward the exit. Olivia slowed her gait, presumably to absorb the full effect of Ed's touch. She was so close to him, within kissing distance. Ed capitalized on the opportunity and planted a firm smooch on her cheek._

 _Olivia smiled approvingly and leaned into him. "Such a nice day," she cooed._

" _And a lot of it left."_

 _She squeezed his fingers as they approached the car. "There sure is."_

….

Seagulls squawked and swooped, waves crashed, families and friends lounged and played on the white sand beaches, and the Tucker children oozed pure, uncomplicated joy as they played together in the pool. The bar opened and the adults sipped frozen cocktails. Sarah and Caroline parked themselves on lounge chairs; everyone else was in the water. Everything seemed perfect, but Olivia knew all wasn't right with her husband.

"You okay?" She and Ed rested their elbows on the ledge and watched Justin tirelessly toss the kids around in the shallow end.

Knowing there was no point in dancing around the source of his poorly-hidden turmoil, Ed immediately confessed. "Noah kinda threw me for a loop earlier," he said. "Called me _Dad_ instead of _Daddy_."

Olivia gave him a reassuring pat on his abdomen. " _Ouch…honey..._ "

"Yeah," Ed groaned.

"Would you mind telling him not to say _Mom_ for another couple of years?" Olivia asked, trying to keep the conversation as lighthearted as possible without dismissing Ed's heartache.

Ed kissed the side of her head, "I'll do that."

"Was he...maybe he was in a hurry?"

"He was thirsty."

"Well, there you have it," Olivia said, "Didn't have time for that extra syllable."

"Maybe that's it."

"DADDY WATCH!" Noah was standing on Justin's shoulders and when he was sure Ed was looking, he leapt backwards into the water.

"See?" Olivia nudged Ed's thigh with her knee, "You're still Daddy."

She uttered the _Daddy_ in a low, seductive voice, and, despite the blazing sun and eighty degree temperatures, Ed shivered.

" _Lieutenant…"_

"There's the Captain Tucker I know." She grinned and gave him a peck on the lips before wading over to Noah. "That was easy."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	110. Chapter 110

**110**. _Good day, Tuckson fans! Today_ _my_ _**How I'm Feeling About RJB Returning and Not in the Way We Want**_ _meter is registering at a 5 and tilting toward hesitantly optimistic because I remembered a question posed by my good Twitter pal DChap. What's the purpose of bringing back Tucker if end game isn't Tuckson? Well, the easy anwer is to torture Benson as much as possible before she sees those stars or whatever Warren was referring to, but still, an excellent point. There are a million ways to make Liv's life miserable...why source some out to Tucker? Show-wise, his departure was clean, although I have a very hard time believing a real life person would let him leave but then never ever hear from him or mention him again...anyway...that's the big question mark of the day...and the next ten days. Happy mini hiatus, but fic never stops!_

….

"Didja bring an extra bra, Grandma?"

Tucker, Party of Eight, wandered through the Flora-Bama's various spaces. It was early afternoon and a few old salts were bellied up and one of the bars, but most of the tables were otherwise empty. As they passed under the "bra line," Caroline, Ed, and Olivia curiously regarded the dozens of bras hanging overhead and Caroline mentioned she would keep hers on for now, but couldn't make any promises after having one or two of the vaunted Bushwackers.

"Sare Bear, where's our names?"

"Names?" Olivia asked.

"Yeah," Sarah said, turning in a circle to get her bearings, "You're supposed to sign the wall when you're here. Ah, Noey, remember, we picked out that corner over there. Let's go see!" Sure enough, the Sharpie-scrawled _Noey and Sare Bear_ was still prominent. "Daddy, you're going to have to sign in yourself, Livvie, and the twinsies."

"Will do," Ed shoved his hands in his pockets and took in the decor-walls covered with old, partially rusted license plates, signs printed with snarky adages, and banners advertising upcoming performances and special events.

"Cool place, huh?" Justin said.

"Yeah," Ed replied, "Right up my alley."

Olivia shot him an amused smirk and loosely held his hand. They trailed the others, walking slowly, and bumping into one another. The previous evening had been filled with card games, drinks, snacks, and delivered pizza for dinner, and it was well past the kids' bedtimes when they finally dimmed the lights in the living room and kissed Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt goodnight. Ed had assumed Olivia was too tired for any intimacy other than their own goodnight kiss, but she surprised him by sliding her hand under the elastic of his boxer shorts as they locked lips. They made love well into the night, and, afterwards, agreed they were relieved their relationship was back to normal. That morning they dressed but stayed under the covers; even when the kids came in and jumped on the bed, ready to start the day, Olivia remained locked in Ed's arms.

"I love a good beachy dive bar," Olivia murmured.

"I love you."

" _Ed_." He was in one of his moods, but Olivia knew him well enough to realize this was not a one-day thing. Ed Tucker was going to be in an amorous, near-euphoric state for at least the rest of their Florida vacation.

He snuck two quick kisses and one open-mouthed, sloppy smooch before they stepped onto the deck with the others. His eyes blazed with passion and a hint of mischief. Olivia was certain he'd considered diverting her to the passage near the restrooms and going for a longer makeout session.

"I'm so glad we're here," he rasped.

"So am I."

"But, promise me...it'll be like this when we get back?"

Olivia squeezed his hands and kissed him once more. "I promise."

…..

 _To Ed's and Olivia's amusement, the kids were saying goodbye to Paris with great reluctance. On the way to the train station, they murmured "au revoir" to Notre Dame, the Louvre, the Champs Elysees, and the Seine, among other landmarks. When they boarded the Eurostar, Maggie sighed and sat in her seat with a huff._

" _Guess we gotta speak English now," she said._

 _Ed and Olivia thought the comment hilarious and expected Noah, at least, to point out they'd been speaking mostly English all along, but he replied with a mumbled, "yeah" and pulled out his phone to review photographs of the past few days._

" _Cheer up," Ed coached from across the aisle, "London next."_

" _Then Ireland!" Olivia added._

 _The encouragement was mostly ignored._

 _Wyatt frantically searched through his backpack. He unzipped and zipped pockets and was near tears when Olivia asked him what he was looking for. "My books," he said in a shaky voice. The England one and the Ireland one. They're gone!"_

" _No they're not, honey," Olivia replied in her calmest, most soothing voice. "I have the England one right here," she reached into her tote and produced the travel guide, "And the Ireland one is in the suitcase." Despite their compact size, the books were deceptively heavy, so Olivia decided to stow two of the three books rather than pack them in Wyatt's already-stuffed bag. This was, perhaps, a mistake. "You can read the Ireland one on the plane?" She suggested._

" _Okay," Wyatt replied begrudgingly._

 _Ed smirked at Wyatt and then at Olivia. He held her hand and kissed her cheek. Their youngest son was endearingly quirky, and extremely particular about his books. However, he was also exceedingly polite and respectful and would never let on how irritated he actually was at his mother's decision to stow one of the books where he couldn't access it until they arrived in London. They watched him in profile as the train pulled out of the station, and his facial muscles gradually relaxed as he became engrossed in the introduction._

" _I hope we see Prince George!" Maggie said to no one in particular._

" _I don't think we're gonna see Prince George," Noah replied._

 _Maggie was optimistic. "Maybe we will! And Charlotte and Louis! We're going to Buckingham Palace."_

" _They don't live at Buckingham Palace right now. It's summer. And even if they were there, we don't get to see where they actually live," Noah explained, "Like, when I went to the White House on the school trip, we saw three or four rooms and it didn't even look like anyone ever used them."_

" _Noah, you're killin' my buzz."_

" _Maggie!" Olivia had been flipping through a newspaper and only partially listening to the conversation, but the very adult catchphrase uttered by her daughter definitely caught her attention. She leaned across Ed. "Where did you learn that?"_

" _From a movie, mom," Maggie replied in a tone that suggested Olivia should have known exactly where she'd heard the phrase._

" _Which movie?"_

 _Maggie looked to Noah._

" _Home Cooking," he replied, "We watched it last night. It was dumb."_

" _Yep," Wyatt muttered._

" _Well at least it taught ya something," Ed quipped. Olivia elbowed him and he responded with a smirk, a shrug, and a kiss to the top of her hand._

 _Shaking her head, Olivia reclined her seat and watched suburban Paris come into view. Soon, the countryside supplanted Parisian sprawl and she felt a deep sense of peace watching the animals graze and a handful of people tend to their fields and gardens. She reclined against Ed's shoulder, enjoyed the scenery, and smiled whenever she heard the giggles of her happy children who were engaged in constant banter across the aisle._

….

Ed sat down at the picnic table and inspected the warped wood. "This's seen better days," he mumbled. In his mind he was predicting at least one kid walking away with a sliver in his or her finger.

"Part of the charm," Sarah said, "Noey and I sat in this exact spot the last time we were here, so we must have the same seats, right, Noey?"

"Right! Hey!" Noah turned his head back and forth and his St. Brigid's Cross necklace flapped against his throat. "Where's da music?"

"I think someone's coming on to play at one," Sarah said. She checked her watch. It was not yet noon. "We'll be here still." Expecting a reproving glance from her father, she looked at him only to see he hadn't been paying the least bit of attention. He and Olivia were sitting shoulder to shoulder, poring over one menu.

"You wanna share some oysters?" Ed asked in a whisper as if he weren't at all interested in sharing food with anyone else at the table, including their children.

"Sure," Olivia cooed back at him, coyly batting her eyelashes.

The exchange was sickeningly sweet and Sarah ate it up. The semi-private moment didn't last long, however. Noah read the menu and ticked off everything he wanted to eat. "Justy, you think they have good shrimp tacos here?" He asked.

"I bet they do," Justin replied. "I might get 'em."

"Gramma, whatcha gonna eat?"

"I don't know," she said, "I'm still deciding."

"You wanna share with me?" Noah asked.

Caroline sipped her Bushwacker and patted Noah's hand, "Dear boy, I'd love to. How about this sampler platter? It looks like enough for two."

Noah read the description and another smile formed on his face, "Yeah...I like dis. Let's share. Hey! They have CRAB CLAWS!"

"We'll get some of those, too, my dear boy."

The twins played nearby and drifted into the sand. Needing toys, Wyatt ran to Olivia and she produced two of his trucks from her purse. Maggie eventually found an abandoned bucket and the three items were enough to keep them occupied while the adults and Noah talked at the table.

"Justin, come over here and sit across from me," Caroline waved a hand wildly, "I haven't seen you in months."

Justin flashed his gap-toothed grin and switched seats. "Yeah, sorry...been working with a professor of mine, traveling a lot." He went on to explain the project and all its nuances. When Justin spoke of the most ideal outcome, his entire body twitched with excitement. "All the safety nets we have," he said, "have too many gaps...if we can get these pilot programs staffed and funded properly and have the support of the communities, I think we'll really see a lot of progress. Break the cycle."

Caroline raised her plastic cup, "Young man, you are simply amazing. And this is all part of your Master's Degree?"

"Yup."

"Your mother must be so proud."

"She is."

Mention of Carmen Vidal caught Olivia's attention, and she finally participated in the conversation, "How is your mom?" She asked, leaning on her elbow so she could see Justin on the other side of Ed. Ed took the opportunity to squeeze her thigh.

"She's pretty good," Justin replied, "So busy though with my niece and nephew living there and her job. I wish she would retire but she's not quite there yet. But, she likes being busy. Maybe one of these days she'll come down here and relax."

"We've offered a million times," Sarah said.

"She's like me," Caroline said, "Has everything she needs on her block at home."

" _Still,"_ Sarah said, "You have to remember there's a whole world out there and new places to explore and the Gulf of Mexico to swim in, right Noey?"

"Right!" Noah screwed up his face and asked, "But, Sare Bear, when you gonna take me to Texas?"

Caroline nearly choked on her drink, " _Texas_?"

"I wanna see da cowboys," Noah said matter-of-factly. "And da Alamo."

"How in the hell do you know about the Alamo?"

" _Ma-_ "

Noah told Caroline about the large map at school which, according to his description, included insets of famous images from certain states. "And da Alamo was where there was a really bad fight and then after, Texas was in the USA and not Mexico."

"...in a nutshell," Sarah quipped.

Caroline shimmied off the bench and announced she was going to the "little girls' room." When she stood up, she lost her balance and stumbled into the table. Justin grabbed her wrist and Ed scrambled to her side.

"Ma, you alright?"

"Eddie, I'm fine."

"Maybe lay off the booze?"

"We'll eat."

Ed groaned. "Sare, go with her, will ya?"

"Eddie, I don't need an escort."

"Maybe not," he replied, "But you're gettin' one."

…..

" _You know," Olivia handed Ed his refill and sat beside him with her legs tucked under her body, "Dodds is absolutely right. I don't have a political bone in my body."_

 _Ed moved a section of her hair to the side and kissed under her ear. "One of your best qualities."_

" _I mean, when did_ _political_ _become the opposite of justice? The two systems are supposed to compliment each other, work together, and they're totally antagonistic."_

" _Not totally," Ed bit her earlobe and grinned when he felt her shiver._

 _Though her reflexes were betraying her, Olivia pretended to be unaffected. "Yes, totally. The second I'm told to stand down, or, in this case, told that I'm being completely ridiculous for expecting and forcing Child Services to-" Olivia feigned a gasp, "-do their fucking jobs, we are at totally antagonistic."_

" _Lieutenant-"_

" _It's technically still Sergeant."_

 _Ed ignored the correction, "Lieutenant, you're awfully cynical tonight."_

" _I'm still so mad at that comment."_

 _Ed stopped kissing her and held her shoulders at arm's length. "Alright. Be mad. But let's get it all out now. Pretend I'm Dodds. Let me have it. Whaddya want to say to him?"_

" _I cannot pretend you're Dodds."_

" _C'mon. Two minutes. You can do it. You'll feel better."_

 _Olivia raised her eyebrows and asked, "Are you recording this?"_

" _No."_

" _Ed, I...can't pretend you're Dodds," Olivia let her eyes fall to the couch cushions and then found the courage to meet his, "Or, rather, I don't want to do that...I don't want to look at you and think of him."_

 _Smiling, Ed cupped her cheeks and gave her a firm kiss on the lips. "Excellent answer, Lieutenant Benson."_

" _It's the truth," she replied softly. Slightly nervous, Olivia bit her lip and stared at Ed's hands which he'd let fall into his lap. She dared to reach out and hold them and they sat like that, bobbing their fists between them, wondering what exactly to do next. "Tuck-um-Ed, thank you for letting me, just, well, let off some steam tonight, and last night, and probably tomorrow."_

" _That mean I'm seein ya tomorrow?"_

 _Olivia squeezed his fingers. "Yes it does."_

" _Other than you being pissed off," Ed replied, "Sounds real good to me."_

….

Ed's nightly routine took significantly less time than Olivia's, so he leaned against the bathroom wall and watched her pull her hair back, wash and dry her face, and carefully apply cream. Olivia occasionally leaned closer to the mirror to inspect a blemish only she could see. When she did this, her shirt lifted a little, exposing the skin of her back which was a slightly lighter shade than her arms and legs. It took every ounce of restraint for Ed not to take her into his arms and make love to her on the counter, so he figured he'd concentrate on another serious topic.

"You think I oughta make my mom see a doctor?"

"Why? Did she have another dizzy spell?"

"Not that I know of," Ed replied, "It makes me worried though. She's by herself a lot. Still drives. I want to know if it's somethin' more serious than too many drinks and not enough food."

Even though she smoked cigarettes for years, Caroline had never shown even a hint of health problems. For that reason, Olivia often forgot she was in her eighties. She tightened the cap on the aloe bottle and faced Ed. "Will she _let_ you take her to the doctor?"

"Probably not."

"Maybe call John and Margie when you get back and ask them if they've noticed anything?"

"Yeah, I suppose, or, it might be nothing," Ed rubbed his face with both hands, "But now I wonder, with the amount she's been drinkin' here, does she drink all day? Is she some kind of...geriatric alcoholic?"

Chuckling softly and sympathetically, Olivia stepped toward Ed and slid her arms around his waist. "Geriatric alcoholic? Is that a thing?"

"It might be."

Olivia kissed his chin. "We'll keep an eye on her for the rest of the week," she suggested, "And go from there? And maybe she's lonely up there in Riverdale all by herself. We can go there more often, even if it's only for a couple of hours."

"Yeah, we can do that."

"She really seemed normal to me all day," Olivia insisted, "And those drinks...were pretty strong."

"I didn't notice."

Olivia swatted his chest.

"Seriously. So," Ed planted a few kisses along her jaw bone, "What are we doing for our anniversary?"

"You know what I want to do?"

"What's that?"

"Spend the day with everyone and then go for a really long walk on the beach with you at sunset. I don't need a fancy dinner somewhere or anything...just you and me and the sand and the waves."

"That all?"

"Yes," Olivia said softly, "And it's more than enough. I have the need to be around...everything we've created...and then, those little ones will be conked out after midnight and we can ring in the new year." She kissed his chin, "Just the two of us."

"I know I say this a lot," Ed said, smirking, "But, whatever you want."

Olivia grinned. "This one's kind of a no-brainer."

"That's for sure."

…..

The next afternoon Brooke called via Face Time and took everyone on a virtual tour of their Hawaiian resort. She and Sonny were smiley and tan, Sofia was adorable in her floppy straw hat and sundress, and Olivia was thrilled to see the three of them so carefree and content. She tried to convince herself that Carisi was doing the right thing in leaving the police department for the DA's office, but deep down she knew he was simply trading one hectic career for another.

When they were almost finished packing for the beach, Olivia realized she hadn't seen Maggie and Wyatt for a few minutes and, trying not to sound panicked, called their names. They came running into the living room from the foyer with sand pails on their heads.

"Hat, Mama! Have a hat on!"

Overnight, it seemed the twins had made a conscious decision to stop using baby talk and do their best to be understood, because, starting that morning with _I want pancakes_ , they had been speaking in highly intelligible sentences. They were also taking it upon themselves to open doors and drawers, and they'd apparently found a way to get into the hall closet where the sand toys had been stored.

"Very nice hats, sweet twins," Olivia said, "Hope we rinsed them so we don't get sand all over the floor in here."

"San' out dere!" Wyatt said, pointing toward the balcony.

"Yes it is! Are you ready? Go get Daddy."

"Where Daddy?"

"In the bedroom putting sunscreen on Noah. Go get him!"

Maggie, dressed in a plush white coverup over her pink bathing suit, and Wyatt in a navy swim shirt and anchor-printed trunks ran away to find Noah and Ed. Olivia tossed a few snacks into her bag and slid four water bottles into its cooler section. Sarah and Justin were already downstairs, having left early to snag a cabana, and Olivia was seconds from telling Caroline they were ready when she appeared.

"Everyone leave?" She asked.

"No. The kids and Ed are here. Ready?"

"Yep!" Caroline snagged a coffee mug from one of the cabinets, filled it with ice, then bloody mary mix and vodka. Want one?" She asked Olivia.

"Maybe later," Olivia said. "Or, well, I think I'd rather have one of those pina coladas from downstairs. Those are so good."

Caroline sipped her concoction and added more vodka. "Those are a little too sweet for my tastes right now."

"Ahh," Olivia sighed contentedly, "But you have to love vacation, right? Sleeping late, cocktails before noon…" she trailed off, hoping her remarks would be perceived as lighthearted and not what they actually were-an attempt to gauge Caroline's daily alcohol consumption routine.

Caroline raised the mug, "Everyday's a party!"

"Cheers to that." Having garnered absolutely no useful information, Olivia slung both beach bags over her shoulder and called to the rest of her family. "C'mon! Beach time!"

"Whoooooo!"

"Yayyyyyyy!"

"Beeeeeeaaaach!"

The three kids sprinted toward the door and Ed appeared wearing black swim trunks and a tight, white sleeveless shirt. "Ready, handsome?" Olivia grabbed a handful of the tee and kissed him.

"Sure am. Thought you wanted me to get your back?" He held up the bottle of Banana Boat sunblock.

"We can do that down there," Olivia said, "Sarah and Justin are probably wondering where we are."

"Mommy! Daddy! We gonna go?"

"Right behind ya, bud!"

Olivia started walking away, but Ed grabbed her wrist and pulled her back to him for a quick kiss. "Love you," he whispered.

Olivia patted his butt and kissed him again, "Love you, too, Ed Tucker."

…

The shower wasn't as large as they were used to, but Olivia invited Ed in with her anyway and they embraced under the pulsating water, taking a few minutes to appreciate the simplicity of being in each other's arms. Ed had a clear view of her back, traced the crisscrossing tan lines, and gradually let his fingers fall lower and lower.

"Was a good day," he rasped in her ear.

"Perfect," she replied in a half-gasp.

"I'm so glad we came here."

"So am I."

There was no room for a bench in the enclosure, so Ed dropped to one knee and slung one of Olivia's legs over his shoulder. "C'mere, baby," he said, looking up at her with desirous eyes. Olivia balanced on one foot and leaned back against the wall. The water hit at her midsection and ran down to where Ed was working between her legs. In no time, Olivia was crying out, grateful the vent fan was so loud, and wondering how she was still standing. Her entire body was numb, tingling, and Ed wasn't showing signs of stopping. Olivia managed to get clarity long enough to look down and the sight of him so devoted to pleasuring her made her gasp, he ramped up the intensity, and she nearly burst into tears from the utter bliss traveling through her body.

Breathless, he kissed back up her body and pinned her in one corner, but finding a safe, suitable position proved to be difficult. Her need for Ed insatiable, Olivia yanked the lever to turn off the water and dragged Ed out by his wrist. They kissed frantically, jostling for position, slipping a little, until they ran into the vanity. Ed lifted her onto the countertop and paused. He stared into her eyes and then looked down to where they were about to become one.

Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck so she wouldn't be tempted to flail about and knock over the few bottles sitting nearby. "I've wanted this all day," she intoned in a deep, seductive voice.

Ed smirked. "Wait's over, Liv," he gripped her hips and gave her a quick, deep, passionate kiss, "Wait's over."

…...

 **#Tuckson**


	111. Chapter 111

**111**.

New Year's Eve on the Gulf Coast was breezy, warm, and the skies showed no sign of rain. Olivia and Ed woke well before the sun rose and made love until dawn. Instead of the unlocked door hindering their intimacy, they embraced the challenge and craved the slow, gentle, attentive sex. Knowing an interruption could happen at any time added to the thrill, and when they finished without hindrance, they basked in an amorous sense of achievement. Ed had trouble separating himself from his wife and spent the twenty minutes or so of afterglow holding her head and kissing her face. One of his legs kept her lower body close to his and he whispered more than once, in various forms, how lucky he was to be her husband.

When the kids showed up, Ed and Olivia had showered, made the bed, and were sitting on top of the mattress paging through a day-old newspaper. No one would have suspected they'd spent the last three hours in the throes of erotic bliss.

"Good morning, sweethearts!" Olivia tossed the newspaper and her reading glasses aside and opened her arms wide. Noah gave the twins a boost, and the three kids piled into her lap. "How did you sleep?"

"Good," Noah said, speaking for everyone.

"Like havin' your room out there with the TV?" Ed asked.

"Uh-huh!" Noah grinned. There was a cagey slant in his reply as if he was plotting the perfect time to ask for a flat screen in his bedroom in New York. "We watched Dory 'cause were here by the sea, but we fell asleep!"

"Good thing," Ed replied, "We have busy beach day ahead of us."

Noah giggled, "That's 'literation!"

Maggie and Wyatt dove onto Ed's chest and he took turns lifting them over his head. Wyatt grabbed for the half-consumed glass of bourbon on Ed's nightstand, but Ed gently angled his hand in the other direction.

"Thirsty, bud? C'mon, we'll getcha some juice."

"Wa' choc'lit milk peeease!" Maggie requested.

"I know pretty girl," Ed mussed her bedhead and kissed her cheek, "I gotcha. No? What do you want?"

"Cherry Coke!"

"Not yet."

"Cherry juice!"

"How 'bout grape juice?"

"Kay!" Noah bounced on his knees and asked, "Mommy? What we gonna do t'day?"

Olivia glanced outside at the gorgeous day unfolding in front of the condo, "I think we should have our breakfast on the beach and then swim, build sandcastles, and play frisbee all day. What do you think?"

Noah couldn't get past the breakfast part. He crinkled his nose and wondered aloud about cooking eggs and pancakes down on the shore. "How we gonna do that? Well, oh, they have da grills but Daddy hasta light 'em."

"I was thinking we could take a little walk down to the place where Grandma, Maggs, and I went after shopping," Olivia said, "They have a deck like at Flora Bama and they have breakfast. Would you like to do that?"

"Yep! Babies? Gotta get dressed! We're goin' out to eat!"

Ed returned with the drinks and passed them to each kid. He returned to his spot on the bed and pulled Wyatt to his side. The twins were over a year past the bottle stage, but Wyatt still liked to sip his first drink of the day snuggled at one of his parents' sides.

"Daddy! We're goin' out!"

"Sounds good to me. I'm hungry."

"Me too! Mommy? Maggs? You hungry?"

"I am," Olivia said. She tapped Maggie's nose, "Ready for some food, Maggie May?"

"Gon' go to PUB, Mama!"

Olivia and Ed burst into laughter. " _Where_?" Olivia asked incredulously.

"Da pub!"

She wasn't entirely wrong since the restaurant Olivia had in mind began as quiet coffee shop and ended as nightclub, but hearing "da pub" so easily roll off the tongue of her two-year-old was hilarious and a tiny bit unsettling even though Noah had used the phrase when he was about her age.

"Sure Maggs," Olivia said, "We're going to the breakfast pub. But let's still be kind of quiet. Everyone else is sleeping. I think it'll be just us five going."

"Yeah," Noah sighed, "Sare Bear always likes ta sleep late and Gramma didn't go to bed until _twelve-fifty_!"

The lack of sleep and the soothing weight of Wyatt against him had caused Ed to start dozing off, but Noah's comment wiped away all fatigue. "How do you know that, pal?" He asked.

"Cause she came for a drink and I woke up and saw da clock and it said one, two, five, oh."

Olivia smiled and tousled Noah's hair, "I forgot to get a glass of water last night, too," she said.

"She didn't get da water," Noah said, "She got da drink from da cab'net."

"Did Grandma know she woke you up?"

"Nope," Noah said, "Didn't wanna scare her like I did the other night!"

"The other night?"

"Yeah, Gramma came out again and I said 'hi Gramma' and she said 'holy moley Noah you scared me' so I was _verrry_ quiet last night."

"Ahh…" Olivia put Maggie's empty chocolate milk cup on her nightstand and started peeling off her daughter's pajamas. Ed was certainly troubled by these details, but now wasn't the time to hash out whatever was going on. She did her best to remain cheerful. "Hey, Noah...another reason I want to go out to breakfast is because today is very special. It's Mommy's and Daddy's anniversary. This is the day we got married!"

"Oh yeah…" Noah murmured, "S'New Years Eve and your ann'versary! We gotta stay up late tonight and Justy bought us some noisemakers and he said we're gonna get fireworks. Daddy, we gotta get those t'day."

Ed smiled at Noah. "I'm gonna take Mommy out for a little while today-"

"-Private time?" Noah asked sagely yet innocently.

"-Yeah, private time," Ed replied, "And while we're gone you and Justin can go pick out the fireworks. We won't be gone long."

"Okay!" Noah hopped off the bed and skipped over to the bureau. He opened the drawer designated for him and pulled out a fresh pair of swimming trunks and a t-shirt. "I'm gonna wear these, he said, "So if I get wet on da walk it's okay."

"Good plan, bud."

Olivia put Maggie on the floor and slung her legs off the bed. Before she went to help Maggie into her bathing suit and sundress, she leaned back and kissed Ed on the cheek. "It'll be fine," she said, "We'll talk later."

Ed grunted pessimistically.

Olivia kissed him again. This time she let her lips linger on his for a few extra seconds. "Happy Anniversary, Ed Tucker," she whispered. "Marrying you was the best decision I ever made." She saw the blood rush to his cheeks and broke into a triumphant grin. "...so simple to get you out of a cranky mood…"

Ed grabbed her hand and kissed her fingers, "Only you can do it," he said, "I love you, Liv."

…...

 _London failed to impress at first. The Tower of London, which both Ed and Olivia thought would be a hit, was proclaimed boring and a disappointment since they didn't experience any ghostlike activity. The views from the Sky Garden were amazing, but the venue was packed and uncomfortably hot. The fish and chips they had for lunch on their first full day in the city was met approvingly, but Ed and Olivia began to wonder if, perhaps, they'd overestimated their kids' travel stamina._

" _Hey," Wyatt said, his nose buried in the London travel book, "There's a place where kids can drive!"_

" _What?" Maggie scooted closer to him and peered at the page. Sure enough, a business called Young Driver offered lessons on a closed course to kids as young as five. "Mom? C'we do this pleeeeease?" Normally, Maggie would ask Ed first, but she must have figured she'd cut the middleman and get permission directly from Olivia._

 _Noah read the page too and grinned. "We gotta go," he said, "It's true-Maggie and Wyatt and I can all drive."_

 _Ed motioned for Wyatt to hand over the book. "Thirty minute lessons," he read, "Cheap...ope, there's a height requirement. How tall's one point four meters?" He waited for a response from one of his children but they stared back at him blankly. "Maybe look it up on your phone if you wanna do this so bad?"_

 _All three kids yanked out their phones and inputted the calculation._

" _We're tall enough," Maggie proclaimed, "It's four-six and me and Wyatt are taller than that. Last time at the doctor we were almost five feet! Please can we go?"_

 _Ed looked at Olivia. She would have the final decision, but he wanted to say yes. It would be a good way to shake up the touristy day they'd planned for themselves._

" _They have really good reviews!" Noah added while his parents had a conversation with their eyes._

" _They have good reviews," Ed murmured._

 _Brow furrowed, Olivia asked, "They're real cars?"_

" _Look like little compacts."_

 _Across the table, three hopeful pairs of eyes stared back at their mother._

" _Wyatt, let me see those reviews honey."_

 _Wyatt passed her the phone. Olivia paged through the anecdotal evidence and finally granted her permission for the ten-year-old twins and their fourteen-year-old brother to have their first driving lesson. "Who knows," she said with a shrug as they slid out of the wooden booth, "Maybe they're onto something here, teaching them early."_

 _Ed kissed her cheek. "That's the spirit," he said._

" _Do we get to ride in the car?"_

" _I don't think so. I saw bleachers."_

" _Oh, God."_

…...

The Anniversary day unfolded exactly how Olivia wanted, save for a lunchtime interlude when Ed confronted his mother about what he saw as her problematic drinking habit. He saved the recap for when he and Olivia were alone in the apartment preparing lunch and reported the conversation had gone nowhere. Caroline insisted Ed's worries were unfounded, and he didn't want to drive a wedge between the two of them when they were all together on vacation. Ed did mention her getting up in the middle of the night for a refill to which Caroline responded, "Goddamn, Eddie, you haven't been in the middle of a good show and wanted another drink? Shall I keep the bottle in my room?"

She had a point. Caroline had been drinking a lot, but she had not been attempting to hide it. Furthermore, she could sip on cocktails all day without showing the tiniest sign of being intoxicated. Except for the brief dizzy spell at the restaurant, Caroline seemed perfectly fine. Ed warned her about drinking and driving when they got home, but Caroline brushed off the concern.

"Jesus, Mary, and Joseph, Eddie, I know how to use the Ubers."

"Great," Ed had muttered as he recalled the conversation, "Now I gotta worry about her gettin' into a car with some rogue driver."

The rest of the day passed without incident. In between lounge breaks, they played kickball, threw the frisbee, and splashed in the waves. For the second day in a row, Noah started a sand castle and Justin and Ed got carried away with the design. By the time Ed and Olivia started thinking about leaving for their walk, they'd constructed an expansive metropolis of sand structures complete with tunnels and bridges. Noah, his arms, legs, and chest covered with sand, gave the project rave reviews but moaned that the waves would soon destroy their hard work.

"We got the pictures, Noah," Justin said.

Noah smiled but it was obvious he wasn't completely assuaged. He walked around their city, looking for spots that needed some extra attention. Meanwhile, Wyatt approached with a car, kneeled, and pushed the vehicle under one of the tunnels. "Careful, Wyatt!" Noah said sharply.

" _Vrrrrroooom_!" Wyatt exclaimed with a smile and looked up to his older brother for approval.

"Here," Noah said, crouching on the other side of the tunnel, "I'll help ya so da bridge doesn't collapse."

Wyatt laid on his stomach and watched Noah pull the car through safely to the other side. The bridge remained in tact and Wyatt clapped his hands."G'job!" He squealed. "Gain, No!" He shimmied closer and extended his hand, ready to accept the car. The brothers were able to make the exchange a few more times before the bridge, weakened by drying sand and creeping waves, collapsed. "CASH!" Wyatt shouted. "CASH, No!" He scrambled to his feet and found a bucket and shovel. "Go'fixit!"

Noah frowned, "Da waves are comin', Wyatt," he said dejectedly, "Gotta build another bridge tomorrow."

Wyatt froze and regarded Noah curiously. The toddler's hair fell in damp strands across his forehead and he, too, was covered in sand.

Noticing the time, Sarah stepped in. "How about we take this party inside for a little while? Noah, you and Justin have some errands to run, remember? And that'll give us a chance to hose everyone down!"

The promise of fireworks and the New Year's Eve excitement to come was enough to get Noah to abandon the sand castle and help usher the twins inside. Ed grabbed a credit card from his wallet and entrusted everything else to Sarah, Justin, and Caroline. Olivia looped her arm around Ed's and the two of them set off down the shoreline with no particular destination in mind.

"This is pretty," Ed said, tugging on a piece of Olivia's pale yellow sundress. There were subtle floral patterns woven into the light linen fabric. It was an uncharacteristic choice, but even she had to admit the garment was stunning.

Olivia grinned and held his hand more tightly. "Thank you."

"So...four years," Ed started what sounded like a reflective recounting of the past few years, but he interrupted himself with his own laughter.

"What?" Olivia asked.

"I think, on every anniversary, I've started out sayin' something with _it's been however many years_."

"Worth repeating."

"Sure is. _God_ , Liv," he swung their arms, "I...there're no words really. Last night I was thinkin' about us, _everything_ , all it took to get here, and I felt so happy, and there you were, sleeping on my chest, the waves crashing outside, it was a little too humid in the room but that's what we sacrifice to hear the water...everything I ever wanted was all right there." He stopped and reached for her other hand. The sun was starting its descent and bathed them in sparkling yellowish rays. He had more to say, but the setting required a romance-movie kiss and that's exactly what he gave her.

"Wow," Olivia gasped afterwards, wiping her lips with her fingers.

"I love kissing you," Ed whispered. "I love you."

"I love you." They continued walking hand-in-hand, passed a semi-deserted part of the shore, and saw the Flora-Bama in the distance. "Is that where we're headed?" She asked.

Ed shrugged, "Wherever you want. Not many places on the beach here. Figured we'd at least grab somethin' to go, have a little anniversary toast?"

"I love it." Olivia toed some soaked sand as they meandered along the shore. "So...you were saying?"

"Huh?"

"Four years?"

"Yeah...whaddya think?"

"I think," Olivia slowed their gait even more and stared out into the Gulf, "The two of us have, wow, we've been through so much, it always seems like longer than four years because it _has_ been longer than that. And I don't ever think I'll get tired of the amazing fact that Ed Tucker and my knight in shining armor are the same person. Ed, thank you," now it was her turn to pause the stroll. She lifted her sunglasses so she could look Ed in the eye without obstruction. "Thank you for being patient with me, for loving me, for loving Noah, for helping me believe we could have a Maggie and a Wyatt. I had so much doom and gloom in my life...and then you showed up...you're right...no words."

They kissed again and walked to the beach bar arm-in-arm. Rather than claim a table, they took the cocktails to go and found a patch of sand. They could hear the live guitar music and the boisterous volleyball game, but they felt like they were the only people on the entire beach.

Ed gazed into her eyes and raised the heavily-garnished plastic cup, "Cheers, Liv."

"To four years," she said, "Cheers."

…

 _Ed displayed the two tickets in a "V" shape in his hand. "Don't know if you're a Shakespeare fan, but we had these layin' around the office and thought you might like to go." Behind him, Sarah and Brooke stood on their toes and beamed. "And uh," Ed twitched his head toward his daughters, "They're here to offer babysitting services."_

 _Olivia stepped aside so that they could enter, but Ed remained where he was._

" _I'd love to go," she said. Noah was holding onto one of her legs and she patted the top of his head, "Noah, want to play with Sarah and Brooke tonight? You can show them the new fire truck and-"_

" _-THOMAS TRAIN!" Noah shouted. All shyness disappeared when Sarah held up a boxed Thomas the Tank Engine toy. He shoved his way past Ed and into the hallway. Sarah gave him the box and he marched back inside, intent on opening it._

" _Thank you," Olivia said, laughing softly._

 _Brooke shrugged. "We thought there might be some hesitation, so we came prepared." She held up an unmarked reusable shopping bag. "There's more in here."_

" _Very smart. Uh," Olivia looked down at her attire-khaki shorts and a well-worn scoop-neck tee shirt. "Let me change, and, um, I'll leave you some money for dinner. Noah likes pizza, Chinese, grilled cheese…"_

" _We got it," Sarah said. She kicked off her sandals plopped herself in the middle of the living room floor among Noah's toys. "C'mere, Noey, I'll help you open the train."_

 _Hoping it would go unnoticed, Ed followed Olivia into the back hallway. He wasn't inviting himself in to help her change; he wanted to make sure the unexpected date and childcare arrangements were really okay with her. "Hey, uh, sorry to just barge in on ya like this," he said in a hushed voice once they were out of view. "Tickets fell into my lap and I was gonna give them to the girls but they had this idea and-"_

 _Olivia reassuringly patted his chest, "I'm thrilled," she said. She cocked an eyebrow, shot him a teasing grin, and added, "I'd be more thrilled if inviting me was the first thing that popped into your mind when you got the tickets…"_

" _Ouch," Ed said with a grimace. "I uh, I knew it was your only off duty weekend this month and-"_

" _-Ed, I'm kidding. I really am excited to go." She chased his eyes with hers. "Seriously."_

" _Okay."_

 _Olivia planted a reassuring kiss on his lips, "And I can see how asking me to Shakespeare could have seemed like a gamble."_

 _He smirked, but hesitantly so._

" _I'll be right back," she said. "Will you grab some pajamas for Noah and pick out a couple of books? You know if we don't choose them out he'll have Sarah and Brooke reading to him until midnight. And," she bit her lip, "I'm hoping it'll be just the two of us and a nightcap at midnight?"_

 _Finally, his jaw relaxed and he smiled-it was the semi-jittery expression that crossed his face whenever Olivia flirted with him, and she always felt proud of herself when she made it happen._

" _Yes ma'am," he managed to croak._

" _Pajamas."_

" _Oh, yeah, right...pajamas."_

…..

New Year's Eve-slash-Anniversary dinner consisted of grilled hot dogs and hamburgers, Caroline's famous potato salad, and baked beans. With the impending fireworks show, the food, and the tropical venue, the night felt more like the Fourth of July than December 31. Sarah played dance music and shimmied around the condo randomly picking up the kids and swinging them around. In addition to the noisemakers, she bought them each "2021" glasses and plastic top hats printed with _Happy New Year_.

"In a little while we'll put on Rockin' New Year's Eve," she told Noah, "But for now we're our own deejay."

Noah threw his hands over his head and wriggled his body to the beat. The twins tried to copy his movements but ended up reverting to an old standby-spinning themselves around and around in circles until they collapsed in a dizzy heap. Olivia was warily eyeing dangerous furniture edges when the twins toppled into the coffee table and both burst into sobs.

"Oh, God," Olivia raced over. Someone was bleeding. Crimson drops had fallen onto the marble floor. She inspected Maggie's and Wyatt's heads, found nothing, and then saw that Maggie's lip was split. Her mouth filled with blood and the sight, coupled with her crying, made the injury look worse than it actually was. Knowing this, Olivia cradled both twins in her lap and spoke to them soothingly. "It's okay, sweethearts. It's okay. Mommy's gotcha. Sarah? Or Noah? Can you bring over a towel? And then we'll need some ice."

"We gotta go to da hospital, Mommy?" Noah asked.

"I don't think so. Maggie's got a cut on her lip, but I think, mostly, we're only a little shaken up." The crying started to abate and she gently rocked the twins, "You're alright, sweet Maggie and Wyatt. That was scary, huh?" Sarah delivered the towel and Olivia pressed it to Maggie's lip. "We'll get you some ice, honey, and it'll feel better."

"Gah'dance, Mama," Maggie moaned, her voice muffled. "Ha'NewYear!"

In the kitchen, Caroline gave the potatoes a final stir and covered them with foil. "Nothing's going to stop that baby's party!" She exclaimed. "Tough little thing!"

"Cash, Mama!" Wyatt said. Tears still clung to his long eyelashes, "Cass cash an' Wy' cash!"

Olivia chuckled, "You're right, baby boy. Lotsa crashes today."

"Fire'work go BOOM!" Blood was still trickling from Maggie's lip, but, undaunted, she started to extricate herself from Olivia's lap. "Ha'NewYear!"

The door opened and Ed and Justin entered with the tray of food. Ed immediately sensed something was wrong and rushed inside. "What's going on?"

"Maggie and Wyatt had a little accident," Olivia said, "Split lip."

Ed picked up Maggie and examined her mouth. "Startin' to swell. You look like a boxer, pretty girl!"

"Fah down, Dah! AH FAH DOWN!" Maggie pouted and touched her burgeoning fat lip, but she was now smiling and ready to continue with the night's festivities. Sarah prepared a small ice pack and Maggie allowed Ed to hold it to her lip for a few minutes but she soon fought to get out of his grasp.

"Alright, Maggie May," he said, "You can get down. But it's time to eat. Hungry?"

"Wa'chick nuggs!"

Noah giggled and shook his head in classic big-brother fashion, "Those babies always want nuggies."

"Wa'Stahbucks!" Wyatt bellowed, perhaps worried his requests would be left out.

"Starbucks?" Justin asked.

"He calls everything in a to-go cup Starbucks," Olivia said, "I'll put juice in one and he'll be good. The chicken nuggets, though, will have to wait for another day." On the way to the refrigerator, she passed by the tray and nodded approvingly. "Looks good," she droned in Ed's ear.

He smirked and intentionally bumped into her as he opened the refrigerator and grabbed a beer. Maggie had not yet been secured in a booster seat. She ran over, grabbed the bottle, and pressed the cold glass to her busted lip.

"Sure," Ed muttered, "Now she wants somethin' cold on it."

Olivia simpered at her daughter and her IPA ice pack. "This is not a good sign," she joked.

Ed shrugged, "At least she's not sneaking them." Olivia was still holding Wyatt on her hip and Ed gave them both a quick kiss. "C'mon. Let's eat."

…

 **#Tuckson**


	112. Chapter 112

**112**. _Big week for us #Tuckson shippers. Will we get a final heartbreaking blow? More question marks? Reason to hope? Will I be too distraught to write the blog Friday morning? We shall see..._

No one counted on Maggie and Wyatt making it to midnight, but as the clock struck twelve, the twins stood in the middle of the living room alongside everyone else. Simultaneously excited and bewildered, they watched everyone else and copied movements. If Noah jumped, they jumped. If Olivia laughed, they laughed. When everyone started counting down from ten, Maggie and Wyatt did their best to keep up.

 _Three, two, one…_

"HAPPY NEW YEAR!"

Auld Lang Syne blared and everyone traded hugs and kisses. Ed saved Olivia for last and dipped her during the smooch. "Happy New Year, baby," he whispered with her lips still on hers. "I love you."

Olivia's eyes sparkled. "I love you," she replied softly, "Happy New Year, Ed."

"More fireworks out there!"

Noah rushed to the balcony with the twins on his heels. Two hours earlier their own stash and the twins had their first experience with sparklers. Maggie and Wyatt stood frozen and mesmerized by the new experience. When they burned out, both twins begged their parents for "nother one!" Now, everyone gathered on the balcony and watched the skyrockets launched from a pier a mile or so away.

"Lookit!" Wyatt jabbed his arm through the railing slats. "Lookit!"

Olivia picked him up and pressed her face to his chubby cheek, "Isn't is beautiful, Wyatt?"

"Bufful and BOOM!" He said excitedly.

"BOOM!" Maggie echoed. "Hey! Pool down dere! Go sim!"

"In the mood for a midnight dip?" Caroline asked.

Sarah's and Justin's laughter suggested they would be willing to go for a swim, but Ed nixed the idea before anymore discussion could take place. "Time for everyone under the age of twenty to sleep," he said. The fireworks were short-lived and everyone who had come out to watch slowly trickled back into their condos. "Ready to get your bed out, No?"

"Yep! We can watch shows, right?"

"Sure, pal. One show."

"One _long_ show?" Despite his enthusiasm, Noah yawned.

Ed smirked, "Sure pal. One long show. C'mon. Jammies." He motioned for Olivia to hand over Wyatt, and Ed and the kids went inside to get ready for bed. Justin, always looking to help, busied himself with the sofa bed and its sheets and blankets. Sarah sat down on one of the plastic balcony chairs.

"Have a seat," she said, "Cheers." She tapped glasses with Caroline and Olivia, "Ahh, this is the life. We should do this every year. Christmas in New York and then Florida. Best of both worlds."

"I wouldn't be opposed," Olivia said.

"Neither would I," Caroline chimed in, "Sare Bear, you've done good for yourself, dearie. I'm proud of you. Olivia, this one, she was always running around, wild, never took anything seriously, so you can forgive me if I predicted a less successful life-"

" _-Grandma_!"

Caroline made a smacking noise and swatted at Sarah, "I'm giving you a compliment."

"Oh, I couldn't tell."

"In the short time I've known you," Olivia chimed in, "You've grown so much. I can see why your Grandmother's proud because so am I. Do you remember the first time we met?"

"Of course, Livvie! We surprised you at your office! Speaking of proud, Brooke and I found you all on our own!"

Part of Olivia's insides clenched knowing Sarah and Brooke had certainly found Lewis-related articles written about her in their quest to locate the precinct. It was one of the very few secrets remaining among them; only Ed knew the full extent. Olivia managed to suppress the darkness brewing inside. She smiled and replied, "I remember. That was a great day. Perfect weekend."

"Ah," Caroline sighed after taking a sip of her gin and tonic, "I love reminiscing. So good to have those memories you can wrap yourself up in anytime you want. You know what one of my favorite memories is of Eddie, Olivia?"

"What's that?"

"When he brought you over for the first time. He was so nervous but so thrilled, proud really. I knew you were going to be married and live happily ever after. No doubt in my mind."

"That was one of us," Olivia joked.

Caroline remained semi-serious, "Oh, I didn't think you wouldn't have any bumps in the road, we all do, but those bumps are what make us realize it's all worth it. You come out on the other side, you're still together, you have each other, you're in love...and you stay that way forever. Even when one of you passes on."

"You're making me sad, Grandma."

"Death is a part of life, dearie, and you don't stop loving people because they're gone."

"Well can we possibly talk about something else?"

Caroline yawned. "Sure, but make it quick, I'm losing steam."

Justin closed the door on his way inside, but the kids' jubilant shouts and giggles were audible. Olivia looked backwards into the condo. Ed had been flipping the kids on the bed and tried to end the game by collapsing on the mattress. He should have known better. As soon as he fell flat on his back, Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt piled on. Justin stood off to the side laughing and doubtfully shaking his head. Sleep, at least for the Tucker trio, seemed a long way away.

….

 _The first act of Hamlet had not yet begun when Olivia leaned over and kissed Ed on the cheek. She stayed put and waited for him to turn his head. Then, she kissed him again. This time on the mouth, and it was clear she didn't care who was watching. Ed dramatically wiped the corners of his mouth and smirked._

" _Where'd that come from?"_

" _I felt a little bad about teasing you earlier. You know, with the tickets not being your idea...at first."_

" _Well, feel bad anytime, Benson," Ed quickly grimaced, "No, I don't mean that. I never, ever want you to feel bad. But I do know you don't, uh," his eyes darted around the park, "We're still playin' it safe."_

 _Olivia appreciated the consideration. She appreciated Ed tolerating the slow pace of their relationship progression, but the effort to keep things under wraps was starting to tax her own nerves. There were times they would meet for drinks, walk out of the bar, and she was desperate to hold his hand or take his arm but stopped herself. Lately, she started not to care. After all, if they were spotted, what really was the worst thing that could happen?_

" _I don't think there are many people we know here," Olivia said. The sky was darkening quickly and the dim theater lights provided both a romantic ambience and a heightened level of security. Olivia reached for Ed's hand. "This is so nice, Ed," she said softly. "Thank you."_

" _I, uh, I didn't mean I didn't want ya to kiss me."_

 _Before she turned toward him she knew his eyes were intensely focused on her. Olivia could feel his stare. She squeezed his hand and leaned her knee into his. "I didn't think you meant that at all," she whispered. The show was starting. People applauded. But Olivia put a hand on Ed's cheek and kissed him again. "I'm tired of looking over our shoulders...at least...for tonight, let's not do that."_

 _Ed adjusted his position so he was flush with the armrest and he pulled her as close as possible. "Lemme know if you get uncomfortable."_

 _Olivia rested her head on his shoulder. "Not gonna happen."_

…

Eyes still closed, Ed whined and pawed at Olivia when she slid out of bed the morning of their last day in Florida. She lovingly shook her head and grinned at his pout. _Pathetic_ , she thought, but adorably so. Despite his displeasure at being left alone, Ed didn't force himself awake, for he felt the effects of last night's late hour and having consumed more alcohol than usual. Olivia kissed the side of his head and crept out of the room where she found Noah wide awake, lying in the middle of the sofa bed, flanked by Maggie and Wyatt.

"Hi sweet boy," Olivia whispered.

Noah offered a lazy smile but no words. He warily eyed his siblings, and Olivia suspected one of toddlers, probably Maggie, had tested Noah's stamina the night before. When she decided to be extra difficult, Maggie would pretend to comply and go to sleep only to sit up play by nightlight after the door was closed. More than once Ed and Olivia found her on the floor, organizing stuffed animals or drawing on her LED tablet. When she was discovered, Maggie broke into an _okay-you-got-me_ grin and allowed herself to be tucked back in to bed.

Olivia gingerly picked Noah up and helped him tiptoe across the mattress and off the bed. Maggie and Wyatt rolled into the space he vacated. Their heads bumped slightly but neither stirred. Olivia used the Kuerig to make herself a cup of coffee, Noah helped himself to a juice box, and they went out to the balcony.

"Some people left da fireworks out on the sand," Noah observed from his perch on one of the plastic chairs.

"They sure did," Olivia replied, "Someone will be out soon with the tractor to clean it up."

"People should pick up their trash."

"Yes they should."

"We goin' home tomorrow?"

"Yes. Back to school for Noah in a couple days. Are you going to be happy to be back?"

"Uh-huh! I'm gonna see everrone and there's more learning and then, um, when's soccer and baseball?"

"Not for a couple of months," Olivia said, "Do you want to do both? Or pick one?"

"Both."

"Tell me what you like about both of them."

"Like soccer 'cause Coach TJ was super nice last time and I gotta get new shin guards and socks, and it was super fun last time kicking da goals."

"Coach TJ is a good guy…what about baseball?"

"I like it 'cause we play in da park!"

"It is nice to play ball in the park, that's for sure."

Noah twisted his lips and said, "I wonder if Mia wantsta play... _nope_...she can't 'cause sometimes da games are on Saturday and she always goes to da stables with her mom then. Stables are super far away…and I don't think Mia likes soccer and baseball anyway 'cause when we have it at school she doesn't play right."

"What do you mean?"

"She likes ta do flips and play tag."

"Ahhh…"

"Mommy, what's all da way across da water?"

"Well," Olivia pulled up a quick mental map of the globe, "If you kept going straight you'd hit Mexico. If you went a little bit this way," she pointed east, "You'd go to Cuba."

Confused, Noah crinkled his forehead, "Mexico's by Texas."

"Yes, it is," Olivia said, "It's kind of under Texas then it curls around," she made a loop in the air with her hand.

" _Ohhh…_ "

"I know you want to go to Texas, but where else do you want to go?"

"Ireland with Gramma."

Olivia smiled more broadly than she should have. They still hadn't finalized Ireland plans, but they were in the works for the spring. She couldn't wait to see Noah's face when they surprised him. "I know that one, too. Where else?"

"H'waii 'cause Brookey said it was really fun there and Paris 'gain, cause I have pictures of me there but I don't 'member it that much! And then prolly Arg'tina, 'cause Sare Bear goes there sometimes for her work."

"All very good plans. You're going to get to see so many amazing places in your life, Noah."

" _Yeah…"_ Noah took a sip of his water and asked, "Hey! Mommy, where you wanna go?"

"I want to go to Ireland, too. And Italy."

"Not Texas?"

"If you're going to Texas, I'd like to go with you."

"We can dress like da cowboys!"

"Yes we can. I think we'd look great in those hats."

Noah giggled, "Me too."

….

 _The driving lesson proved to be simultaneously hilarious and nerve wracking for both Ed and Olivia. They compliantly watched from the sidelines as the kids and their instructors wove their way around the course which was, to Olivia's initial horror, located atop a parking garage. Noah, conscientious about driving well, kept two hands on the wheel and listened intently to direction. Maggie chattered away while she drove, and her instructor had to tap her safety brake more than once. Wyatt was confident but too preoccupied with how his siblings were doing. He frequently craned his neck around to get a glimpse of Maggie and Noah and he, too, needed instructor intervention more than once._

" _Distracted driver," Ed murmured during one of the times Wyatt veered off course. At one point, as he passed close to his parents, Wyatt shot them a broad smile and waved. Ed doubled over in laughter. "That kid…"_

" _I love him so much," Olivia said. She sounded relaxed enough, but she hadn't loosened her grip on Ed's forearm. "He hasn't changed since he was a baby." She checked her watch and murmured, "Fifteen more minutes."_

" _Ready to get outta here?"_

" _In addition to being nervous, I must admit, this is boring."_

 _Ed laughed again and slung an arm across Olivia's shoulders. He kissed her cheek and kept her close. "I'm happy to be here in London with you watching our kids drive."_

" _I'm so happy," Olivia replied, "And I'll be happier when we go back to more touristy things...like shopping."_

" _Where to next?"_

" _I'll have to look at the map to see what's closest. Notting Hill? Carnaby Street? Covent Gardens? There were a few markets we had pinned, too. Maybe one of those today, we'll eat, and get back to the hotel a little early so they can swim. So funny how kids don't get tired of some things…"_

 _Ed leaned in again and replied, whispering in her ear. "I never get tired of you."_

" _That's very good news," Olivia said, "Because you're never getting rid of me, Ed Tucker."_

…...

On their first morning back in New York, Olivia awoke to Ed softly kissing her face. She could feel the apologetic undertones in his movements, yet the urge to love her proved too strong. Her lips curled into a smile and she rolled over, scratched his back, and encouraged him to continue. Since officially ending their minor yet troubling rift, Ed and Olivia had enjoyed a lovemaking streak comparable only to the one they'd experienced after they'd both almost lost their jobs in the wake of the church scandal. It didn't matter that they'd spent a week in the crowded condo or that they had three very active children, morning and night they found time and space for intimacy.

"Whatcha got goin on today?" Ed asked after they'd fallen sated back on their shared pillow. He rested his head on his hand and played with her hair. Makeup-free and flushed, she was gorgeous as ever.

"I don't know," Olivia said in a raspy voice, "Getting Noah ready to go back to school Monday. And I told Justin I'd put him in contact with Barba. At some point we'll go out for coffee."

"Got time for a date?"

"Always," Olivia replied. She scooted closer to him, "What do you have in mind?"

"I dunno yet but I was thinking, we haven't been out, just the two of us in a while. Any place in particular you want to go?"

"Do you mind if I leave that up to you?"

"Not at all."

"You're always so good at that sort of thing," Olivia traced his cheekbones and smiled, "And to think, at one point, I thought you were solely a hole-in-the-wall dive bar kind of guy."

Ed pretended to be offended. "Olivia Margaret Benson thought I was _that_ predictable? That, um, _one_ _dimensional_?"

"For a little while, yeah I did. I still liked you, though."

"Thank God."

A few chaste kisses turned into a more passionate liplock. Ed flicked his fingers between Olivia's legs and slid down her body, cognizant of the fact their alone time was running out. Seconds after he coaxed another orgasm from her body, they heard the sounds of the kids congregating in the kitchen. The refrigerator door slammed, the television volume came on too loud, and the trio all shouted their ideas for the perfect morning show to watch.

Ed rested his chin on Olivia's abdomen and gazed at her with lazy, desirous eyes. "Good?"

Olivia scratched the top of his head. "So good."

"Meet back here later?"

Her laughter jolted Ed's body. "Yes, sir. I can't wait."

….

 _Strolling at a leisurely pace, Ed and Olivia made their way out of the park. Olivia checked in with Sarah and Brooke. They reported Noah had been fed, played with, read to, and was now sound asleep on the couch between them. When Olivia mentioned she and Ed would be back within the hour, Brooke insisted they take their time. She and Sarah were watching a movie and promised to eventually put their charge in his bed, but, right now, he was too precious to move._

" _Drink?" Olivia asked after she stowed the phone back in her purse, "Or...want to walk a bit?"_

" _Let's do both," Ed replied. He was slightly disappointed to leave the PDA-friendly confines of the park. Before they stepped onto the sidewalk of Central Park West, Ed nudged Olivia to the side of the path and planted an assured kiss on her lips. "I'm glad we did this."_

" _So am I," Olivia replied with a twinkle in her eye, "And the play was great, too."_

 _Laughing softly, Ed kissed her forehead and put a hand on the small of her back. "There's a little place up ahead, not too far, on Amsterdam behind the museum. That okay?"_

" _Sounds great."_

 _Olivia kept her distance on the walk, but once they were at the bar she made sure to sit close enough to Ed so their legs touched. Over cocktails, they discussed the play's dominant themes, revenge and madness, and both admitted they were not the theater connoisseurs they'd like to be._

" _I could probably write a thrilling book," Olivia said._

" _Mine would be boring as hell."_

 _She threw her head back and laughed. For anyone else, the action would have been considered normal, but such a sudden outburst of any time of emotion was rare for Olivia Benson and each time it happened, Ed considered himself the recipient of the most valuable fortune._

 _Ed shrugged and added, "There's not much you can do to dress up IAB investigations as entertainment for the masses."_

" _I don't know," Olivia replied, "There were a few times you were after us...not exactly the run of the mill case."_

" _At the end of the day, they all are."_

 _Olivia sighed. "I suppose...you wouldn't put trying to kill Cassidy in a book."_

 _Ed grinned. "I was not tryin' to kill Cassidy."_

" _I'm not sure I one-hundred percent believe you," she said, "But then, I question everything."_

" _There is one case though," Ed turned on the stool and faced her, "The one with the biker."_

" _You mean the one where you arrested me?"_

 _Wincing, Ed took a sip of his bourbon and nodded. "That's the one." They'd already hashed out that part of their lives, but he'd never asked her about one element of the case. "What, uh, I was wonderin' though is, what ever happened to that car? The Mustang?"_

" _I sold it."_

" _Wow."_

" _Combination of bad vibes and the fact I rarely drove it."_

" _It was nice."_

" _You saw it?"_

" _Of course," Ed replied, "We saw everything. Too bad, it was a nice car. But I can see why you'd want to get rid of it. Especially if it wasn't, ah, gonna spark joy."_

 _Olivia screwed up her face. "Spark joy?"_

" _Marie Kondo," Ed answered matter-of-factly, "The organizing guru?"_

" _I've heard of her," Olivia was clearly amused, "But you, obviously...you're an acolyte of hers, Tucker?"_

" _Nah," he replied, "Sarah was obsessed with her last year and went to one of her talks. I tagged along. She has some great points, good tips, but, uh, there's a spirituality to her system that I guess I don't quite understand."_

" _Maybe I should go to one. I think I may have to enlist some help when I winnow Noah's toys down. It's getting out of control."_

" _I used to just sneak stuff out when the girls were away or asleep."_

" _The Tucker method?"_

" _Yep," Ed replied with a smirk, "The foolproof Tucker method. Never fails."_

…..

In the backseat of the Tucker's SUV, Maggie swung her legs and chattered her observations about the passing cityscape. She mentioned boats and bridges, police cars and taxis, and when her view was obstructed by snow-covered trees, she sadly reported the boats were "all gone."

"We'll see them again in a few minutes," Olivia said.

It was late Sunday morning and traffic was light. When she and Ed unpacked their luggage the previous evening, they realized they had one of Caroline's small carry ons and a few items she'd purchased but hadn't had room for in her own suitcase. They'd forgotten she'd packed a vase, a small beachscape canvas, and a set of local hot sauces in the bag Maggie and Wyatt shared. With nothing pressing on their schedules, Olivia decided to return the items. She invited everyone, but Ed, Wyatt, and Noah were playing with a vintage set of Lincoln Logs still dressed in pajamas and didn't seem motivated to do much else.

"Are you going to be happy to see Grandma?" Olivia asked Maggie. She peeked in the rear-view mirror at her bundled-up daughter and smiled.

"Gamma at da BEACH!"

"Not anymore," Olivia said, "Now we're all back in New York at home."

"Seep in my bed at home!" Maggie said. She rambled on about the difference in set up between the condo and their Manhattan apartment. After a week of sleeping all together on the sofa bed, it had been a challenge to get everyone back in their separate spaces. On the plus side, when they woke up, they were old enough now to get their own drinks and occupy themselves in the living room. Ed and Olivia relished the extra thirty minutes or so of alone time.

At Caroline's, Maggie tugged off her coat, mittens, and hat and made a beeline for the toy basket. Caroline gave her a cookie, kissed the top of her head after she cooed a sweet thank-you, and unwrapped her Florida purchases.

"Ah, these will brighten up the place," Caroline said. The vase was constructed out of pieces of multicolored glass. She placed it on her dining table and looked around for a place to swap out the beachy painting for one hanging on her walls. "This snowman can go." She secured the new painting and set the one with the winter scene next to the staircase.

"Do you want me to take it upstairs for you?" Olivia asked.

"I'll have Johnny do it when he comes over later. He has to put the tree and everything away. Time for spring!"

"I second that."

"I'd offer you a drink," Caroline said, "But Eddie may have me sent to AA if he gets wind of it."

Olivia regarded Caroline with a knowing smile. "He's just worried," she said, "He considers part of his job to make sure everyone's okay. And, yeah, he was bothered a little by all the drinking in Florida."

"Don't tell him I had wine today at communion," Caroline said.

Olivia shot her a semi-stern glare.

"Oh, dearie," Caroline sat in her recliner and cradled the train pillow that had been the chair's accessory since Noah was the twins' age, "The truth is, yes, I probably have too many cock-a-tails, but it's not a habit I'm up for breaking anytime soon. At my age, we get to do what we want, within reason, but we get a little more latitude."

Caroline's expression and tone suggested she considered the matter closed. Olivia conceded her central point-if having a few cocktails a day was what made her happy, as long as she wasn't driving or endangering herself, there was nothing to be worried about. On the other hand, it was clear to Olivia that Caroline was experiencing some added loneliness or despair, but she wasn't sure how or even if it would do any good to bring it up.

"I think I understand sort of how you feel," Olivia said, "Because he's called me out on my drinking before."

Interested, Caroline sat on the edge of the chair, her elbow on her knees. "Way back when?"

"No, relatively recently," Olivia replied, "It started, well, around the time when, I don't know if Ed ever told you, but my nanny asked me to check up on a family and...we were held...by some people...looking for money-"

"-I heard about that on the news," Caroline said, "But Eddie never mentioned it and I didn't want to bring it up."

Olivia smiled appreciatively. "It happened before...but much worse...I know you know and after this time I convinced myself that everything was fine, it was just part of the job, a blip, nowhere near what I'd survived before." She paused, glanced at Maggie, and continued, "But I was so alone. After work, after Noah was in bed, there I was with...nothing but my thoughts and memories and this, well, all these existential questions hanging out there. Why do I do this? What's it for? Am I good mother? And I'd pour a glass of wine, tell myself I deserved it to help me relax, contemplate all those uncertainties. And I was seeing Ed, but our routine was always drinks, dinner and drinks, so he didn't notice until we both had to step aside-"

"-because of Eugene."

"-right. We were spending a lot more time together. And it was, well, other than the fact we were both facing career changes, it was great. I'd blow off work in the afternoons, we'd hit a bar, let off steam...it's strange to think that we got closer during all that chaos...but Ed noticed my relationship with alcohol wasn't exactly healthy, he let it go for a while, but he finally said something. And he was right. And I fixed it."

"Being judged by Eddie isn't the easiest thing in the world…"

"That's the thing," Olivia said, "I didn't feel judged. I felt...loved. Cared for. So it was easier to hear and process what he had to say. Ed loves you so much."

"I know. And he's probably getting scared."

"Scared?"

Caroline smiled sweetly, got up, and went to the kitchen to get another cookie and a sippy cup of chocolate milk for Maggie. "Come sit with Grandma, baby girl." Caroline took her hand and sat in the recliner with Maggie in her lap and continued, "Scared of the day I die," she said, "Mortality's frightening. I'm not worried, though. I've had a good life. But Eddie? He probably realizes that he, too, is getting older, so it's not so much about me as it is about him. He sees his life as perfect right now, and he doesn't want anything to change. Me being gone is a change, but, the way he sees it? He probably figures that puts him next up, even though Johnny and Margie are older."

"I don't know that-"

"-Oh, he'll never admit seeing things that way," Caroline said, "But I know my boy and I assure you, deep down, that's what he's feeling." Caroline saw the despondency in Olivia's face. "But I don't worry," she added, "Because he has you to love him. You make him so happy, Olivia. I'll always be so grateful he found you."

As Olivia fought tears, Maggie wiggled around in Caroline's lap and covered then uncovered her face with her hands, "PEEK BOO, Gamma! Found you!" She grinned, revealing her pearly white teeth and her dark blue eyes sparkled. "Now you peek boo," Maggie grabbed Caroline's hands and helped her with the movements. "FOUND YOU! Found GAMMA!"

When Maggie stopped giggling, Olivia asked her if they should take Grandma out for lunch. Maggie patted her belly and said she was hungry. Caroline mentioned the names of a few restaurants nearby.

"Wa'chicknuggs!" Maggie exclaimed.

"Jesus, Olivia, speaking of addictions…"

"Definitely one ding in our parenting record," Olivia said, "Over reliance on chicken nuggets."

"Better than over reliance on bedtime cough syrup."

Olivia gave Caroline a loving, Brooke-esque eye roll. "Come on, ladies," she grabbed Maggie's outerwear, "Let's go to lunch."

"Chicknuggs?" Maggie asked sweetly as Olivia zipped her back into the parka and adjusted her beanie cap.

"Yes, Maggie May, we'll go somewhere with chicken nuggets." Olivia kissed her daughter's cheeks and bopped her nose. "I promise."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	113. Chapter 113

**113**. _To the Reviewer who pointed out Young Driver is only available to UK residents-no, I did not vet the website so completely to find that information and it's fic and occasionally I do take some liberties with details. For example, the place the Tuckers went for breakfast on the beach doesn't exist, and the distance between where I imagined Sarah's condo and the Flora Bama is greater than described, so, thank you so much for the review and we'll assume that either Ed worked some charm or the company changed the rules. After all, that was set in the future._

….

The first week in January brought a return to normal life. Noah went back to school, Olivia tossed around the idea of stepping back from the Benson Center, and Ed took on the task of holiday decluttering. He gave each of the kids a box, instructed them to fill it with their favorite toys, and explained almost everything else was fair game for donation to charity. Since the twins didn't understand the concept, Noah helped them select items for the box. He traversed the apartment multiple times, adding and removing things, until he finally decided the task was complete. When Olivia and Ed saw the boxes neatly lined up in the foyer one morning, they chuckled softly.

"That was not as painful as I predicted," Olivia said.

"Not at all," Ed raised his eyebrows, "You okay?"

"Yes," Olivia rifled through the toys, and none of them sparked any sentimentality.

Ed hoisted all three boxes at once, "I'll take 'em downstairs for pickup."

Unable to stop her eyes from fixating on his biceps, Olivia mumbled, "Okay," and kissed his cheek. "What do you want for lunch?"

"Was hopin' we'd go out tonight? Date? So maybe something small?"

"Sounds good. I'll get on that."

Ed left and she closed the door behind him. She passed by the twins' room on the way to the kitchen and called a hello to them. They looked up from their toys, grinned and babbled back at her, but went back to their Playmobil sets. Olivia watched them pass the plastic people and accessories back and forth for a few minutes. They seemed to be trying to make the three houses contain equal numbers of furniture and occupants and they communicated in a combination of intelligible sentences and gibberish. Olivia loved hearing them call each other by their names.

" _No, Mag!"_

" _Here, Wy!"_

Olivia folded her hands in front of her mouth and whispered, "Best friends." She would have sat down with them, but, while Ed was gone, she had a task to complete. She, Barba, and Justin had been texting earlier about a possible meeting that evening, but there was no way she was going to postpone date night. Proud she'd successfully prioritized her husband over work, she stowed her phone wearing a satisfied smirk and started making lunch. When Ed returned the plates of sandwiches and chips were set out on the island. He came up behind her and kissed her neck.

"Looks good."

"Simple."

"Simple is good." Ed kept gently sucking at her neck, "Like this...very simple, but oh so good."

Olivia leaned her head back and folded her hands over Ed's. She sighed and he continued with a little more intensity, determined for a date night preview. Maggie and Wyatt were still playing together, their sweet little voices were audible yet faint, and Ed knew he had at least a few minutes. Boldly, he bunched her t-shirt in his fist and rasped, "Sorry, I can't keep my hands off of you."

She turned around in his arms and cocked an eyebrow before kissing him. "So don't."

Ed's back hit the opposite countertop ledge. They kissed playfully, teasing each other, knowing they didn't have a ton of time but intent on getting everything they possibly could out of these few minutes, for Maggie and Wyatt would surely interrupt them soon. It was a kiss only two people madly in love and totally comfortable with one another could share, and by the time the twins wandered into the room wondering about lunch, their parents were still in each other's arms and giggling. Eager to join the fun, the toddlers ran in and bear hugged their parents' legs.

"Hello, sweet twins," Olivia cooed at them, resting her head against Ed's chest. The toddlers grinned and clamored for attention. Wyatt pointed at the food; Maggie wanted to be picked up and when Ed hoisted her in the air, she reached for the cabinet that held the cups and glasses.

"Drink, baby girl?"

"Dink and LUNCH!"

"Yes, ma'am. Where we gonna eat?"

"On d'couch!"

Ed shifted Maggie to his hip, leaned toward Olivia, and nuzzled her neck, "Couch okay with you?"

"Yes it is."

Conversations with Maggie and Wyatt were getting more intricate and detailed. As Wyatt munched on his sandwich, he wandered around the room and stopped at the Tetra tank. The four tetras that lived on after Eric's death were still alive. Wyatt talked to the fish, Maggie remembered the beach, and Olivia reminded the twins they would be traveling to their Delaware house that summer. Olivia basked in the slow-paced, precious moments with her family. She curled herself into Ed and watched the little ones dance around the living room. They were dropping crumbs all over the floor, but the mess didn't matter. Olivia grumbled when Ed moved to get up, but he kissed her cheek and smirked.

"Gotta make sure we have a babysitter for tonight," he explained with a wink. "Be right back."

…..

 _Pretending to be disgusted, Ed sidestepped the mess of toys on Olivia's floor. He held out his hands and told Sarah and Brooke they could have at least cleaned up a little. They countered by saying Noah had woken up when they carried him to bed and the sound of toys being stowed could have possibly further destroyed his sleep. Sarah grinned, popped up, grabbed her jacket, and tossed Brooke hers. They left quickly, and Ed and Olivia stood in the middle of the room, suddenly feeling awkward and unsure of themselves. Finally, Olivia held out her hands._

" _C'mere." She rubbed his chest and took a deep breath as she studied the contour of his muscles. She let out a half-sigh, half-moan and pressed her lower body to his. "Ed…"_

 _A few silent seconds passed while he waited for her to say something else. When she didn't, he replied, "Yeah?"_

" _This night was so wonderful. I don't want it to end."_

 _She closed her eyes and kissed his neck a few times. She felt his hands on her back. They were insistent and a little bit needy. He, too, was reluctant to call it quits for the night. When she kissed his lips she gripped his head. It was an aggressive move, and he responded by opening his mouth wide and partially lifting her off the floor as he guided her toward the sofa. Instantly, frantic desire supplanted the earlier uncertainty. They laughed when they fell off balance and landed with a thud on the cushions. Ed pulled away for a second, and, breathing heavily, rasped, "You okay?"_

 _Olivia grinned. "Yes."_

 _Ed slowed down. He gently massaged her breasts and breathed deeply against her skin. "Liv…"_

" _Hmm?" She was breathless and impatient for him to make another move._

" _I gotta tell you something."_

 _Predicting something amorous, Olivia grinned and intoned, "Tell me anything."_

 _Ed held her by the shoulders. He'd obviously startled Olivia and made sure to get right to the point. "Brooke and Sarah, the reason they're here, staying at my place tonight, it's uh," he struggled to find words and gave his face a vigorous rub, "A few years ago, they, uh, found a spot on my lung-"_

 _Olivia's heart sank._

 _Ed quickly continued, "-it's okay, they got it all, a little spot, benign, either from the smoking or growing up with the smoking or, uh, the work I did after nine-eleven. Anyway, the cancer's been gone. I lucked out and had bronchitis and they got it early. Really early. Anyway, tomorrow is my ten year visit. That's why the girls are with me."_

" _Ed…"_

" _Liv, I'm good. I'm fine. I, um, things between us, they're-"_

" _-changing?"_

" _Yes they are," he said, "And I don't want any secrets, I don't want to hold anything back."_

 _Olivia's hands drifted back to his chest. "You're really healthy?"_

" _I am really healthy. And I'll be even better after tomorrow's scans come back clean." He noticed her rumpled clothes, and became reminded of where they'd been headed before he suddenly dropped this bomb. "Liv, I'm sorry. I didn't-"_

 _Olivia placed her fingers over his lips. "I'm glad you told me," she said, "These are the things we need to know if...this...is going to work. And, Ed, I want it to work."_

" _I do too."_

" _Nine-eleven…" Olivia settled in against Ed's side and Ed curled his arm around her shoulders. "We've never talked about that day. Or afterward."_

" _You wanna talk about it?"_

" _Yes. Yes I do."_

" _I guess I kinda killed the romantic moment," he mumbled even though he was not sorry to cuddle with Olivia on the couch._

" _No big deal," she replied, "We'll get it back."_

….

For most of the evening, the three kids and G played in Noah's room at his insistence. He played music from his laptop with the intention of having a dance party, but he was in possession of new accessories for his model train track and couldn't resist opening the packages. For Maggie and Wyatt, he dragged the large easel pad and bucket of crayons from his closet. "Not da fat crayons," he said, "But it's okay. Maggie, Wyatt, you be careful with dese!"

Wyatt replied with something that sounded to G like "I'll be careful, No," and jabbed one hand into the bucket. Someone had taught the twins how to trace each other, and Maggie splayed herself on the paper and Wyatt did his best to outline her body. "Now me!" He said when he was done.

"The twins seem so old," G said to Noah as she crouched next to the train table.

"They're gonna go to preschool when they don't wear da diapers anymore," Noah replied matter-of-factly, "And I'm teachin' 'em colors and numbers and some adding but I dunno if they get da adding. When I did Oreo math, they said one, two, three but then they jus' ate da cookies so I dunno if they _really_ added 'em."

"Oreo math?"

"Sare Bear teached me and now I'm teachin' those babies!"

"Oh…"

"You put cookies out, then you add 'em, then you can eat 'em."

"Sounds like a very effective strategy."

"Yeah," Noah murmured before contorting his face, "What's 'fective?"

"It means something works. I think Oreo Math must have worked very well because you're good at math."

Noah smiled appreciatively at the compliment. "And didja know you can do fractions with da Oreos, too? You break 'em in half and then you have one-over-two and then you break da halves in half and you have four quarters and quarters are quarters because they're one-fourth of a dollar."

"Wow…"

"...that's twenty-five percent."

"Noah, you're amazing." G tightened her ponytail, glanced at the twins, and parked herself at the train table where she could see all three kids. She had been babysitting children of all ages since she was young, but there was always added pressure when she was asked to watch the Tucker kids. It didn't come from Ed and Olivia-they always left within minutes of her arrival and, after the first time she watched the kids, they didn't bother to go through the emergency number spiel, yet she knew she had the most precious, well-loved and cared for children in her possession.

"G, we gonna build this new train and you can do da trees if ya want…" Noah mumbled possibilities for the track. He talked to himself as he shuffled around the table. G watched him and his siblings and realized, if it weren't for the fact that they legally required an adult there, they would be pretty much self sufficient. He helped the twins when they needed it, and when Wyatt wanted more juice, Noah ran to the pantry for a Capri Sun which he explained was allowed because Wyatt had only had one other pouch that day.

"You get two pouches a day?" G asked.

"Yep," Noah said, "But I get three sometimes because Mommy forgets I have one at school."

"Oops."

"Oops." Noah put some track together and grimaced, "G, is that lying?"

"Is what lying?"

"Cause sometimes I get three pouches."

"Well," G replied, "Does your mom ask how many pouches you've had?"

"No."

"Then that's not lying. Lying is when you don't tell the truth on purpose."

"Oh...G?"

"Yeah?"

"Do you know Goofus and Gallant?"

Initially at a loss, G shook her head, but then recalled the pair from _Highlights_ Magazine. "I _do_ remember them," she said with a smile, "I loved them when I was growing up. The library at my school always had the magazine."

Happy they shared something in common, Noah grinned. "I have a su'scription. It comes in da mail! With MY name on it! An' the one I got yesterday, Goofus was gonna lie but Gallant said, that's not da right thing to do, you gotta tell the truth. So," he paused for a few seconds, "I don't think I lied when I got three pouches."

"I don't think you did, either, Noah," G replied, "But maybe...maybe you'll feel a little better if you tell her? Just to be sure?"

Noah nodded solemnly. "I think I will. In da morning 'cause I think Mommy and Daddy are going to be back after I go to sleep."

"You're right," G said, "But we have a couple of hours...are we going to finish this track?"

"Yes!"

Maggie and Wyatt were still happily drawing with the crayons. They were now tracing a few of Noah's trucks and cars and seemed to be trying to outline a map of streets. G had no background in child development, but she was positive the twins were showing flashes of keen intellect. It was no surprise, for their brother was wise and smart beyond his years.

"G, c'you please give me da coupler?"

"Coupler?"

"Yeah, it's da thing that holds the cars together."

G found what Noah was requesting and handed it to him. "There ya go."

Noah flashed her a smile which, she was sure, he would retain as he got older and become his signature expression of gratitude. His lips curled upwards in an almost coy fashion and he cocked his head, always to the right.

"Thanks, G."

"You're welcome, buddy."

….

Ed Tucker loved many things about his wife, but he especially enjoyed rendering her verklempt with his occasional words of adoration. Date night began with cocktails at a new bourbon-focused bar that had opened close to their neighborhood, but before they tried the bartender's recommended concoctions, Ed raised his glass for a toast.

"To the most wonderful wife, mother, author, cop, TV series consultant," he said, "Liv, you amaze me every single day. The biggest problem I have? Figurin' out new words to tell you how much you mean to me. I love you, baby."

"I love you too," Olivia choked. Blinking back tears, she touched her glass to his and took a sip. The bartender came over and asked if it tasted alright. Olivia's eyes pleaded to Ed to answer for her.

"Tastes great," Ed replied in a tone that didn't invite further inquiry from the man. As usual, he rested one hand on her thigh. Olivia instinctively leaned her leg into his. Ed could tell she felt comfortable and protected even though they were in the middle of a crowded bar. "So, he said, "We should probably start planning for Ireland. Noah's spring break? So he doesn't miss school?"

"That time works, but will it be too chilly to do anything?"

"Nah. It seems like it's always the same temp there year-round even though I know it's not," Ed replied. "And I don't wanna wait until the summer."

"Right. I want as much time at the house as possible."

"So next I gotta convince Sarah and Justin to watch the twins. Shouldn't be too hard." He noticed Olivia start fidgeting and picking at her napkin. "What?"

"Why do we always default to Sarah and Justin?" Olivia asked. "Well, I know why, but, shouldn't we at least ask them? I feel like Brooke and Sonny and Sof are getting more distant."

Olivia's observation wasn't news to Ed. Brooke had always been the quieter, meeker, least accessible child. Ed chalked it up to her being the oldest and having carved out a more independent life for herself before she got married and had her daughter. She was also more introverted than Sarah, who, Ed was sure, physically needed a massive dose of human interaction to survive.

"I can ask them," Ed said. "But I don't wanna burden them. Brooke might say yes because she thinks she has to."

"Good point."

Ed gripped her thigh more firmly and used it as leverage to lean in for a kiss. "You know what else I love about you?" He asked.

"What's that?"

"How deeply considerate you are."

"You are too," Olivia pointed out, "We thought about this from two different angles."

Ed ran an index finger along her jawline. "I love your angles."

Olivia chuckled. "Is there anything you don't love?"

"I don't love that I can't make love to you right now."

Pretending to be annoyed, she pressed her lips into a straight line. "Seriously. If you could change one thing about me. Or about us. What would it be?"

"Nothing."

"Come on."

"Alright," he placed his hand back on her thigh. "I wish we traveled more. I know it's gonna get harder with the kids and school...but I never went anywhere when I was on the job. It was all work. Every single year I'd say, yeah, I gotta take us somewhere, anywhere, but I let the girls' things and NYPD get in the way. I don't wanna do that this time around."

"Then let's do it," Olivia said. "Let's promise each other, right now, that, hmmm, twice a year, we'll go somewhere we haven't been. And if that means Noah misses a couple days of school or we have to rearrange things...then we do it. We prioritize the experience."

Ed smiled and kissed her again. "And each other."

"Exactly," she replied with a grin, "And each other."

…

 _The three visitors were obviously tourists. They spoke a combination of French and English with American accents and the desk clerk noticed a United States Passport peeking out of the young woman's bag. When asked if they'd visited the hotel before, the older man answered they had and impatiently tapped the counter. He clearly wanted to expeditiously take care of the checking in process and get up to the suite they'd reserved for the week._

" _Are you parking a car, sir?"_

" _No," the man replied, "But we'll need a car to the airport next Friday."_

" _Of course," the clerk smiled, "Back home?"_

" _No, Dublin." Though he was clearly not interested in small talk, the man still managed to be polite. "And we may need train tickets over to London...we might spend a day there."_

" _We can help you with that, too if you don't want to purchase online."_

" _Thank you."_

 _The clerk inserted the room's key cards and explained how they could download the hotel's app and link their information so that the door could be opened via the app if needed. The trio expressed their thanks in French and hurried off toward the elevators. The valet was already at their door when they arrived at the suite. Wyatt opened the door and froze in his tracks. Until then, he could not bring himself to believe they would be able to request the very same room they'd shared with their parents, and he wasn't sure how he'd react if it actually happened._

 _Maggie shoved her way between the cart and Noah. "You okay, Wyatt?"_

 _He nodded. It had been twenty years. Thousands of people had been in and out of the room in those decades, yet his parents' presence startled Wyatt. He remembered clearly how Ed and Olivia let them jump on the bed, order room service meals eaten on the terrace, and never complained when he and his siblings insisted on beginning and ending each day at the pool. Tears welled in his eyes. Maggie followed him onto the terrace. Noah motioned for the valet to drop their bags in the living area, gave him a tip, and went outside._

" _Are we sure it's a good thing to be here?" Wyatt asked. He sniffled, rubbed his eyes, and added, "I guess I don't have a choice now."_

 _Noah grabbed his siblings and they huddled together in a group hug for a moment. They arrived on a gorgeous Parisian spring day, and the sun bathed them and their immediate surroundings in a shimmery yellow hue. All three gripped the railing and stared out at the Seine and the activity below._

" _Mom and Dad loved this place, and they loved being in love in this place," Maggie said, "I'm glad we're here. I feel like we owe it to them to do this."_

 _Her bag was still looped around her torso and she felt around in the interior pocket for the two small capsules they'd brought with them. Inside each one were the combined ashes of their mother and father. That January, after both parents were gone, Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah promised each other they would find time in the spring to visit Paris and Ireland-two places that held symbolic meaning for their family. They brought along the capsules to place somewhere-they weren't quite sure exactly where. Maggie insisted they didn't need all parts of the plan just yet; she was sure they would get a sign._

" _Me too," Noah said._

" _And I'm glad it's only us," Maggie glanced apologetically at her brothers. There had been some disagreement about whether or not to make this an entire-family pilgrimage, but, in the end, it was decided this was a deeply personal journey that the three had to embark upon by themselves. It wasn't exactly a tourist-centered vacation._

" _You're right," Wyatt said in a half-whisper. He sounded so much like his father, Maggie shivered._

" _C'mon," Noah said, "Let's order. That's what we always did, remember? Order food and drinks before exploring?"_

" _Remember when mom and dad weren't paying attention and we drank the champagne that one time? They always got champagne even though they didn't really like it."_

 _This memory finally got a brief laugh out of Wyatt. "They had no idea," he recalled. "They both thought the other one drank it."_

" _They didn't pay the closest attention to us when they were in those moods," Maggie said. "You know how they got-all googly eyed and lovey. They were like that forever." She took a deep breath and stared straight ahead, "They will be like that forever…" She batted a few tears away from her cheeks and collected herself. "Okay. Room service. Let's live it up, brothers."_

 _Maggie linked arms with Noah and Wyatt and they went inside to peruse the menu. An hour later, they were back on the balcony, sipping the drinks and munching on morsels from a fruit and cheese tray. Noah remarked that he wouldn't mind spending the whole week right there. After all, they had everything they needed-delivery food and drink, a view, and picturesque weather._

" _Maybe we can somehow leave the ashes here," Maggie suggested._

 _Noah shook his head, "They won't stay here. We need a place more permanent." Afraid he'd hurt his sister by shutting down her idea, he patted her hand, "Don't worry, Maggs. They know we're here. They'll show us the right place. I know they will."_

" _They've never, ever let us down," Wyatt murmured._

 _Maggie took a sip of the champagne and nodded in agreement._

" _They never have," Noah said, "And they never will."_

…..

Gone were the days when Olivia's phone rang incessantly at all hours of the night and day, so it was difficult to ignore the constant chimes even with Ed on top of her and slowly peeling off her clothes.

" _Ed_."

"Yeah, baby." He was working at her belt. One of the notches was getting stuck on a belt loop and he finally yanked it free without damaging the pants. "There."

"Ed, I have to get this."

He groaned and collapsed on top of her. " _Why_?" He moaned.

"It won't stop. And I can't concentrate."

"Well I certainly don't want you distracted," he said, "At least, not by the phone." His chin was on her chest and he looked up at her with a devilish smirk. "Need me to move?"

"No." Olivia rolled over and grabbed the device from her nightstand. She shot up to a sitting position, throwing Ed to the side in the process. After apologizing, she told him Brooke had called four times, left no messages, and finally sent a text that Sonny was having a tough time breathing and she'd called an ambulance.

"Can you call her back?" Olivia said. She jumped out of bed, "Tell her I'm on my way."

"To the hospital?"

"No, to watch Sofia."

"You want me to go instead?"

Olivia crawled back onto the mattress and kissed him. "Stay here with the kids," she said. "I may just bring Sof back here in the morning if it looks like they're going to be in the ER for a while."

"Okay." Ed pouted a little, but he was genuinely concerned about Sonny. He tugged at Olivia's shirt. "Hey."

"Yes?"

"Not how I wanted date night to end," he said, "But I had a really good time tonight."

"Oh, it's not ending," Olivia said with a mischievous grin, "Only paused."

"Agonizingly so," Ed replied, "But I can deal. I'll be right here, or somewhere close to here, when you get back, however long it takes."

Olivia smiled at him once more, threw on her fleece jacket, and sent Brooke a text that she was on her way. Her worry for Sonny was sincere but didn't mean she was any less reluctant to leave Ed lying in bed by himself. However, she was heartened knowing that Ed was true to his word. He wasn't going anywhere until she returned.

…..

 **#Tuckson**

 _Dear readers,_

 _This was incredibly difficult to write. I promise I am not giving up on this story because I love it and I love the AU characters I've created, but I might need a couple weeks to absorb the shock of Tucker's death and the elimination of all hopes he and Olivia would end up together. It's almost unbelievable how attached I (we?) were to a fictional character and his arc, but I suppose that's a testament to the storytelling. I hope, in time, the sadness will pass._


	114. Chapter 114

**114**. _Thanks for all the review love! Let's keep the AU going!_

With Sofia in tow, Olivia entered the apartment, dropped her purse and Sofia's bag, and strode down the foyer. She saw Noah and Wyatt playing with the basketball hoop in the twins' room and found Ed and Maggie at the coffee table. Maggie was frozen, her hands extended over a page of the _New York Times_ watching Ed painstakingly painting her nails. He brushed on the dark pink polish in short strokes and took care to wipe away drops that had run onto Maggie's fingers.

"C'ful, Dah! Do'spill!"

"I'm tryin' not to, Maggs."

They both knew Olivia and Sofia were in the room, but their collective attention was consumed with the manicure. When Ed finally spoke, he did so out of the corner of his mouth without making eye contact with his wife or granddaughter.

"How's Carisi?" He instinctively reverted to the formal moniker for his son-in-law.

"Not good," Olivia kissed Sofia on the side of her head. She was trying to be released onto the floor, but Olivia held onto her because she was certain she would make a beeline for the table. "They have him on fluids. He definitely has the flu but they're going to look at his lungs. He's having trouble breathing."

"Damn," Ed replied under his breath then glanced at Maggie, and added, "Don't repeat that." Maggie was paying no attention to anything other than the color on her nails, so Ed was safe. He finished her second pinkie and screwed the brush back into the bottle. "All done, baby girl," he said, "Now ya gotta blow on 'em, like this." Ed blew a few gentle breaths, "Or, you can wave 'em around. But sit still until they dry."

"Dy now, Dada?"

"Nope. Imma put a show on for ya. Whatcha want?"

"Pow'Puff!"

"You got it, kid." Ed kissed her head and reminded her once again to sit still and move her hands as little as possible. That was a tough order since Maggie loved mimicking the movements of the Power Puff Girls. He snuck over, kissed Sofia, kissed Olivia, and lingered on his wife's lips too long for Maggie's liking.

She smacked the table with her palms, careful to keep her fingers apart, and frowned. "PowPUFF DADA!"

"I can't kiss Mommy first?"

"NO KISS! POW PUFF!"

Ed went to grab the remote and muttered, "Didn't think her being appalled by mom and dad kissing would start so early."

Olivia sat next to Maggie, keeping Sofia in her lap. "Pretty nails, sweet girl," she cooed.

"You ha'pink, Mama?" Maggie froze her entire body from the neck down and looked up at Olivia with her wide, blue eyes.

"No...not now, but maybe Daddy will paint my nails, too?"

"He will," Ed answered, "Make sure you tip well."

Olivia winked at him, "Oh I will, Captain."

…..

 _Sometime around midnight, Ed stopped texting Olivia. She hadn't answered his last three status-seeking messages, and, though he knew she was working, frustration and anger were setting in. The evil side of him wanted to test her by sending a message about Noah, but as soon as the thought popped into his head, crushing remorse followed. The last thing he wanted was to be malicious; nevertheless, he was painfully disappointed their night out had been canceled by an SVU call, particularly one that didn't need her immediate attention. He was annoyed she couldn't grasp the idea of being in charge._

 _Olivia returned tired and frustrated. She grumbled about a botched rape kit and griped about Barba, but the rant was delivered under her breath and as so choppy, Ed couldn't grasp enough to formulate a reply. He gallantly took her coat and asked if he could get her anything. At one point, he mentioned not hearing from her and there was enough venom in his tone to irk Olivia._

" _I was working, Ed. I can't just drop everything and call you."_

" _I was only askin' about a timetable. And if you were okay."_

" _I'm never okay when we're on a call," Olivia sniped. "How do you not know that by now?" She sighed and ran her fingers through her hair, "Ed...this...this isn't the first time...it won't be the last, I…"_

" _What, Liv?"_

" _I think we might want to consider taking a break. I'm barely managing to take care of Noah and command a squad at the same time. You shouldn't always come in third place."_

" _I've been tellin' ya it's okay to step back from the job...delegate-"_

" _-That's really not the point I'm making here."_

" _What is the point?"_

 _What had been an exhausted, pleading look in her eyes became an angry glare, "I feel like we've drifted apart in the past few months. It was so easy at first and now it's a slog, it's work to even be together for one night. This isn't fair to either of us."_

 _It wasn't difficult for Ed to read between the lines. He stepped closer to her and took her hands. "I don't want what I think you're about to say. I'm gonna leave now, but I'm not staying gone unless you want me to," he kissed her forehead, "Sometimes it is work."_

 _Olivia swallowed hard. She expected tears, but it was quite possible she was too tired to cry._

" _I happen to think we're worth it," Ed added before turning to grab his coat, "Think about it," he gave her fingers a final squeeze and locked eyes with her for what he hoped would not be the last time. "I love you."_

…

In order for Maggie and Wyatt to lie down for their naps, Olivia had to hide Sofia. At first, she and Ed figured the one-year-old could sleep with one of the twins, but Maggie reacted to the intrusion with a sassy "my bed" and Wyatt echoed the sentiment. The habit of him following his sister's lead started at the beach and was continuing with full force. Leaving Ed to read a naptime story, Olivia retreated to the master bedroom, sat in the armchair, and soothed her granddaughter to sleep. Once she was sure Sofia was out, she put her in Noah's bed, dug out the safety rail from the closet, and secured it before joining Ed on the living room sofa.

"Ya know," Ed said into the side of her head as she snuggled up to him, "I think I may have overestimated our stamina when I said I wanted another kid."

Laughing, Olivia replied, "When did you say you wanted another one?"

"Maybe I didn't say it," he said, "I think about it a lot."

Shocked, Olivia pushed herself away from him, to another cushion, and raised her eyebrows so high they almost touched her hairline. "You _do_?"

"Yeah," Ed replied, unembarrassed, "Especially when we're in bed. Liv, I...I'm happier than I ever thought I could be. But there's always gonna be this nagging regret we didn't get enough time. Why...all those years ago...you remember when we thought that cop was assaulting people under the West Side Highway? Why didn't I just go for it then? And it-"

"-it would have been a disaster," Olivia's voice was soft and comforting. They had talked about this so many times before, but Ed never seemed completely satisfied by their realistic analyses and he brought up the subject at least once a year. "First of all, you were married. Second of all, I wasn't ready for something like this. I wasn't ready when we started seeing each other a few years ago, or, well, I didn't think I was or I would ever be."

Ed pouted.

" _Stop_ ," Olivia implored even though she knew Ed was partially faking it. Playing along, she inched back to his side and started kissing him. "How can I get you in a good mood again, Ed Tucker?" Olivia wasted no time. She clutched his leg where his thigh met his hip and bit at his earlobe.

Ed gasped and put his hands over the back pockets of her jeans. "Somethin' like that," he croaked, "God, Liv, baby…keep goin."

Since it was usually Ed who initiated the foreplay, the impending couch tryst was extra erotic and romantic. Olivia kissed her way to his other ear, teased at the lobe, whispered dirty words in his ear, and grinned when she felt him shiver. Straddling him, she felt the bulge in his pants, but willed herself to stay focused. Her husband had been painting nails and baby piling and playing basketball and putting puzzles together and pushing toddlers in empty boxes across the floor all morning and early afternoon-he deserved some loving.

"God _dammit_."

Sarah was calling. And when Sarah actually made a phone call rather than text, there was an emergency. Ed swiped his phone from the opposite cushion and answered calmly. "Hey, Sare." He put the phone on speaker and he and Olivia listened as she blurted out, in one breathless sentence, that she was running extremely late and wouldn't be able to pick up Noah from school.

"But," she said brightly, "G is there and she said she can take him home!"

Ed responded immediately, "She sure?" He trusted G and her getting Noah gave him at least thirty minutes, maybe an hour longer with his wife.

"Yes!"

"She's not on the list," Olivia said.

"We'll call," Ed said. "Thanks Sare. See ya later." He hung up and immediately dialed the school. Smirking at Olivia, he coaxed the clerk who answered the lower school phone to allow their fundraising contractor to check out their first grader. Arrangements made, he tossed the phone aside and half-lifted Olivia back onto his lap. "Please continue."

"Ed, I, We-"

Now it was Ed's turn to stop her, " _Shhh_ ," he said, "Noah'll love G taking him home and she'll love bringing him home, and we're in a house of overfed, overtired kids. Everyone wins."

Olivia played with a few wisps of his hair, "You always make so much sense."

"I don't really wanna make sense right now," he replied naughtily, "So, uh-"

Olivia went back to his ear.

"Yeah…" he intoned, "Right there."

…

 _Dublin, to the Tucker kids, was far more impressive than London. Ed chalked it up to their biological attachment to the area. Even Noah, who would one day discover his actual ancestry and had been flooded with Irishness from his grandmother, immediately seemed at home in the city. To Ed's and Olivia's surprise, one of their trio's favorite outings was a trip to Phoenix Park to watch the wild deer. They rode bikes and stopped several times to watch the creatures interact with each other. In the shadow of the Papal Cross, Wyatt murmured, "I love it here." He asked about the meaning of the cross and Ed explained it was erected for the Pope's visit in the 1970s. He had barely finished the explanation when Maggie asked why their family didn't regularly attend church._

" _Grandma Caroline did," Noah said._

 _Ed and Olivia exchanged exasperated looks. Noah wasn't helping._

" _Well, uh…"_

" _Sweetie," Olivia interjected, much to Ed's relief, "Religion is very complicated and very personal. Grandma Caroline believed very much in her religion. Your Dad, well, some people who were supposed to be good people in the church, did some very bad things. They stole. They hurt other people-" Olivia felt she was digging herself a hole, but all three kids still seemed interested, "-so we decided it was okay to raise you three believing there's a God, but letting you wait until you're older to decide how to believe in God."_

" _I feel really close to God here," Wyatt murmured. He wandered across the bright green grass, looking around aimlessly._

 _The rest of his family stayed on the path and let him wander. Olivia had once predicted that Maggie and Noah would one day adopt a religion-either one they subscribed to in college or as the result of a significant other. But Wyatt? She was sure her youngest son would spend his entire life as the most spiritual but most vehemently opposed to organized religion. Right there on the Phoenix Green, they witnessed Wyatt find a part of what would become his belief system._

 _After Dublin, the family traveled south to the town where Caroline was born, the place where Ed had taken her years ago. It was near the Titanic's last port of call, and all of the touristy items in the area delighted the kids. They became obsessed with the stories, the photographs, the passenger lists, historically accurate souvenirs, and cheesy gift shop items. At one point Noah found a replica Heart of the Ocean necklace and used some of his money to buy it for Mia. "She'll love it," he said, smiling as he stowed the gift in his bag. Ed and Olivia smiled, too, but also shook their heads, amazed the movie had such staying power._

 _Caroline had been buried in a cemetery in New York next to her husband, but she requested that one of the Connemara marble bracelets she'd owned forever be tossed into Cork Harbour after she was gone. Ed could still hear her voice as he extracted the piece of jewelry from his jacket pocket._

" _Eddie, everyone gets something, but this one, this one that I got after Jackie...that one goes back."_

" _I'll do it, Ma."_

" _And you can't mail it and ask someone else."_

" _I'll do it, Ma."_

 _Noah, Maggie, and Wyatt saw their parents link arms and Ed produce the bracelet. They didn't look away when Olivia kissed Ed's cheek, whispered in his ear, and kissed him again. They didn't wince or grimace when their father teared up, clutched the bracelet in his hands, and tossed it in the water, saying, "There ya go Ma. Done."_

 _Maggie ran to Ed's side and hugged him. "Daddy, I love you."_

" _I love you, Margaret Caroline."_

" _You named me after Grandma."_

" _We did," Ed replied, "We knew you'd be just like her."_

" _DEAD?"_

 _Olivia burst into laughter. "Maggie, honey, that was so perfect...your Grandmother...she was so funny...just like you…"_

" _C'mon," Ed gathered all four people in his arms, "Time for some warm stew."_

" _YUM!"_

" _YES!"_

 _Wyatt was the only one who crinkled his nose, "But not with Gramma's soda bread."_

 _Olivia and Ed whipped around, stunned. "How do you remember that?"_

 _Wyatt shrugged. "I dunno. I just do."_

… _._

Noah Tucker was retrieved from his first grade class three minutes early. The familiar clerk explained to him that his sister Sarah was caught at work and G would be taking him home. Used to fussy children, the clerk was pleasantly shocked when Noah broke into a grin, tightened the straps on his backpack, and looked past her shoulder.

"Where's G?"

"You know G?" The clerk asked even though Ed had stressed that the two knew each other.

"Yes," Noah said, "She's Sare Bear's neighbor and she babysits us." The clerk didn't have time to respond, because G turned the corner and before she could greet him, he screamed, "GEEEEE!" And sprinted into her arms. "You pickin' me up t'day! What we gonna do?"

Having already been interrogated by the clerk, G focused all her attention on Noah. He was gleeful, giddy, and bouncing from foot-to-foot. The problem was, she was authorized to take him home, nothing else, and she explained this to Noah as simply as possible.

Noah narrowed his eyes. "You have phone?"

"Yes. Don't you?"

"S'dead."

"Oh, well, yes I do."

"Call my mom. Den we c'go somewhere."

G had work to do. She was overwhelmed, swamped, exhausted, and just wanted to go home and crawl into bed, but Noah's energy was contagious. How could she say no to this beaming little boy in his burgundy-and-khaki school uniform with the almost-too-big backpack hanging from his shoulders? She called Olivia and was a little startled at how quickly she'd given permission for G to take Noah to eat.

"Lessgo," Noah took her hand.

"Where are we going?"

"You like tacos?"

"I _love_ tacos. And burritos."

"Whassa burrito?"

"Seriously?" G asked Noah, feeling bad about being so incredulous. He stared back at her and she rubbed his head, shoving his beanie cap down below his eyes, "I'll take you to Dos Toros," she said, "You'll love it."

…

 _The weeks between Ed walking out of her apartment with conditions and Olivia flip-flopping between regret and frustration passed quickly, for SVU and motherhood never stopped. When Olivia and the squad arrived at the first annual fundraiser to support families of officers who were battling mental health problems or had committed suicide, she was ready to collapse. Of course, the usual smarmy, sleazy men leered at Olivia and Rollins, but after a couple of wine, Benson caught a second wind. She mingled with people she hadn't seen in years and was talking to one of her former academy acquaintances when she saw Ed saunter across the room with a redheaded woman clutching his arm. Her entire body went numb. She was sure her stomach dropped to the floor. She quickly ended her conversation and found Fin._

" _Hey," she said, "How's it going?"_

 _Fin shrugged. "Not my scene. I'm ready to go. Want me to take you home?"_

 _Olivia groaned, "I never get out...and this is my out...and it's horrible," she pretended to see Tucker for the first time, "And...there's Ed...with-"_

" _-Oh, he's been seein' her for a while. She's a nurse. I thought you knew?" Fin genuinely seemed remorseful for not warning his friend and boss in advance._

" _How would I know?"_

" _I know."_

" _How do you know?"_

 _Fin chuckled. "Believe it or not, some people still talk to me. Rumor was, you got rid of Tucker, and that very night he caught an officer-involved and met her at the hospital."_

" _You've got to be kidding me."_

 _Fin shrugged. "As hard as we try to find someone and it's that easy?"_

" _I wasn't even trying…" Olivia trailed off._

" _Hey, Liv…"_

 _She turned to him and grabbed his elbow. "Can we be friends for a minute?"_

" _Sure."_

" _I wasn't trying," she said, more confidently this time, "And he slowly, really, really…" she stared at her wine glass as if to attribute her inability to find words to its contents, "he worked his way into my life-"_

" _-sounds like you're blaming him."_

" _I'm not. I...God, the regret I'm feeling right now is…" she bit her lip and choked back tears, "Unbearable."_

 _Fin peered across the room. "Look, Liv, he's not wearin' a ring. Neither is she. No harm no foul. Just go over there."_

" _Right."_

 _He shot her his classic, lets-get-serious-look._

" _You don't? I will."_

 _Olivia squeezed his elbow and downed the rest of her wine._

" _You're a good friend, Fin."_

… _.._

Noah and G shared a small table at a restaurant Noah had never been to before but G insisted had great burritos. It was a small place and they were a bit crammed against the wall, but he didn't mind. G had to laugh when Noah remarked that she wasn't having a "G & T" like Sare Bear. She told Noah the restaurant didn't serve gin, but he didn't quite understand.

"You got spicy, G?"

"A little spicy."

"I like spicy. Mommy and Daddy let me try their stuff sometimes. G? Whatcha doin at my school?"

"I'm helping your school raise money so you have all those great computers and the playspace...And to keep making sure the school and the kids have what they need."

"We have lots!"

"You do...what's your favorite part about school?"

Noah cracked up, "Mommy's always askin' me that!"

G shrugged, "Adults do that. Sorry." The burritos arrived and Noah appeared confused, "So, just, pick it up and take a little bite and we can get some salsa if you need it."

Noah followed directions. Chewed. Nodded. "Yeah...s'really good...but I want a lil' salsa. You pick, G."

"Okay. Trust me?"

Noah grinned.

"Trust ya!"

….

 **#Tuckson.**

 **I'LL NEVER LET GO!**


	115. Chapter 115

**115**. _A/N re: the flashback. I think I wrote them getting back together about a million chapters ago, but circumstances changed, so here we go again_. _Also, the timing is a little off in the flashbacks but since we're one-hundred percent AU now, who cares._

The sky had darkened by the time Noah and G finished their burritos. It wasn't late, but G felt more comfortable taking Noah home in an Uber or a cab, so she pulled out her phone and started to open one of her rideshare apps. With one arm around Noah's shoulders, she started to make the request. Noah peered at the screen and frowned. "Whatcha doin?"

"Getting our car."

"We gotta take da subway." Noah turned around in a circle and squinted at the street signs. "I think da C."

He was correct, this G knew for sure. The Tucker apartment was convenient to a handful of lines, but this particular Dos Toros location was closest to a C stop. "Does Sarah usually take you home on the subway?"

"Yep. Unless we have somethin' big."

From conversations with Sarah, G knew she unabashedly spoiled Noah. However, G wasn't surprised Noah stopped short of asking her to take him shopping. The little boy possessed impeccable manners and had a keen sense of what was an appropriate request and what was not.

"Alright, well, let's go. Do you have your card?"

"Yep!" Noah slapped the side of his backpack, "Always ri'here. Sare Bear always puts da money in it so I can ride a buncha times."

G had always read about metaphorical "warm fuzzies" in fluffy fictional stories, but she was certain, as Noah once again took her hand, she experienced them for real. As Noah's fingers curled around hers, her heart filled with joy.

"So," G said, "we talked about what I do at your school, but we didn't really talk about what _you_ do. What did you learn today?"

Noah proceeded to rattle off the daily schedule. G came to understand his day typically began with math and reading and ended with science and social studies which pretty much matched what she remembered of her own first grade experience. He mentioned recess (indoor) and lunch (eaten at a round table in the cafeteria with Mia, Gabe, and Ewan) and then blew G away with a brief but surprisingly astute explanation of the Triangular Trade. They descended the subway steps and swiped their way through the turnstile. Noah was still chatting away when the C arrived at the platform.

"How many stops?" Noah asked.

"Three," G replied.

"Kay." The car wasn't crowded, but they remained standing. "When there aren't a lotta people I like ta spin around like dis," Noah giggled as he twirled around one of the poles. "Sare Bear always says I'm gonna get dizzy and fall but I never do."

Suddenly G was terrified that he would lose his grip and go flying into one of the hard plastic seat edges. She laughed and gave him a little side hug to slow his momentum. At the next stop, they were joined by more people, enough to force Noah to stand still and allow G to breathe a sigh of relief. They would disembark at the next stop. Her mission to safely return Noah was almost complete.

…..

 _Olivia steeled herself and took a path to the bar where she was sure Tucker would see her. The wine settled in as she crossed the room, and she strode confidently, sure she appeared to others as if she had no care in the world other than getting her next drink. She ordered her second glass of wine and turned, as planned, in Tucker's direction. The redhead was consumed with laughter, presumably by something another member of their circle had said, for Ed's face was expressionless. When he saw Olivia, he almost appeared ashamed._

 _She started walking in his direction but stopped when she saw Ed jerk his jaw toward the opposite corner of the room. Ed said something to the woman, she nodded, and he sauntered off, walking parallel to Olivia until he found a path through the tables to meet her._

" _Hey," he said casually, as if they'd attended the event together and had merely been off talking to other people for a few minutes._

" _Hey yourself," she replied._

" _Didn't expect to see you here."_

 _Olivia screwed up her face. "Why not?" She asked, not hiding the fact his comment stung._

" _Figured you'd be too busy."_

 _Part of her wanted to stalk off and forget Ed forever, but she quickly realized, though he was attempting to be spiteful, he was actually hurt. He'd firmly set his jaw, but his eyes betrayed his true feelings. Seeing her again was a painful reminder that he'd put himself out there, given her his heart, and she had swatted the offer away by allowing him to leave her apartment without protest._

" _I...this was too important to miss." Olivia's insides clenched. She spoke the truth, but she hoped Ed didn't infer he was less important than a fundraiser, no matter the cause. "And it's good to get out every once in a while."_

" _Yeah." Ed glanced over to the group he'd left and shifted his weight from foot to foot._

 _Sensing he was ready to end the conversation, Olivia asked, "How have you been?"_

" _Alright. You?"_

" _Good."_

" _Noah?"_

 _Ed's gravelly voice softened when he uttered her son's name. Olivia's heart melted, and she shed the obstinate facade. "Ed," she sighed, "I'm not so good. I…" she looked over to where his girlfriend was standing, "Can we talk? Not here? Maybe some other time?_

 _Ed shoved his hands in his pockets. "Liv, I dunno if that's such a good idea."_

 _Crushed, Olivia swallowed a lump in her throat. "I understand," she croaked. "I, uh, we left things-"_

" _-we didn't leave things," Ed snapped. "I told ya I was gonna give you space. That I'd get outta there, let you think, but I had no intention of staying away," his eyes darted around the immediate area, making sure no one was eavesdropping, "That last thing I said to you was I love you, and...you didn't call-"_

" _-Ed, I-"_

 _He raised a hand, "I know you said we were in two different places," he muttered, "But I didn't think we were_ _that_ _far apart. My mistake." He gave her elbow a quick squeeze, "I gotta go. Enjoy your night." With that, he strode away, back to his girlfriend's side, and eased his way back into their couples-only huddle showing absolutely no effects of the difficult words he and Olivia exchanged seconds earlier._

… _._

Ed and Olivia weren't attired inappropriately, but the sight of them in loungewear at six p.m. flustered G. Noah didn't react as if anything was out of the ordinary, but G lingered in the foyer, and helped Noah with his coat and backpack. Olivia invited her in, and rather than politely decline, G nodded and followed her down the hallway. Before she had time to feel any more awkward, the twins came sprinting in her direction. It hadn't been long since she'd last seen them, but she swore Maggie and Wyatt were even more adorable than they'd been when she laid them in their beds and tucked them in a few days ago.

Wearing jeans, t-shirts, and their trusty zippered hoodies, they ran down the hallway on bare feet shouting "GEEEEEEE!" They piled into her arms, turned around, and announced to their parents that G was there to "bay'sit!"

"We know, sweet twins," Olivia gushed. "G did us a huge favor, but she's not babysitting tonight." Olivia patted G's shoulder, "Thank you so much." She went on to mumble an excuse about the weather and time and planning, but G eyed Olivia's and Ed's sweatpants, t-shirts, and all-around disheveled appearances and couldn't help but let her imagination drift to Sarah-esque thoughts. G was sure she'd been asked to stand in not only out of convenience but also out of romantic necessity.

"We ate at Dos Toros," G said, "So, he's good...glad to help."

" _Yummm_ ," Olivia intoned, smiling at Noah.

"You want a drink?" Ed asked, entering the foyer with Sofia on his hip.

Maggie and Wyatt chased each other around G's legs and she nearly teetered off balance. Ed's offer sounded sincere, but G felt like she was intruding.

"C'mon," Olivia sensed her indecision and motioned for G to continue her way into the apartment, "Let us at least thank you with a glass of wine...or something else? Ed? What do we have?"

"Everything."

"Hang up your coat," Olivia instructed, "I think I remember you liking gin? I don't know if we have tonic though, E-"

"-A glass of wine would be great." G followed Olivia to the living room and took a seat on the sofa. Olivia started to ask her about the school's upcoming fundraisers, but Maggie and Wyatt had other ideas. While Noah was at the table unpacking his bookbag, the twins disappeared into their room and emerged with arms full of books.

"Reee, G!" Maggie insisted. She and Wyatt dumped the books on the couch and then climbed up and sat on either side of her. "Reeeee'story!"

G felt her face get hot. Maggie and Wyatt probably remembered the show she'd put on last time. She'd created unique voices for different characters, made all the animal sounds, and dramatically pronounced onomatopoeias. There was no way she was going to put on a repeat performance in front of Ed and Olivia.

"Here ya go," Ed handed her a glass of wine.

"Oh, and, Ed, bring me my phone. G, I'll Venmo you the money for Noah's dinner."

"It's really okay."

"You take cash?" Ed asked.

"I don't need any money," G insisted. She nearly spilled the wine on her first sip. Maggie and Wyatt were still glued to her side and passing books back and forth. She put the glass on the table and chose one of the shorter books. "How about this one?"

Maggie objected. "NO!"

Wyatt handed G _The Noon Balloon_. The classic children's book was his favorite, and it showed signs of wear. The corners were bent and the spine showed it had been frequently opened and closed. Maggie selected the more contemporary _How to Babysit a Grandma._

"Maggie, Wyatt, how about we let G relax and save the books for later?" Olivia asked softly. "We'll read those before bed."

"No bed, Mama," Maggie said, "Read NOW!"

"I'll read them one," G said, feeling bad denying the twins' adamant request. She selected Maggie's book because it contained fewer words and pages than Wyatt's. The twins jostled for space in her lap and she began reading. Noah joined them for the final two pages and then suggested they play a game, perhaps Trouble or Junior Monopoly.

This time, Ed stepped in. "No, we're gonna give G a break," she said, "Next time she comes over you can play the games. Let's get started on your homework." Ed muttered a few biting lines of criticism about the first grade workload and handed Sofia to Olivia.

Olivia bounced Sofia on her knee, but the youngest of the bunch quickly strained to get down when she saw the twins at their toy box. "We have a full house," Olivia remarked.

"Noah said Brooke's husband is sick?"

"He is. He's in the hospital with the flu, they admitted him last night when they couldn't get his breathing right. I'm worried it's pneumonia, and Brooke hasn't called with updates. I guess they're still waiting."

"Takes forever," G replied, "I had a lung infection last year and when I first went to the ER I was there almost all day."

"When Noah was little we spent too much time in the emergency room," Olivia said.

"He was sick a lot?"

"Yes. Lungs, rib fractures, measles…"

"Measles?"

"Yep. The day he was vaccinated he contracted it at the doctor's office. It was terrible, and, actually, tied into a case we were working at SVU, turned into a whole thing about the right to refuse vaccinations. Luckily," she gazed over at Noah who was poring over his work with total focus and concentration, "He weathered that storm and outgrew everything else. I hate to overuse the word miracle, but that's really what it seemed like."

"You'd never know he's had any challenges," G said, "He's an awesome kid."

"It's a little foolish to say," Olivia replied, "But I hope, in a way, the early obstacles _were_ his major challenge. Maybe the rest of his life will be smooth sailing."

"I hope it will be," G replied, "I don't think that's foolish at all."

…..

 _Noah let himself into the apartment where he'd grown up and his mother now lived alone. At times over the years, his father good-naturedly complained that they were too crammed in the space, especially when grandchildren visited for a night or a weekend or when the Tucker kids brought home friends from college. No one ever took his gripes seriously, for Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah knew their parents loved being surrounded by family and friends, even though they didn't think twice about retreating to their bedroom in the evenings. Each time Noah came to check in on his mom, he experienced crippling fear if he entered to silence. He'd read about couples dying days or weeks apart from one another, and though he hated to see his mother suffering from the loss of her husband, he and his siblings couldn't bear losing her so soon after they'd said goodbye to their father._

" _Mom?"_

" _In here!"_

 _Breathing a sigh of relief, he went into the room that had originally been an office, became the twins' room, and, eventually, was shared by Noah and Wyatt. When Olivia and Ed became empty nesters, they converted the space to a cozy den. Olivia was sitting in her favorite swivel rocker holding a book and a cup of tea._

" _Hey," Noah kissed her cheek and sat in the armchair across from her, "Whatcha doin?"_

" _I was reading," she said, "But, mostly, I've been sitting here...thinking. It looks like a nice day out there?"_

" _It's cold," Noah said, "Sunny but cold. Few more weeks." Like his mother, Noah was desperate for spring's arrival. "Hungry? Want to do an early dinner?"_

" _Sure."_

 _Noah's eyes drifted to another part of the room and he saw a box of framed photographs sitting on one of the sofa cushions. "Changing the pictures?" He asked._

" _Not changing. Adding. Do you think you can help me with that this weekend?"_

" _No problem."_

" _Bring Mia and and the kids?"_

" _Of course." Noah walked over and examined the photographs. "A lot of these are really old," he said, "They've probably been sitting in the closet for years."_

" _Yes. I got them out to dust them." Olivia turned around in the chair, "I want all my favorites on the walls," she said, "So wherever I walk I'm surrounded by all those wonderful memories."_

 _Noah fought tears. He felt his chin start to tremble and set his jaw, copying a technique he'd seen his Dad use over the years when he was struggling to contain emotion but unwilling to show it. "Mom, are you sure you don't want to think about moving? Maybe even to our building? Or closer to Wyatt or Maggie?"_

" _You don't want me that close," Olivia replied softly, "And Wyatt and Maggie won't stay where they are right now. But, most of all, I want to stay here. I know it's hard for you to come here and not see your Dad-"_

 _Noah started to choke up again but Olivia was composed._

" _-But this is as close to him as I can get...for the rest of my life." She looked fixedly at her son before rising and wrapping him in a right embrace. "I have to stay here," she whispered, "Please understand."_

…..

Olivia had seen plenty of people in hospital beds over the years, but she wasn't prepared to see Sonny Carisi looking pale, frail, and shockingly un-coiffed under the white hospital blanket. She entered with a balloon and a paper bag of her family's favorite chicken dumpling soup from the deli near their home. Brooke, looking exhausted and uncomfortable, occupied one of the room's two chairs, and Olivia sat in the other.

"Thanks for comin," Sonny said weakly.

"And for taking Sof," Brooke said. "I really need to get home and get her more clothes."

"I can do that," Olivia said, "Unless...maybe it would be good for you to get out for a while? Go home and shower? Move a little?"

Brooke extracted herself from the chair, stood, and stretched, "Good idea." She went over to Sonny and touched his face, "Do you mind?"

"No, no," he said, "Go. Lieu will stay with me."

Suddenly eager for some time alone and away from the hospital, Brooke asked for no more assurances. She grabbed her coat and left. Olivia scooted her chair closer to Sonny's bed and peered at him. "The DA's office killed you in only two weeks?" She joked.

"Apparently," he groaned and pulled the covers up to his neck, "This is brutal. And I even got the flu shot. Sof okay?"

"She's fine."

"Not sick?"

"Nope."

Sonny stared at the ceiling. "You think this is it? I leave SVU for the more family-friendly option and I die of the flu? Or pneumonia? Or whatever it is I have?"

Slightly amused, Olivia's eyes sparkled as she reassured her former detective, "No, I don't think this is it. You probably picked up something on the plane or at the airport. The doctors will take care of you and you'll be right back in the courtroom."

"I haven't been in the courtroom yet."

"Well...in your office."

"I'm at a cubicle." He saw Olivia frown, "Sorry."

"It's okay," she said, "I know you're feeling hopeless right now. Do you want to try eating something? I brought soup."

"Maybe later." Sonny sighed, "Thanks for getting Brooke outta here. She hates hospitals but refused to leave. I know she's thinkin' about her mom...how she insisted Sarah get outta there and then she took those pills. I couldn't bring myself to tell her I wasn't gonna do that, but I don't think she'd one hundred percent believe me."

Olivia nodded and hoped she would remember to ask Ed if Brooke had always had a bit of fatalism in her personality or if that had happened as a result of the death of her mother and her former student at the hands of her stepfather. When she first met Ed's daughters, Sarah and Brooke were nearly indistinguishable. They'd both weathered some storms since. Sarah emerged more or less unscathed; Brooke showed signs of wear and tear.

"I get the feeling she's never going to be as happy as she was when we first met," Sonny continued.

Olivia raised her eyebrows. Apparently she wasn't the only one concerned about Brooke, and she applauded Carisi for realizing it even while sick and taking strong medication.

"She always seems like she's searching," he continued, "And not finding whatever it is she wants, I don't think she knows. I don't know. I hope she still wants me."

After a glance toward the door to make sure they weren't overhead, Olivia replied in a low voice, "I think she's trying to find a way out of this crisis she's been in for...a couple years now. I think she finds glimmers of hope, experiences some joy and then feels crushed when it doesn't last. Speaking from experience, those moments are devastating...they're almost worse than the initial blow, because you believe you've conquered a demon only to get shoved back down the hill."

"Sisyphus."

"Huh?"

"Sisyphus," Sonny said, "He was punished by repeatedly rolling that boulder up the hill only for it to roll back down again when he got close to the top."

"Ah, yes," Olivia smiled, "But wasn't he evil in the first place? Deserved it."

"Yeah he was," Sonny replied.

"But...same concept," Olivia said. She always enjoyed diving in to his highbrow analogies, "And, of course, we're often subjected to punishments, some self-imposed, we don't deserve."

"I wish Brooke could see that."

"It takes time," Olivia said, "She'll get there."

Sonny yawned and closed his eyes. "Lieu, I gotta sleep," he said, "You can go...I'm gonna be out, I can tell."

His speech was slurred so Olivia had no doubt he was going to fall into a long, deep slumber. He would never know if she ducked out before Brooke returned, but she stayed put, told Brooke via text to take her time, and let Ed know she would need another couple hours. He replied with a picture of the the three napping children. Sofia was in Maggie's bed.

 _How'd you do that?_ Olivia typed.

He responded immediately. _Promised ice cream_.

 _I better bring some home with me then_ , she replied with a laughing emoji.

Ed sent a fist, a heart, and _#Teamwork_.

Olivia audibly laughed and glanced warily at Sonny, but he didn't stir. Her husband was notoriously loathe to accept new forms of popular culture, and he particularly hated hashtags. She was certain he sent the reply knowing it would get at least a tiny grin out of her. Regardless of distance, Ed Tucker always found a way to make her smile.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	116. Chapter 116

**116**. _Again, I want to stress I'm taking some liberties with the timeline of the actual episodes for the flashbacks and of course pretending they all fit in with the AU I created. So, flashback wise, it's sort of a double AU…#InMemoryofTucker_

Noah tiptoed into his parents' room early one morning and climbed into their bed. It was an unusual move, for he enjoyed little bits of independence, one of which was waking up, pouring his own drink-usually apple juice-and finding a twenty-minute show to watch. He kept close eye on the time, and, at seven a.m., he woke up his parents if they hadn't yet appeared. However, this morning, he wrapped his arms around his mother and burrowed his face into her neck.

"Hi, sweet boy," Olivia whispered, hugging him back.

Noah got straight to the point. "Mommy, is Sonny gonna die?"

"Sweetie," she kissed his head, sat up and carried him out of the room and into the kitchen. She placed him on the island, smoothed his hair, and asked a question instead of answering his. "Why are you afraid Sonny's going to die?"

"Cause he's at da hospital and not comin' out! Mia said her Grandma went there and didn't come out then she died."

Olivia held his hands, "Honey, he's getting the medicine and the doctor's attention he needs to get better. If he's at the hospital, the doctors can make sure they're taking care of him super well and that he's not at work or trying to play too much with Sofia."

Noah's lips curled into a small smile. "Yeah...Sonny likesta play."

"He does."

"What's wrong with him, though?"

"He had the flu. But he was having trouble breathing and they found out he had an infection in his lungs, and that's why he's there. Every hour or so the nurse comes in and gives him a breathing treatment. And some other medicine. The doctors just want to keep him close." Olivia hoped this would satisfy her inquisitive son. She avoided an outright assurance that Sonny would not die because, although his case wasn't considered potentially fatal, people _had_ died of pneumonia. The doctors delivered the diagnosis the day Olivia visited.

"I'm gonna make him a card in art today," Noah said. "Can I bring it to him?"

"That's so thoughtful, Noah. And, I'll check with Brooke today and see how he's doing, but you might not be able to take him the card. If not, Daddy or I will go and maybe we can Face Time."

"Okay."

Olivia glanced at the clock. "We're up early," she said, "How about a special breakfast? Just the two of us? Want to go down to the diner?"

"For banana pancakes?"

"Whatever pancakes you want, honey."

…..

 _Bumping into Ed at the fundraiser ignited all the old flames of affection and desire Olivia had experienced and craved in the early days of their courtship. The next morning, she half-expected him to call, and the weight of disappointment when he didn't was nearly unbearable. Upon further reflection, she determined it was actually her responsibility to contact him, the ball was in her court, but she couldn't bring herself to do it. Ed had moved on and found someone else, and this wasn't a soap opera. She wasn't going to barge into his life and break up his new relationship, no matter how much she regretted her decision. For days, she agonized. What was stopping her from sending a simple text? Why hadn't she chased him the night of their breakup, caught him before he got to the elevator, and dragged him back into the apartment for a relationship-saving heart-to-heart? Though she wanted to see him and at least provide them both with a better sense of closure, work and Noah quickly consumed all of her time, and weeks passed until she saw him again._

 _The day after the squad arrested Aaron Householder for kidnapping his son, Drew, Tucker marched across the squad room toward Benson's office. He ignored Carisi and Rollins and either didn't hear or also ignored Fin who wondered aloud if their old nemesis was back at IAB. Sonny guessed that he was and now that he and Olivia had broken up, all bets were off. They would be under added, jilted-boyfriend spite-driven scrutiny._

 _Tucker entered Benson's office without knocking. Her head snapped up and she tore her glasses from her face. "What are you doing here?" Clearly annoyed he'd barged in without warning, she gripped the chair's armrests and glared at him._

" _What the hell are you doing going into a house unarmed?" Ed matched her hostile tone and aptly returned her glare. Yesterday, when he heard what she'd done in Sheepshead Bay, his head nearly exploded._

" _It was a paintball gun."_

" _You didn't know that."_

 _Olivia shrugged. "Well, chalk one up to luck."_

 _Frustrated and baffled, Ed put his hands on his hips, started to say something, stopped himself, and stared at the ceiling for a few seconds. "You can't keep thinking you're gonna make up for Dodds."_

 _Olivia's jaw dropped. She wasn't sure if she was more angry that he'd been able to dig through her layers and layers of guilt so easily or that he'd had the audacity to call her out on it. Ed paced back and forth in the short space between the seating area and her desk. He was obviously exasperated, perhaps rightfully so, but she took exception to his tone. He wasn't her boss. He wasn't her...anything._

" _I made a call," she said. "I don't have to explain myself to you, and, with all due respect, you weren't there. Aaron was...is...a distraught, desperate father, not a killer-"_

" _-you used those same words to describe Utley, remember?"_

 _Olivia pressed her lips into a straight line. Ed was right. She had used those words, but she walked into the Crivello's townhouse under different circumstances. Had she known the danger that lurked inside, she would have never gone alone or would have at least called for the proper backup._

 _Rather than defend herself, she asked, "Ed, why are you here?"_

 _The muscles in his jaw relaxed and the tension left his shoulders. "Can I sit?"_

 _Olivia nodded._

" _I saw you at Ben's funeral," he said, "And I was gonna come over, say hi afterwards, but I couldn't find you. I wanted to apologize for the night at the fundraiser. You caught me off guard, wasn't expecting to see you again, and when I saw you-"_

 _Ed looked at her pleadingly. He, too, had experienced the rush of emotions. Olivia stared at her hands. "I know…"_

" _-then, later on yesterday afternoon I heard what you did. And I was worried. I_ _am_ _worried."_

" _Worried about me, Ed? Please tell me you're joking. Because if you were so worried, if you loved me, if you wanted to be with me, be with Noah, why did you stay gone? Do you remember, when we got back from Paris, and we thought it was time to start thinking about moving in together and we said something about finally feeling comfortable with someone knowing us? That we had so many ugly parts in our pasts but we trusted each other to know those parts but we loved each other anyway? Do you remember that?"_

 _Ed nodded affirmatively, "But I don't see how that has anything to do with right now."_

" _You acted like it was the highest honor in the world to know me so well," she said, "But you didn't know me well enough to realize I wasn't going to call? That you would need to do that? You love me but...not enough to overcome your own pride?"_

 _Ed rubbed his temples, "I didn't want to pressure you. I didn't know what to do Liv other than keep trying to live my life. Leaving the apartment that night was the hardest thing I've ever done. I'm serious." He locked eyes with her and let a couple of seconds of silence pass for good measure, "Maybe I shoulda come back, but I guess I was erring on the side of caution. I didn't want to piss ya off even more."_

" _I wasn't pissed off," she replied with a sigh, "I was tired and, well, mad at myself that I had this wonderful man in my life and I couldn't figure out how to put it all together...why it got so hard all of a sudden."_

 _Ed knew the answer, or, he thought he did. Upon their return from Paris, Olivia dove headfirst into work, insisting she was fine and that the vacation was all she needed to recharge and reset. But she was wrong. He knew it but was too afraid of her reaction to point it out. She obsessed over cases more than usual, spent more late nights at the office than he remembered, and, after a while, their relationship suffered._

 _Olivia wanted to ask about the redhead, find out if she was still in his life, but the inquiries would have to wait. Sonny burst in, with apologies, and informed her baby Drew was dead and Barba was being escorted in for questioning._

" _What the…" Olivia started tossing items into her bag and searched for the keys to the SUV. "I knew something was off with him…"_

" _Need a ride?" Ed asked._

" _No, I," Olivia found the keys in a drawer and caught a glimpse of a stack of photos which she knew contained one of her and Ed in Paris. She looked up and shot him a conciliatory smile. He was smirking at her like old times. "Ed…"_

" _Yeah, ya gotta go."_

" _No, well, yes, but...we need to talk. Let me...deal with this, whatever it is, and can we meet for coffee sometime?"_

 _At the risk of his heart being shredded a second time, Ed told her he was available whenever she was ready. "This sounds like a bear, though," he said, referring to Barba's detention, "Take your time."_

 _On her way out, Olivia reached for his hand and gave it a squeeze._

" _Thank you."_

…

Almost every Tucker routine had been disrupted by Sonny's illness. Ed and Olivia were happy to help with Sofia, but there was no denying her presence along with frequent runs to the Brooklyn hospital were affecting normal household operations. The twins weren't napping on their regular schedules, Noah was consumed with curiosity and concern, and Olivia's voicemail and email inboxes were filled with messages pertaining to the Benson Center, the show, and a new book laughed at the idea of writing another book.

"I have no idea when that's supposed to happen," she muttered.

So, when Brooke arrived to pick up Sofia on Saturday afternoon and reported Sonny seemed to be on the mend, everyone smiled and breathed a sigh of relief. Noah danced around and celebrated with the twins, who were happy to scream and giggle and spin around in circles even though they weren't exactly sure why. Ed and Olivia invited Brooke to stay for dinner, they ordered delivery, ate, and let Brooke take their SUV back to Brooklyn rather than bother with a cab or an Uber.

"One of us will come get it tomorrow," Ed said, "Just try not to get it towed."

Brooke grinned. "Noted."

"I'll walk ya to the car."

When Ed returned, the apartment had been put in order, the kids were in pajamas, and Olivia situated them in Noah's room with the iPad and the bed rail. They had drinks, a bowl of popcorn, and a full charge. Olivia slid her arms around Ed's waist. He hadn't yet removed his coat and the cold made her shiver.

"Let's get this off," she said.

"Only this?"

"For now."

They retreated to the couch and sat together surrounded in the ambient light and relative silence. Occasionally, sounds of the movie and the kids' voices would float into the room, but they soon only heard the animated characters and assumed Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah had fallen asleep. "I'll check on 'em in a minute," Ed mumbled with his lips pressed to Olivia's head.

"Do you know what I saw on the news while you were gone?" Olivia asked.

"What's that?"

"A little girl died this afternoon after drinking bong water laced with meth. Went into cardiac arrest after drinking it... _yesterday_...the mother was too scared to bring her to the ER when she realized what happened so she thought she'd treat her at home."

"Jesus."

"I don't know why I even watch the news anymore…"

"Habit," Ed replied though he knew the question was rhetorical. "But yeah, can't ever be a good explanation for half the stuff we hear."

Olivia hugged his chest, "Mmmm...I'm so glad to be right here right now."

"So am I."

Ed stroked her back with the tips of his fingers. Olivia made similar movements on his abdomen and then slowly unbuckled his belt. Ed gasped as she started gently touching him through his underwear.

"I want you," she whispered in a raspy, throaty voice. "You...are a perfect father and husband and...I _want you_." Olivia omitted _grandfather_ out of expediency but also because Ed didn't love the moniker and she didn't need anything to interfere with their night of intimacy. She stood up, held out her hands, and led him to the bedroom. On the way, they checked on the kids. They were sound asleep and Ed ducked into the room to grab the iPad and put it on Noah's desk so it didn't fall and startle them during the night.

After the brief pause, he joined his wife in the bedroom and nearly drooled as she peeled off her clothes. Ed Tucker had always valued routine and order. In fact, he sacrificed a lot of spontaneity for the comfort of knowing what was going to happen. As a result, there weren't a lot of surprises in his life. He knew what to expect. Nothing ever rattled him. But no matter how many times he saw his wife naked, twitches of nervous yet excited anticipation shot through his body. Every time he made love to her was like the first time.

" _Ed_... _God…Ohhhh…_ "

It was as magical as it had ever been. They kissed and stared into one another's eyes and, as much as the pleasure would allow, whispered how much they loved each other. Ed trembled slightly afterward and Olivia caressed his face. "Are you okay?" She asked, her eyes gleaming with compassion even in the darkness of the room.

He kissed her on the lips before responding. "I've never been better," he replied in a whisper. "I love you, Liv. God, I love you. Mmmmm...I could die right now." He took her into his arms and wrapped his legs around her lower body but quickly retracted when he heard her sniffle and felt what could have been tears on his neck. "Liv? What is it?"

Ed had uttered dozens of off-hand words and phrases before, during, and after sex, and usually Olivia never thought twice about them. But, when he mentioned dying, Olivia recalled her conversation with Noah and also remembered she'd forgotten to tell Ed about it. She took a deep breath, "Noah asked me if Sonny was going to die, I...I'm sorry, the day-"

"-they've all been gettin' away from us," he said, "I'm sorry...you know I don't mean I really wanna be gone."

Olivia grinned, "Oh, I know."

"But Noah?"

"He must have been talking about Sonny at school, or, maybe Mia brought it up because her grandmother passed away, but he was worried because her grandmother was in the hospital and died, so he was wondering if Sonny was going to die."

"Damn," Ed replied, "Too much death talk lately."

"Should we buy the Ireland trip? Tell him about it soon?"

Ed kissed her forehead, "Yeah, that'll be good." A few seconds of silence passed and Ed continued, "Liv...while we're on the subject...I have that next appointment comin' up...just the check, with the, uh," Ed hated to say it, "Oncologist. Next week."

"Thursday."

"Yeah."

"Justin's coming over to stay with the twins."

"You already set that up?"

"Yes," Olivia said, "I did it weeks ago...and confirmed Thursday. I don't want you going alone even though-"

Ed interrupted her with a kiss. "-I'm perfectly healthy."

"Well, if you're not," Olivia raised one eyebrow and massaged his chest, "You certainly fooled me."

…..

 _Maggie massaged her forehead and regarded her coffee with disgust. "Why are there no bacon egg and cheese sandwiches here?" She asked. "I need a street food B-E-C right now." Wincing, she took a sip of coffee, which was good, but the hangover prevented her from appreciating everything from the drink to the pleasant Parisian side street on which the morning cafe was situated. The spot had been a favorite for the Tucker family whenever they visited the city. It was busy enough for people watching yet not so touristy as to be inauthentic._

 _Noah swigged carbonated water in between sips of coffee. Wyatt, who rarely drank alcohol, swallowed two ibuprofen. On their first full day in Paris, the trio left the hotel with no particular plan in mind and ended up bar hopping all day. They took the Metro to a few off-the-beaten-path locales and had a blast drinking with the locals. Thanks to their solid grasp of the French language, they were able to communicate and socialize even if they didn't quite fit in. They arrived back at the hotel, went for a swim, and ordered pizza. At three a.m., Wyatt woke up on one of the terrace loungers and dragged his siblings inside. A few hours later, they sluggishly walked out into another beautiful Parisian spring day._

" _Mom would be so proud," Wyatt muttered._

 _They finished their coffees and croissants and wandered aimlessly, skirting the river. Eventually, they made their way to the Champs de Mars. "Can we rest?" Maggie asked. "And, can we have some water? I'm so thirsty."_

" _Go pick out a spot," Noah said, "Wyatt and I will be back."_

 _They returned with more food and two bottles of wine. Maggie grumbled about how their parents always made sure to have a blanket which both her brothers ignored. Noah opened the wine, Wyatt broke off a piece of a baguette and offered Maggie some bread and cheese._

" _No," she said, "I can't do cheese right now."_

 _Noah and Wyatt opened the bottles. "You want wine?" Wyatt asked Maggie._

" _Yeah. That'll be good."_

 _They couldn't have a proper toast because they didn't have glasses, so Wyatt and Noah raised the bottles. "Here we are, Mom and Dad," Wyatt said, "Tried to kill ourselves last night and paying for it today-"_

 _Maggie and Noah laughed._

" _Cheers. We love you."_

 _They passed the bottles around. Maggie took a few bites of the baguette and started to feel better. The alcohol coursed through her veins and she laid back and took in the view of the Eiffel Tower through her dark sunglasses. She closed her eyes. Images of the five of them floated on a loop through her mind. Maggie chose to recall only the memories that included everyone-she still couldn't yet bear replaying the conversations only she and her mother had shared._

 _Eventually, she sat up again and took another long drink. "Guys," she said, "I think we should put some of the ashes here. This is a place we always went. They loved it here. Mom even had a picture of us here on her nightstand." She patted the ground, "This is the Paris place."_

 _Wyatt and Noah agreed._

" _Where's the thing?" Wyatt asked. Years of being a bookworm had gifted him with an impressive vocabulary, but he wasn't sure what to call the cylindrical tube containing the ashes. All the words he had, such as "vial" sounded too crude and crass._

" _Here," Maggie reached into her bag. She took a deep breath and unscrewed the lid. "Ready?"_

" _Just a little," Noah said, "Like, not even half."_

" _Okay."_

 _She tapped some of the contents into her brothers' hands. Wyatt clawed at the turf, and they solemnly placed the ashes in the soil. Wyatt patted the clump of grass back down. Noah pressed two fingers to his lips and tapped the spot. All three wiped away tears._

" _This is so unfair," Maggie said. "What I wouldn't give for another day...a week...a year…one more Christmas."_

 _Wyatt buried his face in his hands. Noah patted his back and curled his arm around Maggie. "They knew we loved them," he said reassuringly, "We didn't leave anything unsaid." Both Maggie and Wyatt nodded. "And they knew we'd have each other to get through this." Noah peered at the Eiffel Tower and let tears of his own run down his cheeks. It wasn't lost on him that if it weren't for Maggie and Wyatt, and for Ed Tucker, he would most likely be suffering alone._

" _I love you guys," he croaked._

" _Love you, too, brother."_

" _Love you, No," Maggie said, "But I don't love you for last night. Those shots destroyed me."_

" _It couldn't have been the afternoon cocktails and the wine at dinner."_

" _Nope," Maggie grabbed one of the bottles, dribbled a little on the spot where they'd left part of their parents and took a swig, "Definitely the shots."_

…

The Saturday morning fog lifted a few minutes before noon and gave way to clear, sunny skies. "It's spring!" Noah shouted, "Mommy! It's spring! C'we go out?"

Olivia didn't have the heart to tell him it wasn't spring and it was very likely to snow this time next week. She checked the temperature and and dressed the kids in jeans, sweatshirts, and their fleece jackets. It was warm enough to forego the mittens and hats, but she stuffed them in her tote anyway. Noah shoved the soccer ball in the lower stroller storage compartment and pulled his scooter from the closet.

"Babies," he said, "I'm gonna ride dis but I'll stay close."

"Wa' ride, No!" Maggie strained against the straps and looked pleadingly at Olivia.

"We'll get you on your scooters soon," Olivia replied. "But today you're in the stroller. Sorry, Maggs." The twins had owned scooters of their own for a while, but they weren't great at balancing on them last summer and fall. Olivia was sure they were probably ready to try again, but Ed wasn't home and it was too risky to try and keep tabs on two toddlers and Noah all on wheels.

They walked to the nearby park and found many families out and taking advantage of the warmer weather. Noah and the twins raced for the jungle gym and took several trips down the slides. Olivia snapped a few photos but tried not to hover. She stepped back, leaned against a tree, and gave them some space to play semi-independently. The area wasn't large-one jungle gym and a set of monkey bars and the three kids stuck together-so Olivia was able to relax and observe from the sidelines.

Each day, the three personalities became more defined. Noah took his big brother role very seriously, almost too seriously at times. He was encouraging, protective, and made sure to explain even the most minute details of their sibling adventures. Maggie was a leader, active, maybe even a little hyper, and the more vocal of the twins; however, Wyatt was not always a silent follower. He could be headstrong, and it wasn't uncommon for Olivia and Ed to hear "No, Magg!" several times a day. The three Tucker kids complimented each other well. They loved playing together, even though Olivia sometimes felt bad for Noah when the twins couldn't quite match his speed or intellect. He never complained the babies were too young for him, so she tried not to worry about it. After all, he had a horde of friends at school who he adored.

Olivia never let Maggie, Wyatt, and Noah out of her sight, but she must have been more checked out than she thought, because Ed arrived and she didn't realize it until she heard a chorus of "DADDY!"

The kids ran to Ed and he grinned, thrilled to be getting a hero's reception among so many onlookers. "Hey there, young Tuckers," he said, "Snuck off to the park without me?"

"You were at Grandmas, Daddy!"

"I know bud," Ed mussed Noah's hair, "She says hello and she sent cookies."

Noah grinned, "We c'have a snack after this. Daddy, I have da soccer ball. You wanna play after we slide a few more times?"

"Sure do."

"Kay! C'mon, babies, lessgo slide, four, no, _five_ more times! Daddy, Maggs wantsa go down head first but I told her no. C'you tell her no, too?"

"Slide on your butt, Maggs," Ed swatted his daughter's behind. "Show me how ya slide. Let's see it."

"Go fass, Dada!" Wyatt said.

"You gonna go fast, pal?"

Wyatt grinned and ran toward the jungle gym. Maggie and Noah followed. The twins no longer needed assistance climbing the bars, but Noah went up last so he could catch them if they slipped. Sure enough, at the top, Maggie swung her body around and went down headfirst on her stomach.

Ed shook his head, "Might have some trouble with that one."

"Probably." Olivia kissed him on the cheek. "Everything all set?"

"Yep. Flight, hotel, and car all booked. I printed the plane confirmation. Maybe we can tuck it in the Irish book so Noah finds it tonight?"

"He won't go to sleep."

Ed shrugged, "It's Saturday."

"It is," Olivia looped her arm around Ed's and put her head on his shoulder, "And a beautiful one at that."

"You gonna play soccer with us?"

"Of course. Why?"

"We'll probably be on opposite teams," Ed replied, "Care to make it interesting?"

Laughing, Olivia said, "I'm game, Captain. They only have three more slides...better work out those terms."

Ed smirked. He glanced around at other parents, other couples. None of them looked connected to anything other than their phones. "Either way," he said under his breath, "We both win."

"I love our friendly wagers," Olivia murmured.

"Gonna be a little more than friendly if you catch my drift."

Heat rose to her cheeks and she smiled against the burn. " _Ed Tucker_ …"

She recalled a few of the times she'd sat across from him in an interrogation room. Who would have thought _that_ Tucker would become _this_ Tucker-flirty, silly, and unabashedly in love with her?

No one could have predicted it, but it happened. Now, Olivia couldn't imagine her life any other way.

…

 **#Tuckson**


	117. Chapter 117

**117**. _Well, this week's #Tuckson melancholy stems from thinking about Tucker walking away from OMB and Noah and resisting the urge to go back. How devastating it must have been for him to decide to give up and move on to the next best thing even though it's not what he really wanted. Ugh, Dick Wolf, you suck._

… _.._

Noah wasn't cooperating. In his defense, he didn't know he was _supposed_ to be cooperating. After his bath, he said goodnight to Maggie and Wyatt and chose to play on the iPad rather than sit in on the twins' story time. When it was time for his own books, Olivia wedged herself in bed next to him and grabbed the Irish folktale book only to have Noah crinkle his nose, shake his head, and request a different title.

"Are you sure?" Olivia asked, making quick eye contact with Ed who was lingering in the doorway.

"Yep."

"Maybe just one?"

Brow furrowed, Noah looked up at his mother. He wasn't used to her having any say whatsoever in the books he chose. The only struggle he ever ran into with her was negotiating a third or fourth story on some nights. Seeing the determination in her eyes, Noah relented. "Arright. One Irish story then another one _and_ another one."

"Deal. Here," Olivia handed him the heavy tome, "Open it up to the table of contents. There's one I really want to read tonight but I can't remember the name."

Twisting his lips and bobbing his head back and forth, Noah cheerfully replied, "Kay," and opened the book. It was large, almost as big as his torso. He rested it on his chest and carefully opened the cover. Out fell a folded piece of paper. He crinkled his nose. "What's dis?"

"Open it, bud," Ed slowly tiptoed into the room. He didn't want to miss the big reveal.

Noah looked up and then back at the paper. He unfolded it and squinted at the words. "Dat's my name…" he scanned another line and finally realized what he was looking at. His jaw dropped and he gasped. "Ire-LAND? I'm goin' dere on Del- _ta_?"

"You sure are, bud. With me, Mommy, and Grandma."

"T'morrow?"

Olivia smiled and kissed Noah on the head, "No sweetie. On your next school vacation. Spring break."

"S'spring today!"

"The weather was like spring, but it's still January," Olivia gently explained. "We're going in April."

"How many days is that?"

"About sixty," Olivia replied. She felt bad. To a little kid, sixty days must have sounded like an eternity.

Unfazed, Noah stared at the printed flight confirmation and laid back on his pillows. "I'm goin' to Ireland," he murmured before sitting up straight again, "I gotta call Grandma! And we gotta start packing blue and green 'cause dat's what da Irish wear and, and…" Noah couldn't find words to express his excitement. He bounced on his knees, clutched the flight confirmation, and hummed one of the tunes Caroline had taught him. "Does Gramma know I'm goin?"

"She does, pal. It was her idea. She wants to show you where she was born. Where our family's from."

Noah stopped bouncing and nodded solemnly. "Yeah, that's 'portant." He let himself fall onto Olivia's lap, "Thank you, Mommy and Daddy. I've wanted to go there my whole life."

Olivia couldn't help but laugh at the adorable remark. She kissed Noah's head. "I'm so happy we can take you, sweet boy. It's going to be so fun to see Ireland with you."

Noah looked up at her and asked, "You been dere b'fore?"

"Nope," Olivia said, making quick eye contact with Ed and winking at him. "First time for me, too."

…

Sarah and G took advantage of the mild weather and camped out on Sarah's terrace with take-out food and a bottle of wine. They were dressed in bulky sweaters and jeans, and Sarah dragged out a small space heater to combat the mid-forties temperatures. "Anything we can do to get some fresh air," she reasoned, "And it's a gorgeous night. I wish desperately for spring."

G nodded wholeheartedly, "I do too. For the weather and all of my work stuff will calm down," she said. "This is the busiest time of year for me. I have the auction at Noah's school and then a few public school fundraisers going on. It's almost getting to be too much."

"You don't have help?" Sarah asked. She refilled G's glass without asking if she wanted more, her way of offering assistance.

"I do, but, you know, well, I don't know if you know, but I have trouble trusting people to do their jobs, so I end up either doing everything or double and triple checking so much it's similar to doing everything.

Sarah folded her legs underneath her body, leaning forward so far G almost reached out to catch her. The messy bun on top of her head flopped back and forth when she regained her balance and she took a long drink before replying. "You know...I don't think I totally get what you're saying. I mean, I do, in a way, but, when I first graduated and got a job? It was cutthroat. We were supposed to go out and solicit projects, then develop the team, and we kind of had to be a team to make it work. It was do or die. And now? Well, I'm in charge of those teams...those kids," Sarah laughed, "I don't feel old at all but I sure sound like it."

Slightly jealous, G asked, "So...who do _you_ report to?"

"Our CFO," Sarah replied. She sensed what G was really asking because Brooke often posed similar questions. "So, right now, I'm overseeing teams who are working with mid-level companies all around the world. They're trying to break into the market, trying to figure out cracks...a way to sort of, well, I call it cheating but it's not cheating, predict what the next major tech trend, or whatever trend will be, and then we go after it."

"Sounds exciting."

"It is. Like...we guided Uber through its IPO process," Sarah breathed deeply and stared up at the bluish-black sky, "That was what got me where I was. My work on that. The international part of it...have I ever told you I'm exceptional at languages?"

"I know you speak Spanish."

Sarah grinned. "I do, and I have no idea why. I just pick up on languages. I never really tried. Oh, I suck at grammar, but I can understand and somehow, I don't know-my sister and my Dad hate me for it," she giggled a little, "I am the kid who never did a damn thing in school and always aced the tests. Like, it literally drove my Dad crazy."

G was quite sure Ed Tucker was not crazy, but she didn't call Sarah out on her misuse of _literally_. Also, she noticed Sarah dropped the professional veil when the focus shifted to her apparent giftedness. "Yeah, that would be irritating."

"I think Noey's going to be like that," Sarah said, "But, well, he likes to study things. He's actually going to be smarter than I am. He's naturally smart but he loves to know things. I didn't give a fuck. I just picked things up."

Now G really felt the burn of envy, but she was happy to talk about Noah rather than her job or anything mildly personal. "He's such a neat kid," she said, "I'm sorry you couldn't pick him up the other day, but I had a great afternoon. Especially after a crappy day at work."

"That's the best," Sarah gushed, "Going to get Noey and letting him... _gawwwd_ , just getting him from school. He's always so happy and happy to see me and of course I buy him all kinds of shit and we go to dinner but he, uh, it's-"

"-he loves to spend time with you."

" _Yes_." Sarah stared at G with wide eyes, "You get it!"

"I know." G let her guard down. "And, yes, it was so great when he ran to me-the clerk got him out of class early-and he was so happy and didn't want to go home right away." G told Sarah all about calling Olivia and Ed and going to Dos Toros with Noah. "And then the twins were so happy to see me when I took him home. It was, just," G paused because she felt herself choking up, "So nice."

"Yeah…"

"I couldn't believe Ed and Olivia let me take him though, I-"

"-you've babysat them zillions of times."

"But to pick up Noah from school and then, kind of," G flapped her hand in the air, "Say go ahead and take my kid to dinner?"

Sarah started giggling. "You do realize they use that time to, uh, well…I'm pretty sure those days they make Maggs and Wyatt stay up so they nap a long time…" The twinkle in Sarah's eyes was unmistakable. She paused until she coaxed an embarrassed grin out of her friend and neighbor. "They were, uh, in PJs weren't they?"

"Not exactly."

"But they'd been doing it for sure."

G reddened.

Sarah shrugged and giggled more. " _Gawwwd_. Ugh." She looked at G pleadingly. "I know I'm so weird when it comes to them. You can say it. Think it. Brooke does, everyone does, but I am infatuated with my Dad and Livvie. I don't know why, well, yes I do, it's because they're both people who held back for so long, like, their whole lives, and they finally met their soul mates and...look what happens? It's the best love story."

"You believe in soul mates?"

"I do," Sarah said firmly. "But I don't believe in the instant connection thing. I think it takes time to realize it. But you have to admit, when you see my Dad and Olivia together, they, there's something special there. They don't have to do anything but be in the same room and you can feel it. It's... _gawwwd_ , it's, well, I don't know what I'm trying to say, but it's _optimistic_."

"Optimistic?"

"Yeah. If my grumpy Dad and Livvie, with all her stuff, got together and fell in love and are, like the best couple on the face of the Earth? That's fucking optimistic."

G wasn't about to disagree, but she did ask, "Do you ever compare you and Justin to them?"

"No way."

It was not an answer G expected. "No way?"

Sarah shook her head and split the rest of the wine between their glasses. "That would be unfair. And," she leaned closer to G, "Between the two of us, this is Brooke's problem. Liv and my Dad are unique in too many ways. We can't compare ourselves to them. But Brooke does. That's her problem. I may be obsessed, fascinated, but I don't kid myself. Justin and I will have our own story, and it's not going to be anywhere near my Dad's. Brooke thinks I want to be them. But I don't. We can't."

"Maybe Brooke has trouble being happy for other people."

Raising a finger in acknowledgement, Sarah replied, "Very good point. That's hard. Especially when you're not happy."

"Brooke's not happy?"

"She," Sarah winced, "She has high expectations for herself that she's never been able to live up to. She wanted to be the next great inner city white teacher but she got tired. She wanted to redeem herself and go help kids in Brooklyn read but she also wanted to be a mom. Now she feels like shit because she's taking the trust money but...it's really what she needs to do."

"The trust money?"

"Yes. Our mom left it."

"I hope Brooke finds what she's looking for."

Sarah groaned, "Brooke's worst problem-she always compares herself to other people. And I've never been able to cure her of that."

"How did you do it?"

Sarah screwed up her face and appeared genuinely baffled. "You know. It's innate. I've just always done my own thing, now, I've fucked up a lot doing my own thing-"

G laughed politely.

"Look," Sarah said, "I've had an easy life. Not without its shit. But an easy life. And it's because I seize the good things and forget about the bad. Brooke can't do that. She weighs everything. Which is why she carries around our mom's death and I don't. I let it go and chose to focus on my Dad and Livvie and Noey and then the twins."

"How have you dealt with your Mom's death?"

Sarah stood up. "I think we'll need another bottle for that."

…

 _Barba kissed Olivia on the forehead and left her alone in front of the courthouse. She blinked back tears and took a few steadying breaths. As soon as Barba admitted to ending baby Drew's life, she reckoned with the fact their professional relationship would never be the same, but she didn't think she'd also lose him as a friend. The wind whipped the flaps of her trench in the air and she shivered._

" _Helluva birthday," she muttered to herself. Caught up in the whirlwind of the case against Barba, she had almost forgotten about it. Barba certainly had. One person, however, did not. Right around the time the jury announced its verdict, Ed Tucker sent a text message complete with balloon and gift emojis._

 _Coffee later?_ _He'd asked._

 _To hell with coffee_ _, Olivia thought. It was early, but she wasn't going back to the office. Dejected, demoralized, and sad, she stood in the middle of the sidewalk and considered her options. Go home and wallow? Pick up Noah early and take him to do something fun? Or should she call Ed and set up some type of, er, date? Time with Noah had been limited lately, but she was in such a terrible mood she decided he might be better off at day care with his friends and perpetually-cheerful teachers. Besides, if she and Ed could embark on the path of reconciliation, Noah would also benefit._

 _Ed chose a symbolic place-the pub where they'd shared one of their first non-work-related drinks and, afterwards, one of their first non-chaste kisses. Olivia tried not to read much into his choice, it was, after all, close to his office, but when she saw him hunched at the far corner of the bar cradling a neat bourbon, her entire demeanor thawed. She momentarily forgot about Barba, about the sharp criticism Ed had leveled at her, about the redhead...and strode toward him reminding herself that they weren't together and a kiss and hug hello was out of the question. A second bourbon was waiting for her next to a glass of ice cubes. Ed hadn't wanted them to melt in the liquor before she arrived._

 _He greeted her with a smirk. His eyes twinkled as he wished her happy birthday in his deepest, sexiest voice. Sliding the bourbon and ice toward her with one hand, he extended the other, "Let me get your coat."_

 _Olivia shrugged off the trench and passed it to him. She dumped two ice cubes into the bourbon and raised her glass, "Cheers."_

" _Cheers," he said. Though he took a long drink, he did not take his eyes off of her. "You okay?"_

" _Why wouldn't I be?"_

" _I heard about Barba...good for him, but gonna be no way he goes back to the DA's office now. And word on the street is that Stone's here for good. Young punk…"_

 _Letting the disparaging comment slide for now, Olivia instead focused on Barba's future. "He has options," she said, "But you're right, they don't involve anything close to what he's been doing. I, um, right before I called you he told me he was leaving, not just the DA's office, but the city, it's," she met his eyes, "It's been a rough day."_

" _Well, I've got nothin' to do. Want another one?"_

" _I'm not finished with this one. And I'm surprised you're the one pushing alcohol as the answer when-" Olivia winced. She was upset about Barba and letting herself get defensive for an entirely different reason. One of the only disagreements she and Ed had when they were together started from his concern over her drinking habits. "-Never mind," she said, "I...I have to get Noah in a little while. Lucy's off today."_

" _Then we'll behave."_

" _You don't have to be...somewhere?"_

" _Somewhere?"_

" _I don't know. Somewhere with...your girlfriend?"_

 _Ed chuckled, "Patty?"_

" _We were never formally introduced, so I don't know. Is that her name?"_

" _It is, but she's not my girlfriend," Ed replied firmly, "She, uh, it didn't work out."_

" _You certainly didn't waste any time getting things started."_

" _Huh?" Ed appeared genuinely confused, "What are you talking about?"_

" _Rumor has it that you met her the night we broke up." Olivia's blood started to boil when Ed laughed even harder. "What?"_

" _That is absolutely not true."_

" _I feel like I'm in middle school," Olivia said, rolling her eyes, "So forgive me for sounding like it. Fin heard you met her after an officer involved...at the hospital the night…" she trailed off before she could finish the sentence._

" _I met her a couple of weeks before the fundraiser," Tucker was still amused, "I don't wanna speak ill of Fin, but he must've heard wrong or...I don't know. He needs better informants. You send him out to get dirt on me?" Ed was teasing now and leaned forward on one elbow. He was inches away from gripping her thigh and getting back to the way they were a year ago. "Nice strategy. Nobody would ever think Fin would care about who's dating who in NYPD."_

" _You haven't lost your IAB touch."_

" _So you really did send him?"_

" _No," Olivia retorted sassily. Now that she knew Ed's girlfriend was out of the picture, her ego and confidence got a boost. "But did you meet her after a shooting?"_

" _Yeah, but only because she was the first one to talk to the vic who made the accusation. That's how I met her."_

" _And figured you'd try to heal a broken heart?"_

 _Ed lifted his eyes to meet hers and replied softly, "Yeah."_

 _Olivia reached for one of his hands. "Ed, I am so sorry. I wanted to call. I actually started to call a few times, but I...it got away from me, and then it seemed like too much time had passed. That it would be laughable to think you'd just come back…"_

" _...I would have. I will."_

 _Slack-jawed, Olivia processed his words. Did he say what she thought he said?_

" _I will, Liv," he repeated, sensing her uncertainty. He inched closer so their knees touched. "I love you. I never, ever stopped loving you. I never will stop loving you-"_

" _-I'm hearing a but."_

" _-No buts, other than, an assurance," he held her hands and straightened his back. "When it gets hard again, and it will get hard again, we're not gonna shut the whole thing down. We're gonna get through it. Together."_

 _Olivia's jaw trembled._

" _No more bein' apart for us…"_

 _Tears welled in her eyes. His gaze was intense and tenacious. It was strong enough to make her feel as if she were in his arms though he was merely holding her hands. But she longed to be back in his arms, for him to make love to her and then patiently let her lie against his chest and stare out into the night for as long as she wanted, until she fell asleep._

" _I want all of it back, Ed," Olivia finally replied, "I want to finish the fairy tale...our story."_

" _I want that too."_

 _They smiled at each other before spending the next minute so wrapped in a tight embrace. There were other issues, more challenges to iron out, but right now, Olivia felt weightless with relief. Ed Tucker had shown her what it was like to be loved unconditionally and with endless understanding and compassion, he was a true partner, and attentive lover, and though she had not devoted nearly enough time to their relationship, she didn't realize how much she loved and needed him until he was gone, until the morning and evening texts stopped, until she realized Noah, too, missed the man who had become a father figure._

 _Ed pressed three firm kisses to her lips. "What time do you have to get Noah?"_

" _Six-thirty at the latest."_

" _Then we have a couple hours…"_

 _Olivia propelled herself off the stool and swiped her coat from the hook. "Let's not spend them here."_

…

Strapped in his booster seat, Noah kicked his legs against the paper bags sitting below him. Wyatt was trying to participate in the game, but his feet couldn't quite reach. Ed steered the car across the Brooklyn Bridge and Noah explained to Wyatt that the bridge was built "a really long time ago" and a "rooster was da first person" to cross the bridge. Ed glanced at Noah through the rear-view mirror.

"How do you know that, bud?"

"Da fact book at school," Noah replied matter-of-factly.

"And a rooster crossed first?"

"Yep! It was in a lady's lap. She was in a carriage and da President was there."

"Why a rooster?"

"For good luck!"

"Oh."

"We shoulda brought Sonny a rooster," Noah said. "He had bad luck 'cause he had to go to the hospital and we had to take care of Sof so Brookey could take care of him. That was a lotta people!"

"Sure was, but, even though Sonny was sick, it was nice to have Sofia over. Don't you think?"

"Yeah." The bags at Noah's feet contained a get well package from the Tucker family as well as some items Sofia had left behind.

When they arrived at the Carisi apartment, Sofia ran to Noah and Wyatt and greeted them like long lost friends. It was shocking for her to see the boys there, and her reaction made Ed realize they didn't bring the kids together enough and, when they did, they almost always met in Manhattan. Though smiling and cheerful, Brooke was clearly tired. Her shoulders slumped, her skin was pale, and Ed thought she looked like she'd lost weight. Pangs of guilt stabbed him in the gut. Olivia constantly praised him for being a great father, but the accolades weren't fully deserved. He'd been neglecting Brooke.

"You gettin' enough sleep?" Ed quietly asked Brooke before Sonny entered the room.

"No," she replied, "Last night I slept on the couch. Too hot and he's breathing so heavily and I'm a light sleeper anyway."

"You need a vacation."

"We just had one," Brooke snapped, "And we brought back the flu."

"Want to get out? Go for a walk? We can stay a bit."

"Nah. I'm okay."

"Tucker!" Unlike his wife, Sonny's color was normal and he had his familiar jaunty air about him. He fist-bumped Noah and slapped hands with Wyatt on his way to shake Ed's hand. "Good to see ya!"

"Good to see you outta the hospital," Ed replied, "Feelin' better?"

"Very much. That was scary for sure. But. All good now. Back to work Monday."

"Already? You don't wanna think about taking another week?"

"I can't," Sonny replied, "I'm the new guy...I gotta be there."

Ed's eyes darted between Brooke and Sonny. The tension was palpable. "Why don't we take Sof Monday? I'll come get her in the morning. You can work. Brooke, you can get some rest. We don't need you wearin' yourself out and getting sick, too. Seriously. We don't mind."

Brooke agreed. "I can bring her, though. Car seat…"

"She's big enough to use Maggie's or Wyatt's." Ed was ready to say he'd transport Sofia by subway if need be so Brooke milk every second of her day off. However, she relented and, for the moment, Ed felt better. Seconds later, though, Wyatt's scream pierced the calm of the living room.

" _Shit_."

Wyatt was on his knees, crying, with blood gushing from a wound on his forehead.

…

 _The story of the Titanic fascinated the kids for different reasons. Noah agonized over hubris-how could people not consider the worst case scenarios? The thought of people waiting in the ship's lower decks for sure death tortured Wyatt. Maggie, who, in preparation for the visit and unbeknownst to her parents, watched the 1997 movie, believed Rose and Jack were based on real people and both admired and lamented their doomed love story. She meandered through the Titanic Museum in Cobh with a dreamy, slightly sad expression on her face. After the visit, she noticed the adjacent Titanic Bar and Grill and insisted they go there for lunch._

" _Brrr," she said as she folded her arms across her chest and leaned into her mother, "It's cold here in Ireland!"_

 _Olivia put an arm around Maggie and playfully dragged her along the path to the restaurant. It had been tough to pack lightly for the trip since they were visiting three very different temperature zones and now Maggie had an additional hoodie from the museum gift shop in her possession. "We can have some soup here," Olivia said, eyeing another customer's bowl of what looked like some sort of chowder. "That'll warm you up."_

 _A cheerful hostess sat them at a booth overlooking the patio and the harbor in the distance. The kids jostled over the seats closest to the window. Noah relented and let Wyatt go in first. From the minute the twins started speaking in full sentences, it was common for Ed and Olivia to be left out of the trio's conversations. Before the food arrived, the kids imagined aloud their grandmother's initial embarkation to the United States from this very town._

" _Do you think she was scared?" Wyatt asked._

" _No," Noah said with all the confidence he could muster, "Not Grandma."_

 _Ed glanced over his menu at Olivia. She'd put on her reading glasses and pretended not to realize he was covertly staring at her. She pursed her lips, murmured that the seafood was probably excellent there, and flipped to the drink list. "Feel like a beer?" She asked Ed._

" _Are we sharing?"_

" _Are we really that old?"_

" _-You're not old, Mommy," Maggie chimed in._

" _Thank you," Olivia said, "Then I'll have my own beer." Ed winked and she felt her face flush. Under the table, she kicked at his leg, trying and succeeding to elicit a smirk. "What looks good to eat other than the soup?" Nobody answered right away. Olivia's phone vibrated. Ed had snuck a text._ _You look good_ _, he typed. Olivia looked up and mouthed, "You're staring."_

 _Ed shrugged. Olivia was on to him and he didn't care one bit. Their London hotel room was small, hardly the junior suite described on the website, and they hadn't had a chance for any intimacy other than a few protracted goodnight kisses. In this small town, they'd opted for a two bedroom flat booked through AirBnB. The night before, Ed and Olivia made up for the nights in London and Ed was intent on continuing the trend._

" _Dad, where was Grandma actually born?" Noah asked._

" _In a house."_

 _Maggie nearly choked on her soda. "In a HOUSE?"_

" _You almost were, too," Ed replied, "But we got Mom to the hospital in time."_

" _Not true," Olivia retorted._

" _We had to be in a hospital because Wyatt couldn't breathe," Maggie said, directing her words to Ed and implying that she was disappointed he was so badly mistaken. Then, she started giggling, "You know what Brayden said?"_

" _Who's Brayden?" Noah asked._

" _Brayden and Bethany, they're twins too, in our class." Maggie good-naturedly explained. She had more patience with Noah. "Brayden said twins means that the parents got an extra kid by mistake. So," she tapped her fingers on the table and laughed as she delivered the next question, "Who's the mistake?"_

" _Joke's on you," Ed replied, "We implanted you both."_

" _Ed!"_

 _He regarded Olivia innocently._

" _What?"_

…

Waiting at home while the doctors stitched up Wyatt's cut in the emergency room was almost as bad as having to go home from the hospital while he was hooked up to breathing machines in the NICU. Ed reported Wyatt was brave and had hardly cried during the procedure. They were now waiting for the final discharge papers and Wyatt's prescription. Olivia listened. Five stitches. The injury occurred as the result of a game of chase, very similar to the circumstances that had resulted in Maggie's Gulf Coast split lip.

"Lemme talk to Mommy," Olivia heard Noah say. Sonny and Brooke offered to let Noah stay with them while Ed took Wyatt to the hospital, but Noah refused. He was not going to leave his brother's side.

Ed handed Noah the phone. "Hi Mommy! Wyatt has little threads in his head!"

"I heard, honey. And Daddy sent me a picture." In the photograph, Wyatt looked exhausted and dazed but normal save for the purplish line above his left eyebrow. "Is Wyatt doing okay?"

"Yep! I holded his hand when da doctor was putting da stitches in. He was a very good boy and he stayed still."

"You are such a good brother, Noah. I love you."

"Love you, and, know what else? There's BLOOD all over da car!"

"We'll clean it up."

"And a little in Wyatt's hair."

"We'll wash it."

"Doctor said to keep da cut dry."

Olivia smiled into the phone. She was sure Noah had listened intently to the medical staff's instructions and wouldn't let his parents slack on Wyatt's care. "We will, sweet boy. Can you put the phone up to Wyatt's ear for me?"

"Uh-huh."

"Hi sweet Wyatt," Olivia cooed. "It's Mommy. I love you honey. You'll be home soon."

"A'da'dotter, Mama," Wyatt slurred.

"Yes you are. And I'm proud of you for being so brave."

"I fah down! Hurt, Mama."

"Mommy's going to help you feel all better, okay? I'll see you when you get home. Bye, sweetie."

"Bye bye Mama."

Olivia was certain Wyatt shoved his fist into his mouth and was close to falling asleep. She said a few more words to Ed, hung up, and went back to her computer. She'd been crafting a letter to the Benson Center staff, explaining her decision to step back and serve primarily in an advisory role, but the words simply weren't coming out the way she wanted them to sound. She read what she'd written so far, opened a new blank document, and started from scratch.

"Maggs, how should I start?"

Maggie was sitting next to Olivia with her LED drawing pad and a bowl of veggie straws. She leaned over and peered at the laptop. "You daw dere," Maggie pointed to the screen.

"I have to type some words. See?" Olivia fired off a quick sentence, "This says _I love Maggie_."

Maggie scribbled some lines on her pad. "I love Mommy!"

Olivia smoothed Maggie's hair and kissed her head. "You are so precious, sweet girl."

Maggie continued to draw and made little _bloopity-bloop_ songs as she worked. Olivia put the computer aside and quietly looked on. It wasn't difficult to scale back her role at the Center if it allowed her time for more moments like these. She read another text from Ed. He was on the way home with their sons, and soon they would be all together once again.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	118. Chapter 118

**118**. S _hort chapter but figured you'd like an update. Also, I didn't proof._

Wyatt fell asleep in the car on the way home, but he was awake when Ed carried him into the apartment. As soon as he saw Olivia he reached for her and whimpered. Before taking him, Olivia brushed his hair back and examined the wound. Her face contorted with sympathy, and she was sure she felt some of the pain Wyatt had endured. Mothers, she was certain, suffered right alongside their babies when they were hurt or ill even if they were separated by distance. Wyatt curled his fingers around Olivia's neck and persisted in straining to be in her arms.

" _Mama_." His voice was raspy and insistent.

"Come here, sweetie," Olivia cradled him against her chest and pressed her lips to the side of his head. His brown locks were crusty from tears and darkened by blood. She carried him to the twins' room and sat in the rocker underneath the muted light of their floor lamp. Ed closed the door as he passed and Olivia heard him explain to Noah that Mommy and Wyatt needed some quiet time.

"My sweet, sweet Wyatt," Olivia whispered. "Mommy loves you so much. I'm sorry you got hurt."

"Cashindatable," Wyatt mumbled with his fist in his mouth.

"That's what Daddy and Noah told me," Olivia held Wyatt like an infant and he stared at her with his deep blue eyes. Even with the cut, he was gorgeous. "Does your head hurt?"

"No hurt, Mama. You rah' me."

"I'll rock you as long as you want, honey." Olivia had questions-had he hit his head hard enough for a concussion? Had the doctors examined him for one? When was he next supposed to take the medicine? Were they supposed to wake him up during the night? But, she could wait for answers. She held Wyatt tightly and sang him his favorite songs. Wyatt groggily sang a few words, but soon again surrendered to sleep.

Ed waited until the early evening to interrupt them.

"Liv? How 'bout dinner?"

"I am hungry," Olivia tilted her head back to see Ed silhouetted in the doorway.

"We went out and got some deli. Chicken and dumplings for the patient."

Olivia smiled and kissed Wyatt's cheeks. She whispered his name and eventually his eyelids fluttered open. "Hi, sweetie," she said, "Let's wake up and eat something." Wyatt whimpered and his hand flew to his forehead, "No, no," Olivia grabbed his wrist, "Does it hurt? Ed? When's he supposed to get more meds?"

"Now," he replied.

"Okay, honey," Olivia cooed to Wyatt, "Let's eat a few bites first. Daddy and Noah and Maggie got you some dumplings. You love those."

Wyatt perked up a little and asked, "Dah'get Stahbucks?"

Olivia grinned. Wyatt called all coffee shops "Stahbucks" and he always requested to stop at one when they were out and about. There was nothing more normal and in-character than her little boy asking for Starbucks, and she felt better. Wyatt was a little dinged up, but he would recover and be just fine.

"We'll get Starbucks tomorrow, sweetie," Olivia said, "I promise."

….

 _What began as a frantic, furious tryst in Ed Tucker's living room reached an almost delicate culmination in his bedroom. Still kissing her, Ed reached for the top sheet and slung it over their bodies. Olivia's head rose and fell with each of his breaths and she hugged his chest. He peered down at the sight of her brown hair on his ruddy skin and felt cause for celebration. Olivia was back. They were together again. Now, he only had to make sure this wasn't a fluke, that she was here to stay._

" _God, I missed you," he massaged her scalp with one hand and played with her fingers with the other. His arms and legs tingled as he replayed what they'd just done. It had been a dream come true to be with her again. When she didn't respond, Ed let a minute or so pass before saying, "Liv?"_

 _She looked at him with tears in her eyes._

" _What's wrong?" Trepidation filled his entire body. He was sure she wanted everything they'd just done. She'd even said she loved him. "Liv?"_

" _I...Ed, I am so sorry...what I put you through."_

 _Relieved, Ed shifted so they were on their sides, facing each other. "There was a lot goin' on," he replied, trying his best to mitigate the circumstances of their breakup, "The job, Noah, I-"_

" _-I was scared," Olivia interjected. She wasn't going to allow Ed to shoulder any of the blame. The only thing he was guilty of was wanting to be with her and her son. "I think I might always be scared because the closer we got, the more I loved you, I knew it was going to be more and more excruciating to lose you."_

" _I was scared, too. I realized, when we were together, that I didn't want to live the rest of my life alone. I wanted to live it with you and Noah…"_

 _Brow furrowed, Olivia asked, "...and then...why didn't you call? Why did you stay gone?"_

" _Because I thought that's what you wanted," he replied, "I wanted to get you back, Liv. I did. But I didn't want to dog ya, force you into something you weren't ready for. I didn't want to be the enemy, someone's name you dreaded seein' pop up on your phone."_

" _Then you moved on…"_

" _No," Ed kissed her on the lips and closed the inch or two worth of distance between them. "I tried. But I knew, what we had, I wasn't gonna get that ever again. But I was ready to settle for second best, 'cause, Liv, it sounds wildly out of character, but I like havin' someone in my life. I want that, I need it-"_

" _-you need to take care of people," Olivia traced the outline of his pecs with an index finger._

" _I guess I do."_

" _I think I was scared of that, too."_

" _You're so strong," Ed caressed the exposed side of her face, "But letting me take care of you, take care of Noah, doesn't mean you're weak. It means together, we can be even stronger, for each other, for him." He gave her a few pecks on the lips before falling onto her for a more passionate kiss. Pausing for breath, he felt her body respond to his touch. After a quick glance at the clock, he asked, "How we doin' on time?"_

" _We're good," she half-gasped._

 _Ed began slowly kissing his way down her body. She moaned in anticipation and then cried out with all of the familiar "yesses" and "don't stops." But, most encouraging, was when she intoned the deep, throaty, seductive, "Edddd." He was addicted to the sound of his name, stretched into multiple syllables, coming from her mouth as he loved her. Furiously he worked until she writhed, arched her back, and pawed at him to slide back up and hold her until they absolutely had to leave the bed._

… _.._

Instead of staying home on her day "off," Brooke took the train to Manhattan and met Sarah for a late lunch. Sonny had promised to pick up Sofia after work, so Brooke had several free hours. The sisters met at a bar called The Malt House. Brooke felt slightly underdressed and annoyed with her sister for choosing the place when she knew she would be attired in work clothes and Brooke was in jeans and a sweater. The crowd turned out to be a mix of tourists in backpacks, young professionals, and neighborhood clientele, so Brooke felt less self-conscious and committed herself to enjoying the time with her sister.

"Jesus," Sarah said, "Dad's appointment is in a couple of days and Sonny just got out of the hospital. Hopefully we're dodging a couple of bullets." She cringed, realizing the metaphor surely conjured images of Dave shooting Kyle in the Carisi loft. "I'm sorry...figure of speech."

"Yeah…"

"Seriously, I'm sorry, c'mon, cheer up. Your husband's fine and Daddy's going to get another clean bill of health and you have a gorgeous daughter. We have Noey, Maggs, and Wyatt-"

"-Ugh, poor Wyatt. God, that was horrific."

"Noey said he was gushing blood."

"He was."

"You did, too, when you hit the stoop when you were, like, ten?"

"I remember." Brooke sipped her martini, "Noah was...so great though. Dad was kind of freaking out, yelling for a rag, but Noah just kept telling Wyatt it was okay. It was kind of weird, actually."

"Weird how?"

"He has a sixth sense about crisis," Brooke said, "He's seven...what seven-year-old is going to jump in, hold his bloody brother's hand and say, you'll be okay, it's okay…" Brooke trailed off.

Sarah sensed she was implying a more sinister slant to the story, "You're making zero sense. That's how Noey is." She squinted at Brooke, and sneered, " _Stop_ _it_."

"It's not out of the realm of possibility."

"You're crazy."

Brooke was not backing down. "We weren't watching them. What if Noah pushed Wyatt into the table?"

"Brooke, are you fucking insane?" Sarah hissed under her breath and, out of frustration, yanked her ponytail in opposite directions. "You think Noah would intentionally hurt anyone?"

Brooke did feel terrible entertaining the idea, but she also was, in her own opinion, the only person in the family to have concerns about Noah's biological parents. Even though the evidence overwhelmingly proved her wrong, she couldn't help but wonder if there was a sliver of potential evil in Noah's DNA. It frightened her, but she couldn't make it go away.

Sarah didn't wait long for a response. "You better never, ever let Livvie or Dad know you said something like this," she sneered.

"Sare, I'm," Brooke groaned, "I don't want to think like this. But I worry. And Noah is always so perfect. How is that possible?"

"He's not perfect," Sarah said, "In fact, G told me about him beating himself up about sort of lying about getting too many Capri Suns. Like, he was worried he lied to his mom. I lied to our mom zillions of times. Never worried. Not even now do I feel remorse. Am I a sociopath?"

Clearly regretful, Brooke replied, "No."

"Are you going to be like this forever?" Sarah asked, "Always skeptical of him?"

Brooke lifted her eyes to meet Sarah's, "I hope not. I don't want to be. I…"

"...Like I said. We can keep this between us, but don't ever tell Dad."

"I know it's probably not the case," Brooke said weakly, "But..what if…?"

"We need to talk about something else," Sarah said, "Because I'm very close to walking out of here right now and not wanting to see you for a while." She flashed a sweet grin and signaled for another round.

"So...Valentine's plans?"

….

 _Had the Tuckers had a landline phone and nothing else, it would have been ringing off the hook. The days before Valentine's Day were stressful for Wyatt, for he was the object of several middle school girls' obsession. He mostly shrugged off the attention, but Maggie reported new developments each day. So-and-so wanted to know his favorite candy; another girl wanted to know what he liked at Starbucks; a few even asked about his favorite foods and gave Maggie the impression they wanted to cook for him. All at the age of thirteen and fourteen. Ed was amused. Olivia was concerned. Maggie and Wyatt were required to leave their phones with their parents overnight, and in the morning, Olivia saw a multitude of alerts on his screen._

" _Ed, this is harassment," she handed him the phone, "It's nonstop. We need to call their parents."_

" _I dunno if Wyatt wants that."_

" _Does he want this?" Stopping short of opening the messages, Olivia saw the previews. They were, to her relief, tame, and consisted mostly of emojis and GIFs._

" _We have a movie-star handsome son," Ed replied matter-of-factly. He spoke the truth. Unlike most kids, Wyatt had never gone through an awkward stage. He didn't have the slightest blemish on his skin. He was tall and strong, but not gangly. His teeth were perfectly straight. Without trying, his hair always fell neatly across his forehead and around his ears. Even Olivia had to admit, he was model-worthy. However, Wyatt had never been one to seek out that type of attention. Maggie and Noah teased him about his spots on the show Olivia helped to produce, but that had been the end of his film career. Whatever Wyatt chose to pursue, it would, most likely, be a field where he could work behind the scenes and not be the center of attention._

 _The phones were returned after breakfast and Wyatt nonchalantly shoved his in his pants pocket. Before he left for school, Olivia was able to catch a few moments alone with him and asked about all the texts and other social media alerts. "It seems like...a lot," she said. Wyatt was always good at filling in the blanks when she began conversations vaguely. Not even Noah offered up information as readily as Wyatt._

" _They just want to see if I'll dance with them," Wyatt said, referring to the school's "spring" dance which coincidentally fell the week after Valentine's Day. "Or if, I dunno, or if I'll bring them something."_

" _Are you going to bring someone something?"_

 _Wyatt grinned and cocked his head slightly to the right like he always did when he was about to say something funny or witty. "I'd have to buy a lot of stuff," he said, "There's like...six girls."_

 _Olivia shared his laughter but also asked, "You're thinking about buying presents for six girls?"_

" _No, Mom. I'm not buying anything for anyone. Valentine's Day is...it's kinda dumb. I mean, except for Dad. And maybe Noah. I think he's going to get Mia something."_

" _He is?"_

 _Wyatt shot his mother a semi-reproving expression. He was more than willing to offer up details of his personal life, but she was going to have to work harder if she wanted information about Maggie or Noah. "I'm going to school, Mom," he said, "See ya later."_

" _Okay, honey."_

" _Oh, and Mom?"_

" _Yeah?"_

" _You can be my Valentine again this year."_

 _Olivia's heart melted as Wyatt smirked-it was a surreal image, for he resembled her in all features but his eyes. The smirk, though, he'd inherited from his father and Olivia knew it would be used, one day, to charm the love of his life. Wyatt seemed to have been gifted with the best of his parents' traits._

" _Well, in that case," Olivia replied, "Don't forget my chocolates."_

" _I won't."_

….

No one expected Ed's chest MRI to come back with problematic signs. He was taking better care of himself than ever, and he'd had no alarming symptoms. In the past few years, aside from the low blood sugar incident, he hadn't even been ill other than a few colds here and there. Nevertheless, both he and Olivia stepped into the doctor's office with a deep sense of dread. Both attempted to hide their jitters, but when Olivia took Ed's hand, they realized each was trembling. Ed kissed her and whispered everything would be okay. Consumed with terror, Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat and managed only a nod.

An hour later, they were seated at a nearby pub sipping celebratory cocktails. They were offered a booth in the nearly empty space, but Ed wanted to sit at the bar so he could lean in for kisses without obstruction. Giddy with relief, he had trouble staying farther than a few inches away from his wife.

"I was so scared," he said.

"I was too," Olivia replied. "You, um, we've never talked that much about the initial diagnosis. Only that one time…"

Unwilling to relinquish his good mood, Ed offered as jaunty of a response as he could possibly utter, "Like I told ya, it was bronchitis, but, they saw somethin' else on the x-rays and I got lucky. But after that...well, I can't say all the time, but that's when I stopped smoking, yeah, I snuck a few every once in a while, but I…" he intently met her eyes, "...I didn't want to die. Or be sick. But those were the same things."

Olivia's eyes shot wide open. "What do you mean?"

A look of resignation settled in on Ed's face, "Liv, if I woulda got a terminal diagnosis, I wouldn't have wanted to put Brooke and Sarah or anyone else through that kinda illness."

" _Ed_."

"But that didn't happen," Ed took her face in his hands and kissed her firmly. "Because someone knew I had you and Noah and Maggie and Wyatt, that's how it's supposed to be. You're never gettin' rid of me, Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker."

He kissed her again for emphasis.

" _Never_."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	119. Chapter 119

**119**.

Even during turbulent times, such as when they were both sidelined from their jobs, Ed slept soundly. He had never been one to toss and turn and stare at the ceiling or out the window wishing for his eyelids to get heavy. So when Olivia awoke to him thrashing around and fighting the sheets and blankets draped across their bodies, she was startled to say the least. Ever so gently, she repeated his name and softly stroked his face. His skin was clammy and his breathing labored.

"Ed, _honey_ , wake up."

Resting on his elbows, Ed raised his torso and looked around the room with wild eyes. " _Jesus_ ," he mumbled.

"It's okay," Olivia was hesitant to touch him in case he was still consumed with terror. "You're alright. I'm here. You're right here, at home, with me."

He sighed, trembled, and collapsed into her arms. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry," Olivia replied. She wasn't sure what to say. This was definitely uncharted territory. In the early days of their relationship, Olivia had, more than once, woken up to Ed's soothing voice in the throes of a nightmare. At first, it was embarrassing, but she came to appreciate the comfort and the nightmares gradually subsided. Logically, Olivia assumed the stress of the doctor's appointment contributed to this episode. Ed had seemed fine all that evening and especially so during their late night lovemaking, but, nevertheless, demons lurked. If anyone understood, Olivia did.

"Damn, I can't even tell ya what it was," Ed grumbled.

"I know," Olivia replied, "I know…"

Ed sighed, nestled his head under Olivia's neck, and held her with both arms. "God, I'm glad you're here. I love you."

"I love you, Ed Tucker."

Within minutes, Ed fell asleep again. Olivia stayed awake, listening to him breathe, his lips smack, but she noticed his grip on her torso didn't loosen. The next morning, she predicted, he'd act like nothing was wrong, he'd want to forget the incident and move on, but Olivia couldn't let him ignore whatever it was that was torturing him.

…..

 _The Lieutenant's office bustled with activity the weekend after Olivia's birthday. When they got chances to debrief, Rollins, Carisi, and Fin huddled around Olivia's desk, complaining about Stone, missing Barba, griping about snags in their cases, and, projecting general uneasiness and discontent. "You know what?" Rollins said at one point, "I'm clocking out for a couple hours. I'm going home to see Jesse, remind myself why I'm even...doing this."_

" _Want some company?" Carisi asked._

" _Not really."_

 _Shocked at Rollins' curt, rude response, Olivia stared, wide-eyed, at her overextended squad and made the decision to send them all home for a while. "You know what, everyone out. Go." She tried her best to sound sensible and kind, but Carisi looked like he believed he was in serious trouble. "Take the rest of the weekend," she added. "See you Monday. Seriously."_

 _Rollins' mind was already made up, so she grabbed her jacket from the back of her chair and stalked across the squad room. Carisi started to protest, but Olivia shooed him away. Fin turned and grinned at his boss and friend. "That goes for me, too?"_

" _Yes. But...a favor?"_

" _Sure."_

" _Take a call if it comes in tonight?"_

 _Fin's expression was full of mischief and maybe a bit of admiration. "No problem, Liv."_

" _Thanks." Olivia plucked her non-work phone out of her purse and started to text Ed when she realized Fin was still standing there. "I'd just...like a quiet Saturday night." It was such an out-of-character comment, even Olivia had to cringe at her own words. Fin shoved his hands in his pockets and waited for clarification. "Remember that balance thing I pushed so heavily? Well, I'm trying to get it back."_

" _Good."_

 _As if he'd been waiting for that particular answer, Fin walked out of the office without another word. Olivia finished typing the message to Ed, and, while she awaited his reply she opened a desk drawer, took a deep breath, and pulled out a photograph they'd had taken after a cruise of the Seine. It was set against a clearly fake medieval-looking background, but their smiles radiated pure joy. The camera caught Olivia as she was looking up at Ed, grinning, for he had been slightly reluctant at being forced to pose for the picture. However, when Olivia wrapped her arms around him, he relented and complied. After all, he was truly happy to be in Paris with the woman he loved and the boy he hoped would one day be his son._

 _Olivia hunted around in the credenza for a spare frame. Finding one, she removed the backing, dusted the glass, and secured the photograph. She placed it on her desk, next to Noah with his soccer ball, and sat back in her chair, gauging how it felt and how it would feel to have her relationship, her love, on display for everyone to see._

 _Perhaps serendipitously, her phone rang and she saw Ed's name flash on the screen._

" _Hey," she said breathlessly._

" _Hey yourself," he replied, "Everything alright?"_

" _Yes, I...I'm leaving now and I want to celebrate."_

" _Oh?"_

" _It's big, well, not major, but, I suppose, yes, it is kind of major."_

" _Sounds like it. You wanna tell me now? Or over dinner?"_

" _Dinner would be great."_

" _Want me to bring food over?"_

" _If you don't mind, that sounds really nice."_

" _See ya in a bit."_

 _Olivia hung up and tossed the phone in her bag. She loved the thought of Ed ordering food for them, knowing what she and Noah would like from whatever restaurant he chose. He might get to the apartment before she arrived, but that was okay too. Everything, for once in her life, seemed to be on the right track, it was_ _right_ _, now, she had to make sure it stayed that way. But that was the thing, she thought to herself as she drove home, it wasn't completely up to her, she had Ed._

 _At a red light, she briefly closed her eyes and smiled, letting herself bask in the moment and all the moments that were to come._

 _She had Ed._

…

Sarah tried to keep Brooke's comments to herself, for she didn't want to cloud anyone's opinion of her sister; however, Sarah couldn't shake the malicious nature of Brooke's comments. The more she thought about it, the angrier she became. Finally, she had no choice but to vent to Justin, who responded as incredulously as she had.

"Why would she think that let alone say it?" Justin asked, vexed, his Bronx accent even more pronounced. "That's crazy. And she got this all 'cause of how Noah reacted to Wyatt getting hurt? Does she know him at all? He's the coolest dude I know."

"I, just," Frustrated, Sarah scratched her head, leaving loops of blonde hair sticking up where they were pulled into her ponytail. "Every single fucking time I think she's doing better, she's happy, she pulls this type of crap from nowhere. I mean, this is her searching, clawing to stir up shit. Like I cannot get over this."

Justin calmed down much more easily and quickly than Sarah. He stretched his legs on the coffee table, careful to avoid the bottle of wine Sarah had opened, and raised his arms in resignation, "You're gonna have to. Whaddya gonna do? Not talk to your sister ever again?"

Sarah groaned. "I wish I knew what her deal was. She gets literally everything she wants."

"It seems that way," Justin replied, "But maybe we're missing something. She's had a lot of tragedy. I don't think anyone can understand how another person processes all of that, I mean, your mom, the boy she taught, Dave, kind of losing Aidan, too. And all sort of at once."

"I guess."

"Ya know," Justin reached across the back of the sofa and touched Sarah's shoulder, "I don't know if _you've_ processed all of it."

Sarah fidgeted and shrugged. "I'm very good at shoving ugly parts deep deep down to a black hole and almost forgetting them. _And_ , I forgave myself for my mother. She was going to do what she did somehow, whether I brought her those pills or not. _Omigod_." Sarah's face went white. "Justin, do you think Brooke's thinking about... _ending_ it? And all that bullshit about Noah was her way of trying to tell me or get me to figure out or speculate that suicidal thoughts run in the family?"

"I hadn't thought of that," Justin, too, felt the blood drain from his face, "Uh-"

"-I'm going to call her," Sarah snatched the bottle and went into the bedroom.

Worried, Justin chewed a fingernail and turned on the television to distract himself. He was letting himself get absorbed in an early episode of _Seinfeld_ when his phone vibrated. Three Yahtzee notifications popped up in succession. He grinned.

It was his turn to play with Noah T.

….

Olivia entered Noah's room and found him under the covers and holding his phone above his face. "Sweet boy," she said, "Time to put the phone down. Sleep time." Noah sighed. Instead of being startled or hurt, Olivia smiled. "Whatcha doing?"

"Yahtzee," Noah said. "Playin with Justy."

"Are you winning?"

"Two games," Noah said, "In da other one Justy got two Yahtzees so I'm losin' dat one."

It didn't take much cajoling for Noah to give up the phone. Olivia turned it off and slid it into the pocket of her sweatshirt. Having already read to Noah, she kissed him goodnight and pulled the cord on his bedside lamp. "I love you, honey."

"Love you, Mommy. Daddy comin?"

"He'll be right in."

Olivia left Noah's room as Ed entered. She went to their bedroom, changed into sleepwear, and waited. It was a long time, at least fifteen minutes, before Ed joined her. He didn't offer an explanation for the prolonged goodnight session with Noah, and Olivia didn't ask. When he slid into bed, she rested her head against his chest and flipped through an issue of _Parents Magazine_ she'd already read but kept forgetting to drop in the recycle bin. Usually the one to favor print material, Ed turned the television to the news and muted the volume.

"You can turn it up," Olivia said, "I'm not really reading."

"Rereading a favorite article?" Ed kissed her head, "You could write for that magazine."

"So could you," Olivia sweetly replied.

"Liv, about last night-"

Olivia sat up and said, "I was hoping you'd bring it up."

"I've been embarrassed all day," he said, "I don't want you worrying about me."

"I thought the agreement was we worry about each other?"

Ed solemnly nodded. "It's just that I want to be the one doing most of the worrying," he admitted, "But...when I first heard the word _cancer_ come out of the doc's mouth all those years ago I immediately thought of Sarah and Brooke having to bury me and now, even though, everything's good, the image of you and the kids," Ed pinched his forehead and stopped talking, unable to finish the thought.

"Listen," Olivia gripped his thighs and moved closer to him, "It's no surprise you're haunted. This is stressful. It's terrifying actually. And, not to diminish anything anyone else has gone through, but, for us, it's heightened. All of this is so unlikely," Olivia waved her arms around, gesturing to the twins' and Noah's rooms, "So it's worth living for, times-"

"-a million," Ed finished for her.

"Times a million."

"Aw, Liv," Ed lifted his head sheepishly and puckered his lips for a kiss, "Thank you," he whispered. He cupped her head and kissed her again, "I love you."

"I love you too."

After another, more passionate kiss, he smirked and asked under his breath in a raspy voice with his eyelids drooping, "You remember the first time we kissed like that?"

"The first kiss or the first _kiss_ kiss?"

" _Kiss_ kiss."

"I remember them both clearly," she replied, "But especially that one. I couldn't believe Ed Tucker was such a good kisser and, also, you made me, well, nervous I guess. But nervous in that I wanted more."

"Good nervous."

"Yeah."

"I remember it bein' the best feeling in the world," his rugged, powerful masculinity and confidence returned. He laid Olivia back onto the pillows and tossed her reading glasses and magazine aside, "And I still get that feeling every time I kiss you. That all is right and perfect. I guess that's why...I _always_ wanna kiss you. Sorry if you get sick of me."

Olivia shook her head and ran an index finger across his lips, "Never gonna happen, Ed Tucker. _Never_."

…

 _Maggie always entered the apartment in a flurry of movement. She kicked off her shoes, spun around to keep her balance, nearly crashed into the closet doors, and managed to keep the contents of the shopping bags in her hands from spilling. "Mom!" She called, "I brought food we can eat now and food we can cook and eat later! Which one do you want? Where are you?"_

" _In here!"_

 _Her voice was faint, so Maggie knew Olivia was in either the master or the bedroom that had begun as Noah's, became Maggie's, and was now the primary guest room. Maggie put the bags on the island and found her mother sitting on the chair in her room with jewelry spread in front of her on the ottoman._

 _Maggie flopped onto the bed. "What are you doing?"_

" _Making room in my jewelry box. Do you want anything?"_

 _The question rendered Maggie uneasy. Her left thumb trembled-it was a tiny, barely noticeable quirk, but when that thumb shook, something was terribly wrong. When she didn't answer, Olivia stopped separating the pieces and looked at her daughter. Twenty-something Maggie resembled toddler Maggie in so many ways-a default indignant expression, piercing dark blue eyes, wavy brown hair that often was out of control, and smooth, unblemished, olive skin._

" _It's only costume stuff," Olivia clarified._

 _Instinctively, Maggie looked to her father's side of the bed and his nightstand. She noticed his reading glasses had been removed from the nightstand and the only item remaining was a recently-placed framed photograph of the family on the Delaware beach house porch. They stood in a semicircle in front of the outdoor kitchen. Ed proudly held a platter of steaks and lobster claws._

" _Honey," Olivia stood up and sat on the bed, forcing Maggie to sit as well. She kissed her daughter's head and held her in a long embrace. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you."_

" _I'm not upset, I-"_

" _-you're upset."_

" _Okay, I'm upset. I don't like the idea of dividing everything up and throwing away things and, and…"_

" _I know," Olivia said softly. She held one of Maggie's hands, the hands that were, save for a few decades of wear and tear, identical to hers, "It's hard."_

" _And it's hardest on you and-"_

" _-No. Don't do that. Don't feel like you have to not grieve because I'm grieving, too. We're all in this together. And, to be honest, I had been meaning to clean out the jewelry box for a while now, it was only something on my list of things to do, I'd be doing it if Daddy was here."_

 _Maggie began to sob and Olivia enveloped her into her arms. She rocked her back and forth and repeated, "Shhh, shhh," like she had so many times before. Maggie had always been tough and resilient, but when she was upset, she went from zero to one-hundred in no time._

" _I miss him," Maggie said, "I want to text him and have him text me back with something silly and funny and stupid and then, when it ran its course, he'd say 'love ya' and always with a pink heart."_

" _Yes. Always with a heart for you. And always with something, um, relevant for me."_

" _Relevant?"_

" _Mmhm," Olivia droned. She kept Maggie close and continued, "He'd spend minutes finding the perfect emoji or Gif or picture to emphasize what we were texting about. If he was out shopping, he'd send something about that...he thought he was so clever, so...with it."_

 _Maggie's body shook with gentle laughter, "Can you tell me one more thing I've never heard before?"_

 _Olivia struggled at first to think of something appropriate to share with her daughter, but soon broke into laughter of her own. "Your Dad and I sang karaoke once."_

" _You. Did. Not."_

" _Yes we did._

" _What did you sing?"_

" _It's kind of cliche, but it was 'I Got You Babe'."_

" _What's that?"_

" _Maggie_ _."_

" _I really don't know."_

" _We can listen to it while we cook," Olivia said, "Thank you for coming over. I didn't feel like getting out today."_

" _I'll come over anytime, Mom. You know that."_

" _It's kind of a hike from Chicago."_

" _Less of a hike than LA."_

" _True." Olivia eyed the mess of silver and gold chains, "Why don't I put these away and we can start dinner?"_

" _Okay."_

 _Olivia started to stand, but Maggie swiftly grabbed her hand. "It's okay to get rid of those things, Mom. I'm okay."_

" _I'm only tossing junk," Olivia said. "Your Dad didn't buy any of those. He only bought the best, most thoughtful things." She twirled her wedding band and engagement rings which she rarely removed. She held out her hand. "Did you know he designed this himself?"_

" _Yes. He told us." Maggie fixed her gaze on Olivia's ring finger and a faint smile crossed her face, "He liked to tell that story."_

 _At the risk of upsetting her daughter further, Olivia said, "It'll be yours someday."_

 _Maggie looked her mother straight in the eyes. "I'll take good care of it. I promise."_

 _Olivia smiled and squeezed Maggie's hand. "I know you will, sweet girl. I know you will."_

….

In between slurps of ramen, Sarah and Noah exchanged details about their days at work and school. Noah was oddly intrigued that Sarah had spent most of the morning in a meeting with lawyers. He asked about the relationship between her side of the accounting world and theirs. Sarah could practically see the wheels turning in his head as he pictured the machinations of global finance. Noah's day was almost as complicated. He described a classmate who threw a chair across the room, hit the teacher's desk, and knocked over a lamp. Sarah listened, wide-eyed, and, by the end of the story, pieced together that the girl must have some type of behavioral disorder, for Noah said she was not in class very often and a "helper" always accompanied her.

"So what happened after she threw the chair?" Sarah asked. "Did she get in trouble?"

"I dunno," Noah replied, "Da helper took her out and then it was almost time to go!"

"I see. Well, it's good the helper was there and I'm glad the chair didn't hit anyone. Sometimes," Sarah paused to choose her words carefully and also to convince herself her impending line of questioning was not out of line, "Sometimes it's hard for kids or even adults to control themselves when they get mad. When I get mad, I think of something funny so I can laugh. What do you do?" Sarah crossed her fingers, hoping Noah was not keen enough to pick up on her true intent.

Noah's entire face contorted with confusion.

"When even do you get mad, Noey?" Sarah prompted.

"When I lose at Yahtzee," he immediately replied.

Sarah laughed, "Yeah, that's frustrating. But you're a cool cucumber. I bet you keep playing and win the next time."

"Yep," he replied cheerfully, "I beat Justy three times yesterday and G _FOUR_ times! She was playin' a lot."

"That's what I like about you. You keep rolling on," Sarah wondered if she was going straight to hell for asking the next question, "And I heard, when Wyatt fell, you were super calm and weren't scared."

"Daddy was there," Noah said with a shrug, "So I jus' told Wyatt not to cry and we were goin' to da doctor."

It was all Sarah could do to stop herself from jumping up and smothering Noah with hugs and kisses. Of course that's why he was so collected on the day of the accident. _Daddy was there._ Noah didn't have to freak out. He knew his Dad had everything under control.

"You gonna see Wyatt's stitches when you take me home," Noah said, "They're kinda purple and it looks like it hurts but Wyatt's still playin!"

"That's good. I'm sure he got some medicine, too."

"Yeah. And Mommy's been holdin' him a lot. Wyatt always likes to get rocked and for Mommy to sing to him."

"That's so sweet."

"Yeah," Noah sighed, "I like it, too, but I'm gettin' too big."

"You are absolutely not, Noey," Sarah said in a pleasant but assured tone, "You are never, ever too big to have your mom rock you and sing to you. Well, I guess, size-wise, you might get too big because you don't want to crush her, but you're never too old or too big to want your Mom to hug you and make you feel better."

Sarah expected her advice to draw a smile from Noah, but it actually cast a pall over his seven-year-old frame. "Noey?"

"Sare Bear," he mumbled gloomily, "Are you sad you can't hug your Mom?"

"Yes," Sarah replied, "But, I get to hug _your_ Mom. My Livvie, so that's not such a bad deal."

Noah giggled, " _Sare Bear_ …"

"What?"

"It's a GREAT DEAL!"

Sarah lifted her water glass as if it were a cocktail, "Very true, Noey. I stand corrected."

….

Ed opened the door to their regular neighborhood pub and put his hand on the small of Olivia's back as they entered. The floor creaked under their weight and they opted for a table near the window instead of a spot at the bar. For a Wednesday, there was a fairly large crowd and it took a few minutes for a server to come over. When one arrived, Ed ordered for them both. The young woman glanced inquisitively at Olivia, and she nodded. Ed's choice was perfect.

"You know I like to do that sometimes," Ed said, smirking uncontrollably at her. The table was narrow enough for him to lean forward and kiss her. "Love you."

"Love you. And, it's nice to not have to make decisions all the time. Are you going to order for me too?"

"Sure, if that's what ya want. And, you have veto power." Ed picked up the menu but dropped it when the drinks arrived. He wasn't ready to order. They had at least a couple of hours if they wanted it. The weather was cold and sleet was falling from the sky, so a romantic stroll along the water wasn't a possibility. It was fine with Ed, though, for his wife looked gorgeous in the reddish light. She'd pulled her hair back into a chignon and a few strands hung along her jaw. The style hadn't taken much effort, but it looked like she'd spent hours in front of a mirror.

"It was nice of Sarah to stay with the kids for a little bit," Olivia said.

She, too, was in a romantic, appreciative-of-her-spouse mood. She reached for his hands and admired the way their fingers looked intertwined together. When Ed played with her rings, she felt the familiar swell of emotion in her throat. He twirled them around a few times and stared at the bands and the square-cut diamond. It had been a great choice, he had to admit, and he was proud he'd chosen the design rather than pick one out of a case. Nobody in the entire world owned a ring like hers.

Olivia easily read his thoughts, "It's the most beautiful ring I've ever seen," she said.

Ed smirked proudly and kissed her fingertips. He took a sip of his bourbon, but never took his eyes off her. "You've gotta be tired," he said, "With Wyatt...God, Liv, you're an amazing mother."

Olivia always accepted compliments with blushed cheeks a bit of reluctance. However, she couldn't disagree. She had been doting on Wyatt ever since he came home with the stitches even though, after the first cranky, uncomfortable night, he showed no signs of pain. Ed and Olivia had to watch him closely so that he didn't scratch the wound, but, other than that, life continued as normal for the kids. Olivia was not going to rest easily until the stitches were removed.

"Wyatt," Olivia began in a choked voice, "He's, I, well, I have an even softer spot for him. He struggled to even be born, and then he was in the ER, remember that? It's so strange. Maggie split her lip, Wyatt gets a gash on his head. Maggie had a little cold from day care, Wyatt couldn't breathe. Maggie wants to be born, Wyatt has to be too. He's always getting the raw end of the deal."

Ed clearly disagreed. He twisted his lips and grabbed her hands again. "He's the strongest one of us all," Ed said firmly. "You watch. It's endurance, not weakness. It's grit and not luck. That kid's special, Liv. He's exceptional, really. And he's probably gonna be the one who we know the least-"

"-Ed," Olivia gasped, "That sounds awful."

"I suppose it does. And I'm not sayin' we're not gonna try, I'm saying...Wyatt's...ya know, I always compared you and I in black, white and gray."

"You did?"

"Yes. I'd always tell my partners, with us, there's no gray, there's black and white, but with you, with SVU, there's gray and not just that-light and dark gray and all the shades in between. Wyatt? He's in that gray area, that multitude of gray area, and I think he'll always be."

"How do you get all of this from a toddler?" Olivia asked.

Ed smirked and cocked an eyebrow, "Have you forgotten I was IAB?"

Olivia laughed, downed some of her drink, and, eyes sparkling, replied, "You know what? For a while there, I almost did."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	120. Chapter 120

**120**.

The hair toss.

It wasn't intentional; she was only letting her hair out of the clip when she twitched her neck to the right and sent the tresses flying.

Ed nearly drooled.

" _Get_. _Over_. _Here_." His voice was as deep and gravelly as it had ever been. One eyebrow cocked, Olivia sauntered over to the bed. She slowly crawled toward Ed and landed with a faint _oof_ when he pulled her on top of him. "You are so fucking beautiful," he said before he kissed her. "And I want you more than I've ever wanted you."

"Ever?"

" _Ever_."

Date nights always culminated in lovemaking; it was a given, a part of the routine, but never boring or obligatory. This was especially true on this night. Ed was intense, semi-ferocious but also earnest and tender. With the nightmares, he'd exposed some weakness, yet he felt more masculine and more indebted to his wife. The sex was all about her-every touch, stroke, movement-it was all for her pleasure, all for Ed to see and hear her throw her head back and moan. She would try to keep her eyes open but the pleasure would be too overwhelming. Ed got the most gratification from watching her and knowing he was the only person in the world who could render her so completely and totally satisfied.

" _Edddd…_ "

"Y'okay?"

Through gentle laughter, Olivia replied, "There are no words to describe how okay I am."

Ed smirked, rested on his elbow, and gazed at her while carefully moving aside damp strands of hair from her forehead and cheeks. "All I wanna do is make you this okay. _Forever_."

"I love that idea."

Ed planted a kiss on her forehead and let his lips linger there for a few extra seconds, savoring the moment awash with mutual desire and affection. He collected her into his arms and made patterns on her bare back with his fingertips. Never one to rely on prayer, he nevertheless closed his eyes and sent a plea to God that he and Olivia would have countless more nights exactly like this one.

….

Wearing smocks over their clothing, Maggie, Wyatt, and Sofia played together at the water works table in the Totally Tots section of the Brooklyn Children's Museum. Perched on a nearby bench, Ed and Brooke sipped coffee and watched the kids experiment with a variety of funnels, spouts, and floating toys. For a brutally cold, blustery day, the museum was surprisingly empty, and the twins and Sofia shared the area with only a handful of other kids. Ed was happy to have some downtime with Brooke, but also pleased he wasn't there alone. He despised making small talk with other parents, and no matter how aloof he tried to appear, strangers always approached him.

"I need to remember this place," Brooke said, "Especially since it's supposed to be freezing like this for the time being."

"Might want to invade Sarah's condo again for a week," Ed replied. He wasn't being totally glib. A week of sunshine and warm temperatures sounded immensely appealing.

"Don't know if she'll invite me," Brooke muttered without thinking. She mentally concocted a plan to walk back the comment while Ed processed it.

"Whaddya talking about?" He asked.

"Oh, nothing really," Brooke said, "We had a little disagreement the other day. Not a big deal. She, uh, she doesn't quite understand the full scope of being a parent when she gives parenting advice."

Ed snickered. "She'll get it someday," he replied. "Or, maybe not. Either way, she means well."

"True," Brooke mumbled,

Maggie ran over to Ed and held out her arm. A sleeve that had been rolled to her elbow had slipped back down her arm. "Dada! Ma'seeve!"

Ed fixed the sleeve and kissed Maggie's nose. "There ya go, sweetheart."

"Tayooo, Da!" She turned around and saw Sofia was standing close enough to Wyatt so that their arms were touching. Maggie wedged herself in the middle of them, reclaiming the spot she'd previously occupied.

"When does Wyatt get his stitches out?" Brooke asked.

"Two more days," Ed answered. "He's been a real trooper, I tell ya."

"He was when it happened," Brooke said, "Noah too. And you. I think I would have froze if I saw Sofia covered in blood like that."

"You never know how you're gonna react," Ed responded with a shrug, "But I'm a cop. I've seen worse. _Way_ worse." Talking about Wyatt reminded Ed that the wound was supposed to stay as dry as possible. He called Wyatt over and examined his forehead. "Just makin' sure your stitches aren't getting wet, bud. You're good."

"I good, Dada. Stishes na'wet." Wyatt punctuated the reply by batting his eyelashes.

"Nope, they're not. Go ahead and play."

"Wah' go down dere," Wyatt pointed to the far end of the room where there were some kids playing with water guns. The entrance was accessed through a short tunnel, but the firing area was full at the moment.

"I'll take ya down there in a minute," Ed promised. "Stay here for a little while longer. With the waterfalls."

Wyatt glanced at Sofia and Maggie and, grinning amiably, turned back to Ed. "Kay, I pay w'Magg and' Sof!"

"Good boy."

Brooke leaned back against the wall and hugged her knees. "He is such a sweetheart. I hope he's always like that-so calm and composed. Qualities will serve him well in adulthood."

"From my experience, behavior at this age is a decent indicator of what's ahead," Ed smirked at Brooke. "He has a good chance of stayin' that way. He's been like that since he was a baby. Just goes with the flow. And, he's around me a lot, no one more level headed than I am."

Brooke laughed and patted his knee, "Retirement's served you well, that's for sure."

"I'm definitely a different type of Dad," Ed wasn't sure to take her remark as a compliment or as criticism. "I hope, uh, well, I wasn't as present with you and Sarah but I hope you two know I loved you, I _love_ you, just the same."

"Of course we do, Dad," Brooke replied sincerely, "I'm glad you got the chance to realize what a great Dad you are. I don't think you gave yourself enough credit before. And I think that's Olivia's doing. I think she makes you feel like a good man...she's a good wife, probably the best wife and mom. If I could be half as good as her…" Brooke trailed off and stared at Sofia.

"Speaking' of giving yourself credit," Ed sounded sagely and fatherly, "Don't forget about yourself and the wonderful daughter you're raising. There's room for more than one good mother in the world, Brooke. Olivia bein' so perfect doesn't mean you can't be."

A lump started to form in Brooke's throat. She forced a smile and stood up. "The other kids left," she said, "I'm going to take them to the water guns."

…

 _A steaming bowl of paella sat on the table between Ed and Olivia. In his high chair, Noah happily munched on shrimp, vegetables, and rice using his chunky plastic fork and spoon. The new type of cuisine intrigued him, and he examined each bite closely and with great interest before putting the food in his mouth. Normally, Olivia and Ed engaged Noah in mealtime conversations, but he was occupied and they were busy grinning uncontrollably at each other when they weren't trading flirty small talk._

" _Pa-ell-a," Olivia pronounced the word slowly and in a deeper tone of voice than she typically used. "Excellent choice, Captain. A surprising choice, but an excellent one."_

" _I pass this place all the time on my way home," Ed replied, "Thought I'd try it. We'll have to go there sometime. Great ambience. Brick walls, jazz, great wine selection."_

" _Sounds like my kind of place."_

 _Ed winked, "I think it could be."_

 _Olivia grinned and sipped her wine, raising the glass as she swallowed. "This is great, though. You're full of good choices tonight."_

" _Battin' a thousand."_

" _Yes you are."_

 _After taking a few bites and spending a moment in silence, Ed asked, "What, uh, or, when ya gonna tell me about the celebration? You mentioned it on the phone?"_

" _Oh, yeah," Olivia put down her fork. Ed did the same and she reached for his closest hand. "I put the picture of us, you know, the one we took after the boat ride in Paris? I put it on my desk today."_

 _Slack-jawed, Ed gazed at her. It took a few seconds for a thrilled sparkle to replace the shock in his eyes. "Wow," he finally said, "That's...a big deal."_

" _It is."_

" _Sure you're ready?"_

 _Olivia nodded, "It belongs there," she said, "I had it in the drawer, it kept getting closer and closer to the frame, then the desk, and then, we-"_

" _-took a little break?"_

" _-took a break, but I left it there, just in case."_

" _Good thing ya did."_

" _So, cheers," Olivia tilted her glass toward his, "To steps in the right direction."_

" _Cheers," Ed smirked as he took a drink, "Damn good toast, Benson."_

" _You sound relieved."_

" _Believe me," Ed said, "I am."_

…

Olivia commended herself for packing all of her personal items in only two evidence boxes. When she thought about it a little longer, the feat wasn't all that remarkable, for she hadn't truly made the Benson Center office _hers_. Moving out of the SVU office had been more challenging and parting with items as insignificant as a paper clip holder had been difficult. At the Center, she left the office supplies behind for the next occupant and removed her photographs and a few other symbolic odds and ends. She said a few words to the four-person staff and told them they would begin monthly check-in meetings in March. With that, everyone went back to their respective spaces and left Olivia alone in what was about to be her former office.

Gripping the window sill, she stared out into her partial-alley view. The building was located in a nondescript mid-rise building on one of Midtown Manhattan's more boring streets. However, it was a perfect location for the work done by the Center's staff and for the women and children who entered, yearning to be unrecognized, even anonymous. For the first time since considering scaling back her role, Olivia felt completely at peace with the decision. She was leaving day-to-day operations in competent hands and giving herself a more flexible, less stressful schedule. She was confident she could now fully embrace what it meant to be retired.

While in her semi-meditative state, a woman had arrived without anyone having prior notice. This was not common practice, for the Center did not advertise its services and worked solely in conjunction with Manhattan SVU. It was possible for a prior client to have passed on information, but still, new client walk-ins were rare.

"I'd like to see Olivia Benson."

Hearing her name, Olivia spun around and darted into the reception area. She didn't recognize the woman at first because she was wearing a fur-lined hood. When Olivia saw her face, she gasped, " _Rachel_?"

"Olivia, hi," Rachel fidgeted, her eyes danced wildly, and she spoke in a shaky, clipped voice, "I hope you don't mind me showing up like this. I wasn't sure where else to go and then I heard you were doing this as a second act." She smiled weakly. "Is there a place we can talk?"

Stacey, the highly skilled counselor who was taking over Olivia's position started to step in, but Olivia waved her off. "Sure," she said, "I'm actually on my way out, but why don't we go in here."

Rachel followed her into the office and Olivia closed the door. However, before the conversation could begin, Rachel caught sight of the photographs stacked in the box. She froze, trembled, and stumbled backwards. "I, uh, this was a mistake," she said, "I have to go."

"Rachel, no. Stay. Talk to me. What's going on?"

"You, _you are_ ," she pointed to the box, "Tucker's your _husband_?"

"Yes he is."

Rachel's eyes grew wide and her face filled with terror. She gripped the door handle and yanked it open. "Watch yourself," she said, "He's dangerous." Before Olivia could say anything else, Rachel rushed out of the office and let the main door slam behind her.

…..

 _At the store, the aglaonema plant seemed much too big for where Olivia wanted to place it, but when they got it inside and placed it next to her favorite chair in the den, Wyatt admitted it was the perfect size. "You were right," he grinned, revealing his perfectly straight, white teeth, "Not too big at all."_

" _Trust your mother," Olivia said with mock reproach._

 _Wyatt winked and spun the planter around, "This way?"_

" _A little more to your right."_

" _How 'bout now?"_

" _Perfect." Arms akimbo, Olivia stared at the plant and sighed. "I needed a little spring," she said. "It's been so dreary."_

 _Certain his mother's comment had a dual meaning, Wyatt fell silent as he debated how to respond. He and Olivia had always had a special connection. They could read one another's moods simply by being in the same room. It had been a month since the funeral, and Wyatt could tell her attempts to remain strong were sapping most of her energy. She didn't move as quickly as she used to, but during their shopping trip and stop for lunch, her actions and even her speech seemed labored._

 _In addition to having a sixth sense about each other's emotions, neither Wyatt nor Olivia were shy about voicing concerns. Wyatt reminded himself of this norm, took a deep breath, and said, "Mom, I'm worried about you."_

 _Olivia regarded her youngest son with an appreciative expression and sized him up. He didn't appear as though he was going to cry. He didn't look upset, only determined. His eyes were innocent and his jaw relaxed as he waited for her to say something._

" _Honey, you don't have to worry about me," she said, though she knew the instruction was futile._

 _Wyatt skeptically cocked his head. Tears began to pour from Olivia's eyes and Wyatt rushed to hug her. Olivia wailed. Her body shook. Wyatt kept his arms around her and oddly felt relieved. He had been with her every step of the way-minutes after his father died, at the funeral home, at the wake, after it was all over, he called or dropped in daily-at no time had she shown this much outward emotion. For someone so easily prone to shedding happy tears, his mother's steely resolve in the wake of her husband's death was, to Wyatt, alarming._

 _The sobs began to subside. Olivia sniffled and slapped at her soaked cheeks. Wyatt grabbed a nearby box of tissues and they sat on the small sofa. "I'm sor-"_

" _-No," Wyatt interrupted. "Mom, don't be sorry. I can't imagine what a tough time you're having. I-"_

" _-I cry every morning," Olivia said. She played with the tassels on a folded throw and words poured out. "I cannot bear to get out of bed until I've let it out. All the weight, the grief, it collects at night and it's...suffocating when I wake up." Olivia sighed, blew her nose, and fixed her gaze on the window. "I don't know how to live life without him. He wanted me to. Toward the end, he knew it was getting there, he told me he wanted me to try and be happy, to enjoy the time I have left, like he enjoyed," Olivia started to choke up again, "Like he enjoyed every second of our life together." She buried her face in her hands and began sobbing again. "But I don't know if I can."_

 _Wyatt put an arm around her and she rested her head against his shoulder. They remained like that for a while and watched the sun gradually set. Daylight faded, and Wyatt turned on one of the two identical floor lamps in the room. He peered at the photographs, appreciating each one individually, and taking time to remember, if he could, the moment they were taken. The Tuckers loved their pictures-they'd taken thousands over the years and one of their favorite pastimes was scrolling through their extensive digital and print catalogue._

" _Is there a theme to the pictures in this room?" Wyatt asked when his mother calmed down and her breathing was steady._

" _Yes," she said, "How can you tell?"_

" _I can't. Not totally."_

" _They're all firsts," Olivia explained. "Over there-first day of school, Maggie with her first lost tooth, you with your first swimming trophy. God, you were so young. Five years old in that big pool. Our first family photo after we bought the beach house. All firsts."_

 _Wyatt glanced at the frame sitting on the table next to him and squinted at it. Unlike the others, this one was slightly out of focus and most of the print consisted of the smiling faces of his parents. There was very little background, and Wyatt couldn't tell where they were. "What about this one?" He asked._

" _Oh that," Olivia laughed softly. "That is our very first selfie. We were out, having a good time and acting like kids. Would you believe it was your Dad's idea to take it?"_

" _Yeah, actually I would."_

" _You're right," Olivia murmured, "Those little things, the little moments most people would think were trivial and forget about, I think he loved those best."_

" _I think so, too." At the risk of further upsetting his mom, Wyatt dared to offer one of his most vivid memories. "I think some of my favorite times with him was when he'd take us Christmas shopping. Each one of us at a different time, by ourselves. He made us feel like we could buy whatever we wanted, whatever we thought would be the perfect present. Then, the two of us, I don't know about Maggie and Noah, but we always got pizza. With olives. Because nobody else liked olives on pizza but us. I hope," Wyatt's voice quivered ever so slightly, "I hope I can be as amazing of a Dad as he was."_

 _Now it was Olivia's turn to be solid and steady for her son. She sat up straight and squeezed Wyatt's hands. "I have no doubt you will be," she said and stared directly into his eyes, "No doubt."_

" _Thanks, Mom."_

" _You're welcome, honey. I love you."_

" _I love you, too." Wyatt swatted away a few tears. "What do you want to do tonight?"_

" _You don't have to stay with me, you must have-"_

" _-Do you want to be alone?"_

 _Olivia's eyes glistened. "No. No I don't."_

" _Then," Wyatt grinned and his eyes brightened, "Cards?"_

" _I am ahead in Gin."_

 _Wyatt stood up and held out his hands to help her, "Not for long," he replied cockily. "I think tonight's the night I win big."_

…

On the way home from basketball practice, Noah chatted on the phone with Grandma Caroline. Olivia amusedly listened to Noah's adorable, endearing side of the conversation as they strolled along Ninth Avenue. It was a timely distraction, for she'd been wrestling with Rachel Wilson's warning all day.

"Gramma, our game is Saturday. Dat's in one, two, three, four, FIVE days so you gotta come, okay?"

"Daddy or Mommy can come get you or maybe Sare Bear."

"In da gym you can sit on the chairs and not da bleachers because they have chairs for Grandmas."

"Can you bring cookies for after?"

"You know da rules of basketball?"

" _Gramma_ , dat's hockey!"

Though she was eavesdropping, Olivia remained alert. Rachel had been disheveled, visibly anxious, and, perhaps, a bit paranoid. She was nowhere near the staunch, composed vice cop Olivia remembered. After the visit, Olivia made a few calls, putting the powers that be on alert, but she was met with several curt "thank you for letting me know" responses. She asked Rollins to track down a phone number, but the one she unearthed was no longer in use. Rollins sounded swamped, so Olivia didn't press for further assistance. She asked the Center staff to try and keep Rachel on their radar but knew it was up to Rachel herself to start that process. Somehow, without NYPD resources, Rachel found Olivia which meant she could be tracking her at this very moment. Though Rachel clearly needed help, Olivia needed to keep that type of instability away from her children.

Noah hung up the phone and put it in the pocket of Olivia's parka. She felt the pressure of him snapping the pocket closed and grinned. "Thank you, sweet boy."

"Y'welcome, Mommy! Gramma's gonna come to da game."

"That'll be so fun."

"Yep!" Noah squinted up at her, "You think we're gonna win?"

"You sure looked pretty good at practice. But, it's the first game, so maybe everyone will be a little nervous? It's okay if you don't win. The season is long and you'll have another game the next Saturday."

"I wish Sonny could coach me again."

"Me too, honey," Olivia replied, "But he's a lot busier now that he and Brooke have Sofia and he's a lawyer."

"But when you're p'lice you work A LOT!"

"That's true," Olivia said with a chuckle, "But this is a new job for Sonny and when something's new, it takes a lot of time to learn the job and learn what you're supposed to do."

"My teacher says I'm a fast learner," Noah said. He skipped extra high and added, "Hope Sonny is, too!"

"I'm sure he is. I-" A commotion nearby interrupted Olivia. It was nothing, really. A delivery driver argued with a store owner over the quantity of items in a shipment. They shoved the packing slip back and forth and shouted some mild expletives, but the conflict was short-lived and by the time Olivia and Noah passed them, the driver was back in his truck.

Unbothered, Noah continued along and relayed details of his day at school. Olivia, however, clutched the collar of her parka and endured the burning of panic in her chest. She couldn't remember the last time she'd been consumed with this level of anxiety, but Rachel's visit coupled with the sudden burst of conflict on the street ignited deeply buried yet potent fears.

"Mommy!" Noah impatiently tugged at Olivia's arm.

"Oh, um, sorry sweetie. What is it?"

"I _said_ , can we get Mamacita?"

"Sure, sweet boy. Let's call Daddy and see what he wants."

"Prolly a steak burrito."

Still troubled, Olivia couldn't help but grin at Noah's assured answer. "Steak burrito?"

"Yep! Last time we had Mamacita, Daddy got one and ate it all up! I didn't even get a bite!"

"Daddy must have been very hungry."

"Yeah, he said he was hungry 'cause he was workin' hard on a project 'til really late at night and he didn't have breakfast."

Now it was Olivia's cheeks' turn to burn. She had no idea when this particular Mamacita visit had occurred, but she was certain the "project" involved her, him, and their bed. She was also fairly confident he assumed the anecdote would eventually make its way back to her and cause her to blush just as it had done.

 _Steak burrito?_ She texted.

He immediately replied, _Sure, thanks_ , and included an emoji with a broad grin.

Olivia shook her head and smiled at the screen. Five minutes ago she'd been nearly crippled with terror. Now, all she could focus on was bringing food home, spending the evening with the kids, and winding down the night with her husband at her side.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	121. Chapter 121

**121**.

Olivia didn't have time to ask Ed about Rachel Wilson because, by the time she and Noah arrived home with dinner, Rachel was no longer alive. News alerts popped up on smartphones and television broadcasts were interrupted. Multiple officers were on scene at Columbus Circle where a woman, who had been seen in a rage filming a sobbing rant, abruptly pulled out a small handgun and shot herself through the heart. Ed and Olivia fell into the familiar routine of pretending everything was okay while the kids were awake, but as soon as they were sure all three were sleeping, they huddled at the island, talking in hushed voices.

"You knew her," Olivia said.

Ed winced at the sting of bourbon. "I did?"

"Rachel Wilson-"

"-they haven't released a name yet."

"But we saw it on the cell footage that was leaked," Olivia said, "I recognized it because...because she was at the Center earlier today. I saw her before I left." The wheels were turning in Ed's mind, but not fast enough for Olivia's liking. "I remembered her from the Academy, she was at Vice for a long time. _Rachel_. _Wilson_."

"Liv, I honestly don't remember the name. Did she go by somethin' differ- _oh_ …"

The horror in Ed's expression scared Olivia. Was he hiding something? Had he been keeping a sinister secret all these years? He motioned for Olivia to hand him the phone and zoomed in on the image attached to one of the dozens of articles popping up online. "You're right," he said in a clipped tone, "Rachel Wilson. Yeah. She accused an old partner of mine-"

"-Cole?" Olivia asked. It was a knee jerk reaction. Tucker, like most cops, had had many partners during the span of his career.

If Ed thought her response foolish, he didn't show it. "Nah, Gary Wald, was my partner at the two-two then he moved on to Vice right around when I went to IAB. He, ah," Uncomfortable, Ed rubbed his face and neck, "He, well, to put it-"

"-Ed, just say it."

"He slept with a lot of women, women he met on the job, cops, informants, you name it, he didn't discriminate."

For a moment, Olivia forgot all about Rachel's warning. "How did you manage to work with a partner like that?" She asked in disbelief.

Gravely serious, Ed replied, "The job, Liv. Wasn't my place to tell him how to live his life. But he was the type of cop I can't stand-exaggerated his importance, thought he was untouchable. I wasn't surprised when he went private-"

"-where?"

"Mobile Fortress." Ed sized up his wife and he felt an emotional distance grow between them. Olivia seemed to skulk away from him. The kitchen island spanned two or three feet and separated them, but the distance looked insurmountable. "Liv? Why did you say I knew her?"

The words appeared to pain Olivia as she spoke them. "Because she saw your picture," she replied, "And she told me you were dangerous."

Ed swore his heart stopped beating. The blood drained from his face and he gripped the granite edge to keep from reeling backward. White as a sheet and slack-jawed, he stood in front of his wife and could not, for the life of him, put together a coherent response. Olivia was probably scrutinizing every muscle in his face, every twitch, every subtle movement. She was reading raw, true data, for the terror at the prospect of losing his wife's trust obliterated his capabilities of deception.

…

 _Cole had questioned Olivia almost as much as Ed, so the Lieutenant was surprised she had never noticed how the partners had similar smirks. If she hadn't known Cole was happily married and had been for years, she would have thought he was brazenly flirting with her in the presence of her boyfriend. Cole had been one of the first people to suspect Ed Tucker had feelings for Olivia Benson, so he was less than shocked when Ed had come clean about their relationship weeks earlier. Cole was a loyal friend and partner and promised to keep the secret, but, when the truth was forced out, he casually suggested that the three of them get together for a drink._

" _Like a double date?" Ed had asked._

" _No," Cole replied, sensing the hesitation in his voice, "More like a, 'hey, been a rough stretch, let's unwind'."_

 _So there they were, at one of the seemingly endless options of cop bars Tucker knew, drinking whiskey and chatting as if they were three of the dearest, oldest friends. Olivia expected the outing to be uncomfortable, but Cole, outside of IAB, was charming and kind and had a gentle demeanor about him. Anyone who talked to Ed for a few minutes could tell he was a lifelong, hardened cop, but Cole could have passed for something other than an NYPD Sergeant near retirement. He and Olivia got along so well, Ed started to feel faint pangs of jealousy._

 _He moved closer to Olivia and, counting on her assuming his behavior was due to alcohol consumption rather than envy, whispered, "We can get outta here whenever ya want."_

 _Olivia reached backward and patted his face. It was a flirty, bold move. It felt good and she could tell Ed loved it, too. "Maybe one more?"_

" _Whatever ya want." In the middle of the reply, Cole glanced at his phone and Ed snuck the slightest nibble at her ear. Olivia shivered and Ed patted her hip. He was desperate to get her home. The plan to meet Cole had made him nervous and it had gone so well. He was torn between not wanting the night out as a couple to end and desperately needing to get back to her apartment._

" _Your son in preschool this fall or there already?" Cole asked._

" _This fall," Olivia replied, "I don't know how I feel about it. I'm thrilled to have him get out there and meet more kids but a part of me is sad."_

 _Cole said something in reply, but Olivia only heard Ed's voice, "I hate it when you're sad," he murmured into his glass._

 _After the drinks, they said goodbye to Cole on the street and he disappeared into the night. Olivia expected Ed's kiss, but she thought he might pull her off to the side, against a stoop or somewhere other than the middle of Eighth Avenue. He wrapped one arm around her waist and he held her head to his with the opposite hand. It one of the most, if not the most, romantic and passionate kisses Olivia had ever experienced and she struggled to open her eyes afterward._

" _My God," she gasped._

" _My place or yours?"_

" _Mine," she said, "I don't want a time limit."_

 _Ed shot her an expression that would become routine but then was brand new. The naughty smirk caused Olivia to grab his arm in order to avoid buckling at the knees. In that instance he was deliciously sexy, ruggedly handsome, and irresistible. They made their way up the street where Ed stepped off the curb to hail a taxi with Olivia's hand still in his. Once inside the car, Olivia kissed him and stared into his eyes. She couldn't find the words, but she was sure he understood the love, infatuation, and appreciation she wanted to convey._

" _Was a good night," Ed said casually as if Olivia wasn't almost sitting in his lap._

" _It was," Olivia replied, "Maybe some time we can have dinner with Cole and his wife?"_

" _You'd wanna do that?"_

 _A wide, genuine smile crossed her face, "I would."_

" _Then we'll do it."_

 _Olivia kissed him and stroked his face. "That's not too much for you?"_

" _I was thinkin' it might be too much for you."_

" _It's not. I think," Olivia bit her lip, "I'm kind of liking this, Ed Tucker, us being out in the open."_

 _Ed smirked and puckered his lips for another kiss. There were no words to describe how thrilled he was to no longer have to hide or keep his feelings under wraps._

….

By the time Ed finished telling Olivia what he remembered about Rachel Wilson's allegations and his former partner's counterclaims, he had beaten himself up so badly for missing or discounting obvious signs, Olivia had to remind herself that there was a victim involved. She spent much of the evening pulling double duty. Wearing her supportive spouse cloak, she did her best to comfort Ed, mostly by reminding him that all cops, all people for that matter, made harmful mistakes. However, she couldn't stop her SVU instincts from taking over and asked probing questions about Gary Wald and Rachel Wilson until she realized their marital conversation was sounding more like a light interrogation.

"Ed, don't beat yourself up for missing things," Olivia gently stroked his forearms, but the despondency lingered, "I've missed things. A _lot_ of things."

He dragged his head up to meet her eyes. His voice barely registered above a murmur. "At some point you gotta decide you're gonna trust people, ya know?"

"I know," Olivia was holding his hands now, "And sometimes we put that trust in the wrong people. But, in our jobs, we _have_ to trust our partners. That's the lay of the land, the rules-"

"-and back then, Liv, and probably now, too, I dunno, there were so many affairs, so many guys giving this favor and that favor, and," Ed's face contorted; it was no secret that there was excruciating shame in his impending admission, "The lens is different now, we, uh, we took those allegations less seriously then."

Ed looked like he was either going to cry or get sick. Having never seen him so distraught, Olivia wasn't sure how to respond. Hug him? Keep talking? Squeeze his hands? Sit there and wait? He was calling his entire existence, his entire law enforcement legacy into question.

" _Ed_ ," Olivia waited until she knew for sure he was listening, "You, your job, your career, you're more than this, it's-"

"-I didn't believe her-"

"-You made the wrong call, yes."

"And now I gotta make it right."

Olivia was still worried but less so because Ed's jaw was steeled and the resolute, no-nonsense Captain Tucker persona returned.

"Who do I call?"

"Rollins," Olivia replied, "Start there."

Ed's eyes blazed, "Gary's not gettin' away with this," he muttered, "Not again."

….

 _Four of the five Tuckers paraded into a row halfway up the middle section of bleachers and took their seats. The natatorium was massive, much larger and better lit than the local YMCA where Wyatt usually swam, and it offered seating for at least three times the number of spectators. On his second round of parenting, Ed thought most events for kids were too serious and too elaborate and he mumbled something about this venue being comparable to an Olympic arena. Maggie and Noah talked about the high dive boards and longed to try them out. After a few procedural announcements, the races began. Wyatt was competing in two events-and individual race and a relay-and his solo freestyle was first. He marched to the starting blocks clad in his club's warm-up suit._

" _S'hot in here," Maggie whined._

 _Noah corrected her with the correct word, "Humid," he said._

" _Wish they had snacks like at basketball," Maggie slapped at a few strands of brown hair that were sticking to her cheek. She sat on the edge of the bleacher and kicked her feet wildly, taking advantage of the fact that nobody was in front of them. "Ope! Wyatt's gonna jump in!"_

 _Olivia looped her arm through Ed's. Wyatt's first race was starting. He shed his warm up suit and stepped onto the platform. In his swim cap and goggles, he was close to being indistinguishable from the others, but Wyatt's body gave him away. The kid was built like a linebacker. Most five-year-olds were scrawny, but not Wyatt. He was burly, thick, and looked like he could dominate the pool, if not in swimming, definitely in a fistfight, not that he would ever willingly be in a fistfight._

 _Wyatt took his mark. Olivia jumped at the starter buzzer._

" _GO WYATT!"_

" _GO GO GO!"_

 _Olivia was standing now, arms straight and fists balled at her sides. Wyatt was coasting down the pool well ahead of every other kid. He expertly flipped to change direction and swam the final lap. When he surfaced, his family went crazy. Wyatt, however, looked up at the time and treaded water until the last race finished. He fist-bumped every racer. A little later, when it was time to receive his first place medal, he bowed his head to accept it, found his family in the crowd, and smiled. He was proud but also a tiny bit embarrassed at all the attention. Tears poured down Olivia's cheeks. Ed kissed her and held her hand. Maggie and Noah paid absolutely no attention to the familiar outpouring of emotion._

 _All participants gathered around the podium as more medals were awarded. When the final winners hopped down, Wyatt and the others scattered in search of their parents. The Tuckers all got an even stronger whiff of chlorine when Wyatt bounded over to them. Maggie gave him a huge hug and raved at the shiny gold medal. She turned it over and over in her hands until Wyatt took it off his neck and told her she could have it for a while. Noah gave his brother a side hug and congratulated him._

 _That night, after the celebratory dinner and boisterous walk home, Olivia and Ed flipped through the photographs they'd taken that afternoon mostly in awed silence. On momentous occasions such as this one, they had to pinch themselves and remind one another this life was, indeed, real._

 _Olivia had a routine of tagging and placing pictures she wanted to print and frame in a separate folder, and she quickly earmarked her favorites of the day. The first was of Wyatt on the starting block. He displayed perfect form and a determined look on his goggled face. The second was of Wyatt and Noah who had draped a proud arm around his brother's shoulders. And then there was Olivia's favorite-she'd captured the second Maggie ran to Wyatt as he approached. Her arms were extended and there was no mistaking the pride and joy directed at her brother. But what Olivia loved the most was, when she zoomed in, she noticed the twins were totally locked in to one another-Wyatt embarrassed but not surprised at Maggie's effusiveness and Maggie generously doling out accolades. There was a certain shared glint in their eyes and Olivia remembered feeling, for a second, as if the twins were miles and miles away even though she could have reached out and hugged both of them. The three kids all had things in common which strengthened their bonds, but Maggie and Wyatt would always share a unique devotion to one another that was never explicitly acknowledged but was, always, there._

….

Maggie and Wyatt dragged one of their chairs over to the pantry and used the boost as leverage to open the door. Maggie tilted the handle and Wyatt pulled the door ajar slowly and carefully so Maggie wouldn't fall. She climbed down, slid the chair aside; the twins paused for a second and silently plotted what to do with free reign of the cabinet.

"Cheer-Os, Magg," Wyatt grabbed the oversized yellow box and handed it to his sister, "Froo Loops." This box he carried himself. The twins ran back and forth a few times, selecting items in boxes, and, by the time they were discovered, they had three walls of a house or a fort or whatever they'd envisioned set up in the middle of the living room.

They had only been left unsupervised for a few minutes. Olivia rounded the corner from Noah's room where she was changing sheets and smiled at their work. "Sweet twins!" She exclaimed, "What are you doing?"

"C'inside, Mama!" Maggie held out her hand for her mother's and ushered her in their tiny, partially enclosed space.

"This is so nice!" Olivia exclaimed.

Having been consumed with more serious matters, Ed appeared, brow furrowed and staring at his phone, but even in his distressed state could not stop himself from grinning. "Whatcha got goin' on here?" He asked. "A fort? A city version of a treehouse?"

"Teehouse!" Wyatt said. He ran to the pantry and grabbed two more smaller boxes to add to the walls.

Ed went back to his phone and Olivia picked up hers from the island. She'd missed several calls, a few from unknown numbers. She selected Fin and called back. He answered in the gravest tone he'd ever used. Ed had his own inner turmoil to deal with, but he forgot all of it when he saw Olivia, dazed, slink into the couch.

"Liv? What's the matter?"

"Cassidy," she said in a hollow voice, "He's…" She trailed off but a text message arrived on his phone from Cole.

 _Heads up_ , he had written, _B. Cass. is gone. .38 to the head down in Daytona Beach._

Before Ed sat at Olivia's side he briefly buried his face in his hands. The twins' cheerful voices and the pitter-patter of their bare feet was glaringly incongruous to the morbid news. Selfishly, Ed wondered how this would affect _them_ , if it would somehow cause Olivia to realize it was Cassidy who she actually loved and not him. Olivia laid her head against his chest and cried softly. Ed had no idea what to say, so he held her tightly until the twins shouted, "Ma! Dada! BUILD!"

Olivia sniffled and wiped the tears from her cheeks. Collecting herself, she stood up and forced a smile. "Okay sweet twins," she said, "I'll help you build."

"Liv, I can-"

"-No," she said, "Right now...I need this."

He grabbed her hand and kissed it softly. "Okay."

"Are you going to help."

"Absolutely."

….

Ed had never seen himself so much in Sarah as he did when she leaned over the tiny bar table and said, "Livvie's old boyfriend killed himself?" There had been so many times over the years when Sarah had been over dramatic, Ed was used to her overreacting, but, in this case, he kind of shared her sentiments. Sarah jabbered on about all sorts of scenarios, she wondered aloud if her Livvie would cry at the funeral, and then she asked her father if he would attend the service.

"Yeah," he said, "Of course I will. I gotta be there for Liv."

"What if she…what if... _Daddy_...I think about if Jeff were to die. Especially, um, like this. I would feel awful. Like, I would think, okay, what did I do or say, what-" Sarah caught herself. Once again, she'd forgotten her own compartmentalized guilt surrounding her mother's death until her own words slapped her in the face.

Ed immediately picked up on the emotions. "Your mom isn't your fault, Sarah."

"I brought her the drugs. And I wasn't a good daughter."

"You didn't make her take them all at once," he said, "And I disagree."

"Are you worried Livvie is going to freak out over this?"

Ed allowed Sarah to change the subject. "No. I'm not. Because she's not gonna freak out. She's gonna be sad. She's probably gonna question some things. But it's not gonna be me or you or anyone else. And it's gonna be hard for her. Cassidy was in her life for a long time-"

"But not longer than you," Sarah interjected, "At least, by the time's all said and done. You'll be in it the longest."

"It's not a competition."

"Oh it absolutely is," Sarah retorted, "And, you know what? Happier subjects. Speaking of competitions, Grandma called me and said she's going to Noah's basketball game Saturday and wants to come and stay with us Friday night. So we should all do dinner. The whole fam at my place. Livvie loves that kinda stuff."

Ed pictured his wife surrounded by the people she loved and who loved her. The montage playing in his head made him smile. Yes, he thought, some whole-family time would be good for Olivia and good for them. With Cassidy's funeral and the reopened case against Gary Wald, the next few weeks or even months would be challenging. But they'd overcome more daunting obstacles. They'd get through this together, lean on each other, and emerge stronger than they'd ever been.

….

 **#Tuckson**


	122. Chapter 122

**122**.

Most cops had been on the wrong side of the interrogation table at some point in their careers. It was possible for even the most ethical, honest police officers to have to endure the skeptical glares of another precinct's squad, or, worse, those of Internal Affairs investigators. Most of the times the interviews were pro forma, but, in other cases, the allegations ended up ruining careers. Ed Tucker knew, each time he closed or pursued an accusation, he had the power to dictate many people's futures, and he took his role seriously. He pored over files and statements, stayed up to date on psychological research, and trusted his instincts. This combination of diligence and an innate sense of right and wrong rarely failed. But it was becoming painfully clear that he had, unwittingly, been an accomplice to Gary Wald's crimes.

Ed showed up at SVU early one morning for his meeting with Rollins. It was strange to walk into Olivia's former office and see the blonde Sergeant sitting behind what was once his wife's desk. He suggested they move to the adjacent interview room and Rollins motioned for him to follow her inside. Unbeknownst to Ed, Olivia had given her a heads up that Ed had been extremely agitated since discovering his connection to Rachel Wilson, so Rollins tried to be as friendly yet professional as possible. After all, she had a potentially explosive case on her hands.

Rollins clicked her pen and jotted notes as Ed spoke. He started from the beginning, when he and Gary were first partnered together and survived a particularly violent stretch of years in the Twenty-Second Precinct. He recalled Gary's philandering and stressed, with a great deal of regret, that department culture at the time was rife with questionable, if not immoral behavior. An extramarital affair, Ed admitted, wasn't seen as a huge deal, and Gary's response to Rachel's allegations seemed plausible, especially after they discovered she'd had relationships with other married cops.

"So you made sure Rachel knew how all of this would play out?" Rollins asked. "Four broken marriages, ended careers, ruined reputations?"

"She knew how it would play out," Ed replied, "I didn't have to spell it out. I keep telling myself, at the end of the day, it was her choice not to pursue charges, but, if I'm bein' totally honest," Tucker looked at Rollins, begging for the tiniest hint of understanding, "I let it go. I could have called her back, followed up after she went silent, and I didn't."

Rollins pressed her lips in a straight line. She believed him, but her self-righteousness wouldn't allow her to let him off the hook with a thank you and a promise she'd deploy the team to investigate Wald who was now a high-powered, well-respected private security consultant. "So you let it stay buried," she concluded, clicking her pen with finality.

"If that's what you want to call it," Tucker shot back, "But it wasn't buried. The ball was in her court, she let it stay there," he leaned forward on his elbows, "Do you have any idea how ashamed I am to admit this? To put the pieces together more than a decade after the fact and know how cruel it sounds? You don't get it. It was different then. I'm not sayin' it was right, but it was _different_. Today, had the same thing happened, there're a dozen places I coulda sent her to get help, counseling, _anonymously_ , and without making a formal complaint or pressing charges. Hell, Olivia herself woulda helped her. But where we're at now is not where we were then."

Rollins stared at the sparse notes on her legal pad, "I don't think we have anything here to even start an investigation," she said, "It would be your word against his, Rachel's hysterical video, and nothing else. No physical evidence, nothing. Unless," her eyes were piercing, "There was a bigger coverup."

"How many times do I have to tell you there was no cover up? If we were guilty of anything it's apathy."

"I'll go talk to Gary," Rollins said, "In the meantime, don't contact him."

While he acknowledged Rollins had to say this, Ed was annoyed at being treated like a common perp. "Of course not." He slid his chair back and heard the familiar screeching of metal on concrete.

"Tucker," Rollins said, "This probably won't go anywhere, but, you need to be prepared, to think about a trial, you'd have to testify, you'd have to maybe admit some things on the stand, under oath, that you don't want out there, don't want Liv to know-"

"-Liv knows everything there is to know," he said, "But I can't have Rachel on my conscience."

Rollins softened, "How is Liv? I wanted to call...I wasn't sure what to say."

"She's hangin' in there," he said, "It was a shock."

"Yeah."

Ed offered a little wave before he left. "Let me know what's next," he said, "See ya later."

….

 _Maggie indigantly kicked the dirt around the pitcher's rubber and slammed the ball into her mitt. Ed, his knees too aged to crouch, sat on the ball bucket behind home plate and waited for his daughter to finish whining._

" _So what if I hit some batters," Maggie waved her arms in the air and event hough she was wearing sunglasses Ed could tell she was rolling her eyes, "I can't pitch until I'm more accurate? That is SO DUMB!" She continued on and Ed let her rant. He knew his daughter. There were times when she needed him to intervene and times when she needed to vent, and now was an instance of the latter._

 _After a few more minutes, he punched his own glove. "C'mon, throw some."_

" _Fine."_

" _Finish the pitch. Snap it."_

" _I know."_

 _Maggie fired pitch after pitch. Ed adjusted the target and Maggie, without fail, hit it. She was locked in, fierce, sweating, and impressively accurate. At one point Ed held the ball and asked, "What's different in a game?"_

" _Huh?"_

" _What's different in a game? Why are you dead on now?"_

" _There's no batter."_

" _You want to hit the batter?" Ed smirked and Maggie giggled._

" _I don't like the batter," she said, "But I promise I'm not trying to hit them."_

 _Ed threw the ball back. "So, I'm gonna be the batter now."_

" _No," Maggie said firmly._

" _You're gonna hit me?"_

" _I might."_

" _Why can you hit all the spots I give ya on purpose but you don't want to hit the batter and you hit them?"_

 _Maggie shrugged._

" _Pick a target and hit it, Maggs. That's what pitching's all about. Don't look at the person, the face, the uniform, the helmet. You gotta be in your own little world when you're up there on the mound-"_

" _-we don't have a mound."_

 _Ed corrected himself, "-in the circle." He hung his mitt on the fence directly behind home plate. "Aim for that," he directed his daughter. "Don't look at me. Don't look at anything but that target." Ed dug in at the batter's box. "Fire it."_

 _Maggie turned around and closed her eyes. When she faced the plate again, she zeroed in on her father's old mitt and wound up. After delivering a strike, she smiled triumphantly._

" _There ya go," Ed said and threw a ball back to her, "You may have to do your little dance before each pitch, but I think we're onto something."_

 _Maggie grinned. "Thanks, Daddy."_

 _Ed tapped the plate with the bat and got into a stance, "Anytime."_

….

After the twins ate breakfast and were changed out of their pajamas, Olivia packed them in the stroller and took them out for a walk and a stop at the park. It was cold but not windy and she wanted to give them fresh air and space to run around before the weekend's predicted snow. Both Maggie and Wyatt happily tolerated their heads and hands being shoved into hats and mittens. They smiled and excitedly echoed Olivia when she told them they were going to play at the park. When they arrived at their usual DeWitt Clinton stop, the twins made a beeline for the jungle gym and slide. Olivia sat on a nearby bench and watched the toddlers with a careful eye. Her thoughts, however, drifted to Brian Cassidy.

It had been a few years since she'd bumped into him at Munch's funeral, and she had treated him poorly. She'd been petty, if not rude, and she'd paid no attention to his whereabouts between then and now. Whenever he came to mind, which was not often, she did not entertain the thought long enough to wonder where he was or what he was doing. If pressed, she would have guessed he was in Florida, near his mother, taking a second stab at retirement. As it turned out, she was mostly right.

 _His mother_.

Despite the problems with their coupling, Olivia had always liked Mrs. Cassidy. She was a sweet, generous woman who appreciated simple gestures such as their early dinners together and wholeheartedly loved her son. Olivia always felt like she saw the true Brian when he was around his mother, but, looking back and scrutinizing their interactions through this different lens, she realized he was guarded, even with the woman who raised him. That had been their problem all along-she and Brian both were to blame for their relationship struggles, but, at the core of their issues, was that he was never fully committed to loving her. He complained she never opened up to him, but Olivia never felt comfortable extending him such a high level of trust.

Snapping herself back to reality, Olivia zeroed in on the twins. They were perfectly happy making the loop from slide to jungle gym and back to the top of the slide, and she suspected they were thrilled to have the playground mostly to themselves. At one point, Maggie tore off her hat and mittens and tossed them down the slide before she went down. Olivia called her over. "Maggie," she said as sternly as possible, "Keep your hat and mittens on."

"Dey do side, Mama!" Maggie exclaimed cheerfully.

"Yes they did. But they can't keep you warm if they're on the slide. Mittens on hands," she tugged the mittens on and tucked them inside the sleeves of Maggie's parka, "And hat on head."

"Ha'onHead!"

"That's right."

"MAGG!" Wyatt was at the top of the slide again, "MAGG! SIDE!"

"Go slide, sweet girl," Olivia gave Maggie a kiss and the little girl ran to join her brother. Olivia picked up her phone and scrolled through her contacts. She was sure she still had Mrs. Cassidy's number, and she needed to call her sooner rather than later. Several blocks away, Ed was sitting in interview with Rollins and here she was, about to offer condolences to an elderly woman who was now all alone in the world. Olivia took a deep breath and sent a heart to Ed before dialing Mrs. Cassidy. It was a rough day all round.

…..

 _Ed was early. He was rarely early and rarely late. Always on time. But today he was tasked with picking up Noah from day care for the first time and had to ensure it all went smoothly. He left work early thinking he would stop at home and chance clothes only to reconsider. It would be better for him to get Noah in his suit. Yes, he would be taken very seriously, especially if he left his shield on his belt and he made it a point to reveal the Glock._

 _The people at the desk were uninterested in his police credentials. They cross-referenced his name with the list Olivia provided and waved him through. He stepped into the inner sanctum of day care, unsure of what to do until he heard Noah's toddler voice shout, "ED!"_

" _Hey bud!" He crouched and gathered Noah into his arms. "Ready to go?"_

" _Gotta get da bag," Noah pointed to the cubbies. Olivia had given him very specific instructions, but Ed was glad to have Noah's additional assistance. He and Noah collected all the relevant items and Ed nodded to the attendants on the way out._

" _Alright, bud. We're gonna go to my place for a while until Mommy comes. You hungry?"_

 _Noah shook his head._

" _You might get hungry," Ed replied, "We'll get some snacks."_

" _Pay ball, Ed!"_

" _You want to play some ball?"_

" _Uh-huh!"_

" _Well then, lemme go change clothes and we'll, uh, go get a ball. Sound good?"_

 _Noah grinned and nodded vigorously._

" _Wanna take a picture and send it to Mommy?"_

 _He nodded again._

 _Ed snapped a selfie. Noah was hugging his head and partially obscuring Ed's eyes and nose. It was a great, joyful photo, and Olivia immediately replied with a capitalized thank you and a heart. Ed told her they were headed to the park and he'd be happy to make dinner. Olivia loved the plan and predicted she'd be out of the office in time for the three of them to eat together._

 _Ed took Noah to his apartment where he changed into jeans, t-shirt, and sneakers. On the way to the park, he stopped at a drugstore and Noah picked out a soccer ball and a regular bouncy ball. They found a spot at a nearby park and Ed followed Noah's lead as he made up a game. Before long, he had completely lost track of time and his phone was vibrating in his pocket. It was Olivia. He quickly called her back._

" _Hey," he said, a little breathlessly, "Sorry, we were playin and got a little carried away."_

 _Olivia wasn't angry, and, when she heard Noah's faint "kick it Ed!" her heart melted. "Where are you?"_

" _Little park by my building."_

" _I'll meet you there," Olivia said._

" _Sure?"_

" _Yes. I'm leaving now and I'll go change and come there."_

" _Alright. Hey, No, Mommy's on her way."_

 _Noah shouted, "YAYYYYYYYY!"_

" _Well, one of us is excited," Olivia said._

" _Nah," Ed replied, "We're all excited." He was met by silence. What did he say that was wrong? It was all-_

" _-I can't wait to see you too," she said softly. "I'll see you soon."_

 _Breathing a sigh of relief, Ed replied, "I can't wait."_

…..

Before going to pick up her father's SUV and going to Riverdale, Sarah stopped at Noah school and picked him up. The night before she'd stopped by to pick up keys and asked Noah if he wanted to accompany her to retrieve Caroline. He was all too happy to tag along. Sarah checked him out of school a little early so they wouldn't have to fight Friday rush hour traffic and she promised Noah she would eventually make up for them not stopping for a proper after school snack. On the way they sang along to their favorite songs and chatted as usual. Except, Noah started to get frustrated with being confined to the back seat.

"Sare Bear, can I move up front with you?"

"No," she said, "It is imperative you remain in the back seat in your booster."

"What's 'perative?"

"It means it's a rule. Like, the most serious rule. All rules are serious, but if something is imperative it means it one-hundred percent must be done."

Noah stared out at the Upper West Side and pondered the explanation. "When c'I sit in front?"

"When you're thirteen."

"Dat's," he took a moment to do some mental math, "Six years."

"You're more than halfway."

"Yep! Then after that I can drive."

"Oh boy. Don't you think it's easier to just take the train?"

"Yeah but da train doesn't go to Grammas!"

"Well, it does, but we go and get Grandma because we don't want her riding the train. Plus it's fun to borrow Daddy's car. And we have to stop at Costco for our party tonight."

"I _LOVE_ Costco!"

"I know you do!"

"Why we havin' da party tonight?" Noah asked. He kicked his feet and pulled on the earflaps of his hat. He was old enough now to understand that his family gathered mostly for special occasions, and even he understood his Saturday morning basketball game did not exactly qualify as special.

"Oh, just to get together and have fun," Sarah said, "Sometimes it's good to have a party for no reason."

"Justy gonna be there?"

"Yep! He's at home now getting everything ready. He's the best. Noey, when you're a husband you must remember to be the best. And that means to take care of your wife and be nice and do things like clean and pick up food for parties she decides to throw at the last minute."

"Kay."

"So basically, be like Daddy and Justy."

"Okay. I will Sare Bear. And I hold da doors too and pay."

"And that."

"Daddy says you gotta be a gen-tle-man."

"That's right. Now," Sarah steered the car onto the exit. They were only a few minutes away from Caroline's neighborhood and she was pleased with the light traffic. "You might find that some people don't like this old-school gentleman stuff, but you pay and hold doors anyway."

"Mommy likes it when Daddy pays and holds doors."

Sarah grinned. "How do you know that?"

"Cause when he does she says thank you and gives him a kiss!"

"Gawd, I love that," Sarah said, "Mommy and Daddy love each other so much. As I've said before, they're goals."

"You and Justy goals?"

"Yes we are. But Mommy and Daddy are super goals."

"Mommy and Daddy were sad last night," Noah said solemnly.

Sarah could tell whatever happened had been bothering Noah since the previous evening. "They were? What happened?" She knew very well what had happened but decided to let Noah dictate the course of the conversation.

"I dunno," Noah replied, "Daddy had to go talk to da p'lice and a guy died. So Mommy was crying and Daddy said s'okay and then he hugged Mommy."

"And then what happened?"

"I went back to my room."

"Noey, you have to stick around longer when you see these things. I need more info."

Noah giggled, "Sare Bear, it was past my bedtime!"

"Then why were you up?"

"I was playin' Yahtzee on my phone!"

"Noey! You must turn the phone off at night! I'll get in trouble!"

"I wasn't playin with _you_ ," Noah pointed out with the attitude he'd recently started to show, "I was playin with G!"

"Oh, well, then G will get in trouble. And, you do realize, not many kids your age even _have_ phones?"

"I was jus' playin."

"And spying on your parents."

"Yeah…"

"It's okay, Noey. We all do that. Just make sure you turn the phone off at night. I can't have you falling asleep in class. You have eleven more grades after this one and you must be well-rested and educated."

"Okay."

"Save Yahtzee for the weekends."

"Okay. But, Sare Bear, you tell G I can only play on da weekends?"

"I'll tell her."

"She c'come to da party."

Sarah nodded. "Very good idea. When we get to Grandma's I'll text her."

….


	123. Chapter 123

**123**.

Sarah's party went off without a hitch. Everyone either pretended to be or actually was in a festive mood, and the family interacted normally. Justin set up food stations around the apartment and the kitchen island served as the bar. The conversations were jovial and the laughter was, at times, loud enough for Sarah to worry about bothering the neighbors. When Ed complimented the mini quiches, Justin took credit for them, but Noah was quick to mention they'd bought everything a few hours ago at Costco and that the extent of their cooking had involved removing the appetizers from boxes and putting them in the oven.

"Busted," Justin said, grinning and mussing Noah's hair.

Noah shrugged, "But you made those potions!" He said, referring to the pitchers of sangria and margaritas Justin had mixed earlier. He graciously included a non-alcoholic version for the kids.

"He sure did," Sarah twirled around the living room and raised her empty glass, "And it's time for a refill!"

Sonny arrived later than everyone else. Brooke greeted him with a hearty kiss and hug and everyone grinned at Sofia when she ran to Sonny shouting "DADDY!" Confused at someone else being called "Daddy," Maggie furrowed her brow and drifted over to Ed. She hugged his legs and clamored to be picked up.

"Hey there Maggie May," he said before kissing her cheek and swaying her back and forth. He got a whiff of the baby shampoo they used and breathed deeply.

" _Daddy_." Maggie said possessively, as if it were unforgivably offensive for anyone else to address someone using the moniker.

"Daddy's gotcha." He growled and nuzzled her neck, making her laugh, and when he looked up he saw Olivia smiling at them with a hint of glistening tears in her eyes. He winked at her, smirked, and hugged Maggie until she started wiggling out of his grasp.

Olivia seized every opportunity she could to interact with Caroline, so she spent most of the evening at her mother-in-law's side. Ed saw them laughing and leaning into one another. He was content to simply watch them chat, but Sonny and Justin and, of course, the kids wanted his attention. He made small talk and played with the kids, but never took his eyes off Olivia for more than a few minutes. She was very skilled at hiding signs of distress, but Ed noticed signs others could not detect and he was ready to get her out of there at the drop of a hat if need be.

"Wyatt Edward!" Caroline exclaimed at one point after Wyatt had wandered over to her side offering a toy, "Your stitches are gone!"

Wyatt beamed and touched his forehead, "No siches, Gamma! AH'Gone! Dotter too'em'out!"

Caroline grabbed Wyatt by the head and kissed him. "You are such a perfect boy," she said, "A little scar, but that's character. Now go get another cookie. I made all of them for you."

"Grandma," Sarah said, "You are such a liar."

"He'll never know that."

"So," Sarah sat on the coffee table facing Olivia and Caroline, "How was it when Wyatt got his stitches out? Did he cry?"

"No," Olivia replied, "But I almost did."

Brooke drifted over and sat next to Olivia. She wrapped herself in her oversized sweater and mumbled something about it being cold in the apartment but the words were either inaudible or ignored in favor of the fascination surrounding Wyatt's most recent doctor visit.

"It looks way worse than it is," Olivia continued, "A couple of snips and they were out. They gave him a local, but he even laughed a little and said it tickled. And then they gave him a lollipop and," she leaned forward, clearly delighted with the next detail, "He hugged the doctor. It was so cute."

"Omigod."

"Eddie used to hug everyone," Caroline said.

Brooke raised her eyebrows, "I don't believe that for one second."

"It's true," Caroline said, "You wanted a hug, you went to Eddie."

Sarah and Brooke both continued to express their mutual disbelief and Caroline defended her claim. She tapped Olivia's knee, "You know I'm telling the truth, don't you dearie?"

Olivia glanced at Ed in profile, holding a drink, his thick forearms peeking out from under his rolled-up shirtsleeves. "If you're talking about now I wouldn't doubt you one bit. But, I have to agree with the girls, here, Caroline. Younger Ed a hugger? I can't imagine it…"

Not missing a beat, Caroline retorted, "Well that's only because he was the big bad wolf to you until a few years ago," she said, "He's always been my Eddie. A little grumbly sometimes, but my Eddie. Eddie!" She called, "Get over here and give your mother a hug!"

Ed came over, leaned down to hug his mother, and then stole a quick kiss with his wife. "What's goin on over here?" He asked. "Talkin' about me?"

"Yes," Sarah said.

Ed shrugged and started to walk back to the male's side of the room, "Let me know if I can be of further assistance."

Sarah raised her glass and cooed, "Will do!" She simpered at Olivia, "Gawwwd, he's so romantical with you."

Brooke nudged Olivia with her shoulder, "You brought back the hugger in Ed Tucker," she quipped.

Caroline shook the ice in her glass, "Amen to that."

…..

 _There were many obstacles to functioning as both commanding officer and detective, but, for Olivia, the most difficult challenge to operating with a skeleton squad was keeping up with the massive amounts of paperwork and emails flooding her desk. On one fortuitously slow late afternoon, she managed to clear her electronic inbox and set a goal to address a handful of other items before leaving. She would easily make it home in time to have dinner with Noah and put him to bed. Her focus had been so laserlike that she hadn't noticed the messages on her phone. When she went to send a text update to Lucy, she was greeted with Ed Tucker's name, multiple times._

" _Lieutenant," he intentionally greeted her in his deepest, sexiest voice. He was feeling confident, a bit cocky, and he was always thrilled to talk to her._

" _Hi there," she said. "What's going on? Who do I need to reel in?"_

" _You know what? Nobody."_

" _Nobody?"_

" _Nope," he replied, "Not tonight. But, I was wonderin' if you maybe had time to meet me for a drink before ya went home."_

 _Squinting, Olivia asked, "Are you here right now?"_

" _No, why?"_

" _Because you sound like you know I have, for once, a handle on my job."_

" _I always assume you have a handle on it."_

" _Well, that's very nice of you to say," Olivia said. "But it's not always true."_

" _Not always true for me either," Ed replied, "And I probably sound like this because, uh, I really would like to see ya if you have time."_

 _The innocence and honesty in his voice took Olivia's breath away and she needed a few extra seconds to respond. "You know, I had a few other things to wrap up here but...I want to see you too. I only have about an hour though."_

" _I'll take it."_

 _They agreed on a spot and Olivia began packing up her things before she and Ed ended the call. "I'm on my way out now," she said, flipping the switch on her office lights, "Be there in about ten minutes."_

" _See you in ten." Over at IAB, in his office, Ed flipped his phone in the air and deftly caught it. He figured she would need at least a half hour before leaving her precinct. But, only ten minutes? Great, he thought, that meant her "about an hour" could possibly be extended and Ed Tucker was coming to appreciate every second he was able to be in the presence of Olivia Benson._

 _They squeezed in two cocktails and several laughs. At one point Ed found himself staring at her as she threw her head back and cracked up at one of his dry humor comments. They didn't have much of a physical relationship...yet...but Ed sensed one was imminent. However, he had to admit he was enjoying this part-the part where Olivia Benson gradually became more and more comfortable with him, the part where she put her hand on his arm to steady herself when the laughter threw her off balance, the part where he knew, right before she got into her car, that she was going to let him kiss her._

" _I'm right up here," she said, tilting her head in the direction of where she was parked._

" _I'll walk ya."_

 _The spot, nestled between two large SUVs on a quiet street, was probably simply luck of the draw, but Ed liked to think she'd chosen it on purpose. It gave him ample cover to lean in for a kiss with some degree of privacy. He pulled away, but Olivia wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him again. She smiled, kept her lips to his, and opened her mouth. Resisting the urge to devour her right there, Ed kissed back and successfully kept the smooch slow, romantic, and passionate enough to leave them both breathless._

 _Olivia swung their hands between them and they sheepishly stared at the ground for a few seconds before she broke the silence. "You and I…"_

" _...Think we might be able to make this work?"_

 _She detected nervousness in Ed's question and the relief in his face when she replied in the affirmative made her smile. "I want it to," she said in her gentlest voice and squeezed his hands. "What do you think?"_

" _I think it sounds like we're both on board." Ed grinned and gave her a quick peck on the lips. "Maybe dinner this weekend? Someplace...off the beaten path?"_

" _I'd love that."_

" _Guess it's a date then."_

" _It sure is."_

…...

G looked and felt a little out of place at certain points during the evening. She arrived even later than Sonny and Olivia could tell she was sluggish and had probably had a grueling week. She gave the neighbor and sometimes babysitter a warm embrace and led her to the makeshift bar where she plucked the bottle of gin from the row and held it up for G's approval.

"Thanks," she said and added through a forced chuckle, "That looks like exactly what I need, and, probably, I'll be asleep after I have one."

Olivia laughed knowingly, "Been there."

"Hiya, G," Ed came over and gallantly took the bottle from Olivia, "Tonic or something else?"

"Tonic please."

Ed got to work mixing the drink in one of Sarah's fancy cocktail shakers shaped like a penguin. It was also one of the twins' favorite toys to play with when they visited, and the beak was dented. "Lime?" He asked after he poured the finished product into a tumbler.

"Please, and a lemon." G eyed the impressive garnish tray and smiled at the pool of syrup left by the maraschino cherries. There were ample piles of lemons, limes, oranges, olives, and pearl onions, so G assumed the cherries had been swiped by Noah and passed around to the twins and Sofia.

"There ya go."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Ed winked at her and went into the guest bedroom to check on the kids. The space had become a defacto playroom and the bed often functioned as a trampoline. Not wanting to ruin the little one's fun, he became the safety net.

Sarah joined G and Olivia right when G was explaining the reason for her exhaustion. She was in the early stages of planning for spring fundraising events at Noah's school and one other, and the workload was almost too much to bear. "I keep telling her she needs an assistant," Sarah said, "Needs to demand they hire her one, I mean, we could get Noey, but he does have school, but _still_. Actually, well, you could have mine. We're a little slow now but I'll need her back in a couple weeks."

"Even if I had five assistants I'd still be running around like a madwoman," G said, "If I don't have my hands on all these moving parts I don't feel like they're getting done the way they should."

"Completely understand that," Olivia said. "Sounds exactly like me. _Hey_. You work on contract right?"

"Yes."

"After this busy stretch is over for you, can we meet for coffee? I'd like to pick your brain about some fundraising for my Center. We're relying on a few generous donors now, but I'd love to increase the budget, hire more people, expand services."

"Sarah told me what you do there," G said, "I'd love to help out if I can, or, at least point you in the right direction."

"Great," Olivia offered a sympathetic smile, "But, only after you're done with what's going on now."

She sounded so motherly and so genuinely concerned for her well-being, G almost burst into tears. Instead, she managed another smile and took a long drink of her gin and tonic. Ed Tucker had made was strong and the liquor burned as it traveled down her throat.

"You're probably going to top a million for Noey's school this year," Sarah boasted. "Last year you were close. You need more bagel shots."

"Bagel shots?" Olivia asked.

"Omigod omigod, Livvie, you should have seen this thing. It was literally a picture of a bagel on a countertop and it went for like ten grand."

"Two," G corrected, "But still…"

"A _bagel_?" Olivia asked.

"Yes. A bagel. This year we have...something with a banana, oh, and this guy who drops clay from a ladder-"

"-Say what?" Sarah interjected.

"Yep," G pulled out her phone and showed them a brief clip of the artist in action. "Drops it and fires it."

"Wow," Olivia murmured, "I should snap some pictures of the twins destroying the apartment. They drop all kinds of things. We could make millions."

"For sure," G said. The liquor was hitting her and she was feeling more social. "Speaking of the twins, where are they? And Noah. I haven't seen them."

Without another word, Sarah called for the kids, and the four of them, Sofia included, came running.

" _GEEEEEEEEEEEEE_!"

"G, G, G, G!"

"It's GEEE! GEEE's HERE! You get a drink from da penguin?" Noah bounced from foot to foot in front of her.

"Yes. So good. But," G feigned consternation, "I wanted a cherry but there weren't any left."

Noah covered his mouth with his hand and giggled. "Oops."

"Not a problem."

"Yeah," Noah said, "Dere's a lotta other fruit."

"There is."

"But da cherries are da best."

G nodded. "I agree."

…..

 _Olivia stood at the mirror and primped for their final night out in Dublin. The Tucker family eschewed fancy clothes for their European vacation, but in her tight fitting jeans and kelly green blouse, Olivia Benson Tucker looked as dressed up as she'd ever been. Ed slowly stepped behind her, kissed the back of her neck, and breathed in the scent of her perfume. She didn't always wear a scent, but she'd found one she liked in a boutique on their travels and had worn it each night they'd gone out. It was floral, summery, and subtle, and it made Olivia so irresistible Ed warily eyed other men at the restaurants they visited._

" _Mmmm," he droned into her neck. Their bedroom door was open and the kids' voices were audible from the small living room separating their spaces in the AirBnB. They were enthusiastically talking about their day and Noah, by far the most artistic of the three, was giving pointers on photo editing._

" _What are you trying to do, Ed Tucker?"_

" _Be close to you."_

" _That's all?" Olivia applied lipstick and leaned back into him._

" _For now," Ed kissed her cheek and wrapped his arms around her waist. He wasn't as desperate to be alone with her as he'd been the whole trip because this location afforded them the most privacy of all their lodging arrangements. "I love you and I love being here with you. It's magic."_

" _It is." Olivia turned around in his arms and put her hands on either side of his face. "I almost don't want to go home. I love it here. The whole trip has been perfect, but this is so, so special."_

" _We'll come back."_

" _We will."_

 _Ed stared into her eyes. "I'm serious."_

" _So am I."_

" _But let's not wait until we're eighty."_

" _We won't. How about...our twentieth anniversary?"_

" _Love it," Ed said, "You're gonna keep me around that long?"_

 _Olivia kissed him on the lips. "Longer." She started to walk away, into the living room, but Ed pulled her back for a proper kiss. They were still in the liplock when Maggie came into the room._

" _Oh GOD!"_

" _Yes?" Ed asked jokingly._

" _We're hungry and you're KISSING!"_

" _Someday you'll appreciate the fact that your parents kiss."_

 _Maggie groaned, "I do right now. But. Not. When. We're. HUNGRY!"_

" _Sorry."_

" _S'okay."_

" _Where are we eating?"_

" _I dunno, we can't decide."_

" _Then," Ed shot his daughter a smirk and then pressed his forehead to Olivia's, "We'll stay in here and kiss until you figure it out."_

 _Maggie made a retching sound and ran out of the room. "You guys!" She shouted, "We gotta pick a place. NOW!"_

 _Ed and Olivia shared a laugh. They kissed again and Ed took a step backward and offered her his arm. "Can I take you to dinner, Olivia Margaret Benson Tucker?"_

 _She looped her arm through his and put her head on his shoulder. "Always."_

…...

Ed made his usual rounds through the apartment. He took an extra few seconds to look at the twins, sound asleep in their beds, illuminated by the artificial and natural hues of the night sky, and then at Noah who was so cherubic he almost didn't seem real. The boy was posed as if he knew he were going to be photographed. He held Bernie under one arm and tucked the other under his head. He always slept facing the window like he'd fallen asleep thinking about all the adventures lying ahead. Ed kissed him and the corners of his mouth twitched upwards. Noah Porter Benson Tucker knew he was loved, and Ed was sure he'd never seen a more content child.

"Kids are asleep," Ed reported once he was back in the master bedroom. He traded his polo shirt and jeans for boxers and an old gray t-shirt and slid into bed next to Olivia.

Having already left her reading glasses on the nightstand and closed her eyes, Olivia reached out for Ed and curled herself into him. The gesture wasn't enough to assuage Ed and she wasn't surprised when she heard his voice whisper her name.

" _Liv_."

"Hmm?"

"Liv, please wake up for a second."

There was obvious urgency in his voice and Olivia opened her eyes. She sat up enough to lean on her elbow. "What is it honey?" They had stayed at Sarah's later than planned and Noah's game was early the next morning, but it was clear whatever was nagging at Ed couldn't wait.

"Liv, I-"

"Ed," she cupped his face and kissed him on the lips. She noticed this expression early on in the night. Most of the time he was grinning and sociable, but Olivia saw the underlying sorrow, sadness, and regret. Now she recognized his need to know she wasn't holding any of the bungled Gary Wald case against him.

He shook his head. "Liv, I gotta know. Do you think less of me?"

"No," she said resolutely, "Not at all."

"How is that possible?" He stared into her eyes, "How is it possible for you, Olivia Benson, to take all of this in and move right on as if nothing happened?"

"It's not as if nothing happened. Because it _did_ happen," Olivia said, "But, remember, I'm Olivia Benson _Tucker_. I'm on your side. I love you. I trust you. And, Ed, you made a mistake. But you're owning it-"

"-it cost a woman her life, her career-"

"-I can't say anything to fix that, to make it seem less tragic. But, Ed, I don't look at you now and see a cloud of failure."

"What do you see?"

"I see my husband. I see my loving, kind, amazing husband and our children's father who would do anything and everything for all of us. I see the man who makes sure I have a full glass of water by my bed every night even if I rarely drink it, the man who decided he'd rather give me everything I've ever wanted instead of wandering off into retirement, the man who checks the heat or the AC every single night and makes me feel so incredibly safe I can sleep through the night…"

"I only like you to wake up for one reason."

Olivia grinned. "I love you, Ed Tucker. I have loved you for a long, long time and I'm never going to stop."

"A long, long time?"

"It seems like a long time. I feel like my life restarted as soon as I let myself believe in us."

Ed had forgotten all about Cassidy until that second. He cupped her face and asked, "Are _you_ okay?"

"Yes," she said, "But I should go to the memorial service. I should pay my condolences in person."

"Florida?"

"His Mom said they'll do something here for the burial, but they're doing the actual funeral in Daytona. Soon. Most of his family is there now."

"I'll go with you...if you want."

"The kids?"

"We can-"

Olivia grabbed Ed by the shoulders and kissed him passionately. "Can we not decide this tonight?" She asked breathlessly, "I want you. I," she made sure to deepen her whisper into his ear, "I need you."

"Okay," He rasped into her neck, "Whatever you want. And Liv?"

"Hmm?"

"I need you, too."

….

 **#Tuckson**


	124. Chapter 124

**124**.

During the flight to Orlando, Ed wrote annotations in the margins of old notes and statements he had emailed to him from IAB. Olivia paged through a magazine but hardly read any of the words. When she glanced at Ed, her heart filled with sadness. He was deep in concentration, tense, and his writing made noticeable indentations on the pages. Two days earlier, at Noah's basketball game, at lunch afterward, and the rest of the afternoon, Ed behaved normally, but when Rollins called him and asked him to provide her with specific information about Rachel's allegations and IAB's findings, the gloom and self-doubt returned. While Olivia packed, made travel arrangements, and collected extra snuggles from her children, Ed worked on procuring the documents he needed to prepare useful information. In the process, he confronted the fact that he'd investigated Gary almost entirely on his own, a detail that Rollins and others would surely find incriminating. When he brought this up with Olivia, all she could do was hug him and offer reassurance that she was, no matter what, on his side, for he was right and it would have been futile and a little insulting to try and mitigate his point. They boarded the flight with heavy hearts; this was the first trip they'd taken together for a reason other than pure pleasure. It was one of the factors in them deciding to leave the kids at home. The other was that Justin insisted he could work from the apartment and in the evenings when Sarah was home. Noah slyly suggested he could trade school for Sarah's office while his parents were away, but his plan was quickly though politely nixed.

If it wasn't causing him so much personal torment, Olivia would have secretly welcomed Ed temporarily returning to IAB mode because it distracted her from Brian's death. She knew she would have to eventually grapple with a web of emotions, but she hoped this could happen in Florida, away from her children and from their home. When the pilot announced the aircraft was beginning its descent, the anxious burning in Olivia's chest increased. It was agony to acknowledge she dreaded the next couple of days. In the morning she was meeting Brian's mother for breakfast. The funeral was the next day. It was possible that Mrs. Cassidy would ask her to help make the arrangements for the New York services, and Olivia would have to agree. She sighed at the thought and it was enough to cause Ed to stop writing and hold her hand.

"You okay?"

Olivia put her head on his shoulder and held his arm. "I'm okay as long as you're here with me."

Ed kissed her head, "Always." He shoved the papers and the pen into the seatback pocket so he could give her his full attention. Hearing Olivia admit she needed him, even in an implied manner, would never stop taking him by surprise. It was the pinnacle of their shared trust, for she revealed this to Ed only _after_ they'd first made love and _after_ they first exchanged I love yous.

The plane angled toward the ground and turbulence increased. Olivia's grip tightened, not out of landing jitters but because, in a matter of minutes, they would be on the ground and forced to face reality.

"The rental car place had a Ford Mustang convertible available," Olivia said, lightening the mood, "But I reserved a regular sedan."

Ed chuckled, "Probably not the best optics for the circumstances."

"Probably not."

"But the hotel on the ocean'll be nice," he said.

"I made sure to get one with a balcony."

"Great work, Olivia Benson Tucker," Ed kissed her again.

"I love you, Ed."

"I love you."

….

 _Ed had never picked Olivia up in his vehicle before, so she raised her eyebrows when she saw his SUV double parked on her block. Then again, they had only been out on official dinner dates a few times, so he hadn't established any type of predictable routine other than he enjoyed nightcaps at divey, decades-old bars. Ed opened the passenger door for her, closed it, and hustled over to his side. "Don't mind a little ride, do ya?" He asked, yanking the gear shift into drive._

" _Not at all, but, where are we going? Am I dressed okay?"_

" _You look great," Ed replied, "And we're goin...somewhere off the beaten path."_

 _Remembering that part of their last in-person conversation, Olivia grinned. "Excellent. And, how far off the path are we going?"_

" _Staten Island," Ed replied._

" _Wow...we could stop by and say hello to Carisi's mom."_

" _Mind savin' that for next time?"_

 _Olivia laughed, "Right...let's not do that."_

 _Forty minutes later, Ed valet parked the car at Blue, a waterfront restaurant on the north side of the borough. The weather was perfect and they were seated at a table under a pergola. Warmed by the early evening sun, Olivia removed her sweater and draped it on the back of her chair. Ed's jaw dropped at the smooth skin of her arms, her hair falling in waves around her face, and the peace that surrounded her as she gazed at a passing tugboat._

" _This is a great spot, Tucker," she murmured without taking her eyes off the water. "Been here before?"_

" _Yes," he said, "Arrested someone here."_

 _Olivia turned back to him, "Stop it."_

" _I'm serious," he said, "Roman Franco from narcotics was sitting-" Ed twisted around in his chair and pointed across the small lawn to the other side of the outdoor dining area, "-right over there with his wife, brother, and sister-in-law."_

" _Too bad for them."_

" _Ah," Ed shrugged, "They'd already eaten. Only missed dessert."_

" _So kind of you."_

" _Yeah, well, in the middle of the whole thing I thought to myself that it'd be a nice place to come back to one day," he paused and made sure her eyes were on his, "With, uh, more interesting company of course."_

" _Or at least company you weren't going to arrest?" Olivia laughed at her error, "Ooo..."_

 _Ed sat back in his chair and cocked his head, "Nice we can laugh about that now, isn't it?"_

" _Yeah." Their drinks arrived and Olivia raised her glass, "To laughing...together."_

" _To laughing together," Ed repeated, "Cheers."_

" _Cheers." Olivia's eyes drifted to the menu, "I'm guessing you didn't get a chance to order anything while you were here last?"_

" _Nope. But they're famous for their baked clams. Wanna try those first?"_

" _Sure, but," Olivia swirled the wine around in her glass, "Let's not be in a rush."_

" _Yeah, sure, I didn't mean, uh, I didn't mean to rush but didn't know how long you wanted to be away, on your weekend off and all."_

 _Olivia reached for his hand and pressed a kiss to his knuckles. "I really appreciate you being so considerate...of time...I do, and now, I want to enjoy the time here, with you."_

 _Ed nearly choked. "Okay."_

 _Olivia saw that her response rattled him in a good way. She cocked an eyebrow and took another sip of the wine. "But I really am looking forward to trying those clams," she intoned. A gentle breeze sent a few wisps of hair into her face and she tossed them away with a flick of her neck. It was an impromptu, sexy move, and Ed was clearly blushing. She anticipated a night of flirty banter and smiled. Ed smirked. It had only been a few months since they'd known one another as something other than adversaries, but she was sure she'd never seen him happier._

…

Sarah, Justin, and Pearl moved into the Tucker apartment for the three days Ed and Olivia were away, so the kids' routine didn't change much. Sarah took Noah to school in the mornings, Justin hung out with the twins during the day and picked up Noah in the afternoons. When Sarah returned, she was greeted with a chorus of enthusiastic "HI SARE BEARS!" and also with the aroma of whatever Justin had started cooking for dinner. He was an excellent chef and when Ed and Olivia called to check in on the first night, they joked that the kids might go on a hunger strike when Ed returned to head the kitchen.

On their second full day together, an unexpected addition to the apartment made Justin's daytime routine slightly more chaotic. Brooke called Sarah early in the morning and begged her to take Sofia for the day. Sonny was in the middle of a trial and she was feverish and achy. "It's the flu," she moaned, "I thought when Sonny had it and I didn't get it we were in the clear." Sarah used the SUV to go and get Sofia. She promised Justin she'd do her best to leave the office early.

"No problem," Justin had replied with his characteristic, casual grin. "I got it." By the afternoon, though, Justin was worried. He had paid cursory attention to a new, mysterious virus that was spreading quickly through Asia and Europe and had recently been detected in a handful of people in the northwestern United States. It seemed to be concentrated among elderly populations and the media had been downplaying its severity, but Justin was troubled. He thought about the city's population density and its high rate of people traveling in and out via airports and train stations-it didn't take a high level of medical expertise to draw the conclusion that the virus had permeated through the entire country and nobody was paying attention.

"Jussy!" Maggie ran over to him with a broken crayon, "Jussy fixit!"

"Uh oh," Justin said, "I dunno if I can fix it-" he eyed Maggie's little toddler hands and briefly panicked. He had taken the kids to the park and to shops. Had they picked up something? Was the apartment now a petri dish of infectious disease?

"Hey, guys, let's go play bubbles."

The twins' eyes brightened. Justin grabbed Sofia and they went into the bathroom where he filled the two sinks with water and liquid soap. Justin scrubbed each set of hands and hovered over them as they played. The vanity was covered in suds and the bath mat was soaked, but the impromptu session eased Justin's nerves. Afterward, he set them up on the couch with snacks and a movie, found cleaning supplies, and got to work sanitizing the entire apartment. On the way to and from Noah's school, he made sure not to stop anywhere and when Sarah came home she immediately asked about the scent of disinfectant mixed in with arroz con pollo.

Justin didn't say anything until he made sure Noah was out of earshot. When he finally got Sarah alone, gloom filled his eyes. "We might have a huge problem," he said gravely. "And by _we_ I mean the city."

"Huh?"

"Corona virus?"

"The one in China?"

"Yeah, but now it's here."

"In Washington."

"But, Sare...how many people do you think come into the country from JFK? Newark? And it's been spreading since before Christmas?"

"And you think Brooke has it?"

"I'm not saying that, but, I think we need to be a lot more worried about it than we are." He felt his phone vibrate and saw three notifications already on the screen. Justin was a news junkie and subscribed to dozens of online periodicals. " _Look_."

 _New York's Department of Health Investigating Suspected Coronavirus Cases in Westchester County_

"Omigod."

"Sare, I think this is gonna get bad."

….

 _Freezing rain bombarded the tri-state area late on a frigid January Sunday afternoon, and the Tucker kids kept their eyes on the sky and their devices, wishing and hoping for a day off of school. Amused, Ed and Olivia sipped wine on the couch and finished reading the newspaper. They were quite sure the storm would result in a day off, but they kept that prediction to themselves._

" _You just had a Christmas Break," Ed teased. "You need another day off?"_

 _Maggie flipped herself over the back of the sofa and landed between her parents, "Yes we do! That was a super DUPER long time ago!"_

" _It'll be spring break soon."_

" _Daddy!" Maggie grabbed Ed's face and pointed it to the window, "Do you see it's ice out there? ICE! We're gonna need skates jus' ta' go to da bodega!"_

 _Ed kissed Maggie's nose, "Ya think?"_

" _I THINK!"_

" _If you're off tomorrow, you'll have some assignments from your teachers on Google Classroom," Olivia reminded her second-grader. "So it'll be, get up, have breakfast, and start working. All we'll miss is the walk to and from school."_

 _Maggie crinkled her nose. "Not fair, Mommy!"_

 _Olivia laughed and bear-hugged her daughter. "We'll find some time to do something fun."_

" _Like make slime?"_

" _That is a very fun and also educational thing to do," Olivia said. "And maybe some art and definitely reading. An hour or more of reading."_

 _Maggie groaned but was still focused on slime, "We have all da 'gredients for slime?"_

" _I don't know," Olivia said, "Will you get my phone?"_

 _Maggie ran to the kitchen and took her mother's phone from its charger. Olivia found the ingredients. "Uh oh," she said, "We're going to need to make a run to the store."_

" _Which store?" Ed asked._

" _CVS or Walgreens."_

" _I'll go now."_

" _Ed, we don't even know if they'll be off and if they are-"_

" _-if they are it's gonna be bad in the morning," Ed stood up and gave Olivia a peck on the lips, "Better to go now. Text me what we need."_

 _From the dining table where the boys had started a puzzle came loud cheers. School was closed. Wish granted. And the Tucker kids were ready to party. They danced around, ran into one another, and bragged that they got to stay up late._

" _We need some other snacks, Dad," Noah said breathlessly. "Not a school night anymore and we're gonna watch a movie or play somethin'. You wanna play Uno when you get back?"_

" _Of course I want to win at Uno," Ed replied. "You want to come with me, No?"_

" _Yep," Noah replied dutifully._

" _C'I go?" Wyatt asked. He ran and stood next to Noah as if he thought the two of them standing together in similar attire-jeans and hoodies-would cajole a yes out of his father._

" _Sure, pal," Ed replied. He glanced at Maggie, expecting a request from her, but she was uninterested._

" _Icy out there," she answered without having been asked a question. "I'm gonna stay here with Mommy. Girls in. Boys out."_

" _Let's go boys," Ed put a hand on each of his son's shoulders and marched them down the foyer._

 _When they were in the elevator, Wyatt looked up at Ed, his eyes partially covered by his knit cap, and asked, "Daddy, c'we go to da pub on the way?"_

 _Noah giggled, but it was clear he was on board with the idea. "Can we, Dad?"_

" _Why do you want to go to the pub?"_

" _Get mozz'rella sticks," Wyatt said._

" _And chicken wings," Noah added._

 _Ed took out his phone, and dialed the pub. "Anything else?" He asked while the phone rang._

" _Prolly chicken tenders for Maggs," Noah said, "And Mom likes the quesadillas. With half chicken, half steak."_

" _Alright." Someone picked up and Ed relayed the order._

" _If we get there early c'we have a Shirley Temple?" Wyatt asked._

" _Absolutely, bud," Ed replied, "Let's live it up."_

…..

At an outdoor table overlooking palm-tree lined S. Beach Street, Olivia and Joannie. Cassidy reunited over iced coffees and house-made pastries. Even though she'd been in the town for less than a full day, Olivia understood why Brian had relocated here. The parts she'd seen were classy but not pretentious and the overall vibe was laid-back and surprisingly tight-knit considering the area was overrun with visitors many times throughout the year. Mrs. Cassidy looked almost exactly the same except for her tan and a few more gray hairs than Olivia remembered. For someone who had experienced unimaginable grief, she was in decent spirits and approached her son's death with insight and perspective.

After Olivia offered her condolences, Joannie wistfully recalled her last conversation with her son. "He was headed out to hit golf balls," she said, chuckling softly, "And we made tentative plans for dinner the next night. So normal, such a mundane conversation, but he ended it with 'love you ma' and that, in hindsight, should've been a clue not all was well."

Olivia didn't want to give Joannie the details of her last encounter with Brian, so she spoke as vaguely as possible, "The last time I saw him was when Munch passed away."

Joannie nodded. "He was heartbroken by that. He had a lot of heartbreak, Olivia. In the past few years there were times he was really down, I think he missed working but didn't want to go back; he seemed...a bit trapped, and I wasn't sure why...I'll never know."

Olivia patted her hand. "I'll always remember how devoted he was to you; he wanted so much to be a good son."

"And he was." Behind her dark sunglasses, Joannie blinked back tears. "He loved you, Olivia. I know you moved on and you have this beautiful family, but Brian talked about you a lot. There were many times when he'd be reminded of you and get this look on his face...happy and sad all at once-" Joannie saw Olivia's chin tremble, "-I'm sorry," she said. "Perhaps that was unfair of me."

"No, no," Olivia replied, "We had good times together. We did. It just wasn't meant to be." She peered across the table at the woman who probably thought, more than once, that Olivia would be her daughter-in-law and possibly be the mother of her grandchildren. In those seconds Olivia came to understand Joannie's pain extended more deeply and more broadly than she realized. "I'm glad you have your sister and brother nearby," she added.

"And I have wonderful friends. They'll get me through this."

"Is there anything you need me to do?"

"No," Joannie replied in a soft voice, "Being here to say goodbye is plenty. But, Olivia?"

"Yes?"

A smile grew on Joannie's face, "Would you mind showing me some pictures of your babies?"

Olivia grinned and eagerly took out her phone. "Of course." She started with the most recent one of all three she'd snapped Sunday night before they all went to bed. They were piled on the couch under a blanket, freshly bathed, and ready for their one show before stories. "Noah's seven. Maggie and Wyatt are two, three this spring…" Once Olivia started talking about her children, she didn't stop for several minutes. Joannie asked questions about their lives and the two of them laughed at little anecdotes like the twins clearing the pantry to build a fort and shared maternal agony over Wyatt's stitches and Noah's broken wrist. For a while, all was well, cheerful, and normal, and both Olivia and Joannie forgot, for a few minutes, they had been brought together by tragedy.

…

 _Ed and Olivia's spot at Blue treated them to an amazing sunset. It was so beautiful, they adjusted their chairs to face the water and watched as the sun gradually descended. Minutes before the day turned to dusk, Olivia stood and held out her hand. "C'mon," she said, "Let's get a picture."_

 _The gesture both stunned and thrilled Ed. Olivia increasingly wanted to do couple-ish things, and he was eating it up. She put an arm around his neck and angled a selfie, but then wandered over to a nearby host and asked him if he wouldn't mind snapping a proper photograph of them. Ed looped his arm around her shoulders, held her close, and the images captured them in various stages of smiles and laughter._

" _You want to head back...get a nightcap somewhere closer?" Olivia asked, "Or is there another hidden gem around here?"_

" _I have no idea," Ed replied, "So we should probably head back."_

 _Olivia took another glance at the water. "I wish there was a path along here...to walk a bit."_

 _There was a gravel walkway leading to the parking lot and Ed suggested they take that route to the valet stand. "A short walk...but...a walk," he said._

" _Sure." They started out slowly and Olivia took his hand. "This was...so wonderful, Ed, it was really one of my favorite nights. Ever." She stopped, slid her arms around his neck, and, before kissing him, whispered, "Thank you."_

" _Ever?" He asked breathlessly at pause._

" _Yes. Ever."_

 _He smirked, held the back of her head, and they kissed again. The water lapped at the seawall and the breeze, now having a chill to it, made Olivia shiver. "Should get ya to the car," Ed said, rubbing her arms._

 _Olivia held his face and they traded a few more kisses. "Can we do this again? Some time soon?" She knew the answer and she also knew her schedule was packed, but being with Ed Tucker brought her so much contentment and joy she had to carve out time for him in her life. They had moved on from perpetual police talk, and, on this particular night, other than Ed's initial arrest story, the conversation had been far from police chatter. He was funny, kind, and genuinely interested in her, all of her, and she wanted this man in her life._

" _Anytime you want," Ed replied. "Same place?"_

" _I love the idea of being close to home but feeling like I'm far away."_

" _Got it."_

 _Ed started to walk toward the parking lot, but Olivia didn't move. She wanted another kiss and Ed was more than happy to give it to her. They would kiss goodbye after the nightcap, but practically making out in full view of anyone was off limits in Manhattan. Here, no one was watching and no one cared. Ed and Olivia were just two people infatuated with one another trying to savor the final seconds of a romantic evening._

…..

Ed stretched his legs and propped his feet on the balcony slats. Using his notes, he typed his summary and emailed it to Rollins using his old account IAB had activated for him. Anything he sent via the "TuckerFive" email address he and Olivia now shared would be fair game for an open records request. Although there was nothing incriminating in their personal emails, he didn't want to open them up to scrutiny. He was feeling better about everything, or maybe he was taking solace in being away from New York and the specter of Rachel Wilson. As he gazed out into the ocean and watched beachgoers slowly arrive and set up chairs, Ed thought about Noah and the twins and got excited about summer. He hoped Olivia would agree to spend a month or more in Delaware and he made a mental list of home improvements he wanted to begin as soon as it got warmer. Maybe he and Noah could go down there for a weekend or two once it got a little warmer and assess the porch, the backyard, and the upstairs full bathroom which was on the list to receive some modern touches.

For fun, Ed sent a text to Noah's phone. It was unlikely to be on and even if it was, Noah certainly wouldn't be near it at school, but Ed sort of hoped Noah had broken the rules. He finished his first cup of coffee and ducked inside for another. As the Keurig did its work, Ed watched the news. Reports of the virus were flooding in from around the country-Washington, California, Oregon, most parts of the southeast, and, New York. When Ed heard "Westchester County," he sat on the edge of the bed and zeroed in on the broadcast.

" _This afternoon, President Harris will give a statement on plans to contain the spread of the virus and provide guidance for states as they combat it in their cities and towns."_

"Good thing that clown Trump's not in office anymore," Ed muttered to himself. He swiped the cup of coffee from the Keurig and went back outside. As expected, Noah hadn't replied, but Ed grinned anyway thinking of how delighted his son would be to find the text later that afternoon when he was allowed access to his phone. Olivia was on her way back, and wrote she wanted to spend the rest of the day on the beach or by the pool.

The plan was fine with Ed. Maybe they'd carve out some quality couple's time after all.

…

 **#Tuckson**


End file.
